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Fun. No. 363. New Series. April 27, 1872.. ...
Fun. No. 363. New Series. April 27, 1872. PRICE ONE PENNY.
EPPS'S COCOA.
BREAKFAST--GRATEFUL--COMFORTING
W. F. THOMAS & Co.'s
DOMESTIC SEWING MACHINES.
Prize Medals.
Paris, 1855.
London, 1862.
Paris, 1867.
Catalogues and Samples post free.
HAND MACHINES
Noiseless.
Single Thread,
55s.
On Stand, complete, to work by hand or foot,
£4 4s.
1 and 2 CHEAPSIDE,
HAND MACHINES
Registered.
Lock Stitch,
£4 4s.
On Stand, complete, to work by hand or foot,
£5 10s.
OXFORD CIRCUS, London.
BALL ROOM CANDLES.
FOR BRILLIANT LIGHT,
THE "OZOKERIT."
FOR WITHSTANDING DRAUGHT,
THE "AERATED."
FOR ELEGANCE,
"THE LADIES' BOUDOIR,"
OR,
"WHITE DOUBLE CABLE."
J. C. & J. FIELD,
Patentees and Sole Manufacturers
SOLD EVERYWHERE.
FUN
EDITED BY
TOM HOOD
NOTICE.
HOT and COLD
LUNCHEONS.
READY
DAILY
FROM
1 to 4
o'clock.
THE PALL MALL,
1, COCKSPUR STREET.
The
Pall Mall
DINNERS,
at 5/-, 7/6, 10/6.
or à la carte.
Suppers as usual.
NICHOLSON'S
NEW SILKS
1,000 Patterns
POST FREE.
50 to 52 St Pauls's Churchyard
CYMBELINE. and VIRGINIUS.
QUEEN'S THEATRE, LONG ACRE.
FIELD'S
OZOKERIT CANDLES.
CHLORALUM, THE SAFE DISINFECTANT, Keeps the Air Pure.
1, GREAT WINCHESTER STREET BUILDINGS, LONDON. EC.
If you have a Cold, Catarrh, Cough, Sore Throat, Asthma, Bronchitis, or any Disease of the Throat or of the Lungs, use the
PAIN KILLER
Purely Vegetable. For Internal and External Use.
It is also a Cure for Headache, Dyspepsia, Rheumatism, Neuralgia, Gout, Diarrhoea, Dysentary, Cramp, and all Diseases of the Stomach or Bowels
Sold by all Chemists
THE CUTS SHOW NERVE-CENTERS, AND WHERE NEURALINE SHOULD BE APPLIED.
NEURALINE
APPLIED EXTERNALLY.
THE INSTANT CURE FOR
TIC, NEURALGIA, TOOTHACHE, SCIATICA, RHEUMATISM, GOUT AND ALL NERVE PAINS.
Prepared by LEATH & ROSS, Homoeopathic Chemists, 5, St. Paul's Churchyard, and 9, Vere Street, W.
In Bottles, at 1s 1½d and 2s 9d
[Fun Advertising Sheet, April 27, 1872.
DR. RIDGE'S FOOD for INFANTS AND INVALIDS
EGYPTIAN HALL.--
The New and the Wonderful. By Professor Pepper and Thos. Wm. Tobin. "The eyes made the fools of the other senses." A violin and other instruments, and a luminous hand float mysteriously amongst the audience. The "Spirits" reply from the furniture. These and other wonders every evening at 8; Wed. and Sat. at 3 and 8.
MADAME TUSSAUD'S EXHIBITION.
On view, a New Portrait Model of the
TICHBORNE CLAIMANT.
Open, Summer and Winder, from 10 a.m. till 10 p.m. Admission One Shilling; children under 10, 6d. Extra Rooms, 6d.
THE LONDON EXHIBITION
of
ART AND INDUSTRY, 1872,
AT KENSINGTON,
Will be OPENED to the Public on WEDNESDAY,
1st MAY, 1872.
The prices of Season Tickets will be:--For a Gentleman, £2 2s.; for a Lady, £1 1s.; for a Youth under 15 years of age, £1 1s.
THE LONDON EXHIBITION
of 1872.
An OFFICIAL RECEPTION and PRIVATE VIEW of the PICTURE GALLERIES of the LONDON EXHIBITION of 1872, will be held by His Royal Highness the Duke of EDINBURGH, K.G. and Her Majesty's Commissioners, on 27th April, when the Royal Albert Hall and the Horticultural Conservatory will be opened. An invitation card may now be obtained by purchasers of season tickets at the Royal Albert Hall, Kensington-Gore, and at the usual agents.
THE LONDON EXHIBITION
of 1872.
SEASON TICKETS purchased for the LONDON EXHIBITION of 1872, will entitle the proprietors to an invitation to the Official Reception and Private View on the evening of the 27th April, to be held by his Royal Highness the Duke of Edinburgh, K.G. and Her Majesty's Commissioners.
RIMMEL'S Toilet Vinegar, Perfumes, Lime Juice for the Hair, Aquadentine for the Teeth, Glycerine Soap, and other unrivalled Toilet Preparations. Lists on application. 98, Strand, 128; Regent street; and 24, Cornhill.
WOOD VIOLET 2/6
BREIDENBACH.
157B NEW BOND ST
JOHN GOSNELL and CO.'s
CHERRY TOOTH PASTE.
JOHN GOSNELL and CO.'s
PURE TOILET AND NURSERY POWDER.
To be had everywhere; and of the Manufacturers, Augel Passage, 93, Upper Thames-st., London.
AMERICAN PICK ME UP BITTERS, the finest tonic ever invented. AMERICAN ELASTIC SUSPENSORY, no gentlemen should be without them. AMERICAN MILK of CUCUMBERS. The greatest beautifier of the complexion ever sold. Kingsford & Co., 54, Piccadilly, and Paris, Nice, and Hong Kong.
WRITE FOR
MAPPIN & WEBB'S
CUTLERY & PLATED WARE
CATALOGUE,
76, 77 & 78 Oxford Street,
and
Mansion House Buildings,
London.
[Illustration] I pledge you my honour it's a fact. Corns, Bunions, and Enlarged Toe Joints, are easily and quickly CURED by Barber's Golden Tissue. Sold by Chemists, Boxes, 1s. 11/2d.; by post, 14 stamps; large, for bunions 33 stamps.--Barber, Chemist, Salisbury.
TRY MASON'S GOUT and RHEUMATIC, POWDERS, PILLS, and EMBROCATION. Sold only at H. H. MASON'S, 65, Old-st., St. Luke's. Powders, 2d. each; Pills, 4d. doz.; Embrocation, 4d., 6d., and 1s. per bottle. A Single Truss from 2s., Double, 2s. 6d.
INDERWICK'S
PURE MEERSCHAUM PIPES
HAVANA CIGARS
AND CHOICE EASTERN TOBACCO,
58, Princess-st., Leicester-sq., London.
