OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 8 HALF a year, half a year, half a year onward, has PUI~rCHII~TELIJO advanced since he wafted his first the four quarters of the globe. / His road has not been a very easy one to travel. Bad characters lurked behind the fences, from which they would sometimes take a sneak shot at the Showman as he passed. These fellows were awfully bad shots, though, never so much as hitting the van in which the show travels. PUI~TCIHNELLOS return fire always set the scamps a-scampering, and all they had for their pains was the loss of their ammunition, and the discovery that the row kicked up by them had attracted crowds of people to the spot, so that PUNCHINELLOS show was capitally advertised by their noise. PUNcHINELLOs First Volume, then, is a substantial fact. It is an entirely new, original, and complete article, which no family should be without. Read what the New York JlIoon that AS~hines for All says about it: Put a head on yourself by reading PUNCHLNELLO, Vol. 1. It is by far the best tonic bitters in the market. It cured the editor of this paper of a very malignant attack, (made by himself on PtINCHINELLO,) after three applica- tions. Several gentle critics predicted an early death for PUNCHTNELLO on account of the buff color selected by him for his full dress costume. Ha! ha! gentlemen, many a blow falls harmless on the wearer of a buff-jerkin. As the old poet, whose name we have forgotten, might have said, had he been in the humor He who will cuff it, Eke should buff it,a maxim to which Pu1~rcHINELbo gives his cordial adhesion. And now comes PtTNCHINELLO to the beginning of his Second Volume, encouraged by the success of his First. If Vol. I of PuNcHn~wuLLo was a Chassepot, (and it did make some havoc in the ranks of the enemy,) Vol. II is intended to be a mitrailleU3e. It will be so arranged as to combine total annihilation with bewitching music. For instance, by turning one of the cranks by which it is worked, PUNOHINELLO will be able to project a shower of such mortiferous missiles against all abettors of crime and vice, all quacks, political and social, all corrupt officials, all Congress, (except the Right Party,) all torpid fogies and peddlers of red tape, all humbugs of every size and shape, in fact, as will speedily reduce them to ashes. Then, by skilfully manipulating the other crank, he can produce from it strains of such mellifluous harmony that the very telegraph-poles will throng around him, as erstwhile did the trees of the forest around ORPHEUS, and tender their services for the transmission of his melting music to all the beautiful places on Earth. It is hardly necessary to say that Hail Columbia is the very first tune on the cylinder of PuNch- NELLOS musical mitrailleuse. - With his minds eye, (an apparatus expressly constructed for and fitted o his mental organization by a renowned necromancer,) PUNCHINELLO sees his Public surging towards him, and grasping with outstretched hands at the showers of bon bons with which he plentifully supplies them from an inexhau8tible casket. Among them are thousands of familiar forms, and these are mostly in the front. After these come several thou- sands of new forms, all pressing forward upon the heels of the others with an eagerness -that augurs for PUNCHINELLO Vol II a tremendous and unparalleled success. Each of these good people carries four dollars ($4) in his right hand, which he waves at PUNCHINELLO, who affably accepts the greenbacks from him when within proper distance, and then, dipping his pen in ink without a drop of gall in it, books the donor for a years subscription in advance. As for party, PUNCHINELLO knows but one partyand that is the Right Party. Stirring times are before us. The Right Party is not going to lie down and sleep while the times are stirring. Nor is PUNcHINELLO. When anything that interests the Right Party has got to be stirred, PUNCHINELLO will be on hand. He has been so long used to starring it, that he makes light of stirring it. He can stir with a red-hot poker and he can stir with a feather, You pays your money and you takes your choice. And now, having stirred the spirit within him to a demonstrative pitch, PUNCHINELLO shies his cocked hat into space, and calls upon his Public to give three rousing cheers for the ~ Entered, according to Act of Congress. in the year 1870, by the PrmcHniun.Lo PUBLISHING CoMPA.NY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. number to PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. AX ADAPTATION. BY ORPI-IETJS C. KERR. CHAPTER XX. AN ESCAPE. The bewildered Flowerpot had no sooner gained her own room, en- joyed her agitated expression of face in the mirror, and tried four differently colored ribbon-bows upon her collar in succession, than the thought of becoming Mr. BuMsr& ws bride lost the charm of its first wild novelty, ant became utteriy ridiculous. He was a man of com- manding stature, which his linen duster made appear still more long; the dark circles around his eyes would disappear in time, and he had an abusive way of referring to women which made him inexpressibly grand to women as a true poet-soul; but would it be safe, would it be religi- ously right, for a young girl, not yet conscious of her own full power of annual monetary expenditure, to blindly risk her necessary expenses for life upon one whom the cost of a single imported bonnet, inthe con- tingency of a General European War, might plunge into inextricable pecuniary embarrassment? Possibly, the General European War might not oc~ur in an ordinary married-lifetime, as France was no longer in a condition to menace England, Russia would be wary about provoking the new Prussian giant, and Austria and Italy were not likely soon to forget their last military misadventures; yet, while all the great American journals had, for the last twenty years, published daily editorials, by young writers from the country, to show tbat such a War could not possibly be averted longer than about the day after to- morrow, would it be judicious for a young giri to marry as though that War were absolutely impossible? No! Her womans heart sternly re- iterated the pitilessly negative; and, as the Ritualistic organist had plainly evinced an earnest intention to let no foreign military compli- cations prevent her marriage with him, she felt that her only safety from his matrimonial violence must be sought in flight. With whom, though, could she take refuge? If she went to MAGNOlIA PENDEAGON, all her dearest schoolmates would say, that they had always loved her, despite her great faults, yet could not disguise from them- selves that she seemed at last to be fairly running after Miss Pnsx)nA- GONs brother. Besides, Mr. Buxsrx~n, offended by the seeming want of confidence in him evinced by her fight, would, probably, take measures publicly to identify 1VhGNoI~ris alpaca garment with the covering of his lost umbrella, and thus direct new suspicion against a sister and brother already bothered almost into hysterics. During the last few weeks, an attack of dyspepsia had laid the foundation of a mind in the Flowerpot, as it generally does in other young female American boarding-school thinkers, and she was now capable of that subtle line of reasoning which is the great commenda- tion of her sex to a recognized perfect intellectual equality with man. Once decided, by her apprehension of a General European War, against marriage with J. BUMsrEAD, she took a rather irritable view of that too attractive devotional musician, and inferred, from his not being wealthy enough to stand the test of possible transatlantic hostilities, that he must, himself; have killed EDWIN DnooD. His umbrella, it was well known, had been present at that fatal Christmas dinner; and athought- less insult offered to it, even by his nephew, might have made a demon of him. Suppose that EDWIN, upon returning to the dining-room that night, after his temporary exercise in the open air with MoNrGoMERY PENDEAGON, had found his uncle, flushed with cloves, endeavoring to force a social glass of lemon tea upon the umbrella, under the im- pression that it was a person, and had unthinkingly accused him there- at of being momentarily unsettled in his faculties? Probably, then, hot words would have passed between them; each telling the other that he would have a nice headache in the morning and find it im- possible not to look very sleepy even if l~e fixed his hair ever so elabo- rately. Blows might have followed: the uncle, in his anger, hewing the nephew limb from limb with the carving knife from the table, and subsequently carrying away the remains to the Pond and there casting them in. Suppose, in his natural excitement, the uncle had hurriedly used the umbrella, opened and held downward, to carry the remains in; and, after coming home again, and snatehing a nap under the table, had forgotten all about it, and thus been ever since inconsolable for his alpaca loss? As the young orphan argued thus exhaustively to her- self, the extreme probability of her suppositions made her more and more frenzied to fly instantly beyond the reach of one who, in the event of a General European War, would not be a husband whom her head could approve. After penning a hasty farewell note to Miss CAMowrHuns, to the effect that urgent military reasons obliged her to see her guardian at once, FLoRA lost no time in packing a small leather satehel for travel. Two bottles of hair oil, a jar of glycerine, one of cold cream, two boxes of powder, a package of extra back-hair, a phial of belladonna, a camels- hair brush for the eyebrows, a rouge-saucer for pinking the nails, four flasks of perfumery, a depilatory in a small flagon, and some tooth paste, were the only articles she could pause to collect for her precipi- tate escape; and, with them in the satchel on her arm, and a bonnet and shawl hurriedly thrown on, she stole away down-stairs, and thus from the house. Hastening to the Roach House, from whence started an omnibus for the ferry, she was quickiy rattling out of Bumsteadville in a vehicle re- markable for the great number and variety of noises it could make when maddened into motion by a span of equine rivals in an immemorial walking-match. Now, Bo~nixn, she said to the driver, taking leave of him at the ferry-boat, be sure and let Miss C~nowrBiuas know that you saw me safely off, and that I was not a bit more tired than if I had walked all the way. Blushing with pleasure at the implied compliment to his equipage from such lips, the skilled horseman had not the heart to object to the wildly mutilated fragment of currency with which his fare had been paid, and went back to where his steeds were taking turns in holding each other up, as happy a man as ever lost money by the change in woman. Reaching the city, Miss Porrs was promptly worshiped by a hack- man of marked conversational powers, who, whip in hand, assured her that his carriage was widely celebrated under the titles of the Rocking Chair, the Old Shoe, and the Glider, on account of its incredible ease of motion; and that, owing to its exquisite abbreviation of travel to the emotions, those who rode in it had actually been known to dispute that they had ridden even half the distance for which they were charged. Did he know where Mr. DIBBLE, the lawyer, lived, in Nassau Street, near Fulton? If she meant lawyer DinBz~z, near Fulton Street, in Nassau; next door but one to the second house below, and directly opposite the building across the way, there was just one span of buck- skin horses in the city that could take a carriage built expressly for ladies to that place, as naturally as though it were a stable. It was a place that hethe hackmanalways associated with his own mother, because he was so familiar with it in childhood, and had often thought of driving to it blindfolded for a wager. Proud to learn that her guardian was so well known in the great city, and delighted that she had met a charioteer so minutely familiar with his house of business, FLORA stepped readily into the providential hack, which thereupon instantly began Rocking-Chair-ing, Old-Shoe- ing, and Gliding. Any one of these celebrated processes, by itself, might have been desirable; but their indiscriminate and impetuous combination in the present case gave the Flowerpot a confused im- pression that her whole ride was a startling series of incessant sharp turns around obdurate street corners, and kept her plunging about like an early young Protestant tossed in a Romish blanket. Instinctively holding her satchel aloft, to save its fragile contents from fracture, she rocked, shoed and glided all over the interior of the vehicle, without hope of gaining breath enough for even one scream, until, nearly un- conscious, and, with her bonnet driven half-way into her chignon, she was helped out by the hackman at her guardians door. I am dying 1 she groaned. Then please remember me in your will, to the extent of two dollars, returned the hackman with nuch humor. Youre only a little sea-sick, miss; as often happens to people in humble circum- stances when they ride in a kerridge for the first time. Still panting, Miss Porrs paid and discharged this friendly man, and, weariedly entering the building, followed the signs up-stairs to her guardians office. After knocking several times at the right door without reply, she turned the knob, and entered so softly that the venerable lawyer was not aroused from the slumber into which he had falllen in his chair by the window. With a copy of Putnams Afagazine still grasped in his honest right hand, good Mr. Dunu~n slept like a drugged person; nor 4

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. AX ADAPTATION. BY ORPI-IETJS C. KERR. CHAPTER XX. AN ESCAPE. The bewildered Flowerpot had no sooner gained her own room, en- joyed her agitated expression of face in the mirror, and tried four differently colored ribbon-bows upon her collar in succession, than the thought of becoming Mr. BuMsr& ws bride lost the charm of its first wild novelty, ant became utteriy ridiculous. He was a man of com- manding stature, which his linen duster made appear still more long; the dark circles around his eyes would disappear in time, and he had an abusive way of referring to women which made him inexpressibly grand to women as a true poet-soul; but would it be safe, would it be religi- ously right, for a young girl, not yet conscious of her own full power of annual monetary expenditure, to blindly risk her necessary expenses for life upon one whom the cost of a single imported bonnet, inthe con- tingency of a General European War, might plunge into inextricable pecuniary embarrassment? Possibly, the General European War might not oc~ur in an ordinary married-lifetime, as France was no longer in a condition to menace England, Russia would be wary about provoking the new Prussian giant, and Austria and Italy were not likely soon to forget their last military misadventures; yet, while all the great American journals had, for the last twenty years, published daily editorials, by young writers from the country, to show tbat such a War could not possibly be averted longer than about the day after to- morrow, would it be judicious for a young giri to marry as though that War were absolutely impossible? No! Her womans heart sternly re- iterated the pitilessly negative; and, as the Ritualistic organist had plainly evinced an earnest intention to let no foreign military compli- cations prevent her marriage with him, she felt that her only safety from his matrimonial violence must be sought in flight. With whom, though, could she take refuge? If she went to MAGNOlIA PENDEAGON, all her dearest schoolmates would say, that they had always loved her, despite her great faults, yet could not disguise from them- selves that she seemed at last to be fairly running after Miss Pnsx)nA- GONs brother. Besides, Mr. Buxsrx~n, offended by the seeming want of confidence in him evinced by her fight, would, probably, take measures publicly to identify 1VhGNoI~ris alpaca garment with the covering of his lost umbrella, and thus direct new suspicion against a sister and brother already bothered almost into hysterics. During the last few weeks, an attack of dyspepsia had laid the foundation of a mind in the Flowerpot, as it generally does in other young female American boarding-school thinkers, and she was now capable of that subtle line of reasoning which is the great commenda- tion of her sex to a recognized perfect intellectual equality with man. Once decided, by her apprehension of a General European War, against marriage with J. BUMsrEAD, she took a rather irritable view of that too attractive devotional musician, and inferred, from his not being wealthy enough to stand the test of possible transatlantic hostilities, that he must, himself; have killed EDWIN DnooD. His umbrella, it was well known, had been present at that fatal Christmas dinner; and athought- less insult offered to it, even by his nephew, might have made a demon of him. Suppose that EDWIN, upon returning to the dining-room that night, after his temporary exercise in the open air with MoNrGoMERY PENDEAGON, had found his uncle, flushed with cloves, endeavoring to force a social glass of lemon tea upon the umbrella, under the im- pression that it was a person, and had unthinkingly accused him there- at of being momentarily unsettled in his faculties? Probably, then, hot words would have passed between them; each telling the other that he would have a nice headache in the morning and find it im- possible not to look very sleepy even if l~e fixed his hair ever so elabo- rately. Blows might have followed: the uncle, in his anger, hewing the nephew limb from limb with the carving knife from the table, and subsequently carrying away the remains to the Pond and there casting them in. Suppose, in his natural excitement, the uncle had hurriedly used the umbrella, opened and held downward, to carry the remains in; and, after coming home again, and snatehing a nap under the table, had forgotten all about it, and thus been ever since inconsolable for his alpaca loss? As the young orphan argued thus exhaustively to her- self, the extreme probability of her suppositions made her more and more frenzied to fly instantly beyond the reach of one who, in the event of a General European War, would not be a husband whom her head could approve. After penning a hasty farewell note to Miss CAMowrHuns, to the effect that urgent military reasons obliged her to see her guardian at once, FLoRA lost no time in packing a small leather satehel for travel. Two bottles of hair oil, a jar of glycerine, one of cold cream, two boxes of powder, a package of extra back-hair, a phial of belladonna, a camels- hair brush for the eyebrows, a rouge-saucer for pinking the nails, four flasks of perfumery, a depilatory in a small flagon, and some tooth paste, were the only articles she could pause to collect for her precipi- tate escape; and, with them in the satchel on her arm, and a bonnet and shawl hurriedly thrown on, she stole away down-stairs, and thus from the house. Hastening to the Roach House, from whence started an omnibus for the ferry, she was quickiy rattling out of Bumsteadville in a vehicle re- markable for the great number and variety of noises it could make when maddened into motion by a span of equine rivals in an immemorial walking-match. Now, Bo~nixn, she said to the driver, taking leave of him at the ferry-boat, be sure and let Miss C~nowrBiuas know that you saw me safely off, and that I was not a bit more tired than if I had walked all the way. Blushing with pleasure at the implied compliment to his equipage from such lips, the skilled horseman had not the heart to object to the wildly mutilated fragment of currency with which his fare had been paid, and went back to where his steeds were taking turns in holding each other up, as happy a man as ever lost money by the change in woman. Reaching the city, Miss Porrs was promptly worshiped by a hack- man of marked conversational powers, who, whip in hand, assured her that his carriage was widely celebrated under the titles of the Rocking Chair, the Old Shoe, and the Glider, on account of its incredible ease of motion; and that, owing to its exquisite abbreviation of travel to the emotions, those who rode in it had actually been known to dispute that they had ridden even half the distance for which they were charged. Did he know where Mr. DIBBLE, the lawyer, lived, in Nassau Street, near Fulton? If she meant lawyer DinBz~z, near Fulton Street, in Nassau; next door but one to the second house below, and directly opposite the building across the way, there was just one span of buck- skin horses in the city that could take a carriage built expressly for ladies to that place, as naturally as though it were a stable. It was a place that hethe hackmanalways associated with his own mother, because he was so familiar with it in childhood, and had often thought of driving to it blindfolded for a wager. Proud to learn that her guardian was so well known in the great city, and delighted that she had met a charioteer so minutely familiar with his house of business, FLORA stepped readily into the providential hack, which thereupon instantly began Rocking-Chair-ing, Old-Shoe- ing, and Gliding. Any one of these celebrated processes, by itself, might have been desirable; but their indiscriminate and impetuous combination in the present case gave the Flowerpot a confused im- pression that her whole ride was a startling series of incessant sharp turns around obdurate street corners, and kept her plunging about like an early young Protestant tossed in a Romish blanket. Instinctively holding her satchel aloft, to save its fragile contents from fracture, she rocked, shoed and glided all over the interior of the vehicle, without hope of gaining breath enough for even one scream, until, nearly un- conscious, and, with her bonnet driven half-way into her chignon, she was helped out by the hackman at her guardians door. I am dying 1 she groaned. Then please remember me in your will, to the extent of two dollars, returned the hackman with nuch humor. Youre only a little sea-sick, miss; as often happens to people in humble circum- stances when they ride in a kerridge for the first time. Still panting, Miss Porrs paid and discharged this friendly man, and, weariedly entering the building, followed the signs up-stairs to her guardians office. After knocking several times at the right door without reply, she turned the knob, and entered so softly that the venerable lawyer was not aroused from the slumber into which he had falllen in his chair by the window. With a copy of Putnams Afagazine still grasped in his honest right hand, good Mr. Dunu~n slept like a drugged person; nor 4 OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. could the young girl awaken him until, by a happy inspiration, she had snatched away the monthly and cast it through the casement. Am I dreaming ? exclaimed the aged man, when thus suddenly rescued from his deadly lethargy at last. Is that you, my dear; or are, you your late mother ? I am your ridiculously unhappy ward, answered the Flowerpot, tremulously. Oh, poor, dear, absurd EDDY 1 And you have come here all alone ? Yes; and to escape being married to EDDYs perfectly hateful uncle, who has the same as ordered me to become his utterly disgusted bride. Oh, why is it, why is it, that I must be thus persecuted by young men withoutproperty! Why is it that perfectly horrid madmen on salaries are allowed to claim me as their own 1 My dear, cried the old lawyer, leading her to a chair, and striving to speak soothingly, if Mr. BuMsrx& r desires to marry you he must indeed be insane. Such a man ought really to be confined, he con- tinued, pacing thoughtfully up and down the room. This must have been the idea that was already turning his brain whenbless my soul! he actually intimated, first, that I, and then, that Mr. SIMPSoN, had killed his nephew 1 He thinks, now, that I, or MAa1forii~ PENDRAGON, may have done it,the hateful creature I said FLORA, passionately. I see, I see, assented Mr. DIBBLE, nodding. When he has you in his head, my dear, he himself must clearly be out of it. You shall stay here and take tea with me, and then I will take you to FEHEcHs Hotel for your accommodation during the night. It was a sight to see him tenderly help her off with her bonnet; and suggestive to hear him say, that if a man could only take off his brains as easily as a woman hers, what a relief it would be to him occasionally. It was curious to see him peep into her bottle-filled satchel, with an old mans freedom;, and to hear him audibly wonder thereat, whether, after all, men were any more addicted than women to the social glass when they wanted to put a better face on affairs. And, after the waiter bring- ing him toast and tea from a neighboring restaurant had brought an additional slice and cup for the guest, it was pleasant to behold him smiling across the office-table at that guest, and encouraging her to eat as much as she would if a member of his sex were not looking. It must be absurdly ridiculous to stay here all alone, as you do, sir, observed FLORA. But I am not always alone, answered Mr. DIBBLE. My clerk, Mr. Br~ADAMs, now taking a vacation in the country, is generally here; though, to be sure, I may lose him before long. Hes turned literary. How perfectly frightful ! said Miss Porrs. He has set up for a genius, my child, and is now engaged upon a great American novel. Discontented with the law, he is giving great attention to this; but Free Trade will not, lam afraid, allow any Ameri- can publisher to bring it out. Free Trade ? repeated FLORA. Yes, my dear, Free Trade; that is, while American publishers can steal foreign novels for nothing, they are not going to pay anything for native fiction. Yawning behind her hand, the Flowerpot murmured something about Free Trade being positively absurd, and her guardian went on: Nevertheless, Mr. BLADAMS is going on with his work, which he calls The Amateur Detective; and if it ever does come out you shall have a copy.But, by the by, added the lawyer, suddenly, you have not yet fully described to me the interview in which poor Mr. Enwrws uncle offered to become your husband. She gave him a full history of the Ritualistic organists handsome offer to her of his H. and H.; adding her own final decision in the matter as precipitated by the possibility of a General European war; and Mr. DIBBLE heard the whole with an air of studious attention. Although I have certainly no particular reason for befriending Mr. BUMsTEAD, said he, reflectively, I shall take measures to keep him from you. Now come with me to FirENcHs Hotel. To-morrow I will call there for you, you know, and then, perhaps, you may be taken to see your friend, Miss PENDRAGON. Having obtained for his ward a room in the hotel named, and seen her safely to its shelter, the good old lawyer visited the bar-room of the establishment, for the purpose of ascertaining whether any evil-disposed person could get in through that way for the disturbance of his fair charge. After which he departed for his home in Gowanus. (To be Continued.) MOTTO FOR ALL GOOD CunANs. The labor we delight in physics (S)pain. THE PLAYS AIU) SHOWS. UNCTUALLY as announced, ~ the FIFTH Avraiux THEATRE has re-opened. It has been improved by the addition of several private boxes that re- mind one of the square pews in old-fashionedchurches, (by the way, why do Puseyites object to pews?) and by the erection of a hydrant near the con- ductors seat, so that when the audience can endure SToEP~r~s music no longer, they can turn on the water and drown him and his long-winded or- chestra. This latter improve- ment meets with our hearty approval, and we earnestly hope to see it put to the ex- cellent use for which it is de- signed without further delay. Manager DALY is now offering to his patrons the new comedy of Man and Wffe. The old-fashioned play of that name, which is~ daily acted everywhere about us, is usually more of a tragedy than a comedy, but Mr. DAr~rs Man and Wffe is comedy, farce, muscular christianity, and paralysis pleasantly mingled together. As thus: ACT 1.GEoFrERY DELAMAYN and his brother are seen conversing in an arbor. (Dont let the printer imagine that I mean Ann Arbor. it was bad enough in Wn~xrs CoLLn~s to banish his dramatis persona~ to & ot- land; but he was nev~rtheless too humane to send them to Jiiichigom) Jurius D~r~Ax~rn~. GEOFFREY, you really must do something. The unmannerly people who are just coming into the theatre make such a noise that I couldnt be heard if I took the trouble to preach to you for an hour, so I wont attempt to make my meaning any clearer. GEOFFREY. I will or I wont, I forget which. However, the audience cant hear. Weve got a pretty good house here to-night. I wonder if my muscles really show to any extent. Here comes LADY LuI~wIE and her friends. LADY Lurnrs. I choose everybody to play croquet on my side. The rest may play on BLANcHES side. Miss SYLVESTER, you look as if you could not stand alone. Therefore I order you to play. AFrrs SYLVESTER. Madame, I will. GEOFFREY, meet me here in ten minutes, or youll be sorry for it. (Exit everybody. AuNn~ and GEOFFREY returning on tip-toe.) ANNIE. You must marry me this afternoon. Meet me at the inn on the moor. GEOFFREY. I wont cross the moor with you. DESDEMONA foolishly crossed the Moor, and came to grief in consequence. I take warning by her. I hate you, but I suppose I must marry you, or youll sell all my letters to the Sun.( They go out to be married.) ARNOLD enters and makes love to BL& NcHE. Sra PATRIcK does the comic business with LEwIss usual humor. (What a nice man LEWIS must befor girls to quarrel with; he makes up so nicelythis is a joke.) LADY Lutmrs enters and announces that ANNIE is no longer her governess, that mis guided person having thrown up hei sit uation, for the irrational reason that it was an interesting one, and having fled in the silence of the after- dinner hour. Shrieks of horror from the young ladies, who desist from knocking their croquet-balls into the orchestra and the proscenium boxes; and triumphant falling of a new ac(-drop. STOEPEL, having thought of a sweet passage for the fife, in a Chinese opera, plays it uninterruptedly for forty-five minutes. A deaf old gentleman approvingly remarks that this is really classical music. ACT 11.A storm at the inn on the Moor. Miss SYLVESTER waits for her GEOFFREY and her tea. Enter ARNOLD. ARNOLD. GEOFFREY cant come, so he has sent me. I know your situation, and shall have to feel for you if it gets much darker and they dont bring candles. That is, if Im to shake hands with you. I have told everybody here that you are my wife. Lets have a little game of seven-up, and pass the time profitably. ArEna Oh, villain (I mean GEOFFREY,) you have de-ser-er-erted me. Oh, rash young person, (I mean you, ARNoLD,) Im inclined to

OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. could the young girl awaken him until, by a happy inspiration, she had snatched away the monthly and cast it through the casement. Am I dreaming ? exclaimed the aged man, when thus suddenly rescued from his deadly lethargy at last. Is that you, my dear; or are, you your late mother ? I am your ridiculously unhappy ward, answered the Flowerpot, tremulously. Oh, poor, dear, absurd EDDY 1 And you have come here all alone ? Yes; and to escape being married to EDDYs perfectly hateful uncle, who has the same as ordered me to become his utterly disgusted bride. Oh, why is it, why is it, that I must be thus persecuted by young men withoutproperty! Why is it that perfectly horrid madmen on salaries are allowed to claim me as their own 1 My dear, cried the old lawyer, leading her to a chair, and striving to speak soothingly, if Mr. BuMsrx& r desires to marry you he must indeed be insane. Such a man ought really to be confined, he con- tinued, pacing thoughtfully up and down the room. This must have been the idea that was already turning his brain whenbless my soul! he actually intimated, first, that I, and then, that Mr. SIMPSoN, had killed his nephew 1 He thinks, now, that I, or MAa1forii~ PENDRAGON, may have done it,the hateful creature I said FLORA, passionately. I see, I see, assented Mr. DIBBLE, nodding. When he has you in his head, my dear, he himself must clearly be out of it. You shall stay here and take tea with me, and then I will take you to FEHEcHs Hotel for your accommodation during the night. It was a sight to see him tenderly help her off with her bonnet; and suggestive to hear him say, that if a man could only take off his brains as easily as a woman hers, what a relief it would be to him occasionally. It was curious to see him peep into her bottle-filled satchel, with an old mans freedom;, and to hear him audibly wonder thereat, whether, after all, men were any more addicted than women to the social glass when they wanted to put a better face on affairs. And, after the waiter bring- ing him toast and tea from a neighboring restaurant had brought an additional slice and cup for the guest, it was pleasant to behold him smiling across the office-table at that guest, and encouraging her to eat as much as she would if a member of his sex were not looking. It must be absurdly ridiculous to stay here all alone, as you do, sir, observed FLORA. But I am not always alone, answered Mr. DIBBLE. My clerk, Mr. Br~ADAMs, now taking a vacation in the country, is generally here; though, to be sure, I may lose him before long. Hes turned literary. How perfectly frightful ! said Miss Porrs. He has set up for a genius, my child, and is now engaged upon a great American novel. Discontented with the law, he is giving great attention to this; but Free Trade will not, lam afraid, allow any Ameri- can publisher to bring it out. Free Trade ? repeated FLORA. Yes, my dear, Free Trade; that is, while American publishers can steal foreign novels for nothing, they are not going to pay anything for native fiction. Yawning behind her hand, the Flowerpot murmured something about Free Trade being positively absurd, and her guardian went on: Nevertheless, Mr. BLADAMS is going on with his work, which he calls The Amateur Detective; and if it ever does come out you shall have a copy.But, by the by, added the lawyer, suddenly, you have not yet fully described to me the interview in which poor Mr. Enwrws uncle offered to become your husband. She gave him a full history of the Ritualistic organists handsome offer to her of his H. and H.; adding her own final decision in the matter as precipitated by the possibility of a General European war; and Mr. DIBBLE heard the whole with an air of studious attention. Although I have certainly no particular reason for befriending Mr. BUMsTEAD, said he, reflectively, I shall take measures to keep him from you. Now come with me to FirENcHs Hotel. To-morrow I will call there for you, you know, and then, perhaps, you may be taken to see your friend, Miss PENDRAGON. Having obtained for his ward a room in the hotel named, and seen her safely to its shelter, the good old lawyer visited the bar-room of the establishment, for the purpose of ascertaining whether any evil-disposed person could get in through that way for the disturbance of his fair charge. After which he departed for his home in Gowanus. (To be Continued.) MOTTO FOR ALL GOOD CunANs. The labor we delight in physics (S)pain. THE PLAYS AIU) SHOWS. UNCTUALLY as announced, ~ the FIFTH Avraiux THEATRE has re-opened. It has been improved by the addition of several private boxes that re- mind one of the square pews in old-fashionedchurches, (by the way, why do Puseyites object to pews?) and by the erection of a hydrant near the con- ductors seat, so that when the audience can endure SToEP~r~s music no longer, they can turn on the water and drown him and his long-winded or- chestra. This latter improve- ment meets with our hearty approval, and we earnestly hope to see it put to the ex- cellent use for which it is de- signed without further delay. Manager DALY is now offering to his patrons the new comedy of Man and Wffe. The old-fashioned play of that name, which is~ daily acted everywhere about us, is usually more of a tragedy than a comedy, but Mr. DAr~rs Man and Wffe is comedy, farce, muscular christianity, and paralysis pleasantly mingled together. As thus: ACT 1.GEoFrERY DELAMAYN and his brother are seen conversing in an arbor. (Dont let the printer imagine that I mean Ann Arbor. it was bad enough in Wn~xrs CoLLn~s to banish his dramatis persona~ to & ot- land; but he was nev~rtheless too humane to send them to Jiiichigom) Jurius D~r~Ax~rn~. GEOFFREY, you really must do something. The unmannerly people who are just coming into the theatre make such a noise that I couldnt be heard if I took the trouble to preach to you for an hour, so I wont attempt to make my meaning any clearer. GEOFFREY. I will or I wont, I forget which. However, the audience cant hear. Weve got a pretty good house here to-night. I wonder if my muscles really show to any extent. Here comes LADY LuI~wIE and her friends. LADY Lurnrs. I choose everybody to play croquet on my side. The rest may play on BLANcHES side. Miss SYLVESTER, you look as if you could not stand alone. Therefore I order you to play. AFrrs SYLVESTER. Madame, I will. GEOFFREY, meet me here in ten minutes, or youll be sorry for it. (Exit everybody. AuNn~ and GEOFFREY returning on tip-toe.) ANNIE. You must marry me this afternoon. Meet me at the inn on the moor. GEOFFREY. I wont cross the moor with you. DESDEMONA foolishly crossed the Moor, and came to grief in consequence. I take warning by her. I hate you, but I suppose I must marry you, or youll sell all my letters to the Sun.( They go out to be married.) ARNOLD enters and makes love to BL& NcHE. Sra PATRIcK does the comic business with LEwIss usual humor. (What a nice man LEWIS must befor girls to quarrel with; he makes up so nicelythis is a joke.) LADY Lutmrs enters and announces that ANNIE is no longer her governess, that mis guided person having thrown up hei sit uation, for the irrational reason that it was an interesting one, and having fled in the silence of the after- dinner hour. Shrieks of horror from the young ladies, who desist from knocking their croquet-balls into the orchestra and the proscenium boxes; and triumphant falling of a new ac(-drop. STOEPEL, having thought of a sweet passage for the fife, in a Chinese opera, plays it uninterruptedly for forty-five minutes. A deaf old gentleman approvingly remarks that this is really classical music. ACT 11.A storm at the inn on the Moor. Miss SYLVESTER waits for her GEOFFREY and her tea. Enter ARNOLD. ARNOLD. GEOFFREY cant come, so he has sent me. I know your situation, and shall have to feel for you if it gets much darker and they dont bring candles. That is, if Im to shake hands with you. I have told everybody here that you are my wife. Lets have a little game of seven-up, and pass the time profitably. ArEna Oh, villain (I mean GEOFFREY,) you have de-ser-er-erted me. Oh, rash young person, (I mean you, ARNoLD,) Im inclined to 6 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. think that youve married me by Scotch law, without having meant it. IC so, youll have to go to America and see BEEc~m~ about a divorce. ((Jirtain subsequently falls, and STOEPEII orders the big drum to beat for an hour, while the musicians take advantage of the noise to tune their instruments. Deaf old gentleman remarks again that he does like WAGNERS music. Half the audience hold their ears, while the other half flee madly away until the entracte is over. ACT III.GBOFFREY boxes with his trainer, and slings Indian clubs and wooden dumb-bells. GEOFFREY. There! Thank heaven I didnt break anything. The scenery, the footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the week is out, however, if this prize-ring business isnt cut out. Here comes ARNOLD. ARNOLD. Hows Miss SYLVESTER ? GEOFFREY. If you say anything more about her, ril put a head on you. Shes your wife. Youre a married man. ARNOLD. Married! You infamous editor of a two cent daily paper; I deny it. (Curtain again falls, and STOEPEL plays the entire opera of ERNANIfor two hours. Deaf old gentleman remarks that music is the SToE- Pri entertainment at this theatre, and that he really likes it. The rest of the audience look at him with horror, as though he were a sort of aggravated and superfluous cannibal.) ACT IV.Sir PATRICK proves that GEOFFREY is married to ANNIE, and that ARNOLD isnt. GEOFFREY lakes his weeping wife home with him. Everybody finds out that GEOFFREY is an enormo~us liar and an unmitiga- ted blackguard. Through the open windows are seen the editors of the Sun and the J]ree Press, each determined to be the first to offer GEOF- FREY a place on the staff of his respective journal. The curtain falls and STOEPEL directs each member of the orchestra to play the tune that he may like best. After three hours qf this sort of thing a humane per- son in the audience brings in a saw and begins to file it. The rest of the audience are thereupon gently killed to sleep by the music of the fileso soft and soothing does it sound by contrast with STOEPELS demoniac or- chestra. ACT Y.ANEIE, in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk dress with lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, and without taking her hair downthis being the well-known custom among fashionably dressed girls. GEOFFREY enters and attempts to strangle her, but she is awak- ened by the considerateforethought of a dumb woman, who loudly calls her, and GEOFFREY conveniently lies down and dies of paralysis. All the rest of the dramatis personce enter, and indulge in exclamations of joy. The curtain falls for the last time, and STOEPEL is removed under the protection of a strong platoon of policemen, to the secret abode where DALY keeps him hidden during the day from the wrath of an outraged public. And the undersigned goes home to breakfastit being now nearly 6 A. M.refiecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the sce- nery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the or- chestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL transform each entr acte at your theatre into a prolonged purgatory, by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable music, for the most intolerable periods of time? MATADOR. L. N. III PRUSSIA. Yes, I am quite upset; In fact, Im dizzy yet With all that rapid riding, day and night; But still, two things I see; Theyve made an end of Me, And blown the Empire higher than a kite! Yes, here I am, at2last And all my dreams are past. didnt think to enter Prussia thus! Confound that Vorwarts man! When first the war began He seemed as logy as an omnibus. Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise! The same in every place, eh? How these big Germans love an ugly stench! My! what a taste theyve got For articles that rot; And can it be, they live so near the French? Im in a pretty nest! And, worse than all the rest, Is thinking how I got here; theres the rub. When I have mused awhile On all my luck, so vile, I almost wish theyd hit me with a club! Its very well to say Imight have won the day, If things had only gone this way or that; I should have made them go, And let these Germans know That they must go, too! or be cut down flat. They didnt go, it seems; Except twas in my dreams! And, consequently, I must bid good bye To titles, power and state, - Which I enjoyed of late, And curse my dismal fatepoor Louis and I! THE PLYMOUTH ROCK. The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand of society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one to believe that Mr. Puiscim~r~o does not like a little fresh air. And surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no ones social standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so thought Mr. P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he would hurry up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on Col. FIsKs steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of puns de- tained him so long that he found that he would not be able to reach the 11 A.lVt. boat without h~ made unusual haste. Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, and ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the Plymouth Rock. When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. rubbed his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang hastily out. But what a sight met his gaze! Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the horses in a position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a huge un- symmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of Cape Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him to Jom~ CAx~vERs old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAa~u~s FIsK Jr.s steamboat at Pier 28, North River. Theres the rock, yer honor, said the man, pointing to the mis- shapen stone, and an awful time Ive had a drivin yer honor to it. How long have you been, coming here ? asked the astounded Mr. P. Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I could, hopin to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, but I had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and its no use me whippin up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the Centhral Park on the Sunday. And how much do I owe you for all this ? asked Mr. P. Well, sir, said the man, I wont charge your honor nothin for the feed and my victuals, for Id hadto have found them if yer hadnt a hired me; and Ill only charge ye three dollars a hour, for sure yer honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate as an infant all the time, and thatll be jist two hundred and four dollars, and

6 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. think that youve married me by Scotch law, without having meant it. IC so, youll have to go to America and see BEEc~m~ about a divorce. ((Jirtain subsequently falls, and STOEPEII orders the big drum to beat for an hour, while the musicians take advantage of the noise to tune their instruments. Deaf old gentleman remarks again that he does like WAGNERS music. Half the audience hold their ears, while the other half flee madly away until the entracte is over. ACT III.GBOFFREY boxes with his trainer, and slings Indian clubs and wooden dumb-bells. GEOFFREY. There! Thank heaven I didnt break anything. The scenery, the footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the week is out, however, if this prize-ring business isnt cut out. Here comes ARNOLD. ARNOLD. Hows Miss SYLVESTER ? GEOFFREY. If you say anything more about her, ril put a head on you. Shes your wife. Youre a married man. ARNOLD. Married! You infamous editor of a two cent daily paper; I deny it. (Curtain again falls, and STOEPEL plays the entire opera of ERNANIfor two hours. Deaf old gentleman remarks that music is the SToE- Pri entertainment at this theatre, and that he really likes it. The rest of the audience look at him with horror, as though he were a sort of aggravated and superfluous cannibal.) ACT IV.Sir PATRICK proves that GEOFFREY is married to ANNIE, and that ARNOLD isnt. GEOFFREY lakes his weeping wife home with him. Everybody finds out that GEOFFREY is an enormo~us liar and an unmitiga- ted blackguard. Through the open windows are seen the editors of the Sun and the J]ree Press, each determined to be the first to offer GEOF- FREY a place on the staff of his respective journal. The curtain falls and STOEPEL directs each member of the orchestra to play the tune that he may like best. After three hours qf this sort of thing a humane per- son in the audience brings in a saw and begins to file it. The rest of the audience are thereupon gently killed to sleep by the music of the fileso soft and soothing does it sound by contrast with STOEPELS demoniac or- chestra. ACT Y.ANEIE, in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk dress with lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, and without taking her hair downthis being the well-known custom among fashionably dressed girls. GEOFFREY enters and attempts to strangle her, but she is awak- ened by the considerateforethought of a dumb woman, who loudly calls her, and GEOFFREY conveniently lies down and dies of paralysis. All the rest of the dramatis personce enter, and indulge in exclamations of joy. The curtain falls for the last time, and STOEPEL is removed under the protection of a strong platoon of policemen, to the secret abode where DALY keeps him hidden during the day from the wrath of an outraged public. And the undersigned goes home to breakfastit being now nearly 6 A. M.refiecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the sce- nery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the or- chestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL transform each entr acte at your theatre into a prolonged purgatory, by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable music, for the most intolerable periods of time? MATADOR. L. N. III PRUSSIA. Yes, I am quite upset; In fact, Im dizzy yet With all that rapid riding, day and night; But still, two things I see; Theyve made an end of Me, And blown the Empire higher than a kite! Yes, here I am, at2last And all my dreams are past. didnt think to enter Prussia thus! Confound that Vorwarts man! When first the war began He seemed as logy as an omnibus. Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise! The same in every place, eh? How these big Germans love an ugly stench! My! what a taste theyve got For articles that rot; And can it be, they live so near the French? Im in a pretty nest! And, worse than all the rest, Is thinking how I got here; theres the rub. When I have mused awhile On all my luck, so vile, I almost wish theyd hit me with a club! Its very well to say Imight have won the day, If things had only gone this way or that; I should have made them go, And let these Germans know That they must go, too! or be cut down flat. They didnt go, it seems; Except twas in my dreams! And, consequently, I must bid good bye To titles, power and state, - Which I enjoyed of late, And curse my dismal fatepoor Louis and I! THE PLYMOUTH ROCK. The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand of society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one to believe that Mr. Puiscim~r~o does not like a little fresh air. And surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no ones social standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so thought Mr. P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he would hurry up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on Col. FIsKs steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of puns de- tained him so long that he found that he would not be able to reach the 11 A.lVt. boat without h~ made unusual haste. Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, and ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the Plymouth Rock. When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. rubbed his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang hastily out. But what a sight met his gaze! Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the horses in a position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a huge un- symmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of Cape Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him to Jom~ CAx~vERs old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAa~u~s FIsK Jr.s steamboat at Pier 28, North River. Theres the rock, yer honor, said the man, pointing to the mis- shapen stone, and an awful time Ive had a drivin yer honor to it. How long have you been, coming here ? asked the astounded Mr. P. Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I could, hopin to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, but I had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and its no use me whippin up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the Centhral Park on the Sunday. And how much do I owe you for all this ? asked Mr. P. Well, sir, said the man, I wont charge your honor nothin for the feed and my victuals, for Id hadto have found them if yer hadnt a hired me; and Ill only charge ye three dollars a hour, for sure yer honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate as an infant all the time, and thatll be jist two hundred and four dollars, and

6 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. think that youve married me by Scotch law, without having meant it. IC so, youll have to go to America and see BEEc~m~ about a divorce. ((Jirtain subsequently falls, and STOEPEII orders the big drum to beat for an hour, while the musicians take advantage of the noise to tune their instruments. Deaf old gentleman remarks again that he does like WAGNERS music. Half the audience hold their ears, while the other half flee madly away until the entracte is over. ACT III.GBOFFREY boxes with his trainer, and slings Indian clubs and wooden dumb-bells. GEOFFREY. There! Thank heaven I didnt break anything. The scenery, the footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the week is out, however, if this prize-ring business isnt cut out. Here comes ARNOLD. ARNOLD. Hows Miss SYLVESTER ? GEOFFREY. If you say anything more about her, ril put a head on you. Shes your wife. Youre a married man. ARNOLD. Married! You infamous editor of a two cent daily paper; I deny it. (Curtain again falls, and STOEPEL plays the entire opera of ERNANIfor two hours. Deaf old gentleman remarks that music is the SToE- Pri entertainment at this theatre, and that he really likes it. The rest of the audience look at him with horror, as though he were a sort of aggravated and superfluous cannibal.) ACT IV.Sir PATRICK proves that GEOFFREY is married to ANNIE, and that ARNOLD isnt. GEOFFREY lakes his weeping wife home with him. Everybody finds out that GEOFFREY is an enormo~us liar and an unmitiga- ted blackguard. Through the open windows are seen the editors of the Sun and the J]ree Press, each determined to be the first to offer GEOF- FREY a place on the staff of his respective journal. The curtain falls and STOEPEL directs each member of the orchestra to play the tune that he may like best. After three hours qf this sort of thing a humane per- son in the audience brings in a saw and begins to file it. The rest of the audience are thereupon gently killed to sleep by the music of the fileso soft and soothing does it sound by contrast with STOEPELS demoniac or- chestra. ACT Y.ANEIE, in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk dress with lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, and without taking her hair downthis being the well-known custom among fashionably dressed girls. GEOFFREY enters and attempts to strangle her, but she is awak- ened by the considerateforethought of a dumb woman, who loudly calls her, and GEOFFREY conveniently lies down and dies of paralysis. All the rest of the dramatis personce enter, and indulge in exclamations of joy. The curtain falls for the last time, and STOEPEL is removed under the protection of a strong platoon of policemen, to the secret abode where DALY keeps him hidden during the day from the wrath of an outraged public. And the undersigned goes home to breakfastit being now nearly 6 A. M.refiecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the sce- nery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the or- chestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL transform each entr acte at your theatre into a prolonged purgatory, by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable music, for the most intolerable periods of time? MATADOR. L. N. III PRUSSIA. Yes, I am quite upset; In fact, Im dizzy yet With all that rapid riding, day and night; But still, two things I see; Theyve made an end of Me, And blown the Empire higher than a kite! Yes, here I am, at2last And all my dreams are past. didnt think to enter Prussia thus! Confound that Vorwarts man! When first the war began He seemed as logy as an omnibus. Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise! The same in every place, eh? How these big Germans love an ugly stench! My! what a taste theyve got For articles that rot; And can it be, they live so near the French? Im in a pretty nest! And, worse than all the rest, Is thinking how I got here; theres the rub. When I have mused awhile On all my luck, so vile, I almost wish theyd hit me with a club! Its very well to say Imight have won the day, If things had only gone this way or that; I should have made them go, And let these Germans know That they must go, too! or be cut down flat. They didnt go, it seems; Except twas in my dreams! And, consequently, I must bid good bye To titles, power and state, - Which I enjoyed of late, And curse my dismal fatepoor Louis and I! THE PLYMOUTH ROCK. The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand of society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one to believe that Mr. Puiscim~r~o does not like a little fresh air. And surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no ones social standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so thought Mr. P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he would hurry up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on Col. FIsKs steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of puns de- tained him so long that he found that he would not be able to reach the 11 A.lVt. boat without h~ made unusual haste. Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, and ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the Plymouth Rock. When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. rubbed his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang hastily out. But what a sight met his gaze! Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the horses in a position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a huge un- symmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of Cape Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him to Jom~ CAx~vERs old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAa~u~s FIsK Jr.s steamboat at Pier 28, North River. Theres the rock, yer honor, said the man, pointing to the mis- shapen stone, and an awful time Ive had a drivin yer honor to it. How long have you been, coming here ? asked the astounded Mr. P. Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I could, hopin to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, but I had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and its no use me whippin up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the Centhral Park on the Sunday. And how much do I owe you for all this ? asked Mr. P. Well, sir, said the man, I wont charge your honor nothin for the feed and my victuals, for Id hadto have found them if yer hadnt a hired me; and Ill only charge ye three dollars a hour, for sure yer honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate as an infant all the time, and thatll be jist two hundred and four dollars, and OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 7 if yer honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer health, Id be obliged to yer honor. Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, and the rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars and twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and declared his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about forty miles away, and taking the railroad for New York. If I dont, ye see, yer honor, Ill never get back in time for the Sunday; and the horses will be restin in the cars. As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood and watched him until he slowly faded out of sight. When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the rock and reflected. Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen the rock before, and as it struck bim that p05- sibly some of his patrons might be in the same unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would take a few sketches of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very well. The first drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more like an ol~ woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be flames, than anything else. This surely was not a correct view of tbis famous rock, and so Mr. P. com- menced another sketch. This, how- ever, looked so much like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck to a rope, that he concluded to try ~gain. His next sketch bore a striking re- semblance to something that cer- tainly did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, he found to look very much like a shrink- ing Southern negro, forced into the ranks to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody might not be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it plainly. The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose con- nection with The Plymouth Rock has certainly been of more practi- cal benefit to the public than that of any of the old founders, or any- ~ -& -~ ~ body elseat least so far a~ Mr. P. can see. If any one doubts this, let him ask General GRANT. Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober and beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.s visit to Plymouth Rock was not made in vain. A LETTER FROM L. N. Dz~ PuNcnmmnr~o: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time hence, it should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of writing this letter, you will please understand that I wasnt there, at that moment, having bad a little business to transact with my good friend Wn~I~x& Rrs, of PRussIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the German States in the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who met me at Sedan, and received me warmly. Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, and all express regrets that I couldnt have come earlier in the season. They are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great German people, and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet theory of the soli- darity of nations. I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is nothing to call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I am getting weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my very good friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New York. Yes, dear PUNcHINELLO, greatest and best of Philosophers! expect to see me walking into your Sanctum one of these fine mornings,probably with my son Louxs,delighted to see you, and glad to turn my back on those scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and popular dress, could hardiy be expected to afford me much exhilaration. From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite gratuitous commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, however, will readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather be congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which for years has only tired my hand? I picture myself seated with my family on the heights atWeehawken, smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of nations as I watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than the Rhine, my friend, as wine is ~ner than lagerbier!) which I have often, in days gone by, admired and extolled by the hour. I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son the Prince of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the Inevitable. And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable that I was always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable Prussian. But I have faced much more terrible things. In your very city of Hoboken, I have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any one hence- forth doubt my fortitude? I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that reneontre. I have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. I am Gold-Plated. If your highiy-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict me in a counection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make a sketch entitled: The Two Exiles,one of whom may be my Uncle at St. Helena; the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of wine at my side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PrucHnrra~Lo in the other! But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the (d)evil thereof. Royally yours, L. N. Maxim for the next new President. A PLACE for everybody, and everybody in his place.

OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 7 if yer honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer health, Id be obliged to yer honor. Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, and the rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars and twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and declared his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about forty miles away, and taking the railroad for New York. If I dont, ye see, yer honor, Ill never get back in time for the Sunday; and the horses will be restin in the cars. As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood and watched him until he slowly faded out of sight. When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the rock and reflected. Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen the rock before, and as it struck bim that p05- sibly some of his patrons might be in the same unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would take a few sketches of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very well. The first drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more like an ol~ woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be flames, than anything else. This surely was not a correct view of tbis famous rock, and so Mr. P. com- menced another sketch. This, how- ever, looked so much like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck to a rope, that he concluded to try ~gain. His next sketch bore a striking re- semblance to something that cer- tainly did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, he found to look very much like a shrink- ing Southern negro, forced into the ranks to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody might not be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it plainly. The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose con- nection with The Plymouth Rock has certainly been of more practi- cal benefit to the public than that of any of the old founders, or any- ~ -& -~ ~ body elseat least so far a~ Mr. P. can see. If any one doubts this, let him ask General GRANT. Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober and beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.s visit to Plymouth Rock was not made in vain. A LETTER FROM L. N. Dz~ PuNcnmmnr~o: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time hence, it should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of writing this letter, you will please understand that I wasnt there, at that moment, having bad a little business to transact with my good friend Wn~I~x& Rrs, of PRussIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the German States in the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who met me at Sedan, and received me warmly. Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, and all express regrets that I couldnt have come earlier in the season. They are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great German people, and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet theory of the soli- darity of nations. I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is nothing to call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I am getting weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my very good friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New York. Yes, dear PUNcHINELLO, greatest and best of Philosophers! expect to see me walking into your Sanctum one of these fine mornings,probably with my son Louxs,delighted to see you, and glad to turn my back on those scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and popular dress, could hardiy be expected to afford me much exhilaration. From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite gratuitous commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, however, will readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather be congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which for years has only tired my hand? I picture myself seated with my family on the heights atWeehawken, smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of nations as I watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than the Rhine, my friend, as wine is ~ner than lagerbier!) which I have often, in days gone by, admired and extolled by the hour. I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son the Prince of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the Inevitable. And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable that I was always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable Prussian. But I have faced much more terrible things. In your very city of Hoboken, I have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any one hence- forth doubt my fortitude? I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that reneontre. I have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. I am Gold-Plated. If your highiy-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict me in a counection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make a sketch entitled: The Two Exiles,one of whom may be my Uncle at St. Helena; the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of wine at my side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PrucHnrra~Lo in the other! But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the (d)evil thereof. Royally yours, L. N. Maxim for the next new President. A PLACE for everybody, and everybody in his place.

OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 7 if yer honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer health, Id be obliged to yer honor. Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, and the rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars and twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and declared his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about forty miles away, and taking the railroad for New York. If I dont, ye see, yer honor, Ill never get back in time for the Sunday; and the horses will be restin in the cars. As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood and watched him until he slowly faded out of sight. When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the rock and reflected. Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen the rock before, and as it struck bim that p05- sibly some of his patrons might be in the same unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would take a few sketches of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very well. The first drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more like an ol~ woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be flames, than anything else. This surely was not a correct view of tbis famous rock, and so Mr. P. com- menced another sketch. This, how- ever, looked so much like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck to a rope, that he concluded to try ~gain. His next sketch bore a striking re- semblance to something that cer- tainly did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, he found to look very much like a shrink- ing Southern negro, forced into the ranks to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody might not be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it plainly. The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose con- nection with The Plymouth Rock has certainly been of more practi- cal benefit to the public than that of any of the old founders, or any- ~ -& -~ ~ body elseat least so far a~ Mr. P. can see. If any one doubts this, let him ask General GRANT. Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober and beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.s visit to Plymouth Rock was not made in vain. A LETTER FROM L. N. Dz~ PuNcnmmnr~o: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time hence, it should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of writing this letter, you will please understand that I wasnt there, at that moment, having bad a little business to transact with my good friend Wn~I~x& Rrs, of PRussIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the German States in the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who met me at Sedan, and received me warmly. Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, and all express regrets that I couldnt have come earlier in the season. They are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great German people, and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet theory of the soli- darity of nations. I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is nothing to call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I am getting weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my very good friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New York. Yes, dear PUNcHINELLO, greatest and best of Philosophers! expect to see me walking into your Sanctum one of these fine mornings,probably with my son Louxs,delighted to see you, and glad to turn my back on those scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and popular dress, could hardiy be expected to afford me much exhilaration. From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite gratuitous commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, however, will readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather be congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which for years has only tired my hand? I picture myself seated with my family on the heights atWeehawken, smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of nations as I watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than the Rhine, my friend, as wine is ~ner than lagerbier!) which I have often, in days gone by, admired and extolled by the hour. I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son the Prince of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the Inevitable. And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable that I was always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable Prussian. But I have faced much more terrible things. In your very city of Hoboken, I have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any one hence- forth doubt my fortitude? I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that reneontre. I have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. I am Gold-Plated. If your highiy-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict me in a counection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make a sketch entitled: The Two Exiles,one of whom may be my Uncle at St. Helena; the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of wine at my side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PrucHnrra~Lo in the other! But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the (d)evil thereof. Royally yours, L. N. Maxim for the next new President. A PLACE for everybody, and everybody in his place. PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. Cousin Bella, (admiring picture.) How is IT, FRED, TEAT YOU ~aoDUcn SUCH LOVELY COLOR, AND WITH SO MITCH FAcILITY 2 Fred, (thinking of his meerschaum.) I DONT TELL EVERYBODY THAT, You INQUISITIVE TEASE, BUT FACT IS, I PUT THE 5TUMP OF AN OLD PAINT-BRUSH IN THE BOWL, AND SMOKE THE OILIEST ToBAcco I CAN FIND. THE BATTLE AT SEDAN. Special ColTeepoaa,nce of Punchinello. (This paper is the only paper on the planet which has a corre- spondent at the seat of war, wherever that seat may be. The following dispatch was sent to us by cable at a total expense of $21,000.) It was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing through the sky; the river was running water; the clouds were cloudy; the soldiers were soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and tumbled over VON MOLYFE. He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown Prince. MOLTY, said I, whats your little game? Penny ante, replied he. Tr~s bien, added I. You are a French spy. Ha! ha ! said he, grasping my collar. Ho! Ho! Das ish goot, added I. Then youre Dutch, sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of tongs. In the tent we found the King, the Crown Prince, Gen. STEINMETZ, Gen. SHERIDAN, and Gen. FORsYTH. 1VEoLLY, said I, introduce me to the King.~~ BraL, said he, this is JENKINs. Bxr.L held out his foot and I took a suck at his great toe. Then we went at the game. Bni~ is pretty good at it, but then he doesnt stand any chance beside MOLTY. The Crown Prince lost at least fourteen cents, and, just as he had a splendid opportunity to retrieve his losses,, in came an aide, who announced that the French had squatted. Where ? cried VoN MOLTKH. In Sedan, replied the aide. I knew it, said MOLTY. Bui, I told you they had no horses for a regular carriage. Then we went out. The King invited me to sit in his carriage with MOLTY and SHERIDAN. We reached the scene of war. The moon shone; the mountains were mountainous; the trees were treey; and the soft September breeze was breezy. BIsRulicK came up and asked the King to let him cut behind. Bis, said I, take my seat; Ill take a trip to the Freiich camp. So I tripped over to the French camp and found things somewhat mixed. The moon shone. Steadily the Prussian troops advanced; and, with a heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor wanted to die in the rear of his men. NAP, said I, youd better get up and get. The Prussians are coming. JENKINS, said he, kiss me for my mother, Im betrayed. Why didnt you have more cheesepots ? said L Ill surrender, said he, get out a white flag. So I took one of EUGENIES old pocket-handkerchiefs which I found in the tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the nephew of his uncle, put NAP in the carriage, jumped in myself and drove to the Prussian camp. The moon shone; all nature smiled; the rivers were rivery; the Sedans were chairy. BILL received us very coolly at first, but I gave BIs the wink, and he suggested to his Majesty that hed better take the Em NAP, said BILL, is the game up peror prisoner. BILI~, said NAP, youve scored the game. I leave my old clothes to the Regent. I hope shell like the breeches. Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our game of penny ante. NAI wouldnt join us. He said hed just been playing a game with crowns ante and he was busted. Wed hardly got the cards dealt, when BILL turned to BIS1~wicK and asked, I say, Bis, wont you run over and telegraph to the old woman something about our FRITZ 2 Let JENKINS go, said BIs. Of course I assented to the proposition. Where the devil is FRITZ ? said Bni~ Oh, hes been sleeping for the last two hours, said MOLTKE. Never mind, said BILL, telegraph a victory by FRITZ. So I telegraphed, A great victory has been won by our Fnrrz. What great things have we done for ourselves! Well keep it up, old woman. (Signed) BILL. When I reached the tent everybody was asleep. NAP was reclining gracefully on the breast of BISMAIiCK, as affectionately as if they were brothers-in-law. The moon shone; the sky was skyey; the hills were hilly; and all nature was getting up. Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies, wickediy, maliciously lies, with intent to deceive. As soon as JACK SiriTHs smack sails, Ill send you a piece of the cable it came over. 8 ON COLOR.

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. Cousin Bella, (admiring picture.) How is IT, FRED, TEAT YOU ~aoDUcn SUCH LOVELY COLOR, AND WITH SO MITCH FAcILITY 2 Fred, (thinking of his meerschaum.) I DONT TELL EVERYBODY THAT, You INQUISITIVE TEASE, BUT FACT IS, I PUT THE 5TUMP OF AN OLD PAINT-BRUSH IN THE BOWL, AND SMOKE THE OILIEST ToBAcco I CAN FIND. THE BATTLE AT SEDAN. Special ColTeepoaa,nce of Punchinello. (This paper is the only paper on the planet which has a corre- spondent at the seat of war, wherever that seat may be. The following dispatch was sent to us by cable at a total expense of $21,000.) It was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing through the sky; the river was running water; the clouds were cloudy; the soldiers were soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and tumbled over VON MOLYFE. He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown Prince. MOLTY, said I, whats your little game? Penny ante, replied he. Tr~s bien, added I. You are a French spy. Ha! ha ! said he, grasping my collar. Ho! Ho! Das ish goot, added I. Then youre Dutch, sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of tongs. In the tent we found the King, the Crown Prince, Gen. STEINMETZ, Gen. SHERIDAN, and Gen. FORsYTH. 1VEoLLY, said I, introduce me to the King.~~ BraL, said he, this is JENKINs. Bxr.L held out his foot and I took a suck at his great toe. Then we went at the game. Bni~ is pretty good at it, but then he doesnt stand any chance beside MOLTY. The Crown Prince lost at least fourteen cents, and, just as he had a splendid opportunity to retrieve his losses,, in came an aide, who announced that the French had squatted. Where ? cried VoN MOLTKH. In Sedan, replied the aide. I knew it, said MOLTY. Bui, I told you they had no horses for a regular carriage. Then we went out. The King invited me to sit in his carriage with MOLTY and SHERIDAN. We reached the scene of war. The moon shone; the mountains were mountainous; the trees were treey; and the soft September breeze was breezy. BIsRulicK came up and asked the King to let him cut behind. Bis, said I, take my seat; Ill take a trip to the Freiich camp. So I tripped over to the French camp and found things somewhat mixed. The moon shone. Steadily the Prussian troops advanced; and, with a heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor wanted to die in the rear of his men. NAP, said I, youd better get up and get. The Prussians are coming. JENKINS, said he, kiss me for my mother, Im betrayed. Why didnt you have more cheesepots ? said L Ill surrender, said he, get out a white flag. So I took one of EUGENIES old pocket-handkerchiefs which I found in the tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the nephew of his uncle, put NAP in the carriage, jumped in myself and drove to the Prussian camp. The moon shone; all nature smiled; the rivers were rivery; the Sedans were chairy. BILL received us very coolly at first, but I gave BIs the wink, and he suggested to his Majesty that hed better take the Em NAP, said BILL, is the game up peror prisoner. BILI~, said NAP, youve scored the game. I leave my old clothes to the Regent. I hope shell like the breeches. Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our game of penny ante. NAI wouldnt join us. He said hed just been playing a game with crowns ante and he was busted. Wed hardly got the cards dealt, when BILL turned to BIS1~wicK and asked, I say, Bis, wont you run over and telegraph to the old woman something about our FRITZ 2 Let JENKINS go, said BIs. Of course I assented to the proposition. Where the devil is FRITZ ? said Bni~ Oh, hes been sleeping for the last two hours, said MOLTKE. Never mind, said BILL, telegraph a victory by FRITZ. So I telegraphed, A great victory has been won by our Fnrrz. What great things have we done for ourselves! Well keep it up, old woman. (Signed) BILL. When I reached the tent everybody was asleep. NAP was reclining gracefully on the breast of BISMAIiCK, as affectionately as if they were brothers-in-law. The moon shone; the sky was skyey; the hills were hilly; and all nature was getting up. Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies, wickediy, maliciously lies, with intent to deceive. As soon as JACK SiriTHs smack sails, Ill send you a piece of the cable it came over. 8 ON COLOR. OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHJNELLO. ci t-I H tri ci H N 0 H N 0 V r w 9 J N OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 11 HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM. He Review, the C~a.eea. or a Luaatic.A Graduate with nice Ideas. KING WILYAX, Most noble Loonatic: We gates all der while I Accordin to the Marine Cable, I understand youve given old BONEr a slosh on der cope mit der Sweitzer case; or in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON has taken his Umpire, and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit of Judge or Jewry. I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the Um- pire tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in his panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his nabors. Ive allers beard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the French say you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, Be he Jost or Gobler darned, to cote from our friend Bna~r SHAKE5PEEE. We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, moren once. If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can wallop his wife to his hearts content; and if anybody interferes, he can popp him off with a six shooter, anl the Jaw will stand to his back. Judges and Jewrys, when tryin such a man, think he is sum punkins, while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated Loonatics fotograf onto their first page. I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the melon-colic, (this beia the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of the pro temper kind? I shouldent wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited it from your illustrous Antsiste~, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about as sassy a Loonatic as you can pick up. What we need just now, and what we have needed for a good while, is a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as minister. With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them ere little Alabarmy claims would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this court knows herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent off howlin, with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage. You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they are the Coming man, the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers cant hold a candle to em. When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if theyd bust their biler tryin, then he is sot down as bein crazy as a loon by his jelous nabors. I havent heard whether BzsMnixs or Fnrrzs upper storys were shaky, or not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but what both of these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FnAilwis TRAIN any day; and that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin tragic attitoods, and repeatin the follerin well known verses: lam not mad! I am not mad! But only on my mussle. Old NAPd been glad If he and king dad Had never got into a tussle. My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose son was so bully at pickin up bullocks, is to congratulate you. Speakin after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. Havin served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can rely on my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no re- peal to a higher court. What do you think of my startin a college here for the purpus of eclicatin Loonatics? Weve got 3 colliges here, Harvard, Ale, and the Electoral College, and a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions some- times turns out, would make you sick to your stomack to look at. Stugents areturned out from these asilums with pooty ristocratick idees into their nozzles. I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these institutions of laming. He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin. When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the funeral, so he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the corpse to wear, doorin the funeral services. Thinks I, that was shovin a good thing rather too deep in the ground, merely for the sake of pilin on the agony. However, thats the way of the world; larnin will stick out, and you cant stop her. That son of yourn, Fnrrz, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer. If he haint in that precarious situation which SAI~v F. NORTON calls mummery, and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good honest folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he mite go further and fare a site wnsser, than to come over here and ex- amine my stock of risin feminine gi~ders. Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who understands her biz as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her gals wont be troubled to death by keepin a cook to boss em around. Doom the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin in the sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, M& nmiis biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal to the way a big dinner at Dm~MOiqIcOs, N. Y., will flop over a New York Alderman. The surest way of gettin round a public man, is via his stomack. Like ALAnnes lamp, you can By merely givin a rub, Bring around most any man, By film him up with grub. But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose quil, and go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter let me speak a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq. Deal gently with him. Altho he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, recollect the old maxum: Never bute a feller when he is down. France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIs done for em. But he has gone to the shades, and SHAXSPEER aptly says: The evil which men do, Lives a darn site longer than The evil they dont do. Which sentiment shode that old SHAxE was a hulsail dealer in human nater. Hopin that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit your poor relations, sich as mothers-in-law and the like, and when they come to visit you, you wont say: Nix cum arous, I will dry up. Ewers anon, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece, THE LOVERS. In Different Moods and Teases. SALLY SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught, And her friend, CiIARu~v CHURCH, was a preacher, who praught; Though his enemies called him a screecher, who scraught. His heart, when he saw her, kept sinking, and sunk, And his eye, meeting hers, began winking, and wunk; While she, in her turn, fell to thinking, and thunk. He hastened to woo her, and sweetly he wooed, For his love grew until to a mountain it gxewed, And what he was longing to do, then he doed. In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke, To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke; So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke. He asked her to ride to the church, and they rode; They so sweetly did glide, that they both thought they glode, And they came to the place to be tied, and were tode. Then homeward he said let us drive, and they drove, And soon as they wished to arrive, they arrove; For whatever he couldnt contrive, she controve. The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole, At the feet where he wanted to kneel, there he knole, And he said, I feel better than ever I fole. So they to each other kept clinging, and clung, While Time his swift circuit was winging, and wung; And this was the thing he was bringing, and brung. The man SALLY wanted to catch, and had caught That she wanted from others to snatch, and had snaught~ Was the one that ske now liked to scratch, and she scraught. And Ciwii~rs warm love began freezing, and froze, While he took to teasing, and cruelly toze The girl he had wished to be squeezing, and squoze. Wretch ! he cried when she threatened to leave him, and left, How could you deceive me, as you have deceft ? And she answered, I promised to cleave, and Ive cleft 1 AMos KERTER.

OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 11 HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM. He Review, the C~a.eea. or a Luaatic.A Graduate with nice Ideas. KING WILYAX, Most noble Loonatic: We gates all der while I Accordin to the Marine Cable, I understand youve given old BONEr a slosh on der cope mit der Sweitzer case; or in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON has taken his Umpire, and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit of Judge or Jewry. I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the Um- pire tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in his panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his nabors. Ive allers beard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the French say you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, Be he Jost or Gobler darned, to cote from our friend Bna~r SHAKE5PEEE. We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, moren once. If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can wallop his wife to his hearts content; and if anybody interferes, he can popp him off with a six shooter, anl the Jaw will stand to his back. Judges and Jewrys, when tryin such a man, think he is sum punkins, while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated Loonatics fotograf onto their first page. I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the melon-colic, (this beia the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of the pro temper kind? I shouldent wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited it from your illustrous Antsiste~, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about as sassy a Loonatic as you can pick up. What we need just now, and what we have needed for a good while, is a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as minister. With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them ere little Alabarmy claims would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this court knows herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent off howlin, with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage. You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they are the Coming man, the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers cant hold a candle to em. When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if theyd bust their biler tryin, then he is sot down as bein crazy as a loon by his jelous nabors. I havent heard whether BzsMnixs or Fnrrzs upper storys were shaky, or not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but what both of these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FnAilwis TRAIN any day; and that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin tragic attitoods, and repeatin the follerin well known verses: lam not mad! I am not mad! But only on my mussle. Old NAPd been glad If he and king dad Had never got into a tussle. My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose son was so bully at pickin up bullocks, is to congratulate you. Speakin after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. Havin served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can rely on my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no re- peal to a higher court. What do you think of my startin a college here for the purpus of eclicatin Loonatics? Weve got 3 colliges here, Harvard, Ale, and the Electoral College, and a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions some- times turns out, would make you sick to your stomack to look at. Stugents areturned out from these asilums with pooty ristocratick idees into their nozzles. I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these institutions of laming. He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin. When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the funeral, so he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the corpse to wear, doorin the funeral services. Thinks I, that was shovin a good thing rather too deep in the ground, merely for the sake of pilin on the agony. However, thats the way of the world; larnin will stick out, and you cant stop her. That son of yourn, Fnrrz, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer. If he haint in that precarious situation which SAI~v F. NORTON calls mummery, and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good honest folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he mite go further and fare a site wnsser, than to come over here and ex- amine my stock of risin feminine gi~ders. Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who understands her biz as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her gals wont be troubled to death by keepin a cook to boss em around. Doom the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin in the sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, M& nmiis biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal to the way a big dinner at Dm~MOiqIcOs, N. Y., will flop over a New York Alderman. The surest way of gettin round a public man, is via his stomack. Like ALAnnes lamp, you can By merely givin a rub, Bring around most any man, By film him up with grub. But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose quil, and go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter let me speak a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq. Deal gently with him. Altho he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, recollect the old maxum: Never bute a feller when he is down. France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIs done for em. But he has gone to the shades, and SHAXSPEER aptly says: The evil which men do, Lives a darn site longer than The evil they dont do. Which sentiment shode that old SHAxE was a hulsail dealer in human nater. Hopin that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit your poor relations, sich as mothers-in-law and the like, and when they come to visit you, you wont say: Nix cum arous, I will dry up. Ewers anon, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece, THE LOVERS. In Different Moods and Teases. SALLY SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught, And her friend, CiIARu~v CHURCH, was a preacher, who praught; Though his enemies called him a screecher, who scraught. His heart, when he saw her, kept sinking, and sunk, And his eye, meeting hers, began winking, and wunk; While she, in her turn, fell to thinking, and thunk. He hastened to woo her, and sweetly he wooed, For his love grew until to a mountain it gxewed, And what he was longing to do, then he doed. In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke, To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke; So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke. He asked her to ride to the church, and they rode; They so sweetly did glide, that they both thought they glode, And they came to the place to be tied, and were tode. Then homeward he said let us drive, and they drove, And soon as they wished to arrive, they arrove; For whatever he couldnt contrive, she controve. The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole, At the feet where he wanted to kneel, there he knole, And he said, I feel better than ever I fole. So they to each other kept clinging, and clung, While Time his swift circuit was winging, and wung; And this was the thing he was bringing, and brung. The man SALLY wanted to catch, and had caught That she wanted from others to snatch, and had snaught~ Was the one that ske now liked to scratch, and she scraught. And Ciwii~rs warm love began freezing, and froze, While he took to teasing, and cruelly toze The girl he had wished to be squeezing, and squoze. Wretch ! he cried when she threatened to leave him, and left, How could you deceive me, as you have deceft ? And she answered, I promised to cleave, and Ive cleft 1 AMos KERTER.

OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 11 HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM. He Review, the C~a.eea. or a Luaatic.A Graduate with nice Ideas. KING WILYAX, Most noble Loonatic: We gates all der while I Accordin to the Marine Cable, I understand youve given old BONEr a slosh on der cope mit der Sweitzer case; or in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON has taken his Umpire, and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit of Judge or Jewry. I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the Um- pire tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in his panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his nabors. Ive allers beard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the French say you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, Be he Jost or Gobler darned, to cote from our friend Bna~r SHAKE5PEEE. We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, moren once. If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can wallop his wife to his hearts content; and if anybody interferes, he can popp him off with a six shooter, anl the Jaw will stand to his back. Judges and Jewrys, when tryin such a man, think he is sum punkins, while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated Loonatics fotograf onto their first page. I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the melon-colic, (this beia the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of the pro temper kind? I shouldent wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited it from your illustrous Antsiste~, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about as sassy a Loonatic as you can pick up. What we need just now, and what we have needed for a good while, is a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as minister. With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them ere little Alabarmy claims would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this court knows herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent off howlin, with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage. You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they are the Coming man, the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers cant hold a candle to em. When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if theyd bust their biler tryin, then he is sot down as bein crazy as a loon by his jelous nabors. I havent heard whether BzsMnixs or Fnrrzs upper storys were shaky, or not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but what both of these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FnAilwis TRAIN any day; and that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin tragic attitoods, and repeatin the follerin well known verses: lam not mad! I am not mad! But only on my mussle. Old NAPd been glad If he and king dad Had never got into a tussle. My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose son was so bully at pickin up bullocks, is to congratulate you. Speakin after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. Havin served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can rely on my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no re- peal to a higher court. What do you think of my startin a college here for the purpus of eclicatin Loonatics? Weve got 3 colliges here, Harvard, Ale, and the Electoral College, and a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions some- times turns out, would make you sick to your stomack to look at. Stugents areturned out from these asilums with pooty ristocratick idees into their nozzles. I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these institutions of laming. He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin. When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the funeral, so he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the corpse to wear, doorin the funeral services. Thinks I, that was shovin a good thing rather too deep in the ground, merely for the sake of pilin on the agony. However, thats the way of the world; larnin will stick out, and you cant stop her. That son of yourn, Fnrrz, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer. If he haint in that precarious situation which SAI~v F. NORTON calls mummery, and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good honest folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he mite go further and fare a site wnsser, than to come over here and ex- amine my stock of risin feminine gi~ders. Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who understands her biz as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her gals wont be troubled to death by keepin a cook to boss em around. Doom the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin in the sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, M& nmiis biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal to the way a big dinner at Dm~MOiqIcOs, N. Y., will flop over a New York Alderman. The surest way of gettin round a public man, is via his stomack. Like ALAnnes lamp, you can By merely givin a rub, Bring around most any man, By film him up with grub. But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose quil, and go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter let me speak a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq. Deal gently with him. Altho he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, recollect the old maxum: Never bute a feller when he is down. France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIs done for em. But he has gone to the shades, and SHAXSPEER aptly says: The evil which men do, Lives a darn site longer than The evil they dont do. Which sentiment shode that old SHAxE was a hulsail dealer in human nater. Hopin that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit your poor relations, sich as mothers-in-law and the like, and when they come to visit you, you wont say: Nix cum arous, I will dry up. Ewers anon, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece, THE LOVERS. In Different Moods and Teases. SALLY SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught, And her friend, CiIARu~v CHURCH, was a preacher, who praught; Though his enemies called him a screecher, who scraught. His heart, when he saw her, kept sinking, and sunk, And his eye, meeting hers, began winking, and wunk; While she, in her turn, fell to thinking, and thunk. He hastened to woo her, and sweetly he wooed, For his love grew until to a mountain it gxewed, And what he was longing to do, then he doed. In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke, To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke; So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke. He asked her to ride to the church, and they rode; They so sweetly did glide, that they both thought they glode, And they came to the place to be tied, and were tode. Then homeward he said let us drive, and they drove, And soon as they wished to arrive, they arrove; For whatever he couldnt contrive, she controve. The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole, At the feet where he wanted to kneel, there he knole, And he said, I feel better than ever I fole. So they to each other kept clinging, and clung, While Time his swift circuit was winging, and wung; And this was the thing he was bringing, and brung. The man SALLY wanted to catch, and had caught That she wanted from others to snatch, and had snaught~ Was the one that ske now liked to scratch, and she scraught. And Ciwii~rs warm love began freezing, and froze, While he took to teasing, and cruelly toze The girl he had wished to be squeezing, and squoze. Wretch ! he cried when she threatened to leave him, and left, How could you deceive me, as you have deceft ? And she answered, I promised to cleave, and Ive cleft 1 AMos KERTER. 12 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. N ___ -~ - -717W zi - mx THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO VII. LoM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole aPig, and away he run; The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat, And TOM went roaring down the street. The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great excitement in the period in which it occurred, although at the present date it would not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest ripple on the glassy calm of our most sleepy village. We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little peccadillo such as the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a purse, unless it contains a large amount, and was taken under the most aggravating circumstances from ourselves. A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect hundreds of people, or a midnight murder executed wilh the malignancy of a fiend, will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even that soon passes out of mind, and society settles back into its imperturbable apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still further, and be- coming by degrees proof against being stirred by anything that does not affect ourselves personally. Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the as- tounding temerity of the Pipers son, in laying felonious hands on the property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days. Poor Tow was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for although he was the one who committed the crime, he was not the only one who reaped a benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells us, he was the only one who was puni~shed therefor; so, while we blame him, let us shed a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, the others the eating. The scene is graphically described thusly TOM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole a pig, and away he run. Here we see Tore, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, listen- ing to the witching strains of his fathers bagpipe, played by the in- dustrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, with the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat that both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its day and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought to bear upon it, Tores eyes, roving around from window to door, happen to light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for human rights~ Alas! Tore is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the fascinating pig, and ha doesnt know how strong his princi- ples are, nor how far he will go to maintain them. He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, the desire to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it as a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it tightly in his hands, and skedaddles. The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of piggy is unjpticed till the red-headed urchin whose play- mate it is looks around for the loved companiou of his child- ish sports, and finds it not. Great research, amid loud out- cries, is made, resulting only in the conviction that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace behind. Tore, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize. Visions ofalu~cious supper float through the mind of the female piperess, as she bestows her motherly benedictionupon her thoughtful son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned lesson of cooking a sucking pig. Having accomplished the First get your pig part, the rest comes easy; and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories are saluted with an odor that startles him from his generally despondent mood, and awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an unusual flavor from his usually flavor- less abode. He enters and finds a smiling wife and son, with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. What next occurred the Poet tells us in the laconic words The pig was eat. There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the fact was enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, and this happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They couldnt eat them, and they didnt own a dog; so they picked them clean and threw them away. But, Murder will out, and the tiny bones tok their own tale. The village detective soon coupled the fact of the miss. ing pig with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the door of the musicians abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to the detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a pigs bonesa stolen pigs bones, from the fact that the Piper did not earn enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole the sucking-pig? Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to have any light-fingered proclivities. Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe and could prove an alibi. There was no one left but ToM. Circumstances pointed him out: he loved good eating and hated work, and had beennoticed gazing upon the charms of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. Tore was the thief, and the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too uncertain and expensive, Tore was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was resolved to take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells us TOM was boat. Undoubtedly Tore was glad when they got through, and although he Went roaring down the street, it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach pumps in those days. Sceae.A City Restaurant. Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast.) Anything more, sir ? Customer. Hmwellyes; bring me an omelette souffle~e. Waiter. Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessrr. (Rkit, humming the popular tune.) Ilninteutioaaily Appropriate. The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and then in- nocently requests the False Reporting Tribune to copy it! A Pnzrrx IDEA or Mn. VAn ThrmznnAre: Hz rAxns urs rounesrxa our ron A sAIL, THUS, AND 5A~Z5 mx ETFENSE OP A BOAT.

12 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. N ___ -~ - -717W zi - mx THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO VII. LoM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole aPig, and away he run; The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat, And TOM went roaring down the street. The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great excitement in the period in which it occurred, although at the present date it would not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest ripple on the glassy calm of our most sleepy village. We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little peccadillo such as the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a purse, unless it contains a large amount, and was taken under the most aggravating circumstances from ourselves. A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect hundreds of people, or a midnight murder executed wilh the malignancy of a fiend, will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even that soon passes out of mind, and society settles back into its imperturbable apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still further, and be- coming by degrees proof against being stirred by anything that does not affect ourselves personally. Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the as- tounding temerity of the Pipers son, in laying felonious hands on the property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days. Poor Tow was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for although he was the one who committed the crime, he was not the only one who reaped a benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells us, he was the only one who was puni~shed therefor; so, while we blame him, let us shed a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, the others the eating. The scene is graphically described thusly TOM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole a pig, and away he run. Here we see Tore, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, listen- ing to the witching strains of his fathers bagpipe, played by the in- dustrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, with the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat that both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its day and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought to bear upon it, Tores eyes, roving around from window to door, happen to light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for human rights~ Alas! Tore is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the fascinating pig, and ha doesnt know how strong his princi- ples are, nor how far he will go to maintain them. He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, the desire to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it as a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it tightly in his hands, and skedaddles. The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of piggy is unjpticed till the red-headed urchin whose play- mate it is looks around for the loved companiou of his child- ish sports, and finds it not. Great research, amid loud out- cries, is made, resulting only in the conviction that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace behind. Tore, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize. Visions ofalu~cious supper float through the mind of the female piperess, as she bestows her motherly benedictionupon her thoughtful son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned lesson of cooking a sucking pig. Having accomplished the First get your pig part, the rest comes easy; and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories are saluted with an odor that startles him from his generally despondent mood, and awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an unusual flavor from his usually flavor- less abode. He enters and finds a smiling wife and son, with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. What next occurred the Poet tells us in the laconic words The pig was eat. There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the fact was enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, and this happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They couldnt eat them, and they didnt own a dog; so they picked them clean and threw them away. But, Murder will out, and the tiny bones tok their own tale. The village detective soon coupled the fact of the miss. ing pig with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the door of the musicians abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to the detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a pigs bonesa stolen pigs bones, from the fact that the Piper did not earn enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole the sucking-pig? Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to have any light-fingered proclivities. Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe and could prove an alibi. There was no one left but ToM. Circumstances pointed him out: he loved good eating and hated work, and had beennoticed gazing upon the charms of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. Tore was the thief, and the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too uncertain and expensive, Tore was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was resolved to take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells us TOM was boat. Undoubtedly Tore was glad when they got through, and although he Went roaring down the street, it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach pumps in those days. Sceae.A City Restaurant. Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast.) Anything more, sir ? Customer. Hmwellyes; bring me an omelette souffle~e. Waiter. Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessrr. (Rkit, humming the popular tune.) Ilninteutioaaily Appropriate. The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and then in- nocently requests the False Reporting Tribune to copy it! A Pnzrrx IDEA or Mn. VAn ThrmznnAre: Hz rAxns urs rounesrxa our ron A sAIL, THUS, AND 5A~Z5 mx ETFENSE OP A BOAT.

12 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. N ___ -~ - -717W zi - mx THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO VII. LoM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole aPig, and away he run; The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat, And TOM went roaring down the street. The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great excitement in the period in which it occurred, although at the present date it would not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest ripple on the glassy calm of our most sleepy village. We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little peccadillo such as the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a purse, unless it contains a large amount, and was taken under the most aggravating circumstances from ourselves. A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect hundreds of people, or a midnight murder executed wilh the malignancy of a fiend, will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even that soon passes out of mind, and society settles back into its imperturbable apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still further, and be- coming by degrees proof against being stirred by anything that does not affect ourselves personally. Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the as- tounding temerity of the Pipers son, in laying felonious hands on the property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days. Poor Tow was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for although he was the one who committed the crime, he was not the only one who reaped a benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells us, he was the only one who was puni~shed therefor; so, while we blame him, let us shed a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, the others the eating. The scene is graphically described thusly TOM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole a pig, and away he run. Here we see Tore, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, listen- ing to the witching strains of his fathers bagpipe, played by the in- dustrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, with the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat that both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its day and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought to bear upon it, Tores eyes, roving around from window to door, happen to light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for human rights~ Alas! Tore is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the fascinating pig, and ha doesnt know how strong his princi- ples are, nor how far he will go to maintain them. He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, the desire to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it as a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it tightly in his hands, and skedaddles. The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of piggy is unjpticed till the red-headed urchin whose play- mate it is looks around for the loved companiou of his child- ish sports, and finds it not. Great research, amid loud out- cries, is made, resulting only in the conviction that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace behind. Tore, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize. Visions ofalu~cious supper float through the mind of the female piperess, as she bestows her motherly benedictionupon her thoughtful son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned lesson of cooking a sucking pig. Having accomplished the First get your pig part, the rest comes easy; and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories are saluted with an odor that startles him from his generally despondent mood, and awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an unusual flavor from his usually flavor- less abode. He enters and finds a smiling wife and son, with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. What next occurred the Poet tells us in the laconic words The pig was eat. There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the fact was enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, and this happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They couldnt eat them, and they didnt own a dog; so they picked them clean and threw them away. But, Murder will out, and the tiny bones tok their own tale. The village detective soon coupled the fact of the miss. ing pig with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the door of the musicians abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to the detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a pigs bonesa stolen pigs bones, from the fact that the Piper did not earn enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole the sucking-pig? Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to have any light-fingered proclivities. Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe and could prove an alibi. There was no one left but ToM. Circumstances pointed him out: he loved good eating and hated work, and had beennoticed gazing upon the charms of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. Tore was the thief, and the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too uncertain and expensive, Tore was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was resolved to take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells us TOM was boat. Undoubtedly Tore was glad when they got through, and although he Went roaring down the street, it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach pumps in those days. Sceae.A City Restaurant. Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast.) Anything more, sir ? Customer. Hmwellyes; bring me an omelette souffle~e. Waiter. Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessrr. (Rkit, humming the popular tune.) Ilninteutioaaily Appropriate. The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and then in- nocently requests the False Reporting Tribune to copy it! A Pnzrrx IDEA or Mn. VAn ThrmznnAre: Hz rAxns urs rounesrxa our ron A sAIL, THUS, AND 5A~Z5 mx ETFENSE OP A BOAT.

12 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. N ___ -~ - -717W zi - mx THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO VII. LoM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole aPig, and away he run; The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat, And TOM went roaring down the street. The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great excitement in the period in which it occurred, although at the present date it would not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest ripple on the glassy calm of our most sleepy village. We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little peccadillo such as the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a purse, unless it contains a large amount, and was taken under the most aggravating circumstances from ourselves. A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect hundreds of people, or a midnight murder executed wilh the malignancy of a fiend, will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even that soon passes out of mind, and society settles back into its imperturbable apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still further, and be- coming by degrees proof against being stirred by anything that does not affect ourselves personally. Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the as- tounding temerity of the Pipers son, in laying felonious hands on the property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days. Poor Tow was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for although he was the one who committed the crime, he was not the only one who reaped a benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells us, he was the only one who was puni~shed therefor; so, while we blame him, let us shed a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, the others the eating. The scene is graphically described thusly TOM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole a pig, and away he run. Here we see Tore, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, listen- ing to the witching strains of his fathers bagpipe, played by the in- dustrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, with the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat that both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its day and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought to bear upon it, Tores eyes, roving around from window to door, happen to light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for human rights~ Alas! Tore is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the fascinating pig, and ha doesnt know how strong his princi- ples are, nor how far he will go to maintain them. He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, the desire to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it as a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it tightly in his hands, and skedaddles. The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of piggy is unjpticed till the red-headed urchin whose play- mate it is looks around for the loved companiou of his child- ish sports, and finds it not. Great research, amid loud out- cries, is made, resulting only in the conviction that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace behind. Tore, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize. Visions ofalu~cious supper float through the mind of the female piperess, as she bestows her motherly benedictionupon her thoughtful son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned lesson of cooking a sucking pig. Having accomplished the First get your pig part, the rest comes easy; and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories are saluted with an odor that startles him from his generally despondent mood, and awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an unusual flavor from his usually flavor- less abode. He enters and finds a smiling wife and son, with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. What next occurred the Poet tells us in the laconic words The pig was eat. There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the fact was enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, and this happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They couldnt eat them, and they didnt own a dog; so they picked them clean and threw them away. But, Murder will out, and the tiny bones tok their own tale. The village detective soon coupled the fact of the miss. ing pig with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the door of the musicians abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to the detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a pigs bonesa stolen pigs bones, from the fact that the Piper did not earn enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole the sucking-pig? Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to have any light-fingered proclivities. Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe and could prove an alibi. There was no one left but ToM. Circumstances pointed him out: he loved good eating and hated work, and had beennoticed gazing upon the charms of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. Tore was the thief, and the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too uncertain and expensive, Tore was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was resolved to take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells us TOM was boat. Undoubtedly Tore was glad when they got through, and although he Went roaring down the street, it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach pumps in those days. Sceae.A City Restaurant. Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast.) Anything more, sir ? Customer. Hmwellyes; bring me an omelette souffle~e. Waiter. Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessrr. (Rkit, humming the popular tune.) Ilninteutioaaily Appropriate. The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and then in- nocently requests the False Reporting Tribune to copy it! A Pnzrrx IDEA or Mn. VAn ThrmznnAre: Hz rAxns urs rounesrxa our ron A sAIL, THUS, AND 5A~Z5 mx ETFENSE OP A BOAT. O~. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO 18 BY GEORGE! (Continued.) LAKE G~onGz, Sept. 6. Dw~ Puicm~u~o:In my last I promised to finish my trip on the Lake and give you some reliable rumors about the Rogers Slide. I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory frame of mind. I have had breakfast this morning. When I say this I mean that I have had this mornings breakfast this morning. Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this place, can safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance. For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered broiled Spring Chicken. The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird up his loins with a base ball belt. In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a fowl of venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have put to shame any ostrich that Dr. LIvmIGsToNE ever saw. I asked the head waiter if he called that a Spring Chicken? He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken in the place. This clears up another great hotel mystery. The man outflanked this gentie birdling on the eighth time round, in 6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the time of the late Harvard and Yale Foul considerably. I say outflanked, because it is not the intention of these sunny Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, but to drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely bowled to an untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, and there are always half a dozen darkies standing around ready to bet that the chicken wont be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case may be, this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest. Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not more than nine or ten-pin feathers left. Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called Sabbath Day Point, in consequence of ABEncEoMBIE having landed there on a Wed- nesday morning. Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see the Point. A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear at this place that one could see objects when thirty feet from the bot- tom. I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to see what ones distan(~l from the bottom has to do with his seeing ob- jects. I give it up. On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called Sugar Loaf Moun- tam because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose. Finally we passed Rogers Slide, which is a rocky precipice three hundred feet high, sloping neariy perpendiculariy into the water. A decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice. There are a great many romantic traditions about this same Roc+us.s, who is regarded by the simple natives as having been an altogether high-minded and gorgeous characterthe fact being that he was one o~ those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of having lived in Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up to the emu- lation of primary schools as a Patriot Hero. Literally he was simply an unmixed evil, fighting only to steal something, and devo- ting what time and talent he could spare from his legitimate profession which was seven-upto generally bedeviling and encroaching~ upon the neighboring Indians. - As an enchroachist he was immense. The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough was enough, and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end to the delicate attentions of the Marked Back. This sobriquet they conferred upon him partly on account of the fact that he usually received his wounds while leaving their immediate vi- cinity, and partly because of a peculiar characteristic of the kind of cards he used. The Commissioners caught ROGERS outhunting, and chased him until he came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake below, and, unfortunately, escaped unharmed. The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his snow- shoes, soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they c~n- cluded to let him slide. Hence the name. Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone over. Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left pro- duced a profound impression on their untutored minds. They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got in with some bad spirits. It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the place, that the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were in him. The mark worn by Mr. Rs cheviots in his descent can still be distinctly seen. About half way up is a shining object which is generally believed to be a suspender button. This, however, is merely conjecturaL The clerk of theboat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me that until within a few years back, the hole in the water where Rooxas struck could be seen. But it is all gone now, he said, shaking his head sadly. Nothing can escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. Piece by piece they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace of it left now. And he wept at my tranquillity. At the north end of ~he Lake we took stages for Fort Ticonderoga. These vehicles were rim by a man who was pointed out as a charac- ter, which means a sort of licensed nuisance. The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much re- flection inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated politi- cian who has invented a way of taking it out on the unhappy public as follows: He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote and sol- itary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, mounts a stump, andon pretence of exhibiting the beauties of natureproceeds to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very high bent, or until one of the slumbering outsides creates a welcome diversion by fall- ing off and breaking his neck. We came to what was really a curiositytwo kinds of trees growing from on~ trunk, which this concentration of bores, this mitrailleuse, in fact, improved accordingly. Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the re-markable and pe-culiar works of a benign Per-rovidence. On the right you see the sturdy and ir~-hearted oak, while on the left you behold the modest and be-utiful ellum. What Heving has joined together let no man put asundergerlang with yer hosses 1 It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented ex- cursions to Fort Ty. It is not a place to Tye to. One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised me to go and look at the magazine. I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didnt find any, and, on the whole, I was glad of it. If people dont know any more than to leave their Galaceys and Harpers lying around loose when travelling, why, they deserve to have them stolen, thats all. I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything that dis- gusts me, it is to meet people that aint posted about things. As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing sun was flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene below, and the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came stealing sweetly over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like sounds reached our ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who sat near, started, smiled, and turning to me, said: Did I ever tell you that story about SLTJKEB ? As I had never seen the party before, I repliod that if he had I had forgotten it. Swzm~, he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; SLunm~, he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle of his umbrella; SLuxEn, he continued in my next, my dear Puncnn~raLLo, in my next. SAGinAw DODD. (To be continued.] Sauce. Tusus can be no doubt that Grilvy is in the right place, as a member of the Provisional government of France.

O~. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO 18 BY GEORGE! (Continued.) LAKE G~onGz, Sept. 6. Dw~ Puicm~u~o:In my last I promised to finish my trip on the Lake and give you some reliable rumors about the Rogers Slide. I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory frame of mind. I have had breakfast this morning. When I say this I mean that I have had this mornings breakfast this morning. Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this place, can safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance. For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered broiled Spring Chicken. The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird up his loins with a base ball belt. In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a fowl of venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have put to shame any ostrich that Dr. LIvmIGsToNE ever saw. I asked the head waiter if he called that a Spring Chicken? He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken in the place. This clears up another great hotel mystery. The man outflanked this gentie birdling on the eighth time round, in 6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the time of the late Harvard and Yale Foul considerably. I say outflanked, because it is not the intention of these sunny Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, but to drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely bowled to an untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, and there are always half a dozen darkies standing around ready to bet that the chicken wont be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case may be, this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest. Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not more than nine or ten-pin feathers left. Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called Sabbath Day Point, in consequence of ABEncEoMBIE having landed there on a Wed- nesday morning. Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see the Point. A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear at this place that one could see objects when thirty feet from the bot- tom. I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to see what ones distan(~l from the bottom has to do with his seeing ob- jects. I give it up. On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called Sugar Loaf Moun- tam because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose. Finally we passed Rogers Slide, which is a rocky precipice three hundred feet high, sloping neariy perpendiculariy into the water. A decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice. There are a great many romantic traditions about this same Roc+us.s, who is regarded by the simple natives as having been an altogether high-minded and gorgeous characterthe fact being that he was one o~ those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of having lived in Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up to the emu- lation of primary schools as a Patriot Hero. Literally he was simply an unmixed evil, fighting only to steal something, and devo- ting what time and talent he could spare from his legitimate profession which was seven-upto generally bedeviling and encroaching~ upon the neighboring Indians. - As an enchroachist he was immense. The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough was enough, and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end to the delicate attentions of the Marked Back. This sobriquet they conferred upon him partly on account of the fact that he usually received his wounds while leaving their immediate vi- cinity, and partly because of a peculiar characteristic of the kind of cards he used. The Commissioners caught ROGERS outhunting, and chased him until he came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake below, and, unfortunately, escaped unharmed. The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his snow- shoes, soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they c~n- cluded to let him slide. Hence the name. Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone over. Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left pro- duced a profound impression on their untutored minds. They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got in with some bad spirits. It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the place, that the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were in him. The mark worn by Mr. Rs cheviots in his descent can still be distinctly seen. About half way up is a shining object which is generally believed to be a suspender button. This, however, is merely conjecturaL The clerk of theboat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me that until within a few years back, the hole in the water where Rooxas struck could be seen. But it is all gone now, he said, shaking his head sadly. Nothing can escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. Piece by piece they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace of it left now. And he wept at my tranquillity. At the north end of ~he Lake we took stages for Fort Ticonderoga. These vehicles were rim by a man who was pointed out as a charac- ter, which means a sort of licensed nuisance. The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much re- flection inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated politi- cian who has invented a way of taking it out on the unhappy public as follows: He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote and sol- itary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, mounts a stump, andon pretence of exhibiting the beauties of natureproceeds to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very high bent, or until one of the slumbering outsides creates a welcome diversion by fall- ing off and breaking his neck. We came to what was really a curiositytwo kinds of trees growing from on~ trunk, which this concentration of bores, this mitrailleuse, in fact, improved accordingly. Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the re-markable and pe-culiar works of a benign Per-rovidence. On the right you see the sturdy and ir~-hearted oak, while on the left you behold the modest and be-utiful ellum. What Heving has joined together let no man put asundergerlang with yer hosses 1 It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented ex- cursions to Fort Ty. It is not a place to Tye to. One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised me to go and look at the magazine. I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didnt find any, and, on the whole, I was glad of it. If people dont know any more than to leave their Galaceys and Harpers lying around loose when travelling, why, they deserve to have them stolen, thats all. I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything that dis- gusts me, it is to meet people that aint posted about things. As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing sun was flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene below, and the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came stealing sweetly over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like sounds reached our ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who sat near, started, smiled, and turning to me, said: Did I ever tell you that story about SLTJKEB ? As I had never seen the party before, I repliod that if he had I had forgotten it. Swzm~, he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; SLunm~, he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle of his umbrella; SLuxEn, he continued in my next, my dear Puncnn~raLLo, in my next. SAGinAw DODD. (To be continued.] Sauce. Tusus can be no doubt that Grilvy is in the right place, as a member of the Provisional government of France.

O~. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO 18 BY GEORGE! (Continued.) LAKE G~onGz, Sept. 6. Dw~ Puicm~u~o:In my last I promised to finish my trip on the Lake and give you some reliable rumors about the Rogers Slide. I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory frame of mind. I have had breakfast this morning. When I say this I mean that I have had this mornings breakfast this morning. Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this place, can safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance. For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered broiled Spring Chicken. The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird up his loins with a base ball belt. In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a fowl of venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have put to shame any ostrich that Dr. LIvmIGsToNE ever saw. I asked the head waiter if he called that a Spring Chicken? He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken in the place. This clears up another great hotel mystery. The man outflanked this gentie birdling on the eighth time round, in 6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the time of the late Harvard and Yale Foul considerably. I say outflanked, because it is not the intention of these sunny Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, but to drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely bowled to an untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, and there are always half a dozen darkies standing around ready to bet that the chicken wont be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case may be, this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest. Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not more than nine or ten-pin feathers left. Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called Sabbath Day Point, in consequence of ABEncEoMBIE having landed there on a Wed- nesday morning. Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see the Point. A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear at this place that one could see objects when thirty feet from the bot- tom. I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to see what ones distan(~l from the bottom has to do with his seeing ob- jects. I give it up. On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called Sugar Loaf Moun- tam because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose. Finally we passed Rogers Slide, which is a rocky precipice three hundred feet high, sloping neariy perpendiculariy into the water. A decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice. There are a great many romantic traditions about this same Roc+us.s, who is regarded by the simple natives as having been an altogether high-minded and gorgeous characterthe fact being that he was one o~ those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of having lived in Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up to the emu- lation of primary schools as a Patriot Hero. Literally he was simply an unmixed evil, fighting only to steal something, and devo- ting what time and talent he could spare from his legitimate profession which was seven-upto generally bedeviling and encroaching~ upon the neighboring Indians. - As an enchroachist he was immense. The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough was enough, and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end to the delicate attentions of the Marked Back. This sobriquet they conferred upon him partly on account of the fact that he usually received his wounds while leaving their immediate vi- cinity, and partly because of a peculiar characteristic of the kind of cards he used. The Commissioners caught ROGERS outhunting, and chased him until he came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake below, and, unfortunately, escaped unharmed. The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his snow- shoes, soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they c~n- cluded to let him slide. Hence the name. Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone over. Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left pro- duced a profound impression on their untutored minds. They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got in with some bad spirits. It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the place, that the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were in him. The mark worn by Mr. Rs cheviots in his descent can still be distinctly seen. About half way up is a shining object which is generally believed to be a suspender button. This, however, is merely conjecturaL The clerk of theboat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me that until within a few years back, the hole in the water where Rooxas struck could be seen. But it is all gone now, he said, shaking his head sadly. Nothing can escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. Piece by piece they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace of it left now. And he wept at my tranquillity. At the north end of ~he Lake we took stages for Fort Ticonderoga. These vehicles were rim by a man who was pointed out as a charac- ter, which means a sort of licensed nuisance. The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much re- flection inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated politi- cian who has invented a way of taking it out on the unhappy public as follows: He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote and sol- itary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, mounts a stump, andon pretence of exhibiting the beauties of natureproceeds to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very high bent, or until one of the slumbering outsides creates a welcome diversion by fall- ing off and breaking his neck. We came to what was really a curiositytwo kinds of trees growing from on~ trunk, which this concentration of bores, this mitrailleuse, in fact, improved accordingly. Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the re-markable and pe-culiar works of a benign Per-rovidence. On the right you see the sturdy and ir~-hearted oak, while on the left you behold the modest and be-utiful ellum. What Heving has joined together let no man put asundergerlang with yer hosses 1 It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented ex- cursions to Fort Ty. It is not a place to Tye to. One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised me to go and look at the magazine. I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didnt find any, and, on the whole, I was glad of it. If people dont know any more than to leave their Galaceys and Harpers lying around loose when travelling, why, they deserve to have them stolen, thats all. I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything that dis- gusts me, it is to meet people that aint posted about things. As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing sun was flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene below, and the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came stealing sweetly over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like sounds reached our ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who sat near, started, smiled, and turning to me, said: Did I ever tell you that story about SLTJKEB ? As I had never seen the party before, I repliod that if he had I had forgotten it. Swzm~, he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; SLunm~, he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle of his umbrella; SLuxEn, he continued in my next, my dear Puncnn~raLLo, in my next. SAGinAw DODD. (To be continued.] Sauce. Tusus can be no doubt that Grilvy is in the right place, as a member of the Provisional government of France. 14 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 18Th. Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go to the making up of an efficient Hawkshaw. That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a cir- cumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of counter- feiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations im- mediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the counter- feiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is dutyoften stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted their Spitz- dog noses between the joints of the artists doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile den. Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipestobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil Some of the officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the de- linquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the night. Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistakeor a jokewe are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly in- terested do not look upon it as a joke. Now It is a very clear case that the mistake in questionor joke may be traced to a deficiency of educa- tion on the part of these vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been prop- erly cultivated in the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been ac- knowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August Pres- ence with obsequlous genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether a course of lectures upon art should riot henceforth be considered au indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their ed- ucation, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous vege- tablessuch as beans. Temporary Obscuration of the Hub. BOSTON already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Com- mons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Bos- ton must fall into insignificance and feel small. On the second day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Commonall, all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant command. Boy and Man. Miss Anuz P. LAnD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace. To be a man and magistrate Twas natural that Asziz sighed, Since she one phase of mans estate Afready as a LADD had fried. A ~ut tor the Ladles Club. Referring to the recent ladies boat race at Harlem, a reporter says that the girls all rowed badly. This is a discouraging comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume mans attributes, (not to mention his other butes and the what-dye-call-ems gener- ally associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. NEW PUBLICATIONS. AMONG the numerous portraits of the late CRAnLus Drc~RsNs now be- fore the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromo- graph lately issued by PRANG & Co, of Boston and New York. It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of thoughtrather ashe might have appeared when meditating over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall. Oki Gent. DONT SCATTER WATER ON MT rEET, MAN,DO TOU 5UPPOSE I WANT EM TO GROw ANT BIGGER ? EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.

14 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 18Th. Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go to the making up of an efficient Hawkshaw. That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a cir- cumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of counter- feiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations im- mediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the counter- feiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is dutyoften stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted their Spitz- dog noses between the joints of the artists doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile den. Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipestobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil Some of the officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the de- linquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the night. Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistakeor a jokewe are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly in- terested do not look upon it as a joke. Now It is a very clear case that the mistake in questionor joke may be traced to a deficiency of educa- tion on the part of these vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been prop- erly cultivated in the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been ac- knowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August Pres- ence with obsequlous genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether a course of lectures upon art should riot henceforth be considered au indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their ed- ucation, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous vege- tablessuch as beans. Temporary Obscuration of the Hub. BOSTON already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Com- mons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Bos- ton must fall into insignificance and feel small. On the second day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Commonall, all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant command. Boy and Man. Miss Anuz P. LAnD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace. To be a man and magistrate Twas natural that Asziz sighed, Since she one phase of mans estate Afready as a LADD had fried. A ~ut tor the Ladles Club. Referring to the recent ladies boat race at Harlem, a reporter says that the girls all rowed badly. This is a discouraging comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume mans attributes, (not to mention his other butes and the what-dye-call-ems gener- ally associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. NEW PUBLICATIONS. AMONG the numerous portraits of the late CRAnLus Drc~RsNs now be- fore the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromo- graph lately issued by PRANG & Co, of Boston and New York. It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of thoughtrather ashe might have appeared when meditating over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall. Oki Gent. DONT SCATTER WATER ON MT rEET, MAN,DO TOU 5UPPOSE I WANT EM TO GROw ANT BIGGER ? EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.

14 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 18Th. Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go to the making up of an efficient Hawkshaw. That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a cir- cumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of counter- feiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations im- mediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the counter- feiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is dutyoften stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted their Spitz- dog noses between the joints of the artists doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile den. Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipestobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil Some of the officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the de- linquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the night. Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistakeor a jokewe are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly in- terested do not look upon it as a joke. Now It is a very clear case that the mistake in questionor joke may be traced to a deficiency of educa- tion on the part of these vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been prop- erly cultivated in the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been ac- knowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August Pres- ence with obsequlous genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether a course of lectures upon art should riot henceforth be considered au indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their ed- ucation, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous vege- tablessuch as beans. Temporary Obscuration of the Hub. BOSTON already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Com- mons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Bos- ton must fall into insignificance and feel small. On the second day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Commonall, all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant command. Boy and Man. Miss Anuz P. LAnD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace. To be a man and magistrate Twas natural that Asziz sighed, Since she one phase of mans estate Afready as a LADD had fried. A ~ut tor the Ladles Club. Referring to the recent ladies boat race at Harlem, a reporter says that the girls all rowed badly. This is a discouraging comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume mans attributes, (not to mention his other butes and the what-dye-call-ems gener- ally associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. NEW PUBLICATIONS. AMONG the numerous portraits of the late CRAnLus Drc~RsNs now be- fore the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromo- graph lately issued by PRANG & Co, of Boston and New York. It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of thoughtrather ashe might have appeared when meditating over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall. Oki Gent. DONT SCATTER WATER ON MT rEET, MAN,DO TOU 5UPPOSE I WANT EM TO GROw ANT BIGGER ? EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.

14 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 18Th. Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go to the making up of an efficient Hawkshaw. That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a cir- cumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of counter- feiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations im- mediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the counter- feiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is dutyoften stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted their Spitz- dog noses between the joints of the artists doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile den. Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipestobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil Some of the officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the de- linquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the night. Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistakeor a jokewe are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly in- terested do not look upon it as a joke. Now It is a very clear case that the mistake in questionor joke may be traced to a deficiency of educa- tion on the part of these vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been prop- erly cultivated in the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been ac- knowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August Pres- ence with obsequlous genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether a course of lectures upon art should riot henceforth be considered au indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their ed- ucation, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous vege- tablessuch as beans. Temporary Obscuration of the Hub. BOSTON already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Com- mons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Bos- ton must fall into insignificance and feel small. On the second day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Commonall, all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant command. Boy and Man. Miss Anuz P. LAnD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace. To be a man and magistrate Twas natural that Asziz sighed, Since she one phase of mans estate Afready as a LADD had fried. A ~ut tor the Ladles Club. Referring to the recent ladies boat race at Harlem, a reporter says that the girls all rowed badly. This is a discouraging comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume mans attributes, (not to mention his other butes and the what-dye-call-ems gener- ally associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. NEW PUBLICATIONS. AMONG the numerous portraits of the late CRAnLus Drc~RsNs now be- fore the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromo- graph lately issued by PRANG & Co, of Boston and New York. It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of thoughtrather ashe might have appeared when meditating over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall. Oki Gent. DONT SCATTER WATER ON MT rEET, MAN,DO TOU 5UPPOSE I WANT EM TO GROw ANT BIGGER ? EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.

14 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 18Th. Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go to the making up of an efficient Hawkshaw. That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a cir- cumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of counter- feiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations im- mediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the counter- feiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is dutyoften stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted their Spitz- dog noses between the joints of the artists doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile den. Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipestobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil Some of the officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the de- linquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the night. Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistakeor a jokewe are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly in- terested do not look upon it as a joke. Now It is a very clear case that the mistake in questionor joke may be traced to a deficiency of educa- tion on the part of these vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been prop- erly cultivated in the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been ac- knowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August Pres- ence with obsequlous genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether a course of lectures upon art should riot henceforth be considered au indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their ed- ucation, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous vege- tablessuch as beans. Temporary Obscuration of the Hub. BOSTON already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Com- mons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Bos- ton must fall into insignificance and feel small. On the second day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Commonall, all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant command. Boy and Man. Miss Anuz P. LAnD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace. To be a man and magistrate Twas natural that Asziz sighed, Since she one phase of mans estate Afready as a LADD had fried. A ~ut tor the Ladles Club. Referring to the recent ladies boat race at Harlem, a reporter says that the girls all rowed badly. This is a discouraging comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume mans attributes, (not to mention his other butes and the what-dye-call-ems gener- ally associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. NEW PUBLICATIONS. AMONG the numerous portraits of the late CRAnLus Drc~RsNs now be- fore the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromo- graph lately issued by PRANG & Co, of Boston and New York. It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of thoughtrather ashe might have appeared when meditating over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall. Oki Gent. DONT SCATTER WATER ON MT rEET, MAN,DO TOU 5UPPOSE I WANT EM TO GROw ANT BIGGER ? EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.

14 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 18Th. Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go to the making up of an efficient Hawkshaw. That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a cir- cumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of counter- feiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations im- mediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the counter- feiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is dutyoften stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted their Spitz- dog noses between the joints of the artists doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile den. Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipestobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil Some of the officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the de- linquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the night. Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistakeor a jokewe are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly in- terested do not look upon it as a joke. Now It is a very clear case that the mistake in questionor joke may be traced to a deficiency of educa- tion on the part of these vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been prop- erly cultivated in the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been ac- knowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August Pres- ence with obsequlous genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether a course of lectures upon art should riot henceforth be considered au indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their ed- ucation, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous vege- tablessuch as beans. Temporary Obscuration of the Hub. BOSTON already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Com- mons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Bos- ton must fall into insignificance and feel small. On the second day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Commonall, all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant command. Boy and Man. Miss Anuz P. LAnD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace. To be a man and magistrate Twas natural that Asziz sighed, Since she one phase of mans estate Afready as a LADD had fried. A ~ut tor the Ladles Club. Referring to the recent ladies boat race at Harlem, a reporter says that the girls all rowed badly. This is a discouraging comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume mans attributes, (not to mention his other butes and the what-dye-call-ems gener- ally associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. NEW PUBLICATIONS. AMONG the numerous portraits of the late CRAnLus Drc~RsNs now be- fore the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromo- graph lately issued by PRANG & Co, of Boston and New York. It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of thoughtrather ashe might have appeared when meditating over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall. Oki Gent. DONT SCATTER WATER ON MT rEET, MAN,DO TOU 5UPPOSE I WANT EM TO GROw ANT BIGGER ? EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES. OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 15 A. T. Stewart & Co. Rave just received several Cases PARIS MADE SILK AND POPLIN Street and Evening DRESSES, Two cases Cloth and Velvet Pattern Sacques, Cloaks, & c., An opening of HANDSOME TRIMMED HATS, Latest Paris Style. Also, Childrens and Misses Undergarments, lutkuts Outfits, etc., etc. Several Cases Real India Carnels-IFlair Sha-w-ls, At unusually attractive prices. Embroideries, Laces, Real Lace and Llama Pointes, Dresses, & c. WEDDING- TROUSSEAUX. The above forms only a very small portion of their Large and Attractive Stock of ELEGANT GOODS, Imported and Domestic Made. Offered at BROADWAY, 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. A. T. Stewart & Co. Offer the largest, richest, and cheapest stock of DRESS GOODS, That has ever been Offered in this City, Comprising many Novelties in Poplins, Armures Cloths, Epiaglines, Extra Quality Herinos, Ladies Cloths, & c., & c. A Large Line of DOMESTIC SHIRTIN(I~S, SHEETIN(I~S, BLANKETS, FLANNELS, And every variety of HOUSEKEEPING GOODS. B IL 0 A D W A Y, 4th Avenne, 9th and 10th Streets. EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS CARPETS. FiveFrame ENGLISH BRUSSELS, Reduced to $1.75 per yard. 200 Pieces Five-Frame English Brussels, Greater part Confined Styles, Reduced to $2 per yard. Very Best Quality EWLISil TAPESTRY BRUSSELS $1.30 per yard. FRENCH MOQUETTES ALD A. X M INST E R 5, $3.50 and $4 per yard. IROYAL WILTONS, Best Quality, $2.50 and $3 per yard. CROSSLEYS VEL VETS, Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard. Superfine Ingrains, 8-Plys. English and Domestic OILOLOTHS, RUGS, MA.T5, ETC., At Extremely Low Prices. A. T. STEWART & Co. BROADWAY, 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS. PUNCHINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) - - - - $4.00 six months, (without premium,) - - - - 2.00 three months, - - . - - 1.00 Single copies mailed free, for - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PIRANG & COS CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: A copy of paper. for one year, and ~~The Awakening, (a Litter qf Puppies.) Half chromo. Size 8 3-8 by 11 1-8 ($2.00 picture,)for - - $4.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. 12lx9. Dead Game. 11lx8~. Easter Morning. 6ixlO4for - - $5.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos Group of Chickens; Group of Ducklings; Group of Quails. Each 10x12A. The Poultry Yard. 10lx14. The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9$x13. Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10x12for - - - $6.50 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 chromos: The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13x164. Spring; Summer; Autumn; l2lxl6l. The Kid~s Play Ground. llxl7lfor $7.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos: Strawberries and Baskets. Cherries and Baskets. Currants. Each 13x18. Horses in a Storm. 224x154. Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9lx41for A copy of paper for one year and Six American Landscapes. (A set.) 4lx9, price $9.00for - - - $9.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $10 chromos: Sunset in California. (Bierstadt.) 18~x12 Easter Morning. 14x21. Corregios Magdalen. 12~x16~. Summer Fruit~ and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) l5lxlOl, (compan ions, puce $10.00 for the two), for $10.00 RemittanceS should be made in P. 0. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first num- ber, (April ~d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office wheie received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of money. CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For speciiil terms address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. Address, PLTNCILINELLO PUBLISHING CO., P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nass~ii Street, New York. - $8.00

OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 15 A. T. Stewart & Co. Rave just received several Cases PARIS MADE SILK AND POPLIN Street and Evening DRESSES, Two cases Cloth and Velvet Pattern Sacques, Cloaks, & c., An opening of HANDSOME TRIMMED HATS, Latest Paris Style. Also, Childrens and Misses Undergarments, lutkuts Outfits, etc., etc. Several Cases Real India Carnels-IFlair Sha-w-ls, At unusually attractive prices. Embroideries, Laces, Real Lace and Llama Pointes, Dresses, & c. WEDDING- TROUSSEAUX. The above forms only a very small portion of their Large and Attractive Stock of ELEGANT GOODS, Imported and Domestic Made. Offered at BROADWAY, 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. A. T. Stewart & Co. Offer the largest, richest, and cheapest stock of DRESS GOODS, That has ever been Offered in this City, Comprising many Novelties in Poplins, Armures Cloths, Epiaglines, Extra Quality Herinos, Ladies Cloths, & c., & c. A Large Line of DOMESTIC SHIRTIN(I~S, SHEETIN(I~S, BLANKETS, FLANNELS, And every variety of HOUSEKEEPING GOODS. B IL 0 A D W A Y, 4th Avenne, 9th and 10th Streets. EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS CARPETS. FiveFrame ENGLISH BRUSSELS, Reduced to $1.75 per yard. 200 Pieces Five-Frame English Brussels, Greater part Confined Styles, Reduced to $2 per yard. Very Best Quality EWLISil TAPESTRY BRUSSELS $1.30 per yard. FRENCH MOQUETTES ALD A. X M INST E R 5, $3.50 and $4 per yard. IROYAL WILTONS, Best Quality, $2.50 and $3 per yard. CROSSLEYS VEL VETS, Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard. Superfine Ingrains, 8-Plys. English and Domestic OILOLOTHS, RUGS, MA.T5, ETC., At Extremely Low Prices. A. T. STEWART & Co. BROADWAY, 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS. PUNCHINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) - - - - $4.00 six months, (without premium,) - - - - 2.00 three months, - - . - - 1.00 Single copies mailed free, for - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PIRANG & COS CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: A copy of paper. for one year, and ~~The Awakening, (a Litter qf Puppies.) Half chromo. Size 8 3-8 by 11 1-8 ($2.00 picture,)for - - $4.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. 12lx9. Dead Game. 11lx8~. Easter Morning. 6ixlO4for - - $5.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos Group of Chickens; Group of Ducklings; Group of Quails. Each 10x12A. The Poultry Yard. 10lx14. The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9$x13. Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10x12for - - - $6.50 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 chromos: The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13x164. Spring; Summer; Autumn; l2lxl6l. The Kid~s Play Ground. llxl7lfor $7.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos: Strawberries and Baskets. Cherries and Baskets. Currants. Each 13x18. Horses in a Storm. 224x154. Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9lx41for A copy of paper for one year and Six American Landscapes. (A set.) 4lx9, price $9.00for - - - $9.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $10 chromos: Sunset in California. (Bierstadt.) 18~x12 Easter Morning. 14x21. Corregios Magdalen. 12~x16~. Summer Fruit~ and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) l5lxlOl, (compan ions, puce $10.00 for the two), for $10.00 RemittanceS should be made in P. 0. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first num- ber, (April ~d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office wheie received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of money. CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For speciiil terms address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. Address, PLTNCILINELLO PUBLISHING CO., P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nass~ii Street, New York. - $8.00 PUNCHINELLO. FEEDING- SPARROWS. A HINT TO A CERTAIN CLASS OF HUMANITARIANS. OCT. 1, 1870. The Printing House of the United States. GEO. F. NESBITT & CO., General JOB PRINTERS, BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail, LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers, COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers, CARD Manufacturers, ENVELOPE Manufacturers, FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. 163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., 73~ 75~ 77, and 79 PINE ST., New York. ADVANTAGES. *~-All on the same premises, and under immediate supervision of the proprietors. Tourists and Pleasure Travelers will be glad to learn that the Erie.Rallway Company has prepared COMBINATION EXCURSION on IRound Trip Tickets, Valid during the entire season, and embracing Ithaca headwaters of Caynga LakeNiagara Falls, Lake Ontario, the River St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake Cham- plain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White Mountains, and all principal points of interest in Northern New York, the Canadas, and New England. Also, similar Tickets at reduced rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit the celebrated lron Mountains and Copper Mines of that region. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., Nos. 241, 529 and 967 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 38 Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 Fulton St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Cham- bers Street, and foot of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Ex- change Place, and Long Dock Depot, Jerset City, and the Agents at the principal hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as well as all the necessary informa.. tion. PRANGS LATEST PLTBLICATI0NS~ Wild Flowers, Water-Lilies, Chas. Dickens. PRANGS CHROMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the world. PRANGS ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp. L. PRANG & CO., Boston. PUNCHINELLO. With a large and varied experience in the management and publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and with the still more pesitive advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the undertaking, the PUNCIIINELL4) PUBLISHING CO. OF TEE CITY OF NEW TORE, Presents to the public for approval, the new ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL WEEKLY PAPER, PUNCEL INELLO, The first number of which was issued under date of April 2. ORIGINAL AR2~ECLES, Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive ideas er sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the day, are always acceptable and will be paid for liberally. Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage stampe are inclosed. TERMS: One oopy, per year, in advance *4 00 Single oopies 10 A specimen oopy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten cents. One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine or paper, price, $150, for 5 50 One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for.. 7 00 All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., No. 53 Nassau Street, P.O.Box,2783, NEW YORE. THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOP. Written Expressly for PIJNCHINELLO, BY ORPHEUS C. KERR, Commenced in No. 11, will be continued weekly throughout the year. A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom friend, with superb illustrations of 1ST. THE AUTHORS PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGADS HILL, TICKNORS FIELDS, NEW JERSEi~. 2D. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALAI~IAL RESIDENCE, taken as he appears Every Saturday, will also be found in the same number. Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen, (or mailed from this office, free,) Ten Cents. Subscription for One Year, one copy, With $2 Chrome Prelniuni, $4. Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new serial, which promises to be the beet ever written by ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular receipt weekly. We will send the first Ten Numbers of PTJNCHINELLO to any one who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on the receipt of SIXTY CENTS. Address, PLTNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO~[PANY, P. 0. Box 2783. 83 xassaii St., Tqf~w York GRO. W. WHEAT & Co. Pmurzns, No. 8 SPRUCK STREET. 16

OCT. 8, 1870. THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. AN ADAPTATION. BY ORPI-IEUS C. KERR. CHAPTER XXI. BENTHAM TO THE EESCUE. EUROPEAN travellers in this countryespecially if one economical con- dition of their coming hither has not been the composition of works of imagination on America, sufficiently contemptuous to pay all the ex- penses of the triphave, occasionallyand particularly if they have been invited to write for New York magazines, take professorships in native colleges, or lecture on the encouraging Continental progress of scientific atheism before Boston audiences ;such travellers, we say, convinced that they shall lose no money by it, but, on the contrary, rather sanguine of making a little thereby in the long run, have occa- sionally remarked, that, in the United States, women journeying alone are treated with a chivalric courtesy and deference not so habitually practiced in any other second-class new nation on the face of the earth. * What, oh, what can be more true than this? A lady well stricken in years, and of adequate protraction of nose and rectilinear imdeviation of figure, can travel alone from Maine to Florida with as perfect immu- nity from offensive masculine intrusion as though she were guarded by a regiment; while a somewhat younger girl, with curls and an innocent look, can not appear unaccompanied by an escort in an American omni- bus, car, ferry-boat, or hotel, without appealing at once to the finest fatherly feelings of every manly middle-aged observer whose wife is not watching him, and exciting as general a desire to make her trip so- cially delightful as though each gentlemanly eye seeking hers were in- deed that of a tender sire. Thus, although Miss Porrss lonely stay in her hotel had been so brief, the mysterious American instinct of chivalry had discovered it very early on the first morning after her arrival, and she arose from her delicious sleep to find at least half a dozen written offers of hospitality from generous strangers, sticking under her door. Understanding that she was sojourning without natural protectors in a strange city, the thoughtful writers, who appeared to be chiefly Western men of implied immense fortunes, begged her (by the delicate name of Fair Un- known) to take comfort in the thought that they were stopping at the same hotel and would protect her from all harm with their lives. In proof of this unselfish disposition on their parts, several of them were respectively ready to take her to a circus-matinee, or to drive in Cen- tral Park, on that very day: and her prompt acceptance of these signal evidences of a disinterested friendship for womanhood without a nat- ural protector could not be more simply in~icated to those who now freely offered such friendship, than by her dropping her fork twice at the public breakfast table, or sending the waiter back three times with the boiled eggs to have them cooked rightly. FLORA had completed her chemical toilet, put all the bottles, jars, and small round boxes back into her satchel again, and sat down to a eec- ondt~eading of these gratifying intimations that a prepossessing female orphan is not necessarily without assiduous paternal guardianship at her command wherever there are Western fathers, when Mr. DIBBLE appeared, as he had promised, accompanied by Gospeler SIMPSON. Miss CAROWTHER5 was so excited by your sudden flight, Miss PorTs, said the latter, that she came at once to me and Owr with your farewell note, and would not stop saying Did you ever! until, to restrain my aggravated mother from fits, I promised to follow you to your guardians and ascertain what your good-bye note would have meant if it had actually been punctuated. Our reverend friend reached me about an hour ago, added Mr. DIBBLE, saying, that a farewell note without a comma, colon, semi- colon, orperiod in it, and with every other word beginning with a capi- tal, and underscored, was calculated to drive friends to distraction. I took the liberty of reminding him, my dear, that young giris from boarding-school should hardly be expected to have advanced as far as English compositlon in their French and musical studies; and I also related to him what you had told me of Mr. BuwsrzAn. PUNCHINELLO 19 And I dont know that, under the circumstances, you could do a better thing than you have done, continued the Gospeler. Mr. BuMsrEAn, himself, explains your flight upon the supposition that you were possibly engaged with myself, my mother, Mr. DIBBLE, and the PENuRAGONS, in killing poor Mr. DRooD. Oh, oughtnt he to be ashamed of himself, when he knows that I never did kill any absurd creature ! cried the Flowerpot, in earnest deprecation. And just think of darling MAGNOLIA, too, with her poor, ridiculous brother! Youre a lawyer, Mr. DIBBLE, and I should think you could get them a habeas corpas, or a divorce, or some other perfectly absurd thing about courts, that would make the judges tell the juries to bring them in Not Guilty. Fixing upon the lovely young reasoner a look expressive of his affec- tionate wonder at her inspired perception of legal possibilities, the old lawyer said, that the first thing in order was a meeting between herself and Miss PENDRAGON; which, as it could scarcely take place (all things con- sidered,) with propriety in the private room of that ladys brother, nor without publicity in his own office, or in a hotel, he hardly knew how to bring about. And here we have an example of that difference between novels and real life which has been illustrated more than once before in this con- scientious American Adaptation of what all our profoundly critical na- tive journals pronounce the most elaborately artistic work of the grandest of English novelists. In an equivalent situation of real life, Mr. DIBBLES quandary would not have been easily relieved; but, by the magic of artistic fiction, the particular kind of extemporized character absolutely necessary to help him and the novel continuously along was at that moment coming up the stairs of the hoteL* At the critical instant, a servant knocked, to say, that there was a gentleman below, with a face as long me arrum, sir, who axed me was there a man here av the name av SIMPSON, Miss I It is JOHNit is Mr. BUMsTEAD ! shrieked FLORA, hastening invol- untarily towards a mirror, and just see how my dress is wrinkled ! My name is BENTHAMJEREMY Bzicrxtt.a, said a deep voice in the doorway; and there entered a gioomy figure, with smoky, light hair, a curiously long countenance, and black worsted gloves. SnusoN old OcrAvIus !did you never, never see me before ? If I am not greatly mistaken, returned the Gospeler, sternly. I saw you standing in the bar-room of the hotel, just now, as we came up. Yes, sighed the stranger, I waa therewaiting for a Western friendwhen you passed in. And has sorrow, then, so changed me, that you do not know me? Alas! alack! woes me ! BENTHAM, you say? cried the Ritualistic clergyman, with a start, and sudden change of countenance. Surely youre not the rollicking fellow-student who saved my life at Yale ? I am! I am ! sobbed the other, smiting his bosom. While study- ing theology, youd gone to sleep in bed reading the Decameron. I, in the next room, suddenly smelt a smell of wood burning. Breaking into your apartment, I saw your candle fallen upon your pillow and your head on fire. Believing that, if neglected, the flames would spread to some vital part, I seized a water-pitcher and dashed the contents upon you. Up you instantly sprang, with a theological expression on your lips, and engaged me in violent single combat. Madman roared I, is it thus you treat one who has saved your life ? Falling upon the floor, with a black eye, you at once consented to be reconciled; and, from that hour forth, we were both members of the - same secret society. Leaping forward, the Reverend OcTAvIus wrung both the black worsted gloves of Mr. BENTHAM, and introduced the latter to the old lawyer and his ward. He did indeed save all but my head from the conflagration, and ex- tinguished that, even, before it was much charred, cried the grateful Ritualist, with marked emotlon.But, JEREMY, why this aspect of depression ? OcTAvrus, old friend, said BENTHAM, his hollow voice quivering, let no man boast himself upon the gaiety of his youth, and fondly dreampoor self-deceiver !that his maturity may be one of revelry. You know what I once was. Now I am conducting a first-class Ameri- can Comic Paper. Commiseration, earnest and unaffected, appeared upon every coun *Quite independently of any specific design to that end by the Adapter, this Adaptation, carefully following the original English narrative as it does, can not avoid acting as a kind of practicaland, of course, somewhat exaggerativs-co~. mentary upon what is strained, forced, or out of the line of average probabilities, in the work Adapted. *ShadeS of QUINTILIAN and Dr. JOHNSON, what a sentence! Rnter& according to Act of Congress, In the year 1870, by the PuNcmxzu.o PUBLISHING CoMa.tNx, in the GlUes of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 tenance, and Mr. DIBBLE was the first to break the ensuing deep si- lence. If I am not mistaken, then, observed the good lawyer, quietly, the scene of your daily loss of spirits is in the same building with our young friend, Mr. PENDEAGON, whom you may know. I do know him, sir; and that his sister has lately come unto him. His room, by means of outside shutters, was once a refuge to me from the ManHere Mr. BzNruaiis face flamed with inconceivable hatred who came to tell me just how an American first-class Comic Paper should be conducted. At what time does your rush of subscribers cease ? As soon as I begin to charge anything for my paper. And the newsmen, who take it by the week,what is their usual time for swarming in your office ? On the day appointed for the return of unsold copies. Then I have an idea, said Mr. DIBBLE. It appears to me, Mr. BENTHAM, that your office, besides being so near Mr. PENDEAGONS quarters, furnishes all the conditions for a perfectly private confidential interview between this young lady here, and her friend, Miss PENDRA- GON. Mr. SIMPsoN, if you approve, be kind enough to acquaint Mr. BENTHAM with Miss Porvss history, without mentioning names; and explain to him, also, why the ladies interview should take place in a spot whither that singular young man, Mr. BuMsmar, would not be likely to prowl, if in town, in his inspection of umbrellas. The Gospeler hurriediy related the material points of FLoRAS history to his recovered friend, who moaned with all the more cheerful parts, and seemed to think that the serious ones might be worked-up in comic miss-spelling for his paper. For there is nothing more humorous in human life, said he, gloomily, than the defective orthography of a fashionable young girls education for the solemnity of matrimony. Finally, they all set off for the appointed place of retirement, upon nearing which Mr. Drani~ volunteered to remain outside as a guard against any possible interruption. The Gospeler led the way up the dark stairs of the building, when they had gained it; and the Flower- pot, following, on JEREMY Busma~rs arm, could not help glancing shy- ly up into the melancholy face of her escort, occasionally. Do you never smile ? she could not help asking. Yes, he said, mournfully, sometimes: when I clean my teeth. No more was said; for they were entering the room of which the tone and atmosphere were those of a receiving-vault. CHAPTER XXII. A CONPU5ED STATE OP THINGs. The principal office of the Comic Paper was one of those amazingly unsympathetic rooms in which the walls, windows and doors all have a stiff, unealient aspect of the most hard-finished indifference to every emotion of humanity, and a perfectly rigid insensibility to the pleasures or pains of the tenants within their impassive shelter. In the whole configuration of the heartless, uncharacterized place there was not one gracious inequality to lean against; not a ledge to vest elbow upon; not a panel, not even a stove-pipe hole, to become dearly familiar to the wistful eye; not so much as a genial crack in the plastering, or a companionable rattle in a casement, or a little human obstinacy in a door to base some kind of an acquaintance upon and make one feel less lonely. Through the grim, untwinkling windows, gaping sullenly the wrong way with iron shutters, came a discouraged light, strained through the narrow intervals of the dusty roofs above, to discover a large coffin-colored desk surmounted by ghastly busts of HERVEY, KEBLE and BIAIR;* a smaller desk, over which hung a picture of the Tomb of WASHINGTON, and at which sat a pallid assistant-editor in deep mourn- ing, opening the comic contributions received by last mail; a still smaller desk, for the nominal writer of subscription-wrappers; files of the Evangelist, Observer and Christian Union hanging along the wall; a dead carpet of churchyard-green onthe floor; and a print of Mr. PARKE GODWIN just above the mantel of momumental marble. Upon finding themselves in this temple of Momus, and observing that its peculiar arrangement of sunshine made their complexions look as though they had been dead a few days, Gospeler SIMPSON and the Flowerpot involuntarily spoke in whispers behind their hands. Does that room belong to your establishment, also, BENTEAM ? whispered the Gospeler, pointing rather fearfully, as he spoke, towards a side-door leading apparently into an adjoining apartment. Yes, was the low response. * Author of The Grave. Is thereis there anybody dead in there ? whispered Mr. SIMPSON, tremulously. No.Not yet. Then, whispered the Ritualistic clergyman, you might step in there, Miss Porrs, and have your interview with Miss PENDRAGON, whom Mr. BENTHAM will, I am sure, cause to be summoned from up-stairs. The assistant-editor of the Comic Paper stealing softly from the office to call the other young lady down, Mr. JEREMY BENTHAM made a sign that FLORA should follow him to the supplementary room indicated; his low-spirited manner being as though he had said: If you wish to look at the body, miss, I will now show you the way. Leaving the Gospeler lost in dark abstraction near the black mantel, the Flowerpot allowed the sexton of the establishment to conduct her funereally into the place assigned for her interview, and stopped aghast before a huge black object standing therein. Whats this ? she gasped, almost hysterically. Only a safe, said Mr. BENTHAM, with inexplicable bitterness of tone. Merely our fire-and-burglar-proof receptacle for the money constantly pouring in from first-class American Comic journalism. Here Mr. Emiruax slapped his forehead passionately, checked some- thing like a sob in his throat, and abruptly returned to the main office. Scarcely, however, had he closed the door of communication behind ~ him, when another door, opening from the hall, was noiselessly un- latehed, and MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON glided into the arms of her friend. FLORA ! murmured the Southern girl, I can scarcely credit my eyes! It seems so long since w~ last met! Youve been getting a new bonnet, I see. Its like an absurd dream 1 responded the Flowerpot, wonderingly caressing her. Ive thought of you and your poor, ridiculous brother twenty times a day. How much you must have gone through here! Are they wearing skirts full, or scant, this season ? About medium, dear. But how do you happen to be here, in Mr. BENTHAMS office ? In answer to this question, FLORA related all that had happened at Bumsteadville and since her flight from thence; concluding by war~ing MAGROLIA, that her possession of a black alpaca waist, slightly worn, had subjected her to the ominous suspicion of the Ritualistic organist. I scorn and defy the suspicions of that enemy of the persecuted South, and high-handed wooer of exclusively Northern women ! ex- claimed Miss PENDRAGON, vehemently. Is this Mr. BENTHAM married ? I suppose not. Is he visiting any one ? I shouldnt think so, dear. Then, adde~l MAGNOLIA, thoughtfully, if dear Mr. DIBBLE ap- proves, he might be a friend to MosrGoi~nv and myself; and, by being so near us, protect us both from Mr. BUMsTEAD. Just think, dear FLORA, what heaps of sorrow I should endure, if that base mans suspi- cion about my alpaca waist should be only a pretence, to frighten me into ultimately receiving his addresses. I dont think theres any danger, love, said Miss POTTS, rather sharply. Why, FLORA precious ? Oh, because hes so absurdly fastidious, you know, about regularity of features in women. More than he is about brains, I should think, dear, from what you tell me of his making love to you. Here both young ladies trembled very much, an4 said they never, never wQuld have believed it of each other; and were only reconciled when Fi~oua sobbed that she was a poor unmarried orphan, and Miss PENDRAGON moaned piteously that an unwedded Southern giri without money had better go away somewhere in the desert, with her crushed brother, and die at once for their down-trodden section. Then, indeed, they embraced tearfully; and, in proof of theperfect restoration of their devoted friendship, agreed never to marry if they could avoid it, and told each other the prices of all their best clothes. You wont tell your brother that Ive been here ? said the Flower- pot. Im so absurdiy afraid that he cant help blaming me for causing some of his trouble. Cant I tell him, even if it would serve to amuse him in his deso- lation ? asked the sister, persuas~ively. I want to see him smile again, just as he does some days when a hand-organ-mans monkey climbs up to our windows from the street. Well, you may tell him, then, you absurd thing ! returned FLORA, blushing; and, with another embrace, they parted, and the deeply momentous interview was over. (To be Continued.) 20 OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 21 ROMANCE AND REALITY. OFFICE SEEKING.~ BY ICHABOD BOGGS, THE NEW AMERICAN POET. PREFATORY NOTE.The reader is requested to judge tfie following production mildly, as it is the first effort of a youthful genius (16 years old in looks and feeling, 42 by the family bible and census.) The au- thor has felt that America should have a new kind of verse of its own, and he thinks he here offers one which has never been used by any other mortal poet. It is called the duodekameter. Perhaps it may be proper to add that the following is poetry. I. You see everybody in our town was running around, getting fat jobs and positions, and picking up a million dollars or so, So I felt it incumbent on me To shake myself up, and se~ if there wasnt a good butter firkin, well filled, loafing around idle, in which could conveniently locate my centre of gravity, and so I said to myself, Ill go To Washington and see, Says ICHABOD Boc~s, says I. II. Now, dont you see, you might just as well ask fQr a big position at first, and then take what you can get, At least that has been my rule so far, For, as I says to myself, if you can only get a very high position, with a sort of nabobs salary, and lots of perquisites running in annu- ally, you neednt do anything, you bet, But puff at your cigar, Says ICHABOD BoGGs, says I. m So I put on my best clothes, s,nda sort of abigbluenecktie, and shortly thereafter showed myself to Mr. GRANT, And said that there had been quite enough Of this giving away big offices to people who hadnt big reputations, and that he had other fish to fry, and that, as he wouldnt give the 4 ~- IN THE GARDEN. Tins is MRS. JENKINS, IN HER MORNING TOILETTE. Custom House to my son, Id take it myself, and then I stopped, and he looked, I shant, But all he said waspuff, Says General GRANT, says he. Iv. Then all the smoke got in my nose, and I sneezed and snorted a bit, and then I just simply remarked and said That he neednt go and get into a huff, And if he didnt like to give me that office, couldnt he make me Min- ister to England, as I was a big feeder, or if that didnt suit, why, if hed do it, I wouldnt object to being Minister to Cuba, when the Cubans had been all killed, and were thoroughly dead? But all he said waspuff, Says General GRANT, says he. V. Well, then I got kind of discouraged, but I thought that Id better try again, and not get up so far, But ask for what hed give beyond doubt, So I asked for a position as night watebman at the Navy Yard, and thought Id get it, and hed answer my request, for Id noticed that his Havana was gradually growing smaller, and he did answer me, just as hed thrown away the end of his cigar, He simply said, Get out 1 Says General GRANT, says he. YL So I got out, as fast as a pair of legs, with a number twelve boot kicking at th~ place where theyre joined, would permit, And wandered off, just about as far As I conveniently could, and then I sat down on a milestone and raised my voice to Heaven, and cried aloud, that, weather permitting, General GRANT should never, never, NEvER, go back to the White House, not if I could help it, To puff on his cigar, Said ICHABOD Boois, said I. *We hope none of our readers will labor under the impression that we look upon the above effusion as a poetical one, but, in this day of many isms, it may happen that the above style may become prevalent, and we think It our duty to present everything that Is new. EDs. IN THE LIBRARY. Jones, (reading.) THE GLA55 OF FASHION AND THE MOULD OF FORM, THE OBSERvED OF ALL OBSERvERS. Jenkins, (with enthusiasm.) PERFECT DESCRIPTION OF MY WIFE 1

OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 21 ROMANCE AND REALITY. OFFICE SEEKING.~ BY ICHABOD BOGGS, THE NEW AMERICAN POET. PREFATORY NOTE.The reader is requested to judge tfie following production mildly, as it is the first effort of a youthful genius (16 years old in looks and feeling, 42 by the family bible and census.) The au- thor has felt that America should have a new kind of verse of its own, and he thinks he here offers one which has never been used by any other mortal poet. It is called the duodekameter. Perhaps it may be proper to add that the following is poetry. I. You see everybody in our town was running around, getting fat jobs and positions, and picking up a million dollars or so, So I felt it incumbent on me To shake myself up, and se~ if there wasnt a good butter firkin, well filled, loafing around idle, in which could conveniently locate my centre of gravity, and so I said to myself, Ill go To Washington and see, Says ICHABOD Boc~s, says I. II. Now, dont you see, you might just as well ask fQr a big position at first, and then take what you can get, At least that has been my rule so far, For, as I says to myself, if you can only get a very high position, with a sort of nabobs salary, and lots of perquisites running in annu- ally, you neednt do anything, you bet, But puff at your cigar, Says ICHABOD BoGGs, says I. m So I put on my best clothes, s,nda sort of abigbluenecktie, and shortly thereafter showed myself to Mr. GRANT, And said that there had been quite enough Of this giving away big offices to people who hadnt big reputations, and that he had other fish to fry, and that, as he wouldnt give the 4 ~- IN THE GARDEN. Tins is MRS. JENKINS, IN HER MORNING TOILETTE. Custom House to my son, Id take it myself, and then I stopped, and he looked, I shant, But all he said waspuff, Says General GRANT, says he. Iv. Then all the smoke got in my nose, and I sneezed and snorted a bit, and then I just simply remarked and said That he neednt go and get into a huff, And if he didnt like to give me that office, couldnt he make me Min- ister to England, as I was a big feeder, or if that didnt suit, why, if hed do it, I wouldnt object to being Minister to Cuba, when the Cubans had been all killed, and were thoroughly dead? But all he said waspuff, Says General GRANT, says he. V. Well, then I got kind of discouraged, but I thought that Id better try again, and not get up so far, But ask for what hed give beyond doubt, So I asked for a position as night watebman at the Navy Yard, and thought Id get it, and hed answer my request, for Id noticed that his Havana was gradually growing smaller, and he did answer me, just as hed thrown away the end of his cigar, He simply said, Get out 1 Says General GRANT, says he. YL So I got out, as fast as a pair of legs, with a number twelve boot kicking at th~ place where theyre joined, would permit, And wandered off, just about as far As I conveniently could, and then I sat down on a milestone and raised my voice to Heaven, and cried aloud, that, weather permitting, General GRANT should never, never, NEvER, go back to the White House, not if I could help it, To puff on his cigar, Said ICHABOD Boois, said I. *We hope none of our readers will labor under the impression that we look upon the above effusion as a poetical one, but, in this day of many isms, it may happen that the above style may become prevalent, and we think It our duty to present everything that Is new. EDs. IN THE LIBRARY. Jones, (reading.) THE GLA55 OF FASHION AND THE MOULD OF FORM, THE OBSERvED OF ALL OBSERvERS. Jenkins, (with enthusiasm.) PERFECT DESCRIPTION OF MY WIFE 1 22 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 2.02 TO HARNESS. Mr. Punchineflo on the Turf HIsTORY relates that the era of Horse-racing com~nenced about the year 680 B. C., but it was some time after that when Mr. PUNCHINELLO made his debut as a candidate for the honors of the turf. To put the matter more concisely, it is just six days since he drove his horse Creeping Peter on the track at Monmouth Park, Long Branch. The only object which Mr. P. had in view, when he purchased his celebrated trotter and put him into training, was the improvement of the breed of American horses. While our Boinimis, YANDKRBILTS and GnM~rs are devoting all their surplus time and means to this great end, Mr. P., inplacing the name of his yellow horse in the hands of the pool- seller, would scorn to have a less noble aim. But this great object need not interfere with others of less im- portance, and therefore Mr. P. will not deny that, after having ex- hibited to his friends and the sporting fraternity in general, his little investment in fancy horseflesh, he made up a very satisfactory betting- book. Now Mr. P. believed,and events proved him to be correct,that when his friends and the sporting fraternity saw his horse, they would bet heavily against him. Mr. P., however, in all the pride of amateur ownership, bet quite as heavily upon his noble steed. His friends and the above-mentioned fraternity chuckled and winked be- hind his back, but although Mr. P. heard them chuckle and knew that they were winking, his belief in his final success never wavered. Any ordinary observer might be expected to remark that Creeping Peter was not entirely without blemish. Besides being spavined and having three of his hoofs injured by sand-crack, he had poll-evil, fistulas, malanders, ring-bone, capped hock, curb, splin~j and several other maladies which made him a very suitable horse for the general public to bet against. But Mr. P. s courage never quailed! When he made his appearance on the track (for he drove his horse himself) he was the object of general attention. The following view (from a photograph by Rocxwoon) gives an excellent idea of the horse and driver. Nearly everybody on the ground advised Mr. P. to leave his cloth in the stable, for it would certainly interfere with the speed of his horse and probably get wrapped up in the wheels and cause an accident. But Mr. P. would listen to nothing of the sort. He told everybody that he wasnt going to catch cold in his knees, even if he lost the race, and that he was perfectly willing to run the risk of accidents. For the benefit of his readers, however, Mr. P. will lift up this heavily shotted lap-cloth and show what was under it. Here is arranged a steam-engine, which drives the wheels of the vehicle, and which will of course propel the whole turnout, horse and all, at a great rate of speed. It will now be easily perceived why Mr. P. persisted in keeping his lap-cloth over his knees. The entries were as follows: ROBERT BoNEERs b. h. Dexter. Dmn 0. Suxs b. m. Lady Thorn. Puxcmrnirios y. h. Creeping Peter. When the word was given, the horses all got off well and Dexter im- mediately took the lead,buzzing through the air like a humming-top, followed closely by Lady Thorn, her nose just lapping his off jaw. For the first few seconds Mr. P. fell behind, owing to his fires not yet being properly under way, but the water soon bubbled merrily in his boiler, and his wheels began to revolve with great rapidity. And now he sped merrily. Never did the war trumpet inspire the fiery charger, or hounds and horn excite the mettled hunter, as the steam-engine in his rear woke all the energies of Creeping Peter. Swift as revolving-pin-wheels or rapid peg-top, those spavins, those ring-bones, those bulbous hocks, those sand-cracked hoofs and those rattling ribs went whistling oer the track. Mid the shouts and yells of the excited multitude he passed Lady Thorn, overtook Dexter and shot ahead of him! But he caunot stand that tremendous pace, and down goes Creeping Peter on his knees. Every man who had bet against him set up a howl of rapture, but Mr. P. never relaxed a muscle, -and on went Creeping Peter, just as fast as ever, his horny bones dashing away the sand and gravel like spray from the cut-water of a scudding yacht, and, amid the wildest clamor, he shot past the judges stand on his nose and one leg, making his mile in two minutes and two seconds! It is needless to dwell upon the results of this race. Mr. P. now owes no man anything, nor is he even indebted to his noble steed. Behold his testimony to the merits of that valuable animal! AN item in an evening paper states that a man near Syracuse re- cently cut his throat with a scythe. Well, certainly this was anew Mowed of doing the business, although, as it was the first instance of the kind on record, it caunot properly be said that the business was done a la mowed. Jocular and Ocular. CAN the public be properly said to have looked forward to SxusAcH? 9 Something Original in Suicide.

22 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 2.02 TO HARNESS. Mr. Punchineflo on the Turf HIsTORY relates that the era of Horse-racing com~nenced about the year 680 B. C., but it was some time after that when Mr. PUNCHINELLO made his debut as a candidate for the honors of the turf. To put the matter more concisely, it is just six days since he drove his horse Creeping Peter on the track at Monmouth Park, Long Branch. The only object which Mr. P. had in view, when he purchased his celebrated trotter and put him into training, was the improvement of the breed of American horses. While our Boinimis, YANDKRBILTS and GnM~rs are devoting all their surplus time and means to this great end, Mr. P., inplacing the name of his yellow horse in the hands of the pool- seller, would scorn to have a less noble aim. But this great object need not interfere with others of less im- portance, and therefore Mr. P. will not deny that, after having ex- hibited to his friends and the sporting fraternity in general, his little investment in fancy horseflesh, he made up a very satisfactory betting- book. Now Mr. P. believed,and events proved him to be correct,that when his friends and the sporting fraternity saw his horse, they would bet heavily against him. Mr. P., however, in all the pride of amateur ownership, bet quite as heavily upon his noble steed. His friends and the above-mentioned fraternity chuckled and winked be- hind his back, but although Mr. P. heard them chuckle and knew that they were winking, his belief in his final success never wavered. Any ordinary observer might be expected to remark that Creeping Peter was not entirely without blemish. Besides being spavined and having three of his hoofs injured by sand-crack, he had poll-evil, fistulas, malanders, ring-bone, capped hock, curb, splin~j and several other maladies which made him a very suitable horse for the general public to bet against. But Mr. P. s courage never quailed! When he made his appearance on the track (for he drove his horse himself) he was the object of general attention. The following view (from a photograph by Rocxwoon) gives an excellent idea of the horse and driver. Nearly everybody on the ground advised Mr. P. to leave his cloth in the stable, for it would certainly interfere with the speed of his horse and probably get wrapped up in the wheels and cause an accident. But Mr. P. would listen to nothing of the sort. He told everybody that he wasnt going to catch cold in his knees, even if he lost the race, and that he was perfectly willing to run the risk of accidents. For the benefit of his readers, however, Mr. P. will lift up this heavily shotted lap-cloth and show what was under it. Here is arranged a steam-engine, which drives the wheels of the vehicle, and which will of course propel the whole turnout, horse and all, at a great rate of speed. It will now be easily perceived why Mr. P. persisted in keeping his lap-cloth over his knees. The entries were as follows: ROBERT BoNEERs b. h. Dexter. Dmn 0. Suxs b. m. Lady Thorn. Puxcmrnirios y. h. Creeping Peter. When the word was given, the horses all got off well and Dexter im- mediately took the lead,buzzing through the air like a humming-top, followed closely by Lady Thorn, her nose just lapping his off jaw. For the first few seconds Mr. P. fell behind, owing to his fires not yet being properly under way, but the water soon bubbled merrily in his boiler, and his wheels began to revolve with great rapidity. And now he sped merrily. Never did the war trumpet inspire the fiery charger, or hounds and horn excite the mettled hunter, as the steam-engine in his rear woke all the energies of Creeping Peter. Swift as revolving-pin-wheels or rapid peg-top, those spavins, those ring-bones, those bulbous hocks, those sand-cracked hoofs and those rattling ribs went whistling oer the track. Mid the shouts and yells of the excited multitude he passed Lady Thorn, overtook Dexter and shot ahead of him! But he caunot stand that tremendous pace, and down goes Creeping Peter on his knees. Every man who had bet against him set up a howl of rapture, but Mr. P. never relaxed a muscle, -and on went Creeping Peter, just as fast as ever, his horny bones dashing away the sand and gravel like spray from the cut-water of a scudding yacht, and, amid the wildest clamor, he shot past the judges stand on his nose and one leg, making his mile in two minutes and two seconds! It is needless to dwell upon the results of this race. Mr. P. now owes no man anything, nor is he even indebted to his noble steed. Behold his testimony to the merits of that valuable animal! AN item in an evening paper states that a man near Syracuse re- cently cut his throat with a scythe. Well, certainly this was anew Mowed of doing the business, although, as it was the first instance of the kind on record, it caunot properly be said that the business was done a la mowed. Jocular and Ocular. CAN the public be properly said to have looked forward to SxusAcH? 9 Something Original in Suicide.

22 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 2.02 TO HARNESS. Mr. Punchineflo on the Turf HIsTORY relates that the era of Horse-racing com~nenced about the year 680 B. C., but it was some time after that when Mr. PUNCHINELLO made his debut as a candidate for the honors of the turf. To put the matter more concisely, it is just six days since he drove his horse Creeping Peter on the track at Monmouth Park, Long Branch. The only object which Mr. P. had in view, when he purchased his celebrated trotter and put him into training, was the improvement of the breed of American horses. While our Boinimis, YANDKRBILTS and GnM~rs are devoting all their surplus time and means to this great end, Mr. P., inplacing the name of his yellow horse in the hands of the pool- seller, would scorn to have a less noble aim. But this great object need not interfere with others of less im- portance, and therefore Mr. P. will not deny that, after having ex- hibited to his friends and the sporting fraternity in general, his little investment in fancy horseflesh, he made up a very satisfactory betting- book. Now Mr. P. believed,and events proved him to be correct,that when his friends and the sporting fraternity saw his horse, they would bet heavily against him. Mr. P., however, in all the pride of amateur ownership, bet quite as heavily upon his noble steed. His friends and the above-mentioned fraternity chuckled and winked be- hind his back, but although Mr. P. heard them chuckle and knew that they were winking, his belief in his final success never wavered. Any ordinary observer might be expected to remark that Creeping Peter was not entirely without blemish. Besides being spavined and having three of his hoofs injured by sand-crack, he had poll-evil, fistulas, malanders, ring-bone, capped hock, curb, splin~j and several other maladies which made him a very suitable horse for the general public to bet against. But Mr. P. s courage never quailed! When he made his appearance on the track (for he drove his horse himself) he was the object of general attention. The following view (from a photograph by Rocxwoon) gives an excellent idea of the horse and driver. Nearly everybody on the ground advised Mr. P. to leave his cloth in the stable, for it would certainly interfere with the speed of his horse and probably get wrapped up in the wheels and cause an accident. But Mr. P. would listen to nothing of the sort. He told everybody that he wasnt going to catch cold in his knees, even if he lost the race, and that he was perfectly willing to run the risk of accidents. For the benefit of his readers, however, Mr. P. will lift up this heavily shotted lap-cloth and show what was under it. Here is arranged a steam-engine, which drives the wheels of the vehicle, and which will of course propel the whole turnout, horse and all, at a great rate of speed. It will now be easily perceived why Mr. P. persisted in keeping his lap-cloth over his knees. The entries were as follows: ROBERT BoNEERs b. h. Dexter. Dmn 0. Suxs b. m. Lady Thorn. Puxcmrnirios y. h. Creeping Peter. When the word was given, the horses all got off well and Dexter im- mediately took the lead,buzzing through the air like a humming-top, followed closely by Lady Thorn, her nose just lapping his off jaw. For the first few seconds Mr. P. fell behind, owing to his fires not yet being properly under way, but the water soon bubbled merrily in his boiler, and his wheels began to revolve with great rapidity. And now he sped merrily. Never did the war trumpet inspire the fiery charger, or hounds and horn excite the mettled hunter, as the steam-engine in his rear woke all the energies of Creeping Peter. Swift as revolving-pin-wheels or rapid peg-top, those spavins, those ring-bones, those bulbous hocks, those sand-cracked hoofs and those rattling ribs went whistling oer the track. Mid the shouts and yells of the excited multitude he passed Lady Thorn, overtook Dexter and shot ahead of him! But he caunot stand that tremendous pace, and down goes Creeping Peter on his knees. Every man who had bet against him set up a howl of rapture, but Mr. P. never relaxed a muscle, -and on went Creeping Peter, just as fast as ever, his horny bones dashing away the sand and gravel like spray from the cut-water of a scudding yacht, and, amid the wildest clamor, he shot past the judges stand on his nose and one leg, making his mile in two minutes and two seconds! It is needless to dwell upon the results of this race. Mr. P. now owes no man anything, nor is he even indebted to his noble steed. Behold his testimony to the merits of that valuable animal! AN item in an evening paper states that a man near Syracuse re- cently cut his throat with a scythe. Well, certainly this was anew Mowed of doing the business, although, as it was the first instance of the kind on record, it caunot properly be said that the business was done a la mowed. Jocular and Ocular. CAN the public be properly said to have looked forward to SxusAcH? 9 Something Original in Suicide.

