For and Against

To-night I wish to speak to you on the greatest theme in the world -- MYSELF.
But I want it clearly understood that I will not vituperate or vilify any person or persons in this broad universe -- excepting those who do not agree with me....

I shall never forget my first night in Brazil. We camped in a magnificent lemon grove....There I stood surrounded by nothing but lemons. Tears came to my eyes. I felt like I was in the Republican party again....

I was also impressed by the countless birds along the river. One of the queerest of these feathered creatures was the Prohibition Bird. The Prohibition Bird is a queer sort of a "DUCK" -- though most of them look like geese. They are great busy bodies and have very large mouths and they fly around screaming all day, just to attract attention, but at night they make quietly for their wet places.

The Suffragette Bird also abounds in that section. The male Suffragette Bird is a very tame and patient creature -- easily domesticated -- but THE FEMALE OF THE SPECIES IS MORE DEADLY THAN THE MALE....

There is no doubt about my standing as a discoverer...I discovered the Bull Moose Party. I alone discovered the Moose -- and it would have been a great party if the pople hadn't discovered the Bull....

But my fight, my friends, is not against any political party. My battle is against the political BOSSES. What I would like to bring about -- my fondest dream -- is to see all political parties joined together -- with no boss -- but ME!

From My Policies September 11, 1914

Comedians had only two parties to pick on until 1827, when the Anti-Masons organized the first third party in America. As you might suspect, this party's ideology was to prevent FreeMasons from influencing government offices. While the Anti-Masons lasted only eleven years as a separate party (they joined the Whigs in 1838), they did set a precedent by holding the first party convention that nominated candidates.