KINAHAN'S LL. WHISKY. This celebrated and most delicious old mellow spirit is the very
Cream of Irish Whiskies,
in quality unrivalled, perfectly pure, and more wholesome than the finest Cognac Brandy.--Note the words "Kinahan's LL." on seal, label, and cork. Wholesale Depot, 6A, Great Titchfield Street, Oxford Street, W.
[Illustration] TRADE MARK.
"TODDY."
THE LORNE HIGHLAND WHISKY
IS PRONOUNCED BY CONNOISSEURS
"THE PERFECTION OF WHISKY."
UNRIVALLED FOR "TODDY."
Of all retailers. Sole Proprietors--GREENLEES BROTHERS.
1 Gresham-buildings, Basinghall-street, E.C. (DISTILLERIES, Argyleshire.)
Agents:--Marshall & Elvy, Duke-street, Bloomsbury, W.C.
GEORGE HOBSON.
EXCELLENCE WITH ECONOMY.
[Illustration]
ESTAB. IN THE XVIIIth CENTURY.
RESPECTFULLY invites the attention of the Public to his superior WEST of ENGLAND WOADED BLACK and NAVY BLUE CLOTHS for DRESS and FROCK COATS; also the New Twill Cloths for Morning Coats.
Dress Coats, Black £2 2 0
Do. .......... 2 12 0
Do. .......... 3 3 0
Do. Navy Blue 2 12 6
Do. .......... 3 3 0
Do. .......... 3 13 6
Frock Coats, Black £3 3 0
Do. .......... 3 13 6
Do. .......... 4 4 0
Do. Navy Blue 3 10 0
Do. .......... 3 18 0
Do. .......... 4 4 0
NEW TWILL CLOTHS,
Frock Coats £2 18 0
Do. .......... 3 3 0
Do. .......... 3 13 6
Morning Coats £2 2 0
Do. .......... 2 12 6
Do. .......... 3 3 0
Riding Habits, £4 4s., £5 4s., £6 6s.
Ladies' Riding Trousers, Pantalon de Chamois £1 1s., £1 5., £1 10s.
Superior fit and workmanship are the characteristics of his establishment. Illustrations of improved system of self-measurement and sample patters sent per book post on application.
NEW TROUSERS for the Early Spring, for Patters and textures not to be surpassed. Riding Trousers made to fit without the aid of suspenders or straps. Price 16s.
THE NEW SCOTCH SUITINGS, in all the New Heather Mixtures. Price £2 15s. to £3 3s.
GEORGE HOBSON'S CELEBRATED LIVERIES, Please Masters and Servants.
Country Gentlemen and London Fashions.
INSIGNI ARTISSIME FIDEM PRÆSTABIT PROPOSITO.
EXCELLENCE WITH ECONOMY.
GEORGE HOBSON, No. 148, Regent-st., W.; and 57, Lombard-st.
JOHN MITCHELL'S STEEL PENS,
PATRONISED BY THE QUEEN,
DURING THE LAST TWENTY-SEVEN YEARS.
Sold by all Stationers. .......... Works--Newhall Street, Birmingham
[Illustration]
TRADE MARK (REGISTERED)
WHELPTON'S VEGETABLE PURIFYING PILLS
Are warranted not to contain a single particle of Mercury of any other Mineral Substance, but to consist entirely of Medical Matters. Purely Vegetable. They have proved their value in thousands of instances in diseases of the Head, Chest, Bowels, Liver, and Kidneys; and in all Skin Complaints are one of the Best Medicines known. Sold Wholesale and Retail in Boxes, price 71/2d., 1s. 11/2d., and 2s. 9d. each, by G. WHELPTON and SON, 3, Crane-court, Fleet-street, London; and may be had of all Chemists and Medicine Vendors. Sent Free on receipt of 8, 14, or 33 stamps.
WHEN YOU ASK FOR
GLENFIELD STARCH
SEE THAT YOU GET IT.
As inferior kinds are often substituted for the sake of extra profit.
KEATING'S Persian Insect Destroying Powder.--Fleas, Moths, Bugs, Cockroaches, and all other insects destroyed by this powder, which is quite harmless to domestic animals. Sold in packets, 1s.; tins 2/6 and 4/6 each, by Thos. Keating, 79, St. Paul's Churchyard, and all Chemists.
KAIN'S CHLOROFORMED LAUGHING GAS EYE SNUFF cures deafness, noise in the head, stammering fits, neuralgia, dimness of sight, ticdoloreux, headache, faceache, and toothache; a pleasant agreeable and pleasing sensation; it makes the afflicted laugh, who never laughed before; 2nd those who used to laugh, still laugh the more. In boxes, post free, 15 stamps.--Address, Kain's Patent Medical Snuff Mills, Smithfield Mar et, Birmingham.
SLACK'S SILVER ELECTRO PLATE is as good for wear ad real silver.
FIDDLE PATTERN--Per doz.
Table Forks .......... 1 10 0 and 1 18 0
Dessert ditto .......... 1 0 0 " 1 10 0
Table Spoons .......... 1 10 0 " 1 18 0
Dessert ditto .......... 1 0 0 " 1 10 0
Tea Spoons .......... 0 12 0 " 0 18 0
Catalogues gratis, or post free. Orders carriage free per rail. RICHARD and JOHN SLACK, 336, Strand, London.
[Illustration]
JAMES LEWIS'S
GALVANIC
HAIR OIL
FOR PROMOTING THE GROWTH OF THE HAIR.
Need only be applied once a week.
Sold in bottles, price 1s and 2s 6d. Wholesale and retail, at
James Lewis's,
6, Bartlett's Buildings, Holburn Circus, London.
BATTY'S NABOB PICKLES.
--The most Delicious Pickle in the world. Is composed of Mangoes, Limes, Curries, Chutney, and every Indian delicacy. The best Shilling Bottle of Pickles sold. Are prepared hot and mild. Batty and Co., Finsbury London.
TIDMAN'S SEA SALT, for producing a real Sea Bath in your own room. May be used warm, tepid, or cold. Five ounces should be added to each gallon of water. Sold by chemists and druggists, in bags and boxes of 7lbs., 14lbs., 28lbs., 56lbs., and 1 cwt. Beware of imitations.
TIDMAN'S SEA SALT, used daily, producing astonishing effects in cases of debility, lassitude, &c. It invigorates more effectively and naturally than any other remedy. Sold in bags and boxes by all chemists and druggists.--N.B. Particularly see that each packet bears our trade mark.
TIDMAN'S SEA SALT, used daily, immensely benefits weakly infants, strengthening the limbs, developing the muscles, and invigorating the whole system. It greatly assists in forming a sound constitution. Sold by chemists and druggists. Beware of imitations.