22 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 2.02 TO HARNESS. Mr. Punchineflo on the Turf HIsTORY relates that the era of Horse-racing com~nenced about the year 680 B. C., but it was some time after that when Mr. PUNCHINELLO made his debut as a candidate for the honors of the turf. To put the matter more concisely, it is just six days since he drove his horse Creeping Peter on the track at Monmouth Park, Long Branch. The only object which Mr. P. had in view, when he purchased his celebrated trotter and put him into training, was the improvement of the breed of American horses. While our Boinimis, YANDKRBILTS and GnM~rs are devoting all their surplus time and means to this great end, Mr. P., inplacing the name of his yellow horse in the hands of the pool- seller, would scorn to have a less noble aim. But this great object need not interfere with others of less im- portance, and therefore Mr. P. will not deny that, after having ex- hibited to his friends and the sporting fraternity in general, his little investment in fancy horseflesh, he made up a very satisfactory betting- book. Now Mr. P. believed,and events proved him to be correct,that when his friends and the sporting fraternity saw his horse, they would bet heavily against him. Mr. P., however, in all the pride of amateur ownership, bet quite as heavily upon his noble steed. His friends and the above-mentioned fraternity chuckled and winked be- hind his back, but although Mr. P. heard them chuckle and knew that they were winking, his belief in his final success never wavered. Any ordinary observer might be expected to remark that Creeping Peter was not entirely without blemish. Besides being spavined and having three of his hoofs injured by sand-crack, he had poll-evil, fistulas, malanders, ring-bone, capped hock, curb, splin~j and several other maladies which made him a very suitable horse for the general public to bet against. But Mr. P. s courage never quailed! When he made his appearance on the track (for he drove his horse himself) he was the object of general attention. The following view (from a photograph by Rocxwoon) gives an excellent idea of the horse and driver. Nearly everybody on the ground advised Mr. P. to leave his cloth in the stable, for it would certainly interfere with the speed of his horse and probably get wrapped up in the wheels and cause an accident. But Mr. P. would listen to nothing of the sort. He told everybody that he wasnt going to catch cold in his knees, even if he lost the race, and that he was perfectly willing to run the risk of accidents. For the benefit of his readers, however, Mr. P. will lift up this heavily shotted lap-cloth and show what was under it. Here is arranged a steam-engine, which drives the wheels of the vehicle, and which will of course propel the whole turnout, horse and all, at a great rate of speed. It will now be easily perceived why Mr. P. persisted in keeping his lap-cloth over his knees. The entries were as follows: ROBERT BoNEERs b. h. Dexter. Dmn 0. Suxs b. m. Lady Thorn. Puxcmrnirios y. h. Creeping Peter. When the word was given, the horses all got off well and Dexter im- mediately took the lead,buzzing through the air like a humming-top, followed closely by Lady Thorn, her nose just lapping his off jaw. For the first few seconds Mr. P. fell behind, owing to his fires not yet being properly under way, but the water soon bubbled merrily in his boiler, and his wheels began to revolve with great rapidity. And now he sped merrily. Never did the war trumpet inspire the fiery charger, or hounds and horn excite the mettled hunter, as the steam-engine in his rear woke all the energies of Creeping Peter. Swift as revolving-pin-wheels or rapid peg-top, those spavins, those ring-bones, those bulbous hocks, those sand-cracked hoofs and those rattling ribs went whistling oer the track. Mid the shouts and yells of the excited multitude he passed Lady Thorn, overtook Dexter and shot ahead of him! But he caunot stand that tremendous pace, and down goes Creeping Peter on his knees. Every man who had bet against him set up a howl of rapture, but Mr. P. never relaxed a muscle, -and on went Creeping Peter, just as fast as ever, his horny bones dashing away the sand and gravel like spray from the cut-water of a scudding yacht, and, amid the wildest clamor, he shot past the judges stand on his nose and one leg, making his mile in two minutes and two seconds! It is needless to dwell upon the results of this race. Mr. P. now owes no man anything, nor is he even indebted to his noble steed. Behold his testimony to the merits of that valuable animal! AN item in an evening paper states that a man near Syracuse re- cently cut his throat with a scythe. Well, certainly this was anew Mowed of doing the business, although, as it was the first instance of the kind on record, it caunot properly be said that the business was done a la mowed. Jocular and Ocular. CAN the public be properly said to have looked forward to SxusAcH? 9 Something Original in Suicide. OCT. 8,1870. PUNCF{INELLO. ANNA DICKIJSON. O~z bright October morning in the year 1828, a lone lorxi woman by the name of GUMMIDGE might have been seen standing at the corner of a wheat-field where two cross-roads met and embraced. She was weep- ing violently. Ever and anon she would raise her head and gaze mysteriously in the direction of a cloud of dust whith moved slowly over the hill toward the town. Her name was Firmr.~. FATIMk G1m- MIDGE. Sister A~iz, she cried, what do you see ? But sister was far away. She was not there. She was attending an agri- cultural fair in the beautiful young state of Kansas. Thus gracefully do we introduce our heroine upon the scene. The reader will be able to judge, from this, whether we are familiar with the literature of our day, or not. He will be able to form a complimentary opinion of our culture. He will pereeive that we are acquainted with t1~e writings of Messrs. JAMEs, and DlcnzNs, and BLUEBEAED. There is nothing like impressing your reader with an adequate sense of your ubility for laborious research, when you are doing biography kr a high- toned journal. At what period in her career our illustrious victim applied to the Legislature to change her name from GUMMIDGE to Dicz~iso~~r, we are unable to discover. There is no record of the event in the musty tomes we have waded through at the Astor Library in search of reliable data. One thing must be apparent, even to the most violently prejudiced and brutish bigotnamely, that Miss DIcKINsoN no longer confesses to the name of GUMMIDGE. However disrespectful this may be to the memory of Mrs. GUMMIDGE5 fatherbut on reflection is it not possible that Mrs. GUMMIDGES maiden name was DIcKINsoN? There may be some- thing in this. Let us see. Mr.s. GUMMIDGE was born of the brain of Mr. C. DICKENS. Mr. DIcEKNs may be said to be the father ofthe whole GUMMIDGE family. This, of course, includes GUMMIDGE pare. Gnu- MIDGE pire was therefore Drc~Ns son. Hence the name of DIcKENsoN. Very good, so far. Now But it is unnecessary to press the argument. If the prejudiced bigot is not yet convinced, nothing would convince him short of a horse- whipping. The poet, when he wrote Thou wilt come no more; gentle AlE, was clearly laboring under a mistake. If he had written Thou wilt be sure to come again next season, gentle Am~zn, he would have hit it. Lecture committees know this. Miss DIcKINsON earns her living by lecturing. Occasionally she takes a turn at scrubbing pavements, or going to hear WENDELL PmLIaPs on The Lost Arts, or other violent exertion, but her best hold is lecturing. She has followed the business ever since she was a girl, and twenty-four (24) years of steady appli- cation have made her no longer a Timid Young Thing. She is not afraid of audiences any more. It is a favorite recreation of the moral boot-blacks and pious news- boys of New York to gather in the evening on the steps of Mr. FROTH- ING.EAM s church, and scare each other with thrilling stories of the gentle ANNIES fierce exploits and deeds of daring. Among the best authenti- cated of these (stripped of the ornate figures of speech with which the pious newsboys are wont to embellish the simple facts) are the fol- lowing: 1. In the memorable canvass of 1848, Miss DICKINsON stumped the mining districts of Pennsylvania for FEED DouGLA.ss, and was shot at by the infuriated miners forty-two times, the bullets whistling through he~ back hair to that extent that her chignon looked like a section of suction-hose when the campaign was over. 2. Near the close of the rebellion, Miss DIcKn~sON wrote to JEFF DAvIs that she was going to raise a regiment and go for him. Peace followed promptly. 3. In the year 1867 she published a book. 4. In the year 1868 she went to California overland, by railroad, alone. 5. In the year 1869 she attended a lecture by OLIVE Loo~, and further showed her fearless nature by embracing Miss LOGAN tempestu- ously, and offering to marry her. 6. At various times during her career she has received and success- fully done battle with 14,624 proposals of marriage, 14,600 of which were made to her in the city of Chicago! I! These evidences of her courage are sufficient to show what she is equal to, under any emergency. We are now waiting to hear of a seventh act of bravery on her part which will distance all the above; when she shall have announced that she is prepared to lecture on CHARLES DICKENS she will have given the last convincing proof that she is equal to anything terrible. (Should Mr. PuNcmNIAIa~O object that this biographical sketeh is desultory and wandering, let him try, himself, to write the biography of a lady who is incessantly and frantically roaming from one end of the country to the other, and if he dont wander it will be a wonder.) IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT !HEIRS WANTED! NEW YonK, Oct. 1, 1870. WE, the undersigned, as representatives of the family of the de- cedent, hereby call upon all heirs of the late RICHARD Czuu DE LION, who may be residing in or near this locality, to meet at the Astor House, in New York, on the fifteenth of this present month of October, to take measures for the recovery of such portion of the estate of said LION as is known to have legally descended to his heirs in this country. This property, to which it will be easy to prove that we, the undersigned, together with the other members of our family, are the lineal heirs, is believed to consist mainly of the two hundred thousand byzants assured to the said LION by SALADIN after the capitelation of Acre. This sum, which we have reason to believe was duly paid by sald SALADIN at the time appointed, when reduced from golden byzants into greenbacks, and compound-interest at seven per cenium for the term of six hundred and sevefity-nine years calculated thereupon, will be found to amount to upwards of one hundred and seventy thousand million dollars. When the ransom money of twenty-five hundred Saranens, slain by said LION to enforce the speedy payment of the principal of this sum by the said SALADIN, shall have been deducted and paid to such heirs and survivors of said Saracens as may immediate- ly present their claims, the remainder will be divided, (as soon as the necessary legal measures shall be taken,) among the heirs and descend- ants of said LION in this country. The immediate object of the meeting, which is now called by the undersigned, is the collection of sufficient funds from said heirs and descendants to defray the expenses of a committee (composed of the undersigned) who shall be charged with the duty of visiting England, Normandy and Palestine, and obtaining such evidence and such copies of record in relation to this portion of the estate of the said LION, as shall make necessary a speedy and equitable division of said property among the members of the family in this country. Lineal heirs who may not be able to attend this -meeting in person will have their interests taken in charge by the undersigned, on the receipt of twenty-five dollars, which will be due from ea~h heir as the primary instalment on account of necessary expenses. Punctual attention to this notice is requested. (Signed) JACOB BicaAIws, PETER MCCURDY, EBENEZER LYONS. JAMEs MCIJEON, L J. OLyme, HENRY RICHARDSON, Rev. THOS. DICK, DICK E. DICKQUE DOUT. RECOGNITION OF NILSSON. NOT that we mean to patronize, fair Swede; No, no, indeed! Tis homage, honest homage that we bring; For you can sing! Pray, do not think we mid you any throne On skill alone; Theres nothing regal in a music box In simple vox! But when an ardent spirit warms the strain When it is plain The artist feels the passion of the scene Shes then our Queen! But, dear CERIs~rneA! we should still declare The Fates unfair, Unless she lived as chastely as the rose; As NnssoN does! Still, still we hesitate !We will confess, (For youd not guess!) Wed have herthat the likeness be complete Young, fair, and sweet! In fine, (and now well tell you everything,) If she can sing, And act, and feel, and look, and be like you, Why, that will do! 23~

OCT. 8,1870. PUNCF{INELLO. ANNA DICKIJSON. O~z bright October morning in the year 1828, a lone lorxi woman by the name of GUMMIDGE might have been seen standing at the corner of a wheat-field where two cross-roads met and embraced. She was weep- ing violently. Ever and anon she would raise her head and gaze mysteriously in the direction of a cloud of dust whith moved slowly over the hill toward the town. Her name was Firmr.~. FATIMk G1m- MIDGE. Sister A~iz, she cried, what do you see ? But sister was far away. She was not there. She was attending an agri- cultural fair in the beautiful young state of Kansas. Thus gracefully do we introduce our heroine upon the scene. The reader will be able to judge, from this, whether we are familiar with the literature of our day, or not. He will be able to form a complimentary opinion of our culture. He will pereeive that we are acquainted with t1~e writings of Messrs. JAMEs, and DlcnzNs, and BLUEBEAED. There is nothing like impressing your reader with an adequate sense of your ubility for laborious research, when you are doing biography kr a high- toned journal. At what period in her career our illustrious victim applied to the Legislature to change her name from GUMMIDGE to Dicz~iso~~r, we are unable to discover. There is no record of the event in the musty tomes we have waded through at the Astor Library in search of reliable data. One thing must be apparent, even to the most violently prejudiced and brutish bigotnamely, that Miss DIcKINsoN no longer confesses to the name of GUMMIDGE. However disrespectful this may be to the memory of Mrs. GUMMIDGE5 fatherbut on reflection is it not possible that Mrs. GUMMIDGES maiden name was DIcKINsoN? There may be some- thing in this. Let us see. Mr.s. GUMMIDGE was born of the brain of Mr. C. DICKENS. Mr. DIcEKNs may be said to be the father ofthe whole GUMMIDGE family. This, of course, includes GUMMIDGE pare. Gnu- MIDGE pire was therefore Drc~Ns son. Hence the name of DIcKENsoN. Very good, so far. Now But it is unnecessary to press the argument. If the prejudiced bigot is not yet convinced, nothing would convince him short of a horse- whipping. The poet, when he wrote Thou wilt come no more; gentle AlE, was clearly laboring under a mistake. If he had written Thou wilt be sure to come again next season, gentle Am~zn, he would have hit it. Lecture committees know this. Miss DIcKINsON earns her living by lecturing. Occasionally she takes a turn at scrubbing pavements, or going to hear WENDELL PmLIaPs on The Lost Arts, or other violent exertion, but her best hold is lecturing. She has followed the business ever since she was a girl, and twenty-four (24) years of steady appli- cation have made her no longer a Timid Young Thing. She is not afraid of audiences any more. It is a favorite recreation of the moral boot-blacks and pious news- boys of New York to gather in the evening on the steps of Mr. FROTH- ING.EAM s church, and scare each other with thrilling stories of the gentle ANNIES fierce exploits and deeds of daring. Among the best authenti- cated of these (stripped of the ornate figures of speech with which the pious newsboys are wont to embellish the simple facts) are the fol- lowing: 1. In the memorable canvass of 1848, Miss DICKINsON stumped the mining districts of Pennsylvania for FEED DouGLA.ss, and was shot at by the infuriated miners forty-two times, the bullets whistling through he~ back hair to that extent that her chignon looked like a section of suction-hose when the campaign was over. 2. Near the close of the rebellion, Miss DIcKn~sON wrote to JEFF DAvIs that she was going to raise a regiment and go for him. Peace followed promptly. 3. In the year 1867 she published a book. 4. In the year 1868 she went to California overland, by railroad, alone. 5. In the year 1869 she attended a lecture by OLIVE Loo~, and further showed her fearless nature by embracing Miss LOGAN tempestu- ously, and offering to marry her. 6. At various times during her career she has received and success- fully done battle with 14,624 proposals of marriage, 14,600 of which were made to her in the city of Chicago! I! These evidences of her courage are sufficient to show what she is equal to, under any emergency. We are now waiting to hear of a seventh act of bravery on her part which will distance all the above; when she shall have announced that she is prepared to lecture on CHARLES DICKENS she will have given the last convincing proof that she is equal to anything terrible. (Should Mr. PuNcmNIAIa~O object that this biographical sketeh is desultory and wandering, let him try, himself, to write the biography of a lady who is incessantly and frantically roaming from one end of the country to the other, and if he dont wander it will be a wonder.) IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT !HEIRS WANTED! NEW YonK, Oct. 1, 1870. WE, the undersigned, as representatives of the family of the de- cedent, hereby call upon all heirs of the late RICHARD Czuu DE LION, who may be residing in or near this locality, to meet at the Astor House, in New York, on the fifteenth of this present month of October, to take measures for the recovery of such portion of the estate of said LION as is known to have legally descended to his heirs in this country. This property, to which it will be easy to prove that we, the undersigned, together with the other members of our family, are the lineal heirs, is believed to consist mainly of the two hundred thousand byzants assured to the said LION by SALADIN after the capitelation of Acre. This sum, which we have reason to believe was duly paid by sald SALADIN at the time appointed, when reduced from golden byzants into greenbacks, and compound-interest at seven per cenium for the term of six hundred and sevefity-nine years calculated thereupon, will be found to amount to upwards of one hundred and seventy thousand million dollars. When the ransom money of twenty-five hundred Saranens, slain by said LION to enforce the speedy payment of the principal of this sum by the said SALADIN, shall have been deducted and paid to such heirs and survivors of said Saracens as may immediate- ly present their claims, the remainder will be divided, (as soon as the necessary legal measures shall be taken,) among the heirs and descend- ants of said LION in this country. The immediate object of the meeting, which is now called by the undersigned, is the collection of sufficient funds from said heirs and descendants to defray the expenses of a committee (composed of the undersigned) who shall be charged with the duty of visiting England, Normandy and Palestine, and obtaining such evidence and such copies of record in relation to this portion of the estate of the said LION, as shall make necessary a speedy and equitable division of said property among the members of the family in this country. Lineal heirs who may not be able to attend this -meeting in person will have their interests taken in charge by the undersigned, on the receipt of twenty-five dollars, which will be due from ea~h heir as the primary instalment on account of necessary expenses. Punctual attention to this notice is requested. (Signed) JACOB BicaAIws, PETER MCCURDY, EBENEZER LYONS. JAMEs MCIJEON, L J. OLyme, HENRY RICHARDSON, Rev. THOS. DICK, DICK E. DICKQUE DOUT. RECOGNITION OF NILSSON. NOT that we mean to patronize, fair Swede; No, no, indeed! Tis homage, honest homage that we bring; For you can sing! Pray, do not think we mid you any throne On skill alone; Theres nothing regal in a music box In simple vox! But when an ardent spirit warms the strain When it is plain The artist feels the passion of the scene Shes then our Queen! But, dear CERIs~rneA! we should still declare The Fates unfair, Unless she lived as chastely as the rose; As NnssoN does! Still, still we hesitate !We will confess, (For youd not guess!) Wed have herthat the likeness be complete Young, fair, and sweet! In fine, (and now well tell you everything,) If she can sing, And act, and feel, and look, and be like you, Why, that will do! 23~

OCT. 8,1870. PUNCF{INELLO. ANNA DICKIJSON. O~z bright October morning in the year 1828, a lone lorxi woman by the name of GUMMIDGE might have been seen standing at the corner of a wheat-field where two cross-roads met and embraced. She was weep- ing violently. Ever and anon she would raise her head and gaze mysteriously in the direction of a cloud of dust whith moved slowly over the hill toward the town. Her name was Firmr.~. FATIMk G1m- MIDGE. Sister A~iz, she cried, what do you see ? But sister was far away. She was not there. She was attending an agri- cultural fair in the beautiful young state of Kansas. Thus gracefully do we introduce our heroine upon the scene. The reader will be able to judge, from this, whether we are familiar with the literature of our day, or not. He will be able to form a complimentary opinion of our culture. He will pereeive that we are acquainted with t1~e writings of Messrs. JAMEs, and DlcnzNs, and BLUEBEAED. There is nothing like impressing your reader with an adequate sense of your ubility for laborious research, when you are doing biography kr a high- toned journal. At what period in her career our illustrious victim applied to the Legislature to change her name from GUMMIDGE to Dicz~iso~~r, we are unable to discover. There is no record of the event in the musty tomes we have waded through at the Astor Library in search of reliable data. One thing must be apparent, even to the most violently prejudiced and brutish bigotnamely, that Miss DIcKINsoN no longer confesses to the name of GUMMIDGE. However disrespectful this may be to the memory of Mrs. GUMMIDGE5 fatherbut on reflection is it not possible that Mrs. GUMMIDGES maiden name was DIcKINsoN? There may be some- thing in this. Let us see. Mr.s. GUMMIDGE was born of the brain of Mr. C. DICKENS. Mr. DIcEKNs may be said to be the father ofthe whole GUMMIDGE family. This, of course, includes GUMMIDGE pare. Gnu- MIDGE pire was therefore Drc~Ns son. Hence the name of DIcKENsoN. Very good, so far. Now But it is unnecessary to press the argument. If the prejudiced bigot is not yet convinced, nothing would convince him short of a horse- whipping. The poet, when he wrote Thou wilt come no more; gentle AlE, was clearly laboring under a mistake. If he had written Thou wilt be sure to come again next season, gentle Am~zn, he would have hit it. Lecture committees know this. Miss DIcKINsON earns her living by lecturing. Occasionally she takes a turn at scrubbing pavements, or going to hear WENDELL PmLIaPs on The Lost Arts, or other violent exertion, but her best hold is lecturing. She has followed the business ever since she was a girl, and twenty-four (24) years of steady appli- cation have made her no longer a Timid Young Thing. She is not afraid of audiences any more. It is a favorite recreation of the moral boot-blacks and pious news- boys of New York to gather in the evening on the steps of Mr. FROTH- ING.EAM s church, and scare each other with thrilling stories of the gentle ANNIES fierce exploits and deeds of daring. Among the best authenti- cated of these (stripped of the ornate figures of speech with which the pious newsboys are wont to embellish the simple facts) are the fol- lowing: 1. In the memorable canvass of 1848, Miss DICKINsON stumped the mining districts of Pennsylvania for FEED DouGLA.ss, and was shot at by the infuriated miners forty-two times, the bullets whistling through he~ back hair to that extent that her chignon looked like a section of suction-hose when the campaign was over. 2. Near the close of the rebellion, Miss DIcKn~sON wrote to JEFF DAvIs that she was going to raise a regiment and go for him. Peace followed promptly. 3. In the year 1867 she published a book. 4. In the year 1868 she went to California overland, by railroad, alone. 5. In the year 1869 she attended a lecture by OLIVE Loo~, and further showed her fearless nature by embracing Miss LOGAN tempestu- ously, and offering to marry her. 6. At various times during her career she has received and success- fully done battle with 14,624 proposals of marriage, 14,600 of which were made to her in the city of Chicago! I! These evidences of her courage are sufficient to show what she is equal to, under any emergency. We are now waiting to hear of a seventh act of bravery on her part which will distance all the above; when she shall have announced that she is prepared to lecture on CHARLES DICKENS she will have given the last convincing proof that she is equal to anything terrible. (Should Mr. PuNcmNIAIa~O object that this biographical sketeh is desultory and wandering, let him try, himself, to write the biography of a lady who is incessantly and frantically roaming from one end of the country to the other, and if he dont wander it will be a wonder.) IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT !HEIRS WANTED! NEW YonK, Oct. 1, 1870. WE, the undersigned, as representatives of the family of the de- cedent, hereby call upon all heirs of the late RICHARD Czuu DE LION, who may be residing in or near this locality, to meet at the Astor House, in New York, on the fifteenth of this present month of October, to take measures for the recovery of such portion of the estate of said LION as is known to have legally descended to his heirs in this country. This property, to which it will be easy to prove that we, the undersigned, together with the other members of our family, are the lineal heirs, is believed to consist mainly of the two hundred thousand byzants assured to the said LION by SALADIN after the capitelation of Acre. This sum, which we have reason to believe was duly paid by sald SALADIN at the time appointed, when reduced from golden byzants into greenbacks, and compound-interest at seven per cenium for the term of six hundred and sevefity-nine years calculated thereupon, will be found to amount to upwards of one hundred and seventy thousand million dollars. When the ransom money of twenty-five hundred Saranens, slain by said LION to enforce the speedy payment of the principal of this sum by the said SALADIN, shall have been deducted and paid to such heirs and survivors of said Saracens as may immediate- ly present their claims, the remainder will be divided, (as soon as the necessary legal measures shall be taken,) among the heirs and descend- ants of said LION in this country. The immediate object of the meeting, which is now called by the undersigned, is the collection of sufficient funds from said heirs and descendants to defray the expenses of a committee (composed of the undersigned) who shall be charged with the duty of visiting England, Normandy and Palestine, and obtaining such evidence and such copies of record in relation to this portion of the estate of the said LION, as shall make necessary a speedy and equitable division of said property among the members of the family in this country. Lineal heirs who may not be able to attend this -meeting in person will have their interests taken in charge by the undersigned, on the receipt of twenty-five dollars, which will be due from ea~h heir as the primary instalment on account of necessary expenses. Punctual attention to this notice is requested. (Signed) JACOB BicaAIws, PETER MCCURDY, EBENEZER LYONS. JAMEs MCIJEON, L J. OLyme, HENRY RICHARDSON, Rev. THOS. DICK, DICK E. DICKQUE DOUT. RECOGNITION OF NILSSON. NOT that we mean to patronize, fair Swede; No, no, indeed! Tis homage, honest homage that we bring; For you can sing! Pray, do not think we mid you any throne On skill alone; Theres nothing regal in a music box In simple vox! But when an ardent spirit warms the strain When it is plain The artist feels the passion of the scene Shes then our Queen! But, dear CERIs~rneA! we should still declare The Fates unfair, Unless she lived as chastely as the rose; As NnssoN does! Still, still we hesitate !We will confess, (For youd not guess!) Wed have herthat the likeness be complete Young, fair, and sweet! In fine, (and now well tell you everything,) If she can sing, And act, and feel, and look, and be like you, Why, that will do! 23~

OCT. 8,1870. PUNCF{INELLO. ANNA DICKIJSON. O~z bright October morning in the year 1828, a lone lorxi woman by the name of GUMMIDGE might have been seen standing at the corner of a wheat-field where two cross-roads met and embraced. She was weep- ing violently. Ever and anon she would raise her head and gaze mysteriously in the direction of a cloud of dust whith moved slowly over the hill toward the town. Her name was Firmr.~. FATIMk G1m- MIDGE. Sister A~iz, she cried, what do you see ? But sister was far away. She was not there. She was attending an agri- cultural fair in the beautiful young state of Kansas. Thus gracefully do we introduce our heroine upon the scene. The reader will be able to judge, from this, whether we are familiar with the literature of our day, or not. He will be able to form a complimentary opinion of our culture. He will pereeive that we are acquainted with t1~e writings of Messrs. JAMEs, and DlcnzNs, and BLUEBEAED. There is nothing like impressing your reader with an adequate sense of your ubility for laborious research, when you are doing biography kr a high- toned journal. At what period in her career our illustrious victim applied to the Legislature to change her name from GUMMIDGE to Dicz~iso~~r, we are unable to discover. There is no record of the event in the musty tomes we have waded through at the Astor Library in search of reliable data. One thing must be apparent, even to the most violently prejudiced and brutish bigotnamely, that Miss DIcKINsoN no longer confesses to the name of GUMMIDGE. However disrespectful this may be to the memory of Mrs. GUMMIDGE5 fatherbut on reflection is it not possible that Mrs. GUMMIDGES maiden name was DIcKINsoN? There may be some- thing in this. Let us see. Mr.s. GUMMIDGE was born of the brain of Mr. C. DICKENS. Mr. DIcEKNs may be said to be the father ofthe whole GUMMIDGE family. This, of course, includes GUMMIDGE pare. Gnu- MIDGE pire was therefore Drc~Ns son. Hence the name of DIcKENsoN. Very good, so far. Now But it is unnecessary to press the argument. If the prejudiced bigot is not yet convinced, nothing would convince him short of a horse- whipping. The poet, when he wrote Thou wilt come no more; gentle AlE, was clearly laboring under a mistake. If he had written Thou wilt be sure to come again next season, gentle Am~zn, he would have hit it. Lecture committees know this. Miss DIcKINsON earns her living by lecturing. Occasionally she takes a turn at scrubbing pavements, or going to hear WENDELL PmLIaPs on The Lost Arts, or other violent exertion, but her best hold is lecturing. She has followed the business ever since she was a girl, and twenty-four (24) years of steady appli- cation have made her no longer a Timid Young Thing. She is not afraid of audiences any more. It is a favorite recreation of the moral boot-blacks and pious news- boys of New York to gather in the evening on the steps of Mr. FROTH- ING.EAM s church, and scare each other with thrilling stories of the gentle ANNIES fierce exploits and deeds of daring. Among the best authenti- cated of these (stripped of the ornate figures of speech with which the pious newsboys are wont to embellish the simple facts) are the fol- lowing: 1. In the memorable canvass of 1848, Miss DICKINsON stumped the mining districts of Pennsylvania for FEED DouGLA.ss, and was shot at by the infuriated miners forty-two times, the bullets whistling through he~ back hair to that extent that her chignon looked like a section of suction-hose when the campaign was over. 2. Near the close of the rebellion, Miss DIcKn~sON wrote to JEFF DAvIs that she was going to raise a regiment and go for him. Peace followed promptly. 3. In the year 1867 she published a book. 4. In the year 1868 she went to California overland, by railroad, alone. 5. In the year 1869 she attended a lecture by OLIVE Loo~, and further showed her fearless nature by embracing Miss LOGAN tempestu- ously, and offering to marry her. 6. At various times during her career she has received and success- fully done battle with 14,624 proposals of marriage, 14,600 of which were made to her in the city of Chicago! I! These evidences of her courage are sufficient to show what she is equal to, under any emergency. We are now waiting to hear of a seventh act of bravery on her part which will distance all the above; when she shall have announced that she is prepared to lecture on CHARLES DICKENS she will have given the last convincing proof that she is equal to anything terrible. (Should Mr. PuNcmNIAIa~O object that this biographical sketeh is desultory and wandering, let him try, himself, to write the biography of a lady who is incessantly and frantically roaming from one end of the country to the other, and if he dont wander it will be a wonder.) IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT !HEIRS WANTED! NEW YonK, Oct. 1, 1870. WE, the undersigned, as representatives of the family of the de- cedent, hereby call upon all heirs of the late RICHARD Czuu DE LION, who may be residing in or near this locality, to meet at the Astor House, in New York, on the fifteenth of this present month of October, to take measures for the recovery of such portion of the estate of said LION as is known to have legally descended to his heirs in this country. This property, to which it will be easy to prove that we, the undersigned, together with the other members of our family, are the lineal heirs, is believed to consist mainly of the two hundred thousand byzants assured to the said LION by SALADIN after the capitelation of Acre. This sum, which we have reason to believe was duly paid by sald SALADIN at the time appointed, when reduced from golden byzants into greenbacks, and compound-interest at seven per cenium for the term of six hundred and sevefity-nine years calculated thereupon, will be found to amount to upwards of one hundred and seventy thousand million dollars. When the ransom money of twenty-five hundred Saranens, slain by said LION to enforce the speedy payment of the principal of this sum by the said SALADIN, shall have been deducted and paid to such heirs and survivors of said Saracens as may immediate- ly present their claims, the remainder will be divided, (as soon as the necessary legal measures shall be taken,) among the heirs and descend- ants of said LION in this country. The immediate object of the meeting, which is now called by the undersigned, is the collection of sufficient funds from said heirs and descendants to defray the expenses of a committee (composed of the undersigned) who shall be charged with the duty of visiting England, Normandy and Palestine, and obtaining such evidence and such copies of record in relation to this portion of the estate of the said LION, as shall make necessary a speedy and equitable division of said property among the members of the family in this country. Lineal heirs who may not be able to attend this -meeting in person will have their interests taken in charge by the undersigned, on the receipt of twenty-five dollars, which will be due from ea~h heir as the primary instalment on account of necessary expenses. Punctual attention to this notice is requested. (Signed) JACOB BicaAIws, PETER MCCURDY, EBENEZER LYONS. JAMEs MCIJEON, L J. OLyme, HENRY RICHARDSON, Rev. THOS. DICK, DICK E. DICKQUE DOUT. RECOGNITION OF NILSSON. NOT that we mean to patronize, fair Swede; No, no, indeed! Tis homage, honest homage that we bring; For you can sing! Pray, do not think we mid you any throne On skill alone; Theres nothing regal in a music box In simple vox! But when an ardent spirit warms the strain When it is plain The artist feels the passion of the scene Shes then our Queen! But, dear CERIs~rneA! we should still declare The Fates unfair, Unless she lived as chastely as the rose; As NnssoN does! Still, still we hesitate !We will confess, (For youd not guess!) Wed have herthat the likeness be complete Young, fair, and sweet! In fine, (and now well tell you everything,) If she can sing, And act, and feel, and look, and be like you, Why, that will do! 23~ S 24 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. A New Pieuian Spring. THE Principal of the Students Home, at Y, N. Y., advertis. ing the advantages his school, makes the following telling ap- peal, which we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere with digestion. COME TO Y. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and Its Seminary the mind. The hope of eventu- ally leaving those clas- sic shades in such a state of two-fold invig- oration, should prove inspiring to the dyspep- tic and studious. Whether this con- stant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of stu- dents in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. Spare U.! NOT only is every- bodys attention direct~ ed towards Paris, but the English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public estimation. They have been pick- ing away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the mud- diest weather. In course of ,time, we sup- pose the worms will G1;appear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Comet arouse then, friends of the sparrow! Fetch out your breadand your grain, and fear not that these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city. A Guard of Honor(S) THE latest, and most important news from Spain is that Src~ixs has been furnished with a guard by the govern- ment. Some things are man- aged better in Spain than in this country. SIcEnls should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him out of mischief. Carpe Diem. Tini following tele- graphic item is a re- markable instance of the exactness with which news can be transmitted by the sub- marine cable: LolmoN, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, mem- ber ofParliament for Hack- ney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill Fields. The monument is practi- cally one to RoSnisoN Cmi- SOE. With the triffing ex- ception of calling Ron- INSON DEFOE ALExAN- DEE DEFOE, (and that is a pardonable error, considering that Ai~ax- ANDEIt SElKIRK wa~ the prototype of DANIEL CRUsOE,) the above item is perfectly satis- factory. All the more so, if one pays atten- tion to the date, and re- members that Septem- ber 16 fell upon a Fm- DAY. BY TELEGRAPH FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD. [Special Correspondence of Punchinelio4 BERlIN, October 15.In a conversation with King WILLIAM, yester- day, he said that he relied upon the growing taste in Hoboken for Bavarian beer to destroy the sympathy of the United States with the French Republic. METE, October 12.While examining the fortifications to-day with BI5MARCK, I lent him my cigar-holder, and he told me that Prussia would refuse to entertain any propositions tending to peace until the. Schleswig-Holstein question was definitely settled. STBASBOURG, October 14.Among the priceless volumes destroyed in the library here, was a full set of ABBOTTS NAroI~oN histories. They were all presentation copies from the author, with autograph inscrip- tions. The regret expressed at their destruction is deep-felt and uni- versal Wnmson, Oct. l6th.I came up to-day with Vicromi& from Balmoral. She was engaged during most of the trip in reading HORACE Gnxai~ays What I Know About Farming, with which she is much delighted. She said she thought the satire was finer than SwniTs, and wondered the people did not insist upon GREEaLEYs being Governor. Roirs, Oct. 15.Talking this morning with the Pope, who took breakfast with me, His Holiness said he had accepted J~nis GonnoN BENNETTS invitation to come to Washington Heights on a visit, and wanted to know whether I thought he would be expected to wear his tiara during meals. I told him that I thought it would not be obligatory. DUBLIN, Oct. 16.The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The F~nians say they would prefer a constitutional monarchy. PARIs, Oct. 15.General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister WAsuauu~ni speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely forgotten what little English he used to know, and further, that he is confident it is not that gentlemans intention to make himself Dictator of France by a coup d ~taL LONG BRANcH, Oct. 22While smoking to-day with GRANT, I asked him what he thought of the European complication, and he answered with a most expressive silence. Tus YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY TEE OLD RAT DANA, COME vo GRIEF IN TRYING To PUT OUT TEE HOFFMAN LIGHT.

S 24 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. A New Pieuian Spring. THE Principal of the Students Home, at Y, N. Y., advertis. ing the advantages his school, makes the following telling ap- peal, which we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere with digestion. COME TO Y. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and Its Seminary the mind. The hope of eventu- ally leaving those clas- sic shades in such a state of two-fold invig- oration, should prove inspiring to the dyspep- tic and studious. Whether this con- stant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of stu- dents in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. Spare U.! NOT only is every- bodys attention direct~ ed towards Paris, but the English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public estimation. They have been pick- ing away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the mud- diest weather. In course of ,time, we sup- pose the worms will G1;appear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Comet arouse then, friends of the sparrow! Fetch out your breadand your grain, and fear not that these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city. A Guard of Honor(S) THE latest, and most important news from Spain is that Src~ixs has been furnished with a guard by the govern- ment. Some things are man- aged better in Spain than in this country. SIcEnls should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him out of mischief. Carpe Diem. Tini following tele- graphic item is a re- markable instance of the exactness with which news can be transmitted by the sub- marine cable: LolmoN, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, mem- ber ofParliament for Hack- ney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill Fields. The monument is practi- cally one to RoSnisoN Cmi- SOE. With the triffing ex- ception of calling Ron- INSON DEFOE ALExAN- DEE DEFOE, (and that is a pardonable error, considering that Ai~ax- ANDEIt SElKIRK wa~ the prototype of DANIEL CRUsOE,) the above item is perfectly satis- factory. All the more so, if one pays atten- tion to the date, and re- members that Septem- ber 16 fell upon a Fm- DAY. BY TELEGRAPH FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD. [Special Correspondence of Punchinelio4 BERlIN, October 15.In a conversation with King WILLIAM, yester- day, he said that he relied upon the growing taste in Hoboken for Bavarian beer to destroy the sympathy of the United States with the French Republic. METE, October 12.While examining the fortifications to-day with BI5MARCK, I lent him my cigar-holder, and he told me that Prussia would refuse to entertain any propositions tending to peace until the. Schleswig-Holstein question was definitely settled. STBASBOURG, October 14.Among the priceless volumes destroyed in the library here, was a full set of ABBOTTS NAroI~oN histories. They were all presentation copies from the author, with autograph inscrip- tions. The regret expressed at their destruction is deep-felt and uni- versal Wnmson, Oct. l6th.I came up to-day with Vicromi& from Balmoral. She was engaged during most of the trip in reading HORACE Gnxai~ays What I Know About Farming, with which she is much delighted. She said she thought the satire was finer than SwniTs, and wondered the people did not insist upon GREEaLEYs being Governor. Roirs, Oct. 15.Talking this morning with the Pope, who took breakfast with me, His Holiness said he had accepted J~nis GonnoN BENNETTS invitation to come to Washington Heights on a visit, and wanted to know whether I thought he would be expected to wear his tiara during meals. I told him that I thought it would not be obligatory. DUBLIN, Oct. 16.The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The F~nians say they would prefer a constitutional monarchy. PARIs, Oct. 15.General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister WAsuauu~ni speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely forgotten what little English he used to know, and further, that he is confident it is not that gentlemans intention to make himself Dictator of France by a coup d ~taL LONG BRANcH, Oct. 22While smoking to-day with GRANT, I asked him what he thought of the European complication, and he answered with a most expressive silence. Tus YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY TEE OLD RAT DANA, COME vo GRIEF IN TRYING To PUT OUT TEE HOFFMAN LIGHT.

S 24 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. A New Pieuian Spring. THE Principal of the Students Home, at Y, N. Y., advertis. ing the advantages his school, makes the following telling ap- peal, which we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere with digestion. COME TO Y. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and Its Seminary the mind. The hope of eventu- ally leaving those clas- sic shades in such a state of two-fold invig- oration, should prove inspiring to the dyspep- tic and studious. Whether this con- stant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of stu- dents in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. Spare U.! NOT only is every- bodys attention direct~ ed towards Paris, but the English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public estimation. They have been pick- ing away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the mud- diest weather. In course of ,time, we sup- pose the worms will G1;appear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Comet arouse then, friends of the sparrow! Fetch out your breadand your grain, and fear not that these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city. A Guard of Honor(S) THE latest, and most important news from Spain is that Src~ixs has been furnished with a guard by the govern- ment. Some things are man- aged better in Spain than in this country. SIcEnls should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him out of mischief. Carpe Diem. Tini following tele- graphic item is a re- markable instance of the exactness with which news can be transmitted by the sub- marine cable: LolmoN, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, mem- ber ofParliament for Hack- ney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill Fields. The monument is practi- cally one to RoSnisoN Cmi- SOE. With the triffing ex- ception of calling Ron- INSON DEFOE ALExAN- DEE DEFOE, (and that is a pardonable error, considering that Ai~ax- ANDEIt SElKIRK wa~ the prototype of DANIEL CRUsOE,) the above item is perfectly satis- factory. All the more so, if one pays atten- tion to the date, and re- members that Septem- ber 16 fell upon a Fm- DAY. BY TELEGRAPH FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD. [Special Correspondence of Punchinelio4 BERlIN, October 15.In a conversation with King WILLIAM, yester- day, he said that he relied upon the growing taste in Hoboken for Bavarian beer to destroy the sympathy of the United States with the French Republic. METE, October 12.While examining the fortifications to-day with BI5MARCK, I lent him my cigar-holder, and he told me that Prussia would refuse to entertain any propositions tending to peace until the. Schleswig-Holstein question was definitely settled. STBASBOURG, October 14.Among the priceless volumes destroyed in the library here, was a full set of ABBOTTS NAroI~oN histories. They were all presentation copies from the author, with autograph inscrip- tions. The regret expressed at their destruction is deep-felt and uni- versal Wnmson, Oct. l6th.I came up to-day with Vicromi& from Balmoral. She was engaged during most of the trip in reading HORACE Gnxai~ays What I Know About Farming, with which she is much delighted. She said she thought the satire was finer than SwniTs, and wondered the people did not insist upon GREEaLEYs being Governor. Roirs, Oct. 15.Talking this morning with the Pope, who took breakfast with me, His Holiness said he had accepted J~nis GonnoN BENNETTS invitation to come to Washington Heights on a visit, and wanted to know whether I thought he would be expected to wear his tiara during meals. I told him that I thought it would not be obligatory. DUBLIN, Oct. 16.The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The F~nians say they would prefer a constitutional monarchy. PARIs, Oct. 15.General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister WAsuauu~ni speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely forgotten what little English he used to know, and further, that he is confident it is not that gentlemans intention to make himself Dictator of France by a coup d ~taL LONG BRANcH, Oct. 22While smoking to-day with GRANT, I asked him what he thought of the European complication, and he answered with a most expressive silence. Tus YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY TEE OLD RAT DANA, COME vo GRIEF IN TRYING To PUT OUT TEE HOFFMAN LIGHT.

S 24 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. A New Pieuian Spring. THE Principal of the Students Home, at Y, N. Y., advertis. ing the advantages his school, makes the following telling ap- peal, which we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere with digestion. COME TO Y. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and Its Seminary the mind. The hope of eventu- ally leaving those clas- sic shades in such a state of two-fold invig- oration, should prove inspiring to the dyspep- tic and studious. Whether this con- stant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of stu- dents in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. Spare U.! NOT only is every- bodys attention direct~ ed towards Paris, but the English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public estimation. They have been pick- ing away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the mud- diest weather. In course of ,time, we sup- pose the worms will G1;appear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Comet arouse then, friends of the sparrow! Fetch out your breadand your grain, and fear not that these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city. A Guard of Honor(S) THE latest, and most important news from Spain is that Src~ixs has been furnished with a guard by the govern- ment. Some things are man- aged better in Spain than in this country. SIcEnls should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him out of mischief. Carpe Diem. Tini following tele- graphic item is a re- markable instance of the exactness with which news can be transmitted by the sub- marine cable: LolmoN, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, mem- ber ofParliament for Hack- ney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill Fields. The monument is practi- cally one to RoSnisoN Cmi- SOE. With the triffing ex- ception of calling Ron- INSON DEFOE ALExAN- DEE DEFOE, (and that is a pardonable error, considering that Ai~ax- ANDEIt SElKIRK wa~ the prototype of DANIEL CRUsOE,) the above item is perfectly satis- factory. All the more so, if one pays atten- tion to the date, and re- members that Septem- ber 16 fell upon a Fm- DAY. BY TELEGRAPH FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD. [Special Correspondence of Punchinelio4 BERlIN, October 15.In a conversation with King WILLIAM, yester- day, he said that he relied upon the growing taste in Hoboken for Bavarian beer to destroy the sympathy of the United States with the French Republic. METE, October 12.While examining the fortifications to-day with BI5MARCK, I lent him my cigar-holder, and he told me that Prussia would refuse to entertain any propositions tending to peace until the. Schleswig-Holstein question was definitely settled. STBASBOURG, October 14.Among the priceless volumes destroyed in the library here, was a full set of ABBOTTS NAroI~oN histories. They were all presentation copies from the author, with autograph inscrip- tions. The regret expressed at their destruction is deep-felt and uni- versal Wnmson, Oct. l6th.I came up to-day with Vicromi& from Balmoral. She was engaged during most of the trip in reading HORACE Gnxai~ays What I Know About Farming, with which she is much delighted. She said she thought the satire was finer than SwniTs, and wondered the people did not insist upon GREEaLEYs being Governor. Roirs, Oct. 15.Talking this morning with the Pope, who took breakfast with me, His Holiness said he had accepted J~nis GonnoN BENNETTS invitation to come to Washington Heights on a visit, and wanted to know whether I thought he would be expected to wear his tiara during meals. I told him that I thought it would not be obligatory. DUBLIN, Oct. 16.The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The F~nians say they would prefer a constitutional monarchy. PARIs, Oct. 15.General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister WAsuauu~ni speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely forgotten what little English he used to know, and further, that he is confident it is not that gentlemans intention to make himself Dictator of France by a coup d ~taL LONG BRANcH, Oct. 22While smoking to-day with GRANT, I asked him what he thought of the European complication, and he answered with a most expressive silence. Tus YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY TEE OLD RAT DANA, COME vo GRIEF IN TRYING To PUT OUT TEE HOFFMAN LIGHT.

S 24 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. A New Pieuian Spring. THE Principal of the Students Home, at Y, N. Y., advertis. ing the advantages his school, makes the following telling ap- peal, which we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere with digestion. COME TO Y. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and Its Seminary the mind. The hope of eventu- ally leaving those clas- sic shades in such a state of two-fold invig- oration, should prove inspiring to the dyspep- tic and studious. Whether this con- stant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of stu- dents in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. Spare U.! NOT only is every- bodys attention direct~ ed towards Paris, but the English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public estimation. They have been pick- ing away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the mud- diest weather. In course of ,time, we sup- pose the worms will G1;appear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Comet arouse then, friends of the sparrow! Fetch out your breadand your grain, and fear not that these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city. A Guard of Honor(S) THE latest, and most important news from Spain is that Src~ixs has been furnished with a guard by the govern- ment. Some things are man- aged better in Spain than in this country. SIcEnls should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him out of mischief. Carpe Diem. Tini following tele- graphic item is a re- markable instance of the exactness with which news can be transmitted by the sub- marine cable: LolmoN, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, mem- ber ofParliament for Hack- ney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill Fields. The monument is practi- cally one to RoSnisoN Cmi- SOE. With the triffing ex- ception of calling Ron- INSON DEFOE ALExAN- DEE DEFOE, (and that is a pardonable error, considering that Ai~ax- ANDEIt SElKIRK wa~ the prototype of DANIEL CRUsOE,) the above item is perfectly satis- factory. All the more so, if one pays atten- tion to the date, and re- members that Septem- ber 16 fell upon a Fm- DAY. BY TELEGRAPH FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD. [Special Correspondence of Punchinelio4 BERlIN, October 15.In a conversation with King WILLIAM, yester- day, he said that he relied upon the growing taste in Hoboken for Bavarian beer to destroy the sympathy of the United States with the French Republic. METE, October 12.While examining the fortifications to-day with BI5MARCK, I lent him my cigar-holder, and he told me that Prussia would refuse to entertain any propositions tending to peace until the. Schleswig-Holstein question was definitely settled. STBASBOURG, October 14.Among the priceless volumes destroyed in the library here, was a full set of ABBOTTS NAroI~oN histories. They were all presentation copies from the author, with autograph inscrip- tions. The regret expressed at their destruction is deep-felt and uni- versal Wnmson, Oct. l6th.I came up to-day with Vicromi& from Balmoral. She was engaged during most of the trip in reading HORACE Gnxai~ays What I Know About Farming, with which she is much delighted. She said she thought the satire was finer than SwniTs, and wondered the people did not insist upon GREEaLEYs being Governor. Roirs, Oct. 15.Talking this morning with the Pope, who took breakfast with me, His Holiness said he had accepted J~nis GonnoN BENNETTS invitation to come to Washington Heights on a visit, and wanted to know whether I thought he would be expected to wear his tiara during meals. I told him that I thought it would not be obligatory. DUBLIN, Oct. 16.The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The F~nians say they would prefer a constitutional monarchy. PARIs, Oct. 15.General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister WAsuauu~ni speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely forgotten what little English he used to know, and further, that he is confident it is not that gentlemans intention to make himself Dictator of France by a coup d ~taL LONG BRANcH, Oct. 22While smoking to-day with GRANT, I asked him what he thought of the European complication, and he answered with a most expressive silence. Tus YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY TEE OLD RAT DANA, COME vo GRIEF IN TRYING To PUT OUT TEE HOFFMAN LIGHT.

S 24 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. A New Pieuian Spring. THE Principal of the Students Home, at Y, N. Y., advertis. ing the advantages his school, makes the following telling ap- peal, which we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere with digestion. COME TO Y. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and Its Seminary the mind. The hope of eventu- ally leaving those clas- sic shades in such a state of two-fold invig- oration, should prove inspiring to the dyspep- tic and studious. Whether this con- stant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of stu- dents in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. Spare U.! NOT only is every- bodys attention direct~ ed towards Paris, but the English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public estimation. They have been pick- ing away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the mud- diest weather. In course of ,time, we sup- pose the worms will G1;appear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Comet arouse then, friends of the sparrow! Fetch out your breadand your grain, and fear not that these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city. A Guard of Honor(S) THE latest, and most important news from Spain is that Src~ixs has been furnished with a guard by the govern- ment. Some things are man- aged better in Spain than in this country. SIcEnls should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him out of mischief. Carpe Diem. Tini following tele- graphic item is a re- markable instance of the exactness with which news can be transmitted by the sub- marine cable: LolmoN, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, mem- ber ofParliament for Hack- ney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill Fields. The monument is practi- cally one to RoSnisoN Cmi- SOE. With the triffing ex- ception of calling Ron- INSON DEFOE ALExAN- DEE DEFOE, (and that is a pardonable error, considering that Ai~ax- ANDEIt SElKIRK wa~ the prototype of DANIEL CRUsOE,) the above item is perfectly satis- factory. All the more so, if one pays atten- tion to the date, and re- members that Septem- ber 16 fell upon a Fm- DAY. BY TELEGRAPH FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD. [Special Correspondence of Punchinelio4 BERlIN, October 15.In a conversation with King WILLIAM, yester- day, he said that he relied upon the growing taste in Hoboken for Bavarian beer to destroy the sympathy of the United States with the French Republic. METE, October 12.While examining the fortifications to-day with BI5MARCK, I lent him my cigar-holder, and he told me that Prussia would refuse to entertain any propositions tending to peace until the. Schleswig-Holstein question was definitely settled. STBASBOURG, October 14.Among the priceless volumes destroyed in the library here, was a full set of ABBOTTS NAroI~oN histories. They were all presentation copies from the author, with autograph inscrip- tions. The regret expressed at their destruction is deep-felt and uni- versal Wnmson, Oct. l6th.I came up to-day with Vicromi& from Balmoral. She was engaged during most of the trip in reading HORACE Gnxai~ays What I Know About Farming, with which she is much delighted. She said she thought the satire was finer than SwniTs, and wondered the people did not insist upon GREEaLEYs being Governor. Roirs, Oct. 15.Talking this morning with the Pope, who took breakfast with me, His Holiness said he had accepted J~nis GonnoN BENNETTS invitation to come to Washington Heights on a visit, and wanted to know whether I thought he would be expected to wear his tiara during meals. I told him that I thought it would not be obligatory. DUBLIN, Oct. 16.The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The F~nians say they would prefer a constitutional monarchy. PARIs, Oct. 15.General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister WAsuauu~ni speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely forgotten what little English he used to know, and further, that he is confident it is not that gentlemans intention to make himself Dictator of France by a coup d ~taL LONG BRANcH, Oct. 22While smoking to-day with GRANT, I asked him what he thought of the European complication, and he answered with a most expressive silence. Tus YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY TEE OLD RAT DANA, COME vo GRIEF IN TRYING To PUT OUT TEE HOFFMAN LIGHT. i~I p1) ] K) II 7 -~ I Ii! I. All VI 7 H H 0 1/) ~4 A? Ii! -~:-~ ~- z C) tIl 0 a OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 27 HIRAM GREEN III GOTHAM. The Venerable Lalt Gustise sees the Sights, under Perplexing DifficultIes. The native borned Gothamite mite have notissed, a short time since, a venerable lookin ex-Statesman, dressed in a becomin soot of clothes and a slick lookin white hat. The a-four-said honest old man carried a bloo cotton umbreller in one nand, and an acksminister carpet bag in tother. He had jest arroven to the meetropolis on a North River steambote. The reader has probly gessed by this time, that the man in question was the subscriber. If he hasent so surmised, I would inform him that it was. Jess so. Arrivin at a well-known tavern, where bash is provided for man and beast, I handed my carpet bag over the counter. The clerk at the offis put on rather more airs than a ]levenoo offiser. In fact, he was so full of airs I got a vilent cold standin in his pressence. Shant I take that anshient circus tent ? said he, pintin to my umbreller, and lock it up in the safe I I made no reply to this onmanerly interogetory, but strikin an atti- tude of pain, give him one of those gazes which BEN Bumzn allers makes tell, in tryin criminal cases. I looked at that clerk cross-eyed, and it made him squirm. I wasent blindnot much. That clerk wanted to steel thai umbreller, to send to Houais GEXELEY, so the Filosifer could keep the reign storms of Tammany from spatterin his white cote. I understood his little dodge and nipped it. Snowball, said I, addiessin a dark skinned individual with a white apern, while I was seated at the dinner table, what in the deuce makes all your dishes so small I - Dem is for one pusson, sah, said he. Dat is an indiwidual butter dish, sah. Dem is indiwidual vegetable dishesand dats an indiwidual salt-cellar, sah, said he, pintin to each piece of crockery. I was hungry, and the crockery was soon empty. Seem a platter of ice cream down the table aways, I got up onto my feet, and havin a good long arm, reached for it. It was awful cold, and sot my stumps to achin. I got one holler tooth full of the stuff. Snowball, said I, look here. Well, sah ? he replied. Ive got my tooth full of that cold puddin, said I, pintin to the dish; please bring me an indiwi4uai toothpick, so I can dig it out. lie vanished. I couldent wait, so I undertook to dig it out with my fork. A man opposite me, who thot heed play smart, sent word to the tavern-keeper that I was swollerin his forks. Up comes the tavern-keeper, and ketchin holt of my cote coller, shaked me out in the middie of the dinin-room floor. What in thunder are you about I says I. Old man, says he, them forks cost $9.00 a dozen. How many have you swallered ? Not a gol darned fork, hollered I as loud as I could screem. Gittin onto my feet, I pulled off my cote and vest, and if I didnt make the fur fly, and give that ere tavern-keeper the nisest little polishin off mortal man ever become acquainted with, then I dont understand the roodiments of the English prize ring. At Central Park, that hily cultivated forrest, the sharpers tried to chissel me. Just as I approched the gate which leads into the Park, a fansy lookin feller with short hair and plad briches stopt me and says: Unkle, your fair. Youre a man of excellent judgment, I replide; I think I. am pooty good lookin for a man of my years. You dont undertand me, sir, he agin said. Come down with your stamps. My which ? said I, turnin a little red in the face. Your gate money, he replied, tryin to shove me back. We charge $1.00 for goin in here. You do. do you ? said I, wavin my umbreller over his head in a threatenin manner. When our goverment resooms speshie payment agin maybe Ile send you a silver dollar with a hole into it, and maybe I wont; it will depend a good deal on the pertater crop. I was very much agitated. Iullin out my silver watch I says: My sweet sented Plumbob, if you dont histe your butes away from that gate in 2 seconds Ile bust your biler with this ere bunch of bones, and I tickled the end of his probocis with my fist, as I gently rubbed it under his smeller. He saw heed caught a Tarter, in fact, a regular Tarter emetic, and he slunk away rather sudden. I had sent too many of such skinamelinks to the clay banks when I was Gustise of the Peece to allow em to fool me much. I visited WooDs Museum to see the wacks figgers and things; The statutes of the 12 Apostles attracted my attention. And this, said a ministerial long-faced lookin man, with a white choker, is the last supper.What a sagacious eye has PrrEE gotHow doubtful THOMAS looksMArniEw is in deep thought, probly thinkin of the times he was a fisherman. What a longin look in that astoot eye, said he, nudgin me with his gold-headed cane. Yes, said I, he is probly lonqin for that ere dish of ham and eggs, in the middie of the table. Look at SmboN, he continered. See! his eye rests upon his rite hand, which is closed beside him on the table. His lips are parted as if he was going to say SmoN says thumbs up, I quickly replide, interruptin him. I dident mean anything disrespectful to nobody, but that ere man flew into a vilent rage. Can it be, that n soul so devoid of poetry lives in this age ? said he. My venerable friend, I blush for youyes, I blush for you, you are devoid of sentiment. Look here, Captin, said I, you may be a good preacher and all that sort of thing. Excuse me for sayin it, you haint a BEECHEE Skarcely. H. WASD soots meHe is chock full of sentimentat the same time he can relish a joak ekal to the best of us. Mix a little sun- shine with that gloomy lookin countenance of yours. Dont let people of the world think they must draw down their faces and colaps, be- cause a man joaks about a lot of wacks figgers dressed up in 6 penny caliker. Thems the kind of sentiment which ales me every time. Sayin which I storked contemptously out of the wacks figger de- partment. I shall remain a few days in the big city, friend PuxcimiErlo, and if the citizens of New York insist on givin me a reception at the City Hall, I will submit to the sacrifice, especially if the vitels -are well cookt. Ewers on a scare up, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. THE CENSUS E~i1JMERATORS PLAINT. The names that these newspapers call us Are hardest of all to surmount, They say Mayor HALL may oerhaul us; He claims that our count is no count. I never had any such trouble In registering voters down South, I set every nigger down double And put the whites down in the mouth. But here tl~eyre so very exacting They kick up a row, dont you know? Though under instructions were acting In playing our figures for low. I try to play Sharpe in these matters, I dodge all the bricks and spittoons (Curse that bull-dog! hes torn to tatters . The seat of my best pantaloons!) A tailor refused me admission, And said he vould shoot mit his gun, So I, out of Shear opposition, Counted him and eight others for one. While not in the habit of swearing, I cant but be slightly profane To hear these New Yorkers declaring Their names have been taken in vain. The most appropriate kind of dish on which to serve up Horseflesh A Charger.

OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 27 HIRAM GREEN III GOTHAM. The Venerable Lalt Gustise sees the Sights, under Perplexing DifficultIes. The native borned Gothamite mite have notissed, a short time since, a venerable lookin ex-Statesman, dressed in a becomin soot of clothes and a slick lookin white hat. The a-four-said honest old man carried a bloo cotton umbreller in one nand, and an acksminister carpet bag in tother. He had jest arroven to the meetropolis on a North River steambote. The reader has probly gessed by this time, that the man in question was the subscriber. If he hasent so surmised, I would inform him that it was. Jess so. Arrivin at a well-known tavern, where bash is provided for man and beast, I handed my carpet bag over the counter. The clerk at the offis put on rather more airs than a ]levenoo offiser. In fact, he was so full of airs I got a vilent cold standin in his pressence. Shant I take that anshient circus tent ? said he, pintin to my umbreller, and lock it up in the safe I I made no reply to this onmanerly interogetory, but strikin an atti- tude of pain, give him one of those gazes which BEN Bumzn allers makes tell, in tryin criminal cases. I looked at that clerk cross-eyed, and it made him squirm. I wasent blindnot much. That clerk wanted to steel thai umbreller, to send to Houais GEXELEY, so the Filosifer could keep the reign storms of Tammany from spatterin his white cote. I understood his little dodge and nipped it. Snowball, said I, addiessin a dark skinned individual with a white apern, while I was seated at the dinner table, what in the deuce makes all your dishes so small I - Dem is for one pusson, sah, said he. Dat is an indiwidual butter dish, sah. Dem is indiwidual vegetable dishesand dats an indiwidual salt-cellar, sah, said he, pintin to each piece of crockery. I was hungry, and the crockery was soon empty. Seem a platter of ice cream down the table aways, I got up onto my feet, and havin a good long arm, reached for it. It was awful cold, and sot my stumps to achin. I got one holler tooth full of the stuff. Snowball, said I, look here. Well, sah ? he replied. Ive got my tooth full of that cold puddin, said I, pintin to the dish; please bring me an indiwi4uai toothpick, so I can dig it out. lie vanished. I couldent wait, so I undertook to dig it out with my fork. A man opposite me, who thot heed play smart, sent word to the tavern-keeper that I was swollerin his forks. Up comes the tavern-keeper, and ketchin holt of my cote coller, shaked me out in the middie of the dinin-room floor. What in thunder are you about I says I. Old man, says he, them forks cost $9.00 a dozen. How many have you swallered ? Not a gol darned fork, hollered I as loud as I could screem. Gittin onto my feet, I pulled off my cote and vest, and if I didnt make the fur fly, and give that ere tavern-keeper the nisest little polishin off mortal man ever become acquainted with, then I dont understand the roodiments of the English prize ring. At Central Park, that hily cultivated forrest, the sharpers tried to chissel me. Just as I approched the gate which leads into the Park, a fansy lookin feller with short hair and plad briches stopt me and says: Unkle, your fair. Youre a man of excellent judgment, I replide; I think I. am pooty good lookin for a man of my years. You dont undertand me, sir, he agin said. Come down with your stamps. My which ? said I, turnin a little red in the face. Your gate money, he replied, tryin to shove me back. We charge $1.00 for goin in here. You do. do you ? said I, wavin my umbreller over his head in a threatenin manner. When our goverment resooms speshie payment agin maybe Ile send you a silver dollar with a hole into it, and maybe I wont; it will depend a good deal on the pertater crop. I was very much agitated. Iullin out my silver watch I says: My sweet sented Plumbob, if you dont histe your butes away from that gate in 2 seconds Ile bust your biler with this ere bunch of bones, and I tickled the end of his probocis with my fist, as I gently rubbed it under his smeller. He saw heed caught a Tarter, in fact, a regular Tarter emetic, and he slunk away rather sudden. I had sent too many of such skinamelinks to the clay banks when I was Gustise of the Peece to allow em to fool me much. I visited WooDs Museum to see the wacks figgers and things; The statutes of the 12 Apostles attracted my attention. And this, said a ministerial long-faced lookin man, with a white choker, is the last supper.What a sagacious eye has PrrEE gotHow doubtful THOMAS looksMArniEw is in deep thought, probly thinkin of the times he was a fisherman. What a longin look in that astoot eye, said he, nudgin me with his gold-headed cane. Yes, said I, he is probly lonqin for that ere dish of ham and eggs, in the middie of the table. Look at SmboN, he continered. See! his eye rests upon his rite hand, which is closed beside him on the table. His lips are parted as if he was going to say SmoN says thumbs up, I quickly replide, interruptin him. I dident mean anything disrespectful to nobody, but that ere man flew into a vilent rage. Can it be, that n soul so devoid of poetry lives in this age ? said he. My venerable friend, I blush for youyes, I blush for you, you are devoid of sentiment. Look here, Captin, said I, you may be a good preacher and all that sort of thing. Excuse me for sayin it, you haint a BEECHEE Skarcely. H. WASD soots meHe is chock full of sentimentat the same time he can relish a joak ekal to the best of us. Mix a little sun- shine with that gloomy lookin countenance of yours. Dont let people of the world think they must draw down their faces and colaps, be- cause a man joaks about a lot of wacks figgers dressed up in 6 penny caliker. Thems the kind of sentiment which ales me every time. Sayin which I storked contemptously out of the wacks figger de- partment. I shall remain a few days in the big city, friend PuxcimiErlo, and if the citizens of New York insist on givin me a reception at the City Hall, I will submit to the sacrifice, especially if the vitels -are well cookt. Ewers on a scare up, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. THE CENSUS E~i1JMERATORS PLAINT. The names that these newspapers call us Are hardest of all to surmount, They say Mayor HALL may oerhaul us; He claims that our count is no count. I never had any such trouble In registering voters down South, I set every nigger down double And put the whites down in the mouth. But here tl~eyre so very exacting They kick up a row, dont you know? Though under instructions were acting In playing our figures for low. I try to play Sharpe in these matters, I dodge all the bricks and spittoons (Curse that bull-dog! hes torn to tatters . The seat of my best pantaloons!) A tailor refused me admission, And said he vould shoot mit his gun, So I, out of Shear opposition, Counted him and eight others for one. While not in the habit of swearing, I cant but be slightly profane To hear these New Yorkers declaring Their names have been taken in vain. The most appropriate kind of dish on which to serve up Horseflesh A Charger.

OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 27 HIRAM GREEN III GOTHAM. The Venerable Lalt Gustise sees the Sights, under Perplexing DifficultIes. The native borned Gothamite mite have notissed, a short time since, a venerable lookin ex-Statesman, dressed in a becomin soot of clothes and a slick lookin white hat. The a-four-said honest old man carried a bloo cotton umbreller in one nand, and an acksminister carpet bag in tother. He had jest arroven to the meetropolis on a North River steambote. The reader has probly gessed by this time, that the man in question was the subscriber. If he hasent so surmised, I would inform him that it was. Jess so. Arrivin at a well-known tavern, where bash is provided for man and beast, I handed my carpet bag over the counter. The clerk at the offis put on rather more airs than a ]levenoo offiser. In fact, he was so full of airs I got a vilent cold standin in his pressence. Shant I take that anshient circus tent ? said he, pintin to my umbreller, and lock it up in the safe I I made no reply to this onmanerly interogetory, but strikin an atti- tude of pain, give him one of those gazes which BEN Bumzn allers makes tell, in tryin criminal cases. I looked at that clerk cross-eyed, and it made him squirm. I wasent blindnot much. That clerk wanted to steel thai umbreller, to send to Houais GEXELEY, so the Filosifer could keep the reign storms of Tammany from spatterin his white cote. I understood his little dodge and nipped it. Snowball, said I, addiessin a dark skinned individual with a white apern, while I was seated at the dinner table, what in the deuce makes all your dishes so small I - Dem is for one pusson, sah, said he. Dat is an indiwidual butter dish, sah. Dem is indiwidual vegetable dishesand dats an indiwidual salt-cellar, sah, said he, pintin to each piece of crockery. I was hungry, and the crockery was soon empty. Seem a platter of ice cream down the table aways, I got up onto my feet, and havin a good long arm, reached for it. It was awful cold, and sot my stumps to achin. I got one holler tooth full of the stuff. Snowball, said I, look here. Well, sah ? he replied. Ive got my tooth full of that cold puddin, said I, pintin to the dish; please bring me an indiwi4uai toothpick, so I can dig it out. lie vanished. I couldent wait, so I undertook to dig it out with my fork. A man opposite me, who thot heed play smart, sent word to the tavern-keeper that I was swollerin his forks. Up comes the tavern-keeper, and ketchin holt of my cote coller, shaked me out in the middie of the dinin-room floor. What in thunder are you about I says I. Old man, says he, them forks cost $9.00 a dozen. How many have you swallered ? Not a gol darned fork, hollered I as loud as I could screem. Gittin onto my feet, I pulled off my cote and vest, and if I didnt make the fur fly, and give that ere tavern-keeper the nisest little polishin off mortal man ever become acquainted with, then I dont understand the roodiments of the English prize ring. At Central Park, that hily cultivated forrest, the sharpers tried to chissel me. Just as I approched the gate which leads into the Park, a fansy lookin feller with short hair and plad briches stopt me and says: Unkle, your fair. Youre a man of excellent judgment, I replide; I think I. am pooty good lookin for a man of my years. You dont undertand me, sir, he agin said. Come down with your stamps. My which ? said I, turnin a little red in the face. Your gate money, he replied, tryin to shove me back. We charge $1.00 for goin in here. You do. do you ? said I, wavin my umbreller over his head in a threatenin manner. When our goverment resooms speshie payment agin maybe Ile send you a silver dollar with a hole into it, and maybe I wont; it will depend a good deal on the pertater crop. I was very much agitated. Iullin out my silver watch I says: My sweet sented Plumbob, if you dont histe your butes away from that gate in 2 seconds Ile bust your biler with this ere bunch of bones, and I tickled the end of his probocis with my fist, as I gently rubbed it under his smeller. He saw heed caught a Tarter, in fact, a regular Tarter emetic, and he slunk away rather sudden. I had sent too many of such skinamelinks to the clay banks when I was Gustise of the Peece to allow em to fool me much. I visited WooDs Museum to see the wacks figgers and things; The statutes of the 12 Apostles attracted my attention. And this, said a ministerial long-faced lookin man, with a white choker, is the last supper.What a sagacious eye has PrrEE gotHow doubtful THOMAS looksMArniEw is in deep thought, probly thinkin of the times he was a fisherman. What a longin look in that astoot eye, said he, nudgin me with his gold-headed cane. Yes, said I, he is probly lonqin for that ere dish of ham and eggs, in the middie of the table. Look at SmboN, he continered. See! his eye rests upon his rite hand, which is closed beside him on the table. His lips are parted as if he was going to say SmoN says thumbs up, I quickly replide, interruptin him. I dident mean anything disrespectful to nobody, but that ere man flew into a vilent rage. Can it be, that n soul so devoid of poetry lives in this age ? said he. My venerable friend, I blush for youyes, I blush for you, you are devoid of sentiment. Look here, Captin, said I, you may be a good preacher and all that sort of thing. Excuse me for sayin it, you haint a BEECHEE Skarcely. H. WASD soots meHe is chock full of sentimentat the same time he can relish a joak ekal to the best of us. Mix a little sun- shine with that gloomy lookin countenance of yours. Dont let people of the world think they must draw down their faces and colaps, be- cause a man joaks about a lot of wacks figgers dressed up in 6 penny caliker. Thems the kind of sentiment which ales me every time. Sayin which I storked contemptously out of the wacks figger de- partment. I shall remain a few days in the big city, friend PuxcimiErlo, and if the citizens of New York insist on givin me a reception at the City Hall, I will submit to the sacrifice, especially if the vitels -are well cookt. Ewers on a scare up, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. THE CENSUS E~i1JMERATORS PLAINT. The names that these newspapers call us Are hardest of all to surmount, They say Mayor HALL may oerhaul us; He claims that our count is no count. I never had any such trouble In registering voters down South, I set every nigger down double And put the whites down in the mouth. But here tl~eyre so very exacting They kick up a row, dont you know? Though under instructions were acting In playing our figures for low. I try to play Sharpe in these matters, I dodge all the bricks and spittoons (Curse that bull-dog! hes torn to tatters . The seat of my best pantaloons!) A tailor refused me admission, And said he vould shoot mit his gun, So I, out of Shear opposition, Counted him and eight others for one. While not in the habit of swearing, I cant but be slightly profane To hear these New Yorkers declaring Their names have been taken in vain. The most appropriate kind of dish on which to serve up Horseflesh A Charger. 28 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. BY GEORGE! (Concluded.) LAKE GEORGE, N. Y., Sept. 12. DEAR PUNCEINELLO: SLUKEB, continued the long-haired man in an absent-minded manner, was a corker! there is no mistake about that. Like the Ghost at BoorEs, he was a terror to the peaceful Hamlet. He was always getting up shindys without the slightest provocation, and was evidently possessed of the unpleasant ambition, as well as ability, to whale the entire township in detachments of one. Things got to be so bad after a while that the bark was rubbed off every tree in town on account of the people incontinently shinning up them whenever SLUKEB came in sight. It was no unusual thing to see business entirely suspended for hours, while SLUKER marched up and down the main street, whistling, with his hands in his pockets, and every soul in the place, from the minister down, roosting as high as they could get, s~x on a branch, sometimes. Matters went on in this way until one day a little incident occurred that somewhat discouraged this gentle youth. He had just returned from a discussion with a butcher, (from the effects of which the latter now sleeps in the valley,) when a party of his fellow-townsmen entered the store in which he was loafing, and ordered a coil of half-inch rope from New York by the mornings train. It was the Overland route that SLUKER took for California, and when his aged mother heard that three eyes had been gouged out in one day in the Golden City, she wept tears of joy. Her fond hearttold her that the perilous journey was over, and her darling boy was safe. After ten years of a brilliant career he bethought him again of the place of his birth. His heart yearned for the gentle delights, the heavy laden treesof his boyhoods home. He said he must go. His friends said he must go, too. In fact they had already appointed a select and vigilant Committee to see him safely on his way. In some respects SLUKER came back an altered man. The stamp of change was ~a his noble face, indeed it had been stamped on itself, until it looked like a wax doll under a hot stove. But he still retained his warlike spirit. There was not so much chance of indulging it now, however. The Fire Company had disbanded, and nearly every one had grown rich enough to own a shot-gun. There was only one chance left. He joined the Presbyterian Choir. Not that he had much of a voice, though he used to play Comm thro the Rye o7n the fiddle sometimes, until he got it going through him so much he couldnt draw a note. Nobody would have taken them if he had. Well, SLUKER had a pretty warm time of it in the Choir, and enjoyed himself very much, until they got a new Organist who pitched every thing in high C, which was this young mans strong lead. As the Choir always sang in G, of course. there was a row the first Sunday, and it was generally understood that SLUKER was going to fix Mmrn~nra that night. When the evening service commenced, and the Choir was about to begin, the congregation were startled by an ominous click in the gallery, and looking up, they beheld SLUKER covering the Organists second shirt-stud with his revolver. Give us G, Mr. MIDDLERIB, if you please ! he said blandly. Lut the pirate 6n the high Cs refused to Gee, and Whoa was the natural result. The confusion that followed was terrible: SLUKER fired at everybody. MIDDLERIB hit him with the music stooL The soprano was thrown over the railing, and somebody turned off the gas. In the ensuing darkness every one skirmished for themselves. SLUKER took off his boots and hunted for MIDDLERIB in his stocking feet. Suddenly he heard a single note on the high C. He groped his way to the keyboard, but there was no one there. The solution rushedupon him,MmDLEIUB must be in the organ. He crept round to the handle and bore his weight on it. It was too true; the unhappy wretch had cut a hole in the bellows and crawled in. But for his ruling passion he would have escaped. There were a few muffled groans as the handle slowly descended upon the doomed man, and as the breath rushed out of his body into his favorite pipe, the wild high C of agony that ran through the sacred edifice told them that all was over. Let us draw a vail over the horrid picture. * * * I was very much interested in this story, very much indeed, and so I jostled the long-haired manwho was about falling asleepand asked him if anything was done to this wicked SLUKER. He looked at me reproachfully. Whats the matter with you, my friend ? he said, in the same melancholy voice. Don~t you know who I fim? I write for the Ledger, and whenever I draw a vail, etc., that ends it, that does 1 As we stepped from the steamer to the landing, I observed a youth of about six summers dressed in the most elaborately agonizing manner. He had two Schutzenfest targets in his cuffs; in one hand he held an enormous cane, in the other a cigar, and through an eyeglass he gazed at the ankles on the gang-plank with an air of patient weariness with this slow old world that was very touching. Where, I exclaimed as I surveyed this show-card of a fast generation, 0! where have our children vanished? Take from childhood the sparkling water of its puritythe sugar of its innocent affectionsits ardent but refreshing spiritsand what, ah! what have we left ? Nothing, said the melancholy voice at my elbow. Absolutely nothing save the mint and the straw And he was right, my dear PrNCHINELLO, he was right. SAGINAw DODD. SOLEMN SILENCE. PERHAPs very few personsand especially very few members of the Republican partyare aware that a monument to ABRAHAM LINCOLN has at last been completed, and that it has been placed on the site al- lotted for it in Union Square. It is very creditable to the Republican Party that they exercised such control over their feelings when the duy for unveiling the LINCOLN Monument arrived. Some parties might have made a demonstration on the occasion of post-mortuary honors being accorded to a leader whom they professed to worship while he lived, and whom they demi-deified after his death. No such extrava- gant folly can be laid at the door of the Republican Party. Let by- gones be bygones is their motto. They allowed their sham ABRA- HAM, in heroic bronze, to be hoisted on to his pedestal in Union Square in solitude and silence. That was commendable. A live ass is better than a dead lion; and so the Republican Party, who consider them- selves very much alive, went to look after their daily thistles and left their dead lion in charge of a policeman. SEVERE ON BYRON BUBBS. Bubbs. Dozs YOUR SISTER NETTlE EVER TALK ABOUT ME ? Little Bose. OH, YES! I HEARD HER TELL MA, YESTERDAY, YOU HAD SUCH A BEAUTIFUL NECK, SO LONG THAT IT WOULD DO TO TIE IN A DOUBLE BOW-KNOT I

28 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. BY GEORGE! (Concluded.) LAKE GEORGE, N. Y., Sept. 12. DEAR PUNCEINELLO: SLUKEB, continued the long-haired man in an absent-minded manner, was a corker! there is no mistake about that. Like the Ghost at BoorEs, he was a terror to the peaceful Hamlet. He was always getting up shindys without the slightest provocation, and was evidently possessed of the unpleasant ambition, as well as ability, to whale the entire township in detachments of one. Things got to be so bad after a while that the bark was rubbed off every tree in town on account of the people incontinently shinning up them whenever SLUKEB came in sight. It was no unusual thing to see business entirely suspended for hours, while SLUKER marched up and down the main street, whistling, with his hands in his pockets, and every soul in the place, from the minister down, roosting as high as they could get, s~x on a branch, sometimes. Matters went on in this way until one day a little incident occurred that somewhat discouraged this gentle youth. He had just returned from a discussion with a butcher, (from the effects of which the latter now sleeps in the valley,) when a party of his fellow-townsmen entered the store in which he was loafing, and ordered a coil of half-inch rope from New York by the mornings train. It was the Overland route that SLUKER took for California, and when his aged mother heard that three eyes had been gouged out in one day in the Golden City, she wept tears of joy. Her fond hearttold her that the perilous journey was over, and her darling boy was safe. After ten years of a brilliant career he bethought him again of the place of his birth. His heart yearned for the gentle delights, the heavy laden treesof his boyhoods home. He said he must go. His friends said he must go, too. In fact they had already appointed a select and vigilant Committee to see him safely on his way. In some respects SLUKER came back an altered man. The stamp of change was ~a his noble face, indeed it had been stamped on itself, until it looked like a wax doll under a hot stove. But he still retained his warlike spirit. There was not so much chance of indulging it now, however. The Fire Company had disbanded, and nearly every one had grown rich enough to own a shot-gun. There was only one chance left. He joined the Presbyterian Choir. Not that he had much of a voice, though he used to play Comm thro the Rye o7n the fiddle sometimes, until he got it going through him so much he couldnt draw a note. Nobody would have taken them if he had. Well, SLUKER had a pretty warm time of it in the Choir, and enjoyed himself very much, until they got a new Organist who pitched every thing in high C, which was this young mans strong lead. As the Choir always sang in G, of course. there was a row the first Sunday, and it was generally understood that SLUKER was going to fix Mmrn~nra that night. When the evening service commenced, and the Choir was about to begin, the congregation were startled by an ominous click in the gallery, and looking up, they beheld SLUKER covering the Organists second shirt-stud with his revolver. Give us G, Mr. MIDDLERIB, if you please ! he said blandly. Lut the pirate 6n the high Cs refused to Gee, and Whoa was the natural result. The confusion that followed was terrible: SLUKER fired at everybody. MIDDLERIB hit him with the music stooL The soprano was thrown over the railing, and somebody turned off the gas. In the ensuing darkness every one skirmished for themselves. SLUKER took off his boots and hunted for MIDDLERIB in his stocking feet. Suddenly he heard a single note on the high C. He groped his way to the keyboard, but there was no one there. The solution rushedupon him,MmDLEIUB must be in the organ. He crept round to the handle and bore his weight on it. It was too true; the unhappy wretch had cut a hole in the bellows and crawled in. But for his ruling passion he would have escaped. There were a few muffled groans as the handle slowly descended upon the doomed man, and as the breath rushed out of his body into his favorite pipe, the wild high C of agony that ran through the sacred edifice told them that all was over. Let us draw a vail over the horrid picture. * * * I was very much interested in this story, very much indeed, and so I jostled the long-haired manwho was about falling asleepand asked him if anything was done to this wicked SLUKER. He looked at me reproachfully. Whats the matter with you, my friend ? he said, in the same melancholy voice. Don~t you know who I fim? I write for the Ledger, and whenever I draw a vail, etc., that ends it, that does 1 As we stepped from the steamer to the landing, I observed a youth of about six summers dressed in the most elaborately agonizing manner. He had two Schutzenfest targets in his cuffs; in one hand he held an enormous cane, in the other a cigar, and through an eyeglass he gazed at the ankles on the gang-plank with an air of patient weariness with this slow old world that was very touching. Where, I exclaimed as I surveyed this show-card of a fast generation, 0! where have our children vanished? Take from childhood the sparkling water of its puritythe sugar of its innocent affectionsits ardent but refreshing spiritsand what, ah! what have we left ? Nothing, said the melancholy voice at my elbow. Absolutely nothing save the mint and the straw And he was right, my dear PrNCHINELLO, he was right. SAGINAw DODD. SOLEMN SILENCE. PERHAPs very few personsand especially very few members of the Republican partyare aware that a monument to ABRAHAM LINCOLN has at last been completed, and that it has been placed on the site al- lotted for it in Union Square. It is very creditable to the Republican Party that they exercised such control over their feelings when the duy for unveiling the LINCOLN Monument arrived. Some parties might have made a demonstration on the occasion of post-mortuary honors being accorded to a leader whom they professed to worship while he lived, and whom they demi-deified after his death. No such extrava- gant folly can be laid at the door of the Republican Party. Let by- gones be bygones is their motto. They allowed their sham ABRA- HAM, in heroic bronze, to be hoisted on to his pedestal in Union Square in solitude and silence. That was commendable. A live ass is better than a dead lion; and so the Republican Party, who consider them- selves very much alive, went to look after their daily thistles and left their dead lion in charge of a policeman. SEVERE ON BYRON BUBBS. Bubbs. Dozs YOUR SISTER NETTlE EVER TALK ABOUT ME ? Little Bose. OH, YES! I HEARD HER TELL MA, YESTERDAY, YOU HAD SUCH A BEAUTIFUL NECK, SO LONG THAT IT WOULD DO TO TIE IN A DOUBLE BOW-KNOT I

28 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. BY GEORGE! (Concluded.) LAKE GEORGE, N. Y., Sept. 12. DEAR PUNCEINELLO: SLUKEB, continued the long-haired man in an absent-minded manner, was a corker! there is no mistake about that. Like the Ghost at BoorEs, he was a terror to the peaceful Hamlet. He was always getting up shindys without the slightest provocation, and was evidently possessed of the unpleasant ambition, as well as ability, to whale the entire township in detachments of one. Things got to be so bad after a while that the bark was rubbed off every tree in town on account of the people incontinently shinning up them whenever SLUKEB came in sight. It was no unusual thing to see business entirely suspended for hours, while SLUKER marched up and down the main street, whistling, with his hands in his pockets, and every soul in the place, from the minister down, roosting as high as they could get, s~x on a branch, sometimes. Matters went on in this way until one day a little incident occurred that somewhat discouraged this gentle youth. He had just returned from a discussion with a butcher, (from the effects of which the latter now sleeps in the valley,) when a party of his fellow-townsmen entered the store in which he was loafing, and ordered a coil of half-inch rope from New York by the mornings train. It was the Overland route that SLUKER took for California, and when his aged mother heard that three eyes had been gouged out in one day in the Golden City, she wept tears of joy. Her fond hearttold her that the perilous journey was over, and her darling boy was safe. After ten years of a brilliant career he bethought him again of the place of his birth. His heart yearned for the gentle delights, the heavy laden treesof his boyhoods home. He said he must go. His friends said he must go, too. In fact they had already appointed a select and vigilant Committee to see him safely on his way. In some respects SLUKER came back an altered man. The stamp of change was ~a his noble face, indeed it had been stamped on itself, until it looked like a wax doll under a hot stove. But he still retained his warlike spirit. There was not so much chance of indulging it now, however. The Fire Company had disbanded, and nearly every one had grown rich enough to own a shot-gun. There was only one chance left. He joined the Presbyterian Choir. Not that he had much of a voice, though he used to play Comm thro the Rye o7n the fiddle sometimes, until he got it going through him so much he couldnt draw a note. Nobody would have taken them if he had. Well, SLUKER had a pretty warm time of it in the Choir, and enjoyed himself very much, until they got a new Organist who pitched every thing in high C, which was this young mans strong lead. As the Choir always sang in G, of course. there was a row the first Sunday, and it was generally understood that SLUKER was going to fix Mmrn~nra that night. When the evening service commenced, and the Choir was about to begin, the congregation were startled by an ominous click in the gallery, and looking up, they beheld SLUKER covering the Organists second shirt-stud with his revolver. Give us G, Mr. MIDDLERIB, if you please ! he said blandly. Lut the pirate 6n the high Cs refused to Gee, and Whoa was the natural result. The confusion that followed was terrible: SLUKER fired at everybody. MIDDLERIB hit him with the music stooL The soprano was thrown over the railing, and somebody turned off the gas. In the ensuing darkness every one skirmished for themselves. SLUKER took off his boots and hunted for MIDDLERIB in his stocking feet. Suddenly he heard a single note on the high C. He groped his way to the keyboard, but there was no one there. The solution rushedupon him,MmDLEIUB must be in the organ. He crept round to the handle and bore his weight on it. It was too true; the unhappy wretch had cut a hole in the bellows and crawled in. But for his ruling passion he would have escaped. There were a few muffled groans as the handle slowly descended upon the doomed man, and as the breath rushed out of his body into his favorite pipe, the wild high C of agony that ran through the sacred edifice told them that all was over. Let us draw a vail over the horrid picture. * * * I was very much interested in this story, very much indeed, and so I jostled the long-haired manwho was about falling asleepand asked him if anything was done to this wicked SLUKER. He looked at me reproachfully. Whats the matter with you, my friend ? he said, in the same melancholy voice. Don~t you know who I fim? I write for the Ledger, and whenever I draw a vail, etc., that ends it, that does 1 As we stepped from the steamer to the landing, I observed a youth of about six summers dressed in the most elaborately agonizing manner. He had two Schutzenfest targets in his cuffs; in one hand he held an enormous cane, in the other a cigar, and through an eyeglass he gazed at the ankles on the gang-plank with an air of patient weariness with this slow old world that was very touching. Where, I exclaimed as I surveyed this show-card of a fast generation, 0! where have our children vanished? Take from childhood the sparkling water of its puritythe sugar of its innocent affectionsits ardent but refreshing spiritsand what, ah! what have we left ? Nothing, said the melancholy voice at my elbow. Absolutely nothing save the mint and the straw And he was right, my dear PrNCHINELLO, he was right. SAGINAw DODD. SOLEMN SILENCE. PERHAPs very few personsand especially very few members of the Republican partyare aware that a monument to ABRAHAM LINCOLN has at last been completed, and that it has been placed on the site al- lotted for it in Union Square. It is very creditable to the Republican Party that they exercised such control over their feelings when the duy for unveiling the LINCOLN Monument arrived. Some parties might have made a demonstration on the occasion of post-mortuary honors being accorded to a leader whom they professed to worship while he lived, and whom they demi-deified after his death. No such extrava- gant folly can be laid at the door of the Republican Party. Let by- gones be bygones is their motto. They allowed their sham ABRA- HAM, in heroic bronze, to be hoisted on to his pedestal in Union Square in solitude and silence. That was commendable. A live ass is better than a dead lion; and so the Republican Party, who consider them- selves very much alive, went to look after their daily thistles and left their dead lion in charge of a policeman. SEVERE ON BYRON BUBBS. Bubbs. Dozs YOUR SISTER NETTlE EVER TALK ABOUT ME ? Little Bose. OH, YES! I HEARD HER TELL MA, YESTERDAY, YOU HAD SUCH A BEAUTIFUL NECK, SO LONG THAT IT WOULD DO TO TIE IN A DOUBLE BOW-KNOT I OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 29 THE PLAYS AJD SHOWS. OTTA is lithe, (which is allit- erative,) pretty, piquant, and addicted to the banjo. The latter characteristic isinseper- able from her. In whatever situation the dramatist may place her, whether in a Lon- don drawing-room or a Cock- ney kitehen, whether on an Algerian battle-field or in a California mining-camp, she is certain to produce the in- evitable banjo, and to sing the irrepressible comic song. In fact, her plays are written not for LOTTA, but for LerrrAs banjo. The dramatist takes the presence of the banjo as the central fact of his drama, and weaves his plot around it. His play is made on the model ____ of that celebrated drama written to introduce Mr. CnuM~u~E55 pump antubs. Thus does he preserve the sacred unity of LOTTA and the banjo. Hearts .& tsein which she is now playing at Nn3Los Garden, is plainly born of the banjo, and lives for that melodious instrument alone. The author said to himself, A California mining-camp would be a nice place for a banjo solo. Wherefore he conceived the camp, with a chorus of red-shirted miners. Wherefore too, he created a comic Yankee who should be eccentric enough to bring a banjo to the camp, and a lover who should be charmed by its touching strains. It required a prologue and three acts to enable him to successfully intro- duce the banjo. In a somewhat condensed form, these acts and this prologue are here set forth. PROLOGUE. A seedy husband who is audaciously palmed upon the puLlic as a Reasoning Animal Is discovered in a London garret, with a healthy- looking wife, in a rapid consumption. REASONING ANIMAL. I loied you, my dear, and therefore brought you from a comfortable home to this dreary garret. I cannot bear to leave you, so I will go out for a walk. (The bell rings, and the wzfes mother, brother and family physician enter.) MOTHER. You must leave your husband and come home and live with us. BRoTHER. Of course you must. You need not hesitate about a little thing like that. Go into the other room and consult the Doctor. Here comes your husband. (Re-enter REAsONING Az~ma& i~.) REASONING ANin& I~. Her berrotherr! Herre BROTHER. Yes. You cant support your wife. The Doctor says she needs nice parties and other necessaries of life. Give her to us, and go to California. REASONING ANIMAL. I will. Bring her here till I embrace her. (She is brought.) Farewell, my dear. I will go and make my fortune. WIrE. Take our little girl with you. REASONING Auin.t~i~. I will, for she needs a mothers care. Good- bye! Leave me to weep and wash the babys face and hands alone. ACT LScene, a C~fornia mining-camp. Various miners of assorted nationalitiesone of each2-hard at work lying on the ground. lsr Mrn~n. I want more whiskey. CHoRus. So do we. 2ND ~ M& x WIWRosE wont sell any more. CHoRus. But ~he gives it to her lover. 3iw MINER. He looks clean; he must have found a nugget. Lets kill him. 4ru MINER. Sh we will. (Enter MAY WIiDRosEwhich her name it is Miss LOTTA.) MaT. Here comes my darling LIoNEI~. Let me get you some brandy, love. LIoNEL. Certainly, my dear. How full of forethought is a true wo- mans love 1 CHoRus 9W Mn~xns. She gives it to him, but not to us. Beware, young woman, or we will go back on you. MAY. No you wont. My father earns a laborious living by making me keep a whiskey shop. We have a monopoly of the business, and you will have to buy of us, whether you like it or not. Get out of my sight, or Ill lick the whole boiling of you. (They fly, and she returns to the parental whiskey shop.. LIoNEx~. Night is coming on. I will go among the rocks; why, I dont know, but still I will go. (Goes. Three miners follow and attack him.) LIoNEr~. Save me, somebody. May. Appearing suddenly with a revolver You bet. (She shoots the miners and brings down the curtain triumphantly.) ACT 11.Scenethe whiskey shop of the REASONING ANIMAL.LIONEL asleep on a bed evidently borrowed from some boarding-housesince it is several feet too short for him..MAY engaged in peeling potatoes. Enter REASONING ANIMAL. REASONING ANIMAL. My daughter! I see you are passionately in love with LIONEL. Therefore, as I know him to be a fine young fellow, you must never see him more. (Enter CoNIc YANX.EE.) Comc YARKEW.. Heres your new banjo, Miss MAY. Play us some- thing comic and depressing. MAY. Thank Heaven, I can get at the banjo at last. (Plays and is encored a dozen times.) Comc YANKEE. Miss MAY, you must go and take a walk. (She goes.) LIONEL, you are well enough to leave this ranche. Get up and get. LIONEL. Farewell, beloved whiskey shop. Tall MAY I am going to leave her, and give her my sketches. If she once looks at them, she can love me no longer. (Goes out to slow music. Re-enter MAY.) MAY. The wretch has left me without a word. I will bury his in- famous sketches under the floor. They may frighten away the rats. (Pulls up the floor and finds an immense nugget. Her father rushes in to see it. Two miners also see it and try to raise it. They are promptly seen and called by MAY, who shoots one and holds the pistol pointed at the other, while the curtain slowly falls. ACT 111.Scene, a London drawing-room. Enter MAY, gorgeously dressed. Also her father, who has forgotten all about his wife, and also LIONEL and the CoNIc Yauu~r.. Comc YARxrae. Let us sing. MAY. Come on, old hoss. (They sing and dance for an hour, such being the pleasant custom of fashionable London society.) MAY. Miss CLARA! I understand you are engaged to marry Liosut, and that if you marry anybody else you lose your dower of twenty thousand pounds. Sell LIONEL to me, and I will give you a check for the amount. CLARA. Thanks, noble stranger, there is the receipt. Hand over the money. LIONEL. Dearest MAY, as you must have a pretty large bank ac- count, to be able to draw checks for twenty thousand pounds, I am quite sure I love you. MAY. Come to my arms. Now then, everybody, how is that for high !~ (Stow curtain, relieved by eccentric gymnastics. by the CoNIc YANKEE.) BOY IN THE AUDIENcE. Pa! isnt that splendid ? DISCRIMINATING PARENT. What! How! Who! Where am I? 0, to be sure, I came to see Hearts Ease, and to take my evening nap. Did LOTTA play the banjo ? BOY. 0 didnt she just. She played and sung dead loads of times. DIscRIMINATING PARENT. I have had a sweet nap. My son, I think I can now risk taking you to the minstrels. If I slept through this, I could feel reasonably sure of sleeping through even the dark conun- drums and sentimental colored ballads. There is only a shade of difference between the two styles of performance, and that slight shade is only burnt cork. MATADOR. Mural Decorations in Rome. THE dead walls of Rome, as we learn from the telegrams, were lately placarded with immense posters proclaiming the Italian Republic. Rome being an Eternal City, we were not previously aware that any of her walls were dead. If they are, however, it may be that the posters of the posters referred to took that method of bringing them to life again, which may be looked on as a postmortem proceeding.

OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 29 THE PLAYS AJD SHOWS. OTTA is lithe, (which is allit- erative,) pretty, piquant, and addicted to the banjo. The latter characteristic isinseper- able from her. In whatever situation the dramatist may place her, whether in a Lon- don drawing-room or a Cock- ney kitehen, whether on an Algerian battle-field or in a California mining-camp, she is certain to produce the in- evitable banjo, and to sing the irrepressible comic song. In fact, her plays are written not for LOTTA, but for LerrrAs banjo. The dramatist takes the presence of the banjo as the central fact of his drama, and weaves his plot around it. His play is made on the model ____ of that celebrated drama written to introduce Mr. CnuM~u~E55 pump antubs. Thus does he preserve the sacred unity of LOTTA and the banjo. Hearts .& tsein which she is now playing at Nn3Los Garden, is plainly born of the banjo, and lives for that melodious instrument alone. The author said to himself, A California mining-camp would be a nice place for a banjo solo. Wherefore he conceived the camp, with a chorus of red-shirted miners. Wherefore too, he created a comic Yankee who should be eccentric enough to bring a banjo to the camp, and a lover who should be charmed by its touching strains. It required a prologue and three acts to enable him to successfully intro- duce the banjo. In a somewhat condensed form, these acts and this prologue are here set forth. PROLOGUE. A seedy husband who is audaciously palmed upon the puLlic as a Reasoning Animal Is discovered in a London garret, with a healthy- looking wife, in a rapid consumption. REASONING ANIMAL. I loied you, my dear, and therefore brought you from a comfortable home to this dreary garret. I cannot bear to leave you, so I will go out for a walk. (The bell rings, and the wzfes mother, brother and family physician enter.) MOTHER. You must leave your husband and come home and live with us. BRoTHER. Of course you must. You need not hesitate about a little thing like that. Go into the other room and consult the Doctor. Here comes your husband. (Re-enter REAsONING Az~ma& i~.) REASONING ANin& I~. Her berrotherr! Herre BROTHER. Yes. You cant support your wife. The Doctor says she needs nice parties and other necessaries of life. Give her to us, and go to California. REASONING ANIMAL. I will. Bring her here till I embrace her. (She is brought.) Farewell, my dear. I will go and make my fortune. WIrE. Take our little girl with you. REASONING Auin.t~i~. I will, for she needs a mothers care. Good- bye! Leave me to weep and wash the babys face and hands alone. ACT LScene, a C~fornia mining-camp. Various miners of assorted nationalitiesone of each2-hard at work lying on the ground. lsr Mrn~n. I want more whiskey. CHoRus. So do we. 2ND ~ M& x WIWRosE wont sell any more. CHoRus. But ~he gives it to her lover. 3iw MINER. He looks clean; he must have found a nugget. Lets kill him. 4ru MINER. Sh we will. (Enter MAY WIiDRosEwhich her name it is Miss LOTTA.) MaT. Here comes my darling LIoNEI~. Let me get you some brandy, love. LIoNEL. Certainly, my dear. How full of forethought is a true wo- mans love 1 CHoRus 9W Mn~xns. She gives it to him, but not to us. Beware, young woman, or we will go back on you. MAY. No you wont. My father earns a laborious living by making me keep a whiskey shop. We have a monopoly of the business, and you will have to buy of us, whether you like it or not. Get out of my sight, or Ill lick the whole boiling of you. (They fly, and she returns to the parental whiskey shop.. LIoNEx~. Night is coming on. I will go among the rocks; why, I dont know, but still I will go. (Goes. Three miners follow and attack him.) LIoNEr~. Save me, somebody. May. Appearing suddenly with a revolver You bet. (She shoots the miners and brings down the curtain triumphantly.) ACT 11.Scenethe whiskey shop of the REASONING ANIMAL.LIONEL asleep on a bed evidently borrowed from some boarding-housesince it is several feet too short for him..MAY engaged in peeling potatoes. Enter REASONING ANIMAL. REASONING ANIMAL. My daughter! I see you are passionately in love with LIONEL. Therefore, as I know him to be a fine young fellow, you must never see him more. (Enter CoNIc YANX.EE.) Comc YARKEW.. Heres your new banjo, Miss MAY. Play us some- thing comic and depressing. MAY. Thank Heaven, I can get at the banjo at last. (Plays and is encored a dozen times.) Comc YANKEE. Miss MAY, you must go and take a walk. (She goes.) LIONEL, you are well enough to leave this ranche. Get up and get. LIONEL. Farewell, beloved whiskey shop. Tall MAY I am going to leave her, and give her my sketches. If she once looks at them, she can love me no longer. (Goes out to slow music. Re-enter MAY.) MAY. The wretch has left me without a word. I will bury his in- famous sketches under the floor. They may frighten away the rats. (Pulls up the floor and finds an immense nugget. Her father rushes in to see it. Two miners also see it and try to raise it. They are promptly seen and called by MAY, who shoots one and holds the pistol pointed at the other, while the curtain slowly falls. ACT 111.Scene, a London drawing-room. Enter MAY, gorgeously dressed. Also her father, who has forgotten all about his wife, and also LIONEL and the CoNIc Yauu~r.. Comc YARxrae. Let us sing. MAY. Come on, old hoss. (They sing and dance for an hour, such being the pleasant custom of fashionable London society.) MAY. Miss CLARA! I understand you are engaged to marry Liosut, and that if you marry anybody else you lose your dower of twenty thousand pounds. Sell LIONEL to me, and I will give you a check for the amount. CLARA. Thanks, noble stranger, there is the receipt. Hand over the money. LIONEL. Dearest MAY, as you must have a pretty large bank ac- count, to be able to draw checks for twenty thousand pounds, I am quite sure I love you. MAY. Come to my arms. Now then, everybody, how is that for high !~ (Stow curtain, relieved by eccentric gymnastics. by the CoNIc YANKEE.) BOY IN THE AUDIENcE. Pa! isnt that splendid ? DISCRIMINATING PARENT. What! How! Who! Where am I? 0, to be sure, I came to see Hearts Ease, and to take my evening nap. Did LOTTA play the banjo ? BOY. 0 didnt she just. She played and sung dead loads of times. DIscRIMINATING PARENT. I have had a sweet nap. My son, I think I can now risk taking you to the minstrels. If I slept through this, I could feel reasonably sure of sleeping through even the dark conun- drums and sentimental colored ballads. There is only a shade of difference between the two styles of performance, and that slight shade is only burnt cork. MATADOR. Mural Decorations in Rome. THE dead walls of Rome, as we learn from the telegrams, were lately placarded with immense posters proclaiming the Italian Republic. Rome being an Eternal City, we were not previously aware that any of her walls were dead. If they are, however, it may be that the posters of the posters referred to took that method of bringing them to life again, which may be looked on as a postmortem proceeding.

OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 29 THE PLAYS AJD SHOWS. OTTA is lithe, (which is allit- erative,) pretty, piquant, and addicted to the banjo. The latter characteristic isinseper- able from her. In whatever situation the dramatist may place her, whether in a Lon- don drawing-room or a Cock- ney kitehen, whether on an Algerian battle-field or in a California mining-camp, she is certain to produce the in- evitable banjo, and to sing the irrepressible comic song. In fact, her plays are written not for LOTTA, but for LerrrAs banjo. The dramatist takes the presence of the banjo as the central fact of his drama, and weaves his plot around it. His play is made on the model ____ of that celebrated drama written to introduce Mr. CnuM~u~E55 pump antubs. Thus does he preserve the sacred unity of LOTTA and the banjo. Hearts .& tsein which she is now playing at Nn3Los Garden, is plainly born of the banjo, and lives for that melodious instrument alone. The author said to himself, A California mining-camp would be a nice place for a banjo solo. Wherefore he conceived the camp, with a chorus of red-shirted miners. Wherefore too, he created a comic Yankee who should be eccentric enough to bring a banjo to the camp, and a lover who should be charmed by its touching strains. It required a prologue and three acts to enable him to successfully intro- duce the banjo. In a somewhat condensed form, these acts and this prologue are here set forth. PROLOGUE. A seedy husband who is audaciously palmed upon the puLlic as a Reasoning Animal Is discovered in a London garret, with a healthy- looking wife, in a rapid consumption. REASONING ANIMAL. I loied you, my dear, and therefore brought you from a comfortable home to this dreary garret. I cannot bear to leave you, so I will go out for a walk. (The bell rings, and the wzfes mother, brother and family physician enter.) MOTHER. You must leave your husband and come home and live with us. BRoTHER. Of course you must. You need not hesitate about a little thing like that. Go into the other room and consult the Doctor. Here comes your husband. (Re-enter REAsONING Az~ma& i~.) REASONING ANin& I~. Her berrotherr! Herre BROTHER. Yes. You cant support your wife. The Doctor says she needs nice parties and other necessaries of life. Give her to us, and go to California. REASONING ANIMAL. I will. Bring her here till I embrace her. (She is brought.) Farewell, my dear. I will go and make my fortune. WIrE. Take our little girl with you. REASONING Auin.t~i~. I will, for she needs a mothers care. Good- bye! Leave me to weep and wash the babys face and hands alone. ACT LScene, a C~fornia mining-camp. Various miners of assorted nationalitiesone of each2-hard at work lying on the ground. lsr Mrn~n. I want more whiskey. CHoRus. So do we. 2ND ~ M& x WIWRosE wont sell any more. CHoRus. But ~he gives it to her lover. 3iw MINER. He looks clean; he must have found a nugget. Lets kill him. 4ru MINER. Sh we will. (Enter MAY WIiDRosEwhich her name it is Miss LOTTA.) MaT. Here comes my darling LIoNEI~. Let me get you some brandy, love. LIoNEL. Certainly, my dear. How full of forethought is a true wo- mans love 1 CHoRus 9W Mn~xns. She gives it to him, but not to us. Beware, young woman, or we will go back on you. MAY. No you wont. My father earns a laborious living by making me keep a whiskey shop. We have a monopoly of the business, and you will have to buy of us, whether you like it or not. Get out of my sight, or Ill lick the whole boiling of you. (They fly, and she returns to the parental whiskey shop.. LIoNEx~. Night is coming on. I will go among the rocks; why, I dont know, but still I will go. (Goes. Three miners follow and attack him.) LIoNEr~. Save me, somebody. May. Appearing suddenly with a revolver You bet. (She shoots the miners and brings down the curtain triumphantly.) ACT 11.Scenethe whiskey shop of the REASONING ANIMAL.LIONEL asleep on a bed evidently borrowed from some boarding-housesince it is several feet too short for him..MAY engaged in peeling potatoes. Enter REASONING ANIMAL. REASONING ANIMAL. My daughter! I see you are passionately in love with LIONEL. Therefore, as I know him to be a fine young fellow, you must never see him more. (Enter CoNIc YANX.EE.) Comc YARKEW.. Heres your new banjo, Miss MAY. Play us some- thing comic and depressing. MAY. Thank Heaven, I can get at the banjo at last. (Plays and is encored a dozen times.) Comc YANKEE. Miss MAY, you must go and take a walk. (She goes.) LIONEL, you are well enough to leave this ranche. Get up and get. LIONEL. Farewell, beloved whiskey shop. Tall MAY I am going to leave her, and give her my sketches. If she once looks at them, she can love me no longer. (Goes out to slow music. Re-enter MAY.) MAY. The wretch has left me without a word. I will bury his in- famous sketches under the floor. They may frighten away the rats. (Pulls up the floor and finds an immense nugget. Her father rushes in to see it. Two miners also see it and try to raise it. They are promptly seen and called by MAY, who shoots one and holds the pistol pointed at the other, while the curtain slowly falls. ACT 111.Scene, a London drawing-room. Enter MAY, gorgeously dressed. Also her father, who has forgotten all about his wife, and also LIONEL and the CoNIc Yauu~r.. Comc YARxrae. Let us sing. MAY. Come on, old hoss. (They sing and dance for an hour, such being the pleasant custom of fashionable London society.) MAY. Miss CLARA! I understand you are engaged to marry Liosut, and that if you marry anybody else you lose your dower of twenty thousand pounds. Sell LIONEL to me, and I will give you a check for the amount. CLARA. Thanks, noble stranger, there is the receipt. Hand over the money. LIONEL. Dearest MAY, as you must have a pretty large bank ac- count, to be able to draw checks for twenty thousand pounds, I am quite sure I love you. MAY. Come to my arms. Now then, everybody, how is that for high !~ (Stow curtain, relieved by eccentric gymnastics. by the CoNIc YANKEE.) BOY IN THE AUDIENcE. Pa! isnt that splendid ? DISCRIMINATING PARENT. What! How! Who! Where am I? 0, to be sure, I came to see Hearts Ease, and to take my evening nap. Did LOTTA play the banjo ? BOY. 0 didnt she just. She played and sung dead loads of times. DIscRIMINATING PARENT. I have had a sweet nap. My son, I think I can now risk taking you to the minstrels. If I slept through this, I could feel reasonably sure of sleeping through even the dark conun- drums and sentimental colored ballads. There is only a shade of difference between the two styles of performance, and that slight shade is only burnt cork. MATADOR. Mural Decorations in Rome. THE dead walls of Rome, as we learn from the telegrams, were lately placarded with immense posters proclaiming the Italian Republic. Rome being an Eternal City, we were not previously aware that any of her walls were dead. If they are, however, it may be that the posters of the posters referred to took that method of bringing them to life again, which may be looked on as a postmortem proceeding. 30 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 Newly-arrived Briton. ENGLISH SPARROWS ?mrPoSSrsIE. WHT, THEY CHIRP THROUGH THEIR LITTLE NOSES LIKE WEGULAR YANKEES. Park-Keeper. WELL, I DONT KNOW, BUT IT TAKES TWO MEN AND A CART, EVERY DAT TO REMOVE THE Hs DROPPED BY THEM ABOUT THE PARK. OUR PORTFOLIO. PARIS, FIRST WEa,~ OP THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Things are becoming so miKed here that I am thinking of retiring to Tours With the other tourists. The city is all on the gothat is to say, the non-combatants are all going out of it as fast as possible. GAMBETTA left here the early part of the week, and it was better for him that he should. I wouldnt give a son for any of these republicans if they chance to fall into the clutches of King Wna~r& r. It is reported that he has issued an order for the strangulation of all French children between the ages of three and five, in reprisal for the treacherous blowing up of Germans at Laon. BISMARCK has requested the privilege of cooking RocmoRTs mutton for him, should he be taken alive when Paris falls. What he means by cooking his mutton has not yet transpired, but it is gloomily vatic- mated that he intends to boil him down. ROCHEFORT mutton with caper sauce ought to satisfy the epicurean taste of BlsMsaicK, especially as Rocmvronr would cease his caperings from that hour. Late last night there was an alarm in the city that the whole Prussian army was at Noisy-le-Sec. As you may have suspected, a noisy demonstration fol- lowed this announcement. I got out of bed, rang the bell, and requested the concierge to bring me an auger. The man looked a little astonished at what he un- doubtedly considered a strange request. For a man to get out of bed in the middle of the night and call for an auger, was indeed a trifle peculiar. When he brought it, I increased his astonishment by proceeding to bore a hole through the top of my trunk Cest un imbecile, said the concierge, rctreating a step or two. Not niuch, I retorted, boring away with renewed vigor. Presently the orifice was made. Into it I thrust an Alpen stock which l~ad accompanied me in many a toilsome march through Switzerland, and lifting the lid, took from the cradle of the trunk a star-spi~ngled banner made of silk, which had been presented to me by the Young Mens Christian Association otNew York, prior to my departure for Europe, as a token of their esteem for my services in the capacity of a reformed drunkard. I fastened the flag to the stock, put my boots, clothes and other valuables on top of the trunk, and in & voice intended to express my defiance of King WnLIs~ar and his German Lagerheads, spoke these words: Wave fearless, there, thou standard sheet! That Yankee trunk and all it holds (Though Prussian hirelings throng each street) Is sare beneath thy starry folds I Saying which I dismissed the humiliated concierge, took a drink, blew out the bougie, and sank into the arms of Tired natures sweet restorer. Instances like the above are quite common among Americans in Paris. It was only the other day at the ddp~itof the (ihemin defer du Yord that I saw a sick Bostonian sitting on his truA outside the gates, waiting for a chance to get into the train, with a Skye- terrier between his legs wrapped in the American flag. You easily get accustomed to such sights, and dont think anything about them. Yesterday I called at the office of the American Minister. I gave the porter my card, and asked if was in. He eyed me strangely. (Most people when they first see me generally do. I have thought sometimes that a certificate of good character posted conspicuously about my person would obviate thisbut as they say here, a importe.) Ill see, said the porter, in reply to my question. He walked off, taking with him the door mat, an umbrella that stood in the hall, four coats and three hats that hung on the rack, besides numerous other small portable articles of vein that would have come handy for a professional lifter. I did not consider this movement a reflection upon my character, for it seemed but appropriate that he should do it. What, said I to myself, are porters for, but to re- move portable articles I WASH was in, and fortenately for me, too, as I obtained a bit of news that has not yet been printed in the cable dispatches from Private Sources. It came by letter from General Fonsyra, SI~arnAes aide-de-camp and Lord High Chamberlain, and was to the effect that Saranns~ had not tasted a drop of whiskey or uttered an oath since landing in Germany. WASH. asked me to communicate the fact to you, with the request that you would forward it to the Society for the Encouragement of Practi- cal Piety at Boston. He also told me that, between looking after German interests in Paris and receiving ovations from enthusiastic mobs, he didnt think he could do justice to his salary. WABE, says I, it isnt so much that, as it is that the salary doesnt do justice to you. If thats the case speak right out; PUNCHI- HELLO can fix it for you. This took WARH. so suddenly that he couldnt speak, but his eyes were running over with language. Dont move in the matter, however, till you hear from me again, when I shall have some- thing more to tell you about the march of the Prussiaus to this capitel, and the capital march I propose to make out of it. Yours, in a revolutionary state, DICK TiNTO. NEW PUBLICATIONS. MONsIEUR SYLVESTRE. By GEORGE SAND. Boston: ROBERTS BROTH- ERS. A welcome version of one of Madame DtmEvsIe~rs novels, well ren- dered into English by Mr. F. G. SnAw. It is issued in very neat and at- tractive form, and is one of a series of the SAlin novels, publishing by Messrs. ROBERTS. TilE RETORT COURTEOUS.

30 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 Newly-arrived Briton. ENGLISH SPARROWS ?mrPoSSrsIE. WHT, THEY CHIRP THROUGH THEIR LITTLE NOSES LIKE WEGULAR YANKEES. Park-Keeper. WELL, I DONT KNOW, BUT IT TAKES TWO MEN AND A CART, EVERY DAT TO REMOVE THE Hs DROPPED BY THEM ABOUT THE PARK. OUR PORTFOLIO. PARIS, FIRST WEa,~ OP THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Things are becoming so miKed here that I am thinking of retiring to Tours With the other tourists. The city is all on the gothat is to say, the non-combatants are all going out of it as fast as possible. GAMBETTA left here the early part of the week, and it was better for him that he should. I wouldnt give a son for any of these republicans if they chance to fall into the clutches of King Wna~r& r. It is reported that he has issued an order for the strangulation of all French children between the ages of three and five, in reprisal for the treacherous blowing up of Germans at Laon. BISMARCK has requested the privilege of cooking RocmoRTs mutton for him, should he be taken alive when Paris falls. What he means by cooking his mutton has not yet transpired, but it is gloomily vatic- mated that he intends to boil him down. ROCHEFORT mutton with caper sauce ought to satisfy the epicurean taste of BlsMsaicK, especially as Rocmvronr would cease his caperings from that hour. Late last night there was an alarm in the city that the whole Prussian army was at Noisy-le-Sec. As you may have suspected, a noisy demonstration fol- lowed this announcement. I got out of bed, rang the bell, and requested the concierge to bring me an auger. The man looked a little astonished at what he un- doubtedly considered a strange request. For a man to get out of bed in the middle of the night and call for an auger, was indeed a trifle peculiar. When he brought it, I increased his astonishment by proceeding to bore a hole through the top of my trunk Cest un imbecile, said the concierge, rctreating a step or two. Not niuch, I retorted, boring away with renewed vigor. Presently the orifice was made. Into it I thrust an Alpen stock which l~ad accompanied me in many a toilsome march through Switzerland, and lifting the lid, took from the cradle of the trunk a star-spi~ngled banner made of silk, which had been presented to me by the Young Mens Christian Association otNew York, prior to my departure for Europe, as a token of their esteem for my services in the capacity of a reformed drunkard. I fastened the flag to the stock, put my boots, clothes and other valuables on top of the trunk, and in & voice intended to express my defiance of King WnLIs~ar and his German Lagerheads, spoke these words: Wave fearless, there, thou standard sheet! That Yankee trunk and all it holds (Though Prussian hirelings throng each street) Is sare beneath thy starry folds I Saying which I dismissed the humiliated concierge, took a drink, blew out the bougie, and sank into the arms of Tired natures sweet restorer. Instances like the above are quite common among Americans in Paris. It was only the other day at the ddp~itof the (ihemin defer du Yord that I saw a sick Bostonian sitting on his truA outside the gates, waiting for a chance to get into the train, with a Skye- terrier between his legs wrapped in the American flag. You easily get accustomed to such sights, and dont think anything about them. Yesterday I called at the office of the American Minister. I gave the porter my card, and asked if was in. He eyed me strangely. (Most people when they first see me generally do. I have thought sometimes that a certificate of good character posted conspicuously about my person would obviate thisbut as they say here, a importe.) Ill see, said the porter, in reply to my question. He walked off, taking with him the door mat, an umbrella that stood in the hall, four coats and three hats that hung on the rack, besides numerous other small portable articles of vein that would have come handy for a professional lifter. I did not consider this movement a reflection upon my character, for it seemed but appropriate that he should do it. What, said I to myself, are porters for, but to re- move portable articles I WASH was in, and fortenately for me, too, as I obtained a bit of news that has not yet been printed in the cable dispatches from Private Sources. It came by letter from General Fonsyra, SI~arnAes aide-de-camp and Lord High Chamberlain, and was to the effect that Saranns~ had not tasted a drop of whiskey or uttered an oath since landing in Germany. WASH. asked me to communicate the fact to you, with the request that you would forward it to the Society for the Encouragement of Practi- cal Piety at Boston. He also told me that, between looking after German interests in Paris and receiving ovations from enthusiastic mobs, he didnt think he could do justice to his salary. WABE, says I, it isnt so much that, as it is that the salary doesnt do justice to you. If thats the case speak right out; PUNCHI- HELLO can fix it for you. This took WARH. so suddenly that he couldnt speak, but his eyes were running over with language. Dont move in the matter, however, till you hear from me again, when I shall have some- thing more to tell you about the march of the Prussiaus to this capitel, and the capital march I propose to make out of it. Yours, in a revolutionary state, DICK TiNTO. NEW PUBLICATIONS. MONsIEUR SYLVESTRE. By GEORGE SAND. Boston: ROBERTS BROTH- ERS. A welcome version of one of Madame DtmEvsIe~rs novels, well ren- dered into English by Mr. F. G. SnAw. It is issued in very neat and at- tractive form, and is one of a series of the SAlin novels, publishing by Messrs. ROBERTS. TilE RETORT COURTEOUS.

30 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 Newly-arrived Briton. ENGLISH SPARROWS ?mrPoSSrsIE. WHT, THEY CHIRP THROUGH THEIR LITTLE NOSES LIKE WEGULAR YANKEES. Park-Keeper. WELL, I DONT KNOW, BUT IT TAKES TWO MEN AND A CART, EVERY DAT TO REMOVE THE Hs DROPPED BY THEM ABOUT THE PARK. OUR PORTFOLIO. PARIS, FIRST WEa,~ OP THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Things are becoming so miKed here that I am thinking of retiring to Tours With the other tourists. The city is all on the gothat is to say, the non-combatants are all going out of it as fast as possible. GAMBETTA left here the early part of the week, and it was better for him that he should. I wouldnt give a son for any of these republicans if they chance to fall into the clutches of King Wna~r& r. It is reported that he has issued an order for the strangulation of all French children between the ages of three and five, in reprisal for the treacherous blowing up of Germans at Laon. BISMARCK has requested the privilege of cooking RocmoRTs mutton for him, should he be taken alive when Paris falls. What he means by cooking his mutton has not yet transpired, but it is gloomily vatic- mated that he intends to boil him down. ROCHEFORT mutton with caper sauce ought to satisfy the epicurean taste of BlsMsaicK, especially as Rocmvronr would cease his caperings from that hour. Late last night there was an alarm in the city that the whole Prussian army was at Noisy-le-Sec. As you may have suspected, a noisy demonstration fol- lowed this announcement. I got out of bed, rang the bell, and requested the concierge to bring me an auger. The man looked a little astonished at what he un- doubtedly considered a strange request. For a man to get out of bed in the middle of the night and call for an auger, was indeed a trifle peculiar. When he brought it, I increased his astonishment by proceeding to bore a hole through the top of my trunk Cest un imbecile, said the concierge, rctreating a step or two. Not niuch, I retorted, boring away with renewed vigor. Presently the orifice was made. Into it I thrust an Alpen stock which l~ad accompanied me in many a toilsome march through Switzerland, and lifting the lid, took from the cradle of the trunk a star-spi~ngled banner made of silk, which had been presented to me by the Young Mens Christian Association otNew York, prior to my departure for Europe, as a token of their esteem for my services in the capacity of a reformed drunkard. I fastened the flag to the stock, put my boots, clothes and other valuables on top of the trunk, and in & voice intended to express my defiance of King WnLIs~ar and his German Lagerheads, spoke these words: Wave fearless, there, thou standard sheet! That Yankee trunk and all it holds (Though Prussian hirelings throng each street) Is sare beneath thy starry folds I Saying which I dismissed the humiliated concierge, took a drink, blew out the bougie, and sank into the arms of Tired natures sweet restorer. Instances like the above are quite common among Americans in Paris. It was only the other day at the ddp~itof the (ihemin defer du Yord that I saw a sick Bostonian sitting on his truA outside the gates, waiting for a chance to get into the train, with a Skye- terrier between his legs wrapped in the American flag. You easily get accustomed to such sights, and dont think anything about them. Yesterday I called at the office of the American Minister. I gave the porter my card, and asked if was in. He eyed me strangely. (Most people when they first see me generally do. I have thought sometimes that a certificate of good character posted conspicuously about my person would obviate thisbut as they say here, a importe.) Ill see, said the porter, in reply to my question. He walked off, taking with him the door mat, an umbrella that stood in the hall, four coats and three hats that hung on the rack, besides numerous other small portable articles of vein that would have come handy for a professional lifter. I did not consider this movement a reflection upon my character, for it seemed but appropriate that he should do it. What, said I to myself, are porters for, but to re- move portable articles I WASH was in, and fortenately for me, too, as I obtained a bit of news that has not yet been printed in the cable dispatches from Private Sources. It came by letter from General Fonsyra, SI~arnAes aide-de-camp and Lord High Chamberlain, and was to the effect that Saranns~ had not tasted a drop of whiskey or uttered an oath since landing in Germany. WASH. asked me to communicate the fact to you, with the request that you would forward it to the Society for the Encouragement of Practi- cal Piety at Boston. He also told me that, between looking after German interests in Paris and receiving ovations from enthusiastic mobs, he didnt think he could do justice to his salary. WABE, says I, it isnt so much that, as it is that the salary doesnt do justice to you. If thats the case speak right out; PUNCHI- HELLO can fix it for you. This took WARH. so suddenly that he couldnt speak, but his eyes were running over with language. Dont move in the matter, however, till you hear from me again, when I shall have some- thing more to tell you about the march of the Prussiaus to this capitel, and the capital march I propose to make out of it. Yours, in a revolutionary state, DICK TiNTO. NEW PUBLICATIONS. MONsIEUR SYLVESTRE. By GEORGE SAND. Boston: ROBERTS BROTH- ERS. A welcome version of one of Madame DtmEvsIe~rs novels, well ren- dered into English by Mr. F. G. SnAw. It is issued in very neat and at- tractive form, and is one of a series of the SAlin novels, publishing by Messrs. ROBERTS. TilE RETORT COURTEOUS. OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. A. T. Stewart & Co. Are offering A SPLENDID COLLECTION OF NEW SILKS, The largest they have ever offered, TO WHICH TEXT INVITE SPECIAL ATTENTION. BLACK AND WHITE CHECK SILKS, $1 per yard. COLORED RAYE GROS GRAINS, $1 per yard. EXTRA HEAVY RAYE GROS GRAINS, FOR SUITS, $1.25 per yard. A VERY LARGE COLLECTION OF NEW CANNELE STRIPES, For young ladies, $1.50 per yard. 2 CASES GRISALE STRIPES, EXCELLENT QUALITIES, $1.25 per yard. EXTRAORDINARY DABGAINS IN Rich Wide Fancy Silks, Only $2 per yard, Formerly $~and $5 per yard. AChoiCe assortment of Very Rich Ground POMPADOUR BROCADES. ALSO, Hand-Embroidered Silks. VERY BEAUTIFUL. Five Hundied Pieces PLAIN & COLORED SILKS, Comprising all the newest shades, From $2.50 per yard. Several Cases of the Celebrated American Black Silks, At $2 per yard. Guaranteed to wash and wear well. An immense stock of BLACK SILKS, Of Bonnets and Ponsons manufacture. Also, the A. T. 5. & Co. FAMILY SILK, From $2 per yard and upward. BROADWAY, 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. A. T. Stewart & Co. Have made large additions to their stock of Five-Frame ENGLISH BRUSSELS, $1.75 per yard. English Brussels, Confined Styles, $2 per yard. Very Best Quality ENGLISH TAPESTRY BRUSSELS $1.30 per yard. FRENCH MOQUETTES ALD A. X 1M I ~ STE R S. $3.50 and $4 per yard. ROYAL WILTONS, Best Quality, $2.30 and $3 per yard. CROSSLEYS VEL VETS, Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard. And they are receiving by each and every steamer, NOVELTIES, as they appear. Superfine Ingrains, li-Plys. English and Domestic OILGLOThS, RUGS, 1VEA.TS, ETC., At Reduced Price.. BROADWAY, 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS. PUNCHIINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of Apr11 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. 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OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. AN ADAPTATION. BY ORPHEUS C. KERR. CIIAPTEIt XXII.(Conhinued.) WHEN Miss POTTS and Mr. SIMPsON rejoined Mr. DIBBLE, in the office of the latter, across the street, it was decided that the flighty young girl should be made less expensive to her friends by temporary accom- modation in an economical boarding-house, and that the Gospeler, re- turning to Bumsteadville, should persuade Miss G& nowrnins to come and stay with her until the time for the reopening of the Macassar Female College. Subsequently, with his homeless ward upon his arm, the benignant old lawyer underwent a series of scathing rebuffs from the various high- strung descendants of better days at whose once luxurious but now darkened homes he applied for the desired board. Time after time was he reminded, by unspeakably majestic middle-aged ladies with bass voices, that when a fine old family loses its former wealth by those vicissitudes of fortune which bring out the noblest traits of character and compel the letting-out of a few damp rooms, it is significant of a weai understanding, or a depraved disrespect of the dignity of adver- sity, to expect that such families shall lose money and lower their he- reclitary high tone by waiting upon a parcel of young girls. Afew Sin- gle Gentlemen desiring all the comforts of a home would not be con- sidered insulting unless they objected to the butter, and a couple of married Childless Gentlemen with their wives might be pardoned for respectfully applying; but the idea of a parcel of young girls! Wl~er- ever he went, the reproach of not being a few Single Gentlemen, or a. couple of married Childless Gentlemen with their wives, abashed Mr. DIBBLE into helpless retreat; while FLORAS increasing guilty conscious- ness of the implacable sentiment against her as a parcel of young girls, culminated at last in tears. Finally, when the miserable lawyer was beginning to think strongly of the House of the Good Shepherd, or the Orphan Asylum, as a last resort, it suddenly occurred to him that Mrs. SKAMMEILEOXIN, a distant widowed aunt of his clerk, Mr. BLADAM5, had been known to live upon boarders in B~eecker Street; and thither he dragged hastily the despised object on his arm. Being a ~vidow without children, and relieved of nearly all the weak- nesses of her sex by the systematic refusal of the opposite sex to give her any encouragement in them, Mrs. SEAMMEBEOliN was a relentless advocate of Womans Inalienable Rights, and only wished that Man could just see himself in that contemptible light in which he was dis- tinctly visible to One who, sooner than be his Legal Slave, would never again accompany him to the Altar. I tell you candidly, DIBBLE, said she, in answer to his application, that if you had applied to be taken yourself, I should hiwe said Never ! and at once called in the police. Since SxA~mrEr~nonN died. delirious, I have always refused to have his sex in the house, and I tell you, frankly, that I consider it hardly human. If this girl of yours, however, and the elderly female whom, you say, she expects to join her in a few days, will make themselves generally useful about the house, and try to be companions to mc, I can give them the very room where SKAMMEEHORN died. Perceiving that FLOEA turned pale, her guardian whispered to her that she would not be alone in the room, at any rate; and then re- spectfully asked whether the late Mr. S~.AM~rmuronN had ever been seen around the house since his death? To be frank with you, answered the widow, I did think that I came upon him once in the closet, with his back to me, as often Id seen the weak creature in life going after a bottle on the top shelf. But it was only his coat hanging there, with his boots standing below and my muff hanging over to look like his head. You think, then, said Mr. DIBBLE, inquiringly, that it is such a room as two ladies could occupy, without awaking at midnight with a strange sensation and thinking they felt a supernatural presence ? Not if the bed was rightly searched beforehand, and all the joints well peppered with magnetic powder, was the assuring answer. Could we see the room, madam ? If the shutters were open you could; as theyre not; returned the widow, not offering to stir; but ever since SKAMMEIIHOBN, starting up with a howl, said Here he comes again, red-hot! and tried to jump out of the window, Ive never opened them for any single man, and never shall. I couldnt bear it, DIBBLE, to see one of your sex in that room again, and hope you will not insist. Broken in spirit as he was by preceding humiliations, the old lawyer had not the heart to contest the point, and it was agreed, that, upon the arrival of Miss CAIIOWTHEES from Bumsteadville, she and FLOIIA should accept the memorable room inquestion. Upon their way back to the hotel, guardian and ward met Mr. BEN- TEAM, who, from the moment of becoming a character in their Story, had been possessed with that mysterious madness for open-air exercise which afflicted every acquaintance of the late EDWIN Dnoon, and now saluted them in the broiling street and solemnly besought their com- pany for a long walk. It has occurred to me, said the Comic Paper man, who had resumed his black worsted gloves, that Mr. Dn~iLE and Miss Pours may be willing to aid me in walking-off some of the darker suicidal inclinations incident to first-class Humorous Journalism in America. Reading the proof of an instalment of a comic serial now publishing in my paper, I contracted such gloom, that a frantic rush into the fresh air was my only hope of an escape from self-destruction. Let us walk, if you please. Led on, in the profoundest melancholy, by this chastened character, Mr. DIBBLE and the Flowerpot were presently toiling hotly through a succession of grievous side-streets, and forlorn short-cuts to dismal fer- ries; the state of their conductors spirits inclining him to find a cer- tain refreshingly solemn joy in the horrors of pedestrianism imposed by obstructions of merchandise on side-walks, and repeated dlimbing:~ over skids extending from store doors to drays. Inspired to an extra- ordinary flow of malignant animal spirits by the complexities of travel incident to the odorous mazes of some hundred odd kegs of salt mack- erel and boxes of brown soap impressively stacked before one very en- terprising Commission house, Mr. BENTHAM lightened the journey with anecdotes of self-made Commission men who had risen in life by break- ing human legs and city ordinances; and dwelt emotionally upon the scenes in the city hospitals where ladies and gentlemen were brought in, with nails from the hoops of sugar-hogsheads sticking into their feet, or limbs dislocated from too-loftily piled firkins of butter falling upon them. Through incredible hardships, and amongst astounding complications of horse-cars, target companies, and barrels of every- thing, Mr. BENTHAM also amused his friends with circuits of several of the fine public markets of New York; explaining to them the relations of the various miasmatic smells of those quaint edifices with the vari- ous devastating diseases of the day, and expatiating quite eloquently upon the political corruption involved in the renting of the stalls, and the flue openings there were for Cholera and Yellow Fever in the Fish and Vegetable departments. Then, as a last treat, he led his panting companions through several lively up-hill blocks of drug-mills and to- bacco firms, to where they had a distant view of a tenement house next door to a kerosene factory, where, as he vivaciously told them, in the event of a fire, at least one hundred human beings would be slowly done to a turn. After which all three returned from their walk, firmly convinced that an unctuous vein of humor had been conscientiously worked, and abstractedly wishing themselves dead.t The exhilarating effect of the genial Comic Paper man upon FLOILA did not, indeed, pass away, until she and Miss CAnowunxns were in their appointed quarters under the roof of Mrs. SxAMauinEonN, whither they went immediately upon the arrival of the elder spinster from Bumstead- ville~ It could have been wished, my good woman, said Miss CAxow- TEERS, casting a rather disparaging look around the death-chamber of the late Mr. SKAMMEBHOIiN, that you had assigned to educated single young ladies, like ourselves, an apartment less suggestive of Man in his wedded aspects. The spectacle of a pair of pegged boots sticking out from under a bed, and a razor and a hone grouped on the mantle-shelf, is not such as I should desire to encourage in the dormitory of a pupil under my tuition. Thats much to be deplored, Im sure, CAliowrnuns, returned Mrs. SmrAMaa~anoxN, severely, and sorry am I that I ever married, on that particular account. Id not have done it, if youd only told me. But, seeing that I married SKAMMERHORN, and then he died delirious, his tOrdinam~y readers, while admiring the heavy humor of this unexpected open-air episode, may wonder what on earth It has to do with the the Story; but the cultiva- ted few, understanding the ingenious mechanics of novel-writing, will appreciate it as a most skilful and happy device to cover the interval between the hiring of Mrs. SRAMMZRHOEB5 room, and the occupation thereof by FLORA and her late teacher another Instance of what our profoundly critical American Journals call artistic elaboration. (See corresponding Chapter of the original English Story.) Entered, according to Act of Congress, In the year 1870, by the PuNcnrsnax.o PUBLIsHING Comisr, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. 36 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15. 1870. boots and razor must remain, just as he often wished to throw the for- mer at me in his ravings. Once married is enough, say I; and those who never were, through having no proposals, must bear with those who have, and take things as they come. There are those, Id have you know, Mrs. SKAMMERHORN, to whom proposals have been no inducement, said Miss C~u~owrMEns, sharply; or, if being made, and then withdrawn, have given our sex opportu- nities to prove, in courts of law, that damages can still be got. Im afraid of no Man, my good woman, as a person named BLODGETT once learned from a jury; but boots and razors are not what I .would have familiar to the mind of one who never had a husband to die in raging torments, nor yet has sued for breach. Miss Porrs is but a chicken, Ill admit, retorted Mrs. SHAMMER- HORN; btit youre not such, CAI~owrirERs, by many a good year. On the contrary, quite a hen. Then, you being with her, if the boots and razor make her think she sees that poor, weak SKAMMERHORN a-ranging round the room, when in his grave it is his place to be, youve only got to say: A fool you are, and always were,as often I, myself, called at him in his lifetime,and off hell go into his tomb again for fear of broomsticks. FLORA, my dear, said Miss CARowmERs, turning with dignity to her pupil, if I know anything of human nature, the man who has once got away from here, will stay away. Only single ghosts have at- tachments for the houses in which they once lived. So, never mind the boots and razor, darling; which, after all, if seen by peddlers, or men who come to fix the gas, might keep us safe from robbers. As safe as any man himself, young woman, with pistols under his head that he would never dare to fire if robbers were no more than cats rampaging, added Mrs. SKAMMERHORN, enthusiastically. With nothing but an old black hat of SKAMMERHORNS, anil walking-cane, kept hanging in the hall, I havent lost a spoon by tramps or census- tak~rs for six mortal years. So, make yourselves at home, I beg you both, while I go down and cook the liver for our dinner. Youll find it tender as a chicken, after what youve broke your teeth upon in board- ing-schools; though SKAMMERHORN declarol it made him bilious in the second year, forgetting what hed drank with sugar to his taste, before- hand. Thus was sweet FLORA Porrs introduced to her new home; where, but for looking down from her windows at the fashions, making-up hundreds of bows of ribbons for her neck, and making-over all her dresses, her womans mind must have been a blank. What time Miss CARowTHERs told her all day how she looked in this or that style of wearing her hair, and read her to sleep each night with extracts from the pages of cheery HANNAH MORE. As for the object nearest her young heart, to say that she was wholly unruffled by it would be in- accurate; but by address she kept it hidden from all eyes save her own. CHAPTER XXIII. GOING HOME IN THE MORNING. After having thrown all his Ritualistic friends at home into a most unholy and exasperated condition of mind, by a steady series of vague remarks as to the extreme likelihood of their united implication in the possible deed of darkness by which he has lost a broadcloth nephew and an alpaca umbrella, the mournful Mr. BuMsrz~.n is once more awaiting the dawn in that popular retreat in Mulberry Street where he first contracted his taste for cloves. The Assistant-Assessor and the Alderman of the Ward are again there, tilted back against the wall in their chairs; theirshares in the Congressional Nominating Convention held in that room earlier in the night having left them too weary for further locomotion. The decanters and tumblers hurled by the Nomi- nating Convention over the question of which Irishman could drink the most to be nominated, are still scattered about the floor; here and there a forgotten slungshot marks the places where rival delegations have con- fidently presented their claims for recognition; and a few bullet-holes in the wall above the bar enumerate the various pauses in the great de- bate upon the perils of the public peace from Negro Suffrage. Reclining with great ease of attitude upon an uncushioned settee, the Ritualistic organist is aroused from dreamy slumber by the turning-over of the pipe in his mouth, and majestically motions for the venerable wo- man of the house to come and brush the ashes from his clothes. Wud yez have it filled again, honey ? asks the woman. Sure, wan pipe more would do ye no harrum. Imtooshleepy, he says, dropping the pipe. An are yez too shlapey, aathore, to talk a little bissiness wid an ould woman ? she asks, insinuatingly. Couldnt yez be afther payin me the bit av a schore Ive got agin ye ? Mr. BtTM5TEAD opens his eyes reproachfully, and wishes to know how she can dare talk about money matters to an organist who, at almost any moment, may be obllged to see a Chinaman hired in his place on account of cheapness? Could the haythen crayture play, thin ? she asks, wonderingly. Thairvairimitative, he tells her; Cookwashiron n eatbirds- nests. An vote would they, honey ? Yeshf coursethairvairimitative, I tell y, snarls he: dot- cheapzdirt. Is it vote chaper they would, the haythen naygurs, than daycint, hardworkin white mm? she asks, excitedly. Yesh. Chinesecheaplabor, he says, bitterly. Och, hone ! cries the woman, in anguish; and fhats the poor to do then, honey ? Gowest; gonfarm! sobs Mr. BUM5TEAD, shedding tears. Id go mself if a-hadnt lost dear-er-rerelative. Nephewn umbrella. Saint PAYTHER! an fhats that? EnwINs ! cries the unhappy organist, starting to his feet with a wild reel. ~ Th pride ofsunclesheart! I see m now, inshfectionate- manhood, with whalebone ribs, made f alpaca, andyetsoyoung. Help me! hiccries; PENDRAGoNsashnaten me! hiccriesand I go While uttering this extraordinary burst of feeling, he has advanced towards the door in a kind of demoniac can-can, and, at its close, ab- ruptly darts into the street and frantically makes off. The cross of the holy fathers ! ejaculates the woman, momentarily bewildered by this sudden termination of the scene. Then a new ex- pression comes swiftly over her face, and she adds, in a different tone, Odether-nodether, but its coonin as a fox he is, and its off hes gone again widout payin me the schore! Sure, but Ill follow him, if its to the wnrrulds md, and see fhat he is and where he is.,, Thus it happens that she reaches Bumsteadville almost as soon as the Ritualistic organist, and, following him to his boarding-house, cn- - counters Mr. TRACEr CLEWS upon the steps. Well, now ! calls that gentleman, as she looks inquiringly at him, who do you want? Him as just passed in, your Honor. Mr. BUMSTEAD ? Ah. Where does he play the orgnn ? In St. Cows Church, down yonder. Mass at seven oclock, and hell be there in half an hour. Its there Ill be, thin, mumbles the woman; and bad luck to it that I didnt know before; whin I came to ax him for me schore, and might have gone home widout a cint but for a good lad named EDDY who gave me a sthamp. The same EDDY, Im thinkin, that Ive heard him mutter about in his shlape at my shebang in town, whin he came there on political business. After a start and a pause, Mr. CLEws repeats his information con- cerning the Ritualistic church, and then cautiously follows the woman as she goes thither. Unconscious of the remarkable female figure intently watching him from under a corner of the gallery, and occasionally shaking a fist at him, Mr. BTJM5TEAD attends to the musical part of the service with as much artistic accuracy as a hasty head-bath and a glass of soda-water are capable of securing. The worshippers are too busy with risings, kneelings, bowings, and miscellaneous devout gymnastics, to heed his casual imperfections, and his headache makes him fiercely indifferent to what any one else may think. Coming out of the athletic edifice, Mr. Onxws comes upon the wo- man again, who seems excited. Well? he says. Sure he saw me in time to shlip out of a back dure, she returns, savagely; but its shtrait to his boording-house Im goir.g afther him, the spalpeen. Again Mr. TRACEYCLEwS follows her; but this time he allows her to go up to Mr. BUMsrEADs room, while he turns into his own apartment where his breakfast awaits him. I can make a chalk mark for the trail Ive struck to-day, he says; and then thoughtfully attacks the meal upon the table. * (To be Cbntinued.) * At this point, the English original of this Adaptationthe Mystery of EDWIN DILOOD --breaks off forever. OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 87 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. ILSSON has come; and, sad to say, has brought dissension discord with her. Not that there is any discord in her matchless voice, but there is a vast amount of wrangling as to her precise merits. Do you doubt this? Then come with me in my light Fourth Avenue car, while the stars are bright and the sky is blue, (this is an adaptation of a once popular love-song by Dr. WArTs,) and we will go to Steinway Hall to hear the Im- proved Swedish Nightingale, and feast our eyes on STRA- KO5CH5 flowers. We pass up the steep stair- casewith many misgivings as to our ankles, if we belong to the sex which considers the possession of those anatomical features a fact to be carefully conchaled, provided they are not symmetricaL We pass the door-keeper, who, as is the custom of his kind, frowns malignantly at us, and evidently asks himself How much longer can I refrain from tearing up the tickets of these impudent pleasure-seekers, and throwing the pieces in their infa- mously contented countenances ? We gain the hall, and are sent to the inevitable other aisle, by the usher, (by the way, why is it that one always gets into the wrong aisle, only to be ignominiously ordered to the opposite side of the house?) and we finally turn various illegal occu- pants out of our seats, and begin to fan ourselves in fervid anticipation of the coming musical treat. A buzz of conversation is everywhere going on. Did any one ever notice the curious fact that a middle-aged man and woman can converse at a theatre or concert room without either one finding any difficulty in hearing what the other says, while no young man can make his accompanying young lady hear a single word unless his mouth is in close proximity to her ear? This singular state of things is doubtless due to the peculiar acoustical properties of public buildings. We manage, however, to hear a good deal of both young and middle-aged conversation, of the following improving type. RURAL PERsoN. Ive heard most everybody thats sung in our Phil- adelphy opera house, and some of em are pretty hard to beat. NILssoN may beat em, you know. Mind, now, I dont say she wont, but shes got a mighty hard row to hoe. CRITIc. (Who sent for seats for his eight sisters and their friendsbut who did not get them.) There comes the Scandinavian Societyfifty Irishmen at fifty cents a head. Did you see the flowers piled up in the lobby? MAX paid seven hundred dollars for the lot. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! I wish you wouldnt look at that fellow across the way. You know how your own darling loves you, and YOUNG L~nv. Hush! Dont bother. Here comes VIEUxTEMPs. YIEUXTRMPS plays, and the audience listens with the ai,~ of people who are dreadfully bored, bitt are afraid to show it. He disappears with an amount of applause carefully graduated so as to express enthusiasm without the desire for hearing him again. The Rural Person remarks that he doesnt think much of fiddlers anyhow. Give him a trom- bone, or a banjo, for his money. Mn. WEELI then trifles with the piano. Him, too, the audience po- litely endure, but plainly do not appreciate. They have come to hear NILssoN, and feel outraged at having to hear anybody else. A cornet solo by the Angel G~u3Ru~I~ himself would be secretly regarded as un- doubtedly artistic, but certaiuly a little out of place. CHoRUs OF RIVAL PIANO-MAKERs. What a wretched instrument that poor fellow is made to play upon. Nobody can produce any effect on a STEINWAY piano. Its good for nothing but for boarding-school prac- tice. CRITIc, (who knows Mr. STEINWAY.) Anybody can please people by playing on a STEINWAY. I defy WEIILI or any other man to play badly on such a superb instrument as that. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! Do you remember the day when you gave me one of your hair-pins? I have worn it next my YOUNG LADY. Oh, dont bother. NILssoN is just going to sing. And she does sing, with that voice so matchless in its perfect purity, that even the disappointed critic grows uneasy as he tries in vain to find some reasonable fault with it. She ceases, and amid wild cheers from the paying part of the audience, silent approval from the dead- heads, and shouts of Hooroo ! and Begorra ! from the Scandina- vian Society, MAxs flowers are brought in solemn procession up the aisle, and laid at the feet of the Improved Nightingale. CRITIc. Those flowers will just be taken out of the back door, and brought in again to be used the second time. Theres a hand-cart waiting for them now, at the Fifteenth Street entrance. Six PRIME DONNE, (who were not asked to sing at the NILssoN concerts.) Well, did you ever hear Angels Ever Bright sung in a more atro- cious style? If that is Nn~ssoNs idea of expression, the sooner she leaves the stage to artists, the better. CmIcAL Ow MUsIcliN. Bah! Nn~ssoN infuses religious sentiment into her singing, and these envious creatures dont know what religiOu3 sentiment is, so they think she is all wrong. If she had sung HANDEL with a smile, and a coquettish tossing of her head, they would still have hated her, but they would not have ventured to call her in- artistic. YOUNG MAN. Darling! I had rather hear your sweet voice, than listen to Nri~ssoN or a choir of angels for the rest of my YOUNG LADY. CHARLES, you will drive me wild, with your intolerable spooniness. Ill never come out with you again. See how the SMITH girls are looking at you. RURAL Pm~soN. So I says to the usher, If you think Im a coun- tryman who dont know whats what, youre everlastingly sold. Im from Philadelphy, says I, and weve got singers there that can knock spots out of your NILLoctas and KELsoNs and the rest of em. So he just RIVAI~ MANAGER. My tear fellow, you shust mind dis. MAX vill lose all his monish. Nu~ssoN cant sing, my tear! She vanted me to en- cage her a year ago, but I vouldnt do it. Dere ish no monish in her, now you mind vot I says. DISTINGUISHED TEACHER. You call her an artist! Why, look here, if one of my scholars were to phrase as wretchedly as she does, Id never show my face in public again. Her voice is so-so, but her school is simply infamous. CELEBRATED TEACHER. Well, I dont mind sa~ ing that I never heard her equal in point of quality of voice. She gives you pure tone, which is what hardly any other singer does. NINE TENTHS OF THE AUDIENCE. She is perfectly lovely. There never was anybody like her. CONNOISsEUR, (who really does know something about music, but who ac- tually has no prejudices.) Her voice is such a one as MARGARET must have had when she sang by her spinning-wheel, before fate threw her in the way of FAUST. And these professional musicians will tear her reputation to pieces among themselves! Why should musical people be, of all others, most fond of discord ? CRITIC. There! those fools are determined to make her sing again. I cant stand this. ~ll see MAX once mor2. and if he dont do the right thing, Ill say that Nn~ssoN was played out in Europe before she came here, and that she is a complete failure. YOUNG MAN. Sweetest! may I ask you one question ? YOUNG LADY. No, you shant. Will you keep quiet? Everybody is looking at you. EVERYBODY. Sh! sh! sh ! NILSsoN sings again. As her delicious notes die out in the thunder of applause, I make my way out of the Hall, into the clear and silent night. For not even the witchery of VIEUXTEMPSs violin is fit to mate in memory with the peerless tones of NILssoN. Here I meant to do some fine writing, but as this is PUNCHINEI~LO, and not the Easy Chair of harpers Magazine, I conquer the tempta- tion. Wherefore I accept the gratitude of my readers, and sign myself MATADOR. Conge~Ion of The Sun PUNCHINELLO is pained to know that the circulation of his bewitching contemporary, The Sun, is daily growing more and more languid. Paralysis has set in, and the patient but seldom has the energy to dictate the daily bulletin giving the state of his circulation. Only a Suggestion. Ir will be bad enough for the Prussian Cavalrymen to water their horses in the Seine, but if they go to driving their stakes in the Bois de Boulogne, wont the Parisians think it looks a little like running things into the ground?

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 87 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. ILSSON has come; and, sad to say, has brought dissension discord with her. Not that there is any discord in her matchless voice, but there is a vast amount of wrangling as to her precise merits. Do you doubt this? Then come with me in my light Fourth Avenue car, while the stars are bright and the sky is blue, (this is an adaptation of a once popular love-song by Dr. WArTs,) and we will go to Steinway Hall to hear the Im- proved Swedish Nightingale, and feast our eyes on STRA- KO5CH5 flowers. We pass up the steep stair- casewith many misgivings as to our ankles, if we belong to the sex which considers the possession of those anatomical features a fact to be carefully conchaled, provided they are not symmetricaL We pass the door-keeper, who, as is the custom of his kind, frowns malignantly at us, and evidently asks himself How much longer can I refrain from tearing up the tickets of these impudent pleasure-seekers, and throwing the pieces in their infa- mously contented countenances ? We gain the hall, and are sent to the inevitable other aisle, by the usher, (by the way, why is it that one always gets into the wrong aisle, only to be ignominiously ordered to the opposite side of the house?) and we finally turn various illegal occu- pants out of our seats, and begin to fan ourselves in fervid anticipation of the coming musical treat. A buzz of conversation is everywhere going on. Did any one ever notice the curious fact that a middle-aged man and woman can converse at a theatre or concert room without either one finding any difficulty in hearing what the other says, while no young man can make his accompanying young lady hear a single word unless his mouth is in close proximity to her ear? This singular state of things is doubtless due to the peculiar acoustical properties of public buildings. We manage, however, to hear a good deal of both young and middle-aged conversation, of the following improving type. RURAL PERsoN. Ive heard most everybody thats sung in our Phil- adelphy opera house, and some of em are pretty hard to beat. NILssoN may beat em, you know. Mind, now, I dont say she wont, but shes got a mighty hard row to hoe. CRITIc. (Who sent for seats for his eight sisters and their friendsbut who did not get them.) There comes the Scandinavian Societyfifty Irishmen at fifty cents a head. Did you see the flowers piled up in the lobby? MAX paid seven hundred dollars for the lot. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! I wish you wouldnt look at that fellow across the way. You know how your own darling loves you, and YOUNG L~nv. Hush! Dont bother. Here comes VIEUxTEMPs. YIEUXTRMPS plays, and the audience listens with the ai,~ of people who are dreadfully bored, bitt are afraid to show it. He disappears with an amount of applause carefully graduated so as to express enthusiasm without the desire for hearing him again. The Rural Person remarks that he doesnt think much of fiddlers anyhow. Give him a trom- bone, or a banjo, for his money. Mn. WEELI then trifles with the piano. Him, too, the audience po- litely endure, but plainly do not appreciate. They have come to hear NILssoN, and feel outraged at having to hear anybody else. A cornet solo by the Angel G~u3Ru~I~ himself would be secretly regarded as un- doubtedly artistic, but certaiuly a little out of place. CHoRUs OF RIVAL PIANO-MAKERs. What a wretched instrument that poor fellow is made to play upon. Nobody can produce any effect on a STEINWAY piano. Its good for nothing but for boarding-school prac- tice. CRITIc, (who knows Mr. STEINWAY.) Anybody can please people by playing on a STEINWAY. I defy WEIILI or any other man to play badly on such a superb instrument as that. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! Do you remember the day when you gave me one of your hair-pins? I have worn it next my YOUNG LADY. Oh, dont bother. NILssoN is just going to sing. And she does sing, with that voice so matchless in its perfect purity, that even the disappointed critic grows uneasy as he tries in vain to find some reasonable fault with it. She ceases, and amid wild cheers from the paying part of the audience, silent approval from the dead- heads, and shouts of Hooroo ! and Begorra ! from the Scandina- vian Society, MAxs flowers are brought in solemn procession up the aisle, and laid at the feet of the Improved Nightingale. CRITIc. Those flowers will just be taken out of the back door, and brought in again to be used the second time. Theres a hand-cart waiting for them now, at the Fifteenth Street entrance. Six PRIME DONNE, (who were not asked to sing at the NILssoN concerts.) Well, did you ever hear Angels Ever Bright sung in a more atro- cious style? If that is Nn~ssoNs idea of expression, the sooner she leaves the stage to artists, the better. CmIcAL Ow MUsIcliN. Bah! Nn~ssoN infuses religious sentiment into her singing, and these envious creatures dont know what religiOu3 sentiment is, so they think she is all wrong. If she had sung HANDEL with a smile, and a coquettish tossing of her head, they would still have hated her, but they would not have ventured to call her in- artistic. YOUNG MAN. Darling! I had rather hear your sweet voice, than listen to Nri~ssoN or a choir of angels for the rest of my YOUNG LADY. CHARLES, you will drive me wild, with your intolerable spooniness. Ill never come out with you again. See how the SMITH girls are looking at you. RURAL Pm~soN. So I says to the usher, If you think Im a coun- tryman who dont know whats what, youre everlastingly sold. Im from Philadelphy, says I, and weve got singers there that can knock spots out of your NILLoctas and KELsoNs and the rest of em. So he just RIVAI~ MANAGER. My tear fellow, you shust mind dis. MAX vill lose all his monish. Nu~ssoN cant sing, my tear! She vanted me to en- cage her a year ago, but I vouldnt do it. Dere ish no monish in her, now you mind vot I says. DISTINGUISHED TEACHER. You call her an artist! Why, look here, if one of my scholars were to phrase as wretchedly as she does, Id never show my face in public again. Her voice is so-so, but her school is simply infamous. CELEBRATED TEACHER. Well, I dont mind sa~ ing that I never heard her equal in point of quality of voice. She gives you pure tone, which is what hardly any other singer does. NINE TENTHS OF THE AUDIENCE. She is perfectly lovely. There never was anybody like her. CONNOISsEUR, (who really does know something about music, but who ac- tually has no prejudices.) Her voice is such a one as MARGARET must have had when she sang by her spinning-wheel, before fate threw her in the way of FAUST. And these professional musicians will tear her reputation to pieces among themselves! Why should musical people be, of all others, most fond of discord ? CRITIC. There! those fools are determined to make her sing again. I cant stand this. ~ll see MAX once mor2. and if he dont do the right thing, Ill say that Nn~ssoN was played out in Europe before she came here, and that she is a complete failure. YOUNG MAN. Sweetest! may I ask you one question ? YOUNG LADY. No, you shant. Will you keep quiet? Everybody is looking at you. EVERYBODY. Sh! sh! sh ! NILSsoN sings again. As her delicious notes die out in the thunder of applause, I make my way out of the Hall, into the clear and silent night. For not even the witchery of VIEUXTEMPSs violin is fit to mate in memory with the peerless tones of NILssoN. Here I meant to do some fine writing, but as this is PUNCHINEI~LO, and not the Easy Chair of harpers Magazine, I conquer the tempta- tion. Wherefore I accept the gratitude of my readers, and sign myself MATADOR. Conge~Ion of The Sun PUNCHINELLO is pained to know that the circulation of his bewitching contemporary, The Sun, is daily growing more and more languid. Paralysis has set in, and the patient but seldom has the energy to dictate the daily bulletin giving the state of his circulation. Only a Suggestion. Ir will be bad enough for the Prussian Cavalrymen to water their horses in the Seine, but if they go to driving their stakes in the Bois de Boulogne, wont the Parisians think it looks a little like running things into the ground?

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 87 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. ILSSON has come; and, sad to say, has brought dissension discord with her. Not that there is any discord in her matchless voice, but there is a vast amount of wrangling as to her precise merits. Do you doubt this? Then come with me in my light Fourth Avenue car, while the stars are bright and the sky is blue, (this is an adaptation of a once popular love-song by Dr. WArTs,) and we will go to Steinway Hall to hear the Im- proved Swedish Nightingale, and feast our eyes on STRA- KO5CH5 flowers. We pass up the steep stair- casewith many misgivings as to our ankles, if we belong to the sex which considers the possession of those anatomical features a fact to be carefully conchaled, provided they are not symmetricaL We pass the door-keeper, who, as is the custom of his kind, frowns malignantly at us, and evidently asks himself How much longer can I refrain from tearing up the tickets of these impudent pleasure-seekers, and throwing the pieces in their infa- mously contented countenances ? We gain the hall, and are sent to the inevitable other aisle, by the usher, (by the way, why is it that one always gets into the wrong aisle, only to be ignominiously ordered to the opposite side of the house?) and we finally turn various illegal occu- pants out of our seats, and begin to fan ourselves in fervid anticipation of the coming musical treat. A buzz of conversation is everywhere going on. Did any one ever notice the curious fact that a middle-aged man and woman can converse at a theatre or concert room without either one finding any difficulty in hearing what the other says, while no young man can make his accompanying young lady hear a single word unless his mouth is in close proximity to her ear? This singular state of things is doubtless due to the peculiar acoustical properties of public buildings. We manage, however, to hear a good deal of both young and middle-aged conversation, of the following improving type. RURAL PERsoN. Ive heard most everybody thats sung in our Phil- adelphy opera house, and some of em are pretty hard to beat. NILssoN may beat em, you know. Mind, now, I dont say she wont, but shes got a mighty hard row to hoe. CRITIc. (Who sent for seats for his eight sisters and their friendsbut who did not get them.) There comes the Scandinavian Societyfifty Irishmen at fifty cents a head. Did you see the flowers piled up in the lobby? MAX paid seven hundred dollars for the lot. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! I wish you wouldnt look at that fellow across the way. You know how your own darling loves you, and YOUNG L~nv. Hush! Dont bother. Here comes VIEUxTEMPs. YIEUXTRMPS plays, and the audience listens with the ai,~ of people who are dreadfully bored, bitt are afraid to show it. He disappears with an amount of applause carefully graduated so as to express enthusiasm without the desire for hearing him again. The Rural Person remarks that he doesnt think much of fiddlers anyhow. Give him a trom- bone, or a banjo, for his money. Mn. WEELI then trifles with the piano. Him, too, the audience po- litely endure, but plainly do not appreciate. They have come to hear NILssoN, and feel outraged at having to hear anybody else. A cornet solo by the Angel G~u3Ru~I~ himself would be secretly regarded as un- doubtedly artistic, but certaiuly a little out of place. CHoRUs OF RIVAL PIANO-MAKERs. What a wretched instrument that poor fellow is made to play upon. Nobody can produce any effect on a STEINWAY piano. Its good for nothing but for boarding-school prac- tice. CRITIc, (who knows Mr. STEINWAY.) Anybody can please people by playing on a STEINWAY. I defy WEIILI or any other man to play badly on such a superb instrument as that. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! Do you remember the day when you gave me one of your hair-pins? I have worn it next my YOUNG LADY. Oh, dont bother. NILssoN is just going to sing. And she does sing, with that voice so matchless in its perfect purity, that even the disappointed critic grows uneasy as he tries in vain to find some reasonable fault with it. She ceases, and amid wild cheers from the paying part of the audience, silent approval from the dead- heads, and shouts of Hooroo ! and Begorra ! from the Scandina- vian Society, MAxs flowers are brought in solemn procession up the aisle, and laid at the feet of the Improved Nightingale. CRITIc. Those flowers will just be taken out of the back door, and brought in again to be used the second time. Theres a hand-cart waiting for them now, at the Fifteenth Street entrance. Six PRIME DONNE, (who were not asked to sing at the NILssoN concerts.) Well, did you ever hear Angels Ever Bright sung in a more atro- cious style? If that is Nn~ssoNs idea of expression, the sooner she leaves the stage to artists, the better. CmIcAL Ow MUsIcliN. Bah! Nn~ssoN infuses religious sentiment into her singing, and these envious creatures dont know what religiOu3 sentiment is, so they think she is all wrong. If she had sung HANDEL with a smile, and a coquettish tossing of her head, they would still have hated her, but they would not have ventured to call her in- artistic. YOUNG MAN. Darling! I had rather hear your sweet voice, than listen to Nri~ssoN or a choir of angels for the rest of my YOUNG LADY. CHARLES, you will drive me wild, with your intolerable spooniness. Ill never come out with you again. See how the SMITH girls are looking at you. RURAL Pm~soN. So I says to the usher, If you think Im a coun- tryman who dont know whats what, youre everlastingly sold. Im from Philadelphy, says I, and weve got singers there that can knock spots out of your NILLoctas and KELsoNs and the rest of em. So he just RIVAI~ MANAGER. My tear fellow, you shust mind dis. MAX vill lose all his monish. Nu~ssoN cant sing, my tear! She vanted me to en- cage her a year ago, but I vouldnt do it. Dere ish no monish in her, now you mind vot I says. DISTINGUISHED TEACHER. You call her an artist! Why, look here, if one of my scholars were to phrase as wretchedly as she does, Id never show my face in public again. Her voice is so-so, but her school is simply infamous. CELEBRATED TEACHER. Well, I dont mind sa~ ing that I never heard her equal in point of quality of voice. She gives you pure tone, which is what hardly any other singer does. NINE TENTHS OF THE AUDIENCE. She is perfectly lovely. There never was anybody like her. CONNOISsEUR, (who really does know something about music, but who ac- tually has no prejudices.) Her voice is such a one as MARGARET must have had when she sang by her spinning-wheel, before fate threw her in the way of FAUST. And these professional musicians will tear her reputation to pieces among themselves! Why should musical people be, of all others, most fond of discord ? CRITIC. There! those fools are determined to make her sing again. I cant stand this. ~ll see MAX once mor2. and if he dont do the right thing, Ill say that Nn~ssoN was played out in Europe before she came here, and that she is a complete failure. YOUNG MAN. Sweetest! may I ask you one question ? YOUNG LADY. No, you shant. Will you keep quiet? Everybody is looking at you. EVERYBODY. Sh! sh! sh ! NILSsoN sings again. As her delicious notes die out in the thunder of applause, I make my way out of the Hall, into the clear and silent night. For not even the witchery of VIEUXTEMPSs violin is fit to mate in memory with the peerless tones of NILssoN. Here I meant to do some fine writing, but as this is PUNCHINEI~LO, and not the Easy Chair of harpers Magazine, I conquer the tempta- tion. Wherefore I accept the gratitude of my readers, and sign myself MATADOR. Conge~Ion of The Sun PUNCHINELLO is pained to know that the circulation of his bewitching contemporary, The Sun, is daily growing more and more languid. Paralysis has set in, and the patient but seldom has the energy to dictate the daily bulletin giving the state of his circulation. Only a Suggestion. Ir will be bad enough for the Prussian Cavalrymen to water their horses in the Seine, but if they go to driving their stakes in the Bois de Boulogne, wont the Parisians think it looks a little like running things into the ground?