[Illustration] TIDMAN'S SEA SALT. TRADE MARK
To prevent deception be careful to see that every package bears our trade mark.--TIDMAN AND SON, Proprietor, 10, Wormwood-street, London, E.C
A 56lb. or 112lb. Bag forward on receipt of P.O.O. order for 8s. or 16s.
WM. YONGER and Co.'s
EDINBURGH, INDIA PALE, AND
DINNER ALES.
[Illustration] Wm. YOUNGER & Co's SPARKLING DINNER ALE
ESTD 1749
Abbey & Holyrood Breweries
THIS LABLE IS ISSUED ONLY BY W. YOUNGER & Co. EDINBURGH
[Illustration] Wm. YOUNGER & Co's INDIA PALE ALE
ESTAB 1749.
TRADE MARK
BREWERIES
EDINBURGH
[Illustration]Wm. YOUNGER & Co's EDINBURGH ALE
ESTD 1749
Abbey & Holyrood Breweries.
THIS LABEL IS ISSUED ONLY BY W. YOUNGER & Co. EDINBURGH
SPARKLING, REFRESHING, NOURISHING, and ECONOMICAL.
To be had of the Principal Retailers.
Observe Trade Marks, as other Brands are frequently substituted.
Breweries--EDINBURGH. Established 1749. London Stores--Belvedere-road, S.E. Liverpool--1, Seel-street. Bristol--14, Narrow Quay. Birmingham, 13, Temple street. Swansea--Quay Parade. Dublin--7 Lwr Abbey st. Glasgow, Queen-st.
E. MOSES & SON
supply every description of Clothing, ready made or made to measure, for all ages, all occasions, and all classes; also Hosiery and Drapery, Hats and Caps, Boots and Shoes, and complete Outfits for all Climates.
ALL GOODS MARKED IN PLAIN FIGURES. Any article exchanged, if not worn or injured.
SUITS, 32s. to £4 4s.
RULES for Self-Measure, Patterns, List of Prices, and Fashion Sheet, post-free.
E. MOSES & SON
MERCHANT TAILORS,
AND OUTFITTERS
FOR ALL CLASSES,
Minories and Aldgate,
New Oxford Street.
Tottenham Court Road, London
And Bradford, Yorkshire.
J. & P. COATS'
SEWING COTTON.
J. & P. COATS'
CROCHET COTTON.
[Illustration]
LEA AND PERRINS'
SAUCE.
"THE WORCESTERSHIRE.
Pronounced by Connoisseurs
THE ONLY GOOD SAUCE."
Its use improves appetite and digestion. Unrivalled for Picquancy and Flavour.
BEWARE OF IMITATIONS, To avoid which, see the names Lea & Perrins', on all bottles and labels. Ask for "LEA & PERRINS' SAUCE." Agents--Crosse & Blackwell, London, and sold by all dealers in Sauces throughout the World.
SKIN DISEASES.--
AKHURST'S GOLDEN LOTION, cures Scurvy, Ringworm, Itch, Redness, Pimples, and all Skin Diseases, with positive and infallible certainty (safe and not poisonous). Of chemists everywhere, 2s 9d and 4s 6d per bottle, and W E Akhurst & Co., 8, Lamb's Conduit-st., London.
PIESSE & LUBIN
PRICE LIST
OF
PERFUMERY
Post Free.
COLOGNE DENTIFRICE
Prepared from the flowers from which Eau de Cologne is distilled. Inestimable for the teeth and gums. It can be sent by Post.
Sold in Boxes, price 2s.
TO BE OBTAINED OF
Perfumers & Druggists everywhere.
2, New Bond Street, London.
ASTHMA, COLDS, & CHEST AFFECTIONS.--JOSEAU'S SYRUP and PATE of LATUCINE (active principle of lettuce) possess all the soothing properties of opium without its dangers. Highly recommended by the medical profession.--At G. Jozeau's, French chemist, 49, Haymarket, and all the best chemists.--Pate, 2/3 and 1/11/2; post, 2/51/2 and 1/31/2. Syrup, 2s. 9d.
BILIOUS & Liver Complaints, Indigestion, Sick Headache, Loss of Appetite, Drowsiness, Giddiness, Spasms, and all disorders of the Stomach and Bowels are quickly removed by that well-known remedy,
FRAMPTON'S PILL OF HEALTH.
They unite the recommendation of a mild operation with the most successful effect; and where an aperient is required nothing can be better adapted. Sold by all Medicine Vendors at 1s. 11/2d. & 2s. 9d. per box, or obtained through any chemist.
SAMUEL BROTHERS
SUITS FOR BOYS 16l TO 42l
50, LUDGATE HILL.
HOLLOWAY'S PILLS.--
Health for the many--The universally, harmless composition, and cheapness of these inestimable Pills have won for them their present name. They cannot injure the system; no mercurila, mineral, or other poisonous agent enters into their composition.
Page 169 { page image }
April 27, 1872. .......... FUN. .......... 169
LAY OF A DINER-OUT.
Air, "Of in the stilly night."
Oh! I was ill last night,
And still it preys my mind on,
As Memory brings to light
The horrid things I dined on!
The roast, the boiled, that both were spoiled,
The fish so soft and flabby,
The poultry tough, the claret rough,
The whole affair so shabby!
Oh! I was ill, etc.
The Champagne cup was spiced, how wrong!
To taste it scarce I dare did.
The Punch Romaine did not seem strong,
But then, alas, the hare did!
The wines were hot, the soups were not,
The sauces quite distressing,
The peas were old, the gravies cold,
And oh, that salad dressing!
Thus I was ill, etc.
An oyster stale, though in a stew,
It very hard to bolt is;
Those partridges were not done through,
The bread sauce like a poultice!--
The cheese was not the cheese, and what
Could make them call it Stilton?
The mayonnaise seemed to my gaze
Like greens, with soft soap spilt on!
Oh I was ill, etc.
When I remember all
The flavours mixed together,
In the entrées great and small,
And cutlets hard as leather,
Had I forborne--'tis thus I mourn--
Or sooner had deserted
That fatal feast, I'd then at least
Dyspepsia's pangs averted!
But I was ill last night,
And still it preys my mind on,
As Memory brings to light
The horrid things I dined on!
[Illustration] LONDON SCHOOL BOARD PUBLIC MEETING
BOARD AND LOGICAL.
Fitsmythe (to his friend Buffles) :--"Regular set of duffers, sir! Never was such a humbug as that board, sir!"
Board (taking it personally) :--"Oh, indeed! 'Oo are you a calling of a humbug, sir? This 'ere board ain't nothing o' the sort. An' you're another!"
THE CORPORATION AND THE CAT.
On Wednesday last the Old Bailey presented the peculiar and exceptional spectacle of a number of persons vainly trying to get into Newgate, access to which is, as a rule, not denied to the humblest and least honest of Her Majesty's subjects. The disappointed ones had presented themselves, duly armed with admissions from the Sheriff, in order to witness the flogging of a couple of garotters: but the Governor, under order of the Aldermen, who are ex officio visiting justices, refused admission to all save the representatives of the daily papers. For our own part, nothing could induce us to be present at the infliction of a punishment which we cannot but consider a revival of the barbarous code of old times; but if flogging, like hanging, is supposed to inspire wholesome repressive fear, although carried out within the jail, and not coram publico, its remedial effect can only be achieved by a public record of its performance in the columns of the papers generally, and not merely of the dailies. We are not sure that we might not go further, and urge that there can be no just cause why private individuals, actuated possibly by a consciousness of inward diabolical promptings towards robbery with violence, should be debarred from the salutary spectacle.
We would rather believe that the exclusion of our weekly contemporaries was really in the nature of a compliment, and that the apparent favouring of the daily press was due to the belief that the dailies have a monopoly of the patronage of those classes, for whose wholesome intimidation flogging is instituted; but we fear so delicate a distinction would not have suggested itself to aldermanic intelligence.
There can be little doubt that the difficulty arises, in the abstract, from the anomaly by which, while flogging and hanging are instituted in these days of civilisation as salutary public lessons, those who desire to attend the national suhool at which they are taught, are are stigmatised as morbid-minded and brutal, by common consent. The visiting justices, to put it plainly, announce, "Now, we are about to give you a great moral lecture--but, first of all, please to shut your eyes, and put your fingers in your ears!"
We have always regarded and spoken of the Corporation as a useful body, at whose expense a great deal of small wit is too often indulged in. Those who (to take one recent instance) have alone had the spirit to defend the rights of the people to Epping Forest are not the men we like to see held up to ridicule. But we cannot but feel that, owing to some small pique, some petty jealousy, or some absurd feeling of [Large portion of text missing]
dignity, some of the City authorities have been betrayed {Omitted text, 2 or 3 words}
adoption of an irrational and absurd step, one of those {Omitted text, 3 or 4 words}
which, from time to time, bring the Corporation into {Omitted text, 4 or 5 words}
lend a plausibility to the ready ridicule of the {Omitted text, 5 or 6 words}
body, which, behind all its pomp and {Omitted text, 6 or 7 words}
the cause of civil and religious lib???? {Omitted text, 7 or 8 words}
Ag??????
The agricult???
longer; and
dear work
The
was "w
We don'
As a "nation of
"counter"--case to
are yet--all-a-taunt-
Vesuvius exhibits symp????
Anti-Vaccination League wi??
refuses to submit to Jenner-alti????
The Principal Feature of Ever?
VOL. XV. .......... Q
Page 170 { page image }
170 .......... FUN. .......... [April 27, 1872.
FUN OFFICE, Wednesday, Feb. 24, 1872.
CASTE V. TRIBE.
Descend, O Muse, and in fit terms describe,
How the 9th Lancers served Lieutenant Tribe,
First of the tribe Non-Purchase, who obtain
Commissions; money, only, once could gain!
Petty annoyance ere his advent rose,
Which prejudice, not after-judgment, shows.
With little sense--but with discernment less--
They sent him off to Coventry to mess:
Nor did their persecution then relent,
They drove him further--from the Regiment.
Not so! the army will be scouted, when
It has no officers and gentlemen!
Enquiry follows--George of Cambridge, shrewd,
Detects the feeling which their minds imbued;
Defeats the plot so wicked and so bad,
And, reinstating Tribe, defeats the Cad.
Then Dame Britannia calls before the school
And thus rebukes each epauletted fool--
"My sons are brave by nature, and will all
Defend their country at their country's call;
Think not that money--whate'er else it buy--
Has the monopoly of courage high,
Nor fancy well-filled purse or lofty strain
Can claim advancement o'er the men of brain!
Nay more, remember, if again I hear
Of such base conduct, I shall prove severe.
I do not care a bit for 'swell' or 'nob'--
He'll feel the rod if he assumes the snob!"
EPISODE IN THE LIFE OF SIR GUY DECULVERIN,
Knight Errant and Gentleman.
[We have been favoured with the following from a correspondent, who informs us that it was wrapped round his last Sunday's dinner, a polony with pease pudding to follow. As the style is peculiar and the subject new, we have, after correcting many faults and mannerisms peculiar to a work evidently printed many hundreds of years ago, presented the fragment to our readers, and we shall be glad of an opinion from any antiquarian friend as to the date when the hero of the following flourished.]
As the good knight De Culverin stood by the postern he was a [Large portion of text missing] ??udy fit for any artist or sculptor who might have passed that way. ?he road was lonely and deserted, and our hero's knocking at the ???racted no attention whatever, either inside or outside the
[Large portion of text missing] at last exclaimed De Culverin, after he had waited for ????rly worn out the knocker, "this is indeed ??mark he would have applied himself ???t at the time of which I write institution of this now
[Large portion of text missing] art and mystery of ??ger is abroad, ?nd domestic country's I shall ????ity.
[Large portion of text missing] given, ???ors," so ????nse was ????ed to the time had ????y groaned he would his armour. grew fright-???? foam flew from ????ong inflicted upon ?iolence, and though he speedily recovered ????al axe from his waist-???? building. Soon he had the postal authorities was ??ntly to allow the passage of ????gh quite easily, and in a few ????nges.
[Large portion of text missing] ????e feasting in the hall, where, as ????rds were all a-wagging, suspect for them, but it fell nevertheless.
When Sir Guy had once effected an entrance, he whistled for his dappled and highly-trained steed, the most sensible creature in the world, who could fire off guns and pretend to be dead in a manner equal to any Christian on the field of battle--and, mounting, the knight proceeded to descend the kitchen stairs, couching his lance and capping his revolver as he did so. The wassailers were still unsuspicious, for the clever horse, knowing the necessity of caution, went upon tiptoe, and it was not until the hall porter had been transfixed to his chair by a cunningly wrought javelin, and four or five serving men had been chopped in small pieces, that the remainder knew that there was anything the matter. For Sir Guy was extremely speedy in his movements, and as he caracoled and demivolted up and down the chamber, slicing a face off here and lopping a limb off there, he looked a perfect picture of manly grace and knightly beauty. When he had demolished the two or three score of his antagonists his anger began to cool down, for like all noble natures, his was averse from too much bloodshed. Therefore, calling to him a little foot page, he ordered that some of the very best walking funerals at three pounds fifteen each, should be provided for the departed, and he was particularly anxious that the pieces should be properly assorted, and that no mistakes should be allowed with regard to the proprietorship of the various portions of humanity which lay strewn around. Also, such was the magnanimity of his nature, that he ordered the proprietor of the castle, an old and enfeebled Saxon, to look carefully after the widows and orphans of the slain, and having arranged everything satisfactorily, he rode off in search of further adventure: and he was so far successful, that, before long, he met with the following extraordinary rencontre.