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 87 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. ILSSON has come; and, sad to say, has brought dissension discord with her. Not that there is any discord in her matchless voice, but there is a vast amount of wrangling as to her precise merits. Do you doubt this? Then come with me in my light Fourth Avenue car, while the stars are bright and the sky is blue, (this is an adaptation of a once popular love-song by Dr. WArTs,) and we will go to Steinway Hall to hear the Im- proved Swedish Nightingale, and feast our eyes on STRA- KO5CH5 flowers. We pass up the steep stair- casewith many misgivings as to our ankles, if we belong to the sex which considers the possession of those anatomical features a fact to be carefully conchaled, provided they are not symmetricaL We pass the door-keeper, who, as is the custom of his kind, frowns malignantly at us, and evidently asks himself How much longer can I refrain from tearing up the tickets of these impudent pleasure-seekers, and throwing the pieces in their infa- mously contented countenances ? We gain the hall, and are sent to the inevitable other aisle, by the usher, (by the way, why is it that one always gets into the wrong aisle, only to be ignominiously ordered to the opposite side of the house?) and we finally turn various illegal occu- pants out of our seats, and begin to fan ourselves in fervid anticipation of the coming musical treat. A buzz of conversation is everywhere going on. Did any one ever notice the curious fact that a middle-aged man and woman can converse at a theatre or concert room without either one finding any difficulty in hearing what the other says, while no young man can make his accompanying young lady hear a single word unless his mouth is in close proximity to her ear? This singular state of things is doubtless due to the peculiar acoustical properties of public buildings. We manage, however, to hear a good deal of both young and middle-aged conversation, of the following improving type. RURAL PERsoN. Ive heard most everybody thats sung in our Phil- adelphy opera house, and some of em are pretty hard to beat. NILssoN may beat em, you know. Mind, now, I dont say she wont, but shes got a mighty hard row to hoe. CRITIc. (Who sent for seats for his eight sisters and their friendsbut who did not get them.) There comes the Scandinavian Societyfifty Irishmen at fifty cents a head. Did you see the flowers piled up in the lobby? MAX paid seven hundred dollars for the lot. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! I wish you wouldnt look at that fellow across the way. You know how your own darling loves you, and YOUNG L~nv. Hush! Dont bother. Here comes VIEUxTEMPs. YIEUXTRMPS plays, and the audience listens with the ai,~ of people who are dreadfully bored, bitt are afraid to show it. He disappears with an amount of applause carefully graduated so as to express enthusiasm without the desire for hearing him again. The Rural Person remarks that he doesnt think much of fiddlers anyhow. Give him a trom- bone, or a banjo, for his money. Mn. WEELI then trifles with the piano. Him, too, the audience po- litely endure, but plainly do not appreciate. They have come to hear NILssoN, and feel outraged at having to hear anybody else. A cornet solo by the Angel G~u3Ru~I~ himself would be secretly regarded as un- doubtedly artistic, but certaiuly a little out of place. CHoRUs OF RIVAL PIANO-MAKERs. What a wretched instrument that poor fellow is made to play upon. Nobody can produce any effect on a STEINWAY piano. Its good for nothing but for boarding-school prac- tice. CRITIc, (who knows Mr. STEINWAY.) Anybody can please people by playing on a STEINWAY. I defy WEIILI or any other man to play badly on such a superb instrument as that. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! Do you remember the day when you gave me one of your hair-pins? I have worn it next my YOUNG LADY. Oh, dont bother. NILssoN is just going to sing. And she does sing, with that voice so matchless in its perfect purity, that even the disappointed critic grows uneasy as he tries in vain to find some reasonable fault with it. She ceases, and amid wild cheers from the paying part of the audience, silent approval from the dead- heads, and shouts of Hooroo ! and Begorra ! from the Scandina- vian Society, MAxs flowers are brought in solemn procession up the aisle, and laid at the feet of the Improved Nightingale. CRITIc. Those flowers will just be taken out of the back door, and brought in again to be used the second time. Theres a hand-cart waiting for them now, at the Fifteenth Street entrance. Six PRIME DONNE, (who were not asked to sing at the NILssoN concerts.) Well, did you ever hear Angels Ever Bright sung in a more atro- cious style? If that is Nn~ssoNs idea of expression, the sooner she leaves the stage to artists, the better. CmIcAL Ow MUsIcliN. Bah! Nn~ssoN infuses religious sentiment into her singing, and these envious creatures dont know what religiOu3 sentiment is, so they think she is all wrong. If she had sung HANDEL with a smile, and a coquettish tossing of her head, they would still have hated her, but they would not have ventured to call her in- artistic. YOUNG MAN. Darling! I had rather hear your sweet voice, than listen to Nri~ssoN or a choir of angels for the rest of my YOUNG LADY. CHARLES, you will drive me wild, with your intolerable spooniness. Ill never come out with you again. See how the SMITH girls are looking at you. RURAL Pm~soN. So I says to the usher, If you think Im a coun- tryman who dont know whats what, youre everlastingly sold. Im from Philadelphy, says I, and weve got singers there that can knock spots out of your NILLoctas and KELsoNs and the rest of em. So he just RIVAI~ MANAGER. My tear fellow, you shust mind dis. MAX vill lose all his monish. Nu~ssoN cant sing, my tear! She vanted me to en- cage her a year ago, but I vouldnt do it. Dere ish no monish in her, now you mind vot I says. DISTINGUISHED TEACHER. You call her an artist! Why, look here, if one of my scholars were to phrase as wretchedly as she does, Id never show my face in public again. Her voice is so-so, but her school is simply infamous. CELEBRATED TEACHER. Well, I dont mind sa~ ing that I never heard her equal in point of quality of voice. She gives you pure tone, which is what hardly any other singer does. NINE TENTHS OF THE AUDIENCE. She is perfectly lovely. There never was anybody like her. CONNOISsEUR, (who really does know something about music, but who ac- tually has no prejudices.) Her voice is such a one as MARGARET must have had when she sang by her spinning-wheel, before fate threw her in the way of FAUST. And these professional musicians will tear her reputation to pieces among themselves! Why should musical people be, of all others, most fond of discord ? CRITIC. There! those fools are determined to make her sing again. I cant stand this. ~ll see MAX once mor2. and if he dont do the right thing, Ill say that Nn~ssoN was played out in Europe before she came here, and that she is a complete failure. YOUNG MAN. Sweetest! may I ask you one question ? YOUNG LADY. No, you shant. Will you keep quiet? Everybody is looking at you. EVERYBODY. Sh! sh! sh ! NILSsoN sings again. As her delicious notes die out in the thunder of applause, I make my way out of the Hall, into the clear and silent night. For not even the witchery of VIEUXTEMPSs violin is fit to mate in memory with the peerless tones of NILssoN. Here I meant to do some fine writing, but as this is PUNCHINEI~LO, and not the Easy Chair of harpers Magazine, I conquer the tempta- tion. Wherefore I accept the gratitude of my readers, and sign myself MATADOR. Conge~Ion of The Sun PUNCHINELLO is pained to know that the circulation of his bewitching contemporary, The Sun, is daily growing more and more languid. Paralysis has set in, and the patient but seldom has the energy to dictate the daily bulletin giving the state of his circulation. Only a Suggestion. Ir will be bad enough for the Prussian Cavalrymen to water their horses in the Seine, but if they go to driving their stakes in the Bois de Boulogne, wont the Parisians think it looks a little like running things into the ground? PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. OUR MASTERS OF ART. Mn. PUNCHINELLO: The knights of the pencil and easel, having re- turned from their usual visits to their summer haunts, and having exchanged the blue skies and grassy vales of Nature for the smoky ceilings and dirty floors of Art, (I believe that is the proper way to com- mence this kind of an article,) your correspondent has visited a number of them, and has obtained authentic accounts of their present occu- patious, and has also been permitted to make slight sketches of some of their principal works. BIERSTADT, as usual, is painting Yos. Having entirely exhausted the Yo Semite, he is now at work on a grand picture of a Southdown Ewe, and will soon commence a view of his studio,at sunrise. He well d3serves his title of the Yeoman of Art. JAMI~s HAMILTON, of Philadelphia, is painting a sunset. It may not be generally known, but it is a fact, that he paints the sun every time it sets. Tho following sketch will give a good idea of his next great picture. The nails are inserted in the sun to keep it from going down any fur- ther, and spoiling the scene. WILLIAaI T. ]licnAnDs, of the same city, is hard at work on a picture vrhich is intended to represent, to the life, water in motion; a specialty which ho has lately adopted. It is entitled A Scene on the Barbary C3ast; Water in Motion, Steamer in the Distance. The subjoined sketch represents the general plan of the picture. Stiil another Philadelphia artist, Mr. Ror ERMEL, is very busy at a great work, lie is putting the finishing-touches to his vast painting of the Battle of Gettysburg. On this enormous canvas may be seen correct likenesses of all the principal generals, colonels, captains, majors, first and secondlientenauts, sergeant-majors, sergeants, corporals and high privates who were engaged in that battle; and by the consum- mate skill of the artist, each one of them, to the great gratification of himself and his family, is placed prominently in the foreground. Such distinguished success should meet appropriate reward, and it is now rumored that the artist will soon be commissioned by Congress to paint for the Rotunda of the Capitol a grand picture of our late civil war, with all the incidents of that struggle, upon one canvas. Of the artists who affect the shaded wood, we learn that Mr. HENNEssY, now absent in Europe, is drawing another Booth. Whether this is intended particularly for Every Saturday, I cannot say, but I suppose it will answer foi~ any- other week-day. At any rate, here is his last Booth. NAST is at work on a series of sarcastic pictures illustrating the miseries of France. Most of them show how Louis NArOLEoN ought to finish up his career and dynasty. In fact, should this gifted artist ever travel among B3napartists, he will certainly be hunted down in an astounding manner, and the populace, adopting American customs, will probably congregate to see him astride a rail. Two of his smaller studies are very interesting. One of them, called An Astray, is simply a ray of black light; and another, intended for the contempla- tion of persons who desire light and airy pictures, is simply a portrait of himself, entitled A Nasturtium. The well-known Miss~EDMoNIA Lxwis has been uxhibiting her statue of HAG& s, in Chicago. As HAGAR was the first woman who suffered anything like divorce, Chicago is a capital place for her statue, and Miss Luwis evidently knows what she is about. 1-ler name reminds me that our great landscapist, Luwis, is at work on a picture which he calls A Scene in France after a Reign. This little sketch will give an idea of the painting. Most of our other artiste are also worthily engaged, but time, (I be- lieve that is the regular way to end an article of this kind) will not per mit present mention of them. ErAnEs. 11AM AND EGGS. WAR always brings with it its signs and portents. A hen somewhere in Virginia, according to a local paper, has lately produced an egg on the white of which the word War was plainly written in black let- ters. Now, when we consider that the career of Louis NAPOLEON was more or less influenced by Ham, there is something very significant in the advent of this providential egg; nor should we be surprised to learn, ere long, that the same hen had laid another egg, this time with a Prussian yolk. Eheut Sti-asboui-g. READING an old travellers description of the famous Cathedral of Strasbourg, we note that he dwells particularly on its fretted windows. Ah! yes. They have much to fret about, now, have these old win- dows; and that makes us think whether the ~armiers of the roof over them do not run real tears. Lo Cunning. T~ eunning of the red Indian of the Plains. 88

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. OUR MASTERS OF ART. Mn. PUNCHINELLO: The knights of the pencil and easel, having re- turned from their usual visits to their summer haunts, and having exchanged the blue skies and grassy vales of Nature for the smoky ceilings and dirty floors of Art, (I believe that is the proper way to com- mence this kind of an article,) your correspondent has visited a number of them, and has obtained authentic accounts of their present occu- patious, and has also been permitted to make slight sketches of some of their principal works. BIERSTADT, as usual, is painting Yos. Having entirely exhausted the Yo Semite, he is now at work on a grand picture of a Southdown Ewe, and will soon commence a view of his studio,at sunrise. He well d3serves his title of the Yeoman of Art. JAMI~s HAMILTON, of Philadelphia, is painting a sunset. It may not be generally known, but it is a fact, that he paints the sun every time it sets. Tho following sketch will give a good idea of his next great picture. The nails are inserted in the sun to keep it from going down any fur- ther, and spoiling the scene. WILLIAaI T. ]licnAnDs, of the same city, is hard at work on a picture vrhich is intended to represent, to the life, water in motion; a specialty which ho has lately adopted. It is entitled A Scene on the Barbary C3ast; Water in Motion, Steamer in the Distance. The subjoined sketch represents the general plan of the picture. Stiil another Philadelphia artist, Mr. Ror ERMEL, is very busy at a great work, lie is putting the finishing-touches to his vast painting of the Battle of Gettysburg. On this enormous canvas may be seen correct likenesses of all the principal generals, colonels, captains, majors, first and secondlientenauts, sergeant-majors, sergeants, corporals and high privates who were engaged in that battle; and by the consum- mate skill of the artist, each one of them, to the great gratification of himself and his family, is placed prominently in the foreground. Such distinguished success should meet appropriate reward, and it is now rumored that the artist will soon be commissioned by Congress to paint for the Rotunda of the Capitol a grand picture of our late civil war, with all the incidents of that struggle, upon one canvas. Of the artists who affect the shaded wood, we learn that Mr. HENNEssY, now absent in Europe, is drawing another Booth. Whether this is intended particularly for Every Saturday, I cannot say, but I suppose it will answer foi~ any- other week-day. At any rate, here is his last Booth. NAST is at work on a series of sarcastic pictures illustrating the miseries of France. Most of them show how Louis NArOLEoN ought to finish up his career and dynasty. In fact, should this gifted artist ever travel among B3napartists, he will certainly be hunted down in an astounding manner, and the populace, adopting American customs, will probably congregate to see him astride a rail. Two of his smaller studies are very interesting. One of them, called An Astray, is simply a ray of black light; and another, intended for the contempla- tion of persons who desire light and airy pictures, is simply a portrait of himself, entitled A Nasturtium. The well-known Miss~EDMoNIA Lxwis has been uxhibiting her statue of HAG& s, in Chicago. As HAGAR was the first woman who suffered anything like divorce, Chicago is a capital place for her statue, and Miss Luwis evidently knows what she is about. 1-ler name reminds me that our great landscapist, Luwis, is at work on a picture which he calls A Scene in France after a Reign. This little sketch will give an idea of the painting. Most of our other artiste are also worthily engaged, but time, (I be- lieve that is the regular way to end an article of this kind) will not per mit present mention of them. ErAnEs. 11AM AND EGGS. WAR always brings with it its signs and portents. A hen somewhere in Virginia, according to a local paper, has lately produced an egg on the white of which the word War was plainly written in black let- ters. Now, when we consider that the career of Louis NAPOLEON was more or less influenced by Ham, there is something very significant in the advent of this providential egg; nor should we be surprised to learn, ere long, that the same hen had laid another egg, this time with a Prussian yolk. Eheut Sti-asboui-g. READING an old travellers description of the famous Cathedral of Strasbourg, we note that he dwells particularly on its fretted windows. Ah! yes. They have much to fret about, now, have these old win- dows; and that makes us think whether the ~armiers of the roof over them do not run real tears. Lo Cunning. T~ eunning of the red Indian of the Plains. 88

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. OUR MASTERS OF ART. Mn. PUNCHINELLO: The knights of the pencil and easel, having re- turned from their usual visits to their summer haunts, and having exchanged the blue skies and grassy vales of Nature for the smoky ceilings and dirty floors of Art, (I believe that is the proper way to com- mence this kind of an article,) your correspondent has visited a number of them, and has obtained authentic accounts of their present occu- patious, and has also been permitted to make slight sketches of some of their principal works. BIERSTADT, as usual, is painting Yos. Having entirely exhausted the Yo Semite, he is now at work on a grand picture of a Southdown Ewe, and will soon commence a view of his studio,at sunrise. He well d3serves his title of the Yeoman of Art. JAMI~s HAMILTON, of Philadelphia, is painting a sunset. It may not be generally known, but it is a fact, that he paints the sun every time it sets. Tho following sketch will give a good idea of his next great picture. The nails are inserted in the sun to keep it from going down any fur- ther, and spoiling the scene. WILLIAaI T. ]licnAnDs, of the same city, is hard at work on a picture vrhich is intended to represent, to the life, water in motion; a specialty which ho has lately adopted. It is entitled A Scene on the Barbary C3ast; Water in Motion, Steamer in the Distance. The subjoined sketch represents the general plan of the picture. Stiil another Philadelphia artist, Mr. Ror ERMEL, is very busy at a great work, lie is putting the finishing-touches to his vast painting of the Battle of Gettysburg. On this enormous canvas may be seen correct likenesses of all the principal generals, colonels, captains, majors, first and secondlientenauts, sergeant-majors, sergeants, corporals and high privates who were engaged in that battle; and by the consum- mate skill of the artist, each one of them, to the great gratification of himself and his family, is placed prominently in the foreground. Such distinguished success should meet appropriate reward, and it is now rumored that the artist will soon be commissioned by Congress to paint for the Rotunda of the Capitol a grand picture of our late civil war, with all the incidents of that struggle, upon one canvas. Of the artists who affect the shaded wood, we learn that Mr. HENNEssY, now absent in Europe, is drawing another Booth. Whether this is intended particularly for Every Saturday, I cannot say, but I suppose it will answer foi~ any- other week-day. At any rate, here is his last Booth. NAST is at work on a series of sarcastic pictures illustrating the miseries of France. Most of them show how Louis NArOLEoN ought to finish up his career and dynasty. In fact, should this gifted artist ever travel among B3napartists, he will certainly be hunted down in an astounding manner, and the populace, adopting American customs, will probably congregate to see him astride a rail. Two of his smaller studies are very interesting. One of them, called An Astray, is simply a ray of black light; and another, intended for the contempla- tion of persons who desire light and airy pictures, is simply a portrait of himself, entitled A Nasturtium. The well-known Miss~EDMoNIA Lxwis has been uxhibiting her statue of HAG& s, in Chicago. As HAGAR was the first woman who suffered anything like divorce, Chicago is a capital place for her statue, and Miss Luwis evidently knows what she is about. 1-ler name reminds me that our great landscapist, Luwis, is at work on a picture which he calls A Scene in France after a Reign. This little sketch will give an idea of the painting. Most of our other artiste are also worthily engaged, but time, (I be- lieve that is the regular way to end an article of this kind) will not per mit present mention of them. ErAnEs. 11AM AND EGGS. WAR always brings with it its signs and portents. A hen somewhere in Virginia, according to a local paper, has lately produced an egg on the white of which the word War was plainly written in black let- ters. Now, when we consider that the career of Louis NAPOLEON was more or less influenced by Ham, there is something very significant in the advent of this providential egg; nor should we be surprised to learn, ere long, that the same hen had laid another egg, this time with a Prussian yolk. Eheut Sti-asboui-g. READING an old travellers description of the famous Cathedral of Strasbourg, we note that he dwells particularly on its fretted windows. Ah! yes. They have much to fret about, now, have these old win- dows; and that makes us think whether the ~armiers of the roof over them do not run real tears. Lo Cunning. T~ eunning of the red Indian of the Plains. 88

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. OUR MASTERS OF ART. Mn. PUNCHINELLO: The knights of the pencil and easel, having re- turned from their usual visits to their summer haunts, and having exchanged the blue skies and grassy vales of Nature for the smoky ceilings and dirty floors of Art, (I believe that is the proper way to com- mence this kind of an article,) your correspondent has visited a number of them, and has obtained authentic accounts of their present occu- patious, and has also been permitted to make slight sketches of some of their principal works. BIERSTADT, as usual, is painting Yos. Having entirely exhausted the Yo Semite, he is now at work on a grand picture of a Southdown Ewe, and will soon commence a view of his studio,at sunrise. He well d3serves his title of the Yeoman of Art. JAMI~s HAMILTON, of Philadelphia, is painting a sunset. It may not be generally known, but it is a fact, that he paints the sun every time it sets. Tho following sketch will give a good idea of his next great picture. The nails are inserted in the sun to keep it from going down any fur- ther, and spoiling the scene. WILLIAaI T. ]licnAnDs, of the same city, is hard at work on a picture vrhich is intended to represent, to the life, water in motion; a specialty which ho has lately adopted. It is entitled A Scene on the Barbary C3ast; Water in Motion, Steamer in the Distance. The subjoined sketch represents the general plan of the picture. Stiil another Philadelphia artist, Mr. Ror ERMEL, is very busy at a great work, lie is putting the finishing-touches to his vast painting of the Battle of Gettysburg. On this enormous canvas may be seen correct likenesses of all the principal generals, colonels, captains, majors, first and secondlientenauts, sergeant-majors, sergeants, corporals and high privates who were engaged in that battle; and by the consum- mate skill of the artist, each one of them, to the great gratification of himself and his family, is placed prominently in the foreground. Such distinguished success should meet appropriate reward, and it is now rumored that the artist will soon be commissioned by Congress to paint for the Rotunda of the Capitol a grand picture of our late civil war, with all the incidents of that struggle, upon one canvas. Of the artists who affect the shaded wood, we learn that Mr. HENNEssY, now absent in Europe, is drawing another Booth. Whether this is intended particularly for Every Saturday, I cannot say, but I suppose it will answer foi~ any- other week-day. At any rate, here is his last Booth. NAST is at work on a series of sarcastic pictures illustrating the miseries of France. Most of them show how Louis NArOLEoN ought to finish up his career and dynasty. In fact, should this gifted artist ever travel among B3napartists, he will certainly be hunted down in an astounding manner, and the populace, adopting American customs, will probably congregate to see him astride a rail. Two of his smaller studies are very interesting. One of them, called An Astray, is simply a ray of black light; and another, intended for the contempla- tion of persons who desire light and airy pictures, is simply a portrait of himself, entitled A Nasturtium. The well-known Miss~EDMoNIA Lxwis has been uxhibiting her statue of HAG& s, in Chicago. As HAGAR was the first woman who suffered anything like divorce, Chicago is a capital place for her statue, and Miss Luwis evidently knows what she is about. 1-ler name reminds me that our great landscapist, Luwis, is at work on a picture which he calls A Scene in France after a Reign. This little sketch will give an idea of the painting. Most of our other artiste are also worthily engaged, but time, (I be- lieve that is the regular way to end an article of this kind) will not per mit present mention of them. ErAnEs. 11AM AND EGGS. WAR always brings with it its signs and portents. A hen somewhere in Virginia, according to a local paper, has lately produced an egg on the white of which the word War was plainly written in black let- ters. Now, when we consider that the career of Louis NAPOLEON was more or less influenced by Ham, there is something very significant in the advent of this providential egg; nor should we be surprised to learn, ere long, that the same hen had laid another egg, this time with a Prussian yolk. Eheut Sti-asboui-g. READING an old travellers description of the famous Cathedral of Strasbourg, we note that he dwells particularly on its fretted windows. Ah! yes. They have much to fret about, now, have these old win- dows; and that makes us think whether the ~armiers of the roof over them do not run real tears. Lo Cunning. T~ eunning of the red Indian of the Plains. 88

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. OUR MASTERS OF ART. Mn. PUNCHINELLO: The knights of the pencil and easel, having re- turned from their usual visits to their summer haunts, and having exchanged the blue skies and grassy vales of Nature for the smoky ceilings and dirty floors of Art, (I believe that is the proper way to com- mence this kind of an article,) your correspondent has visited a number of them, and has obtained authentic accounts of their present occu- patious, and has also been permitted to make slight sketches of some of their principal works. BIERSTADT, as usual, is painting Yos. Having entirely exhausted the Yo Semite, he is now at work on a grand picture of a Southdown Ewe, and will soon commence a view of his studio,at sunrise. He well d3serves his title of the Yeoman of Art. JAMI~s HAMILTON, of Philadelphia, is painting a sunset. It may not be generally known, but it is a fact, that he paints the sun every time it sets. Tho following sketch will give a good idea of his next great picture. The nails are inserted in the sun to keep it from going down any fur- ther, and spoiling the scene. WILLIAaI T. ]licnAnDs, of the same city, is hard at work on a picture vrhich is intended to represent, to the life, water in motion; a specialty which ho has lately adopted. It is entitled A Scene on the Barbary C3ast; Water in Motion, Steamer in the Distance. The subjoined sketch represents the general plan of the picture. Stiil another Philadelphia artist, Mr. Ror ERMEL, is very busy at a great work, lie is putting the finishing-touches to his vast painting of the Battle of Gettysburg. On this enormous canvas may be seen correct likenesses of all the principal generals, colonels, captains, majors, first and secondlientenauts, sergeant-majors, sergeants, corporals and high privates who were engaged in that battle; and by the consum- mate skill of the artist, each one of them, to the great gratification of himself and his family, is placed prominently in the foreground. Such distinguished success should meet appropriate reward, and it is now rumored that the artist will soon be commissioned by Congress to paint for the Rotunda of the Capitol a grand picture of our late civil war, with all the incidents of that struggle, upon one canvas. Of the artists who affect the shaded wood, we learn that Mr. HENNEssY, now absent in Europe, is drawing another Booth. Whether this is intended particularly for Every Saturday, I cannot say, but I suppose it will answer foi~ any- other week-day. At any rate, here is his last Booth. NAST is at work on a series of sarcastic pictures illustrating the miseries of France. Most of them show how Louis NArOLEoN ought to finish up his career and dynasty. In fact, should this gifted artist ever travel among B3napartists, he will certainly be hunted down in an astounding manner, and the populace, adopting American customs, will probably congregate to see him astride a rail. Two of his smaller studies are very interesting. One of them, called An Astray, is simply a ray of black light; and another, intended for the contempla- tion of persons who desire light and airy pictures, is simply a portrait of himself, entitled A Nasturtium. The well-known Miss~EDMoNIA Lxwis has been uxhibiting her statue of HAG& s, in Chicago. As HAGAR was the first woman who suffered anything like divorce, Chicago is a capital place for her statue, and Miss Luwis evidently knows what she is about. 1-ler name reminds me that our great landscapist, Luwis, is at work on a picture which he calls A Scene in France after a Reign. This little sketch will give an idea of the painting. Most of our other artiste are also worthily engaged, but time, (I be- lieve that is the regular way to end an article of this kind) will not per mit present mention of them. ErAnEs. 11AM AND EGGS. WAR always brings with it its signs and portents. A hen somewhere in Virginia, according to a local paper, has lately produced an egg on the white of which the word War was plainly written in black let- ters. Now, when we consider that the career of Louis NAPOLEON was more or less influenced by Ham, there is something very significant in the advent of this providential egg; nor should we be surprised to learn, ere long, that the same hen had laid another egg, this time with a Prussian yolk. Eheut Sti-asboui-g. READING an old travellers description of the famous Cathedral of Strasbourg, we note that he dwells particularly on its fretted windows. Ah! yes. They have much to fret about, now, have these old win- dows; and that makes us think whether the ~armiers of the roof over them do not run real tears. Lo Cunning. T~ eunning of the red Indian of the Plains. 88 OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. PETTICOAT GOVERNMENT. A GAUNT, tall, spectacled creature, gender feminine, mumber singu- lar, person first, case always possessive, thats the standard bearer; a broomstick from the top of which floats a petticoat, thats the stan~lard. Tinder that standard march in the U. S. at least 20,000,000 feminines, andhorrible to relategal children are on the increase. Certainly the devil must have invented petticoats. After Evx had finished up that little apple job, she went into the petticoat business, andhence all our tears. Instantly petticoat government became a possibility. Then, as her daughters became wiser, they invented the weeping business, the Swooning business, and the curtain lecture busi- ness; they went for our pocket-books and they ~ot them, and petticoat government became a probability. Not satisfied with the pocket-books, they are now going for the business by means of which we fill the books, and oh, what a hankering they have for public pap! They stick to the curtain lecture business, but now they do it before the curtain. Alas, petticoat government is now a certainty! Its all very well for you to talk about the grandeur of the govern- ments of Bo~i.nIcEA, and ELIZABETH and CATHERINE, but I dont believe that BOA, or Lizzv, or KATE would have been very nice as a companion, if she and you were sitting before the fire, and she wanted stamps and was going for them as amatter of business. Besides, there was only one of them at a time, and they didnt trouble common peqple much, but in this enlightened nineteenth century I have seen a poor, miserable, six foot dry-goods clerk turned out of a retail store by a strapping little female, who couldnt jump a counter worth shucks. I have seen him in his misery industriously study What I Know About Farm- ing, squat on a farm in the West, and bring himself, his wife, and four miserable offshoots to the alms-house by endeavoring to apply the rules set down in What I Know About Farming to 160 acres of land. I have seen the poor, half-paid type-setters strike for their altars, their sires, and more wages, and I have seen a troop of petticoats, with gal children inside them, trot into the type-setters place, so that the miserable compositors were compelled to return and starve on four or five dollars a day. Thats petticoat government with a vengeance. Putting your nose to the grindstone isnt nice at any iime, but its awful when ~he gal children turn. But that is only the beginning. They have struck for bigger things. In the exprcssive language of the immortal JOHNNY MILTON, they are going for the whole hog. They want to vote; some of them have been caughtrepeating already; they want to sit on juries, and they want to go to Congress. Heaven forbid that any of them should ever reach the House of Representatives! Imagine the size of the Congressional Globe if we should send women there! Why, there would be as great a dearth of paper in Washington as there is now in Paris. They want to shave you, dress you, doctor you into your coffins, preach a funeral discourse over your remains, and then take your will into the Surro- gates Court and fight over the little property they have left you. They say all this means that they are our equals, and intend to show it. Listen. In a town some hundreds of miles distant there is a law firm whose sign reads thus: Mns. SMITH and husband. Shades of our forefathers! Ghost of BLUEBEARD! Spirit of HENRY VIII! can this thing be? Imagine old LABs~s daughter starting in business, and hanging out a sign something like this: Mns. JACOB and husband, Having large orders from the West, Sor~rcrr CusToM. N. B.Gentlemen attended to by Mr. JAco7. The Original Mrs. JACOB. Dont you suppose that JAcoB, if he had found that sign over his door- step, would have raised a row, and if he had been overcome, dont you suppose he would have wondered what he served those seven years for? Oh, young man, sitting by the side of that dainty damsel, looking so spoonily into her deep blue eyes, playing so daintily with her golden curls, sucking honey so frequently from her ruby lips, beware! beware! 1~WARE! Remember, when she wants stamps, you cant put her off as y~ Lir pa did your ma. You cant say, Business is awful dull, beci~use shell do the business, and make you her book-keeper or porter or something of that sort. Petticoat government is all very well for those who like it. Some men go through life playing a sort of insane tag, in which, first their mothers petticoats, and then their wives, are hunk, and they never leave hunk. As for me, give me trouser government, or give me a first class funeral procession with me for the corpse. Brethren, listen! Give me your ears! (the big ones first.) This thing must be stopped now. Let us form an association for the sup- pression of women, or a society for the prevention of cruelty to men. There is but one way to cure this thing. Far out on the Western prairies dwells the only sensible man on this continent. In the city ruled by him a man may come home as tired as gin can make him, and his wife opens not her mouth; he may jump over as many counters as he pleases, and none of his wives will desire to go and do likewise. There she is the weaker vessel, and it takes so many of her to equal one man, that she is kept in a proper state of subjection. Thats the secret; marry her a good deaL The old maids are the ones who start the rows. Let them all be married to some one man of a peaceable, loving, quiet dispositionsay WENDELL Pnnaars. Let the President, if necessary, issue his proclamation making the United States one vast Utah, and let us all be Young. LOT. RAMBLINGS. DY HOSE SKINWEIL Mn. PuNcHusxz.no: If I should tell you that I particularly excelled in writing verses youd hardly believe me. But such is the fact. Ive sent poem after poem to all the first-class magazines in the country, which, if theyd been published, would have enabled me to pay my debts, and start new accounts from Maine to Georgia. But theyve never been publishedand why? Its jealousy. A child with half an eye can see that. Those boss poets who get the big salaries, probably see my verses, and pay the publishers a big price not to print em. How little the public know of the inside workings of these things! Im disgusted with this trickery, and am going to shut right down on the whole thing. Oh! they may howl, but not another line do they get! Im going into the song business. Thats something that isnt over- done. I composed a perfect little gem lately. It is called Lines on the death of a child. I chose this subject because it is comparatively new. A few have attempted it, but they betray a crudeness and lack of pathos painful to witness. Whether I have supplied that deficiency or not is for the public, not me, to judge. But if the public, or any other man, be he male or female, thinks that by ribaldry and derision I can be induced to publish the whole of this work before its copyrighted, theyre mis- taken. The salt thats going on the tail of this particular fowl aint ripe yet. Its going to be set to music and itll probably hateh a song. I called on a publisher last week about it. Dont you think, said I, that itll take em by storm ? Worse than that, he replied. Its a reglar line gale. I knew hed be enthusiastic about it. He said he hadnt got any notes in, that would fit it just then, but he expected a lot in the next steamer, and I could have my choice. He was very polite, and I thanked him kindly. Jealous as I am of my reputation, I am willing to stake it on this poem. A man dont collect the obituary notices of one hundred infants and boil em down over a slow fire without something to be proud of, you know. Here is a sample of it: LINES ON THE DEATH OF A CHILD. Tell me, dear mother, Heat the swallows homeward aode when the clock strikes nine? Does our wn~zs spirit roam In that home Beyond the skies, Along with Lxzz? Say, mother Say The other verses are, if anything, better than this. If you are anxious to publish this poem entire, why not leave out the pictures and all the reading matter from PUNcHINELLO for two weeks, and show the public what genius, brains, and ability can accomplish, unaided? If you pub- lish it in detachments, it weakens it, you see. Jf the verses cant lean against each other, they pine away immediately.

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. PETTICOAT GOVERNMENT. A GAUNT, tall, spectacled creature, gender feminine, mumber singu- lar, person first, case always possessive, thats the standard bearer; a broomstick from the top of which floats a petticoat, thats the stan~lard. Tinder that standard march in the U. S. at least 20,000,000 feminines, andhorrible to relategal children are on the increase. Certainly the devil must have invented petticoats. After Evx had finished up that little apple job, she went into the petticoat business, andhence all our tears. Instantly petticoat government became a possibility. Then, as her daughters became wiser, they invented the weeping business, the Swooning business, and the curtain lecture busi- ness; they went for our pocket-books and they ~ot them, and petticoat government became a probability. Not satisfied with the pocket-books, they are now going for the business by means of which we fill the books, and oh, what a hankering they have for public pap! They stick to the curtain lecture business, but now they do it before the curtain. Alas, petticoat government is now a certainty! Its all very well for you to talk about the grandeur of the govern- ments of Bo~i.nIcEA, and ELIZABETH and CATHERINE, but I dont believe that BOA, or Lizzv, or KATE would have been very nice as a companion, if she and you were sitting before the fire, and she wanted stamps and was going for them as amatter of business. Besides, there was only one of them at a time, and they didnt trouble common peqple much, but in this enlightened nineteenth century I have seen a poor, miserable, six foot dry-goods clerk turned out of a retail store by a strapping little female, who couldnt jump a counter worth shucks. I have seen him in his misery industriously study What I Know About Farm- ing, squat on a farm in the West, and bring himself, his wife, and four miserable offshoots to the alms-house by endeavoring to apply the rules set down in What I Know About Farming to 160 acres of land. I have seen the poor, half-paid type-setters strike for their altars, their sires, and more wages, and I have seen a troop of petticoats, with gal children inside them, trot into the type-setters place, so that the miserable compositors were compelled to return and starve on four or five dollars a day. Thats petticoat government with a vengeance. Putting your nose to the grindstone isnt nice at any iime, but its awful when ~he gal children turn. But that is only the beginning. They have struck for bigger things. In the exprcssive language of the immortal JOHNNY MILTON, they are going for the whole hog. They want to vote; some of them have been caughtrepeating already; they want to sit on juries, and they want to go to Congress. Heaven forbid that any of them should ever reach the House of Representatives! Imagine the size of the Congressional Globe if we should send women there! Why, there would be as great a dearth of paper in Washington as there is now in Paris. They want to shave you, dress you, doctor you into your coffins, preach a funeral discourse over your remains, and then take your will into the Surro- gates Court and fight over the little property they have left you. They say all this means that they are our equals, and intend to show it. Listen. In a town some hundreds of miles distant there is a law firm whose sign reads thus: Mns. SMITH and husband. Shades of our forefathers! Ghost of BLUEBEARD! Spirit of HENRY VIII! can this thing be? Imagine old LABs~s daughter starting in business, and hanging out a sign something like this: Mns. JACOB and husband, Having large orders from the West, Sor~rcrr CusToM. N. B.Gentlemen attended to by Mr. JAco7. The Original Mrs. JACOB. Dont you suppose that JAcoB, if he had found that sign over his door- step, would have raised a row, and if he had been overcome, dont you suppose he would have wondered what he served those seven years for? Oh, young man, sitting by the side of that dainty damsel, looking so spoonily into her deep blue eyes, playing so daintily with her golden curls, sucking honey so frequently from her ruby lips, beware! beware! 1~WARE! Remember, when she wants stamps, you cant put her off as y~ Lir pa did your ma. You cant say, Business is awful dull, beci~use shell do the business, and make you her book-keeper or porter or something of that sort. Petticoat government is all very well for those who like it. Some men go through life playing a sort of insane tag, in which, first their mothers petticoats, and then their wives, are hunk, and they never leave hunk. As for me, give me trouser government, or give me a first class funeral procession with me for the corpse. Brethren, listen! Give me your ears! (the big ones first.) This thing must be stopped now. Let us form an association for the sup- pression of women, or a society for the prevention of cruelty to men. There is but one way to cure this thing. Far out on the Western prairies dwells the only sensible man on this continent. In the city ruled by him a man may come home as tired as gin can make him, and his wife opens not her mouth; he may jump over as many counters as he pleases, and none of his wives will desire to go and do likewise. There she is the weaker vessel, and it takes so many of her to equal one man, that she is kept in a proper state of subjection. Thats the secret; marry her a good deaL The old maids are the ones who start the rows. Let them all be married to some one man of a peaceable, loving, quiet dispositionsay WENDELL Pnnaars. Let the President, if necessary, issue his proclamation making the United States one vast Utah, and let us all be Young. LOT. RAMBLINGS. DY HOSE SKINWEIL Mn. PuNcHusxz.no: If I should tell you that I particularly excelled in writing verses youd hardly believe me. But such is the fact. Ive sent poem after poem to all the first-class magazines in the country, which, if theyd been published, would have enabled me to pay my debts, and start new accounts from Maine to Georgia. But theyve never been publishedand why? Its jealousy. A child with half an eye can see that. Those boss poets who get the big salaries, probably see my verses, and pay the publishers a big price not to print em. How little the public know of the inside workings of these things! Im disgusted with this trickery, and am going to shut right down on the whole thing. Oh! they may howl, but not another line do they get! Im going into the song business. Thats something that isnt over- done. I composed a perfect little gem lately. It is called Lines on the death of a child. I chose this subject because it is comparatively new. A few have attempted it, but they betray a crudeness and lack of pathos painful to witness. Whether I have supplied that deficiency or not is for the public, not me, to judge. But if the public, or any other man, be he male or female, thinks that by ribaldry and derision I can be induced to publish the whole of this work before its copyrighted, theyre mis- taken. The salt thats going on the tail of this particular fowl aint ripe yet. Its going to be set to music and itll probably hateh a song. I called on a publisher last week about it. Dont you think, said I, that itll take em by storm ? Worse than that, he replied. Its a reglar line gale. I knew hed be enthusiastic about it. He said he hadnt got any notes in, that would fit it just then, but he expected a lot in the next steamer, and I could have my choice. He was very polite, and I thanked him kindly. Jealous as I am of my reputation, I am willing to stake it on this poem. A man dont collect the obituary notices of one hundred infants and boil em down over a slow fire without something to be proud of, you know. Here is a sample of it: LINES ON THE DEATH OF A CHILD. Tell me, dear mother, Heat the swallows homeward aode when the clock strikes nine? Does our wn~zs spirit roam In that home Beyond the skies, Along with Lxzz? Say, mother Say The other verses are, if anything, better than this. If you are anxious to publish this poem entire, why not leave out the pictures and all the reading matter from PUNcHINELLO for two weeks, and show the public what genius, brains, and ability can accomplish, unaided? If you pub- lish it in detachments, it weakens it, you see. Jf the verses cant lean against each other, they pine away immediately.

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. PETTICOAT GOVERNMENT. A GAUNT, tall, spectacled creature, gender feminine, mumber singu- lar, person first, case always possessive, thats the standard bearer; a broomstick from the top of which floats a petticoat, thats the stan~lard. Tinder that standard march in the U. S. at least 20,000,000 feminines, andhorrible to relategal children are on the increase. Certainly the devil must have invented petticoats. After Evx had finished up that little apple job, she went into the petticoat business, andhence all our tears. Instantly petticoat government became a possibility. Then, as her daughters became wiser, they invented the weeping business, the Swooning business, and the curtain lecture busi- ness; they went for our pocket-books and they ~ot them, and petticoat government became a probability. Not satisfied with the pocket-books, they are now going for the business by means of which we fill the books, and oh, what a hankering they have for public pap! They stick to the curtain lecture business, but now they do it before the curtain. Alas, petticoat government is now a certainty! Its all very well for you to talk about the grandeur of the govern- ments of Bo~i.nIcEA, and ELIZABETH and CATHERINE, but I dont believe that BOA, or Lizzv, or KATE would have been very nice as a companion, if she and you were sitting before the fire, and she wanted stamps and was going for them as amatter of business. Besides, there was only one of them at a time, and they didnt trouble common peqple much, but in this enlightened nineteenth century I have seen a poor, miserable, six foot dry-goods clerk turned out of a retail store by a strapping little female, who couldnt jump a counter worth shucks. I have seen him in his misery industriously study What I Know About Farm- ing, squat on a farm in the West, and bring himself, his wife, and four miserable offshoots to the alms-house by endeavoring to apply the rules set down in What I Know About Farming to 160 acres of land. I have seen the poor, half-paid type-setters strike for their altars, their sires, and more wages, and I have seen a troop of petticoats, with gal children inside them, trot into the type-setters place, so that the miserable compositors were compelled to return and starve on four or five dollars a day. Thats petticoat government with a vengeance. Putting your nose to the grindstone isnt nice at any iime, but its awful when ~he gal children turn. But that is only the beginning. They have struck for bigger things. In the exprcssive language of the immortal JOHNNY MILTON, they are going for the whole hog. They want to vote; some of them have been caughtrepeating already; they want to sit on juries, and they want to go to Congress. Heaven forbid that any of them should ever reach the House of Representatives! Imagine the size of the Congressional Globe if we should send women there! Why, there would be as great a dearth of paper in Washington as there is now in Paris. They want to shave you, dress you, doctor you into your coffins, preach a funeral discourse over your remains, and then take your will into the Surro- gates Court and fight over the little property they have left you. They say all this means that they are our equals, and intend to show it. Listen. In a town some hundreds of miles distant there is a law firm whose sign reads thus: Mns. SMITH and husband. Shades of our forefathers! Ghost of BLUEBEARD! Spirit of HENRY VIII! can this thing be? Imagine old LABs~s daughter starting in business, and hanging out a sign something like this: Mns. JACOB and husband, Having large orders from the West, Sor~rcrr CusToM. N. B.Gentlemen attended to by Mr. JAco7. The Original Mrs. JACOB. Dont you suppose that JAcoB, if he had found that sign over his door- step, would have raised a row, and if he had been overcome, dont you suppose he would have wondered what he served those seven years for? Oh, young man, sitting by the side of that dainty damsel, looking so spoonily into her deep blue eyes, playing so daintily with her golden curls, sucking honey so frequently from her ruby lips, beware! beware! 1~WARE! Remember, when she wants stamps, you cant put her off as y~ Lir pa did your ma. You cant say, Business is awful dull, beci~use shell do the business, and make you her book-keeper or porter or something of that sort. Petticoat government is all very well for those who like it. Some men go through life playing a sort of insane tag, in which, first their mothers petticoats, and then their wives, are hunk, and they never leave hunk. As for me, give me trouser government, or give me a first class funeral procession with me for the corpse. Brethren, listen! Give me your ears! (the big ones first.) This thing must be stopped now. Let us form an association for the sup- pression of women, or a society for the prevention of cruelty to men. There is but one way to cure this thing. Far out on the Western prairies dwells the only sensible man on this continent. In the city ruled by him a man may come home as tired as gin can make him, and his wife opens not her mouth; he may jump over as many counters as he pleases, and none of his wives will desire to go and do likewise. There she is the weaker vessel, and it takes so many of her to equal one man, that she is kept in a proper state of subjection. Thats the secret; marry her a good deaL The old maids are the ones who start the rows. Let them all be married to some one man of a peaceable, loving, quiet dispositionsay WENDELL Pnnaars. Let the President, if necessary, issue his proclamation making the United States one vast Utah, and let us all be Young. LOT. RAMBLINGS. DY HOSE SKINWEIL Mn. PuNcHusxz.no: If I should tell you that I particularly excelled in writing verses youd hardly believe me. But such is the fact. Ive sent poem after poem to all the first-class magazines in the country, which, if theyd been published, would have enabled me to pay my debts, and start new accounts from Maine to Georgia. But theyve never been publishedand why? Its jealousy. A child with half an eye can see that. Those boss poets who get the big salaries, probably see my verses, and pay the publishers a big price not to print em. How little the public know of the inside workings of these things! Im disgusted with this trickery, and am going to shut right down on the whole thing. Oh! they may howl, but not another line do they get! Im going into the song business. Thats something that isnt over- done. I composed a perfect little gem lately. It is called Lines on the death of a child. I chose this subject because it is comparatively new. A few have attempted it, but they betray a crudeness and lack of pathos painful to witness. Whether I have supplied that deficiency or not is for the public, not me, to judge. But if the public, or any other man, be he male or female, thinks that by ribaldry and derision I can be induced to publish the whole of this work before its copyrighted, theyre mis- taken. The salt thats going on the tail of this particular fowl aint ripe yet. Its going to be set to music and itll probably hateh a song. I called on a publisher last week about it. Dont you think, said I, that itll take em by storm ? Worse than that, he replied. Its a reglar line gale. I knew hed be enthusiastic about it. He said he hadnt got any notes in, that would fit it just then, but he expected a lot in the next steamer, and I could have my choice. He was very polite, and I thanked him kindly. Jealous as I am of my reputation, I am willing to stake it on this poem. A man dont collect the obituary notices of one hundred infants and boil em down over a slow fire without something to be proud of, you know. Here is a sample of it: LINES ON THE DEATH OF A CHILD. Tell me, dear mother, Heat the swallows homeward aode when the clock strikes nine? Does our wn~zs spirit roam In that home Beyond the skies, Along with Lxzz? Say, mother Say The other verses are, if anything, better than this. If you are anxious to publish this poem entire, why not leave out the pictures and all the reading matter from PUNcHINELLO for two weeks, and show the public what genius, brains, and ability can accomplish, unaided? If you pub- lish it in detachments, it weakens it, you see. Jf the verses cant lean against each other, they pine away immediately. PUNCHINELLO OCT. 15, 1870. Big Sachem. SAItSFIELD YOUNG HAS HIS HEAD EXAMINED. DEAR PUNCHINELLO ~The last time I visited a barbers shop I wanted my hair trimmed. Being in somewhat of a hurry for the train, I told the proprietor to cut it short. As a matter of course, I was left. As for my hair, there was precious little of that left, though. Science was too much for it. A hand-glass, brought to bear upon a mirror, opened up a perspective of pretty much all the back country belonging to my skull, that is seldom equalled outside the State Prison or the Prize Ring. I was indignant. I was so mad that my hair stood on endvolun- tarily. The barber talked soothingly of making a discount on the bill; and I, looking at it in a strictly diplomatic light, gradually permitted myself to grow calmer. He went further, and did the handsome thing by meas if it wasnt enough to cut under his price! A phrenologist by profession, so he said, he had resorted to barbering simply for amusement, and under the circumstances he would give me a profes- sional sitting gratuitously. It has always been a cherished ambition with me to have my head surveyed and staked out scientifically; so I told him at once he might take it and look it over. My friend, said I, aslgracefully described an imaginary aureole about my brain factory, you abolish the poll-tax. I grant you full leave to explore. This was the first time I ever had my head examined. The whole of me, it is true, was once examined before a Trial Justice; but as that was years ago, and it was the other boy that was to blame, I refrain from incorporating the details into the history of our country. It occurred to me that old Scissors couldnt have been much of a scholar; at all events he breathed very hard for an educated man, and he had a rough, muscular way of moving his fingers about my upper story, that made those regions ache every time he touched them. You may fancy my feelings. I certainly didnt fancy his. For the benefit of those who come after us, (I dont refer to Sheriffs and Constables, so much as I do to posterity,) I append a few results ~-of the gentlemans vigorous researches. * * * * * * DEMOC TRYING TO PUT THE BIG SACHEMS PIPE OUT. SAY, YOUNG MAN, AINT YOU AFRAID YOULL BURN YOUR BREECHES ? Theres a great deal of surface here; in fact, everybody that is ac- quainted with this head must be struck at once with its superficial con- tents. Thicknessobvious. Great breadth between the ears, indicating longevity. You will never die of teething, or cholera infantum; nor is it likely you will ever become a murderess. Forehead, large and imposing; that is, it might impose on people who dont know you. Your intellect may be pronounced massive, dropsical, in fact. You have brilliant talents, but your bump of cash payments is remarkably small. Locality, 20 to 30. You are always somewhere, or just going there. Eventuality, 15 carat fine; absorption, 99 per cent. This means you will eventually absorb a good deal of borrowed money. I find here acquisitiveness and secretiveness enough to stock an en- tire Board of Aldermen and a Congressional Committee. Ambitiou. combativeness, and destructiveness are all on a colossal scale. Happily they are balanced by gigantic caution, else you would be in imminent danger of subvertingthe liberties of your country. If I owned that sanguine temperament of yours, I should proceed at once to marry into President GRANTs family, and take some foreign mission. Youre a good feeder. Alimentiveness and order well developed. No man better fitted to order a waiter around. From the immature condition of your organ of benevolence, I shouldnt care, however, to be the waiter. Self esteem doesnt seem to have been kept back by the drought. Ideality, I discover from the depression in the S. W. corner, is missing. Nature beautifully compensates this loss by making language very fullmore words than ideas. In profane language, I dare say, now, you are particularly gifted. In one respect your head resembles that of the Father of His Country. It lacks adhesiveness. So does GEoRGEson the postage stamps. Unlike most subjects, your organ of firmness is not confined to any one spot, but is spread over the entire skull. This phenomenon is due to your being what we technically call mule-headed ---a fine specimen which Excuse me, said I, unwilling any longer to impose on his good na- ture, I feel I must make sure of that other train, so I will just trouble you for that organ of firmness and the rest of them. I never travel without them. Then, hurrying all my phrenology into my hat, I started down the street. I wonder he didnt say something about my memorys being below parsomehow I quite forgot to pay him for shaving me. Yours, without recourse, SAnsrrErn YOUNG. 40 -~ ~ THE YOUNG

PUNCHINELLO OCT. 15, 1870. Big Sachem. SAItSFIELD YOUNG HAS HIS HEAD EXAMINED. DEAR PUNCHINELLO ~The last time I visited a barbers shop I wanted my hair trimmed. Being in somewhat of a hurry for the train, I told the proprietor to cut it short. As a matter of course, I was left. As for my hair, there was precious little of that left, though. Science was too much for it. A hand-glass, brought to bear upon a mirror, opened up a perspective of pretty much all the back country belonging to my skull, that is seldom equalled outside the State Prison or the Prize Ring. I was indignant. I was so mad that my hair stood on endvolun- tarily. The barber talked soothingly of making a discount on the bill; and I, looking at it in a strictly diplomatic light, gradually permitted myself to grow calmer. He went further, and did the handsome thing by meas if it wasnt enough to cut under his price! A phrenologist by profession, so he said, he had resorted to barbering simply for amusement, and under the circumstances he would give me a profes- sional sitting gratuitously. It has always been a cherished ambition with me to have my head surveyed and staked out scientifically; so I told him at once he might take it and look it over. My friend, said I, aslgracefully described an imaginary aureole about my brain factory, you abolish the poll-tax. I grant you full leave to explore. This was the first time I ever had my head examined. The whole of me, it is true, was once examined before a Trial Justice; but as that was years ago, and it was the other boy that was to blame, I refrain from incorporating the details into the history of our country. It occurred to me that old Scissors couldnt have been much of a scholar; at all events he breathed very hard for an educated man, and he had a rough, muscular way of moving his fingers about my upper story, that made those regions ache every time he touched them. You may fancy my feelings. I certainly didnt fancy his. For the benefit of those who come after us, (I dont refer to Sheriffs and Constables, so much as I do to posterity,) I append a few results ~-of the gentlemans vigorous researches. * * * * * * DEMOC TRYING TO PUT THE BIG SACHEMS PIPE OUT. SAY, YOUNG MAN, AINT YOU AFRAID YOULL BURN YOUR BREECHES ? Theres a great deal of surface here; in fact, everybody that is ac- quainted with this head must be struck at once with its superficial con- tents. Thicknessobvious. Great breadth between the ears, indicating longevity. You will never die of teething, or cholera infantum; nor is it likely you will ever become a murderess. Forehead, large and imposing; that is, it might impose on people who dont know you. Your intellect may be pronounced massive, dropsical, in fact. You have brilliant talents, but your bump of cash payments is remarkably small. Locality, 20 to 30. You are always somewhere, or just going there. Eventuality, 15 carat fine; absorption, 99 per cent. This means you will eventually absorb a good deal of borrowed money. I find here acquisitiveness and secretiveness enough to stock an en- tire Board of Aldermen and a Congressional Committee. Ambitiou. combativeness, and destructiveness are all on a colossal scale. Happily they are balanced by gigantic caution, else you would be in imminent danger of subvertingthe liberties of your country. If I owned that sanguine temperament of yours, I should proceed at once to marry into President GRANTs family, and take some foreign mission. Youre a good feeder. Alimentiveness and order well developed. No man better fitted to order a waiter around. From the immature condition of your organ of benevolence, I shouldnt care, however, to be the waiter. Self esteem doesnt seem to have been kept back by the drought. Ideality, I discover from the depression in the S. W. corner, is missing. Nature beautifully compensates this loss by making language very fullmore words than ideas. In profane language, I dare say, now, you are particularly gifted. In one respect your head resembles that of the Father of His Country. It lacks adhesiveness. So does GEoRGEson the postage stamps. Unlike most subjects, your organ of firmness is not confined to any one spot, but is spread over the entire skull. This phenomenon is due to your being what we technically call mule-headed ---a fine specimen which Excuse me, said I, unwilling any longer to impose on his good na- ture, I feel I must make sure of that other train, so I will just trouble you for that organ of firmness and the rest of them. I never travel without them. Then, hurrying all my phrenology into my hat, I started down the street. I wonder he didnt say something about my memorys being below parsomehow I quite forgot to pay him for shaving me. Yours, without recourse, SAnsrrErn YOUNG. 40 -~ ~ THE YOUNG OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 41 N~ \ \ ~ \ 1 K Z ~- VERY HARD CIDER. THE PIPPINS OF THE JOHN REAL DEMOCRACY, (MESSRS. MORRISSEY, OBRIEN, AND FOX,) GETTING THEIR LAST SQUEEZE PROM GOVERNOR HOFFMAN. OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 48 HIRAM GREEN IN GOTHAM. II. Strays among Sharpers, and Sees the Elephant. Tiizn~s many things in the big city which pleases me, and causes us all to feel hily tickled over our success as a Republic. At the present writin, many furrin nations would give all their old butes and shoes if, like us, they could throw their roolers overboard every 4 years, and have a new deel. Our institutions are, many of em, sound: altho Ive diskivered to my sorrer, that some of the inhabitants of New York are about as puselanermus a set of dead-beats which ever stood up. While sojernin here, my distinguished looks kicked up quite a sen- sation wherever I put in an appearance. On one occasion, a man stepped up to me who thought I was a banker, and richer than Creosote, and wanted me to change a ~10~ bill. I dident do it. Not much. No, sir-se !they couldent fool the old man on that ancient dodge. But, friend PuxcIm~uLI~o, to my disgust and shagrin, I must acknolidge the corn, and say, I haint quite so soon as I allers give my- self credit for bein, as the sekel of this letter will show. Last Saturday P.M. I was a sailin down Dye Street with my bloo cotton umbreller under my arm, feelin all so fine and so gay. When near the corner of West Street I turned around just in time to see a ragged boy pick up a pocket-book. As the afoursaid boy started to run off, a well dressed lookin man ketched him by the cots coller. What in thunder are you about ? says the boy. That pocket-book belongs to this old gentleman. said the man, pintin to me. I saw him drop it. No it dont, nether, said the boy, tryin to break away, and I want yer to let go my cote coller. The infatuated youth then tried his level best to jerk away, while his capturer yanked and cuffed him, ontil the boy sot up a cryin. I notissed as the youth turned around that he partly opened the wallet, which was chock full of greenbax. A thought suddenly struck me. That ere boy looked as if he was de- praved snuff to steel the shoe-strings offn the end of a Chinamans cue, so the MoncQgohalians hair woulden7t stay braided. Thinks I, if the young raskel should keep that pocket-book, like as not he mite buy a fashinable soot of close and enter on a new career of crime, and finally fetch up as a ward polertician. I must confess, that as I beheld that wallet full of bills, my mouth did water rather freely, and I made up my mind, if wuss come to wusser, I would not allow too much temptashun to get in that boys way. The man turned to me and says: Stranger, this is your pocket-book, for Ile swear I saw yon drop it. What could a poor helpless old man like me do in such a case, Mister PtTNcrnNELLo? That man was willin to sware that I dropped it, and I larnt enuff about law, when I was Gustise of the Peece, to know I couldent swear I dident drop it, and any courtwould decide agin me; at the same time my hands itched to get holt of the well filled wallet. I trembled all over for fear a policeman, who was standin on the op- posite corner, mite come over and stick in his lip. But no! like the wooden injuns before cigar stores, armed with a tommyhawk and scalpin knife, these city petroleums~ hem rather slippery chaps, haint half so savage as they look. When the boy heerd the man say I owned the pocket-book he caved in, and began to blubber. Said he, whimperin: WellIwant-a-rewardforfindin thepocket-bohoo The well dressed individual, still holdin onto the boy, then said to me: My friend, Ime a merchant, doin bizziness on Broadway, at 4-1144. Youve had a narrer escape from losin your pocket-book. Give this rash youth $50, to encourage him in hem honest in the futer, and a glorious reward awaits you. Look at me, sir ! said he, vehemently; the turnin pint of my life was similar to this depraved youths; but, sir I a reward from a good 100km, beneverlent old gent like you, made a man of me, and to-day Ime President of a Society for the Penny-Ante corruption of good morrils, and there haiut a judge in the city who wouldnt give me a home for the pleasure of my company. Such a man, I knew, wouldent lie about seem me drop that pocket- book. I took another look at the Guardian (?) of the public peace, morris, etc., who, when he was on his Beat, hadent the least objection to anybody else bein on their beat. Re wasent lookin our way, but was star-gazin, seem if the sines was rite for him to go and take another drink You are sure you saw me drop this wallet ? said I, addressin the President of the Penijy-antee Society. Ile take my affidavy on it, said he. I pulled out $50 and handed it to the boy, who handed me the pocket- book. Mrs. GREEN! Mr~. GREEN I soliloquised I, as I walked away, feelin as rich as if I held a good fat goverment offis, if you could only see your old man now, methinks youd feel sorry that you hid all of his close one mornin last spring, so ho couldent go and attend a barn raisin. Yes, madam, your talented husband has struck ile. I stepped in a stairway to count my little fortin. I was very much agitated. The wallet was soon opened; when Ye ministers fallen from grace, defend us I was the first exclamation which bust 4th from my lips; for I hope to be flambusticated if I hadnt gone and paid $50 for a lot of brown paper, rapt up into patent medesin advertisements, printed like greenbax. For a few minnits I was crazier than a loon. I rusht madly into the street, runnin into an old apple wom~n, nockin her gally west. I quickly jumped to my feet and begun hollerin: Murder! Thieves! Robbers I The Policemen scattered, while a crowd ef ragged urchins colected about me. My youthful vagabones, roared I, as loud as I could scream, bring along your stuffed wallets. The market price of brown paper is $50 an ounce on callIf you are lookin for a greenhorn, Ime your man. I then broke my uinbreller over a lamp-post, and button-hold a passer by, offerin him a SlOO if hed send me to a loonatic asilum. Seem a sine on the opposite corner which read: Weighers Office, I rusht wildly in, and said to a man: Captin, Ive been lit ened. If youve got such a thing ac a pair of apothecarys scales about your premises, dump me on and give me the figgers. I then tried to jump through a winder, but the man caught me by the cots tails, and haulin me back, sot me down into a cheer. I soon got cooled down, when I told the man how Ide been swindled, and asked him what I had better do. Do? said he, laffin as if heed bust. My advice is, for you to take the next train for your home, and then charge your loss to the acct of seem the elefant. It haint often I git took in, but that time Iwas swallered, specturcals, white hat and all, as slick as if Ide been buttered all over. I dont intend to let Mrs. GREEN know anything about this little ad- ventoor, but just as like as not, some day when I haint thinking she will worm it out of me, when Mariar will no doubt say: Sarved you rite, you old ignoramus; thats what you git for stoppin takin the weekly noosepapers, because they wont print the darned non- sents you set up to rite, when you orter be to bed and asleep. Ewers, lite as a fether, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. A Serious Complication. THE English language is a mighty onsartin one. Here, now, in a magazine sketch, we find it stated that one of the characters of the story was as rich as Cncmus, and a good fellow to boot. Vernacu- larly, this is correct; and yet so equivocal is it that it puzzles one to think why the acquisition of wealth should subject the holder of it to the liability of being kicked. Enough Said. MoDr~nN physiologists, said the Doctor, have arrived at the con- elusion that man begins as a celL And what about woman ? returned the Scalper, doesnt she be- gin as a sell, continue as a sell, and depart as a sell ? She does, replied the doctor. A Relative Question. WOULD the marriage of a Daughter of a Canon to a Son of a Gun come within the laws prohibiting marriage between relatives too nearly connected?

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 48 HIRAM GREEN IN GOTHAM. II. Strays among Sharpers, and Sees the Elephant. Tiizn~s many things in the big city which pleases me, and causes us all to feel hily tickled over our success as a Republic. At the present writin, many furrin nations would give all their old butes and shoes if, like us, they could throw their roolers overboard every 4 years, and have a new deel. Our institutions are, many of em, sound: altho Ive diskivered to my sorrer, that some of the inhabitants of New York are about as puselanermus a set of dead-beats which ever stood up. While sojernin here, my distinguished looks kicked up quite a sen- sation wherever I put in an appearance. On one occasion, a man stepped up to me who thought I was a banker, and richer than Creosote, and wanted me to change a ~10~ bill. I dident do it. Not much. No, sir-se !they couldent fool the old man on that ancient dodge. But, friend PuxcIm~uLI~o, to my disgust and shagrin, I must acknolidge the corn, and say, I haint quite so soon as I allers give my- self credit for bein, as the sekel of this letter will show. Last Saturday P.M. I was a sailin down Dye Street with my bloo cotton umbreller under my arm, feelin all so fine and so gay. When near the corner of West Street I turned around just in time to see a ragged boy pick up a pocket-book. As the afoursaid boy started to run off, a well dressed lookin man ketched him by the cots coller. What in thunder are you about ? says the boy. That pocket-book belongs to this old gentleman. said the man, pintin to me. I saw him drop it. No it dont, nether, said the boy, tryin to break away, and I want yer to let go my cote coller. The infatuated youth then tried his level best to jerk away, while his capturer yanked and cuffed him, ontil the boy sot up a cryin. I notissed as the youth turned around that he partly opened the wallet, which was chock full of greenbax. A thought suddenly struck me. That ere boy looked as if he was de- praved snuff to steel the shoe-strings offn the end of a Chinamans cue, so the MoncQgohalians hair woulden7t stay braided. Thinks I, if the young raskel should keep that pocket-book, like as not he mite buy a fashinable soot of close and enter on a new career of crime, and finally fetch up as a ward polertician. I must confess, that as I beheld that wallet full of bills, my mouth did water rather freely, and I made up my mind, if wuss come to wusser, I would not allow too much temptashun to get in that boys way. The man turned to me and says: Stranger, this is your pocket-book, for Ile swear I saw yon drop it. What could a poor helpless old man like me do in such a case, Mister PtTNcrnNELLo? That man was willin to sware that I dropped it, and I larnt enuff about law, when I was Gustise of the Peece, to know I couldent swear I dident drop it, and any courtwould decide agin me; at the same time my hands itched to get holt of the well filled wallet. I trembled all over for fear a policeman, who was standin on the op- posite corner, mite come over and stick in his lip. But no! like the wooden injuns before cigar stores, armed with a tommyhawk and scalpin knife, these city petroleums~ hem rather slippery chaps, haint half so savage as they look. When the boy heerd the man say I owned the pocket-book he caved in, and began to blubber. Said he, whimperin: WellIwant-a-rewardforfindin thepocket-bohoo The well dressed individual, still holdin onto the boy, then said to me: My friend, Ime a merchant, doin bizziness on Broadway, at 4-1144. Youve had a narrer escape from losin your pocket-book. Give this rash youth $50, to encourage him in hem honest in the futer, and a glorious reward awaits you. Look at me, sir ! said he, vehemently; the turnin pint of my life was similar to this depraved youths; but, sir I a reward from a good 100km, beneverlent old gent like you, made a man of me, and to-day Ime President of a Society for the Penny-Ante corruption of good morrils, and there haiut a judge in the city who wouldnt give me a home for the pleasure of my company. Such a man, I knew, wouldent lie about seem me drop that pocket- book. I took another look at the Guardian (?) of the public peace, morris, etc., who, when he was on his Beat, hadent the least objection to anybody else bein on their beat. Re wasent lookin our way, but was star-gazin, seem if the sines was rite for him to go and take another drink You are sure you saw me drop this wallet ? said I, addressin the President of the Penijy-antee Society. Ile take my affidavy on it, said he. I pulled out $50 and handed it to the boy, who handed me the pocket- book. Mrs. GREEN! Mr~. GREEN I soliloquised I, as I walked away, feelin as rich as if I held a good fat goverment offis, if you could only see your old man now, methinks youd feel sorry that you hid all of his close one mornin last spring, so ho couldent go and attend a barn raisin. Yes, madam, your talented husband has struck ile. I stepped in a stairway to count my little fortin. I was very much agitated. The wallet was soon opened; when Ye ministers fallen from grace, defend us I was the first exclamation which bust 4th from my lips; for I hope to be flambusticated if I hadnt gone and paid $50 for a lot of brown paper, rapt up into patent medesin advertisements, printed like greenbax. For a few minnits I was crazier than a loon. I rusht madly into the street, runnin into an old apple wom~n, nockin her gally west. I quickly jumped to my feet and begun hollerin: Murder! Thieves! Robbers I The Policemen scattered, while a crowd ef ragged urchins colected about me. My youthful vagabones, roared I, as loud as I could scream, bring along your stuffed wallets. The market price of brown paper is $50 an ounce on callIf you are lookin for a greenhorn, Ime your man. I then broke my uinbreller over a lamp-post, and button-hold a passer by, offerin him a SlOO if hed send me to a loonatic asilum. Seem a sine on the opposite corner which read: Weighers Office, I rusht wildly in, and said to a man: Captin, Ive been lit ened. If youve got such a thing ac a pair of apothecarys scales about your premises, dump me on and give me the figgers. I then tried to jump through a winder, but the man caught me by the cots tails, and haulin me back, sot me down into a cheer. I soon got cooled down, when I told the man how Ide been swindled, and asked him what I had better do. Do? said he, laffin as if heed bust. My advice is, for you to take the next train for your home, and then charge your loss to the acct of seem the elefant. It haint often I git took in, but that time Iwas swallered, specturcals, white hat and all, as slick as if Ide been buttered all over. I dont intend to let Mrs. GREEN know anything about this little ad- ventoor, but just as like as not, some day when I haint thinking she will worm it out of me, when Mariar will no doubt say: Sarved you rite, you old ignoramus; thats what you git for stoppin takin the weekly noosepapers, because they wont print the darned non- sents you set up to rite, when you orter be to bed and asleep. Ewers, lite as a fether, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. A Serious Complication. THE English language is a mighty onsartin one. Here, now, in a magazine sketch, we find it stated that one of the characters of the story was as rich as Cncmus, and a good fellow to boot. Vernacu- larly, this is correct; and yet so equivocal is it that it puzzles one to think why the acquisition of wealth should subject the holder of it to the liability of being kicked. Enough Said. MoDr~nN physiologists, said the Doctor, have arrived at the con- elusion that man begins as a celL And what about woman ? returned the Scalper, doesnt she be- gin as a sell, continue as a sell, and depart as a sell ? She does, replied the doctor. A Relative Question. WOULD the marriage of a Daughter of a Canon to a Son of a Gun come within the laws prohibiting marriage between relatives too nearly connected?

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 48 HIRAM GREEN IN GOTHAM. II. Strays among Sharpers, and Sees the Elephant. Tiizn~s many things in the big city which pleases me, and causes us all to feel hily tickled over our success as a Republic. At the present writin, many furrin nations would give all their old butes and shoes if, like us, they could throw their roolers overboard every 4 years, and have a new deel. Our institutions are, many of em, sound: altho Ive diskivered to my sorrer, that some of the inhabitants of New York are about as puselanermus a set of dead-beats which ever stood up. While sojernin here, my distinguished looks kicked up quite a sen- sation wherever I put in an appearance. On one occasion, a man stepped up to me who thought I was a banker, and richer than Creosote, and wanted me to change a ~10~ bill. I dident do it. Not much. No, sir-se !they couldent fool the old man on that ancient dodge. But, friend PuxcIm~uLI~o, to my disgust and shagrin, I must acknolidge the corn, and say, I haint quite so soon as I allers give my- self credit for bein, as the sekel of this letter will show. Last Saturday P.M. I was a sailin down Dye Street with my bloo cotton umbreller under my arm, feelin all so fine and so gay. When near the corner of West Street I turned around just in time to see a ragged boy pick up a pocket-book. As the afoursaid boy started to run off, a well dressed lookin man ketched him by the cots coller. What in thunder are you about ? says the boy. That pocket-book belongs to this old gentleman. said the man, pintin to me. I saw him drop it. No it dont, nether, said the boy, tryin to break away, and I want yer to let go my cote coller. The infatuated youth then tried his level best to jerk away, while his capturer yanked and cuffed him, ontil the boy sot up a cryin. I notissed as the youth turned around that he partly opened the wallet, which was chock full of greenbax. A thought suddenly struck me. That ere boy looked as if he was de- praved snuff to steel the shoe-strings offn the end of a Chinamans cue, so the MoncQgohalians hair woulden7t stay braided. Thinks I, if the young raskel should keep that pocket-book, like as not he mite buy a fashinable soot of close and enter on a new career of crime, and finally fetch up as a ward polertician. I must confess, that as I beheld that wallet full of bills, my mouth did water rather freely, and I made up my mind, if wuss come to wusser, I would not allow too much temptashun to get in that boys way. The man turned to me and says: Stranger, this is your pocket-book, for Ile swear I saw yon drop it. What could a poor helpless old man like me do in such a case, Mister PtTNcrnNELLo? That man was willin to sware that I dropped it, and I larnt enuff about law, when I was Gustise of the Peece, to know I couldent swear I dident drop it, and any courtwould decide agin me; at the same time my hands itched to get holt of the well filled wallet. I trembled all over for fear a policeman, who was standin on the op- posite corner, mite come over and stick in his lip. But no! like the wooden injuns before cigar stores, armed with a tommyhawk and scalpin knife, these city petroleums~ hem rather slippery chaps, haint half so savage as they look. When the boy heerd the man say I owned the pocket-book he caved in, and began to blubber. Said he, whimperin: WellIwant-a-rewardforfindin thepocket-bohoo The well dressed individual, still holdin onto the boy, then said to me: My friend, Ime a merchant, doin bizziness on Broadway, at 4-1144. Youve had a narrer escape from losin your pocket-book. Give this rash youth $50, to encourage him in hem honest in the futer, and a glorious reward awaits you. Look at me, sir ! said he, vehemently; the turnin pint of my life was similar to this depraved youths; but, sir I a reward from a good 100km, beneverlent old gent like you, made a man of me, and to-day Ime President of a Society for the Penny-Ante corruption of good morrils, and there haiut a judge in the city who wouldnt give me a home for the pleasure of my company. Such a man, I knew, wouldent lie about seem me drop that pocket- book. I took another look at the Guardian (?) of the public peace, morris, etc., who, when he was on his Beat, hadent the least objection to anybody else bein on their beat. Re wasent lookin our way, but was star-gazin, seem if the sines was rite for him to go and take another drink You are sure you saw me drop this wallet ? said I, addressin the President of the Penijy-antee Society. Ile take my affidavy on it, said he. I pulled out $50 and handed it to the boy, who handed me the pocket- book. Mrs. GREEN! Mr~. GREEN I soliloquised I, as I walked away, feelin as rich as if I held a good fat goverment offis, if you could only see your old man now, methinks youd feel sorry that you hid all of his close one mornin last spring, so ho couldent go and attend a barn raisin. Yes, madam, your talented husband has struck ile. I stepped in a stairway to count my little fortin. I was very much agitated. The wallet was soon opened; when Ye ministers fallen from grace, defend us I was the first exclamation which bust 4th from my lips; for I hope to be flambusticated if I hadnt gone and paid $50 for a lot of brown paper, rapt up into patent medesin advertisements, printed like greenbax. For a few minnits I was crazier than a loon. I rusht madly into the street, runnin into an old apple wom~n, nockin her gally west. I quickly jumped to my feet and begun hollerin: Murder! Thieves! Robbers I The Policemen scattered, while a crowd ef ragged urchins colected about me. My youthful vagabones, roared I, as loud as I could scream, bring along your stuffed wallets. The market price of brown paper is $50 an ounce on callIf you are lookin for a greenhorn, Ime your man. I then broke my uinbreller over a lamp-post, and button-hold a passer by, offerin him a SlOO if hed send me to a loonatic asilum. Seem a sine on the opposite corner which read: Weighers Office, I rusht wildly in, and said to a man: Captin, Ive been lit ened. If youve got such a thing ac a pair of apothecarys scales about your premises, dump me on and give me the figgers. I then tried to jump through a winder, but the man caught me by the cots tails, and haulin me back, sot me down into a cheer. I soon got cooled down, when I told the man how Ide been swindled, and asked him what I had better do. Do? said he, laffin as if heed bust. My advice is, for you to take the next train for your home, and then charge your loss to the acct of seem the elefant. It haint often I git took in, but that time Iwas swallered, specturcals, white hat and all, as slick as if Ide been buttered all over. I dont intend to let Mrs. GREEN know anything about this little ad- ventoor, but just as like as not, some day when I haint thinking she will worm it out of me, when Mariar will no doubt say: Sarved you rite, you old ignoramus; thats what you git for stoppin takin the weekly noosepapers, because they wont print the darned non- sents you set up to rite, when you orter be to bed and asleep. Ewers, lite as a fether, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. A Serious Complication. THE English language is a mighty onsartin one. Here, now, in a magazine sketch, we find it stated that one of the characters of the story was as rich as Cncmus, and a good fellow to boot. Vernacu- larly, this is correct; and yet so equivocal is it that it puzzles one to think why the acquisition of wealth should subject the holder of it to the liability of being kicked. Enough Said. MoDr~nN physiologists, said the Doctor, have arrived at the con- elusion that man begins as a celL And what about woman ? returned the Scalper, doesnt she be- gin as a sell, continue as a sell, and depart as a sell ? She does, replied the doctor. A Relative Question. WOULD the marriage of a Daughter of a Canon to a Son of a Gun come within the laws prohibiting marriage between relatives too nearly connected?

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 48 HIRAM GREEN IN GOTHAM. II. Strays among Sharpers, and Sees the Elephant. Tiizn~s many things in the big city which pleases me, and causes us all to feel hily tickled over our success as a Republic. At the present writin, many furrin nations would give all their old butes and shoes if, like us, they could throw their roolers overboard every 4 years, and have a new deel. Our institutions are, many of em, sound: altho Ive diskivered to my sorrer, that some of the inhabitants of New York are about as puselanermus a set of dead-beats which ever stood up. While sojernin here, my distinguished looks kicked up quite a sen- sation wherever I put in an appearance. On one occasion, a man stepped up to me who thought I was a banker, and richer than Creosote, and wanted me to change a ~10~ bill. I dident do it. Not much. No, sir-se !they couldent fool the old man on that ancient dodge. But, friend PuxcIm~uLI~o, to my disgust and shagrin, I must acknolidge the corn, and say, I haint quite so soon as I allers give my- self credit for bein, as the sekel of this letter will show. Last Saturday P.M. I was a sailin down Dye Street with my bloo cotton umbreller under my arm, feelin all so fine and so gay. When near the corner of West Street I turned around just in time to see a ragged boy pick up a pocket-book. As the afoursaid boy started to run off, a well dressed lookin man ketched him by the cots coller. What in thunder are you about ? says the boy. That pocket-book belongs to this old gentleman. said the man, pintin to me. I saw him drop it. No it dont, nether, said the boy, tryin to break away, and I want yer to let go my cote coller. The infatuated youth then tried his level best to jerk away, while his capturer yanked and cuffed him, ontil the boy sot up a cryin. I notissed as the youth turned around that he partly opened the wallet, which was chock full of greenbax. A thought suddenly struck me. That ere boy looked as if he was de- praved snuff to steel the shoe-strings offn the end of a Chinamans cue, so the MoncQgohalians hair woulden7t stay braided. Thinks I, if the young raskel should keep that pocket-book, like as not he mite buy a fashinable soot of close and enter on a new career of crime, and finally fetch up as a ward polertician. I must confess, that as I beheld that wallet full of bills, my mouth did water rather freely, and I made up my mind, if wuss come to wusser, I would not allow too much temptashun to get in that boys way. The man turned to me and says: Stranger, this is your pocket-book, for Ile swear I saw yon drop it. What could a poor helpless old man like me do in such a case, Mister PtTNcrnNELLo? That man was willin to sware that I dropped it, and I larnt enuff about law, when I was Gustise of the Peece, to know I couldent swear I dident drop it, and any courtwould decide agin me; at the same time my hands itched to get holt of the well filled wallet. I trembled all over for fear a policeman, who was standin on the op- posite corner, mite come over and stick in his lip. But no! like the wooden injuns before cigar stores, armed with a tommyhawk and scalpin knife, these city petroleums~ hem rather slippery chaps, haint half so savage as they look. When the boy heerd the man say I owned the pocket-book he caved in, and began to blubber. Said he, whimperin: WellIwant-a-rewardforfindin thepocket-bohoo The well dressed individual, still holdin onto the boy, then said to me: My friend, Ime a merchant, doin bizziness on Broadway, at 4-1144. Youve had a narrer escape from losin your pocket-book. Give this rash youth $50, to encourage him in hem honest in the futer, and a glorious reward awaits you. Look at me, sir ! said he, vehemently; the turnin pint of my life was similar to this depraved youths; but, sir I a reward from a good 100km, beneverlent old gent like you, made a man of me, and to-day Ime President of a Society for the Penny-Ante corruption of good morrils, and there haiut a judge in the city who wouldnt give me a home for the pleasure of my company. Such a man, I knew, wouldent lie about seem me drop that pocket- book. I took another look at the Guardian (?) of the public peace, morris, etc., who, when he was on his Beat, hadent the least objection to anybody else bein on their beat. Re wasent lookin our way, but was star-gazin, seem if the sines was rite for him to go and take another drink You are sure you saw me drop this wallet ? said I, addressin the President of the Penijy-antee Society. Ile take my affidavy on it, said he. I pulled out $50 and handed it to the boy, who handed me the pocket- book. Mrs. GREEN! Mr~. GREEN I soliloquised I, as I walked away, feelin as rich as if I held a good fat goverment offis, if you could only see your old man now, methinks youd feel sorry that you hid all of his close one mornin last spring, so ho couldent go and attend a barn raisin. Yes, madam, your talented husband has struck ile. I stepped in a stairway to count my little fortin. I was very much agitated. The wallet was soon opened; when Ye ministers fallen from grace, defend us I was the first exclamation which bust 4th from my lips; for I hope to be flambusticated if I hadnt gone and paid $50 for a lot of brown paper, rapt up into patent medesin advertisements, printed like greenbax. For a few minnits I was crazier than a loon. I rusht madly into the street, runnin into an old apple wom~n, nockin her gally west. I quickly jumped to my feet and begun hollerin: Murder! Thieves! Robbers I The Policemen scattered, while a crowd ef ragged urchins colected about me. My youthful vagabones, roared I, as loud as I could scream, bring along your stuffed wallets. The market price of brown paper is $50 an ounce on callIf you are lookin for a greenhorn, Ime your man. I then broke my uinbreller over a lamp-post, and button-hold a passer by, offerin him a SlOO if hed send me to a loonatic asilum. Seem a sine on the opposite corner which read: Weighers Office, I rusht wildly in, and said to a man: Captin, Ive been lit ened. If youve got such a thing ac a pair of apothecarys scales about your premises, dump me on and give me the figgers. I then tried to jump through a winder, but the man caught me by the cots tails, and haulin me back, sot me down into a cheer. I soon got cooled down, when I told the man how Ide been swindled, and asked him what I had better do. Do? said he, laffin as if heed bust. My advice is, for you to take the next train for your home, and then charge your loss to the acct of seem the elefant. It haint often I git took in, but that time Iwas swallered, specturcals, white hat and all, as slick as if Ide been buttered all over. I dont intend to let Mrs. GREEN know anything about this little ad- ventoor, but just as like as not, some day when I haint thinking she will worm it out of me, when Mariar will no doubt say: Sarved you rite, you old ignoramus; thats what you git for stoppin takin the weekly noosepapers, because they wont print the darned non- sents you set up to rite, when you orter be to bed and asleep. Ewers, lite as a fether, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. A Serious Complication. THE English language is a mighty onsartin one. Here, now, in a magazine sketch, we find it stated that one of the characters of the story was as rich as Cncmus, and a good fellow to boot. Vernacu- larly, this is correct; and yet so equivocal is it that it puzzles one to think why the acquisition of wealth should subject the holder of it to the liability of being kicked. Enough Said. MoDr~nN physiologists, said the Doctor, have arrived at the con- elusion that man begins as a celL And what about woman ? returned the Scalper, doesnt she be- gin as a sell, continue as a sell, and depart as a sell ? She does, replied the doctor. A Relative Question. WOULD the marriage of a Daughter of a Canon to a Son of a Gun come within the laws prohibiting marriage between relatives too nearly connected?

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 48 HIRAM GREEN IN GOTHAM. II. Strays among Sharpers, and Sees the Elephant. Tiizn~s many things in the big city which pleases me, and causes us all to feel hily tickled over our success as a Republic. At the present writin, many furrin nations would give all their old butes and shoes if, like us, they could throw their roolers overboard every 4 years, and have a new deel. Our institutions are, many of em, sound: altho Ive diskivered to my sorrer, that some of the inhabitants of New York are about as puselanermus a set of dead-beats which ever stood up. While sojernin here, my distinguished looks kicked up quite a sen- sation wherever I put in an appearance. On one occasion, a man stepped up to me who thought I was a banker, and richer than Creosote, and wanted me to change a ~10~ bill. I dident do it. Not much. No, sir-se !they couldent fool the old man on that ancient dodge. But, friend PuxcIm~uLI~o, to my disgust and shagrin, I must acknolidge the corn, and say, I haint quite so soon as I allers give my- self credit for bein, as the sekel of this letter will show. Last Saturday P.M. I was a sailin down Dye Street with my bloo cotton umbreller under my arm, feelin all so fine and so gay. When near the corner of West Street I turned around just in time to see a ragged boy pick up a pocket-book. As the afoursaid boy started to run off, a well dressed lookin man ketched him by the cots coller. What in thunder are you about ? says the boy. That pocket-book belongs to this old gentleman. said the man, pintin to me. I saw him drop it. No it dont, nether, said the boy, tryin to break away, and I want yer to let go my cote coller. The infatuated youth then tried his level best to jerk away, while his capturer yanked and cuffed him, ontil the boy sot up a cryin. I notissed as the youth turned around that he partly opened the wallet, which was chock full of greenbax. A thought suddenly struck me. That ere boy looked as if he was de- praved snuff to steel the shoe-strings offn the end of a Chinamans cue, so the MoncQgohalians hair woulden7t stay braided. Thinks I, if the young raskel should keep that pocket-book, like as not he mite buy a fashinable soot of close and enter on a new career of crime, and finally fetch up as a ward polertician. I must confess, that as I beheld that wallet full of bills, my mouth did water rather freely, and I made up my mind, if wuss come to wusser, I would not allow too much temptashun to get in that boys way. The man turned to me and says: Stranger, this is your pocket-book, for Ile swear I saw yon drop it. What could a poor helpless old man like me do in such a case, Mister PtTNcrnNELLo? That man was willin to sware that I dropped it, and I larnt enuff about law, when I was Gustise of the Peece, to know I couldent swear I dident drop it, and any courtwould decide agin me; at the same time my hands itched to get holt of the well filled wallet. I trembled all over for fear a policeman, who was standin on the op- posite corner, mite come over and stick in his lip. But no! like the wooden injuns before cigar stores, armed with a tommyhawk and scalpin knife, these city petroleums~ hem rather slippery chaps, haint half so savage as they look. When the boy heerd the man say I owned the pocket-book he caved in, and began to blubber. Said he, whimperin: WellIwant-a-rewardforfindin thepocket-bohoo The well dressed individual, still holdin onto the boy, then said to me: My friend, Ime a merchant, doin bizziness on Broadway, at 4-1144. Youve had a narrer escape from losin your pocket-book. Give this rash youth $50, to encourage him in hem honest in the futer, and a glorious reward awaits you. Look at me, sir ! said he, vehemently; the turnin pint of my life was similar to this depraved youths; but, sir I a reward from a good 100km, beneverlent old gent like you, made a man of me, and to-day Ime President of a Society for the Penny-Ante corruption of good morrils, and there haiut a judge in the city who wouldnt give me a home for the pleasure of my company. Such a man, I knew, wouldent lie about seem me drop that pocket- book. I took another look at the Guardian (?) of the public peace, morris, etc., who, when he was on his Beat, hadent the least objection to anybody else bein on their beat. Re wasent lookin our way, but was star-gazin, seem if the sines was rite for him to go and take another drink You are sure you saw me drop this wallet ? said I, addressin the President of the Penijy-antee Society. Ile take my affidavy on it, said he. I pulled out $50 and handed it to the boy, who handed me the pocket- book. Mrs. GREEN! Mr~. GREEN I soliloquised I, as I walked away, feelin as rich as if I held a good fat goverment offis, if you could only see your old man now, methinks youd feel sorry that you hid all of his close one mornin last spring, so ho couldent go and attend a barn raisin. Yes, madam, your talented husband has struck ile. I stepped in a stairway to count my little fortin. I was very much agitated. The wallet was soon opened; when Ye ministers fallen from grace, defend us I was the first exclamation which bust 4th from my lips; for I hope to be flambusticated if I hadnt gone and paid $50 for a lot of brown paper, rapt up into patent medesin advertisements, printed like greenbax. For a few minnits I was crazier than a loon. I rusht madly into the street, runnin into an old apple wom~n, nockin her gally west. I quickly jumped to my feet and begun hollerin: Murder! Thieves! Robbers I The Policemen scattered, while a crowd ef ragged urchins colected about me. My youthful vagabones, roared I, as loud as I could scream, bring along your stuffed wallets. The market price of brown paper is $50 an ounce on callIf you are lookin for a greenhorn, Ime your man. I then broke my uinbreller over a lamp-post, and button-hold a passer by, offerin him a SlOO if hed send me to a loonatic asilum. Seem a sine on the opposite corner which read: Weighers Office, I rusht wildly in, and said to a man: Captin, Ive been lit ened. If youve got such a thing ac a pair of apothecarys scales about your premises, dump me on and give me the figgers. I then tried to jump through a winder, but the man caught me by the cots tails, and haulin me back, sot me down into a cheer. I soon got cooled down, when I told the man how Ide been swindled, and asked him what I had better do. Do? said he, laffin as if heed bust. My advice is, for you to take the next train for your home, and then charge your loss to the acct of seem the elefant. It haint often I git took in, but that time Iwas swallered, specturcals, white hat and all, as slick as if Ide been buttered all over. I dont intend to let Mrs. GREEN know anything about this little ad- ventoor, but just as like as not, some day when I haint thinking she will worm it out of me, when Mariar will no doubt say: Sarved you rite, you old ignoramus; thats what you git for stoppin takin the weekly noosepapers, because they wont print the darned non- sents you set up to rite, when you orter be to bed and asleep. Ewers, lite as a fether, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. A Serious Complication. THE English language is a mighty onsartin one. Here, now, in a magazine sketch, we find it stated that one of the characters of the story was as rich as Cncmus, and a good fellow to boot. Vernacu- larly, this is correct; and yet so equivocal is it that it puzzles one to think why the acquisition of wealth should subject the holder of it to the liability of being kicked. Enough Said. MoDr~nN physiologists, said the Doctor, have arrived at the con- elusion that man begins as a celL And what about woman ? returned the Scalper, doesnt she be- gin as a sell, continue as a sell, and depart as a sell ? She does, replied the doctor. A Relative Question. WOULD the marriage of a Daughter of a Canon to a Son of a Gun come within the laws prohibiting marriage between relatives too nearly connected? PUNCHINELLO. OCT 15, 1870 A CRABBED HISTORY. MOST people have a peculiar fondness for crabs. A dainty succulent soft shell crab, nicely cooked and well browned, tempts the eye of the epicure and makes his mouth water. Even a hard shell is not to be despised when no other is attainable. We eat them with great gusto, thinking they are so nice, without considering for a moment that they have feelings and sentiments of their own, or are inten{ed for any other purpose than the gratification of our palate. But that is a mistake which I will try to rectify in order that the bon vivant may en- joy hereafter the pleasures of a mental and bodily feast conjointly. Most crabs are hatched from eggs, and begin life in a very small way. They float round in the water, at first, without really knowing what they are about. They have but little sense to start with, but after a while improve and begin to strike out in a blind instinctive way, which, after a few efforts, resolves itself into real genuine swimming. They commence walking about the same time. Awkward straggling steps, to be sure, but they get over the ground, and that is the most they care for. When they are about a month old they begin to feel that life has its realities, and that they must do something towards the end for which they were made. The thought is faint at first, but by degrees grows weightier, till at last they can stand it no longer, and, making a great effort to throw off the incubus of babyhood that weighs so heavily upon them, they burst open the back door of their shell and slowly creep out backwards. It takes about five minutes for them to get entirely out, head, legs and all, and then for a moment or two they gaze in stupefaction at their old shell, amazed to find that they have, by their own efforts, un- aided and alone, accomplished such a wonderful change. The thought is overwhelming. It fills them with pride; rejoicingly they exult, and swell with gratification. This state of self-gratulation lasts about twenty minutes, at the end of which time they have in- creased their bulk to nearly double its former size, and they remain so. They cant get back into the old shell now, for it wont fit them, and as there is no other for them to go into, the only thing left for them to do is to build another house. It takes three or four days before they get fairly to work, and during this time they are called soft-shell crabs. This stage is particularly dangerous to the delicate creatures, for they, in their tender beauty, are so attractive to hungry fishes that it is really a wonder any escape. Tender, helpless, innocent and beautiful, they are almost sure to be victimized and gormandized. Some, however, escape the fate intend- ed for them, and in a few days begin to enjoy life in a crabbed sort of a way. Another month passes on. They be- come restless and uneasy, and feel that it wont do to stay too long in one place. They think they had better make another change, and so this time, in a more self- confident manner, they pack up and move out at the back door again. They are no more provident now, however, than they were at first, for, after having given up the old house, they have no new one to move into. They are not troubled as we are with house-hunting; they are good builders, and can make one to suit themselves. A wise provi- s:on of nature, for these interesting creatures are really obliged monthly to go out doors to grow. This state is to them doubly danger- ous. Mankind they always have to fear, but now they are tempting to their own race. A wicked old crab goes out for a stroll. The walk gives him an appe- tite; he looks around for something to eat and spies a younger brother just moving. Treacherously he plants him- self behind a stone or shell, and watches the process, chuckling in his inmost stomach over the dainty meal in pros- pect. The youthful one has just got clear of his old home and its restraints, and is delighting in his freedom, when up walks the vampire, strikes him a blow on his defenceless head, knocks the life out of him, and then sits down to a dinner of soft-shell crab. He is an old sportsman, and enjoys ex- ceedingly the meal gained by his own prowess. Dinner over, he wipes his claws on the muddy table-cloth and walks out for his digestion. Off in the distance he spies a young gentleman crab making love to a beautiful female. He looks at her with a discriminat- ing eye. Sees she is fair to look upon, and thinks he would like to be acquainted. He makes several sideway moves in the direction, un- graceful, but satisfactory to himself, and as he advances his admiration increases, his courage improves; he feels almost heroic. The observant lover with staring eyes perceives the advancing strides of another gentleman crab, and instantly, seized with jealous fears, clasps his in- amoreta to his shelly breast with his numerous little legs, holds her tightly so that she cant fall, and walks off on his hands. The old cannibal observes the change of base, feels insulted at the implied distrust, and resolves to have satisfaction. Increasing his efforts, he soon overtakes the runaway lovers, challenges his rival by giving him a dig with his claw, and tells him to come out and show himself a crab. Of course no crab of spirit is going to receive an insult before his beloved and not resent it; with one painful quiver of his little legs, he sets the lady crab down, and then the two amorous lovers proceed to deadiy combat. Love strengthens the young crabs heart. Justice nerves his arm; and soon a lucky blow from the sharp claw pierces in a vital part the hardened sinner, who, with a gulp, gives up the contest and his life at once. An exultant shout bubbles up in the water, and then the heroic de- fender of crabbed maidenhood leads his beloved to view the remains of this ravager of hard-shell rights. They rejoice over the fallen adversary a while, and then, to make their happiness more complete, and to prosper his wooing, the victor invites his love to dine on the tender part of the victim. The invitation is gladiy accepted, and they enjoy a delicious meal, rendered doubly tasteful from the fact that they are feasting on an enemy. The facts deduced from the above history prove that crabs have tastes and feelings just as mankind have. They are gallant to their females; never engage in combat with the weaker sex; fight and kill each other when angry; love good eating, and are cannibalisticwhich last habit they may have learned fiom their ancestors of the Feejee Islands. BAITED Bn~rH.That of the boy who had wums fur bait in his mouth. 44 THE (JOHN) REAL DEMOCRACY OF NEW YORK CITY.

PUNCHINELLO. OCT 15, 1870 A CRABBED HISTORY. MOST people have a peculiar fondness for crabs. A dainty succulent soft shell crab, nicely cooked and well browned, tempts the eye of the epicure and makes his mouth water. Even a hard shell is not to be despised when no other is attainable. We eat them with great gusto, thinking they are so nice, without considering for a moment that they have feelings and sentiments of their own, or are inten{ed for any other purpose than the gratification of our palate. But that is a mistake which I will try to rectify in order that the bon vivant may en- joy hereafter the pleasures of a mental and bodily feast conjointly. Most crabs are hatched from eggs, and begin life in a very small way. They float round in the water, at first, without really knowing what they are about. They have but little sense to start with, but after a while improve and begin to strike out in a blind instinctive way, which, after a few efforts, resolves itself into real genuine swimming. They commence walking about the same time. Awkward straggling steps, to be sure, but they get over the ground, and that is the most they care for. When they are about a month old they begin to feel that life has its realities, and that they must do something towards the end for which they were made. The thought is faint at first, but by degrees grows weightier, till at last they can stand it no longer, and, making a great effort to throw off the incubus of babyhood that weighs so heavily upon them, they burst open the back door of their shell and slowly creep out backwards. It takes about five minutes for them to get entirely out, head, legs and all, and then for a moment or two they gaze in stupefaction at their old shell, amazed to find that they have, by their own efforts, un- aided and alone, accomplished such a wonderful change. The thought is overwhelming. It fills them with pride; rejoicingly they exult, and swell with gratification. This state of self-gratulation lasts about twenty minutes, at the end of which time they have in- creased their bulk to nearly double its former size, and they remain so. They cant get back into the old shell now, for it wont fit them, and as there is no other for them to go into, the only thing left for them to do is to build another house. It takes three or four days before they get fairly to work, and during this time they are called soft-shell crabs. This stage is particularly dangerous to the delicate creatures, for they, in their tender beauty, are so attractive to hungry fishes that it is really a wonder any escape. Tender, helpless, innocent and beautiful, they are almost sure to be victimized and gormandized. Some, however, escape the fate intend- ed for them, and in a few days begin to enjoy life in a crabbed sort of a way. Another month passes on. They be- come restless and uneasy, and feel that it wont do to stay too long in one place. They think they had better make another change, and so this time, in a more self- confident manner, they pack up and move out at the back door again. They are no more provident now, however, than they were at first, for, after having given up the old house, they have no new one to move into. They are not troubled as we are with house-hunting; they are good builders, and can make one to suit themselves. A wise provi- s:on of nature, for these interesting creatures are really obliged monthly to go out doors to grow. This state is to them doubly danger- ous. Mankind they always have to fear, but now they are tempting to their own race. A wicked old crab goes out for a stroll. The walk gives him an appe- tite; he looks around for something to eat and spies a younger brother just moving. Treacherously he plants him- self behind a stone or shell, and watches the process, chuckling in his inmost stomach over the dainty meal in pros- pect. The youthful one has just got clear of his old home and its restraints, and is delighting in his freedom, when up walks the vampire, strikes him a blow on his defenceless head, knocks the life out of him, and then sits down to a dinner of soft-shell crab. He is an old sportsman, and enjoys ex- ceedingly the meal gained by his own prowess. Dinner over, he wipes his claws on the muddy table-cloth and walks out for his digestion. Off in the distance he spies a young gentleman crab making love to a beautiful female. He looks at her with a discriminat- ing eye. Sees she is fair to look upon, and thinks he would like to be acquainted. He makes several sideway moves in the direction, un- graceful, but satisfactory to himself, and as he advances his admiration increases, his courage improves; he feels almost heroic. The observant lover with staring eyes perceives the advancing strides of another gentleman crab, and instantly, seized with jealous fears, clasps his in- amoreta to his shelly breast with his numerous little legs, holds her tightly so that she cant fall, and walks off on his hands. The old cannibal observes the change of base, feels insulted at the implied distrust, and resolves to have satisfaction. Increasing his efforts, he soon overtakes the runaway lovers, challenges his rival by giving him a dig with his claw, and tells him to come out and show himself a crab. Of course no crab of spirit is going to receive an insult before his beloved and not resent it; with one painful quiver of his little legs, he sets the lady crab down, and then the two amorous lovers proceed to deadiy combat. Love strengthens the young crabs heart. Justice nerves his arm; and soon a lucky blow from the sharp claw pierces in a vital part the hardened sinner, who, with a gulp, gives up the contest and his life at once. An exultant shout bubbles up in the water, and then the heroic de- fender of crabbed maidenhood leads his beloved to view the remains of this ravager of hard-shell rights. They rejoice over the fallen adversary a while, and then, to make their happiness more complete, and to prosper his wooing, the victor invites his love to dine on the tender part of the victim. The invitation is gladiy accepted, and they enjoy a delicious meal, rendered doubly tasteful from the fact that they are feasting on an enemy. The facts deduced from the above history prove that crabs have tastes and feelings just as mankind have. They are gallant to their females; never engage in combat with the weaker sex; fight and kill each other when angry; love good eating, and are cannibalisticwhich last habit they may have learned fiom their ancestors of the Feejee Islands. BAITED Bn~rH.That of the boy who had wums fur bait in his mouth. 44 THE (JOHN) REAL DEMOCRACY OF NEW YORK CITY. OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OCTOBER JOTTINGS. TThACTED by the dul- cet strains of a brass RN- band, a day or two since, PUNCHINELLO ascended - ~o the summit of the N. 2. tower of his residence, looking from which he beheld a target company all with crimson shirts ablaze marching up the Bowery. Then, glancing over towards Long Is- land, he observed that Nature was already as- suming her russet robes, w hi c h circumstance, combined with that of the target company, re- minded him that the shooting season had just commenced. A f e w 10 ~ hints to young sports- men, then, from so old a one as PUNcHINELLO, will not, he hopes, be taken amissnot even though, in shooting phrase, a miss is generally as good as a mile. Before taking the field, look well to your shooting-irons. Fowling- pieces are far more apt to Get Foul while they are lying away during the off season, than when they are taken out for a days sport by the fowlers. On releasing your gun from its summer prison, always examine it carefully, to ascertain whether it is loaded. This you can do by look- ing down into the barrel and touching the trigger with your toe. If your head is blown off, then you may be sure that the gun was loaded. Otherwise not. Should your gun be a breech-loader, always load it at the muzzle. This will show that you know better than the man who made it, or, at least, that he is no better than you. If you are a novice in gunnery it will be safest for you to put the shot in before the powder. Bydoing this you will not only provide against possible accidents, but will secure for yourself the reputation of being a very safe man to go out shooting with. When you go out with your gun, always dress in a shootable costume. For instance, if you want to bag lots of Dead Rabbits, TWEED will be the best stuff you can wearespecially about November 8th, on which day you will be certain to find Some Quail about the polling places. (N. B. They are beginning to quail already.) The best time to acquire the art of shooting flying is fly time. Always carry a whiskey flask about you, so that you can practice at Swallows. When you hear the drum of the ruffed grouse, steal silently through the thicket and let drive in the direction of the sound. Should you bring down a target company instead of a ruffed grouse, so much the better. It will only be bagging ruffs of another kind, and by silencing their drums you will have conferred an obligation upon humanity. There is much diversity of opinion regarding the best kind of dog for fowling purposes. It all depends upon what work you want your dog to do for you. If you want to have birds pointed, a pointer is best for your purpose. If set, a setter. But if you want a dog that will go in and kill without either pointing or setting, be sure that the Iron Dog is the dog for your money. You can procure one of Staunch Blood by application at Police Head-Quarters. Before going out for a days sport, resolve yourself into a committee of one for the preservation of choice ornithological specimens. By this we do not mean that you are to set up in business as a taxidermist, but that you are boundif a true sportsmanto protect the song birds, and the birds that are useful in destroying noxious vermin, and all the beautiful feathered creatures that ornament our woods, and fields, and parks, from the depredations of the iguorant, loutish, pestilent, per- nicious pot-hunter. The Sportsmens Clubs that have been organized throughout the country should be supported by every true sportsman; and if you lay a thick stick vigorously across the back of the first fool you see about to kill Cock Robin, you will have established a very effica- cious Sportsmans Club of your own, and will have earned the best re- gards of Mr. PuNcHINElie to bootby which he means, if you choose, that you have his leave and license to boot the fellow into the bargain. MORE ABOUT CHIGNONS. Tnx chignon is coming to the front again. By this we do not mean that it is worn, or likely to be worn beforein saying which the word before is not used by us in its acceptation of previously, but in that of front; although, now that we come to think of it, the chignon certainly has been worn before, as may be seen by consulting old-fashioned prints, in which it is shown worn behind. This, to the ordinary mind, may seem rather confused; and so it is; but what else could you expect from a writer when he has got chignon upon the brain? For newspapers the chignon is just now a teeming subject. Every day or so somebody writes to a paper, saying that he has discovered a new kind of parasite, hatched by the genial warmth of womans nape from some deleterious padding or other used in the manufacture of her chignon. Sometimes it is vegetable stuff, sometimes animal, but it al- ways teems with pedicular creatures akin to that low and vulgar kind not usually recognized in polite society. All these horrors come and go and dont make much difference in the chignon market; but PUNcHI- NELLO has a new one that is calculated to create a sensationabout the nape of the female neckand here it is. In the beech forests of Hungary, as is well known to Danubian ex- plorers, there exists a very remarkable breed of pigs, one of their peculiarities being that they are covered with wool instead of with bristles. These pigs are shorn regularly everyyear, like sheep. Their wool, which is very stiff and curly, is used for stuffing cushions and mattresses of the cheap and nasty kind. Since chignons have come into fasl~ion, a vast amount of pigs wool has been imported for their manu- factur~. By microscopic investigation the wool of the Hungary pig has been found swarming with trichince to a fearful extent. Now, it is easy to imagine that the trichince obtained from a hungry pig must be of a very insatiable and ravenous disposition, and this is but too often realized by the silly wearers of the porcine chignons, into whose brains, (when they happen to have any,) the horrible little parasites worm their way in myriads, rendering their hapless victims pig-headed to an extent that defies description either with pen or pencil. The Pig-faced Woman exhibited some time ago in Europe was once a very pretty girl, her hideous deformity being the result of wear- ing a chignon stuffed with Hungary pigs wooL In purchasing a pig chignon, then, the Girl of the Period had better look out that she does not get too much pork for a shilling. MATCHING THE MATCHLESS. MATcHMAKING has always been traditionally supposed to be the chiof end of woman. No wonder that, with the spread of the new theories of womans rights, therefore, we find them invading departments of in- dustry which were formerly supposed to be peculiarly the domain of the stronger sex. We have recently seen running matches, swimming matehes, rowing matches, and other fancy matches, made by women. And why not? The women are wise in thus preparing themselves for proficiency in the arts of primary elections, ballot stuffing and the rest, incidental to untrammelled suffrage. In regard to this, also, it may not be amiss to suggest that this passion for match-making lies at the bottom of the recent increase in divorce, which so alarms some timid moralists. Certain it is that easy divorce enlarges the opportunities for its gratification, and to be fancy and free is no longer a charm peculiar only to maiden meditation. HISTORY FACTORY. Card to the Public. THE undersigned, having recently increased their facilities for the manufacture of History upon an unusually large scale, would hereby announce to their patrons and the public in general that they have associated with them Messrs. Vicron EMANUEL and General TEOCETIT. Louis NAPOLEON, M. BIsMAHcE, WM. oPIWssrA, Commercial. A PHOOF of the present great depression in the Whaling business is the fact that the editor of the Sun still walks about unflogged.

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OCTOBER JOTTINGS. TThACTED by the dul- cet strains of a brass RN- band, a day or two since, PUNCHINELLO ascended - ~o the summit of the N. 2. tower of his residence, looking from which he beheld a target company all with crimson shirts ablaze marching up the Bowery. Then, glancing over towards Long Is- land, he observed that Nature was already as- suming her russet robes, w hi c h circumstance, combined with that of the target company, re- minded him that the shooting season had just commenced. A f e w 10 ~ hints to young sports- men, then, from so old a one as PUNcHINELLO, will not, he hopes, be taken amissnot even though, in shooting phrase, a miss is generally as good as a mile. Before taking the field, look well to your shooting-irons. Fowling- pieces are far more apt to Get Foul while they are lying away during the off season, than when they are taken out for a days sport by the fowlers. On releasing your gun from its summer prison, always examine it carefully, to ascertain whether it is loaded. This you can do by look- ing down into the barrel and touching the trigger with your toe. If your head is blown off, then you may be sure that the gun was loaded. Otherwise not. Should your gun be a breech-loader, always load it at the muzzle. This will show that you know better than the man who made it, or, at least, that he is no better than you. If you are a novice in gunnery it will be safest for you to put the shot in before the powder. Bydoing this you will not only provide against possible accidents, but will secure for yourself the reputation of being a very safe man to go out shooting with. When you go out with your gun, always dress in a shootable costume. For instance, if you want to bag lots of Dead Rabbits, TWEED will be the best stuff you can wearespecially about November 8th, on which day you will be certain to find Some Quail about the polling places. (N. B. They are beginning to quail already.) The best time to acquire the art of shooting flying is fly time. Always carry a whiskey flask about you, so that you can practice at Swallows. When you hear the drum of the ruffed grouse, steal silently through the thicket and let drive in the direction of the sound. Should you bring down a target company instead of a ruffed grouse, so much the better. It will only be bagging ruffs of another kind, and by silencing their drums you will have conferred an obligation upon humanity. There is much diversity of opinion regarding the best kind of dog for fowling purposes. It all depends upon what work you want your dog to do for you. If you want to have birds pointed, a pointer is best for your purpose. If set, a setter. But if you want a dog that will go in and kill without either pointing or setting, be sure that the Iron Dog is the dog for your money. You can procure one of Staunch Blood by application at Police Head-Quarters. Before going out for a days sport, resolve yourself into a committee of one for the preservation of choice ornithological specimens. By this we do not mean that you are to set up in business as a taxidermist, but that you are boundif a true sportsmanto protect the song birds, and the birds that are useful in destroying noxious vermin, and all the beautiful feathered creatures that ornament our woods, and fields, and parks, from the depredations of the iguorant, loutish, pestilent, per- nicious pot-hunter. The Sportsmens Clubs that have been organized throughout the country should be supported by every true sportsman; and if you lay a thick stick vigorously across the back of the first fool you see about to kill Cock Robin, you will have established a very effica- cious Sportsmans Club of your own, and will have earned the best re- gards of Mr. PuNcHINElie to bootby which he means, if you choose, that you have his leave and license to boot the fellow into the bargain. MORE ABOUT CHIGNONS. Tnx chignon is coming to the front again. By this we do not mean that it is worn, or likely to be worn beforein saying which the word before is not used by us in its acceptation of previously, but in that of front; although, now that we come to think of it, the chignon certainly has been worn before, as may be seen by consulting old-fashioned prints, in which it is shown worn behind. This, to the ordinary mind, may seem rather confused; and so it is; but what else could you expect from a writer when he has got chignon upon the brain? For newspapers the chignon is just now a teeming subject. Every day or so somebody writes to a paper, saying that he has discovered a new kind of parasite, hatched by the genial warmth of womans nape from some deleterious padding or other used in the manufacture of her chignon. Sometimes it is vegetable stuff, sometimes animal, but it al- ways teems with pedicular creatures akin to that low and vulgar kind not usually recognized in polite society. All these horrors come and go and dont make much difference in the chignon market; but PUNcHI- NELLO has a new one that is calculated to create a sensationabout the nape of the female neckand here it is. In the beech forests of Hungary, as is well known to Danubian ex- plorers, there exists a very remarkable breed of pigs, one of their peculiarities being that they are covered with wool instead of with bristles. These pigs are shorn regularly everyyear, like sheep. Their wool, which is very stiff and curly, is used for stuffing cushions and mattresses of the cheap and nasty kind. Since chignons have come into fasl~ion, a vast amount of pigs wool has been imported for their manu- factur~. By microscopic investigation the wool of the Hungary pig has been found swarming with trichince to a fearful extent. Now, it is easy to imagine that the trichince obtained from a hungry pig must be of a very insatiable and ravenous disposition, and this is but too often realized by the silly wearers of the porcine chignons, into whose brains, (when they happen to have any,) the horrible little parasites worm their way in myriads, rendering their hapless victims pig-headed to an extent that defies description either with pen or pencil. The Pig-faced Woman exhibited some time ago in Europe was once a very pretty girl, her hideous deformity being the result of wear- ing a chignon stuffed with Hungary pigs wooL In purchasing a pig chignon, then, the Girl of the Period had better look out that she does not get too much pork for a shilling. MATCHING THE MATCHLESS. MATcHMAKING has always been traditionally supposed to be the chiof end of woman. No wonder that, with the spread of the new theories of womans rights, therefore, we find them invading departments of in- dustry which were formerly supposed to be peculiarly the domain of the stronger sex. We have recently seen running matches, swimming matehes, rowing matches, and other fancy matches, made by women. And why not? The women are wise in thus preparing themselves for proficiency in the arts of primary elections, ballot stuffing and the rest, incidental to untrammelled suffrage. In regard to this, also, it may not be amiss to suggest that this passion for match-making lies at the bottom of the recent increase in divorce, which so alarms some timid moralists. Certain it is that easy divorce enlarges the opportunities for its gratification, and to be fancy and free is no longer a charm peculiar only to maiden meditation. HISTORY FACTORY. Card to the Public. THE undersigned, having recently increased their facilities for the manufacture of History upon an unusually large scale, would hereby announce to their patrons and the public in general that they have associated with them Messrs. Vicron EMANUEL and General TEOCETIT. Louis NAPOLEON, M. BIsMAHcE, WM. oPIWssrA, Commercial. A PHOOF of the present great depression in the Whaling business is the fact that the editor of the Sun still walks about unflogged.

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OCTOBER JOTTINGS. TThACTED by the dul- cet strains of a brass RN- band, a day or two since, PUNCHINELLO ascended - ~o the summit of the N. 2. tower of his residence, looking from which he beheld a target company all with crimson shirts ablaze marching up the Bowery. Then, glancing over towards Long Is- land, he observed that Nature was already as- suming her russet robes, w hi c h circumstance, combined with that of the target company, re- minded him that the shooting season had just commenced. A f e w 10 ~ hints to young sports- men, then, from so old a one as PUNcHINELLO, will not, he hopes, be taken amissnot even though, in shooting phrase, a miss is generally as good as a mile. Before taking the field, look well to your shooting-irons. Fowling- pieces are far more apt to Get Foul while they are lying away during the off season, than when they are taken out for a days sport by the fowlers. On releasing your gun from its summer prison, always examine it carefully, to ascertain whether it is loaded. This you can do by look- ing down into the barrel and touching the trigger with your toe. If your head is blown off, then you may be sure that the gun was loaded. Otherwise not. Should your gun be a breech-loader, always load it at the muzzle. This will show that you know better than the man who made it, or, at least, that he is no better than you. If you are a novice in gunnery it will be safest for you to put the shot in before the powder. Bydoing this you will not only provide against possible accidents, but will secure for yourself the reputation of being a very safe man to go out shooting with. When you go out with your gun, always dress in a shootable costume. For instance, if you want to bag lots of Dead Rabbits, TWEED will be the best stuff you can wearespecially about November 8th, on which day you will be certain to find Some Quail about the polling places. (N. B. They are beginning to quail already.) The best time to acquire the art of shooting flying is fly time. Always carry a whiskey flask about you, so that you can practice at Swallows. When you hear the drum of the ruffed grouse, steal silently through the thicket and let drive in the direction of the sound. Should you bring down a target company instead of a ruffed grouse, so much the better. It will only be bagging ruffs of another kind, and by silencing their drums you will have conferred an obligation upon humanity. There is much diversity of opinion regarding the best kind of dog for fowling purposes. It all depends upon what work you want your dog to do for you. If you want to have birds pointed, a pointer is best for your purpose. If set, a setter. But if you want a dog that will go in and kill without either pointing or setting, be sure that the Iron Dog is the dog for your money. You can procure one of Staunch Blood by application at Police Head-Quarters. Before going out for a days sport, resolve yourself into a committee of one for the preservation of choice ornithological specimens. By this we do not mean that you are to set up in business as a taxidermist, but that you are boundif a true sportsmanto protect the song birds, and the birds that are useful in destroying noxious vermin, and all the beautiful feathered creatures that ornament our woods, and fields, and parks, from the depredations of the iguorant, loutish, pestilent, per- nicious pot-hunter. The Sportsmens Clubs that have been organized throughout the country should be supported by every true sportsman; and if you lay a thick stick vigorously across the back of the first fool you see about to kill Cock Robin, you will have established a very effica- cious Sportsmans Club of your own, and will have earned the best re- gards of Mr. PuNcHINElie to bootby which he means, if you choose, that you have his leave and license to boot the fellow into the bargain. MORE ABOUT CHIGNONS. Tnx chignon is coming to the front again. By this we do not mean that it is worn, or likely to be worn beforein saying which the word before is not used by us in its acceptation of previously, but in that of front; although, now that we come to think of it, the chignon certainly has been worn before, as may be seen by consulting old-fashioned prints, in which it is shown worn behind. This, to the ordinary mind, may seem rather confused; and so it is; but what else could you expect from a writer when he has got chignon upon the brain? For newspapers the chignon is just now a teeming subject. Every day or so somebody writes to a paper, saying that he has discovered a new kind of parasite, hatched by the genial warmth of womans nape from some deleterious padding or other used in the manufacture of her chignon. Sometimes it is vegetable stuff, sometimes animal, but it al- ways teems with pedicular creatures akin to that low and vulgar kind not usually recognized in polite society. All these horrors come and go and dont make much difference in the chignon market; but PUNcHI- NELLO has a new one that is calculated to create a sensationabout the nape of the female neckand here it is. In the beech forests of Hungary, as is well known to Danubian ex- plorers, there exists a very remarkable breed of pigs, one of their peculiarities being that they are covered with wool instead of with bristles. These pigs are shorn regularly everyyear, like sheep. Their wool, which is very stiff and curly, is used for stuffing cushions and mattresses of the cheap and nasty kind. Since chignons have come into fasl~ion, a vast amount of pigs wool has been imported for their manu- factur~. By microscopic investigation the wool of the Hungary pig has been found swarming with trichince to a fearful extent. Now, it is easy to imagine that the trichince obtained from a hungry pig must be of a very insatiable and ravenous disposition, and this is but too often realized by the silly wearers of the porcine chignons, into whose brains, (when they happen to have any,) the horrible little parasites worm their way in myriads, rendering their hapless victims pig-headed to an extent that defies description either with pen or pencil. The Pig-faced Woman exhibited some time ago in Europe was once a very pretty girl, her hideous deformity being the result of wear- ing a chignon stuffed with Hungary pigs wooL In purchasing a pig chignon, then, the Girl of the Period had better look out that she does not get too much pork for a shilling. MATCHING THE MATCHLESS. MATcHMAKING has always been traditionally supposed to be the chiof end of woman. No wonder that, with the spread of the new theories of womans rights, therefore, we find them invading departments of in- dustry which were formerly supposed to be peculiarly the domain of the stronger sex. We have recently seen running matches, swimming matehes, rowing matches, and other fancy matches, made by women. And why not? The women are wise in thus preparing themselves for proficiency in the arts of primary elections, ballot stuffing and the rest, incidental to untrammelled suffrage. In regard to this, also, it may not be amiss to suggest that this passion for match-making lies at the bottom of the recent increase in divorce, which so alarms some timid moralists. Certain it is that easy divorce enlarges the opportunities for its gratification, and to be fancy and free is no longer a charm peculiar only to maiden meditation. HISTORY FACTORY. Card to the Public. THE undersigned, having recently increased their facilities for the manufacture of History upon an unusually large scale, would hereby announce to their patrons and the public in general that they have associated with them Messrs. Vicron EMANUEL and General TEOCETIT. Louis NAPOLEON, M. BIsMAHcE, WM. oPIWssrA, Commercial. A PHOOF of the present great depression in the Whaling business is the fact that the editor of the Sun still walks about unflogged.

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OCTOBER JOTTINGS. TThACTED by the dul- cet strains of a brass RN- band, a day or two since, PUNCHINELLO ascended - ~o the summit of the N. 2. tower of his residence, looking from which he beheld a target company all with crimson shirts ablaze marching up the Bowery. Then, glancing over towards Long Is- land, he observed that Nature was already as- suming her russet robes, w hi c h circumstance, combined with that of the target company, re- minded him that the shooting season had just commenced. A f e w 10 ~ hints to young sports- men, then, from so old a one as PUNcHINELLO, will not, he hopes, be taken amissnot even though, in shooting phrase, a miss is generally as good as a mile. Before taking the field, look well to your shooting-irons. Fowling- pieces are far more apt to Get Foul while they are lying away during the off season, than when they are taken out for a days sport by the fowlers. On releasing your gun from its summer prison, always examine it carefully, to ascertain whether it is loaded. This you can do by look- ing down into the barrel and touching the trigger with your toe. If your head is blown off, then you may be sure that the gun was loaded. Otherwise not. Should your gun be a breech-loader, always load it at the muzzle. This will show that you know better than the man who made it, or, at least, that he is no better than you. If you are a novice in gunnery it will be safest for you to put the shot in before the powder. Bydoing this you will not only provide against possible accidents, but will secure for yourself the reputation of being a very safe man to go out shooting with. When you go out with your gun, always dress in a shootable costume. For instance, if you want to bag lots of Dead Rabbits, TWEED will be the best stuff you can wearespecially about November 8th, on which day you will be certain to find Some Quail about the polling places. (N. B. They are beginning to quail already.) The best time to acquire the art of shooting flying is fly time. Always carry a whiskey flask about you, so that you can practice at Swallows. When you hear the drum of the ruffed grouse, steal silently through the thicket and let drive in the direction of the sound. Should you bring down a target company instead of a ruffed grouse, so much the better. It will only be bagging ruffs of another kind, and by silencing their drums you will have conferred an obligation upon humanity. There is much diversity of opinion regarding the best kind of dog for fowling purposes. It all depends upon what work you want your dog to do for you. If you want to have birds pointed, a pointer is best for your purpose. If set, a setter. But if you want a dog that will go in and kill without either pointing or setting, be sure that the Iron Dog is the dog for your money. You can procure one of Staunch Blood by application at Police Head-Quarters. Before going out for a days sport, resolve yourself into a committee of one for the preservation of choice ornithological specimens. By this we do not mean that you are to set up in business as a taxidermist, but that you are boundif a true sportsmanto protect the song birds, and the birds that are useful in destroying noxious vermin, and all the beautiful feathered creatures that ornament our woods, and fields, and parks, from the depredations of the iguorant, loutish, pestilent, per- nicious pot-hunter. The Sportsmens Clubs that have been organized throughout the country should be supported by every true sportsman; and if you lay a thick stick vigorously across the back of the first fool you see about to kill Cock Robin, you will have established a very effica- cious Sportsmans Club of your own, and will have earned the best re- gards of Mr. PuNcHINElie to bootby which he means, if you choose, that you have his leave and license to boot the fellow into the bargain. MORE ABOUT CHIGNONS. Tnx chignon is coming to the front again. By this we do not mean that it is worn, or likely to be worn beforein saying which the word before is not used by us in its acceptation of previously, but in that of front; although, now that we come to think of it, the chignon certainly has been worn before, as may be seen by consulting old-fashioned prints, in which it is shown worn behind. This, to the ordinary mind, may seem rather confused; and so it is; but what else could you expect from a writer when he has got chignon upon the brain? For newspapers the chignon is just now a teeming subject. Every day or so somebody writes to a paper, saying that he has discovered a new kind of parasite, hatched by the genial warmth of womans nape from some deleterious padding or other used in the manufacture of her chignon. Sometimes it is vegetable stuff, sometimes animal, but it al- ways teems with pedicular creatures akin to that low and vulgar kind not usually recognized in polite society. All these horrors come and go and dont make much difference in the chignon market; but PUNcHI- NELLO has a new one that is calculated to create a sensationabout the nape of the female neckand here it is. In the beech forests of Hungary, as is well known to Danubian ex- plorers, there exists a very remarkable breed of pigs, one of their peculiarities being that they are covered with wool instead of with bristles. These pigs are shorn regularly everyyear, like sheep. Their wool, which is very stiff and curly, is used for stuffing cushions and mattresses of the cheap and nasty kind. Since chignons have come into fasl~ion, a vast amount of pigs wool has been imported for their manu- factur~. By microscopic investigation the wool of the Hungary pig has been found swarming with trichince to a fearful extent. Now, it is easy to imagine that the trichince obtained from a hungry pig must be of a very insatiable and ravenous disposition, and this is but too often realized by the silly wearers of the porcine chignons, into whose brains, (when they happen to have any,) the horrible little parasites worm their way in myriads, rendering their hapless victims pig-headed to an extent that defies description either with pen or pencil. The Pig-faced Woman exhibited some time ago in Europe was once a very pretty girl, her hideous deformity being the result of wear- ing a chignon stuffed with Hungary pigs wooL In purchasing a pig chignon, then, the Girl of the Period had better look out that she does not get too much pork for a shilling. MATCHING THE MATCHLESS. MATcHMAKING has always been traditionally supposed to be the chiof end of woman. No wonder that, with the spread of the new theories of womans rights, therefore, we find them invading departments of in- dustry which were formerly supposed to be peculiarly the domain of the stronger sex. We have recently seen running matches, swimming matehes, rowing matches, and other fancy matches, made by women. And why not? The women are wise in thus preparing themselves for proficiency in the arts of primary elections, ballot stuffing and the rest, incidental to untrammelled suffrage. In regard to this, also, it may not be amiss to suggest that this passion for match-making lies at the bottom of the recent increase in divorce, which so alarms some timid moralists. Certain it is that easy divorce enlarges the opportunities for its gratification, and to be fancy and free is no longer a charm peculiar only to maiden meditation. HISTORY FACTORY. Card to the Public. THE undersigned, having recently increased their facilities for the manufacture of History upon an unusually large scale, would hereby announce to their patrons and the public in general that they have associated with them Messrs. Vicron EMANUEL and General TEOCETIT. Louis NAPOLEON, M. BIsMAHcE, WM. oPIWssrA, Commercial. A PHOOF of the present great depression in the Whaling business is the fact that the editor of the Sun still walks about unflogged.

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OCTOBER JOTTINGS. TThACTED by the dul- cet strains of a brass RN- band, a day or two since, PUNCHINELLO ascended - ~o the summit of the N. 2. tower of his residence, looking from which he beheld a target company all with crimson shirts ablaze marching up the Bowery. Then, glancing over towards Long Is- land, he observed that Nature was already as- suming her russet robes, w hi c h circumstance, combined with that of the target company, re- minded him that the shooting season had just commenced. A f e w 10 ~ hints to young sports- men, then, from so old a one as PUNcHINELLO, will not, he hopes, be taken amissnot even though, in shooting phrase, a miss is generally as good as a mile. Before taking the field, look well to your shooting-irons. Fowling- pieces are far more apt to Get Foul while they are lying away during the off season, than when they are taken out for a days sport by the fowlers. On releasing your gun from its summer prison, always examine it carefully, to ascertain whether it is loaded. This you can do by look- ing down into the barrel and touching the trigger with your toe. If your head is blown off, then you may be sure that the gun was loaded. Otherwise not. Should your gun be a breech-loader, always load it at the muzzle. This will show that you know better than the man who made it, or, at least, that he is no better than you. If you are a novice in gunnery it will be safest for you to put the shot in before the powder. Bydoing this you will not only provide against possible accidents, but will secure for yourself the reputation of being a very safe man to go out shooting with. When you go out with your gun, always dress in a shootable costume. For instance, if you want to bag lots of Dead Rabbits, TWEED will be the best stuff you can wearespecially about November 8th, on which day you will be certain to find Some Quail about the polling places. (N. B. They are beginning to quail already.) The best time to acquire the art of shooting flying is fly time. Always carry a whiskey flask about you, so that you can practice at Swallows. When you hear the drum of the ruffed grouse, steal silently through the thicket and let drive in the direction of the sound. Should you bring down a target company instead of a ruffed grouse, so much the better. It will only be bagging ruffs of another kind, and by silencing their drums you will have conferred an obligation upon humanity. There is much diversity of opinion regarding the best kind of dog for fowling purposes. It all depends upon what work you want your dog to do for you. If you want to have birds pointed, a pointer is best for your purpose. If set, a setter. But if you want a dog that will go in and kill without either pointing or setting, be sure that the Iron Dog is the dog for your money. You can procure one of Staunch Blood by application at Police Head-Quarters. Before going out for a days sport, resolve yourself into a committee of one for the preservation of choice ornithological specimens. By this we do not mean that you are to set up in business as a taxidermist, but that you are boundif a true sportsmanto protect the song birds, and the birds that are useful in destroying noxious vermin, and all the beautiful feathered creatures that ornament our woods, and fields, and parks, from the depredations of the iguorant, loutish, pestilent, per- nicious pot-hunter. The Sportsmens Clubs that have been organized throughout the country should be supported by every true sportsman; and if you lay a thick stick vigorously across the back of the first fool you see about to kill Cock Robin, you will have established a very effica- cious Sportsmans Club of your own, and will have earned the best re- gards of Mr. PuNcHINElie to bootby which he means, if you choose, that you have his leave and license to boot the fellow into the bargain. MORE ABOUT CHIGNONS. Tnx chignon is coming to the front again. By this we do not mean that it is worn, or likely to be worn beforein saying which the word before is not used by us in its acceptation of previously, but in that of front; although, now that we come to think of it, the chignon certainly has been worn before, as may be seen by consulting old-fashioned prints, in which it is shown worn behind. This, to the ordinary mind, may seem rather confused; and so it is; but what else could you expect from a writer when he has got chignon upon the brain? For newspapers the chignon is just now a teeming subject. Every day or so somebody writes to a paper, saying that he has discovered a new kind of parasite, hatched by the genial warmth of womans nape from some deleterious padding or other used in the manufacture of her chignon. Sometimes it is vegetable stuff, sometimes animal, but it al- ways teems with pedicular creatures akin to that low and vulgar kind not usually recognized in polite society. All these horrors come and go and dont make much difference in the chignon market; but PUNcHI- NELLO has a new one that is calculated to create a sensationabout the nape of the female neckand here it is. In the beech forests of Hungary, as is well known to Danubian ex- plorers, there exists a very remarkable breed of pigs, one of their peculiarities being that they are covered with wool instead of with bristles. These pigs are shorn regularly everyyear, like sheep. Their wool, which is very stiff and curly, is used for stuffing cushions and mattresses of the cheap and nasty kind. Since chignons have come into fasl~ion, a vast amount of pigs wool has been imported for their manu- factur~. By microscopic investigation the wool of the Hungary pig has been found swarming with trichince to a fearful extent. Now, it is easy to imagine that the trichince obtained from a hungry pig must be of a very insatiable and ravenous disposition, and this is but too often realized by the silly wearers of the porcine chignons, into whose brains, (when they happen to have any,) the horrible little parasites worm their way in myriads, rendering their hapless victims pig-headed to an extent that defies description either with pen or pencil. The Pig-faced Woman exhibited some time ago in Europe was once a very pretty girl, her hideous deformity being the result of wear- ing a chignon stuffed with Hungary pigs wooL In purchasing a pig chignon, then, the Girl of the Period had better look out that she does not get too much pork for a shilling. MATCHING THE MATCHLESS. MATcHMAKING has always been traditionally supposed to be the chiof end of woman. No wonder that, with the spread of the new theories of womans rights, therefore, we find them invading departments of in- dustry which were formerly supposed to be peculiarly the domain of the stronger sex. We have recently seen running matches, swimming matehes, rowing matches, and other fancy matches, made by women. And why not? The women are wise in thus preparing themselves for proficiency in the arts of primary elections, ballot stuffing and the rest, incidental to untrammelled suffrage. In regard to this, also, it may not be amiss to suggest that this passion for match-making lies at the bottom of the recent increase in divorce, which so alarms some timid moralists. Certain it is that easy divorce enlarges the opportunities for its gratification, and to be fancy and free is no longer a charm peculiar only to maiden meditation. HISTORY FACTORY. Card to the Public. THE undersigned, having recently increased their facilities for the manufacture of History upon an unusually large scale, would hereby announce to their patrons and the public in general that they have associated with them Messrs. Vicron EMANUEL and General TEOCETIT. Louis NAPOLEON, M. BIsMAHcE, WM. oPIWssrA, Commercial. A PHOOF of the present great depression in the Whaling business is the fact that the editor of the Sun still walks about unflogged.

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OCTOBER JOTTINGS. TThACTED by the dul- cet strains of a brass RN- band, a day or two since, PUNCHINELLO ascended - ~o the summit of the N. 2. tower of his residence, looking from which he beheld a target company all with crimson shirts ablaze marching up the Bowery. Then, glancing over towards Long Is- land, he observed that Nature was already as- suming her russet robes, w hi c h circumstance, combined with that of the target company, re- minded him that the shooting season had just commenced. A f e w 10 ~ hints to young sports- men, then, from so old a one as PUNcHINELLO, will not, he hopes, be taken amissnot even though, in shooting phrase, a miss is generally as good as a mile. Before taking the field, look well to your shooting-irons. Fowling- pieces are far more apt to Get Foul while they are lying away during the off season, than when they are taken out for a days sport by the fowlers. On releasing your gun from its summer prison, always examine it carefully, to ascertain whether it is loaded. This you can do by look- ing down into the barrel and touching the trigger with your toe. If your head is blown off, then you may be sure that the gun was loaded. Otherwise not. Should your gun be a breech-loader, always load it at the muzzle. This will show that you know better than the man who made it, or, at least, that he is no better than you. If you are a novice in gunnery it will be safest for you to put the shot in before the powder. Bydoing this you will not only provide against possible accidents, but will secure for yourself the reputation of being a very safe man to go out shooting with. When you go out with your gun, always dress in a shootable costume. For instance, if you want to bag lots of Dead Rabbits, TWEED will be the best stuff you can wearespecially about November 8th, on which day you will be certain to find Some Quail about the polling places. (N. B. They are beginning to quail already.) The best time to acquire the art of shooting flying is fly time. Always carry a whiskey flask about you, so that you can practice at Swallows. When you hear the drum of the ruffed grouse, steal silently through the thicket and let drive in the direction of the sound. Should you bring down a target company instead of a ruffed grouse, so much the better. It will only be bagging ruffs of another kind, and by silencing their drums you will have conferred an obligation upon humanity. There is much diversity of opinion regarding the best kind of dog for fowling purposes. It all depends upon what work you want your dog to do for you. If you want to have birds pointed, a pointer is best for your purpose. If set, a setter. But if you want a dog that will go in and kill without either pointing or setting, be sure that the Iron Dog is the dog for your money. You can procure one of Staunch Blood by application at Police Head-Quarters. Before going out for a days sport, resolve yourself into a committee of one for the preservation of choice ornithological specimens. By this we do not mean that you are to set up in business as a taxidermist, but that you are boundif a true sportsmanto protect the song birds, and the birds that are useful in destroying noxious vermin, and all the beautiful feathered creatures that ornament our woods, and fields, and parks, from the depredations of the iguorant, loutish, pestilent, per- nicious pot-hunter. The Sportsmens Clubs that have been organized throughout the country should be supported by every true sportsman; and if you lay a thick stick vigorously across the back of the first fool you see about to kill Cock Robin, you will have established a very effica- cious Sportsmans Club of your own, and will have earned the best re- gards of Mr. PuNcHINElie to bootby which he means, if you choose, that you have his leave and license to boot the fellow into the bargain. MORE ABOUT CHIGNONS. Tnx chignon is coming to the front again. By this we do not mean that it is worn, or likely to be worn beforein saying which the word before is not used by us in its acceptation of previously, but in that of front; although, now that we come to think of it, the chignon certainly has been worn before, as may be seen by consulting old-fashioned prints, in which it is shown worn behind. This, to the ordinary mind, may seem rather confused; and so it is; but what else could you expect from a writer when he has got chignon upon the brain? For newspapers the chignon is just now a teeming subject. Every day or so somebody writes to a paper, saying that he has discovered a new kind of parasite, hatched by the genial warmth of womans nape from some deleterious padding or other used in the manufacture of her chignon. Sometimes it is vegetable stuff, sometimes animal, but it al- ways teems with pedicular creatures akin to that low and vulgar kind not usually recognized in polite society. All these horrors come and go and dont make much difference in the chignon market; but PUNcHI- NELLO has a new one that is calculated to create a sensationabout the nape of the female neckand here it is. In the beech forests of Hungary, as is well known to Danubian ex- plorers, there exists a very remarkable breed of pigs, one of their peculiarities being that they are covered with wool instead of with bristles. These pigs are shorn regularly everyyear, like sheep. Their wool, which is very stiff and curly, is used for stuffing cushions and mattresses of the cheap and nasty kind. Since chignons have come into fasl~ion, a vast amount of pigs wool has been imported for their manu- factur~. By microscopic investigation the wool of the Hungary pig has been found swarming with trichince to a fearful extent. Now, it is easy to imagine that the trichince obtained from a hungry pig must be of a very insatiable and ravenous disposition, and this is but too often realized by the silly wearers of the porcine chignons, into whose brains, (when they happen to have any,) the horrible little parasites worm their way in myriads, rendering their hapless victims pig-headed to an extent that defies description either with pen or pencil. The Pig-faced Woman exhibited some time ago in Europe was once a very pretty girl, her hideous deformity being the result of wear- ing a chignon stuffed with Hungary pigs wooL In purchasing a pig chignon, then, the Girl of the Period had better look out that she does not get too much pork for a shilling. MATCHING THE MATCHLESS. MATcHMAKING has always been traditionally supposed to be the chiof end of woman. No wonder that, with the spread of the new theories of womans rights, therefore, we find them invading departments of in- dustry which were formerly supposed to be peculiarly the domain of the stronger sex. We have recently seen running matches, swimming matehes, rowing matches, and other fancy matches, made by women. And why not? The women are wise in thus preparing themselves for proficiency in the arts of primary elections, ballot stuffing and the rest, incidental to untrammelled suffrage. In regard to this, also, it may not be amiss to suggest that this passion for match-making lies at the bottom of the recent increase in divorce, which so alarms some timid moralists. Certain it is that easy divorce enlarges the opportunities for its gratification, and to be fancy and free is no longer a charm peculiar only to maiden meditation. HISTORY FACTORY. Card to the Public. THE undersigned, having recently increased their facilities for the manufacture of History upon an unusually large scale, would hereby announce to their patrons and the public in general that they have associated with them Messrs. Vicron EMANUEL and General TEOCETIT. Louis NAPOLEON, M. BIsMAHcE, WM. oPIWssrA, Commercial. A PHOOF of the present great depression in the Whaling business is the fact that the editor of the Sun still walks about unflogged. 46 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. (JQuciuctcr. WANTED TO OET err, DID YOU ?rnzN wny m THUNDER D.DNT YOU SAY So? ~IIE CHOICE CF PARIS (Ill A]~ffEILICA.) One drink, dear friend, before we part Before I tempt the shining sea; One drink to pledge each constant heart Yet stay, what shall the tipple be? My eyes are dazed with bar-room signs In which, I pray, shall friendship conquer? Can alien I drink native wines? Are Jew-lips Christian tipple, mon cceur? This cobbler ist n heeling drink? A smash were surely inauspicious; Toute de-suite, two sours yet I think Ah! quest-ce-qui cest Iacetate is vicious! Gar9on! two skins the name is cute You Yankees twig the pharmaceutical; But hold! art sure the flay-vorll suit? Will it not smack too much of cuticle? No, boy, no skins. Lets try some beer, A milder fluid for to-day; Ottawa bring uscest 1 dire, Some beer that keeps the ot away. No? Well, some ale: in limpid Bass Well drown our thirst and parting grief; Come drinkarretez! this must pass Twould look too much like bas-relief! The hour arrives; our lips are dry; What shall it be? Oh, name it for me! Atasse ofgin? Idrmnkandily To toss upon the ocean stormy. NOTHING LIKE LEATHER. FREEDOM of action is one of the greatest boons enjoyed by mankind in modern days. Its rate of progress is encouraging, especially since the Liberal Club of this city has taken it under its protection. It is a very significant association, is the Liberal Club; rather iconoclastic, to be sure, but only a little ahead of the times, perhaps, in that respect. Some of our cherished forms of speech have already been rendered obsolete by the Liberal Club. It used to be such a clincher to say, when one wanted to enforce a point by indicating an impossibility, I will eat my boots unless -etc., etc. That clincher has gone to the place whither good clinchers go, forever. At a late meeting of the Liberal Club, Professor VAN mm WEYDH contributed to the evening collation apudding made ofan old boot. The pudding was garnishedwith the wooden pegs that had kept the boot together, sole and body, while it walked the earth. The boot-jack with which the original source of the puddingused to be pulled off was also exhibited, and excited great inter- est. Itis the intention of the Professor to subject this implement to some process by which it will be resolved, into farina, or sawdust, and then to make a Jack Pudding of it. Many of the ladies and gentlemen present partook of the boot pudding, and pronounced it excellent. One lady. (a member of Sorosis, we believe,) said that she thought it tasted like a pear. The Professor assured her, however, that he had used but one boot in making it, not a pair. Altogether, the pudding was a success. Freedom of action had been vindicated, and the absurd prejudice that had hitherto prevented men from utilizing their old boots as food~ ex- cept in extreme cases, was shattered with one blow. 1 PANOPLY FOR OUR POLICE. PuNcnINnLI~o felicitates the Municipal Police Force on the inagnifi- cent new shields with which the manly breasts of its members are decorated. Nevertheless, PUNCHINELLO oonsiders it sheer mockery to call that a shield by which nothing is shield4~ ~A buckle might as well be called a buckler ~s the policemans badge a shield. Already our noble skirmishers of the side-walk are fully provided for the offensive, and, considering the risks run by them from the roughs, the toughs and the gruffs, it is high time that they were furnished with something in the defensive line. Curb-chain undershirts have been suggested, but an objection to their use is that links of them are apt to be carried into the interior anatomy by pistol bullets, thus introducing a surplus ot iron into the blood,an accession which is apt to steel the heart of the officer thus experimented on, and so render him deaf to the cries of innocence in distress. PuNcIm~raz~o suggests, then, that the police- mans shield should be a shield. Let it be made sufficiently large to cover the most vulnerable portion of the person, as shown in the an- nexed design. If made of gong-metal, (so much the better, as the wearer could then ring out signals upon it with his locust far more effectively thanby the present ridiculous mode of beating up rowdydow upon the flag-stones. Although our gallant Municipal Blue is never. backward in facing danger, yet it might be judicious for him to wear a shield upon his back as well as upon his front, because it is just possible that, in case of a row, his large, heavy boots might be conveying him away in a direction diametrically opposite to the spot at which the shooting was going on. HORSE-CAR AMENITIES.

46 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. (JQuciuctcr. WANTED TO OET err, DID YOU ?rnzN wny m THUNDER D.DNT YOU SAY So? ~IIE CHOICE CF PARIS (Ill A]~ffEILICA.) One drink, dear friend, before we part Before I tempt the shining sea; One drink to pledge each constant heart Yet stay, what shall the tipple be? My eyes are dazed with bar-room signs In which, I pray, shall friendship conquer? Can alien I drink native wines? Are Jew-lips Christian tipple, mon cceur? This cobbler ist n heeling drink? A smash were surely inauspicious; Toute de-suite, two sours yet I think Ah! quest-ce-qui cest Iacetate is vicious! Gar9on! two skins the name is cute You Yankees twig the pharmaceutical; But hold! art sure the flay-vorll suit? Will it not smack too much of cuticle? No, boy, no skins. Lets try some beer, A milder fluid for to-day; Ottawa bring uscest 1 dire, Some beer that keeps the ot away. No? Well, some ale: in limpid Bass Well drown our thirst and parting grief; Come drinkarretez! this must pass Twould look too much like bas-relief! The hour arrives; our lips are dry; What shall it be? Oh, name it for me! Atasse ofgin? Idrmnkandily To toss upon the ocean stormy. NOTHING LIKE LEATHER. FREEDOM of action is one of the greatest boons enjoyed by mankind in modern days. Its rate of progress is encouraging, especially since the Liberal Club of this city has taken it under its protection. It is a very significant association, is the Liberal Club; rather iconoclastic, to be sure, but only a little ahead of the times, perhaps, in that respect. Some of our cherished forms of speech have already been rendered obsolete by the Liberal Club. It used to be such a clincher to say, when one wanted to enforce a point by indicating an impossibility, I will eat my boots unless -etc., etc. That clincher has gone to the place whither good clinchers go, forever. At a late meeting of the Liberal Club, Professor VAN mm WEYDH contributed to the evening collation apudding made ofan old boot. The pudding was garnishedwith the wooden pegs that had kept the boot together, sole and body, while it walked the earth. The boot-jack with which the original source of the puddingused to be pulled off was also exhibited, and excited great inter- est. Itis the intention of the Professor to subject this implement to some process by which it will be resolved, into farina, or sawdust, and then to make a Jack Pudding of it. Many of the ladies and gentlemen present partook of the boot pudding, and pronounced it excellent. One lady. (a member of Sorosis, we believe,) said that she thought it tasted like a pear. The Professor assured her, however, that he had used but one boot in making it, not a pair. Altogether, the pudding was a success. Freedom of action had been vindicated, and the absurd prejudice that had hitherto prevented men from utilizing their old boots as food~ ex- cept in extreme cases, was shattered with one blow. 1 PANOPLY FOR OUR POLICE. PuNcnINnLI~o felicitates the Municipal Police Force on the inagnifi- cent new shields with which the manly breasts of its members are decorated. Nevertheless, PUNCHINELLO oonsiders it sheer mockery to call that a shield by which nothing is shield4~ ~A buckle might as well be called a buckler ~s the policemans badge a shield. Already our noble skirmishers of the side-walk are fully provided for the offensive, and, considering the risks run by them from the roughs, the toughs and the gruffs, it is high time that they were furnished with something in the defensive line. Curb-chain undershirts have been suggested, but an objection to their use is that links of them are apt to be carried into the interior anatomy by pistol bullets, thus introducing a surplus ot iron into the blood,an accession which is apt to steel the heart of the officer thus experimented on, and so render him deaf to the cries of innocence in distress. PuNcIm~raz~o suggests, then, that the police- mans shield should be a shield. Let it be made sufficiently large to cover the most vulnerable portion of the person, as shown in the an- nexed design. If made of gong-metal, (so much the better, as the wearer could then ring out signals upon it with his locust far more effectively thanby the present ridiculous mode of beating up rowdydow upon the flag-stones. Although our gallant Municipal Blue is never. backward in facing danger, yet it might be judicious for him to wear a shield upon his back as well as upon his front, because it is just possible that, in case of a row, his large, heavy boots might be conveying him away in a direction diametrically opposite to the spot at which the shooting was going on. HORSE-CAR AMENITIES.

46 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. (JQuciuctcr. WANTED TO OET err, DID YOU ?rnzN wny m THUNDER D.DNT YOU SAY So? ~IIE CHOICE CF PARIS (Ill A]~ffEILICA.) One drink, dear friend, before we part Before I tempt the shining sea; One drink to pledge each constant heart Yet stay, what shall the tipple be? My eyes are dazed with bar-room signs In which, I pray, shall friendship conquer? Can alien I drink native wines? Are Jew-lips Christian tipple, mon cceur? This cobbler ist n heeling drink? A smash were surely inauspicious; Toute de-suite, two sours yet I think Ah! quest-ce-qui cest Iacetate is vicious! Gar9on! two skins the name is cute You Yankees twig the pharmaceutical; But hold! art sure the flay-vorll suit? Will it not smack too much of cuticle? No, boy, no skins. Lets try some beer, A milder fluid for to-day; Ottawa bring uscest 1 dire, Some beer that keeps the ot away. No? Well, some ale: in limpid Bass Well drown our thirst and parting grief; Come drinkarretez! this must pass Twould look too much like bas-relief! The hour arrives; our lips are dry; What shall it be? Oh, name it for me! Atasse ofgin? Idrmnkandily To toss upon the ocean stormy. NOTHING LIKE LEATHER. FREEDOM of action is one of the greatest boons enjoyed by mankind in modern days. Its rate of progress is encouraging, especially since the Liberal Club of this city has taken it under its protection. It is a very significant association, is the Liberal Club; rather iconoclastic, to be sure, but only a little ahead of the times, perhaps, in that respect. Some of our cherished forms of speech have already been rendered obsolete by the Liberal Club. It used to be such a clincher to say, when one wanted to enforce a point by indicating an impossibility, I will eat my boots unless -etc., etc. That clincher has gone to the place whither good clinchers go, forever. At a late meeting of the Liberal Club, Professor VAN mm WEYDH contributed to the evening collation apudding made ofan old boot. The pudding was garnishedwith the wooden pegs that had kept the boot together, sole and body, while it walked the earth. The boot-jack with which the original source of the puddingused to be pulled off was also exhibited, and excited great inter- est. Itis the intention of the Professor to subject this implement to some process by which it will be resolved, into farina, or sawdust, and then to make a Jack Pudding of it. Many of the ladies and gentlemen present partook of the boot pudding, and pronounced it excellent. One lady. (a member of Sorosis, we believe,) said that she thought it tasted like a pear. The Professor assured her, however, that he had used but one boot in making it, not a pair. Altogether, the pudding was a success. Freedom of action had been vindicated, and the absurd prejudice that had hitherto prevented men from utilizing their old boots as food~ ex- cept in extreme cases, was shattered with one blow. 1 PANOPLY FOR OUR POLICE. PuNcnINnLI~o felicitates the Municipal Police Force on the inagnifi- cent new shields with which the manly breasts of its members are decorated. Nevertheless, PUNCHINELLO oonsiders it sheer mockery to call that a shield by which nothing is shield4~ ~A buckle might as well be called a buckler ~s the policemans badge a shield. Already our noble skirmishers of the side-walk are fully provided for the offensive, and, considering the risks run by them from the roughs, the toughs and the gruffs, it is high time that they were furnished with something in the defensive line. Curb-chain undershirts have been suggested, but an objection to their use is that links of them are apt to be carried into the interior anatomy by pistol bullets, thus introducing a surplus ot iron into the blood,an accession which is apt to steel the heart of the officer thus experimented on, and so render him deaf to the cries of innocence in distress. PuNcIm~raz~o suggests, then, that the police- mans shield should be a shield. Let it be made sufficiently large to cover the most vulnerable portion of the person, as shown in the an- nexed design. If made of gong-metal, (so much the better, as the wearer could then ring out signals upon it with his locust far more effectively thanby the present ridiculous mode of beating up rowdydow upon the flag-stones. Although our gallant Municipal Blue is never. backward in facing danger, yet it might be judicious for him to wear a shield upon his back as well as upon his front, because it is just possible that, in case of a row, his large, heavy boots might be conveying him away in a direction diametrically opposite to the spot at which the shooting was going on. HORSE-CAR AMENITIES.

46 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. (JQuciuctcr. WANTED TO OET err, DID YOU ?rnzN wny m THUNDER D.DNT YOU SAY So? ~IIE CHOICE CF PARIS (Ill A]~ffEILICA.) One drink, dear friend, before we part Before I tempt the shining sea; One drink to pledge each constant heart Yet stay, what shall the tipple be? My eyes are dazed with bar-room signs In which, I pray, shall friendship conquer? Can alien I drink native wines? Are Jew-lips Christian tipple, mon cceur? This cobbler ist n heeling drink? A smash were surely inauspicious; Toute de-suite, two sours yet I think Ah! quest-ce-qui cest Iacetate is vicious! Gar9on! two skins the name is cute You Yankees twig the pharmaceutical; But hold! art sure the flay-vorll suit? Will it not smack too much of cuticle? No, boy, no skins. Lets try some beer, A milder fluid for to-day; Ottawa bring uscest 1 dire, Some beer that keeps the ot away. No? Well, some ale: in limpid Bass Well drown our thirst and parting grief; Come drinkarretez! this must pass Twould look too much like bas-relief! The hour arrives; our lips are dry; What shall it be? Oh, name it for me! Atasse ofgin? Idrmnkandily To toss upon the ocean stormy. NOTHING LIKE LEATHER. FREEDOM of action is one of the greatest boons enjoyed by mankind in modern days. Its rate of progress is encouraging, especially since the Liberal Club of this city has taken it under its protection. It is a very significant association, is the Liberal Club; rather iconoclastic, to be sure, but only a little ahead of the times, perhaps, in that respect. Some of our cherished forms of speech have already been rendered obsolete by the Liberal Club. It used to be such a clincher to say, when one wanted to enforce a point by indicating an impossibility, I will eat my boots unless -etc., etc. That clincher has gone to the place whither good clinchers go, forever. At a late meeting of the Liberal Club, Professor VAN mm WEYDH contributed to the evening collation apudding made ofan old boot. The pudding was garnishedwith the wooden pegs that had kept the boot together, sole and body, while it walked the earth. The boot-jack with which the original source of the puddingused to be pulled off was also exhibited, and excited great inter- est. Itis the intention of the Professor to subject this implement to some process by which it will be resolved, into farina, or sawdust, and then to make a Jack Pudding of it. Many of the ladies and gentlemen present partook of the boot pudding, and pronounced it excellent. One lady. (a member of Sorosis, we believe,) said that she thought it tasted like a pear. The Professor assured her, however, that he had used but one boot in making it, not a pair. Altogether, the pudding was a success. Freedom of action had been vindicated, and the absurd prejudice that had hitherto prevented men from utilizing their old boots as food~ ex- cept in extreme cases, was shattered with one blow. 1 PANOPLY FOR OUR POLICE. PuNcnINnLI~o felicitates the Municipal Police Force on the inagnifi- cent new shields with which the manly breasts of its members are decorated. Nevertheless, PUNCHINELLO oonsiders it sheer mockery to call that a shield by which nothing is shield4~ ~A buckle might as well be called a buckler ~s the policemans badge a shield. Already our noble skirmishers of the side-walk are fully provided for the offensive, and, considering the risks run by them from the roughs, the toughs and the gruffs, it is high time that they were furnished with something in the defensive line. Curb-chain undershirts have been suggested, but an objection to their use is that links of them are apt to be carried into the interior anatomy by pistol bullets, thus introducing a surplus ot iron into the blood,an accession which is apt to steel the heart of the officer thus experimented on, and so render him deaf to the cries of innocence in distress. PuNcIm~raz~o suggests, then, that the police- mans shield should be a shield. Let it be made sufficiently large to cover the most vulnerable portion of the person, as shown in the an- nexed design. If made of gong-metal, (so much the better, as the wearer could then ring out signals upon it with his locust far more effectively thanby the present ridiculous mode of beating up rowdydow upon the flag-stones. Although our gallant Municipal Blue is never. backward in facing danger, yet it might be judicious for him to wear a shield upon his back as well as upon his front, because it is just possible that, in case of a row, his large, heavy boots might be conveying him away in a direction diametrically opposite to the spot at which the shooting was going on. HORSE-CAR AMENITIES. PUNCHINELLO. A.T. Stewart & Co. ARE OFFERING EXTRAORDINARY ]3ARGAINS IN LADIES ENGLISH HOSE, fILL REGULAR MAKitI,, From 26 cents per pair llpwartL ALSO, GENTLEI~1ENS HALF ROSE, EXTRA QUALITY, 26 cents per pJr upward. LAR(f LINES OF Ladies anti Gentiem,n~ Silk and Merino Underwear. B B 0 AD WAY, liii Avenue, tDth aunt 10th Streets. A. V. STEWART & Co. HAVE OPENED A Splendid Assortuuuent or PAlITS MADE DRESSES. From Worth 11. Pingat and other Celebrated Makors. ALSO, LARGE ADDITIORS, OF THEIR OWN MANUFACTURE, Cut a~d Trimmed by Artists equal, if not superior, to any in this city. Millinery, Bonnets, & Hats Elegantly Tu~iunn~ed, from Virots and other ~1odistes of the highest Parisian standing. The Prices of the Above are Extremely Attractive. B H 0 A D W A Y, 4th Avenue, 0th and 10th Streets. Extraordinary Bargains. A. T. Stewart & Co. ARE OFFERING GRAY MIXED SUITS, MADE OF BEST QUALITY FRINGED CHEVIOT SUITINGS, $8 EACH. Scotch Plaid Fringed Suits, VERY HANDSOME, ALSO $8 EACH. WATERPROOF SUITS, WITH DEEP OVERSKITS, $10 EACH. A LARGE STOCK OF POPLIN ALPACA SUITS, CHOICE SHADES OF COLOR, From $12 each upward. heavy Rich SILK AND POPLIN SUITS, ELEGANTLY TRIMMED, FROM $60 EACH UP. WARD. ONE CASE PAIIIS.MADE SUITS, One Case Handsome Millinery, THREE CASES CHILDRENS Paris and London.Mae e Dresses, Suits, Robes and Underwear, One Ca3e Pattern Velvet and Cloth. Cloaks, Sacques and Richly Ei~broid. ered Breakfast Jackets, AT VERY ATTRACTIVE PRICES. BROADWAY, 4TH AVE., 9T11 AND 10TH STREETS. 47 PUNCHINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. CONTENTS ENTIiRELY OiRIGINAE Subscription for o~e year, (with $2.00 premium,) - - - - $4/i~0 six months, (without premium, - - - - three months, - - - - 1.00 Single copies mailed free, for - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & COS CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: A copy of paper for one year, and ~~The Awakenjng,~~ (a Litter of Puppies.) Half chrorno. Size 8 3-8 by 11 1-8 ($2.00 picture,)-foi $4.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. 12~x9. Dead Game. 11lx8~. Easter Morning. 6ix104for - $5.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos Group of Chickens; Group of Ducklings; Group of Quails. Each lOxl2l. The Poultry Yard. 1O~x14. The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9jx13. Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10x12for - - ~C 50 A copy cf paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 c The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13x164. ~ ~ Summer; Autumn; 12~x16l. The Kid~s Play GUound. llxl7ifor $7.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos Strawberries and Baskets. Cherries and Baskets. Currants. Each 13x18. Horses in a Storm. 22~x15~. Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9lx4ifor - - - - $8.00 A cop.y of paper for one year and Six American Landscapa~. (A set.) 4~x9, price $9.00for - - $9.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $10 chromos: Sunset in California. (Bierstadt.) 18lx12 Easter Morning. 14x21. Corregios Magdalen. 12kx161. Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) l5ixlOk, (compan ions, price $10.00 for the two), for $10.00 Remittances should be made in P. 0. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first num- ber, (April 2d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt ot money. CA N VASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For special terms address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. Address, PIJNCIIINELLO PLIBLISilING Co., P. 0. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. OCT. 15, 1870.

PUNCHINELLO. A.T. Stewart & Co. ARE OFFERING EXTRAORDINARY ]3ARGAINS IN LADIES ENGLISH HOSE, fILL REGULAR MAKitI,, From 26 cents per pair llpwartL ALSO, GENTLEI~1ENS HALF ROSE, EXTRA QUALITY, 26 cents per pJr upward. LAR(f LINES OF Ladies anti Gentiem,n~ Silk and Merino Underwear. B B 0 AD WAY, liii Avenue, tDth aunt 10th Streets. A. V. STEWART & Co. HAVE OPENED A Splendid Assortuuuent or PAlITS MADE DRESSES. From Worth 11. Pingat and other Celebrated Makors. ALSO, LARGE ADDITIORS, OF THEIR OWN MANUFACTURE, Cut a~d Trimmed by Artists equal, if not superior, to any in this city. Millinery, Bonnets, & Hats Elegantly Tu~iunn~ed, from Virots and other ~1odistes of the highest Parisian standing. The Prices of the Above are Extremely Attractive. B H 0 A D W A Y, 4th Avenue, 0th and 10th Streets. Extraordinary Bargains. A. T. Stewart & Co. ARE OFFERING GRAY MIXED SUITS, MADE OF BEST QUALITY FRINGED CHEVIOT SUITINGS, $8 EACH. Scotch Plaid Fringed Suits, VERY HANDSOME, ALSO $8 EACH. WATERPROOF SUITS, WITH DEEP OVERSKITS, $10 EACH. A LARGE STOCK OF POPLIN ALPACA SUITS, CHOICE SHADES OF COLOR, From $12 each upward. heavy Rich SILK AND POPLIN SUITS, ELEGANTLY TRIMMED, FROM $60 EACH UP. WARD. ONE CASE PAIIIS.MADE SUITS, One Case Handsome Millinery, THREE CASES CHILDRENS Paris and London.Mae e Dresses, Suits, Robes and Underwear, One Ca3e Pattern Velvet and Cloth. Cloaks, Sacques and Richly Ei~broid. ered Breakfast Jackets, AT VERY ATTRACTIVE PRICES. BROADWAY, 4TH AVE., 9T11 AND 10TH STREETS. 47 PUNCHINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. CONTENTS ENTIiRELY OiRIGINAE Subscription for o~e year, (with $2.00 premium,) - - - - $4/i~0 six months, (without premium, - - - - three months, - - - - 1.00 Single copies mailed free, for - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & COS CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: A copy of paper for one year, and ~~The Awakenjng,~~ (a Litter of Puppies.) Half chrorno. Size 8 3-8 by 11 1-8 ($2.00 picture,)-foi $4.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. 12~x9. Dead Game. 11lx8~. Easter Morning. 6ix104for - $5.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos Group of Chickens; Group of Ducklings; Group of Quails. Each lOxl2l. The Poultry Yard. 1O~x14. The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9jx13. Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10x12for - - ~C 50 A copy cf paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 c The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13x164. ~ ~ Summer; Autumn; 12~x16l. The Kid~s Play GUound. llxl7ifor $7.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos Strawberries and Baskets. Cherries and Baskets. Currants. Each 13x18. Horses in a Storm. 22~x15~. Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9lx4ifor - - - - $8.00 A cop.y of paper for one year and Six American Landscapa~. (A set.) 4~x9, price $9.00for - - $9.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $10 chromos: Sunset in California. (Bierstadt.) 18lx12 Easter Morning. 14x21. Corregios Magdalen. 12kx161. Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) l5ixlOk, (compan ions, price $10.00 for the two), for $10.00 Remittances should be made in P. 0. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first num- ber, (April 2d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt ot money. CA N VASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For special terms address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. Address, PIJNCIIINELLO PLIBLISilING Co., P. 0. Box 2783. No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. Sidewalk Merchant. Buy A BUNDLE OF TOOTHPICKS, UOSSOKLT THREE CENTS. Old Gent. TOOTHPICKS ?WHY, IVE JUST BIN AND HAD TilT LAST TOOTH OUT 1 THE PRINTING HOUSE OF THE UNITED STATES THE UNITED STATES ENVELOPE MANUFAOTORy. GEORGE F. NESBITT & CO 163, 165, 167,169 Pearl St.,& 73, 75, 77,79 Piiie St., Jew-York. Execute all kinds .f Male all kInds of PRINTINC, BLANX BOOKS, Furnish all kinds of Execute the ineut styles of STATIONERY, LITHOGRAPhY Hake the Best r NU~TA Ever ol~ed to and Cheapest i~WJ~L~U Aj~J the Pubiji. They have made all the pre-paid Envelopes for the United States Post-Office Department for the past 16 years, and harc INVARIABLY SEEN THE LOWEST BIDDERS. Their Machinery is tho most complete, rapid and economical known in the trado. Travelers West and South-West Should bear in mind that the ERIE RAILWAY IS BY FAR THE CHEAPEST, QUICKEST, AND MOST COMFORTABLE ROUTE, ~ Making Direct and Sure Connection at CIN- QNNATI, with all Lines LOUISVILLE ~b FOE NEW OR- ~ MEMPHIS, .4 ST. LOUIS, ~ LEANS. 49 VICKSBURG, NASHVILLE,4 O~ MOBILE, And All Points South and South-west. 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OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. AN ADAPTATION. BY ORPHEUS C. KERR. CHAPTER XXIV. MB. CLEWS AT HIS NOVEL.5 TmlowN into Rembrandtish relief by the light of a garish kerosene lamp upon the table: with one discouraged lock of hair hanging ovcr his nose, and straw hat pushed so far back from his phrenological brow that its vast rim had the fine artistic effect of a huge saintly nimbus: Mr. BUM5TEAD sat gymnastically crosswise in an easy-chair, ovcr an arm of which his slender lower limbs limply dangled, and elaborately per- formed one of the grander works of BACH upon an irritable accordion. Now, winking with intense rapidity, and going through the muscular motions of an-excitable person resolutely pulling out an obstinate and inexplicable drawer from somewhere about his knees, he produced sus- tained and mournful notes, as of canine distress in the backyard; anon, with eyes nearly closed and the straw nimbus sliding still further back, his manipulation was that of an excessively weary gcntleman slowly compressing a large sponge, thereby squeezing out certain choking, snorting, guttural sounds, as of a class softly studying the German lan- guage in another room; and, finally, wfth an impatient start from the unexpected slumber into which the last shaky pianissimo had momen- tarily bet him, he caught the untamed instrument in mid-air, just as it was treacherously getting away from him, frantically balanccd it there for an instant on all his clutching finger-tips, and had it prisoner again for a renewal of the weird symphony. Seriously offended at the discovery that he could not drop asleep in his own room, for a minute, without the music stopping and the accor- dion trying to slip ofi; the Ritualistic organist was not at all softened in temper by almost simultaneously-realizing that the further skirt of his long linen coat was standing out nearly straight from his person, and, apparently, fluttering in a heavy draught. Whos-been-openin-th-window ? he sternly asked. Whats- meaning-f-such-a-gale-at thistiiise-f-year ? Do I intrude ? inquired a voice close at hand. Looking very carefully along the still extended skirt of his coat to- wards exactly the point of the compass from which the voice seemed to come, Mr. BuMsrz~u at last awoke to the conviction that the tension of his garment and its breezy agitation were caused by the tugging of a human figure. Do I intrude ? repeated Mr. TRAcEY CLEws, dropping the skirt as he spoke. Have I presumed too greatly in coming to request the fa- vor of a short private interview ? Slipping quickly into a more genteel but rather rigid position on his chair, the Ritualistic organist made an airy uass at him with the accor- dion. Any doors where youwasborn, sir ? There were, Mr. BuMs u. People ever knock when th wanted t-come-in, sir ? Why, I did knock at your door, answered Mr. CLEWS, conciliat- ingly. I knocked and knocked, but you kept on playing; and after I finally took the liberty to come in and pull you by the coat, it was ten minutes before you found it out. In an attempt to look into the speakers inmost soul, Mr. Bu~srz& D fell into a doze, from which the crash of his accordion to the floor aroused him in time to behold a very curious proceeding on the part of Mr. CLEws. That gentleman successively peered up the chimney, through the windows, and under the furniture of the room, and then stealthily took a seat near his rather languid observer. Mr. BUMsTEAD, you know me as a temporary boarder under the ~The few remaining chapters with which it is proposed to conclude this Adapta- tion of The Mystery of Edwin Droed, should not be construed as involving any presumptuous attempt to divine that full solution of the latter which the pen of its lamented author was not permttte1 to reach. No further correspondence with the tmor of the unfinished English story is intended than the Adapter will endeavor to justify to his own conscience, and that of his reader, by at least one unmistaka- ble foreshadowing circumstance of the original publication, which, strangely enough, has been wholly overlooked, thus far, by those speculating upon the fate of the missing hero. same roof with you. Other people know me merely as a lead-beat. May I trust you with a secret ? A pair of blurred and glassy eyes looked into his from under a huge straw hat, and a husky question followed his: Did y ever read WoRDswoRTHs poem-f-th Excursion, sir ? Not that I remember. Then, sir, exclaimed the organist, with spasmodic animation then s not in your hicsperience to know howssleepy-I am-jus-now. You had a nephew, said his subtle companion, raising his voice, and not appearing to heed the last remark. An numbrella, added Mr. BUMSTEAD, feebly. I say you had a nephew, reiterated the other, and that nephew disappeared in a very mysterious manner. Now Im a literary man Cd tell that by yr-headerhair, murmured the Ritualistic organist.. Left yr wife yet, sir ? I say Im a literary man , persisted TRAcEY CLEWS, sharply. Im going to write a great American Novel, called The Amateur Detective, founded upon the story of this very EDwIN DRooD, and have come to Bnmsteadville to get all the particulars. Ive picked up considerable from Gospeler SIMPSON, Josex McLATJGHLIN, and even the woman from the Mulberry street place who came after you the other morning. But now I want to know something from you. What has become of your nephew ? He put the question suddenly, and with a kind of suppressed leap at him whom he addrcssed. Immeasurable was his surprise at the per- fectly calm answer I cant rmember hicsactly, sir. ~ Cant remember !Cant remember what ? Where-I-putt. It? Yes. Th umbrella. What on earth are you talking about ? exclaimed Mr. CLEW~, in a rage. Come! Wake up !What have umbrellas to do with this ? Rousing himself to something like temporary consciousness, Mr. BUM5TEAD slowly climbed to his feet, and, with a wild kind of swoop, came heavily down with bbth hands upon the shoulders of his ques- tioner. What now ? asked that startled personage. You want t know bout th umbrella ? said BUMSTEAD, with straw hat amazingly awry, and linen coat a perfect map of creases. Yes !Youre crushing me ! panted Mr. CLEws. Th umbrella 1 cried Mr. Bimrsr& n, suddenly withdrawing his hands and swaying before his visitor like a linen person on sprin~s~ - Thiss what theres bout t: Where t?s umbrella is, there is also! Astounded b~ this bewildering confession, and fearful that the uncle of Mr. DROOD would be back in his chair and asleep again if he gave- him a chance, the excited inquisitor sprang from his chair, - an,d slowly and carefully backed the wildly glaring object of his solicitation until his shoulders and elbows were safely braced against the mantel-piece. Then, like one inspired, he grasped a bottle- of soda water from the table, and forced the reviving liquid down his staring patients throat; as quickly tore off his straw hat, newly moistened the damp sponge in it at a neighboring washstand, and replaced both on the aching head; and, finally, placed in one of his tremulpus hands a few cloves from a saucer on the mantel-shelf. - You are better now? You can tell me more ? he said, iusting a moment from his violent cxertions. With the unsettled air of one coming out of a complicated dream, Mr. BuMsrz.~.D chewed the cloves musingly; then, after nodding ex- cessively, with a hideous smile upon his countenance, suddenly threw an arm about the neck of his restorer and wept loudly upon his bosom. My fren, he wailed, in a damp voice, lemme confess to you. In~ a misable man, my fren; perfectly misable. These clovesthese in- sidious tropical spiceshave been thebaneofmyexistence. On Chrish- m s nightthat Chrishms night-I toogtoomany. Whasconsqnce? I put m nephew an m umbrella away somewhere, an ye neverbn able terremembersince Still sustaining his weight, the author of The Amateur Detective at first seemed nonplussed; but quickly changed his expression to one of abrupt intelligence. I see, now; I begin to see, he answered, slowly, and almost in a whisper. On the night of that Christmas dinner here, you were in a clove-trance, and made some secret dispositioti, (which you have not since been able to remember,) of your umbrellaand nephew. Until - Entered. according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the PuxcnnezaLo PUBLIsHING Coaep~sx, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. - 51 C PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. very latelyuntil now, when you are nearly, but not quite, as much under the inflaence of cloves againyou have had a vague general idea that somebody else must have killed Mr. DBOOD and stolen your umbrella. ~ut new, that you are partially in the same condition, physiologically and psychologically, as on the night of the disappearance, you have o~ee more a partial perception of what were the facts of the case. Am I tight ? ~~Tha~ tt, sfr. Youre a phlospher, murmured Mr. BUM5TEAD, trying to hrush from above his nose the pendent lock of hair, which he took for a fly. Yery well, then, continued TRACEY CLEW8, his extraordinary head of hair fairly bristling with electrical animation: Youve only to get yourse~ into exactly the same clove-y condition as on the night of the 4ouble disappearance, when you put your umbrella and nephew away somewhere, and youll remember all about it again. You have two disti.nct states of existence, you see: a cloven one, and an uncloven 9ne; ax~d what you have done in one you are totally oblivious of in the other. Something like an occult wink trembled for a moment in the right eye of Mr. BUMsrr~w~ Thes ver true, said he, thoughtfully. Ive been blivious mself, frequently. ~ever cd rmember wharlowed. The idea Ive suggested to you for the solution of this mystery, went on ~Er, ~3Lxws, Is expressed by one of the greatest of English writers; who, in his very last work, says: in some cases of drunken- ness, and In others of animal magnetism, there are two states of con- sciousness which never clash, but each of which pursues its separate course as though it were continuous instead of broken. Thus, if I hide my watch when I am drunk, I must be drunk again before I can re- member where. ~ Im norradrinknman, sir, returned Mr. BUM5TEAD, drawing cold- ly back from him, and escaping a fall into the fireplace by a dexterous surge Into the nearest chair. Th lemon tea which I take for my cold, or to prvent the cloves from disagreeing with me, is norrintoxi- oatiug. Of course not, assented his subtle counsellor; but, in this coun- try, ~t least, chronic inebriation, clove-eating, and even opium-taking, are strikingly alike in their aspects, and the same rules may be safely applied to all. My advice to you is what I have given. Cause a table to be ~spread in this room, exactly as it was for that memorable Christ- mas-dinner; Bit down to it exactly as then, and at the same hour; go through all the same processes as neariy as you can remember; and, by the zii& e fo~e of association, you will enact all the final performances with your umbrella and your nephew. Mr. BUXSTRADS ~rme were folded tightly across his manly breast, and~iue head with the straw hat upon it tilted heavily to~vards his bosom~ I seet now,w said he softly; bone hanle n fertile. I rmember threshing m with it. I can rmembr carryng Here Mr. BUM- sxz~z burst into tqars, and made a frenzied dash at the lock of hair which he again mistook for a fly. To sum up all concluded Mr. TRACEr CLEws, shaking him violent- ly by the shoulder, that he might remain awake long enough to hear it, to sum up all, I am satisfied, from the familiar knowledge of this mystery I have already gained, that the end will have something to do with exercise in the Open Air! Youll have to go Dutdoors for some- thing important. And now good night. Goornight, sir. Retiring softly to his owit room, under the same roof, the author of The Amateur Detective smiled at himself before the mirror with marked complacency. 7oure a long-headed one, my dead-beat friend, he said, archly, and your great American Novel is likely to be a respectable success. There so~nIded a crash upen a floor, somewhere in the house, and he held his breath t~ listen, It was the Ritualistic organist going to bed. (To be Continued.) 8 (Tha~hr IIL~ ThE M~iatery of Ecltoi,s Drood. Aa Old ~aw with a lWodern Instance. Thu Farthing Candle oi New York journalism appears to be trying to find what political party he can best bully into offering the largest re- ward for his conscientious support. As a looker on, PUNcxINra~Lo would suggest to the political partie~, as applicable in this case, the following quotation frow VIRGIL; .-.--- timeo Dana-os et dxma ferentes. SOME TRAITS OF THE CHINESE. F ALL human races, next to the monkies, the Mon- golians are the most imitative. They are only a little lower than the monkies in this respect, and we have seen some trained ones that could successfully compete with the Simians on their own ground. A Chinaman em- ployed in the North Adams shoe factory, for instance, was asked to imitate ex- actly a boot of a particular style, which was shown to him. After a few trials, he imitated the boot so perfect- ly, that a customer who came in took him to be the fellow of it, and was not undeceived until he went to try him on. No wonder that the regular Crispins are jealous of a foreign cordwainer who can do this. In the art of dress-making for ladies the Chinese display wonderful skilL Their taste and inventiveness in this branch are unrivalled even by the best French modistes. The panier with which it pleases the ladies of the period to protuberate their persons was of Chinese origin. It was revealed in an opium dream to a celebrated male mantua-maker of Pekin, who sold the idea to a Yankee-Notions man travelling in China for a Paris house. The inventor was so chagrined at hearing afterwards of the immense fortune realized from it by the man of the West, that he committed suicide by hanging himself on a willow- pattern plate. Although the Chinaman does not naturally possess an ear for music, according to our standard, yet his imitative power enables him to adapt himself very readily to the production of melody. One of the Coolies employed in the great Hxnvnv wash-house at South Belleville, N. J., was observed to watch with great interest an itinerant performer on the accordion. Shortly afterwards, catching up a sucking-pig by the tail and snout, he manipulated it precisely as the player did the accordion, producingaccordion to the testimony of several credible witnesses,strains quite as good as, if not worse than, those drawn out by that musician. As soon as the 200,000 Chinamen ordered by Mynheer KOOPMAN- SCHOOP arrive in this country, a good business can be driven by Yankee toothpick makers in supplying them with chopsticks. This word was originally stop-chick, being so called from the use occasionally made of it by Chinamen for knocking down young poultry. It became cor- rupted, like everything that is good and pure, by contact with extreme civilization. Anybody who can make a shoe-peg or wooden toothpick can make a chopstick. It is to be hoped that the chopstick may ul- timately be adopted here instead of the knife and fork. It would pre- clude the possibility of people carrying their food into their mouths with the knifean outrage so commonly to be remarked at hotel tables. A very intelligent Chinaman told the writer, not long since, that there is absolutely nothing to be seen or heard of in this country that the Chi- nose were not familiar with several thousand years ago. Among them he enumerated target-companies, sewing-machines, patent baby-jumpers, nitro-glycerine, shoo-fiy chewing-tobacco, wooden hams, stuffed ballot- boxes, and a hundred other things which we are prone to brag of as being purely Yankee and originaL We are too conceited about ourselves, by a great deal, and it is good for us that even Chinese shoemakers should come here once in a while, to take us out of our boots. A Midnight Reflection. Tun man who commits suicide may be said to show his contempt for the hollowness of the world by putting his foot in it.