[Here our correspondent's portion of the mysterious paper ends, but as soon as ever he gets a fresh supply of money, he is going to buy some more saveloys, and will, if possible, have them wrapped in the sequel to the foregoing.]
SCIENTIFIC FARE.
[Illustration]
ON Polar-bear ham,
On rattlesnake jam,
On fricasseed lizard,
On elephant's gizzard,
On fillet of whale,
On caracal's tail,
On compôte of spider,
On oak-apple cider,
On barbequed snakes,
On porcupine cakes,
On páte of otters,
On peccary trotters,
On civet de skunk,
On ant-eater's trunk,
On saddle of pony,
On chalk macaroni,
On vulture in chains,
On guinea pig's brains,
On hedgehogs baked whole,
On filleted mole,
On slugs in clear jelly,
On earth-wormicelli,
On garlic, lamp-oiled,
On cuttle-fish boiled,
On cockroaches fried,
On rhinocerous hide,
On wolf (rather high),
On adjutant-pie,
On curried baboon,
On cutlet of 'coon,
On tartlet of grubs,
On roast tiger cubs,
On plainly-boiled cat-fish,
(You cannot eat that fish!),
On ribs of hyena,
On this catalogue vasty
Of dishes so nasty,
I'm told there have been a
Few people, who ventured to dine in their greed,
But I don't think you'd want to,
If ever you'd gone to
The famed Palæontographical feed.
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April 27, 1872.] .......... FUN. .......... 171
APRIL FOOLS.
O Puck, my prince of baby-boys, less baby's bib and tucker,
Say, mischief-mite, what mortal wight this moon hath gone a-mucker.
Titania's breast shall be your rest, Titania's lips your supper,
If you but tell the underworld the doings of the upper.
They say a swarm of April fools went coastward, corps by corps,
To take the measure of the ups and (Brighton) downs of war.
I call not these men April fools; et voilà pourquoi--Parce
Qu'ils étaient moins des fous "d'Avril" qu'ils étaient fils de "Mars!"
They say a leader among men, the master of his school,
Hath been and made at Manchester full many an April fool;
So lofty were his sentiments, so high he soar'd o er sense,
His title henceforth is to be His "Dizzy" Eminence!
They say that Brother Jonathan finds damages no go,
And, 'stead of kicking up a shine, is getting up a "row."
We're ready aye to meet his men, and give with conscience calm, a
Discharge of Atalanta claims, though not of Alabama!
They say the tiller of the soil, the hopper of the clod,
Like Oliver has "asked for more" and ceased to kiss the rod.
No fools are they this April tide to try to mend their lot,
And Fun he bids them one and all "strike" while the iron's hot!
They say the swindler swindleth still, the victim still believes,
They say that rogues and vagabonds are still as thick as thieves,
They say that Fun, still smiling, sails 'mid wreck and rock and pool,
The envy of each April--and of ever other--fool!
Ominous.
Somebody on the Turf has been passing sentence by implication on a notorious Baronet! The Sportsman announces the arrival at training quarters at Canterbury of--
The bay colt, Sir Charles Dilke, by High Treason out of Remedy. He has been re-named Tower Hill.
We are glad to think this quasi-prophecy is not likely to be realised, as the baronet, to judge from the absurdities he has said and done, is ensured against decapitation, by having already lost his head.
A poor-sign of Intelligence.
This is a remarkable instance of the cunning of some animals:--
An English gamekeeper has recently broken a black sow to hunt game in the woods, and she is said to run in the hunt with wonderful success. She will track game, back and stand and point partridges, pheasants, snipes, and rabbits as skilfully as a bred pointer. She bounds in response to a whistle, and wags her head and squeals with delight on being shown a gun.
Of course, the sow hopes by taking this interest in sport, to save her bacon. That's sow it is!
Taking Heart.
Under the alarming title of "ladies and heart-disease" a paragraph from the British Medical Journal reveals the secret that the fair sex is, as compared with the male sex, almost exempt from the most serious organic diseases of the heart. Oh, the selfishness of man! This is why fellows are always trying to negotiate an exchange of hearts with the dear creatures.
No piece for the wicked.
We don't know what Mr. Tomlinson, M. P., will say when he hears it; but there is a rumour that the Mint is about to call in all fourpenny pieces. Thinks it, because it recalls the grouts, that there shall be no more gruel with rum in it? We do not see why the fourpenny piece should be abolished, even though it is not a coin of particular vantage. We trust Mr. Tomlinson will not stand by and see the fourpenny bit without a bitter resistance.
The Ducie has!
We learn with pleasure that the Earl of Ducie has raised the wages of his agricultural labourers, and shortened their work by an hour on Saturdays. We trust other landlords will follow his example, adopting the motto "Te duce." If not they must be summoned to the bar of public opinion under a write of duces tecum.
Islet-erally True.
A contemporary states that a provincial bard, Button by name, has just published a poem beginning--
I am sitting alone on an islet.
This is elegant and appropriate. The allusion preserves the traditional connection between Button and Eyelet whole. Button should be studded.
JABBERWOCKISM.
To the Editor of Fun.
Sir,--Of all the isms--Nepotism, schism, agrarianism, transcendentalism, and what you like--that ever afflicted the world, the latest--Jabberwockism is the worst! One is not safe is one's ordinary occupation, one cannot go into society, one cannot take up a paper, without coming on some allusion to the Through the Looking Glass. I am a steady sober middle-aged single man, and although the popularity of the work may be pleasant to Messrs. Macmillan and Co, and to the author, its no joke to me! The other day I was talking seriously to a very nice young lady of my acquaintance, and expressing the delight I felt on learning that we resided in the same suburb. "Then," said she "why don't you chortle?" If "chortle" is equivalent to "seeking scenes" I chortled. That same evening while still in the state of depression due to the shock I have just recorded, I went to Mrs. Chearphull's "evening." As I shook hands with the hostess she said to me, "Why what is the matter with you, Mr. Singlesides? You look as mimsy as a borogove!" I shall not visit that house again!
I went to my club. Griffle, who is "literary," came and sat by me, and learning the cause of my grief spent an hour in torturing me with a long explanation that the Jabberwock was not original, but a crib from the German, as had been shown in Macmillan. I knew all the while that the magazine article was a hoax, and the German as genuine as the English; but I only blest the Editor of the periodical inwardly, and succumbed to fate.
I think I took too much Pommery to drown my care. I have an indistinct recollection of writing a letter before I left the club. At any rate, on going to-day to my office--Her Majest's Magnum Bonum and Quillpen Department, Whitehall--I was summoned into the presence of the Under secretary, who demanded an explanation of a letter he had just received from me (written on club paper). I enclose a copy, merely adding that I told him the letter was intended for my resignation. It was the only way I could see out of the difficulty. What do you think about it?