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. very latelyuntil now, when you are nearly, but not quite, as much under the inflaence of cloves againyou have had a vague general idea that somebody else must have killed Mr. DBOOD and stolen your umbrella. ~ut new, that you are partially in the same condition, physiologically and psychologically, as on the night of the disappearance, you have o~ee more a partial perception of what were the facts of the case. Am I tight ? ~~Tha~ tt, sfr. Youre a phlospher, murmured Mr. BUM5TEAD, trying to hrush from above his nose the pendent lock of hair, which he took for a fly. Yery well, then, continued TRACEY CLEW8, his extraordinary head of hair fairly bristling with electrical animation: Youve only to get yourse~ into exactly the same clove-y condition as on the night of the 4ouble disappearance, when you put your umbrella and nephew away somewhere, and youll remember all about it again. You have two disti.nct states of existence, you see: a cloven one, and an uncloven 9ne; ax~d what you have done in one you are totally oblivious of in the other. Something like an occult wink trembled for a moment in the right eye of Mr. BUMsrr~w~ Thes ver true, said he, thoughtfully. Ive been blivious mself, frequently. ~ever cd rmember wharlowed. The idea Ive suggested to you for the solution of this mystery, went on ~Er, ~3Lxws, Is expressed by one of the greatest of English writers; who, in his very last work, says: in some cases of drunken- ness, and In others of animal magnetism, there are two states of con- sciousness which never clash, but each of which pursues its separate course as though it were continuous instead of broken. Thus, if I hide my watch when I am drunk, I must be drunk again before I can re- member where. ~ Im norradrinknman, sir, returned Mr. BUM5TEAD, drawing cold- ly back from him, and escaping a fall into the fireplace by a dexterous surge Into the nearest chair. Th lemon tea which I take for my cold, or to prvent the cloves from disagreeing with me, is norrintoxi- oatiug. Of course not, assented his subtle counsellor; but, in this coun- try, ~t least, chronic inebriation, clove-eating, and even opium-taking, are strikingly alike in their aspects, and the same rules may be safely applied to all. My advice to you is what I have given. Cause a table to be ~spread in this room, exactly as it was for that memorable Christ- mas-dinner; Bit down to it exactly as then, and at the same hour; go through all the same processes as neariy as you can remember; and, by the zii& e fo~e of association, you will enact all the final performances with your umbrella and your nephew. Mr. BUXSTRADS ~rme were folded tightly across his manly breast, and~iue head with the straw hat upon it tilted heavily to~vards his bosom~ I seet now,w said he softly; bone hanle n fertile. I rmember threshing m with it. I can rmembr carryng Here Mr. BUM- sxz~z burst into tqars, and made a frenzied dash at the lock of hair which he again mistook for a fly. To sum up all concluded Mr. TRACEr CLEws, shaking him violent- ly by the shoulder, that he might remain awake long enough to hear it, to sum up all, I am satisfied, from the familiar knowledge of this mystery I have already gained, that the end will have something to do with exercise in the Open Air! Youll have to go Dutdoors for some- thing important. And now good night. Goornight, sir. Retiring softly to his owit room, under the same roof, the author of The Amateur Detective smiled at himself before the mirror with marked complacency. 7oure a long-headed one, my dead-beat friend, he said, archly, and your great American Novel is likely to be a respectable success. There so~nIded a crash upen a floor, somewhere in the house, and he held his breath t~ listen, It was the Ritualistic organist going to bed. (To be Continued.) 8 (Tha~hr IIL~ ThE M~iatery of Ecltoi,s Drood. Aa Old ~aw with a lWodern Instance. Thu Farthing Candle oi New York journalism appears to be trying to find what political party he can best bully into offering the largest re- ward for his conscientious support. As a looker on, PUNcxINra~Lo would suggest to the political partie~, as applicable in this case, the following quotation frow VIRGIL; .-.--- timeo Dana-os et dxma ferentes. SOME TRAITS OF THE CHINESE. F ALL human races, next to the monkies, the Mon- golians are the most imitative. They are only a little lower than the monkies in this respect, and we have seen some trained ones that could successfully compete with the Simians on their own ground. A Chinaman em- ployed in the North Adams shoe factory, for instance, was asked to imitate ex- actly a boot of a particular style, which was shown to him. After a few trials, he imitated the boot so perfect- ly, that a customer who came in took him to be the fellow of it, and was not undeceived until he went to try him on. No wonder that the regular Crispins are jealous of a foreign cordwainer who can do this. In the art of dress-making for ladies the Chinese display wonderful skilL Their taste and inventiveness in this branch are unrivalled even by the best French modistes. The panier with which it pleases the ladies of the period to protuberate their persons was of Chinese origin. It was revealed in an opium dream to a celebrated male mantua-maker of Pekin, who sold the idea to a Yankee-Notions man travelling in China for a Paris house. The inventor was so chagrined at hearing afterwards of the immense fortune realized from it by the man of the West, that he committed suicide by hanging himself on a willow- pattern plate. Although the Chinaman does not naturally possess an ear for music, according to our standard, yet his imitative power enables him to adapt himself very readily to the production of melody. One of the Coolies employed in the great Hxnvnv wash-house at South Belleville, N. J., was observed to watch with great interest an itinerant performer on the accordion. Shortly afterwards, catching up a sucking-pig by the tail and snout, he manipulated it precisely as the player did the accordion, producingaccordion to the testimony of several credible witnesses,strains quite as good as, if not worse than, those drawn out by that musician. As soon as the 200,000 Chinamen ordered by Mynheer KOOPMAN- SCHOOP arrive in this country, a good business can be driven by Yankee toothpick makers in supplying them with chopsticks. This word was originally stop-chick, being so called from the use occasionally made of it by Chinamen for knocking down young poultry. It became cor- rupted, like everything that is good and pure, by contact with extreme civilization. Anybody who can make a shoe-peg or wooden toothpick can make a chopstick. It is to be hoped that the chopstick may ul- timately be adopted here instead of the knife and fork. It would pre- clude the possibility of people carrying their food into their mouths with the knifean outrage so commonly to be remarked at hotel tables. A very intelligent Chinaman told the writer, not long since, that there is absolutely nothing to be seen or heard of in this country that the Chi- nose were not familiar with several thousand years ago. Among them he enumerated target-companies, sewing-machines, patent baby-jumpers, nitro-glycerine, shoo-fiy chewing-tobacco, wooden hams, stuffed ballot- boxes, and a hundred other things which we are prone to brag of as being purely Yankee and originaL We are too conceited about ourselves, by a great deal, and it is good for us that even Chinese shoemakers should come here once in a while, to take us out of our boots. A Midnight Reflection. Tun man who commits suicide may be said to show his contempt for the hollowness of the world by putting his foot in it.

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. very latelyuntil now, when you are nearly, but not quite, as much under the inflaence of cloves againyou have had a vague general idea that somebody else must have killed Mr. DBOOD and stolen your umbrella. ~ut new, that you are partially in the same condition, physiologically and psychologically, as on the night of the disappearance, you have o~ee more a partial perception of what were the facts of the case. Am I tight ? ~~Tha~ tt, sfr. Youre a phlospher, murmured Mr. BUM5TEAD, trying to hrush from above his nose the pendent lock of hair, which he took for a fly. Yery well, then, continued TRACEY CLEW8, his extraordinary head of hair fairly bristling with electrical animation: Youve only to get yourse~ into exactly the same clove-y condition as on the night of the 4ouble disappearance, when you put your umbrella and nephew away somewhere, and youll remember all about it again. You have two disti.nct states of existence, you see: a cloven one, and an uncloven 9ne; ax~d what you have done in one you are totally oblivious of in the other. Something like an occult wink trembled for a moment in the right eye of Mr. BUMsrr~w~ Thes ver true, said he, thoughtfully. Ive been blivious mself, frequently. ~ever cd rmember wharlowed. The idea Ive suggested to you for the solution of this mystery, went on ~Er, ~3Lxws, Is expressed by one of the greatest of English writers; who, in his very last work, says: in some cases of drunken- ness, and In others of animal magnetism, there are two states of con- sciousness which never clash, but each of which pursues its separate course as though it were continuous instead of broken. Thus, if I hide my watch when I am drunk, I must be drunk again before I can re- member where. ~ Im norradrinknman, sir, returned Mr. BUM5TEAD, drawing cold- ly back from him, and escaping a fall into the fireplace by a dexterous surge Into the nearest chair. Th lemon tea which I take for my cold, or to prvent the cloves from disagreeing with me, is norrintoxi- oatiug. Of course not, assented his subtle counsellor; but, in this coun- try, ~t least, chronic inebriation, clove-eating, and even opium-taking, are strikingly alike in their aspects, and the same rules may be safely applied to all. My advice to you is what I have given. Cause a table to be ~spread in this room, exactly as it was for that memorable Christ- mas-dinner; Bit down to it exactly as then, and at the same hour; go through all the same processes as neariy as you can remember; and, by the zii& e fo~e of association, you will enact all the final performances with your umbrella and your nephew. Mr. BUXSTRADS ~rme were folded tightly across his manly breast, and~iue head with the straw hat upon it tilted heavily to~vards his bosom~ I seet now,w said he softly; bone hanle n fertile. I rmember threshing m with it. I can rmembr carryng Here Mr. BUM- sxz~z burst into tqars, and made a frenzied dash at the lock of hair which he again mistook for a fly. To sum up all concluded Mr. TRACEr CLEws, shaking him violent- ly by the shoulder, that he might remain awake long enough to hear it, to sum up all, I am satisfied, from the familiar knowledge of this mystery I have already gained, that the end will have something to do with exercise in the Open Air! Youll have to go Dutdoors for some- thing important. And now good night. Goornight, sir. Retiring softly to his owit room, under the same roof, the author of The Amateur Detective smiled at himself before the mirror with marked complacency. 7oure a long-headed one, my dead-beat friend, he said, archly, and your great American Novel is likely to be a respectable success. There so~nIded a crash upen a floor, somewhere in the house, and he held his breath t~ listen, It was the Ritualistic organist going to bed. (To be Continued.) 8 (Tha~hr IIL~ ThE M~iatery of Ecltoi,s Drood. Aa Old ~aw with a lWodern Instance. Thu Farthing Candle oi New York journalism appears to be trying to find what political party he can best bully into offering the largest re- ward for his conscientious support. As a looker on, PUNcxINra~Lo would suggest to the political partie~, as applicable in this case, the following quotation frow VIRGIL; .-.--- timeo Dana-os et dxma ferentes. SOME TRAITS OF THE CHINESE. F ALL human races, next to the monkies, the Mon- golians are the most imitative. They are only a little lower than the monkies in this respect, and we have seen some trained ones that could successfully compete with the Simians on their own ground. A Chinaman em- ployed in the North Adams shoe factory, for instance, was asked to imitate ex- actly a boot of a particular style, which was shown to him. After a few trials, he imitated the boot so perfect- ly, that a customer who came in took him to be the fellow of it, and was not undeceived until he went to try him on. No wonder that the regular Crispins are jealous of a foreign cordwainer who can do this. In the art of dress-making for ladies the Chinese display wonderful skilL Their taste and inventiveness in this branch are unrivalled even by the best French modistes. The panier with which it pleases the ladies of the period to protuberate their persons was of Chinese origin. It was revealed in an opium dream to a celebrated male mantua-maker of Pekin, who sold the idea to a Yankee-Notions man travelling in China for a Paris house. The inventor was so chagrined at hearing afterwards of the immense fortune realized from it by the man of the West, that he committed suicide by hanging himself on a willow- pattern plate. Although the Chinaman does not naturally possess an ear for music, according to our standard, yet his imitative power enables him to adapt himself very readily to the production of melody. One of the Coolies employed in the great Hxnvnv wash-house at South Belleville, N. J., was observed to watch with great interest an itinerant performer on the accordion. Shortly afterwards, catching up a sucking-pig by the tail and snout, he manipulated it precisely as the player did the accordion, producingaccordion to the testimony of several credible witnesses,strains quite as good as, if not worse than, those drawn out by that musician. As soon as the 200,000 Chinamen ordered by Mynheer KOOPMAN- SCHOOP arrive in this country, a good business can be driven by Yankee toothpick makers in supplying them with chopsticks. This word was originally stop-chick, being so called from the use occasionally made of it by Chinamen for knocking down young poultry. It became cor- rupted, like everything that is good and pure, by contact with extreme civilization. Anybody who can make a shoe-peg or wooden toothpick can make a chopstick. It is to be hoped that the chopstick may ul- timately be adopted here instead of the knife and fork. It would pre- clude the possibility of people carrying their food into their mouths with the knifean outrage so commonly to be remarked at hotel tables. A very intelligent Chinaman told the writer, not long since, that there is absolutely nothing to be seen or heard of in this country that the Chi- nose were not familiar with several thousand years ago. Among them he enumerated target-companies, sewing-machines, patent baby-jumpers, nitro-glycerine, shoo-fiy chewing-tobacco, wooden hams, stuffed ballot- boxes, and a hundred other things which we are prone to brag of as being purely Yankee and originaL We are too conceited about ourselves, by a great deal, and it is good for us that even Chinese shoemakers should come here once in a while, to take us out of our boots. A Midnight Reflection. Tun man who commits suicide may be said to show his contempt for the hollowness of the world by putting his foot in it.

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. very latelyuntil now, when you are nearly, but not quite, as much under the inflaence of cloves againyou have had a vague general idea that somebody else must have killed Mr. DBOOD and stolen your umbrella. ~ut new, that you are partially in the same condition, physiologically and psychologically, as on the night of the disappearance, you have o~ee more a partial perception of what were the facts of the case. Am I tight ? ~~Tha~ tt, sfr. Youre a phlospher, murmured Mr. BUM5TEAD, trying to hrush from above his nose the pendent lock of hair, which he took for a fly. Yery well, then, continued TRACEY CLEW8, his extraordinary head of hair fairly bristling with electrical animation: Youve only to get yourse~ into exactly the same clove-y condition as on the night of the 4ouble disappearance, when you put your umbrella and nephew away somewhere, and youll remember all about it again. You have two disti.nct states of existence, you see: a cloven one, and an uncloven 9ne; ax~d what you have done in one you are totally oblivious of in the other. Something like an occult wink trembled for a moment in the right eye of Mr. BUMsrr~w~ Thes ver true, said he, thoughtfully. Ive been blivious mself, frequently. ~ever cd rmember wharlowed. The idea Ive suggested to you for the solution of this mystery, went on ~Er, ~3Lxws, Is expressed by one of the greatest of English writers; who, in his very last work, says: in some cases of drunken- ness, and In others of animal magnetism, there are two states of con- sciousness which never clash, but each of which pursues its separate course as though it were continuous instead of broken. Thus, if I hide my watch when I am drunk, I must be drunk again before I can re- member where. ~ Im norradrinknman, sir, returned Mr. BUM5TEAD, drawing cold- ly back from him, and escaping a fall into the fireplace by a dexterous surge Into the nearest chair. Th lemon tea which I take for my cold, or to prvent the cloves from disagreeing with me, is norrintoxi- oatiug. Of course not, assented his subtle counsellor; but, in this coun- try, ~t least, chronic inebriation, clove-eating, and even opium-taking, are strikingly alike in their aspects, and the same rules may be safely applied to all. My advice to you is what I have given. Cause a table to be ~spread in this room, exactly as it was for that memorable Christ- mas-dinner; Bit down to it exactly as then, and at the same hour; go through all the same processes as neariy as you can remember; and, by the zii& e fo~e of association, you will enact all the final performances with your umbrella and your nephew. Mr. BUXSTRADS ~rme were folded tightly across his manly breast, and~iue head with the straw hat upon it tilted heavily to~vards his bosom~ I seet now,w said he softly; bone hanle n fertile. I rmember threshing m with it. I can rmembr carryng Here Mr. BUM- sxz~z burst into tqars, and made a frenzied dash at the lock of hair which he again mistook for a fly. To sum up all concluded Mr. TRACEr CLEws, shaking him violent- ly by the shoulder, that he might remain awake long enough to hear it, to sum up all, I am satisfied, from the familiar knowledge of this mystery I have already gained, that the end will have something to do with exercise in the Open Air! Youll have to go Dutdoors for some- thing important. And now good night. Goornight, sir. Retiring softly to his owit room, under the same roof, the author of The Amateur Detective smiled at himself before the mirror with marked complacency. 7oure a long-headed one, my dead-beat friend, he said, archly, and your great American Novel is likely to be a respectable success. There so~nIded a crash upen a floor, somewhere in the house, and he held his breath t~ listen, It was the Ritualistic organist going to bed. (To be Continued.) 8 (Tha~hr IIL~ ThE M~iatery of Ecltoi,s Drood. Aa Old ~aw with a lWodern Instance. Thu Farthing Candle oi New York journalism appears to be trying to find what political party he can best bully into offering the largest re- ward for his conscientious support. As a looker on, PUNcxINra~Lo would suggest to the political partie~, as applicable in this case, the following quotation frow VIRGIL; .-.--- timeo Dana-os et dxma ferentes. SOME TRAITS OF THE CHINESE. F ALL human races, next to the monkies, the Mon- golians are the most imitative. They are only a little lower than the monkies in this respect, and we have seen some trained ones that could successfully compete with the Simians on their own ground. A Chinaman em- ployed in the North Adams shoe factory, for instance, was asked to imitate ex- actly a boot of a particular style, which was shown to him. After a few trials, he imitated the boot so perfect- ly, that a customer who came in took him to be the fellow of it, and was not undeceived until he went to try him on. No wonder that the regular Crispins are jealous of a foreign cordwainer who can do this. In the art of dress-making for ladies the Chinese display wonderful skilL Their taste and inventiveness in this branch are unrivalled even by the best French modistes. The panier with which it pleases the ladies of the period to protuberate their persons was of Chinese origin. It was revealed in an opium dream to a celebrated male mantua-maker of Pekin, who sold the idea to a Yankee-Notions man travelling in China for a Paris house. The inventor was so chagrined at hearing afterwards of the immense fortune realized from it by the man of the West, that he committed suicide by hanging himself on a willow- pattern plate. Although the Chinaman does not naturally possess an ear for music, according to our standard, yet his imitative power enables him to adapt himself very readily to the production of melody. One of the Coolies employed in the great Hxnvnv wash-house at South Belleville, N. J., was observed to watch with great interest an itinerant performer on the accordion. Shortly afterwards, catching up a sucking-pig by the tail and snout, he manipulated it precisely as the player did the accordion, producingaccordion to the testimony of several credible witnesses,strains quite as good as, if not worse than, those drawn out by that musician. As soon as the 200,000 Chinamen ordered by Mynheer KOOPMAN- SCHOOP arrive in this country, a good business can be driven by Yankee toothpick makers in supplying them with chopsticks. This word was originally stop-chick, being so called from the use occasionally made of it by Chinamen for knocking down young poultry. It became cor- rupted, like everything that is good and pure, by contact with extreme civilization. Anybody who can make a shoe-peg or wooden toothpick can make a chopstick. It is to be hoped that the chopstick may ul- timately be adopted here instead of the knife and fork. It would pre- clude the possibility of people carrying their food into their mouths with the knifean outrage so commonly to be remarked at hotel tables. A very intelligent Chinaman told the writer, not long since, that there is absolutely nothing to be seen or heard of in this country that the Chi- nose were not familiar with several thousand years ago. Among them he enumerated target-companies, sewing-machines, patent baby-jumpers, nitro-glycerine, shoo-fiy chewing-tobacco, wooden hams, stuffed ballot- boxes, and a hundred other things which we are prone to brag of as being purely Yankee and originaL We are too conceited about ourselves, by a great deal, and it is good for us that even Chinese shoemakers should come here once in a while, to take us out of our boots. A Midnight Reflection. Tun man who commits suicide may be said to show his contempt for the hollowness of the world by putting his foot in it. OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. NAPOLEONS CORRESPONDENCE. THE following letters were yesterday discovered among the private papers of the late EmperorL. N. BONAPARTE. They were instantly forwarded to us by our special correspondent. They will ba used to- morrow in a mutilated form by less enterprising journals, such as the Tribune and its partners of the Associated Press. NEw YORK, May 10, 1860. DEAR EMPEROR: I am thinking of writing a biography of you, in the same style as my biography of your Uncle. I shall want to prove that you were never in New York, that you behaved with perfect pro- priety while you were here, and that you are humble, unambitious, and deeply religious. This will not be a difficult matter, after the success I have made in the case of your Uncle. Still, I shall want a fact or two in the book. Can you not supply me with them? Any small favor you may think fit to send me may be directed to my usual address. Yours for truth and justice, J. S. C. A. B. B. 0. T. T. CIJGRY PRISON. VILI~& IN AND USURPER! Your minions have incarcerated me in this vile den on a pretence that I owe a debt which I have not paid. They lie, wilfully and malignantly. I always pay my debts. Ask SEWARD if I do not. He remembers how I paid hin the little debt I owed him, when I defeated his Presidential aspirations. Release me at once, or the Tribune will show your rotten Empire no mercy. If I am at liberty this evening I will send you a prize strawberry plant, and a copy of my work on political economy. If I am not at liberty by the time men- tioned, beware. SMAI~LEY shall be sent to Paris as the Tribunes special correspondent, and youll see- the sort of news about your infamous court that hell be instructed to send home. Yours Profanely, H. G. BERLIN, July 1, 1870. To THE EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH: His Majesty, the King, in- structs me to say that he shall do just as he pleases in all affairs public and private. He advises you to attend to your own affairs, and if you have any more propositions for stealing other peoples territory, to ad- dress them to Russia, or the United States. Prussia is not at present in that line of business. Brs~ncx. BUREAU OF PolicE, Jan. 1, 1870. 2~o ms MAJEsTYr TES EMPEROR SIRE: I beg leave to report that M. Roca~roRT demands the sum of 1,000,- 000 francs, to be paid at once. Otherwise he will cor~tinue to be a patriot, and will abuse Her Majesty, the Empress, with more violence than ever~ Both M. ROCHEFORT and M. FLOURENS are much euraged since their annual stip0nd has been discontinued. PIRw Ohi~of Poiie& ~ Other selections from the Imperial correspondence will be shortly laid be- fore our readers. Remember, the only genuine letters are those in PUNCHINET.. LO. All others are garbled forgeriea~ Roma? Xloma non pin COM era Prima. Win the downfall of the Popes tem.. poral power, comes the report that~ sev- eral newspapers have been established in the Eternal City. Thus the great world spins forever down the ringing grooves of change. For Papal Infallibility, the Romans will have that~ of the editorial WE; for the canons of the Church Miii.. tant they will have ubiquit~us reporter. discharging themselves i~ the public ear; the testimony of the pillars of the Church will be replaced by the asser- tions of the editorial columns; the In- quisition will become a press club-house for Reporters and Interviewers, and the Propaganda an office where extras are concocted and forced on the unsuspecting public. 4t least let us hope that the change will offer a reputable business for the army of beggars which has formerly been licensed by the church. A chancu will now be offered them to become newspaper agents, thus making a living re~ spectably by selling accounts of other peoples deformities5 I,nstead of disreputably by exhibiting their own. A CAPITOL MOVE. THE immediate probability of the formation of the United StMes of Europe, suggests how wise we were not to change the location of the Capitol to some facetiously distant western metropolis of the future. The Capitol buildings are quite large enough to receive th~e delegates who Will of course come on here to study the art of log-rolling, while the Chesapeake, being navigable almost to the Capitol steps, will sa~e them the fatigue of a luxurious journey in the palaee ~leeying ears. - Sublunary Observations or the Sun. FROM a careful analysis of the daily appearance of the Suit, It has been satisfactorily settled that it is completely enveloped in gas. By the application of the literary spectrum, it is also shown that this gas- eons vaporization is the result of brass in a high state of incandes- cence, while the indications of alkalies, and, in fact, all Irinds of lies, are no less distinct. Forethought. ONE reason why this country is so earnestly opposed to the Napoleonic dynasty, is that there is no probability that the descendants of. the Prince Imperial would give us any assistance in sealing the Ajabama Question. eromp*~ Tua Methodists recently opened a school fot ~oung~ 1adie~ iii ~Jt Lake City, and BRIGHAMs third son is courting it a1ready~ VERDICT ON A BARBERS WHIsERRs.I)yed by his owti haa~L 4 Centleman, (reading.) THE MILITARY AUTHORITIES OF PARIS HAVE CUT DOWN AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THE Bois DE BOULoGNE. Old Lady. POOR BOYS 1AND To THINK WHAT THEIR DEAR MOTHERS MUST 5UFFER I

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. NAPOLEONS CORRESPONDENCE. THE following letters were yesterday discovered among the private papers of the late EmperorL. N. BONAPARTE. They were instantly forwarded to us by our special correspondent. They will ba used to- morrow in a mutilated form by less enterprising journals, such as the Tribune and its partners of the Associated Press. NEw YORK, May 10, 1860. DEAR EMPEROR: I am thinking of writing a biography of you, in the same style as my biography of your Uncle. I shall want to prove that you were never in New York, that you behaved with perfect pro- priety while you were here, and that you are humble, unambitious, and deeply religious. This will not be a difficult matter, after the success I have made in the case of your Uncle. Still, I shall want a fact or two in the book. Can you not supply me with them? Any small favor you may think fit to send me may be directed to my usual address. Yours for truth and justice, J. S. C. A. B. B. 0. T. T. CIJGRY PRISON. VILI~& IN AND USURPER! Your minions have incarcerated me in this vile den on a pretence that I owe a debt which I have not paid. They lie, wilfully and malignantly. I always pay my debts. Ask SEWARD if I do not. He remembers how I paid hin the little debt I owed him, when I defeated his Presidential aspirations. Release me at once, or the Tribune will show your rotten Empire no mercy. If I am at liberty this evening I will send you a prize strawberry plant, and a copy of my work on political economy. If I am not at liberty by the time men- tioned, beware. SMAI~LEY shall be sent to Paris as the Tribunes special correspondent, and youll see- the sort of news about your infamous court that hell be instructed to send home. Yours Profanely, H. G. BERLIN, July 1, 1870. To THE EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH: His Majesty, the King, in- structs me to say that he shall do just as he pleases in all affairs public and private. He advises you to attend to your own affairs, and if you have any more propositions for stealing other peoples territory, to ad- dress them to Russia, or the United States. Prussia is not at present in that line of business. Brs~ncx. BUREAU OF PolicE, Jan. 1, 1870. 2~o ms MAJEsTYr TES EMPEROR SIRE: I beg leave to report that M. Roca~roRT demands the sum of 1,000,- 000 francs, to be paid at once. Otherwise he will cor~tinue to be a patriot, and will abuse Her Majesty, the Empress, with more violence than ever~ Both M. ROCHEFORT and M. FLOURENS are much euraged since their annual stip0nd has been discontinued. PIRw Ohi~of Poiie& ~ Other selections from the Imperial correspondence will be shortly laid be- fore our readers. Remember, the only genuine letters are those in PUNCHINET.. LO. All others are garbled forgeriea~ Roma? Xloma non pin COM era Prima. Win the downfall of the Popes tem.. poral power, comes the report that~ sev- eral newspapers have been established in the Eternal City. Thus the great world spins forever down the ringing grooves of change. For Papal Infallibility, the Romans will have that~ of the editorial WE; for the canons of the Church Miii.. tant they will have ubiquit~us reporter. discharging themselves i~ the public ear; the testimony of the pillars of the Church will be replaced by the asser- tions of the editorial columns; the In- quisition will become a press club-house for Reporters and Interviewers, and the Propaganda an office where extras are concocted and forced on the unsuspecting public. 4t least let us hope that the change will offer a reputable business for the army of beggars which has formerly been licensed by the church. A chancu will now be offered them to become newspaper agents, thus making a living re~ spectably by selling accounts of other peoples deformities5 I,nstead of disreputably by exhibiting their own. A CAPITOL MOVE. THE immediate probability of the formation of the United StMes of Europe, suggests how wise we were not to change the location of the Capitol to some facetiously distant western metropolis of the future. The Capitol buildings are quite large enough to receive th~e delegates who Will of course come on here to study the art of log-rolling, while the Chesapeake, being navigable almost to the Capitol steps, will sa~e them the fatigue of a luxurious journey in the palaee ~leeying ears. - Sublunary Observations or the Sun. FROM a careful analysis of the daily appearance of the Suit, It has been satisfactorily settled that it is completely enveloped in gas. By the application of the literary spectrum, it is also shown that this gas- eons vaporization is the result of brass in a high state of incandes- cence, while the indications of alkalies, and, in fact, all Irinds of lies, are no less distinct. Forethought. ONE reason why this country is so earnestly opposed to the Napoleonic dynasty, is that there is no probability that the descendants of. the Prince Imperial would give us any assistance in sealing the Ajabama Question. eromp*~ Tua Methodists recently opened a school fot ~oung~ 1adie~ iii ~Jt Lake City, and BRIGHAMs third son is courting it a1ready~ VERDICT ON A BARBERS WHIsERRs.I)yed by his owti haa~L 4 Centleman, (reading.) THE MILITARY AUTHORITIES OF PARIS HAVE CUT DOWN AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THE Bois DE BOULoGNE. Old Lady. POOR BOYS 1AND To THINK WHAT THEIR DEAR MOTHERS MUST 5UFFER I

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. NAPOLEONS CORRESPONDENCE. THE following letters were yesterday discovered among the private papers of the late EmperorL. N. BONAPARTE. They were instantly forwarded to us by our special correspondent. They will ba used to- morrow in a mutilated form by less enterprising journals, such as the Tribune and its partners of the Associated Press. NEw YORK, May 10, 1860. DEAR EMPEROR: I am thinking of writing a biography of you, in the same style as my biography of your Uncle. I shall want to prove that you were never in New York, that you behaved with perfect pro- priety while you were here, and that you are humble, unambitious, and deeply religious. This will not be a difficult matter, after the success I have made in the case of your Uncle. Still, I shall want a fact or two in the book. Can you not supply me with them? Any small favor you may think fit to send me may be directed to my usual address. Yours for truth and justice, J. S. C. A. B. B. 0. T. T. CIJGRY PRISON. VILI~& IN AND USURPER! Your minions have incarcerated me in this vile den on a pretence that I owe a debt which I have not paid. They lie, wilfully and malignantly. I always pay my debts. Ask SEWARD if I do not. He remembers how I paid hin the little debt I owed him, when I defeated his Presidential aspirations. Release me at once, or the Tribune will show your rotten Empire no mercy. If I am at liberty this evening I will send you a prize strawberry plant, and a copy of my work on political economy. If I am not at liberty by the time men- tioned, beware. SMAI~LEY shall be sent to Paris as the Tribunes special correspondent, and youll see- the sort of news about your infamous court that hell be instructed to send home. Yours Profanely, H. G. BERLIN, July 1, 1870. To THE EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH: His Majesty, the King, in- structs me to say that he shall do just as he pleases in all affairs public and private. He advises you to attend to your own affairs, and if you have any more propositions for stealing other peoples territory, to ad- dress them to Russia, or the United States. Prussia is not at present in that line of business. Brs~ncx. BUREAU OF PolicE, Jan. 1, 1870. 2~o ms MAJEsTYr TES EMPEROR SIRE: I beg leave to report that M. Roca~roRT demands the sum of 1,000,- 000 francs, to be paid at once. Otherwise he will cor~tinue to be a patriot, and will abuse Her Majesty, the Empress, with more violence than ever~ Both M. ROCHEFORT and M. FLOURENS are much euraged since their annual stip0nd has been discontinued. PIRw Ohi~of Poiie& ~ Other selections from the Imperial correspondence will be shortly laid be- fore our readers. Remember, the only genuine letters are those in PUNCHINET.. LO. All others are garbled forgeriea~ Roma? Xloma non pin COM era Prima. Win the downfall of the Popes tem.. poral power, comes the report that~ sev- eral newspapers have been established in the Eternal City. Thus the great world spins forever down the ringing grooves of change. For Papal Infallibility, the Romans will have that~ of the editorial WE; for the canons of the Church Miii.. tant they will have ubiquit~us reporter. discharging themselves i~ the public ear; the testimony of the pillars of the Church will be replaced by the asser- tions of the editorial columns; the In- quisition will become a press club-house for Reporters and Interviewers, and the Propaganda an office where extras are concocted and forced on the unsuspecting public. 4t least let us hope that the change will offer a reputable business for the army of beggars which has formerly been licensed by the church. A chancu will now be offered them to become newspaper agents, thus making a living re~ spectably by selling accounts of other peoples deformities5 I,nstead of disreputably by exhibiting their own. A CAPITOL MOVE. THE immediate probability of the formation of the United StMes of Europe, suggests how wise we were not to change the location of the Capitol to some facetiously distant western metropolis of the future. The Capitol buildings are quite large enough to receive th~e delegates who Will of course come on here to study the art of log-rolling, while the Chesapeake, being navigable almost to the Capitol steps, will sa~e them the fatigue of a luxurious journey in the palaee ~leeying ears. - Sublunary Observations or the Sun. FROM a careful analysis of the daily appearance of the Suit, It has been satisfactorily settled that it is completely enveloped in gas. By the application of the literary spectrum, it is also shown that this gas- eons vaporization is the result of brass in a high state of incandes- cence, while the indications of alkalies, and, in fact, all Irinds of lies, are no less distinct. Forethought. ONE reason why this country is so earnestly opposed to the Napoleonic dynasty, is that there is no probability that the descendants of. the Prince Imperial would give us any assistance in sealing the Ajabama Question. eromp*~ Tua Methodists recently opened a school fot ~oung~ 1adie~ iii ~Jt Lake City, and BRIGHAMs third son is courting it a1ready~ VERDICT ON A BARBERS WHIsERRs.I)yed by his owti haa~L 4 Centleman, (reading.) THE MILITARY AUTHORITIES OF PARIS HAVE CUT DOWN AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THE Bois DE BOULoGNE. Old Lady. POOR BOYS 1AND To THINK WHAT THEIR DEAR MOTHERS MUST 5UFFER I

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. NAPOLEONS CORRESPONDENCE. THE following letters were yesterday discovered among the private papers of the late EmperorL. N. BONAPARTE. They were instantly forwarded to us by our special correspondent. They will ba used to- morrow in a mutilated form by less enterprising journals, such as the Tribune and its partners of the Associated Press. NEw YORK, May 10, 1860. DEAR EMPEROR: I am thinking of writing a biography of you, in the same style as my biography of your Uncle. I shall want to prove that you were never in New York, that you behaved with perfect pro- priety while you were here, and that you are humble, unambitious, and deeply religious. This will not be a difficult matter, after the success I have made in the case of your Uncle. Still, I shall want a fact or two in the book. Can you not supply me with them? Any small favor you may think fit to send me may be directed to my usual address. Yours for truth and justice, J. S. C. A. B. B. 0. T. T. CIJGRY PRISON. VILI~& IN AND USURPER! Your minions have incarcerated me in this vile den on a pretence that I owe a debt which I have not paid. They lie, wilfully and malignantly. I always pay my debts. Ask SEWARD if I do not. He remembers how I paid hin the little debt I owed him, when I defeated his Presidential aspirations. Release me at once, or the Tribune will show your rotten Empire no mercy. If I am at liberty this evening I will send you a prize strawberry plant, and a copy of my work on political economy. If I am not at liberty by the time men- tioned, beware. SMAI~LEY shall be sent to Paris as the Tribunes special correspondent, and youll see- the sort of news about your infamous court that hell be instructed to send home. Yours Profanely, H. G. BERLIN, July 1, 1870. To THE EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH: His Majesty, the King, in- structs me to say that he shall do just as he pleases in all affairs public and private. He advises you to attend to your own affairs, and if you have any more propositions for stealing other peoples territory, to ad- dress them to Russia, or the United States. Prussia is not at present in that line of business. Brs~ncx. BUREAU OF PolicE, Jan. 1, 1870. 2~o ms MAJEsTYr TES EMPEROR SIRE: I beg leave to report that M. Roca~roRT demands the sum of 1,000,- 000 francs, to be paid at once. Otherwise he will cor~tinue to be a patriot, and will abuse Her Majesty, the Empress, with more violence than ever~ Both M. ROCHEFORT and M. FLOURENS are much euraged since their annual stip0nd has been discontinued. PIRw Ohi~of Poiie& ~ Other selections from the Imperial correspondence will be shortly laid be- fore our readers. Remember, the only genuine letters are those in PUNCHINET.. LO. All others are garbled forgeriea~ Roma? Xloma non pin COM era Prima. Win the downfall of the Popes tem.. poral power, comes the report that~ sev- eral newspapers have been established in the Eternal City. Thus the great world spins forever down the ringing grooves of change. For Papal Infallibility, the Romans will have that~ of the editorial WE; for the canons of the Church Miii.. tant they will have ubiquit~us reporter. discharging themselves i~ the public ear; the testimony of the pillars of the Church will be replaced by the asser- tions of the editorial columns; the In- quisition will become a press club-house for Reporters and Interviewers, and the Propaganda an office where extras are concocted and forced on the unsuspecting public. 4t least let us hope that the change will offer a reputable business for the army of beggars which has formerly been licensed by the church. A chancu will now be offered them to become newspaper agents, thus making a living re~ spectably by selling accounts of other peoples deformities5 I,nstead of disreputably by exhibiting their own. A CAPITOL MOVE. THE immediate probability of the formation of the United StMes of Europe, suggests how wise we were not to change the location of the Capitol to some facetiously distant western metropolis of the future. The Capitol buildings are quite large enough to receive th~e delegates who Will of course come on here to study the art of log-rolling, while the Chesapeake, being navigable almost to the Capitol steps, will sa~e them the fatigue of a luxurious journey in the palaee ~leeying ears. - Sublunary Observations or the Sun. FROM a careful analysis of the daily appearance of the Suit, It has been satisfactorily settled that it is completely enveloped in gas. By the application of the literary spectrum, it is also shown that this gas- eons vaporization is the result of brass in a high state of incandes- cence, while the indications of alkalies, and, in fact, all Irinds of lies, are no less distinct. Forethought. ONE reason why this country is so earnestly opposed to the Napoleonic dynasty, is that there is no probability that the descendants of. the Prince Imperial would give us any assistance in sealing the Ajabama Question. eromp*~ Tua Methodists recently opened a school fot ~oung~ 1adie~ iii ~Jt Lake City, and BRIGHAMs third son is courting it a1ready~ VERDICT ON A BARBERS WHIsERRs.I)yed by his owti haa~L 4 Centleman, (reading.) THE MILITARY AUTHORITIES OF PARIS HAVE CUT DOWN AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THE Bois DE BOULoGNE. Old Lady. POOR BOYS 1AND To THINK WHAT THEIR DEAR MOTHERS MUST 5UFFER I

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. NAPOLEONS CORRESPONDENCE. THE following letters were yesterday discovered among the private papers of the late EmperorL. N. BONAPARTE. They were instantly forwarded to us by our special correspondent. They will ba used to- morrow in a mutilated form by less enterprising journals, such as the Tribune and its partners of the Associated Press. NEw YORK, May 10, 1860. DEAR EMPEROR: I am thinking of writing a biography of you, in the same style as my biography of your Uncle. I shall want to prove that you were never in New York, that you behaved with perfect pro- priety while you were here, and that you are humble, unambitious, and deeply religious. This will not be a difficult matter, after the success I have made in the case of your Uncle. Still, I shall want a fact or two in the book. Can you not supply me with them? Any small favor you may think fit to send me may be directed to my usual address. Yours for truth and justice, J. S. C. A. B. B. 0. T. T. CIJGRY PRISON. VILI~& IN AND USURPER! Your minions have incarcerated me in this vile den on a pretence that I owe a debt which I have not paid. They lie, wilfully and malignantly. I always pay my debts. Ask SEWARD if I do not. He remembers how I paid hin the little debt I owed him, when I defeated his Presidential aspirations. Release me at once, or the Tribune will show your rotten Empire no mercy. If I am at liberty this evening I will send you a prize strawberry plant, and a copy of my work on political economy. If I am not at liberty by the time men- tioned, beware. SMAI~LEY shall be sent to Paris as the Tribunes special correspondent, and youll see- the sort of news about your infamous court that hell be instructed to send home. Yours Profanely, H. G. BERLIN, July 1, 1870. To THE EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH: His Majesty, the King, in- structs me to say that he shall do just as he pleases in all affairs public and private. He advises you to attend to your own affairs, and if you have any more propositions for stealing other peoples territory, to ad- dress them to Russia, or the United States. Prussia is not at present in that line of business. Brs~ncx. BUREAU OF PolicE, Jan. 1, 1870. 2~o ms MAJEsTYr TES EMPEROR SIRE: I beg leave to report that M. Roca~roRT demands the sum of 1,000,- 000 francs, to be paid at once. Otherwise he will cor~tinue to be a patriot, and will abuse Her Majesty, the Empress, with more violence than ever~ Both M. ROCHEFORT and M. FLOURENS are much euraged since their annual stip0nd has been discontinued. PIRw Ohi~of Poiie& ~ Other selections from the Imperial correspondence will be shortly laid be- fore our readers. Remember, the only genuine letters are those in PUNCHINET.. LO. All others are garbled forgeriea~ Roma? Xloma non pin COM era Prima. Win the downfall of the Popes tem.. poral power, comes the report that~ sev- eral newspapers have been established in the Eternal City. Thus the great world spins forever down the ringing grooves of change. For Papal Infallibility, the Romans will have that~ of the editorial WE; for the canons of the Church Miii.. tant they will have ubiquit~us reporter. discharging themselves i~ the public ear; the testimony of the pillars of the Church will be replaced by the asser- tions of the editorial columns; the In- quisition will become a press club-house for Reporters and Interviewers, and the Propaganda an office where extras are concocted and forced on the unsuspecting public. 4t least let us hope that the change will offer a reputable business for the army of beggars which has formerly been licensed by the church. A chancu will now be offered them to become newspaper agents, thus making a living re~ spectably by selling accounts of other peoples deformities5 I,nstead of disreputably by exhibiting their own. A CAPITOL MOVE. THE immediate probability of the formation of the United StMes of Europe, suggests how wise we were not to change the location of the Capitol to some facetiously distant western metropolis of the future. The Capitol buildings are quite large enough to receive th~e delegates who Will of course come on here to study the art of log-rolling, while the Chesapeake, being navigable almost to the Capitol steps, will sa~e them the fatigue of a luxurious journey in the palaee ~leeying ears. - Sublunary Observations or the Sun. FROM a careful analysis of the daily appearance of the Suit, It has been satisfactorily settled that it is completely enveloped in gas. By the application of the literary spectrum, it is also shown that this gas- eons vaporization is the result of brass in a high state of incandes- cence, while the indications of alkalies, and, in fact, all Irinds of lies, are no less distinct. Forethought. ONE reason why this country is so earnestly opposed to the Napoleonic dynasty, is that there is no probability that the descendants of. the Prince Imperial would give us any assistance in sealing the Ajabama Question. eromp*~ Tua Methodists recently opened a school fot ~oung~ 1adie~ iii ~Jt Lake City, and BRIGHAMs third son is courting it a1ready~ VERDICT ON A BARBERS WHIsERRs.I)yed by his owti haa~L 4 Centleman, (reading.) THE MILITARY AUTHORITIES OF PARIS HAVE CUT DOWN AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THE Bois DE BOULoGNE. Old Lady. POOR BOYS 1AND To THINK WHAT THEIR DEAR MOTHERS MUST 5UFFER I

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. NAPOLEONS CORRESPONDENCE. THE following letters were yesterday discovered among the private papers of the late EmperorL. N. BONAPARTE. They were instantly forwarded to us by our special correspondent. They will ba used to- morrow in a mutilated form by less enterprising journals, such as the Tribune and its partners of the Associated Press. NEw YORK, May 10, 1860. DEAR EMPEROR: I am thinking of writing a biography of you, in the same style as my biography of your Uncle. I shall want to prove that you were never in New York, that you behaved with perfect pro- priety while you were here, and that you are humble, unambitious, and deeply religious. This will not be a difficult matter, after the success I have made in the case of your Uncle. Still, I shall want a fact or two in the book. Can you not supply me with them? Any small favor you may think fit to send me may be directed to my usual address. Yours for truth and justice, J. S. C. A. B. B. 0. T. T. CIJGRY PRISON. VILI~& IN AND USURPER! Your minions have incarcerated me in this vile den on a pretence that I owe a debt which I have not paid. They lie, wilfully and malignantly. I always pay my debts. Ask SEWARD if I do not. He remembers how I paid hin the little debt I owed him, when I defeated his Presidential aspirations. Release me at once, or the Tribune will show your rotten Empire no mercy. If I am at liberty this evening I will send you a prize strawberry plant, and a copy of my work on political economy. If I am not at liberty by the time men- tioned, beware. SMAI~LEY shall be sent to Paris as the Tribunes special correspondent, and youll see- the sort of news about your infamous court that hell be instructed to send home. Yours Profanely, H. G. BERLIN, July 1, 1870. To THE EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH: His Majesty, the King, in- structs me to say that he shall do just as he pleases in all affairs public and private. He advises you to attend to your own affairs, and if you have any more propositions for stealing other peoples territory, to ad- dress them to Russia, or the United States. Prussia is not at present in that line of business. Brs~ncx. BUREAU OF PolicE, Jan. 1, 1870. 2~o ms MAJEsTYr TES EMPEROR SIRE: I beg leave to report that M. Roca~roRT demands the sum of 1,000,- 000 francs, to be paid at once. Otherwise he will cor~tinue to be a patriot, and will abuse Her Majesty, the Empress, with more violence than ever~ Both M. ROCHEFORT and M. FLOURENS are much euraged since their annual stip0nd has been discontinued. PIRw Ohi~of Poiie& ~ Other selections from the Imperial correspondence will be shortly laid be- fore our readers. Remember, the only genuine letters are those in PUNCHINET.. LO. All others are garbled forgeriea~ Roma? Xloma non pin COM era Prima. Win the downfall of the Popes tem.. poral power, comes the report that~ sev- eral newspapers have been established in the Eternal City. Thus the great world spins forever down the ringing grooves of change. For Papal Infallibility, the Romans will have that~ of the editorial WE; for the canons of the Church Miii.. tant they will have ubiquit~us reporter. discharging themselves i~ the public ear; the testimony of the pillars of the Church will be replaced by the asser- tions of the editorial columns; the In- quisition will become a press club-house for Reporters and Interviewers, and the Propaganda an office where extras are concocted and forced on the unsuspecting public. 4t least let us hope that the change will offer a reputable business for the army of beggars which has formerly been licensed by the church. A chancu will now be offered them to become newspaper agents, thus making a living re~ spectably by selling accounts of other peoples deformities5 I,nstead of disreputably by exhibiting their own. A CAPITOL MOVE. THE immediate probability of the formation of the United StMes of Europe, suggests how wise we were not to change the location of the Capitol to some facetiously distant western metropolis of the future. The Capitol buildings are quite large enough to receive th~e delegates who Will of course come on here to study the art of log-rolling, while the Chesapeake, being navigable almost to the Capitol steps, will sa~e them the fatigue of a luxurious journey in the palaee ~leeying ears. - Sublunary Observations or the Sun. FROM a careful analysis of the daily appearance of the Suit, It has been satisfactorily settled that it is completely enveloped in gas. By the application of the literary spectrum, it is also shown that this gas- eons vaporization is the result of brass in a high state of incandes- cence, while the indications of alkalies, and, in fact, all Irinds of lies, are no less distinct. Forethought. ONE reason why this country is so earnestly opposed to the Napoleonic dynasty, is that there is no probability that the descendants of. the Prince Imperial would give us any assistance in sealing the Ajabama Question. eromp*~ Tua Methodists recently opened a school fot ~oung~ 1adie~ iii ~Jt Lake City, and BRIGHAMs third son is courting it a1ready~ VERDICT ON A BARBERS WHIsERRs.I)yed by his owti haa~L 4 Centleman, (reading.) THE MILITARY AUTHORITIES OF PARIS HAVE CUT DOWN AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THE Bois DE BOULoGNE. Old Lady. POOR BOYS 1AND To THINK WHAT THEIR DEAR MOTHERS MUST 5UFFER I

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. NAPOLEONS CORRESPONDENCE. THE following letters were yesterday discovered among the private papers of the late EmperorL. N. BONAPARTE. They were instantly forwarded to us by our special correspondent. They will ba used to- morrow in a mutilated form by less enterprising journals, such as the Tribune and its partners of the Associated Press. NEw YORK, May 10, 1860. DEAR EMPEROR: I am thinking of writing a biography of you, in the same style as my biography of your Uncle. I shall want to prove that you were never in New York, that you behaved with perfect pro- priety while you were here, and that you are humble, unambitious, and deeply religious. This will not be a difficult matter, after the success I have made in the case of your Uncle. Still, I shall want a fact or two in the book. Can you not supply me with them? Any small favor you may think fit to send me may be directed to my usual address. Yours for truth and justice, J. S. C. A. B. B. 0. T. T. CIJGRY PRISON. VILI~& IN AND USURPER! Your minions have incarcerated me in this vile den on a pretence that I owe a debt which I have not paid. They lie, wilfully and malignantly. I always pay my debts. Ask SEWARD if I do not. He remembers how I paid hin the little debt I owed him, when I defeated his Presidential aspirations. Release me at once, or the Tribune will show your rotten Empire no mercy. If I am at liberty this evening I will send you a prize strawberry plant, and a copy of my work on political economy. If I am not at liberty by the time men- tioned, beware. SMAI~LEY shall be sent to Paris as the Tribunes special correspondent, and youll see- the sort of news about your infamous court that hell be instructed to send home. Yours Profanely, H. G. BERLIN, July 1, 1870. To THE EMPEROR OF THE FRENCH: His Majesty, the King, in- structs me to say that he shall do just as he pleases in all affairs public and private. He advises you to attend to your own affairs, and if you have any more propositions for stealing other peoples territory, to ad- dress them to Russia, or the United States. Prussia is not at present in that line of business. Brs~ncx. BUREAU OF PolicE, Jan. 1, 1870. 2~o ms MAJEsTYr TES EMPEROR SIRE: I beg leave to report that M. Roca~roRT demands the sum of 1,000,- 000 francs, to be paid at once. Otherwise he will cor~tinue to be a patriot, and will abuse Her Majesty, the Empress, with more violence than ever~ Both M. ROCHEFORT and M. FLOURENS are much euraged since their annual stip0nd has been discontinued. PIRw Ohi~of Poiie& ~ Other selections from the Imperial correspondence will be shortly laid be- fore our readers. Remember, the only genuine letters are those in PUNCHINET.. LO. All others are garbled forgeriea~ Roma? Xloma non pin COM era Prima. Win the downfall of the Popes tem.. poral power, comes the report that~ sev- eral newspapers have been established in the Eternal City. Thus the great world spins forever down the ringing grooves of change. For Papal Infallibility, the Romans will have that~ of the editorial WE; for the canons of the Church Miii.. tant they will have ubiquit~us reporter. discharging themselves i~ the public ear; the testimony of the pillars of the Church will be replaced by the asser- tions of the editorial columns; the In- quisition will become a press club-house for Reporters and Interviewers, and the Propaganda an office where extras are concocted and forced on the unsuspecting public. 4t least let us hope that the change will offer a reputable business for the army of beggars which has formerly been licensed by the church. A chancu will now be offered them to become newspaper agents, thus making a living re~ spectably by selling accounts of other peoples deformities5 I,nstead of disreputably by exhibiting their own. A CAPITOL MOVE. THE immediate probability of the formation of the United StMes of Europe, suggests how wise we were not to change the location of the Capitol to some facetiously distant western metropolis of the future. The Capitol buildings are quite large enough to receive th~e delegates who Will of course come on here to study the art of log-rolling, while the Chesapeake, being navigable almost to the Capitol steps, will sa~e them the fatigue of a luxurious journey in the palaee ~leeying ears. - Sublunary Observations or the Sun. FROM a careful analysis of the daily appearance of the Suit, It has been satisfactorily settled that it is completely enveloped in gas. By the application of the literary spectrum, it is also shown that this gas- eons vaporization is the result of brass in a high state of incandes- cence, while the indications of alkalies, and, in fact, all Irinds of lies, are no less distinct. Forethought. ONE reason why this country is so earnestly opposed to the Napoleonic dynasty, is that there is no probability that the descendants of. the Prince Imperial would give us any assistance in sealing the Ajabama Question. eromp*~ Tua Methodists recently opened a school fot ~oung~ 1adie~ iii ~Jt Lake City, and BRIGHAMs third son is courting it a1ready~ VERDICT ON A BARBERS WHIsERRs.I)yed by his owti haa~L 4 Centleman, (reading.) THE MILITARY AUTHORITIES OF PARIS HAVE CUT DOWN AND UTTERLY DESTROYED THE Bois DE BOULoGNE. Old Lady. POOR BOYS 1AND To THINK WHAT THEIR DEAR MOTHERS MUST 5UFFER I PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. OLEMN and severe German tragedy reigns in the Four- teenth Street theatre. Once it was called the French thea- tre, and was devoted to the witty comedies of ScErsE, and the luxurious legs of OmN- BACH. But a woe has been denounced against the Scnrsxs and OFFENBACHEI (there is considerable difference be- tween the latter and the Phari- sees)of that once gay thea- tre. Like many other French ivolities, it has lately yielded Teutonic tragedy. The cold and calculating German MEPHIsToPHELE5 treads the stage where once tripped the light feet of Parisian beauty. The burlesque Ger- mans of the Grand Duchy of Goroistein have vanished before the grim and earnest countrymen of grand and simple old King WILLLAM. It will be long before the French players find heart to burlesque anew the German soldiery. It will be some time, let us hope, before the German players at the Fourteenth Street t#eatre give way to the shameless antics of French Opera-Bouffe buffoons. PtINCHINELLO gives a glad farewellwith no thought of saying au revoirto the French follies that have given the Fr,ench theatre so un- enviable a reputation; and he waves his pointed hat in joyful welcome to SEEBAC~ and her German friends who have made the Fourteenth Street theatre a temple of the classic drama. Like other places which can properly be called dramatic temples, the theatre now partakes of the solemnity of a religious temple. One goes to see SEEBACH, not to laugh, but to test ones ability to suppress the desire to weep over the woes of MARGARET, and to mourn with MARY STUART. Fortify your- self, 0 reader, with a substantial dinner and much previous sleep, and come with me for a night of German tragedy. Come to the Fourteenth Street theatre, not to look back regretfully at departed opera-bouffe, but to SEEBAcH. It is with such reckless puns as the foregoing, that I endeavor to brace your spirits for the exhausting struggle with six hours of tragedy played in the most tragic and awful of modem lan- guages. You are to hear Faust in German. No man who has accom- plished this feat can wonder at the stolid bravery of the German in- fantry. It is said that the new recruit is forced to hear Faust once a week during his first year of service. This terrible discipline has the natural effect o~ giving him that steadiness under fire, at which the world marvels. He will stand with his regiment for hours under the merciless fire of the mitrailleuse with no thought of flight. What ter- rors can shot or shell have for him who has been taught to listen un- moved to the dialogue of FAUsT and MEPHISTOPHELES in the first thirty-two acts of Faust? We fina the theatre full of Germans, wearing that grave and earnest ex- pression of countenance wherewith the German takes his legitimate tragedy. Sprinkled among the Germans are several Americans, more grave and more in earnest than even their Teutonic neighbors, for they are straining their attention to detect a firmiliar German wordsuch as Mein Herr, or Ach. When once they have heard the expected syllables? they smile a placid smile of contentment, and remark, one to another, I can understand pretty nearly everything that is said,with the exception, of course, of an occasional word. We take our seats and wait for the entrance of SEEBACH. The cur- tam rises upon ~ FAUST pursuing his studies in middie-age, respect- ability, and a dressing-gown. To him, after hours of soliloquy, enters MEPHISTOPHELES. We observe, with surprise, that those estimable gentlemen, Col. THOMAS W. KNox and Hon. ERASTUS BRooKs, have been engaged, to play FAUST and MEPHISTOPHELES respectively. To be sure the programme informs us that these parts are taken by two newly imported German~actors, but we prefer the evidence of our senses to the assertions of the programme. Have KNOX and BROOKS been copied in German? If not, they are now playing in Fourteenth Street. Dont tell me that it is merely an accidental resemblance. Havent I played billiards with the gallant COLONEL, and gone to sleep when the Honorable EDITOR was speaking in Congress? And shall I now be told that I dont know them when I see them? But this is irrelevant. Hours of dialogue succeed to the previous hours of soliloquy. At in- tervals of fifteen minutes the curtain is dropped to enable the actors to discuss mugs of beer and the audience to discuss the actors. During these intervals we hear such remarks as these: 1ST GERMAN. Subjectively considered, Faust is a tragedy. Object- ively, we might regard it as a comedy. To the subjective-objective view, it is certainly a ballet pantomime. Ach! he was many-sided, our GOETHE. Here in this drama he has accomplished everything. There is food for our laughter and our tears. It excites us and calms us. 1ST AMERICAN. I should think it did calm us. Thats why the old fellow went to sleep and snored all through the last twevle acts. I think its the heaviest and stupidest play that was ever put on the stage. Of course its the greatest thing ever written, but then Iprefer DAlYs Gas- light, myself. 2ND GERMAN. Ah, my friend, how this sublime creation stirs the inner depths of our spiritual natures. Ach, Himmel lit is the poem of Humanity. Let us go out for beer. 2D AMERICAN. When are we going to ~ee SEEBACH ? UsHER. She dont appear until the twenty-third act, sir. That will be on about three hours from now. 2D AMERICAN. Come, TOM, lets go and have supper. I am getting exhausted. UsHEJi. Step this way, sir. Mr. GRAU has some refreshments at your service. And they go in search of the cold ham and beer which the benefi- cent GRAU has kindiy provided. Refreshed by much beer, and enli- vened by the cheery influence of the genial sandwich, they return for a few more hours of soliloquy and dialogue. Time passes slowly, but surely. At last we reach an act in which SEE- BACH walks quietiy across the stage. The curtain instantly drops amid the sobs of the excited audience. 1ST GERMAN. Lend me your handkerchief, my friend, that I may wipe away my tears. I have a sausage wrapped up in mine, but what are sausages compared with art I How divinely SEEBAcH walks. To me, she seems like an incarnation of Pure Reason, an Avatar of the spirit of transcendental philosophy. Come, we will pledge her in beer. 1ST AMERICAN. What are they making all that row aboutjust be- cause SEEBACH walked across the stage ? Why, she never said a word. 2D AMERICAN. Lets go round to the hotel and take a quiet sleep till she comes on again, rye got my nightclothes with me. Always bring em when I go to see German tragedy. Then ensue other hours of dialogue, interspersed with soliloquies of half an hour each. Interspersed also with perpetual dropping of the curtain, whereby the play is made to last some eight or ten hours longer than would otherwise be the case. Most of the German music that has been written during the last three centuries is played by the orches- tra during these intermissions. But in course of time SEEBACH gives us the Garden scene, winning our frantic admiration by her inimitable tenderness and grace, and finally we reach that grandest scene ever written by dramatist, that most pathetic poem ever conceived by poet the meeting of FAUST and MARGARET ln prison. At last we are more than repaid for the dreary hours that have gone before. We have seen SEEBACHS MARGARET the most powerful, the most pathetic, the most beautiful, the most perfect creation of the stage. And as we pass slowly up the tortuous, steep stairways of the theatre, while the Germans, all talking at once, burden the air with unintelligi- ble gutturals, you say to meif you are the intelligent person that you ought to be SEEBACH is the greatest actress of this centurygreater than RIsToRI, subtler and more tender than RACHEL. With which opinion the undersigned concurs with all the emphasis of conviction; and over our late breakfast, to which we immediately sit down, we discuss the question, Which is the greatestthe poet who drew MARGARET, or the actress who made the poets picture warm with passionate life? MATADOR. Absolutely True. FOR the last fifty years or so the metaphysical thinkers of Germany have been engaged in seeking for the Absolute. From present indica- tions it would seem as though they are about to find itwhere per- haps they least expected itin the imperial reign of King WILLIAM, aided and abetted by Count Von BISMARCE.

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. OLEMN and severe German tragedy reigns in the Four- teenth Street theatre. Once it was called the French thea- tre, and was devoted to the witty comedies of ScErsE, and the luxurious legs of OmN- BACH. But a woe has been denounced against the Scnrsxs and OFFENBACHEI (there is considerable difference be- tween the latter and the Phari- sees)of that once gay thea- tre. Like many other French ivolities, it has lately yielded Teutonic tragedy. The cold and calculating German MEPHIsToPHELE5 treads the stage where once tripped the light feet of Parisian beauty. The burlesque Ger- mans of the Grand Duchy of Goroistein have vanished before the grim and earnest countrymen of grand and simple old King WILLLAM. It will be long before the French players find heart to burlesque anew the German soldiery. It will be some time, let us hope, before the German players at the Fourteenth Street t#eatre give way to the shameless antics of French Opera-Bouffe buffoons. PtINCHINELLO gives a glad farewellwith no thought of saying au revoirto the French follies that have given the Fr,ench theatre so un- enviable a reputation; and he waves his pointed hat in joyful welcome to SEEBAC~ and her German friends who have made the Fourteenth Street theatre a temple of the classic drama. Like other places which can properly be called dramatic temples, the theatre now partakes of the solemnity of a religious temple. One goes to see SEEBACH, not to laugh, but to test ones ability to suppress the desire to weep over the woes of MARGARET, and to mourn with MARY STUART. Fortify your- self, 0 reader, with a substantial dinner and much previous sleep, and come with me for a night of German tragedy. Come to the Fourteenth Street theatre, not to look back regretfully at departed opera-bouffe, but to SEEBAcH. It is with such reckless puns as the foregoing, that I endeavor to brace your spirits for the exhausting struggle with six hours of tragedy played in the most tragic and awful of modem lan- guages. You are to hear Faust in German. No man who has accom- plished this feat can wonder at the stolid bravery of the German in- fantry. It is said that the new recruit is forced to hear Faust once a week during his first year of service. This terrible discipline has the natural effect o~ giving him that steadiness under fire, at which the world marvels. He will stand with his regiment for hours under the merciless fire of the mitrailleuse with no thought of flight. What ter- rors can shot or shell have for him who has been taught to listen un- moved to the dialogue of FAUsT and MEPHISTOPHELES in the first thirty-two acts of Faust? We fina the theatre full of Germans, wearing that grave and earnest ex- pression of countenance wherewith the German takes his legitimate tragedy. Sprinkled among the Germans are several Americans, more grave and more in earnest than even their Teutonic neighbors, for they are straining their attention to detect a firmiliar German wordsuch as Mein Herr, or Ach. When once they have heard the expected syllables? they smile a placid smile of contentment, and remark, one to another, I can understand pretty nearly everything that is said,with the exception, of course, of an occasional word. We take our seats and wait for the entrance of SEEBACH. The cur- tam rises upon ~ FAUST pursuing his studies in middie-age, respect- ability, and a dressing-gown. To him, after hours of soliloquy, enters MEPHISTOPHELES. We observe, with surprise, that those estimable gentlemen, Col. THOMAS W. KNox and Hon. ERASTUS BRooKs, have been engaged, to play FAUST and MEPHISTOPHELES respectively. To be sure the programme informs us that these parts are taken by two newly imported German~actors, but we prefer the evidence of our senses to the assertions of the programme. Have KNOX and BROOKS been copied in German? If not, they are now playing in Fourteenth Street. Dont tell me that it is merely an accidental resemblance. Havent I played billiards with the gallant COLONEL, and gone to sleep when the Honorable EDITOR was speaking in Congress? And shall I now be told that I dont know them when I see them? But this is irrelevant. Hours of dialogue succeed to the previous hours of soliloquy. At in- tervals of fifteen minutes the curtain is dropped to enable the actors to discuss mugs of beer and the audience to discuss the actors. During these intervals we hear such remarks as these: 1ST GERMAN. Subjectively considered, Faust is a tragedy. Object- ively, we might regard it as a comedy. To the subjective-objective view, it is certainly a ballet pantomime. Ach! he was many-sided, our GOETHE. Here in this drama he has accomplished everything. There is food for our laughter and our tears. It excites us and calms us. 1ST AMERICAN. I should think it did calm us. Thats why the old fellow went to sleep and snored all through the last twevle acts. I think its the heaviest and stupidest play that was ever put on the stage. Of course its the greatest thing ever written, but then Iprefer DAlYs Gas- light, myself. 2ND GERMAN. Ah, my friend, how this sublime creation stirs the inner depths of our spiritual natures. Ach, Himmel lit is the poem of Humanity. Let us go out for beer. 2D AMERICAN. When are we going to ~ee SEEBACH ? UsHER. She dont appear until the twenty-third act, sir. That will be on about three hours from now. 2D AMERICAN. Come, TOM, lets go and have supper. I am getting exhausted. UsHEJi. Step this way, sir. Mr. GRAU has some refreshments at your service. And they go in search of the cold ham and beer which the benefi- cent GRAU has kindiy provided. Refreshed by much beer, and enli- vened by the cheery influence of the genial sandwich, they return for a few more hours of soliloquy and dialogue. Time passes slowly, but surely. At last we reach an act in which SEE- BACH walks quietiy across the stage. The curtain instantly drops amid the sobs of the excited audience. 1ST GERMAN. Lend me your handkerchief, my friend, that I may wipe away my tears. I have a sausage wrapped up in mine, but what are sausages compared with art I How divinely SEEBAcH walks. To me, she seems like an incarnation of Pure Reason, an Avatar of the spirit of transcendental philosophy. Come, we will pledge her in beer. 1ST AMERICAN. What are they making all that row aboutjust be- cause SEEBACH walked across the stage ? Why, she never said a word. 2D AMERICAN. Lets go round to the hotel and take a quiet sleep till she comes on again, rye got my nightclothes with me. Always bring em when I go to see German tragedy. Then ensue other hours of dialogue, interspersed with soliloquies of half an hour each. Interspersed also with perpetual dropping of the curtain, whereby the play is made to last some eight or ten hours longer than would otherwise be the case. Most of the German music that has been written during the last three centuries is played by the orches- tra during these intermissions. But in course of time SEEBACH gives us the Garden scene, winning our frantic admiration by her inimitable tenderness and grace, and finally we reach that grandest scene ever written by dramatist, that most pathetic poem ever conceived by poet the meeting of FAUST and MARGARET ln prison. At last we are more than repaid for the dreary hours that have gone before. We have seen SEEBACHS MARGARET the most powerful, the most pathetic, the most beautiful, the most perfect creation of the stage. And as we pass slowly up the tortuous, steep stairways of the theatre, while the Germans, all talking at once, burden the air with unintelligi- ble gutturals, you say to meif you are the intelligent person that you ought to be SEEBACH is the greatest actress of this centurygreater than RIsToRI, subtler and more tender than RACHEL. With which opinion the undersigned concurs with all the emphasis of conviction; and over our late breakfast, to which we immediately sit down, we discuss the question, Which is the greatestthe poet who drew MARGARET, or the actress who made the poets picture warm with passionate life? MATADOR. Absolutely True. FOR the last fifty years or so the metaphysical thinkers of Germany have been engaged in seeking for the Absolute. From present indica- tions it would seem as though they are about to find itwhere per- haps they least expected itin the imperial reign of King WILLIAM, aided and abetted by Count Von BISMARCE.

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. OLEMN and severe German tragedy reigns in the Four- teenth Street theatre. Once it was called the French thea- tre, and was devoted to the witty comedies of ScErsE, and the luxurious legs of OmN- BACH. But a woe has been denounced against the Scnrsxs and OFFENBACHEI (there is considerable difference be- tween the latter and the Phari- sees)of that once gay thea- tre. Like many other French ivolities, it has lately yielded Teutonic tragedy. The cold and calculating German MEPHIsToPHELE5 treads the stage where once tripped the light feet of Parisian beauty. The burlesque Ger- mans of the Grand Duchy of Goroistein have vanished before the grim and earnest countrymen of grand and simple old King WILLLAM. It will be long before the French players find heart to burlesque anew the German soldiery. It will be some time, let us hope, before the German players at the Fourteenth Street t#eatre give way to the shameless antics of French Opera-Bouffe buffoons. PtINCHINELLO gives a glad farewellwith no thought of saying au revoirto the French follies that have given the Fr,ench theatre so un- enviable a reputation; and he waves his pointed hat in joyful welcome to SEEBAC~ and her German friends who have made the Fourteenth Street theatre a temple of the classic drama. Like other places which can properly be called dramatic temples, the theatre now partakes of the solemnity of a religious temple. One goes to see SEEBACH, not to laugh, but to test ones ability to suppress the desire to weep over the woes of MARGARET, and to mourn with MARY STUART. Fortify your- self, 0 reader, with a substantial dinner and much previous sleep, and come with me for a night of German tragedy. Come to the Fourteenth Street theatre, not to look back regretfully at departed opera-bouffe, but to SEEBAcH. It is with such reckless puns as the foregoing, that I endeavor to brace your spirits for the exhausting struggle with six hours of tragedy played in the most tragic and awful of modem lan- guages. You are to hear Faust in German. No man who has accom- plished this feat can wonder at the stolid bravery of the German in- fantry. It is said that the new recruit is forced to hear Faust once a week during his first year of service. This terrible discipline has the natural effect o~ giving him that steadiness under fire, at which the world marvels. He will stand with his regiment for hours under the merciless fire of the mitrailleuse with no thought of flight. What ter- rors can shot or shell have for him who has been taught to listen un- moved to the dialogue of FAUsT and MEPHISTOPHELES in the first thirty-two acts of Faust? We fina the theatre full of Germans, wearing that grave and earnest ex- pression of countenance wherewith the German takes his legitimate tragedy. Sprinkled among the Germans are several Americans, more grave and more in earnest than even their Teutonic neighbors, for they are straining their attention to detect a firmiliar German wordsuch as Mein Herr, or Ach. When once they have heard the expected syllables? they smile a placid smile of contentment, and remark, one to another, I can understand pretty nearly everything that is said,with the exception, of course, of an occasional word. We take our seats and wait for the entrance of SEEBACH. The cur- tam rises upon ~ FAUST pursuing his studies in middie-age, respect- ability, and a dressing-gown. To him, after hours of soliloquy, enters MEPHISTOPHELES. We observe, with surprise, that those estimable gentlemen, Col. THOMAS W. KNox and Hon. ERASTUS BRooKs, have been engaged, to play FAUST and MEPHISTOPHELES respectively. To be sure the programme informs us that these parts are taken by two newly imported German~actors, but we prefer the evidence of our senses to the assertions of the programme. Have KNOX and BROOKS been copied in German? If not, they are now playing in Fourteenth Street. Dont tell me that it is merely an accidental resemblance. Havent I played billiards with the gallant COLONEL, and gone to sleep when the Honorable EDITOR was speaking in Congress? And shall I now be told that I dont know them when I see them? But this is irrelevant. Hours of dialogue succeed to the previous hours of soliloquy. At in- tervals of fifteen minutes the curtain is dropped to enable the actors to discuss mugs of beer and the audience to discuss the actors. During these intervals we hear such remarks as these: 1ST GERMAN. Subjectively considered, Faust is a tragedy. Object- ively, we might regard it as a comedy. To the subjective-objective view, it is certainly a ballet pantomime. Ach! he was many-sided, our GOETHE. Here in this drama he has accomplished everything. There is food for our laughter and our tears. It excites us and calms us. 1ST AMERICAN. I should think it did calm us. Thats why the old fellow went to sleep and snored all through the last twevle acts. I think its the heaviest and stupidest play that was ever put on the stage. Of course its the greatest thing ever written, but then Iprefer DAlYs Gas- light, myself. 2ND GERMAN. Ah, my friend, how this sublime creation stirs the inner depths of our spiritual natures. Ach, Himmel lit is the poem of Humanity. Let us go out for beer. 2D AMERICAN. When are we going to ~ee SEEBACH ? UsHER. She dont appear until the twenty-third act, sir. That will be on about three hours from now. 2D AMERICAN. Come, TOM, lets go and have supper. I am getting exhausted. UsHEJi. Step this way, sir. Mr. GRAU has some refreshments at your service. And they go in search of the cold ham and beer which the benefi- cent GRAU has kindiy provided. Refreshed by much beer, and enli- vened by the cheery influence of the genial sandwich, they return for a few more hours of soliloquy and dialogue. Time passes slowly, but surely. At last we reach an act in which SEE- BACH walks quietiy across the stage. The curtain instantly drops amid the sobs of the excited audience. 1ST GERMAN. Lend me your handkerchief, my friend, that I may wipe away my tears. I have a sausage wrapped up in mine, but what are sausages compared with art I How divinely SEEBAcH walks. To me, she seems like an incarnation of Pure Reason, an Avatar of the spirit of transcendental philosophy. Come, we will pledge her in beer. 1ST AMERICAN. What are they making all that row aboutjust be- cause SEEBACH walked across the stage ? Why, she never said a word. 2D AMERICAN. Lets go round to the hotel and take a quiet sleep till she comes on again, rye got my nightclothes with me. Always bring em when I go to see German tragedy. Then ensue other hours of dialogue, interspersed with soliloquies of half an hour each. Interspersed also with perpetual dropping of the curtain, whereby the play is made to last some eight or ten hours longer than would otherwise be the case. Most of the German music that has been written during the last three centuries is played by the orches- tra during these intermissions. But in course of time SEEBACH gives us the Garden scene, winning our frantic admiration by her inimitable tenderness and grace, and finally we reach that grandest scene ever written by dramatist, that most pathetic poem ever conceived by poet the meeting of FAUST and MARGARET ln prison. At last we are more than repaid for the dreary hours that have gone before. We have seen SEEBACHS MARGARET the most powerful, the most pathetic, the most beautiful, the most perfect creation of the stage. And as we pass slowly up the tortuous, steep stairways of the theatre, while the Germans, all talking at once, burden the air with unintelligi- ble gutturals, you say to meif you are the intelligent person that you ought to be SEEBACH is the greatest actress of this centurygreater than RIsToRI, subtler and more tender than RACHEL. With which opinion the undersigned concurs with all the emphasis of conviction; and over our late breakfast, to which we immediately sit down, we discuss the question, Which is the greatestthe poet who drew MARGARET, or the actress who made the poets picture warm with passionate life? MATADOR. Absolutely True. FOR the last fifty years or so the metaphysical thinkers of Germany have been engaged in seeking for the Absolute. From present indica- tions it would seem as though they are about to find itwhere per- haps they least expected itin the imperial reign of King WILLIAM, aided and abetted by Count Von BISMARCE. OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 58 THE BIGHT PARTY. A mw days ago Pumcuxmnno officially announced his adhesion to the Right Party. PumcHntsl.no hadnt the slightest idea which party was the right one, but thought that, as some party must be right, he could not go very far wrong. But mark the denouement. Every party imagines itself the right party, and welcomes him joyfully to its bosom. Republicans love him, Independents worship him, while Democrats would endure even the Fifteenth Amendment for his sake. In order to reciprocate their sentiments Mr. P. would have to resolve himself into a kind of Demo- Independent-Republican, which he has no idea of doing. Heres what some of the organs say of him: The Sun. We hail with joy the accession of Pu~cnnqxii.o to the ranks of in- dependent jaurnalism as embodied in the Sun, with a circulation of over 100,000, Ca& s. B. DANA Editor, price two cents. Reinforced by this powerful journal, we shall continue with renewed vigor to demand of HonAcE GIIEELEY his reasons why J. C. BANCROFT DAvIs should not be removed from the Assistant Secretaryship of State. We shall persevere in our attempts to make Gen. Gnsur understand that to move four and a half inches from the White House is an infraction of Che Constitution. Regardless of the tears of the thousands of advertisers who carry their announcements to our office, we shall devote our entire space to the vilifying of Bonra, FIsH, the Disreputable Times and Aise Reporting Tribune. Those elaborate attacks upon moral corruption and the Erie Ring, for which we have become famous, will remain specialties with us. All this by PUNcmmI.nos aid. Bully for PUNcHrnEI.Lo. The Tribune. The moral influence of this paper, which retains the only corre- spondent at the seat of war, and whose dispatches, procured at a cost of over $2,000,000, are copied by the Herald, Sun and World,(and whoever denies it lies damnably, with intent to malign, etc.,)the moral in- fluence of this paper is rapidly extending itself throughout the country. As a late instance, we note that PuNcHn~zI.Lo has given in its adhesion to the only true and pure republican agricultural party, which it appro- priately names the Right Party. PTJNcHINELLO was once a frivolous, good-for-nothing sheet, devoted to low jokes and witticisms. The con- version of its editor to the temperance cause is the reason of the recent change in its tenets. We bid it God speed. The World. As the irrefutable and all-enduring truths of Democracy receive exemplification in contemporaneous events, the reflecting and refined masses of this city purchase the World in preference to that decrepit and fast decaying sheet, the Herald. PUNcHINELLO, recognizing with ethereal foresight the exigencies of the situation, proclaims itself for the Right Party our party. We welcome with acclamation this valuable addition to the Democratic ranks. The Star. PuNcHrsrino has joined the Right Party, by which he obviously means the Star, whose circulation last Sunday exceeded 375,005 copies. But this has nothing to do with the domestic policy of the Peruvians, as expounded by the first Cs~sAn. PUNCHINELLO will prove a pillar of strength to Tammany Hall, un- less the siege of Paris should prove disastrous to the consumption of lager-bier, as set forth in Boiled for her Bones~ and other tales by the best authors. But Personals, my dear Star, Personals are the things that pay. If thus, why not? As thus: Enrron OF PuNcHINEu~O. The Editor of PUNCHINELLO has an in- come of about $500,000. He usually dines at the Hoffman House when out of States Prison. He owns some fine lots somewhere underneath the East River, besides a brown stone front in Alaska. Punr~sHzn OF PUNcHINELLO. This gentlemans income does not exceed $350,000 per annum. He expends it principally in beautifying his delightful summer residence in Mackerelville. It has been his misfortune to pass many years of his life in a lunatic asylum, the unhappy result of organizing plans for American Comic Papers. All is joy and peace with him now, however; he looks hopefully forward to the time when PUNCHINELLO shall have attained to his legitimate rank of the Foremost Journal in the Nation. Meanwhile he lunches daily at a leading restau- rant on thirteen oysters, (a dozen and one over) with vinegar, pepper and a bottle of Bass. ONE MORE UNFORTUNATE. Mn. PuNcHmxm~o: I fancy myself a victim of imposition, and I wish to place my case before you. Having, for a period of six months, honorably and persistently, (to use the language of my friends,) held the office of third Deputy-Assistant Register of Caramels, in and for the city and county of New York, my associates in office and my friends in general have determined to present me with a testimonial of their distingulshed regards. Accordingly, they have ordered a massive and handsomely engraved pair of silver tongs, and a splendid silver ire- shoveL This is all very well, so far, but the committee informed me yesterday that the shovel and tongs would cost four hundred and twenty-five dollars, and that, as only eight dollars and a half had been collected, it was considered highly important that I should immediately hand over the balance of the price, in order that the presentation and banquet, (to take place at my house on next Saturday evening,) might not be postponed, to the great disappointment of my associates in office and my friends in general. Now, Mr. PTJNCHINELLO, is not this a little hard on me? I know very well that it is customary for the recipients of testimonials to pay three- quarters of the cost of the present, and I am perfectly willing to abide by this custom; but forty-nine fiftieths is, I think, rather too heavy, es- pecially as my house is heated by a furnace in the cellar axid I have no use for a shovel and tongsparticularly silver ones. Yours perturbedly, A. DOANE XNEA. Roaming Troops. THE Italians in this country are very jubilant over the occupation of Rome by the army of Italy. But people of other nations hereabouts are not so much elated about the occupation of Roam in which the numerous troops of Italian organ-grinders are engaged. Subject for a Debating Society. a couple who have contracted a clandestine marriage be properly said to be carrying out their clandestiny? A CHEERFUL PROSPECT. THE MORNING HAYING BEEN BRIGHT AND CLEAR, MR. DEBOOTS DECIDED TO AVAIL RIMSELF OF AN INVITATION TO SPEND THE DAY IN THE COUNTRY. Hz AREIVES AT THE STATION, AND HAS A MILE TO wALK.

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 58 THE BIGHT PARTY. A mw days ago Pumcuxmnno officially announced his adhesion to the Right Party. PumcHntsl.no hadnt the slightest idea which party was the right one, but thought that, as some party must be right, he could not go very far wrong. But mark the denouement. Every party imagines itself the right party, and welcomes him joyfully to its bosom. Republicans love him, Independents worship him, while Democrats would endure even the Fifteenth Amendment for his sake. In order to reciprocate their sentiments Mr. P. would have to resolve himself into a kind of Demo- Independent-Republican, which he has no idea of doing. Heres what some of the organs say of him: The Sun. We hail with joy the accession of Pu~cnnqxii.o to the ranks of in- dependent jaurnalism as embodied in the Sun, with a circulation of over 100,000, Ca& s. B. DANA Editor, price two cents. Reinforced by this powerful journal, we shall continue with renewed vigor to demand of HonAcE GIIEELEY his reasons why J. C. BANCROFT DAvIs should not be removed from the Assistant Secretaryship of State. We shall persevere in our attempts to make Gen. Gnsur understand that to move four and a half inches from the White House is an infraction of Che Constitution. Regardless of the tears of the thousands of advertisers who carry their announcements to our office, we shall devote our entire space to the vilifying of Bonra, FIsH, the Disreputable Times and Aise Reporting Tribune. Those elaborate attacks upon moral corruption and the Erie Ring, for which we have become famous, will remain specialties with us. All this by PUNcmmI.nos aid. Bully for PUNcHrnEI.Lo. The Tribune. The moral influence of this paper, which retains the only corre- spondent at the seat of war, and whose dispatches, procured at a cost of over $2,000,000, are copied by the Herald, Sun and World,(and whoever denies it lies damnably, with intent to malign, etc.,)the moral in- fluence of this paper is rapidly extending itself throughout the country. As a late instance, we note that PuNcHn~zI.Lo has given in its adhesion to the only true and pure republican agricultural party, which it appro- priately names the Right Party. PTJNcHINELLO was once a frivolous, good-for-nothing sheet, devoted to low jokes and witticisms. The con- version of its editor to the temperance cause is the reason of the recent change in its tenets. We bid it God speed. The World. As the irrefutable and all-enduring truths of Democracy receive exemplification in contemporaneous events, the reflecting and refined masses of this city purchase the World in preference to that decrepit and fast decaying sheet, the Herald. PUNcHINELLO, recognizing with ethereal foresight the exigencies of the situation, proclaims itself for the Right Party our party. We welcome with acclamation this valuable addition to the Democratic ranks. The Star. PuNcHrsrino has joined the Right Party, by which he obviously means the Star, whose circulation last Sunday exceeded 375,005 copies. But this has nothing to do with the domestic policy of the Peruvians, as expounded by the first Cs~sAn. PUNCHINELLO will prove a pillar of strength to Tammany Hall, un- less the siege of Paris should prove disastrous to the consumption of lager-bier, as set forth in Boiled for her Bones~ and other tales by the best authors. But Personals, my dear Star, Personals are the things that pay. If thus, why not? As thus: Enrron OF PuNcHINEu~O. The Editor of PUNCHINELLO has an in- come of about $500,000. He usually dines at the Hoffman House when out of States Prison. He owns some fine lots somewhere underneath the East River, besides a brown stone front in Alaska. Punr~sHzn OF PUNcHINELLO. This gentlemans income does not exceed $350,000 per annum. He expends it principally in beautifying his delightful summer residence in Mackerelville. It has been his misfortune to pass many years of his life in a lunatic asylum, the unhappy result of organizing plans for American Comic Papers. All is joy and peace with him now, however; he looks hopefully forward to the time when PUNCHINELLO shall have attained to his legitimate rank of the Foremost Journal in the Nation. Meanwhile he lunches daily at a leading restau- rant on thirteen oysters, (a dozen and one over) with vinegar, pepper and a bottle of Bass. ONE MORE UNFORTUNATE. Mn. PuNcHmxm~o: I fancy myself a victim of imposition, and I wish to place my case before you. Having, for a period of six months, honorably and persistently, (to use the language of my friends,) held the office of third Deputy-Assistant Register of Caramels, in and for the city and county of New York, my associates in office and my friends in general have determined to present me with a testimonial of their distingulshed regards. Accordingly, they have ordered a massive and handsomely engraved pair of silver tongs, and a splendid silver ire- shoveL This is all very well, so far, but the committee informed me yesterday that the shovel and tongs would cost four hundred and twenty-five dollars, and that, as only eight dollars and a half had been collected, it was considered highly important that I should immediately hand over the balance of the price, in order that the presentation and banquet, (to take place at my house on next Saturday evening,) might not be postponed, to the great disappointment of my associates in office and my friends in general. Now, Mr. PTJNCHINELLO, is not this a little hard on me? I know very well that it is customary for the recipients of testimonials to pay three- quarters of the cost of the present, and I am perfectly willing to abide by this custom; but forty-nine fiftieths is, I think, rather too heavy, es- pecially as my house is heated by a furnace in the cellar axid I have no use for a shovel and tongsparticularly silver ones. Yours perturbedly, A. DOANE XNEA. Roaming Troops. THE Italians in this country are very jubilant over the occupation of Rome by the army of Italy. But people of other nations hereabouts are not so much elated about the occupation of Roam in which the numerous troops of Italian organ-grinders are engaged. Subject for a Debating Society. a couple who have contracted a clandestine marriage be properly said to be carrying out their clandestiny? A CHEERFUL PROSPECT. THE MORNING HAYING BEEN BRIGHT AND CLEAR, MR. DEBOOTS DECIDED TO AVAIL RIMSELF OF AN INVITATION TO SPEND THE DAY IN THE COUNTRY. Hz AREIVES AT THE STATION, AND HAS A MILE TO wALK.

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 58 THE BIGHT PARTY. A mw days ago Pumcuxmnno officially announced his adhesion to the Right Party. PumcHntsl.no hadnt the slightest idea which party was the right one, but thought that, as some party must be right, he could not go very far wrong. But mark the denouement. Every party imagines itself the right party, and welcomes him joyfully to its bosom. Republicans love him, Independents worship him, while Democrats would endure even the Fifteenth Amendment for his sake. In order to reciprocate their sentiments Mr. P. would have to resolve himself into a kind of Demo- Independent-Republican, which he has no idea of doing. Heres what some of the organs say of him: The Sun. We hail with joy the accession of Pu~cnnqxii.o to the ranks of in- dependent jaurnalism as embodied in the Sun, with a circulation of over 100,000, Ca& s. B. DANA Editor, price two cents. Reinforced by this powerful journal, we shall continue with renewed vigor to demand of HonAcE GIIEELEY his reasons why J. C. BANCROFT DAvIs should not be removed from the Assistant Secretaryship of State. We shall persevere in our attempts to make Gen. Gnsur understand that to move four and a half inches from the White House is an infraction of Che Constitution. Regardless of the tears of the thousands of advertisers who carry their announcements to our office, we shall devote our entire space to the vilifying of Bonra, FIsH, the Disreputable Times and Aise Reporting Tribune. Those elaborate attacks upon moral corruption and the Erie Ring, for which we have become famous, will remain specialties with us. All this by PUNcmmI.nos aid. Bully for PUNcHrnEI.Lo. The Tribune. The moral influence of this paper, which retains the only corre- spondent at the seat of war, and whose dispatches, procured at a cost of over $2,000,000, are copied by the Herald, Sun and World,(and whoever denies it lies damnably, with intent to malign, etc.,)the moral in- fluence of this paper is rapidly extending itself throughout the country. As a late instance, we note that PuNcHn~zI.Lo has given in its adhesion to the only true and pure republican agricultural party, which it appro- priately names the Right Party. PTJNcHINELLO was once a frivolous, good-for-nothing sheet, devoted to low jokes and witticisms. The con- version of its editor to the temperance cause is the reason of the recent change in its tenets. We bid it God speed. The World. As the irrefutable and all-enduring truths of Democracy receive exemplification in contemporaneous events, the reflecting and refined masses of this city purchase the World in preference to that decrepit and fast decaying sheet, the Herald. PUNcHINELLO, recognizing with ethereal foresight the exigencies of the situation, proclaims itself for the Right Party our party. We welcome with acclamation this valuable addition to the Democratic ranks. The Star. PuNcHrsrino has joined the Right Party, by which he obviously means the Star, whose circulation last Sunday exceeded 375,005 copies. But this has nothing to do with the domestic policy of the Peruvians, as expounded by the first Cs~sAn. PUNCHINELLO will prove a pillar of strength to Tammany Hall, un- less the siege of Paris should prove disastrous to the consumption of lager-bier, as set forth in Boiled for her Bones~ and other tales by the best authors. But Personals, my dear Star, Personals are the things that pay. If thus, why not? As thus: Enrron OF PuNcHINEu~O. The Editor of PUNCHINELLO has an in- come of about $500,000. He usually dines at the Hoffman House when out of States Prison. He owns some fine lots somewhere underneath the East River, besides a brown stone front in Alaska. Punr~sHzn OF PUNcHINELLO. This gentlemans income does not exceed $350,000 per annum. He expends it principally in beautifying his delightful summer residence in Mackerelville. It has been his misfortune to pass many years of his life in a lunatic asylum, the unhappy result of organizing plans for American Comic Papers. All is joy and peace with him now, however; he looks hopefully forward to the time when PUNCHINELLO shall have attained to his legitimate rank of the Foremost Journal in the Nation. Meanwhile he lunches daily at a leading restau- rant on thirteen oysters, (a dozen and one over) with vinegar, pepper and a bottle of Bass. ONE MORE UNFORTUNATE. Mn. PuNcHmxm~o: I fancy myself a victim of imposition, and I wish to place my case before you. Having, for a period of six months, honorably and persistently, (to use the language of my friends,) held the office of third Deputy-Assistant Register of Caramels, in and for the city and county of New York, my associates in office and my friends in general have determined to present me with a testimonial of their distingulshed regards. Accordingly, they have ordered a massive and handsomely engraved pair of silver tongs, and a splendid silver ire- shoveL This is all very well, so far, but the committee informed me yesterday that the shovel and tongs would cost four hundred and twenty-five dollars, and that, as only eight dollars and a half had been collected, it was considered highly important that I should immediately hand over the balance of the price, in order that the presentation and banquet, (to take place at my house on next Saturday evening,) might not be postponed, to the great disappointment of my associates in office and my friends in general. Now, Mr. PTJNCHINELLO, is not this a little hard on me? I know very well that it is customary for the recipients of testimonials to pay three- quarters of the cost of the present, and I am perfectly willing to abide by this custom; but forty-nine fiftieths is, I think, rather too heavy, es- pecially as my house is heated by a furnace in the cellar axid I have no use for a shovel and tongsparticularly silver ones. Yours perturbedly, A. DOANE XNEA. Roaming Troops. THE Italians in this country are very jubilant over the occupation of Rome by the army of Italy. But people of other nations hereabouts are not so much elated about the occupation of Roam in which the numerous troops of Italian organ-grinders are engaged. Subject for a Debating Society. a couple who have contracted a clandestine marriage be properly said to be carrying out their clandestiny? A CHEERFUL PROSPECT. THE MORNING HAYING BEEN BRIGHT AND CLEAR, MR. DEBOOTS DECIDED TO AVAIL RIMSELF OF AN INVITATION TO SPEND THE DAY IN THE COUNTRY. Hz AREIVES AT THE STATION, AND HAS A MILE TO wALK.

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 58 THE BIGHT PARTY. A mw days ago Pumcuxmnno officially announced his adhesion to the Right Party. PumcHntsl.no hadnt the slightest idea which party was the right one, but thought that, as some party must be right, he could not go very far wrong. But mark the denouement. Every party imagines itself the right party, and welcomes him joyfully to its bosom. Republicans love him, Independents worship him, while Democrats would endure even the Fifteenth Amendment for his sake. In order to reciprocate their sentiments Mr. P. would have to resolve himself into a kind of Demo- Independent-Republican, which he has no idea of doing. Heres what some of the organs say of him: The Sun. We hail with joy the accession of Pu~cnnqxii.o to the ranks of in- dependent jaurnalism as embodied in the Sun, with a circulation of over 100,000, Ca& s. B. DANA Editor, price two cents. Reinforced by this powerful journal, we shall continue with renewed vigor to demand of HonAcE GIIEELEY his reasons why J. C. BANCROFT DAvIs should not be removed from the Assistant Secretaryship of State. We shall persevere in our attempts to make Gen. Gnsur understand that to move four and a half inches from the White House is an infraction of Che Constitution. Regardless of the tears of the thousands of advertisers who carry their announcements to our office, we shall devote our entire space to the vilifying of Bonra, FIsH, the Disreputable Times and Aise Reporting Tribune. Those elaborate attacks upon moral corruption and the Erie Ring, for which we have become famous, will remain specialties with us. All this by PUNcmmI.nos aid. Bully for PUNcHrnEI.Lo. The Tribune. The moral influence of this paper, which retains the only corre- spondent at the seat of war, and whose dispatches, procured at a cost of over $2,000,000, are copied by the Herald, Sun and World,(and whoever denies it lies damnably, with intent to malign, etc.,)the moral in- fluence of this paper is rapidly extending itself throughout the country. As a late instance, we note that PuNcHn~zI.Lo has given in its adhesion to the only true and pure republican agricultural party, which it appro- priately names the Right Party. PTJNcHINELLO was once a frivolous, good-for-nothing sheet, devoted to low jokes and witticisms. The con- version of its editor to the temperance cause is the reason of the recent change in its tenets. We bid it God speed. The World. As the irrefutable and all-enduring truths of Democracy receive exemplification in contemporaneous events, the reflecting and refined masses of this city purchase the World in preference to that decrepit and fast decaying sheet, the Herald. PUNcHINELLO, recognizing with ethereal foresight the exigencies of the situation, proclaims itself for the Right Party our party. We welcome with acclamation this valuable addition to the Democratic ranks. The Star. PuNcHrsrino has joined the Right Party, by which he obviously means the Star, whose circulation last Sunday exceeded 375,005 copies. But this has nothing to do with the domestic policy of the Peruvians, as expounded by the first Cs~sAn. PUNCHINELLO will prove a pillar of strength to Tammany Hall, un- less the siege of Paris should prove disastrous to the consumption of lager-bier, as set forth in Boiled for her Bones~ and other tales by the best authors. But Personals, my dear Star, Personals are the things that pay. If thus, why not? As thus: Enrron OF PuNcHINEu~O. The Editor of PUNCHINELLO has an in- come of about $500,000. He usually dines at the Hoffman House when out of States Prison. He owns some fine lots somewhere underneath the East River, besides a brown stone front in Alaska. Punr~sHzn OF PUNcHINELLO. This gentlemans income does not exceed $350,000 per annum. He expends it principally in beautifying his delightful summer residence in Mackerelville. It has been his misfortune to pass many years of his life in a lunatic asylum, the unhappy result of organizing plans for American Comic Papers. All is joy and peace with him now, however; he looks hopefully forward to the time when PUNCHINELLO shall have attained to his legitimate rank of the Foremost Journal in the Nation. Meanwhile he lunches daily at a leading restau- rant on thirteen oysters, (a dozen and one over) with vinegar, pepper and a bottle of Bass. ONE MORE UNFORTUNATE. Mn. PuNcHmxm~o: I fancy myself a victim of imposition, and I wish to place my case before you. Having, for a period of six months, honorably and persistently, (to use the language of my friends,) held the office of third Deputy-Assistant Register of Caramels, in and for the city and county of New York, my associates in office and my friends in general have determined to present me with a testimonial of their distingulshed regards. Accordingly, they have ordered a massive and handsomely engraved pair of silver tongs, and a splendid silver ire- shoveL This is all very well, so far, but the committee informed me yesterday that the shovel and tongs would cost four hundred and twenty-five dollars, and that, as only eight dollars and a half had been collected, it was considered highly important that I should immediately hand over the balance of the price, in order that the presentation and banquet, (to take place at my house on next Saturday evening,) might not be postponed, to the great disappointment of my associates in office and my friends in general. Now, Mr. PTJNCHINELLO, is not this a little hard on me? I know very well that it is customary for the recipients of testimonials to pay three- quarters of the cost of the present, and I am perfectly willing to abide by this custom; but forty-nine fiftieths is, I think, rather too heavy, es- pecially as my house is heated by a furnace in the cellar axid I have no use for a shovel and tongsparticularly silver ones. Yours perturbedly, A. DOANE XNEA. Roaming Troops. THE Italians in this country are very jubilant over the occupation of Rome by the army of Italy. But people of other nations hereabouts are not so much elated about the occupation of Roam in which the numerous troops of Italian organ-grinders are engaged. Subject for a Debating Society. a couple who have contracted a clandestine marriage be properly said to be carrying out their clandestiny? A CHEERFUL PROSPECT. THE MORNING HAYING BEEN BRIGHT AND CLEAR, MR. DEBOOTS DECIDED TO AVAIL RIMSELF OF AN INVITATION TO SPEND THE DAY IN THE COUNTRY. Hz AREIVES AT THE STATION, AND HAS A MILE TO wALK.

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 58 THE BIGHT PARTY. A mw days ago Pumcuxmnno officially announced his adhesion to the Right Party. PumcHntsl.no hadnt the slightest idea which party was the right one, but thought that, as some party must be right, he could not go very far wrong. But mark the denouement. Every party imagines itself the right party, and welcomes him joyfully to its bosom. Republicans love him, Independents worship him, while Democrats would endure even the Fifteenth Amendment for his sake. In order to reciprocate their sentiments Mr. P. would have to resolve himself into a kind of Demo- Independent-Republican, which he has no idea of doing. Heres what some of the organs say of him: The Sun. We hail with joy the accession of Pu~cnnqxii.o to the ranks of in- dependent jaurnalism as embodied in the Sun, with a circulation of over 100,000, Ca& s. B. DANA Editor, price two cents. Reinforced by this powerful journal, we shall continue with renewed vigor to demand of HonAcE GIIEELEY his reasons why J. C. BANCROFT DAvIs should not be removed from the Assistant Secretaryship of State. We shall persevere in our attempts to make Gen. Gnsur understand that to move four and a half inches from the White House is an infraction of Che Constitution. Regardless of the tears of the thousands of advertisers who carry their announcements to our office, we shall devote our entire space to the vilifying of Bonra, FIsH, the Disreputable Times and Aise Reporting Tribune. Those elaborate attacks upon moral corruption and the Erie Ring, for which we have become famous, will remain specialties with us. All this by PUNcmmI.nos aid. Bully for PUNcHrnEI.Lo. The Tribune. The moral influence of this paper, which retains the only corre- spondent at the seat of war, and whose dispatches, procured at a cost of over $2,000,000, are copied by the Herald, Sun and World,(and whoever denies it lies damnably, with intent to malign, etc.,)the moral in- fluence of this paper is rapidly extending itself throughout the country. As a late instance, we note that PuNcHn~zI.Lo has given in its adhesion to the only true and pure republican agricultural party, which it appro- priately names the Right Party. PTJNcHINELLO was once a frivolous, good-for-nothing sheet, devoted to low jokes and witticisms. The con- version of its editor to the temperance cause is the reason of the recent change in its tenets. We bid it God speed. The World. As the irrefutable and all-enduring truths of Democracy receive exemplification in contemporaneous events, the reflecting and refined masses of this city purchase the World in preference to that decrepit and fast decaying sheet, the Herald. PUNcHINELLO, recognizing with ethereal foresight the exigencies of the situation, proclaims itself for the Right Party our party. We welcome with acclamation this valuable addition to the Democratic ranks. The Star. PuNcHrsrino has joined the Right Party, by which he obviously means the Star, whose circulation last Sunday exceeded 375,005 copies. But this has nothing to do with the domestic policy of the Peruvians, as expounded by the first Cs~sAn. PUNCHINELLO will prove a pillar of strength to Tammany Hall, un- less the siege of Paris should prove disastrous to the consumption of lager-bier, as set forth in Boiled for her Bones~ and other tales by the best authors. But Personals, my dear Star, Personals are the things that pay. If thus, why not? As thus: Enrron OF PuNcHINEu~O. The Editor of PUNCHINELLO has an in- come of about $500,000. He usually dines at the Hoffman House when out of States Prison. He owns some fine lots somewhere underneath the East River, besides a brown stone front in Alaska. Punr~sHzn OF PUNcHINELLO. This gentlemans income does not exceed $350,000 per annum. He expends it principally in beautifying his delightful summer residence in Mackerelville. It has been his misfortune to pass many years of his life in a lunatic asylum, the unhappy result of organizing plans for American Comic Papers. All is joy and peace with him now, however; he looks hopefully forward to the time when PUNCHINELLO shall have attained to his legitimate rank of the Foremost Journal in the Nation. Meanwhile he lunches daily at a leading restau- rant on thirteen oysters, (a dozen and one over) with vinegar, pepper and a bottle of Bass. ONE MORE UNFORTUNATE. Mn. PuNcHmxm~o: I fancy myself a victim of imposition, and I wish to place my case before you. Having, for a period of six months, honorably and persistently, (to use the language of my friends,) held the office of third Deputy-Assistant Register of Caramels, in and for the city and county of New York, my associates in office and my friends in general have determined to present me with a testimonial of their distingulshed regards. Accordingly, they have ordered a massive and handsomely engraved pair of silver tongs, and a splendid silver ire- shoveL This is all very well, so far, but the committee informed me yesterday that the shovel and tongs would cost four hundred and twenty-five dollars, and that, as only eight dollars and a half had been collected, it was considered highly important that I should immediately hand over the balance of the price, in order that the presentation and banquet, (to take place at my house on next Saturday evening,) might not be postponed, to the great disappointment of my associates in office and my friends in general. Now, Mr. PTJNCHINELLO, is not this a little hard on me? I know very well that it is customary for the recipients of testimonials to pay three- quarters of the cost of the present, and I am perfectly willing to abide by this custom; but forty-nine fiftieths is, I think, rather too heavy, es- pecially as my house is heated by a furnace in the cellar axid I have no use for a shovel and tongsparticularly silver ones. Yours perturbedly, A. DOANE XNEA. Roaming Troops. THE Italians in this country are very jubilant over the occupation of Rome by the army of Italy. But people of other nations hereabouts are not so much elated about the occupation of Roam in which the numerous troops of Italian organ-grinders are engaged. Subject for a Debating Society. a couple who have contracted a clandestine marriage be properly said to be carrying out their clandestiny? A CHEERFUL PROSPECT. THE MORNING HAYING BEEN BRIGHT AND CLEAR, MR. DEBOOTS DECIDED TO AVAIL RIMSELF OF AN INVITATION TO SPEND THE DAY IN THE COUNTRY. Hz AREIVES AT THE STATION, AND HAS A MILE TO wALK. PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. AN AGRICULTURAL RHYME. NOT BY H. G. PLOUGH deeptwo feet, at leastfor corn or rye. You cant, in stony land? Sir, thats a lie; A sub-soil plough will do it; then manure, And put on plenty; if the land is poor, Get muck and plaster; buy theni by the heap, No matter what they cost, youll find them cheap. Ive tried them often, and I think I know; Then plough again two feet before .you sow. Potatoes get on best in sandy soil, Im sure of thatbut plant before you boil; Then put in strawberries; thats what I do Confound you for a blockhead I Why dont you Get modem works and read them? No, youd rather Go creeping on just like your stupid father. That patch is good for melons. Why the deuce Dont you convert those swamps to better use? Beets are a paying crop, and dont cost much To raise; sos cabbage, pumpkins, squash, and such; Theyll always sell and bring you back your money No bees? The mischief! What dye do for honey? Sir, let me tell you plainly youre an ass Just look at those ten acres gone to grass! Put turnips in em. Timothy dont pay Cant cattle feed on anything but hay? I dont consider hogs a first-class crop; Give me my own free choice, sir, and Id swap The best of em for strawberries or sheep But let me say again, you must plough deep; The trouble with our farmers is, that they Cant be induced to look beyond to-day; Let them get sub-soil ploughs and turn up sand, And hang it, sir! let them manure their land. SALVATIGN FOR EUROPE. So~n~ hope that the great Powers of Europe may yet be saved from a fate similar to that of the Kilkenny Cats, is to be found in the fact that General BURNSIDR, favorably known in Rhode Island, is making ar- rangements for bringing about peace between France and Germany. It has already been said by journalists of mark, that, unless Providence interfered, and that soon, all Europe would shortly be deluged with the blood of her peoples. General BURESIDE is the direct repre- sentative of Providence, and he has gone specially to Europe to interfere. He was born in Providence, (R. I.); he believes in Providence; his por- trait is the special pride of Providence; and there is a Providence that shapes his ends. Thus it will be seen that BUENSIDE is the very man for the situation. - It may be asked, (there are cavillers who ask impertinent questions about everything,) what business BUENSIDE has to meddle with European affairs? Pshaw Ione might as well ask what business Colorado JEwETT has to meddle with everybodys affairs, or GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN, or PAUL Pnv, or Wrxnrr. BUENSIDE against BIsMARcK for diplomacy any time. Probably he aims at the throne of France for himself, and having Providence (II. I.,) to back him, he may sit on it yet. WHAT bad habit does a man contract when he falls into a way of praising everything and everybody? He takes to laudn in. Li COMFOI~TtNG ASSWRANCES. H. Greeley and C. W. Curtis, together. OHO! LITTLE WOODFORD; AINT YOU GOING TO BE LICKED, NEITHER IWONT YOU GET YOUR EYES BLACKED, AN]) YOUR NOSE SMASHED, AND YOUR TEETH BROKE 1AINT I GLAD I AINT THE ONE AS HAS GOT TO FIGHT BIG JOHNNY HOFFMAN I

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. AN AGRICULTURAL RHYME. NOT BY H. G. PLOUGH deeptwo feet, at leastfor corn or rye. You cant, in stony land? Sir, thats a lie; A sub-soil plough will do it; then manure, And put on plenty; if the land is poor, Get muck and plaster; buy theni by the heap, No matter what they cost, youll find them cheap. Ive tried them often, and I think I know; Then plough again two feet before .you sow. Potatoes get on best in sandy soil, Im sure of thatbut plant before you boil; Then put in strawberries; thats what I do Confound you for a blockhead I Why dont you Get modem works and read them? No, youd rather Go creeping on just like your stupid father. That patch is good for melons. Why the deuce Dont you convert those swamps to better use? Beets are a paying crop, and dont cost much To raise; sos cabbage, pumpkins, squash, and such; Theyll always sell and bring you back your money No bees? The mischief! What dye do for honey? Sir, let me tell you plainly youre an ass Just look at those ten acres gone to grass! Put turnips in em. Timothy dont pay Cant cattle feed on anything but hay? I dont consider hogs a first-class crop; Give me my own free choice, sir, and Id swap The best of em for strawberries or sheep But let me say again, you must plough deep; The trouble with our farmers is, that they Cant be induced to look beyond to-day; Let them get sub-soil ploughs and turn up sand, And hang it, sir! let them manure their land. SALVATIGN FOR EUROPE. So~n~ hope that the great Powers of Europe may yet be saved from a fate similar to that of the Kilkenny Cats, is to be found in the fact that General BURNSIDR, favorably known in Rhode Island, is making ar- rangements for bringing about peace between France and Germany. It has already been said by journalists of mark, that, unless Providence interfered, and that soon, all Europe would shortly be deluged with the blood of her peoples. General BURESIDE is the direct repre- sentative of Providence, and he has gone specially to Europe to interfere. He was born in Providence, (R. I.); he believes in Providence; his por- trait is the special pride of Providence; and there is a Providence that shapes his ends. Thus it will be seen that BUENSIDE is the very man for the situation. - It may be asked, (there are cavillers who ask impertinent questions about everything,) what business BUENSIDE has to meddle with European affairs? Pshaw Ione might as well ask what business Colorado JEwETT has to meddle with everybodys affairs, or GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN, or PAUL Pnv, or Wrxnrr. BUENSIDE against BIsMARcK for diplomacy any time. Probably he aims at the throne of France for himself, and having Providence (II. I.,) to back him, he may sit on it yet. WHAT bad habit does a man contract when he falls into a way of praising everything and everybody? He takes to laudn in. Li COMFOI~TtNG ASSWRANCES. H. Greeley and C. W. Curtis, together. OHO! LITTLE WOODFORD; AINT YOU GOING TO BE LICKED, NEITHER IWONT YOU GET YOUR EYES BLACKED, AN]) YOUR NOSE SMASHED, AND YOUR TEETH BROKE 1AINT I GLAD I AINT THE ONE AS HAS GOT TO FIGHT BIG JOHNNY HOFFMAN I

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. AN AGRICULTURAL RHYME. NOT BY H. G. PLOUGH deeptwo feet, at leastfor corn or rye. You cant, in stony land? Sir, thats a lie; A sub-soil plough will do it; then manure, And put on plenty; if the land is poor, Get muck and plaster; buy theni by the heap, No matter what they cost, youll find them cheap. Ive tried them often, and I think I know; Then plough again two feet before .you sow. Potatoes get on best in sandy soil, Im sure of thatbut plant before you boil; Then put in strawberries; thats what I do Confound you for a blockhead I Why dont you Get modem works and read them? No, youd rather Go creeping on just like your stupid father. That patch is good for melons. Why the deuce Dont you convert those swamps to better use? Beets are a paying crop, and dont cost much To raise; sos cabbage, pumpkins, squash, and such; Theyll always sell and bring you back your money No bees? The mischief! What dye do for honey? Sir, let me tell you plainly youre an ass Just look at those ten acres gone to grass! Put turnips in em. Timothy dont pay Cant cattle feed on anything but hay? I dont consider hogs a first-class crop; Give me my own free choice, sir, and Id swap The best of em for strawberries or sheep But let me say again, you must plough deep; The trouble with our farmers is, that they Cant be induced to look beyond to-day; Let them get sub-soil ploughs and turn up sand, And hang it, sir! let them manure their land. SALVATIGN FOR EUROPE. So~n~ hope that the great Powers of Europe may yet be saved from a fate similar to that of the Kilkenny Cats, is to be found in the fact that General BURNSIDR, favorably known in Rhode Island, is making ar- rangements for bringing about peace between France and Germany. It has already been said by journalists of mark, that, unless Providence interfered, and that soon, all Europe would shortly be deluged with the blood of her peoples. General BURESIDE is the direct repre- sentative of Providence, and he has gone specially to Europe to interfere. He was born in Providence, (R. I.); he believes in Providence; his por- trait is the special pride of Providence; and there is a Providence that shapes his ends. Thus it will be seen that BUENSIDE is the very man for the situation. - It may be asked, (there are cavillers who ask impertinent questions about everything,) what business BUENSIDE has to meddle with European affairs? Pshaw Ione might as well ask what business Colorado JEwETT has to meddle with everybodys affairs, or GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN, or PAUL Pnv, or Wrxnrr. BUENSIDE against BIsMARcK for diplomacy any time. Probably he aims at the throne of France for himself, and having Providence (II. I.,) to back him, he may sit on it yet. WHAT bad habit does a man contract when he falls into a way of praising everything and everybody? He takes to laudn in. Li COMFOI~TtNG ASSWRANCES. H. Greeley and C. W. Curtis, together. OHO! LITTLE WOODFORD; AINT YOU GOING TO BE LICKED, NEITHER IWONT YOU GET YOUR EYES BLACKED, AN]) YOUR NOSE SMASHED, AND YOUR TEETH BROKE 1AINT I GLAD I AINT THE ONE AS HAS GOT TO FIGHT BIG JOHNNY HOFFMAN I OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 57 -/ 7 I / ,i / I - _______ / ORPHEUS GREELEY, CHARMING WITH THE STRAINS OF THE REPUBLICALN LYRE THE CERBERUS, (OBRIEN, MORRISSEY, AND FOX,) ON GUARD AT THE ENTRANCE TO THE DREAD ABODE OF THE JOHN REAL DEMOCRACY. OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 59 HIRAM GREEN AT THE BOSTON WOMANS CONVENTION. Old Time Agitators again on their Mnscie.Thanks to Henry Wil. son.Advice to Charles Sumner.Left-Handers to Wendell Phillips. Oho! ye gods and little fishes, Beggars d ride, if bosses was wishes; Wimmen would have a miflenium day, And all through the land the deuce be to pay. The Masserchewsetts Womans Suffering Society pulled off their cote and vest and struck a beligerent attitood, at Bosting, a few days since. Yes, sir! I was there, and I still live to tell my tale. E-x-z-a-ckt-ly! As usual, on all such occasions, the women wore the bre-b-bifurca- ted garments, while the softer sex shone transparently, in silk, satins, and black and bloo spots. Like jumpin jacks, they danced when the strong-minded pulled the strings, while their ears were pinned back and greased, ready to be swallered at a minnits warnin. JEWLEIR WARD How was chosen President, and S. B. Sewell, ABEl KELLY FOSTIR, MARY B. SARGINT, the Rev. J. Freman lUark, LmIA MARIAR CHILDE and Frank B. Sanborne, Vice Presidents. THE REv. HON. JUDGE AGUSTY J. CHArm, EsQ., L.L. D., opened the dance with a prologue. Mrs. How then rose and got up, and said: Feller citiEens: Weve got together, as usuaL without any plan of operation, except to howl and make faces at the critter man, ontil he is ready to give up his liberties and endow us angelic beeins with the privilege of film up with benEine on eleckshun day; to vote and rool the destinies of the land. (Cheers.) No woman who desires the ballit, shall desist from hen-peckin hcr husband, ontil, in his agony, he cries: Peace! be still! theres my harness, get into it. Mrs. LIVERMOOR, H. B. Blackwell, MARGARET CAMBELL, M. Fiske, and SARY B. WrLlm~s, committee on resolutions, reported the follerin: Whereas: When our anshient relative, Adam, had the monopoly of the ballit box, it was diskivered that it was not meat for man to vote alone, and enjoy too much of a good thing. Consekently EVE was sent to stir him up. Whereas: When Mother EvE got there, she made it slightly warm for Adam, by assertin her rites. Like many of our members, she made Adam walk chalk. On eleckshun day she took him by the ear and walked him to the poles, and for the first time in his life he voted the womans rites ticket, and Mr. SATIN was elected by a unanimous vote. Therefore, we recognize in EvE the pioneer of womans rites, with ST. NIcKoLAs as our patron saint. (Great applause, with 3 cheers for OLD NIcK, the first candidate elected by femail suffrage.) It was thea resolved to send committees to the Democratic and Re- publican conventions, to see if any LooNATIcs had been nominated, who were in favor of femail soopremiosity. If any such persons were found, they should be requested to an- nounce it through the columns of the Womans Jcyurnal, and let the world know the fools wasent all dead yet. Should the candidates be opposed to our cause, it was recommended that when the Womans Convention Committee meet, on the 18th of Oc- tober, that ten talented talkers be appointed to surround the candidates and talk them to death as a warnin to futer candidates. Congratulatory speeches, endorsin these last resolutions, was made by the wimmen, and I gess they would have kept talkin ontil dooms- day, if the chokin-off committee hadnt been sent around with copies of harpers Bazaar, full of pictures of the new fall fashions. (Between you and I, Mister PTJNcHINELLO, the only thing which our wives goes heavier on than their rites, so called, is fashions.) The convention then thanked Hon. Hank Wilson for blowin their trumpet, and voted to present him with a new hoop skirt and a pound of spruce gum as a token of their appreciation. Charles Sumner was then trotted out, viz.: Whereas: Charles Sumner has, somehow or other, got one foot kerslop on our platform; Whereas: He must go the hul hog or none; Be it resolved: We cant take any stock in Charly, ontil he wears his hair parted in the middle and done up in a waterfall, pledgin himself to go his entire length, next winter, for the 16th Commeudment. (En- thusiastic applause. Cries of thems tim ! Kor-rect ! Selah etc.; Bully boy with the glass eye 1 etc., etc.) Mrs. How then got up and said thusly: My friends: Ime down onto colleges like a 1000 of brick. They are the mud puddles of artificial ignorance. If a red-headed woman was alowed to shed her lite, the proffessors would be throwed into the shades rite lively. The result would be, the blind would lead the near-sited by the nose. Thems my sentiments. Stephen L. Fostir got up and said: He wouldent go to the poles on eleckahun without his wife as his ekal a hangin on his arm. Mrs. LIVERMORE sprung quickly to her feet and said: Shed bet $4.00 if she was Steves wife, hed go to the poles under (lIffikilties, then, for she wasent the woman who thought the man lived that was the ekal of any woman; and that haint all, said she. When we get hold of the ballit, man has got to get up eariy in the mornin to fool us much. All the koketting with the Democrats, Republicans, Prohibitionists, and Labor Reformers in the offis of the Womans Journal, last summer, dont amount to shucks. Prominent politicians had entreeted her to go slow and not mash things. I can only say, said Mrs. L., as John Bunyan once said: When woman will, she will, And you can jest bet ont; When she wont, she wont, And theres an end ont. An aged individual named Jenking, from Andover, said: When he was in his first childhood, he was drest in peticotes. He was now over 75 years old, and believed an old man would feel better in caliker than satinetL Hereafter they could count on him to wear out their old dresses. A few left-handed compliments were paid to Wendil Fillips, and altho Wendil had allers went heavy on Wimmens Rites, his bein endossed by his own sex was a squelcher on him. He wasent endossed, but, like Jonah, went overboard, to be hove up agin onto dry land in a few days, for a whale has got to have a pretty good stoma& k to keep Mister Fillips down a great while. Thats so. A few more resolutions were then voted, but as the Mayor of Bosting had sent lots of perlicemen there, I didnt heer of any men gettin killed outrite, aitho a few innercent husbands got slitely bruised by hem whacked over their heads with their wives umbrellers. Then they adjerned. The critters then got in their vests And then got in their cotes, Then got in a dredful pes- Piration about their votes. (Let em sweat.) Ewers, a Non-Resistanter, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. FALLEN ON THE MARCH. You see that hoss, dont you, there, sir, ahead? Well, thats JAKE. An hour ago, The last trip up, he fellstone dead: Dropt right fiat in his harness, you know. Hed fell down, too, pooty often before, AndI guess he wont do it, though, any more. I allas pitied the poor old cuss; He was mighty hard duiv and terrible thin, And many a time when he quit the bus Ive led the misrable creetur in And giv him a reglar bang-up feed That the Company thought he didnt need. And now, to see him lyin there All by himself, a feast for the ffies, Why, it kinder makes a fellers hair Creep all over, first, then straighten and rise. Maybe youll say to yourself: Thats all stuff. But I tell you whatI think its blamed rough. It makes me feel, too, a little bit glum, To see how everything goes on the same; Some day, I spose, my turn 11 come, When Ill have to try on ioor JAKEs little game, And they wont mind me any more, Ill bet, Than they do him.Off, here, sir ?Glong, JEANETTE!

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 59 HIRAM GREEN AT THE BOSTON WOMANS CONVENTION. Old Time Agitators again on their Mnscie.Thanks to Henry Wil. son.Advice to Charles Sumner.Left-Handers to Wendell Phillips. Oho! ye gods and little fishes, Beggars d ride, if bosses was wishes; Wimmen would have a miflenium day, And all through the land the deuce be to pay. The Masserchewsetts Womans Suffering Society pulled off their cote and vest and struck a beligerent attitood, at Bosting, a few days since. Yes, sir! I was there, and I still live to tell my tale. E-x-z-a-ckt-ly! As usual, on all such occasions, the women wore the bre-b-bifurca- ted garments, while the softer sex shone transparently, in silk, satins, and black and bloo spots. Like jumpin jacks, they danced when the strong-minded pulled the strings, while their ears were pinned back and greased, ready to be swallered at a minnits warnin. JEWLEIR WARD How was chosen President, and S. B. Sewell, ABEl KELLY FOSTIR, MARY B. SARGINT, the Rev. J. Freman lUark, LmIA MARIAR CHILDE and Frank B. Sanborne, Vice Presidents. THE REv. HON. JUDGE AGUSTY J. CHArm, EsQ., L.L. D., opened the dance with a prologue. Mrs. How then rose and got up, and said: Feller citiEens: Weve got together, as usuaL without any plan of operation, except to howl and make faces at the critter man, ontil he is ready to give up his liberties and endow us angelic beeins with the privilege of film up with benEine on eleckshun day; to vote and rool the destinies of the land. (Cheers.) No woman who desires the ballit, shall desist from hen-peckin hcr husband, ontil, in his agony, he cries: Peace! be still! theres my harness, get into it. Mrs. LIVERMOOR, H. B. Blackwell, MARGARET CAMBELL, M. Fiske, and SARY B. WrLlm~s, committee on resolutions, reported the follerin: Whereas: When our anshient relative, Adam, had the monopoly of the ballit box, it was diskivered that it was not meat for man to vote alone, and enjoy too much of a good thing. Consekently EVE was sent to stir him up. Whereas: When Mother EvE got there, she made it slightly warm for Adam, by assertin her rites. Like many of our members, she made Adam walk chalk. On eleckshun day she took him by the ear and walked him to the poles, and for the first time in his life he voted the womans rites ticket, and Mr. SATIN was elected by a unanimous vote. Therefore, we recognize in EvE the pioneer of womans rites, with ST. NIcKoLAs as our patron saint. (Great applause, with 3 cheers for OLD NIcK, the first candidate elected by femail suffrage.) It was thea resolved to send committees to the Democratic and Re- publican conventions, to see if any LooNATIcs had been nominated, who were in favor of femail soopremiosity. If any such persons were found, they should be requested to an- nounce it through the columns of the Womans Jcyurnal, and let the world know the fools wasent all dead yet. Should the candidates be opposed to our cause, it was recommended that when the Womans Convention Committee meet, on the 18th of Oc- tober, that ten talented talkers be appointed to surround the candidates and talk them to death as a warnin to futer candidates. Congratulatory speeches, endorsin these last resolutions, was made by the wimmen, and I gess they would have kept talkin ontil dooms- day, if the chokin-off committee hadnt been sent around with copies of harpers Bazaar, full of pictures of the new fall fashions. (Between you and I, Mister PTJNcHINELLO, the only thing which our wives goes heavier on than their rites, so called, is fashions.) The convention then thanked Hon. Hank Wilson for blowin their trumpet, and voted to present him with a new hoop skirt and a pound of spruce gum as a token of their appreciation. Charles Sumner was then trotted out, viz.: Whereas: Charles Sumner has, somehow or other, got one foot kerslop on our platform; Whereas: He must go the hul hog or none; Be it resolved: We cant take any stock in Charly, ontil he wears his hair parted in the middle and done up in a waterfall, pledgin himself to go his entire length, next winter, for the 16th Commeudment. (En- thusiastic applause. Cries of thems tim ! Kor-rect ! Selah etc.; Bully boy with the glass eye 1 etc., etc.) Mrs. How then got up and said thusly: My friends: Ime down onto colleges like a 1000 of brick. They are the mud puddles of artificial ignorance. If a red-headed woman was alowed to shed her lite, the proffessors would be throwed into the shades rite lively. The result would be, the blind would lead the near-sited by the nose. Thems my sentiments. Stephen L. Fostir got up and said: He wouldent go to the poles on eleckahun without his wife as his ekal a hangin on his arm. Mrs. LIVERMORE sprung quickly to her feet and said: Shed bet $4.00 if she was Steves wife, hed go to the poles under (lIffikilties, then, for she wasent the woman who thought the man lived that was the ekal of any woman; and that haint all, said she. When we get hold of the ballit, man has got to get up eariy in the mornin to fool us much. All the koketting with the Democrats, Republicans, Prohibitionists, and Labor Reformers in the offis of the Womans Journal, last summer, dont amount to shucks. Prominent politicians had entreeted her to go slow and not mash things. I can only say, said Mrs. L., as John Bunyan once said: When woman will, she will, And you can jest bet ont; When she wont, she wont, And theres an end ont. An aged individual named Jenking, from Andover, said: When he was in his first childhood, he was drest in peticotes. He was now over 75 years old, and believed an old man would feel better in caliker than satinetL Hereafter they could count on him to wear out their old dresses. A few left-handed compliments were paid to Wendil Fillips, and altho Wendil had allers went heavy on Wimmens Rites, his bein endossed by his own sex was a squelcher on him. He wasent endossed, but, like Jonah, went overboard, to be hove up agin onto dry land in a few days, for a whale has got to have a pretty good stoma& k to keep Mister Fillips down a great while. Thats so. A few more resolutions were then voted, but as the Mayor of Bosting had sent lots of perlicemen there, I didnt heer of any men gettin killed outrite, aitho a few innercent husbands got slitely bruised by hem whacked over their heads with their wives umbrellers. Then they adjerned. The critters then got in their vests And then got in their cotes, Then got in a dredful pes- Piration about their votes. (Let em sweat.) Ewers, a Non-Resistanter, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. FALLEN ON THE MARCH. You see that hoss, dont you, there, sir, ahead? Well, thats JAKE. An hour ago, The last trip up, he fellstone dead: Dropt right fiat in his harness, you know. Hed fell down, too, pooty often before, AndI guess he wont do it, though, any more. I allas pitied the poor old cuss; He was mighty hard duiv and terrible thin, And many a time when he quit the bus Ive led the misrable creetur in And giv him a reglar bang-up feed That the Company thought he didnt need. And now, to see him lyin there All by himself, a feast for the ffies, Why, it kinder makes a fellers hair Creep all over, first, then straighten and rise. Maybe youll say to yourself: Thats all stuff. But I tell you whatI think its blamed rough. It makes me feel, too, a little bit glum, To see how everything goes on the same; Some day, I spose, my turn 11 come, When Ill have to try on ioor JAKEs little game, And they wont mind me any more, Ill bet, Than they do him.Off, here, sir ?Glong, JEANETTE!

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 59 HIRAM GREEN AT THE BOSTON WOMANS CONVENTION. Old Time Agitators again on their Mnscie.Thanks to Henry Wil. son.Advice to Charles Sumner.Left-Handers to Wendell Phillips. Oho! ye gods and little fishes, Beggars d ride, if bosses was wishes; Wimmen would have a miflenium day, And all through the land the deuce be to pay. The Masserchewsetts Womans Suffering Society pulled off their cote and vest and struck a beligerent attitood, at Bosting, a few days since. Yes, sir! I was there, and I still live to tell my tale. E-x-z-a-ckt-ly! As usual, on all such occasions, the women wore the bre-b-bifurca- ted garments, while the softer sex shone transparently, in silk, satins, and black and bloo spots. Like jumpin jacks, they danced when the strong-minded pulled the strings, while their ears were pinned back and greased, ready to be swallered at a minnits warnin. JEWLEIR WARD How was chosen President, and S. B. Sewell, ABEl KELLY FOSTIR, MARY B. SARGINT, the Rev. J. Freman lUark, LmIA MARIAR CHILDE and Frank B. Sanborne, Vice Presidents. THE REv. HON. JUDGE AGUSTY J. CHArm, EsQ., L.L. D., opened the dance with a prologue. Mrs. How then rose and got up, and said: Feller citiEens: Weve got together, as usuaL without any plan of operation, except to howl and make faces at the critter man, ontil he is ready to give up his liberties and endow us angelic beeins with the privilege of film up with benEine on eleckshun day; to vote and rool the destinies of the land. (Cheers.) No woman who desires the ballit, shall desist from hen-peckin hcr husband, ontil, in his agony, he cries: Peace! be still! theres my harness, get into it. Mrs. LIVERMOOR, H. B. Blackwell, MARGARET CAMBELL, M. Fiske, and SARY B. WrLlm~s, committee on resolutions, reported the follerin: Whereas: When our anshient relative, Adam, had the monopoly of the ballit box, it was diskivered that it was not meat for man to vote alone, and enjoy too much of a good thing. Consekently EVE was sent to stir him up. Whereas: When Mother EvE got there, she made it slightly warm for Adam, by assertin her rites. Like many of our members, she made Adam walk chalk. On eleckshun day she took him by the ear and walked him to the poles, and for the first time in his life he voted the womans rites ticket, and Mr. SATIN was elected by a unanimous vote. Therefore, we recognize in EvE the pioneer of womans rites, with ST. NIcKoLAs as our patron saint. (Great applause, with 3 cheers for OLD NIcK, the first candidate elected by femail suffrage.) It was thea resolved to send committees to the Democratic and Re- publican conventions, to see if any LooNATIcs had been nominated, who were in favor of femail soopremiosity. If any such persons were found, they should be requested to an- nounce it through the columns of the Womans Jcyurnal, and let the world know the fools wasent all dead yet. Should the candidates be opposed to our cause, it was recommended that when the Womans Convention Committee meet, on the 18th of Oc- tober, that ten talented talkers be appointed to surround the candidates and talk them to death as a warnin to futer candidates. Congratulatory speeches, endorsin these last resolutions, was made by the wimmen, and I gess they would have kept talkin ontil dooms- day, if the chokin-off committee hadnt been sent around with copies of harpers Bazaar, full of pictures of the new fall fashions. (Between you and I, Mister PTJNcHINELLO, the only thing which our wives goes heavier on than their rites, so called, is fashions.) The convention then thanked Hon. Hank Wilson for blowin their trumpet, and voted to present him with a new hoop skirt and a pound of spruce gum as a token of their appreciation. Charles Sumner was then trotted out, viz.: Whereas: Charles Sumner has, somehow or other, got one foot kerslop on our platform; Whereas: He must go the hul hog or none; Be it resolved: We cant take any stock in Charly, ontil he wears his hair parted in the middle and done up in a waterfall, pledgin himself to go his entire length, next winter, for the 16th Commeudment. (En- thusiastic applause. Cries of thems tim ! Kor-rect ! Selah etc.; Bully boy with the glass eye 1 etc., etc.) Mrs. How then got up and said thusly: My friends: Ime down onto colleges like a 1000 of brick. They are the mud puddles of artificial ignorance. If a red-headed woman was alowed to shed her lite, the proffessors would be throwed into the shades rite lively. The result would be, the blind would lead the near-sited by the nose. Thems my sentiments. Stephen L. Fostir got up and said: He wouldent go to the poles on eleckahun without his wife as his ekal a hangin on his arm. Mrs. LIVERMORE sprung quickly to her feet and said: Shed bet $4.00 if she was Steves wife, hed go to the poles under (lIffikilties, then, for she wasent the woman who thought the man lived that was the ekal of any woman; and that haint all, said she. When we get hold of the ballit, man has got to get up eariy in the mornin to fool us much. All the koketting with the Democrats, Republicans, Prohibitionists, and Labor Reformers in the offis of the Womans Journal, last summer, dont amount to shucks. Prominent politicians had entreeted her to go slow and not mash things. I can only say, said Mrs. L., as John Bunyan once said: When woman will, she will, And you can jest bet ont; When she wont, she wont, And theres an end ont. An aged individual named Jenking, from Andover, said: When he was in his first childhood, he was drest in peticotes. He was now over 75 years old, and believed an old man would feel better in caliker than satinetL Hereafter they could count on him to wear out their old dresses. A few left-handed compliments were paid to Wendil Fillips, and altho Wendil had allers went heavy on Wimmens Rites, his bein endossed by his own sex was a squelcher on him. He wasent endossed, but, like Jonah, went overboard, to be hove up agin onto dry land in a few days, for a whale has got to have a pretty good stoma& k to keep Mister Fillips down a great while. Thats so. A few more resolutions were then voted, but as the Mayor of Bosting had sent lots of perlicemen there, I didnt heer of any men gettin killed outrite, aitho a few innercent husbands got slitely bruised by hem whacked over their heads with their wives umbrellers. Then they adjerned. The critters then got in their vests And then got in their cotes, Then got in a dredful pes- Piration about their votes. (Let em sweat.) Ewers, a Non-Resistanter, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. FALLEN ON THE MARCH. You see that hoss, dont you, there, sir, ahead? Well, thats JAKE. An hour ago, The last trip up, he fellstone dead: Dropt right fiat in his harness, you know. Hed fell down, too, pooty often before, AndI guess he wont do it, though, any more. I allas pitied the poor old cuss; He was mighty hard duiv and terrible thin, And many a time when he quit the bus Ive led the misrable creetur in And giv him a reglar bang-up feed That the Company thought he didnt need. And now, to see him lyin there All by himself, a feast for the ffies, Why, it kinder makes a fellers hair Creep all over, first, then straighten and rise. Maybe youll say to yourself: Thats all stuff. But I tell you whatI think its blamed rough. It makes me feel, too, a little bit glum, To see how everything goes on the same; Some day, I spose, my turn 11 come, When Ill have to try on ioor JAKEs little game, And they wont mind me any more, Ill bet, Than they do him.Off, here, sir ?Glong, JEANETTE! 60 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. SARSFIELD YOUNG ATTENDS A COUNTY FAIR. DEiR PUNCHINELLO: From early ages, man has been a tiller of the soiL My ancestors were pretty much all in this line of business. My venerable great-grandfather-in-law came over in the Mayflower, and though not exactly a tiller himself, he is supposed to have had a good deal to do with the tiller department of that historic ship. Several of our folks have, from time to time, studied agriculture on New England town farms; which explains the passion I always had for such attractive out-of-door sports as stump-pulling, laying stone wall, and drinking very hard cider in the shade. Being down at my uncles this week, I have attended the Annual County Agricultural Fair. The managers wanted me to go on one of the committces, (whether it was plain Durhams, or short-horn needle- work, I dont this moment remember,) but I declined. I told them that, while I was ready to fill any vacancy that might occur in the Com- mittee on Bills upon their Second Reading, they really must excuse me elsewhere. I finally compromised by accepting a free pass, and agree- ing to poke the ribs of all the cattle I could reach, just as though I was a bonafide official. The show began yesterday with a grand concourse of all the farming people for miles around. Every farmer brought a pair of hands with him. The teams were innumerable; I had no idea it was such a teem- ing population. There was a procession of yokes of oxen, a brass band, the living skeleton, two fire engines, citizens generally, the Ora- tor of the Day, more oxen, marshals in cowhide boots and badges, and a cavalcade. There may have been other oxen. I did not intend to omit them. The Orator was announced in the bills as a finished speaker. He managed to get himself so thoroughiy mixed up with his subject, however, and knew so much about farming, which he was willing to disclose, that I soon saw he couldn1~ be safely set down as finished till late in the afternoon. I dont recall much of his address, further than that, when he got to talking about Fall Ploughing, he said: In the hour AUTUMN SONG. Lr~.& vzs are falling (though coal is not,) And pumpkins are yellow, and maids are blue; Potatoes and apples begin to rot; Theres many a liver congested, too. The dews stay late on the cabbage-leaf, And the red, red beet forsakes the ground; And lovers wanderings grow more brief, And fewer loafers are loafing around. The celery rivals the turnip fair; Theres new delight in the tender steak; And boys go munching the chestnut rare, Without one thought of the stomach-ache. The last of the cattle-shows is seen; The monster squash to the cows is fed; Everythings brown that once was green, Except tomatoes, and they are red. The drowsy citizen hates to rise; The hash may be cold, but so is the air; Tis heaven to slumber, for now the flies Are less affectionate, and more rare. And who is the busiest man we see? Tis the Doctor, dashing by in his chaise; And well may he hurry, you will agree, For it isnt every patient that pays. Tis a rare, rare season,so breezy and bright! The dahlias, and even the squashes, are gay! One wouldnt regret the cold at night, If it wasnt so deucedly cold by day. A wandering shiver inspires the doubt Whether Indian Summer will come this year; But its warmth can be felt when you dont go out, And its haze may be seen through a glass of beer. Query for Romancers. IJ5ED the Knights of the Round Table ever to get a Square meal? of his countrys peril, if fall he must, he would a little rather fall plough- ing, than in any other way ! I think, too, he spoke of the Fates al- ways smiling upon the farmer who improved his soil. I suppose he meant the phosphates. To-day I have been all around the cattle pens. I never saw such stock before. Owing to their habit of staying out in the country the year round, they have a firm, sleek, animated look which the best gua- ranteed city stock fails to attain. One cow, from her impartial method of hoisting visitors out of her pasture, was labelled The General Hooker. There was a fine display of Dorking lambs and Jersey hens, while some bees of the Berkshire breed fairly divided the honors with a few very choice Memo pigs. A handsomely built North Devon chain- pump attracted much attention from the milkmen. The turkeys, geese, ducks, poultry and other farm yard habitu~s, though cooped up in one corner, did all they could to make the show a success. The products of the soil were heaped up in the richest profusion. This is a great raising county. No community raised their quota of substitutes more rapidly, during the war. Rows upon rows of corn, of barley, rye and oats [like most modern Serials,] seemed as though they would never come to an end. Some early squashes were pointed out to me. I understood that they were gathered at four oclock in the morning. This is nothing. I dis- tinctly remember picking up watermelons, when a schoolboy, much earlier than that. The butter, cheese, and bed quilts, were all of the finest texture. Everybody took a first premium. Among the newly patented inventions I noticed The JOHN Monnis- SHY Smasher, The Swamp Angel Sheller, and a lovely piece of mechanism called The Just One Mower. There was the usual horse trotting from morning to night, both days, with pool selling, from which, I presume, agriculture derived great benefit. I say nothing of the other side-shows, for (with the exception of ALExIs ST. MARTIN,) I never heard of one that was worth going across the street to see. Yours truly, and yours rurally, SARsrrEw YOUNG. I; ~ iIj es..UL)j/ if 11 v Nd A FITFUL YOUTH. Younger Party. LOOK HERE, VAN, cANT YOU LEAVE THOSE PERSONALS ALONE, FOR A MINUTE, AND GIVE ME A CANDID OPINION ON THE BACK PIT OF MY NEW COAT ?

60 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. SARSFIELD YOUNG ATTENDS A COUNTY FAIR. DEiR PUNCHINELLO: From early ages, man has been a tiller of the soiL My ancestors were pretty much all in this line of business. My venerable great-grandfather-in-law came over in the Mayflower, and though not exactly a tiller himself, he is supposed to have had a good deal to do with the tiller department of that historic ship. Several of our folks have, from time to time, studied agriculture on New England town farms; which explains the passion I always had for such attractive out-of-door sports as stump-pulling, laying stone wall, and drinking very hard cider in the shade. Being down at my uncles this week, I have attended the Annual County Agricultural Fair. The managers wanted me to go on one of the committces, (whether it was plain Durhams, or short-horn needle- work, I dont this moment remember,) but I declined. I told them that, while I was ready to fill any vacancy that might occur in the Com- mittee on Bills upon their Second Reading, they really must excuse me elsewhere. I finally compromised by accepting a free pass, and agree- ing to poke the ribs of all the cattle I could reach, just as though I was a bonafide official. The show began yesterday with a grand concourse of all the farming people for miles around. Every farmer brought a pair of hands with him. The teams were innumerable; I had no idea it was such a teem- ing population. There was a procession of yokes of oxen, a brass band, the living skeleton, two fire engines, citizens generally, the Ora- tor of the Day, more oxen, marshals in cowhide boots and badges, and a cavalcade. There may have been other oxen. I did not intend to omit them. The Orator was announced in the bills as a finished speaker. He managed to get himself so thoroughiy mixed up with his subject, however, and knew so much about farming, which he was willing to disclose, that I soon saw he couldn1~ be safely set down as finished till late in the afternoon. I dont recall much of his address, further than that, when he got to talking about Fall Ploughing, he said: In the hour AUTUMN SONG. Lr~.& vzs are falling (though coal is not,) And pumpkins are yellow, and maids are blue; Potatoes and apples begin to rot; Theres many a liver congested, too. The dews stay late on the cabbage-leaf, And the red, red beet forsakes the ground; And lovers wanderings grow more brief, And fewer loafers are loafing around. The celery rivals the turnip fair; Theres new delight in the tender steak; And boys go munching the chestnut rare, Without one thought of the stomach-ache. The last of the cattle-shows is seen; The monster squash to the cows is fed; Everythings brown that once was green, Except tomatoes, and they are red. The drowsy citizen hates to rise; The hash may be cold, but so is the air; Tis heaven to slumber, for now the flies Are less affectionate, and more rare. And who is the busiest man we see? Tis the Doctor, dashing by in his chaise; And well may he hurry, you will agree, For it isnt every patient that pays. Tis a rare, rare season,so breezy and bright! The dahlias, and even the squashes, are gay! One wouldnt regret the cold at night, If it wasnt so deucedly cold by day. A wandering shiver inspires the doubt Whether Indian Summer will come this year; But its warmth can be felt when you dont go out, And its haze may be seen through a glass of beer. Query for Romancers. IJ5ED the Knights of the Round Table ever to get a Square meal? of his countrys peril, if fall he must, he would a little rather fall plough- ing, than in any other way ! I think, too, he spoke of the Fates al- ways smiling upon the farmer who improved his soil. I suppose he meant the phosphates. To-day I have been all around the cattle pens. I never saw such stock before. Owing to their habit of staying out in the country the year round, they have a firm, sleek, animated look which the best gua- ranteed city stock fails to attain. One cow, from her impartial method of hoisting visitors out of her pasture, was labelled The General Hooker. There was a fine display of Dorking lambs and Jersey hens, while some bees of the Berkshire breed fairly divided the honors with a few very choice Memo pigs. A handsomely built North Devon chain- pump attracted much attention from the milkmen. The turkeys, geese, ducks, poultry and other farm yard habitu~s, though cooped up in one corner, did all they could to make the show a success. The products of the soil were heaped up in the richest profusion. This is a great raising county. No community raised their quota of substitutes more rapidly, during the war. Rows upon rows of corn, of barley, rye and oats [like most modern Serials,] seemed as though they would never come to an end. Some early squashes were pointed out to me. I understood that they were gathered at four oclock in the morning. This is nothing. I dis- tinctly remember picking up watermelons, when a schoolboy, much earlier than that. The butter, cheese, and bed quilts, were all of the finest texture. Everybody took a first premium. Among the newly patented inventions I noticed The JOHN Monnis- SHY Smasher, The Swamp Angel Sheller, and a lovely piece of mechanism called The Just One Mower. There was the usual horse trotting from morning to night, both days, with pool selling, from which, I presume, agriculture derived great benefit. I say nothing of the other side-shows, for (with the exception of ALExIs ST. MARTIN,) I never heard of one that was worth going across the street to see. Yours truly, and yours rurally, SARsrrEw YOUNG. I; ~ iIj es..UL)j/ if 11 v Nd A FITFUL YOUTH. Younger Party. LOOK HERE, VAN, cANT YOU LEAVE THOSE PERSONALS ALONE, FOR A MINUTE, AND GIVE ME A CANDID OPINION ON THE BACK PIT OF MY NEW COAT ?

60 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. SARSFIELD YOUNG ATTENDS A COUNTY FAIR. DEiR PUNCHINELLO: From early ages, man has been a tiller of the soiL My ancestors were pretty much all in this line of business. My venerable great-grandfather-in-law came over in the Mayflower, and though not exactly a tiller himself, he is supposed to have had a good deal to do with the tiller department of that historic ship. Several of our folks have, from time to time, studied agriculture on New England town farms; which explains the passion I always had for such attractive out-of-door sports as stump-pulling, laying stone wall, and drinking very hard cider in the shade. Being down at my uncles this week, I have attended the Annual County Agricultural Fair. The managers wanted me to go on one of the committces, (whether it was plain Durhams, or short-horn needle- work, I dont this moment remember,) but I declined. I told them that, while I was ready to fill any vacancy that might occur in the Com- mittee on Bills upon their Second Reading, they really must excuse me elsewhere. I finally compromised by accepting a free pass, and agree- ing to poke the ribs of all the cattle I could reach, just as though I was a bonafide official. The show began yesterday with a grand concourse of all the farming people for miles around. Every farmer brought a pair of hands with him. The teams were innumerable; I had no idea it was such a teem- ing population. There was a procession of yokes of oxen, a brass band, the living skeleton, two fire engines, citizens generally, the Ora- tor of the Day, more oxen, marshals in cowhide boots and badges, and a cavalcade. There may have been other oxen. I did not intend to omit them. The Orator was announced in the bills as a finished speaker. He managed to get himself so thoroughiy mixed up with his subject, however, and knew so much about farming, which he was willing to disclose, that I soon saw he couldn1~ be safely set down as finished till late in the afternoon. I dont recall much of his address, further than that, when he got to talking about Fall Ploughing, he said: In the hour AUTUMN SONG. Lr~.& vzs are falling (though coal is not,) And pumpkins are yellow, and maids are blue; Potatoes and apples begin to rot; Theres many a liver congested, too. The dews stay late on the cabbage-leaf, And the red, red beet forsakes the ground; And lovers wanderings grow more brief, And fewer loafers are loafing around. The celery rivals the turnip fair; Theres new delight in the tender steak; And boys go munching the chestnut rare, Without one thought of the stomach-ache. The last of the cattle-shows is seen; The monster squash to the cows is fed; Everythings brown that once was green, Except tomatoes, and they are red. The drowsy citizen hates to rise; The hash may be cold, but so is the air; Tis heaven to slumber, for now the flies Are less affectionate, and more rare. And who is the busiest man we see? Tis the Doctor, dashing by in his chaise; And well may he hurry, you will agree, For it isnt every patient that pays. Tis a rare, rare season,so breezy and bright! The dahlias, and even the squashes, are gay! One wouldnt regret the cold at night, If it wasnt so deucedly cold by day. A wandering shiver inspires the doubt Whether Indian Summer will come this year; But its warmth can be felt when you dont go out, And its haze may be seen through a glass of beer. Query for Romancers. IJ5ED the Knights of the Round Table ever to get a Square meal? of his countrys peril, if fall he must, he would a little rather fall plough- ing, than in any other way ! I think, too, he spoke of the Fates al- ways smiling upon the farmer who improved his soil. I suppose he meant the phosphates. To-day I have been all around the cattle pens. I never saw such stock before. Owing to their habit of staying out in the country the year round, they have a firm, sleek, animated look which the best gua- ranteed city stock fails to attain. One cow, from her impartial method of hoisting visitors out of her pasture, was labelled The General Hooker. There was a fine display of Dorking lambs and Jersey hens, while some bees of the Berkshire breed fairly divided the honors with a few very choice Memo pigs. A handsomely built North Devon chain- pump attracted much attention from the milkmen. The turkeys, geese, ducks, poultry and other farm yard habitu~s, though cooped up in one corner, did all they could to make the show a success. The products of the soil were heaped up in the richest profusion. This is a great raising county. No community raised their quota of substitutes more rapidly, during the war. Rows upon rows of corn, of barley, rye and oats [like most modern Serials,] seemed as though they would never come to an end. Some early squashes were pointed out to me. I understood that they were gathered at four oclock in the morning. This is nothing. I dis- tinctly remember picking up watermelons, when a schoolboy, much earlier than that. The butter, cheese, and bed quilts, were all of the finest texture. Everybody took a first premium. Among the newly patented inventions I noticed The JOHN Monnis- SHY Smasher, The Swamp Angel Sheller, and a lovely piece of mechanism called The Just One Mower. There was the usual horse trotting from morning to night, both days, with pool selling, from which, I presume, agriculture derived great benefit. I say nothing of the other side-shows, for (with the exception of ALExIs ST. MARTIN,) I never heard of one that was worth going across the street to see. Yours truly, and yours rurally, SARsrrEw YOUNG. I; ~ iIj es..UL)j/ if 11 v Nd A FITFUL YOUTH. Younger Party. LOOK HERE, VAN, cANT YOU LEAVE THOSE PERSONALS ALONE, FOR A MINUTE, AND GIVE ME A CANDID OPINION ON THE BACK PIT OF MY NEW COAT ?

60 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 22, 1870. SARSFIELD YOUNG ATTENDS A COUNTY FAIR. DEiR PUNCHINELLO: From early ages, man has been a tiller of the soiL My ancestors were pretty much all in this line of business. My venerable great-grandfather-in-law came over in the Mayflower, and though not exactly a tiller himself, he is supposed to have had a good deal to do with the tiller department of that historic ship. Several of our folks have, from time to time, studied agriculture on New England town farms; which explains the passion I always had for such attractive out-of-door sports as stump-pulling, laying stone wall, and drinking very hard cider in the shade. Being down at my uncles this week, I have attended the Annual County Agricultural Fair. The managers wanted me to go on one of the committces, (whether it was plain Durhams, or short-horn needle- work, I dont this moment remember,) but I declined. I told them that, while I was ready to fill any vacancy that might occur in the Com- mittee on Bills upon their Second Reading, they really must excuse me elsewhere. I finally compromised by accepting a free pass, and agree- ing to poke the ribs of all the cattle I could reach, just as though I was a bonafide official. The show began yesterday with a grand concourse of all the farming people for miles around. Every farmer brought a pair of hands with him. The teams were innumerable; I had no idea it was such a teem- ing population. There was a procession of yokes of oxen, a brass band, the living skeleton, two fire engines, citizens generally, the Ora- tor of the Day, more oxen, marshals in cowhide boots and badges, and a cavalcade. There may have been other oxen. I did not intend to omit them. The Orator was announced in the bills as a finished speaker. He managed to get himself so thoroughiy mixed up with his subject, however, and knew so much about farming, which he was willing to disclose, that I soon saw he couldn1~ be safely set down as finished till late in the afternoon. I dont recall much of his address, further than that, when he got to talking about Fall Ploughing, he said: In the hour AUTUMN SONG. Lr~.& vzs are falling (though coal is not,) And pumpkins are yellow, and maids are blue; Potatoes and apples begin to rot; Theres many a liver congested, too. The dews stay late on the cabbage-leaf, And the red, red beet forsakes the ground; And lovers wanderings grow more brief, And fewer loafers are loafing around. The celery rivals the turnip fair; Theres new delight in the tender steak; And boys go munching the chestnut rare, Without one thought of the stomach-ache. The last of the cattle-shows is seen; The monster squash to the cows is fed; Everythings brown that once was green, Except tomatoes, and they are red. The drowsy citizen hates to rise; The hash may be cold, but so is the air; Tis heaven to slumber, for now the flies Are less affectionate, and more rare. And who is the busiest man we see? Tis the Doctor, dashing by in his chaise; And well may he hurry, you will agree, For it isnt every patient that pays. Tis a rare, rare season,so breezy and bright! The dahlias, and even the squashes, are gay! One wouldnt regret the cold at night, If it wasnt so deucedly cold by day. A wandering shiver inspires the doubt Whether Indian Summer will come this year; But its warmth can be felt when you dont go out, And its haze may be seen through a glass of beer. Query for Romancers. IJ5ED the Knights of the Round Table ever to get a Square meal? of his countrys peril, if fall he must, he would a little rather fall plough- ing, than in any other way ! I think, too, he spoke of the Fates al- ways smiling upon the farmer who improved his soil. I suppose he meant the phosphates. To-day I have been all around the cattle pens. I never saw such stock before. Owing to their habit of staying out in the country the year round, they have a firm, sleek, animated look which the best gua- ranteed city stock fails to attain. One cow, from her impartial method of hoisting visitors out of her pasture, was labelled The General Hooker. There was a fine display of Dorking lambs and Jersey hens, while some bees of the Berkshire breed fairly divided the honors with a few very choice Memo pigs. A handsomely built North Devon chain- pump attracted much attention from the milkmen. The turkeys, geese, ducks, poultry and other farm yard habitu~s, though cooped up in one corner, did all they could to make the show a success. The products of the soil were heaped up in the richest profusion. This is a great raising county. No community raised their quota of substitutes more rapidly, during the war. Rows upon rows of corn, of barley, rye and oats [like most modern Serials,] seemed as though they would never come to an end. Some early squashes were pointed out to me. I understood that they were gathered at four oclock in the morning. This is nothing. I dis- tinctly remember picking up watermelons, when a schoolboy, much earlier than that. The butter, cheese, and bed quilts, were all of the finest texture. Everybody took a first premium. Among the newly patented inventions I noticed The JOHN Monnis- SHY Smasher, The Swamp Angel Sheller, and a lovely piece of mechanism called The Just One Mower. There was the usual horse trotting from morning to night, both days, with pool selling, from which, I presume, agriculture derived great benefit. I say nothing of the other side-shows, for (with the exception of ALExIs ST. MARTIN,) I never heard of one that was worth going across the street to see. Yours truly, and yours rurally, SARsrrEw YOUNG. I; ~ iIj es..UL)j/ if 11 v Nd A FITFUL YOUTH. Younger Party. LOOK HERE, VAN, cANT YOU LEAVE THOSE PERSONALS ALONE, FOR A MINUTE, AND GIVE ME A CANDID OPINION ON THE BACK PIT OF MY NEW COAT ? OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OUR PORTFOLIO. PMUs, THIRD WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I concluded I would leave Paris for Tours last week, as the refusal of Life Insurance Companies to take war risks made me apprehensive for the temporal welfare of the youthful TINTOS in case I should be untimely called hence. It was a wise resolution, but a few trifling obstacles, to which I shall refer, prevented me from carrying it out. WASHBURNE advised me, as the safest means of escape, to adopt the character of an American tourist, with which disguise he thought the Gallic cast of my features would not materially interfere. I took the hint, and, assuming my scrip and staff, set forth by way of the Neuilly gate towards Courbevoie. It was after nightfall when I reached the bridge that crosses the Seine in that neighborhood. A garde mobile was pacing over the crest of the slight acclivity that rises near its eastern extremity. As I approached he came to a halt, and challenged me sharply. Quivali? C est moi, I answered, (with a very decent accent which I had cultivated by the daily use of a mild decoction of alum-wateran appli- cation which I can cordially recommend to Americans who do not naturally possess that peculiar pucker~ of the lips essential to the cor- rect pronunciation of the French language.) Cest moi, mon ami, I repeated. The countersign, said the garde. What countersign ? said I, remembering to my consternation that I bad forgotten to secure that important credentiaL The sentry brought his piece to that position which usually pre- cedes the order Take aim. I got back a few feetthe situation was too close. Mon ami, I ventured to observe, that aint the way we treat non- combatants in America. The countersign, reiterated the garde, still holding his chassepot in the previous threatening manner. I looked up. The stars were in the quiet sky, and the new moon was just sinking beneath the bold outline of Mount Yalerien. The surge of the Seine against the stone piers of the bridge could be distinctly heard. The scene was unspeakably tranquil, not to say mournful, and I said to myself, Is this a night for assassination ? Again I looked up, and I saw the gleam of two more bayonets at the other end of the bridge. Thereupon I said to myself, This is not a night for assassination. The countersign, for the third time, Apollyon in front of me. I grew familiar. Come now, my good friend, this little business of mine re- quires some dispatch. During the war in America The click of the hammer of the sentrys rifle interrupted me. I felt uncomfortable. I had been out in the night air many times before, but I never knew it to be so disagreeably uhilly. It climbed in behind my shirt collar, travelled down my back with a shivering sen- sation, and culminated in a regular ague when it reached my knees. With a terrific ef- fort I calmed myself, and opened on the soldiers again. During the war in Ameri- ca There are occasions in a mans lifetime when the mere fact of his tongue cleaving un- expectedly to the roof of his mouth is no evidence of cow- ardice. I had unquestionably reached that eventful period of my existence, but I also possessed physical energy to try once more. proceeded from the armed My good, kind friend, I was going to say that during the war in America Oh! dn your war in America ! roared the sentry, levelling his rifle full at me. There is no American living who would sooner resent an insult to his native land than myself, and at such a crisis I felt that within me which might rise at any moment and crush the foul calumniator. But I reasoned to myself that I would not take the life of this man, now. I would wait awhile. It was only too evident he was angry, and he might cool off and apologize. Yes, that was the best course for me to pursue. Accordingly I ran rapidly over in my mind a little speech, and, turning to him, spoke thus: Rash, impetuous man LATER. Thanks to the persistent efforts of my dear friend WASHEURNE, 1 have just been released from the guard-house after three hideous days of incarceration. His is a heart that I may truthfully say yearns to- ward the unfortunate. I consider him the crowning glory of American diplomacy in Europe. Language is inadequate to express the feelings of one who regrets that his sex forbids him to sign himself Your weeping MAGDALEN, DICK Tn~ro. - A Toothsome Con. Wuv should dentists be entitled to class with artists? Because they all draw. NEWSPAPER PERILS. THE local reporter of a Boston daily gives us the following: On wednesday morning, as the early freight train on the Old Colony railroad neared the bridge in Quincy, THOMAS ELLIS, a brakeman, raised up for the purpose of throwing off a bundle of newspapers, when he was struck by the timbers of the bridge and knocked senseless upon his car. He was saved from rolling to the track by TIMoTHY Lzz, a paper boy who was upon the train. We are sorry for Emas. But he ought to be J~haukful for one thing, he has a mission. He need not ask, like ANNA DIcHINsoN: Why was I born? It is all settled that he was raised up for the pur- pose of throwing off newspapers. Now, although he missed it this time, we have no doubt he is ordinarily as successful in that line as the most improved Lightning Press could be. Should he, unfortunately, continue senseless, PUNCHINELLO suggests that THoIlAs devote himself to throwing off editorial articles for the Sun. It was very noble in TIMOTHY LEE 50 promptly to come to the rescue. But,hold! PUNCHINELLO will not be imposed upon: at this moment are there not grounds for sus- pecting this paper boy to have been merely a man of straw? A Sporting Con. WHY is the famous horse DEXTER like a musical conduc- tor? Because he beats Time. Theatrical Item. SINCE Colonel F I 5 K, Jr., floored that other manager, he is known in the profession as the great floor manager. Good News for the Birds. IN Westchester county a fine of $25 is hereafter to be levied upon each jackass in human form who shoots birds on Sun- day. It is to be hoped that the little bills may thus be saved from holiday havoc by persons who object to incur- ring large ones. 61 APPROPRIATE. Pompey, (sawing.) How rou OWINE TO vom, SAM ?IsE BIN saw BY DR PUBLICAN PARTY Sambo. BORE PARTIES SEED ME, AND 50 IM OwINE TO SPLIT.

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OUR PORTFOLIO. PMUs, THIRD WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I concluded I would leave Paris for Tours last week, as the refusal of Life Insurance Companies to take war risks made me apprehensive for the temporal welfare of the youthful TINTOS in case I should be untimely called hence. It was a wise resolution, but a few trifling obstacles, to which I shall refer, prevented me from carrying it out. WASHBURNE advised me, as the safest means of escape, to adopt the character of an American tourist, with which disguise he thought the Gallic cast of my features would not materially interfere. I took the hint, and, assuming my scrip and staff, set forth by way of the Neuilly gate towards Courbevoie. It was after nightfall when I reached the bridge that crosses the Seine in that neighborhood. A garde mobile was pacing over the crest of the slight acclivity that rises near its eastern extremity. As I approached he came to a halt, and challenged me sharply. Quivali? C est moi, I answered, (with a very decent accent which I had cultivated by the daily use of a mild decoction of alum-wateran appli- cation which I can cordially recommend to Americans who do not naturally possess that peculiar pucker~ of the lips essential to the cor- rect pronunciation of the French language.) Cest moi, mon ami, I repeated. The countersign, said the garde. What countersign ? said I, remembering to my consternation that I bad forgotten to secure that important credentiaL The sentry brought his piece to that position which usually pre- cedes the order Take aim. I got back a few feetthe situation was too close. Mon ami, I ventured to observe, that aint the way we treat non- combatants in America. The countersign, reiterated the garde, still holding his chassepot in the previous threatening manner. I looked up. The stars were in the quiet sky, and the new moon was just sinking beneath the bold outline of Mount Yalerien. The surge of the Seine against the stone piers of the bridge could be distinctly heard. The scene was unspeakably tranquil, not to say mournful, and I said to myself, Is this a night for assassination ? Again I looked up, and I saw the gleam of two more bayonets at the other end of the bridge. Thereupon I said to myself, This is not a night for assassination. The countersign, for the third time, Apollyon in front of me. I grew familiar. Come now, my good friend, this little business of mine re- quires some dispatch. During the war in America The click of the hammer of the sentrys rifle interrupted me. I felt uncomfortable. I had been out in the night air many times before, but I never knew it to be so disagreeably uhilly. It climbed in behind my shirt collar, travelled down my back with a shivering sen- sation, and culminated in a regular ague when it reached my knees. With a terrific ef- fort I calmed myself, and opened on the soldiers again. During the war in Ameri- ca There are occasions in a mans lifetime when the mere fact of his tongue cleaving un- expectedly to the roof of his mouth is no evidence of cow- ardice. I had unquestionably reached that eventful period of my existence, but I also possessed physical energy to try once more. proceeded from the armed My good, kind friend, I was going to say that during the war in America Oh! dn your war in America ! roared the sentry, levelling his rifle full at me. There is no American living who would sooner resent an insult to his native land than myself, and at such a crisis I felt that within me which might rise at any moment and crush the foul calumniator. But I reasoned to myself that I would not take the life of this man, now. I would wait awhile. It was only too evident he was angry, and he might cool off and apologize. Yes, that was the best course for me to pursue. Accordingly I ran rapidly over in my mind a little speech, and, turning to him, spoke thus: Rash, impetuous man LATER. Thanks to the persistent efforts of my dear friend WASHEURNE, 1 have just been released from the guard-house after three hideous days of incarceration. His is a heart that I may truthfully say yearns to- ward the unfortunate. I consider him the crowning glory of American diplomacy in Europe. Language is inadequate to express the feelings of one who regrets that his sex forbids him to sign himself Your weeping MAGDALEN, DICK Tn~ro. - A Toothsome Con. Wuv should dentists be entitled to class with artists? Because they all draw. NEWSPAPER PERILS. THE local reporter of a Boston daily gives us the following: On wednesday morning, as the early freight train on the Old Colony railroad neared the bridge in Quincy, THOMAS ELLIS, a brakeman, raised up for the purpose of throwing off a bundle of newspapers, when he was struck by the timbers of the bridge and knocked senseless upon his car. He was saved from rolling to the track by TIMoTHY Lzz, a paper boy who was upon the train. We are sorry for Emas. But he ought to be J~haukful for one thing, he has a mission. He need not ask, like ANNA DIcHINsoN: Why was I born? It is all settled that he was raised up for the pur- pose of throwing off newspapers. Now, although he missed it this time, we have no doubt he is ordinarily as successful in that line as the most improved Lightning Press could be. Should he, unfortunately, continue senseless, PUNCHINELLO suggests that THoIlAs devote himself to throwing off editorial articles for the Sun. It was very noble in TIMOTHY LEE 50 promptly to come to the rescue. But,hold! PUNCHINELLO will not be imposed upon: at this moment are there not grounds for sus- pecting this paper boy to have been merely a man of straw? A Sporting Con. WHY is the famous horse DEXTER like a musical conduc- tor? Because he beats Time. Theatrical Item. SINCE Colonel F I 5 K, Jr., floored that other manager, he is known in the profession as the great floor manager. Good News for the Birds. IN Westchester county a fine of $25 is hereafter to be levied upon each jackass in human form who shoots birds on Sun- day. It is to be hoped that the little bills may thus be saved from holiday havoc by persons who object to incur- ring large ones. 61 APPROPRIATE. Pompey, (sawing.) How rou OWINE TO vom, SAM ?IsE BIN saw BY DR PUBLICAN PARTY Sambo. BORE PARTIES SEED ME, AND 50 IM OwINE TO SPLIT.

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OUR PORTFOLIO. PMUs, THIRD WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I concluded I would leave Paris for Tours last week, as the refusal of Life Insurance Companies to take war risks made me apprehensive for the temporal welfare of the youthful TINTOS in case I should be untimely called hence. It was a wise resolution, but a few trifling obstacles, to which I shall refer, prevented me from carrying it out. WASHBURNE advised me, as the safest means of escape, to adopt the character of an American tourist, with which disguise he thought the Gallic cast of my features would not materially interfere. I took the hint, and, assuming my scrip and staff, set forth by way of the Neuilly gate towards Courbevoie. It was after nightfall when I reached the bridge that crosses the Seine in that neighborhood. A garde mobile was pacing over the crest of the slight acclivity that rises near its eastern extremity. As I approached he came to a halt, and challenged me sharply. Quivali? C est moi, I answered, (with a very decent accent which I had cultivated by the daily use of a mild decoction of alum-wateran appli- cation which I can cordially recommend to Americans who do not naturally possess that peculiar pucker~ of the lips essential to the cor- rect pronunciation of the French language.) Cest moi, mon ami, I repeated. The countersign, said the garde. What countersign ? said I, remembering to my consternation that I bad forgotten to secure that important credentiaL The sentry brought his piece to that position which usually pre- cedes the order Take aim. I got back a few feetthe situation was too close. Mon ami, I ventured to observe, that aint the way we treat non- combatants in America. The countersign, reiterated the garde, still holding his chassepot in the previous threatening manner. I looked up. The stars were in the quiet sky, and the new moon was just sinking beneath the bold outline of Mount Yalerien. The surge of the Seine against the stone piers of the bridge could be distinctly heard. The scene was unspeakably tranquil, not to say mournful, and I said to myself, Is this a night for assassination ? Again I looked up, and I saw the gleam of two more bayonets at the other end of the bridge. Thereupon I said to myself, This is not a night for assassination. The countersign, for the third time, Apollyon in front of me. I grew familiar. Come now, my good friend, this little business of mine re- quires some dispatch. During the war in America The click of the hammer of the sentrys rifle interrupted me. I felt uncomfortable. I had been out in the night air many times before, but I never knew it to be so disagreeably uhilly. It climbed in behind my shirt collar, travelled down my back with a shivering sen- sation, and culminated in a regular ague when it reached my knees. With a terrific ef- fort I calmed myself, and opened on the soldiers again. During the war in Ameri- ca There are occasions in a mans lifetime when the mere fact of his tongue cleaving un- expectedly to the roof of his mouth is no evidence of cow- ardice. I had unquestionably reached that eventful period of my existence, but I also possessed physical energy to try once more. proceeded from the armed My good, kind friend, I was going to say that during the war in America Oh! dn your war in America ! roared the sentry, levelling his rifle full at me. There is no American living who would sooner resent an insult to his native land than myself, and at such a crisis I felt that within me which might rise at any moment and crush the foul calumniator. But I reasoned to myself that I would not take the life of this man, now. I would wait awhile. It was only too evident he was angry, and he might cool off and apologize. Yes, that was the best course for me to pursue. Accordingly I ran rapidly over in my mind a little speech, and, turning to him, spoke thus: Rash, impetuous man LATER. Thanks to the persistent efforts of my dear friend WASHEURNE, 1 have just been released from the guard-house after three hideous days of incarceration. His is a heart that I may truthfully say yearns to- ward the unfortunate. I consider him the crowning glory of American diplomacy in Europe. Language is inadequate to express the feelings of one who regrets that his sex forbids him to sign himself Your weeping MAGDALEN, DICK Tn~ro. - A Toothsome Con. Wuv should dentists be entitled to class with artists? Because they all draw. NEWSPAPER PERILS. THE local reporter of a Boston daily gives us the following: On wednesday morning, as the early freight train on the Old Colony railroad neared the bridge in Quincy, THOMAS ELLIS, a brakeman, raised up for the purpose of throwing off a bundle of newspapers, when he was struck by the timbers of the bridge and knocked senseless upon his car. He was saved from rolling to the track by TIMoTHY Lzz, a paper boy who was upon the train. We are sorry for Emas. But he ought to be J~haukful for one thing, he has a mission. He need not ask, like ANNA DIcHINsoN: Why was I born? It is all settled that he was raised up for the pur- pose of throwing off newspapers. Now, although he missed it this time, we have no doubt he is ordinarily as successful in that line as the most improved Lightning Press could be. Should he, unfortunately, continue senseless, PUNCHINELLO suggests that THoIlAs devote himself to throwing off editorial articles for the Sun. It was very noble in TIMOTHY LEE 50 promptly to come to the rescue. But,hold! PUNCHINELLO will not be imposed upon: at this moment are there not grounds for sus- pecting this paper boy to have been merely a man of straw? A Sporting Con. WHY is the famous horse DEXTER like a musical conduc- tor? Because he beats Time. Theatrical Item. SINCE Colonel F I 5 K, Jr., floored that other manager, he is known in the profession as the great floor manager. Good News for the Birds. IN Westchester county a fine of $25 is hereafter to be levied upon each jackass in human form who shoots birds on Sun- day. It is to be hoped that the little bills may thus be saved from holiday havoc by persons who object to incur- ring large ones. 61 APPROPRIATE. Pompey, (sawing.) How rou OWINE TO vom, SAM ?IsE BIN saw BY DR PUBLICAN PARTY Sambo. BORE PARTIES SEED ME, AND 50 IM OwINE TO SPLIT.

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OUR PORTFOLIO. PMUs, THIRD WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I concluded I would leave Paris for Tours last week, as the refusal of Life Insurance Companies to take war risks made me apprehensive for the temporal welfare of the youthful TINTOS in case I should be untimely called hence. It was a wise resolution, but a few trifling obstacles, to which I shall refer, prevented me from carrying it out. WASHBURNE advised me, as the safest means of escape, to adopt the character of an American tourist, with which disguise he thought the Gallic cast of my features would not materially interfere. I took the hint, and, assuming my scrip and staff, set forth by way of the Neuilly gate towards Courbevoie. It was after nightfall when I reached the bridge that crosses the Seine in that neighborhood. A garde mobile was pacing over the crest of the slight acclivity that rises near its eastern extremity. As I approached he came to a halt, and challenged me sharply. Quivali? C est moi, I answered, (with a very decent accent which I had cultivated by the daily use of a mild decoction of alum-wateran appli- cation which I can cordially recommend to Americans who do not naturally possess that peculiar pucker~ of the lips essential to the cor- rect pronunciation of the French language.) Cest moi, mon ami, I repeated. The countersign, said the garde. What countersign ? said I, remembering to my consternation that I bad forgotten to secure that important credentiaL The sentry brought his piece to that position which usually pre- cedes the order Take aim. I got back a few feetthe situation was too close. Mon ami, I ventured to observe, that aint the way we treat non- combatants in America. The countersign, reiterated the garde, still holding his chassepot in the previous threatening manner. I looked up. The stars were in the quiet sky, and the new moon was just sinking beneath the bold outline of Mount Yalerien. The surge of the Seine against the stone piers of the bridge could be distinctly heard. The scene was unspeakably tranquil, not to say mournful, and I said to myself, Is this a night for assassination ? Again I looked up, and I saw the gleam of two more bayonets at the other end of the bridge. Thereupon I said to myself, This is not a night for assassination. The countersign, for the third time, Apollyon in front of me. I grew familiar. Come now, my good friend, this little business of mine re- quires some dispatch. During the war in America The click of the hammer of the sentrys rifle interrupted me. I felt uncomfortable. I had been out in the night air many times before, but I never knew it to be so disagreeably uhilly. It climbed in behind my shirt collar, travelled down my back with a shivering sen- sation, and culminated in a regular ague when it reached my knees. With a terrific ef- fort I calmed myself, and opened on the soldiers again. During the war in Ameri- ca There are occasions in a mans lifetime when the mere fact of his tongue cleaving un- expectedly to the roof of his mouth is no evidence of cow- ardice. I had unquestionably reached that eventful period of my existence, but I also possessed physical energy to try once more. proceeded from the armed My good, kind friend, I was going to say that during the war in America Oh! dn your war in America ! roared the sentry, levelling his rifle full at me. There is no American living who would sooner resent an insult to his native land than myself, and at such a crisis I felt that within me which might rise at any moment and crush the foul calumniator. But I reasoned to myself that I would not take the life of this man, now. I would wait awhile. It was only too evident he was angry, and he might cool off and apologize. Yes, that was the best course for me to pursue. Accordingly I ran rapidly over in my mind a little speech, and, turning to him, spoke thus: Rash, impetuous man LATER. Thanks to the persistent efforts of my dear friend WASHEURNE, 1 have just been released from the guard-house after three hideous days of incarceration. His is a heart that I may truthfully say yearns to- ward the unfortunate. I consider him the crowning glory of American diplomacy in Europe. Language is inadequate to express the feelings of one who regrets that his sex forbids him to sign himself Your weeping MAGDALEN, DICK Tn~ro. - A Toothsome Con. Wuv should dentists be entitled to class with artists? Because they all draw. NEWSPAPER PERILS. THE local reporter of a Boston daily gives us the following: On wednesday morning, as the early freight train on the Old Colony railroad neared the bridge in Quincy, THOMAS ELLIS, a brakeman, raised up for the purpose of throwing off a bundle of newspapers, when he was struck by the timbers of the bridge and knocked senseless upon his car. He was saved from rolling to the track by TIMoTHY Lzz, a paper boy who was upon the train. We are sorry for Emas. But he ought to be J~haukful for one thing, he has a mission. He need not ask, like ANNA DIcHINsoN: Why was I born? It is all settled that he was raised up for the pur- pose of throwing off newspapers. Now, although he missed it this time, we have no doubt he is ordinarily as successful in that line as the most improved Lightning Press could be. Should he, unfortunately, continue senseless, PUNCHINELLO suggests that THoIlAs devote himself to throwing off editorial articles for the Sun. It was very noble in TIMOTHY LEE 50 promptly to come to the rescue. But,hold! PUNCHINELLO will not be imposed upon: at this moment are there not grounds for sus- pecting this paper boy to have been merely a man of straw? A Sporting Con. WHY is the famous horse DEXTER like a musical conduc- tor? Because he beats Time. Theatrical Item. SINCE Colonel F I 5 K, Jr., floored that other manager, he is known in the profession as the great floor manager. Good News for the Birds. IN Westchester county a fine of $25 is hereafter to be levied upon each jackass in human form who shoots birds on Sun- day. It is to be hoped that the little bills may thus be saved from holiday havoc by persons who object to incur- ring large ones. 61 APPROPRIATE. Pompey, (sawing.) How rou OWINE TO vom, SAM ?IsE BIN saw BY DR PUBLICAN PARTY Sambo. BORE PARTIES SEED ME, AND 50 IM OwINE TO SPLIT.

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OUR PORTFOLIO. PMUs, THIRD WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I concluded I would leave Paris for Tours last week, as the refusal of Life Insurance Companies to take war risks made me apprehensive for the temporal welfare of the youthful TINTOS in case I should be untimely called hence. It was a wise resolution, but a few trifling obstacles, to which I shall refer, prevented me from carrying it out. WASHBURNE advised me, as the safest means of escape, to adopt the character of an American tourist, with which disguise he thought the Gallic cast of my features would not materially interfere. I took the hint, and, assuming my scrip and staff, set forth by way of the Neuilly gate towards Courbevoie. It was after nightfall when I reached the bridge that crosses the Seine in that neighborhood. A garde mobile was pacing over the crest of the slight acclivity that rises near its eastern extremity. As I approached he came to a halt, and challenged me sharply. Quivali? C est moi, I answered, (with a very decent accent which I had cultivated by the daily use of a mild decoction of alum-wateran appli- cation which I can cordially recommend to Americans who do not naturally possess that peculiar pucker~ of the lips essential to the cor- rect pronunciation of the French language.) Cest moi, mon ami, I repeated. The countersign, said the garde. What countersign ? said I, remembering to my consternation that I bad forgotten to secure that important credentiaL The sentry brought his piece to that position which usually pre- cedes the order Take aim. I got back a few feetthe situation was too close. Mon ami, I ventured to observe, that aint the way we treat non- combatants in America. The countersign, reiterated the garde, still holding his chassepot in the previous threatening manner. I looked up. The stars were in the quiet sky, and the new moon was just sinking beneath the bold outline of Mount Yalerien. The surge of the Seine against the stone piers of the bridge could be distinctly heard. The scene was unspeakably tranquil, not to say mournful, and I said to myself, Is this a night for assassination ? Again I looked up, and I saw the gleam of two more bayonets at the other end of the bridge. Thereupon I said to myself, This is not a night for assassination. The countersign, for the third time, Apollyon in front of me. I grew familiar. Come now, my good friend, this little business of mine re- quires some dispatch. During the war in America The click of the hammer of the sentrys rifle interrupted me. I felt uncomfortable. I had been out in the night air many times before, but I never knew it to be so disagreeably uhilly. It climbed in behind my shirt collar, travelled down my back with a shivering sen- sation, and culminated in a regular ague when it reached my knees. With a terrific ef- fort I calmed myself, and opened on the soldiers again. During the war in Ameri- ca There are occasions in a mans lifetime when the mere fact of his tongue cleaving un- expectedly to the roof of his mouth is no evidence of cow- ardice. I had unquestionably reached that eventful period of my existence, but I also possessed physical energy to try once more. proceeded from the armed My good, kind friend, I was going to say that during the war in America Oh! dn your war in America ! roared the sentry, levelling his rifle full at me. There is no American living who would sooner resent an insult to his native land than myself, and at such a crisis I felt that within me which might rise at any moment and crush the foul calumniator. But I reasoned to myself that I would not take the life of this man, now. I would wait awhile. It was only too evident he was angry, and he might cool off and apologize. Yes, that was the best course for me to pursue. Accordingly I ran rapidly over in my mind a little speech, and, turning to him, spoke thus: Rash, impetuous man LATER. Thanks to the persistent efforts of my dear friend WASHEURNE, 1 have just been released from the guard-house after three hideous days of incarceration. His is a heart that I may truthfully say yearns to- ward the unfortunate. I consider him the crowning glory of American diplomacy in Europe. Language is inadequate to express the feelings of one who regrets that his sex forbids him to sign himself Your weeping MAGDALEN, DICK Tn~ro. - A Toothsome Con. Wuv should dentists be entitled to class with artists? Because they all draw. NEWSPAPER PERILS. THE local reporter of a Boston daily gives us the following: On wednesday morning, as the early freight train on the Old Colony railroad neared the bridge in Quincy, THOMAS ELLIS, a brakeman, raised up for the purpose of throwing off a bundle of newspapers, when he was struck by the timbers of the bridge and knocked senseless upon his car. He was saved from rolling to the track by TIMoTHY Lzz, a paper boy who was upon the train. We are sorry for Emas. But he ought to be J~haukful for one thing, he has a mission. He need not ask, like ANNA DIcHINsoN: Why was I born? It is all settled that he was raised up for the pur- pose of throwing off newspapers. Now, although he missed it this time, we have no doubt he is ordinarily as successful in that line as the most improved Lightning Press could be. Should he, unfortunately, continue senseless, PUNCHINELLO suggests that THoIlAs devote himself to throwing off editorial articles for the Sun. It was very noble in TIMOTHY LEE 50 promptly to come to the rescue. But,hold! PUNCHINELLO will not be imposed upon: at this moment are there not grounds for sus- pecting this paper boy to have been merely a man of straw? A Sporting Con. WHY is the famous horse DEXTER like a musical conduc- tor? Because he beats Time. Theatrical Item. SINCE Colonel F I 5 K, Jr., floored that other manager, he is known in the profession as the great floor manager. Good News for the Birds. IN Westchester county a fine of $25 is hereafter to be levied upon each jackass in human form who shoots birds on Sun- day. It is to be hoped that the little bills may thus be saved from holiday havoc by persons who object to incur- ring large ones. 61 APPROPRIATE. Pompey, (sawing.) How rou OWINE TO vom, SAM ?IsE BIN saw BY DR PUBLICAN PARTY Sambo. BORE PARTIES SEED ME, AND 50 IM OwINE TO SPLIT.

OCT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. OUR PORTFOLIO. PMUs, THIRD WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: I concluded I would leave Paris for Tours last week, as the refusal of Life Insurance Companies to take war risks made me apprehensive for the temporal welfare of the youthful TINTOS in case I should be untimely called hence. It was a wise resolution, but a few trifling obstacles, to which I shall refer, prevented me from carrying it out. WASHBURNE advised me, as the safest means of escape, to adopt the character of an American tourist, with which disguise he thought the Gallic cast of my features would not materially interfere. I took the hint, and, assuming my scrip and staff, set forth by way of the Neuilly gate towards Courbevoie. It was after nightfall when I reached the bridge that crosses the Seine in that neighborhood. A garde mobile was pacing over the crest of the slight acclivity that rises near its eastern extremity. As I approached he came to a halt, and challenged me sharply. Quivali? C est moi, I answered, (with a very decent accent which I had cultivated by the daily use of a mild decoction of alum-wateran appli- cation which I can cordially recommend to Americans who do not naturally possess that peculiar pucker~ of the lips essential to the cor- rect pronunciation of the French language.) Cest moi, mon ami, I repeated. The countersign, said the garde. What countersign ? said I, remembering to my consternation that I bad forgotten to secure that important credentiaL The sentry brought his piece to that position which usually pre- cedes the order Take aim. I got back a few feetthe situation was too close. Mon ami, I ventured to observe, that aint the way we treat non- combatants in America. The countersign, reiterated the garde, still holding his chassepot in the previous threatening manner. I looked up. The stars were in the quiet sky, and the new moon was just sinking beneath the bold outline of Mount Yalerien. The surge of the Seine against the stone piers of the bridge could be distinctly heard. The scene was unspeakably tranquil, not to say mournful, and I said to myself, Is this a night for assassination ? Again I looked up, and I saw the gleam of two more bayonets at the other end of the bridge. Thereupon I said to myself, This is not a night for assassination. The countersign, for the third time, Apollyon in front of me. I grew familiar. Come now, my good friend, this little business of mine re- quires some dispatch. During the war in America The click of the hammer of the sentrys rifle interrupted me. I felt uncomfortable. I had been out in the night air many times before, but I never knew it to be so disagreeably uhilly. It climbed in behind my shirt collar, travelled down my back with a shivering sen- sation, and culminated in a regular ague when it reached my knees. With a terrific ef- fort I calmed myself, and opened on the soldiers again. During the war in Ameri- ca There are occasions in a mans lifetime when the mere fact of his tongue cleaving un- expectedly to the roof of his mouth is no evidence of cow- ardice. I had unquestionably reached that eventful period of my existence, but I also possessed physical energy to try once more. proceeded from the armed My good, kind friend, I was going to say that during the war in America Oh! dn your war in America ! roared the sentry, levelling his rifle full at me. There is no American living who would sooner resent an insult to his native land than myself, and at such a crisis I felt that within me which might rise at any moment and crush the foul calumniator. But I reasoned to myself that I would not take the life of this man, now. I would wait awhile. It was only too evident he was angry, and he might cool off and apologize. Yes, that was the best course for me to pursue. Accordingly I ran rapidly over in my mind a little speech, and, turning to him, spoke thus: Rash, impetuous man LATER. Thanks to the persistent efforts of my dear friend WASHEURNE, 1 have just been released from the guard-house after three hideous days of incarceration. His is a heart that I may truthfully say yearns to- ward the unfortunate. I consider him the crowning glory of American diplomacy in Europe. Language is inadequate to express the feelings of one who regrets that his sex forbids him to sign himself Your weeping MAGDALEN, DICK Tn~ro. - A Toothsome Con. Wuv should dentists be entitled to class with artists? Because they all draw. NEWSPAPER PERILS. THE local reporter of a Boston daily gives us the following: On wednesday morning, as the early freight train on the Old Colony railroad neared the bridge in Quincy, THOMAS ELLIS, a brakeman, raised up for the purpose of throwing off a bundle of newspapers, when he was struck by the timbers of the bridge and knocked senseless upon his car. He was saved from rolling to the track by TIMoTHY Lzz, a paper boy who was upon the train. We are sorry for Emas. But he ought to be J~haukful for one thing, he has a mission. He need not ask, like ANNA DIcHINsoN: Why was I born? It is all settled that he was raised up for the pur- pose of throwing off newspapers. Now, although he missed it this time, we have no doubt he is ordinarily as successful in that line as the most improved Lightning Press could be. Should he, unfortunately, continue senseless, PUNCHINELLO suggests that THoIlAs devote himself to throwing off editorial articles for the Sun. It was very noble in TIMOTHY LEE 50 promptly to come to the rescue. But,hold! PUNCHINELLO will not be imposed upon: at this moment are there not grounds for sus- pecting this paper boy to have been merely a man of straw? A Sporting Con. WHY is the famous horse DEXTER like a musical conduc- tor? Because he beats Time. Theatrical Item. SINCE Colonel F I 5 K, Jr., floored that other manager, he is known in the profession as the great floor manager. Good News for the Birds. IN Westchester county a fine of $25 is hereafter to be levied upon each jackass in human form who shoots birds on Sun- day. It is to be hoped that the little bills may thus be saved from holiday havoc by persons who object to incur- ring large ones. 61 APPROPRIATE. Pompey, (sawing.) How rou OWINE TO vom, SAM ?IsE BIN saw BY DR PUBLICAN PARTY Sambo. BORE PARTIES SEED ME, AND 50 IM OwINE TO SPLIT. 62 PUNCHINELLO. A NEW SENSATION WANTED. TH~ reprehensible haste with which various European nations ter- minate their wars is a source of annoyance to every one. Hardly have we acquired a decided taste for news of some transient war or other, when the conflicting parties judge that they have had enough of it, and thus an avenue of enjoyment is summarily closed. It is as though ones natural aversion to tomatoes had gradually changed to liking, and then an untimely autumn frost had come, to an- ticipate the gardener and the air-tight can. These foreigners are so different from the Americans! During the Rebelliona com~arative1y staid and respectable affair a correspondent, after the first two years, became so expert as to antici- pate battles, and knew as much about war as a general. War news and buckwheat cakes enlivened the matutinal meal. The chances pro and con gave a zest to conversations else intolerably dulL The war was an Institution. But see how it is in Europe. In 66, they spirted away for six weeks and stopped. And now, after a similar splurge, they have as good as sto~iped once more. The correspondents just sent over by our enterprising newspapers, arc hardly yet recovered from their sea-sickness. Just as they begin to sharpen their pencils, presto! the war is over, and the occupation of these hardy gentlemen is gone. Can nothing be done about this? If a protest firm and dignfied would really do no good, what about some new excitement, which, as every one knows, we must have or perish! Will no other jealous con- tiguous nations fall out? Must we fall out ourselves? Election is still a good way off, and, really, we dont see whats to be done. Fights are few, aad suicides are falling off. The Indians are disgustingly peace- ful, and even the Mormons have subsided. It is two years and over to the next Presidential election; and there is no more cholera. Really, this is too bad I We must muse on the situation for a season, and, meanwhile, shall confidently expect somethin~ or other to turn up almost any day. PUSS AS A PORT-JHONNAIE. THE following eccentric freak of a cat is reported in a daily paper: A two dollar note was taken to one of the Lebanon banks for redemption last week, which had been taken from the intestines of a cat, in Montgomery county. The cat had stolen the note and swallowed it, was caught and shot, and the note thus recovered. There is nothing new in getting notes from the intestines of a cat. PAGANINI got no end of notes from catgut. So do VIBUxTEMPs, and OLE BULL, and TOM BAKER, and others too numerous to mention. The cat that swallowed the greenback should have been added to BARNUMs Happy Family, however, instead of being sacrificed to Mammon. With its two-dollar bill it would have been a formidable rival to the Ornithor~ynchus Paradozus, or beast with a bill, of Australia. NEW PUBLICATIONS. A TREArIsE ON THE BANKRUPT LAW, FOR BusrHEss MEN. By AUDLEY W. GAZZAM, Solicitor in Bankruptcy, Utica, N. Y. New York: GEORGE T. DELLER, No. 95 Liberty Street. This book contains not only all the latest amendments to the Bank- rupt Act, with copious notes covering the latest English and American decisions, but it also has a prefatory chapter of Hints to Persons con- t~mplating Bankruptcy. PUNCHINELLO, feeling a deep interest in the welfare of The Sun, The Free Press, and certain others of his contempe- raries, earnestly requests their attention to that chapter. Some such ad- vice as it contains is evidently needed by them for their guidance through the financial gloom that seems to be settling on them. The loss of thirty per cent. of its circulation within the past month has brought deep depression upon The Sun. The festive laugh of its editors especially that of the roystering Lothario OLIVER DvEn,is but seldom heard, now, in the famed restaurant of MOUQUIN. We cordially commend to their notice, then, the work in question, that, availing themselves of its Hints, they may so arrange as to have ready, when the smash comes funds to qualify them for enjoying the blessed privilege constitutionally granted to all who, like them, have been weighed in the balance and f unci wanting. CONSTERNATION OF ~HE EDITORIAL STAFF OF THE NEW YORK SUN, (INCLUDING THE OFFICE BOY,) ON SEEING CHIEF EDITOR PECKSNIFF DANA DECLINING TO ACCEPT A HEAVY BRIBE OFFERED HIM TO PUBLISH A MENDACIOUS PARAGRAPH ABOUT A RESPECTABLE CONTEMPORARY.

62 PUNCHINELLO. A NEW SENSATION WANTED. TH~ reprehensible haste with which various European nations ter- minate their wars is a source of annoyance to every one. Hardly have we acquired a decided taste for news of some transient war or other, when the conflicting parties judge that they have had enough of it, and thus an avenue of enjoyment is summarily closed. It is as though ones natural aversion to tomatoes had gradually changed to liking, and then an untimely autumn frost had come, to an- ticipate the gardener and the air-tight can. These foreigners are so different from the Americans! During the Rebelliona com~arative1y staid and respectable affair a correspondent, after the first two years, became so expert as to antici- pate battles, and knew as much about war as a general. War news and buckwheat cakes enlivened the matutinal meal. The chances pro and con gave a zest to conversations else intolerably dulL The war was an Institution. But see how it is in Europe. In 66, they spirted away for six weeks and stopped. And now, after a similar splurge, they have as good as sto~iped once more. The correspondents just sent over by our enterprising newspapers, arc hardly yet recovered from their sea-sickness. Just as they begin to sharpen their pencils, presto! the war is over, and the occupation of these hardy gentlemen is gone. Can nothing be done about this? If a protest firm and dignfied would really do no good, what about some new excitement, which, as every one knows, we must have or perish! Will no other jealous con- tiguous nations fall out? Must we fall out ourselves? Election is still a good way off, and, really, we dont see whats to be done. Fights are few, aad suicides are falling off. The Indians are disgustingly peace- ful, and even the Mormons have subsided. It is two years and over to the next Presidential election; and there is no more cholera. Really, this is too bad I We must muse on the situation for a season, and, meanwhile, shall confidently expect somethin~ or other to turn up almost any day. PUSS AS A PORT-JHONNAIE. THE following eccentric freak of a cat is reported in a daily paper: A two dollar note was taken to one of the Lebanon banks for redemption last week, which had been taken from the intestines of a cat, in Montgomery county. The cat had stolen the note and swallowed it, was caught and shot, and the note thus recovered. There is nothing new in getting notes from the intestines of a cat. PAGANINI got no end of notes from catgut. So do VIBUxTEMPs, and OLE BULL, and TOM BAKER, and others too numerous to mention. The cat that swallowed the greenback should have been added to BARNUMs Happy Family, however, instead of being sacrificed to Mammon. With its two-dollar bill it would have been a formidable rival to the Ornithor~ynchus Paradozus, or beast with a bill, of Australia. NEW PUBLICATIONS. A TREArIsE ON THE BANKRUPT LAW, FOR BusrHEss MEN. By AUDLEY W. GAZZAM, Solicitor in Bankruptcy, Utica, N. Y. New York: GEORGE T. DELLER, No. 95 Liberty Street. This book contains not only all the latest amendments to the Bank- rupt Act, with copious notes covering the latest English and American decisions, but it also has a prefatory chapter of Hints to Persons con- t~mplating Bankruptcy. PUNCHINELLO, feeling a deep interest in the welfare of The Sun, The Free Press, and certain others of his contempe- raries, earnestly requests their attention to that chapter. Some such ad- vice as it contains is evidently needed by them for their guidance through the financial gloom that seems to be settling on them. The loss of thirty per cent. of its circulation within the past month has brought deep depression upon The Sun. The festive laugh of its editors especially that of the roystering Lothario OLIVER DvEn,is but seldom heard, now, in the famed restaurant of MOUQUIN. We cordially commend to their notice, then, the work in question, that, availing themselves of its Hints, they may so arrange as to have ready, when the smash comes funds to qualify them for enjoying the blessed privilege constitutionally granted to all who, like them, have been weighed in the balance and f unci wanting. CONSTERNATION OF ~HE EDITORIAL STAFF OF THE NEW YORK SUN, (INCLUDING THE OFFICE BOY,) ON SEEING CHIEF EDITOR PECKSNIFF DANA DECLINING TO ACCEPT A HEAVY BRIBE OFFERED HIM TO PUBLISH A MENDACIOUS PARAGRAPH ABOUT A RESPECTABLE CONTEMPORARY.

62 PUNCHINELLO. A NEW SENSATION WANTED. TH~ reprehensible haste with which various European nations ter- minate their wars is a source of annoyance to every one. Hardly have we acquired a decided taste for news of some transient war or other, when the conflicting parties judge that they have had enough of it, and thus an avenue of enjoyment is summarily closed. It is as though ones natural aversion to tomatoes had gradually changed to liking, and then an untimely autumn frost had come, to an- ticipate the gardener and the air-tight can. These foreigners are so different from the Americans! During the Rebelliona com~arative1y staid and respectable affair a correspondent, after the first two years, became so expert as to antici- pate battles, and knew as much about war as a general. War news and buckwheat cakes enlivened the matutinal meal. The chances pro and con gave a zest to conversations else intolerably dulL The war was an Institution. But see how it is in Europe. In 66, they spirted away for six weeks and stopped. And now, after a similar splurge, they have as good as sto~iped once more. The correspondents just sent over by our enterprising newspapers, arc hardly yet recovered from their sea-sickness. Just as they begin to sharpen their pencils, presto! the war is over, and the occupation of these hardy gentlemen is gone. Can nothing be done about this? If a protest firm and dignfied would really do no good, what about some new excitement, which, as every one knows, we must have or perish! Will no other jealous con- tiguous nations fall out? Must we fall out ourselves? Election is still a good way off, and, really, we dont see whats to be done. Fights are few, aad suicides are falling off. The Indians are disgustingly peace- ful, and even the Mormons have subsided. It is two years and over to the next Presidential election; and there is no more cholera. Really, this is too bad I We must muse on the situation for a season, and, meanwhile, shall confidently expect somethin~ or other to turn up almost any day. PUSS AS A PORT-JHONNAIE. THE following eccentric freak of a cat is reported in a daily paper: A two dollar note was taken to one of the Lebanon banks for redemption last week, which had been taken from the intestines of a cat, in Montgomery county. The cat had stolen the note and swallowed it, was caught and shot, and the note thus recovered. There is nothing new in getting notes from the intestines of a cat. PAGANINI got no end of notes from catgut. So do VIBUxTEMPs, and OLE BULL, and TOM BAKER, and others too numerous to mention. The cat that swallowed the greenback should have been added to BARNUMs Happy Family, however, instead of being sacrificed to Mammon. With its two-dollar bill it would have been a formidable rival to the Ornithor~ynchus Paradozus, or beast with a bill, of Australia. NEW PUBLICATIONS. A TREArIsE ON THE BANKRUPT LAW, FOR BusrHEss MEN. By AUDLEY W. GAZZAM, Solicitor in Bankruptcy, Utica, N. Y. New York: GEORGE T. DELLER, No. 95 Liberty Street. This book contains not only all the latest amendments to the Bank- rupt Act, with copious notes covering the latest English and American decisions, but it also has a prefatory chapter of Hints to Persons con- t~mplating Bankruptcy. PUNCHINELLO, feeling a deep interest in the welfare of The Sun, The Free Press, and certain others of his contempe- raries, earnestly requests their attention to that chapter. Some such ad- vice as it contains is evidently needed by them for their guidance through the financial gloom that seems to be settling on them. The loss of thirty per cent. of its circulation within the past month has brought deep depression upon The Sun. The festive laugh of its editors especially that of the roystering Lothario OLIVER DvEn,is but seldom heard, now, in the famed restaurant of MOUQUIN. We cordially commend to their notice, then, the work in question, that, availing themselves of its Hints, they may so arrange as to have ready, when the smash comes funds to qualify them for enjoying the blessed privilege constitutionally granted to all who, like them, have been weighed in the balance and f unci wanting. CONSTERNATION OF ~HE EDITORIAL STAFF OF THE NEW YORK SUN, (INCLUDING THE OFFICE BOY,) ON SEEING CHIEF EDITOR PECKSNIFF DANA DECLINING TO ACCEPT A HEAVY BRIBE OFFERED HIM TO PUBLISH A MENDACIOUS PARAGRAPH ABOUT A RESPECTABLE CONTEMPORARY.

62 PUNCHINELLO. A NEW SENSATION WANTED. TH~ reprehensible haste with which various European nations ter- minate their wars is a source of annoyance to every one. Hardly have we acquired a decided taste for news of some transient war or other, when the conflicting parties judge that they have had enough of it, and thus an avenue of enjoyment is summarily closed. It is as though ones natural aversion to tomatoes had gradually changed to liking, and then an untimely autumn frost had come, to an- ticipate the gardener and the air-tight can. These foreigners are so different from the Americans! During the Rebelliona com~arative1y staid and respectable affair a correspondent, after the first two years, became so expert as to antici- pate battles, and knew as much about war as a general. War news and buckwheat cakes enlivened the matutinal meal. The chances pro and con gave a zest to conversations else intolerably dulL The war was an Institution. But see how it is in Europe. In 66, they spirted away for six weeks and stopped. And now, after a similar splurge, they have as good as sto~iped once more. The correspondents just sent over by our enterprising newspapers, arc hardly yet recovered from their sea-sickness. Just as they begin to sharpen their pencils, presto! the war is over, and the occupation of these hardy gentlemen is gone. Can nothing be done about this? If a protest firm and dignfied would really do no good, what about some new excitement, which, as every one knows, we must have or perish! Will no other jealous con- tiguous nations fall out? Must we fall out ourselves? Election is still a good way off, and, really, we dont see whats to be done. Fights are few, aad suicides are falling off. The Indians are disgustingly peace- ful, and even the Mormons have subsided. It is two years and over to the next Presidential election; and there is no more cholera. Really, this is too bad I We must muse on the situation for a season, and, meanwhile, shall confidently expect somethin~ or other to turn up almost any day. PUSS AS A PORT-JHONNAIE. THE following eccentric freak of a cat is reported in a daily paper: A two dollar note was taken to one of the Lebanon banks for redemption last week, which had been taken from the intestines of a cat, in Montgomery county. The cat had stolen the note and swallowed it, was caught and shot, and the note thus recovered. There is nothing new in getting notes from the intestines of a cat. PAGANINI got no end of notes from catgut. So do VIBUxTEMPs, and OLE BULL, and TOM BAKER, and others too numerous to mention. The cat that swallowed the greenback should have been added to BARNUMs Happy Family, however, instead of being sacrificed to Mammon. With its two-dollar bill it would have been a formidable rival to the Ornithor~ynchus Paradozus, or beast with a bill, of Australia. NEW PUBLICATIONS. A TREArIsE ON THE BANKRUPT LAW, FOR BusrHEss MEN. By AUDLEY W. GAZZAM, Solicitor in Bankruptcy, Utica, N. Y. New York: GEORGE T. DELLER, No. 95 Liberty Street. This book contains not only all the latest amendments to the Bank- rupt Act, with copious notes covering the latest English and American decisions, but it also has a prefatory chapter of Hints to Persons con- t~mplating Bankruptcy. PUNCHINELLO, feeling a deep interest in the welfare of The Sun, The Free Press, and certain others of his contempe- raries, earnestly requests their attention to that chapter. Some such ad- vice as it contains is evidently needed by them for their guidance through the financial gloom that seems to be settling on them. The loss of thirty per cent. of its circulation within the past month has brought deep depression upon The Sun. The festive laugh of its editors especially that of the roystering Lothario OLIVER DvEn,is but seldom heard, now, in the famed restaurant of MOUQUIN. We cordially commend to their notice, then, the work in question, that, availing themselves of its Hints, they may so arrange as to have ready, when the smash comes funds to qualify them for enjoying the blessed privilege constitutionally granted to all who, like them, have been weighed in the balance and f unci wanting. CONSTERNATION OF ~HE EDITORIAL STAFF OF THE NEW YORK SUN, (INCLUDING THE OFFICE BOY,) ON SEEING CHIEF EDITOR PECKSNIFF DANA DECLINING TO ACCEPT A HEAVY BRIBE OFFERED HIM TO PUBLISH A MENDACIOUS PARAGRAPH ABOUT A RESPECTABLE CONTEMPORARY. OcT. 22, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. A. T. Stewart & Co. ARE OFFERING EXTRAORDINARY DARGAIWS LADIES ENGLISH HOSE, FULL REGULAR MAKES, From 25 cents per pair upward. ALSO, GENTLEMENS HALF HOSE, EXTRA QUALITY, 25 cents per pair upward. LARGE LINES OF Ladles and Geatlemen~. Silk and Merino Underwear. BROADWAY, 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. Grand Exposition. A. T. STEWART & Co. HAVE OPENED A Splendid Assortment of PARIS MADE DRESSES, From Worth E. Pingat and other ~)eiebrate4 Makers. ALSO, LARGE ADDITIONS, OF THEIR OWN MANUFACTURE, Cut a~d Trimmed by Artists equal, If not superior, to any in this city. Millinery, Bonnets, & Hats Elegantly Trimmed, from Vlrots and other Modistes of the highest Parisian standing. The Prices of the Above are Extremely Attractive. B B 0 A D W A Y, 4th Avenne, 9th and 10th Streets. A. T. Stewart & Co. ARE OFFERING A LARGE ASSORTMENT OF AMERICAN MOQUETTE Carlets, IN NEW AND ELEGANT DESIGNS, Warranted equal in quality and coloring to the very best French. Price only $3.50 per Yard. Orossleys best qualityTapestryBrussels $1.25 per Yard. Crossleys Velvets, Extra Quality, $2.~l5 per Yard. Five-Frame English Body Brussels, 5 per Yard. ROYAL WILTONS, $2.50 and $3 per Yard. ALSO, Paris Quality Moquettes. AXMINSTERS BY THE YARD, AUBUSSONS & AXMINSTER CARPETS IN ONE PIECE, WITH SPLENDID MEDALLIONS AND BORDERS TO MATCH. AND THEY ARE CONSTANTLY IN THE RECEIPT OF All the Novelties IN THE ABOVE LINE, AS PRODUCED. BROADWAY, 4TH AVE., 9Th AND 10TH STREETS. PUNCHINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. CONTENTS ENTIRELY ()RIGINAL Subscripti& n for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) - - - - six months, (without premium, - - - - ~.Ot) three months, - - - - 1.00 Single copies mailed free, for - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & COS CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: A copy of paper for one year, and ~~The Awakeping,~~ (a Litter of Puppies.) Half chrome. Size 8 3-8 by 11 1-8 ($2.00 picture,)for $4.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. 12lx9. Dead Game. 11~x8~. 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OCT. 29, 187O. PUNCHINELLO. 67 MYSTERY OF MR. . DROOD. AN ADAPTATION. BY OIRPHETJS C. KERR. CHAPTER XXV. THE SEELETON IN McLAUGHLINs CLOSET. NIGHT, spotted with stars, like a black leopard, crouched once more upon Bumsteadville, and her one eye to be seen in profile, the moon glared upon the helpless place with something of a cats nocturnal stare. of glassy vision for a stupefied mouse. Midnight had come with its twelve tinkling drops more of opiate, to deepen the stupor of all things almost unto death, and still the light shone luridly through the window-cur- tains of Mr. BUMSTEADS room, and still the lonely musician sat stiffly at a dinner-table spread for three, whereof only a goblet, a curious an- tique black bottle, a bowl of sugar, a saucer of lemon-slices, a decanter of water, and a saucer of cloves appeared to have beeu used by the solitary diner. Unconscious that, through the door ajar at his back, a pair of vigi- lant human orbs were upon him, the ritualistic organist, who was in very low spirits, drew an emaciated and rather unsteady hand repeat- edly ncross his perspiring brow, and talked in deep bass to himself. He came in, afr bein brisgly wall~ed upn-down the turnpike by PENDRAGON, and sla-mmed himself down-n-that-chair, ran the soli- loquy, with a ghostly nod towards an opposite chair, drawn back from the table. Inebrious boy! says I, sternly, how-are-y-now? He said Poorawell; n wen down on-er-floor fashleep! I ws scanlized. Whowoonbe ?I took m umbrella n thrashed m with it, remarking Fshame ! waygup! misable boy! s poorysight-fr-nuncle-t see-s- nephew-n-this-plitical-cnditn.Il2slep on; n ,t last I picked up him, n umbrella, n took m out t some cool place tshleep ,t off. W~hered I take him? Thashwazmarrerw/iered I leave in? Repeating this question to himself, with an almost frenzied intensity, the gloomy victim of a treacherous memory threw an unearthly stare of bloodshot questioning all over the room, and, after a swaying mo- tion or two of the upper half of his body, pitched forward, with his forehead crashing upon the table. Instantly recovering himself, and starting to rub his head, he as suddenly checked that palliative process by a wild run to his feet and a hideous bellow. I rm br, now! he ejaculated, walking excitedly at a series of obtuse angles all over the apartment. Got-t-kaockedinto-m-head- t-last. Pauper burl groundJ. MGLAUGHLIN. Downn cellar cool placefa mans tightlef in umbrella there by mstakegon gett thishmint. Managing, after several inaccurate aims at the doorway, to plunge into the adjacent bedroom, he presently reappeared from thence, veer- ing hard-aport, with a lighted lantern in his right hand. Then, circu- itously approaching the neglected dining-table, he grasped with his disengaged digits at the antique black bottle, missed it, went all the way around the board before he could stop himself, clutched and missed again, went clear around once more, and finally effected the capture. Th peared t be two, he muttered, placing the prize in one of his pockets; and, with a triumphant stride, made for the half- open hall-door through which the eyes had been watching him. The owner of those eyes, and of a surprising head of florid hair, had barely time to draw baok into the shadow of the corridor and notice an approaching face like that of one walking in his sleep, when the clove- eater swung disjointedly by him, with jingling lantern, and went fiercely bumping down the stairway. Closely, without sound, followed the watcher, and the two, like man and shadow, went out from the house into the quarry of the moon-eyed black leopard. Fully bound now in the sinister spell of the spice of the Molucca islands, Mr. BUMSTEAD had regained that condition of his duplex exist- ence to which belonged the disposition he had made of his lethargic nephew and alpaca umbrella on that confused Christmas night; and with such realization of a distinct duality came back to him at least a partial recollection of where he had put the cherished two. Finding Mr. E. DROOD rather overcome by the more festive features of the lneal,notwithstanding his walk at midnight with Mr. PENDRAGON, he had allowed his avuncular displeasure thereat to betray itself in a threshing administered with the umbrella. Observing that the young man still slept beside the chair from which he fell, he had ultimately, and with the umbrella still under his arm, raised the dishevelled nephew head-downward in his arms, and impatiently conveyed him from the heated room and house to the coolest retreat he could think of. There depositing him, and, in his hurry, the umbrella also, to sleep off, under reviving atmospheric influences, the unseemly effect of the evenings. banquet, he had gone back on both sides of the road to his boarding- house, and, with his boots upon the pillow, sunk into an instantaneous sleep of unfathomable depth. Dreaming, towards morning, that he was engaging a large boa-constrictor in single combat, and struggling ener- getically to restrain the ferocious reptile from getting into his boots, he had suddenly awakened, with a crash, upon the floorto miss his um- brella and nephew, to forget where he had put them, and to fly to Gos- pelers Gulch with incoherent charges of larceny and manslaughter. All this he could now vaguely recall, his present psychological condition. or trance-state, being the same as then; and was going entrancedly back to the hiding-place where, with the best of motives, he had for- getfully left the two objects dearest to him in life. On, then, proceeded the Ritualistic organist in the tawny light of the black leopards eye his stealthy follower trailing closely after in the shade of the roadside trees where the star-spotted leopards black paws were plunged deepest. On he went, in zig-zag profusiom of steps and occasional high skips over incidental shadows of branches which he took for snakes, until the Pauper Burial Ground was reached, and MCLATJGHLTN5 hidden subterranean retreat therein attained. It was the same weird spot to which he had been brought by Old MORTARITT on the wintry night of their unholy exploring party; and, without appearing to be surprised that time entrance to the excavation was open, he eager- ly descended by the rickety step-ladder, and held himself steady by the latter while throwing the light of his lantern around the mouldy walls. His immediate hiccup, provoked by the dampness of the situation, was answered by a groan, which, instead of being solid, was very hol- low; and, ashe peered vivaciously forward behind his extended lan- tern, there advanced from a far cornerO, woeful man! 0 thrice unhappy uncle !--the spectral figure of the missing EDWIN DRooD! After a moments inspection of the apparition, which paused terribly before him with hand hidden in breast, Mr. ]3UMSTEAD placed his lan- tern upon a step of the ladder, drew and profou~dly labiated his antique black bottle, thoughtfully crunched a couple of cloves from another pocketstaring stonily all the whileand then addressed the youthful shade: Wheres th umbrella ? Monster of forgetfulness! murderer of memory! spoke the spirit, sternly. In this, the last rough resting place of the impecunious dead, do you dare to discuss commonplace topics with one of the de- parted? Look at me, 0 uncle, clove-befogged, and shrink appalled from the dread sight, and pray for mercy. Ishthis propr language t address-t-yr-relative? inquired Mr. ]3UMSTEAD, in a severely reproachful manner. Relative! repeated. the apparition, sepulchrally. What sort of relative is he, who, when his sisters orphaned son is sleeping at his feet, conveys the unconscious orphan, head downward, through a mid- night tempest, to a place like this, and leaves him here, and then for. gets where he has put him? I give t up, said the organist, after a moments consideration. The answer is: hes a dead-beat, continued the young ghost, los- ing his temper. And what, JOHN BUMSTEAD, did you do with my oroide watch and other jewels? Mushtve spiltm on the road here, returned the musing uncle, faintly remembering that they had been found upon the turnpike, shortly after Christmas, by Gospeler SIMPSON. Are you dead, EDWIN ? Entered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the PuNcuma-xmao Punusnnse COMPANY, ic the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. THE 68 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1870. Did you not bury me here alive, and close the opening to my tomb, and go away and charge everybody with my murder? asked the spec- tre, bitterly. 0, uncle, hard of head and paralyzed in recollection! is it any good excuse for sacrificing my poor life, that, in your cloven state, you put me down a cellar, like a pan of milk, and then could not remember where youd put me? And was it noble, then, to go to her whom you supposed had been my chosen bride, and offer wedlock to her on your own account? I was acting as yr-executor, EDWIN, explained the uncle. I did evthing forth besht. And does the sight of me fill you with no terror, no remorse, unfeeling man? groaned the ghost. Yeshir, answered Mr. BUMSTEAD, with sudden energy. Yeshir. Im rmorseful on count of th umbrella. Who-d-y-lend-t-to? It is an intellectual characteristic of the more advanced degrees of the clove-trance, that, while the tranced individual can perceive ob- jects, even to occasional duplexity, and hear remarks more or less dis- tinctly, neither objects nor remarks are positively associated by him with any perspicuous idea. Thus, while the Ritualistic organist had a blurred perception of his nephews conversational remains, and was dimly con- scious that the tone of the supernatural i-emarks addressed to himself was not wholly congratulatory, he still presented a physical and moral aspect of dense insensibility. Momentarily nonplussed by such unheard-of calmness under a ghostly visitation, the apparition, without changing position, allowed itself to roll one inquiring eye towards the opening above the step-ladder, where the moonlight revealed an attentive head of redhair. Catching the glance, the head allowed a hand belonging to it to appear at the open- ing and motion downward. Look there, then, said the intelligent ghost to its uncle, pointing to the ground near its feet. Mr. BUM5TEAD, rousing from a brief doze, glanced indifferently to- wards the spot indicated; but, in another instant, was on his knees be- side the undefined object he there beheld. A keen, breathless scrutiny, a frenzied clutch with both hands, and then he was upon his feet again, holding close to the lantern the thing he had found. The barred light shone on a musty skeleton, to which still clung a few mouldy shreds left by the rats; and only the celebrated bone handle identified it as what had once been the maddened finders idolized Al- paca Umbrella. Aha 1 twitted the apparition, then you have some heart left, JOHN BUMSTEAD? Heart! moaned the distracted organist, fairly kissing the dear remains, and restored to perfect speech and comprehension by the awful shock. I had one, but it is broken now! Allie, my long-lost Allie ! he continued, tenderly apostrophizing the skeleton, do we meet thus at last again ? What thought is folded in thy leaves! What tender thought, what speechless pain! I hold thy faded lips to mine, Thou darling of the April rain 1 Where is thine old familiar alpaca dress, my Allie? Where is the canopy that has so often sheltered thy poor masters head from the storm? Gone! gone! and through my own forgetfulness! And have you no thought for your nephew? asked the persevering apparition, hoarsely. Not under the present circumstances, retorted the mourner; he and the ghost both coughing with the colds which they had taken from standing still so long in such a damp place not under the present circumstances, he repeated, wildly, making a fierce pass at the spectre witH the skeleton, and then dropping the latter to the ground in nerveless despair. To a single man, his umbrella is wife, mother, sister, venerable maiden aunt from the countryall in one. In losing mine, Ive lost my whole family, and want to hear no more about rela- tives. Good night, sir. Here! hold on! Cant you leave the lantern for a moment? cried the ghost. But the heart-stricken Ritualist had swarmed up the ladder and was gone. Then, going tip too, the spectre appeared also unto two other men, who crawled from behind pauper headstones at his summons; the face of the one being that of J. McLAUGHLIN, that of the other Mr. TRAcY CLEwS. And the spectre walked between these two, carrying Mr. BUMSTEADS skeleton in its hand. ~ Bibo.Is there a chamnpagne wine having the flavor of gnu-flints? AnswerThe wine made at Pierry, in the Champagne country, is said by connoisseurs to be so flavored. There is much alarm now among the winegrowers, however, lest the next vintage may have a flavor of percussion-caps instead, owing to the war and the mnodern weapons. Picudagenet de Vere. Would you believe a person named Jo ~5 on his oath? Answer. We would not. Smike. We read of houses being gutted by the Prussian soldiers; have houses entrails, then ? Ansn,er. All occupied houses have livers, and most houses have lights. if T. Read. We cannot pay strangers in advance for contributions that have not been sent in by them. Icarus. What do the balloon scouts of Paris use for ballast? An- swer. Bundles of newspapers, chiefly. Immense bales of the unsold copies of the New York Free Press are now exported for the pul-pose. They are preferred to any other papers because, when placed anywhere in the balloon, they Lie so, and, having already fallen from grace, falling from a balloon is nothing to them. Ta ~dermist. What is the best material for stuffing ballot-boxes with? Answer. Greenbacks. Leatherhead.Is it true that most of the prominent men of Eng- land TOM BROWN HUGHES, for instanceare proficient pugs- lists? Answer. --We have never seen ToM BROWN spar, but we have often seen JOHN STUART Mill. Ab6y Gansevoort. No, my dear, your name does not occur in any of SHAKESPEARES plays. Figdrum.Born to the drudgery of commerce, I aspire to litera- ture: what am I to do to see my name in print? Answer. Put it in the City Directory. Voice-in-the-FogWhy is it that all the queer isms of the day, such as socialism, are more cultivated by Red Republicans than by any other political sect? Answer. Red, as artists well know, is the comple- mentary or opposite color to green. The social phenomenon to which you refer, then, may be accounted for on the principle that extremes meet. tJlerieus. Is it proper for me, as a clergyman, to wear moustaches? Answer.Quite so, unless they are red, in which case they might in- terfere with your published sermons. Astrolabe.What is the exact distance between the Dog Star and Roxbury, Mass.? Answer. We do not know. PUNCHINELLO is not a Sirius journal. Juniper Bytes. My rent has just been raised, and I have had a cur- tain-lecture from my wife for swearing about it. Would not you swear if your rent was raised? Ans~yer.Certainly notat least not if it was raised by benevolent subscription. AN ACQUAINTANCE. Tom. I say, JACK, what a beautiful complexion Miss SMITH has. Do you know her? Jack. No, but I know a girl who buys her comuplexion at the same store at which Miss SMITH buys hers. GuM GRANO SALTS. Musk-melon. ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. * The cut accompanying the above chapter is from the illustrated title-page of the English monthly numbers of The Mystery of Edwin Drood; in which it is the last of a series of norder-vignettes and plainly shows that it was the authors intention to bring hack his hero a irving man before the concinslon of the story.

68 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1870. Did you not bury me here alive, and close the opening to my tomb, and go away and charge everybody with my murder? asked the spec- tre, bitterly. 0, uncle, hard of head and paralyzed in recollection! is it any good excuse for sacrificing my poor life, that, in your cloven state, you put me down a cellar, like a pan of milk, and then could not remember where youd put me? And was it noble, then, to go to her whom you supposed had been my chosen bride, and offer wedlock to her on your own account? I was acting as yr-executor, EDWIN, explained the uncle. I did evthing forth besht. And does the sight of me fill you with no terror, no remorse, unfeeling man? groaned the ghost. Yeshir, answered Mr. BUMSTEAD, with sudden energy. Yeshir. Im rmorseful on count of th umbrella. Who-d-y-lend-t-to? It is an intellectual characteristic of the more advanced degrees of the clove-trance, that, while the tranced individual can perceive ob- jects, even to occasional duplexity, and hear remarks more or less dis- tinctly, neither objects nor remarks are positively associated by him with any perspicuous idea. Thus, while the Ritualistic organist had a blurred perception of his nephews conversational remains, and was dimly con- scious that the tone of the supernatural i-emarks addressed to himself was not wholly congratulatory, he still presented a physical and moral aspect of dense insensibility. Momentarily nonplussed by such unheard-of calmness under a ghostly visitation, the apparition, without changing position, allowed itself to roll one inquiring eye towards the opening above the step-ladder, where the moonlight revealed an attentive head of redhair. Catching the glance, the head allowed a hand belonging to it to appear at the open- ing and motion downward. Look there, then, said the intelligent ghost to its uncle, pointing to the ground near its feet. Mr. BUM5TEAD, rousing from a brief doze, glanced indifferently to- wards the spot indicated; but, in another instant, was on his knees be- side the undefined object he there beheld. A keen, breathless scrutiny, a frenzied clutch with both hands, and then he was upon his feet again, holding close to the lantern the thing he had found. The barred light shone on a musty skeleton, to which still clung a few mouldy shreds left by the rats; and only the celebrated bone handle identified it as what had once been the maddened finders idolized Al- paca Umbrella. Aha 1 twitted the apparition, then you have some heart left, JOHN BUMSTEAD? Heart! moaned the distracted organist, fairly kissing the dear remains, and restored to perfect speech and comprehension by the awful shock. I had one, but it is broken now! Allie, my long-lost Allie ! he continued, tenderly apostrophizing the skeleton, do we meet thus at last again ? What thought is folded in thy leaves! What tender thought, what speechless pain! I hold thy faded lips to mine, Thou darling of the April rain 1 Where is thine old familiar alpaca dress, my Allie? Where is the canopy that has so often sheltered thy poor masters head from the storm? Gone! gone! and through my own forgetfulness! And have you no thought for your nephew? asked the persevering apparition, hoarsely. Not under the present circumstances, retorted the mourner; he and the ghost both coughing with the colds which they had taken from standing still so long in such a damp place not under the present circumstances, he repeated, wildly, making a fierce pass at the spectre witH the skeleton, and then dropping the latter to the ground in nerveless despair. To a single man, his umbrella is wife, mother, sister, venerable maiden aunt from the countryall in one. In losing mine, Ive lost my whole family, and want to hear no more about rela- tives. Good night, sir. Here! hold on! Cant you leave the lantern for a moment? cried the ghost. But the heart-stricken Ritualist had swarmed up the ladder and was gone. Then, going tip too, the spectre appeared also unto two other men, who crawled from behind pauper headstones at his summons; the face of the one being that of J. McLAUGHLIN, that of the other Mr. TRAcY CLEwS. And the spectre walked between these two, carrying Mr. BUMSTEADS skeleton in its hand. ~ Bibo.Is there a chamnpagne wine having the flavor of gnu-flints? AnswerThe wine made at Pierry, in the Champagne country, is said by connoisseurs to be so flavored. There is much alarm now among the winegrowers, however, lest the next vintage may have a flavor of percussion-caps instead, owing to the war and the mnodern weapons. Picudagenet de Vere. Would you believe a person named Jo ~5 on his oath? Answer. We would not. Smike. We read of houses being gutted by the Prussian soldiers; have houses entrails, then ? Ansn,er. All occupied houses have livers, and most houses have lights. if T. Read. We cannot pay strangers in advance for contributions that have not been sent in by them. Icarus. What do the balloon scouts of Paris use for ballast? An- swer. Bundles of newspapers, chiefly. Immense bales of the unsold copies of the New York Free Press are now exported for the pul-pose. They are preferred to any other papers because, when placed anywhere in the balloon, they Lie so, and, having already fallen from grace, falling from a balloon is nothing to them. Ta ~dermist. What is the best material for stuffing ballot-boxes with? Answer. Greenbacks. Leatherhead.Is it true that most of the prominent men of Eng- land TOM BROWN HUGHES, for instanceare proficient pugs- lists? Answer. --We have never seen ToM BROWN spar, but we have often seen JOHN STUART Mill. Ab6y Gansevoort. No, my dear, your name does not occur in any of SHAKESPEARES plays. Figdrum.Born to the drudgery of commerce, I aspire to litera- ture: what am I to do to see my name in print? Answer. Put it in the City Directory. Voice-in-the-FogWhy is it that all the queer isms of the day, such as socialism, are more cultivated by Red Republicans than by any other political sect? Answer. Red, as artists well know, is the comple- mentary or opposite color to green. The social phenomenon to which you refer, then, may be accounted for on the principle that extremes meet. tJlerieus. Is it proper for me, as a clergyman, to wear moustaches? Answer.Quite so, unless they are red, in which case they might in- terfere with your published sermons. Astrolabe.What is the exact distance between the Dog Star and Roxbury, Mass.? Answer. We do not know. PUNCHINELLO is not a Sirius journal. Juniper Bytes. My rent has just been raised, and I have had a cur- tain-lecture from my wife for swearing about it. Would not you swear if your rent was raised? Ans~yer.Certainly notat least not if it was raised by benevolent subscription. AN ACQUAINTANCE. Tom. I say, JACK, what a beautiful complexion Miss SMITH has. Do you know her? Jack. No, but I know a girl who buys her comuplexion at the same store at which Miss SMITH buys hers. GuM GRANO SALTS. Musk-melon. ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. * The cut accompanying the above chapter is from the illustrated title-page of the English monthly numbers of The Mystery of Edwin Drood; in which it is the last of a series of norder-vignettes and plainly shows that it was the authors intention to bring hack his hero a irving man before the concinslon of the story.

68 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1870. Did you not bury me here alive, and close the opening to my tomb, and go away and charge everybody with my murder? asked the spec- tre, bitterly. 0, uncle, hard of head and paralyzed in recollection! is it any good excuse for sacrificing my poor life, that, in your cloven state, you put me down a cellar, like a pan of milk, and then could not remember where youd put me? And was it noble, then, to go to her whom you supposed had been my chosen bride, and offer wedlock to her on your own account? I was acting as yr-executor, EDWIN, explained the uncle. I did evthing forth besht. And does the sight of me fill you with no terror, no remorse, unfeeling man? groaned the ghost. Yeshir, answered Mr. BUMSTEAD, with sudden energy. Yeshir. Im rmorseful on count of th umbrella. Who-d-y-lend-t-to? It is an intellectual characteristic of the more advanced degrees of the clove-trance, that, while the tranced individual can perceive ob- jects, even to occasional duplexity, and hear remarks more or less dis- tinctly, neither objects nor remarks are positively associated by him with any perspicuous idea. Thus, while the Ritualistic organist had a blurred perception of his nephews conversational remains, and was dimly con- scious that the tone of the supernatural i-emarks addressed to himself was not wholly congratulatory, he still presented a physical and moral aspect of dense insensibility. Momentarily nonplussed by such unheard-of calmness under a ghostly visitation, the apparition, without changing position, allowed itself to roll one inquiring eye towards the opening above the step-ladder, where the moonlight revealed an attentive head of redhair. Catching the glance, the head allowed a hand belonging to it to appear at the open- ing and motion downward. Look there, then, said the intelligent ghost to its uncle, pointing to the ground near its feet. Mr. BUM5TEAD, rousing from a brief doze, glanced indifferently to- wards the spot indicated; but, in another instant, was on his knees be- side the undefined object he there beheld. A keen, breathless scrutiny, a frenzied clutch with both hands, and then he was upon his feet again, holding close to the lantern the thing he had found. The barred light shone on a musty skeleton, to which still clung a few mouldy shreds left by the rats; and only the celebrated bone handle identified it as what had once been the maddened finders idolized Al- paca Umbrella. Aha 1 twitted the apparition, then you have some heart left, JOHN BUMSTEAD? Heart! moaned the distracted organist, fairly kissing the dear remains, and restored to perfect speech and comprehension by the awful shock. I had one, but it is broken now! Allie, my long-lost Allie ! he continued, tenderly apostrophizing the skeleton, do we meet thus at last again ? What thought is folded in thy leaves! What tender thought, what speechless pain! I hold thy faded lips to mine, Thou darling of the April rain 1 Where is thine old familiar alpaca dress, my Allie? Where is the canopy that has so often sheltered thy poor masters head from the storm? Gone! gone! and through my own forgetfulness! And have you no thought for your nephew? asked the persevering apparition, hoarsely. Not under the present circumstances, retorted the mourner; he and the ghost both coughing with the colds which they had taken from standing still so long in such a damp place not under the present circumstances, he repeated, wildly, making a fierce pass at the spectre witH the skeleton, and then dropping the latter to the ground in nerveless despair. To a single man, his umbrella is wife, mother, sister, venerable maiden aunt from the countryall in one. In losing mine, Ive lost my whole family, and want to hear no more about rela- tives. Good night, sir. Here! hold on! Cant you leave the lantern for a moment? cried the ghost. But the heart-stricken Ritualist had swarmed up the ladder and was gone. Then, going tip too, the spectre appeared also unto two other men, who crawled from behind pauper headstones at his summons; the face of the one being that of J. McLAUGHLIN, that of the other Mr. TRAcY CLEwS. And the spectre walked between these two, carrying Mr. BUMSTEADS skeleton in its hand. ~ Bibo.Is there a chamnpagne wine having the flavor of gnu-flints? AnswerThe wine made at Pierry, in the Champagne country, is said by connoisseurs to be so flavored. There is much alarm now among the winegrowers, however, lest the next vintage may have a flavor of percussion-caps instead, owing to the war and the mnodern weapons. Picudagenet de Vere. Would you believe a person named Jo ~5 on his oath? Answer. We would not. Smike. We read of houses being gutted by the Prussian soldiers; have houses entrails, then ? Ansn,er. All occupied houses have livers, and most houses have lights. if T. Read. We cannot pay strangers in advance for contributions that have not been sent in by them. Icarus. What do the balloon scouts of Paris use for ballast? An- swer. Bundles of newspapers, chiefly. Immense bales of the unsold copies of the New York Free Press are now exported for the pul-pose. They are preferred to any other papers because, when placed anywhere in the balloon, they Lie so, and, having already fallen from grace, falling from a balloon is nothing to them. Ta ~dermist. What is the best material for stuffing ballot-boxes with? Answer. Greenbacks. Leatherhead.Is it true that most of the prominent men of Eng- land TOM BROWN HUGHES, for instanceare proficient pugs- lists? Answer. --We have never seen ToM BROWN spar, but we have often seen JOHN STUART Mill. Ab6y Gansevoort. No, my dear, your name does not occur in any of SHAKESPEARES plays. Figdrum.Born to the drudgery of commerce, I aspire to litera- ture: what am I to do to see my name in print? Answer. Put it in the City Directory. Voice-in-the-FogWhy is it that all the queer isms of the day, such as socialism, are more cultivated by Red Republicans than by any other political sect? Answer. Red, as artists well know, is the comple- mentary or opposite color to green. The social phenomenon to which you refer, then, may be accounted for on the principle that extremes meet. tJlerieus. Is it proper for me, as a clergyman, to wear moustaches? Answer.Quite so, unless they are red, in which case they might in- terfere with your published sermons. Astrolabe.What is the exact distance between the Dog Star and Roxbury, Mass.? Answer. We do not know. PUNCHINELLO is not a Sirius journal. Juniper Bytes. My rent has just been raised, and I have had a cur- tain-lecture from my wife for swearing about it. Would not you swear if your rent was raised? Ans~yer.Certainly notat least not if it was raised by benevolent subscription. AN ACQUAINTANCE. Tom. I say, JACK, what a beautiful complexion Miss SMITH has. Do you know her? Jack. No, but I know a girl who buys her comuplexion at the same store at which Miss SMITH buys hers. GuM GRANO SALTS. Musk-melon. ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. * The cut accompanying the above chapter is from the illustrated title-page of the English monthly numbers of The Mystery of Edwin Drood; in which it is the last of a series of norder-vignettes and plainly shows that it was the authors intention to bring hack his hero a irving man before the concinslon of the story. OCT. 29, 187o. PUNCHINELLO. Gallant Tar (To horr~fled eady of uncertain age). BELAY THERE, TAKE THIS SEAT. OUR PORTFOLIO, PARIS, FouRTH WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: You may not have heard that Brsi%IARcK has been here had an interview with FAYRE, and is off again. I didnt suppose you would know it, so I hasten to give you and your army of readers a brief synopsis of what took place, as nearly as I can in the exact language used by the distinguished diplomats upon the occasion. The scene of the consultation was one of the Imperial wine-cellars under that pavilion of the Tuileries palace which overlooks the Seine at the southwestern extremity of the Place du Uarrousel. The spot was selected for two reasons: it was far removed from the noise and hub- bub of the city, and it furnished facilities for liquoring upin case of necessity. I was there~ and left; as you will see, under circumstances calculated to give me a lasting impression of the event. We all three of us sat around a pine table, upon which faintly flickered a tallow can- dle in a soda-water bottle, that shed around a sickly glare (that is to say, the candle did). BISMAROK looked a little the worse for wear, I thought, and, as he unbuttoned his vest with a grunt of relief, he struck me likewise as being rather short in his wind. FAYRE was loose and frisky as a four weeks old kitten, and spoke with a quick, decided tone that reminded me of HORACE GREELEY. He never once swore, however, during the whole interview. Your readers will observe that even if this momentous meeting was not marked by the usual diplomatic usages, the language is strictly ac- cording to the usual diplomatic idiom. It is important to note this fact, as everything hinges on the idiom. BIsMAROK was the first to break silence: The difficulties which embarrass the questions under discussion stand first in the order of elimination. FAYRE assented, and BISMARCK continued: We must remove the peritoneum to get at the viscera of the issues (I was much struck with the force and originality of this method of putting it), and evict those impressions which are purely matters of national sensibility. I snuffed the candle and waited for FAYRE. FAvRE: Your Excellency abounds in subtle diag- noses. BISMARCK:. It is not a question of noses. FAYRE: Your Excellency mistakes me. I meant to say that, like the Heathen Chinee, your ways are dark. I moved the light closer to the Count. FAYRE only smiled. BISMARCK: Touching rectification, then, Ger- many sticks to her position. I regarded this as an insinuation that somebody was stuck. FAYRE: France adheres unalterably to her previ- ous resolution. National traditions, deeply interwoven with the fine fibre of individual natures, forbid the relax- ation of tissues logically irresistible. A smile of triumph flitted faintly oer the features of the Frenchman. He evidently thought he had made a ten strike. I whispered approvingly, Tris 1)1cm, Mionsleur, tris 1)1cm! BISMARCE: Does the German heart yearn for the Rhine? Does it yearn for Strasbourg? Does it yearn for Metz? and if not, what does it yearn for U He was looking straight at me when he said this, and so I answered Bier. A dark scowl flitted frantically over the features of the German, but he went right on: Are all the longings of all these years, dating from the birth of CHARLEMAGNE and extending through GUSTAVUS ADOLPHTJS to FRED- ERICK the Great and WILLIAM the First, by his father on his maternal grandmothers side, who lie~ in the iron coffin of the domkirche at Potsdam whence we derive the consolidated grandeur of HOHENZOLLERN mingling its rich ancestral dyes with the dark woof of fate to dispel the expanding dream of German aspiration U I had not time to witness the effect upon FAYRE, but, OLD WOMAN gasping for breath, I started from my seat and uttered these words, which I remembered to have read in a Ger- man-English libretto of MARIE STUART: K2ifein Gott, ich kenne cures Elfers reincn Trieb, Weiss, dass gediegne Weissheit aus Euch redet! It did not matter to me that FAYRE lay swooning on the floor. That the Count glared at me savagely and crunched his jaws with maniacal energy. My knowledge of German was up. It had caught the fierce impulse, the majestic sweep of his ponderous linguosity. I remembered another sentence, and hurled it wildly at him: Bel Gott, Da Kirst, bk hoffs, mock ride Jakre auf i/irene Grabe icandeln, obme dass du selbcr sic himabrusti~rrem 1)raucktest I Again I looked at the Count. His jaw had ceased working, and the expression of his eye had changed.. His arm moved furtively beneath the table. What could he be doing? Horrible moment of uncertainty. Still the arm worked, as if tugging at something. I could stand it no longer. Seizing the soda-water bottle, I stooped to cast the rays of the sixpenny dip beneath the table. As I did so, a boot-heel flashed in the air, the Counts arm descended with a terrific detonation, and I saw no more. (Interval of twenty-four hours.) The result of the interview will be communicated to the American public by a Tribune special, as soon as a carrier-pigeon can reach SMALLEY at London. I am still suffering from a sensation of having been recently hit. DICK TINTO. ASPIRATION. O~ all sorts of people in the worid, the Cockney has the queerest no- tions about vegetable nature. Show him the first letter of the alpha- bet, for instance, and he pronounces it hay. APPARENTLY ANOMALOUS. SHOULD the Prussians ever succeed in entering Paris, it is hardly possible that they can be well received by the citizens, whether they find FAYRE there or not. 69 A HORSIJ~OAR CONTINGENCY.

OCT. 29, 187o. PUNCHINELLO. Gallant Tar (To horr~fled eady of uncertain age). BELAY THERE, TAKE THIS SEAT. OUR PORTFOLIO, PARIS, FouRTH WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: You may not have heard that Brsi%IARcK has been here had an interview with FAYRE, and is off again. I didnt suppose you would know it, so I hasten to give you and your army of readers a brief synopsis of what took place, as nearly as I can in the exact language used by the distinguished diplomats upon the occasion. The scene of the consultation was one of the Imperial wine-cellars under that pavilion of the Tuileries palace which overlooks the Seine at the southwestern extremity of the Place du Uarrousel. The spot was selected for two reasons: it was far removed from the noise and hub- bub of the city, and it furnished facilities for liquoring upin case of necessity. I was there~ and left; as you will see, under circumstances calculated to give me a lasting impression of the event. We all three of us sat around a pine table, upon which faintly flickered a tallow can- dle in a soda-water bottle, that shed around a sickly glare (that is to say, the candle did). BISMAROK looked a little the worse for wear, I thought, and, as he unbuttoned his vest with a grunt of relief, he struck me likewise as being rather short in his wind. FAYRE was loose and frisky as a four weeks old kitten, and spoke with a quick, decided tone that reminded me of HORACE GREELEY. He never once swore, however, during the whole interview. Your readers will observe that even if this momentous meeting was not marked by the usual diplomatic usages, the language is strictly ac- cording to the usual diplomatic idiom. It is important to note this fact, as everything hinges on the idiom. BIsMAROK was the first to break silence: The difficulties which embarrass the questions under discussion stand first in the order of elimination. FAYRE assented, and BISMARCK continued: We must remove the peritoneum to get at the viscera of the issues (I was much struck with the force and originality of this method of putting it), and evict those impressions which are purely matters of national sensibility. I snuffed the candle and waited for FAYRE. FAvRE: Your Excellency abounds in subtle diag- noses. BISMARCK:. It is not a question of noses. FAYRE: Your Excellency mistakes me. I meant to say that, like the Heathen Chinee, your ways are dark. I moved the light closer to the Count. FAYRE only smiled. BISMARCK: Touching rectification, then, Ger- many sticks to her position. I regarded this as an insinuation that somebody was stuck. FAYRE: France adheres unalterably to her previ- ous resolution. National traditions, deeply interwoven with the fine fibre of individual natures, forbid the relax- ation of tissues logically irresistible. A smile of triumph flitted faintly oer the features of the Frenchman. He evidently thought he had made a ten strike. I whispered approvingly, Tris 1)1cm, Mionsleur, tris 1)1cm! BISMARCE: Does the German heart yearn for the Rhine? Does it yearn for Strasbourg? Does it yearn for Metz? and if not, what does it yearn for U He was looking straight at me when he said this, and so I answered Bier. A dark scowl flitted frantically over the features of the German, but he went right on: Are all the longings of all these years, dating from the birth of CHARLEMAGNE and extending through GUSTAVUS ADOLPHTJS to FRED- ERICK the Great and WILLIAM the First, by his father on his maternal grandmothers side, who lie~ in the iron coffin of the domkirche at Potsdam whence we derive the consolidated grandeur of HOHENZOLLERN mingling its rich ancestral dyes with the dark woof of fate to dispel the expanding dream of German aspiration U I had not time to witness the effect upon FAYRE, but, OLD WOMAN gasping for breath, I started from my seat and uttered these words, which I remembered to have read in a Ger- man-English libretto of MARIE STUART: K2ifein Gott, ich kenne cures Elfers reincn Trieb, Weiss, dass gediegne Weissheit aus Euch redet! It did not matter to me that FAYRE lay swooning on the floor. That the Count glared at me savagely and crunched his jaws with maniacal energy. My knowledge of German was up. It had caught the fierce impulse, the majestic sweep of his ponderous linguosity. I remembered another sentence, and hurled it wildly at him: Bel Gott, Da Kirst, bk hoffs, mock ride Jakre auf i/irene Grabe icandeln, obme dass du selbcr sic himabrusti~rrem 1)raucktest I Again I looked at the Count. His jaw had ceased working, and the expression of his eye had changed.. His arm moved furtively beneath the table. What could he be doing? Horrible moment of uncertainty. Still the arm worked, as if tugging at something. I could stand it no longer. Seizing the soda-water bottle, I stooped to cast the rays of the sixpenny dip beneath the table. As I did so, a boot-heel flashed in the air, the Counts arm descended with a terrific detonation, and I saw no more. (Interval of twenty-four hours.) The result of the interview will be communicated to the American public by a Tribune special, as soon as a carrier-pigeon can reach SMALLEY at London. I am still suffering from a sensation of having been recently hit. DICK TINTO. ASPIRATION. O~ all sorts of people in the worid, the Cockney has the queerest no- tions about vegetable nature. Show him the first letter of the alpha- bet, for instance, and he pronounces it hay. APPARENTLY ANOMALOUS. SHOULD the Prussians ever succeed in entering Paris, it is hardly possible that they can be well received by the citizens, whether they find FAYRE there or not. 69 A HORSIJ~OAR CONTINGENCY.

OCT. 29, 187o. PUNCHINELLO. Gallant Tar (To horr~fled eady of uncertain age). BELAY THERE, TAKE THIS SEAT. OUR PORTFOLIO, PARIS, FouRTH WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: You may not have heard that Brsi%IARcK has been here had an interview with FAYRE, and is off again. I didnt suppose you would know it, so I hasten to give you and your army of readers a brief synopsis of what took place, as nearly as I can in the exact language used by the distinguished diplomats upon the occasion. The scene of the consultation was one of the Imperial wine-cellars under that pavilion of the Tuileries palace which overlooks the Seine at the southwestern extremity of the Place du Uarrousel. The spot was selected for two reasons: it was far removed from the noise and hub- bub of the city, and it furnished facilities for liquoring upin case of necessity. I was there~ and left; as you will see, under circumstances calculated to give me a lasting impression of the event. We all three of us sat around a pine table, upon which faintly flickered a tallow can- dle in a soda-water bottle, that shed around a sickly glare (that is to say, the candle did). BISMAROK looked a little the worse for wear, I thought, and, as he unbuttoned his vest with a grunt of relief, he struck me likewise as being rather short in his wind. FAYRE was loose and frisky as a four weeks old kitten, and spoke with a quick, decided tone that reminded me of HORACE GREELEY. He never once swore, however, during the whole interview. Your readers will observe that even if this momentous meeting was not marked by the usual diplomatic usages, the language is strictly ac- cording to the usual diplomatic idiom. It is important to note this fact, as everything hinges on the idiom. BIsMAROK was the first to break silence: The difficulties which embarrass the questions under discussion stand first in the order of elimination. FAYRE assented, and BISMARCK continued: We must remove the peritoneum to get at the viscera of the issues (I was much struck with the force and originality of this method of putting it), and evict those impressions which are purely matters of national sensibility. I snuffed the candle and waited for FAYRE. FAvRE: Your Excellency abounds in subtle diag- noses. BISMARCK:. It is not a question of noses. FAYRE: Your Excellency mistakes me. I meant to say that, like the Heathen Chinee, your ways are dark. I moved the light closer to the Count. FAYRE only smiled. BISMARCK: Touching rectification, then, Ger- many sticks to her position. I regarded this as an insinuation that somebody was stuck. FAYRE: France adheres unalterably to her previ- ous resolution. National traditions, deeply interwoven with the fine fibre of individual natures, forbid the relax- ation of tissues logically irresistible. A smile of triumph flitted faintly oer the features of the Frenchman. He evidently thought he had made a ten strike. I whispered approvingly, Tris 1)1cm, Mionsleur, tris 1)1cm! BISMARCE: Does the German heart yearn for the Rhine? Does it yearn for Strasbourg? Does it yearn for Metz? and if not, what does it yearn for U He was looking straight at me when he said this, and so I answered Bier. A dark scowl flitted frantically over the features of the German, but he went right on: Are all the longings of all these years, dating from the birth of CHARLEMAGNE and extending through GUSTAVUS ADOLPHTJS to FRED- ERICK the Great and WILLIAM the First, by his father on his maternal grandmothers side, who lie~ in the iron coffin of the domkirche at Potsdam whence we derive the consolidated grandeur of HOHENZOLLERN mingling its rich ancestral dyes with the dark woof of fate to dispel the expanding dream of German aspiration U I had not time to witness the effect upon FAYRE, but, OLD WOMAN gasping for breath, I started from my seat and uttered these words, which I remembered to have read in a Ger- man-English libretto of MARIE STUART: K2ifein Gott, ich kenne cures Elfers reincn Trieb, Weiss, dass gediegne Weissheit aus Euch redet! It did not matter to me that FAYRE lay swooning on the floor. That the Count glared at me savagely and crunched his jaws with maniacal energy. My knowledge of German was up. It had caught the fierce impulse, the majestic sweep of his ponderous linguosity. I remembered another sentence, and hurled it wildly at him: Bel Gott, Da Kirst, bk hoffs, mock ride Jakre auf i/irene Grabe icandeln, obme dass du selbcr sic himabrusti~rrem 1)raucktest I Again I looked at the Count. His jaw had ceased working, and the expression of his eye had changed.. His arm moved furtively beneath the table. What could he be doing? Horrible moment of uncertainty. Still the arm worked, as if tugging at something. I could stand it no longer. Seizing the soda-water bottle, I stooped to cast the rays of the sixpenny dip beneath the table. As I did so, a boot-heel flashed in the air, the Counts arm descended with a terrific detonation, and I saw no more. (Interval of twenty-four hours.) The result of the interview will be communicated to the American public by a Tribune special, as soon as a carrier-pigeon can reach SMALLEY at London. I am still suffering from a sensation of having been recently hit. DICK TINTO. ASPIRATION. O~ all sorts of people in the worid, the Cockney has the queerest no- tions about vegetable nature. Show him the first letter of the alpha- bet, for instance, and he pronounces it hay. APPARENTLY ANOMALOUS. SHOULD the Prussians ever succeed in entering Paris, it is hardly possible that they can be well received by the citizens, whether they find FAYRE there or not. 69 A HORSIJ~OAR CONTINGENCY.

OCT. 29, 187o. PUNCHINELLO. Gallant Tar (To horr~fled eady of uncertain age). BELAY THERE, TAKE THIS SEAT. OUR PORTFOLIO, PARIS, FouRTH WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: You may not have heard that Brsi%IARcK has been here had an interview with FAYRE, and is off again. I didnt suppose you would know it, so I hasten to give you and your army of readers a brief synopsis of what took place, as nearly as I can in the exact language used by the distinguished diplomats upon the occasion. The scene of the consultation was one of the Imperial wine-cellars under that pavilion of the Tuileries palace which overlooks the Seine at the southwestern extremity of the Place du Uarrousel. The spot was selected for two reasons: it was far removed from the noise and hub- bub of the city, and it furnished facilities for liquoring upin case of necessity. I was there~ and left; as you will see, under circumstances calculated to give me a lasting impression of the event. We all three of us sat around a pine table, upon which faintly flickered a tallow can- dle in a soda-water bottle, that shed around a sickly glare (that is to say, the candle did). BISMAROK looked a little the worse for wear, I thought, and, as he unbuttoned his vest with a grunt of relief, he struck me likewise as being rather short in his wind. FAYRE was loose and frisky as a four weeks old kitten, and spoke with a quick, decided tone that reminded me of HORACE GREELEY. He never once swore, however, during the whole interview. Your readers will observe that even if this momentous meeting was not marked by the usual diplomatic usages, the language is strictly ac- cording to the usual diplomatic idiom. It is important to note this fact, as everything hinges on the idiom. BIsMAROK was the first to break silence: The difficulties which embarrass the questions under discussion stand first in the order of elimination. FAYRE assented, and BISMARCK continued: We must remove the peritoneum to get at the viscera of the issues (I was much struck with the force and originality of this method of putting it), and evict those impressions which are purely matters of national sensibility. I snuffed the candle and waited for FAYRE. FAvRE: Your Excellency abounds in subtle diag- noses. BISMARCK:. It is not a question of noses. FAYRE: Your Excellency mistakes me. I meant to say that, like the Heathen Chinee, your ways are dark. I moved the light closer to the Count. FAYRE only smiled. BISMARCK: Touching rectification, then, Ger- many sticks to her position. I regarded this as an insinuation that somebody was stuck. FAYRE: France adheres unalterably to her previ- ous resolution. National traditions, deeply interwoven with the fine fibre of individual natures, forbid the relax- ation of tissues logically irresistible. A smile of triumph flitted faintly oer the features of the Frenchman. He evidently thought he had made a ten strike. I whispered approvingly, Tris 1)1cm, Mionsleur, tris 1)1cm! BISMARCE: Does the German heart yearn for the Rhine? Does it yearn for Strasbourg? Does it yearn for Metz? and if not, what does it yearn for U He was looking straight at me when he said this, and so I answered Bier. A dark scowl flitted frantically over the features of the German, but he went right on: Are all the longings of all these years, dating from the birth of CHARLEMAGNE and extending through GUSTAVUS ADOLPHTJS to FRED- ERICK the Great and WILLIAM the First, by his father on his maternal grandmothers side, who lie~ in the iron coffin of the domkirche at Potsdam whence we derive the consolidated grandeur of HOHENZOLLERN mingling its rich ancestral dyes with the dark woof of fate to dispel the expanding dream of German aspiration U I had not time to witness the effect upon FAYRE, but, OLD WOMAN gasping for breath, I started from my seat and uttered these words, which I remembered to have read in a Ger- man-English libretto of MARIE STUART: K2ifein Gott, ich kenne cures Elfers reincn Trieb, Weiss, dass gediegne Weissheit aus Euch redet! It did not matter to me that FAYRE lay swooning on the floor. That the Count glared at me savagely and crunched his jaws with maniacal energy. My knowledge of German was up. It had caught the fierce impulse, the majestic sweep of his ponderous linguosity. I remembered another sentence, and hurled it wildly at him: Bel Gott, Da Kirst, bk hoffs, mock ride Jakre auf i/irene Grabe icandeln, obme dass du selbcr sic himabrusti~rrem 1)raucktest I Again I looked at the Count. His jaw had ceased working, and the expression of his eye had changed.. His arm moved furtively beneath the table. What could he be doing? Horrible moment of uncertainty. Still the arm worked, as if tugging at something. I could stand it no longer. Seizing the soda-water bottle, I stooped to cast the rays of the sixpenny dip beneath the table. As I did so, a boot-heel flashed in the air, the Counts arm descended with a terrific detonation, and I saw no more. (Interval of twenty-four hours.) The result of the interview will be communicated to the American public by a Tribune special, as soon as a carrier-pigeon can reach SMALLEY at London. I am still suffering from a sensation of having been recently hit. DICK TINTO. ASPIRATION. O~ all sorts of people in the worid, the Cockney has the queerest no- tions about vegetable nature. Show him the first letter of the alpha- bet, for instance, and he pronounces it hay. APPARENTLY ANOMALOUS. SHOULD the Prussians ever succeed in entering Paris, it is hardly possible that they can be well received by the citizens, whether they find FAYRE there or not. 69 A HORSIJ~OAR CONTINGENCY. 70 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1.870. OUR PRIVATE GALLERIES The Belmont Collection. Tins admirable gallery includes among its treasures many of the old mastess andwhen open for exhibitiona bewildering collection of young nurses. The latter are frequently inaccurate in anatomical de- tails, but in point of brilliancy of color they far outshine the best efforts of RUBENS and TITIAN. The flesh tints produced by many of our Fifth Avenue belles infinitely surpass the obsolete tints upon which the great -Venetians used to pride themselves. In Mr. BELMONTS gallery there are so many original RAPnAELS.and MURILLOS, painted by the very best European artists of the present day. that it would occupy far to~ much of our limited space were we to no- tice them in detail. We will therefore pass them by, and simply call attention to some of the more noteworthy pictures, executed by con- temporary painters, which hang side by sidewith the more smoky but hardly less valuable works of antiquity. Prominent among these is a modest little Fruit and ~ piece, by that promising young artist, Miss SUSAN B. ANTHONY. It deserves especial praise for its accurate copying of nature, the varied beauty of its coloring, and the deep long- ing of the heartthe hunger of the soulwhich must have inspired the fair artist. We give a faithful sketch of this charming picture, though, of course, the glories of its rainbow hues cannot be represented here. A beautiful work, and one evidently inspired by the sound of battle, is the noble historical painting entitled On Picket, byMr. C. A. DANA, Associate Artist National Academy of Velocipedestrianism. The artist has produced a picture that must inspire us all with the absolute truth of the story it so dramatically~ tells, while he has filled our hearts with deep sympathy and lofty admiration for the lovely and heroic com- batant depicted on his canvas. Our army officersCol. FISK for exam- plewho are ignorant of the sword exercise may derive a hint from this spirited work, as to the importance of obtaining a thorough mas- tery of the fence. CLAUDES renowned landscape of the Ruined Miilis familiar to all who are acquainted with it, and has been greatly admired by those who did not feel impelled to condemn its many faults. But CLAUDE is now known to have been no artist, but a mere pretender. There is reason to believe that he had never read RUSKIN, and was hence necessarily igno- rant of the aim and method of landscape painting. Our young friend BROWN, the spiretue~ and fascinating assistant Rector of a fashionable up- town church, has in this gallery a rendering of a similar subject. How manifest is his superiority to CLAUDE! With what truth and fidelity to nature; with what holy calm, and child-like faith, and lofty aspiration has BROWN filled his glowing canvas! And withal, he does not lead us back to the dead faith and traditions of the past, save to urge us on- ward in the pathway ofin the pathwayin short, to urge us on more or less. To those envious minds who affect to regard BROWN as a mere amateur, an undertaker of more than he has the ability to execute, we would deign but one reply, and that would be, Look at his trees m the picture called the Ruins of the Mill, and then cower back into your native insignificance. There are many Qther pictures which we would like to notice in this article, but want of space will forbid us to do so this week. We have merely room to mention, with warm approbation, the exceedingly dra- matic little genre picture entitled Shoo-fly, by the veteran Minstrel, Mr. DANIEL BRYANT, whose recent translation of HOMER has given him so high a rank among the best German scholars of the day. How they change! ESCULAPIUS now gives to us and our children, as medicine, what he denounced to the last generation as pirem. The heresy of yesterday is the orthodoxy of to-day. Thus the philosophy of those who are under the turf is refuted by those who are fl1 the turf. It used to be sald in regard to horses One white foot, buy him, Two white feet, try him, Three white feet, deny him, Four white feet and a white nose, Take off his shoes and give him to the crows. But the advent of DEXTER has changed the sinister rhyme to: One white foot, spy him, Two white feet, try him, Three white feet, buy him, Four white feet and a white nose, And a mile in 2-17 he goes. RIGHT TO THE SPOT. ADDITIONAL spots on the disk of the sun are reported. An ingenious writer, who candidiy states that he is not an astronomer, accounts for them by suggesting that they are caused by stray shots from the Prus- sian sharpshooters who tried to bring down GAMBETTAS balloon. A QUERY FOR STEEPLE-CHASERS. WE hear a great deal about feather weights in connection with racing. If there are such things as feather weights, why on earth dont the managers of Jerome Park races stuff the steeple-chase ockeys with them, to prevent them from being injured by such accidents as hap- pened there on the opening day of the Autumn meeting? EOINS OF A MILL. rauir ANSi FLOWEIt PIECE. ShOE FLY! RULES AND MAXIMS.

70 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1.870. OUR PRIVATE GALLERIES The Belmont Collection. Tins admirable gallery includes among its treasures many of the old mastess andwhen open for exhibitiona bewildering collection of young nurses. The latter are frequently inaccurate in anatomical de- tails, but in point of brilliancy of color they far outshine the best efforts of RUBENS and TITIAN. The flesh tints produced by many of our Fifth Avenue belles infinitely surpass the obsolete tints upon which the great -Venetians used to pride themselves. In Mr. BELMONTS gallery there are so many original RAPnAELS.and MURILLOS, painted by the very best European artists of the present day. that it would occupy far to~ much of our limited space were we to no- tice them in detail. We will therefore pass them by, and simply call attention to some of the more noteworthy pictures, executed by con- temporary painters, which hang side by sidewith the more smoky but hardly less valuable works of antiquity. Prominent among these is a modest little Fruit and ~ piece, by that promising young artist, Miss SUSAN B. ANTHONY. It deserves especial praise for its accurate copying of nature, the varied beauty of its coloring, and the deep long- ing of the heartthe hunger of the soulwhich must have inspired the fair artist. We give a faithful sketch of this charming picture, though, of course, the glories of its rainbow hues cannot be represented here. A beautiful work, and one evidently inspired by the sound of battle, is the noble historical painting entitled On Picket, byMr. C. A. DANA, Associate Artist National Academy of Velocipedestrianism. The artist has produced a picture that must inspire us all with the absolute truth of the story it so dramatically~ tells, while he has filled our hearts with deep sympathy and lofty admiration for the lovely and heroic com- batant depicted on his canvas. Our army officersCol. FISK for exam- plewho are ignorant of the sword exercise may derive a hint from this spirited work, as to the importance of obtaining a thorough mas- tery of the fence. CLAUDES renowned landscape of the Ruined Miilis familiar to all who are acquainted with it, and has been greatly admired by those who did not feel impelled to condemn its many faults. But CLAUDE is now known to have been no artist, but a mere pretender. There is reason to believe that he had never read RUSKIN, and was hence necessarily igno- rant of the aim and method of landscape painting. Our young friend BROWN, the spiretue~ and fascinating assistant Rector of a fashionable up- town church, has in this gallery a rendering of a similar subject. How manifest is his superiority to CLAUDE! With what truth and fidelity to nature; with what holy calm, and child-like faith, and lofty aspiration has BROWN filled his glowing canvas! And withal, he does not lead us back to the dead faith and traditions of the past, save to urge us on- ward in the pathway ofin the pathwayin short, to urge us on more or less. To those envious minds who affect to regard BROWN as a mere amateur, an undertaker of more than he has the ability to execute, we would deign but one reply, and that would be, Look at his trees m the picture called the Ruins of the Mill, and then cower back into your native insignificance. There are many Qther pictures which we would like to notice in this article, but want of space will forbid us to do so this week. We have merely room to mention, with warm approbation, the exceedingly dra- matic little genre picture entitled Shoo-fly, by the veteran Minstrel, Mr. DANIEL BRYANT, whose recent translation of HOMER has given him so high a rank among the best German scholars of the day. How they change! ESCULAPIUS now gives to us and our children, as medicine, what he denounced to the last generation as pirem. The heresy of yesterday is the orthodoxy of to-day. Thus the philosophy of those who are under the turf is refuted by those who are fl1 the turf. It used to be sald in regard to horses One white foot, buy him, Two white feet, try him, Three white feet, deny him, Four white feet and a white nose, Take off his shoes and give him to the crows. But the advent of DEXTER has changed the sinister rhyme to: One white foot, spy him, Two white feet, try him, Three white feet, buy him, Four white feet and a white nose, And a mile in 2-17 he goes. RIGHT TO THE SPOT. ADDITIONAL spots on the disk of the sun are reported. An ingenious writer, who candidiy states that he is not an astronomer, accounts for them by suggesting that they are caused by stray shots from the Prus- sian sharpshooters who tried to bring down GAMBETTAS balloon. A QUERY FOR STEEPLE-CHASERS. WE hear a great deal about feather weights in connection with racing. If there are such things as feather weights, why on earth dont the managers of Jerome Park races stuff the steeple-chase ockeys with them, to prevent them from being injured by such accidents as hap- pened there on the opening day of the Autumn meeting? EOINS OF A MILL. rauir ANSi FLOWEIt PIECE. ShOE FLY! RULES AND MAXIMS.

70 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1.870. OUR PRIVATE GALLERIES The Belmont Collection. Tins admirable gallery includes among its treasures many of the old mastess andwhen open for exhibitiona bewildering collection of young nurses. The latter are frequently inaccurate in anatomical de- tails, but in point of brilliancy of color they far outshine the best efforts of RUBENS and TITIAN. The flesh tints produced by many of our Fifth Avenue belles infinitely surpass the obsolete tints upon which the great -Venetians used to pride themselves. In Mr. BELMONTS gallery there are so many original RAPnAELS.and MURILLOS, painted by the very best European artists of the present day. that it would occupy far to~ much of our limited space were we to no- tice them in detail. We will therefore pass them by, and simply call attention to some of the more noteworthy pictures, executed by con- temporary painters, which hang side by sidewith the more smoky but hardly less valuable works of antiquity. Prominent among these is a modest little Fruit and ~ piece, by that promising young artist, Miss SUSAN B. ANTHONY. It deserves especial praise for its accurate copying of nature, the varied beauty of its coloring, and the deep long- ing of the heartthe hunger of the soulwhich must have inspired the fair artist. We give a faithful sketch of this charming picture, though, of course, the glories of its rainbow hues cannot be represented here. A beautiful work, and one evidently inspired by the sound of battle, is the noble historical painting entitled On Picket, byMr. C. A. DANA, Associate Artist National Academy of Velocipedestrianism. The artist has produced a picture that must inspire us all with the absolute truth of the story it so dramatically~ tells, while he has filled our hearts with deep sympathy and lofty admiration for the lovely and heroic com- batant depicted on his canvas. Our army officersCol. FISK for exam- plewho are ignorant of the sword exercise may derive a hint from this spirited work, as to the importance of obtaining a thorough mas- tery of the fence. CLAUDES renowned landscape of the Ruined Miilis familiar to all who are acquainted with it, and has been greatly admired by those who did not feel impelled to condemn its many faults. But CLAUDE is now known to have been no artist, but a mere pretender. There is reason to believe that he had never read RUSKIN, and was hence necessarily igno- rant of the aim and method of landscape painting. Our young friend BROWN, the spiretue~ and fascinating assistant Rector of a fashionable up- town church, has in this gallery a rendering of a similar subject. How manifest is his superiority to CLAUDE! With what truth and fidelity to nature; with what holy calm, and child-like faith, and lofty aspiration has BROWN filled his glowing canvas! And withal, he does not lead us back to the dead faith and traditions of the past, save to urge us on- ward in the pathway ofin the pathwayin short, to urge us on more or less. To those envious minds who affect to regard BROWN as a mere amateur, an undertaker of more than he has the ability to execute, we would deign but one reply, and that would be, Look at his trees m the picture called the Ruins of the Mill, and then cower back into your native insignificance. There are many Qther pictures which we would like to notice in this article, but want of space will forbid us to do so this week. We have merely room to mention, with warm approbation, the exceedingly dra- matic little genre picture entitled Shoo-fly, by the veteran Minstrel, Mr. DANIEL BRYANT, whose recent translation of HOMER has given him so high a rank among the best German scholars of the day. How they change! ESCULAPIUS now gives to us and our children, as medicine, what he denounced to the last generation as pirem. The heresy of yesterday is the orthodoxy of to-day. Thus the philosophy of those who are under the turf is refuted by those who are fl1 the turf. It used to be sald in regard to horses One white foot, buy him, Two white feet, try him, Three white feet, deny him, Four white feet and a white nose, Take off his shoes and give him to the crows. But the advent of DEXTER has changed the sinister rhyme to: One white foot, spy him, Two white feet, try him, Three white feet, buy him, Four white feet and a white nose, And a mile in 2-17 he goes. RIGHT TO THE SPOT. ADDITIONAL spots on the disk of the sun are reported. An ingenious writer, who candidiy states that he is not an astronomer, accounts for them by suggesting that they are caused by stray shots from the Prus- sian sharpshooters who tried to bring down GAMBETTAS balloon. A QUERY FOR STEEPLE-CHASERS. WE hear a great deal about feather weights in connection with racing. If there are such things as feather weights, why on earth dont the managers of Jerome Park races stuff the steeple-chase ockeys with them, to prevent them from being injured by such accidents as hap- pened there on the opening day of the Autumn meeting? EOINS OF A MILL. rauir ANSi FLOWEIt PIECE. ShOE FLY! RULES AND MAXIMS.

70 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1.870. OUR PRIVATE GALLERIES The Belmont Collection. Tins admirable gallery includes among its treasures many of the old mastess andwhen open for exhibitiona bewildering collection of young nurses. The latter are frequently inaccurate in anatomical de- tails, but in point of brilliancy of color they far outshine the best efforts of RUBENS and TITIAN. The flesh tints produced by many of our Fifth Avenue belles infinitely surpass the obsolete tints upon which the great -Venetians used to pride themselves. In Mr. BELMONTS gallery there are so many original RAPnAELS.and MURILLOS, painted by the very best European artists of the present day. that it would occupy far to~ much of our limited space were we to no- tice them in detail. We will therefore pass them by, and simply call attention to some of the more noteworthy pictures, executed by con- temporary painters, which hang side by sidewith the more smoky but hardly less valuable works of antiquity. Prominent among these is a modest little Fruit and ~ piece, by that promising young artist, Miss SUSAN B. ANTHONY. It deserves especial praise for its accurate copying of nature, the varied beauty of its coloring, and the deep long- ing of the heartthe hunger of the soulwhich must have inspired the fair artist. We give a faithful sketch of this charming picture, though, of course, the glories of its rainbow hues cannot be represented here. A beautiful work, and one evidently inspired by the sound of battle, is the noble historical painting entitled On Picket, byMr. C. A. DANA, Associate Artist National Academy of Velocipedestrianism. The artist has produced a picture that must inspire us all with the absolute truth of the story it so dramatically~ tells, while he has filled our hearts with deep sympathy and lofty admiration for the lovely and heroic com- batant depicted on his canvas. Our army officersCol. FISK for exam- plewho are ignorant of the sword exercise may derive a hint from this spirited work, as to the importance of obtaining a thorough mas- tery of the fence. CLAUDES renowned landscape of the Ruined Miilis familiar to all who are acquainted with it, and has been greatly admired by those who did not feel impelled to condemn its many faults. But CLAUDE is now known to have been no artist, but a mere pretender. There is reason to believe that he had never read RUSKIN, and was hence necessarily igno- rant of the aim and method of landscape painting. Our young friend BROWN, the spiretue~ and fascinating assistant Rector of a fashionable up- town church, has in this gallery a rendering of a similar subject. How manifest is his superiority to CLAUDE! With what truth and fidelity to nature; with what holy calm, and child-like faith, and lofty aspiration has BROWN filled his glowing canvas! And withal, he does not lead us back to the dead faith and traditions of the past, save to urge us on- ward in the pathway ofin the pathwayin short, to urge us on more or less. To those envious minds who affect to regard BROWN as a mere amateur, an undertaker of more than he has the ability to execute, we would deign but one reply, and that would be, Look at his trees m the picture called the Ruins of the Mill, and then cower back into your native insignificance. There are many Qther pictures which we would like to notice in this article, but want of space will forbid us to do so this week. We have merely room to mention, with warm approbation, the exceedingly dra- matic little genre picture entitled Shoo-fly, by the veteran Minstrel, Mr. DANIEL BRYANT, whose recent translation of HOMER has given him so high a rank among the best German scholars of the day. How they change! ESCULAPIUS now gives to us and our children, as medicine, what he denounced to the last generation as pirem. The heresy of yesterday is the orthodoxy of to-day. Thus the philosophy of those who are under the turf is refuted by those who are fl1 the turf. It used to be sald in regard to horses One white foot, buy him, Two white feet, try him, Three white feet, deny him, Four white feet and a white nose, Take off his shoes and give him to the crows. But the advent of DEXTER has changed the sinister rhyme to: One white foot, spy him, Two white feet, try him, Three white feet, buy him, Four white feet and a white nose, And a mile in 2-17 he goes. RIGHT TO THE SPOT. ADDITIONAL spots on the disk of the sun are reported. An ingenious writer, who candidiy states that he is not an astronomer, accounts for them by suggesting that they are caused by stray shots from the Prus- sian sharpshooters who tried to bring down GAMBETTAS balloon. A QUERY FOR STEEPLE-CHASERS. WE hear a great deal about feather weights in connection with racing. If there are such things as feather weights, why on earth dont the managers of Jerome Park races stuff the steeple-chase ockeys with them, to prevent them from being injured by such accidents as hap- pened there on the opening day of the Autumn meeting? EOINS OF A MILL. rauir ANSi FLOWEIt PIECE. ShOE FLY! RULES AND MAXIMS.

70 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1.870. OUR PRIVATE GALLERIES The Belmont Collection. Tins admirable gallery includes among its treasures many of the old mastess andwhen open for exhibitiona bewildering collection of young nurses. The latter are frequently inaccurate in anatomical de- tails, but in point of brilliancy of color they far outshine the best efforts of RUBENS and TITIAN. The flesh tints produced by many of our Fifth Avenue belles infinitely surpass the obsolete tints upon which the great -Venetians used to pride themselves. In Mr. BELMONTS gallery there are so many original RAPnAELS.and MURILLOS, painted by the very best European artists of the present day. that it would occupy far to~ much of our limited space were we to no- tice them in detail. We will therefore pass them by, and simply call attention to some of the more noteworthy pictures, executed by con- temporary painters, which hang side by sidewith the more smoky but hardly less valuable works of antiquity. Prominent among these is a modest little Fruit and ~ piece, by that promising young artist, Miss SUSAN B. ANTHONY. It deserves especial praise for its accurate copying of nature, the varied beauty of its coloring, and the deep long- ing of the heartthe hunger of the soulwhich must have inspired the fair artist. We give a faithful sketch of this charming picture, though, of course, the glories of its rainbow hues cannot be represented here. A beautiful work, and one evidently inspired by the sound of battle, is the noble historical painting entitled On Picket, byMr. C. A. DANA, Associate Artist National Academy of Velocipedestrianism. The artist has produced a picture that must inspire us all with the absolute truth of the story it so dramatically~ tells, while he has filled our hearts with deep sympathy and lofty admiration for the lovely and heroic com- batant depicted on his canvas. Our army officersCol. FISK for exam- plewho are ignorant of the sword exercise may derive a hint from this spirited work, as to the importance of obtaining a thorough mas- tery of the fence. CLAUDES renowned landscape of the Ruined Miilis familiar to all who are acquainted with it, and has been greatly admired by those who did not feel impelled to condemn its many faults. But CLAUDE is now known to have been no artist, but a mere pretender. There is reason to believe that he had never read RUSKIN, and was hence necessarily igno- rant of the aim and method of landscape painting. Our young friend BROWN, the spiretue~ and fascinating assistant Rector of a fashionable up- town church, has in this gallery a rendering of a similar subject. How manifest is his superiority to CLAUDE! With what truth and fidelity to nature; with what holy calm, and child-like faith, and lofty aspiration has BROWN filled his glowing canvas! And withal, he does not lead us back to the dead faith and traditions of the past, save to urge us on- ward in the pathway ofin the pathwayin short, to urge us on more or less. To those envious minds who affect to regard BROWN as a mere amateur, an undertaker of more than he has the ability to execute, we would deign but one reply, and that would be, Look at his trees m the picture called the Ruins of the Mill, and then cower back into your native insignificance. There are many Qther pictures which we would like to notice in this article, but want of space will forbid us to do so this week. We have merely room to mention, with warm approbation, the exceedingly dra- matic little genre picture entitled Shoo-fly, by the veteran Minstrel, Mr. DANIEL BRYANT, whose recent translation of HOMER has given him so high a rank among the best German scholars of the day. How they change! ESCULAPIUS now gives to us and our children, as medicine, what he denounced to the last generation as pirem. The heresy of yesterday is the orthodoxy of to-day. Thus the philosophy of those who are under the turf is refuted by those who are fl1 the turf. It used to be sald in regard to horses One white foot, buy him, Two white feet, try him, Three white feet, deny him, Four white feet and a white nose, Take off his shoes and give him to the crows. But the advent of DEXTER has changed the sinister rhyme to: One white foot, spy him, Two white feet, try him, Three white feet, buy him, Four white feet and a white nose, And a mile in 2-17 he goes. RIGHT TO THE SPOT. ADDITIONAL spots on the disk of the sun are reported. An ingenious writer, who candidiy states that he is not an astronomer, accounts for them by suggesting that they are caused by stray shots from the Prus- sian sharpshooters who tried to bring down GAMBETTAS balloon. A QUERY FOR STEEPLE-CHASERS. WE hear a great deal about feather weights in connection with racing. If there are such things as feather weights, why on earth dont the managers of Jerome Park races stuff the steeple-chase ockeys with them, to prevent them from being injured by such accidents as hap- pened there on the opening day of the Autumn meeting? EOINS OF A MILL. rauir ANSi FLOWEIt PIECE. ShOE FLY! RULES AND MAXIMS. OCT. 29, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO VIII. JACK SPRAT could eat no fat, His wife could eat no lean; And so between them both, They licked the platter clean. JACK SPILAT was a near neighbor to the Poet. He was a remarkably delicate man, cadaverous and thin. A dyspeptic, always ailing, he was a subject of pity for his friends, and of wonder to his acquaintances. But behold the eternal fitness of things. Providence blessed him with wife, his opposite in every respect. When extremes meet, a perfect whole is the result; and in this case it was a perfect marriage, fit to be sung by poets and embalmed in verse. ~ JACK SPRAT met SALLY STUBBS, at a husking party, she took his eye, and kept it. She filled his heart completely. A rosy-cheeked, buxom lass, healthy and hearty, dimples and dumplings combined, she captivated and carried, by sheer force of weight, the delicate soul of poor JACK. It was a case of latitude against longitude; strength against weak- ness, smiles against tears, laughter against groans. And so the poor fellow, feeling an unacknowledged desire to find some one able to sup- port and protect him, yielded to the advice of his friends and his own inclinations, and laid his attenuated hand, with his poor little heart in it, at the fat feet of fair SALLY STUBBS. He was smiled upon, broad-grinned upon, and accepted; and thereby rendered for the nonce the happiest of men. Tradition has it that the next day he actually ate a hearty dinner, and did not complain of his digestion immediately after. But this is considered doubtful by many. Fair S~u~Lv, overflowing with the milk of human kindness, and yeam- ing in her soul to bestow her attentions and corporosity upon JACKS attenuosity, urged matters onward, and the wedding day was fixed, the ring bought, and delicate Mr. SPIIAT was led to the altar like a sheep to the slaughter. Tremblingly he advanced up the aisle of the village church, leading his blushing and waddling bride, and took his place, looking like an excla- ination point alongside a parenthesis, before the black-robed Priest, who speedily put an end to Miss STunEs, and presented JACK with a female SPRAT. Mrs. SPRAT blushed like a full. blown ~5eony as JACK manfully and courageously saluted her upon one rosy cheek, in the presence of the assembled guests, and then, to cover her confusion, she giggled and shook hands energetically with the company, telling JACK to hold up his head and do the same, for it was coot eel fat, and he must try to be fashionable at his own wedding. The Bride carried off the honors manfully, and after the first few moments recovered from her em- barrassment, and appeared as much at ease as if getting married was an every-day affair, not worth minding. JACK couldnt get over it so readily, and his teeth chatter- ed till late in the night. But they stopped after a while ; 50 1 am told. We pass over the first few days devoted to honey-mooning, and look in upon theta as they sit at dinner. He with his greyhound and shc with her cat, both animals attentively watching each morsel that disappears from their longing gaze into the capacious mouth of master or mistress. Notice with what dexterity and generosity Mr. ~PRAT selects the fattest parts and skilfully conveys them to Madams plate, reserving the lean for him- self; occasionally throwing a bone to his dog, while the lady now and then bestows a fat bit upon Puss, who slowly licks her lips and winks for more. It is a cozy scene of quiet domestic bliss, and so continues till the platter is empty; when, both feeling satisfied for the time, they lean back in their respective chairs, and gaze complacently upon their pets, each other, and the empty dishes. Their wonderful congeniality and quiet happiness became the subject of wonder to their friends, and of comment and speculation to the vil- lage gossips. Her oleaginous and feather-bed-like disposition compelled peace, as oil upon the waves, and shed trouble as a duck sheds water. JACK and his complainings never troubled her; she merely laughed when he groaned, and offered to rub his back. But he, fearing the ponderosity of her hand, rarely submitted; his spinal column being delicate, he dared not risk it. Village gossips tell many little incidents connected with the married life of the twain, which would be invidious to mention here. Suffice it to say that they were considered fit subjects for the ever-ready pen of the Poet to seize upon and perpetuate in never-dying verse, for the benefit of posterity. That the Poet was right in his surmises, we have only to look around and ascertain how many learned people of all grades have treasured up in their memory, from infancy, the history of JACK SPRAT and his wife. AN OBVIOUS ILLUSTRATION. Scene. A Lunch Counter. Customer. Waiter, do you call this a milk toast ?why, theres no milk to be seen. W~-titer. Milk all gone into the toast, sir. Customer. But theres no toast to speak of. IVditer. Toast all gone into the milk ,sir. Customer. Ah, ha !theres an idea in that, by Jove. Ill go straight home and write a pamphlet upon the new theory of mutual absorption. Waiter. Yes, sir. Dont forget to mention the Kilkenny Cats, sir COUNT BISMARCKS AC- COUNT. BTSMARCKS insolence is really becoming dangerous. He can deny and contradict the statements made by other Counts, Ambassa- dors, Kings, or by himself, without its becoming a matter of sufficient importance to interest us. Such giving and taking the lie is a part of the business of persons of this kidney. But he has actually had the audacity to deny the truthful. ness of the report by RUSSELL to the Times of a conversation held between them. If this thing is not checked in the bud, he will next be denying his conversations with the Tribune special, as re- ported by that ubiquitous obser- ver. What will there be for the world to believe, if it loses faith in the truthfulness of the papers? A Coss. for the Vatican. Wnv i~ VICTOR EMMANUEL like a tomahawk? Because he is now said to be a tool in the hands of the Reds. TilE LOUDEST 0? SUNDAYS. SWELLS. The Swell of the Church organ. 71 C-. ENCOURAGING HOME MANUFACTURES. Young Patriot. GIM1%IE THREE CENTS WORTH 0 ChESTNUTS. Fenale Broker. D YER WANT ETETALIAN ONES? Y. P. No. DARN YERGIMME AMERICAN ONES.

OCT. 29, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO VIII. JACK SPRAT could eat no fat, His wife could eat no lean; And so between them both, They licked the platter clean. JACK SPILAT was a near neighbor to the Poet. He was a remarkably delicate man, cadaverous and thin. A dyspeptic, always ailing, he was a subject of pity for his friends, and of wonder to his acquaintances. But behold the eternal fitness of things. Providence blessed him with wife, his opposite in every respect. When extremes meet, a perfect whole is the result; and in this case it was a perfect marriage, fit to be sung by poets and embalmed in verse. ~ JACK SPRAT met SALLY STUBBS, at a husking party, she took his eye, and kept it. She filled his heart completely. A rosy-cheeked, buxom lass, healthy and hearty, dimples and dumplings combined, she captivated and carried, by sheer force of weight, the delicate soul of poor JACK. It was a case of latitude against longitude; strength against weak- ness, smiles against tears, laughter against groans. And so the poor fellow, feeling an unacknowledged desire to find some one able to sup- port and protect him, yielded to the advice of his friends and his own inclinations, and laid his attenuated hand, with his poor little heart in it, at the fat feet of fair SALLY STUBBS. He was smiled upon, broad-grinned upon, and accepted; and thereby rendered for the nonce the happiest of men. Tradition has it that the next day he actually ate a hearty dinner, and did not complain of his digestion immediately after. But this is considered doubtful by many. Fair S~u~Lv, overflowing with the milk of human kindness, and yeam- ing in her soul to bestow her attentions and corporosity upon JACKS attenuosity, urged matters onward, and the wedding day was fixed, the ring bought, and delicate Mr. SPIIAT was led to the altar like a sheep to the slaughter. Tremblingly he advanced up the aisle of the village church, leading his blushing and waddling bride, and took his place, looking like an excla- ination point alongside a parenthesis, before the black-robed Priest, who speedily put an end to Miss STunEs, and presented JACK with a female SPRAT. Mrs. SPRAT blushed like a full. blown ~5eony as JACK manfully and courageously saluted her upon one rosy cheek, in the presence of the assembled guests, and then, to cover her confusion, she giggled and shook hands energetically with the company, telling JACK to hold up his head and do the same, for it was coot eel fat, and he must try to be fashionable at his own wedding. The Bride carried off the honors manfully, and after the first few moments recovered from her em- barrassment, and appeared as much at ease as if getting married was an every-day affair, not worth minding. JACK couldnt get over it so readily, and his teeth chatter- ed till late in the night. But they stopped after a while ; 50 1 am told. We pass over the first few days devoted to honey-mooning, and look in upon theta as they sit at dinner. He with his greyhound and shc with her cat, both animals attentively watching each morsel that disappears from their longing gaze into the capacious mouth of master or mistress. Notice with what dexterity and generosity Mr. ~PRAT selects the fattest parts and skilfully conveys them to Madams plate, reserving the lean for him- self; occasionally throwing a bone to his dog, while the lady now and then bestows a fat bit upon Puss, who slowly licks her lips and winks for more. It is a cozy scene of quiet domestic bliss, and so continues till the platter is empty; when, both feeling satisfied for the time, they lean back in their respective chairs, and gaze complacently upon their pets, each other, and the empty dishes. Their wonderful congeniality and quiet happiness became the subject of wonder to their friends, and of comment and speculation to the vil- lage gossips. Her oleaginous and feather-bed-like disposition compelled peace, as oil upon the waves, and shed trouble as a duck sheds water. JACK and his complainings never troubled her; she merely laughed when he groaned, and offered to rub his back. But he, fearing the ponderosity of her hand, rarely submitted; his spinal column being delicate, he dared not risk it. Village gossips tell many little incidents connected with the married life of the twain, which would be invidious to mention here. Suffice it to say that they were considered fit subjects for the ever-ready pen of the Poet to seize upon and perpetuate in never-dying verse, for the benefit of posterity. That the Poet was right in his surmises, we have only to look around and ascertain how many learned people of all grades have treasured up in their memory, from infancy, the history of JACK SPRAT and his wife. AN OBVIOUS ILLUSTRATION. Scene. A Lunch Counter. Customer. Waiter, do you call this a milk toast ?why, theres no milk to be seen. W~-titer. Milk all gone into the toast, sir. Customer. But theres no toast to speak of. IVditer. Toast all gone into the milk ,sir. Customer. Ah, ha !theres an idea in that, by Jove. Ill go straight home and write a pamphlet upon the new theory of mutual absorption. Waiter. Yes, sir. Dont forget to mention the Kilkenny Cats, sir COUNT BISMARCKS AC- COUNT. BTSMARCKS insolence is really becoming dangerous. He can deny and contradict the statements made by other Counts, Ambassa- dors, Kings, or by himself, without its becoming a matter of sufficient importance to interest us. Such giving and taking the lie is a part of the business of persons of this kidney. But he has actually had the audacity to deny the truthful. ness of the report by RUSSELL to the Times of a conversation held between them. If this thing is not checked in the bud, he will next be denying his conversations with the Tribune special, as re- ported by that ubiquitous obser- ver. What will there be for the world to believe, if it loses faith in the truthfulness of the papers? A Coss. for the Vatican. Wnv i~ VICTOR EMMANUEL like a tomahawk? Because he is now said to be a tool in the hands of the Reds. TilE LOUDEST 0? SUNDAYS. SWELLS. The Swell of the Church organ. 71 C-. ENCOURAGING HOME MANUFACTURES. Young Patriot. GIM1%IE THREE CENTS WORTH 0 ChESTNUTS. Fenale Broker. D YER WANT ETETALIAN ONES? Y. P. No. DARN YERGIMME AMERICAN ONES.

OCT. 29, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO VIII. JACK SPRAT could eat no fat, His wife could eat no lean; And so between them both, They licked the platter clean. JACK SPILAT was a near neighbor to the Poet. He was a remarkably delicate man, cadaverous and thin. A dyspeptic, always ailing, he was a subject of pity for his friends, and of wonder to his acquaintances. But behold the eternal fitness of things. Providence blessed him with wife, his opposite in every respect. When extremes meet, a perfect whole is the result; and in this case it was a perfect marriage, fit to be sung by poets and embalmed in verse. ~ JACK SPRAT met SALLY STUBBS, at a husking party, she took his eye, and kept it. She filled his heart completely. A rosy-cheeked, buxom lass, healthy and hearty, dimples and dumplings combined, she captivated and carried, by sheer force of weight, the delicate soul of poor JACK. It was a case of latitude against longitude; strength against weak- ness, smiles against tears, laughter against groans. And so the poor fellow, feeling an unacknowledged desire to find some one able to sup- port and protect him, yielded to the advice of his friends and his own inclinations, and laid his attenuated hand, with his poor little heart in it, at the fat feet of fair SALLY STUBBS. He was smiled upon, broad-grinned upon, and accepted; and thereby rendered for the nonce the happiest of men. Tradition has it that the next day he actually ate a hearty dinner, and did not complain of his digestion immediately after. But this is considered doubtful by many. Fair S~u~Lv, overflowing with the milk of human kindness, and yeam- ing in her soul to bestow her attentions and corporosity upon JACKS attenuosity, urged matters onward, and the wedding day was fixed, the ring bought, and delicate Mr. SPIIAT was led to the altar like a sheep to the slaughter. Tremblingly he advanced up the aisle of the village church, leading his blushing and waddling bride, and took his place, looking like an excla- ination point alongside a parenthesis, before the black-robed Priest, who speedily put an end to Miss STunEs, and presented JACK with a female SPRAT. Mrs. SPRAT blushed like a full. blown ~5eony as JACK manfully and courageously saluted her upon one rosy cheek, in the presence of the assembled guests, and then, to cover her confusion, she giggled and shook hands energetically with the company, telling JACK to hold up his head and do the same, for it was coot eel fat, and he must try to be fashionable at his own wedding. The Bride carried off the honors manfully, and after the first few moments recovered from her em- barrassment, and appeared as much at ease as if getting married was an every-day affair, not worth minding. JACK couldnt get over it so readily, and his teeth chatter- ed till late in the night. But they stopped after a while ; 50 1 am told. We pass over the first few days devoted to honey-mooning, and look in upon theta as they sit at dinner. He with his greyhound and shc with her cat, both animals attentively watching each morsel that disappears from their longing gaze into the capacious mouth of master or mistress. Notice with what dexterity and generosity Mr. ~PRAT selects the fattest parts and skilfully conveys them to Madams plate, reserving the lean for him- self; occasionally throwing a bone to his dog, while the lady now and then bestows a fat bit upon Puss, who slowly licks her lips and winks for more. It is a cozy scene of quiet domestic bliss, and so continues till the platter is empty; when, both feeling satisfied for the time, they lean back in their respective chairs, and gaze complacently upon their pets, each other, and the empty dishes. Their wonderful congeniality and quiet happiness became the subject of wonder to their friends, and of comment and speculation to the vil- lage gossips. Her oleaginous and feather-bed-like disposition compelled peace, as oil upon the waves, and shed trouble as a duck sheds water. JACK and his complainings never troubled her; she merely laughed when he groaned, and offered to rub his back. But he, fearing the ponderosity of her hand, rarely submitted; his spinal column being delicate, he dared not risk it. Village gossips tell many little incidents connected with the married life of the twain, which would be invidious to mention here. Suffice it to say that they were considered fit subjects for the ever-ready pen of the Poet to seize upon and perpetuate in never-dying verse, for the benefit of posterity. That the Poet was right in his surmises, we have only to look around and ascertain how many learned people of all grades have treasured up in their memory, from infancy, the history of JACK SPRAT and his wife. AN OBVIOUS ILLUSTRATION. Scene. A Lunch Counter. Customer. Waiter, do you call this a milk toast ?why, theres no milk to be seen. W~-titer. Milk all gone into the toast, sir. Customer. But theres no toast to speak of. IVditer. Toast all gone into the milk ,sir. Customer. Ah, ha !theres an idea in that, by Jove. Ill go straight home and write a pamphlet upon the new theory of mutual absorption. Waiter. Yes, sir. Dont forget to mention the Kilkenny Cats, sir COUNT BISMARCKS AC- COUNT. BTSMARCKS insolence is really becoming dangerous. He can deny and contradict the statements made by other Counts, Ambassa- dors, Kings, or by himself, without its becoming a matter of sufficient importance to interest us. Such giving and taking the lie is a part of the business of persons of this kidney. But he has actually had the audacity to deny the truthful. ness of the report by RUSSELL to the Times of a conversation held between them. If this thing is not checked in the bud, he will next be denying his conversations with the Tribune special, as re- ported by that ubiquitous obser- ver. What will there be for the world to believe, if it loses faith in the truthfulness of the papers? A Coss. for the Vatican. Wnv i~ VICTOR EMMANUEL like a tomahawk? Because he is now said to be a tool in the hands of the Reds. TilE LOUDEST 0? SUNDAYS. SWELLS. The Swell of the Church organ. 71 C-. ENCOURAGING HOME MANUFACTURES. Young Patriot. GIM1%IE THREE CENTS WORTH 0 ChESTNUTS. Fenale Broker. D YER WANT ETETALIAN ONES? Y. P. No. DARN YERGIMME AMERICAN ONES.

OCT. 29, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO VIII. JACK SPRAT could eat no fat, His wife could eat no lean; And so between them both, They licked the platter clean. JACK SPILAT was a near neighbor to the Poet. He was a remarkably delicate man, cadaverous and thin. A dyspeptic, always ailing, he was a subject of pity for his friends, and of wonder to his acquaintances. But behold the eternal fitness of things. Providence blessed him with wife, his opposite in every respect. When extremes meet, a perfect whole is the result; and in this case it was a perfect marriage, fit to be sung by poets and embalmed in verse. ~ JACK SPRAT met SALLY STUBBS, at a husking party, she took his eye, and kept it. She filled his heart completely. A rosy-cheeked, buxom lass, healthy and hearty, dimples and dumplings combined, she captivated and carried, by sheer force of weight, the delicate soul of poor JACK. It was a case of latitude against longitude; strength against weak- ness, smiles against tears, laughter against groans. And so the poor fellow, feeling an unacknowledged desire to find some one able to sup- port and protect him, yielded to the advice of his friends and his own inclinations, and laid his attenuated hand, with his poor little heart in it, at the fat feet of fair SALLY STUBBS. He was smiled upon, broad-grinned upon, and accepted; and thereby rendered for the nonce the happiest of men. Tradition has it that the next day he actually ate a hearty dinner, and did not complain of his digestion immediately after. But this is considered doubtful by many. Fair S~u~Lv, overflowing with the milk of human kindness, and yeam- ing in her soul to bestow her attentions and corporosity upon JACKS attenuosity, urged matters onward, and the wedding day was fixed, the ring bought, and delicate Mr. SPIIAT was led to the altar like a sheep to the slaughter. Tremblingly he advanced up the aisle of the village church, leading his blushing and waddling bride, and took his place, looking like an excla- ination point alongside a parenthesis, before the black-robed Priest, who speedily put an end to Miss STunEs, and presented JACK with a female SPRAT. Mrs. SPRAT blushed like a full. blown ~5eony as JACK manfully and courageously saluted her upon one rosy cheek, in the presence of the assembled guests, and then, to cover her confusion, she giggled and shook hands energetically with the company, telling JACK to hold up his head and do the same, for it was coot eel fat, and he must try to be fashionable at his own wedding. The Bride carried off the honors manfully, and after the first few moments recovered from her em- barrassment, and appeared as much at ease as if getting married was an every-day affair, not worth minding. JACK couldnt get over it so readily, and his teeth chatter- ed till late in the night. But they stopped after a while ; 50 1 am told. We pass over the first few days devoted to honey-mooning, and look in upon theta as they sit at dinner. He with his greyhound and shc with her cat, both animals attentively watching each morsel that disappears from their longing gaze into the capacious mouth of master or mistress. Notice with what dexterity and generosity Mr. ~PRAT selects the fattest parts and skilfully conveys them to Madams plate, reserving the lean for him- self; occasionally throwing a bone to his dog, while the lady now and then bestows a fat bit upon Puss, who slowly licks her lips and winks for more. It is a cozy scene of quiet domestic bliss, and so continues till the platter is empty; when, both feeling satisfied for the time, they lean back in their respective chairs, and gaze complacently upon their pets, each other, and the empty dishes. Their wonderful congeniality and quiet happiness became the subject of wonder to their friends, and of comment and speculation to the vil- lage gossips. Her oleaginous and feather-bed-like disposition compelled peace, as oil upon the waves, and shed trouble as a duck sheds water. JACK and his complainings never troubled her; she merely laughed when he groaned, and offered to rub his back. But he, fearing the ponderosity of her hand, rarely submitted; his spinal column being delicate, he dared not risk it. Village gossips tell many little incidents connected with the married life of the twain, which would be invidious to mention here. Suffice it to say that they were considered fit subjects for the ever-ready pen of the Poet to seize upon and perpetuate in never-dying verse, for the benefit of posterity. That the Poet was right in his surmises, we have only to look around and ascertain how many learned people of all grades have treasured up in their memory, from infancy, the history of JACK SPRAT and his wife. AN OBVIOUS ILLUSTRATION. Scene. A Lunch Counter. Customer. Waiter, do you call this a milk toast ?why, theres no milk to be seen. W~-titer. Milk all gone into the toast, sir. Customer. But theres no toast to speak of. IVditer. Toast all gone into the milk ,sir. Customer. Ah, ha !theres an idea in that, by Jove. Ill go straight home and write a pamphlet upon the new theory of mutual absorption. Waiter. Yes, sir. Dont forget to mention the Kilkenny Cats, sir COUNT BISMARCKS AC- COUNT. BTSMARCKS insolence is really becoming dangerous. He can deny and contradict the statements made by other Counts, Ambassa- dors, Kings, or by himself, without its becoming a matter of sufficient importance to interest us. Such giving and taking the lie is a part of the business of persons of this kidney. But he has actually had the audacity to deny the truthful. ness of the report by RUSSELL to the Times of a conversation held between them. If this thing is not checked in the bud, he will next be denying his conversations with the Tribune special, as re- ported by that ubiquitous obser- ver. What will there be for the world to believe, if it loses faith in the truthfulness of the papers? A Coss. for the Vatican. Wnv i~ VICTOR EMMANUEL like a tomahawk? Because he is now said to be a tool in the hands of the Reds. TilE LOUDEST 0? SUNDAYS. SWELLS. The Swell of the Church organ. 71 C-. ENCOURAGING HOME MANUFACTURES. Young Patriot. GIM1%IE THREE CENTS WORTH 0 ChESTNUTS. Fenale Broker. D YER WANT ETETALIAN ONES? Y. P. No. DARN YERGIMME AMERICAN ONES. 72 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1870. . ~ THE PRIZE CALF S. L. WOODFORD, FATTENED BY MESSRS. GREELEY AND CURTIS FOR THE SPECIAL t- UIuOSli OF BEING CUT UP ON TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 8TH. DOST KNOW ME? (onposcd by our Spe~,iai Dangerous Lunatic in one of his Lucid Intervals. DOST know me? dost know me? was all the mtLiden said, As she streamed her golden tresses through the half-unkaeaden bread, While the sunset light came sheenin~ athwart the oaken floor, And the Headsman chanted his roundelay at the soul-beshriven door. Dost know me? dost know me? rang oer the heather wild, ,Thile the dew-drop lifted its golden head, and the hoary bull-frog smiled Yet every eye was dim with tears, as the shadow of Time replied, And the echo from over the moorland drear, In cloistered glory and voice of cheer, Silently welcomed the Bride. Dost know me? dost know me? and a soul from out the gloom Welcomed the rippling brooklet flowing past the tomb, Gilding the steeples, near and far, with a dusk and dimsome spleen, Tipping with crest of golden fire Each mighty C~sAns funeral pyre In its wealth of golden sheen. Dost know me? dost know me ? eftsoones the answer came From the lips of the lady with blonden hair like a wreath of golden flame As she lifted the light of her beauteous eyes to the questioning lips of the knight, And muttered those words of import dire, And flashed her eyes with a baleful fire Alas! did he hear aright? I know thee! I know thee! for thou art the Khouli Khan, And I am the Empress of Allahabad, or any other man, Then turtle soup may lift its crest oer the stars in the twilight dim, Ere I, an Empress of regions fair, With a halo of succulent blonden hair, Elope with a Khouli grim. Ah me! twas sad, and a gruesome night, when the maiden fair said, No! And gave response to the Knights demand in accents sweetly low. THE END. Gems more clear than this, no doubt, have oftentimes been seen, Yet methinks, at least, tis a poem clear As poems which every week appear In the IVctvertey3lagcezine. WELL SAID, OLD MOLE ! IN a newspaper description of Mr. GREELEY, published some years since, it was stated that he was born with a mole upon his left arm. This may ormay not be the case; but, judging from the persistence with which the great agriculturist advocates sub-soil ploughing, there can be no doubt whatever that he has mole on the brain. BLOOD AND THUNDER! PUNCHINELLO learns, without the least surprise, that Mr. YOUNG. BLOOD has retired in disgust from the management of the New York Free Press. It is further announced that the estimable publication referred to will henceforth be under the charge of Mr. OLDBLOOD, a blood relative of all the BADELOODS belonging to the JonN REAL Democracy. FALL WEATHER. THE subject of bringing down rain by the firing of a!tillery has again been revived, owing to the long droughts that have lately prevailed. What gives a color of feasibility to it, at present, is the fact that the Reign of LoLTrs NAPOLEON has lately been brought down by Prussian guns.

72 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1870. . ~ THE PRIZE CALF S. L. WOODFORD, FATTENED BY MESSRS. GREELEY AND CURTIS FOR THE SPECIAL t- UIuOSli OF BEING CUT UP ON TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 8TH. DOST KNOW ME? (onposcd by our Spe~,iai Dangerous Lunatic in one of his Lucid Intervals. DOST know me? dost know me? was all the mtLiden said, As she streamed her golden tresses through the half-unkaeaden bread, While the sunset light came sheenin~ athwart the oaken floor, And the Headsman chanted his roundelay at the soul-beshriven door. Dost know me? dost know me? rang oer the heather wild, ,Thile the dew-drop lifted its golden head, and the hoary bull-frog smiled Yet every eye was dim with tears, as the shadow of Time replied, And the echo from over the moorland drear, In cloistered glory and voice of cheer, Silently welcomed the Bride. Dost know me? dost know me? and a soul from out the gloom Welcomed the rippling brooklet flowing past the tomb, Gilding the steeples, near and far, with a dusk and dimsome spleen, Tipping with crest of golden fire Each mighty C~sAns funeral pyre In its wealth of golden sheen. Dost know me? dost know me ? eftsoones the answer came From the lips of the lady with blonden hair like a wreath of golden flame As she lifted the light of her beauteous eyes to the questioning lips of the knight, And muttered those words of import dire, And flashed her eyes with a baleful fire Alas! did he hear aright? I know thee! I know thee! for thou art the Khouli Khan, And I am the Empress of Allahabad, or any other man, Then turtle soup may lift its crest oer the stars in the twilight dim, Ere I, an Empress of regions fair, With a halo of succulent blonden hair, Elope with a Khouli grim. Ah me! twas sad, and a gruesome night, when the maiden fair said, No! And gave response to the Knights demand in accents sweetly low. THE END. Gems more clear than this, no doubt, have oftentimes been seen, Yet methinks, at least, tis a poem clear As poems which every week appear In the IVctvertey3lagcezine. WELL SAID, OLD MOLE ! IN a newspaper description of Mr. GREELEY, published some years since, it was stated that he was born with a mole upon his left arm. This may ormay not be the case; but, judging from the persistence with which the great agriculturist advocates sub-soil ploughing, there can be no doubt whatever that he has mole on the brain. BLOOD AND THUNDER! PUNCHINELLO learns, without the least surprise, that Mr. YOUNG. BLOOD has retired in disgust from the management of the New York Free Press. It is further announced that the estimable publication referred to will henceforth be under the charge of Mr. OLDBLOOD, a blood relative of all the BADELOODS belonging to the JonN REAL Democracy. FALL WEATHER. THE subject of bringing down rain by the firing of a!tillery has again been revived, owing to the long droughts that have lately prevailed. What gives a color of feasibility to it, at present, is the fact that the Reign of LoLTrs NAPOLEON has lately been brought down by Prussian guns.

72 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1870. . ~ THE PRIZE CALF S. L. WOODFORD, FATTENED BY MESSRS. GREELEY AND CURTIS FOR THE SPECIAL t- UIuOSli OF BEING CUT UP ON TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 8TH. DOST KNOW ME? (onposcd by our Spe~,iai Dangerous Lunatic in one of his Lucid Intervals. DOST know me? dost know me? was all the mtLiden said, As she streamed her golden tresses through the half-unkaeaden bread, While the sunset light came sheenin~ athwart the oaken floor, And the Headsman chanted his roundelay at the soul-beshriven door. Dost know me? dost know me? rang oer the heather wild, ,Thile the dew-drop lifted its golden head, and the hoary bull-frog smiled Yet every eye was dim with tears, as the shadow of Time replied, And the echo from over the moorland drear, In cloistered glory and voice of cheer, Silently welcomed the Bride. Dost know me? dost know me? and a soul from out the gloom Welcomed the rippling brooklet flowing past the tomb, Gilding the steeples, near and far, with a dusk and dimsome spleen, Tipping with crest of golden fire Each mighty C~sAns funeral pyre In its wealth of golden sheen. Dost know me? dost know me ? eftsoones the answer came From the lips of the lady with blonden hair like a wreath of golden flame As she lifted the light of her beauteous eyes to the questioning lips of the knight, And muttered those words of import dire, And flashed her eyes with a baleful fire Alas! did he hear aright? I know thee! I know thee! for thou art the Khouli Khan, And I am the Empress of Allahabad, or any other man, Then turtle soup may lift its crest oer the stars in the twilight dim, Ere I, an Empress of regions fair, With a halo of succulent blonden hair, Elope with a Khouli grim. Ah me! twas sad, and a gruesome night, when the maiden fair said, No! And gave response to the Knights demand in accents sweetly low. THE END. Gems more clear than this, no doubt, have oftentimes been seen, Yet methinks, at least, tis a poem clear As poems which every week appear In the IVctvertey3lagcezine. WELL SAID, OLD MOLE ! IN a newspaper description of Mr. GREELEY, published some years since, it was stated that he was born with a mole upon his left arm. This may ormay not be the case; but, judging from the persistence with which the great agriculturist advocates sub-soil ploughing, there can be no doubt whatever that he has mole on the brain. BLOOD AND THUNDER! PUNCHINELLO learns, without the least surprise, that Mr. YOUNG. BLOOD has retired in disgust from the management of the New York Free Press. It is further announced that the estimable publication referred to will henceforth be under the charge of Mr. OLDBLOOD, a blood relative of all the BADELOODS belonging to the JonN REAL Democracy. FALL WEATHER. THE subject of bringing down rain by the firing of a!tillery has again been revived, owing to the long droughts that have lately prevailed. What gives a color of feasibility to it, at present, is the fact that the Reign of LoLTrs NAPOLEON has lately been brought down by Prussian guns.

72 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1870. . ~ THE PRIZE CALF S. L. WOODFORD, FATTENED BY MESSRS. GREELEY AND CURTIS FOR THE SPECIAL t- UIuOSli OF BEING CUT UP ON TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 8TH. DOST KNOW ME? (onposcd by our Spe~,iai Dangerous Lunatic in one of his Lucid Intervals. DOST know me? dost know me? was all the mtLiden said, As she streamed her golden tresses through the half-unkaeaden bread, While the sunset light came sheenin~ athwart the oaken floor, And the Headsman chanted his roundelay at the soul-beshriven door. Dost know me? dost know me? rang oer the heather wild, ,Thile the dew-drop lifted its golden head, and the hoary bull-frog smiled Yet every eye was dim with tears, as the shadow of Time replied, And the echo from over the moorland drear, In cloistered glory and voice of cheer, Silently welcomed the Bride. Dost know me? dost know me? and a soul from out the gloom Welcomed the rippling brooklet flowing past the tomb, Gilding the steeples, near and far, with a dusk and dimsome spleen, Tipping with crest of golden fire Each mighty C~sAns funeral pyre In its wealth of golden sheen. Dost know me? dost know me ? eftsoones the answer came From the lips of the lady with blonden hair like a wreath of golden flame As she lifted the light of her beauteous eyes to the questioning lips of the knight, And muttered those words of import dire, And flashed her eyes with a baleful fire Alas! did he hear aright? I know thee! I know thee! for thou art the Khouli Khan, And I am the Empress of Allahabad, or any other man, Then turtle soup may lift its crest oer the stars in the twilight dim, Ere I, an Empress of regions fair, With a halo of succulent blonden hair, Elope with a Khouli grim. Ah me! twas sad, and a gruesome night, when the maiden fair said, No! And gave response to the Knights demand in accents sweetly low. THE END. Gems more clear than this, no doubt, have oftentimes been seen, Yet methinks, at least, tis a poem clear As poems which every week appear In the IVctvertey3lagcezine. WELL SAID, OLD MOLE ! IN a newspaper description of Mr. GREELEY, published some years since, it was stated that he was born with a mole upon his left arm. This may ormay not be the case; but, judging from the persistence with which the great agriculturist advocates sub-soil ploughing, there can be no doubt whatever that he has mole on the brain. BLOOD AND THUNDER! PUNCHINELLO learns, without the least surprise, that Mr. YOUNG. BLOOD has retired in disgust from the management of the New York Free Press. It is further announced that the estimable publication referred to will henceforth be under the charge of Mr. OLDBLOOD, a blood relative of all the BADELOODS belonging to the JonN REAL Democracy. FALL WEATHER. THE subject of bringing down rain by the firing of a!tillery has again been revived, owing to the long droughts that have lately prevailed. What gives a color of feasibility to it, at present, is the fact that the Reign of LoLTrs NAPOLEON has lately been brought down by Prussian guns.