Yours, etc.,
Coppernail Singlesides.
Enclosure.
The cuftive maffle on the doops
Inflinks the gorrum of the clade;
And where the incobranctive choops
The polliwinfles gade.
Yet moom them! For the greftic mimf
Coroons the glabe, and krinks the warb,
While quiffimillant dooflocs symph,
And palavent the blorb.
Then let the finglemorphant scrobe
Inpluggerate jubant gorf!
I still inpungerfy the mobe,
And spankertise the florf.
[We can only assure our beamish correspondent, whose enclosure has cost us some uffish thought, that under these frumious circumstances he has our entire sympathy in his outgribings.--Ed.]
Ver-non Semper.
Among the recent alterations of Street-nomenclature ordered by the Metropolitan Board of Works, it is stated that a street in Marylebone is to be renamed.
On the 9th of June last the Board changed the name of York street to Harcourt street. The name was strongly objected to by the inhabitants, and the Board to meet their views, has abolished Harcourt-street and substituted York-street in its stead.
Good gracious! Object to the name of Harcourt? Surely the inhabitants must forget that the M.P. for Oxford who bears that Historical name is, as he modestly told us himself, a relative of the Royal family!
More like it!
If we may judge from the description of their practices given by Mrs. Dawe, at the Lambeth Police Court, the peculiar sect, who have been conducting services in a Railway arch in Walworth are less deserving of the name of Shakers than of that of No-great-Shakers!
To the Point!
The Anti-Newtonian folks, who declare the world to be a flat, have made the remarkable discovery that every globe must have six cardinal points. We never saw a globe with a point, and so we must be excused for saying their argument is begging the point.
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172 .......... FUN. .......... [April 27, 1872.
[Illustration] ECD
NO ACCOUNTING FOR TASTE!
Old Dame:--"Now, Jennie, if you wash up your dishes, make the room tidy, get through your work early, and are a very good girl, perhaps as a treat I'll let you go and see old Butcher Briskett buried this afternoon."
DREAMS.
I love--oh, how I love!--to dream.
I guide a splendid drag and team.
With cracking lash I flick the tits,
That champ with foaming jaws their bits,
As onward--onward still se fly,
Who--who in dreams is blest as I?
Although my powers
In waking hours
Ne'er dared essay--and never will--
To driver aught firier than a quill.
I love--ah, how I love!--to dream
I steer my bark o'er ocean's stream.
Above, the howling breezes rave,
Beneath me boils the bounding wave,
The boldest seaman holds his breath,
As on I speed, defying death!
And yet my powers
In waking hours
Stop at the Thames--and ever will,
Because the motion makes me ill.
Closely Argued.
The Dean of Carlisle has been denouncing tobacco-smoking as pestiferous. Well, we prefer a cloudy atmosphere to a Close one.
Black and White.
What contradictory beings teetotallers are! They are going to hold a meeting about a Permissive Prohibitory Bill. This is on the principle of "there's no compulsion, only you must!"
The Real Land of Equality.
The "poor Indian" is rapidly disappearing from the American continent; in England the red man is as good as the white--on the chess-board.
Preserve us--from our Friends.
Whatever the differences of opinion may prevail on the game-law question, perfect unanimity should make the conduct of members of Parliament on one point--the "preservation" of Epping Forest.
Anything for a change.
The fourpenny-bits, it appears, have seen their day, and no more will be issued. We only hope that it will be our good fortune to hold plenty of the "New Threes," well known to the old lady of Thread-needle-street.
Baleful!
The Claimant's still in Newgate! Piteous tale,
In the Old Bailey--and yet can't find bail.
FUN.--April 27, 1872.
[Illustration] THE TRIBE CASE
CASTE V. TRIBE.
Dame Britannia:--"NOW, MY YOUNG FRIENDS, PLAINLY UNDERSTAND ME, IF I HEAR OF ANY MORE OF THIS BULLYING OF THE NON-PURCHASE BOYS, YOU WILL ALL SMART FOR IT!"
[blankpage]
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April 27, 1872.] .......... FUN. .......... 175.
OUR SHORTHAND NOTES.
It appears that Captains of men-of-war, if they think lifeboats "nasty, lumbering things," may dispense with them, and risk their men's lives. We should consider officers of that kind "nasty, lumbering things," to be dispensed with.= Somebody has been nominating John Bright to the Presidency of the British Republic. It is an insult to so distinguished a statesman to enter him against Sir Charles Dilke. = Marquis of Bute married. Mr. Disraeli was present to see the wedding of Lothair. Monsignor Catesby officiated. = Sir John Coleridge reproved by the House for showing an animus against the Claimant. Claimant may be big, but his prosecutors should not be bigoted. = A Mullarkey, of Mayo, convicted of bigamy, but dismissed. It seems you mayn't have two wives in England, but in Ireland you May-o! = Taglioni, having lost her property during the late war, returns to England to teach dancing. Let everyone "take steps" for her benefit. = Judges of Fine Arts at the International have accepted only six hundred out of the sixteen hundred pictures sent in. All right--provided the rejections are due to demerit and not favouritism! = Continued diplomatic finessing over Alabama Claims. Britain won't go to Geneva to be caught in a gin. = Murders on the increase. We shall really have to hang somebody! = City Commissioners of Sewers are spending 30,000l. per annum on improvements. Evidently not Sewers in forma pauperis.
How are they off for soap?
Unless we are under a grave misapprehension, one of the best notions of the day may be found--mirabile dictu--in a music-hall programme--a marvellous "Tub-performance." This ought to be a thoroughly clean trick, and should find a host of imitators. Of course their washups could not refuse to license the hall where such a performance takes place.
DOUBLE ACROSTIC, No. 268.
The orchards are white,
A beautiful sight,
A promise of plenty that's fair to the eye;
If our hopes are not lost
By return of Jack Frost,
What apples and pears we shall have by and by!
1. Term after term he waited still,
His legal duties to fulfil;
He was not asked, though he was called,
He wore a wig ere he was bald;
His whole life through he bore his wrong--
It came not--'twas, in short, too long.
2. We thought him far too dead and dull,
To rise from serfdom's slough,
And his oppressor's power annul:--
Behold him risen now!
He seeks the Briton's heritage,
A fair day's work, a fair day's wage!
3. He said to me, with trader's pride,
"It is not gold--but looks as well!"
"Ah' then it's made of--" I replied--
"Of what?" he asked. "Of course to sell!"
That party was sold--
But it was not for gold!
4. He worships the Prophet, to Mecca he bows,
No wine does he drink, for his creed disallows;
In no quaker have you non-resistance like his met,
He bows to his lot quite resigned, saying kismet!
5. About this creature sought I knowledge
The other day at Heralds' College:
Prince Leopold it was whose shield
The thing's existence first revealed.
The reply my poor brain threatened promptly to soften--
"We can't find it legs though we do find arms often!"