72 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1870. . ~ THE PRIZE CALF S. L. WOODFORD, FATTENED BY MESSRS. GREELEY AND CURTIS FOR THE SPECIAL t- UIuOSli OF BEING CUT UP ON TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 8TH. DOST KNOW ME? (onposcd by our Spe~,iai Dangerous Lunatic in one of his Lucid Intervals. DOST know me? dost know me? was all the mtLiden said, As she streamed her golden tresses through the half-unkaeaden bread, While the sunset light came sheenin~ athwart the oaken floor, And the Headsman chanted his roundelay at the soul-beshriven door. Dost know me? dost know me? rang oer the heather wild, ,Thile the dew-drop lifted its golden head, and the hoary bull-frog smiled Yet every eye was dim with tears, as the shadow of Time replied, And the echo from over the moorland drear, In cloistered glory and voice of cheer, Silently welcomed the Bride. Dost know me? dost know me? and a soul from out the gloom Welcomed the rippling brooklet flowing past the tomb, Gilding the steeples, near and far, with a dusk and dimsome spleen, Tipping with crest of golden fire Each mighty C~sAns funeral pyre In its wealth of golden sheen. Dost know me? dost know me ? eftsoones the answer came From the lips of the lady with blonden hair like a wreath of golden flame As she lifted the light of her beauteous eyes to the questioning lips of the knight, And muttered those words of import dire, And flashed her eyes with a baleful fire Alas! did he hear aright? I know thee! I know thee! for thou art the Khouli Khan, And I am the Empress of Allahabad, or any other man, Then turtle soup may lift its crest oer the stars in the twilight dim, Ere I, an Empress of regions fair, With a halo of succulent blonden hair, Elope with a Khouli grim. Ah me! twas sad, and a gruesome night, when the maiden fair said, No! And gave response to the Knights demand in accents sweetly low. THE END. Gems more clear than this, no doubt, have oftentimes been seen, Yet methinks, at least, tis a poem clear As poems which every week appear In the IVctvertey3lagcezine. WELL SAID, OLD MOLE ! IN a newspaper description of Mr. GREELEY, published some years since, it was stated that he was born with a mole upon his left arm. This may ormay not be the case; but, judging from the persistence with which the great agriculturist advocates sub-soil ploughing, there can be no doubt whatever that he has mole on the brain. BLOOD AND THUNDER! PUNCHINELLO learns, without the least surprise, that Mr. YOUNG. BLOOD has retired in disgust from the management of the New York Free Press. It is further announced that the estimable publication referred to will henceforth be under the charge of Mr. OLDBLOOD, a blood relative of all the BADELOODS belonging to the JonN REAL Democracy. FALL WEATHER. THE subject of bringing down rain by the firing of a!tillery has again been revived, owing to the long droughts that have lately prevailed. What gives a color of feasibility to it, at present, is the fact that the Reign of LoLTrs NAPOLEON has lately been brought down by Prussian guns. OCT. 29, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 78 ( K 6~ II ~ K- -\ ~ ~ __ A SIGHT TOO BAD! Struggling Uuba. You MUST BE AWFULLY NEAR-SIGHTED, MR. PRESIDENT, NOT TO RECOGNIZE ME. U. S. U. No: I AM FAR-SIGHTED; FOR I CAN RECOGNIZE FRANCE. OCT. 29, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. HIRAM GREENS POLITICAL SENTIMENTS. Ills Reasons for Leaving his Party-A Catechism for Candidates. I IIAINT gilty of any stated polertix, as line aware of. For an old man, line heithy and sound as a nut on all public ques- tions~ I use to be an old line Whig, and was a pooty active thimble- rigger as long as it paid. But when that party refoosed to renominate me for the offis of Gustese of the Peece, like a thurar bred polertician, I shook em. Said I, standin ontop a sugar hogshead, at a primary meetin, which was bein held in SIMMINSEs grocery store Feller sitizens of the Whig party, Refoose to renominate good men for offisses, and you can pack your duds and git your carpet bags checkt for the next steamer goin up Salt River. Leave my name offn your ticket for another term of offis, and there wont be enuff left in your old politikie carciss to grease a flap-jack griddle with. In the words of MisterMisterSomebody, A word to the wise isis----enuff to make ahoss 1. tif. And here I say it, Mister PUNCHINELLO, I wasent nominated. Dident I smash things? Gess not! I norgarated a bolt which spread like pourin keroseen ile over a marble floor, and the next fall, Scovv & GRAhAM was nockt hiren the Himmely mountins, while the old Whig party shoveled off its mortil quarrel. Thus, as HORRIS GREELY, in his remarks on politikle Economy, says: Vengents, like a 2 tined pitchfork in the hands of Old Nick, will bust up any party which goes back onto its trusted leaders. Vengents is mine, says the disappinted offis seeker, and on Election day he ped- dles split tickets ontil the poles close. Standinas I do onnootral ground, I wish like JOHN BULL I could make my nootrality pay as well as J. B. does, by sellin stores to the Prooshians and the French. In castin my suferage this fall, I shall go Principals not men. A principal which is good for its little 7 per cent. intrest payable semi- annually, is what ales me. High-toned (?) principals, and not men Is whats the matter in this ere breast, The Lait Gustise his influence ~vill lend To him whose principal pays the hest. (Campane poickry.) I have prepared a serious of questions, which I propose to ask can- dydates who come sneakin around for my sufferage. Slcedyule of Interogertories. Whats your principals, and is the interest payable in gold or green- bax? If elected to offis, will you squander all your salary and retire poorer than a church mouse? or will you give such strict attention to your dooties as will enable you to salt down $100,000.00 per yeer from the enormous salary of $1500.00 ($ fifteen hundred)? Do you think, takin an iron clad oath has got anything to do with a sertin commandment which says, Thou shalt not steel? Are you a beleiver in E. CADY STANTONS revoolushinary idees, that woman is the coming man, and if so, how do you like it as fur as yoove got? Do you think THEODORE TILTON, ED STUDWELL, STEVE GRISWOLD, FRED DUGLIS, and SoosAN B. ANTHONY would make as good Presi- dents of the U. S. as man would? Is your wife one of them strong-minded critters, who believes that husbands had orter stay home and nuss the baby while she goes out and plays baseball? Will you fall onto a voters sholders, who eats garlix and onions, and shed tears as freely the day arter eleckshun as you will the nite before? Could you sing the Battle.cry of freedom so luvly, if it wasent for Unkle Sams Notes? Would you have any objections, if our National and Common Coun- sels, like that of Rome, should organize Economik-le Counsels? In the war on tother side of the pond, is your sympathies for Lager or Pea soup? If you want the German vote, dont you think it would be your po- litikle bier to get at lager-heads with the Prushians? Did you ever think before, that yourself and family, way back 15 or 20 generations in the grave, were such a lot of low-lived villylans as the opposition papers say you be? and haint it a mistery to you that you are allowed to go unhung? Did you commit the NATHAN murder? if so, why dident you call off your dorg? Do you know as much about farmin as HORRIS GREELY does? if so who told you? Are you a Fenian, Know-nothin, Mason, Anti-mason, Labor Reformer, Anti-labor Reformer, a Chineese cooler, Anti-Chineese cooler, and the wickedest man in N. Y.? Are you in favor of free trade, high tariff, free whiskey, whiskey tax, Jm FISK, MARETZEK, Tammany, the Young Democracy, Grand Army of the Republicans, GEO. F. TRAIN, MRS. CUNNINGHAM, and the Dl? In fact, like JOSEFF, have you got a cote of many cullers? Any candydate who can give affirmative ansers to the foregoin Cate- kism, and is willin to show his principals by bleedin freely, can get my vote, sure popp. Ewers trooly, & I haint afrade To jine the hread & butter brigade. HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peese. LAST WORDS OF EMINENT MEN. Selected by Sarsfieid Young. I DIE a true American WM. POOLE. Bury me where I fail BILLY BOWLEGS, and other military heroes. The die is Caste - T. W. ROBERTSON. Bury me where the woodbine twineth Col. JAMES FISK, Jr. Fools, od rot em HIGGINBOTTOM. Bury me in the Fall The Poet who would not die in Spring-time. Dont give up the ship! [the Secretary-ship.] CHAS. SUMNER to Sec. STANTON. Bury me where I fall back Gen. ONEILL, of the Fenian Army. Give me liberty, or give me death, with a decided preference for ANA STASIA Poor PILLIcODDY. Bury me in the Fails SAM PATCH. If any one dare haul down the American flagwait till you see the white of his eyes, thenshoot him on the spot.. C. L. YALLANDIGHAM. Let BROWN (or some other first-class sexton) bury me where I fall. Capt. KIDD. As I cannot lay my sword at the feet of my army, I die at the head of your Majesty. LOUIS NAPOLEON. A FREE TRADER. NOW gentlemen, of every kind Just step into my shop, And, as Im hard to pacify, Youd better bring a sop; Ill dress you up in any style For which you choose to call, But then, you must bring ready cash, Because I shines for alL Im always ready for a trade, No matter what its kind; Ill dress you up so very neat, If your bid suits my mind. If, when I ask the custom house He says, Give it I shant DAVIS and FISH I strike, because I does not shine for GRANT. Sometimes I send a little bill For goods they have not had, And if they do not pay at once Then I gets awful mad. Of public pap Im very fond, Id like to get it all, But, if they block my little game, I does not shine for HALL. rye lampooned every decent lnan, Who with me would not trade; I keep a little book account Of those who have not paid: So, if you dont enjoy free trade, Dont listen to my call; Ill give you good names for good pay, Because I shines for alL

OCT. 29, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. HIRAM GREENS POLITICAL SENTIMENTS. Ills Reasons for Leaving his Party-A Catechism for Candidates. I IIAINT gilty of any stated polertix, as line aware of. For an old man, line heithy and sound as a nut on all public ques- tions~ I use to be an old line Whig, and was a pooty active thimble- rigger as long as it paid. But when that party refoosed to renominate me for the offis of Gustese of the Peece, like a thurar bred polertician, I shook em. Said I, standin ontop a sugar hogshead, at a primary meetin, which was bein held in SIMMINSEs grocery store Feller sitizens of the Whig party, Refoose to renominate good men for offisses, and you can pack your duds and git your carpet bags checkt for the next steamer goin up Salt River. Leave my name offn your ticket for another term of offis, and there wont be enuff left in your old politikie carciss to grease a flap-jack griddle with. In the words of MisterMisterSomebody, A word to the wise isis----enuff to make ahoss 1. tif. And here I say it, Mister PUNCHINELLO, I wasent nominated. Dident I smash things? Gess not! I norgarated a bolt which spread like pourin keroseen ile over a marble floor, and the next fall, Scovv & GRAhAM was nockt hiren the Himmely mountins, while the old Whig party shoveled off its mortil quarrel. Thus, as HORRIS GREELY, in his remarks on politikle Economy, says: Vengents, like a 2 tined pitchfork in the hands of Old Nick, will bust up any party which goes back onto its trusted leaders. Vengents is mine, says the disappinted offis seeker, and on Election day he ped- dles split tickets ontil the poles close. Standinas I do onnootral ground, I wish like JOHN BULL I could make my nootrality pay as well as J. B. does, by sellin stores to the Prooshians and the French. In castin my suferage this fall, I shall go Principals not men. A principal which is good for its little 7 per cent. intrest payable semi- annually, is what ales me. High-toned (?) principals, and not men Is whats the matter in this ere breast, The Lait Gustise his influence ~vill lend To him whose principal pays the hest. (Campane poickry.) I have prepared a serious of questions, which I propose to ask can- dydates who come sneakin around for my sufferage. Slcedyule of Interogertories. Whats your principals, and is the interest payable in gold or green- bax? If elected to offis, will you squander all your salary and retire poorer than a church mouse? or will you give such strict attention to your dooties as will enable you to salt down $100,000.00 per yeer from the enormous salary of $1500.00 ($ fifteen hundred)? Do you think, takin an iron clad oath has got anything to do with a sertin commandment which says, Thou shalt not steel? Are you a beleiver in E. CADY STANTONS revoolushinary idees, that woman is the coming man, and if so, how do you like it as fur as yoove got? Do you think THEODORE TILTON, ED STUDWELL, STEVE GRISWOLD, FRED DUGLIS, and SoosAN B. ANTHONY would make as good Presi- dents of the U. S. as man would? Is your wife one of them strong-minded critters, who believes that husbands had orter stay home and nuss the baby while she goes out and plays baseball? Will you fall onto a voters sholders, who eats garlix and onions, and shed tears as freely the day arter eleckshun as you will the nite before? Could you sing the Battle.cry of freedom so luvly, if it wasent for Unkle Sams Notes? Would you have any objections, if our National and Common Coun- sels, like that of Rome, should organize Economik-le Counsels? In the war on tother side of the pond, is your sympathies for Lager or Pea soup? If you want the German vote, dont you think it would be your po- litikle bier to get at lager-heads with the Prushians? Did you ever think before, that yourself and family, way back 15 or 20 generations in the grave, were such a lot of low-lived villylans as the opposition papers say you be? and haint it a mistery to you that you are allowed to go unhung? Did you commit the NATHAN murder? if so, why dident you call off your dorg? Do you know as much about farmin as HORRIS GREELY does? if so who told you? Are you a Fenian, Know-nothin, Mason, Anti-mason, Labor Reformer, Anti-labor Reformer, a Chineese cooler, Anti-Chineese cooler, and the wickedest man in N. Y.? Are you in favor of free trade, high tariff, free whiskey, whiskey tax, Jm FISK, MARETZEK, Tammany, the Young Democracy, Grand Army of the Republicans, GEO. F. TRAIN, MRS. CUNNINGHAM, and the Dl? In fact, like JOSEFF, have you got a cote of many cullers? Any candydate who can give affirmative ansers to the foregoin Cate- kism, and is willin to show his principals by bleedin freely, can get my vote, sure popp. Ewers trooly, & I haint afrade To jine the hread & butter brigade. HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peese. LAST WORDS OF EMINENT MEN. Selected by Sarsfieid Young. I DIE a true American WM. POOLE. Bury me where I fail BILLY BOWLEGS, and other military heroes. The die is Caste - T. W. ROBERTSON. Bury me where the woodbine twineth Col. JAMES FISK, Jr. Fools, od rot em HIGGINBOTTOM. Bury me in the Fall The Poet who would not die in Spring-time. Dont give up the ship! [the Secretary-ship.] CHAS. SUMNER to Sec. STANTON. Bury me where I fall back Gen. ONEILL, of the Fenian Army. Give me liberty, or give me death, with a decided preference for ANA STASIA Poor PILLIcODDY. Bury me in the Fails SAM PATCH. If any one dare haul down the American flagwait till you see the white of his eyes, thenshoot him on the spot.. C. L. YALLANDIGHAM. Let BROWN (or some other first-class sexton) bury me where I fall. Capt. KIDD. As I cannot lay my sword at the feet of my army, I die at the head of your Majesty. LOUIS NAPOLEON. A FREE TRADER. NOW gentlemen, of every kind Just step into my shop, And, as Im hard to pacify, Youd better bring a sop; Ill dress you up in any style For which you choose to call, But then, you must bring ready cash, Because I shines for alL Im always ready for a trade, No matter what its kind; Ill dress you up so very neat, If your bid suits my mind. If, when I ask the custom house He says, Give it I shant DAVIS and FISH I strike, because I does not shine for GRANT. Sometimes I send a little bill For goods they have not had, And if they do not pay at once Then I gets awful mad. Of public pap Im very fond, Id like to get it all, But, if they block my little game, I does not shine for HALL. rye lampooned every decent lnan, Who with me would not trade; I keep a little book account Of those who have not paid: So, if you dont enjoy free trade, Dont listen to my call; Ill give you good names for good pay, Because I shines for alL

OCT. 29, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. HIRAM GREENS POLITICAL SENTIMENTS. Ills Reasons for Leaving his Party-A Catechism for Candidates. I IIAINT gilty of any stated polertix, as line aware of. For an old man, line heithy and sound as a nut on all public ques- tions~ I use to be an old line Whig, and was a pooty active thimble- rigger as long as it paid. But when that party refoosed to renominate me for the offis of Gustese of the Peece, like a thurar bred polertician, I shook em. Said I, standin ontop a sugar hogshead, at a primary meetin, which was bein held in SIMMINSEs grocery store Feller sitizens of the Whig party, Refoose to renominate good men for offisses, and you can pack your duds and git your carpet bags checkt for the next steamer goin up Salt River. Leave my name offn your ticket for another term of offis, and there wont be enuff left in your old politikie carciss to grease a flap-jack griddle with. In the words of MisterMisterSomebody, A word to the wise isis----enuff to make ahoss 1. tif. And here I say it, Mister PUNCHINELLO, I wasent nominated. Dident I smash things? Gess not! I norgarated a bolt which spread like pourin keroseen ile over a marble floor, and the next fall, Scovv & GRAhAM was nockt hiren the Himmely mountins, while the old Whig party shoveled off its mortil quarrel. Thus, as HORRIS GREELY, in his remarks on politikle Economy, says: Vengents, like a 2 tined pitchfork in the hands of Old Nick, will bust up any party which goes back onto its trusted leaders. Vengents is mine, says the disappinted offis seeker, and on Election day he ped- dles split tickets ontil the poles close. Standinas I do onnootral ground, I wish like JOHN BULL I could make my nootrality pay as well as J. B. does, by sellin stores to the Prooshians and the French. In castin my suferage this fall, I shall go Principals not men. A principal which is good for its little 7 per cent. intrest payable semi- annually, is what ales me. High-toned (?) principals, and not men Is whats the matter in this ere breast, The Lait Gustise his influence ~vill lend To him whose principal pays the hest. (Campane poickry.) I have prepared a serious of questions, which I propose to ask can- dydates who come sneakin around for my sufferage. Slcedyule of Interogertories. Whats your principals, and is the interest payable in gold or green- bax? If elected to offis, will you squander all your salary and retire poorer than a church mouse? or will you give such strict attention to your dooties as will enable you to salt down $100,000.00 per yeer from the enormous salary of $1500.00 ($ fifteen hundred)? Do you think, takin an iron clad oath has got anything to do with a sertin commandment which says, Thou shalt not steel? Are you a beleiver in E. CADY STANTONS revoolushinary idees, that woman is the coming man, and if so, how do you like it as fur as yoove got? Do you think THEODORE TILTON, ED STUDWELL, STEVE GRISWOLD, FRED DUGLIS, and SoosAN B. ANTHONY would make as good Presi- dents of the U. S. as man would? Is your wife one of them strong-minded critters, who believes that husbands had orter stay home and nuss the baby while she goes out and plays baseball? Will you fall onto a voters sholders, who eats garlix and onions, and shed tears as freely the day arter eleckshun as you will the nite before? Could you sing the Battle.cry of freedom so luvly, if it wasent for Unkle Sams Notes? Would you have any objections, if our National and Common Coun- sels, like that of Rome, should organize Economik-le Counsels? In the war on tother side of the pond, is your sympathies for Lager or Pea soup? If you want the German vote, dont you think it would be your po- litikle bier to get at lager-heads with the Prushians? Did you ever think before, that yourself and family, way back 15 or 20 generations in the grave, were such a lot of low-lived villylans as the opposition papers say you be? and haint it a mistery to you that you are allowed to go unhung? Did you commit the NATHAN murder? if so, why dident you call off your dorg? Do you know as much about farmin as HORRIS GREELY does? if so who told you? Are you a Fenian, Know-nothin, Mason, Anti-mason, Labor Reformer, Anti-labor Reformer, a Chineese cooler, Anti-Chineese cooler, and the wickedest man in N. Y.? Are you in favor of free trade, high tariff, free whiskey, whiskey tax, Jm FISK, MARETZEK, Tammany, the Young Democracy, Grand Army of the Republicans, GEO. F. TRAIN, MRS. CUNNINGHAM, and the Dl? In fact, like JOSEFF, have you got a cote of many cullers? Any candydate who can give affirmative ansers to the foregoin Cate- kism, and is willin to show his principals by bleedin freely, can get my vote, sure popp. Ewers trooly, & I haint afrade To jine the hread & butter brigade. HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peese. LAST WORDS OF EMINENT MEN. Selected by Sarsfieid Young. I DIE a true American WM. POOLE. Bury me where I fail BILLY BOWLEGS, and other military heroes. The die is Caste - T. W. ROBERTSON. Bury me where the woodbine twineth Col. JAMES FISK, Jr. Fools, od rot em HIGGINBOTTOM. Bury me in the Fall The Poet who would not die in Spring-time. Dont give up the ship! [the Secretary-ship.] CHAS. SUMNER to Sec. STANTON. Bury me where I fall back Gen. ONEILL, of the Fenian Army. Give me liberty, or give me death, with a decided preference for ANA STASIA Poor PILLIcODDY. Bury me in the Fails SAM PATCH. If any one dare haul down the American flagwait till you see the white of his eyes, thenshoot him on the spot.. C. L. YALLANDIGHAM. Let BROWN (or some other first-class sexton) bury me where I fall. Capt. KIDD. As I cannot lay my sword at the feet of my army, I die at the head of your Majesty. LOUIS NAPOLEON. A FREE TRADER. NOW gentlemen, of every kind Just step into my shop, And, as Im hard to pacify, Youd better bring a sop; Ill dress you up in any style For which you choose to call, But then, you must bring ready cash, Because I shines for alL Im always ready for a trade, No matter what its kind; Ill dress you up so very neat, If your bid suits my mind. If, when I ask the custom house He says, Give it I shant DAVIS and FISH I strike, because I does not shine for GRANT. Sometimes I send a little bill For goods they have not had, And if they do not pay at once Then I gets awful mad. Of public pap Im very fond, Id like to get it all, But, if they block my little game, I does not shine for HALL. rye lampooned every decent lnan, Who with me would not trade; I keep a little book account Of those who have not paid: So, if you dont enjoy free trade, Dont listen to my call; Ill give you good names for good pay, Because I shines for alL

OCT. 29, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. HIRAM GREENS POLITICAL SENTIMENTS. Ills Reasons for Leaving his Party-A Catechism for Candidates. I IIAINT gilty of any stated polertix, as line aware of. For an old man, line heithy and sound as a nut on all public ques- tions~ I use to be an old line Whig, and was a pooty active thimble- rigger as long as it paid. But when that party refoosed to renominate me for the offis of Gustese of the Peece, like a thurar bred polertician, I shook em. Said I, standin ontop a sugar hogshead, at a primary meetin, which was bein held in SIMMINSEs grocery store Feller sitizens of the Whig party, Refoose to renominate good men for offisses, and you can pack your duds and git your carpet bags checkt for the next steamer goin up Salt River. Leave my name offn your ticket for another term of offis, and there wont be enuff left in your old politikie carciss to grease a flap-jack griddle with. In the words of MisterMisterSomebody, A word to the wise isis----enuff to make ahoss 1. tif. And here I say it, Mister PUNCHINELLO, I wasent nominated. Dident I smash things? Gess not! I norgarated a bolt which spread like pourin keroseen ile over a marble floor, and the next fall, Scovv & GRAhAM was nockt hiren the Himmely mountins, while the old Whig party shoveled off its mortil quarrel. Thus, as HORRIS GREELY, in his remarks on politikle Economy, says: Vengents, like a 2 tined pitchfork in the hands of Old Nick, will bust up any party which goes back onto its trusted leaders. Vengents is mine, says the disappinted offis seeker, and on Election day he ped- dles split tickets ontil the poles close. Standinas I do onnootral ground, I wish like JOHN BULL I could make my nootrality pay as well as J. B. does, by sellin stores to the Prooshians and the French. In castin my suferage this fall, I shall go Principals not men. A principal which is good for its little 7 per cent. intrest payable semi- annually, is what ales me. High-toned (?) principals, and not men Is whats the matter in this ere breast, The Lait Gustise his influence ~vill lend To him whose principal pays the hest. (Campane poickry.) I have prepared a serious of questions, which I propose to ask can- dydates who come sneakin around for my sufferage. Slcedyule of Interogertories. Whats your principals, and is the interest payable in gold or green- bax? If elected to offis, will you squander all your salary and retire poorer than a church mouse? or will you give such strict attention to your dooties as will enable you to salt down $100,000.00 per yeer from the enormous salary of $1500.00 ($ fifteen hundred)? Do you think, takin an iron clad oath has got anything to do with a sertin commandment which says, Thou shalt not steel? Are you a beleiver in E. CADY STANTONS revoolushinary idees, that woman is the coming man, and if so, how do you like it as fur as yoove got? Do you think THEODORE TILTON, ED STUDWELL, STEVE GRISWOLD, FRED DUGLIS, and SoosAN B. ANTHONY would make as good Presi- dents of the U. S. as man would? Is your wife one of them strong-minded critters, who believes that husbands had orter stay home and nuss the baby while she goes out and plays baseball? Will you fall onto a voters sholders, who eats garlix and onions, and shed tears as freely the day arter eleckshun as you will the nite before? Could you sing the Battle.cry of freedom so luvly, if it wasent for Unkle Sams Notes? Would you have any objections, if our National and Common Coun- sels, like that of Rome, should organize Economik-le Counsels? In the war on tother side of the pond, is your sympathies for Lager or Pea soup? If you want the German vote, dont you think it would be your po- litikle bier to get at lager-heads with the Prushians? Did you ever think before, that yourself and family, way back 15 or 20 generations in the grave, were such a lot of low-lived villylans as the opposition papers say you be? and haint it a mistery to you that you are allowed to go unhung? Did you commit the NATHAN murder? if so, why dident you call off your dorg? Do you know as much about farmin as HORRIS GREELY does? if so who told you? Are you a Fenian, Know-nothin, Mason, Anti-mason, Labor Reformer, Anti-labor Reformer, a Chineese cooler, Anti-Chineese cooler, and the wickedest man in N. Y.? Are you in favor of free trade, high tariff, free whiskey, whiskey tax, Jm FISK, MARETZEK, Tammany, the Young Democracy, Grand Army of the Republicans, GEO. F. TRAIN, MRS. CUNNINGHAM, and the Dl? In fact, like JOSEFF, have you got a cote of many cullers? Any candydate who can give affirmative ansers to the foregoin Cate- kism, and is willin to show his principals by bleedin freely, can get my vote, sure popp. Ewers trooly, & I haint afrade To jine the hread & butter brigade. HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peese. LAST WORDS OF EMINENT MEN. Selected by Sarsfieid Young. I DIE a true American WM. POOLE. Bury me where I fail BILLY BOWLEGS, and other military heroes. The die is Caste - T. W. ROBERTSON. Bury me where the woodbine twineth Col. JAMES FISK, Jr. Fools, od rot em HIGGINBOTTOM. Bury me in the Fall The Poet who would not die in Spring-time. Dont give up the ship! [the Secretary-ship.] CHAS. SUMNER to Sec. STANTON. Bury me where I fall back Gen. ONEILL, of the Fenian Army. Give me liberty, or give me death, with a decided preference for ANA STASIA Poor PILLIcODDY. Bury me in the Fails SAM PATCH. If any one dare haul down the American flagwait till you see the white of his eyes, thenshoot him on the spot.. C. L. YALLANDIGHAM. Let BROWN (or some other first-class sexton) bury me where I fall. Capt. KIDD. As I cannot lay my sword at the feet of my army, I die at the head of your Majesty. LOUIS NAPOLEON. A FREE TRADER. NOW gentlemen, of every kind Just step into my shop, And, as Im hard to pacify, Youd better bring a sop; Ill dress you up in any style For which you choose to call, But then, you must bring ready cash, Because I shines for alL Im always ready for a trade, No matter what its kind; Ill dress you up so very neat, If your bid suits my mind. If, when I ask the custom house He says, Give it I shant DAVIS and FISH I strike, because I does not shine for GRANT. Sometimes I send a little bill For goods they have not had, And if they do not pay at once Then I gets awful mad. Of public pap Im very fond, Id like to get it all, But, if they block my little game, I does not shine for HALL. rye lampooned every decent lnan, Who with me would not trade; I keep a little book account Of those who have not paid: So, if you dont enjoy free trade, Dont listen to my call; Ill give you good names for good pay, Because I shines for alL 76 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 18~O. THE MEDICAL CONFIDENCE GAME. MR. PUNCHINELLO has lately received a medical publication, in which there are some editorial remarks concerning the relations be- tween physicians and their paticnts.. The latter are exhorted to place all confidence in their medical advisers, for, othe~vise, there can be no harmonious action between them. This is all very well, and Mr. PUNcHIRELLO thinks that if anything in this world should be the sub- ject of sacred confidences, it should be.the revelations of the sick-room. But, after reading the reports of the various cases which are detailed in this publication, his faith in the advisability of confiding in ones doctor was somewhat shaken. For instance, when he read that Miss ANNA P , aged 25, of blonde complexion and apparent good health, residing near Jefferson avenue and Sixty-eighth street, had bcen subject for years to convolutions of the cerebral hemispheres, and had been obliged at various times to submit to partial amputations of horn-like excrescences on the divisions of her manual extremities, Mr. PUNCHINE~LO was of opinion that this young-lady, who could be easily recognized from the hints (?) of her name and residence, might possibly object to the announcement to all her friends and acquaint- ances, that she had cerebral hemispheres, and still more to the fact that they were convoluted. But this dreadful truth is published, un- der the merest film of concealment of her identity, to the whole world, and her physical condition and subsequent surgical treatment may be town-talk for the rest of her life. Where is the sacred confidence here? There are dozens of similar cases in the publication referred to, and medical journals are, in general, full of them. Will it therefore be wondered at if we dont want all the world to know, every time we call in a doctor, that we may have a paren- chyma of the lung, or a sub-conjunctival cellular tissue, that we will begin some day to insist as much upon medical honor as medical ability? Mr. PUNCHINELLO thinks not. FIAT LUX. Wu learn that our Third Assistant Postmaster-General has been indis- posed for some days, owing to his excessive labor in breaking envelope contracts. Why does the Postmaster-General allow his subordinates thus to overwork themselves? We wish he would shed a REAY of light on the subject. SCIENCE AND ENDURANCE. WHEN people undertakeanything in the cause of Science, or indeed in any other cause, they might as well do their best while they have a chance. This is an axiom of social economy which is presented, gratis, to the world. Now, the three scientific men who intend passing the winter on the topof Mount Washington, might certainly find some other mauner of spending the cold months in the interests of science which would be much more difficult and disagreeable. They expect to be snowed up at the Tip-top House, from December until March, and will spend their time in a room lined with felt, where they will burn twenty tons of coal during their sojourn. Almost any one could do all this. If the scientific gen. tlemen in question desire to undergo some really notable hardships there are plenty of deep lakes in New York, at the bottom of which they might spend the winter in a diving-bell. They would probably be frozen in until March, and they would find it much more difficult to use their in- struments, and everything far more disagreeable, generally, than in a large room in the Tip-top House. But if they would prefer something still more arduous, let them ride day and night, from December until March, in the Third Avenue cars of this city. If they were to do this, and confine their scientific labors to observations of the decidedly mean altitude of the Sun, they would proba- bly suffer more, in a given time, than any previous party of learned men, and thus accomplish their object much better than by deliberately allowing themselves to be snowed up on Mount Washington. A SURPRISING PROPHECY. YEARS ago Mr. PUNCHINELLO had a very old grand. father, and he well remembers that on the inside of the lid of a certain horse-hair trunk, the property of that estima- ble old man, was pasted a bit of poetical prophecy, the words of which embedded themselves, like the hot letters of a branding-iron on the tender skin of Mr. PUNCHINELLOS mind. The following is the pro. phecy: Add seventy-four and (52, And forty and 900 too~ Then, if to this sum you place Seven hundred and an ace, You will surely Sod the year When they ought to disappear Both a Certain Holy Un And the last NAPOLEON. And darkness ~vill come wholly on The Sun. Bay, nathcless, will glow Down in the regions far below. Now this is certainly a very astounding prophecy. If the numbers mentioned at the beginning of the oracular ditty be added together with- out using the ace, they make the year 1770. Now the value of an ace in Seven-up (and seven is the uppermost word in the line in which our ace occurs) is four. So four, added to the former sum, makes the year 1780. But even the first NAPOLEON had not made his appearance in this year, and so it would seem there must be a mistake somewhere. But such is not the case. If; after the manner of the regular prophecy- makers, we treat this sum according to the rule of probabilities, we shall see that, if seventeen-eighty will not work prophecy, we must reverse the year and call it eighteen-seventy. This hits the mark exactly, and makes us tremble at the prophetic power of some of those old delvers in the mines of dark prediction. For now we see plainly that not ouly the Pope and the ex-Emperor of France will probably disappear this year from the scenes of their glory, but that the Sun, over which a certain dirty mistiness has been stealing for some time past, will be entirely shrouded in the blackness of ruin. The lines Bay, natheless, will glow Down in the regions far below, doubtless refer to DANA the less, who, when his sheet is utterly over- whelmed in its self-made oblivion, will deserve, and probably obtain, all the brightness and warmth to which the verse refers. Placing this astounding prediction by the side of the amazing events of the present year, it is impossible for Mr. PUNCHINELLO to repress his feelings of wonder and awe! WHEN YOU GO TO TIIP~ THEATRE, IT IS PLEA5ANT TO HAVE TIlE LITTLE BOY OF A RUSTIC COUPLE PERSIST IN FEEDING YOU WITh GINGERBREAD AND ORANGE-PEEL, AND, IF YOU lIEQUEST TILE LITTLE WRETCh TO KEEP STILL, TO BE TOLD BY HIS PARENTS TIIAT YOU ARE PUTTING ON AIRS.

76 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 18~O. THE MEDICAL CONFIDENCE GAME. MR. PUNCHINELLO has lately received a medical publication, in which there are some editorial remarks concerning the relations be- tween physicians and their paticnts.. The latter are exhorted to place all confidence in their medical advisers, for, othe~vise, there can be no harmonious action between them. This is all very well, and Mr. PUNcHIRELLO thinks that if anything in this world should be the sub- ject of sacred confidences, it should be.the revelations of the sick-room. But, after reading the reports of the various cases which are detailed in this publication, his faith in the advisability of confiding in ones doctor was somewhat shaken. For instance, when he read that Miss ANNA P , aged 25, of blonde complexion and apparent good health, residing near Jefferson avenue and Sixty-eighth street, had bcen subject for years to convolutions of the cerebral hemispheres, and had been obliged at various times to submit to partial amputations of horn-like excrescences on the divisions of her manual extremities, Mr. PUNCHINE~LO was of opinion that this young-lady, who could be easily recognized from the hints (?) of her name and residence, might possibly object to the announcement to all her friends and acquaint- ances, that she had cerebral hemispheres, and still more to the fact that they were convoluted. But this dreadful truth is published, un- der the merest film of concealment of her identity, to the whole world, and her physical condition and subsequent surgical treatment may be town-talk for the rest of her life. Where is the sacred confidence here? There are dozens of similar cases in the publication referred to, and medical journals are, in general, full of them. Will it therefore be wondered at if we dont want all the world to know, every time we call in a doctor, that we may have a paren- chyma of the lung, or a sub-conjunctival cellular tissue, that we will begin some day to insist as much upon medical honor as medical ability? Mr. PUNCHINELLO thinks not. FIAT LUX. Wu learn that our Third Assistant Postmaster-General has been indis- posed for some days, owing to his excessive labor in breaking envelope contracts. Why does the Postmaster-General allow his subordinates thus to overwork themselves? We wish he would shed a REAY of light on the subject. SCIENCE AND ENDURANCE. WHEN people undertakeanything in the cause of Science, or indeed in any other cause, they might as well do their best while they have a chance. This is an axiom of social economy which is presented, gratis, to the world. Now, the three scientific men who intend passing the winter on the topof Mount Washington, might certainly find some other mauner of spending the cold months in the interests of science which would be much more difficult and disagreeable. They expect to be snowed up at the Tip-top House, from December until March, and will spend their time in a room lined with felt, where they will burn twenty tons of coal during their sojourn. Almost any one could do all this. If the scientific gen. tlemen in question desire to undergo some really notable hardships there are plenty of deep lakes in New York, at the bottom of which they might spend the winter in a diving-bell. They would probably be frozen in until March, and they would find it much more difficult to use their in- struments, and everything far more disagreeable, generally, than in a large room in the Tip-top House. But if they would prefer something still more arduous, let them ride day and night, from December until March, in the Third Avenue cars of this city. If they were to do this, and confine their scientific labors to observations of the decidedly mean altitude of the Sun, they would proba- bly suffer more, in a given time, than any previous party of learned men, and thus accomplish their object much better than by deliberately allowing themselves to be snowed up on Mount Washington. A SURPRISING PROPHECY. YEARS ago Mr. PUNCHINELLO had a very old grand. father, and he well remembers that on the inside of the lid of a certain horse-hair trunk, the property of that estima- ble old man, was pasted a bit of poetical prophecy, the words of which embedded themselves, like the hot letters of a branding-iron on the tender skin of Mr. PUNCHINELLOS mind. The following is the pro. phecy: Add seventy-four and (52, And forty and 900 too~ Then, if to this sum you place Seven hundred and an ace, You will surely Sod the year When they ought to disappear Both a Certain Holy Un And the last NAPOLEON. And darkness ~vill come wholly on The Sun. Bay, nathcless, will glow Down in the regions far below. Now this is certainly a very astounding prophecy. If the numbers mentioned at the beginning of the oracular ditty be added together with- out using the ace, they make the year 1770. Now the value of an ace in Seven-up (and seven is the uppermost word in the line in which our ace occurs) is four. So four, added to the former sum, makes the year 1780. But even the first NAPOLEON had not made his appearance in this year, and so it would seem there must be a mistake somewhere. But such is not the case. If; after the manner of the regular prophecy- makers, we treat this sum according to the rule of probabilities, we shall see that, if seventeen-eighty will not work prophecy, we must reverse the year and call it eighteen-seventy. This hits the mark exactly, and makes us tremble at the prophetic power of some of those old delvers in the mines of dark prediction. For now we see plainly that not ouly the Pope and the ex-Emperor of France will probably disappear this year from the scenes of their glory, but that the Sun, over which a certain dirty mistiness has been stealing for some time past, will be entirely shrouded in the blackness of ruin. The lines Bay, natheless, will glow Down in the regions far below, doubtless refer to DANA the less, who, when his sheet is utterly over- whelmed in its self-made oblivion, will deserve, and probably obtain, all the brightness and warmth to which the verse refers. Placing this astounding prediction by the side of the amazing events of the present year, it is impossible for Mr. PUNCHINELLO to repress his feelings of wonder and awe! WHEN YOU GO TO TIIP~ THEATRE, IT IS PLEA5ANT TO HAVE TIlE LITTLE BOY OF A RUSTIC COUPLE PERSIST IN FEEDING YOU WITh GINGERBREAD AND ORANGE-PEEL, AND, IF YOU lIEQUEST TILE LITTLE WRETCh TO KEEP STILL, TO BE TOLD BY HIS PARENTS TIIAT YOU ARE PUTTING ON AIRS.

76 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 18~O. THE MEDICAL CONFIDENCE GAME. MR. PUNCHINELLO has lately received a medical publication, in which there are some editorial remarks concerning the relations be- tween physicians and their paticnts.. The latter are exhorted to place all confidence in their medical advisers, for, othe~vise, there can be no harmonious action between them. This is all very well, and Mr. PUNcHIRELLO thinks that if anything in this world should be the sub- ject of sacred confidences, it should be.the revelations of the sick-room. But, after reading the reports of the various cases which are detailed in this publication, his faith in the advisability of confiding in ones doctor was somewhat shaken. For instance, when he read that Miss ANNA P , aged 25, of blonde complexion and apparent good health, residing near Jefferson avenue and Sixty-eighth street, had bcen subject for years to convolutions of the cerebral hemispheres, and had been obliged at various times to submit to partial amputations of horn-like excrescences on the divisions of her manual extremities, Mr. PUNCHINE~LO was of opinion that this young-lady, who could be easily recognized from the hints (?) of her name and residence, might possibly object to the announcement to all her friends and acquaint- ances, that she had cerebral hemispheres, and still more to the fact that they were convoluted. But this dreadful truth is published, un- der the merest film of concealment of her identity, to the whole world, and her physical condition and subsequent surgical treatment may be town-talk for the rest of her life. Where is the sacred confidence here? There are dozens of similar cases in the publication referred to, and medical journals are, in general, full of them. Will it therefore be wondered at if we dont want all the world to know, every time we call in a doctor, that we may have a paren- chyma of the lung, or a sub-conjunctival cellular tissue, that we will begin some day to insist as much upon medical honor as medical ability? Mr. PUNCHINELLO thinks not. FIAT LUX. Wu learn that our Third Assistant Postmaster-General has been indis- posed for some days, owing to his excessive labor in breaking envelope contracts. Why does the Postmaster-General allow his subordinates thus to overwork themselves? We wish he would shed a REAY of light on the subject. SCIENCE AND ENDURANCE. WHEN people undertakeanything in the cause of Science, or indeed in any other cause, they might as well do their best while they have a chance. This is an axiom of social economy which is presented, gratis, to the world. Now, the three scientific men who intend passing the winter on the topof Mount Washington, might certainly find some other mauner of spending the cold months in the interests of science which would be much more difficult and disagreeable. They expect to be snowed up at the Tip-top House, from December until March, and will spend their time in a room lined with felt, where they will burn twenty tons of coal during their sojourn. Almost any one could do all this. If the scientific gen. tlemen in question desire to undergo some really notable hardships there are plenty of deep lakes in New York, at the bottom of which they might spend the winter in a diving-bell. They would probably be frozen in until March, and they would find it much more difficult to use their in- struments, and everything far more disagreeable, generally, than in a large room in the Tip-top House. But if they would prefer something still more arduous, let them ride day and night, from December until March, in the Third Avenue cars of this city. If they were to do this, and confine their scientific labors to observations of the decidedly mean altitude of the Sun, they would proba- bly suffer more, in a given time, than any previous party of learned men, and thus accomplish their object much better than by deliberately allowing themselves to be snowed up on Mount Washington. A SURPRISING PROPHECY. YEARS ago Mr. PUNCHINELLO had a very old grand. father, and he well remembers that on the inside of the lid of a certain horse-hair trunk, the property of that estima- ble old man, was pasted a bit of poetical prophecy, the words of which embedded themselves, like the hot letters of a branding-iron on the tender skin of Mr. PUNCHINELLOS mind. The following is the pro. phecy: Add seventy-four and (52, And forty and 900 too~ Then, if to this sum you place Seven hundred and an ace, You will surely Sod the year When they ought to disappear Both a Certain Holy Un And the last NAPOLEON. And darkness ~vill come wholly on The Sun. Bay, nathcless, will glow Down in the regions far below. Now this is certainly a very astounding prophecy. If the numbers mentioned at the beginning of the oracular ditty be added together with- out using the ace, they make the year 1770. Now the value of an ace in Seven-up (and seven is the uppermost word in the line in which our ace occurs) is four. So four, added to the former sum, makes the year 1780. But even the first NAPOLEON had not made his appearance in this year, and so it would seem there must be a mistake somewhere. But such is not the case. If; after the manner of the regular prophecy- makers, we treat this sum according to the rule of probabilities, we shall see that, if seventeen-eighty will not work prophecy, we must reverse the year and call it eighteen-seventy. This hits the mark exactly, and makes us tremble at the prophetic power of some of those old delvers in the mines of dark prediction. For now we see plainly that not ouly the Pope and the ex-Emperor of France will probably disappear this year from the scenes of their glory, but that the Sun, over which a certain dirty mistiness has been stealing for some time past, will be entirely shrouded in the blackness of ruin. The lines Bay, natheless, will glow Down in the regions far below, doubtless refer to DANA the less, who, when his sheet is utterly over- whelmed in its self-made oblivion, will deserve, and probably obtain, all the brightness and warmth to which the verse refers. Placing this astounding prediction by the side of the amazing events of the present year, it is impossible for Mr. PUNCHINELLO to repress his feelings of wonder and awe! WHEN YOU GO TO TIIP~ THEATRE, IT IS PLEA5ANT TO HAVE TIlE LITTLE BOY OF A RUSTIC COUPLE PERSIST IN FEEDING YOU WITh GINGERBREAD AND ORANGE-PEEL, AND, IF YOU lIEQUEST TILE LITTLE WRETCh TO KEEP STILL, TO BE TOLD BY HIS PARENTS TIIAT YOU ARE PUTTING ON AIRS.

76 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 18~O. THE MEDICAL CONFIDENCE GAME. MR. PUNCHINELLO has lately received a medical publication, in which there are some editorial remarks concerning the relations be- tween physicians and their paticnts.. The latter are exhorted to place all confidence in their medical advisers, for, othe~vise, there can be no harmonious action between them. This is all very well, and Mr. PUNcHIRELLO thinks that if anything in this world should be the sub- ject of sacred confidences, it should be.the revelations of the sick-room. But, after reading the reports of the various cases which are detailed in this publication, his faith in the advisability of confiding in ones doctor was somewhat shaken. For instance, when he read that Miss ANNA P , aged 25, of blonde complexion and apparent good health, residing near Jefferson avenue and Sixty-eighth street, had bcen subject for years to convolutions of the cerebral hemispheres, and had been obliged at various times to submit to partial amputations of horn-like excrescences on the divisions of her manual extremities, Mr. PUNCHINE~LO was of opinion that this young-lady, who could be easily recognized from the hints (?) of her name and residence, might possibly object to the announcement to all her friends and acquaint- ances, that she had cerebral hemispheres, and still more to the fact that they were convoluted. But this dreadful truth is published, un- der the merest film of concealment of her identity, to the whole world, and her physical condition and subsequent surgical treatment may be town-talk for the rest of her life. Where is the sacred confidence here? There are dozens of similar cases in the publication referred to, and medical journals are, in general, full of them. Will it therefore be wondered at if we dont want all the world to know, every time we call in a doctor, that we may have a paren- chyma of the lung, or a sub-conjunctival cellular tissue, that we will begin some day to insist as much upon medical honor as medical ability? Mr. PUNCHINELLO thinks not. FIAT LUX. Wu learn that our Third Assistant Postmaster-General has been indis- posed for some days, owing to his excessive labor in breaking envelope contracts. Why does the Postmaster-General allow his subordinates thus to overwork themselves? We wish he would shed a REAY of light on the subject. SCIENCE AND ENDURANCE. WHEN people undertakeanything in the cause of Science, or indeed in any other cause, they might as well do their best while they have a chance. This is an axiom of social economy which is presented, gratis, to the world. Now, the three scientific men who intend passing the winter on the topof Mount Washington, might certainly find some other mauner of spending the cold months in the interests of science which would be much more difficult and disagreeable. They expect to be snowed up at the Tip-top House, from December until March, and will spend their time in a room lined with felt, where they will burn twenty tons of coal during their sojourn. Almost any one could do all this. If the scientific gen. tlemen in question desire to undergo some really notable hardships there are plenty of deep lakes in New York, at the bottom of which they might spend the winter in a diving-bell. They would probably be frozen in until March, and they would find it much more difficult to use their in- struments, and everything far more disagreeable, generally, than in a large room in the Tip-top House. But if they would prefer something still more arduous, let them ride day and night, from December until March, in the Third Avenue cars of this city. If they were to do this, and confine their scientific labors to observations of the decidedly mean altitude of the Sun, they would proba- bly suffer more, in a given time, than any previous party of learned men, and thus accomplish their object much better than by deliberately allowing themselves to be snowed up on Mount Washington. A SURPRISING PROPHECY. YEARS ago Mr. PUNCHINELLO had a very old grand. father, and he well remembers that on the inside of the lid of a certain horse-hair trunk, the property of that estima- ble old man, was pasted a bit of poetical prophecy, the words of which embedded themselves, like the hot letters of a branding-iron on the tender skin of Mr. PUNCHINELLOS mind. The following is the pro. phecy: Add seventy-four and (52, And forty and 900 too~ Then, if to this sum you place Seven hundred and an ace, You will surely Sod the year When they ought to disappear Both a Certain Holy Un And the last NAPOLEON. And darkness ~vill come wholly on The Sun. Bay, nathcless, will glow Down in the regions far below. Now this is certainly a very astounding prophecy. If the numbers mentioned at the beginning of the oracular ditty be added together with- out using the ace, they make the year 1770. Now the value of an ace in Seven-up (and seven is the uppermost word in the line in which our ace occurs) is four. So four, added to the former sum, makes the year 1780. But even the first NAPOLEON had not made his appearance in this year, and so it would seem there must be a mistake somewhere. But such is not the case. If; after the manner of the regular prophecy- makers, we treat this sum according to the rule of probabilities, we shall see that, if seventeen-eighty will not work prophecy, we must reverse the year and call it eighteen-seventy. This hits the mark exactly, and makes us tremble at the prophetic power of some of those old delvers in the mines of dark prediction. For now we see plainly that not ouly the Pope and the ex-Emperor of France will probably disappear this year from the scenes of their glory, but that the Sun, over which a certain dirty mistiness has been stealing for some time past, will be entirely shrouded in the blackness of ruin. The lines Bay, natheless, will glow Down in the regions far below, doubtless refer to DANA the less, who, when his sheet is utterly over- whelmed in its self-made oblivion, will deserve, and probably obtain, all the brightness and warmth to which the verse refers. Placing this astounding prediction by the side of the amazing events of the present year, it is impossible for Mr. PUNCHINELLO to repress his feelings of wonder and awe! WHEN YOU GO TO TIIP~ THEATRE, IT IS PLEA5ANT TO HAVE TIlE LITTLE BOY OF A RUSTIC COUPLE PERSIST IN FEEDING YOU WITh GINGERBREAD AND ORANGE-PEEL, AND, IF YOU lIEQUEST TILE LITTLE WRETCh TO KEEP STILL, TO BE TOLD BY HIS PARENTS TIIAT YOU ARE PUTTING ON AIRS.

76 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 18~O. THE MEDICAL CONFIDENCE GAME. MR. PUNCHINELLO has lately received a medical publication, in which there are some editorial remarks concerning the relations be- tween physicians and their paticnts.. The latter are exhorted to place all confidence in their medical advisers, for, othe~vise, there can be no harmonious action between them. This is all very well, and Mr. PUNcHIRELLO thinks that if anything in this world should be the sub- ject of sacred confidences, it should be.the revelations of the sick-room. But, after reading the reports of the various cases which are detailed in this publication, his faith in the advisability of confiding in ones doctor was somewhat shaken. For instance, when he read that Miss ANNA P , aged 25, of blonde complexion and apparent good health, residing near Jefferson avenue and Sixty-eighth street, had bcen subject for years to convolutions of the cerebral hemispheres, and had been obliged at various times to submit to partial amputations of horn-like excrescences on the divisions of her manual extremities, Mr. PUNCHINE~LO was of opinion that this young-lady, who could be easily recognized from the hints (?) of her name and residence, might possibly object to the announcement to all her friends and acquaint- ances, that she had cerebral hemispheres, and still more to the fact that they were convoluted. But this dreadful truth is published, un- der the merest film of concealment of her identity, to the whole world, and her physical condition and subsequent surgical treatment may be town-talk for the rest of her life. Where is the sacred confidence here? There are dozens of similar cases in the publication referred to, and medical journals are, in general, full of them. Will it therefore be wondered at if we dont want all the world to know, every time we call in a doctor, that we may have a paren- chyma of the lung, or a sub-conjunctival cellular tissue, that we will begin some day to insist as much upon medical honor as medical ability? Mr. PUNCHINELLO thinks not. FIAT LUX. Wu learn that our Third Assistant Postmaster-General has been indis- posed for some days, owing to his excessive labor in breaking envelope contracts. Why does the Postmaster-General allow his subordinates thus to overwork themselves? We wish he would shed a REAY of light on the subject. SCIENCE AND ENDURANCE. WHEN people undertakeanything in the cause of Science, or indeed in any other cause, they might as well do their best while they have a chance. This is an axiom of social economy which is presented, gratis, to the world. Now, the three scientific men who intend passing the winter on the topof Mount Washington, might certainly find some other mauner of spending the cold months in the interests of science which would be much more difficult and disagreeable. They expect to be snowed up at the Tip-top House, from December until March, and will spend their time in a room lined with felt, where they will burn twenty tons of coal during their sojourn. Almost any one could do all this. If the scientific gen. tlemen in question desire to undergo some really notable hardships there are plenty of deep lakes in New York, at the bottom of which they might spend the winter in a diving-bell. They would probably be frozen in until March, and they would find it much more difficult to use their in- struments, and everything far more disagreeable, generally, than in a large room in the Tip-top House. But if they would prefer something still more arduous, let them ride day and night, from December until March, in the Third Avenue cars of this city. If they were to do this, and confine their scientific labors to observations of the decidedly mean altitude of the Sun, they would proba- bly suffer more, in a given time, than any previous party of learned men, and thus accomplish their object much better than by deliberately allowing themselves to be snowed up on Mount Washington. A SURPRISING PROPHECY. YEARS ago Mr. PUNCHINELLO had a very old grand. father, and he well remembers that on the inside of the lid of a certain horse-hair trunk, the property of that estima- ble old man, was pasted a bit of poetical prophecy, the words of which embedded themselves, like the hot letters of a branding-iron on the tender skin of Mr. PUNCHINELLOS mind. The following is the pro. phecy: Add seventy-four and (52, And forty and 900 too~ Then, if to this sum you place Seven hundred and an ace, You will surely Sod the year When they ought to disappear Both a Certain Holy Un And the last NAPOLEON. And darkness ~vill come wholly on The Sun. Bay, nathcless, will glow Down in the regions far below. Now this is certainly a very astounding prophecy. If the numbers mentioned at the beginning of the oracular ditty be added together with- out using the ace, they make the year 1770. Now the value of an ace in Seven-up (and seven is the uppermost word in the line in which our ace occurs) is four. So four, added to the former sum, makes the year 1780. But even the first NAPOLEON had not made his appearance in this year, and so it would seem there must be a mistake somewhere. But such is not the case. If; after the manner of the regular prophecy- makers, we treat this sum according to the rule of probabilities, we shall see that, if seventeen-eighty will not work prophecy, we must reverse the year and call it eighteen-seventy. This hits the mark exactly, and makes us tremble at the prophetic power of some of those old delvers in the mines of dark prediction. For now we see plainly that not ouly the Pope and the ex-Emperor of France will probably disappear this year from the scenes of their glory, but that the Sun, over which a certain dirty mistiness has been stealing for some time past, will be entirely shrouded in the blackness of ruin. The lines Bay, natheless, will glow Down in the regions far below, doubtless refer to DANA the less, who, when his sheet is utterly over- whelmed in its self-made oblivion, will deserve, and probably obtain, all the brightness and warmth to which the verse refers. Placing this astounding prediction by the side of the amazing events of the present year, it is impossible for Mr. PUNCHINELLO to repress his feelings of wonder and awe! WHEN YOU GO TO TIIP~ THEATRE, IT IS PLEA5ANT TO HAVE TIlE LITTLE BOY OF A RUSTIC COUPLE PERSIST IN FEEDING YOU WITh GINGERBREAD AND ORANGE-PEEL, AND, IF YOU lIEQUEST TILE LITTLE WRETCh TO KEEP STILL, TO BE TOLD BY HIS PARENTS TIIAT YOU ARE PUTTING ON AIRS. OCT. 29, 18Th. PUNCHINELLO. 77 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. WERE is an old conun- drum songthat begins Why do summer roses fade? The late AR- TEMITS WARD thought they did it as a matter of business. Whydothe Two Roses bloom? That is WALLACES bus- iness. Also just now it happens to be mine. The modern English comedy is divided into two kinds. Everybody will consider this state- ment a conundrum, and answer, Bad and good. Wrong, my lit- tle dears. All your lexi- cographers agree that kind meansa race,~~ which is absurd, because a horse-race, for in- stance, is anything but kind. But they explain by saying that it means a genus. Good plays are not a genus. They are freaks of nature like the woolly horse and the sacred cow; only, when they are produced, so many people will not pay money to see them as to see the w. h. and the s. c. The division of modern plays, as JONATHAN EDWARDS said wittily, in his sparkling treatise on The Will, is into the tame and the wild. For the latter the recite is simple. Take some black false beads, hatchets, pistols, a dog not a quadruped, but the article which was left in Mr. NATHANS hall-a woman in black hair and a white garment, suggestive of repose, strolling at midnight by the banks of the prattling East River, foot of Grand Street, and set a house afire at the end of the third act. That is the BouCICAuJ~T style, and as the flippant EDWARDS goes on to observe, it draws like a factory chimney in the Bowery and at NinLos. But this sort of thing will not do at all at WALLACES. Of course not. STODDART is permitted jo swear there, to be sure; but I understand that he does it for fear people should call WALLACES the hall of the Old Mens Christian Association. With that exception there is, as somebody said about something, absolutely nothing to offend the most fastidious. Any person who exhibits excitement upon the stage is discharged at the end of the week with a pension. Miss MOORE is permitted to weep, but she does it so quietly aud nicely that it does not disturb anybody. And the ushers have received strict orders to eject anybody in the audience who manifests any marked interest in the performance. A friend of mine from Peoria once went to WALLACES, and took no pains whatever to conceal his admiration of the acting. On the contrary, at a particu- larly nice point, he actually clapped his hands together twice. Of course he was arrested for breach of the peace, and locked up over night. But the management declined to prosecute when it was represented to them that the man had lately seen MOKEAN BUCHANAN at the Peoria Academy of Music, and that he could not help testi- fying his gratification that LESTER WALLACE behaved so differently, and he was dis- charged. He went back to Peoria, and told his neighbors that there was a place in New Y& rk where they got up a yawning match (this coarse person called it a gaping bee ) every night between the stage and the audience, and the stage always won. Now we know, that is those of us who are in good society, that what this uncouth rustic mistook for indifference is the air of society. TALLEYRAND said, or somebody said he said, that the use of language was to conceal thought. Go to WALLACES and you will see that the art of acting is to suppress emotions. Everything is below con- cert-pitch, except perhaps the orchestra, which insists upon playing lively and popular music, instead of doing the Dead March in Saul for a funeral procession while the audi- ence files out dreamily to drink, and empties some dull opiate to the drains. The entire audience are making heroic efforts all through the play to prevent each other from seeing that they know they are llstening to the most finished acting to be seen anywhere, and looking at the prettiest stage pictures ever set. All the actors are all the while trying to conceal the fact that they are doing any good acting. The whole theatre is in a condition of sweet repose, like the placid bosom of a mill-pond on a sum- mer afternoon, when STODDART shoots the Dam. Well, when you have society theatres, where they do this sort of thing, you must have society plays. The recipe for these is different from the gallon of gore and the ton of thunder which make up the other sort. You must have your actors representing people who are always bored to death, if you wish to maintain the respect and patronage of a society audience, whose ambition is to seem to be always bored to death in real life. You must have what the sweet but -not exem- plary SWTNBTJRNE calls the lilies and languors of virtue at WALLACES, to balance the raptures and roses of vice which you get at the sensational shops. People may fall in love, in a mild way, as they do in society, but they must not undergo the ravages of that passion, as it is exhibited out of society. They are, so to speak, vaccinated for love, and they are safe from the virulent confluent or even the varioloid type of the original malaciy. They may also transact busi- ness, of a high-toned sort, and sometimes they get out of temper. But their main employment is to wander about and yawn, or to sit down and sneer. There is a laborious lunatic who makes ice at the fair of the American Institute, with the thermometer at 800 or soin the shade. (Note to Editor.I dont know the man from ADAM, and have received no con- sideration from him whatever for~this allusion.) I be- lieve his ice costs this ingenious ~ndividual about four dollars per pound to makebut no matter. Well, this is exactly the - trick by which you make society plays. ROBERTSON does it to perfectioa. He is the patet refrigerator. And the man who did The Two Roses has jdagiarized his process and repro- duced his results. I dont know whether the idea is to interest people in what is uninteresting, or to unin- terest people in what is interesting. But he does both. Perhaps, however, some absurd person would like to know something about this play. There is a com- mercial traveller in it, who is taken, by-the-by, bodily and even to his checked trousers, out of one of Ron- ERTSONS plays. The only addition that has been made is that this one swears. But Then STODDART personates him. This commercial traveller has a wife. To whom, by-the-by, did it ever occur, before the au- thor of this play, that commercial travellers could have wives? The wife of this itinerant commercial person is a stationary commercial person, who keeps a board- ing-house which the youths, the heroes of the play, have the misery to inhabit. All this is undeniably low for WALLACES, and the sales-ladies in the audience express their sense of that fact by intimating that EFFIE GERMONS jewels are not real, and the sales- gentlemen by confiding to one another at the bar,. whither they wend after the second act to quaff the maddening sarsaparilla, that WALLACES is running down. As I have abused several revered institutions in these few lines, I will, in terror of public opinion and private wrath, execute a small variation on my usual and familiar autograph, and sign myself PICADOR. VOkACIOUS VEGETATION. IT appears that our ever-active Park Commissioners are making vigorous efforts to establish a Zoological Garden in Central Park. It has been generally sup- posed that gardens were either horticultural or agri- cultural; but if the Commissioners can get up any- thing of the kind which shall be zoological, Mr. PUNCHINELLO has not the least objection in the world. He supposes that in such a garden the princi- pal plants will be Tiger-lilies, Cocks-combs, Larlispurs, Ragged Robins, Coltsfoots, Horse-chestnuts, Goose-ber- ries, Dandelions, Foxgloves, and Dog-wood. If full crops are desired, a good many pigeons and chickens should be kept on the grounds, and that portion of the gardens devoted to leg-uminous products will probably be occupied by storks and giraffes. Q. Is it likely that a set of Chinese gardeners would be able to mind, at the same time, both their Peas and their Queues?

OCT. 29, 18Th. PUNCHINELLO. 77 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. WERE is an old conun- drum songthat begins Why do summer roses fade? The late AR- TEMITS WARD thought they did it as a matter of business. Whydothe Two Roses bloom? That is WALLACES bus- iness. Also just now it happens to be mine. The modern English comedy is divided into two kinds. Everybody will consider this state- ment a conundrum, and answer, Bad and good. Wrong, my lit- tle dears. All your lexi- cographers agree that kind meansa race,~~ which is absurd, because a horse-race, for in- stance, is anything but kind. But they explain by saying that it means a genus. Good plays are not a genus. They are freaks of nature like the woolly horse and the sacred cow; only, when they are produced, so many people will not pay money to see them as to see the w. h. and the s. c. The division of modern plays, as JONATHAN EDWARDS said wittily, in his sparkling treatise on The Will, is into the tame and the wild. For the latter the recite is simple. Take some black false beads, hatchets, pistols, a dog not a quadruped, but the article which was left in Mr. NATHANS hall-a woman in black hair and a white garment, suggestive of repose, strolling at midnight by the banks of the prattling East River, foot of Grand Street, and set a house afire at the end of the third act. That is the BouCICAuJ~T style, and as the flippant EDWARDS goes on to observe, it draws like a factory chimney in the Bowery and at NinLos. But this sort of thing will not do at all at WALLACES. Of course not. STODDART is permitted jo swear there, to be sure; but I understand that he does it for fear people should call WALLACES the hall of the Old Mens Christian Association. With that exception there is, as somebody said about something, absolutely nothing to offend the most fastidious. Any person who exhibits excitement upon the stage is discharged at the end of the week with a pension. Miss MOORE is permitted to weep, but she does it so quietly aud nicely that it does not disturb anybody. And the ushers have received strict orders to eject anybody in the audience who manifests any marked interest in the performance. A friend of mine from Peoria once went to WALLACES, and took no pains whatever to conceal his admiration of the acting. On the contrary, at a particu- larly nice point, he actually clapped his hands together twice. Of course he was arrested for breach of the peace, and locked up over night. But the management declined to prosecute when it was represented to them that the man had lately seen MOKEAN BUCHANAN at the Peoria Academy of Music, and that he could not help testi- fying his gratification that LESTER WALLACE behaved so differently, and he was dis- charged. He went back to Peoria, and told his neighbors that there was a place in New Y& rk where they got up a yawning match (this coarse person called it a gaping bee ) every night between the stage and the audience, and the stage always won. Now we know, that is those of us who are in good society, that what this uncouth rustic mistook for indifference is the air of society. TALLEYRAND said, or somebody said he said, that the use of language was to conceal thought. Go to WALLACES and you will see that the art of acting is to suppress emotions. Everything is below con- cert-pitch, except perhaps the orchestra, which insists upon playing lively and popular music, instead of doing the Dead March in Saul for a funeral procession while the audi- ence files out dreamily to drink, and empties some dull opiate to the drains. The entire audience are making heroic efforts all through the play to prevent each other from seeing that they know they are llstening to the most finished acting to be seen anywhere, and looking at the prettiest stage pictures ever set. All the actors are all the while trying to conceal the fact that they are doing any good acting. The whole theatre is in a condition of sweet repose, like the placid bosom of a mill-pond on a sum- mer afternoon, when STODDART shoots the Dam. Well, when you have society theatres, where they do this sort of thing, you must have society plays. The recipe for these is different from the gallon of gore and the ton of thunder which make up the other sort. You must have your actors representing people who are always bored to death, if you wish to maintain the respect and patronage of a society audience, whose ambition is to seem to be always bored to death in real life. You must have what the sweet but -not exem- plary SWTNBTJRNE calls the lilies and languors of virtue at WALLACES, to balance the raptures and roses of vice which you get at the sensational shops. People may fall in love, in a mild way, as they do in society, but they must not undergo the ravages of that passion, as it is exhibited out of society. They are, so to speak, vaccinated for love, and they are safe from the virulent confluent or even the varioloid type of the original malaciy. They may also transact busi- ness, of a high-toned sort, and sometimes they get out of temper. But their main employment is to wander about and yawn, or to sit down and sneer. There is a laborious lunatic who makes ice at the fair of the American Institute, with the thermometer at 800 or soin the shade. (Note to Editor.I dont know the man from ADAM, and have received no con- sideration from him whatever for~this allusion.) I be- lieve his ice costs this ingenious ~ndividual about four dollars per pound to makebut no matter. Well, this is exactly the - trick by which you make society plays. ROBERTSON does it to perfectioa. He is the patet refrigerator. And the man who did The Two Roses has jdagiarized his process and repro- duced his results. I dont know whether the idea is to interest people in what is uninteresting, or to unin- terest people in what is interesting. But he does both. Perhaps, however, some absurd person would like to know something about this play. There is a com- mercial traveller in it, who is taken, by-the-by, bodily and even to his checked trousers, out of one of Ron- ERTSONS plays. The only addition that has been made is that this one swears. But Then STODDART personates him. This commercial traveller has a wife. To whom, by-the-by, did it ever occur, before the au- thor of this play, that commercial travellers could have wives? The wife of this itinerant commercial person is a stationary commercial person, who keeps a board- ing-house which the youths, the heroes of the play, have the misery to inhabit. All this is undeniably low for WALLACES, and the sales-ladies in the audience express their sense of that fact by intimating that EFFIE GERMONS jewels are not real, and the sales- gentlemen by confiding to one another at the bar,. whither they wend after the second act to quaff the maddening sarsaparilla, that WALLACES is running down. As I have abused several revered institutions in these few lines, I will, in terror of public opinion and private wrath, execute a small variation on my usual and familiar autograph, and sign myself PICADOR. VOkACIOUS VEGETATION. IT appears that our ever-active Park Commissioners are making vigorous efforts to establish a Zoological Garden in Central Park. It has been generally sup- posed that gardens were either horticultural or agri- cultural; but if the Commissioners can get up any- thing of the kind which shall be zoological, Mr. PUNCHINELLO has not the least objection in the world. He supposes that in such a garden the princi- pal plants will be Tiger-lilies, Cocks-combs, Larlispurs, Ragged Robins, Coltsfoots, Horse-chestnuts, Goose-ber- ries, Dandelions, Foxgloves, and Dog-wood. If full crops are desired, a good many pigeons and chickens should be kept on the grounds, and that portion of the gardens devoted to leg-uminous products will probably be occupied by storks and giraffes. Q. Is it likely that a set of Chinese gardeners would be able to mind, at the same time, both their Peas and their Queues?

OCT. 29, 18Th. PUNCHINELLO. 77 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. WERE is an old conun- drum songthat begins Why do summer roses fade? The late AR- TEMITS WARD thought they did it as a matter of business. Whydothe Two Roses bloom? That is WALLACES bus- iness. Also just now it happens to be mine. The modern English comedy is divided into two kinds. Everybody will consider this state- ment a conundrum, and answer, Bad and good. Wrong, my lit- tle dears. All your lexi- cographers agree that kind meansa race,~~ which is absurd, because a horse-race, for in- stance, is anything but kind. But they explain by saying that it means a genus. Good plays are not a genus. They are freaks of nature like the woolly horse and the sacred cow; only, when they are produced, so many people will not pay money to see them as to see the w. h. and the s. c. The division of modern plays, as JONATHAN EDWARDS said wittily, in his sparkling treatise on The Will, is into the tame and the wild. For the latter the recite is simple. Take some black false beads, hatchets, pistols, a dog not a quadruped, but the article which was left in Mr. NATHANS hall-a woman in black hair and a white garment, suggestive of repose, strolling at midnight by the banks of the prattling East River, foot of Grand Street, and set a house afire at the end of the third act. That is the BouCICAuJ~T style, and as the flippant EDWARDS goes on to observe, it draws like a factory chimney in the Bowery and at NinLos. But this sort of thing will not do at all at WALLACES. Of course not. STODDART is permitted jo swear there, to be sure; but I understand that he does it for fear people should call WALLACES the hall of the Old Mens Christian Association. With that exception there is, as somebody said about something, absolutely nothing to offend the most fastidious. Any person who exhibits excitement upon the stage is discharged at the end of the week with a pension. Miss MOORE is permitted to weep, but she does it so quietly aud nicely that it does not disturb anybody. And the ushers have received strict orders to eject anybody in the audience who manifests any marked interest in the performance. A friend of mine from Peoria once went to WALLACES, and took no pains whatever to conceal his admiration of the acting. On the contrary, at a particu- larly nice point, he actually clapped his hands together twice. Of course he was arrested for breach of the peace, and locked up over night. But the management declined to prosecute when it was represented to them that the man had lately seen MOKEAN BUCHANAN at the Peoria Academy of Music, and that he could not help testi- fying his gratification that LESTER WALLACE behaved so differently, and he was dis- charged. He went back to Peoria, and told his neighbors that there was a place in New Y& rk where they got up a yawning match (this coarse person called it a gaping bee ) every night between the stage and the audience, and the stage always won. Now we know, that is those of us who are in good society, that what this uncouth rustic mistook for indifference is the air of society. TALLEYRAND said, or somebody said he said, that the use of language was to conceal thought. Go to WALLACES and you will see that the art of acting is to suppress emotions. Everything is below con- cert-pitch, except perhaps the orchestra, which insists upon playing lively and popular music, instead of doing the Dead March in Saul for a funeral procession while the audi- ence files out dreamily to drink, and empties some dull opiate to the drains. The entire audience are making heroic efforts all through the play to prevent each other from seeing that they know they are llstening to the most finished acting to be seen anywhere, and looking at the prettiest stage pictures ever set. All the actors are all the while trying to conceal the fact that they are doing any good acting. The whole theatre is in a condition of sweet repose, like the placid bosom of a mill-pond on a sum- mer afternoon, when STODDART shoots the Dam. Well, when you have society theatres, where they do this sort of thing, you must have society plays. The recipe for these is different from the gallon of gore and the ton of thunder which make up the other sort. You must have your actors representing people who are always bored to death, if you wish to maintain the respect and patronage of a society audience, whose ambition is to seem to be always bored to death in real life. You must have what the sweet but -not exem- plary SWTNBTJRNE calls the lilies and languors of virtue at WALLACES, to balance the raptures and roses of vice which you get at the sensational shops. People may fall in love, in a mild way, as they do in society, but they must not undergo the ravages of that passion, as it is exhibited out of society. They are, so to speak, vaccinated for love, and they are safe from the virulent confluent or even the varioloid type of the original malaciy. They may also transact busi- ness, of a high-toned sort, and sometimes they get out of temper. But their main employment is to wander about and yawn, or to sit down and sneer. There is a laborious lunatic who makes ice at the fair of the American Institute, with the thermometer at 800 or soin the shade. (Note to Editor.I dont know the man from ADAM, and have received no con- sideration from him whatever for~this allusion.) I be- lieve his ice costs this ingenious ~ndividual about four dollars per pound to makebut no matter. Well, this is exactly the - trick by which you make society plays. ROBERTSON does it to perfectioa. He is the patet refrigerator. And the man who did The Two Roses has jdagiarized his process and repro- duced his results. I dont know whether the idea is to interest people in what is uninteresting, or to unin- terest people in what is interesting. But he does both. Perhaps, however, some absurd person would like to know something about this play. There is a com- mercial traveller in it, who is taken, by-the-by, bodily and even to his checked trousers, out of one of Ron- ERTSONS plays. The only addition that has been made is that this one swears. But Then STODDART personates him. This commercial traveller has a wife. To whom, by-the-by, did it ever occur, before the au- thor of this play, that commercial travellers could have wives? The wife of this itinerant commercial person is a stationary commercial person, who keeps a board- ing-house which the youths, the heroes of the play, have the misery to inhabit. All this is undeniably low for WALLACES, and the sales-ladies in the audience express their sense of that fact by intimating that EFFIE GERMONS jewels are not real, and the sales- gentlemen by confiding to one another at the bar,. whither they wend after the second act to quaff the maddening sarsaparilla, that WALLACES is running down. As I have abused several revered institutions in these few lines, I will, in terror of public opinion and private wrath, execute a small variation on my usual and familiar autograph, and sign myself PICADOR. VOkACIOUS VEGETATION. IT appears that our ever-active Park Commissioners are making vigorous efforts to establish a Zoological Garden in Central Park. It has been generally sup- posed that gardens were either horticultural or agri- cultural; but if the Commissioners can get up any- thing of the kind which shall be zoological, Mr. PUNCHINELLO has not the least objection in the world. He supposes that in such a garden the princi- pal plants will be Tiger-lilies, Cocks-combs, Larlispurs, Ragged Robins, Coltsfoots, Horse-chestnuts, Goose-ber- ries, Dandelions, Foxgloves, and Dog-wood. If full crops are desired, a good many pigeons and chickens should be kept on the grounds, and that portion of the gardens devoted to leg-uminous products will probably be occupied by storks and giraffes. Q. Is it likely that a set of Chinese gardeners would be able to mind, at the same time, both their Peas and their Queues? 78 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 187O. THE QUEUE-ILIOUS FUTURE. OF all the queues which any man or any nation ever gave to another, the Chinese have supplied us with the most quene-rious. The arrived man from that celestial part of the world, who is now so industriously engaged washing for us in New Jersey, and again, making our shoes in Massachusetts, and who proposes to be our dairymaid, our chamber- maid, our barmaid, and, if BARNUM will go into the humbug business again, our mermaid brought the queue on the back of his head when he crossed the Pacific Ocean and landed on the coast of Califomia. Thence he conveyed it across the Plains, and now our mothers are go- ing back to two queues such as those they wore when the roses which bloomed upon their cheeks were not produced by rouge, and to com- prehend the lessons in the school-books which they carried was the severest trial which they knew, except, indeed, the restrained desire to get married. And our fatherswill wear one tail, as did their ancestors who curled those appendages gracefully around the limbs of the trees while they played base-ball with cocoanuts, or visited in that nimble manner in which none other than monkeys are capable of moving about. Our great American agriculturist, too, who has ploughed so deeply in the Tribune office, is going to look like a Chinese; and she, who has given us our Candle lectures now for many years past, will exhibit ANNA DIcKINsoN as a convert to two tails. Next, he who serves up for us our religion every once a week in the form of sanctimonious speeches on the subject of political economy, will let his congregation go behind Plymouth Pulpit for the purpose of getting their queues for the next Sunday love-feast by observing his. The long~ and the short of the new vanity, however, will be found in fullest perfection among the bully-bears in Wall street, who, of all other honest men, are best able to teach the rising generation the significance of heads I win, tails you lose. Then, again, in the far future perhaps some industrious antiquary will exhume an awful tail of the present generation that was invented by Mrs. H. B. STOWE, when she looked across the Atlantic Ocean, and interviewed the ghost of BYRON. The future is going to be glorious and queue-rious for all who wish to up-braid, and when our fathers pass us, and we see their heads, we will be convinced that thereby hangs a tail; also, when our mothers heads go by, that thereby hang two tails. AN ODF1.IOUS SUGGESTION. SWINBURNE has written an ode to the French Ilepublic. This lofty rhyme is built up of strophes, anti-strophes, and an epode. In its construction, metaphor and metaphysics, grammar and grandiloquence are thrown about with the careless disregard for innocent passers-by which characterizes that poets freedom of style. Most proba- bly no sane English-speaking person has read it through and preserved his san- ity. The poets idea in writing it was to get the French engaged in trying to understand it, and the Germans to en- gage in translating it, and thus stop the war by pure exhaustion of the combat- ants. The idea was good, but hardly practicaL SOCIAL SCIENCE BY TELE- GRAPH. TUE right of an independent Briton to beat his wife without being liable to impertinent foreign interference is well known to be one of the most precious privileges inherited from Magna Charta. The national use of this privilege is now generally considered, by social phi- losophers, to be the foundation of the love of fair play, so universally cha- racteristic of the English. It is only __________________________ upon this ground that we can account for the following item recently tele- graphed from London, as a speeiat to the LV. Y. Times. It is curious to see that, while the married men of the city are against interference. all military and naval men are loud in expressions of indignation because no effort is roads by England to save France from ruin. As we see it, this is not curious at all. To the comprehensive Eng- lish mind, the war in Europe is a mere family quarrel, on a large scale. But what is really curious the special does not tell us. What position do the military and naval men take who happen to be married? A GROWL FROM A BRITON. MR. PUNCITINELLO : One of the balloon reporters from Paris says: Great care is t ken to save food from waste. There is much horse-flesh eaten. For a Frenchman in a state of siege horse-flesh is all right--the French eat frogs, you know, and horses have frogs in their feet. What I like about the thing in Paris, though, is that they call it horse-flesh, and dont try to jerk it on a fellow for beef. Jerked beef is bad enough, but only think of jerked horse, by Jove, you know! Now I want to say that here in New York, not being in a state of siege, we are eating a lot more horse-flesh than we know of, all the samebut they call it beef. Look here, now. I take my grub, sometimes (only for the sake of seeing life, you know), at a decent mrt of a place enough, to which butchers resort. There is a man always to be seen there at grub time, a cockish-looking fellow, somewhat, with a horse-shoe pin in his scarf, and he is as thick as thieves with the butchers. Yesterday, for the first time, I got an inkling of who and what he is. I saw him performing an operation upon a horse, in the yard of a livery stable. He is a VETERINARY SURGEON! He consorts with BUTChERS! Pnt that and that together, Mr. PUNCTITNELLO, and see what you can make of it. And the duffer always eats mutton, too, or fish. I never yet heard him call for beef. He knows all about nag, and likes it alive, but he is not to be nagged into eating it. Neigh! neigh! Yours, irascibly, YORKSIIIRE-PUDDINGHEAD. DEAD BEATS. Muffled drums. ENGLISH GRAMMAR INCLUDED. 18t Young Gentleman. I TELL YOU wHAT, ITS AWFUL HARD TO GET ANYTHING TO Do, JUST Now., 2d ditto. THATS SO. I SEEN AN ADVERTISEMENT YESTERDAY FOR A TUTOR IN A FAMILY, AND Ivu JUST BIN AND WROTE ~ ANSWER.

78 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 187O. THE QUEUE-ILIOUS FUTURE. OF all the queues which any man or any nation ever gave to another, the Chinese have supplied us with the most quene-rious. The arrived man from that celestial part of the world, who is now so industriously engaged washing for us in New Jersey, and again, making our shoes in Massachusetts, and who proposes to be our dairymaid, our chamber- maid, our barmaid, and, if BARNUM will go into the humbug business again, our mermaid brought the queue on the back of his head when he crossed the Pacific Ocean and landed on the coast of Califomia. Thence he conveyed it across the Plains, and now our mothers are go- ing back to two queues such as those they wore when the roses which bloomed upon their cheeks were not produced by rouge, and to com- prehend the lessons in the school-books which they carried was the severest trial which they knew, except, indeed, the restrained desire to get married. And our fatherswill wear one tail, as did their ancestors who curled those appendages gracefully around the limbs of the trees while they played base-ball with cocoanuts, or visited in that nimble manner in which none other than monkeys are capable of moving about. Our great American agriculturist, too, who has ploughed so deeply in the Tribune office, is going to look like a Chinese; and she, who has given us our Candle lectures now for many years past, will exhibit ANNA DIcKINsoN as a convert to two tails. Next, he who serves up for us our religion every once a week in the form of sanctimonious speeches on the subject of political economy, will let his congregation go behind Plymouth Pulpit for the purpose of getting their queues for the next Sunday love-feast by observing his. The long~ and the short of the new vanity, however, will be found in fullest perfection among the bully-bears in Wall street, who, of all other honest men, are best able to teach the rising generation the significance of heads I win, tails you lose. Then, again, in the far future perhaps some industrious antiquary will exhume an awful tail of the present generation that was invented by Mrs. H. B. STOWE, when she looked across the Atlantic Ocean, and interviewed the ghost of BYRON. The future is going to be glorious and queue-rious for all who wish to up-braid, and when our fathers pass us, and we see their heads, we will be convinced that thereby hangs a tail; also, when our mothers heads go by, that thereby hang two tails. AN ODF1.IOUS SUGGESTION. SWINBURNE has written an ode to the French Ilepublic. This lofty rhyme is built up of strophes, anti-strophes, and an epode. In its construction, metaphor and metaphysics, grammar and grandiloquence are thrown about with the careless disregard for innocent passers-by which characterizes that poets freedom of style. Most proba- bly no sane English-speaking person has read it through and preserved his san- ity. The poets idea in writing it was to get the French engaged in trying to understand it, and the Germans to en- gage in translating it, and thus stop the war by pure exhaustion of the combat- ants. The idea was good, but hardly practicaL SOCIAL SCIENCE BY TELE- GRAPH. TUE right of an independent Briton to beat his wife without being liable to impertinent foreign interference is well known to be one of the most precious privileges inherited from Magna Charta. The national use of this privilege is now generally considered, by social phi- losophers, to be the foundation of the love of fair play, so universally cha- racteristic of the English. It is only __________________________ upon this ground that we can account for the following item recently tele- graphed from London, as a speeiat to the LV. Y. Times. It is curious to see that, while the married men of the city are against interference. all military and naval men are loud in expressions of indignation because no effort is roads by England to save France from ruin. As we see it, this is not curious at all. To the comprehensive Eng- lish mind, the war in Europe is a mere family quarrel, on a large scale. But what is really curious the special does not tell us. What position do the military and naval men take who happen to be married? A GROWL FROM A BRITON. MR. PUNCITINELLO : One of the balloon reporters from Paris says: Great care is t ken to save food from waste. There is much horse-flesh eaten. For a Frenchman in a state of siege horse-flesh is all right--the French eat frogs, you know, and horses have frogs in their feet. What I like about the thing in Paris, though, is that they call it horse-flesh, and dont try to jerk it on a fellow for beef. Jerked beef is bad enough, but only think of jerked horse, by Jove, you know! Now I want to say that here in New York, not being in a state of siege, we are eating a lot more horse-flesh than we know of, all the samebut they call it beef. Look here, now. I take my grub, sometimes (only for the sake of seeing life, you know), at a decent mrt of a place enough, to which butchers resort. There is a man always to be seen there at grub time, a cockish-looking fellow, somewhat, with a horse-shoe pin in his scarf, and he is as thick as thieves with the butchers. Yesterday, for the first time, I got an inkling of who and what he is. I saw him performing an operation upon a horse, in the yard of a livery stable. He is a VETERINARY SURGEON! He consorts with BUTChERS! Pnt that and that together, Mr. PUNCTITNELLO, and see what you can make of it. And the duffer always eats mutton, too, or fish. I never yet heard him call for beef. He knows all about nag, and likes it alive, but he is not to be nagged into eating it. Neigh! neigh! Yours, irascibly, YORKSIIIRE-PUDDINGHEAD. DEAD BEATS. Muffled drums. ENGLISH GRAMMAR INCLUDED. 18t Young Gentleman. I TELL YOU wHAT, ITS AWFUL HARD TO GET ANYTHING TO Do, JUST Now., 2d ditto. THATS SO. I SEEN AN ADVERTISEMENT YESTERDAY FOR A TUTOR IN A FAMILY, AND Ivu JUST BIN AND WROTE ~ ANSWER.

78 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 187O. THE QUEUE-ILIOUS FUTURE. OF all the queues which any man or any nation ever gave to another, the Chinese have supplied us with the most quene-rious. The arrived man from that celestial part of the world, who is now so industriously engaged washing for us in New Jersey, and again, making our shoes in Massachusetts, and who proposes to be our dairymaid, our chamber- maid, our barmaid, and, if BARNUM will go into the humbug business again, our mermaid brought the queue on the back of his head when he crossed the Pacific Ocean and landed on the coast of Califomia. Thence he conveyed it across the Plains, and now our mothers are go- ing back to two queues such as those they wore when the roses which bloomed upon their cheeks were not produced by rouge, and to com- prehend the lessons in the school-books which they carried was the severest trial which they knew, except, indeed, the restrained desire to get married. And our fatherswill wear one tail, as did their ancestors who curled those appendages gracefully around the limbs of the trees while they played base-ball with cocoanuts, or visited in that nimble manner in which none other than monkeys are capable of moving about. Our great American agriculturist, too, who has ploughed so deeply in the Tribune office, is going to look like a Chinese; and she, who has given us our Candle lectures now for many years past, will exhibit ANNA DIcKINsoN as a convert to two tails. Next, he who serves up for us our religion every once a week in the form of sanctimonious speeches on the subject of political economy, will let his congregation go behind Plymouth Pulpit for the purpose of getting their queues for the next Sunday love-feast by observing his. The long~ and the short of the new vanity, however, will be found in fullest perfection among the bully-bears in Wall street, who, of all other honest men, are best able to teach the rising generation the significance of heads I win, tails you lose. Then, again, in the far future perhaps some industrious antiquary will exhume an awful tail of the present generation that was invented by Mrs. H. B. STOWE, when she looked across the Atlantic Ocean, and interviewed the ghost of BYRON. The future is going to be glorious and queue-rious for all who wish to up-braid, and when our fathers pass us, and we see their heads, we will be convinced that thereby hangs a tail; also, when our mothers heads go by, that thereby hang two tails. AN ODF1.IOUS SUGGESTION. SWINBURNE has written an ode to the French Ilepublic. This lofty rhyme is built up of strophes, anti-strophes, and an epode. In its construction, metaphor and metaphysics, grammar and grandiloquence are thrown about with the careless disregard for innocent passers-by which characterizes that poets freedom of style. Most proba- bly no sane English-speaking person has read it through and preserved his san- ity. The poets idea in writing it was to get the French engaged in trying to understand it, and the Germans to en- gage in translating it, and thus stop the war by pure exhaustion of the combat- ants. The idea was good, but hardly practicaL SOCIAL SCIENCE BY TELE- GRAPH. TUE right of an independent Briton to beat his wife without being liable to impertinent foreign interference is well known to be one of the most precious privileges inherited from Magna Charta. The national use of this privilege is now generally considered, by social phi- losophers, to be the foundation of the love of fair play, so universally cha- racteristic of the English. It is only __________________________ upon this ground that we can account for the following item recently tele- graphed from London, as a speeiat to the LV. Y. Times. It is curious to see that, while the married men of the city are against interference. all military and naval men are loud in expressions of indignation because no effort is roads by England to save France from ruin. As we see it, this is not curious at all. To the comprehensive Eng- lish mind, the war in Europe is a mere family quarrel, on a large scale. But what is really curious the special does not tell us. What position do the military and naval men take who happen to be married? A GROWL FROM A BRITON. MR. PUNCITINELLO : One of the balloon reporters from Paris says: Great care is t ken to save food from waste. There is much horse-flesh eaten. For a Frenchman in a state of siege horse-flesh is all right--the French eat frogs, you know, and horses have frogs in their feet. What I like about the thing in Paris, though, is that they call it horse-flesh, and dont try to jerk it on a fellow for beef. Jerked beef is bad enough, but only think of jerked horse, by Jove, you know! Now I want to say that here in New York, not being in a state of siege, we are eating a lot more horse-flesh than we know of, all the samebut they call it beef. Look here, now. I take my grub, sometimes (only for the sake of seeing life, you know), at a decent mrt of a place enough, to which butchers resort. There is a man always to be seen there at grub time, a cockish-looking fellow, somewhat, with a horse-shoe pin in his scarf, and he is as thick as thieves with the butchers. Yesterday, for the first time, I got an inkling of who and what he is. I saw him performing an operation upon a horse, in the yard of a livery stable. He is a VETERINARY SURGEON! He consorts with BUTChERS! Pnt that and that together, Mr. PUNCTITNELLO, and see what you can make of it. And the duffer always eats mutton, too, or fish. I never yet heard him call for beef. He knows all about nag, and likes it alive, but he is not to be nagged into eating it. Neigh! neigh! Yours, irascibly, YORKSIIIRE-PUDDINGHEAD. DEAD BEATS. Muffled drums. ENGLISH GRAMMAR INCLUDED. 18t Young Gentleman. I TELL YOU wHAT, ITS AWFUL HARD TO GET ANYTHING TO Do, JUST Now., 2d ditto. THATS SO. I SEEN AN ADVERTISEMENT YESTERDAY FOR A TUTOR IN A FAMILY, AND Ivu JUST BIN AND WROTE ~ ANSWER.

78 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 187O. THE QUEUE-ILIOUS FUTURE. OF all the queues which any man or any nation ever gave to another, the Chinese have supplied us with the most quene-rious. The arrived man from that celestial part of the world, who is now so industriously engaged washing for us in New Jersey, and again, making our shoes in Massachusetts, and who proposes to be our dairymaid, our chamber- maid, our barmaid, and, if BARNUM will go into the humbug business again, our mermaid brought the queue on the back of his head when he crossed the Pacific Ocean and landed on the coast of Califomia. Thence he conveyed it across the Plains, and now our mothers are go- ing back to two queues such as those they wore when the roses which bloomed upon their cheeks were not produced by rouge, and to com- prehend the lessons in the school-books which they carried was the severest trial which they knew, except, indeed, the restrained desire to get married. And our fatherswill wear one tail, as did their ancestors who curled those appendages gracefully around the limbs of the trees while they played base-ball with cocoanuts, or visited in that nimble manner in which none other than monkeys are capable of moving about. Our great American agriculturist, too, who has ploughed so deeply in the Tribune office, is going to look like a Chinese; and she, who has given us our Candle lectures now for many years past, will exhibit ANNA DIcKINsoN as a convert to two tails. Next, he who serves up for us our religion every once a week in the form of sanctimonious speeches on the subject of political economy, will let his congregation go behind Plymouth Pulpit for the purpose of getting their queues for the next Sunday love-feast by observing his. The long~ and the short of the new vanity, however, will be found in fullest perfection among the bully-bears in Wall street, who, of all other honest men, are best able to teach the rising generation the significance of heads I win, tails you lose. Then, again, in the far future perhaps some industrious antiquary will exhume an awful tail of the present generation that was invented by Mrs. H. B. STOWE, when she looked across the Atlantic Ocean, and interviewed the ghost of BYRON. The future is going to be glorious and queue-rious for all who wish to up-braid, and when our fathers pass us, and we see their heads, we will be convinced that thereby hangs a tail; also, when our mothers heads go by, that thereby hang two tails. AN ODF1.IOUS SUGGESTION. SWINBURNE has written an ode to the French Ilepublic. This lofty rhyme is built up of strophes, anti-strophes, and an epode. In its construction, metaphor and metaphysics, grammar and grandiloquence are thrown about with the careless disregard for innocent passers-by which characterizes that poets freedom of style. Most proba- bly no sane English-speaking person has read it through and preserved his san- ity. The poets idea in writing it was to get the French engaged in trying to understand it, and the Germans to en- gage in translating it, and thus stop the war by pure exhaustion of the combat- ants. The idea was good, but hardly practicaL SOCIAL SCIENCE BY TELE- GRAPH. TUE right of an independent Briton to beat his wife without being liable to impertinent foreign interference is well known to be one of the most precious privileges inherited from Magna Charta. The national use of this privilege is now generally considered, by social phi- losophers, to be the foundation of the love of fair play, so universally cha- racteristic of the English. It is only __________________________ upon this ground that we can account for the following item recently tele- graphed from London, as a speeiat to the LV. Y. Times. It is curious to see that, while the married men of the city are against interference. all military and naval men are loud in expressions of indignation because no effort is roads by England to save France from ruin. As we see it, this is not curious at all. To the comprehensive Eng- lish mind, the war in Europe is a mere family quarrel, on a large scale. But what is really curious the special does not tell us. What position do the military and naval men take who happen to be married? A GROWL FROM A BRITON. MR. PUNCITINELLO : One of the balloon reporters from Paris says: Great care is t ken to save food from waste. There is much horse-flesh eaten. For a Frenchman in a state of siege horse-flesh is all right--the French eat frogs, you know, and horses have frogs in their feet. What I like about the thing in Paris, though, is that they call it horse-flesh, and dont try to jerk it on a fellow for beef. Jerked beef is bad enough, but only think of jerked horse, by Jove, you know! Now I want to say that here in New York, not being in a state of siege, we are eating a lot more horse-flesh than we know of, all the samebut they call it beef. Look here, now. I take my grub, sometimes (only for the sake of seeing life, you know), at a decent mrt of a place enough, to which butchers resort. There is a man always to be seen there at grub time, a cockish-looking fellow, somewhat, with a horse-shoe pin in his scarf, and he is as thick as thieves with the butchers. Yesterday, for the first time, I got an inkling of who and what he is. I saw him performing an operation upon a horse, in the yard of a livery stable. He is a VETERINARY SURGEON! He consorts with BUTChERS! Pnt that and that together, Mr. PUNCTITNELLO, and see what you can make of it. And the duffer always eats mutton, too, or fish. I never yet heard him call for beef. He knows all about nag, and likes it alive, but he is not to be nagged into eating it. Neigh! neigh! Yours, irascibly, YORKSIIIRE-PUDDINGHEAD. DEAD BEATS. Muffled drums. ENGLISH GRAMMAR INCLUDED. 18t Young Gentleman. I TELL YOU wHAT, ITS AWFUL HARD TO GET ANYTHING TO Do, JUST Now., 2d ditto. THATS SO. I SEEN AN ADVERTISEMENT YESTERDAY FOR A TUTOR IN A FAMILY, AND Ivu JUST BIN AND WROTE ~ ANSWER.

78 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 187O. THE QUEUE-ILIOUS FUTURE. OF all the queues which any man or any nation ever gave to another, the Chinese have supplied us with the most quene-rious. The arrived man from that celestial part of the world, who is now so industriously engaged washing for us in New Jersey, and again, making our shoes in Massachusetts, and who proposes to be our dairymaid, our chamber- maid, our barmaid, and, if BARNUM will go into the humbug business again, our mermaid brought the queue on the back of his head when he crossed the Pacific Ocean and landed on the coast of Califomia. Thence he conveyed it across the Plains, and now our mothers are go- ing back to two queues such as those they wore when the roses which bloomed upon their cheeks were not produced by rouge, and to com- prehend the lessons in the school-books which they carried was the severest trial which they knew, except, indeed, the restrained desire to get married. And our fatherswill wear one tail, as did their ancestors who curled those appendages gracefully around the limbs of the trees while they played base-ball with cocoanuts, or visited in that nimble manner in which none other than monkeys are capable of moving about. Our great American agriculturist, too, who has ploughed so deeply in the Tribune office, is going to look like a Chinese; and she, who has given us our Candle lectures now for many years past, will exhibit ANNA DIcKINsoN as a convert to two tails. Next, he who serves up for us our religion every once a week in the form of sanctimonious speeches on the subject of political economy, will let his congregation go behind Plymouth Pulpit for the purpose of getting their queues for the next Sunday love-feast by observing his. The long~ and the short of the new vanity, however, will be found in fullest perfection among the bully-bears in Wall street, who, of all other honest men, are best able to teach the rising generation the significance of heads I win, tails you lose. Then, again, in the far future perhaps some industrious antiquary will exhume an awful tail of the present generation that was invented by Mrs. H. B. STOWE, when she looked across the Atlantic Ocean, and interviewed the ghost of BYRON. The future is going to be glorious and queue-rious for all who wish to up-braid, and when our fathers pass us, and we see their heads, we will be convinced that thereby hangs a tail; also, when our mothers heads go by, that thereby hang two tails. AN ODF1.IOUS SUGGESTION. SWINBURNE has written an ode to the French Ilepublic. This lofty rhyme is built up of strophes, anti-strophes, and an epode. In its construction, metaphor and metaphysics, grammar and grandiloquence are thrown about with the careless disregard for innocent passers-by which characterizes that poets freedom of style. Most proba- bly no sane English-speaking person has read it through and preserved his san- ity. The poets idea in writing it was to get the French engaged in trying to understand it, and the Germans to en- gage in translating it, and thus stop the war by pure exhaustion of the combat- ants. The idea was good, but hardly practicaL SOCIAL SCIENCE BY TELE- GRAPH. TUE right of an independent Briton to beat his wife without being liable to impertinent foreign interference is well known to be one of the most precious privileges inherited from Magna Charta. The national use of this privilege is now generally considered, by social phi- losophers, to be the foundation of the love of fair play, so universally cha- racteristic of the English. It is only __________________________ upon this ground that we can account for the following item recently tele- graphed from London, as a speeiat to the LV. Y. Times. It is curious to see that, while the married men of the city are against interference. all military and naval men are loud in expressions of indignation because no effort is roads by England to save France from ruin. As we see it, this is not curious at all. To the comprehensive Eng- lish mind, the war in Europe is a mere family quarrel, on a large scale. But what is really curious the special does not tell us. What position do the military and naval men take who happen to be married? A GROWL FROM A BRITON. MR. PUNCITINELLO : One of the balloon reporters from Paris says: Great care is t ken to save food from waste. There is much horse-flesh eaten. For a Frenchman in a state of siege horse-flesh is all right--the French eat frogs, you know, and horses have frogs in their feet. What I like about the thing in Paris, though, is that they call it horse-flesh, and dont try to jerk it on a fellow for beef. Jerked beef is bad enough, but only think of jerked horse, by Jove, you know! Now I want to say that here in New York, not being in a state of siege, we are eating a lot more horse-flesh than we know of, all the samebut they call it beef. Look here, now. I take my grub, sometimes (only for the sake of seeing life, you know), at a decent mrt of a place enough, to which butchers resort. There is a man always to be seen there at grub time, a cockish-looking fellow, somewhat, with a horse-shoe pin in his scarf, and he is as thick as thieves with the butchers. Yesterday, for the first time, I got an inkling of who and what he is. I saw him performing an operation upon a horse, in the yard of a livery stable. He is a VETERINARY SURGEON! He consorts with BUTChERS! Pnt that and that together, Mr. PUNCTITNELLO, and see what you can make of it. And the duffer always eats mutton, too, or fish. I never yet heard him call for beef. He knows all about nag, and likes it alive, but he is not to be nagged into eating it. Neigh! neigh! Yours, irascibly, YORKSIIIRE-PUDDINGHEAD. DEAD BEATS. Muffled drums. ENGLISH GRAMMAR INCLUDED. 18t Young Gentleman. I TELL YOU wHAT, ITS AWFUL HARD TO GET ANYTHING TO Do, JUST Now., 2d ditto. THATS SO. I SEEN AN ADVERTISEMENT YESTERDAY FOR A TUTOR IN A FAMILY, AND Ivu JUST BIN AND WROTE ~ ANSWER. OCT. 29, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 79 A. T. STEWART & CO. ARE OFFERING EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS IN LADIES ENG LISH HOSE, FULL REGULAR MAKES, From 25 cents per pair upward. ALSO, GENTLEMENS IIALF ilOSE, EXTRA QUALITY, 25 cents per pair upward. LARGE LINES OF Ladies and Gent1ernen~~ Silk anL Merino Underwear. BROADWAY, 4th Aveijue, 9th and 10th Streets. Grand Exposition. A. T. STEWART & CO. HAVE OPENED A SPLENDID AS~O~TMENT O~ PARIS MADE DRESSES, From Worth, E. Pingat and other Celebrated Makers. ALSO, LARGE ADDITIONS, OF THEIR OWN MANUFACTURE, Cut and Trimmed by Artists equal, if not superior, to any in this city. Millinery, Bonnets, & Hats Elegantly Trimmed, from Virots and other Modiste. of the highest Parisian standing. The Prices of the Above are 1~x1reme1y Attractive. BROADWAY, 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Street.. A. T. STEWART & CO. ARE OFFERING A LARGE ASSORTMENT OF American Moquette CARPETS, IN NEW AND ELEGANT DESIGNS, Warranted equal in quality and coloring to the very best French. Price only $3.50 per Yard. Crossleys Best Quality Tapestry Brussels, $1.25 per Yard. Crossleys Velve4s, Extra Quality, $2.25 per Yard. Five-Frcrime Engli8h Body Bru8sel8, $1.75 per Yard. ROYAL WILTONS, $2.50 and $3 per Yard. ALSO, Paris Quality Moquettes, AXMINSTERS BY THE YARD, Aubusson & Axminster Carpets IN ONE PIECE, WITH SPLENDID MEDALLIONS AND BORDERS TO MATCH. AND THEY ARE CONSTANTLY IN THE RECEIPT OF ALL THE NOVELTIES IN THE ABOVE LINE, AS PRODUCED. 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. PUNCHINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) - - - - $4.00 six months, (without premium,) - - - - - 2.00 three months, - - - - - 1.00 Single copies mailed free, for - - - - - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO.S CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows A copy of paper for one year, and Awakening (a Litter of Puppies). Half chromo. Size S~ by 1t~ ($2.00 picture)for $4.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. l2tx9. Dead Game. 11txS~. Easter Morning. 6txlOifor $5.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $5.00 chromos: Group of Chickens; Group of Dricklings; Group of Quails. Each 10x12~. The Poultry Yard. 101x14. The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9*x13. Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10x12for $6.50 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $6.00 chromos: The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13x10+. Spring; Summer; Autumn. 12~x1 6~. The Kids Play Ground. 11x17~ for $7.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $7.50 chromos: Strawberries and Baskets. Cherries and Baskets. Currants. Each 13x18. Hors6~ in a Storm. 22~x15~. Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9~x44tfor $8.00 A copy of paper for one year, and Six American Landscapes. (A set.) 4~x9, price $9.00for - - - $9.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $10 chromos: Sunset in California. (Bierstadt.) lStxl2. Easter Morning. 14x21. Correggios Magdalen. 12~x16~. Summer Fruit, and Autumii Fruit. (Half chromos.) l5~x10~ (companions, price $10.00 for the two)for $10.00 Remittances should be made in P. 0. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first number (April 2d, 1870) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents per year, or five ceats per quarter, in advanc& ; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of money. CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For special terms,address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desi- rous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. Address, P. 0 Box 2783. PUNCHINELIJO PUBLISHING CO., No. 83 Nassau Street, New York.

OCT. 29, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 79 A. T. STEWART & CO. ARE OFFERING EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS IN LADIES ENG LISH HOSE, FULL REGULAR MAKES, From 25 cents per pair upward. ALSO, GENTLEMENS IIALF ilOSE, EXTRA QUALITY, 25 cents per pair upward. LARGE LINES OF Ladies and Gent1ernen~~ Silk anL Merino Underwear. BROADWAY, 4th Aveijue, 9th and 10th Streets. Grand Exposition. A. T. STEWART & CO. HAVE OPENED A SPLENDID AS~O~TMENT O~ PARIS MADE DRESSES, From Worth, E. Pingat and other Celebrated Makers. ALSO, LARGE ADDITIONS, OF THEIR OWN MANUFACTURE, Cut and Trimmed by Artists equal, if not superior, to any in this city. Millinery, Bonnets, & Hats Elegantly Trimmed, from Virots and other Modiste. of the highest Parisian standing. The Prices of the Above are 1~x1reme1y Attractive. BROADWAY, 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Street.. A. T. STEWART & CO. ARE OFFERING A LARGE ASSORTMENT OF American Moquette CARPETS, IN NEW AND ELEGANT DESIGNS, Warranted equal in quality and coloring to the very best French. Price only $3.50 per Yard. Crossleys Best Quality Tapestry Brussels, $1.25 per Yard. Crossleys Velve4s, Extra Quality, $2.25 per Yard. Five-Frcrime Engli8h Body Bru8sel8, $1.75 per Yard. ROYAL WILTONS, $2.50 and $3 per Yard. ALSO, Paris Quality Moquettes, AXMINSTERS BY THE YARD, Aubusson & Axminster Carpets IN ONE PIECE, WITH SPLENDID MEDALLIONS AND BORDERS TO MATCH. AND THEY ARE CONSTANTLY IN THE RECEIPT OF ALL THE NOVELTIES IN THE ABOVE LINE, AS PRODUCED. 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. PUNCHINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) - - - - $4.00 six months, (without premium,) - - - - - 2.00 three months, - - - - - 1.00 Single copies mailed free, for - - - - - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO.S CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows A copy of paper for one year, and Awakening (a Litter of Puppies). Half chromo. Size S~ by 1t~ ($2.00 picture)for $4.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. l2tx9. Dead Game. 11txS~. Easter Morning. 6txlOifor $5.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $5.00 chromos: Group of Chickens; Group of Dricklings; Group of Quails. Each 10x12~. The Poultry Yard. 101x14. The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9*x13. Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10x12for $6.50 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $6.00 chromos: The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13x10+. Spring; Summer; Autumn. 12~x1 6~. The Kids Play Ground. 11x17~ for $7.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $7.50 chromos: Strawberries and Baskets. Cherries and Baskets. Currants. Each 13x18. Hors6~ in a Storm. 22~x15~. Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9~x44tfor $8.00 A copy of paper for one year, and Six American Landscapes. (A set.) 4~x9, price $9.00for - - - $9.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $10 chromos: Sunset in California. (Bierstadt.) lStxl2. Easter Morning. 14x21. Correggios Magdalen. 12~x16~. Summer Fruit, and Autumii Fruit. (Half chromos.) l5~x10~ (companions, price $10.00 for the two)for $10.00 Remittances should be made in P. 0. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first number (April 2d, 1870) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents per year, or five ceats per quarter, in advanc& ; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of money. CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For special terms,address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desi- rous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. Address, P. 0 Box 2783. PUNCHINELIJO PUBLISHING CO., No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 29, 1870. Voice from next room. THEN DONTTHATS A GOOD FELLOW! THE PRINTING HOUSE OF THE UNITED STATES THE UNITED STATES ENVELOPE MANUFACTORY. GEORGE F. NESBITT & Co 163, 165, 167, 169 Pearl St.,& 73, 75~77, 79 P1118 St., 1iew-Yar~. Execute all kinds of Make all kinds of PRINTINC, BLANKBOOKS, Furnish all kinds of Execute the finest styles of STATIONERY, LITHOGRAPHY Make the Best fl D~ ~ Ever offered Is and Cheapest J.~i~W Lid V I J~ a.) the lublh. They have made all the pre-paid Envclop~s for the United States Post-Office Department for the past 16 years, and havo INVARIABLY BEEN ~BE LOWEST BIDDERS. Iheir Machinery is the most complete0 rapid and economical known in the trade. Travelers West and Soirtli-West Should hear in mind that the ERIE RAILWAY IS BY FAR THE CHEAPEST, QUICKEST, AND MOST COMFORTABLE ROUTE, I~ Making Direct and Sure Connection at CIN. CINNATI, with all Lines LOUISVILLE, ~ FOR NEW OR- ~ MEMPHIS, ST. LOUIS, %ka,4~ LEANS, ~ YICKSBURG, NASHVILLE, ~ & MOBILE, And all Points South and South-west. Its DRAWING-ROO~r and SLEEPING COACHES on all Express Trains, rnnning throngh to Cincinnati without change, are the most elegant and spacious used upon any Road in this country, being fitted up in the most e ahorate manner, and having every modern improvement introduced for the comfort of its patrons; running upon the BROAD GAUGE; revealing scenery along the Line unequalled upon this Continent, and rendering a trip over the ERIE one of the delights and pleasures of this life not to he forgotten. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co Ens 241, 329 and 957 Broadway; 205 Chamhers St. 28 dreen- wich St.; cor. 1 th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 Fulton St., Brooklyn: Bepots foot of Chamhers Street and foot of 23d St New York; and the Agents at the principal hotels, travel5~s can ohtain just the ~scket they desire, as well as all the necessary information. PUNCH INELLO, VOL. I, ENDING SEPT. 24, BOUND IN[EXTRA CLOTH, IS ~OW READY. PRICE $2.50. Sent free by any Publisher on receipt of price, or hy PITNCIIINELLO PUBLISIIING (3O1~IPANY, 53 Nassau Street, New York. PEANGS LATEST PUBLICATIONS I Joy of Autumn, Prairie Flowers, Lake George~ West Point, Beethoven, large and small. PEANGS CREOMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the world. PRANGS ILLUSTRATED CATALOGIJE sent free on receipt of s mp. PUNCHINELLO. With a large and varied experience in the management and publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and with the still more positive advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the undertaking, the PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING Co. OF THE CITE OF NEW YORK Presents to the public for approval, the new Illustrated Humorous and Satirical WEEKLY. PAPER, PUNCIIINIELLO, The first number of which was issued under date of April 2. ORIGINAL ARTICLES Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs or suggestive ideas or sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the day, are always acceptable and will be paid for liberally. Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage stamps are inclosed. TERMS: One copy, per year, in advance $4 00 Single copies 10 A specimen copy will he mailed free upon the re- ceipt of ten cents. One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine or paper, price ~2.50, for 5 ii One copy, with any magazine or paper, price $4, for.. 7 00 All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., No. 83 Nassau Street, P.O.Box 2783. NEW YORE. L. PRA~G & CO., Boston. THE MYSTERY o~ MR. E. DROOD, Written Expressly for PUNCHINELLO, BY ORPHEUS C. KERR, Commenced in No. II, will be continued weekly throughout the year. A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom friend, with superb illustrations of 1sT. THE AUTHORS PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGADS HILL, TICKNORS FIELDS, NEW JERSEY. 2u. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE, taken as he appears Every Saturday, will also be found in the same number. Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen (or mailed from this office, free), Ten Cents. Subscription for One Year, one copy, with $~ Chromo Premium, $4. Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new serial, which promises to be the best ever written by ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular receipt weekly. We will send the first Ten Numbers of PUNCHINELLO to any one who wishes to see them In view of subscribing, on the receipt of SIXTY CENTS. Address, P. 0. Box 27& 3. PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING COMPANY, 83 Nassau Street, New York. 80 THE HARMONY OF THE EVENING. Ii~omantie Youth (with more assurance than voice). I CANNOT SING THAT OLD SONG.

Nov. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. THE MYSTERY OF Mu. E. DROOD. AN ADAPTATION. BY ORPHEUS C. KERR. CHAPTER XXVI. FOR 13~5TTER, FOR WORSE. Miss CAEOWTRE1IS having gone out with Mrs. SKAMMERlIORN to skirmish with the wcnlld of dry-goods clerks for one of those alarming sacrifices in f& minine a~pparel which woman onselfishly, yet never needlessly, is always making, FLORA sat alone in her new home work- ing the latest headed pim-cushion of her useful life. Frequently ex- periencing the truth of the adage, that as you sew so shall you rip, the fair young thing was passing half her valuable time in ripping out the mistaken stitches she had made in the other half; and the severe moral discipline thus endured made her mad, as equivalent vexa- tion would have made a man the reverse of that word. Flippant social satirists cannot dwell with sufficient sarcasm upon the difference be- tween the invincible amiability affected by artless girls in society and their occasional bitterness of aspect in the privacy of home; never stopping to reflect that there are sore private trials for these industri- ous young crochet creatures iu which the thread of the most equable female existence is necessarily worsted. Miss POTTS, then, although looking up from her trying worsted occupation at the servant who entered with a rather snappish expression of countenance, was guilty of no particularly hypocritical assumption in at once suffering her fea- tures to relax into a sweetly pensive smile upon learning that there was a gentleman to see her in the parlor. MONTGOMERY PENDRAGON, she softly read from the card pre- sented. Is he alone, BRIDGET, dear? Sorra any wan with him but his cane, Miss; and that he axed me wud I sthand it behind the dure for him. There was a look of desperate purpose about this. When a senti- mental young man seeks a private interview with a marriageable young woman, and recklessly refuses at the outset to retain at least his cane for the solution of the intricate conversational problem of what to do with his hands, it is an infallible sign that some madly rash intention has temporarily overpowered his usual sheepish imbecility, and that he may be expected to speak and act with almost human intelligence. With hand instinctively pressed upon her heart, to moderate its too sanguine pulsations and show the delicate lace around her cuffs, FLORA shyly entered the parlor, and surprised Mr. PENDRAGON striding up and down the apartment like one of the more comic of the tragic actors of the day. Miss PoTTs! ejaculated the wild young Southern pedestrian, paus- ing suddenly at her approach, with considerable excitement of manner, scorn me, spurn me, if you will; but do not let sectional embitter- ment blind you to the fact that I am here by the request of Mr. DIBBLE. I wasnt scorning and spurning anybody, explained the startled orphan, coyly accepting the chair he pushed forward. Im sure I dont feel any sectional hatred, nor any other ridiculous thing. Forgive me ! pleaded MONTGOMERY. I reckon Im a heap too sensitive about my Southern birth; but only think, Miss PoTTs, what Ive had to go through since Ive been amongst you Yankees! Fancy what it is to be suspected of a murder, and have no political influence. It must be so absurd! murmured FLORA. Ive felt wretched enough about it to become a contributor to the first-class American comic paper on the next floor below me, he con- tinued, gloomily. And here, to-day, without any explanation, your guardian desires me to come here and wait for him. Im sorry thats such a trial for you, Mr. PENDRAGON, simpered the Flowerpot. Perhaps youd prefer to wait on the front stoop, and appear as though youd just come, you know? And can you think, cried the young man with increased agitation, that it would be any trial for me to be in your society, if? But tell me, Miss POTTS, has your guardian the right to dispose of your hand in marriage? I suppose so, answered FLORA, with innocent surprise and a pretty blush; he has charge of all my money matters, you know. Then it is as I feared, groaned her questioner, smiting his fore- head. He is coming here to-day to tell you what man. of opulen~c he wants you to have, and I aia to be witness to my own hopelessness! What makes you think anything so ridiculous, you absurd thing ? asked the orphan, not unkindly. He as good as said so, sighed the unhappy Southerner. He told me, with his own mouth, that he wanted to get you off his hands as soon as possible, and thought he saw his way clear to do it. The girl knew what bitter, intolerable emotions were tearing the heart of the ill-fated secessionist before her, and, in her own gentle heart, pitied him. He neednt be so sure about it, she said, with indignant spirit. Ill never marry any stranger, unless hes awful richoh, as rich as anything! Oh, Miss POTTS ! roared MONTGOMERY, suddenly, folding-down upon one knee before her, and scratching his nose with a ring upon the hand he sought to kiss, why will you not bestow upon me the heart so generously disdainful of everything except the most extreme wealth? Why waste your best years in waiting for proposals from a class of Northern men who occasionally expect that their brides, also, shall have property, when here I offer you the name and hand of a loving Southern gentleman, who only needs the paying off of a few mortgages on his estate in the South to be beyond all immediate danger of starvation? Turning her pretty head aside, but unconsciously allowing him to re- tain her hand, she faintly asked how they were to live? Live ! repeated the impetuous lover. On love, hash, mutual trust, bread pudding: anything thats cheap. Ill do the washing and ironing myself. How perfectly ridiculous! said the oi-phan, bashfully turning her head still further aside, and bringing one ear-ring to bear strongly upon him. Youd never be able to do fluting and pinking in the world. I could do anything, with you by my side ! he retorted, eageriy. Oh, Miss POTTS FLORA !-thiuk how lonely I am. My sister, as you may have heard, has accepted Gospeler SIMPsONs proposal, by mail, for her hand, and is already so busy quarrelling with his mother that she is no longer any company for me. My fate is in your hands; it is in womans power to either make or marry the man who loves her Provided, always, that her legal guardian consents, interrupted the benignant voice of Mr. DIBBLE, who, unperceived by them, had entered the room in time to finish the sentence. Springing alertly to an upright position, and coughing excessively, Mr. PENDRAGON was a shamefaced reproach to his whole sex while the young lady used the edge of her right ~foot against a seam of the carpet with that extreme solicitude as to the result which is always so entirely deceiving to those who have hoped to see her show signs of painful embarrassment. After surveying them in thoughtful silence for a moment, the old lawyer bent over his ward, and hugged and kissed her with an unctuous- ness justified by his great age and extreme goodness. It was his fine old way of bestowing an inestimable blessing upon all the plump younger women of his acquaintance, and the benediction was conferred on the slightest pretexts, and impartially, up to a certain age. Am I to construe what Lhave seen and heard, my dear, as equiva- lent to the conclusion of my gnardianship? he asked, smilingly. Oh, please dont be so ridiculousoh, I never was so exquisitely nervous, pleaded the helpless, fluttered yonng creature. I reckon Ive betrayed your confidence, sir, said MONTGOMERY, desperately; but you must have known, from hearsay at least, how I have felt toward this young lady ever since our first meeting, and should not have exposed me to a temptation stronger than I could bear. I have, indeed, done myself the honor to offer her the hand and heart of one who, although but a poor gentleman, will be richer than kin s if she deigns to make him so. g Why, how absurd! ejaculated the orphan, quickly. Its per fectly ridiculous to call me well off; and how cauld I make you richer thafi kings and things, you know? The old and the young men exchanged looks of unspeakable admira- tion at such touching artlessiless. Sweet innocence! exclaimed her guardian, playfully pinching her cheek and privately surprised at its floury feeling. What would ~you say if I told you that, since our shrewd EDDY retired from the contest, I have been wishing to see you and our Southern friend here brought to !ust such terms as you appear to have reached? What would you say if I added that, such consummation seeming to be the best you or your friends could do for yourself, I have determined to deal with you ~s a daughter, in the matter of seeing to it that you begin your married life with a daughters portion from my own estate? Both the young people had his hands in theirs, on either side of him in an instant. There! there! continued the excellent old gentleman, dont try to express yourselves. FLORA, place one of your hands in the breast of my coat, and draw out the parcel you find there. * * * Thats it. The article it contains once belonged to your mother, my dear, and has been returned to me by the hands to which I once committed it in the hope that they would present it to you. I loved your mother well, my child, but had not enough property at the time to contend with Entered according to Act of Congress, in thc year 1870, by the PUNCITJNELLO PuJorslllNe CoawANY, in the Office ef the Librarian of Congress at Washington. 88 PUNCHINELLO. Noy. 5, 1870. your father. Open the parcel in private, and be warned by its moral: Better is wilful waist than woeful want of it. It was the stay-lace by which Mrs. Porrs, from too great persistence in drawing herself up proudly, had perished in her prime. Now come into the open air with me, and let us walk to Central Park, continued Mr. DIBBLE, shaking off his momentary fit of gloom. I have strange things to tell you both. I have to teach you, in jus- tice to a much. injured man, that we have, in our hearts, cruelly wronged that excellent and devout Mr. BUMSTEAD, by suspecting him of a crime whereof be is now proved innocentat least I suspected him. To-morrow night we must all be in Bumsteadville. I will tell you why as we walk. CHAPT~ER XXVII. soLTJrIoN. IN the darkness of a night made opaque by approaching showers, a man stands under the low-drooping branches of the edge of a wood skirting the cross-road leading down to Gospelers Gulch. Not en.igh saved from the wreck even to buy the merciful rope that should end all my humor and impecuniosity ! he mutters, over his folded arms and heaving chest. I have come to this out-of-the-way suburb to end my miserable days, and not so much as one clothes-line have I seen yet. There is the pond, however; I can jump into that, I suppose: but how much more decent were it to make ones quletus under the merry greenwood tree with a cord__~ He stops suddenly, holding his breath; and, almost simultaneously with a sharp, rushing noise in the leaves overhead, something drops upon his shoulder. He grasps it, cautiously feels of it, and, to his unspeakable amazement, discovers that it is a rope apparently fastened to the branches above! Wonderful! he ejaculates, in an awe-stricken whisper. Provi- dence helps a wretch to die, if not to live. At any other time I should think this very strange, but just now Ive got but one thing to do. Heres my rope, heres my neck, and here goes ! Heedless of everything but his dread intention, he rapidly ties the rope about his throat, and is in the act of throwing forward his whole weight upon it, when there is a sharp jerk of the rope, he is drawn up about three feet in the air, and, before he can collect his thoughts, is as abruptly let down upon his feet again. Simultaneously, a sound almost like suppressed swearing comes very clearly to his ear, and he is con- scious of something dimly white in the profound darkness, not far away. Sold again: signed, J. Bu~srEAD, exclaims a deep voice. I thought the rope was caught in a crotch; but twasnt. Tryt once more. The astounded hearer feels the rope tugging at his own neck again, and, with a half comprehension of the situation, calls Stop! inn suffocating voice. Whos there? comes from the darkness. JEREMY BENTHAM, late proprietor of first-class American Comic PaperDied of Comic Serial.Want to hang myself, is the jerky re- ply fyom the other side. Got your own rope, sir? No. One fell down on my shoulders just as I was wishing for it; but it seems to be too elastic. Thats the other end f my rope, sir, rejoins the second voice, as in wrath. I threwt over the branches and thought it had caught, and instead of that it let me down, sir. And drew me up, says Mr. BENTHAM. Before another word can be spoken by either, the light of a dark- lantern is flashed upon them. There is Mr. BIJMSTEAD, not three yards from Mr. BENTHAM; each with an end of the same rope about his neck, and the head of the former turbaned with a damp towel. Are ye men? exclaims the deep voice of Mr. MELANcTHON SdHENcR from behind the lantern, and would ye madly incur death before having taken out life-policies in the Boreal ? And would my uncle celebrate my return in this style ? cried still another voice from the darkness. Whos that spoke just then? cries the Ritualistic organist. The answer comes like the note of a trumpet EDWIN Dnoon! At the same instant a great glare of light breaks upon the scene from a bonfire of tar-barrels, ignited at the higher end of the cross-road by young SMALLEY; and, to the mingled bewilderment and exasperation of Mr. BUMSTEAD, the radiance reveals, as in noonday, Mr. SCIIENcK and his long-lost nephew standing before him; and, coming towards them in festive procession from Gospelers Gulch, MONTGOMERY PEN- DRAGON with FLORA on his arm, the Reverend OcrAvIus SIMPSON es- cortin~ MAGNOLIA, Mr. DIBBLE guarding Mrs. SIMPsON, Mr. CLEwS arm in arm with JouN MCLAUGIIMN. Father DEAN and Judge.SwEE. NEY, Miss CAROwTIIERS, and the SMvTIIEs. Trying to hang yourselves ! exclaims Mr. DIBBLE, as the throng gathers curiously around the two gentlemen of the rope. And my old friend BENTITAM, too! cries the Gospeler. how perfectly ridiculous! warbles FLORA. Staring majestically from one face to the other, and from thence to- wards the illuminating bonfire, Mr. BUMSTEAD, quite unconscious of the picturesque effect of the towel on his head, deliberately draws an antique black battle from his pocket, moistens his lips therewith, passes it to the Comic Paper man, and eats a clove. What is the meaning of this general intoxication? he then asks, quite severely. Why does this mass-meeting, greatly under the influ- ence of inferior liquor as it plainly is, intrude thus upon the last hours of a Ritualistic gentleman and- a humorous publisher? Because, Uncle JACK, returns EDwIN DROOD, holding his hands curiously behind him as he speaks, this is a night of general rejoicing in Bumsteadvllle, in honor of my reappearance; and, directed by your landlord, Mr. SMYTHE, we have come out to make you join in our cheer. We are all heartily sorry for the great anguish you have en- dured in consequence of my unexplained absence. Let me tell you how it was, as I have already told all our friends here. You know where you placed me while you were in your clove-trance, and I was so unbecomingly asleep, on Christmas night. Well, I was discovered there, in less than three hours thereafter, by Jorm MCLAUGHLIN, who carried me to his own house, and there managed to awaken me. Re- covering my senses, I was disgusted with myself, asha~ned of what had happened, and anxious to leave Bumsteadville. I swore Old Mor- tarity to secrecy Which I have observed, explains MCLAUGHLIN, nodding. And started immediately for Egypt, in Illinois, continues Mr. DROOD. There I went into railroading; am engaged to a nice little girl there; and came back two days ago to explain myself all around. Returning here, I saw JOHN MCLAUGHLIN first, who told me that a certain Mr. CLEWs was here to unravel the Mystery about me, and per- suaded me to let Mr. CLEws work you into another visit to the cellar in the Pauper Burial Ground, and there appear to you as my own ghost, before finally revealing myself as I now do. The glassy eyes of the Ritualistic organist are fixed upon him in a most uncomfortable manner, but no comment comes. And I, Mr. BUM5TEAD, says the old lawyer, must apologize to you for having indulged a wrong suspicion. Possibly you were rather rash in chai~ging everybody else with assassination and larceny, and of- fering to marry my ward upon the strength of her dislike to you; but well say no more of those things now. Miss PoTTs has consented to become Mrs. PENDRAGON; Miss PENDRAGON is the betrothed of Rev. Mr. SIMPsON, Miss CAROWTIIER5 honors me with a matrimonialpreference, in- terpolates Judge SWEENEY, gallantly bowing to that spinster. Breachy Mr. BLODGETT! sighs the lady, to herself. And three weddings will help us to forget everything but that which is bright and pleasant, concludes the lawyer. Next steps to the front Mr. TRACEY CLEws, with his surprising head of hair, and archiy remarks: I believe you take me for a~ literary man, Mr. BUM5TEAD. What is that to me, sir? Ive no money to lend, returns the or- ganist, with marked uneasiness. To tell you the truth, proceeds the author of The Amateur De- tective, to tell youthe whole truth, I have been playingthe detective with you by order of Mr. DIBBLE, and hope you will excuse my prac- tice upon you. He is my clerk, explains Mr. DIBBLE. Whereupon Mr. TRACEY CLEws dexterously whips off his brush of red hair, and stands revealed as Mr. BLADAMS. Merely waiting to granulate one more clove, Mr. BUM5TEAD settles the rope about his neck anew, squints around under the wet towel in a curiously ghastly manner, and thus addresses the meeting Ladies and genlmenIve listened to yr impudence with patience, and on any other casion would be happy to see yall safe home. At present, however, Mr. BENTHAM and I desire to be left alone, if ts all th same t you. You can come for the bodies in th morning. 4BEETHAM! BENTHAM ! calls the Gospeler, I cant see you acting in that way, old friend. Come home with me to-night, and well talk of starting a Religious Weekly together. Thats your only successful American Comic Paper. By Jove! so it is! bawls JEREMY BENTHAM, like one possessed. I never thought of that before! Im with you, my boy. And, hastily slipping the rope from his neck, he hurries to his friends side. And you, Uncle JAcKlook at this ! exclaims Mr. E. DROOD, bring- ing from behind his back and presenting to the melancholy organist a thing that looks, at first glance, like an incredibly slim little black girl, headless, with no waist at all, and balanced on one leg. Mr. BUM5TEAD reaches for it mechanically; a look of intelligence comes into his glassy eyes; then they fairly flame. ALLIE ! he cries, dancing ecstatically. It is the Umbrellaold familiar bone-handle, brass ferrulein a bran-new dress of alpaca! All gaze at him with unspeakable emotion, as, with the rope cast fromn him, he pats his dear old friend, opens her half way, shuts her again, and the while smiles with ineffable tenderness. Suddeuly a shriekthe voice of FLORAbreaks the silence It rains !oh, my complexion! Rains? thunders the regenerated BTJM5TEAD, in a tone of incon- ceivable triumph. So it does. Now then, ALLIE, do your duty ; and, with a softly wooing, hospitable air, he opens the umbrella and holds it high over his head. By a common instinct they all swarm in upon him, craning their heads far over each others shoulders to secure a share of the Providen- tial shelter. The glare of the great bonfire falls upon the scene; the rain pours down in torrents: they crowd in upon him on all sides, until what was once a stately Ritualistic man resembles some tremen- dous monster with seventeen wriggling bodies, thirty-four legs, and an alpaca canopy above all. THE END. 84 Nov. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. PUNCHINELLOS Sporting Special went down to Sandy Hook last week to supervise the race between the Dauntless and the Cambria. The affair was consequently a great success. Attired in white corduroy breeches, a blue velvet waistcoat, and a light boating-jacket of yellow flannel, your reporter left the Battery at 0 hrs. 22 m. and S secs. on Friday morning, and steamed slowly down the bay in the editorial row-boat Panehinelletto, which was manned by an individual of remarkable oar-acular powers. So highly was he gifted indeed in this respect, that your special was enabled to predict the result of the aquatic gambols with perfect accuracy, as it afterward appeared. Having got the yachts in position, he gave Messrs. BENNETT and ASIIBURY an audience, in which it was setth~d by your representative that, owing to a split in the Uamfrrias club-topsail, both parties should carry their block-headed jibs; and the contest was ~begun. In his anxiety to see fair play, however, your reporter at first inno- cently took the lead, shooting off, at the given signal, far in advance of the two yachts. His surprise was therefore great v~hen the latter sud- denly hove to on their beam-ends, and declared an armistice, to permit of Mr. ASHBURYS publishing the following Card. Much as I appreciate the kindness and attention extended to me on all previous occasions in these waters, I must still politely insist that the Paneidnelletto relinquish her natural and perhaps unavoidable tendency to take the wind out of everybodys sails, and sHbmit to remain in the wake of these yachts during the continuance of the race. And I hereby challenge all fast-sailing yachts of over 100 tons burthen, and under 50, to a 15-mile race dead to windward and back again alive. (Signed) Asnnuxv. Upon this your reporter manned the yard-arms, fired a salute of 100 guns, and directed the Oar-acular to back water; thereby giving the Dauntless the lead, which she retained up to the end of the race. By the clever management of her Tacks ~he succeeded in completely Nail- ing the tambria. On the home-s~tretch, however, the latter began eat- ing up on her, to such an al4arming degree, that it was feared the provisions of the Dauntless would not hold out. By putting the crew on half-rations of champagne and sponge-cake this awful calamity was averted. Excited by the presence of danger, your reporter forgot his habitual caution, and giving his Gar-ist a hearing, made all sail for the mark- boat. The tow-line was passed from the bows aft, and there attached to the boat-hook, held by your representative. Upon this impromptu clothes-line was crowded all the canvas, velvet, linen, and other dry- goods appertaining to the gallant captain and his self-sacrificing crew. The latter gentleman might have been seen under this gay cloud of drapery working fitfuWy but energetically to and fro. But t was all in vain! The Dauntless passed the mark-boat, and the race was won. Won? But by whom? The daily papers, with their usual inaccuracy~ have made it appear that the Dauntless was the winner, but among thinking men there is but one opinion in regard to the matter, an opinion fully explained and corroborated in the following, published by Mr. ASHBTJRY, immediately on the Punchinel- letto passing the mark-boat: Card. I take this opportunity of saying that whatever misunder- standing may have arisen in the early part of this race as to the position of the Puncidnelletta, it is now but just to admit that she has shown herself worthy, both in point of speed and management, to take rank among the first-class yachts of the fleet, and I hereby challenge, & c., & c. (Signed) / Assrnunv. This was further supplemented by a Card from Mr. BENNETT. In token of my concurrence in the brilliant success of the Punchinelletto, and my personal esteem for her commander, I hereby beg to place at his disposal my yacht Dauntless, to- gether with all her stores, ordnance, by-laws, and small arms. (Signed) BENNETT. In reply to both of which your reporter circulated the fol- lowing: Reply. It is my express desire that no public mention shall be made of the concession on my part by which the Dauntless was permitted ap- parently to win the race. It is the duty of him who might have been the victor to display a magnanimous spirit to those who in that case would have been the vanquished. I must, however, regret that cir- cumstances of a peculiar nature prevent my availing myself of Mr. BENNETTS kind offer. Though this will not stand in the way of my accepting with pleasurenay, even ~vith alacritythe 250 silver cup appointed for the winner of to-days race, as the just meed of one who, though of a naturally retiring disposition, is forced on the present oc- casion to adknowledge himself facile princeps. (Signed) Sporting Spec. rice PUNCHINELLO. After waiting for Mr. BENNETTS gig, or water-buggy, to row up and award the prize, your special nodded majestically to the Oar-acular, who thereupon steamed slowly up the bfiy again, arriving at the Bat- tery in the rosy dawn. PRUSSIAS POSITION PHILOSOPHICALLY PUT. GERMAN metaphysicians have settled so completely to the satisfac- tion of their countrymen that bein/, and not being are identical, that this may serve to explain how, while holding possession of her share in the partition of Poland, Prussia professes to be virtuously indig- nant at France for retaining Alsace and Lorraine. OUT OF THE PAN INTO THE FIRE. *VHAT with BIsMARCKs pangermanism, the CZARS panslavism, NA- POLEONS panlatinism, the spread of pantheism, the threatened meta- morphosis of pantalettes into pantaloons, ANDREWS pantarchy, and Foxs pantomime, the old rdgime seems going precipitately to pot. A JUDICIOUS JEW. Sucn was the one who wished to contract for the sweepings of Stein- way Hail when he heard that NILsSoN showered throughout the room her precious tones. EXIT SUN. Tm~ newsboys in the streets no longer cry The Sun, with stentorian voices, but in gentle whispers, fearing to disturb the repose of that waning luminary. TAPPING THE TILL Is THERE any connection between the quite common offence in New York of tapping the till, and the nomination of a Mr. TArTAN for Comptroller by the JOflTN hEAL Democracy? THE RACE OF THE DAUNTLESS AND CAMBRIA.

Nov. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. PUNCHINELLOS Sporting Special went down to Sandy Hook last week to supervise the race between the Dauntless and the Cambria. The affair was consequently a great success. Attired in white corduroy breeches, a blue velvet waistcoat, and a light boating-jacket of yellow flannel, your reporter left the Battery at 0 hrs. 22 m. and S secs. on Friday morning, and steamed slowly down the bay in the editorial row-boat Panehinelletto, which was manned by an individual of remarkable oar-acular powers. So highly was he gifted indeed in this respect, that your special was enabled to predict the result of the aquatic gambols with perfect accuracy, as it afterward appeared. Having got the yachts in position, he gave Messrs. BENNETT and ASIIBURY an audience, in which it was setth~d by your representative that, owing to a split in the Uamfrrias club-topsail, both parties should carry their block-headed jibs; and the contest was ~begun. In his anxiety to see fair play, however, your reporter at first inno- cently took the lead, shooting off, at the given signal, far in advance of the two yachts. His surprise was therefore great v~hen the latter sud- denly hove to on their beam-ends, and declared an armistice, to permit of Mr. ASHBURYS publishing the following Card. Much as I appreciate the kindness and attention extended to me on all previous occasions in these waters, I must still politely insist that the Paneidnelletto relinquish her natural and perhaps unavoidable tendency to take the wind out of everybodys sails, and sHbmit to remain in the wake of these yachts during the continuance of the race. And I hereby challenge all fast-sailing yachts of over 100 tons burthen, and under 50, to a 15-mile race dead to windward and back again alive. (Signed) Asnnuxv. Upon this your reporter manned the yard-arms, fired a salute of 100 guns, and directed the Oar-acular to back water; thereby giving the Dauntless the lead, which she retained up to the end of the race. By the clever management of her Tacks ~he succeeded in completely Nail- ing the tambria. On the home-s~tretch, however, the latter began eat- ing up on her, to such an al4arming degree, that it was feared the provisions of the Dauntless would not hold out. By putting the crew on half-rations of champagne and sponge-cake this awful calamity was averted. Excited by the presence of danger, your reporter forgot his habitual caution, and giving his Gar-ist a hearing, made all sail for the mark- boat. The tow-line was passed from the bows aft, and there attached to the boat-hook, held by your representative. Upon this impromptu clothes-line was crowded all the canvas, velvet, linen, and other dry- goods appertaining to the gallant captain and his self-sacrificing crew. The latter gentleman might have been seen under this gay cloud of drapery working fitfuWy but energetically to and fro. But t was all in vain! The Dauntless passed the mark-boat, and the race was won. Won? But by whom? The daily papers, with their usual inaccuracy~ have made it appear that the Dauntless was the winner, but among thinking men there is but one opinion in regard to the matter, an opinion fully explained and corroborated in the following, published by Mr. ASHBTJRY, immediately on the Punchinel- letto passing the mark-boat: Card. I take this opportunity of saying that whatever misunder- standing may have arisen in the early part of this race as to the position of the Puncidnelletta, it is now but just to admit that she has shown herself worthy, both in point of speed and management, to take rank among the first-class yachts of the fleet, and I hereby challenge, & c., & c. (Signed) / Assrnunv. This was further supplemented by a Card from Mr. BENNETT. In token of my concurrence in the brilliant success of the Punchinelletto, and my personal esteem for her commander, I hereby beg to place at his disposal my yacht Dauntless, to- gether with all her stores, ordnance, by-laws, and small arms. (Signed) BENNETT. In reply to both of which your reporter circulated the fol- lowing: Reply. It is my express desire that no public mention shall be made of the concession on my part by which the Dauntless was permitted ap- parently to win the race. It is the duty of him who might have been the victor to display a magnanimous spirit to those who in that case would have been the vanquished. I must, however, regret that cir- cumstances of a peculiar nature prevent my availing myself of Mr. BENNETTS kind offer. Though this will not stand in the way of my accepting with pleasurenay, even ~vith alacritythe 250 silver cup appointed for the winner of to-days race, as the just meed of one who, though of a naturally retiring disposition, is forced on the present oc- casion to adknowledge himself facile princeps. (Signed) Sporting Spec. rice PUNCHINELLO. After waiting for Mr. BENNETTS gig, or water-buggy, to row up and award the prize, your special nodded majestically to the Oar-acular, who thereupon steamed slowly up the bfiy again, arriving at the Bat- tery in the rosy dawn. PRUSSIAS POSITION PHILOSOPHICALLY PUT. GERMAN metaphysicians have settled so completely to the satisfac- tion of their countrymen that bein/, and not being are identical, that this may serve to explain how, while holding possession of her share in the partition of Poland, Prussia professes to be virtuously indig- nant at France for retaining Alsace and Lorraine. OUT OF THE PAN INTO THE FIRE. *VHAT with BIsMARCKs pangermanism, the CZARS panslavism, NA- POLEONS panlatinism, the spread of pantheism, the threatened meta- morphosis of pantalettes into pantaloons, ANDREWS pantarchy, and Foxs pantomime, the old rdgime seems going precipitately to pot. A JUDICIOUS JEW. Sucn was the one who wished to contract for the sweepings of Stein- way Hail when he heard that NILsSoN showered throughout the room her precious tones. EXIT SUN. Tm~ newsboys in the streets no longer cry The Sun, with stentorian voices, but in gentle whispers, fearing to disturb the repose of that waning luminary. TAPPING THE TILL Is THERE any connection between the quite common offence in New York of tapping the till, and the nomination of a Mr. TArTAN for Comptroller by the JOflTN hEAL Democracy? THE RACE OF THE DAUNTLESS AND CAMBRIA.

Nov. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. PUNCHINELLOS Sporting Special went down to Sandy Hook last week to supervise the race between the Dauntless and the Cambria. The affair was consequently a great success. Attired in white corduroy breeches, a blue velvet waistcoat, and a light boating-jacket of yellow flannel, your reporter left the Battery at 0 hrs. 22 m. and S secs. on Friday morning, and steamed slowly down the bay in the editorial row-boat Panehinelletto, which was manned by an individual of remarkable oar-acular powers. So highly was he gifted indeed in this respect, that your special was enabled to predict the result of the aquatic gambols with perfect accuracy, as it afterward appeared. Having got the yachts in position, he gave Messrs. BENNETT and ASIIBURY an audience, in which it was setth~d by your representative that, owing to a split in the Uamfrrias club-topsail, both parties should carry their block-headed jibs; and the contest was ~begun. In his anxiety to see fair play, however, your reporter at first inno- cently took the lead, shooting off, at the given signal, far in advance of the two yachts. His surprise was therefore great v~hen the latter sud- denly hove to on their beam-ends, and declared an armistice, to permit of Mr. ASHBURYS publishing the following Card. Much as I appreciate the kindness and attention extended to me on all previous occasions in these waters, I must still politely insist that the Paneidnelletto relinquish her natural and perhaps unavoidable tendency to take the wind out of everybodys sails, and sHbmit to remain in the wake of these yachts during the continuance of the race. And I hereby challenge all fast-sailing yachts of over 100 tons burthen, and under 50, to a 15-mile race dead to windward and back again alive. (Signed) Asnnuxv. Upon this your reporter manned the yard-arms, fired a salute of 100 guns, and directed the Oar-acular to back water; thereby giving the Dauntless the lead, which she retained up to the end of the race. By the clever management of her Tacks ~he succeeded in completely Nail- ing the tambria. On the home-s~tretch, however, the latter began eat- ing up on her, to such an al4arming degree, that it was feared the provisions of the Dauntless would not hold out. By putting the crew on half-rations of champagne and sponge-cake this awful calamity was averted. Excited by the presence of danger, your reporter forgot his habitual caution, and giving his Gar-ist a hearing, made all sail for the mark- boat. The tow-line was passed from the bows aft, and there attached to the boat-hook, held by your representative. Upon this impromptu clothes-line was crowded all the canvas, velvet, linen, and other dry- goods appertaining to the gallant captain and his self-sacrificing crew. The latter gentleman might have been seen under this gay cloud of drapery working fitfuWy but energetically to and fro. But t was all in vain! The Dauntless passed the mark-boat, and the race was won. Won? But by whom? The daily papers, with their usual inaccuracy~ have made it appear that the Dauntless was the winner, but among thinking men there is but one opinion in regard to the matter, an opinion fully explained and corroborated in the following, published by Mr. ASHBTJRY, immediately on the Punchinel- letto passing the mark-boat: Card. I take this opportunity of saying that whatever misunder- standing may have arisen in the early part of this race as to the position of the Puncidnelletta, it is now but just to admit that she has shown herself worthy, both in point of speed and management, to take rank among the first-class yachts of the fleet, and I hereby challenge, & c., & c. (Signed) / Assrnunv. This was further supplemented by a Card from Mr. BENNETT. In token of my concurrence in the brilliant success of the Punchinelletto, and my personal esteem for her commander, I hereby beg to place at his disposal my yacht Dauntless, to- gether with all her stores, ordnance, by-laws, and small arms. (Signed) BENNETT. In reply to both of which your reporter circulated the fol- lowing: Reply. It is my express desire that no public mention shall be made of the concession on my part by which the Dauntless was permitted ap- parently to win the race. It is the duty of him who might have been the victor to display a magnanimous spirit to those who in that case would have been the vanquished. I must, however, regret that cir- cumstances of a peculiar nature prevent my availing myself of Mr. BENNETTS kind offer. Though this will not stand in the way of my accepting with pleasurenay, even ~vith alacritythe 250 silver cup appointed for the winner of to-days race, as the just meed of one who, though of a naturally retiring disposition, is forced on the present oc- casion to adknowledge himself facile princeps. (Signed) Sporting Spec. rice PUNCHINELLO. After waiting for Mr. BENNETTS gig, or water-buggy, to row up and award the prize, your special nodded majestically to the Oar-acular, who thereupon steamed slowly up the bfiy again, arriving at the Bat- tery in the rosy dawn. PRUSSIAS POSITION PHILOSOPHICALLY PUT. GERMAN metaphysicians have settled so completely to the satisfac- tion of their countrymen that bein/, and not being are identical, that this may serve to explain how, while holding possession of her share in the partition of Poland, Prussia professes to be virtuously indig- nant at France for retaining Alsace and Lorraine. OUT OF THE PAN INTO THE FIRE. *VHAT with BIsMARCKs pangermanism, the CZARS panslavism, NA- POLEONS panlatinism, the spread of pantheism, the threatened meta- morphosis of pantalettes into pantaloons, ANDREWS pantarchy, and Foxs pantomime, the old rdgime seems going precipitately to pot. A JUDICIOUS JEW. Sucn was the one who wished to contract for the sweepings of Stein- way Hail when he heard that NILsSoN showered throughout the room her precious tones. EXIT SUN. Tm~ newsboys in the streets no longer cry The Sun, with stentorian voices, but in gentle whispers, fearing to disturb the repose of that waning luminary. TAPPING THE TILL Is THERE any connection between the quite common offence in New York of tapping the till, and the nomination of a Mr. TArTAN for Comptroller by the JOflTN hEAL Democracy? THE RACE OF THE DAUNTLESS AND CAMBRIA.

Nov. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. PUNCHINELLOS Sporting Special went down to Sandy Hook last week to supervise the race between the Dauntless and the Cambria. The affair was consequently a great success. Attired in white corduroy breeches, a blue velvet waistcoat, and a light boating-jacket of yellow flannel, your reporter left the Battery at 0 hrs. 22 m. and S secs. on Friday morning, and steamed slowly down the bay in the editorial row-boat Panehinelletto, which was manned by an individual of remarkable oar-acular powers. So highly was he gifted indeed in this respect, that your special was enabled to predict the result of the aquatic gambols with perfect accuracy, as it afterward appeared. Having got the yachts in position, he gave Messrs. BENNETT and ASIIBURY an audience, in which it was setth~d by your representative that, owing to a split in the Uamfrrias club-topsail, both parties should carry their block-headed jibs; and the contest was ~begun. In his anxiety to see fair play, however, your reporter at first inno- cently took the lead, shooting off, at the given signal, far in advance of the two yachts. His surprise was therefore great v~hen the latter sud- denly hove to on their beam-ends, and declared an armistice, to permit of Mr. ASHBURYS publishing the following Card. Much as I appreciate the kindness and attention extended to me on all previous occasions in these waters, I must still politely insist that the Paneidnelletto relinquish her natural and perhaps unavoidable tendency to take the wind out of everybodys sails, and sHbmit to remain in the wake of these yachts during the continuance of the race. And I hereby challenge all fast-sailing yachts of over 100 tons burthen, and under 50, to a 15-mile race dead to windward and back again alive. (Signed) Asnnuxv. Upon this your reporter manned the yard-arms, fired a salute of 100 guns, and directed the Oar-acular to back water; thereby giving the Dauntless the lead, which she retained up to the end of the race. By the clever management of her Tacks ~he succeeded in completely Nail- ing the tambria. On the home-s~tretch, however, the latter began eat- ing up on her, to such an al4arming degree, that it was feared the provisions of the Dauntless would not hold out. By putting the crew on half-rations of champagne and sponge-cake this awful calamity was averted. Excited by the presence of danger, your reporter forgot his habitual caution, and giving his Gar-ist a hearing, made all sail for the mark- boat. The tow-line was passed from the bows aft, and there attached to the boat-hook, held by your representative. Upon this impromptu clothes-line was crowded all the canvas, velvet, linen, and other dry- goods appertaining to the gallant captain and his self-sacrificing crew. The latter gentleman might have been seen under this gay cloud of drapery working fitfuWy but energetically to and fro. But t was all in vain! The Dauntless passed the mark-boat, and the race was won. Won? But by whom? The daily papers, with their usual inaccuracy~ have made it appear that the Dauntless was the winner, but among thinking men there is but one opinion in regard to the matter, an opinion fully explained and corroborated in the following, published by Mr. ASHBTJRY, immediately on the Punchinel- letto passing the mark-boat: Card. I take this opportunity of saying that whatever misunder- standing may have arisen in the early part of this race as to the position of the Puncidnelletta, it is now but just to admit that she has shown herself worthy, both in point of speed and management, to take rank among the first-class yachts of the fleet, and I hereby challenge, & c., & c. (Signed) / Assrnunv. This was further supplemented by a Card from Mr. BENNETT. In token of my concurrence in the brilliant success of the Punchinelletto, and my personal esteem for her commander, I hereby beg to place at his disposal my yacht Dauntless, to- gether with all her stores, ordnance, by-laws, and small arms. (Signed) BENNETT. In reply to both of which your reporter circulated the fol- lowing: Reply. It is my express desire that no public mention shall be made of the concession on my part by which the Dauntless was permitted ap- parently to win the race. It is the duty of him who might have been the victor to display a magnanimous spirit to those who in that case would have been the vanquished. I must, however, regret that cir- cumstances of a peculiar nature prevent my availing myself of Mr. BENNETTS kind offer. Though this will not stand in the way of my accepting with pleasurenay, even ~vith alacritythe 250 silver cup appointed for the winner of to-days race, as the just meed of one who, though of a naturally retiring disposition, is forced on the present oc- casion to adknowledge himself facile princeps. (Signed) Sporting Spec. rice PUNCHINELLO. After waiting for Mr. BENNETTS gig, or water-buggy, to row up and award the prize, your special nodded majestically to the Oar-acular, who thereupon steamed slowly up the bfiy again, arriving at the Bat- tery in the rosy dawn. PRUSSIAS POSITION PHILOSOPHICALLY PUT. GERMAN metaphysicians have settled so completely to the satisfac- tion of their countrymen that bein/, and not being are identical, that this may serve to explain how, while holding possession of her share in the partition of Poland, Prussia professes to be virtuously indig- nant at France for retaining Alsace and Lorraine. OUT OF THE PAN INTO THE FIRE. *VHAT with BIsMARCKs pangermanism, the CZARS panslavism, NA- POLEONS panlatinism, the spread of pantheism, the threatened meta- morphosis of pantalettes into pantaloons, ANDREWS pantarchy, and Foxs pantomime, the old rdgime seems going precipitately to pot. A JUDICIOUS JEW. Sucn was the one who wished to contract for the sweepings of Stein- way Hail when he heard that NILsSoN showered throughout the room her precious tones. EXIT SUN. Tm~ newsboys in the streets no longer cry The Sun, with stentorian voices, but in gentle whispers, fearing to disturb the repose of that waning luminary. TAPPING THE TILL Is THERE any connection between the quite common offence in New York of tapping the till, and the nomination of a Mr. TArTAN for Comptroller by the JOflTN hEAL Democracy? THE RACE OF THE DAUNTLESS AND CAMBRIA.

Nov. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. PUNCHINELLOS Sporting Special went down to Sandy Hook last week to supervise the race between the Dauntless and the Cambria. The affair was consequently a great success. Attired in white corduroy breeches, a blue velvet waistcoat, and a light boating-jacket of yellow flannel, your reporter left the Battery at 0 hrs. 22 m. and S secs. on Friday morning, and steamed slowly down the bay in the editorial row-boat Panehinelletto, which was manned by an individual of remarkable oar-acular powers. So highly was he gifted indeed in this respect, that your special was enabled to predict the result of the aquatic gambols with perfect accuracy, as it afterward appeared. Having got the yachts in position, he gave Messrs. BENNETT and ASIIBURY an audience, in which it was setth~d by your representative that, owing to a split in the Uamfrrias club-topsail, both parties should carry their block-headed jibs; and the contest was ~begun. In his anxiety to see fair play, however, your reporter at first inno- cently took the lead, shooting off, at the given signal, far in advance of the two yachts. His surprise was therefore great v~hen the latter sud- denly hove to on their beam-ends, and declared an armistice, to permit of Mr. ASHBURYS publishing the following Card. Much as I appreciate the kindness and attention extended to me on all previous occasions in these waters, I must still politely insist that the Paneidnelletto relinquish her natural and perhaps unavoidable tendency to take the wind out of everybodys sails, and sHbmit to remain in the wake of these yachts during the continuance of the race. And I hereby challenge all fast-sailing yachts of over 100 tons burthen, and under 50, to a 15-mile race dead to windward and back again alive. (Signed) Asnnuxv. Upon this your reporter manned the yard-arms, fired a salute of 100 guns, and directed the Oar-acular to back water; thereby giving the Dauntless the lead, which she retained up to the end of the race. By the clever management of her Tacks ~he succeeded in completely Nail- ing the tambria. On the home-s~tretch, however, the latter began eat- ing up on her, to such an al4arming degree, that it was feared the provisions of the Dauntless would not hold out. By putting the crew on half-rations of champagne and sponge-cake this awful calamity was averted. Excited by the presence of danger, your reporter forgot his habitual caution, and giving his Gar-ist a hearing, made all sail for the mark- boat. The tow-line was passed from the bows aft, and there attached to the boat-hook, held by your representative. Upon this impromptu clothes-line was crowded all the canvas, velvet, linen, and other dry- goods appertaining to the gallant captain and his self-sacrificing crew. The latter gentleman might have been seen under this gay cloud of drapery working fitfuWy but energetically to and fro. But t was all in vain! The Dauntless passed the mark-boat, and the race was won. Won? But by whom? The daily papers, with their usual inaccuracy~ have made it appear that the Dauntless was the winner, but among thinking men there is but one opinion in regard to the matter, an opinion fully explained and corroborated in the following, published by Mr. ASHBTJRY, immediately on the Punchinel- letto passing the mark-boat: Card. I take this opportunity of saying that whatever misunder- standing may have arisen in the early part of this race as to the position of the Puncidnelletta, it is now but just to admit that she has shown herself worthy, both in point of speed and management, to take rank among the first-class yachts of the fleet, and I hereby challenge, & c., & c. (Signed) / Assrnunv. This was further supplemented by a Card from Mr. BENNETT. In token of my concurrence in the brilliant success of the Punchinelletto, and my personal esteem for her commander, I hereby beg to place at his disposal my yacht Dauntless, to- gether with all her stores, ordnance, by-laws, and small arms. (Signed) BENNETT. In reply to both of which your reporter circulated the fol- lowing: Reply. It is my express desire that no public mention shall be made of the concession on my part by which the Dauntless was permitted ap- parently to win the race. It is the duty of him who might have been the victor to display a magnanimous spirit to those who in that case would have been the vanquished. I must, however, regret that cir- cumstances of a peculiar nature prevent my availing myself of Mr. BENNETTS kind offer. Though this will not stand in the way of my accepting with pleasurenay, even ~vith alacritythe 250 silver cup appointed for the winner of to-days race, as the just meed of one who, though of a naturally retiring disposition, is forced on the present oc- casion to adknowledge himself facile princeps. (Signed) Sporting Spec. rice PUNCHINELLO. After waiting for Mr. BENNETTS gig, or water-buggy, to row up and award the prize, your special nodded majestically to the Oar-acular, who thereupon steamed slowly up the bfiy again, arriving at the Bat- tery in the rosy dawn. PRUSSIAS POSITION PHILOSOPHICALLY PUT. GERMAN metaphysicians have settled so completely to the satisfac- tion of their countrymen that bein/, and not being are identical, that this may serve to explain how, while holding possession of her share in the partition of Poland, Prussia professes to be virtuously indig- nant at France for retaining Alsace and Lorraine. OUT OF THE PAN INTO THE FIRE. *VHAT with BIsMARCKs pangermanism, the CZARS panslavism, NA- POLEONS panlatinism, the spread of pantheism, the threatened meta- morphosis of pantalettes into pantaloons, ANDREWS pantarchy, and Foxs pantomime, the old rdgime seems going precipitately to pot. A JUDICIOUS JEW. Sucn was the one who wished to contract for the sweepings of Stein- way Hail when he heard that NILsSoN showered throughout the room her precious tones. EXIT SUN. Tm~ newsboys in the streets no longer cry The Sun, with stentorian voices, but in gentle whispers, fearing to disturb the repose of that waning luminary. TAPPING THE TILL Is THERE any connection between the quite common offence in New York of tapping the till, and the nomination of a Mr. TArTAN for Comptroller by the JOflTN hEAL Democracy? THE RACE OF THE DAUNTLESS AND CAMBRIA.

Nov. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. PUNCHINELLOS Sporting Special went down to Sandy Hook last week to supervise the race between the Dauntless and the Cambria. The affair was consequently a great success. Attired in white corduroy breeches, a blue velvet waistcoat, and a light boating-jacket of yellow flannel, your reporter left the Battery at 0 hrs. 22 m. and S secs. on Friday morning, and steamed slowly down the bay in the editorial row-boat Panehinelletto, which was manned by an individual of remarkable oar-acular powers. So highly was he gifted indeed in this respect, that your special was enabled to predict the result of the aquatic gambols with perfect accuracy, as it afterward appeared. Having got the yachts in position, he gave Messrs. BENNETT and ASIIBURY an audience, in which it was setth~d by your representative that, owing to a split in the Uamfrrias club-topsail, both parties should carry their block-headed jibs; and the contest was ~begun. In his anxiety to see fair play, however, your reporter at first inno- cently took the lead, shooting off, at the given signal, far in advance of the two yachts. His surprise was therefore great v~hen the latter sud- denly hove to on their beam-ends, and declared an armistice, to permit of Mr. ASHBURYS publishing the following Card. Much as I appreciate the kindness and attention extended to me on all previous occasions in these waters, I must still politely insist that the Paneidnelletto relinquish her natural and perhaps unavoidable tendency to take the wind out of everybodys sails, and sHbmit to remain in the wake of these yachts during the continuance of the race. And I hereby challenge all fast-sailing yachts of over 100 tons burthen, and under 50, to a 15-mile race dead to windward and back again alive. (Signed) Asnnuxv. Upon this your reporter manned the yard-arms, fired a salute of 100 guns, and directed the Oar-acular to back water; thereby giving the Dauntless the lead, which she retained up to the end of the race. By the clever management of her Tacks ~he succeeded in completely Nail- ing the tambria. On the home-s~tretch, however, the latter began eat- ing up on her, to such an al4arming degree, that it was feared the provisions of the Dauntless would not hold out. By putting the crew on half-rations of champagne and sponge-cake this awful calamity was averted. Excited by the presence of danger, your reporter forgot his habitual caution, and giving his Gar-ist a hearing, made all sail for the mark- boat. The tow-line was passed from the bows aft, and there attached to the boat-hook, held by your representative. Upon this impromptu clothes-line was crowded all the canvas, velvet, linen, and other dry- goods appertaining to the gallant captain and his self-sacrificing crew. The latter gentleman might have been seen under this gay cloud of drapery working fitfuWy but energetically to and fro. But t was all in vain! The Dauntless passed the mark-boat, and the race was won. Won? But by whom? The daily papers, with their usual inaccuracy~ have made it appear that the Dauntless was the winner, but among thinking men there is but one opinion in regard to the matter, an opinion fully explained and corroborated in the following, published by Mr. ASHBTJRY, immediately on the Punchinel- letto passing the mark-boat: Card. I take this opportunity of saying that whatever misunder- standing may have arisen in the early part of this race as to the position of the Puncidnelletta, it is now but just to admit that she has shown herself worthy, both in point of speed and management, to take rank among the first-class yachts of the fleet, and I hereby challenge, & c., & c. (Signed) / Assrnunv. This was further supplemented by a Card from Mr. BENNETT. In token of my concurrence in the brilliant success of the Punchinelletto, and my personal esteem for her commander, I hereby beg to place at his disposal my yacht Dauntless, to- gether with all her stores, ordnance, by-laws, and small arms. (Signed) BENNETT. In reply to both of which your reporter circulated the fol- lowing: Reply. It is my express desire that no public mention shall be made of the concession on my part by which the Dauntless was permitted ap- parently to win the race. It is the duty of him who might have been the victor to display a magnanimous spirit to those who in that case would have been the vanquished. I must, however, regret that cir- cumstances of a peculiar nature prevent my availing myself of Mr. BENNETTS kind offer. Though this will not stand in the way of my accepting with pleasurenay, even ~vith alacritythe 250 silver cup appointed for the winner of to-days race, as the just meed of one who, though of a naturally retiring disposition, is forced on the present oc- casion to adknowledge himself facile princeps. (Signed) Sporting Spec. rice PUNCHINELLO. After waiting for Mr. BENNETTS gig, or water-buggy, to row up and award the prize, your special nodded majestically to the Oar-acular, who thereupon steamed slowly up the bfiy again, arriving at the Bat- tery in the rosy dawn. PRUSSIAS POSITION PHILOSOPHICALLY PUT. GERMAN metaphysicians have settled so completely to the satisfac- tion of their countrymen that bein/, and not being are identical, that this may serve to explain how, while holding possession of her share in the partition of Poland, Prussia professes to be virtuously indig- nant at France for retaining Alsace and Lorraine. OUT OF THE PAN INTO THE FIRE. *VHAT with BIsMARCKs pangermanism, the CZARS panslavism, NA- POLEONS panlatinism, the spread of pantheism, the threatened meta- morphosis of pantalettes into pantaloons, ANDREWS pantarchy, and Foxs pantomime, the old rdgime seems going precipitately to pot. A JUDICIOUS JEW. Sucn was the one who wished to contract for the sweepings of Stein- way Hail when he heard that NILsSoN showered throughout the room her precious tones. EXIT SUN. Tm~ newsboys in the streets no longer cry The Sun, with stentorian voices, but in gentle whispers, fearing to disturb the repose of that waning luminary. TAPPING THE TILL Is THERE any connection between the quite common offence in New York of tapping the till, and the nomination of a Mr. TArTAN for Comptroller by the JOflTN hEAL Democracy? THE RACE OF THE DAUNTLESS AND CAMBRIA.