Solution of Acrostic No. 266.--Rainy April: Rusma, A-trip; Invader; Nisi; Yokel.
Correct Solutions of Acrostic No. 266, received 17th April: Slodger and Tiney; Pik; Biddy; Yerrip; Spheroid; Pertinax; D. E. H.
Yerrip.--It did not reach us in time.
Motto for the Ophthalmic Institution.--"Eyes right!"
A Case of Assurance!
The following is extracted from an American journal:--
A gang of burglars, 11 in number, were getting on finely with a bank-safe at Manchester, Ohio, a few nights ago, when their keg of powder exploded, killing two, wounding one, and somewhat discouraging others.
We beg to draw the attention of our Accidental Insurance Company to this interesting case. By prevailing on Bill Sikes to insure, they might insure for themselves a telling paragraph in the record of accidents which they advertise from time to time.
Explosion of Gunpowder. W. S., professional crib-cracker, injured by inadvertent ignition of a keg of powder, intended for professional purposes. Premium £4 4s. Compensation £100.
The Inebriate One.
A Parliamentary return just issued gives the number of convictions for drunkenness in the United Kingdom. According to this document the convictions in England were only one in every hundred and seventy one of the population. Yet our Exeter Hall friends would punish the hundred and seventy for the excesses of the one! We do not see why a hundred and seventy people should be made miserable because on fellow is a little too jolly!
Guard the dear boon!
The opening of a new hospital near Liverpool has given Lord Derby an opportunity of making a well-timed speech on sanitary matters. May his remarks not be bootle-less!
Of what does a philosopher in the thread-bare garments remind us?--The poor-suit of knowledge.
A Bridge of Glass.--A Pince-nez.
[Illustration]
"STRAIT: A DIFFICULTY."--(See dictionaries)
Landlord (showing his house to possible tenant):--"Every convenience you see, sir!--you enter the Dining Room straight from the Drawing Room!"
Old Hickopper:--"'Gschackly sho! But--if ca'n' guar--guar'ntee h'll be able to enter latt'r straigh' from form'r--wo'n' sui' me!"
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176 .......... FUN. .......... [April 27, 1872.
SCRAPS OF REASON, BEFITTING THE SEASON.
[Illustration] TRY OUR WATERPROOFS
April Showers.
[Illustration] OTTO VON ROSES
May Flowers.
[Illustration]
Fashion's Powers.
PHILOSOPHIC FANCIES.
I do not complain
At the season' rain,
For I know that the April showers,
While distressing the fair, are adorning the plain,
And decking it out with flowers.
And we soon shall have May,
With blossoms so gay,
When the warmth has got to the roots.
And I know pretty well, when the blooms pass away,
We soon shall gather the fruits!
But what good upon the earth,
Or what possible worth,
Springs from Fashion for human kind--
Except the production of innocent mirth,
I'm blest if e'er I could find!
A Maid-an' Lady.
This is rather a novelty in advertisements:--
Wanted by a YOUNG LADY, aged 18, a SITUATION as Parlour or House Maid where another servant is kept. Can give the highest references.--Miss A. K., &c.
We somewhat doubt whether many people would want so very ladylike a parlour or housemaid. She might be above her work. In fact from her signature, one sees she would be a-miss.
What's in a name?
If the Golden Lotion, we see advertised, is the safe positive and effectual cure it is stated to be, it should be described as a blessing, and be Akhurst.
Jumping to a conclusion.
An American paper says, "The Utah grasshoppers are again on the jump." Of course they are! Isn't this Leap Year?
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April 27, 1872. .......... FUN. .......... 177
DOGGREL VERSES.
By a Disappointed One.
I wanted much a dog, you see,
Of undisputed breed,
I laid a great stress on pedigree,
And paid to curs no heed.
Not any special kind I sought;
"Blood! blood!" was still my cry,
Alas my yearnings came to nought,
My hopes were doomed to die!
I first began to advertise,
When to my dwelling came,
A man who boasted two black eyes,
And walked a little lame.
He said, "I was a gent who knew
A well-bred dorg at sight!"
I said "I rather think I do,
For they are my delight!"
This man had brought a score or so
Of dogs for me to see,
But one retriever known as "Joe,"
He was the boy for me!
I chose him for his silky coat,
He was both fair and fat,
I bought him for a ten-pound note,
And thought him cheap at that!
"Joe" lived at ease a week about,
Till partridge-shooting came:
And then I proudly took him out
To circumvent the game.
He did retrieve--he rather shone
In his particular line,
But then the rascal hunted on
His own account--not mine!
I gave him to my grocer; and
I got another prize,
The surest ratter in the land
With little restless eyes.
Alas! Alas! his nightly howls,
They haunt me to this day;
He feasted on my choicest fowls,
And then--he ran away!!
Since then I've had at least a score
Of whelps of every kind.
Three proved but sorry curs; whilst four
Ran mad; and two went blind.
And now, I've bought a dog from Page,
My friend across the lane,
Who when I near him foams with rage,
And tries to break his chain!
MARGATE OUT OF SEASON.
We did not go to Margate last July and walk upon the pier:--we went to Margate this April, and we strolled on the jetty. Beautiful Margate may be described as in a state of déshabille just at present. She is preparing to receive her visitors, and if she had a servant, that domestic would say, "missus is not at home, but we expec' her in a month or two," with the conventional evasion of the truth. At the time of our visit we felt as one who treads alone some banquet-hall deserted, whose lights are fled, and garlands dead, and visitors diverted.
To be sure there were nymphs with flowing back-hair on the jetty, but they were chiefly residents. There were bathing-machines out but their occupants must have been local lunatics. Flies (with horses) stood on the parade, and never seemed to do anything else. We always thought they hybernated with the other flies. The seafaring population seemed to be making a living in the usual way, by taking short turns up and down, bitching their trousers, and looking through telescopes. The only sign of real life was a smart steam yacht lying-to off the jetty. When she steamed away with her owner and a party of friends, nothing but the shells of shrimps and barcelona nuts remained to remind us that the jetty was a place of popular resort. We turned to gaze on Margate.
Could we believe our eyes? Was a distinguished exile, who once stayed here previous to his descent on Boulogne, and who kept his eagle in a pantry on the Parade, transplanting the Tuileries to Margate? No! It is Fagg's pleasant hotel, breaking out into beauty, and, in conjunction with the Campanile of the Sailors' Institute, trying to impress the visitor with a confused idea of Paris and Venice. But we may add that Margate is building and adorning itself generally. Even the mysterious building, crowned with a flower-pot, at the head of the pier, and called the Harbour Due et mon Droit House is being re-stuccoed.
We wandered along the cliff, and met a juvenile deputation from the Wanstead Orphan Asylum (which has a branch here), looking as rosy and well as sea air should make them. And, we may say too, that we met the surgeon of that most excellent charitable institution, the Seaside Infirmary, and we were very glad to hear of its continued well-doing, to promote which the subscriptions of the public are urgently needed; surely no one who goes for a healthful holiday at Margate, forgets to leave some offering, however small, in the box of the Infirmary, to help the poor little ones who are lying ill there.
How green the fields looked! and how the birds sang! and how the gulls swept over the sea! and how the sea rippled! and how the landladies looked at us over cards that bore the mystic sign "Apartments!" and how the fly-drivers looked as if they were so glad to see us they would have taken us twenty miles for nothing! and how we were disillusioned when the man who drove us from the Parade to the station demanded "two shillings!" and how ridiculous it was to pay it without a murmur!--but then we had dined royally at Fagg's, with jolly companions, at the invitation of--but no, delicacy compels the suppression of Lee's name.
But the gasp of sea air was ample compensation! Didn't the ozone blow down our back, free of charge, while we sat on the jetty watching the boys not catching crabs--or whales--or whatever it was they fished for without hooks? Didn't the iodine prescribe itself and exhibit itself for exactly twenty-one shillings less than a guinea, and do us a deal of good? And wasn't the journey down and back--which might have detracted greatly from the benefit--made pleasant by the comfortable carriages, and the proverbial civility and courtesy of the officials of the London, Chatham, and Dover?
Look here, gentle reader! If you're wearied or worried or weak--and can barely steal a day from work--steal the day and get half-a-dozen hours at Margate, and bless your stars, and thank us for the suggestion. You will find Margate by no means less pleasant just now because it is not high "Margate Season."
A Sur-prize.
It is just announced that the House of Representatives of Washington has voted a sum of one hundred and ninety thousand dollars to the officers and crew of the Kearsage for having destroyed the Alabama. If this late recognition of that act is not intended to swell the "consequential damages" urged against us, it is a proof that England is not the only country in which the distribution of prize-money is delayed for half a generation.
Answers to Correspondents.
[We cannot return unaccepted MSS. or Sketches, unless they are accompanied by a stamped and directed envelope; and we do not hold ourselves responsible for loss.]
An Explanation.--With regard to certain paragraphs which have appeared in this Journal, and which Mr. George Frederick Pardon considers to have been injurious to him, we have no hesitation in saying--what our counsel has already said for us--that we withdraw them, the more readily that there was no intention of injuring him.
V. O. X.--We may add, "add nothing more!"
B.--We do not undertake to answer general questions, but to reply simply on matters relating to the paper. You should apply to journals that devote their minds and columns to universal purposes. Still as you will apply to us for a cure for freckles, try digging them out singly with the point of a red-hot knitting-needle. Only, mind, we do not recommend it.
F. Drahcir.--"Mulberries" may "fatten antitheses," and there is possibly "cowjuice" in "palanquins;" but we fail to see the point of the joke. After all that may be due to the illegibility of your writing. That's what we make the first two lines.
F. R. (Guildford).--We cannot return them, as you--apparently--cannot conform with our rule.
J. W.--"Through the Looking Glass," Macmillan and Co., Bedford street, Covent Garden. We don't know the price.
Blogg and Puffkins.--The length is fatal, in our opinion. Furthermore we never accept MSS. from anonymous correspondents.
Declined with thanks:--Jones; ? ?; M., Liverpool; d/b: B.; Printer's Devil; E. K.; All for Fun; W. X, Z.; F. P., Southampton; W. L.;G. M. C; R. H. D., Euston-road; A. B., jun., Glasgow; H. W., Islington; D., Hartlepool; M. B., Glasgow; Empty Air; R. G. H.; D., Windsor; Chip; M., Kingsland; W. B. L.; Vivat Dilke; Owdashus Cuss; R. Lower Norwood; B. F.; An Additional Idiot; Theory; Dull Wig; S., Islington; R. J.; Newist; Carrie;--Kingston; Liverpool Lunatic; Bogus; Bucks; A struggling one; S. T. P.; Callay; N., Leeds.
Page 178 { page image }
178 .......... FUN. .......... [April 27, 1872.
[Illustration]
DOWN TO HIM, AND DOWN ON HIM!
Stern Matron (inquiring after the character of a servant):--"Is she steady?"
Young Housekeeper:--"Well, she requires looking after!"
S.M.:--"Oh, I look after the servants!--I see to everything--manage everything! My word is law to every one in my house--even down to my husband!"
CHATS ON THE MAGS.
April.
St. Paul's is rich in readable matter. "Seraphina Snowe" is excellent, and Henry Hollbeach of course claims attention. Miss Ingelow's story has reached a point of absorbing interest, in impresses one vividly with its truth. "Septimius" is wild and weird.
Good Words has a paper on "The Idiot Colony at Caterham," by Dr. Gilbert, full of curious information and very touching. The other contents, are if anything, above rather than below the high standard of this excellent magazine.
The Sunday Magazine in both art and literature maintains its average of excellence.
In Good Words for the Young we have "The Deserted Ship," and "The Travelling Menagerie," as standing dishes, with any number of capital sketches and papers to delight the youngsters.
In noticing the Gentleman's Magazine we overlooked the flimsy quasi-criticism of "Players of our Day," which, though quite good enough for its subject "the jeunes premiers," contains one or two points which should not be passed over. First of all its author, while, sneering at the comedies of the late T. W. Robertson, is not above the meanness of misquoting the dead writer's dialogue, in order to prove it dull; and secondly, he associates Mr. Bancroft, who is an actor with the talent to create character parts, with the jeunes premiers, who have nothing to do but look nice, wear nice clothes, and try to look gentlemanly without appearing idiotic.
The Young Gentleman's Magazine descants on Natural Philosophy, the Great Plague, Firemen, and Guns. What more can the lads want in a periodical?
The Atlantic Monthly contains a poem by Longfellow, "Echo Club," "The Poet at the Breakfast Table" and a story by Bret Harte. Few magazines could offer a better bill of fare.
Our Young Folks carries Jack Hazard into further troubles, and gives us more of "Crusoe Life," to the delight of the boys, who will regret that it is concluded.
The Overland Monthly is better than usual this month. "Sam Rice's Romance" is quite Bret Harte-ish. Stoddard it must be, we think, who contributes a delicious little poem, "South Sea Bubbles."
Received:--The Food Journal,Young Ladies' Journal, Gentleman's Journal, Old Merry's Monthly, Colburn's New Monthly, Nautical Magazine, Leisure Hour, Sunday at Home.
A Profitable Investment.--Buying a watch that gains.
PROTECTION FROM FIRE
BRYANT & MAY'S
PATENT SAFETY
MATCHES.
LIGHT ONLY ON THE BOX.
Printed by JUDD & CO., Phoenix Works, St. Andrew's Hill, Doctors' Commons, and Published (for the Proprietor), at 80, Fleet-street, E.C.--London: April 27, 1872.
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