Nov. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. PUNCHINELLOS Sporting Special went down to Sandy Hook last week to supervise the race between the Dauntless and the Cambria. The affair was consequently a great success. Attired in white corduroy breeches, a blue velvet waistcoat, and a light boating-jacket of yellow flannel, your reporter left the Battery at 0 hrs. 22 m. and S secs. on Friday morning, and steamed slowly down the bay in the editorial row-boat Panehinelletto, which was manned by an individual of remarkable oar-acular powers. So highly was he gifted indeed in this respect, that your special was enabled to predict the result of the aquatic gambols with perfect accuracy, as it afterward appeared. Having got the yachts in position, he gave Messrs. BENNETT and ASIIBURY an audience, in which it was setth~d by your representative that, owing to a split in the Uamfrrias club-topsail, both parties should carry their block-headed jibs; and the contest was ~begun. In his anxiety to see fair play, however, your reporter at first inno- cently took the lead, shooting off, at the given signal, far in advance of the two yachts. His surprise was therefore great v~hen the latter sud- denly hove to on their beam-ends, and declared an armistice, to permit of Mr. ASHBURYS publishing the following Card. Much as I appreciate the kindness and attention extended to me on all previous occasions in these waters, I must still politely insist that the Paneidnelletto relinquish her natural and perhaps unavoidable tendency to take the wind out of everybodys sails, and sHbmit to remain in the wake of these yachts during the continuance of the race. And I hereby challenge all fast-sailing yachts of over 100 tons burthen, and under 50, to a 15-mile race dead to windward and back again alive. (Signed) Asnnuxv. Upon this your reporter manned the yard-arms, fired a salute of 100 guns, and directed the Oar-acular to back water; thereby giving the Dauntless the lead, which she retained up to the end of the race. By the clever management of her Tacks ~he succeeded in completely Nail- ing the tambria. On the home-s~tretch, however, the latter began eat- ing up on her, to such an al4arming degree, that it was feared the provisions of the Dauntless would not hold out. By putting the crew on half-rations of champagne and sponge-cake this awful calamity was averted. Excited by the presence of danger, your reporter forgot his habitual caution, and giving his Gar-ist a hearing, made all sail for the mark- boat. The tow-line was passed from the bows aft, and there attached to the boat-hook, held by your representative. Upon this impromptu clothes-line was crowded all the canvas, velvet, linen, and other dry- goods appertaining to the gallant captain and his self-sacrificing crew. The latter gentleman might have been seen under this gay cloud of drapery working fitfuWy but energetically to and fro. But t was all in vain! The Dauntless passed the mark-boat, and the race was won. Won? But by whom? The daily papers, with their usual inaccuracy~ have made it appear that the Dauntless was the winner, but among thinking men there is but one opinion in regard to the matter, an opinion fully explained and corroborated in the following, published by Mr. ASHBTJRY, immediately on the Punchinel- letto passing the mark-boat: Card. I take this opportunity of saying that whatever misunder- standing may have arisen in the early part of this race as to the position of the Puncidnelletta, it is now but just to admit that she has shown herself worthy, both in point of speed and management, to take rank among the first-class yachts of the fleet, and I hereby challenge, & c., & c. (Signed) / Assrnunv. This was further supplemented by a Card from Mr. BENNETT. In token of my concurrence in the brilliant success of the Punchinelletto, and my personal esteem for her commander, I hereby beg to place at his disposal my yacht Dauntless, to- gether with all her stores, ordnance, by-laws, and small arms. (Signed) BENNETT. In reply to both of which your reporter circulated the fol- lowing: Reply. It is my express desire that no public mention shall be made of the concession on my part by which the Dauntless was permitted ap- parently to win the race. It is the duty of him who might have been the victor to display a magnanimous spirit to those who in that case would have been the vanquished. I must, however, regret that cir- cumstances of a peculiar nature prevent my availing myself of Mr. BENNETTS kind offer. Though this will not stand in the way of my accepting with pleasurenay, even ~vith alacritythe 250 silver cup appointed for the winner of to-days race, as the just meed of one who, though of a naturally retiring disposition, is forced on the present oc- casion to adknowledge himself facile princeps. (Signed) Sporting Spec. rice PUNCHINELLO. After waiting for Mr. BENNETTS gig, or water-buggy, to row up and award the prize, your special nodded majestically to the Oar-acular, who thereupon steamed slowly up the bfiy again, arriving at the Bat- tery in the rosy dawn. PRUSSIAS POSITION PHILOSOPHICALLY PUT. GERMAN metaphysicians have settled so completely to the satisfac- tion of their countrymen that bein/, and not being are identical, that this may serve to explain how, while holding possession of her share in the partition of Poland, Prussia professes to be virtuously indig- nant at France for retaining Alsace and Lorraine. OUT OF THE PAN INTO THE FIRE. *VHAT with BIsMARCKs pangermanism, the CZARS panslavism, NA- POLEONS panlatinism, the spread of pantheism, the threatened meta- morphosis of pantalettes into pantaloons, ANDREWS pantarchy, and Foxs pantomime, the old rdgime seems going precipitately to pot. A JUDICIOUS JEW. Sucn was the one who wished to contract for the sweepings of Stein- way Hail when he heard that NILsSoN showered throughout the room her precious tones. EXIT SUN. Tm~ newsboys in the streets no longer cry The Sun, with stentorian voices, but in gentle whispers, fearing to disturb the repose of that waning luminary. TAPPING THE TILL Is THERE any connection between the quite common offence in New York of tapping the till, and the nomination of a Mr. TArTAN for Comptroller by the JOflTN hEAL Democracy? THE RACE OF THE DAUNTLESS AND CAMBRIA. PUNCHINELLO. N~~r 5, 187e. THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. lIETTY Erdulein MARGARET asks me to go to church with her. She is not a New Yorker or, as Webster would proba- bly say, a New Yorkeress. She is rural in her ways and thoughts, a daisy of the fields. Never having seen the interior of a city church, she asks me to go with her to any Protestant church that I may select. So we go to the shrine of St. APOLLOS, which, I am told, is regarded as one of the most fashionable houses in the city. It is a matin6e service that we elect to attend. Along pro- cession of carriages is drawn up beside the building as we enter, and I recognize in the coachmen the familiar faces that wait outside the AcA- DEMY on opera nights. The organ overture is already be- gun, and the audience is rapid- ly assembling. We enter the parquetteI should say, the body of the churchand, standing in picturesque atti- tudes against the wall, wait for the coming of the usher. We continue to wait. Evi- dently the usher, in common with his kind, despises those who are not holders of re- served seats. He weleGmes with a smile the owners of private boxes pews, I mean and shows them politely up the aisle; but for us, who have not even an order from the mana, sexton, I should say. he has neither smile nor glance. By and by I pluck up courage and pluck him by the sleeve. So, with a severe air of sup- pressed indignation, he shows us to a couple of ineligible seats where the draft disar- ranges MARGARETS hair, and the charity children drop books of the op, that is to say, prayer-books, and molasses candy in unpleasant proximity to our helpless feet. Neither MARGARET nor I possess a libret, a prayer-book I mean. However that is a matter of no consequence, as we are both familiar with the dialog, or rather the service. The organist having ended his overture, the service begins. Not even the wretched method of the tenorI refer of course to the clerkand his miserably affected execution of the recitative passages, can mar the beauty of the words.. The audience evi- dently feels their solemn import. The younglady and the young male person who sit im- mediately in front of me clasp surreptitious hands as they bow their heads to repeat the confession that they are miserable sinners, and she whispers by no means softly to him of the frightful bonnets the SMITh girls have on. Presently the recitative of the clerk is succeeded by a contest in chantingprobably for the championshipby two rival choruses of shrili-voiced boys, who hurl alternate verses of the Psalms at one another with the fiercest intensity. MARGARET is betrayed into an inadvertent com- petition with them, by reading a verse aloud, as had been her custom elsewhere, but the charity children smile aloud at her, and the usher frowns, so she sits down again with reddened cheeks. I say to her, that this choir contest is an exceilent feature, one that is sure to draw. But she answers nothing, and busily reads the libret, the psalm, to her- self. Then comes the litany. And here again MARGARET betrays her rural habits, by re- peating audibl~jr the first response, thus encroaching on the province of the choir-boys, who have now united, and form a fine and powerful chorus, less picturesque perhaps than the Druidical chorus in the first act of Norma, but quite as religious in its effect. After which comes a hymn, executed by a soprano, who is really a deserving little girl, and whom I little expected to find doing the leading business in a first-class church, when I first saw her in the chorus at the Stadt Theatre, seven years ago. MARGARET, warned by experience, does not venture to interfere with the singing, to the evident disap- pointment of the usher, who is watching her with the intention, plainly expressed on his face, of peremptorily putting her out, if she sings a single note. Then comes a recita tion of the commandments by the leading male per.. for, that is to say, by the rector, supported by the double chorus, and the orches, the organ, I should say; and then we have the sermon. I like the sermon. It is delivered with admirable effect, and is, on the whole, more soothing than the average syrup of the apocryphal Mrs. WINSLOW. The rector compliments us all on our many virtues, and con- trasts us with the supposititious sinners who are presum- ed to abound somewhere in the vicinity of rival houses. The middie-aged men evidently feel that he will make no mistake worth noticing, and so go to sleep as calmly as though they were at Booms THEATRE. The middle-aged ladies contemplate the dresses of their neighbors, and the young people flirt with cautious glances. When the curtainwhen it is over, I mean we go cheerfully away, like an audience that has slept through a Shakesperean play, and feels that it has done its duty. And when we are once more in the street, I say to MARGARET: This has been a delightful per- formance. There has been nothing sald to make one feel disagreeably discontented with ones self, nor has there been any impolite suggestions as to the undesirable future of anybody, except the low wretches who, of course, dont go to any church. How much better this is than the solemn service, and the unpleasantly per- sonal sermons that we used to hear at your little rural church. MARGARET. I do not like it. Why should boys be hired to pray, and women to sing for me? Why should I be told by the preacher that I am perfectly good, when I have just confessed that I am a miser- able sinner? Why do you call this service religious, and Rt~ Van Winkle theatrical? Believe me, St. APOLLOs deserves a place among your Plays and Shows quite as much as does BOOTHS or WALLACK~. And I to her St. APoLLos shall take its proper place in PTJNCHINELLOS show. But permit me to say that you are very unreasonable. What do you go to church for? To be made uncomfortable and dissatis- fied with yourself? MARGARET. To be made better. MATADOR. A PASTOR ON POLITICS. THE Reverend Mr. CREAMcHEESE congratulated the hearers of his last sermon upon the encouraging reli- gious aspects of the time, remarking how pleasant it was in this fall season to find all the political parties in the country so interested in making their election sure. We may be mistaken, but we think the Rev. gentlemans zeal outruns his discretion. The preying of politicians is of a kind which we trust the clergy will never seek to imitate; but now that Congress has undertaken to supervise this matter of election, there is no knowing what it may become in the future. AN EVASIVE REPLY, A CORRESPONDENT suggests that in No. 30 our artist has given Mr. C. A. DANA, in representing him as refusing a bribe with virtuous indignation, a two-cent- imental an expression. In reply, Mr. PIJNOHINELLO although his own opinion is that the mistake has been in making it rather doilar-ous than cent-imental would refer his correspondent to the artist. A QUERY FOR SOL-UTION. Is it a fact that, because Sol is the Latin for Sun, being on the Sun is therefore equivalent to being a SOLON? TO THE DIPLOXATISTS OF THE HUB WHETHER the Boston dip is a penny one or not, it is neverthelesa scandalous. 86

PUNCHINELLO. N~~r 5, 187e. THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. lIETTY Erdulein MARGARET asks me to go to church with her. She is not a New Yorker or, as Webster would proba- bly say, a New Yorkeress. She is rural in her ways and thoughts, a daisy of the fields. Never having seen the interior of a city church, she asks me to go with her to any Protestant church that I may select. So we go to the shrine of St. APOLLOS, which, I am told, is regarded as one of the most fashionable houses in the city. It is a matin6e service that we elect to attend. Along pro- cession of carriages is drawn up beside the building as we enter, and I recognize in the coachmen the familiar faces that wait outside the AcA- DEMY on opera nights. The organ overture is already be- gun, and the audience is rapid- ly assembling. We enter the parquetteI should say, the body of the churchand, standing in picturesque atti- tudes against the wall, wait for the coming of the usher. We continue to wait. Evi- dently the usher, in common with his kind, despises those who are not holders of re- served seats. He weleGmes with a smile the owners of private boxes pews, I mean and shows them politely up the aisle; but for us, who have not even an order from the mana, sexton, I should say. he has neither smile nor glance. By and by I pluck up courage and pluck him by the sleeve. So, with a severe air of sup- pressed indignation, he shows us to a couple of ineligible seats where the draft disar- ranges MARGARETS hair, and the charity children drop books of the op, that is to say, prayer-books, and molasses candy in unpleasant proximity to our helpless feet. Neither MARGARET nor I possess a libret, a prayer-book I mean. However that is a matter of no consequence, as we are both familiar with the dialog, or rather the service. The organist having ended his overture, the service begins. Not even the wretched method of the tenorI refer of course to the clerkand his miserably affected execution of the recitative passages, can mar the beauty of the words.. The audience evi- dently feels their solemn import. The younglady and the young male person who sit im- mediately in front of me clasp surreptitious hands as they bow their heads to repeat the confession that they are miserable sinners, and she whispers by no means softly to him of the frightful bonnets the SMITh girls have on. Presently the recitative of the clerk is succeeded by a contest in chantingprobably for the championshipby two rival choruses of shrili-voiced boys, who hurl alternate verses of the Psalms at one another with the fiercest intensity. MARGARET is betrayed into an inadvertent com- petition with them, by reading a verse aloud, as had been her custom elsewhere, but the charity children smile aloud at her, and the usher frowns, so she sits down again with reddened cheeks. I say to her, that this choir contest is an exceilent feature, one that is sure to draw. But she answers nothing, and busily reads the libret, the psalm, to her- self. Then comes the litany. And here again MARGARET betrays her rural habits, by re- peating audibl~jr the first response, thus encroaching on the province of the choir-boys, who have now united, and form a fine and powerful chorus, less picturesque perhaps than the Druidical chorus in the first act of Norma, but quite as religious in its effect. After which comes a hymn, executed by a soprano, who is really a deserving little girl, and whom I little expected to find doing the leading business in a first-class church, when I first saw her in the chorus at the Stadt Theatre, seven years ago. MARGARET, warned by experience, does not venture to interfere with the singing, to the evident disap- pointment of the usher, who is watching her with the intention, plainly expressed on his face, of peremptorily putting her out, if she sings a single note. Then comes a recita tion of the commandments by the leading male per.. for, that is to say, by the rector, supported by the double chorus, and the orches, the organ, I should say; and then we have the sermon. I like the sermon. It is delivered with admirable effect, and is, on the whole, more soothing than the average syrup of the apocryphal Mrs. WINSLOW. The rector compliments us all on our many virtues, and con- trasts us with the supposititious sinners who are presum- ed to abound somewhere in the vicinity of rival houses. The middie-aged men evidently feel that he will make no mistake worth noticing, and so go to sleep as calmly as though they were at Booms THEATRE. The middle-aged ladies contemplate the dresses of their neighbors, and the young people flirt with cautious glances. When the curtainwhen it is over, I mean we go cheerfully away, like an audience that has slept through a Shakesperean play, and feels that it has done its duty. And when we are once more in the street, I say to MARGARET: This has been a delightful per- formance. There has been nothing sald to make one feel disagreeably discontented with ones self, nor has there been any impolite suggestions as to the undesirable future of anybody, except the low wretches who, of course, dont go to any church. How much better this is than the solemn service, and the unpleasantly per- sonal sermons that we used to hear at your little rural church. MARGARET. I do not like it. Why should boys be hired to pray, and women to sing for me? Why should I be told by the preacher that I am perfectly good, when I have just confessed that I am a miser- able sinner? Why do you call this service religious, and Rt~ Van Winkle theatrical? Believe me, St. APOLLOs deserves a place among your Plays and Shows quite as much as does BOOTHS or WALLACK~. And I to her St. APoLLos shall take its proper place in PTJNCHINELLOS show. But permit me to say that you are very unreasonable. What do you go to church for? To be made uncomfortable and dissatis- fied with yourself? MARGARET. To be made better. MATADOR. A PASTOR ON POLITICS. THE Reverend Mr. CREAMcHEESE congratulated the hearers of his last sermon upon the encouraging reli- gious aspects of the time, remarking how pleasant it was in this fall season to find all the political parties in the country so interested in making their election sure. We may be mistaken, but we think the Rev. gentlemans zeal outruns his discretion. The preying of politicians is of a kind which we trust the clergy will never seek to imitate; but now that Congress has undertaken to supervise this matter of election, there is no knowing what it may become in the future. AN EVASIVE REPLY, A CORRESPONDENT suggests that in No. 30 our artist has given Mr. C. A. DANA, in representing him as refusing a bribe with virtuous indignation, a two-cent- imental an expression. In reply, Mr. PIJNOHINELLO although his own opinion is that the mistake has been in making it rather doilar-ous than cent-imental would refer his correspondent to the artist. A QUERY FOR SOL-UTION. Is it a fact that, because Sol is the Latin for Sun, being on the Sun is therefore equivalent to being a SOLON? TO THE DIPLOXATISTS OF THE HUB WHETHER the Boston dip is a penny one or not, it is neverthelesa scandalous. 86

PUNCHINELLO. N~~r 5, 187e. THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. lIETTY Erdulein MARGARET asks me to go to church with her. She is not a New Yorker or, as Webster would proba- bly say, a New Yorkeress. She is rural in her ways and thoughts, a daisy of the fields. Never having seen the interior of a city church, she asks me to go with her to any Protestant church that I may select. So we go to the shrine of St. APOLLOS, which, I am told, is regarded as one of the most fashionable houses in the city. It is a matin6e service that we elect to attend. Along pro- cession of carriages is drawn up beside the building as we enter, and I recognize in the coachmen the familiar faces that wait outside the AcA- DEMY on opera nights. The organ overture is already be- gun, and the audience is rapid- ly assembling. We enter the parquetteI should say, the body of the churchand, standing in picturesque atti- tudes against the wall, wait for the coming of the usher. We continue to wait. Evi- dently the usher, in common with his kind, despises those who are not holders of re- served seats. He weleGmes with a smile the owners of private boxes pews, I mean and shows them politely up the aisle; but for us, who have not even an order from the mana, sexton, I should say. he has neither smile nor glance. By and by I pluck up courage and pluck him by the sleeve. So, with a severe air of sup- pressed indignation, he shows us to a couple of ineligible seats where the draft disar- ranges MARGARETS hair, and the charity children drop books of the op, that is to say, prayer-books, and molasses candy in unpleasant proximity to our helpless feet. Neither MARGARET nor I possess a libret, a prayer-book I mean. However that is a matter of no consequence, as we are both familiar with the dialog, or rather the service. The organist having ended his overture, the service begins. Not even the wretched method of the tenorI refer of course to the clerkand his miserably affected execution of the recitative passages, can mar the beauty of the words.. The audience evi- dently feels their solemn import. The younglady and the young male person who sit im- mediately in front of me clasp surreptitious hands as they bow their heads to repeat the confession that they are miserable sinners, and she whispers by no means softly to him of the frightful bonnets the SMITh girls have on. Presently the recitative of the clerk is succeeded by a contest in chantingprobably for the championshipby two rival choruses of shrili-voiced boys, who hurl alternate verses of the Psalms at one another with the fiercest intensity. MARGARET is betrayed into an inadvertent com- petition with them, by reading a verse aloud, as had been her custom elsewhere, but the charity children smile aloud at her, and the usher frowns, so she sits down again with reddened cheeks. I say to her, that this choir contest is an exceilent feature, one that is sure to draw. But she answers nothing, and busily reads the libret, the psalm, to her- self. Then comes the litany. And here again MARGARET betrays her rural habits, by re- peating audibl~jr the first response, thus encroaching on the province of the choir-boys, who have now united, and form a fine and powerful chorus, less picturesque perhaps than the Druidical chorus in the first act of Norma, but quite as religious in its effect. After which comes a hymn, executed by a soprano, who is really a deserving little girl, and whom I little expected to find doing the leading business in a first-class church, when I first saw her in the chorus at the Stadt Theatre, seven years ago. MARGARET, warned by experience, does not venture to interfere with the singing, to the evident disap- pointment of the usher, who is watching her with the intention, plainly expressed on his face, of peremptorily putting her out, if she sings a single note. Then comes a recita tion of the commandments by the leading male per.. for, that is to say, by the rector, supported by the double chorus, and the orches, the organ, I should say; and then we have the sermon. I like the sermon. It is delivered with admirable effect, and is, on the whole, more soothing than the average syrup of the apocryphal Mrs. WINSLOW. The rector compliments us all on our many virtues, and con- trasts us with the supposititious sinners who are presum- ed to abound somewhere in the vicinity of rival houses. The middie-aged men evidently feel that he will make no mistake worth noticing, and so go to sleep as calmly as though they were at Booms THEATRE. The middle-aged ladies contemplate the dresses of their neighbors, and the young people flirt with cautious glances. When the curtainwhen it is over, I mean we go cheerfully away, like an audience that has slept through a Shakesperean play, and feels that it has done its duty. And when we are once more in the street, I say to MARGARET: This has been a delightful per- formance. There has been nothing sald to make one feel disagreeably discontented with ones self, nor has there been any impolite suggestions as to the undesirable future of anybody, except the low wretches who, of course, dont go to any church. How much better this is than the solemn service, and the unpleasantly per- sonal sermons that we used to hear at your little rural church. MARGARET. I do not like it. Why should boys be hired to pray, and women to sing for me? Why should I be told by the preacher that I am perfectly good, when I have just confessed that I am a miser- able sinner? Why do you call this service religious, and Rt~ Van Winkle theatrical? Believe me, St. APOLLOs deserves a place among your Plays and Shows quite as much as does BOOTHS or WALLACK~. And I to her St. APoLLos shall take its proper place in PTJNCHINELLOS show. But permit me to say that you are very unreasonable. What do you go to church for? To be made uncomfortable and dissatis- fied with yourself? MARGARET. To be made better. MATADOR. A PASTOR ON POLITICS. THE Reverend Mr. CREAMcHEESE congratulated the hearers of his last sermon upon the encouraging reli- gious aspects of the time, remarking how pleasant it was in this fall season to find all the political parties in the country so interested in making their election sure. We may be mistaken, but we think the Rev. gentlemans zeal outruns his discretion. The preying of politicians is of a kind which we trust the clergy will never seek to imitate; but now that Congress has undertaken to supervise this matter of election, there is no knowing what it may become in the future. AN EVASIVE REPLY, A CORRESPONDENT suggests that in No. 30 our artist has given Mr. C. A. DANA, in representing him as refusing a bribe with virtuous indignation, a two-cent- imental an expression. In reply, Mr. PIJNOHINELLO although his own opinion is that the mistake has been in making it rather doilar-ous than cent-imental would refer his correspondent to the artist. A QUERY FOR SOL-UTION. Is it a fact that, because Sol is the Latin for Sun, being on the Sun is therefore equivalent to being a SOLON? TO THE DIPLOXATISTS OF THE HUB WHETHER the Boston dip is a penny one or not, it is neverthelesa scandalous. 86

PUNCHINELLO. N~~r 5, 187e. THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. lIETTY Erdulein MARGARET asks me to go to church with her. She is not a New Yorker or, as Webster would proba- bly say, a New Yorkeress. She is rural in her ways and thoughts, a daisy of the fields. Never having seen the interior of a city church, she asks me to go with her to any Protestant church that I may select. So we go to the shrine of St. APOLLOS, which, I am told, is regarded as one of the most fashionable houses in the city. It is a matin6e service that we elect to attend. Along pro- cession of carriages is drawn up beside the building as we enter, and I recognize in the coachmen the familiar faces that wait outside the AcA- DEMY on opera nights. The organ overture is already be- gun, and the audience is rapid- ly assembling. We enter the parquetteI should say, the body of the churchand, standing in picturesque atti- tudes against the wall, wait for the coming of the usher. We continue to wait. Evi- dently the usher, in common with his kind, despises those who are not holders of re- served seats. He weleGmes with a smile the owners of private boxes pews, I mean and shows them politely up the aisle; but for us, who have not even an order from the mana, sexton, I should say. he has neither smile nor glance. By and by I pluck up courage and pluck him by the sleeve. So, with a severe air of sup- pressed indignation, he shows us to a couple of ineligible seats where the draft disar- ranges MARGARETS hair, and the charity children drop books of the op, that is to say, prayer-books, and molasses candy in unpleasant proximity to our helpless feet. Neither MARGARET nor I possess a libret, a prayer-book I mean. However that is a matter of no consequence, as we are both familiar with the dialog, or rather the service. The organist having ended his overture, the service begins. Not even the wretched method of the tenorI refer of course to the clerkand his miserably affected execution of the recitative passages, can mar the beauty of the words.. The audience evi- dently feels their solemn import. The younglady and the young male person who sit im- mediately in front of me clasp surreptitious hands as they bow their heads to repeat the confession that they are miserable sinners, and she whispers by no means softly to him of the frightful bonnets the SMITh girls have on. Presently the recitative of the clerk is succeeded by a contest in chantingprobably for the championshipby two rival choruses of shrili-voiced boys, who hurl alternate verses of the Psalms at one another with the fiercest intensity. MARGARET is betrayed into an inadvertent com- petition with them, by reading a verse aloud, as had been her custom elsewhere, but the charity children smile aloud at her, and the usher frowns, so she sits down again with reddened cheeks. I say to her, that this choir contest is an exceilent feature, one that is sure to draw. But she answers nothing, and busily reads the libret, the psalm, to her- self. Then comes the litany. And here again MARGARET betrays her rural habits, by re- peating audibl~jr the first response, thus encroaching on the province of the choir-boys, who have now united, and form a fine and powerful chorus, less picturesque perhaps than the Druidical chorus in the first act of Norma, but quite as religious in its effect. After which comes a hymn, executed by a soprano, who is really a deserving little girl, and whom I little expected to find doing the leading business in a first-class church, when I first saw her in the chorus at the Stadt Theatre, seven years ago. MARGARET, warned by experience, does not venture to interfere with the singing, to the evident disap- pointment of the usher, who is watching her with the intention, plainly expressed on his face, of peremptorily putting her out, if she sings a single note. Then comes a recita tion of the commandments by the leading male per.. for, that is to say, by the rector, supported by the double chorus, and the orches, the organ, I should say; and then we have the sermon. I like the sermon. It is delivered with admirable effect, and is, on the whole, more soothing than the average syrup of the apocryphal Mrs. WINSLOW. The rector compliments us all on our many virtues, and con- trasts us with the supposititious sinners who are presum- ed to abound somewhere in the vicinity of rival houses. The middie-aged men evidently feel that he will make no mistake worth noticing, and so go to sleep as calmly as though they were at Booms THEATRE. The middle-aged ladies contemplate the dresses of their neighbors, and the young people flirt with cautious glances. When the curtainwhen it is over, I mean we go cheerfully away, like an audience that has slept through a Shakesperean play, and feels that it has done its duty. And when we are once more in the street, I say to MARGARET: This has been a delightful per- formance. There has been nothing sald to make one feel disagreeably discontented with ones self, nor has there been any impolite suggestions as to the undesirable future of anybody, except the low wretches who, of course, dont go to any church. How much better this is than the solemn service, and the unpleasantly per- sonal sermons that we used to hear at your little rural church. MARGARET. I do not like it. Why should boys be hired to pray, and women to sing for me? Why should I be told by the preacher that I am perfectly good, when I have just confessed that I am a miser- able sinner? Why do you call this service religious, and Rt~ Van Winkle theatrical? Believe me, St. APOLLOs deserves a place among your Plays and Shows quite as much as does BOOTHS or WALLACK~. And I to her St. APoLLos shall take its proper place in PTJNCHINELLOS show. But permit me to say that you are very unreasonable. What do you go to church for? To be made uncomfortable and dissatis- fied with yourself? MARGARET. To be made better. MATADOR. A PASTOR ON POLITICS. THE Reverend Mr. CREAMcHEESE congratulated the hearers of his last sermon upon the encouraging reli- gious aspects of the time, remarking how pleasant it was in this fall season to find all the political parties in the country so interested in making their election sure. We may be mistaken, but we think the Rev. gentlemans zeal outruns his discretion. The preying of politicians is of a kind which we trust the clergy will never seek to imitate; but now that Congress has undertaken to supervise this matter of election, there is no knowing what it may become in the future. AN EVASIVE REPLY, A CORRESPONDENT suggests that in No. 30 our artist has given Mr. C. A. DANA, in representing him as refusing a bribe with virtuous indignation, a two-cent- imental an expression. In reply, Mr. PIJNOHINELLO although his own opinion is that the mistake has been in making it rather doilar-ous than cent-imental would refer his correspondent to the artist. A QUERY FOR SOL-UTION. Is it a fact that, because Sol is the Latin for Sun, being on the Sun is therefore equivalent to being a SOLON? TO THE DIPLOXATISTS OF THE HUB WHETHER the Boston dip is a penny one or not, it is neverthelesa scandalous. 86

PUNCHINELLO. N~~r 5, 187e. THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. lIETTY Erdulein MARGARET asks me to go to church with her. She is not a New Yorker or, as Webster would proba- bly say, a New Yorkeress. She is rural in her ways and thoughts, a daisy of the fields. Never having seen the interior of a city church, she asks me to go with her to any Protestant church that I may select. So we go to the shrine of St. APOLLOS, which, I am told, is regarded as one of the most fashionable houses in the city. It is a matin6e service that we elect to attend. Along pro- cession of carriages is drawn up beside the building as we enter, and I recognize in the coachmen the familiar faces that wait outside the AcA- DEMY on opera nights. The organ overture is already be- gun, and the audience is rapid- ly assembling. We enter the parquetteI should say, the body of the churchand, standing in picturesque atti- tudes against the wall, wait for the coming of the usher. We continue to wait. Evi- dently the usher, in common with his kind, despises those who are not holders of re- served seats. He weleGmes with a smile the owners of private boxes pews, I mean and shows them politely up the aisle; but for us, who have not even an order from the mana, sexton, I should say. he has neither smile nor glance. By and by I pluck up courage and pluck him by the sleeve. So, with a severe air of sup- pressed indignation, he shows us to a couple of ineligible seats where the draft disar- ranges MARGARETS hair, and the charity children drop books of the op, that is to say, prayer-books, and molasses candy in unpleasant proximity to our helpless feet. Neither MARGARET nor I possess a libret, a prayer-book I mean. However that is a matter of no consequence, as we are both familiar with the dialog, or rather the service. The organist having ended his overture, the service begins. Not even the wretched method of the tenorI refer of course to the clerkand his miserably affected execution of the recitative passages, can mar the beauty of the words.. The audience evi- dently feels their solemn import. The younglady and the young male person who sit im- mediately in front of me clasp surreptitious hands as they bow their heads to repeat the confession that they are miserable sinners, and she whispers by no means softly to him of the frightful bonnets the SMITh girls have on. Presently the recitative of the clerk is succeeded by a contest in chantingprobably for the championshipby two rival choruses of shrili-voiced boys, who hurl alternate verses of the Psalms at one another with the fiercest intensity. MARGARET is betrayed into an inadvertent com- petition with them, by reading a verse aloud, as had been her custom elsewhere, but the charity children smile aloud at her, and the usher frowns, so she sits down again with reddened cheeks. I say to her, that this choir contest is an exceilent feature, one that is sure to draw. But she answers nothing, and busily reads the libret, the psalm, to her- self. Then comes the litany. And here again MARGARET betrays her rural habits, by re- peating audibl~jr the first response, thus encroaching on the province of the choir-boys, who have now united, and form a fine and powerful chorus, less picturesque perhaps than the Druidical chorus in the first act of Norma, but quite as religious in its effect. After which comes a hymn, executed by a soprano, who is really a deserving little girl, and whom I little expected to find doing the leading business in a first-class church, when I first saw her in the chorus at the Stadt Theatre, seven years ago. MARGARET, warned by experience, does not venture to interfere with the singing, to the evident disap- pointment of the usher, who is watching her with the intention, plainly expressed on his face, of peremptorily putting her out, if she sings a single note. Then comes a recita tion of the commandments by the leading male per.. for, that is to say, by the rector, supported by the double chorus, and the orches, the organ, I should say; and then we have the sermon. I like the sermon. It is delivered with admirable effect, and is, on the whole, more soothing than the average syrup of the apocryphal Mrs. WINSLOW. The rector compliments us all on our many virtues, and con- trasts us with the supposititious sinners who are presum- ed to abound somewhere in the vicinity of rival houses. The middie-aged men evidently feel that he will make no mistake worth noticing, and so go to sleep as calmly as though they were at Booms THEATRE. The middle-aged ladies contemplate the dresses of their neighbors, and the young people flirt with cautious glances. When the curtainwhen it is over, I mean we go cheerfully away, like an audience that has slept through a Shakesperean play, and feels that it has done its duty. And when we are once more in the street, I say to MARGARET: This has been a delightful per- formance. There has been nothing sald to make one feel disagreeably discontented with ones self, nor has there been any impolite suggestions as to the undesirable future of anybody, except the low wretches who, of course, dont go to any church. How much better this is than the solemn service, and the unpleasantly per- sonal sermons that we used to hear at your little rural church. MARGARET. I do not like it. Why should boys be hired to pray, and women to sing for me? Why should I be told by the preacher that I am perfectly good, when I have just confessed that I am a miser- able sinner? Why do you call this service religious, and Rt~ Van Winkle theatrical? Believe me, St. APOLLOs deserves a place among your Plays and Shows quite as much as does BOOTHS or WALLACK~. And I to her St. APoLLos shall take its proper place in PTJNCHINELLOS show. But permit me to say that you are very unreasonable. What do you go to church for? To be made uncomfortable and dissatis- fied with yourself? MARGARET. To be made better. MATADOR. A PASTOR ON POLITICS. THE Reverend Mr. CREAMcHEESE congratulated the hearers of his last sermon upon the encouraging reli- gious aspects of the time, remarking how pleasant it was in this fall season to find all the political parties in the country so interested in making their election sure. We may be mistaken, but we think the Rev. gentlemans zeal outruns his discretion. The preying of politicians is of a kind which we trust the clergy will never seek to imitate; but now that Congress has undertaken to supervise this matter of election, there is no knowing what it may become in the future. AN EVASIVE REPLY, A CORRESPONDENT suggests that in No. 30 our artist has given Mr. C. A. DANA, in representing him as refusing a bribe with virtuous indignation, a two-cent- imental an expression. In reply, Mr. PIJNOHINELLO although his own opinion is that the mistake has been in making it rather doilar-ous than cent-imental would refer his correspondent to the artist. A QUERY FOR SOL-UTION. Is it a fact that, because Sol is the Latin for Sun, being on the Sun is therefore equivalent to being a SOLON? TO THE DIPLOXATISTS OF THE HUB WHETHER the Boston dip is a penny one or not, it is neverthelesa scandalous. 86

PUNCHINELLO. N~~r 5, 187e. THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. lIETTY Erdulein MARGARET asks me to go to church with her. She is not a New Yorker or, as Webster would proba- bly say, a New Yorkeress. She is rural in her ways and thoughts, a daisy of the fields. Never having seen the interior of a city church, she asks me to go with her to any Protestant church that I may select. So we go to the shrine of St. APOLLOS, which, I am told, is regarded as one of the most fashionable houses in the city. It is a matin6e service that we elect to attend. Along pro- cession of carriages is drawn up beside the building as we enter, and I recognize in the coachmen the familiar faces that wait outside the AcA- DEMY on opera nights. The organ overture is already be- gun, and the audience is rapid- ly assembling. We enter the parquetteI should say, the body of the churchand, standing in picturesque atti- tudes against the wall, wait for the coming of the usher. We continue to wait. Evi- dently the usher, in common with his kind, despises those who are not holders of re- served seats. He weleGmes with a smile the owners of private boxes pews, I mean and shows them politely up the aisle; but for us, who have not even an order from the mana, sexton, I should say. he has neither smile nor glance. By and by I pluck up courage and pluck him by the sleeve. So, with a severe air of sup- pressed indignation, he shows us to a couple of ineligible seats where the draft disar- ranges MARGARETS hair, and the charity children drop books of the op, that is to say, prayer-books, and molasses candy in unpleasant proximity to our helpless feet. Neither MARGARET nor I possess a libret, a prayer-book I mean. However that is a matter of no consequence, as we are both familiar with the dialog, or rather the service. The organist having ended his overture, the service begins. Not even the wretched method of the tenorI refer of course to the clerkand his miserably affected execution of the recitative passages, can mar the beauty of the words.. The audience evi- dently feels their solemn import. The younglady and the young male person who sit im- mediately in front of me clasp surreptitious hands as they bow their heads to repeat the confession that they are miserable sinners, and she whispers by no means softly to him of the frightful bonnets the SMITh girls have on. Presently the recitative of the clerk is succeeded by a contest in chantingprobably for the championshipby two rival choruses of shrili-voiced boys, who hurl alternate verses of the Psalms at one another with the fiercest intensity. MARGARET is betrayed into an inadvertent com- petition with them, by reading a verse aloud, as had been her custom elsewhere, but the charity children smile aloud at her, and the usher frowns, so she sits down again with reddened cheeks. I say to her, that this choir contest is an exceilent feature, one that is sure to draw. But she answers nothing, and busily reads the libret, the psalm, to her- self. Then comes the litany. And here again MARGARET betrays her rural habits, by re- peating audibl~jr the first response, thus encroaching on the province of the choir-boys, who have now united, and form a fine and powerful chorus, less picturesque perhaps than the Druidical chorus in the first act of Norma, but quite as religious in its effect. After which comes a hymn, executed by a soprano, who is really a deserving little girl, and whom I little expected to find doing the leading business in a first-class church, when I first saw her in the chorus at the Stadt Theatre, seven years ago. MARGARET, warned by experience, does not venture to interfere with the singing, to the evident disap- pointment of the usher, who is watching her with the intention, plainly expressed on his face, of peremptorily putting her out, if she sings a single note. Then comes a recita tion of the commandments by the leading male per.. for, that is to say, by the rector, supported by the double chorus, and the orches, the organ, I should say; and then we have the sermon. I like the sermon. It is delivered with admirable effect, and is, on the whole, more soothing than the average syrup of the apocryphal Mrs. WINSLOW. The rector compliments us all on our many virtues, and con- trasts us with the supposititious sinners who are presum- ed to abound somewhere in the vicinity of rival houses. The middie-aged men evidently feel that he will make no mistake worth noticing, and so go to sleep as calmly as though they were at Booms THEATRE. The middle-aged ladies contemplate the dresses of their neighbors, and the young people flirt with cautious glances. When the curtainwhen it is over, I mean we go cheerfully away, like an audience that has slept through a Shakesperean play, and feels that it has done its duty. And when we are once more in the street, I say to MARGARET: This has been a delightful per- formance. There has been nothing sald to make one feel disagreeably discontented with ones self, nor has there been any impolite suggestions as to the undesirable future of anybody, except the low wretches who, of course, dont go to any church. How much better this is than the solemn service, and the unpleasantly per- sonal sermons that we used to hear at your little rural church. MARGARET. I do not like it. Why should boys be hired to pray, and women to sing for me? Why should I be told by the preacher that I am perfectly good, when I have just confessed that I am a miser- able sinner? Why do you call this service religious, and Rt~ Van Winkle theatrical? Believe me, St. APOLLOs deserves a place among your Plays and Shows quite as much as does BOOTHS or WALLACK~. And I to her St. APoLLos shall take its proper place in PTJNCHINELLOS show. But permit me to say that you are very unreasonable. What do you go to church for? To be made uncomfortable and dissatis- fied with yourself? MARGARET. To be made better. MATADOR. A PASTOR ON POLITICS. THE Reverend Mr. CREAMcHEESE congratulated the hearers of his last sermon upon the encouraging reli- gious aspects of the time, remarking how pleasant it was in this fall season to find all the political parties in the country so interested in making their election sure. We may be mistaken, but we think the Rev. gentlemans zeal outruns his discretion. The preying of politicians is of a kind which we trust the clergy will never seek to imitate; but now that Congress has undertaken to supervise this matter of election, there is no knowing what it may become in the future. AN EVASIVE REPLY, A CORRESPONDENT suggests that in No. 30 our artist has given Mr. C. A. DANA, in representing him as refusing a bribe with virtuous indignation, a two-cent- imental an expression. In reply, Mr. PIJNOHINELLO although his own opinion is that the mistake has been in making it rather doilar-ous than cent-imental would refer his correspondent to the artist. A QUERY FOR SOL-UTION. Is it a fact that, because Sol is the Latin for Sun, being on the Sun is therefore equivalent to being a SOLON? TO THE DIPLOXATISTS OF THE HUB WHETHER the Boston dip is a penny one or not, it is neverthelesa scandalous. 86 NOV. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO IX. Rub-a-dub, dub, Three men in a tub, The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick-maker, They all jumped into a rotten potato. BEHOLD the gentle Poet, now in the midst of the tumult of war. How calmly he surveys from his elevated position the situation of the hosts and the signs of the times. He hears the drums bent and the bugle call to arms, and his soul is filled with martial ardor. Unable to wield the sword, he seizes his poetical pen, resolved to become the Chronicler and Historian of the war, and thus add his little mite for the improvement of future generations. He decided that it must be characteristic, and in keeping~stylewithhisother productions: short, pithy, and comprehensive; simple and amusing enough for a child; deep and sarcastic enough for the most astute mind. Tie begins by describing in graphic style the sounds that first struck on his ear and fired his manly soulthe beat of the rolling drum. Then comes a description of the terrible conflict that occurred in his native village, between the three most prominent men of the day. This, not to be too verbose, he simply likens to being in a tub. BILLY the butcher, stout, red-faced, and pugilistic, with his particu- lar friend MARC the baker, having become jealous of the beautiful shop and immense patronage of JOHNNY the candlestick-maker, re- solve to put an end to it in some way, even if they have to fight him. That showy candlestick shop, with its gay trimmings and beautiful ornaments, open every day before their face and eyes, and attracting crowds of idlers who stand gazing in at the windows, or lounging around the doors, is a little too much for the Butcher, who in vain displays before his door the fresh-cut meat and the tempting sausage. True, ho has plenty of customers; but they come because they need what he has to sell; they come of necessity, not for pleasure. The Baker experiences the same vexation, as he sees his loaves passed by and mockingly made light of. They bear awhile in silent envy the annoying sight of the rollicking crowd and the joyful JOHNNY with his troop of apprentices, who have all they can possibly do to attend to their numerous customers, and who receive their broad pieces of money with a careless ease that makes the fingers of the lookers-on tingle. At last human nature can stand it no longer. The two malicious store- keepers put their heads together, and resolve to draw their prosperous en- emy into a fight that will ruin him and enable them to smash his windows. Accordingly, they throw stones and dirt at him, but he, intently interest- ed in his store; notices them not. His noisy ap- prentices and loungers around see and point out the insult, and urge him to avenge himself. But no; he has no time to pay attention to petty annoy- ances; he is too busy get- tingup a huge candlestick for the Fair, and so, to smooth matters over he sends his two enemies an invitatiou Pr view the magnificent candlestick that is to throw so much light on the world. He is either too stu- pid or too sharp for ~ sighs the Baker~ we cant do anything in that way. Suppose we set up an opposition store, with one of your sons for Proprietor, and see what effect that will have. Good, it shall be done, says the Butcher. Soon an empty store adjoining is hired, and being put in order, when the hitherto blind Proprietor wakes up to the fact that there is a coali- tion against hhn, and that he had better be stirring or he will lose his trade. Accordingly he writes a remonstrance to his friend the Butcher, telling him he wishes no rival in the trade. He has always had a monopoly, and he intends to keep it. His apprentices back him up in his assertions, and declare they are ready to die for him and their can- dlesticks. The advent of the messenger is noticed with inward rejoic- ing by the twain, but, when he presents his remonstrance, he is imme- diately kicked out of doors. That is the last feather, the one straw too much, and the excitable little Candiestick-maker at once challenges his opponents to deadly combat. The Poet, with a sublime contempt for the mysterious and wonder- ful intricacies of war, significantly calls this rush to arms a jumping into a rotten potato. Alas! it proves a rotten potato to the poor Candiestick-maker. Out sallies the Butcher with his cleaver, and his boys with their knives, and by his side the Baker with his rolling-pin, followed by his crowd of friends armed with toasting-forks and cutting-irons, presenting a formidable front to the astonished JOHNNY and his handful of appren- tices. But there is no back-door to creep out through now; so at it they go, Valor against Might, but Might is the stronger, and Valor gets knocked on the head and has to fall back. This exasperates the heroic defend- ers of the shop, who exclaim, If you cant fight any better than that, you had better leave, and immediately begin an attack in his rear. The poor man, astonished at this unlooked-for defection from his ranks, turns his eyes imploringly around for aid, but sees none that can avail him. He hears on all sides the shout, Clear out, clear out. If you cant win the battle for yourself, we will win it for ourselves, and keep the spoils. Sadiy he views the situation; he feels the kicks of the Candlestick-makers in the rear, and he knows there is no hope for him. But his beloved store! he will save that if he can; he will offer him- self as a sacrifice. With compressed lips he walks to the Butcher, and says, You have got the best of me; Ill give in. Stop the fighting. BILLY, over- joyed at the victory, embraces him, and is about to give the order for retreat, when the wily Baker whispers, The shop is there yet, and it is that that troubles us as much as the man. Let us keep at it till we de- molish it, and thus put a stop to all future contro- versy. After killing the old fox, dont leave a nest of young ones to grow up and bite us. What is their loss is our gain, you know. Do you understand ? Yah, Yah! Latest fl-on~ flelow. AN unsophisticated young imp, who had not long been in Hades, was cowering over a small fire in a distant corner, en- deavoring to keep from freezing, when his Im- pious Majesty himself heard the youth solio- quizing: When will LIE BIG, the editor of the Sun, keep me compa- ny? You blockhead! exclaimed his Majesty, LIE BIG, the editor of the Sun, is not coming back for some time; he is of more service to me on earth, making con- verts for my jurisdictioh, than the public are probably aware.~~ ENGAGEMENT IN HIGH LIFE. PERHAPS it is not generally known that Miss SusAN B. ANTHONY desires to leave one field only that she may enter another; in other words, that the lady contemplates marriage. Our authority is uncertain whether the prospective groom is one of our border aborigines or an ex-Fenian leader of noted gallantry. We have, however, ven- tured upon the following sketch illustrative, in advance, of the reception, and which, in the absence of more explicit information, we may as well call ANTHONY AND CLEOPATRICK. 87

NOV. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO IX. Rub-a-dub, dub, Three men in a tub, The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick-maker, They all jumped into a rotten potato. BEHOLD the gentle Poet, now in the midst of the tumult of war. How calmly he surveys from his elevated position the situation of the hosts and the signs of the times. He hears the drums bent and the bugle call to arms, and his soul is filled with martial ardor. Unable to wield the sword, he seizes his poetical pen, resolved to become the Chronicler and Historian of the war, and thus add his little mite for the improvement of future generations. He decided that it must be characteristic, and in keeping~stylewithhisother productions: short, pithy, and comprehensive; simple and amusing enough for a child; deep and sarcastic enough for the most astute mind. Tie begins by describing in graphic style the sounds that first struck on his ear and fired his manly soulthe beat of the rolling drum. Then comes a description of the terrible conflict that occurred in his native village, between the three most prominent men of the day. This, not to be too verbose, he simply likens to being in a tub. BILLY the butcher, stout, red-faced, and pugilistic, with his particu- lar friend MARC the baker, having become jealous of the beautiful shop and immense patronage of JOHNNY the candlestick-maker, re- solve to put an end to it in some way, even if they have to fight him. That showy candlestick shop, with its gay trimmings and beautiful ornaments, open every day before their face and eyes, and attracting crowds of idlers who stand gazing in at the windows, or lounging around the doors, is a little too much for the Butcher, who in vain displays before his door the fresh-cut meat and the tempting sausage. True, ho has plenty of customers; but they come because they need what he has to sell; they come of necessity, not for pleasure. The Baker experiences the same vexation, as he sees his loaves passed by and mockingly made light of. They bear awhile in silent envy the annoying sight of the rollicking crowd and the joyful JOHNNY with his troop of apprentices, who have all they can possibly do to attend to their numerous customers, and who receive their broad pieces of money with a careless ease that makes the fingers of the lookers-on tingle. At last human nature can stand it no longer. The two malicious store- keepers put their heads together, and resolve to draw their prosperous en- emy into a fight that will ruin him and enable them to smash his windows. Accordingly, they throw stones and dirt at him, but he, intently interest- ed in his store; notices them not. His noisy ap- prentices and loungers around see and point out the insult, and urge him to avenge himself. But no; he has no time to pay attention to petty annoy- ances; he is too busy get- tingup a huge candlestick for the Fair, and so, to smooth matters over he sends his two enemies an invitatiou Pr view the magnificent candlestick that is to throw so much light on the world. He is either too stu- pid or too sharp for ~ sighs the Baker~ we cant do anything in that way. Suppose we set up an opposition store, with one of your sons for Proprietor, and see what effect that will have. Good, it shall be done, says the Butcher. Soon an empty store adjoining is hired, and being put in order, when the hitherto blind Proprietor wakes up to the fact that there is a coali- tion against hhn, and that he had better be stirring or he will lose his trade. Accordingly he writes a remonstrance to his friend the Butcher, telling him he wishes no rival in the trade. He has always had a monopoly, and he intends to keep it. His apprentices back him up in his assertions, and declare they are ready to die for him and their can- dlesticks. The advent of the messenger is noticed with inward rejoic- ing by the twain, but, when he presents his remonstrance, he is imme- diately kicked out of doors. That is the last feather, the one straw too much, and the excitable little Candiestick-maker at once challenges his opponents to deadly combat. The Poet, with a sublime contempt for the mysterious and wonder- ful intricacies of war, significantly calls this rush to arms a jumping into a rotten potato. Alas! it proves a rotten potato to the poor Candiestick-maker. Out sallies the Butcher with his cleaver, and his boys with their knives, and by his side the Baker with his rolling-pin, followed by his crowd of friends armed with toasting-forks and cutting-irons, presenting a formidable front to the astonished JOHNNY and his handful of appren- tices. But there is no back-door to creep out through now; so at it they go, Valor against Might, but Might is the stronger, and Valor gets knocked on the head and has to fall back. This exasperates the heroic defend- ers of the shop, who exclaim, If you cant fight any better than that, you had better leave, and immediately begin an attack in his rear. The poor man, astonished at this unlooked-for defection from his ranks, turns his eyes imploringly around for aid, but sees none that can avail him. He hears on all sides the shout, Clear out, clear out. If you cant win the battle for yourself, we will win it for ourselves, and keep the spoils. Sadiy he views the situation; he feels the kicks of the Candlestick-makers in the rear, and he knows there is no hope for him. But his beloved store! he will save that if he can; he will offer him- self as a sacrifice. With compressed lips he walks to the Butcher, and says, You have got the best of me; Ill give in. Stop the fighting. BILLY, over- joyed at the victory, embraces him, and is about to give the order for retreat, when the wily Baker whispers, The shop is there yet, and it is that that troubles us as much as the man. Let us keep at it till we de- molish it, and thus put a stop to all future contro- versy. After killing the old fox, dont leave a nest of young ones to grow up and bite us. What is their loss is our gain, you know. Do you understand ? Yah, Yah! Latest fl-on~ flelow. AN unsophisticated young imp, who had not long been in Hades, was cowering over a small fire in a distant corner, en- deavoring to keep from freezing, when his Im- pious Majesty himself heard the youth solio- quizing: When will LIE BIG, the editor of the Sun, keep me compa- ny? You blockhead! exclaimed his Majesty, LIE BIG, the editor of the Sun, is not coming back for some time; he is of more service to me on earth, making con- verts for my jurisdictioh, than the public are probably aware.~~ ENGAGEMENT IN HIGH LIFE. PERHAPS it is not generally known that Miss SusAN B. ANTHONY desires to leave one field only that she may enter another; in other words, that the lady contemplates marriage. Our authority is uncertain whether the prospective groom is one of our border aborigines or an ex-Fenian leader of noted gallantry. We have, however, ven- tured upon the following sketch illustrative, in advance, of the reception, and which, in the absence of more explicit information, we may as well call ANTHONY AND CLEOPATRICK. 87

NOV. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO IX. Rub-a-dub, dub, Three men in a tub, The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick-maker, They all jumped into a rotten potato. BEHOLD the gentle Poet, now in the midst of the tumult of war. How calmly he surveys from his elevated position the situation of the hosts and the signs of the times. He hears the drums bent and the bugle call to arms, and his soul is filled with martial ardor. Unable to wield the sword, he seizes his poetical pen, resolved to become the Chronicler and Historian of the war, and thus add his little mite for the improvement of future generations. He decided that it must be characteristic, and in keeping~stylewithhisother productions: short, pithy, and comprehensive; simple and amusing enough for a child; deep and sarcastic enough for the most astute mind. Tie begins by describing in graphic style the sounds that first struck on his ear and fired his manly soulthe beat of the rolling drum. Then comes a description of the terrible conflict that occurred in his native village, between the three most prominent men of the day. This, not to be too verbose, he simply likens to being in a tub. BILLY the butcher, stout, red-faced, and pugilistic, with his particu- lar friend MARC the baker, having become jealous of the beautiful shop and immense patronage of JOHNNY the candlestick-maker, re- solve to put an end to it in some way, even if they have to fight him. That showy candlestick shop, with its gay trimmings and beautiful ornaments, open every day before their face and eyes, and attracting crowds of idlers who stand gazing in at the windows, or lounging around the doors, is a little too much for the Butcher, who in vain displays before his door the fresh-cut meat and the tempting sausage. True, ho has plenty of customers; but they come because they need what he has to sell; they come of necessity, not for pleasure. The Baker experiences the same vexation, as he sees his loaves passed by and mockingly made light of. They bear awhile in silent envy the annoying sight of the rollicking crowd and the joyful JOHNNY with his troop of apprentices, who have all they can possibly do to attend to their numerous customers, and who receive their broad pieces of money with a careless ease that makes the fingers of the lookers-on tingle. At last human nature can stand it no longer. The two malicious store- keepers put their heads together, and resolve to draw their prosperous en- emy into a fight that will ruin him and enable them to smash his windows. Accordingly, they throw stones and dirt at him, but he, intently interest- ed in his store; notices them not. His noisy ap- prentices and loungers around see and point out the insult, and urge him to avenge himself. But no; he has no time to pay attention to petty annoy- ances; he is too busy get- tingup a huge candlestick for the Fair, and so, to smooth matters over he sends his two enemies an invitatiou Pr view the magnificent candlestick that is to throw so much light on the world. He is either too stu- pid or too sharp for ~ sighs the Baker~ we cant do anything in that way. Suppose we set up an opposition store, with one of your sons for Proprietor, and see what effect that will have. Good, it shall be done, says the Butcher. Soon an empty store adjoining is hired, and being put in order, when the hitherto blind Proprietor wakes up to the fact that there is a coali- tion against hhn, and that he had better be stirring or he will lose his trade. Accordingly he writes a remonstrance to his friend the Butcher, telling him he wishes no rival in the trade. He has always had a monopoly, and he intends to keep it. His apprentices back him up in his assertions, and declare they are ready to die for him and their can- dlesticks. The advent of the messenger is noticed with inward rejoic- ing by the twain, but, when he presents his remonstrance, he is imme- diately kicked out of doors. That is the last feather, the one straw too much, and the excitable little Candiestick-maker at once challenges his opponents to deadly combat. The Poet, with a sublime contempt for the mysterious and wonder- ful intricacies of war, significantly calls this rush to arms a jumping into a rotten potato. Alas! it proves a rotten potato to the poor Candiestick-maker. Out sallies the Butcher with his cleaver, and his boys with their knives, and by his side the Baker with his rolling-pin, followed by his crowd of friends armed with toasting-forks and cutting-irons, presenting a formidable front to the astonished JOHNNY and his handful of appren- tices. But there is no back-door to creep out through now; so at it they go, Valor against Might, but Might is the stronger, and Valor gets knocked on the head and has to fall back. This exasperates the heroic defend- ers of the shop, who exclaim, If you cant fight any better than that, you had better leave, and immediately begin an attack in his rear. The poor man, astonished at this unlooked-for defection from his ranks, turns his eyes imploringly around for aid, but sees none that can avail him. He hears on all sides the shout, Clear out, clear out. If you cant win the battle for yourself, we will win it for ourselves, and keep the spoils. Sadiy he views the situation; he feels the kicks of the Candlestick-makers in the rear, and he knows there is no hope for him. But his beloved store! he will save that if he can; he will offer him- self as a sacrifice. With compressed lips he walks to the Butcher, and says, You have got the best of me; Ill give in. Stop the fighting. BILLY, over- joyed at the victory, embraces him, and is about to give the order for retreat, when the wily Baker whispers, The shop is there yet, and it is that that troubles us as much as the man. Let us keep at it till we de- molish it, and thus put a stop to all future contro- versy. After killing the old fox, dont leave a nest of young ones to grow up and bite us. What is their loss is our gain, you know. Do you understand ? Yah, Yah! Latest fl-on~ flelow. AN unsophisticated young imp, who had not long been in Hades, was cowering over a small fire in a distant corner, en- deavoring to keep from freezing, when his Im- pious Majesty himself heard the youth solio- quizing: When will LIE BIG, the editor of the Sun, keep me compa- ny? You blockhead! exclaimed his Majesty, LIE BIG, the editor of the Sun, is not coming back for some time; he is of more service to me on earth, making con- verts for my jurisdictioh, than the public are probably aware.~~ ENGAGEMENT IN HIGH LIFE. PERHAPS it is not generally known that Miss SusAN B. ANTHONY desires to leave one field only that she may enter another; in other words, that the lady contemplates marriage. Our authority is uncertain whether the prospective groom is one of our border aborigines or an ex-Fenian leader of noted gallantry. We have, however, ven- tured upon the following sketch illustrative, in advance, of the reception, and which, in the absence of more explicit information, we may as well call ANTHONY AND CLEOPATRICK. 87

NOV. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO IX. Rub-a-dub, dub, Three men in a tub, The Butcher, the Baker, the Candlestick-maker, They all jumped into a rotten potato. BEHOLD the gentle Poet, now in the midst of the tumult of war. How calmly he surveys from his elevated position the situation of the hosts and the signs of the times. He hears the drums bent and the bugle call to arms, and his soul is filled with martial ardor. Unable to wield the sword, he seizes his poetical pen, resolved to become the Chronicler and Historian of the war, and thus add his little mite for the improvement of future generations. He decided that it must be characteristic, and in keeping~stylewithhisother productions: short, pithy, and comprehensive; simple and amusing enough for a child; deep and sarcastic enough for the most astute mind. Tie begins by describing in graphic style the sounds that first struck on his ear and fired his manly soulthe beat of the rolling drum. Then comes a description of the terrible conflict that occurred in his native village, between the three most prominent men of the day. This, not to be too verbose, he simply likens to being in a tub. BILLY the butcher, stout, red-faced, and pugilistic, with his particu- lar friend MARC the baker, having become jealous of the beautiful shop and immense patronage of JOHNNY the candlestick-maker, re- solve to put an end to it in some way, even if they have to fight him. That showy candlestick shop, with its gay trimmings and beautiful ornaments, open every day before their face and eyes, and attracting crowds of idlers who stand gazing in at the windows, or lounging around the doors, is a little too much for the Butcher, who in vain displays before his door the fresh-cut meat and the tempting sausage. True, ho has plenty of customers; but they come because they need what he has to sell; they come of necessity, not for pleasure. The Baker experiences the same vexation, as he sees his loaves passed by and mockingly made light of. They bear awhile in silent envy the annoying sight of the rollicking crowd and the joyful JOHNNY with his troop of apprentices, who have all they can possibly do to attend to their numerous customers, and who receive their broad pieces of money with a careless ease that makes the fingers of the lookers-on tingle. At last human nature can stand it no longer. The two malicious store- keepers put their heads together, and resolve to draw their prosperous en- emy into a fight that will ruin him and enable them to smash his windows. Accordingly, they throw stones and dirt at him, but he, intently interest- ed in his store; notices them not. His noisy ap- prentices and loungers around see and point out the insult, and urge him to avenge himself. But no; he has no time to pay attention to petty annoy- ances; he is too busy get- tingup a huge candlestick for the Fair, and so, to smooth matters over he sends his two enemies an invitatiou Pr view the magnificent candlestick that is to throw so much light on the world. He is either too stu- pid or too sharp for ~ sighs the Baker~ we cant do anything in that way. Suppose we set up an opposition store, with one of your sons for Proprietor, and see what effect that will have. Good, it shall be done, says the Butcher. Soon an empty store adjoining is hired, and being put in order, when the hitherto blind Proprietor wakes up to the fact that there is a coali- tion against hhn, and that he had better be stirring or he will lose his trade. Accordingly he writes a remonstrance to his friend the Butcher, telling him he wishes no rival in the trade. He has always had a monopoly, and he intends to keep it. His apprentices back him up in his assertions, and declare they are ready to die for him and their can- dlesticks. The advent of the messenger is noticed with inward rejoic- ing by the twain, but, when he presents his remonstrance, he is imme- diately kicked out of doors. That is the last feather, the one straw too much, and the excitable little Candiestick-maker at once challenges his opponents to deadly combat. The Poet, with a sublime contempt for the mysterious and wonder- ful intricacies of war, significantly calls this rush to arms a jumping into a rotten potato. Alas! it proves a rotten potato to the poor Candiestick-maker. Out sallies the Butcher with his cleaver, and his boys with their knives, and by his side the Baker with his rolling-pin, followed by his crowd of friends armed with toasting-forks and cutting-irons, presenting a formidable front to the astonished JOHNNY and his handful of appren- tices. But there is no back-door to creep out through now; so at it they go, Valor against Might, but Might is the stronger, and Valor gets knocked on the head and has to fall back. This exasperates the heroic defend- ers of the shop, who exclaim, If you cant fight any better than that, you had better leave, and immediately begin an attack in his rear. The poor man, astonished at this unlooked-for defection from his ranks, turns his eyes imploringly around for aid, but sees none that can avail him. He hears on all sides the shout, Clear out, clear out. If you cant win the battle for yourself, we will win it for ourselves, and keep the spoils. Sadiy he views the situation; he feels the kicks of the Candlestick-makers in the rear, and he knows there is no hope for him. But his beloved store! he will save that if he can; he will offer him- self as a sacrifice. With compressed lips he walks to the Butcher, and says, You have got the best of me; Ill give in. Stop the fighting. BILLY, over- joyed at the victory, embraces him, and is about to give the order for retreat, when the wily Baker whispers, The shop is there yet, and it is that that troubles us as much as the man. Let us keep at it till we de- molish it, and thus put a stop to all future contro- versy. After killing the old fox, dont leave a nest of young ones to grow up and bite us. What is their loss is our gain, you know. Do you understand ? Yah, Yah! Latest fl-on~ flelow. AN unsophisticated young imp, who had not long been in Hades, was cowering over a small fire in a distant corner, en- deavoring to keep from freezing, when his Im- pious Majesty himself heard the youth solio- quizing: When will LIE BIG, the editor of the Sun, keep me compa- ny? You blockhead! exclaimed his Majesty, LIE BIG, the editor of the Sun, is not coming back for some time; he is of more service to me on earth, making con- verts for my jurisdictioh, than the public are probably aware.~~ ENGAGEMENT IN HIGH LIFE. PERHAPS it is not generally known that Miss SusAN B. ANTHONY desires to leave one field only that she may enter another; in other words, that the lady contemplates marriage. Our authority is uncertain whether the prospective groom is one of our border aborigines or an ex-Fenian leader of noted gallantry. We have, however, ven- tured upon the following sketch illustrative, in advance, of the reception, and which, in the absence of more explicit information, we may as well call ANTHONY AND CLEOPATRICK. 87 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 5, 1870. HIGH-HANDED OUTRAGE. EDITOR OF PPNcIirnELLO: Sir :I am the young lady, travelling in New Jersey (perhaps they will next make a crime of that I), and mentioned in a recent paragraph as having been asked by a person (called a man) if this was ELIZABETH U I insist, Sir, that I was right in resenting, as I did, the impudent familiarity of this person (called a man), who, after sitting for an hour or two in peifect sikirce (having first intruded himself into the seat beside me without making any kind of apology), abruptly turns to me and says, Is this ELIZABETH U I insist, Sir; that I was right in asking the ruffian what he meant. Consider the abruptness, Sir, of this questionthis selfish question, as it turned out, after a grum and gruff silence of an hour and a quarter. Could not this unamiable person (called a man), have prepared me for it by a few moments affable conversation? Why should he dare in- trude his Is this BLIZABETH U with such brutal abruptness? Not a sudden proposal from one of my numerous suitors could have startled me more. Look at the question, Sir, as pointing at my supposed Christian name (I have one, but it is not ELIZABETH, nor yet ELIZA); can you imagine anything more odiously familiar? Well known for his mild and gentle disposition this gentleman of Brooklyn may be; but there was no mildness, no gentleness this time, I assure you! The language alone proves that! The rudeness was all the more shocking and discomposing, from the fact that I was at that moment contemplating the elegant features of a gentleman at the other end of the car, who seemed not altogether indifferent to my appearance (which he would have been, perhaps, had I seemed of uncertain age, as the low fellow observes who wrote this paragraph), and there was every appearance of a growing interest in two susceptible hearts, when this cold-blooded (but mild au4 gentle) person launched his brutal interrogatory, so selfish and unfeeling, with such violent abruptness. Look, if you will, Sir, at the question as referring purely to the city which we were approaching. How did I know that my new found, but already dear friend was not about to alight (as, indeed, he seemed to be), and leave me to the disgusting society of this mild and gentle barbarian sitting beside me in such a state of stolid indifference, and thinking only of a vulgar town, and his still more vulgar affairs in that town! Consider again, Sir, the audacity of this person (called a nan), in repeating his odious question after the rebuke I had administered! Yes, he actually repeated it! as though I were a long-lost acquaintance, of whose identity he felt more than doubtful; I simply said to him (though the slanderous report says I screamed it), You may think you are a gentleman, Sir (and here I claim is evinced a disposition to be fair even to an enemy) you may think you are a gentleman, Sir, to address a lady so; but I do not wish to continue any further talk with you. You may fancy the state of my feelings, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, at being obliged to make this little speech, and my friend at the other end of the car looking on, with wonder in every one of his expressive features, and the conductor at that instant coming in and shouting, ELIZAnI~TH! as though I were called for and must go that very instant. Indeed, I felt verymuch like doing sobut not,I assure you, on perceiving thatthe mild and gentle~ ogre I have been speaking of was already going out. No; I was thankful I was going further, though the behavior of the remaining passengers was no~ calculated to inspire me with a very quieting sense of ease. You will, I am sure, excuse the feelings of a lady who has been in- sulted by a ruffianly person (called a man), and affronted by a car-full of insolent and vulgar mob, called the American Public. I hope the gentlema4n at the other end of the car will take for granted that he was not one of this brutal mob. Yours, with much feeling, MEDORA EUPHEMIA SLAPSADDLE. THE LAST MOTTO OF THE JOHN REAL DEMOcRACY. OBRIEN, LED-WITH a hook. 88 N~ A CARPET GENERAL. Brigadier- Generat Todford. DEAR ME, WHAT A DISAGREEABLE SMELL! WONDER WHAT IT CAN BE? Lady. OH! THAT S GUNPOWDER, GENERAL. Brigadier-General Woodford. GUNPOWDER ?AW! IS IT? NEVER SMELT ANYTHING OF THE KIND BEFAW.

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 5, 1870. HIGH-HANDED OUTRAGE. EDITOR OF PPNcIirnELLO: Sir :I am the young lady, travelling in New Jersey (perhaps they will next make a crime of that I), and mentioned in a recent paragraph as having been asked by a person (called a man) if this was ELIZABETH U I insist, Sir, that I was right in resenting, as I did, the impudent familiarity of this person (called a man), who, after sitting for an hour or two in peifect sikirce (having first intruded himself into the seat beside me without making any kind of apology), abruptly turns to me and says, Is this ELIZABETH U I insist, Sir; that I was right in asking the ruffian what he meant. Consider the abruptness, Sir, of this questionthis selfish question, as it turned out, after a grum and gruff silence of an hour and a quarter. Could not this unamiable person (called a man), have prepared me for it by a few moments affable conversation? Why should he dare in- trude his Is this BLIZABETH U with such brutal abruptness? Not a sudden proposal from one of my numerous suitors could have startled me more. Look at the question, Sir, as pointing at my supposed Christian name (I have one, but it is not ELIZABETH, nor yet ELIZA); can you imagine anything more odiously familiar? Well known for his mild and gentle disposition this gentleman of Brooklyn may be; but there was no mildness, no gentleness this time, I assure you! The language alone proves that! The rudeness was all the more shocking and discomposing, from the fact that I was at that moment contemplating the elegant features of a gentleman at the other end of the car, who seemed not altogether indifferent to my appearance (which he would have been, perhaps, had I seemed of uncertain age, as the low fellow observes who wrote this paragraph), and there was every appearance of a growing interest in two susceptible hearts, when this cold-blooded (but mild au4 gentle) person launched his brutal interrogatory, so selfish and unfeeling, with such violent abruptness. Look, if you will, Sir, at the question as referring purely to the city which we were approaching. How did I know that my new found, but already dear friend was not about to alight (as, indeed, he seemed to be), and leave me to the disgusting society of this mild and gentle barbarian sitting beside me in such a state of stolid indifference, and thinking only of a vulgar town, and his still more vulgar affairs in that town! Consider again, Sir, the audacity of this person (called a nan), in repeating his odious question after the rebuke I had administered! Yes, he actually repeated it! as though I were a long-lost acquaintance, of whose identity he felt more than doubtful; I simply said to him (though the slanderous report says I screamed it), You may think you are a gentleman, Sir (and here I claim is evinced a disposition to be fair even to an enemy) you may think you are a gentleman, Sir, to address a lady so; but I do not wish to continue any further talk with you. You may fancy the state of my feelings, Mr. PUNCHINELLO, at being obliged to make this little speech, and my friend at the other end of the car looking on, with wonder in every one of his expressive features, and the conductor at that instant coming in and shouting, ELIZAnI~TH! as though I were called for and must go that very instant. Indeed, I felt verymuch like doing sobut not,I assure you, on perceiving thatthe mild and gentle~ ogre I have been speaking of was already going out. No; I was thankful I was going further, though the behavior of the remaining passengers was no~ calculated to inspire me with a very quieting sense of ease. You will, I am sure, excuse the feelings of a lady who has been in- sulted by a ruffianly person (called a man), and affronted by a car-full of insolent and vulgar mob, called the American Public. I hope the gentlema4n at the other end of the car will take for granted that he was not one of this brutal mob. Yours, with much feeling, MEDORA EUPHEMIA SLAPSADDLE. THE LAST MOTTO OF THE JOHN REAL DEMOcRACY. OBRIEN, LED-WITH a hook. 88 N~ A CARPET GENERAL. Brigadier- Generat Todford. DEAR ME, WHAT A DISAGREEABLE SMELL! WONDER WHAT IT CAN BE? Lady. OH! THAT S GUNPOWDER, GENERAL. Brigadier-General Woodford. GUNPOWDER ?AW! IS IT? NEVER SMELT ANYTHING OF THE KIND BEFAW. Nov. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 89 THE POLIT[CAL CATS-PAW. JOOKO WOODFORD MAKES TOMCAT LEDWITH USEFUL FOR PULLING THE ROASTED CHESTNUTS OFF THE FIRE Nov. 5,1870. PUNCHINELLO. 91 HIRAM GREEN INTERVIEWS HORACE GREELEY. Some unpublished Faets---II. G. of the Tribune reveals to II. G. of Puachlnello what he Knows of Farming. H. (}. OF THE Tribune, I believe said I, reaching out and taking his lilly-white hand, one Sati~rday mornin at Chattaqua. Jess so, said he, politely, and this is H. G. of PLJNCHINELLO. Were a heithy team at writin comic essayseh! Squire? And the hills, dales, aad bi~n-yards resounded with our innercent prattle. My bizziness, Mister GREELEY, is to see if you know as much aboui agricoltural economy as you do about politikle economy. As I useter say to culprits, who was bein tried before me when I was Gustise of the Peece, you needent say nothin which will criminate yourself. Well, my lerned friend, said he, hily pleased at my happy way of puttin things, foller me, and Ile show you what farmin on scientific prenciples can do for a man. Arm in arm we sailed forth, as gay and festiv as a pair of turkle dovesHonnis with his panterloons stuffed in his bute legs, and the undersined with his specturcals adjusted on his nose. Do you see that piece of land over yender? said he, pintin to a strip of 10 akers. That was a worthless swamp two yeer ago. For $15,000.00 I made it what it is, and to-day, Ime proud to say it, my farm is worth $1,750.00 more, with that 10 akers under cultivation, than it was before I drained it. Honnis, said I, wishin to humor him, as an economist, this shows your brains is in the rite spot. He then took me in his garden, and showed me what his success in the sass bizziness had been. Do you see that 10 aker bed ? said he. Well! last fall I saw a lot of pie plant growing in a wild state. I said nothin to nobody, but when it got ripe I saved the seed. This spring I planted that patch of ground with it, anticipatin the biggest crop of pie timber in the State. And, sir, jest as sartin as this white hat was once new, said he, pintin to his old plade out shappo, when that stuff grode to maturity, I sent a cart lode down to the market, and it was all sent back with a note, statin that burdocks wasnt worth a cuss for pies. But, said he, takin me by the button- hole, no man can fool me agin on pie timber. As a farmer, Ilonnrs, said I, so as to keep the rite side of him, your ekal hasent been hatched. lie then shode me the remains of a young orchird; said he: The borers got into the roots of theum trees, which trees cost me, within the last two yeer, about $5,000.00. I tried all sorts of ways to get rid of them. I even set my hired man to readin artikies on What I know of farmin to em. This put the grubs to sleep long, at first, but they finally stopt their ears up with clay, and wouldent listen. So that dodge was plade out. I then bought a lot of ile of vitril and poured it about the roots of them trees, and I tell you, friend GREEN, said he, as tickled as a boy with his first pair of new boots it would have made you laff to see them borers moosey. But, said I, it killed them trees deadern a smelt. Which dont amount to shucks, so long as the cause of sientific farmin is benifitted, by showin bugs that the superior critter man is too many meesles for the animile kingdom, was his reply. Them trees over there, said this distingished farmer, was a present to me. They come marked pine trees. It is over three yeers since they was sot out, and not a solitary pine apple have they yielded yet. I reckon it takes time for them to bear fruit, said he in his sim- plisity. Not only time, said I, somewhat surprised, but if you live through all etarnity, you wont see a darned apple on them trees. But, Squire GREEN, said he, with a downcast air, H. WARD BEEcIJER says pine apples grows on pine trees, and as long as brother B. spends all his salary in edicatin hisself for a farmer, he orter know. Brother fiddlesticks, said I, a little riled at hearin him cote H. W. B. as a farmist. HANK is a 4 hoss team at raisin food for the sowl; but when you come to depend on sich chaps to raise grub and other vegetables for the stomack, excoose me for sayin it, it haint H. WARDS fort, no moren it is mine to outsing NILLsoN for the beer. We entered his poultry yard. Youre old peaches on raisin fouls, Ive been told, said I. Ker-r-rect, said he, chickens is my best holt. Last spring I had a favorite speckled henshe was the specklest biped which ever wore feathers. One day, I sot her on 300 eggs. That .f owl done her level best and spread evry feather, but she hadent enuff elasticity to cover so much territory at one settin. Well, sir, said he, straitenin his form up to its full hite, Sients come to my ade. I got a feather bed, and with a glue pot bilt out that hens spread. What, I says, the hen dident hatch all them eggs? Not exzactly, was his reply; she would have hatched every egg, butbut-but, and he broke down and bust into teers. Butwhy? I asked, soothin his perturbed spirrit. She had a great deal of pride that hen did. She was terribly stuck up. Just as she got settled down for a good square old-fashioned set, she was so proud of her position, that somehow or other, it struck in and killed her. We visited his barn, which was chock full of farmin tools. Said he: It is allers a mistery to peeple how I make farmin pay, but, Squire, between you and I, heers where I reckon Ive got em. Where I loses in other branches I make up heer. Any and everybody which invents a farmin masheen sends me one, and I gives them a puff. Every 30 days I gets up a bee, to which I invites the nabors. With hammers we knock them masheens to pieces, and, sir! said he, blowin his bugle horn of liberty with his cote sleeve, as the Roman mother once said, these is my tressoors, for, sures your born, the sales of old iron more n pays runnin my farm, losses and alL The shades of nite was a fallin, so thankin H. G. for posten me up on his farmin nolidge, I left him, with my mind fully made up, that, with the Fiosifer, the pen was a heep site mitier in his hand than a farm is, in which opinion any well-bred, onprejodiced farmer will fall into. Ewers farmiuly, HIRAM GREEN, ESQ., Lait Gustise of the Peece. Av A PRIVATE ThEATRE IN THIS CITY Mn. JN SMTn RE- CENTLY MADE HIS dibut AS Rolla, AND CREATED A MARKED SENSA- TION. THE NEWMAN FUND. ABOUT seventy of the artists connected with the illustrated press of this city ~nd Boston have contributed drawings for the benefit of the family of the late WILLIAM NEWMAN, formerly one of the designers of the London Punch, and who for the last ten years held a prominent position among the graphic artists of this city. To this move on the part of kindred spirits, PUNCHIKELLO cries Bravo ! The kindly worker who has passed away from our midst would have been foremost himself in moving thus wken death or sickness had fallen upon a brother of his guil,d. To aid his family, then, in the manner proposed, is the best tribnte than can be paid to his memory. Due notice will be given of the arrangements for exhibiting and disposing of the con- tributed pictures, to possess some of which, PIJNCH1~ELLO hopes, will be a matter of emulation with his New York readers. FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.

Nov. 5,1870. PUNCHINELLO. 91 HIRAM GREEN INTERVIEWS HORACE GREELEY. Some unpublished Faets---II. G. of the Tribune reveals to II. G. of Puachlnello what he Knows of Farming. H. (}. OF THE Tribune, I believe said I, reaching out and taking his lilly-white hand, one Sati~rday mornin at Chattaqua. Jess so, said he, politely, and this is H. G. of PLJNCHINELLO. Were a heithy team at writin comic essayseh! Squire? And the hills, dales, aad bi~n-yards resounded with our innercent prattle. My bizziness, Mister GREELEY, is to see if you know as much aboui agricoltural economy as you do about politikle economy. As I useter say to culprits, who was bein tried before me when I was Gustise of the Peece, you needent say nothin which will criminate yourself. Well, my lerned friend, said he, hily pleased at my happy way of puttin things, foller me, and Ile show you what farmin on scientific prenciples can do for a man. Arm in arm we sailed forth, as gay and festiv as a pair of turkle dovesHonnis with his panterloons stuffed in his bute legs, and the undersined with his specturcals adjusted on his nose. Do you see that piece of land over yender? said he, pintin to a strip of 10 akers. That was a worthless swamp two yeer ago. For $15,000.00 I made it what it is, and to-day, Ime proud to say it, my farm is worth $1,750.00 more, with that 10 akers under cultivation, than it was before I drained it. Honnis, said I, wishin to humor him, as an economist, this shows your brains is in the rite spot. He then took me in his garden, and showed me what his success in the sass bizziness had been. Do you see that 10 aker bed ? said he. Well! last fall I saw a lot of pie plant growing in a wild state. I said nothin to nobody, but when it got ripe I saved the seed. This spring I planted that patch of ground with it, anticipatin the biggest crop of pie timber in the State. And, sir, jest as sartin as this white hat was once new, said he, pintin to his old plade out shappo, when that stuff grode to maturity, I sent a cart lode down to the market, and it was all sent back with a note, statin that burdocks wasnt worth a cuss for pies. But, said he, takin me by the button- hole, no man can fool me agin on pie timber. As a farmer, Ilonnrs, said I, so as to keep the rite side of him, your ekal hasent been hatched. lie then shode me the remains of a young orchird; said he: The borers got into the roots of theum trees, which trees cost me, within the last two yeer, about $5,000.00. I tried all sorts of ways to get rid of them. I even set my hired man to readin artikies on What I know of farmin to em. This put the grubs to sleep long, at first, but they finally stopt their ears up with clay, and wouldent listen. So that dodge was plade out. I then bought a lot of ile of vitril and poured it about the roots of them trees, and I tell you, friend GREEN, said he, as tickled as a boy with his first pair of new boots it would have made you laff to see them borers moosey. But, said I, it killed them trees deadern a smelt. Which dont amount to shucks, so long as the cause of sientific farmin is benifitted, by showin bugs that the superior critter man is too many meesles for the animile kingdom, was his reply. Them trees over there, said this distingished farmer, was a present to me. They come marked pine trees. It is over three yeers since they was sot out, and not a solitary pine apple have they yielded yet. I reckon it takes time for them to bear fruit, said he in his sim- plisity. Not only time, said I, somewhat surprised, but if you live through all etarnity, you wont see a darned apple on them trees. But, Squire GREEN, said he, with a downcast air, H. WARD BEEcIJER says pine apples grows on pine trees, and as long as brother B. spends all his salary in edicatin hisself for a farmer, he orter know. Brother fiddlesticks, said I, a little riled at hearin him cote H. W. B. as a farmist. HANK is a 4 hoss team at raisin food for the sowl; but when you come to depend on sich chaps to raise grub and other vegetables for the stomack, excoose me for sayin it, it haint H. WARDS fort, no moren it is mine to outsing NILLsoN for the beer. We entered his poultry yard. Youre old peaches on raisin fouls, Ive been told, said I. Ker-r-rect, said he, chickens is my best holt. Last spring I had a favorite speckled henshe was the specklest biped which ever wore feathers. One day, I sot her on 300 eggs. That .f owl done her level best and spread evry feather, but she hadent enuff elasticity to cover so much territory at one settin. Well, sir, said he, straitenin his form up to its full hite, Sients come to my ade. I got a feather bed, and with a glue pot bilt out that hens spread. What, I says, the hen dident hatch all them eggs? Not exzactly, was his reply; she would have hatched every egg, butbut-but, and he broke down and bust into teers. Butwhy? I asked, soothin his perturbed spirrit. She had a great deal of pride that hen did. She was terribly stuck up. Just as she got settled down for a good square old-fashioned set, she was so proud of her position, that somehow or other, it struck in and killed her. We visited his barn, which was chock full of farmin tools. Said he: It is allers a mistery to peeple how I make farmin pay, but, Squire, between you and I, heers where I reckon Ive got em. Where I loses in other branches I make up heer. Any and everybody which invents a farmin masheen sends me one, and I gives them a puff. Every 30 days I gets up a bee, to which I invites the nabors. With hammers we knock them masheens to pieces, and, sir! said he, blowin his bugle horn of liberty with his cote sleeve, as the Roman mother once said, these is my tressoors, for, sures your born, the sales of old iron more n pays runnin my farm, losses and alL The shades of nite was a fallin, so thankin H. G. for posten me up on his farmin nolidge, I left him, with my mind fully made up, that, with the Fiosifer, the pen was a heep site mitier in his hand than a farm is, in which opinion any well-bred, onprejodiced farmer will fall into. Ewers farmiuly, HIRAM GREEN, ESQ., Lait Gustise of the Peece. Av A PRIVATE ThEATRE IN THIS CITY Mn. JN SMTn RE- CENTLY MADE HIS dibut AS Rolla, AND CREATED A MARKED SENSA- TION. THE NEWMAN FUND. ABOUT seventy of the artists connected with the illustrated press of this city ~nd Boston have contributed drawings for the benefit of the family of the late WILLIAM NEWMAN, formerly one of the designers of the London Punch, and who for the last ten years held a prominent position among the graphic artists of this city. To this move on the part of kindred spirits, PUNCHIKELLO cries Bravo ! The kindly worker who has passed away from our midst would have been foremost himself in moving thus wken death or sickness had fallen upon a brother of his guil,d. To aid his family, then, in the manner proposed, is the best tribnte than can be paid to his memory. Due notice will be given of the arrangements for exhibiting and disposing of the con- tributed pictures, to possess some of which, PIJNCH1~ELLO hopes, will be a matter of emulation with his New York readers. FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE.

Nov. 5,1870. PUNCHINELLO. 91 HIRAM GREEN INTERVIEWS HORACE GREELEY. Some unpublished Faets---II. G. of the Tribune reveals to II. G. of Puachlnello what he Knows of Farming. H. (}. OF THE Tribune, I believe said I, reaching out and taking his lilly-white hand, one Sati~rday mornin at Chattaqua. Jess so, said he, politely, and this is H. G. of PLJNCHINELLO. Were a heithy team at writin comic essayseh! Squire? And the hills, dales, aad bi~n-yards resounded with our innercent prattle. My bizziness, Mister GREELEY, is to see if you know as much aboui agricoltural economy as you do about politikle economy. As I useter say to culprits, who was bein tried before me when I was Gustise of the Peece, you needent say nothin which will criminate yourself. Well, my lerned friend, said he, hily pleased at my happy way of puttin things, foller me, and Ile show you what farmin on scientific prenciples can do for a man. Arm in arm we sailed forth, as gay and festiv as a pair of turkle dovesHonnis with his panterloons stuffed in his bute legs, and the undersined with his specturcals adjusted on his nose. Do you see that piece of land over yender? said he, pintin to a strip of 10 akers. That was a worthless swamp two yeer ago. For $15,000.00 I made it what it is, and to-day, Ime proud to say it, my farm is worth $1,750.00 more, with that 10 akers under cultivation, than it was before I drained it. Honnis, said I, wishin to humor him, as an economist, this shows your brains is in the rite spot. He then took me in his garden, and showed me what his success in the sass bizziness had been. Do you see that 10 aker bed ? said he. Well! last fall I saw a lot of pie plant growing in a wild state. I said nothin to nobody, but when it got ripe I saved the seed. This spring I planted that patch of ground with it, anticipatin the biggest crop of pie timber in the State. And, sir, jest as sartin as this white hat was once new, said he, pintin to his old plade out shappo, when that stuff grode to maturity, I sent a cart lode down to the market, and it was all sent back with a note, statin that burdocks wasnt worth a cuss for pies. But, said he, takin me by the button- hole, no man can fool me agin on pie timber. As a farmer, Ilonnrs, said I, so as to keep the rite side of him, your ekal hasent been hatched. lie then shode me the remains of a young orchird; said he: The borers got into the roots of theum trees, which trees cost me, within the last two yeer, about $5,000.00. I tried all sorts of ways to get rid of them. I even set my hired man to readin artikies on What I know of farmin to em. This put the grubs to sleep long, at first, but they finally stopt their ears up with clay, and wouldent listen. So that dodge was plade out. I then bought a lot of ile of vitril and poured it about the roots of them trees, and I tell you, friend GREEN, said he, as tickled as a boy with his first pair of new boots it would have made you laff to see them borers moosey. But, said I, it killed them trees deadern a smelt. Which dont amount to shucks, so long as the cause of sientific farmin is benifitted, by showin bugs that the superior critter man is too many meesles for the animile kingdom, was his reply. Them trees over there, said this distingished farmer, was a present to me. They come marked pine trees. It is over three yeers since they was sot out, and not a solitary pine apple have they yielded yet. I reckon it takes time for them to bear fruit, said he in his sim- plisity. Not only time, said I, somewhat surprised, but if you live through all etarnity, you wont see a darned apple on them trees. But, Squire GREEN, said he, with a downcast air, H. WARD BEEcIJER says pine apples grows on pine trees, and as long as brother B. spends all his salary in edicatin hisself for a farmer, he orter know. Brother fiddlesticks, said I, a little riled at hearin him cote H. W. B. as a farmist. HANK is a 4 hoss team at raisin food for the sowl; but when you come to depend on sich chaps to raise grub and other vegetables for the stomack, excoose me for sayin it, it haint H. WARDS fort, no moren it is mine to outsing NILLsoN for the beer. We entered his poultry yard. Youre old peaches on raisin fouls, Ive been told, said I. Ker-r-rect, said he, chickens is my best holt. Last spring I had a favorite speckled henshe was the specklest biped which ever wore feathers. One day, I sot her on 300 eggs. That .f owl done her level best and spread evry feather, but she hadent enuff elasticity to cover so much territory at one settin. Well, sir, said he, straitenin his form up to its full hite, Sients come to my ade. I got a feather bed, and with a glue pot bilt out that hens spread. What, I says, the hen dident hatch all them eggs? Not exzactly, was his reply; she would have hatched every egg, butbut-but, and he broke down and bust into teers. Butwhy? I asked, soothin his perturbed spirrit. She had a great deal of pride that hen did. She was terribly stuck up. Just as she got settled down for a good square old-fashioned set, she was so proud of her position, that somehow or other, it struck in and killed her. We visited his barn, which was chock full of farmin tools. Said he: It is allers a mistery to peeple how I make farmin pay, but, Squire, between you and I, heers where I reckon Ive got em. Where I loses in other branches I make up heer. Any and everybody which invents a farmin masheen sends me one, and I gives them a puff. Every 30 days I gets up a bee, to which I invites the nabors. With hammers we knock them masheens to pieces, and, sir! said he, blowin his bugle horn of liberty with his cote sleeve, as the Roman mother once said, these is my tressoors, for, sures your born, the sales of old iron more n pays runnin my farm, losses and alL The shades of nite was a fallin, so thankin H. G. for posten me up on his farmin nolidge, I left him, with my mind fully made up, that, with the Fiosifer, the pen was a heep site mitier in his hand than a farm is, in which opinion any well-bred, onprejodiced farmer will fall into. Ewers farmiuly, HIRAM GREEN, ESQ., Lait Gustise of the Peece. Av A PRIVATE ThEATRE IN THIS CITY Mn. JN SMTn RE- CENTLY MADE HIS dibut AS Rolla, AND CREATED A MARKED SENSA- TION. THE NEWMAN FUND. ABOUT seventy of the artists connected with the illustrated press of this city ~nd Boston have contributed drawings for the benefit of the family of the late WILLIAM NEWMAN, formerly one of the designers of the London Punch, and who for the last ten years held a prominent position among the graphic artists of this city. To this move on the part of kindred spirits, PUNCHIKELLO cries Bravo ! The kindly worker who has passed away from our midst would have been foremost himself in moving thus wken death or sickness had fallen upon a brother of his guil,d. To aid his family, then, in the manner proposed, is the best tribnte than can be paid to his memory. Due notice will be given of the arrangements for exhibiting and disposing of the con- tributed pictures, to possess some of which, PIJNCH1~ELLO hopes, will be a matter of emulation with his New York readers. FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE. PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 5, 1870. VENUS AND ADONIS. An Eciogue of the Period. (Respectfully dedicated to the ladies of the Free-love Pantarchy.) Venus. ADONIs, sweet, hide not thy blushing face: What terrors masculine thy ~ou1 abash? And why with boyish pout dost mar the grace Of maiden lip and innocent moustache? Adonis. O you dry up! I tell you. Ill be cussed If Im a-going to stand such pesky bother From you strong-minded gals. And, whats the wust, I damt touch ye.Glong, r Ill tell your mother! Venus. And feelst thou then no solemn intuition No subtle psychological vibration- Or instant, full, spontaneous recognition Of my pantarchic self-annunciation? For love is free, and mutual reactioa Of kindred organisms airily Subsists and ceases, as t gives satisfaction: We change with changes of affinity. Adonis. Now just look here, you dont sponge no love free At this here shop: its stealing,thats the sin it is! Whats more, too, if you want to hang round me Youd better just play light on them affinities! A LETTER FROM THE HUB. Tim Boss TOWN OF NEW ENGLAND, October 1870 times. j DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Hailing (not to say reigning) from this august (and all the year round) place, I natu- rally feel privileged to pour my troubles into your ears, with doubts as to their length. [Length of what, troubles or ears ?ED.] The fact is, no man was ever treated so badly or so seldom as I have been. Others have waked up and found themselves famous. Ive practised waking for years, and never found myself in fame, or anything else, excepting energetic tailors bills, and an occasional square meal. Thirsting for renown, I have coined my wealth of brains into one transcending effort, and amid much travail of genius, and travel of paw to pate, have pro- duced the following ORIGINAL LINES, * * * which I dedicate to the late Political Convention, as embodying the principles there adopted, with this dif- ference, that, while their Resolutions have no point, my resolution enables me to make two points in every line. While Im not in the proverb business, I have a couple on hand that are getting monidy, so I send em along. Once go to grass, and your enemies will soon make v hey-day over you. Get all you can, and can all you get. But that reminds me of a Beautiful Tale Deacon K lacked the confidence of the inhabi- tants of N - He was most sincerely detested for his hypocrisy and double-dealing, and so very unpopular, that a few wags conceived the idea of drawing up a paper requesting him to leave the town. Once endorsed by two or three respectable names, the joke took; the paper circulated like wildfire and soon contained every business name in the place. A most horrible position to occupy in respect to ones neighbors. But the Deacon was a genius in his way. Getting possession of the document, he adroitly changed the heading, and behold! the intended rebuke was transformed into a humble petition to the President that Deacon K be appointed Postmaster of N----. In due time the appointment came, much to the consternation and chagrin of the villagers. The position was held one season in spite of all opposition; but the Deacon did not prosper in the end, for after wandering about the streets of New York a miserable outcast, he naturally drifted on to the edi- torial staff of the Sun. The End. Trusting, my dear NELLO, you will give me a good setting-np, and cast my lines in pleasant places, I remain, Yours in fun, DEEN. TIMELY. THEY now put little watches on the outside of portemonnaies and cigar-cases. There has been doubt expressed as to the value of these time-pieces; but if they go as certainly as the money and the cigars, they will do very well. HEAVY. THERE is now a strike among the blacksmiths, and as the men have already come down very heavily, it is supposed it will be successfuL 92 OUR BAD CHILDREN ON THE BORDER. Missionary. AND IT CAME TO PASS THAT CAIN WAS WROTE WITII ABEL, 1115 BROTHER, AND RO5E UP AGAINST HIM AND SLEW HIM. Comanche Warrior. How! HOW ! GOOD! CAIN RED MAN, EH ? Ain~r~ WHITE MAN ?uow! irow! CAIN GET ABELS SCALPGOOD!

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 5, 1870. VENUS AND ADONIS. An Eciogue of the Period. (Respectfully dedicated to the ladies of the Free-love Pantarchy.) Venus. ADONIs, sweet, hide not thy blushing face: What terrors masculine thy ~ou1 abash? And why with boyish pout dost mar the grace Of maiden lip and innocent moustache? Adonis. O you dry up! I tell you. Ill be cussed If Im a-going to stand such pesky bother From you strong-minded gals. And, whats the wust, I damt touch ye.Glong, r Ill tell your mother! Venus. And feelst thou then no solemn intuition No subtle psychological vibration- Or instant, full, spontaneous recognition Of my pantarchic self-annunciation? For love is free, and mutual reactioa Of kindred organisms airily Subsists and ceases, as t gives satisfaction: We change with changes of affinity. Adonis. Now just look here, you dont sponge no love free At this here shop: its stealing,thats the sin it is! Whats more, too, if you want to hang round me Youd better just play light on them affinities! A LETTER FROM THE HUB. Tim Boss TOWN OF NEW ENGLAND, October 1870 times. j DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Hailing (not to say reigning) from this august (and all the year round) place, I natu- rally feel privileged to pour my troubles into your ears, with doubts as to their length. [Length of what, troubles or ears ?ED.] The fact is, no man was ever treated so badly or so seldom as I have been. Others have waked up and found themselves famous. Ive practised waking for years, and never found myself in fame, or anything else, excepting energetic tailors bills, and an occasional square meal. Thirsting for renown, I have coined my wealth of brains into one transcending effort, and amid much travail of genius, and travel of paw to pate, have pro- duced the following ORIGINAL LINES, * * * which I dedicate to the late Political Convention, as embodying the principles there adopted, with this dif- ference, that, while their Resolutions have no point, my resolution enables me to make two points in every line. While Im not in the proverb business, I have a couple on hand that are getting monidy, so I send em along. Once go to grass, and your enemies will soon make v hey-day over you. Get all you can, and can all you get. But that reminds me of a Beautiful Tale Deacon K lacked the confidence of the inhabi- tants of N - He was most sincerely detested for his hypocrisy and double-dealing, and so very unpopular, that a few wags conceived the idea of drawing up a paper requesting him to leave the town. Once endorsed by two or three respectable names, the joke took; the paper circulated like wildfire and soon contained every business name in the place. A most horrible position to occupy in respect to ones neighbors. But the Deacon was a genius in his way. Getting possession of the document, he adroitly changed the heading, and behold! the intended rebuke was transformed into a humble petition to the President that Deacon K be appointed Postmaster of N----. In due time the appointment came, much to the consternation and chagrin of the villagers. The position was held one season in spite of all opposition; but the Deacon did not prosper in the end, for after wandering about the streets of New York a miserable outcast, he naturally drifted on to the edi- torial staff of the Sun. The End. Trusting, my dear NELLO, you will give me a good setting-np, and cast my lines in pleasant places, I remain, Yours in fun, DEEN. TIMELY. THEY now put little watches on the outside of portemonnaies and cigar-cases. There has been doubt expressed as to the value of these time-pieces; but if they go as certainly as the money and the cigars, they will do very well. HEAVY. THERE is now a strike among the blacksmiths, and as the men have already come down very heavily, it is supposed it will be successfuL 92 OUR BAD CHILDREN ON THE BORDER. Missionary. AND IT CAME TO PASS THAT CAIN WAS WROTE WITII ABEL, 1115 BROTHER, AND RO5E UP AGAINST HIM AND SLEW HIM. Comanche Warrior. How! HOW ! GOOD! CAIN RED MAN, EH ? Ain~r~ WHITE MAN ?uow! irow! CAIN GET ABELS SCALPGOOD!

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 5, 1870. VENUS AND ADONIS. An Eciogue of the Period. (Respectfully dedicated to the ladies of the Free-love Pantarchy.) Venus. ADONIs, sweet, hide not thy blushing face: What terrors masculine thy ~ou1 abash? And why with boyish pout dost mar the grace Of maiden lip and innocent moustache? Adonis. O you dry up! I tell you. Ill be cussed If Im a-going to stand such pesky bother From you strong-minded gals. And, whats the wust, I damt touch ye.Glong, r Ill tell your mother! Venus. And feelst thou then no solemn intuition No subtle psychological vibration- Or instant, full, spontaneous recognition Of my pantarchic self-annunciation? For love is free, and mutual reactioa Of kindred organisms airily Subsists and ceases, as t gives satisfaction: We change with changes of affinity. Adonis. Now just look here, you dont sponge no love free At this here shop: its stealing,thats the sin it is! Whats more, too, if you want to hang round me Youd better just play light on them affinities! A LETTER FROM THE HUB. Tim Boss TOWN OF NEW ENGLAND, October 1870 times. j DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Hailing (not to say reigning) from this august (and all the year round) place, I natu- rally feel privileged to pour my troubles into your ears, with doubts as to their length. [Length of what, troubles or ears ?ED.] The fact is, no man was ever treated so badly or so seldom as I have been. Others have waked up and found themselves famous. Ive practised waking for years, and never found myself in fame, or anything else, excepting energetic tailors bills, and an occasional square meal. Thirsting for renown, I have coined my wealth of brains into one transcending effort, and amid much travail of genius, and travel of paw to pate, have pro- duced the following ORIGINAL LINES, * * * which I dedicate to the late Political Convention, as embodying the principles there adopted, with this dif- ference, that, while their Resolutions have no point, my resolution enables me to make two points in every line. While Im not in the proverb business, I have a couple on hand that are getting monidy, so I send em along. Once go to grass, and your enemies will soon make v hey-day over you. Get all you can, and can all you get. But that reminds me of a Beautiful Tale Deacon K lacked the confidence of the inhabi- tants of N - He was most sincerely detested for his hypocrisy and double-dealing, and so very unpopular, that a few wags conceived the idea of drawing up a paper requesting him to leave the town. Once endorsed by two or three respectable names, the joke took; the paper circulated like wildfire and soon contained every business name in the place. A most horrible position to occupy in respect to ones neighbors. But the Deacon was a genius in his way. Getting possession of the document, he adroitly changed the heading, and behold! the intended rebuke was transformed into a humble petition to the President that Deacon K be appointed Postmaster of N----. In due time the appointment came, much to the consternation and chagrin of the villagers. The position was held one season in spite of all opposition; but the Deacon did not prosper in the end, for after wandering about the streets of New York a miserable outcast, he naturally drifted on to the edi- torial staff of the Sun. The End. Trusting, my dear NELLO, you will give me a good setting-np, and cast my lines in pleasant places, I remain, Yours in fun, DEEN. TIMELY. THEY now put little watches on the outside of portemonnaies and cigar-cases. There has been doubt expressed as to the value of these time-pieces; but if they go as certainly as the money and the cigars, they will do very well. HEAVY. THERE is now a strike among the blacksmiths, and as the men have already come down very heavily, it is supposed it will be successfuL 92 OUR BAD CHILDREN ON THE BORDER. Missionary. AND IT CAME TO PASS THAT CAIN WAS WROTE WITII ABEL, 1115 BROTHER, AND RO5E UP AGAINST HIM AND SLEW HIM. Comanche Warrior. How! HOW ! GOOD! CAIN RED MAN, EH ? Ain~r~ WHITE MAN ?uow! irow! CAIN GET ABELS SCALPGOOD!

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 5, 1870. VENUS AND ADONIS. An Eciogue of the Period. (Respectfully dedicated to the ladies of the Free-love Pantarchy.) Venus. ADONIs, sweet, hide not thy blushing face: What terrors masculine thy ~ou1 abash? And why with boyish pout dost mar the grace Of maiden lip and innocent moustache? Adonis. O you dry up! I tell you. Ill be cussed If Im a-going to stand such pesky bother From you strong-minded gals. And, whats the wust, I damt touch ye.Glong, r Ill tell your mother! Venus. And feelst thou then no solemn intuition No subtle psychological vibration- Or instant, full, spontaneous recognition Of my pantarchic self-annunciation? For love is free, and mutual reactioa Of kindred organisms airily Subsists and ceases, as t gives satisfaction: We change with changes of affinity. Adonis. Now just look here, you dont sponge no love free At this here shop: its stealing,thats the sin it is! Whats more, too, if you want to hang round me Youd better just play light on them affinities! A LETTER FROM THE HUB. Tim Boss TOWN OF NEW ENGLAND, October 1870 times. j DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Hailing (not to say reigning) from this august (and all the year round) place, I natu- rally feel privileged to pour my troubles into your ears, with doubts as to their length. [Length of what, troubles or ears ?ED.] The fact is, no man was ever treated so badly or so seldom as I have been. Others have waked up and found themselves famous. Ive practised waking for years, and never found myself in fame, or anything else, excepting energetic tailors bills, and an occasional square meal. Thirsting for renown, I have coined my wealth of brains into one transcending effort, and amid much travail of genius, and travel of paw to pate, have pro- duced the following ORIGINAL LINES, * * * which I dedicate to the late Political Convention, as embodying the principles there adopted, with this dif- ference, that, while their Resolutions have no point, my resolution enables me to make two points in every line. While Im not in the proverb business, I have a couple on hand that are getting monidy, so I send em along. Once go to grass, and your enemies will soon make v hey-day over you. Get all you can, and can all you get. But that reminds me of a Beautiful Tale Deacon K lacked the confidence of the inhabi- tants of N - He was most sincerely detested for his hypocrisy and double-dealing, and so very unpopular, that a few wags conceived the idea of drawing up a paper requesting him to leave the town. Once endorsed by two or three respectable names, the joke took; the paper circulated like wildfire and soon contained every business name in the place. A most horrible position to occupy in respect to ones neighbors. But the Deacon was a genius in his way. Getting possession of the document, he adroitly changed the heading, and behold! the intended rebuke was transformed into a humble petition to the President that Deacon K be appointed Postmaster of N----. In due time the appointment came, much to the consternation and chagrin of the villagers. The position was held one season in spite of all opposition; but the Deacon did not prosper in the end, for after wandering about the streets of New York a miserable outcast, he naturally drifted on to the edi- torial staff of the Sun. The End. Trusting, my dear NELLO, you will give me a good setting-np, and cast my lines in pleasant places, I remain, Yours in fun, DEEN. TIMELY. THEY now put little watches on the outside of portemonnaies and cigar-cases. There has been doubt expressed as to the value of these time-pieces; but if they go as certainly as the money and the cigars, they will do very well. HEAVY. THERE is now a strike among the blacksmiths, and as the men have already come down very heavily, it is supposed it will be successfuL 92 OUR BAD CHILDREN ON THE BORDER. Missionary. AND IT CAME TO PASS THAT CAIN WAS WROTE WITII ABEL, 1115 BROTHER, AND RO5E UP AGAINST HIM AND SLEW HIM. Comanche Warrior. How! HOW ! GOOD! CAIN RED MAN, EH ? Ain~r~ WHITE MAN ?uow! irow! CAIN GET ABELS SCALPGOOD!

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 5, 1870. VENUS AND ADONIS. An Eciogue of the Period. (Respectfully dedicated to the ladies of the Free-love Pantarchy.) Venus. ADONIs, sweet, hide not thy blushing face: What terrors masculine thy ~ou1 abash? And why with boyish pout dost mar the grace Of maiden lip and innocent moustache? Adonis. O you dry up! I tell you. Ill be cussed If Im a-going to stand such pesky bother From you strong-minded gals. And, whats the wust, I damt touch ye.Glong, r Ill tell your mother! Venus. And feelst thou then no solemn intuition No subtle psychological vibration- Or instant, full, spontaneous recognition Of my pantarchic self-annunciation? For love is free, and mutual reactioa Of kindred organisms airily Subsists and ceases, as t gives satisfaction: We change with changes of affinity. Adonis. Now just look here, you dont sponge no love free At this here shop: its stealing,thats the sin it is! Whats more, too, if you want to hang round me Youd better just play light on them affinities! A LETTER FROM THE HUB. Tim Boss TOWN OF NEW ENGLAND, October 1870 times. j DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Hailing (not to say reigning) from this august (and all the year round) place, I natu- rally feel privileged to pour my troubles into your ears, with doubts as to their length. [Length of what, troubles or ears ?ED.] The fact is, no man was ever treated so badly or so seldom as I have been. Others have waked up and found themselves famous. Ive practised waking for years, and never found myself in fame, or anything else, excepting energetic tailors bills, and an occasional square meal. Thirsting for renown, I have coined my wealth of brains into one transcending effort, and amid much travail of genius, and travel of paw to pate, have pro- duced the following ORIGINAL LINES, * * * which I dedicate to the late Political Convention, as embodying the principles there adopted, with this dif- ference, that, while their Resolutions have no point, my resolution enables me to make two points in every line. While Im not in the proverb business, I have a couple on hand that are getting monidy, so I send em along. Once go to grass, and your enemies will soon make v hey-day over you. Get all you can, and can all you get. But that reminds me of a Beautiful Tale Deacon K lacked the confidence of the inhabi- tants of N - He was most sincerely detested for his hypocrisy and double-dealing, and so very unpopular, that a few wags conceived the idea of drawing up a paper requesting him to leave the town. Once endorsed by two or three respectable names, the joke took; the paper circulated like wildfire and soon contained every business name in the place. A most horrible position to occupy in respect to ones neighbors. But the Deacon was a genius in his way. Getting possession of the document, he adroitly changed the heading, and behold! the intended rebuke was transformed into a humble petition to the President that Deacon K be appointed Postmaster of N----. In due time the appointment came, much to the consternation and chagrin of the villagers. The position was held one season in spite of all opposition; but the Deacon did not prosper in the end, for after wandering about the streets of New York a miserable outcast, he naturally drifted on to the edi- torial staff of the Sun. The End. Trusting, my dear NELLO, you will give me a good setting-np, and cast my lines in pleasant places, I remain, Yours in fun, DEEN. TIMELY. THEY now put little watches on the outside of portemonnaies and cigar-cases. There has been doubt expressed as to the value of these time-pieces; but if they go as certainly as the money and the cigars, they will do very well. HEAVY. THERE is now a strike among the blacksmiths, and as the men have already come down very heavily, it is supposed it will be successfuL 92 OUR BAD CHILDREN ON THE BORDER. Missionary. AND IT CAME TO PASS THAT CAIN WAS WROTE WITII ABEL, 1115 BROTHER, AND RO5E UP AGAINST HIM AND SLEW HIM. Comanche Warrior. How! HOW ! GOOD! CAIN RED MAN, EH ? Ain~r~ WHITE MAN ?uow! irow! CAIN GET ABELS SCALPGOOD! Nov. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 98 MR. PUNCHINELLOS POLITICAL MANUAL. I. QUALIFICATIONS OF A VOTER. and then Mr. PUNCH- INELLO has noticed (with in- finite 5COI~ and Contempt) all the stuff and nonsense pub- lishedin the newspapers about registry and inspection, about citizenship and twenty-one years of age, and other games and devices of that soft sort. The qualifications of a voter may be stated with severe and scientific accuracy, as fol- lows: Ubiquity.]3y this is to be understood the power, not of being, but of belonging in from six to twelve Wards at the same time. Analogous to this is the capacity of being at once a subject of VICTORIA REGINA and a loyal citizen of the United Statesa talent most exquisitelydeveloped in the Hibernian nature. ReceptivityThis may be divided into two classes, as follows 1. The material power, which is that of receiving from any candi- date any sum of money whicbAhe said ass of a candidate may be will- ing to pay for a vote. 2. The spiritual power, which is that of imbibing, at the expense of the aforesaid candidate, any number of fluid pounds of anything good to take, whether the same may be punches, cock-tails, smashes, slings, or plain drinks. PugnacityThis is a quality by no means to be lightly spoken of, especially in a District represented by that eminent warrior, the Hon. Mr. MORRISSEY. Our fathers fought, bled, and died for liberty, and the least an independent citizen can do is to be willing to fight and bleed (and even be kilt) in the same behalf. There is a difference, however, between dying and being kilt, which we need not point out to those noble champions of liberty who are also of the Celtic persua- sion. II. QUALIFICATIONS OF AN EDITOR. ffendacity.T his is a talent mainly developed in the manipulation of election returns; But it may be exhibited in various other ways. Here, for instance, is an obnoxious candidate who is a quiet, respectable,honest, church-going family man. The height of mendacious talent is shown in representing this paragon of virtue to be a brawler, a blackg-aard, a swindler, an infidel, and a bad husband and father. If he midly denies that he is any such person, the proper course is to call him all the un- pleasant names over again, adding, by way of clincher, that he is pop- ularly supposed to have murdered his grandmother. This will floor him. Verbo ~ty.This is the power of writing two columns in answer to a three-line paragraphof twisting, turning, transmogrifying, dissect- ing, kicking, cuffing, illustrating, turning inside out, and outside in again the aforesaid paragraph. The real master of this art will show his skill by the great r~amber of times in which he will manage to say Wet in the course of his lucubration. III. QUALIFICATIONS OF A CANDIDATE. Density.T his indicates the utter incapacity of a candidate to un- derstand any public question. It is avery safe quality, for the more he knows, the less likely is he to commit himself. It is an equally pleas- ant quality, since it enables its possessor to take the fence and to main- tain it, while, by a sort of optical delusion, each party supposes him to be upon its own side. It saves reg-alar out and out lying, if Mr. GREE- LEY will allow us to use so strong a word. For instance, if asked, Are you in favor of a Protective Tariff? the candidate may answer, I am~ (for he doesnt know whether he is) or I am not (for he does not know but he may be a most cantankerous Free Trader). In this way he may, with Roman honesty, satisfy everybody, and promote peace and good-will and that sort of thing in the handsomest manner. Ca ~ary Attraction.T his is analogous to receptivity in the voter. If the citizen drinks hugely, the candidate must be able to keep up with him; and to have a sponge stomach equal to the absorption of quarts, and even of gallons, is a piece of excellent good fortune for the man who is fool enough to want to go to Congress, instead of enjoying the delights of obscurity. Verily, he has his reward. He who suffers in the gin-mills of New York may recover himself in the Champagne- sparkling saloons of Washington. Pecuniosity To him that hath shall be given. The candidate must beg, borrow, or steal something to begin with. He must possess a power of bleeding equal to that of twenty-four country doctors. Mx. PUNCHINELLO has here given a skeleton sketch of his great work upon politics. The reader had better make the most of it; for the Great Book will not be pablished until after the authors death, which he doesnt think (if he knows himself) is likely to happen to- morrow. And so he closes with a brief exhortation: Go on, worthy gentlemen! Continue to spend, drink, war, falsify, for the good of your country! Are you a Voter? Show yourself to be such indeed, by voting all day, all the time, and at all the polling-places! Are you a Candidate? Show yourself to be a good one by keeping your mouth shut (except for drinking) and your pocket open! Are you an Editor? Ah! Mr. P. has nothing to say to you. Mr. P. is an Editor too! We understand each other, worthy brother! We know where the world keeps its cakes and ale! CAPITAL REMOVAL. Mx. PUNCHINELLO having been invited to attenl and address the Capital Removal Convention (so called) held in Cincinnati, wrote a letter declining to be present, upon the ground that he was exceedingly comfortable where he was. However, he added his views at great length, but the ingrates did not even read his letter. In this he ad- vocated the removal of the Capitol to some point so distant that twenty- three months of an Honorable Member~s term of twenty-four months would be spent in going and retni-ning. At the same time Mr. P. sug- gested the abolition of the salaries of the Members; and the passage of an act making it a forgery for any member to print in The Globe a never-uttered speech. But, alas for the wisdom of age! he doesnt see that the Convention- acted en any of these suggestions. SMALL POTATOES. The Murphy Radicals. ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. WHEN ~ou HAYE NEW DRESSES OR BONNETS TO SHOW, ALWAYS GO LATE TO CHURCH, SO THAT THERE MAY BE A FULL CONGREGA TION TO PLAY OFF YOUR AIRS AND GRACES UPON.

Nov. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 98 MR. PUNCHINELLOS POLITICAL MANUAL. I. QUALIFICATIONS OF A VOTER. and then Mr. PUNCH- INELLO has noticed (with in- finite 5COI~ and Contempt) all the stuff and nonsense pub- lishedin the newspapers about registry and inspection, about citizenship and twenty-one years of age, and other games and devices of that soft sort. The qualifications of a voter may be stated with severe and scientific accuracy, as fol- lows: Ubiquity.]3y this is to be understood the power, not of being, but of belonging in from six to twelve Wards at the same time. Analogous to this is the capacity of being at once a subject of VICTORIA REGINA and a loyal citizen of the United Statesa talent most exquisitelydeveloped in the Hibernian nature. ReceptivityThis may be divided into two classes, as follows 1. The material power, which is that of receiving from any candi- date any sum of money whicbAhe said ass of a candidate may be will- ing to pay for a vote. 2. The spiritual power, which is that of imbibing, at the expense of the aforesaid candidate, any number of fluid pounds of anything good to take, whether the same may be punches, cock-tails, smashes, slings, or plain drinks. PugnacityThis is a quality by no means to be lightly spoken of, especially in a District represented by that eminent warrior, the Hon. Mr. MORRISSEY. Our fathers fought, bled, and died for liberty, and the least an independent citizen can do is to be willing to fight and bleed (and even be kilt) in the same behalf. There is a difference, however, between dying and being kilt, which we need not point out to those noble champions of liberty who are also of the Celtic persua- sion. II. QUALIFICATIONS OF AN EDITOR. ffendacity.T his is a talent mainly developed in the manipulation of election returns; But it may be exhibited in various other ways. Here, for instance, is an obnoxious candidate who is a quiet, respectable,honest, church-going family man. The height of mendacious talent is shown in representing this paragon of virtue to be a brawler, a blackg-aard, a swindler, an infidel, and a bad husband and father. If he midly denies that he is any such person, the proper course is to call him all the un- pleasant names over again, adding, by way of clincher, that he is pop- ularly supposed to have murdered his grandmother. This will floor him. Verbo ~ty.This is the power of writing two columns in answer to a three-line paragraphof twisting, turning, transmogrifying, dissect- ing, kicking, cuffing, illustrating, turning inside out, and outside in again the aforesaid paragraph. The real master of this art will show his skill by the great r~amber of times in which he will manage to say Wet in the course of his lucubration. III. QUALIFICATIONS OF A CANDIDATE. Density.T his indicates the utter incapacity of a candidate to un- derstand any public question. It is avery safe quality, for the more he knows, the less likely is he to commit himself. It is an equally pleas- ant quality, since it enables its possessor to take the fence and to main- tain it, while, by a sort of optical delusion, each party supposes him to be upon its own side. It saves reg-alar out and out lying, if Mr. GREE- LEY will allow us to use so strong a word. For instance, if asked, Are you in favor of a Protective Tariff? the candidate may answer, I am~ (for he doesnt know whether he is) or I am not (for he does not know but he may be a most cantankerous Free Trader). In this way he may, with Roman honesty, satisfy everybody, and promote peace and good-will and that sort of thing in the handsomest manner. Ca ~ary Attraction.T his is analogous to receptivity in the voter. If the citizen drinks hugely, the candidate must be able to keep up with him; and to have a sponge stomach equal to the absorption of quarts, and even of gallons, is a piece of excellent good fortune for the man who is fool enough to want to go to Congress, instead of enjoying the delights of obscurity. Verily, he has his reward. He who suffers in the gin-mills of New York may recover himself in the Champagne- sparkling saloons of Washington. Pecuniosity To him that hath shall be given. The candidate must beg, borrow, or steal something to begin with. He must possess a power of bleeding equal to that of twenty-four country doctors. Mx. PUNCHINELLO has here given a skeleton sketch of his great work upon politics. The reader had better make the most of it; for the Great Book will not be pablished until after the authors death, which he doesnt think (if he knows himself) is likely to happen to- morrow. And so he closes with a brief exhortation: Go on, worthy gentlemen! Continue to spend, drink, war, falsify, for the good of your country! Are you a Voter? Show yourself to be such indeed, by voting all day, all the time, and at all the polling-places! Are you a Candidate? Show yourself to be a good one by keeping your mouth shut (except for drinking) and your pocket open! Are you an Editor? Ah! Mr. P. has nothing to say to you. Mr. P. is an Editor too! We understand each other, worthy brother! We know where the world keeps its cakes and ale! CAPITAL REMOVAL. Mx. PUNCHINELLO having been invited to attenl and address the Capital Removal Convention (so called) held in Cincinnati, wrote a letter declining to be present, upon the ground that he was exceedingly comfortable where he was. However, he added his views at great length, but the ingrates did not even read his letter. In this he ad- vocated the removal of the Capitol to some point so distant that twenty- three months of an Honorable Member~s term of twenty-four months would be spent in going and retni-ning. At the same time Mr. P. sug- gested the abolition of the salaries of the Members; and the passage of an act making it a forgery for any member to print in The Globe a never-uttered speech. But, alas for the wisdom of age! he doesnt see that the Convention- acted en any of these suggestions. SMALL POTATOES. The Murphy Radicals. ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. WHEN ~ou HAYE NEW DRESSES OR BONNETS TO SHOW, ALWAYS GO LATE TO CHURCH, SO THAT THERE MAY BE A FULL CONGREGA TION TO PLAY OFF YOUR AIRS AND GRACES UPON.

Nov. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 98 MR. PUNCHINELLOS POLITICAL MANUAL. I. QUALIFICATIONS OF A VOTER. and then Mr. PUNCH- INELLO has noticed (with in- finite 5COI~ and Contempt) all the stuff and nonsense pub- lishedin the newspapers about registry and inspection, about citizenship and twenty-one years of age, and other games and devices of that soft sort. The qualifications of a voter may be stated with severe and scientific accuracy, as fol- lows: Ubiquity.]3y this is to be understood the power, not of being, but of belonging in from six to twelve Wards at the same time. Analogous to this is the capacity of being at once a subject of VICTORIA REGINA and a loyal citizen of the United Statesa talent most exquisitelydeveloped in the Hibernian nature. ReceptivityThis may be divided into two classes, as follows 1. The material power, which is that of receiving from any candi- date any sum of money whicbAhe said ass of a candidate may be will- ing to pay for a vote. 2. The spiritual power, which is that of imbibing, at the expense of the aforesaid candidate, any number of fluid pounds of anything good to take, whether the same may be punches, cock-tails, smashes, slings, or plain drinks. PugnacityThis is a quality by no means to be lightly spoken of, especially in a District represented by that eminent warrior, the Hon. Mr. MORRISSEY. Our fathers fought, bled, and died for liberty, and the least an independent citizen can do is to be willing to fight and bleed (and even be kilt) in the same behalf. There is a difference, however, between dying and being kilt, which we need not point out to those noble champions of liberty who are also of the Celtic persua- sion. II. QUALIFICATIONS OF AN EDITOR. ffendacity.T his is a talent mainly developed in the manipulation of election returns; But it may be exhibited in various other ways. Here, for instance, is an obnoxious candidate who is a quiet, respectable,honest, church-going family man. The height of mendacious talent is shown in representing this paragon of virtue to be a brawler, a blackg-aard, a swindler, an infidel, and a bad husband and father. If he midly denies that he is any such person, the proper course is to call him all the un- pleasant names over again, adding, by way of clincher, that he is pop- ularly supposed to have murdered his grandmother. This will floor him. Verbo ~ty.This is the power of writing two columns in answer to a three-line paragraphof twisting, turning, transmogrifying, dissect- ing, kicking, cuffing, illustrating, turning inside out, and outside in again the aforesaid paragraph. The real master of this art will show his skill by the great r~amber of times in which he will manage to say Wet in the course of his lucubration. III. QUALIFICATIONS OF A CANDIDATE. Density.T his indicates the utter incapacity of a candidate to un- derstand any public question. It is avery safe quality, for the more he knows, the less likely is he to commit himself. It is an equally pleas- ant quality, since it enables its possessor to take the fence and to main- tain it, while, by a sort of optical delusion, each party supposes him to be upon its own side. It saves reg-alar out and out lying, if Mr. GREE- LEY will allow us to use so strong a word. For instance, if asked, Are you in favor of a Protective Tariff? the candidate may answer, I am~ (for he doesnt know whether he is) or I am not (for he does not know but he may be a most cantankerous Free Trader). In this way he may, with Roman honesty, satisfy everybody, and promote peace and good-will and that sort of thing in the handsomest manner. Ca ~ary Attraction.T his is analogous to receptivity in the voter. If the citizen drinks hugely, the candidate must be able to keep up with him; and to have a sponge stomach equal to the absorption of quarts, and even of gallons, is a piece of excellent good fortune for the man who is fool enough to want to go to Congress, instead of enjoying the delights of obscurity. Verily, he has his reward. He who suffers in the gin-mills of New York may recover himself in the Champagne- sparkling saloons of Washington. Pecuniosity To him that hath shall be given. The candidate must beg, borrow, or steal something to begin with. He must possess a power of bleeding equal to that of twenty-four country doctors. Mx. PUNCHINELLO has here given a skeleton sketch of his great work upon politics. The reader had better make the most of it; for the Great Book will not be pablished until after the authors death, which he doesnt think (if he knows himself) is likely to happen to- morrow. And so he closes with a brief exhortation: Go on, worthy gentlemen! Continue to spend, drink, war, falsify, for the good of your country! Are you a Voter? Show yourself to be such indeed, by voting all day, all the time, and at all the polling-places! Are you a Candidate? Show yourself to be a good one by keeping your mouth shut (except for drinking) and your pocket open! Are you an Editor? Ah! Mr. P. has nothing to say to you. Mr. P. is an Editor too! We understand each other, worthy brother! We know where the world keeps its cakes and ale! CAPITAL REMOVAL. Mx. PUNCHINELLO having been invited to attenl and address the Capital Removal Convention (so called) held in Cincinnati, wrote a letter declining to be present, upon the ground that he was exceedingly comfortable where he was. However, he added his views at great length, but the ingrates did not even read his letter. In this he ad- vocated the removal of the Capitol to some point so distant that twenty- three months of an Honorable Member~s term of twenty-four months would be spent in going and retni-ning. At the same time Mr. P. sug- gested the abolition of the salaries of the Members; and the passage of an act making it a forgery for any member to print in The Globe a never-uttered speech. But, alas for the wisdom of age! he doesnt see that the Convention- acted en any of these suggestions. SMALL POTATOES. The Murphy Radicals. ADVICE TO YOUNG LADIES. WHEN ~ou HAYE NEW DRESSES OR BONNETS TO SHOW, ALWAYS GO LATE TO CHURCH, SO THAT THERE MAY BE A FULL CONGREGA TION TO PLAY OFF YOUR AIRS AND GRACES UPON. PUNCHINELLO. iiNoy. 5, 1870. Young Afan. HELLO! NEWFOUNDLING DORG ? ffrs. C. WELL, HE STRAYED INTO OUR HOUSE LAST NIGHT, AND AS HE DIDNT SEEM TO HAVE NO MASTER, I THOUGHT ID JEST TAKE HIM ROUND TO THIS HERE NEW FOUNDLING HOSPITAL. SARSFIELD YOUNGS REMINISCENCES OF CHARLES DICKENS. IT is surprising that since Mr. DICKENSS decease no one should have conceived the idea of writing a sketch of that illustrious author. It is perhaps too much to require that some competent person prepare his biography, but the public have a right to expect at least a few reminis- cences. I am persuaded to sketch the following imperfect outlines only from a conviction that the great novelist has in this respect been neglected. I trust I shall not be deemed to have broken the seal of pri- vate confidence in thus disclosing how well I knew him, and (what is still more remarkable) how well he knew me [While Mr. DICKENS was on his first visit to this country, the wnter had not the pleasure of his acquaintance. He put up in Philadelphia, at a well-known and fashionable boarding-house then kept by an aunt of mine, at the corner of Second and Thirteenth streets. He never said anything while there, until he came to pay his board bill, when, bidding my aunt farewell, he observed: Mrs. SAGOE, for tersenevs and lrevity, your stealc8 8U~~~88 any I have ever met with. Aunt Sarah had these words neatly framed, and they have hung in her back parlor to this day. Before he came again, the country had made wonderful progress. A new generation had been born, including myself.] When the steamer was signalled, I went down on the wharf. DICKENS was standing near the rail, and wore a coat, vest, pants, and a hat. I couldnt make out through the glass how much they cost, and I forgot to ask him afterward. Shortly after she had hauled into the d6ck, I went on board. We shook hands. Mr. DICKENS had a peculiar way of reserving his right hand for this process, though on great occasiOns he would use both. We employed all four, with the understanding that a more formal demonstration should be made at PARKERS. I offered to carry his valise. Graciously declining my services, he betokened his appreciation of my delicate attention by pre- senting me on the spot with a complete set of his worksAuthors Edition. My dear fellow, he whispered, theres a Boston man down below, blacking my other pair of boots, whod feel hurt if I should let anybody else take that bag. I called upon him as soon as he was fairly set- tled, and found him in his shirt-sleeves, writing vigorously. Mr. DICKENSS intimate friends are aware that he indulged in the habit, while writing, of occasionally dipping his pen in the inkstand. I dont remember much about the room except that there were several chairs (good chairs) and a table in it. The distinguished occupant was sitting about nine and a half feet from the door facing the Southwest, his hair well brushed, head a little in- clined to the light, except his eyes, which. were inclined to twinkle as though he had just hit upon something particularly bright and happy. The carpet was green with a red figure. You could see in a moment that he was a man of genius. The room was lighted with gas. Was it possible that the immortal ahthor of DICKENSS Works was before me? [Upon the table was a cigar, half consumed, an inkstand, three pen-holders, a bundle of envelopes, a brass key, several bouquets, a paper-cutter, a stick of sealing-wax, a quantity of writing-paper, a table-cloth (spread), a newspaper (the date has escaped me), and such other things as are usually on such tables.] DICKENS, as soon as he saw me, stopped writing, wiped his pen, ran his fiageiu through his hair, took out his watch and wound it up, brushed his coat and put it on (not forgetting to place a rose in the button-hole), and then, waving his hands very gracefully (he wore high-priced studs and a pair of elaborately built sleeve-buttons), addressed me as follows : Mr. DICKENS (with tender em6raee). SARa- FIELD!!!! Mr. YOUNG (representing American Literature). CHARLES!!!! The remainder of our conversation was devoted to minor topics2~ Early one morning we started from the Parker House, and walking rapidly over West Boston bridge, passed through Cambridge, by the Col- leges, and kept on travelling, without speaking a word, the best part of a couple of days, I should judge, though Ididnt have my watch with me. Suddenly he asked the name of the town we were rapidly approaching. Great Barrington, said I. Is it possible ? said he. And ~ye turned and walked home again. His first reading in America was a private one to me. We had come in from a thirty-mile walk, and I was somewhat tired. Taking up the second volume of his History of England, he began in an easy, careless way. So did I. I went to sleep. Just as he was finishing the book I woke up; and when he asked me how I liked it, I told him frankly that, in my opinion, it never would do in the worldthe plot was too eccentric. He was a kind man. Frequently he would ride for days together up and down a railroad, for no other purpose than to help take cinders out of peoples eyes. He was fond of oysters, of children, dogs, and an international copy- right. I remember his meeting me once on Broadway and he didnt recognize me. He never mentioned the incident afterward. It has been said that he was also fond of dress. I regret that I never asked him about this, though I recall the circumstance of my inquiring where he had his vests made. Said he: My waistcoats w& e made abroad.- He never liked to sit for his photograph; consequently, he generally stood up. It pleased him to receive letters requesting his autograph and a lock of his hair. The articles were invariably sent by return mail. He was also gratified at the privilege of shaking hands with people whom he was never to see again. I once humored him by introducing in a body two fire companies and a Sunday school. As we parted he gave me excellent advice: Write with vigor, said he, with sincerity, and blue ink; but dont write novels. It might injure the sale of my books. I promised him I would not, and we saw each other no more. SATISFIELD YOUNG. 94 2 \ - VERY APPROPRIATE. MRS. CRUMBLETY, WHAT ARE YER DOlE ALONG ER THAT

PUNCHINELLO. iiNoy. 5, 1870. Young Afan. HELLO! NEWFOUNDLING DORG ? ffrs. C. WELL, HE STRAYED INTO OUR HOUSE LAST NIGHT, AND AS HE DIDNT SEEM TO HAVE NO MASTER, I THOUGHT ID JEST TAKE HIM ROUND TO THIS HERE NEW FOUNDLING HOSPITAL. SARSFIELD YOUNGS REMINISCENCES OF CHARLES DICKENS. IT is surprising that since Mr. DICKENSS decease no one should have conceived the idea of writing a sketch of that illustrious author. It is perhaps too much to require that some competent person prepare his biography, but the public have a right to expect at least a few reminis- cences. I am persuaded to sketch the following imperfect outlines only from a conviction that the great novelist has in this respect been neglected. I trust I shall not be deemed to have broken the seal of pri- vate confidence in thus disclosing how well I knew him, and (what is still more remarkable) how well he knew me [While Mr. DICKENS was on his first visit to this country, the wnter had not the pleasure of his acquaintance. He put up in Philadelphia, at a well-known and fashionable boarding-house then kept by an aunt of mine, at the corner of Second and Thirteenth streets. He never said anything while there, until he came to pay his board bill, when, bidding my aunt farewell, he observed: Mrs. SAGOE, for tersenevs and lrevity, your stealc8 8U~~~88 any I have ever met with. Aunt Sarah had these words neatly framed, and they have hung in her back parlor to this day. Before he came again, the country had made wonderful progress. A new generation had been born, including myself.] When the steamer was signalled, I went down on the wharf. DICKENS was standing near the rail, and wore a coat, vest, pants, and a hat. I couldnt make out through the glass how much they cost, and I forgot to ask him afterward. Shortly after she had hauled into the d6ck, I went on board. We shook hands. Mr. DICKENS had a peculiar way of reserving his right hand for this process, though on great occasiOns he would use both. We employed all four, with the understanding that a more formal demonstration should be made at PARKERS. I offered to carry his valise. Graciously declining my services, he betokened his appreciation of my delicate attention by pre- senting me on the spot with a complete set of his worksAuthors Edition. My dear fellow, he whispered, theres a Boston man down below, blacking my other pair of boots, whod feel hurt if I should let anybody else take that bag. I called upon him as soon as he was fairly set- tled, and found him in his shirt-sleeves, writing vigorously. Mr. DICKENSS intimate friends are aware that he indulged in the habit, while writing, of occasionally dipping his pen in the inkstand. I dont remember much about the room except that there were several chairs (good chairs) and a table in it. The distinguished occupant was sitting about nine and a half feet from the door facing the Southwest, his hair well brushed, head a little in- clined to the light, except his eyes, which. were inclined to twinkle as though he had just hit upon something particularly bright and happy. The carpet was green with a red figure. You could see in a moment that he was a man of genius. The room was lighted with gas. Was it possible that the immortal ahthor of DICKENSS Works was before me? [Upon the table was a cigar, half consumed, an inkstand, three pen-holders, a bundle of envelopes, a brass key, several bouquets, a paper-cutter, a stick of sealing-wax, a quantity of writing-paper, a table-cloth (spread), a newspaper (the date has escaped me), and such other things as are usually on such tables.] DICKENS, as soon as he saw me, stopped writing, wiped his pen, ran his fiageiu through his hair, took out his watch and wound it up, brushed his coat and put it on (not forgetting to place a rose in the button-hole), and then, waving his hands very gracefully (he wore high-priced studs and a pair of elaborately built sleeve-buttons), addressed me as follows : Mr. DICKENS (with tender em6raee). SARa- FIELD!!!! Mr. YOUNG (representing American Literature). CHARLES!!!! The remainder of our conversation was devoted to minor topics2~ Early one morning we started from the Parker House, and walking rapidly over West Boston bridge, passed through Cambridge, by the Col- leges, and kept on travelling, without speaking a word, the best part of a couple of days, I should judge, though Ididnt have my watch with me. Suddenly he asked the name of the town we were rapidly approaching. Great Barrington, said I. Is it possible ? said he. And ~ye turned and walked home again. His first reading in America was a private one to me. We had come in from a thirty-mile walk, and I was somewhat tired. Taking up the second volume of his History of England, he began in an easy, careless way. So did I. I went to sleep. Just as he was finishing the book I woke up; and when he asked me how I liked it, I told him frankly that, in my opinion, it never would do in the worldthe plot was too eccentric. He was a kind man. Frequently he would ride for days together up and down a railroad, for no other purpose than to help take cinders out of peoples eyes. He was fond of oysters, of children, dogs, and an international copy- right. I remember his meeting me once on Broadway and he didnt recognize me. He never mentioned the incident afterward. It has been said that he was also fond of dress. I regret that I never asked him about this, though I recall the circumstance of my inquiring where he had his vests made. Said he: My waistcoats w& e made abroad.- He never liked to sit for his photograph; consequently, he generally stood up. It pleased him to receive letters requesting his autograph and a lock of his hair. The articles were invariably sent by return mail. He was also gratified at the privilege of shaking hands with people whom he was never to see again. I once humored him by introducing in a body two fire companies and a Sunday school. As we parted he gave me excellent advice: Write with vigor, said he, with sincerity, and blue ink; but dont write novels. It might injure the sale of my books. I promised him I would not, and we saw each other no more. SATISFIELD YOUNG. 94 2 \ - VERY APPROPRIATE. MRS. CRUMBLETY, WHAT ARE YER DOlE ALONG ER THAT Noy. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. A. T. STEWART & CO. OFFER A SUPERB COLLECTION OF New Fall Silks, SELECTED WITH THE UTMOST CARE, wrncii, FOR I1~IPORTANCE AND VALUE, ARE UNEQUALLED IN THE CITY. CUSTOMERS AND STRANGERS ARE RESPECTFULLY INVITED TO EXAMINE. BJACK GROUND, WHITE STRIPED SILKS, FOR-YOUNG LADIES SUITS, $1 per Yard. HEAVY COLORED GROS-GRAIN STRIPES, $1.05 per Yard. A FINE ASSORTMENT OF SMALL PATTERN, At $1 per Yard, worth $1.50. AN ELEGANT VARIETY OF CANNELE STRIPED SILKS, In all the New Colorings, At $1.50 and $1.75. 20 CASES SLAIN DRESS SILKS The largest assortment to be found in this Market, from $2 per Yard. 3 CASES COLORED DRESS SATINS, Very Rich Quatity and High Colorings. BLACK GRAINED POMPADOUR BROCADED SILKS, From $2.50 per Yard. 500 PIECES BLACK DRESS SILKS, In every Variety of Manufacture. ALSO, THE BONNET, PONSON, AND A. T. STEWART FAMILY AND IMPERIAL SILKS, From $2 per Yard. A COMPLETE ASSORTMENT OF NEW COLORINGS IN TRIMMING SILKS AND SATINS, CUT ON THE BIAS, From $1 per Yard. A SPECIAL DEPARTMENT FOR POPLINS HAS BEEN ORGANIZED. Lyons Poplins, $1 per Yard. REAL IRiSH POPLINS, OF THE BEST MAKE. $2 PER YARD. With several Cases of the AMERICAN POPLINS, IN LEADING COLORS, To Close at $1.25 per Yard, formerly $2 per Yard. ALSO, THE CELEBRATED AMERICAN BLACK SILKS, GUARANTEED TO Wash and Wear Well, AT $2 PER YARD. Broadway, Fourth Avenue, 9th and 10th Sts. PUNCHINELLO. The firSt number of this Illustrated Humorous and SatiriCal Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2,1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in AmeriCa. CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) - - - $4.00 six months, (without premiui~a,) - - - - 2.00 three months,. - - - . - - 1.00 Single copies mailed free, for - - - - - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRAN~ & CO.S CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows A copy of paper for one year, and The Awakening (a Litter of Puppies). Half chromo. SiEc S-i by lit ($2.00 picture)for $4.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. l2x9. Dead Game. lltxSt. Easter Morning. OixlOtfor . $5.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $5.00 chromos: Group of Chickens; Group of Ducklings; Group of Quails. Each 10x12. The Poultry Yard. lOtxl4. The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9*x13. Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10x12for $6.50 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $6.00 chromos: The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13x16t. Spring; Summer; Autumn. l2ixl6t. The Kids Play Ground. llxl7tfor $7.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $7.50 chromos: Strawberries and Baskets. Cherries and Baskets. Currants. Each 13x18. Horses in a Storm. 22+x15+. Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9x4tfor $8.00 A copy of paper for one year, and Six American Landscapes. (A set.) 4tx9, price $9.00for - - - - $9.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $10 chromos: Sunset in California. (Bierstadt.) 18jx12. Easter Morning. 14x21. Correggios Magdalen. l2txl6t. Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos.) iSIxiOt (companions, price $10.00 for the two)for $10.00 Remittances should be made in P. 0. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first number (April 2d, 1870) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the Cuuo~uos will be mailed free on receipt of money. CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For special terms address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desi- rous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamjj. Address, PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. P.O. Box 2783.

Noy. 5, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. A. T. STEWART & CO. OFFER A SUPERB COLLECTION OF New Fall Silks, SELECTED WITH THE UTMOST CARE, wrncii, FOR I1~IPORTANCE AND VALUE, ARE UNEQUALLED IN THE CITY. CUSTOMERS AND STRANGERS ARE RESPECTFULLY INVITED TO EXAMINE. BJACK GROUND, WHITE STRIPED SILKS, FOR-YOUNG LADIES SUITS, $1 per Yard. HEAVY COLORED GROS-GRAIN STRIPES, $1.05 per Yard. A FINE ASSORTMENT OF SMALL PATTERN, At $1 per Yard, worth $1.50. AN ELEGANT VARIETY OF CANNELE STRIPED SILKS, In all the New Colorings, At $1.50 and $1.75. 20 CASES SLAIN DRESS SILKS The largest assortment to be found in this Market, from $2 per Yard. 3 CASES COLORED DRESS SATINS, Very Rich Quatity and High Colorings. BLACK GRAINED POMPADOUR BROCADED SILKS, From $2.50 per Yard. 500 PIECES BLACK DRESS SILKS, In every Variety of Manufacture. ALSO, THE BONNET, PONSON, AND A. T. STEWART FAMILY AND IMPERIAL SILKS, From $2 per Yard. A COMPLETE ASSORTMENT OF NEW COLORINGS IN TRIMMING SILKS AND SATINS, CUT ON THE BIAS, From $1 per Yard. A SPECIAL DEPARTMENT FOR POPLINS HAS BEEN ORGANIZED. Lyons Poplins, $1 per Yard. REAL IRiSH POPLINS, OF THE BEST MAKE. $2 PER YARD. With several Cases of the AMERICAN POPLINS, IN LEADING COLORS, To Close at $1.25 per Yard, formerly $2 per Yard. ALSO, THE CELEBRATED AMERICAN BLACK SILKS, GUARANTEED TO Wash and Wear Well, AT $2 PER YARD. Broadway, Fourth Avenue, 9th and 10th Sts. PUNCHINELLO. The firSt number of this Illustrated Humorous and SatiriCal Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2,1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in AmeriCa. CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) - - - $4.00 six months, (without premiui~a,) - - - - 2.00 three months,. - - - . - - 1.00 Single copies mailed free, for - - - - - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRAN~ & CO.S CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows A copy of paper for one year, and The Awakening (a Litter of Puppies). Half chromo. SiEc S-i by lit ($2.00 picture)for $4.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. l2x9. Dead Game. lltxSt. Easter Morning. OixlOtfor . $5.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $5.00 chromos: Group of Chickens; Group of Ducklings; Group of Quails. Each 10x12. The Poultry Yard. lOtxl4. The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9*x13. Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10x12for $6.50 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $6.00 chromos: The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13x16t. Spring; Summer; Autumn. l2ixl6t. The Kids Play Ground. llxl7tfor $7.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $7.50 chromos: Strawberries and Baskets. Cherries and Baskets. Currants. Each 13x18. Horses in a Storm. 22+x15+. Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9x4tfor $8.00 A copy of paper for one year, and Six American Landscapes. (A set.) 4tx9, price $9.00for - - - - $9.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $10 chromos: Sunset in California. (Bierstadt.) 18jx12. Easter Morning. 14x21. Correggios Magdalen. l2txl6t. Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos.) iSIxiOt (companions, price $10.00 for the two)for $10.00 Remittances should be made in P. 0. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first number (April 2d, 1870) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the Cuuo~uos will be mailed free on receipt of money. CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For special terms address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desi- rous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamjj. Address, PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. P.O. Box 2783. 96 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 5, 1870. Time: 4 oclock P.M. lItr. Qu~okty. ITALLO! SLOWCOME, RARE HAPPINESS TO SEE YOU THIS TIME 0 DAY. Mr. Slowoome. YAAS: BEEN ASLEEP SINCE YESTERDAY, BUT MUST EXERCISE A LIT. TLE FOR THE DINNER PARTY AT DELMONICOS, YOU KNOW. THE PRINTING HOUSE OF THE UNITED STATES THE UNITED STATES ENVELOPE MANUFAOTORY. GEORGE F. NESBITT & CO 163, 165, 167, 169 Pearl Ct,, & 73,75,77,79 Pine St., New-YorL Execute all kinds of Make all kinds of PRINTINC, BLANKBOOKS, Furnish all kinds of Execute the finest styles of STATIONERY, LITHOGRAPHY Make the Beet ~ P Ever offered te and Cheapest Lii~WLiL~ r ~ the Public. They have made all the pre-pail Envelopes for the United States Post-Office Departm nt for the past 16 years, and have INv& RLABLY BEEN THE LOWEST BIDDERS. Their Machinery is the most complete, rapid and economical known in the trade. Travelers West and South-West Should bear in mind that the ERIE RAILWAY IS BY FAR THE CHEAPEST, QUICKEST, AND MOST COMFORTABLE ROUTE, C~ Making Direct and Sure Connection at CIN CINNATI, with all Lines LOUISVILLE, ~ FOR NEW OR- ~ MEMPHIS, ST. LOUIS, LEANS, ~ VICKSBURG, NASHVILLE, ~s ~ MOBILE, And all Points South and South-west. Its DRAWING-ROOM and SLEEPING COACHES on all Express Trains, running through to Cincinnati withont change, are the most elegant and spacious used upon any Road in this country, heing fitted up in the most elaborate manner, and having every modern improvement introduced for the comfort of its patrons: running upon the BitoAn GAtTOE: revealing scenery along the Line uu~nailed upon this Continent, and rendering a trip over the ERIE one of the delights and pleasures of this life not to be forgotten. By applying at the Offices of the Frie Railway Co Nos 241, 529 and 957 Broadway: 205 Chambers St.: 55 (4reen: wich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem: 535 Fuiton St., Brooklyn: Depots foot of Chambers Street and foot of 23d St., New York: and the Agents at the principal hotels, travelers ran obtain just the Ticket they des~e, as well as all the necessary information. PUNCHINELLO, VOL. I, ENDING SEPT. 24, BOUND XN EXTRA CLOTH, IS NOW READY. Pill CE $2.50. 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Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. GREAT MEN OF AMERICA. By MUSE SKiNNER. DANIEL WEBSTER WAS the sort of a man you dont find laying round loose nowadays to any great extent. Its a pity his brains wasnt preserved in a glass case, where the imbecile lunatics at Washington could take a whiff oc- casionally, It would do em good. We are told that as a boy DANIEL was stupid, but this has been said of so many great men that its getting stale. Some talented men were undoubtedly stupid boys, but it doesnt follow that every idiotic youth will make an eminent statesman. But there are plenty of vacancies in the statesman business. A great many men go into it, but they fail for want of capital. If they would only stick to their legitimate busi- ness of clam-digging, or something of that sort, we should appreciate them, and their obituary notice would be a thing to love, because twould be short. But D WEBSTER wasnt one of this sort. He didnt force Nature. lie forgot enough every day to set five modem politicians up for life. When he opened his mouth to speak, it didnt act upon the audience like chloroform, nor did the senate-chamber look five minutes after like a receiving tomb, with the bodies laying round promiscuously. I should say not. He could wade right into the middle of a dictionary and drag out some ideas that were wholesome. Yes, when DANIEL in that sena- torial den did get his back up, the political lions just stood back and growled. Take him altogether he was our biggest gun, and its a pity ho went off as he did, for he was the Great Expounder of the Constitution. HON. JOHN MORRISSEY Is also a Great Ex-pounder. Even greater than WEBSTER, for the constitution of the United States is a trifling affair, compared with the constitution of J. C. HEENAN. Mr. MORRISSEY is a very able man and made his mark early in life. Before he could write his name, Im told. ~No man has made more brilliant hits, and his speeches are concise and full of originality. Ill take mine straight. No sugar for me, & c., have become as household words. A man like this, though he may be vilified and slan- dered for awhile, will eventually come in on the home stretch with a right bower to spare. Thats a nice place JouN has got at Saratoga. Fit- ted up so elegantly, and with so much money in it, it looks like a Fairy bank with the fairies gambQlling upon the green. Its all very pretty, no doubt, but excuse me if I pass. GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN. This gentleman is yet destined to send a th4ll of joy to our hearts,and flood our souls with a calm and tranquil joy. This will come off when his funeral takes place. He wasnt born like other people. He was made to order for the position of common scold in a country sewing-circle. But he wasnt satisfied. He wanted to be an Emi- nent Lunatic and found private mad-houses. And so he began to lecture. He used to rehearse in a grave- yard, and it was a common thing for a newly-buried corpse to organize a private resurrection and make for the woods, howling dismally. A village out West was singularly unfortunate last summer. In the first place the cholera raged, then they had an earthquake, and then G. F. TRAIN lec- tured three nights. Owing to this accumulation of horrors the village is no longer to be found on the maps. TRAINS second night did the business for em. The onco happy villagers are now aimless wan- derers, and one poor old man was found in the church- yard, studying a war map of Paris and vicinity in a late New York paper. It is said that TRAIN has his eye on the White House, and is indeed a shrewd, far-seeing man. When he visited Europe and kissed all the little Irish giris, could he have had in his mind the time when they, as naturalized Americ n Female Suifragers, would cast their votes for G. F. TRAIN as President? That the mind of the reader may not become hopelessly dazed by contemplating this last paragraph, I will stop. MOTHER GOOSE. I cannot close these memoirs without a simple tributa to this remark- able woman, who has probably done more to mould the destinies of this liepublic than any other man put together. She was an eminently pious woman, devoted body and soul to Foreigu Missions, and to the grett work of sending the gospel to New Jersey. But it was as a composer that her brilliant talents stand preilminent. MOZART, BEETHOVEN, and a host of others excelled in this respect, but they all lack that exquisite pathos and graceful rhetoric which so distinguished this queen of literature. The beautiful creations of that fruitful brain are as a passing panorama of constant delight. Her style is singularly free from affectation, and, while we are at one moment rapt in wonder at her chaste and vigorous description of the annoyances of a female in the autumn of life, training up a large family in the limited accommodations afforded by a common shoe, we cannot but feel a twinge of compassion for the singular Mrs. HUBBARD and her lovely dog, who had none, only to have those tears chased away by the arch and guileless portrayal of the eccentric JOHN HORNER. That we cannot to-day gaze upon the classic lineaments of her who wielded such a facile pen, is a source of the most poiguant regret. It is a crying shame, for I think I am correct when I say that there does not exist on the civilized globe a statue of this peerless woman, but she will always live as long as there are infant minds to form, or tender recollections of childhood to remember. P. 5.I forgot to say that I hold a copyright of old GRANNY GOOSES works. I have just got it xenewed, and it is as vigorous as a kicking mule. Send in your orders. Contributions to the old gals statue will be duly acknowledged, and deposited with my tailor. Entered according to Act of Congrees, in the year 1870, by the PUNCUINELLO Puncesmeec COMPANY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. 99 --- 4. FASHIONABLE RELIGION. Father. WELL, MY DEAR, DID YOU HAVE AN AMUSING SERMON THIS MORNING? Daughter. 0 NO !VERY STUPID. DR CIIwPER ISNT THE LEAST FUNNY NOW ADAYSPREACHES THE REGULAR OLD MISERABLE SINNER SORT OF BUSINESS. 100 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. THE PtAYS A~D SHOWS. JANATYSCTTEK is a Bohe- mian, and with the Bohe- mian propensity for picking up things. has picked up the English language. The pub- lie is somewhat divided in its estimate of her skill in speak- ing English. One-half of her average audience insists that she speaks better English than nine-tenths of our na- tive actresses: the other half assert.s that she is at times nearlynnintelligible. Neither of these statements necessa- rily contradicting the other, they might both be easily true. The fact is, however, that she speaks English like a foreigner. Mud itselfor a Sun editorialcould not be plainer than this defini- tion of her exact proficiency in our unmelodious tongue. If we go to see her play Lady Macbeth, we meet evidences at every step of her want of familiarity with English, or at all events with American. customs. We find her playing at the ACADEMY, and we at once remark that no one but an unnecessarily foreign actress would dare to awaken the sepulchral echoes of that dismal tomb. We find, too, that at the very threshold of~ the house she defies the one of the most time-honored institutions of our stage, by employing a pleasant and courteous door-keeperinstead of the snarling Cerberus who lies in wait at the doors of other theatres. We find again that she out- rages the public by the presence of decent and civil ushers, who neither insult the male spectators by their surly impudence, nor annoy the lady visitor by coloring her traia with tobacco juice. So that before the curtain rises we are prepared to lament over her unfamiliarity with American customs, and to predict her ignorance of the American, ns well as the English language. Divers well-meaning persons repeat the dialogue of the earlier scenes of the play. There is a good deal of dramatic force in the legs of Mr. MONTGOMERY, who plays Macbeth, much animation in the feathers which Mr. STUDLEYS Macduff wears in his hat, and a foreshadow- ing of ghostly peculiarities in the solemn stride of Mr. DE VEREs Banquo. We listen to these gentlemen with polite patience, wait- ing for the appearance of Lady Macbeth. When at length that strong-minded female strides across the stage, we hail her with raptu- rous applause, and listen for the strident voice with which the average Lady Macbeth reads her husbands letter. We dont hear it, however, for JANAUSCILEK reads in a tone as low as that which a sensible woman who was plotting treason and murder would be apt to use. Why Lady Macbeth should proclaim her deadly purpose at the top of her lungs is quite incomprehensible, except upon the theory that stage traditions have confounded the Scotch with the Lrish~ and that the Macbeths husband and wifebeing the typical Fenians of the period, were accustomed to roar their secrets to the listening world. Be that as it may, we are constrained to note the actresss unfamiliarity with the language, as evinced in the tone in which she reads the letter, and also in the way in which she urges her husband onward in the path of crime. The usual Lady Macbeth goes for her weak- minded spouse, and drives him by threats and strong-language to con- sent to her little game. JANAUScuEK, on the contrary, does not raise a broom-stick, or even her voice, at Macbeth, bi~t actually coaxes him to be so good as to kill the king, so that she can bring all her rela- tions to court, and appoint them surveyors, and internal revenue col-. lectors, and foreign ministers. This is not the tone of other actresses in the same part, and we therefore at once charge her departure from the common standard to her ignorance of English. We listen with fortitude to the dismal singing of the witches and their friends in mask and domino. The music, we are told, is LocKEs music. What is the proper key for LOCKES music, is a question which ~ have never attempted to solve, but we heartily wish that the key were lost forever, since by its aid the singers open vistas of musical dreariness which are disheartening to the last degree. But we sustain our spirits with the thought of the bloody murder that is coming. Talk as we will, we all enjoy our murders, whether we read of them in the ,Sun and the Police Gazette, or witness them upon the stage. When JANAUSCITEK comes upon Macbeth with his bloody hands, and explains to him that it is now too late to repent, either of murder or matrimony, she furnishes us with more instances of her unfamiliari- ty with the language. Her night-dress is not at all the sort of thing which an English-speaking woman would be willing to sleep in. We are confident upon this point, and we have on our side the testimony of a married man who has lived four years in Chicago, and has been annually married with great regularity. If he doesnt know what the average female regarcl.s as the proper thing in night-dresses, it would be difficult to find a man who does. Then, too, her gross ignorance of English is shown in her back hair, which is a foot longer than the average hair of previous Lady Macbeths, and is as thick and mas- sive as a lions inane. Wicked and punnish persons go so far as to call it her mane attraction. They are wrong, however. JANAUScIIEK does not draw by the force of capillary attraction. By the bye, did any one ever notice the fact that while a painter cannot be considered an artist unless he draws well, an actress may be the greatest of artists and not be able to draw a hundred people? But this is wander- ing. Owing to the imperfections of her English, JANAUSCUEK does not in- dulge in drinking from the gilded pasteboard goblets which grace the banquet scene. She also shows her lingual weakness in the sleep-walk- ing scene. For instance, when, after having reigned queen of Scotland for several months, the happy thought of washing hcr hands strikes her, she commits the absurdity of scrubbing them with her hair. On the other hand, she pronounces the words damned spot with a per- fection of accent that constrains us to believe that she must have taken at least a few lessons in pronunciation from some of the leading mem- bers of WALLACKS company. Still, her way of walking blindly into the table, and falling over casual chairs, ought to convince the most skep- tical person that her English accent is not yet what it should be. And in general, her walk and conversation in this scene demonstrate that even the most carefully simulated somnambulism may not resemble in all respects the most approved Oxford pronunciation. But when we are freed from the depressing influences of the Acade- mical Crypt, we forget all but our admiration of JANAUScIIEKS superb acting, and the exceptional command which she has gained over a lan- guage so vexatious in its villanous consonants as our own. And we express to every available listener the earnest hope that SEEnAcIL and FECHTEIi will profit by her success and at once begin the study of English, with the view of devoting their efforts hereafter to the Ameri can stage. MATADOTh POISONING THE PLUGS. A RAMPANT Virginia editor proposes to kill off the Yankees by put- ting poison in chewing-tobacco, so that we shall meet mortality in mastication, fate in fine-cut, and perdition in the soothing plug! In short, Virginia not having got the best of it in political quiddities, this pen-patriot is for trying the other kind. The short-sightedness of this policy will be evident, when we remember how many Republicans consider the weed to be the abomination of desolation. Virginia might poison chewing-tobacco till the crack of doom, but what effect would that have upon the eschewing (not chewing) GREELEY, who, even if he used it, has bitten T(he) WEED so many times that he can consider him- self poison-proof. When, moreover, this LUCRETIA BOEGIA in pantaloons remembers that his scheme might prove more fatal to his friends than his enemies, perhaps he will take rather a larger quid than usual, and grow benevolent under its bland influences. FIRM AS A ROCK. ALL the newspapers are full of descriptions of the earthquake of the 20th of October, and of the panic thereby occasioned. We are proud to state, although massive buildings quivered and great cities were scared, that Mr. PUNCTHNELLO was not in the least shaken. At the moment of the quake (Ith. 2Gm. A.M.) he must have been seated upon his drum partaking of a lunch of sandwiches and small beer. He did not perceive the slightest reverberation, nor did the drum give the least vibratory sign. Mr. PUNCHINELLO has prepared a most elaborate and scientific paper, giving a full and elaborate and intensely scientific description of the various phenomena which he did not perceive, and which he proposes to read before any scientific asso- ciations which may invite him to do so. Terms, $50 and expenses.

100 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. THE PtAYS A~D SHOWS. JANATYSCTTEK is a Bohe- mian, and with the Bohe- mian propensity for picking up things. has picked up the English language. The pub- lie is somewhat divided in its estimate of her skill in speak- ing English. One-half of her average audience insists that she speaks better English than nine-tenths of our na- tive actresses: the other half assert.s that she is at times nearlynnintelligible. Neither of these statements necessa- rily contradicting the other, they might both be easily true. The fact is, however, that she speaks English like a foreigner. Mud itselfor a Sun editorialcould not be plainer than this defini- tion of her exact proficiency in our unmelodious tongue. If we go to see her play Lady Macbeth, we meet evidences at every step of her want of familiarity with English, or at all events with American. customs. We find her playing at the ACADEMY, and we at once remark that no one but an unnecessarily foreign actress would dare to awaken the sepulchral echoes of that dismal tomb. We find, too, that at the very threshold of~ the house she defies the one of the most time-honored institutions of our stage, by employing a pleasant and courteous door-keeperinstead of the snarling Cerberus who lies in wait at the doors of other theatres. We find again that she out- rages the public by the presence of decent and civil ushers, who neither insult the male spectators by their surly impudence, nor annoy the lady visitor by coloring her traia with tobacco juice. So that before the curtain rises we are prepared to lament over her unfamiliarity with American customs, and to predict her ignorance of the American, ns well as the English language. Divers well-meaning persons repeat the dialogue of the earlier scenes of the play. There is a good deal of dramatic force in the legs of Mr. MONTGOMERY, who plays Macbeth, much animation in the feathers which Mr. STUDLEYS Macduff wears in his hat, and a foreshadow- ing of ghostly peculiarities in the solemn stride of Mr. DE VEREs Banquo. We listen to these gentlemen with polite patience, wait- ing for the appearance of Lady Macbeth. When at length that strong-minded female strides across the stage, we hail her with raptu- rous applause, and listen for the strident voice with which the average Lady Macbeth reads her husbands letter. We dont hear it, however, for JANAUSCILEK reads in a tone as low as that which a sensible woman who was plotting treason and murder would be apt to use. Why Lady Macbeth should proclaim her deadly purpose at the top of her lungs is quite incomprehensible, except upon the theory that stage traditions have confounded the Scotch with the Lrish~ and that the Macbeths husband and wifebeing the typical Fenians of the period, were accustomed to roar their secrets to the listening world. Be that as it may, we are constrained to note the actresss unfamiliarity with the language, as evinced in the tone in which she reads the letter, and also in the way in which she urges her husband onward in the path of crime. The usual Lady Macbeth goes for her weak- minded spouse, and drives him by threats and strong-language to con- sent to her little game. JANAUScuEK, on the contrary, does not raise a broom-stick, or even her voice, at Macbeth, bi~t actually coaxes him to be so good as to kill the king, so that she can bring all her rela- tions to court, and appoint them surveyors, and internal revenue col-. lectors, and foreign ministers. This is not the tone of other actresses in the same part, and we therefore at once charge her departure from the common standard to her ignorance of English. We listen with fortitude to the dismal singing of the witches and their friends in mask and domino. The music, we are told, is LocKEs music. What is the proper key for LOCKES music, is a question which ~ have never attempted to solve, but we heartily wish that the key were lost forever, since by its aid the singers open vistas of musical dreariness which are disheartening to the last degree. But we sustain our spirits with the thought of the bloody murder that is coming. Talk as we will, we all enjoy our murders, whether we read of them in the ,Sun and the Police Gazette, or witness them upon the stage. When JANAUSCITEK comes upon Macbeth with his bloody hands, and explains to him that it is now too late to repent, either of murder or matrimony, she furnishes us with more instances of her unfamiliari- ty with the language. Her night-dress is not at all the sort of thing which an English-speaking woman would be willing to sleep in. We are confident upon this point, and we have on our side the testimony of a married man who has lived four years in Chicago, and has been annually married with great regularity. If he doesnt know what the average female regarcl.s as the proper thing in night-dresses, it would be difficult to find a man who does. Then, too, her gross ignorance of English is shown in her back hair, which is a foot longer than the average hair of previous Lady Macbeths, and is as thick and mas- sive as a lions inane. Wicked and punnish persons go so far as to call it her mane attraction. They are wrong, however. JANAUScIIEK does not draw by the force of capillary attraction. By the bye, did any one ever notice the fact that while a painter cannot be considered an artist unless he draws well, an actress may be the greatest of artists and not be able to draw a hundred people? But this is wander- ing. Owing to the imperfections of her English, JANAUSCUEK does not in- dulge in drinking from the gilded pasteboard goblets which grace the banquet scene. She also shows her lingual weakness in the sleep-walk- ing scene. For instance, when, after having reigned queen of Scotland for several months, the happy thought of washing hcr hands strikes her, she commits the absurdity of scrubbing them with her hair. On the other hand, she pronounces the words damned spot with a per- fection of accent that constrains us to believe that she must have taken at least a few lessons in pronunciation from some of the leading mem- bers of WALLACKS company. Still, her way of walking blindly into the table, and falling over casual chairs, ought to convince the most skep- tical person that her English accent is not yet what it should be. And in general, her walk and conversation in this scene demonstrate that even the most carefully simulated somnambulism may not resemble in all respects the most approved Oxford pronunciation. But when we are freed from the depressing influences of the Acade- mical Crypt, we forget all but our admiration of JANAUScIIEKS superb acting, and the exceptional command which she has gained over a lan- guage so vexatious in its villanous consonants as our own. And we express to every available listener the earnest hope that SEEnAcIL and FECHTEIi will profit by her success and at once begin the study of English, with the view of devoting their efforts hereafter to the Ameri can stage. MATADOTh POISONING THE PLUGS. A RAMPANT Virginia editor proposes to kill off the Yankees by put- ting poison in chewing-tobacco, so that we shall meet mortality in mastication, fate in fine-cut, and perdition in the soothing plug! In short, Virginia not having got the best of it in political quiddities, this pen-patriot is for trying the other kind. The short-sightedness of this policy will be evident, when we remember how many Republicans consider the weed to be the abomination of desolation. Virginia might poison chewing-tobacco till the crack of doom, but what effect would that have upon the eschewing (not chewing) GREELEY, who, even if he used it, has bitten T(he) WEED so many times that he can consider him- self poison-proof. When, moreover, this LUCRETIA BOEGIA in pantaloons remembers that his scheme might prove more fatal to his friends than his enemies, perhaps he will take rather a larger quid than usual, and grow benevolent under its bland influences. FIRM AS A ROCK. ALL the newspapers are full of descriptions of the earthquake of the 20th of October, and of the panic thereby occasioned. We are proud to state, although massive buildings quivered and great cities were scared, that Mr. PUNCTHNELLO was not in the least shaken. At the moment of the quake (Ith. 2Gm. A.M.) he must have been seated upon his drum partaking of a lunch of sandwiches and small beer. He did not perceive the slightest reverberation, nor did the drum give the least vibratory sign. Mr. PUNCHINELLO has prepared a most elaborate and scientific paper, giving a full and elaborate and intensely scientific description of the various phenomena which he did not perceive, and which he proposes to read before any scientific asso- ciations which may invite him to do so. Terms, $50 and expenses.

100 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. THE PtAYS A~D SHOWS. JANATYSCTTEK is a Bohe- mian, and with the Bohe- mian propensity for picking up things. has picked up the English language. The pub- lie is somewhat divided in its estimate of her skill in speak- ing English. One-half of her average audience insists that she speaks better English than nine-tenths of our na- tive actresses: the other half assert.s that she is at times nearlynnintelligible. Neither of these statements necessa- rily contradicting the other, they might both be easily true. The fact is, however, that she speaks English like a foreigner. Mud itselfor a Sun editorialcould not be plainer than this defini- tion of her exact proficiency in our unmelodious tongue. If we go to see her play Lady Macbeth, we meet evidences at every step of her want of familiarity with English, or at all events with American. customs. We find her playing at the ACADEMY, and we at once remark that no one but an unnecessarily foreign actress would dare to awaken the sepulchral echoes of that dismal tomb. We find, too, that at the very threshold of~ the house she defies the one of the most time-honored institutions of our stage, by employing a pleasant and courteous door-keeperinstead of the snarling Cerberus who lies in wait at the doors of other theatres. We find again that she out- rages the public by the presence of decent and civil ushers, who neither insult the male spectators by their surly impudence, nor annoy the lady visitor by coloring her traia with tobacco juice. So that before the curtain rises we are prepared to lament over her unfamiliarity with American customs, and to predict her ignorance of the American, ns well as the English language. Divers well-meaning persons repeat the dialogue of the earlier scenes of the play. There is a good deal of dramatic force in the legs of Mr. MONTGOMERY, who plays Macbeth, much animation in the feathers which Mr. STUDLEYS Macduff wears in his hat, and a foreshadow- ing of ghostly peculiarities in the solemn stride of Mr. DE VEREs Banquo. We listen to these gentlemen with polite patience, wait- ing for the appearance of Lady Macbeth. When at length that strong-minded female strides across the stage, we hail her with raptu- rous applause, and listen for the strident voice with which the average Lady Macbeth reads her husbands letter. We dont hear it, however, for JANAUSCILEK reads in a tone as low as that which a sensible woman who was plotting treason and murder would be apt to use. Why Lady Macbeth should proclaim her deadly purpose at the top of her lungs is quite incomprehensible, except upon the theory that stage traditions have confounded the Scotch with the Lrish~ and that the Macbeths husband and wifebeing the typical Fenians of the period, were accustomed to roar their secrets to the listening world. Be that as it may, we are constrained to note the actresss unfamiliarity with the language, as evinced in the tone in which she reads the letter, and also in the way in which she urges her husband onward in the path of crime. The usual Lady Macbeth goes for her weak- minded spouse, and drives him by threats and strong-language to con- sent to her little game. JANAUScuEK, on the contrary, does not raise a broom-stick, or even her voice, at Macbeth, bi~t actually coaxes him to be so good as to kill the king, so that she can bring all her rela- tions to court, and appoint them surveyors, and internal revenue col-. lectors, and foreign ministers. This is not the tone of other actresses in the same part, and we therefore at once charge her departure from the common standard to her ignorance of English. We listen with fortitude to the dismal singing of the witches and their friends in mask and domino. The music, we are told, is LocKEs music. What is the proper key for LOCKES music, is a question which ~ have never attempted to solve, but we heartily wish that the key were lost forever, since by its aid the singers open vistas of musical dreariness which are disheartening to the last degree. But we sustain our spirits with the thought of the bloody murder that is coming. Talk as we will, we all enjoy our murders, whether we read of them in the ,Sun and the Police Gazette, or witness them upon the stage. When JANAUSCITEK comes upon Macbeth with his bloody hands, and explains to him that it is now too late to repent, either of murder or matrimony, she furnishes us with more instances of her unfamiliari- ty with the language. Her night-dress is not at all the sort of thing which an English-speaking woman would be willing to sleep in. We are confident upon this point, and we have on our side the testimony of a married man who has lived four years in Chicago, and has been annually married with great regularity. If he doesnt know what the average female regarcl.s as the proper thing in night-dresses, it would be difficult to find a man who does. Then, too, her gross ignorance of English is shown in her back hair, which is a foot longer than the average hair of previous Lady Macbeths, and is as thick and mas- sive as a lions inane. Wicked and punnish persons go so far as to call it her mane attraction. They are wrong, however. JANAUScIIEK does not draw by the force of capillary attraction. By the bye, did any one ever notice the fact that while a painter cannot be considered an artist unless he draws well, an actress may be the greatest of artists and not be able to draw a hundred people? But this is wander- ing. Owing to the imperfections of her English, JANAUSCUEK does not in- dulge in drinking from the gilded pasteboard goblets which grace the banquet scene. She also shows her lingual weakness in the sleep-walk- ing scene. For instance, when, after having reigned queen of Scotland for several months, the happy thought of washing hcr hands strikes her, she commits the absurdity of scrubbing them with her hair. On the other hand, she pronounces the words damned spot with a per- fection of accent that constrains us to believe that she must have taken at least a few lessons in pronunciation from some of the leading mem- bers of WALLACKS company. Still, her way of walking blindly into the table, and falling over casual chairs, ought to convince the most skep- tical person that her English accent is not yet what it should be. And in general, her walk and conversation in this scene demonstrate that even the most carefully simulated somnambulism may not resemble in all respects the most approved Oxford pronunciation. But when we are freed from the depressing influences of the Acade- mical Crypt, we forget all but our admiration of JANAUScIIEKS superb acting, and the exceptional command which she has gained over a lan- guage so vexatious in its villanous consonants as our own. And we express to every available listener the earnest hope that SEEnAcIL and FECHTEIi will profit by her success and at once begin the study of English, with the view of devoting their efforts hereafter to the Ameri can stage. MATADOTh POISONING THE PLUGS. A RAMPANT Virginia editor proposes to kill off the Yankees by put- ting poison in chewing-tobacco, so that we shall meet mortality in mastication, fate in fine-cut, and perdition in the soothing plug! In short, Virginia not having got the best of it in political quiddities, this pen-patriot is for trying the other kind. The short-sightedness of this policy will be evident, when we remember how many Republicans consider the weed to be the abomination of desolation. Virginia might poison chewing-tobacco till the crack of doom, but what effect would that have upon the eschewing (not chewing) GREELEY, who, even if he used it, has bitten T(he) WEED so many times that he can consider him- self poison-proof. When, moreover, this LUCRETIA BOEGIA in pantaloons remembers that his scheme might prove more fatal to his friends than his enemies, perhaps he will take rather a larger quid than usual, and grow benevolent under its bland influences. FIRM AS A ROCK. ALL the newspapers are full of descriptions of the earthquake of the 20th of October, and of the panic thereby occasioned. We are proud to state, although massive buildings quivered and great cities were scared, that Mr. PUNCTHNELLO was not in the least shaken. At the moment of the quake (Ith. 2Gm. A.M.) he must have been seated upon his drum partaking of a lunch of sandwiches and small beer. He did not perceive the slightest reverberation, nor did the drum give the least vibratory sign. Mr. PUNCHINELLO has prepared a most elaborate and scientific paper, giving a full and elaborate and intensely scientific description of the various phenomena which he did not perceive, and which he proposes to read before any scientific asso- ciations which may invite him to do so. Terms, $50 and expenses.

100 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. THE PtAYS A~D SHOWS. JANATYSCTTEK is a Bohe- mian, and with the Bohe- mian propensity for picking up things. has picked up the English language. The pub- lie is somewhat divided in its estimate of her skill in speak- ing English. One-half of her average audience insists that she speaks better English than nine-tenths of our na- tive actresses: the other half assert.s that she is at times nearlynnintelligible. Neither of these statements necessa- rily contradicting the other, they might both be easily true. The fact is, however, that she speaks English like a foreigner. Mud itselfor a Sun editorialcould not be plainer than this defini- tion of her exact proficiency in our unmelodious tongue. If we go to see her play Lady Macbeth, we meet evidences at every step of her want of familiarity with English, or at all events with American. customs. We find her playing at the ACADEMY, and we at once remark that no one but an unnecessarily foreign actress would dare to awaken the sepulchral echoes of that dismal tomb. We find, too, that at the very threshold of~ the house she defies the one of the most time-honored institutions of our stage, by employing a pleasant and courteous door-keeperinstead of the snarling Cerberus who lies in wait at the doors of other theatres. We find again that she out- rages the public by the presence of decent and civil ushers, who neither insult the male spectators by their surly impudence, nor annoy the lady visitor by coloring her traia with tobacco juice. So that before the curtain rises we are prepared to lament over her unfamiliarity with American customs, and to predict her ignorance of the American, ns well as the English language. Divers well-meaning persons repeat the dialogue of the earlier scenes of the play. There is a good deal of dramatic force in the legs of Mr. MONTGOMERY, who plays Macbeth, much animation in the feathers which Mr. STUDLEYS Macduff wears in his hat, and a foreshadow- ing of ghostly peculiarities in the solemn stride of Mr. DE VEREs Banquo. We listen to these gentlemen with polite patience, wait- ing for the appearance of Lady Macbeth. When at length that strong-minded female strides across the stage, we hail her with raptu- rous applause, and listen for the strident voice with which the average Lady Macbeth reads her husbands letter. We dont hear it, however, for JANAUSCILEK reads in a tone as low as that which a sensible woman who was plotting treason and murder would be apt to use. Why Lady Macbeth should proclaim her deadly purpose at the top of her lungs is quite incomprehensible, except upon the theory that stage traditions have confounded the Scotch with the Lrish~ and that the Macbeths husband and wifebeing the typical Fenians of the period, were accustomed to roar their secrets to the listening world. Be that as it may, we are constrained to note the actresss unfamiliarity with the language, as evinced in the tone in which she reads the letter, and also in the way in which she urges her husband onward in the path of crime. The usual Lady Macbeth goes for her weak- minded spouse, and drives him by threats and strong-language to con- sent to her little game. JANAUScuEK, on the contrary, does not raise a broom-stick, or even her voice, at Macbeth, bi~t actually coaxes him to be so good as to kill the king, so that she can bring all her rela- tions to court, and appoint them surveyors, and internal revenue col-. lectors, and foreign ministers. This is not the tone of other actresses in the same part, and we therefore at once charge her departure from the common standard to her ignorance of English. We listen with fortitude to the dismal singing of the witches and their friends in mask and domino. The music, we are told, is LocKEs music. What is the proper key for LOCKES music, is a question which ~ have never attempted to solve, but we heartily wish that the key were lost forever, since by its aid the singers open vistas of musical dreariness which are disheartening to the last degree. But we sustain our spirits with the thought of the bloody murder that is coming. Talk as we will, we all enjoy our murders, whether we read of them in the ,Sun and the Police Gazette, or witness them upon the stage. When JANAUSCITEK comes upon Macbeth with his bloody hands, and explains to him that it is now too late to repent, either of murder or matrimony, she furnishes us with more instances of her unfamiliari- ty with the language. Her night-dress is not at all the sort of thing which an English-speaking woman would be willing to sleep in. We are confident upon this point, and we have on our side the testimony of a married man who has lived four years in Chicago, and has been annually married with great regularity. If he doesnt know what the average female regarcl.s as the proper thing in night-dresses, it would be difficult to find a man who does. Then, too, her gross ignorance of English is shown in her back hair, which is a foot longer than the average hair of previous Lady Macbeths, and is as thick and mas- sive as a lions inane. Wicked and punnish persons go so far as to call it her mane attraction. They are wrong, however. JANAUScIIEK does not draw by the force of capillary attraction. By the bye, did any one ever notice the fact that while a painter cannot be considered an artist unless he draws well, an actress may be the greatest of artists and not be able to draw a hundred people? But this is wander- ing. Owing to the imperfections of her English, JANAUSCUEK does not in- dulge in drinking from the gilded pasteboard goblets which grace the banquet scene. She also shows her lingual weakness in the sleep-walk- ing scene. For instance, when, after having reigned queen of Scotland for several months, the happy thought of washing hcr hands strikes her, she commits the absurdity of scrubbing them with her hair. On the other hand, she pronounces the words damned spot with a per- fection of accent that constrains us to believe that she must have taken at least a few lessons in pronunciation from some of the leading mem- bers of WALLACKS company. Still, her way of walking blindly into the table, and falling over casual chairs, ought to convince the most skep- tical person that her English accent is not yet what it should be. And in general, her walk and conversation in this scene demonstrate that even the most carefully simulated somnambulism may not resemble in all respects the most approved Oxford pronunciation. But when we are freed from the depressing influences of the Acade- mical Crypt, we forget all but our admiration of JANAUScIIEKS superb acting, and the exceptional command which she has gained over a lan- guage so vexatious in its villanous consonants as our own. And we express to every available listener the earnest hope that SEEnAcIL and FECHTEIi will profit by her success and at once begin the study of English, with the view of devoting their efforts hereafter to the Ameri can stage. MATADOTh POISONING THE PLUGS. A RAMPANT Virginia editor proposes to kill off the Yankees by put- ting poison in chewing-tobacco, so that we shall meet mortality in mastication, fate in fine-cut, and perdition in the soothing plug! In short, Virginia not having got the best of it in political quiddities, this pen-patriot is for trying the other kind. The short-sightedness of this policy will be evident, when we remember how many Republicans consider the weed to be the abomination of desolation. Virginia might poison chewing-tobacco till the crack of doom, but what effect would that have upon the eschewing (not chewing) GREELEY, who, even if he used it, has bitten T(he) WEED so many times that he can consider him- self poison-proof. When, moreover, this LUCRETIA BOEGIA in pantaloons remembers that his scheme might prove more fatal to his friends than his enemies, perhaps he will take rather a larger quid than usual, and grow benevolent under its bland influences. FIRM AS A ROCK. ALL the newspapers are full of descriptions of the earthquake of the 20th of October, and of the panic thereby occasioned. We are proud to state, although massive buildings quivered and great cities were scared, that Mr. PUNCTHNELLO was not in the least shaken. At the moment of the quake (Ith. 2Gm. A.M.) he must have been seated upon his drum partaking of a lunch of sandwiches and small beer. He did not perceive the slightest reverberation, nor did the drum give the least vibratory sign. Mr. PUNCHINELLO has prepared a most elaborate and scientific paper, giving a full and elaborate and intensely scientific description of the various phenomena which he did not perceive, and which he proposes to read before any scientific asso- ciations which may invite him to do so. Terms, $50 and expenses. Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. EDITORS DRAWER. Oii YES! PIJECHINELLO has an Editors Drawer, and a very nice one, too. (As no allusion is hero made to any of the artists of the paper, you neednt be getting ready to laugh.) This Drawerand no periodical in the country possesses a better oneis chock full of the most splendid anecdotes, and as it is impossible to keep them shut up any longer (for some of them are getting very old and musty), a few of the bottom ones will now be given to the public. A GENTLEMAN just returned from a tour in Western Asia sends to the Drawer the following account of a little bit of pleasantry which took place in the gala town of South Amboy : A young doctor, clever, rich, pure-minded, and just, but of somewhat ambigufied principles, was strenuously married to a sweet young crea- ture, delicate as a daffodil, and alto0ether loveliacious. One night, having been entreated by a select pa y of his most aged patients to go ~vith them on a horniferous bendation, he gradually dropped, by dramific degrees, in a state .of absolute tipsidity, and four clergymen, who hap- pened to be passing, carried him home on a shutter, and thus ushered him, in all his drunkosity, into the presence of his little better-half, who was drawing in crayons in the back parlor. My dear, said she, looking up with an angelic smile, why did you come home in that odd man- ner, upon a shutter? Because, man cinge, said he, you see that these worthy gentlemen, all good men and true, mon only ange, brought me home upon a shutter because they were not able to get any of the doors off of their hinges. (Hic.) This is almost too funny. TIlE descendant of the Hamnisticorious sojourner in the ark knows what is good for him. For pungent proof, hear this: A young lady, a daughter of the venerable and hospitable General G, of Upper Guilford, Conn. , was once catechizing a black camp-meeting, and when the exercises were over, a colored brother approached her and said: Look-a-yar now, s Mnnv, jist gib dis nigger one ob dem catekidge- ble books. But what would you do with it, CrIDJO, if Igave it to you? Oh, dis chile ud take it! Ha! ha! ha! Our colored brother will have his wild hilarity. Two septennialated youngsters of Boston. Mass. (so writes their gifted mother), thus recently dialogued: PEIISEJS, said the youn0er. why was the noble WA ilINtiTON buried at Mount Vernon? Because he was dead, boldly answered his brother. Oh! the tender-aged! How their sub-corrected longings curb our much maturer yearnings. HERE is an anecdote of a four-year old, which we give in the exact words of our correspondent, an aged and respected resident of Oswego county, in this State: Well, now, ye see, I couldnt do nothing at all with this ere four- year old o mine, fur he was jist as wild an onruly as anything ye ever see; and so I jist knocked him in the head, and kep the hide and the taller, and got thirteen cents a pound for the beef, which wasnt so bad, ye see. Strange, practical man! We could not do thus with all our little tid-toddlers of but four bright summers. A CORRESPONDENT in San Francisco sends the Drawer these epitaphs, which are entirely too good to be lost. The first is from the grave of a farmer, much notorified for his fore- handidification, and who, it is needless to say, was buried on his own farm Here lies JOHN Stuns, -ho always did Good farming understand; Ben iiow hes gratified to think He benefits his land. Here is one upon a gambler, who died of some sort of sickness, super- induced by some description of disease His hand was so bad that be laid him down here; But up lie ~vill certainly jump, And quick follow suit for the rest of the game When Gabriel i)lays his last trump. Here is one on a truly unfortunate member of the human race Here lies CORNELIUS COX, who, on account of a series of unhappy occurrences, the principal of which were a greatly increased rent and consumption of the lungs, Got himself into a tight box. The ladies must not be neglected. Sweet creatures! even on tomb- stones we sing their praises. This is to the memory of a fashionable and lovely siren of society She always moved with distinguished grace, And never was known to make slips. At last she sank do~vn into this grave, With the neatest of Boston dips. AN old lady in Bangor, Maine, sends the following entertaining anec- dote of one of our most distinguished fellow-citizens : - The late Senator II , who, by the way, was a very portly man, was in the habit of riding over the fields to consult Judge B, his wifes cousin, on points of extra-judicial import. One morning, just as he was about to get down from his horse.(NOTE ISY EDThe middle of this anecdote is so long, so dull, and has so little connection with either the head or the tail, that it is necessarily omitted.) Well, said the Judge, what would you do then? Idont know, said the Senator. Do you? If our public men were, at all times, as thoughtful as these two, the country would be better for it. NECESsARY NOTE .-Persons sending anecdotes to this Drawer (or those reading them), need not expect to make anything by the opera- tion. PRUSSIAN PRACTICE AND PROFESSION. KING WTLLrAM of Prussin thinks he has a mission to perform, and goes on his present raid in France as a missionary. To an unprejudiced sceptic, however, needle-guns, rifle-cannons, requisitions on the country, devastations of crops, bombarding of cities, and the rest of the accom- paniments of his progress are, if possible, even worse in their effects upon the unhappy people subjected to his missionary efforts than the New England rum which accompanied the real missionaries in their de- scent upon the now depopulated islands of the Pacific. Private people with missions are nuisances, but public people with such ideas are sim- ply unbearable. In the case of kings, if we may trust the democratic movement which this war in Europe is aiding so greatly, the only mission the people will soon allow to kings is dis-mission. Prussias Cruelty~ PASS for Trn~uns, the telegrams state, has been promised by the King of Prussia. There is a sound of mockery in this. Prussias obstinacy in pushing the war has made so many widows and orphans that all France is a PASS for TEARS. 101 THE PREVAILING DISOaD~a. Planet (responsively). WHATS THE MATTER WITH ME, RH ?GoT TIlE FEVER AND EARTHQUAKERGov EM BAD.

Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. EDITORS DRAWER. Oii YES! PIJECHINELLO has an Editors Drawer, and a very nice one, too. (As no allusion is hero made to any of the artists of the paper, you neednt be getting ready to laugh.) This Drawerand no periodical in the country possesses a better oneis chock full of the most splendid anecdotes, and as it is impossible to keep them shut up any longer (for some of them are getting very old and musty), a few of the bottom ones will now be given to the public. A GENTLEMAN just returned from a tour in Western Asia sends to the Drawer the following account of a little bit of pleasantry which took place in the gala town of South Amboy : A young doctor, clever, rich, pure-minded, and just, but of somewhat ambigufied principles, was strenuously married to a sweet young crea- ture, delicate as a daffodil, and alto0ether loveliacious. One night, having been entreated by a select pa y of his most aged patients to go ~vith them on a horniferous bendation, he gradually dropped, by dramific degrees, in a state .of absolute tipsidity, and four clergymen, who hap- pened to be passing, carried him home on a shutter, and thus ushered him, in all his drunkosity, into the presence of his little better-half, who was drawing in crayons in the back parlor. My dear, said she, looking up with an angelic smile, why did you come home in that odd man- ner, upon a shutter? Because, man cinge, said he, you see that these worthy gentlemen, all good men and true, mon only ange, brought me home upon a shutter because they were not able to get any of the doors off of their hinges. (Hic.) This is almost too funny. TIlE descendant of the Hamnisticorious sojourner in the ark knows what is good for him. For pungent proof, hear this: A young lady, a daughter of the venerable and hospitable General G, of Upper Guilford, Conn. , was once catechizing a black camp-meeting, and when the exercises were over, a colored brother approached her and said: Look-a-yar now, s Mnnv, jist gib dis nigger one ob dem catekidge- ble books. But what would you do with it, CrIDJO, if Igave it to you? Oh, dis chile ud take it! Ha! ha! ha! Our colored brother will have his wild hilarity. Two septennialated youngsters of Boston. Mass. (so writes their gifted mother), thus recently dialogued: PEIISEJS, said the youn0er. why was the noble WA ilINtiTON buried at Mount Vernon? Because he was dead, boldly answered his brother. Oh! the tender-aged! How their sub-corrected longings curb our much maturer yearnings. HERE is an anecdote of a four-year old, which we give in the exact words of our correspondent, an aged and respected resident of Oswego county, in this State: Well, now, ye see, I couldnt do nothing at all with this ere four- year old o mine, fur he was jist as wild an onruly as anything ye ever see; and so I jist knocked him in the head, and kep the hide and the taller, and got thirteen cents a pound for the beef, which wasnt so bad, ye see. Strange, practical man! We could not do thus with all our little tid-toddlers of but four bright summers. A CORRESPONDENT in San Francisco sends the Drawer these epitaphs, which are entirely too good to be lost. The first is from the grave of a farmer, much notorified for his fore- handidification, and who, it is needless to say, was buried on his own farm Here lies JOHN Stuns, -ho always did Good farming understand; Ben iiow hes gratified to think He benefits his land. Here is one upon a gambler, who died of some sort of sickness, super- induced by some description of disease His hand was so bad that be laid him down here; But up lie ~vill certainly jump, And quick follow suit for the rest of the game When Gabriel i)lays his last trump. Here is one on a truly unfortunate member of the human race Here lies CORNELIUS COX, who, on account of a series of unhappy occurrences, the principal of which were a greatly increased rent and consumption of the lungs, Got himself into a tight box. The ladies must not be neglected. Sweet creatures! even on tomb- stones we sing their praises. This is to the memory of a fashionable and lovely siren of society She always moved with distinguished grace, And never was known to make slips. At last she sank do~vn into this grave, With the neatest of Boston dips. AN old lady in Bangor, Maine, sends the following entertaining anec- dote of one of our most distinguished fellow-citizens : - The late Senator II , who, by the way, was a very portly man, was in the habit of riding over the fields to consult Judge B, his wifes cousin, on points of extra-judicial import. One morning, just as he was about to get down from his horse.(NOTE ISY EDThe middle of this anecdote is so long, so dull, and has so little connection with either the head or the tail, that it is necessarily omitted.) Well, said the Judge, what would you do then? Idont know, said the Senator. Do you? If our public men were, at all times, as thoughtful as these two, the country would be better for it. NECESsARY NOTE .-Persons sending anecdotes to this Drawer (or those reading them), need not expect to make anything by the opera- tion. PRUSSIAN PRACTICE AND PROFESSION. KING WTLLrAM of Prussin thinks he has a mission to perform, and goes on his present raid in France as a missionary. To an unprejudiced sceptic, however, needle-guns, rifle-cannons, requisitions on the country, devastations of crops, bombarding of cities, and the rest of the accom- paniments of his progress are, if possible, even worse in their effects upon the unhappy people subjected to his missionary efforts than the New England rum which accompanied the real missionaries in their de- scent upon the now depopulated islands of the Pacific. Private people with missions are nuisances, but public people with such ideas are sim- ply unbearable. In the case of kings, if we may trust the democratic movement which this war in Europe is aiding so greatly, the only mission the people will soon allow to kings is dis-mission. Prussias Cruelty~ PASS for Trn~uns, the telegrams state, has been promised by the King of Prussia. There is a sound of mockery in this. Prussias obstinacy in pushing the war has made so many widows and orphans that all France is a PASS for TEARS. 101 THE PREVAILING DISOaD~a. Planet (responsively). WHATS THE MATTER WITH ME, RH ?GoT TIlE FEVER AND EARTHQUAKERGov EM BAD.

Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. EDITORS DRAWER. Oii YES! PIJECHINELLO has an Editors Drawer, and a very nice one, too. (As no allusion is hero made to any of the artists of the paper, you neednt be getting ready to laugh.) This Drawerand no periodical in the country possesses a better oneis chock full of the most splendid anecdotes, and as it is impossible to keep them shut up any longer (for some of them are getting very old and musty), a few of the bottom ones will now be given to the public. A GENTLEMAN just returned from a tour in Western Asia sends to the Drawer the following account of a little bit of pleasantry which took place in the gala town of South Amboy : A young doctor, clever, rich, pure-minded, and just, but of somewhat ambigufied principles, was strenuously married to a sweet young crea- ture, delicate as a daffodil, and alto0ether loveliacious. One night, having been entreated by a select pa y of his most aged patients to go ~vith them on a horniferous bendation, he gradually dropped, by dramific degrees, in a state .of absolute tipsidity, and four clergymen, who hap- pened to be passing, carried him home on a shutter, and thus ushered him, in all his drunkosity, into the presence of his little better-half, who was drawing in crayons in the back parlor. My dear, said she, looking up with an angelic smile, why did you come home in that odd man- ner, upon a shutter? Because, man cinge, said he, you see that these worthy gentlemen, all good men and true, mon only ange, brought me home upon a shutter because they were not able to get any of the doors off of their hinges. (Hic.) This is almost too funny. TIlE descendant of the Hamnisticorious sojourner in the ark knows what is good for him. For pungent proof, hear this: A young lady, a daughter of the venerable and hospitable General G, of Upper Guilford, Conn. , was once catechizing a black camp-meeting, and when the exercises were over, a colored brother approached her and said: Look-a-yar now, s Mnnv, jist gib dis nigger one ob dem catekidge- ble books. But what would you do with it, CrIDJO, if Igave it to you? Oh, dis chile ud take it! Ha! ha! ha! Our colored brother will have his wild hilarity. Two septennialated youngsters of Boston. Mass. (so writes their gifted mother), thus recently dialogued: PEIISEJS, said the youn0er. why was the noble WA ilINtiTON buried at Mount Vernon? Because he was dead, boldly answered his brother. Oh! the tender-aged! How their sub-corrected longings curb our much maturer yearnings. HERE is an anecdote of a four-year old, which we give in the exact words of our correspondent, an aged and respected resident of Oswego county, in this State: Well, now, ye see, I couldnt do nothing at all with this ere four- year old o mine, fur he was jist as wild an onruly as anything ye ever see; and so I jist knocked him in the head, and kep the hide and the taller, and got thirteen cents a pound for the beef, which wasnt so bad, ye see. Strange, practical man! We could not do thus with all our little tid-toddlers of but four bright summers. A CORRESPONDENT in San Francisco sends the Drawer these epitaphs, which are entirely too good to be lost. The first is from the grave of a farmer, much notorified for his fore- handidification, and who, it is needless to say, was buried on his own farm Here lies JOHN Stuns, -ho always did Good farming understand; Ben iiow hes gratified to think He benefits his land. Here is one upon a gambler, who died of some sort of sickness, super- induced by some description of disease His hand was so bad that be laid him down here; But up lie ~vill certainly jump, And quick follow suit for the rest of the game When Gabriel i)lays his last trump. Here is one on a truly unfortunate member of the human race Here lies CORNELIUS COX, who, on account of a series of unhappy occurrences, the principal of which were a greatly increased rent and consumption of the lungs, Got himself into a tight box. The ladies must not be neglected. Sweet creatures! even on tomb- stones we sing their praises. This is to the memory of a fashionable and lovely siren of society She always moved with distinguished grace, And never was known to make slips. At last she sank do~vn into this grave, With the neatest of Boston dips. AN old lady in Bangor, Maine, sends the following entertaining anec- dote of one of our most distinguished fellow-citizens : - The late Senator II , who, by the way, was a very portly man, was in the habit of riding over the fields to consult Judge B, his wifes cousin, on points of extra-judicial import. One morning, just as he was about to get down from his horse.(NOTE ISY EDThe middle of this anecdote is so long, so dull, and has so little connection with either the head or the tail, that it is necessarily omitted.) Well, said the Judge, what would you do then? Idont know, said the Senator. Do you? If our public men were, at all times, as thoughtful as these two, the country would be better for it. NECESsARY NOTE .-Persons sending anecdotes to this Drawer (or those reading them), need not expect to make anything by the opera- tion. PRUSSIAN PRACTICE AND PROFESSION. KING WTLLrAM of Prussin thinks he has a mission to perform, and goes on his present raid in France as a missionary. To an unprejudiced sceptic, however, needle-guns, rifle-cannons, requisitions on the country, devastations of crops, bombarding of cities, and the rest of the accom- paniments of his progress are, if possible, even worse in their effects upon the unhappy people subjected to his missionary efforts than the New England rum which accompanied the real missionaries in their de- scent upon the now depopulated islands of the Pacific. Private people with missions are nuisances, but public people with such ideas are sim- ply unbearable. In the case of kings, if we may trust the democratic movement which this war in Europe is aiding so greatly, the only mission the people will soon allow to kings is dis-mission. Prussias Cruelty~ PASS for Trn~uns, the telegrams state, has been promised by the King of Prussia. There is a sound of mockery in this. Prussias obstinacy in pushing the war has made so many widows and orphans that all France is a PASS for TEARS. 101 THE PREVAILING DISOaD~a. Planet (responsively). WHATS THE MATTER WITH ME, RH ?GoT TIlE FEVER AND EARTHQUAKERGov EM BAD.

Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. EDITORS DRAWER. Oii YES! PIJECHINELLO has an Editors Drawer, and a very nice one, too. (As no allusion is hero made to any of the artists of the paper, you neednt be getting ready to laugh.) This Drawerand no periodical in the country possesses a better oneis chock full of the most splendid anecdotes, and as it is impossible to keep them shut up any longer (for some of them are getting very old and musty), a few of the bottom ones will now be given to the public. A GENTLEMAN just returned from a tour in Western Asia sends to the Drawer the following account of a little bit of pleasantry which took place in the gala town of South Amboy : A young doctor, clever, rich, pure-minded, and just, but of somewhat ambigufied principles, was strenuously married to a sweet young crea- ture, delicate as a daffodil, and alto0ether loveliacious. One night, having been entreated by a select pa y of his most aged patients to go ~vith them on a horniferous bendation, he gradually dropped, by dramific degrees, in a state .of absolute tipsidity, and four clergymen, who hap- pened to be passing, carried him home on a shutter, and thus ushered him, in all his drunkosity, into the presence of his little better-half, who was drawing in crayons in the back parlor. My dear, said she, looking up with an angelic smile, why did you come home in that odd man- ner, upon a shutter? Because, man cinge, said he, you see that these worthy gentlemen, all good men and true, mon only ange, brought me home upon a shutter because they were not able to get any of the doors off of their hinges. (Hic.) This is almost too funny. TIlE descendant of the Hamnisticorious sojourner in the ark knows what is good for him. For pungent proof, hear this: A young lady, a daughter of the venerable and hospitable General G, of Upper Guilford, Conn. , was once catechizing a black camp-meeting, and when the exercises were over, a colored brother approached her and said: Look-a-yar now, s Mnnv, jist gib dis nigger one ob dem catekidge- ble books. But what would you do with it, CrIDJO, if Igave it to you? Oh, dis chile ud take it! Ha! ha! ha! Our colored brother will have his wild hilarity. Two septennialated youngsters of Boston. Mass. (so writes their gifted mother), thus recently dialogued: PEIISEJS, said the youn0er. why was the noble WA ilINtiTON buried at Mount Vernon? Because he was dead, boldly answered his brother. Oh! the tender-aged! How their sub-corrected longings curb our much maturer yearnings. HERE is an anecdote of a four-year old, which we give in the exact words of our correspondent, an aged and respected resident of Oswego county, in this State: Well, now, ye see, I couldnt do nothing at all with this ere four- year old o mine, fur he was jist as wild an onruly as anything ye ever see; and so I jist knocked him in the head, and kep the hide and the taller, and got thirteen cents a pound for the beef, which wasnt so bad, ye see. Strange, practical man! We could not do thus with all our little tid-toddlers of but four bright summers. A CORRESPONDENT in San Francisco sends the Drawer these epitaphs, which are entirely too good to be lost. The first is from the grave of a farmer, much notorified for his fore- handidification, and who, it is needless to say, was buried on his own farm Here lies JOHN Stuns, -ho always did Good farming understand; Ben iiow hes gratified to think He benefits his land. Here is one upon a gambler, who died of some sort of sickness, super- induced by some description of disease His hand was so bad that be laid him down here; But up lie ~vill certainly jump, And quick follow suit for the rest of the game When Gabriel i)lays his last trump. Here is one on a truly unfortunate member of the human race Here lies CORNELIUS COX, who, on account of a series of unhappy occurrences, the principal of which were a greatly increased rent and consumption of the lungs, Got himself into a tight box. The ladies must not be neglected. Sweet creatures! even on tomb- stones we sing their praises. This is to the memory of a fashionable and lovely siren of society She always moved with distinguished grace, And never was known to make slips. At last she sank do~vn into this grave, With the neatest of Boston dips. AN old lady in Bangor, Maine, sends the following entertaining anec- dote of one of our most distinguished fellow-citizens : - The late Senator II , who, by the way, was a very portly man, was in the habit of riding over the fields to consult Judge B, his wifes cousin, on points of extra-judicial import. One morning, just as he was about to get down from his horse.(NOTE ISY EDThe middle of this anecdote is so long, so dull, and has so little connection with either the head or the tail, that it is necessarily omitted.) Well, said the Judge, what would you do then? Idont know, said the Senator. Do you? If our public men were, at all times, as thoughtful as these two, the country would be better for it. NECESsARY NOTE .-Persons sending anecdotes to this Drawer (or those reading them), need not expect to make anything by the opera- tion. PRUSSIAN PRACTICE AND PROFESSION. KING WTLLrAM of Prussin thinks he has a mission to perform, and goes on his present raid in France as a missionary. To an unprejudiced sceptic, however, needle-guns, rifle-cannons, requisitions on the country, devastations of crops, bombarding of cities, and the rest of the accom- paniments of his progress are, if possible, even worse in their effects upon the unhappy people subjected to his missionary efforts than the New England rum which accompanied the real missionaries in their de- scent upon the now depopulated islands of the Pacific. Private people with missions are nuisances, but public people with such ideas are sim- ply unbearable. In the case of kings, if we may trust the democratic movement which this war in Europe is aiding so greatly, the only mission the people will soon allow to kings is dis-mission. Prussias Cruelty~ PASS for Trn~uns, the telegrams state, has been promised by the King of Prussia. There is a sound of mockery in this. Prussias obstinacy in pushing the war has made so many widows and orphans that all France is a PASS for TEARS. 101 THE PREVAILING DISOaD~a. Planet (responsively). WHATS THE MATTER WITH ME, RH ?GoT TIlE FEVER AND EARTHQUAKERGov EM BAD. 102 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. OUR PORTFOLIO. Up in a balloon, boys! Macbeth. Touns, FIFTn WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAB PUNCIIINELLO: To all men of lofty ambition I would recom- mend a balloon excursion. The higher you get, the smaller and more in- significant do earthly things appear. A balloon is the best pulpit imagi- nable from which to preach a sermon upon the littleness of mundane realities, firstbecause no one can hear you, and your congregation can- not therefore be held responsible for indifference to your teaching; and secondbecause at that height you are fully impressed with the truth of what you say. Aspirations of whatever kind, all longings and emotions of the Ex- celsior order, all appeals to look aloft, come handier when you can do them in an aerial car. You will pardon this philosophic digression in respect to the peculiar feelings of a man who has just been up in a balloon. Our air-ship had been anchored in the Champ de Atars two days, waiting for a fair wind. An hour before we started, a Yorkshireman, who had evidently never seen such a creation before, annoyed me with incessant questions as to what it was. His large, wondering, stupid eyes never ceased gazing at the monster as it tugged heavily at the stake which held it. Na wha mann that be? he exclaimed, starting back as it gave a very violent jerk. I could stand it no longer, and thus broke forth: See here, my good fellow, youve got plenty of cheek to be bother- ing me with yqur confounded ridiculous questions; and so Ill answer you once for alL What you see tied fasli there is called a balloon, and its only~ a French method of drawing Englishmens teeth. He left meI trust not in anger; but that was the last I saw of the York- shireman. We got off, (M. GODARD and I) about four oclock r.~i., and ascended steadily till Paris, with its rim of fortifications, looked more like the crater of a volcano than anything else. I bronght out my opera-glass as we moved in the direction of Versailles and reconnoi tred the situation. In a field adjoining the palace I saw an object that looked like a post driven into the ground, and capped with a large-sized clam - shell. GODARD levelled his glass and examined it. His lip curled proudly with scorn as he said That is the butcher himself, WILLIAM of Prussia. The clam-like appearance you notice is due to the baldness of his head. I only said: Can it be possible ? and we moved on: Howmy blood throbbed as we cavorted through the blue depths of heaven! I was far from feeling blue myself, and GODAJID said that if anything I was green. The bearings of the remark did not strike me at the time, as a cannon-ball from the dir9ction of Versailles whirled within twenty feet of the balloon and lifted the right flank (a military expression) of my moustache into your subscribers eye, notwith- standing it waswaxed with LOUVETS best, warranted I to keep each hair en vigle, even in the worst gales. From that moment I renounced LOTJYET. Follow- ing the cannon-shot came a miscellaneous assortment of small projectiles, which had the effect of creat- ing some excitement among the atmospheric animal- cidce, but failed to disturb the serenity of M. GODAJiD or myself. When about ten miles from Blois I de- tected ~vhat I supposed was a large vein of chalk- pits. It was very white, and apparently motionless. My companion expressed his surprise at the diffi- culty I had in distinguishing objects correctly, and seemed to lose patience. Bigarre, you no know zat? It ees ze dirty Proo- sien linen vashed out, and hoong zere to dry! I told him in Arabic that he neednt get his back up; but he understood me not, and continued play- ing with the cats which we were transporting to Tours to protect the Commissary stores from the ray- ages of the rats that the Prussians had despatched to eat-up the provisions of the garrison. Towards night I began to have a queer sensation in the stomach. It wasnt like sea-sickness, nor like the feeling pro- duced by swinging. If a man just recovering from the effects of his first cigar were offered a bowl of hot goose-grease for supper, I suppose he would have felt as I felt. At the moment a queer twinge took me; I ejaculated: -Oh ! Lord! Vat ees de matter? inquired GODARD. If the man had had any other nationality, I might have talked sense to him; but he was a Frenchman, so I said : Do you love me? Do I loves you? Yes! I roared frantically, do you love me? Begaire I dunno, but I zinks so. Then, said I, dimly discerniag a chance of relief from my suffer- ing, throw me out as ballast. Oh, horrible! horrible! Man Dien! vat a man! I turned my sickly gaze upon him and saw that he was deadly pale, and that the perspiration stood out in great drops upon his forehead. The explanation was plain enoughhe tookme for a maniac. I would have protested and moved the previous question, but taking a small phial from his pocket he broke off the head and threw the contents in my face. Ten seconds later I was totally obilvious, and upon re- covering found myself in this place, where such strange things are going on that my fingers prick to write them. DICK TINTO. AN EX-MONSTER. Iv is a bad day for monarchs. Boston has, for several weeks, had upon Exhibition His Marine Majesty the Whale. The captive was shown for the ridiculously small sum of two shillings, and great was the gathering to gaze upon the spouter, who would have come just in time to attend the political caucuses, only he happens to be dead, and cannot spout any more, albeit his jaw is still tremendous. His defunct condition renders it unnecessary to feed him upon JONAHS, which is lucky for a good many superfluous voyagers upon the Ship of State. If the King of All the Fishes can draw such crowds at a quarter a head, what a chance is there for our friend Louis NAPOLEON! If he will but make an Exhibition of himself in this country, we promise him full houses, and a greater fortune than that which he has lost. rJQ ~1 FRIGHTFUL SHOCK SUSTAINED BY BEAU BIGSBY ON BEING SUDDENLY BROUGHT FACE TO FACE WITH ONE OF THOSE DISTORTING MIRRORS.

102 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. OUR PORTFOLIO. Up in a balloon, boys! Macbeth. Touns, FIFTn WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAB PUNCIIINELLO: To all men of lofty ambition I would recom- mend a balloon excursion. The higher you get, the smaller and more in- significant do earthly things appear. A balloon is the best pulpit imagi- nable from which to preach a sermon upon the littleness of mundane realities, firstbecause no one can hear you, and your congregation can- not therefore be held responsible for indifference to your teaching; and secondbecause at that height you are fully impressed with the truth of what you say. Aspirations of whatever kind, all longings and emotions of the Ex- celsior order, all appeals to look aloft, come handier when you can do them in an aerial car. You will pardon this philosophic digression in respect to the peculiar feelings of a man who has just been up in a balloon. Our air-ship had been anchored in the Champ de Atars two days, waiting for a fair wind. An hour before we started, a Yorkshireman, who had evidently never seen such a creation before, annoyed me with incessant questions as to what it was. His large, wondering, stupid eyes never ceased gazing at the monster as it tugged heavily at the stake which held it. Na wha mann that be? he exclaimed, starting back as it gave a very violent jerk. I could stand it no longer, and thus broke forth: See here, my good fellow, youve got plenty of cheek to be bother- ing me with yqur confounded ridiculous questions; and so Ill answer you once for alL What you see tied fasli there is called a balloon, and its only~ a French method of drawing Englishmens teeth. He left meI trust not in anger; but that was the last I saw of the York- shireman. We got off, (M. GODARD and I) about four oclock r.~i., and ascended steadily till Paris, with its rim of fortifications, looked more like the crater of a volcano than anything else. I bronght out my opera-glass as we moved in the direction of Versailles and reconnoi tred the situation. In a field adjoining the palace I saw an object that looked like a post driven into the ground, and capped with a large-sized clam - shell. GODARD levelled his glass and examined it. His lip curled proudly with scorn as he said That is the butcher himself, WILLIAM of Prussia. The clam-like appearance you notice is due to the baldness of his head. I only said: Can it be possible ? and we moved on: Howmy blood throbbed as we cavorted through the blue depths of heaven! I was far from feeling blue myself, and GODAJID said that if anything I was green. The bearings of the remark did not strike me at the time, as a cannon-ball from the dir9ction of Versailles whirled within twenty feet of the balloon and lifted the right flank (a military expression) of my moustache into your subscribers eye, notwith- standing it waswaxed with LOUVETS best, warranted I to keep each hair en vigle, even in the worst gales. From that moment I renounced LOTJYET. Follow- ing the cannon-shot came a miscellaneous assortment of small projectiles, which had the effect of creat- ing some excitement among the atmospheric animal- cidce, but failed to disturb the serenity of M. GODAJiD or myself. When about ten miles from Blois I de- tected ~vhat I supposed was a large vein of chalk- pits. It was very white, and apparently motionless. My companion expressed his surprise at the diffi- culty I had in distinguishing objects correctly, and seemed to lose patience. Bigarre, you no know zat? It ees ze dirty Proo- sien linen vashed out, and hoong zere to dry! I told him in Arabic that he neednt get his back up; but he understood me not, and continued play- ing with the cats which we were transporting to Tours to protect the Commissary stores from the ray- ages of the rats that the Prussians had despatched to eat-up the provisions of the garrison. Towards night I began to have a queer sensation in the stomach. It wasnt like sea-sickness, nor like the feeling pro- duced by swinging. If a man just recovering from the effects of his first cigar were offered a bowl of hot goose-grease for supper, I suppose he would have felt as I felt. At the moment a queer twinge took me; I ejaculated: -Oh ! Lord! Vat ees de matter? inquired GODARD. If the man had had any other nationality, I might have talked sense to him; but he was a Frenchman, so I said : Do you love me? Do I loves you? Yes! I roared frantically, do you love me? Begaire I dunno, but I zinks so. Then, said I, dimly discerniag a chance of relief from my suffer- ing, throw me out as ballast. Oh, horrible! horrible! Man Dien! vat a man! I turned my sickly gaze upon him and saw that he was deadly pale, and that the perspiration stood out in great drops upon his forehead. The explanation was plain enoughhe tookme for a maniac. I would have protested and moved the previous question, but taking a small phial from his pocket he broke off the head and threw the contents in my face. Ten seconds later I was totally obilvious, and upon re- covering found myself in this place, where such strange things are going on that my fingers prick to write them. DICK TINTO. AN EX-MONSTER. Iv is a bad day for monarchs. Boston has, for several weeks, had upon Exhibition His Marine Majesty the Whale. The captive was shown for the ridiculously small sum of two shillings, and great was the gathering to gaze upon the spouter, who would have come just in time to attend the political caucuses, only he happens to be dead, and cannot spout any more, albeit his jaw is still tremendous. His defunct condition renders it unnecessary to feed him upon JONAHS, which is lucky for a good many superfluous voyagers upon the Ship of State. If the King of All the Fishes can draw such crowds at a quarter a head, what a chance is there for our friend Louis NAPOLEON! If he will but make an Exhibition of himself in this country, we promise him full houses, and a greater fortune than that which he has lost. rJQ ~1 FRIGHTFUL SHOCK SUSTAINED BY BEAU BIGSBY ON BEING SUDDENLY BROUGHT FACE TO FACE WITH ONE OF THOSE DISTORTING MIRRORS.

102 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. OUR PORTFOLIO. Up in a balloon, boys! Macbeth. Touns, FIFTn WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAB PUNCIIINELLO: To all men of lofty ambition I would recom- mend a balloon excursion. The higher you get, the smaller and more in- significant do earthly things appear. A balloon is the best pulpit imagi- nable from which to preach a sermon upon the littleness of mundane realities, firstbecause no one can hear you, and your congregation can- not therefore be held responsible for indifference to your teaching; and secondbecause at that height you are fully impressed with the truth of what you say. Aspirations of whatever kind, all longings and emotions of the Ex- celsior order, all appeals to look aloft, come handier when you can do them in an aerial car. You will pardon this philosophic digression in respect to the peculiar feelings of a man who has just been up in a balloon. Our air-ship had been anchored in the Champ de Atars two days, waiting for a fair wind. An hour before we started, a Yorkshireman, who had evidently never seen such a creation before, annoyed me with incessant questions as to what it was. His large, wondering, stupid eyes never ceased gazing at the monster as it tugged heavily at the stake which held it. Na wha mann that be? he exclaimed, starting back as it gave a very violent jerk. I could stand it no longer, and thus broke forth: See here, my good fellow, youve got plenty of cheek to be bother- ing me with yqur confounded ridiculous questions; and so Ill answer you once for alL What you see tied fasli there is called a balloon, and its only~ a French method of drawing Englishmens teeth. He left meI trust not in anger; but that was the last I saw of the York- shireman. We got off, (M. GODARD and I) about four oclock r.~i., and ascended steadily till Paris, with its rim of fortifications, looked more like the crater of a volcano than anything else. I bronght out my opera-glass as we moved in the direction of Versailles and reconnoi tred the situation. In a field adjoining the palace I saw an object that looked like a post driven into the ground, and capped with a large-sized clam - shell. GODARD levelled his glass and examined it. His lip curled proudly with scorn as he said That is the butcher himself, WILLIAM of Prussia. The clam-like appearance you notice is due to the baldness of his head. I only said: Can it be possible ? and we moved on: Howmy blood throbbed as we cavorted through the blue depths of heaven! I was far from feeling blue myself, and GODAJID said that if anything I was green. The bearings of the remark did not strike me at the time, as a cannon-ball from the dir9ction of Versailles whirled within twenty feet of the balloon and lifted the right flank (a military expression) of my moustache into your subscribers eye, notwith- standing it waswaxed with LOUVETS best, warranted I to keep each hair en vigle, even in the worst gales. From that moment I renounced LOTJYET. Follow- ing the cannon-shot came a miscellaneous assortment of small projectiles, which had the effect of creat- ing some excitement among the atmospheric animal- cidce, but failed to disturb the serenity of M. GODAJiD or myself. When about ten miles from Blois I de- tected ~vhat I supposed was a large vein of chalk- pits. It was very white, and apparently motionless. My companion expressed his surprise at the diffi- culty I had in distinguishing objects correctly, and seemed to lose patience. Bigarre, you no know zat? It ees ze dirty Proo- sien linen vashed out, and hoong zere to dry! I told him in Arabic that he neednt get his back up; but he understood me not, and continued play- ing with the cats which we were transporting to Tours to protect the Commissary stores from the ray- ages of the rats that the Prussians had despatched to eat-up the provisions of the garrison. Towards night I began to have a queer sensation in the stomach. It wasnt like sea-sickness, nor like the feeling pro- duced by swinging. If a man just recovering from the effects of his first cigar were offered a bowl of hot goose-grease for supper, I suppose he would have felt as I felt. At the moment a queer twinge took me; I ejaculated: -Oh ! Lord! Vat ees de matter? inquired GODARD. If the man had had any other nationality, I might have talked sense to him; but he was a Frenchman, so I said : Do you love me? Do I loves you? Yes! I roared frantically, do you love me? Begaire I dunno, but I zinks so. Then, said I, dimly discerniag a chance of relief from my suffer- ing, throw me out as ballast. Oh, horrible! horrible! Man Dien! vat a man! I turned my sickly gaze upon him and saw that he was deadly pale, and that the perspiration stood out in great drops upon his forehead. The explanation was plain enoughhe tookme for a maniac. I would have protested and moved the previous question, but taking a small phial from his pocket he broke off the head and threw the contents in my face. Ten seconds later I was totally obilvious, and upon re- covering found myself in this place, where such strange things are going on that my fingers prick to write them. DICK TINTO. AN EX-MONSTER. Iv is a bad day for monarchs. Boston has, for several weeks, had upon Exhibition His Marine Majesty the Whale. The captive was shown for the ridiculously small sum of two shillings, and great was the gathering to gaze upon the spouter, who would have come just in time to attend the political caucuses, only he happens to be dead, and cannot spout any more, albeit his jaw is still tremendous. His defunct condition renders it unnecessary to feed him upon JONAHS, which is lucky for a good many superfluous voyagers upon the Ship of State. If the King of All the Fishes can draw such crowds at a quarter a head, what a chance is there for our friend Louis NAPOLEON! If he will but make an Exhibition of himself in this country, we promise him full houses, and a greater fortune than that which he has lost. rJQ ~1 FRIGHTFUL SHOCK SUSTAINED BY BEAU BIGSBY ON BEING SUDDENLY BROUGHT FACE TO FACE WITH ONE OF THOSE DISTORTING MIRRORS. Nov. 12, 18Z0. PUNCHINELLO. 108 THE MICROSCOPIC MAN. UMPS havea great deal to an- swer for. Of course we refer to. phrenological bumps, from which, possibly, the powerful adjective bumptious is de- rived, it being applicable to a person whose conflicting bumps keep him continually on the rampage. Of all such persons, the one with microscopes in his bumps for eyes is the most bumptious. He is continually detecting pernicious particles in every- thing thnt he eats and drinks. One such will seize a pepper- castor, invert it over his mashed turnips, spank it as if it were a child, and then, peer- ing at the dark particles with which the succulent heap of vegetable matteris dusted, pro- ceed to deliver a lecture upon the poisons that we swallow with our daily food. He sees iron-filings in the pepper. Also particles of the tail-feathers of Spanish flies. He will tell you that if you continue to use pepper like that for a long du- rationsay seventy or eighty yearsyou will have iron enough in your stomach, from the filings, to make a ten-pound dumb-bell, and blister- ing stuff sufficient from the Spanish fly to draw all the interest of the National Debt. If the pepper happens to belong to the Cayenne per- suasion, he magnifies it into a hod of bricks. It is his hod way of ac- counting for it. Keep using it daily for half-a-century, says he, and see if you dont wake up some fine morning and find yourself a brick chimney stuck up on the roof of a house for bats to hive in. It will be a just judgment on you; and small will be to you the consolation should some poetical friend pen an epigrammatical threnody to your memory, telling in In Memoriam stanzas how you went up like a thousand of bricks. Beef? says the microscopic man, probing the meat with a pencil of light that beams from his right eye (the other being closed for con- centration purposes), Beef, sir ?not a bit of the bos taurus about it, sir. Horse, donkey, mule, zebrawhat you will, but not a single fibre of ox. Did you ever see the fibres of beef run in a direction due north and south, like these? If you did I should like to know it, sir. I in- spected this meat raw, sir, to-day, on the butchers stall, and the minute ova perceptible in it were those of the horse gad-fly, not the ox gad-fly, sir. Yes, begad, sir, and Im prepared to maintain the fact upon oath, sir. Porter and other malt liquors are favorite subjects for the analysis of the microscopic man. As you are placidly enjoying your pint of GUrN- xivss s brown stout, he will look at you for minutes with a compas- sionate smile. Then, suddenly plunging into his favorite horror knee-deep, he will ask you if you know what becomes of all the ends of smoked-out cigars. Of cours~s you submit that little boys pick them up and smoke them to everlasting annihilation. Pshaw! sir, exclaims the microscopic person; there is a man in the City of Dublin, sirI believe he is a baronet now, but will not force that as .a factand he made an enormous fortune by going about the streets at early dawn and picking up all the cigar-stumps he could find, and they were not few, as you may suppose, in that smokingest of cities. He used to furnish these by the ton to old GUrNNEss, who used them for giving color and body to his famous Stout. Body ?I should think so, rather !but only think where the body came from! Just recall to mind the filthiest gutter that ever you saw in your life, with the nu- merous ends of cigars that you perfectly remember having observed sweltering in it, and then take another pull at your GurnixEss, sir, and I wish you joy of it, sir! Once we remember to have heard the subject of the possibility of lizards, snakes, frogs, and other cheerful reptiles having resided for indefinite periods in the stomachs of human subjects, discussed in the presence of the microscopic man. A lady of the party was skeptical on the subject, dwelling especially upon the impossibility of any person swallowing a reptile unawares. Observe those water-cresses of which you have been partaking so freely, madam, said the microscopic man. Be- neath each leaf I discern ova of things that it might hoi-rify you to eun merate in fulL Suffice it to say, then, for the present, that on the leaves of this small sprig culled by me at random from the cluster, are to be detected the germs of the trigonocophalas contortrix, than which, when fully developed, no more deadly reptile wriggles upon earth. See this minute agglomeration of yellowish specks on the stalk of the cress. These are the eggs of t~ie laverta lwrrida, a lizard that within the large warts with which its epidermis is studded secretes a poison of the most virulent character. Others, too, I discern, but they are too dlsagreeable to dwell uponnot to speak of one having them dwell in- side one, insteadha I ha! Now, remember that all these germs are hatched by gentle warmth. No degree of temperature that we know of is more gentle than that of the human stom At this point the lady fainted, and the microscopic man was thrown promptly out of the window by her husband, who has since been pre- sented by a committee of grateful citizens with a gold-mounted cane, as a mark of consideration for his services in ridding the world of a monster. GREEK MEETS GREEK. 0mm, lovers of your lager beer, Drinkers of wine and ale, Ye editors and ministers, Come listen to my tale, And learn the very slight basis Characters are built on, By reading of the fight between FIJLTON and friend TILTON. In New York City, Broadway street, Friend FULTON took his way, Squinting in evry restaurant, For it was then mid-day; He saw a bottle on a stand, With words all in gilt on, While right before that awful stand Guzzling wine sat TILTON. On Sunday night, while walking down Bowry to the ferry, TILTON did spy a lager shop Where the folks were merry, And saw a sight that opd his eyes, For, in that beery vat, Nine lagers foaming by his side, - Reverend FTJLTON sat. With spirit sword bound at his side, And his hand the hilt on, Brave FULTON smote at hip and thigh Of our little TILTON; Then TILTON took a mighty quill, Called FULTON a liar, FULTO~N took that to his church, Will he take it higher? Now TILTON says that FULTON lies, FULTON says tis TILTON; I wish this epic was told by HOMER or by MILTON. I cannot tell which yarn is true, Nor what each is built on, But surely theres been lying by FULTON or else TILTON. A FINE OLD LADY. IN this day of monetary papyrus, it is pleasing to read of an ancient matron in Lafayette, hid., who, at the age of eighty-nine, has gone to her reward, leaving no property save a $20 gold piece. For several. years, she has been reserving this honest coin to pay her funeral ex- penses; and one cannot help surmising that she must have been distantly related to the late Old Bullion BENTON. No National Bank nonsense at my tomb! said she; no grimed and greasy currency f& r my un- dertaker! I will have a specie-paying funeral or none at all. As we have the precedent of a great many Old Ladies in the Cabinet, we are rather sorry that it is too late to invite this clear-headed dame to take a chair in Washington.

Nov. 12, 18Z0. PUNCHINELLO. 108 THE MICROSCOPIC MAN. UMPS havea great deal to an- swer for. Of course we refer to. phrenological bumps, from which, possibly, the powerful adjective bumptious is de- rived, it being applicable to a person whose conflicting bumps keep him continually on the rampage. Of all such persons, the one with microscopes in his bumps for eyes is the most bumptious. He is continually detecting pernicious particles in every- thing thnt he eats and drinks. One such will seize a pepper- castor, invert it over his mashed turnips, spank it as if it were a child, and then, peer- ing at the dark particles with which the succulent heap of vegetable matteris dusted, pro- ceed to deliver a lecture upon the poisons that we swallow with our daily food. He sees iron-filings in the pepper. Also particles of the tail-feathers of Spanish flies. He will tell you that if you continue to use pepper like that for a long du- rationsay seventy or eighty yearsyou will have iron enough in your stomach, from the filings, to make a ten-pound dumb-bell, and blister- ing stuff sufficient from the Spanish fly to draw all the interest of the National Debt. If the pepper happens to belong to the Cayenne per- suasion, he magnifies it into a hod of bricks. It is his hod way of ac- counting for it. Keep using it daily for half-a-century, says he, and see if you dont wake up some fine morning and find yourself a brick chimney stuck up on the roof of a house for bats to hive in. It will be a just judgment on you; and small will be to you the consolation should some poetical friend pen an epigrammatical threnody to your memory, telling in In Memoriam stanzas how you went up like a thousand of bricks. Beef? says the microscopic man, probing the meat with a pencil of light that beams from his right eye (the other being closed for con- centration purposes), Beef, sir ?not a bit of the bos taurus about it, sir. Horse, donkey, mule, zebrawhat you will, but not a single fibre of ox. Did you ever see the fibres of beef run in a direction due north and south, like these? If you did I should like to know it, sir. I in- spected this meat raw, sir, to-day, on the butchers stall, and the minute ova perceptible in it were those of the horse gad-fly, not the ox gad-fly, sir. Yes, begad, sir, and Im prepared to maintain the fact upon oath, sir. Porter and other malt liquors are favorite subjects for the analysis of the microscopic man. As you are placidly enjoying your pint of GUrN- xivss s brown stout, he will look at you for minutes with a compas- sionate smile. Then, suddenly plunging into his favorite horror knee-deep, he will ask you if you know what becomes of all the ends of smoked-out cigars. Of cours~s you submit that little boys pick them up and smoke them to everlasting annihilation. Pshaw! sir, exclaims the microscopic person; there is a man in the City of Dublin, sirI believe he is a baronet now, but will not force that as .a factand he made an enormous fortune by going about the streets at early dawn and picking up all the cigar-stumps he could find, and they were not few, as you may suppose, in that smokingest of cities. He used to furnish these by the ton to old GUrNNEss, who used them for giving color and body to his famous Stout. Body ?I should think so, rather !but only think where the body came from! Just recall to mind the filthiest gutter that ever you saw in your life, with the nu- merous ends of cigars that you perfectly remember having observed sweltering in it, and then take another pull at your GurnixEss, sir, and I wish you joy of it, sir! Once we remember to have heard the subject of the possibility of lizards, snakes, frogs, and other cheerful reptiles having resided for indefinite periods in the stomachs of human subjects, discussed in the presence of the microscopic man. A lady of the party was skeptical on the subject, dwelling especially upon the impossibility of any person swallowing a reptile unawares. Observe those water-cresses of which you have been partaking so freely, madam, said the microscopic man. Be- neath each leaf I discern ova of things that it might hoi-rify you to eun merate in fulL Suffice it to say, then, for the present, that on the leaves of this small sprig culled by me at random from the cluster, are to be detected the germs of the trigonocophalas contortrix, than which, when fully developed, no more deadly reptile wriggles upon earth. See this minute agglomeration of yellowish specks on the stalk of the cress. These are the eggs of t~ie laverta lwrrida, a lizard that within the large warts with which its epidermis is studded secretes a poison of the most virulent character. Others, too, I discern, but they are too dlsagreeable to dwell uponnot to speak of one having them dwell in- side one, insteadha I ha! Now, remember that all these germs are hatched by gentle warmth. No degree of temperature that we know of is more gentle than that of the human stom At this point the lady fainted, and the microscopic man was thrown promptly out of the window by her husband, who has since been pre- sented by a committee of grateful citizens with a gold-mounted cane, as a mark of consideration for his services in ridding the world of a monster. GREEK MEETS GREEK. 0mm, lovers of your lager beer, Drinkers of wine and ale, Ye editors and ministers, Come listen to my tale, And learn the very slight basis Characters are built on, By reading of the fight between FIJLTON and friend TILTON. In New York City, Broadway street, Friend FULTON took his way, Squinting in evry restaurant, For it was then mid-day; He saw a bottle on a stand, With words all in gilt on, While right before that awful stand Guzzling wine sat TILTON. On Sunday night, while walking down Bowry to the ferry, TILTON did spy a lager shop Where the folks were merry, And saw a sight that opd his eyes, For, in that beery vat, Nine lagers foaming by his side, - Reverend FTJLTON sat. With spirit sword bound at his side, And his hand the hilt on, Brave FULTON smote at hip and thigh Of our little TILTON; Then TILTON took a mighty quill, Called FULTON a liar, FULTO~N took that to his church, Will he take it higher? Now TILTON says that FULTON lies, FULTON says tis TILTON; I wish this epic was told by HOMER or by MILTON. I cannot tell which yarn is true, Nor what each is built on, But surely theres been lying by FULTON or else TILTON. A FINE OLD LADY. IN this day of monetary papyrus, it is pleasing to read of an ancient matron in Lafayette, hid., who, at the age of eighty-nine, has gone to her reward, leaving no property save a $20 gold piece. For several. years, she has been reserving this honest coin to pay her funeral ex- penses; and one cannot help surmising that she must have been distantly related to the late Old Bullion BENTON. No National Bank nonsense at my tomb! said she; no grimed and greasy currency f& r my un- dertaker! I will have a specie-paying funeral or none at all. As we have the precedent of a great many Old Ladies in the Cabinet, we are rather sorry that it is too late to invite this clear-headed dame to take a chair in Washington.

Nov. 12, 18Z0. PUNCHINELLO. 108 THE MICROSCOPIC MAN. UMPS havea great deal to an- swer for. Of course we refer to. phrenological bumps, from which, possibly, the powerful adjective bumptious is de- rived, it being applicable to a person whose conflicting bumps keep him continually on the rampage. Of all such persons, the one with microscopes in his bumps for eyes is the most bumptious. He is continually detecting pernicious particles in every- thing thnt he eats and drinks. One such will seize a pepper- castor, invert it over his mashed turnips, spank it as if it were a child, and then, peer- ing at the dark particles with which the succulent heap of vegetable matteris dusted, pro- ceed to deliver a lecture upon the poisons that we swallow with our daily food. He sees iron-filings in the pepper. Also particles of the tail-feathers of Spanish flies. He will tell you that if you continue to use pepper like that for a long du- rationsay seventy or eighty yearsyou will have iron enough in your stomach, from the filings, to make a ten-pound dumb-bell, and blister- ing stuff sufficient from the Spanish fly to draw all the interest of the National Debt. If the pepper happens to belong to the Cayenne per- suasion, he magnifies it into a hod of bricks. It is his hod way of ac- counting for it. Keep using it daily for half-a-century, says he, and see if you dont wake up some fine morning and find yourself a brick chimney stuck up on the roof of a house for bats to hive in. It will be a just judgment on you; and small will be to you the consolation should some poetical friend pen an epigrammatical threnody to your memory, telling in In Memoriam stanzas how you went up like a thousand of bricks. Beef? says the microscopic man, probing the meat with a pencil of light that beams from his right eye (the other being closed for con- centration purposes), Beef, sir ?not a bit of the bos taurus about it, sir. Horse, donkey, mule, zebrawhat you will, but not a single fibre of ox. Did you ever see the fibres of beef run in a direction due north and south, like these? If you did I should like to know it, sir. I in- spected this meat raw, sir, to-day, on the butchers stall, and the minute ova perceptible in it were those of the horse gad-fly, not the ox gad-fly, sir. Yes, begad, sir, and Im prepared to maintain the fact upon oath, sir. Porter and other malt liquors are favorite subjects for the analysis of the microscopic man. As you are placidly enjoying your pint of GUrN- xivss s brown stout, he will look at you for minutes with a compas- sionate smile. Then, suddenly plunging into his favorite horror knee-deep, he will ask you if you know what becomes of all the ends of smoked-out cigars. Of cours~s you submit that little boys pick them up and smoke them to everlasting annihilation. Pshaw! sir, exclaims the microscopic person; there is a man in the City of Dublin, sirI believe he is a baronet now, but will not force that as .a factand he made an enormous fortune by going about the streets at early dawn and picking up all the cigar-stumps he could find, and they were not few, as you may suppose, in that smokingest of cities. He used to furnish these by the ton to old GUrNNEss, who used them for giving color and body to his famous Stout. Body ?I should think so, rather !but only think where the body came from! Just recall to mind the filthiest gutter that ever you saw in your life, with the nu- merous ends of cigars that you perfectly remember having observed sweltering in it, and then take another pull at your GurnixEss, sir, and I wish you joy of it, sir! Once we remember to have heard the subject of the possibility of lizards, snakes, frogs, and other cheerful reptiles having resided for indefinite periods in the stomachs of human subjects, discussed in the presence of the microscopic man. A lady of the party was skeptical on the subject, dwelling especially upon the impossibility of any person swallowing a reptile unawares. Observe those water-cresses of which you have been partaking so freely, madam, said the microscopic man. Be- neath each leaf I discern ova of things that it might hoi-rify you to eun merate in fulL Suffice it to say, then, for the present, that on the leaves of this small sprig culled by me at random from the cluster, are to be detected the germs of the trigonocophalas contortrix, than which, when fully developed, no more deadly reptile wriggles upon earth. See this minute agglomeration of yellowish specks on the stalk of the cress. These are the eggs of t~ie laverta lwrrida, a lizard that within the large warts with which its epidermis is studded secretes a poison of the most virulent character. Others, too, I discern, but they are too dlsagreeable to dwell uponnot to speak of one having them dwell in- side one, insteadha I ha! Now, remember that all these germs are hatched by gentle warmth. No degree of temperature that we know of is more gentle than that of the human stom At this point the lady fainted, and the microscopic man was thrown promptly out of the window by her husband, who has since been pre- sented by a committee of grateful citizens with a gold-mounted cane, as a mark of consideration for his services in ridding the world of a monster. GREEK MEETS GREEK. 0mm, lovers of your lager beer, Drinkers of wine and ale, Ye editors and ministers, Come listen to my tale, And learn the very slight basis Characters are built on, By reading of the fight between FIJLTON and friend TILTON. In New York City, Broadway street, Friend FULTON took his way, Squinting in evry restaurant, For it was then mid-day; He saw a bottle on a stand, With words all in gilt on, While right before that awful stand Guzzling wine sat TILTON. On Sunday night, while walking down Bowry to the ferry, TILTON did spy a lager shop Where the folks were merry, And saw a sight that opd his eyes, For, in that beery vat, Nine lagers foaming by his side, - Reverend FTJLTON sat. With spirit sword bound at his side, And his hand the hilt on, Brave FULTON smote at hip and thigh Of our little TILTON; Then TILTON took a mighty quill, Called FULTON a liar, FULTO~N took that to his church, Will he take it higher? Now TILTON says that FULTON lies, FULTON says tis TILTON; I wish this epic was told by HOMER or by MILTON. I cannot tell which yarn is true, Nor what each is built on, But surely theres been lying by FULTON or else TILTON. A FINE OLD LADY. IN this day of monetary papyrus, it is pleasing to read of an ancient matron in Lafayette, hid., who, at the age of eighty-nine, has gone to her reward, leaving no property save a $20 gold piece. For several. years, she has been reserving this honest coin to pay her funeral ex- penses; and one cannot help surmising that she must have been distantly related to the late Old Bullion BENTON. No National Bank nonsense at my tomb! said she; no grimed and greasy currency f& r my un- dertaker! I will have a specie-paying funeral or none at all. As we have the precedent of a great many Old Ladies in the Cabinet, we are rather sorry that it is too late to invite this clear-headed dame to take a chair in Washington.

Nov. 12, 18Z0. PUNCHINELLO. 108 THE MICROSCOPIC MAN. UMPS havea great deal to an- swer for. Of course we refer to. phrenological bumps, from which, possibly, the powerful adjective bumptious is de- rived, it being applicable to a person whose conflicting bumps keep him continually on the rampage. Of all such persons, the one with microscopes in his bumps for eyes is the most bumptious. He is continually detecting pernicious particles in every- thing thnt he eats and drinks. One such will seize a pepper- castor, invert it over his mashed turnips, spank it as if it were a child, and then, peer- ing at the dark particles with which the succulent heap of vegetable matteris dusted, pro- ceed to deliver a lecture upon the poisons that we swallow with our daily food. He sees iron-filings in the pepper. Also particles of the tail-feathers of Spanish flies. He will tell you that if you continue to use pepper like that for a long du- rationsay seventy or eighty yearsyou will have iron enough in your stomach, from the filings, to make a ten-pound dumb-bell, and blister- ing stuff sufficient from the Spanish fly to draw all the interest of the National Debt. If the pepper happens to belong to the Cayenne per- suasion, he magnifies it into a hod of bricks. It is his hod way of ac- counting for it. Keep using it daily for half-a-century, says he, and see if you dont wake up some fine morning and find yourself a brick chimney stuck up on the roof of a house for bats to hive in. It will be a just judgment on you; and small will be to you the consolation should some poetical friend pen an epigrammatical threnody to your memory, telling in In Memoriam stanzas how you went up like a thousand of bricks. Beef? says the microscopic man, probing the meat with a pencil of light that beams from his right eye (the other being closed for con- centration purposes), Beef, sir ?not a bit of the bos taurus about it, sir. Horse, donkey, mule, zebrawhat you will, but not a single fibre of ox. Did you ever see the fibres of beef run in a direction due north and south, like these? If you did I should like to know it, sir. I in- spected this meat raw, sir, to-day, on the butchers stall, and the minute ova perceptible in it were those of the horse gad-fly, not the ox gad-fly, sir. Yes, begad, sir, and Im prepared to maintain the fact upon oath, sir. Porter and other malt liquors are favorite subjects for the analysis of the microscopic man. As you are placidly enjoying your pint of GUrN- xivss s brown stout, he will look at you for minutes with a compas- sionate smile. Then, suddenly plunging into his favorite horror knee-deep, he will ask you if you know what becomes of all the ends of smoked-out cigars. Of cours~s you submit that little boys pick them up and smoke them to everlasting annihilation. Pshaw! sir, exclaims the microscopic person; there is a man in the City of Dublin, sirI believe he is a baronet now, but will not force that as .a factand he made an enormous fortune by going about the streets at early dawn and picking up all the cigar-stumps he could find, and they were not few, as you may suppose, in that smokingest of cities. He used to furnish these by the ton to old GUrNNEss, who used them for giving color and body to his famous Stout. Body ?I should think so, rather !but only think where the body came from! Just recall to mind the filthiest gutter that ever you saw in your life, with the nu- merous ends of cigars that you perfectly remember having observed sweltering in it, and then take another pull at your GurnixEss, sir, and I wish you joy of it, sir! Once we remember to have heard the subject of the possibility of lizards, snakes, frogs, and other cheerful reptiles having resided for indefinite periods in the stomachs of human subjects, discussed in the presence of the microscopic man. A lady of the party was skeptical on the subject, dwelling especially upon the impossibility of any person swallowing a reptile unawares. Observe those water-cresses of which you have been partaking so freely, madam, said the microscopic man. Be- neath each leaf I discern ova of things that it might hoi-rify you to eun merate in fulL Suffice it to say, then, for the present, that on the leaves of this small sprig culled by me at random from the cluster, are to be detected the germs of the trigonocophalas contortrix, than which, when fully developed, no more deadly reptile wriggles upon earth. See this minute agglomeration of yellowish specks on the stalk of the cress. These are the eggs of t~ie laverta lwrrida, a lizard that within the large warts with which its epidermis is studded secretes a poison of the most virulent character. Others, too, I discern, but they are too dlsagreeable to dwell uponnot to speak of one having them dwell in- side one, insteadha I ha! Now, remember that all these germs are hatched by gentle warmth. No degree of temperature that we know of is more gentle than that of the human stom At this point the lady fainted, and the microscopic man was thrown promptly out of the window by her husband, who has since been pre- sented by a committee of grateful citizens with a gold-mounted cane, as a mark of consideration for his services in ridding the world of a monster. GREEK MEETS GREEK. 0mm, lovers of your lager beer, Drinkers of wine and ale, Ye editors and ministers, Come listen to my tale, And learn the very slight basis Characters are built on, By reading of the fight between FIJLTON and friend TILTON. In New York City, Broadway street, Friend FULTON took his way, Squinting in evry restaurant, For it was then mid-day; He saw a bottle on a stand, With words all in gilt on, While right before that awful stand Guzzling wine sat TILTON. On Sunday night, while walking down Bowry to the ferry, TILTON did spy a lager shop Where the folks were merry, And saw a sight that opd his eyes, For, in that beery vat, Nine lagers foaming by his side, - Reverend FTJLTON sat. With spirit sword bound at his side, And his hand the hilt on, Brave FULTON smote at hip and thigh Of our little TILTON; Then TILTON took a mighty quill, Called FULTON a liar, FULTO~N took that to his church, Will he take it higher? Now TILTON says that FULTON lies, FULTON says tis TILTON; I wish this epic was told by HOMER or by MILTON. I cannot tell which yarn is true, Nor what each is built on, But surely theres been lying by FULTON or else TILTON. A FINE OLD LADY. IN this day of monetary papyrus, it is pleasing to read of an ancient matron in Lafayette, hid., who, at the age of eighty-nine, has gone to her reward, leaving no property save a $20 gold piece. For several. years, she has been reserving this honest coin to pay her funeral ex- penses; and one cannot help surmising that she must have been distantly related to the late Old Bullion BENTON. No National Bank nonsense at my tomb! said she; no grimed and greasy currency f& r my un- dertaker! I will have a specie-paying funeral or none at all. As we have the precedent of a great many Old Ladies in the Cabinet, we are rather sorry that it is too late to invite this clear-headed dame to take a chair in Washington. 104 PUNCHJNELLO. Nov. 12, 18kb. THE WRONG DUMMIE. GATLING (our countryman, you know) has invented a Battery Gun. They have been trying this gun over at Shoeburyness (how is that, for a name?) in England, to see whether they had not better order a few, in time f~r the next war. It seems that they conducted their experi- ments by firing at dummies, representing men. (Oh, if they had only had some of our American Dummies there, who Represent Men so i~- adequately.) There were 1~36 of these .s~rnulaera, 99 of whom, says the report would have been killed. That is, if it had been possible to kill them. In fact, they would have been killed four or five times over. Kilt intirely. We shall always feel that a great opportunity was here lost of ridding the country of certain nuisances, who, if anything at all, are worse than dummies, and deserve not four only, but four hundred balls in them, forty-two one-hundredths of an inch in diameter, or even larger. There are so many, it would be useless to attempt to specify them: and besides, everybody knows who they are. We would begin with the Politicians, and end with the Brokers. And then the Millennium would begin, sure pop. TROUBLE FOR THE RISING GENERATION. Mr. PuNcmNEi~Lo has often thought with what melancholy feelings the naughty boys must gaze upoa a fine grove of growing birches; but what pangs would a knowing child experience upon finding himself in Randolph county, Illinois, where they raise twelve bushels of castor-oil beans to the acre! Of what depths of juvenile wretchedness and precocious misanthropy is that crop suggestive! We see it allthe anxious parentthe solemn doctorthe writhing patient the glass the spoon! Howls like those of a battle-field, only less so, fill the air. The wretched victim of pharmacy, conquered at last, gives one des- perate gulp to save himself from strangulation, and all is over! Ye who remember your boyhoods home! tell us if there was any joke in all this! Tim GREAT MODERN 0 Mission. The English Mission. THE HARPY. [Seo Cartoon.] WITH literary ventures stowed As full as ship can be, The good ship Author holds her way Over the fickle sea; Now sings the wind, and, all serene, The ripples forth and back Lap lightly round her gleaming sides And whiten on her track. Far westward, on the line of blue That meets the pearly * sky, There looms up large a stranger sail, A sail both broad and high; And as she near and nearer draws She hovers like a bird, And strains of music from her deck Upon the air are.heard. Now closer draws the stranger sail Are sirens they who hang About the quivering cordage with Halo! whats that ?bang! bang! The trap is sprung, the siren ship Runs up the sable flag It is the pirate Harpy, and She takes the Authors swag I WEAPONS TEAT TAMMANY HALL CAN NETER 23~ SIIARPES Rifles. TA~ Er. * A fan~ons foreign writer offered us 500 to print this Pearl Street, but we wouldn~t do it for double the money.[ED.l A MODEST REQUEST. Dislurszng Agent of Politiec& l Organ at~on [to Delegation on l~k.]: Au! GENTLEMEN, YOU REPRESENT THE iS~o1cesman. YES; WE WANT $200. Iw THE KNOCK-E~DO~ CLUB, AND HES THE TARGET Co~r~y.

104 PUNCHJNELLO. Nov. 12, 18kb. THE WRONG DUMMIE. GATLING (our countryman, you know) has invented a Battery Gun. They have been trying this gun over at Shoeburyness (how is that, for a name?) in England, to see whether they had not better order a few, in time f~r the next war. It seems that they conducted their experi- ments by firing at dummies, representing men. (Oh, if they had only had some of our American Dummies there, who Represent Men so i~- adequately.) There were 1~36 of these .s~rnulaera, 99 of whom, says the report would have been killed. That is, if it had been possible to kill them. In fact, they would have been killed four or five times over. Kilt intirely. We shall always feel that a great opportunity was here lost of ridding the country of certain nuisances, who, if anything at all, are worse than dummies, and deserve not four only, but four hundred balls in them, forty-two one-hundredths of an inch in diameter, or even larger. There are so many, it would be useless to attempt to specify them: and besides, everybody knows who they are. We would begin with the Politicians, and end with the Brokers. And then the Millennium would begin, sure pop. TROUBLE FOR THE RISING GENERATION. Mr. PuNcmNEi~Lo has often thought with what melancholy feelings the naughty boys must gaze upoa a fine grove of growing birches; but what pangs would a knowing child experience upon finding himself in Randolph county, Illinois, where they raise twelve bushels of castor-oil beans to the acre! Of what depths of juvenile wretchedness and precocious misanthropy is that crop suggestive! We see it allthe anxious parentthe solemn doctorthe writhing patient the glass the spoon! Howls like those of a battle-field, only less so, fill the air. The wretched victim of pharmacy, conquered at last, gives one des- perate gulp to save himself from strangulation, and all is over! Ye who remember your boyhoods home! tell us if there was any joke in all this! Tim GREAT MODERN 0 Mission. The English Mission. THE HARPY. [Seo Cartoon.] WITH literary ventures stowed As full as ship can be, The good ship Author holds her way Over the fickle sea; Now sings the wind, and, all serene, The ripples forth and back Lap lightly round her gleaming sides And whiten on her track. Far westward, on the line of blue That meets the pearly * sky, There looms up large a stranger sail, A sail both broad and high; And as she near and nearer draws She hovers like a bird, And strains of music from her deck Upon the air are.heard. Now closer draws the stranger sail Are sirens they who hang About the quivering cordage with Halo! whats that ?bang! bang! The trap is sprung, the siren ship Runs up the sable flag It is the pirate Harpy, and She takes the Authors swag I WEAPONS TEAT TAMMANY HALL CAN NETER 23~ SIIARPES Rifles. TA~ Er. * A fan~ons foreign writer offered us 500 to print this Pearl Street, but we wouldn~t do it for double the money.[ED.l A MODEST REQUEST. Dislurszng Agent of Politiec& l Organ at~on [to Delegation on l~k.]: Au! GENTLEMEN, YOU REPRESENT THE iS~o1cesman. YES; WE WANT $200. Iw THE KNOCK-E~DO~ CLUB, AND HES THE TARGET Co~r~y.

104 PUNCHJNELLO. Nov. 12, 18kb. THE WRONG DUMMIE. GATLING (our countryman, you know) has invented a Battery Gun. They have been trying this gun over at Shoeburyness (how is that, for a name?) in England, to see whether they had not better order a few, in time f~r the next war. It seems that they conducted their experi- ments by firing at dummies, representing men. (Oh, if they had only had some of our American Dummies there, who Represent Men so i~- adequately.) There were 1~36 of these .s~rnulaera, 99 of whom, says the report would have been killed. That is, if it had been possible to kill them. In fact, they would have been killed four or five times over. Kilt intirely. We shall always feel that a great opportunity was here lost of ridding the country of certain nuisances, who, if anything at all, are worse than dummies, and deserve not four only, but four hundred balls in them, forty-two one-hundredths of an inch in diameter, or even larger. There are so many, it would be useless to attempt to specify them: and besides, everybody knows who they are. We would begin with the Politicians, and end with the Brokers. And then the Millennium would begin, sure pop. TROUBLE FOR THE RISING GENERATION. Mr. PuNcmNEi~Lo has often thought with what melancholy feelings the naughty boys must gaze upoa a fine grove of growing birches; but what pangs would a knowing child experience upon finding himself in Randolph county, Illinois, where they raise twelve bushels of castor-oil beans to the acre! Of what depths of juvenile wretchedness and precocious misanthropy is that crop suggestive! We see it allthe anxious parentthe solemn doctorthe writhing patient the glass the spoon! Howls like those of a battle-field, only less so, fill the air. The wretched victim of pharmacy, conquered at last, gives one des- perate gulp to save himself from strangulation, and all is over! Ye who remember your boyhoods home! tell us if there was any joke in all this! Tim GREAT MODERN 0 Mission. The English Mission. THE HARPY. [Seo Cartoon.] WITH literary ventures stowed As full as ship can be, The good ship Author holds her way Over the fickle sea; Now sings the wind, and, all serene, The ripples forth and back Lap lightly round her gleaming sides And whiten on her track. Far westward, on the line of blue That meets the pearly * sky, There looms up large a stranger sail, A sail both broad and high; And as she near and nearer draws She hovers like a bird, And strains of music from her deck Upon the air are.heard. Now closer draws the stranger sail Are sirens they who hang About the quivering cordage with Halo! whats that ?bang! bang! The trap is sprung, the siren ship Runs up the sable flag It is the pirate Harpy, and She takes the Authors swag I WEAPONS TEAT TAMMANY HALL CAN NETER 23~ SIIARPES Rifles. TA~ Er. * A fan~ons foreign writer offered us 500 to print this Pearl Street, but we wouldn~t do it for double the money.[ED.l A MODEST REQUEST. Dislurszng Agent of Politiec& l Organ at~on [to Delegation on l~k.]: Au! GENTLEMEN, YOU REPRESENT THE iS~o1cesman. YES; WE WANT $200. Iw THE KNOCK-E~DO~ CLUB, AND HES THE TARGET Co~r~y.

104 PUNCHJNELLO. Nov. 12, 18kb. THE WRONG DUMMIE. GATLING (our countryman, you know) has invented a Battery Gun. They have been trying this gun over at Shoeburyness (how is that, for a name?) in England, to see whether they had not better order a few, in time f~r the next war. It seems that they conducted their experi- ments by firing at dummies, representing men. (Oh, if they had only had some of our American Dummies there, who Represent Men so i~- adequately.) There were 1~36 of these .s~rnulaera, 99 of whom, says the report would have been killed. That is, if it had been possible to kill them. In fact, they would have been killed four or five times over. Kilt intirely. We shall always feel that a great opportunity was here lost of ridding the country of certain nuisances, who, if anything at all, are worse than dummies, and deserve not four only, but four hundred balls in them, forty-two one-hundredths of an inch in diameter, or even larger. There are so many, it would be useless to attempt to specify them: and besides, everybody knows who they are. We would begin with the Politicians, and end with the Brokers. And then the Millennium would begin, sure pop. TROUBLE FOR THE RISING GENERATION. Mr. PuNcmNEi~Lo has often thought with what melancholy feelings the naughty boys must gaze upoa a fine grove of growing birches; but what pangs would a knowing child experience upon finding himself in Randolph county, Illinois, where they raise twelve bushels of castor-oil beans to the acre! Of what depths of juvenile wretchedness and precocious misanthropy is that crop suggestive! We see it allthe anxious parentthe solemn doctorthe writhing patient the glass the spoon! Howls like those of a battle-field, only less so, fill the air. The wretched victim of pharmacy, conquered at last, gives one des- perate gulp to save himself from strangulation, and all is over! Ye who remember your boyhoods home! tell us if there was any joke in all this! Tim GREAT MODERN 0 Mission. The English Mission. THE HARPY. [Seo Cartoon.] WITH literary ventures stowed As full as ship can be, The good ship Author holds her way Over the fickle sea; Now sings the wind, and, all serene, The ripples forth and back Lap lightly round her gleaming sides And whiten on her track. Far westward, on the line of blue That meets the pearly * sky, There looms up large a stranger sail, A sail both broad and high; And as she near and nearer draws She hovers like a bird, And strains of music from her deck Upon the air are.heard. Now closer draws the stranger sail Are sirens they who hang About the quivering cordage with Halo! whats that ?bang! bang! The trap is sprung, the siren ship Runs up the sable flag It is the pirate Harpy, and She takes the Authors swag I WEAPONS TEAT TAMMANY HALL CAN NETER 23~ SIIARPES Rifles. TA~ Er. * A fan~ons foreign writer offered us 500 to print this Pearl Street, but we wouldn~t do it for double the money.[ED.l A MODEST REQUEST. Dislurszng Agent of Politiec& l Organ at~on [to Delegation on l~k.]: Au! GENTLEMEN, YOU REPRESENT THE iS~o1cesman. YES; WE WANT $200. Iw THE KNOCK-E~DO~ CLUB, AND HES THE TARGET Co~r~y. 0 0 6 r4 z U z F2ZZ THE LITERARY PIRATES. SUGGESTED BY BIARDS PICTURE, A{D SI~IOWING THE PIRATICAL ROVER HARrY SPRINGING A TRAP UPON THE GOOD SHIP AUTHOR IN A FAVORABLE TRADE WIND. z [See ojypoidte page.] Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. HIRAM GREEN AT THE BROOKLYN NAVY-YARD. Bread and Butter v8. Old Cheese. I HADENT got but a little ways into the Navy-Yard, when a soijer steps up before me, and pintin his bagonet at my throack, said: Pass. I stepped tother side of him to obey his orders, when he agin plated his gun at me and said: Pass. Thinkin I was on the rong side of him, I undertook to pass into the middle of the road, when he vociferated in louder tones: Pass! Well, says I, by this time considerably riled at sich skanderlous treatment at the hands of this goverment, if youl stop rammin your bagonet into my hash digester and let me pcts.~, ile be hily tickled. I was madder than if I had been a candidate for offis, and dident get elected. See here, Mister hard-tack Cowpenner, said I, nddressin him, how dare you stop me in this ere outragous manner ~ You say pass, and when I try to pass, you jab at my innards with that mustick in a rather oncomfortable manner. What do you mean? I mean, sir, said he, sholderin his shootin iron, that if you want to go further, you must get a pass from the offis across the way. Oho! thats a gooseberry pie of a different flavor, said I, coolin off; why dident you say so before? and I pinted for the offis to get the pass. After bein put through a course of red tape, such as feelin of my pultz, lookin down my throte, and soundin me on my Spread Eagle- ism, I got the pass. While on my tower of observashuns, a mechanikie lookin individual approched me, and says: Good mornin, Congressman WEBSTER. I turned in cirprise, as several other men dropped their tools and rushed out and surrounded me. God bless you, Mister WEBSTER! said one. Make way for the noble and good WEBSTER, said another. Let me kiss the hand of the great statesman, says a third, fain to and gettin my thumb in his mouth. Mister WEBSTER, take care of me, I am yours to command, says a 4th, who jumped wildly for an old tobacker cud I had just throde away. On all sides, men was fallin down to worship me, just as if I was the Golden Calf, spoken of in scripters, or else some great poletikie Mogul, with a pocket full of blank commissions, ready to be filled out for good fat offises. All ef a sudden, it popped into my mind that these 5 hour sons of toil hadent heard that DANIEL WEBSTER was dead, or else dident see the joak, when DAN said: I aint dead, and supposed from my like- ness to him that I was D. WEBSTER. I couldent blame em for makin such a mistake, when I reccolected the time I was introjuced to the great man. It was when I was Gus- tise of the Peace. As our hands clasped each other, we was both revitted to the spot, and the rivets was clinched tite. What! it cant be possible ! said Mr. WEBSTER, the first to break the silence. Well if you haint another WEBSTER, youl pass for D. WEBSTERS bust, any day. And, said I, wishin to return the compliment, if you haint Green, you can pass any time for GREEN on a bust. This was one of my witcisms and it made DANIEL blurt with lafter. But Mister PUNcuINELLO, me and WEBSTER looked so much alike. that if his tailor had sent him a soot of clothes at that time, I believe, in the confusion, that just as like as not I should have thought I was WEBSTER, and wore off the clothes. But, to retrace my tale, as the canine said, when a flee was suckin the hearts blood from his cordil appendige Well, my friends, said I, humerin these men in their mistake what can I do for you down to Washington? Do for us? thou great and mitey! said they all to once, keep us into offiswe go you, Nov. 8th. Well, said I, my good men, my word is law down to Washington. Everybody respects the great DAKIL WEBSTER. Eh Iwhowhat, exclaimed several. I say that I, DANIL WEBSTER, is great guns with the goverment, was my reply. DANIEL WEBSTER be dd, said the ring-leader. No, Sir! ED WEBSTER, the nominee for Congress, and Wet Nurse pro tern, over Unkle Sams family in this ere nursery, is the man were after. Haint you that man? You dont mean the chap who was U. S. Assessor, agin whom I heard them Wall street brokers and scalpers cussin and swearin like a lot of Rocky Mountin savages chock full of fluid pirotecknicks, because he made them pay a goverment tax? The same! the same! they all hollered. Well! sweet wooers of the bread and butter brigade, said I, speakin after the manner of men, youve got ontop the rong hen- coop this time. As Shakspeer, who is now dead and gone, says : A rose by any other name Is sweeter-er than I, Ive diskivereci I haint the game Yon want to see roost high. They left me, yes, they left me. I wasent the man, but some awda- cious retch had sot em on tellin em I was the man. - Surgeon GOODBLOOD, of the man o war Vcrmont, then took me under his charge. I found him one of them noble docters, under whose perscriptions a man could enjoy kickin the bucket. He took me to see the soijers drilL Therns the Marines-, said he, pintin to the bloo cotes. Sho! you dont say? says I. Are them those obligin gentlemen who are allways ready to listen to what is told em l Yes, says the Dr.; anything nobody else believes, we tell to the Marines. I mite okepy your hal paper tellin all about the war vessels, pattent torpedoes, monitors, and sich, which I saw, but will close with the remark: That old rats never pile livlier onto roasted cheese, than a bread and butter patriot does onto candidates who has the eutin of a good fai ~ Thats wisdom which will wash. Ewers, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. SIMILE USED UP. WE regret to state, that in consequence of a late discovery by one B~dHAMP, of living things in chalk (he has actually seen em wriggle!) we are no longer at liberty to say, As different as Chalk and Cheese. The difference is gone! If it is not, we would ask, where is it? It is true, chalk is not in so general use, as an article of diet, as cheese, except in boarding-schools; but the difference is plainly one of degree rather than of kind. We have heard of prepared chalk. It has been whispered that gentle spinsters use it for a beautifyer. We rather incline to the belief that it is prepared for the inside rather than the outside of humanity. At any rate, the two articles now agree in their most prominent characteristicswhich they did not, till M. BIiCHAMP looked into the matter with his microscope. Tis thus, alas! our cherished similes are going. One by one are they B6-champ-ed (or chawed up) by the voracious creatures who hunger and thirst after novelty. Why, we expect to be told, ere long,and have it proved to us that the Moon after all is actually and truly made of Green Cheese. And there will go another fond comparison! Nay, more;perhaps Cheese itself is but Chalk, in its incipient stages of development,with the tenantry already secured, however, that make it so lively .inside.Bi sic O~nnes. To Our Youthful Friends. WE wish to do all in our power to keep the world cheerfuL If there is a youth of our acquaintance who despairs of ever raising a fine mous- tache, we would remind him of that comforting apothegm of the Spanish: Un cabello haze sombra The least hair makes a sha- dow. Courage, lad! and do not cast that shadow from thy lip. If there is a single hair already there, it is a manly and noble thing! Done Brown. ~ToIr BROWN is not looked upon as a sheepish person, and yet, the English of his name is ewes (ughes). 107

Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. HIRAM GREEN AT THE BROOKLYN NAVY-YARD. Bread and Butter v8. Old Cheese. I HADENT got but a little ways into the Navy-Yard, when a soijer steps up before me, and pintin his bagonet at my throack, said: Pass. I stepped tother side of him to obey his orders, when he agin plated his gun at me and said: Pass. Thinkin I was on the rong side of him, I undertook to pass into the middle of the road, when he vociferated in louder tones: Pass! Well, says I, by this time considerably riled at sich skanderlous treatment at the hands of this goverment, if youl stop rammin your bagonet into my hash digester and let me pcts.~, ile be hily tickled. I was madder than if I had been a candidate for offis, and dident get elected. See here, Mister hard-tack Cowpenner, said I, nddressin him, how dare you stop me in this ere outragous manner ~ You say pass, and when I try to pass, you jab at my innards with that mustick in a rather oncomfortable manner. What do you mean? I mean, sir, said he, sholderin his shootin iron, that if you want to go further, you must get a pass from the offis across the way. Oho! thats a gooseberry pie of a different flavor, said I, coolin off; why dident you say so before? and I pinted for the offis to get the pass. After bein put through a course of red tape, such as feelin of my pultz, lookin down my throte, and soundin me on my Spread Eagle- ism, I got the pass. While on my tower of observashuns, a mechanikie lookin individual approched me, and says: Good mornin, Congressman WEBSTER. I turned in cirprise, as several other men dropped their tools and rushed out and surrounded me. God bless you, Mister WEBSTER! said one. Make way for the noble and good WEBSTER, said another. Let me kiss the hand of the great statesman, says a third, fain to and gettin my thumb in his mouth. Mister WEBSTER, take care of me, I am yours to command, says a 4th, who jumped wildly for an old tobacker cud I had just throde away. On all sides, men was fallin down to worship me, just as if I was the Golden Calf, spoken of in scripters, or else some great poletikie Mogul, with a pocket full of blank commissions, ready to be filled out for good fat offises. All ef a sudden, it popped into my mind that these 5 hour sons of toil hadent heard that DANIEL WEBSTER was dead, or else dident see the joak, when DAN said: I aint dead, and supposed from my like- ness to him that I was D. WEBSTER. I couldent blame em for makin such a mistake, when I reccolected the time I was introjuced to the great man. It was when I was Gus- tise of the Peace. As our hands clasped each other, we was both revitted to the spot, and the rivets was clinched tite. What! it cant be possible ! said Mr. WEBSTER, the first to break the silence. Well if you haint another WEBSTER, youl pass for D. WEBSTERS bust, any day. And, said I, wishin to return the compliment, if you haint Green, you can pass any time for GREEN on a bust. This was one of my witcisms and it made DANIEL blurt with lafter. But Mister PUNcuINELLO, me and WEBSTER looked so much alike. that if his tailor had sent him a soot of clothes at that time, I believe, in the confusion, that just as like as not I should have thought I was WEBSTER, and wore off the clothes. But, to retrace my tale, as the canine said, when a flee was suckin the hearts blood from his cordil appendige Well, my friends, said I, humerin these men in their mistake what can I do for you down to Washington? Do for us? thou great and mitey! said they all to once, keep us into offiswe go you, Nov. 8th. Well, said I, my good men, my word is law down to Washington. Everybody respects the great DAKIL WEBSTER. Eh Iwhowhat, exclaimed several. I say that I, DANIL WEBSTER, is great guns with the goverment, was my reply. DANIEL WEBSTER be dd, said the ring-leader. No, Sir! ED WEBSTER, the nominee for Congress, and Wet Nurse pro tern, over Unkle Sams family in this ere nursery, is the man were after. Haint you that man? You dont mean the chap who was U. S. Assessor, agin whom I heard them Wall street brokers and scalpers cussin and swearin like a lot of Rocky Mountin savages chock full of fluid pirotecknicks, because he made them pay a goverment tax? The same! the same! they all hollered. Well! sweet wooers of the bread and butter brigade, said I, speakin after the manner of men, youve got ontop the rong hen- coop this time. As Shakspeer, who is now dead and gone, says : A rose by any other name Is sweeter-er than I, Ive diskivereci I haint the game Yon want to see roost high. They left me, yes, they left me. I wasent the man, but some awda- cious retch had sot em on tellin em I was the man. - Surgeon GOODBLOOD, of the man o war Vcrmont, then took me under his charge. I found him one of them noble docters, under whose perscriptions a man could enjoy kickin the bucket. He took me to see the soijers drilL Therns the Marines-, said he, pintin to the bloo cotes. Sho! you dont say? says I. Are them those obligin gentlemen who are allways ready to listen to what is told em l Yes, says the Dr.; anything nobody else believes, we tell to the Marines. I mite okepy your hal paper tellin all about the war vessels, pattent torpedoes, monitors, and sich, which I saw, but will close with the remark: That old rats never pile livlier onto roasted cheese, than a bread and butter patriot does onto candidates who has the eutin of a good fai ~ Thats wisdom which will wash. Ewers, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. SIMILE USED UP. WE regret to state, that in consequence of a late discovery by one B~dHAMP, of living things in chalk (he has actually seen em wriggle!) we are no longer at liberty to say, As different as Chalk and Cheese. The difference is gone! If it is not, we would ask, where is it? It is true, chalk is not in so general use, as an article of diet, as cheese, except in boarding-schools; but the difference is plainly one of degree rather than of kind. We have heard of prepared chalk. It has been whispered that gentle spinsters use it for a beautifyer. We rather incline to the belief that it is prepared for the inside rather than the outside of humanity. At any rate, the two articles now agree in their most prominent characteristicswhich they did not, till M. BIiCHAMP looked into the matter with his microscope. Tis thus, alas! our cherished similes are going. One by one are they B6-champ-ed (or chawed up) by the voracious creatures who hunger and thirst after novelty. Why, we expect to be told, ere long,and have it proved to us that the Moon after all is actually and truly made of Green Cheese. And there will go another fond comparison! Nay, more;perhaps Cheese itself is but Chalk, in its incipient stages of development,with the tenantry already secured, however, that make it so lively .inside.Bi sic O~nnes. To Our Youthful Friends. WE wish to do all in our power to keep the world cheerfuL If there is a youth of our acquaintance who despairs of ever raising a fine mous- tache, we would remind him of that comforting apothegm of the Spanish: Un cabello haze sombra The least hair makes a sha- dow. Courage, lad! and do not cast that shadow from thy lip. If there is a single hair already there, it is a manly and noble thing! Done Brown. ~ToIr BROWN is not looked upon as a sheepish person, and yet, the English of his name is ewes (ughes). 107

Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. HIRAM GREEN AT THE BROOKLYN NAVY-YARD. Bread and Butter v8. Old Cheese. I HADENT got but a little ways into the Navy-Yard, when a soijer steps up before me, and pintin his bagonet at my throack, said: Pass. I stepped tother side of him to obey his orders, when he agin plated his gun at me and said: Pass. Thinkin I was on the rong side of him, I undertook to pass into the middle of the road, when he vociferated in louder tones: Pass! Well, says I, by this time considerably riled at sich skanderlous treatment at the hands of this goverment, if youl stop rammin your bagonet into my hash digester and let me pcts.~, ile be hily tickled. I was madder than if I had been a candidate for offis, and dident get elected. See here, Mister hard-tack Cowpenner, said I, nddressin him, how dare you stop me in this ere outragous manner ~ You say pass, and when I try to pass, you jab at my innards with that mustick in a rather oncomfortable manner. What do you mean? I mean, sir, said he, sholderin his shootin iron, that if you want to go further, you must get a pass from the offis across the way. Oho! thats a gooseberry pie of a different flavor, said I, coolin off; why dident you say so before? and I pinted for the offis to get the pass. After bein put through a course of red tape, such as feelin of my pultz, lookin down my throte, and soundin me on my Spread Eagle- ism, I got the pass. While on my tower of observashuns, a mechanikie lookin individual approched me, and says: Good mornin, Congressman WEBSTER. I turned in cirprise, as several other men dropped their tools and rushed out and surrounded me. God bless you, Mister WEBSTER! said one. Make way for the noble and good WEBSTER, said another. Let me kiss the hand of the great statesman, says a third, fain to and gettin my thumb in his mouth. Mister WEBSTER, take care of me, I am yours to command, says a 4th, who jumped wildly for an old tobacker cud I had just throde away. On all sides, men was fallin down to worship me, just as if I was the Golden Calf, spoken of in scripters, or else some great poletikie Mogul, with a pocket full of blank commissions, ready to be filled out for good fat offises. All ef a sudden, it popped into my mind that these 5 hour sons of toil hadent heard that DANIEL WEBSTER was dead, or else dident see the joak, when DAN said: I aint dead, and supposed from my like- ness to him that I was D. WEBSTER. I couldent blame em for makin such a mistake, when I reccolected the time I was introjuced to the great man. It was when I was Gus- tise of the Peace. As our hands clasped each other, we was both revitted to the spot, and the rivets was clinched tite. What! it cant be possible ! said Mr. WEBSTER, the first to break the silence. Well if you haint another WEBSTER, youl pass for D. WEBSTERS bust, any day. And, said I, wishin to return the compliment, if you haint Green, you can pass any time for GREEN on a bust. This was one of my witcisms and it made DANIEL blurt with lafter. But Mister PUNcuINELLO, me and WEBSTER looked so much alike. that if his tailor had sent him a soot of clothes at that time, I believe, in the confusion, that just as like as not I should have thought I was WEBSTER, and wore off the clothes. But, to retrace my tale, as the canine said, when a flee was suckin the hearts blood from his cordil appendige Well, my friends, said I, humerin these men in their mistake what can I do for you down to Washington? Do for us? thou great and mitey! said they all to once, keep us into offiswe go you, Nov. 8th. Well, said I, my good men, my word is law down to Washington. Everybody respects the great DAKIL WEBSTER. Eh Iwhowhat, exclaimed several. I say that I, DANIL WEBSTER, is great guns with the goverment, was my reply. DANIEL WEBSTER be dd, said the ring-leader. No, Sir! ED WEBSTER, the nominee for Congress, and Wet Nurse pro tern, over Unkle Sams family in this ere nursery, is the man were after. Haint you that man? You dont mean the chap who was U. S. Assessor, agin whom I heard them Wall street brokers and scalpers cussin and swearin like a lot of Rocky Mountin savages chock full of fluid pirotecknicks, because he made them pay a goverment tax? The same! the same! they all hollered. Well! sweet wooers of the bread and butter brigade, said I, speakin after the manner of men, youve got ontop the rong hen- coop this time. As Shakspeer, who is now dead and gone, says : A rose by any other name Is sweeter-er than I, Ive diskivereci I haint the game Yon want to see roost high. They left me, yes, they left me. I wasent the man, but some awda- cious retch had sot em on tellin em I was the man. - Surgeon GOODBLOOD, of the man o war Vcrmont, then took me under his charge. I found him one of them noble docters, under whose perscriptions a man could enjoy kickin the bucket. He took me to see the soijers drilL Therns the Marines-, said he, pintin to the bloo cotes. Sho! you dont say? says I. Are them those obligin gentlemen who are allways ready to listen to what is told em l Yes, says the Dr.; anything nobody else believes, we tell to the Marines. I mite okepy your hal paper tellin all about the war vessels, pattent torpedoes, monitors, and sich, which I saw, but will close with the remark: That old rats never pile livlier onto roasted cheese, than a bread and butter patriot does onto candidates who has the eutin of a good fai ~ Thats wisdom which will wash. Ewers, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. SIMILE USED UP. WE regret to state, that in consequence of a late discovery by one B~dHAMP, of living things in chalk (he has actually seen em wriggle!) we are no longer at liberty to say, As different as Chalk and Cheese. The difference is gone! If it is not, we would ask, where is it? It is true, chalk is not in so general use, as an article of diet, as cheese, except in boarding-schools; but the difference is plainly one of degree rather than of kind. We have heard of prepared chalk. It has been whispered that gentle spinsters use it for a beautifyer. We rather incline to the belief that it is prepared for the inside rather than the outside of humanity. At any rate, the two articles now agree in their most prominent characteristicswhich they did not, till M. BIiCHAMP looked into the matter with his microscope. Tis thus, alas! our cherished similes are going. One by one are they B6-champ-ed (or chawed up) by the voracious creatures who hunger and thirst after novelty. Why, we expect to be told, ere long,and have it proved to us that the Moon after all is actually and truly made of Green Cheese. And there will go another fond comparison! Nay, more;perhaps Cheese itself is but Chalk, in its incipient stages of development,with the tenantry already secured, however, that make it so lively .inside.Bi sic O~nnes. To Our Youthful Friends. WE wish to do all in our power to keep the world cheerfuL If there is a youth of our acquaintance who despairs of ever raising a fine mous- tache, we would remind him of that comforting apothegm of the Spanish: Un cabello haze sombra The least hair makes a sha- dow. Courage, lad! and do not cast that shadow from thy lip. If there is a single hair already there, it is a manly and noble thing! Done Brown. ~ToIr BROWN is not looked upon as a sheepish person, and yet, the English of his name is ewes (ughes). 107

Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. HIRAM GREEN AT THE BROOKLYN NAVY-YARD. Bread and Butter v8. Old Cheese. I HADENT got but a little ways into the Navy-Yard, when a soijer steps up before me, and pintin his bagonet at my throack, said: Pass. I stepped tother side of him to obey his orders, when he agin plated his gun at me and said: Pass. Thinkin I was on the rong side of him, I undertook to pass into the middle of the road, when he vociferated in louder tones: Pass! Well, says I, by this time considerably riled at sich skanderlous treatment at the hands of this goverment, if youl stop rammin your bagonet into my hash digester and let me pcts.~, ile be hily tickled. I was madder than if I had been a candidate for offis, and dident get elected. See here, Mister hard-tack Cowpenner, said I, nddressin him, how dare you stop me in this ere outragous manner ~ You say pass, and when I try to pass, you jab at my innards with that mustick in a rather oncomfortable manner. What do you mean? I mean, sir, said he, sholderin his shootin iron, that if you want to go further, you must get a pass from the offis across the way. Oho! thats a gooseberry pie of a different flavor, said I, coolin off; why dident you say so before? and I pinted for the offis to get the pass. After bein put through a course of red tape, such as feelin of my pultz, lookin down my throte, and soundin me on my Spread Eagle- ism, I got the pass. While on my tower of observashuns, a mechanikie lookin individual approched me, and says: Good mornin, Congressman WEBSTER. I turned in cirprise, as several other men dropped their tools and rushed out and surrounded me. God bless you, Mister WEBSTER! said one. Make way for the noble and good WEBSTER, said another. Let me kiss the hand of the great statesman, says a third, fain to and gettin my thumb in his mouth. Mister WEBSTER, take care of me, I am yours to command, says a 4th, who jumped wildly for an old tobacker cud I had just throde away. On all sides, men was fallin down to worship me, just as if I was the Golden Calf, spoken of in scripters, or else some great poletikie Mogul, with a pocket full of blank commissions, ready to be filled out for good fat offises. All ef a sudden, it popped into my mind that these 5 hour sons of toil hadent heard that DANIEL WEBSTER was dead, or else dident see the joak, when DAN said: I aint dead, and supposed from my like- ness to him that I was D. WEBSTER. I couldent blame em for makin such a mistake, when I reccolected the time I was introjuced to the great man. It was when I was Gus- tise of the Peace. As our hands clasped each other, we was both revitted to the spot, and the rivets was clinched tite. What! it cant be possible ! said Mr. WEBSTER, the first to break the silence. Well if you haint another WEBSTER, youl pass for D. WEBSTERS bust, any day. And, said I, wishin to return the compliment, if you haint Green, you can pass any time for GREEN on a bust. This was one of my witcisms and it made DANIEL blurt with lafter. But Mister PUNcuINELLO, me and WEBSTER looked so much alike. that if his tailor had sent him a soot of clothes at that time, I believe, in the confusion, that just as like as not I should have thought I was WEBSTER, and wore off the clothes. But, to retrace my tale, as the canine said, when a flee was suckin the hearts blood from his cordil appendige Well, my friends, said I, humerin these men in their mistake what can I do for you down to Washington? Do for us? thou great and mitey! said they all to once, keep us into offiswe go you, Nov. 8th. Well, said I, my good men, my word is law down to Washington. Everybody respects the great DAKIL WEBSTER. Eh Iwhowhat, exclaimed several. I say that I, DANIL WEBSTER, is great guns with the goverment, was my reply. DANIEL WEBSTER be dd, said the ring-leader. No, Sir! ED WEBSTER, the nominee for Congress, and Wet Nurse pro tern, over Unkle Sams family in this ere nursery, is the man were after. Haint you that man? You dont mean the chap who was U. S. Assessor, agin whom I heard them Wall street brokers and scalpers cussin and swearin like a lot of Rocky Mountin savages chock full of fluid pirotecknicks, because he made them pay a goverment tax? The same! the same! they all hollered. Well! sweet wooers of the bread and butter brigade, said I, speakin after the manner of men, youve got ontop the rong hen- coop this time. As Shakspeer, who is now dead and gone, says : A rose by any other name Is sweeter-er than I, Ive diskivereci I haint the game Yon want to see roost high. They left me, yes, they left me. I wasent the man, but some awda- cious retch had sot em on tellin em I was the man. - Surgeon GOODBLOOD, of the man o war Vcrmont, then took me under his charge. I found him one of them noble docters, under whose perscriptions a man could enjoy kickin the bucket. He took me to see the soijers drilL Therns the Marines-, said he, pintin to the bloo cotes. Sho! you dont say? says I. Are them those obligin gentlemen who are allways ready to listen to what is told em l Yes, says the Dr.; anything nobody else believes, we tell to the Marines. I mite okepy your hal paper tellin all about the war vessels, pattent torpedoes, monitors, and sich, which I saw, but will close with the remark: That old rats never pile livlier onto roasted cheese, than a bread and butter patriot does onto candidates who has the eutin of a good fai ~ Thats wisdom which will wash. Ewers, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. SIMILE USED UP. WE regret to state, that in consequence of a late discovery by one B~dHAMP, of living things in chalk (he has actually seen em wriggle!) we are no longer at liberty to say, As different as Chalk and Cheese. The difference is gone! If it is not, we would ask, where is it? It is true, chalk is not in so general use, as an article of diet, as cheese, except in boarding-schools; but the difference is plainly one of degree rather than of kind. We have heard of prepared chalk. It has been whispered that gentle spinsters use it for a beautifyer. We rather incline to the belief that it is prepared for the inside rather than the outside of humanity. At any rate, the two articles now agree in their most prominent characteristicswhich they did not, till M. BIiCHAMP looked into the matter with his microscope. Tis thus, alas! our cherished similes are going. One by one are they B6-champ-ed (or chawed up) by the voracious creatures who hunger and thirst after novelty. Why, we expect to be told, ere long,and have it proved to us that the Moon after all is actually and truly made of Green Cheese. And there will go another fond comparison! Nay, more;perhaps Cheese itself is but Chalk, in its incipient stages of development,with the tenantry already secured, however, that make it so lively .inside.Bi sic O~nnes. To Our Youthful Friends. WE wish to do all in our power to keep the world cheerfuL If there is a youth of our acquaintance who despairs of ever raising a fine mous- tache, we would remind him of that comforting apothegm of the Spanish: Un cabello haze sombra The least hair makes a sha- dow. Courage, lad! and do not cast that shadow from thy lip. If there is a single hair already there, it is a manly and noble thing! Done Brown. ~ToIr BROWN is not looked upon as a sheepish person, and yet, the English of his name is ewes (ughes). 107

Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. HIRAM GREEN AT THE BROOKLYN NAVY-YARD. Bread and Butter v8. Old Cheese. I HADENT got but a little ways into the Navy-Yard, when a soijer steps up before me, and pintin his bagonet at my throack, said: Pass. I stepped tother side of him to obey his orders, when he agin plated his gun at me and said: Pass. Thinkin I was on the rong side of him, I undertook to pass into the middle of the road, when he vociferated in louder tones: Pass! Well, says I, by this time considerably riled at sich skanderlous treatment at the hands of this goverment, if youl stop rammin your bagonet into my hash digester and let me pcts.~, ile be hily tickled. I was madder than if I had been a candidate for offis, and dident get elected. See here, Mister hard-tack Cowpenner, said I, nddressin him, how dare you stop me in this ere outragous manner ~ You say pass, and when I try to pass, you jab at my innards with that mustick in a rather oncomfortable manner. What do you mean? I mean, sir, said he, sholderin his shootin iron, that if you want to go further, you must get a pass from the offis across the way. Oho! thats a gooseberry pie of a different flavor, said I, coolin off; why dident you say so before? and I pinted for the offis to get the pass. After bein put through a course of red tape, such as feelin of my pultz, lookin down my throte, and soundin me on my Spread Eagle- ism, I got the pass. While on my tower of observashuns, a mechanikie lookin individual approched me, and says: Good mornin, Congressman WEBSTER. I turned in cirprise, as several other men dropped their tools and rushed out and surrounded me. God bless you, Mister WEBSTER! said one. Make way for the noble and good WEBSTER, said another. Let me kiss the hand of the great statesman, says a third, fain to and gettin my thumb in his mouth. Mister WEBSTER, take care of me, I am yours to command, says a 4th, who jumped wildly for an old tobacker cud I had just throde away. On all sides, men was fallin down to worship me, just as if I was the Golden Calf, spoken of in scripters, or else some great poletikie Mogul, with a pocket full of blank commissions, ready to be filled out for good fat offises. All ef a sudden, it popped into my mind that these 5 hour sons of toil hadent heard that DANIEL WEBSTER was dead, or else dident see the joak, when DAN said: I aint dead, and supposed from my like- ness to him that I was D. WEBSTER. I couldent blame em for makin such a mistake, when I reccolected the time I was introjuced to the great man. It was when I was Gus- tise of the Peace. As our hands clasped each other, we was both revitted to the spot, and the rivets was clinched tite. What! it cant be possible ! said Mr. WEBSTER, the first to break the silence. Well if you haint another WEBSTER, youl pass for D. WEBSTERS bust, any day. And, said I, wishin to return the compliment, if you haint Green, you can pass any time for GREEN on a bust. This was one of my witcisms and it made DANIEL blurt with lafter. But Mister PUNcuINELLO, me and WEBSTER looked so much alike. that if his tailor had sent him a soot of clothes at that time, I believe, in the confusion, that just as like as not I should have thought I was WEBSTER, and wore off the clothes. But, to retrace my tale, as the canine said, when a flee was suckin the hearts blood from his cordil appendige Well, my friends, said I, humerin these men in their mistake what can I do for you down to Washington? Do for us? thou great and mitey! said they all to once, keep us into offiswe go you, Nov. 8th. Well, said I, my good men, my word is law down to Washington. Everybody respects the great DAKIL WEBSTER. Eh Iwhowhat, exclaimed several. I say that I, DANIL WEBSTER, is great guns with the goverment, was my reply. DANIEL WEBSTER be dd, said the ring-leader. No, Sir! ED WEBSTER, the nominee for Congress, and Wet Nurse pro tern, over Unkle Sams family in this ere nursery, is the man were after. Haint you that man? You dont mean the chap who was U. S. Assessor, agin whom I heard them Wall street brokers and scalpers cussin and swearin like a lot of Rocky Mountin savages chock full of fluid pirotecknicks, because he made them pay a goverment tax? The same! the same! they all hollered. Well! sweet wooers of the bread and butter brigade, said I, speakin after the manner of men, youve got ontop the rong hen- coop this time. As Shakspeer, who is now dead and gone, says : A rose by any other name Is sweeter-er than I, Ive diskivereci I haint the game Yon want to see roost high. They left me, yes, they left me. I wasent the man, but some awda- cious retch had sot em on tellin em I was the man. - Surgeon GOODBLOOD, of the man o war Vcrmont, then took me under his charge. I found him one of them noble docters, under whose perscriptions a man could enjoy kickin the bucket. He took me to see the soijers drilL Therns the Marines-, said he, pintin to the bloo cotes. Sho! you dont say? says I. Are them those obligin gentlemen who are allways ready to listen to what is told em l Yes, says the Dr.; anything nobody else believes, we tell to the Marines. I mite okepy your hal paper tellin all about the war vessels, pattent torpedoes, monitors, and sich, which I saw, but will close with the remark: That old rats never pile livlier onto roasted cheese, than a bread and butter patriot does onto candidates who has the eutin of a good fai ~ Thats wisdom which will wash. Ewers, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. SIMILE USED UP. WE regret to state, that in consequence of a late discovery by one B~dHAMP, of living things in chalk (he has actually seen em wriggle!) we are no longer at liberty to say, As different as Chalk and Cheese. The difference is gone! If it is not, we would ask, where is it? It is true, chalk is not in so general use, as an article of diet, as cheese, except in boarding-schools; but the difference is plainly one of degree rather than of kind. We have heard of prepared chalk. It has been whispered that gentle spinsters use it for a beautifyer. We rather incline to the belief that it is prepared for the inside rather than the outside of humanity. At any rate, the two articles now agree in their most prominent characteristicswhich they did not, till M. BIiCHAMP looked into the matter with his microscope. Tis thus, alas! our cherished similes are going. One by one are they B6-champ-ed (or chawed up) by the voracious creatures who hunger and thirst after novelty. Why, we expect to be told, ere long,and have it proved to us that the Moon after all is actually and truly made of Green Cheese. And there will go another fond comparison! Nay, more;perhaps Cheese itself is but Chalk, in its incipient stages of development,with the tenantry already secured, however, that make it so lively .inside.Bi sic O~nnes. To Our Youthful Friends. WE wish to do all in our power to keep the world cheerfuL If there is a youth of our acquaintance who despairs of ever raising a fine mous- tache, we would remind him of that comforting apothegm of the Spanish: Un cabello haze sombra The least hair makes a sha- dow. Courage, lad! and do not cast that shadow from thy lip. If there is a single hair already there, it is a manly and noble thing! Done Brown. ~ToIr BROWN is not looked upon as a sheepish person, and yet, the English of his name is ewes (ughes). 107 108 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 18~TO. HERES A GO ! - STRASBOURG IN RUINSTRADE DESTROYED 0 DEAn! DEAR! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO FOR OUR PATTY DEE FOY GRASS NOW! POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO X. There was a man in onr town, nud he was wondrous wise, He jumped into a bramble bush and scratched out both his eyes; And when he saw what he had done, with all his might and main, He jumped luto another bush, and scratched them in again. SOME people have a very curious Way of doing things. Nowadays, When the world has advanced by prodigious strides almost to the limit of civilization, and having no further to go, is debatingwithin itself whether it shall lie down and take a rest, a man dont go to so much trouble to have his eyes out. The age is a fast one, you know; so, when the man feels like having his glims doused, he just jumps into the midst of a crowd of real bhoys, runs his head , good-naturedly ,you know, against a pair of knuckles, and the business is settled with neatness and de- spatch, as the job-printers say. How different our poets description. He must have been a man of ~vonderful experience; and foresight, let us add, since from his simple yet wonderfully powerful sketches there is gained an insight into all the mysterious workings of humanity, from the lulling of the babe in the crtclle, the ruthless disruption of the apron-string that he is led with, because some naughty little boys laughed at him, to the tolling of the bell by the old sexton over another dead. Well, there is no use in moralizing. The tale is before ns, graphically drawn; and to the reader is left naught but the pleasure of con- templating its beauties. In his pithy way the poet describes a man who, though possessed of some good qualities, evidently did not know how to use them. Though the poet has never yet touched upon politics, yet the careful reader will find that the hero of the sketch must have been a young Democrat, since he is made to appear very nimble, and has a fondness, partial to himself, of getting into rather thorny places. What led him into those dangerous places we have very little chance of knowing. He was wondrous wise, saith the poet, and forsooth he jumps into a bramble-bush, the last place in the world where a wise man is to be found. But then, perhaps, a tincture of irony flew from our poets pen; the hero was wise in his own esteem, perhaps; or was wise in the opinion of his friends, whose wis- dom seemed to be consummated in doing something ridiculous. It is very fortunate for the social welfare of community that all its actions should not be sublime. Mankind would become too serious and morose and cynical, and life would be a burden. The ridiculous makes it enjoyable, but at the expense of those who cause the ridicule. Man must laugh, no matter what the cost to the object laughed at. Ordinary intelligence would have decided the fate of the wise indi- vidual who found no other use for his eyes but to scratch them out in a bramble-bush. But our poet denleth otherwise with his portraits. He shows us the fate of an overwrought, badly instilled wisdom; yet when that wisdom has been deserted by its cause, the promptings of a heart, pure at the core, hold up to contempt the mad teachings of the sophist. When he saw u-hat he had done, continues the poet, in a sense not entirely literal, for reasons which are not necessary to be explained, this man of wondrous wisdom saw that he had been made a dupe. Cunning as a fox were his would-be friends; but having got him to the bush, there they let him gambol as he would, ensnaring him to his own almost utter ruin. A new light flashes upon his brain; his folly appears plainly to his mind; he had ruthlessly deserted his fond parents; sought evil coun- sel; was deserted by his false friends; and was now in a deplorable condition indecd. Remorse sometimes brings repentance; at least it did in this case. Our hero remembered the good teachings of his ear- ly youth; and, like the prodigal son, was willing to return to the home of his fathers. True, he was in a bramble-bush; but, simiUa simili- 1us curantar (which, interpreted, signifies, You tickle me and Ill tickle you ). lie jumped into anotiser bush, found his eyes as they were before his cad catastrophe, and without ceremony returned them to their places, by another operation of scratching. What more need be said! No circumlocution of words will add to the ending of a tale, but perhaps serve only to conceal the point. The author is careful of his reputation. He restores the hero to his ori- ginal position, in full possession of his senses. There let him be; But 0 Be good, say we. AGOSTINO THE GUNSMITH. OF gun-tricks, old or new, the best that we know Was that performed by JOSEPH AGOSTINO, The gunsmith who, by burglars often vext, A week or two since plotted for the next By planting cunningly a wide-bored fusil, With buck-shot loaded half-way to the muzzle, Right opposite the window to which came The nightly thief, to ply his little game; And to the trigger hitching so a string, That when the burglar bold was entering The charge went off, and, crashing through the shutter, Relleved the rascal of his bread and butter By blowing off his head. 0! AGOSTINO, Far better than the helmet of MAMBRINO Or steel-wrought hauberk, fashioned for defence, Was this thy dodge; twas dexterous, immense! Your health, GIUSEPPE; and for PUNcIIINELLO Construct to ordertheres a jolly fellow A mitrceilleuse, both long enough and large To kill the burglars, all, at one discharge. SORTES SHAKSPEARIANIE. A Picture of the John ReaS Democracy What are these, So withered and so wild in their attire; That look not like the inhabitants o the earth And yet are ont? .Afacbeth, Act 1, Se. 3. A Portrait of Woodford as a General That never set a squadron in the field, Nor the division of a battle knows. P~nchinelso to Gov. Seymour :-- HORATIO, thou art een as just a man As eer my conversation coped withal. Iiarnl6t, Act 3, ~e. 2. REAL HARDSHIP.

108 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 18~TO. HERES A GO ! - STRASBOURG IN RUINSTRADE DESTROYED 0 DEAn! DEAR! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO FOR OUR PATTY DEE FOY GRASS NOW! POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO X. There was a man in onr town, nud he was wondrous wise, He jumped into a bramble bush and scratched out both his eyes; And when he saw what he had done, with all his might and main, He jumped luto another bush, and scratched them in again. SOME people have a very curious Way of doing things. Nowadays, When the world has advanced by prodigious strides almost to the limit of civilization, and having no further to go, is debatingwithin itself whether it shall lie down and take a rest, a man dont go to so much trouble to have his eyes out. The age is a fast one, you know; so, when the man feels like having his glims doused, he just jumps into the midst of a crowd of real bhoys, runs his head , good-naturedly ,you know, against a pair of knuckles, and the business is settled with neatness and de- spatch, as the job-printers say. How different our poets description. He must have been a man of ~vonderful experience; and foresight, let us add, since from his simple yet wonderfully powerful sketches there is gained an insight into all the mysterious workings of humanity, from the lulling of the babe in the crtclle, the ruthless disruption of the apron-string that he is led with, because some naughty little boys laughed at him, to the tolling of the bell by the old sexton over another dead. Well, there is no use in moralizing. The tale is before ns, graphically drawn; and to the reader is left naught but the pleasure of con- templating its beauties. In his pithy way the poet describes a man who, though possessed of some good qualities, evidently did not know how to use them. Though the poet has never yet touched upon politics, yet the careful reader will find that the hero of the sketch must have been a young Democrat, since he is made to appear very nimble, and has a fondness, partial to himself, of getting into rather thorny places. What led him into those dangerous places we have very little chance of knowing. He was wondrous wise, saith the poet, and forsooth he jumps into a bramble-bush, the last place in the world where a wise man is to be found. But then, perhaps, a tincture of irony flew from our poets pen; the hero was wise in his own esteem, perhaps; or was wise in the opinion of his friends, whose wis- dom seemed to be consummated in doing something ridiculous. It is very fortunate for the social welfare of community that all its actions should not be sublime. Mankind would become too serious and morose and cynical, and life would be a burden. The ridiculous makes it enjoyable, but at the expense of those who cause the ridicule. Man must laugh, no matter what the cost to the object laughed at. Ordinary intelligence would have decided the fate of the wise indi- vidual who found no other use for his eyes but to scratch them out in a bramble-bush. But our poet denleth otherwise with his portraits. He shows us the fate of an overwrought, badly instilled wisdom; yet when that wisdom has been deserted by its cause, the promptings of a heart, pure at the core, hold up to contempt the mad teachings of the sophist. When he saw u-hat he had done, continues the poet, in a sense not entirely literal, for reasons which are not necessary to be explained, this man of wondrous wisdom saw that he had been made a dupe. Cunning as a fox were his would-be friends; but having got him to the bush, there they let him gambol as he would, ensnaring him to his own almost utter ruin. A new light flashes upon his brain; his folly appears plainly to his mind; he had ruthlessly deserted his fond parents; sought evil coun- sel; was deserted by his false friends; and was now in a deplorable condition indecd. Remorse sometimes brings repentance; at least it did in this case. Our hero remembered the good teachings of his ear- ly youth; and, like the prodigal son, was willing to return to the home of his fathers. True, he was in a bramble-bush; but, simiUa simili- 1us curantar (which, interpreted, signifies, You tickle me and Ill tickle you ). lie jumped into anotiser bush, found his eyes as they were before his cad catastrophe, and without ceremony returned them to their places, by another operation of scratching. What more need be said! No circumlocution of words will add to the ending of a tale, but perhaps serve only to conceal the point. The author is careful of his reputation. He restores the hero to his ori- ginal position, in full possession of his senses. There let him be; But 0 Be good, say we. AGOSTINO THE GUNSMITH. OF gun-tricks, old or new, the best that we know Was that performed by JOSEPH AGOSTINO, The gunsmith who, by burglars often vext, A week or two since plotted for the next By planting cunningly a wide-bored fusil, With buck-shot loaded half-way to the muzzle, Right opposite the window to which came The nightly thief, to ply his little game; And to the trigger hitching so a string, That when the burglar bold was entering The charge went off, and, crashing through the shutter, Relleved the rascal of his bread and butter By blowing off his head. 0! AGOSTINO, Far better than the helmet of MAMBRINO Or steel-wrought hauberk, fashioned for defence, Was this thy dodge; twas dexterous, immense! Your health, GIUSEPPE; and for PUNcIIINELLO Construct to ordertheres a jolly fellow A mitrceilleuse, both long enough and large To kill the burglars, all, at one discharge. SORTES SHAKSPEARIANIE. A Picture of the John ReaS Democracy What are these, So withered and so wild in their attire; That look not like the inhabitants o the earth And yet are ont? .Afacbeth, Act 1, Se. 3. A Portrait of Woodford as a General That never set a squadron in the field, Nor the division of a battle knows. P~nchinelso to Gov. Seymour :-- HORATIO, thou art een as just a man As eer my conversation coped withal. Iiarnl6t, Act 3, ~e. 2. REAL HARDSHIP.

108 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 18~TO. HERES A GO ! - STRASBOURG IN RUINSTRADE DESTROYED 0 DEAn! DEAR! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO FOR OUR PATTY DEE FOY GRASS NOW! POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO X. There was a man in onr town, nud he was wondrous wise, He jumped into a bramble bush and scratched out both his eyes; And when he saw what he had done, with all his might and main, He jumped luto another bush, and scratched them in again. SOME people have a very curious Way of doing things. Nowadays, When the world has advanced by prodigious strides almost to the limit of civilization, and having no further to go, is debatingwithin itself whether it shall lie down and take a rest, a man dont go to so much trouble to have his eyes out. The age is a fast one, you know; so, when the man feels like having his glims doused, he just jumps into the midst of a crowd of real bhoys, runs his head , good-naturedly ,you know, against a pair of knuckles, and the business is settled with neatness and de- spatch, as the job-printers say. How different our poets description. He must have been a man of ~vonderful experience; and foresight, let us add, since from his simple yet wonderfully powerful sketches there is gained an insight into all the mysterious workings of humanity, from the lulling of the babe in the crtclle, the ruthless disruption of the apron-string that he is led with, because some naughty little boys laughed at him, to the tolling of the bell by the old sexton over another dead. Well, there is no use in moralizing. The tale is before ns, graphically drawn; and to the reader is left naught but the pleasure of con- templating its beauties. In his pithy way the poet describes a man who, though possessed of some good qualities, evidently did not know how to use them. Though the poet has never yet touched upon politics, yet the careful reader will find that the hero of the sketch must have been a young Democrat, since he is made to appear very nimble, and has a fondness, partial to himself, of getting into rather thorny places. What led him into those dangerous places we have very little chance of knowing. He was wondrous wise, saith the poet, and forsooth he jumps into a bramble-bush, the last place in the world where a wise man is to be found. But then, perhaps, a tincture of irony flew from our poets pen; the hero was wise in his own esteem, perhaps; or was wise in the opinion of his friends, whose wis- dom seemed to be consummated in doing something ridiculous. It is very fortunate for the social welfare of community that all its actions should not be sublime. Mankind would become too serious and morose and cynical, and life would be a burden. The ridiculous makes it enjoyable, but at the expense of those who cause the ridicule. Man must laugh, no matter what the cost to the object laughed at. Ordinary intelligence would have decided the fate of the wise indi- vidual who found no other use for his eyes but to scratch them out in a bramble-bush. But our poet denleth otherwise with his portraits. He shows us the fate of an overwrought, badly instilled wisdom; yet when that wisdom has been deserted by its cause, the promptings of a heart, pure at the core, hold up to contempt the mad teachings of the sophist. When he saw u-hat he had done, continues the poet, in a sense not entirely literal, for reasons which are not necessary to be explained, this man of wondrous wisdom saw that he had been made a dupe. Cunning as a fox were his would-be friends; but having got him to the bush, there they let him gambol as he would, ensnaring him to his own almost utter ruin. A new light flashes upon his brain; his folly appears plainly to his mind; he had ruthlessly deserted his fond parents; sought evil coun- sel; was deserted by his false friends; and was now in a deplorable condition indecd. Remorse sometimes brings repentance; at least it did in this case. Our hero remembered the good teachings of his ear- ly youth; and, like the prodigal son, was willing to return to the home of his fathers. True, he was in a bramble-bush; but, simiUa simili- 1us curantar (which, interpreted, signifies, You tickle me and Ill tickle you ). lie jumped into anotiser bush, found his eyes as they were before his cad catastrophe, and without ceremony returned them to their places, by another operation of scratching. What more need be said! No circumlocution of words will add to the ending of a tale, but perhaps serve only to conceal the point. The author is careful of his reputation. He restores the hero to his ori- ginal position, in full possession of his senses. There let him be; But 0 Be good, say we. AGOSTINO THE GUNSMITH. OF gun-tricks, old or new, the best that we know Was that performed by JOSEPH AGOSTINO, The gunsmith who, by burglars often vext, A week or two since plotted for the next By planting cunningly a wide-bored fusil, With buck-shot loaded half-way to the muzzle, Right opposite the window to which came The nightly thief, to ply his little game; And to the trigger hitching so a string, That when the burglar bold was entering The charge went off, and, crashing through the shutter, Relleved the rascal of his bread and butter By blowing off his head. 0! AGOSTINO, Far better than the helmet of MAMBRINO Or steel-wrought hauberk, fashioned for defence, Was this thy dodge; twas dexterous, immense! Your health, GIUSEPPE; and for PUNcIIINELLO Construct to ordertheres a jolly fellow A mitrceilleuse, both long enough and large To kill the burglars, all, at one discharge. SORTES SHAKSPEARIANIE. A Picture of the John ReaS Democracy What are these, So withered and so wild in their attire; That look not like the inhabitants o the earth And yet are ont? .Afacbeth, Act 1, Se. 3. A Portrait of Woodford as a General That never set a squadron in the field, Nor the division of a battle knows. P~nchinelso to Gov. Seymour :-- HORATIO, thou art een as just a man As eer my conversation coped withal. Iiarnl6t, Act 3, ~e. 2. REAL HARDSHIP.

108 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 18~TO. HERES A GO ! - STRASBOURG IN RUINSTRADE DESTROYED 0 DEAn! DEAR! WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO FOR OUR PATTY DEE FOY GRASS NOW! POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO X. There was a man in onr town, nud he was wondrous wise, He jumped into a bramble bush and scratched out both his eyes; And when he saw what he had done, with all his might and main, He jumped luto another bush, and scratched them in again. SOME people have a very curious Way of doing things. Nowadays, When the world has advanced by prodigious strides almost to the limit of civilization, and having no further to go, is debatingwithin itself whether it shall lie down and take a rest, a man dont go to so much trouble to have his eyes out. The age is a fast one, you know; so, when the man feels like having his glims doused, he just jumps into the midst of a crowd of real bhoys, runs his head , good-naturedly ,you know, against a pair of knuckles, and the business is settled with neatness and de- spatch, as the job-printers say. How different our poets description. He must have been a man of ~vonderful experience; and foresight, let us add, since from his simple yet wonderfully powerful sketches there is gained an insight into all the mysterious workings of humanity, from the lulling of the babe in the crtclle, the ruthless disruption of the apron-string that he is led with, because some naughty little boys laughed at him, to the tolling of the bell by the old sexton over another dead. Well, there is no use in moralizing. The tale is before ns, graphically drawn; and to the reader is left naught but the pleasure of con- templating its beauties. In his pithy way the poet describes a man who, though possessed of some good qualities, evidently did not know how to use them. Though the poet has never yet touched upon politics, yet the careful reader will find that the hero of the sketch must have been a young Democrat, since he is made to appear very nimble, and has a fondness, partial to himself, of getting into rather thorny places. What led him into those dangerous places we have very little chance of knowing. He was wondrous wise, saith the poet, and forsooth he jumps into a bramble-bush, the last place in the world where a wise man is to be found. But then, perhaps, a tincture of irony flew from our poets pen; the hero was wise in his own esteem, perhaps; or was wise in the opinion of his friends, whose wis- dom seemed to be consummated in doing something ridiculous. It is very fortunate for the social welfare of community that all its actions should not be sublime. Mankind would become too serious and morose and cynical, and life would be a burden. The ridiculous makes it enjoyable, but at the expense of those who cause the ridicule. Man must laugh, no matter what the cost to the object laughed at. Ordinary intelligence would have decided the fate of the wise indi- vidual who found no other use for his eyes but to scratch them out in a bramble-bush. But our poet denleth otherwise with his portraits. He shows us the fate of an overwrought, badly instilled wisdom; yet when that wisdom has been deserted by its cause, the promptings of a heart, pure at the core, hold up to contempt the mad teachings of the sophist. When he saw u-hat he had done, continues the poet, in a sense not entirely literal, for reasons which are not necessary to be explained, this man of wondrous wisdom saw that he had been made a dupe. Cunning as a fox were his would-be friends; but having got him to the bush, there they let him gambol as he would, ensnaring him to his own almost utter ruin. A new light flashes upon his brain; his folly appears plainly to his mind; he had ruthlessly deserted his fond parents; sought evil coun- sel; was deserted by his false friends; and was now in a deplorable condition indecd. Remorse sometimes brings repentance; at least it did in this case. Our hero remembered the good teachings of his ear- ly youth; and, like the prodigal son, was willing to return to the home of his fathers. True, he was in a bramble-bush; but, simiUa simili- 1us curantar (which, interpreted, signifies, You tickle me and Ill tickle you ). lie jumped into anotiser bush, found his eyes as they were before his cad catastrophe, and without ceremony returned them to their places, by another operation of scratching. What more need be said! No circumlocution of words will add to the ending of a tale, but perhaps serve only to conceal the point. The author is careful of his reputation. He restores the hero to his ori- ginal position, in full possession of his senses. There let him be; But 0 Be good, say we. AGOSTINO THE GUNSMITH. OF gun-tricks, old or new, the best that we know Was that performed by JOSEPH AGOSTINO, The gunsmith who, by burglars often vext, A week or two since plotted for the next By planting cunningly a wide-bored fusil, With buck-shot loaded half-way to the muzzle, Right opposite the window to which came The nightly thief, to ply his little game; And to the trigger hitching so a string, That when the burglar bold was entering The charge went off, and, crashing through the shutter, Relleved the rascal of his bread and butter By blowing off his head. 0! AGOSTINO, Far better than the helmet of MAMBRINO Or steel-wrought hauberk, fashioned for defence, Was this thy dodge; twas dexterous, immense! Your health, GIUSEPPE; and for PUNcIIINELLO Construct to ordertheres a jolly fellow A mitrceilleuse, both long enough and large To kill the burglars, all, at one discharge. SORTES SHAKSPEARIANIE. A Picture of the John ReaS Democracy What are these, So withered and so wild in their attire; That look not like the inhabitants o the earth And yet are ont? .Afacbeth, Act 1, Se. 3. A Portrait of Woodford as a General That never set a squadron in the field, Nor the division of a battle knows. P~nchinelso to Gov. Seymour :-- HORATIO, thou art een as just a man As eer my conversation coped withal. Iiarnl6t, Act 3, ~e. 2. REAL HARDSHIP. ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. Nun Vom~ca. Can you give me a description of the sellebrated needall an? Answer. Your spelling is so eccentric that we guess you to be onnected with the Tribune. As for the needall gun, we should efine it as a gun without lock, stock, barrel, flint, percussion-cap, pow- er, ball, or anything elso. 0. D. V Yes: a man may die of delirium tremens produced by rinkincr too much French wine. If the wine should happen to be Jhdteau Margot, the verdict of a Coroners Jury would probably be died of a margot on the brain. Fumigator. What is the proper spelling of the smoking mixture own as Killikinnick? Answ,~r. Some authorities derive it from story about an old Canadian having stnoked himself to death with it .~4 spell. it Kill a Kannuck. Others spell it Kill a Cynic, and zlieve that DIOGENES, the founder of the Cynical School of philoso- hy, died of a surfeit of the article. Otis Bunker. Was there not, in old times, a tax on fires in England, id did it not lead to an insurrection? Answer. No tax on fires tbat e ever heard of. You are thinking, probably, of the Curfew Tolls entioned by GRAY. Simon Succotash. The expression to wind a horn is frequently ~ed. Do people wind one as they would a watch; and, if so, what ~rt of key do they use? Answer. Try the key of A Flat: you are tre to have it. Pump-handle. Is it possible for a person to sleep during an earth- ILake? Answer. Yes: we are acquainted with persons who can sleep undly upon any kind of shake-down. Philander. What is the best way of testing a horses temper? An- er. If you have a suspicion that the horse is quick to take a fence, et dash him at one and try. Gormnan Dyzer. We think it quite proper, as you suppose, to eat usages with turkey on Thanksgiving Day. We decline to answer ear other question, as to whether it is right to eat turkey with san- ges on Thanksgiving Day. It is irrelevant. Casper Van Keek. Why is the height of a horse given in hands in- cad of feet? Answer. Because it is considered handier, of course. John of Boston. I have been blackballed at a club. What am I to i? Answer. Let things alone. Clubs are not always Trumps. Afas-garet ShortcakeI have a great dread of being buried alive. ill holding a looking-glass to the face of a person supposed to be dead ftermino whether breathing has ceased or not? Answer. The test is ~ed by physicians. There is an instance on record of a looking-glass 2ing thus applied to a young girl who had been unconscious for hours. he opened her eyes to look at herself in it, which proved that she was ide awake. IVidow AfcRue. How soon after my husbands death would it be oper for me to give up my weeds? Answer. If your husband al- wed you to smoke during his life-time, we do not see why you should ye up the practice after his death. Although we do not approve of omen smoking, yet a fragrant weed between pearly teeth, with an are cloud curling heavenward from it, has a certain fascination, and our advice is, Dry up (your tears), and light a fresh Havana. Sp~cztlator. What is the best way to double a $20 bill? Answer. ~ith a paper-folder. Frost -on -the-Pane. From languid circulation, or some other cause, frequently go to bed with cold feet. How can I remedy this? An- per. Dont go to bed. Sleep in a chair. 109 POLITICS AS A FINE ART. Fnnsi~ Class in Politics, stand up. First boyDefine politics as an aft. Politics are the art of eating, drinking, sleeping, and wearing good clothes atthe public expense. NextIs taking presents of houses, horses, & c., included in this art? No sir, thats a natural gift. Who invented politics? It has been stated by Mr. SUMNER that politics were well known to the early Greeks and Romans; but they were first reduced to an art by T. WEED. What are the elements of success in politics? Cheek and stamps. At what place is this aft most cultivated? At Washington. How many classes of politicians are there? Three: big strikes, little strikes, and repeaters. Define them. Big strikes are those who, when they make a haul, mean business. Little strikes are those who look after the pence, while the big strikes are looking after the pounds. Both these classes have steady occupa- tion. Repeaters are little strikes who are employed only at election time. Where are they found? In both the Republican and Democratic schools. .TozrN SMITH, go to the board and do this example: If the House of Representatives has a Republican majority of thirty, and it remains in session until 8 P. W on the 4th of July, at what time will a Democrat, whose seat is contested by a Republican, obtain that seat? THOMAS BROWN, you can try the same example with the Assembly at Albany, only taking the majority as Democratic, and the man whose seat is contested as Republican. Next boyWho are the most successful aftists among politicians? Carpet-baggers. What is the aft now called in the South? Black aft. Why? Because the leading artists there are of an off color. Jorn SMITH, have you finished your example? Yes, sir. When will that Democrat be admitted, if the session ends at 8 r.~r. on the 4th of July? At 5 minutes after 8 on that day. THO~rAs BROWN, what is your answer? When will that Republican be admitted? At 5 mint~tes after S iM. on the 4th of July. Both correct. That proves that politics have been reduced to a fine aft. The class is dismissed. BOSTON FIRST. EVEN in the matter of eafthquakes the proverbial superiority of Boston to all other places, as a centre, has just been proved. A writer in the Evening Post, discussing the comparative phenomena of the late eafthquake at various points, says: Allowing seven and a half minutes for differenco of local time, the shock was two minutes earlier at Boston than at New Haven. This implies that Boston was nearer to the centre of disturbance than New Haven. Further developments will doubtless show that Boston was ahead not of New Haven only, in the enjoyment of the refreshing young cataclasm referred to, but was the absolute Hub from which it radiated, and therefore ahead of all the rest of creation in regard of eafthquakes as everything else. Property has already gone up to a tre- inendous figure at Boston, owing to the multifarious fascinations of the place; but the greatest chance folks there ever had to pile it on is the admission of the eafthqnake as a Boston notion. From the sent of lVar. WHAT were the Francs-Tireurs before they were organired? They wear leather gaiters. RepublIcans. Iv would be dangerous to elect the two leading Republican candi- dates. They must have monarchical ideas, inasmuch as they both come from Kings. Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. Nun Vom~ca. Can you give me a description of the sellebrated needall an? Answer. Your spelling is so eccentric that we guess you to be onnected with the Tribune. As for the needall gun, we should efine it as a gun without lock, stock, barrel, flint, percussion-cap, pow- er, ball, or anything elso. 0. D. V Yes: a man may die of delirium tremens produced by rinkincr too much French wine. If the wine should happen to be Jhdteau Margot, the verdict of a Coroners Jury would probably be died of a margot on the brain. Fumigator. What is the proper spelling of the smoking mixture own as Killikinnick? Answ,~r. Some authorities derive it from story about an old Canadian having stnoked himself to death with it .~4 spell. it Kill a Kannuck. Others spell it Kill a Cynic, and zlieve that DIOGENES, the founder of the Cynical School of philoso- hy, died of a surfeit of the article. Otis Bunker. Was there not, in old times, a tax on fires in England, id did it not lead to an insurrection? Answer. No tax on fires tbat e ever heard of. You are thinking, probably, of the Curfew Tolls entioned by GRAY. Simon Succotash. The expression to wind a horn is frequently ~ed. Do people wind one as they would a watch; and, if so, what ~rt of key do they use? Answer. Try the key of A Flat: you are tre to have it. Pump-handle. Is it possible for a person to sleep during an earth- ILake? Answer. Yes: we are acquainted with persons who can sleep undly upon any kind of shake-down. Philander. What is the best way of testing a horses temper? An- er. If you have a suspicion that the horse is quick to take a fence, et dash him at one and try. Gormnan Dyzer. We think it quite proper, as you suppose, to eat usages with turkey on Thanksgiving Day. We decline to answer ear other question, as to whether it is right to eat turkey with san- ges on Thanksgiving Day. It is irrelevant. Casper Van Keek. Why is the height of a horse given in hands in- cad of feet? Answer. Because it is considered handier, of course. John of Boston. I have been blackballed at a club. What am I to i? Answer. Let things alone. Clubs are not always Trumps. Afas-garet ShortcakeI have a great dread of being buried alive. ill holding a looking-glass to the face of a person supposed to be dead ftermino whether breathing has ceased or not? Answer. The test is ~ed by physicians. There is an instance on record of a looking-glass 2ing thus applied to a young girl who had been unconscious for hours. he opened her eyes to look at herself in it, which proved that she was ide awake. IVidow AfcRue. How soon after my husbands death would it be oper for me to give up my weeds? Answer. If your husband al- wed you to smoke during his life-time, we do not see why you should ye up the practice after his death. Although we do not approve of omen smoking, yet a fragrant weed between pearly teeth, with an are cloud curling heavenward from it, has a certain fascination, and our advice is, Dry up (your tears), and light a fresh Havana. Sp~cztlator. What is the best way to double a $20 bill? Answer. ~ith a paper-folder. Frost -on -the-Pane. From languid circulation, or some other cause, frequently go to bed with cold feet. How can I remedy this? An- per. Dont go to bed. Sleep in a chair. 109 POLITICS AS A FINE ART. Fnnsi~ Class in Politics, stand up. First boyDefine politics as an aft. Politics are the art of eating, drinking, sleeping, and wearing good clothes atthe public expense. NextIs taking presents of houses, horses, & c., included in this art? No sir, thats a natural gift. Who invented politics? It has been stated by Mr. SUMNER that politics were well known to the early Greeks and Romans; but they were first reduced to an art by T. WEED. What are the elements of success in politics? Cheek and stamps. At what place is this aft most cultivated? At Washington. How many classes of politicians are there? Three: big strikes, little strikes, and repeaters. Define them. Big strikes are those who, when they make a haul, mean business. Little strikes are those who look after the pence, while the big strikes are looking after the pounds. Both these classes have steady occupa- tion. Repeaters are little strikes who are employed only at election time. Where are they found? In both the Republican and Democratic schools. .TozrN SMITH, go to the board and do this example: If the House of Representatives has a Republican majority of thirty, and it remains in session until 8 P. W on the 4th of July, at what time will a Democrat, whose seat is contested by a Republican, obtain that seat? THOMAS BROWN, you can try the same example with the Assembly at Albany, only taking the majority as Democratic, and the man whose seat is contested as Republican. Next boyWho are the most successful aftists among politicians? Carpet-baggers. What is the aft now called in the South? Black aft. Why? Because the leading artists there are of an off color. Jorn SMITH, have you finished your example? Yes, sir. When will that Democrat be admitted, if the session ends at 8 r.~r. on the 4th of July? At 5 minutes after 8 on that day. THO~rAs BROWN, what is your answer? When will that Republican be admitted? At 5 mint~tes after S iM. on the 4th of July. Both correct. That proves that politics have been reduced to a fine aft. The class is dismissed. BOSTON FIRST. EVEN in the matter of eafthquakes the proverbial superiority of Boston to all other places, as a centre, has just been proved. A writer in the Evening Post, discussing the comparative phenomena of the late eafthquake at various points, says: Allowing seven and a half minutes for differenco of local time, the shock was two minutes earlier at Boston than at New Haven. This implies that Boston was nearer to the centre of disturbance than New Haven. Further developments will doubtless show that Boston was ahead not of New Haven only, in the enjoyment of the refreshing young cataclasm referred to, but was the absolute Hub from which it radiated, and therefore ahead of all the rest of creation in regard of eafthquakes as everything else. Property has already gone up to a tre- inendous figure at Boston, owing to the multifarious fascinations of the place; but the greatest chance folks there ever had to pile it on is the admission of the eafthqnake as a Boston notion. From the sent of lVar. WHAT were the Francs-Tireurs before they were organired? They wear leather gaiters. RepublIcans. Iv would be dangerous to elect the two leading Republican candi- dates. They must have monarchical ideas, inasmuch as they both come from Kings. Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. Nun Vom~ca. Can you give me a description of the sellebrated needall an? Answer. Your spelling is so eccentric that we guess you to be onnected with the Tribune. As for the needall gun, we should efine it as a gun without lock, stock, barrel, flint, percussion-cap, pow- er, ball, or anything elso. 0. D. V Yes: a man may die of delirium tremens produced by rinkincr too much French wine. If the wine should happen to be Jhdteau Margot, the verdict of a Coroners Jury would probably be died of a margot on the brain. Fumigator. What is the proper spelling of the smoking mixture own as Killikinnick? Answ,~r. Some authorities derive it from story about an old Canadian having stnoked himself to death with it .~4 spell. it Kill a Kannuck. Others spell it Kill a Cynic, and zlieve that DIOGENES, the founder of the Cynical School of philoso- hy, died of a surfeit of the article. Otis Bunker. Was there not, in old times, a tax on fires in England, id did it not lead to an insurrection? Answer. No tax on fires tbat e ever heard of. You are thinking, probably, of the Curfew Tolls entioned by GRAY. Simon Succotash. The expression to wind a horn is frequently ~ed. Do people wind one as they would a watch; and, if so, what ~rt of key do they use? Answer. Try the key of A Flat: you are tre to have it. Pump-handle. Is it possible for a person to sleep during an earth- ILake? Answer. Yes: we are acquainted with persons who can sleep undly upon any kind of shake-down. Philander. What is the best way of testing a horses temper? An- er. If you have a suspicion that the horse is quick to take a fence, et dash him at one and try. Gormnan Dyzer. We think it quite proper, as you suppose, to eat usages with turkey on Thanksgiving Day. We decline to answer ear other question, as to whether it is right to eat turkey with san- ges on Thanksgiving Day. It is irrelevant. Casper Van Keek. Why is the height of a horse given in hands in- cad of feet? Answer. Because it is considered handier, of course. John of Boston. I have been blackballed at a club. What am I to i? Answer. Let things alone. Clubs are not always Trumps. Afas-garet ShortcakeI have a great dread of being buried alive. ill holding a looking-glass to the face of a person supposed to be dead ftermino whether breathing has ceased or not? Answer. The test is ~ed by physicians. There is an instance on record of a looking-glass 2ing thus applied to a young girl who had been unconscious for hours. he opened her eyes to look at herself in it, which proved that she was ide awake. IVidow AfcRue. How soon after my husbands death would it be oper for me to give up my weeds? Answer. If your husband al- wed you to smoke during his life-time, we do not see why you should ye up the practice after his death. Although we do not approve of omen smoking, yet a fragrant weed between pearly teeth, with an are cloud curling heavenward from it, has a certain fascination, and our advice is, Dry up (your tears), and light a fresh Havana. Sp~cztlator. What is the best way to double a $20 bill? Answer. ~ith a paper-folder. Frost -on -the-Pane. From languid circulation, or some other cause, frequently go to bed with cold feet. How can I remedy this? An- per. Dont go to bed. Sleep in a chair. 109 POLITICS AS A FINE ART. Fnnsi~ Class in Politics, stand up. First boyDefine politics as an aft. Politics are the art of eating, drinking, sleeping, and wearing good clothes atthe public expense. NextIs taking presents of houses, horses, & c., included in this art? No sir, thats a natural gift. Who invented politics? It has been stated by Mr. SUMNER that politics were well known to the early Greeks and Romans; but they were first reduced to an art by T. WEED. What are the elements of success in politics? Cheek and stamps. At what place is this aft most cultivated? At Washington. How many classes of politicians are there? Three: big strikes, little strikes, and repeaters. Define them. Big strikes are those who, when they make a haul, mean business. Little strikes are those who look after the pence, while the big strikes are looking after the pounds. Both these classes have steady occupa- tion. Repeaters are little strikes who are employed only at election time. Where are they found? In both the Republican and Democratic schools. .TozrN SMITH, go to the board and do this example: If the House of Representatives has a Republican majority of thirty, and it remains in session until 8 P. W on the 4th of July, at what time will a Democrat, whose seat is contested by a Republican, obtain that seat? THOMAS BROWN, you can try the same example with the Assembly at Albany, only taking the majority as Democratic, and the man whose seat is contested as Republican. Next boyWho are the most successful aftists among politicians? Carpet-baggers. What is the aft now called in the South? Black aft. Why? Because the leading artists there are of an off color. Jorn SMITH, have you finished your example? Yes, sir. When will that Democrat be admitted, if the session ends at 8 r.~r. on the 4th of July? At 5 minutes after 8 on that day. THO~rAs BROWN, what is your answer? When will that Republican be admitted? At 5 mint~tes after S iM. on the 4th of July. Both correct. That proves that politics have been reduced to a fine aft. The class is dismissed. BOSTON FIRST. EVEN in the matter of eafthquakes the proverbial superiority of Boston to all other places, as a centre, has just been proved. A writer in the Evening Post, discussing the comparative phenomena of the late eafthquake at various points, says: Allowing seven and a half minutes for differenco of local time, the shock was two minutes earlier at Boston than at New Haven. This implies that Boston was nearer to the centre of disturbance than New Haven. Further developments will doubtless show that Boston was ahead not of New Haven only, in the enjoyment of the refreshing young cataclasm referred to, but was the absolute Hub from which it radiated, and therefore ahead of all the rest of creation in regard of eafthquakes as everything else. Property has already gone up to a tre- inendous figure at Boston, owing to the multifarious fascinations of the place; but the greatest chance folks there ever had to pile it on is the admission of the eafthqnake as a Boston notion. From the sent of lVar. WHAT were the Francs-Tireurs before they were organired? They wear leather gaiters. RepublIcans. Iv would be dangerous to elect the two leading Republican candi- dates. They must have monarchical ideas, inasmuch as they both come from Kings. Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. Nun Vom~ca. Can you give me a description of the sellebrated needall an? Answer. Your spelling is so eccentric that we guess you to be onnected with the Tribune. As for the needall gun, we should efine it as a gun without lock, stock, barrel, flint, percussion-cap, pow- er, ball, or anything elso. 0. D. V Yes: a man may die of delirium tremens produced by rinkincr too much French wine. If the wine should happen to be Jhdteau Margot, the verdict of a Coroners Jury would probably be died of a margot on the brain. Fumigator. What is the proper spelling of the smoking mixture own as Killikinnick? Answ,~r. Some authorities derive it from story about an old Canadian having stnoked himself to death with it .~4 spell. it Kill a Kannuck. Others spell it Kill a Cynic, and zlieve that DIOGENES, the founder of the Cynical School of philoso- hy, died of a surfeit of the article. Otis Bunker. Was there not, in old times, a tax on fires in England, id did it not lead to an insurrection? Answer. No tax on fires tbat e ever heard of. You are thinking, probably, of the Curfew Tolls entioned by GRAY. Simon Succotash. The expression to wind a horn is frequently ~ed. Do people wind one as they would a watch; and, if so, what ~rt of key do they use? Answer. Try the key of A Flat: you are tre to have it. Pump-handle. Is it possible for a person to sleep during an earth- ILake? Answer. Yes: we are acquainted with persons who can sleep undly upon any kind of shake-down. Philander. What is the best way of testing a horses temper? An- er. If you have a suspicion that the horse is quick to take a fence, et dash him at one and try. Gormnan Dyzer. We think it quite proper, as you suppose, to eat usages with turkey on Thanksgiving Day. We decline to answer ear other question, as to whether it is right to eat turkey with san- ges on Thanksgiving Day. It is irrelevant. Casper Van Keek. Why is the height of a horse given in hands in- cad of feet? Answer. Because it is considered handier, of course. John of Boston. I have been blackballed at a club. What am I to i? Answer. Let things alone. Clubs are not always Trumps. Afas-garet ShortcakeI have a great dread of being buried alive. ill holding a looking-glass to the face of a person supposed to be dead ftermino whether breathing has ceased or not? Answer. The test is ~ed by physicians. There is an instance on record of a looking-glass 2ing thus applied to a young girl who had been unconscious for hours. he opened her eyes to look at herself in it, which proved that she was ide awake. IVidow AfcRue. How soon after my husbands death would it be oper for me to give up my weeds? Answer. If your husband al- wed you to smoke during his life-time, we do not see why you should ye up the practice after his death. Although we do not approve of omen smoking, yet a fragrant weed between pearly teeth, with an are cloud curling heavenward from it, has a certain fascination, and our advice is, Dry up (your tears), and light a fresh Havana. Sp~cztlator. What is the best way to double a $20 bill? Answer. ~ith a paper-folder. Frost -on -the-Pane. From languid circulation, or some other cause, frequently go to bed with cold feet. How can I remedy this? An- per. Dont go to bed. Sleep in a chair. 109 POLITICS AS A FINE ART. Fnnsi~ Class in Politics, stand up. First boyDefine politics as an aft. Politics are the art of eating, drinking, sleeping, and wearing good clothes atthe public expense. NextIs taking presents of houses, horses, & c., included in this art? No sir, thats a natural gift. Who invented politics? It has been stated by Mr. SUMNER that politics were well known to the early Greeks and Romans; but they were first reduced to an art by T. WEED. What are the elements of success in politics? Cheek and stamps. At what place is this aft most cultivated? At Washington. How many classes of politicians are there? Three: big strikes, little strikes, and repeaters. Define them. Big strikes are those who, when they make a haul, mean business. Little strikes are those who look after the pence, while the big strikes are looking after the pounds. Both these classes have steady occupa- tion. Repeaters are little strikes who are employed only at election time. Where are they found? In both the Republican and Democratic schools. .TozrN SMITH, go to the board and do this example: If the House of Representatives has a Republican majority of thirty, and it remains in session until 8 P. W on the 4th of July, at what time will a Democrat, whose seat is contested by a Republican, obtain that seat? THOMAS BROWN, you can try the same example with the Assembly at Albany, only taking the majority as Democratic, and the man whose seat is contested as Republican. Next boyWho are the most successful aftists among politicians? Carpet-baggers. What is the aft now called in the South? Black aft. Why? Because the leading artists there are of an off color. Jorn SMITH, have you finished your example? Yes, sir. When will that Democrat be admitted, if the session ends at 8 r.~r. on the 4th of July? At 5 minutes after 8 on that day. THO~rAs BROWN, what is your answer? When will that Republican be admitted? At 5 mint~tes after S iM. on the 4th of July. Both correct. That proves that politics have been reduced to a fine aft. The class is dismissed. BOSTON FIRST. EVEN in the matter of eafthquakes the proverbial superiority of Boston to all other places, as a centre, has just been proved. A writer in the Evening Post, discussing the comparative phenomena of the late eafthquake at various points, says: Allowing seven and a half minutes for differenco of local time, the shock was two minutes earlier at Boston than at New Haven. This implies that Boston was nearer to the centre of disturbance than New Haven. Further developments will doubtless show that Boston was ahead not of New Haven only, in the enjoyment of the refreshing young cataclasm referred to, but was the absolute Hub from which it radiated, and therefore ahead of all the rest of creation in regard of eafthquakes as everything else. Property has already gone up to a tre- inendous figure at Boston, owing to the multifarious fascinations of the place; but the greatest chance folks there ever had to pile it on is the admission of the eafthqnake as a Boston notion. From the sent of lVar. WHAT were the Francs-Tireurs before they were organired? They wear leather gaiters. RepublIcans. Iv would be dangerous to elect the two leading Republican candi- dates. They must have monarchical ideas, inasmuch as they both come from Kings. Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. Nun Vom~ca. Can you give me a description of the sellebrated needall an? Answer. Your spelling is so eccentric that we guess you to be onnected with the Tribune. As for the needall gun, we should efine it as a gun without lock, stock, barrel, flint, percussion-cap, pow- er, ball, or anything elso. 0. D. V Yes: a man may die of delirium tremens produced by rinkincr too much French wine. If the wine should happen to be Jhdteau Margot, the verdict of a Coroners Jury would probably be died of a margot on the brain. Fumigator. What is the proper spelling of the smoking mixture own as Killikinnick? Answ,~r. Some authorities derive it from story about an old Canadian having stnoked himself to death with it .~4 spell. it Kill a Kannuck. Others spell it Kill a Cynic, and zlieve that DIOGENES, the founder of the Cynical School of philoso- hy, died of a surfeit of the article. Otis Bunker. Was there not, in old times, a tax on fires in England, id did it not lead to an insurrection? Answer. No tax on fires tbat e ever heard of. You are thinking, probably, of the Curfew Tolls entioned by GRAY. Simon Succotash. The expression to wind a horn is frequently ~ed. Do people wind one as they would a watch; and, if so, what ~rt of key do they use? Answer. Try the key of A Flat: you are tre to have it. Pump-handle. Is it possible for a person to sleep during an earth- ILake? Answer. Yes: we are acquainted with persons who can sleep undly upon any kind of shake-down. Philander. What is the best way of testing a horses temper? An- er. If you have a suspicion that the horse is quick to take a fence, et dash him at one and try. Gormnan Dyzer. We think it quite proper, as you suppose, to eat usages with turkey on Thanksgiving Day. We decline to answer ear other question, as to whether it is right to eat turkey with san- ges on Thanksgiving Day. It is irrelevant. Casper Van Keek. Why is the height of a horse given in hands in- cad of feet? Answer. Because it is considered handier, of course. John of Boston. I have been blackballed at a club. What am I to i? Answer. Let things alone. Clubs are not always Trumps. Afas-garet ShortcakeI have a great dread of being buried alive. ill holding a looking-glass to the face of a person supposed to be dead ftermino whether breathing has ceased or not? Answer. The test is ~ed by physicians. There is an instance on record of a looking-glass 2ing thus applied to a young girl who had been unconscious for hours. he opened her eyes to look at herself in it, which proved that she was ide awake. IVidow AfcRue. How soon after my husbands death would it be oper for me to give up my weeds? Answer. If your husband al- wed you to smoke during his life-time, we do not see why you should ye up the practice after his death. Although we do not approve of omen smoking, yet a fragrant weed between pearly teeth, with an are cloud curling heavenward from it, has a certain fascination, and our advice is, Dry up (your tears), and light a fresh Havana. Sp~cztlator. What is the best way to double a $20 bill? Answer. ~ith a paper-folder. Frost -on -the-Pane. From languid circulation, or some other cause, frequently go to bed with cold feet. How can I remedy this? An- per. Dont go to bed. Sleep in a chair. 109 POLITICS AS A FINE ART. Fnnsi~ Class in Politics, stand up. First boyDefine politics as an aft. Politics are the art of eating, drinking, sleeping, and wearing good clothes atthe public expense. NextIs taking presents of houses, horses, & c., included in this art? No sir, thats a natural gift. Who invented politics? It has been stated by Mr. SUMNER that politics were well known to the early Greeks and Romans; but they were first reduced to an art by T. WEED. What are the elements of success in politics? Cheek and stamps. At what place is this aft most cultivated? At Washington. How many classes of politicians are there? Three: big strikes, little strikes, and repeaters. Define them. Big strikes are those who, when they make a haul, mean business. Little strikes are those who look after the pence, while the big strikes are looking after the pounds. Both these classes have steady occupa- tion. Repeaters are little strikes who are employed only at election time. Where are they found? In both the Republican and Democratic schools. .TozrN SMITH, go to the board and do this example: If the House of Representatives has a Republican majority of thirty, and it remains in session until 8 P. W on the 4th of July, at what time will a Democrat, whose seat is contested by a Republican, obtain that seat? THOMAS BROWN, you can try the same example with the Assembly at Albany, only taking the majority as Democratic, and the man whose seat is contested as Republican. Next boyWho are the most successful aftists among politicians? Carpet-baggers. What is the aft now called in the South? Black aft. Why? Because the leading artists there are of an off color. Jorn SMITH, have you finished your example? Yes, sir. When will that Democrat be admitted, if the session ends at 8 r.~r. on the 4th of July? At 5 minutes after 8 on that day. THO~rAs BROWN, what is your answer? When will that Republican be admitted? At 5 mint~tes after S iM. on the 4th of July. Both correct. That proves that politics have been reduced to a fine aft. The class is dismissed. BOSTON FIRST. EVEN in the matter of eafthquakes the proverbial superiority of Boston to all other places, as a centre, has just been proved. A writer in the Evening Post, discussing the comparative phenomena of the late eafthquake at various points, says: Allowing seven and a half minutes for differenco of local time, the shock was two minutes earlier at Boston than at New Haven. This implies that Boston was nearer to the centre of disturbance than New Haven. Further developments will doubtless show that Boston was ahead not of New Haven only, in the enjoyment of the refreshing young cataclasm referred to, but was the absolute Hub from which it radiated, and therefore ahead of all the rest of creation in regard of eafthquakes as everything else. Property has already gone up to a tre- inendous figure at Boston, owing to the multifarious fascinations of the place; but the greatest chance folks there ever had to pile it on is the admission of the eafthqnake as a Boston notion. From the sent of lVar. WHAT were the Francs-Tireurs before they were organired? They wear leather gaiters. RepublIcans. Iv would be dangerous to elect the two leading Republican candi- dates. They must have monarchical ideas, inasmuch as they both come from Kings. Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO.

ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. Nun Vom~ca. Can you give me a description of the sellebrated needall an? Answer. Your spelling is so eccentric that we guess you to be onnected with the Tribune. As for the needall gun, we should efine it as a gun without lock, stock, barrel, flint, percussion-cap, pow- er, ball, or anything elso. 0. D. V Yes: a man may die of delirium tremens produced by rinkincr too much French wine. If the wine should happen to be Jhdteau Margot, the verdict of a Coroners Jury would probably be died of a margot on the brain. Fumigator. What is the proper spelling of the smoking mixture own as Killikinnick? Answ,~r. Some authorities derive it from story about an old Canadian having stnoked himself to death with it .~4 spell. it Kill a Kannuck. Others spell it Kill a Cynic, and zlieve that DIOGENES, the founder of the Cynical School of philoso- hy, died of a surfeit of the article. Otis Bunker. Was there not, in old times, a tax on fires in England, id did it not lead to an insurrection? Answer. No tax on fires tbat e ever heard of. You are thinking, probably, of the Curfew Tolls entioned by GRAY. Simon Succotash. The expression to wind a horn is frequently ~ed. Do people wind one as they would a watch; and, if so, what ~rt of key do they use? Answer. Try the key of A Flat: you are tre to have it. Pump-handle. Is it possible for a person to sleep during an earth- ILake? Answer. Yes: we are acquainted with persons who can sleep undly upon any kind of shake-down. Philander. What is the best way of testing a horses temper? An- er. If you have a suspicion that the horse is quick to take a fence, et dash him at one and try. Gormnan Dyzer. We think it quite proper, as you suppose, to eat usages with turkey on Thanksgiving Day. We decline to answer ear other question, as to whether it is right to eat turkey with san- ges on Thanksgiving Day. It is irrelevant. Casper Van Keek. Why is the height of a horse given in hands in- cad of feet? Answer. Because it is considered handier, of course. John of Boston. I have been blackballed at a club. What am I to i? Answer. Let things alone. Clubs are not always Trumps. Afas-garet ShortcakeI have a great dread of being buried alive. ill holding a looking-glass to the face of a person supposed to be dead ftermino whether breathing has ceased or not? Answer. The test is ~ed by physicians. There is an instance on record of a looking-glass 2ing thus applied to a young girl who had been unconscious for hours. he opened her eyes to look at herself in it, which proved that she was ide awake. IVidow AfcRue. How soon after my husbands death would it be oper for me to give up my weeds? Answer. If your husband al- wed you to smoke during his life-time, we do not see why you should ye up the practice after his death. Although we do not approve of omen smoking, yet a fragrant weed between pearly teeth, with an are cloud curling heavenward from it, has a certain fascination, and our advice is, Dry up (your tears), and light a fresh Havana. Sp~cztlator. What is the best way to double a $20 bill? Answer. ~ith a paper-folder. Frost -on -the-Pane. From languid circulation, or some other cause, frequently go to bed with cold feet. How can I remedy this? An- per. Dont go to bed. Sleep in a chair. 109 POLITICS AS A FINE ART. Fnnsi~ Class in Politics, stand up. First boyDefine politics as an aft. Politics are the art of eating, drinking, sleeping, and wearing good clothes atthe public expense. NextIs taking presents of houses, horses, & c., included in this art? No sir, thats a natural gift. Who invented politics? It has been stated by Mr. SUMNER that politics were well known to the early Greeks and Romans; but they were first reduced to an art by T. WEED. What are the elements of success in politics? Cheek and stamps. At what place is this aft most cultivated? At Washington. How many classes of politicians are there? Three: big strikes, little strikes, and repeaters. Define them. Big strikes are those who, when they make a haul, mean business. Little strikes are those who look after the pence, while the big strikes are looking after the pounds. Both these classes have steady occupa- tion. Repeaters are little strikes who are employed only at election time. Where are they found? In both the Republican and Democratic schools. .TozrN SMITH, go to the board and do this example: If the House of Representatives has a Republican majority of thirty, and it remains in session until 8 P. W on the 4th of July, at what time will a Democrat, whose seat is contested by a Republican, obtain that seat? THOMAS BROWN, you can try the same example with the Assembly at Albany, only taking the majority as Democratic, and the man whose seat is contested as Republican. Next boyWho are the most successful aftists among politicians? Carpet-baggers. What is the aft now called in the South? Black aft. Why? Because the leading artists there are of an off color. Jorn SMITH, have you finished your example? Yes, sir. When will that Democrat be admitted, if the session ends at 8 r.~r. on the 4th of July? At 5 minutes after 8 on that day. THO~rAs BROWN, what is your answer? When will that Republican be admitted? At 5 mint~tes after S iM. on the 4th of July. Both correct. That proves that politics have been reduced to a fine aft. The class is dismissed. BOSTON FIRST. EVEN in the matter of eafthquakes the proverbial superiority of Boston to all other places, as a centre, has just been proved. A writer in the Evening Post, discussing the comparative phenomena of the late eafthquake at various points, says: Allowing seven and a half minutes for differenco of local time, the shock was two minutes earlier at Boston than at New Haven. This implies that Boston was nearer to the centre of disturbance than New Haven. Further developments will doubtless show that Boston was ahead not of New Haven only, in the enjoyment of the refreshing young cataclasm referred to, but was the absolute Hub from which it radiated, and therefore ahead of all the rest of creation in regard of eafthquakes as everything else. Property has already gone up to a tre- inendous figure at Boston, owing to the multifarious fascinations of the place; but the greatest chance folks there ever had to pile it on is the admission of the eafthqnake as a Boston notion. From the sent of lVar. WHAT were the Francs-Tireurs before they were organired? They wear leather gaiters. RepublIcans. Iv would be dangerous to elect the two leading Republican candi- dates. They must have monarchical ideas, inasmuch as they both come from Kings. Nov. 12, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. AURI SACRA FAKES. I SAW a parson at his desk, Silk-gowned and linen-ruffled; The organ ceasedhe rose to preach, And smirked, and mouthed, and snuffled.; lie talked of gold, and called it dross, And prophesied confusion To all who loved ittold them that Their trust was all delusion. Twas filthy lucre, dust and dirt, The root of every evil; And its pursuit,too strongly urged,-.-. Would lead straight to the Devil. Midst other wicked (Scripture) rogues, He talked of ANANIAS, He and his wife SAPPHInA were The wickedest of liars.~ He showed us clearly, from their fate, The sin of overreaching, And making small the salaries Of those who do the preaching. And vhen his half-hoffrs work was done, The miserable sinners Rolled home in easy carriages To Aldermanic dinners; And as I plodded home onfoot, I thought it was all gammon, To build a temple to the LORD Of curses against Mammon. The sin of gold is its abuse, And not its mere possession,~ Wine may turn vinegar, and gold May turn men to transgression. Then tell the truth, 0 men of GOD! Nor scorn the loaves and fishes, Lest we should take you at your word, And leave you empty dishes! An Advertising Parson. THERE is nothing like judicious ad- vertisingat lealt, we have been told this often enough to believe it. So thinks a Pennsylvania parson, who ad- vertises himself in a newspaper as fol- lows Gupid and Hymen. The little brown cot- tage at Cambridge, Pa., is the place to call to have the marriage-knot promptly and strongly tied. Inquire for Rev. S. J. Wliitcomb. While he was about it, why didnt the Rev. WHITCOMB advertise the other jobs for which orders might bo left at the same shop? Why didnt he say Funerals attended with neat- ness and despatch? or, Gentlemen abdut to leave the world, will be waited upon at their own bed-sides without additional charge? or, Cases of conscience adjudicated upon the most reasonable terms? or, A fine assort- ment of moral advice just received, and for sale in lots to suit purchasers? Let the Rev. WHITCOME take our hint, enlarge the field of his advertis- ing, and make lots of the Mammon of Unrighteousness. Fulton vdrsias TIlton. FIJLTON taps TILTON for wine, TIL- TON taps FULTON for beer; FULTON gets a tilt, because TILTON finds him full. In case of a trial, the verdict would probably be, that a full FULTON raufull tilt against a full TILTON. CHEERFUL PHILOSOPHY. Wu remember a writer who merited more notice than he actually re- ceived, for his well-considered thoughts on the behavior of Mourners, whose conduct, as a general thing, is certainly open to criticism. It is all well enough due to decency, in factto wear mourn- lug, and now and then look grave; but this idea of closing your house, observed our philosopher, and silencing your piano, and ab- staining from your customary amusements and habits for m ths [only think of it!], because some one has departed from misery to happiness, is not alone supremely ridiculous [though that is bad enough], but it is sublimely preposterous and [what is yet more] disgraceful to the last degree of shame. Precisely; just what we have always said, whether we believed it or not. It is what any feeling man would say. The fact is, people sacrifice too much to their friends. Especially after te friends are dead. The cream of the joke is, as our lively essayist remarks, that the dead do not dream of your sufferings on their account. And suppose they did: what i~ a friend, any way? Why, something you would do well to rid yourself of as soon as possible. There is scarcely anything mean, sordid, contemptible, and disgusting, that an average friend wont do without winking. It would certainly contribute greatly to the cheerfulness of one about to leave this mortial wale, to feel morally certain that nobody cared a rap about him, or was going to make any fuss just for a trifle like that. We must say, however, we would prefer to see our mourning friends go the whole figure, and not visit the opera in weeds. B also look jolly. e jolly, but The trouble seems to be, that people will be sentimental; they must do a certain amount of tribulation, whether or no. We would not even counsel the wearing of black diamonds. We would refrain from jet, bog, and ebony. We would not try to grin through a disguise of skull and bones. Be gay (and by all means look gay) in spite of your departed grandmother. No Great Shakes. ITS ii pity that the earthquake came too late for the census, as it cannot now be included among our native productions. 110 41 DEVOTION TO SCIENCE. Mamma. An! YOU CRUEL, CRUEL BOY, HOW COULD YOU FRIGHTEN YOUR DEAR LITTLE SISTER so ? Tue ImeorrigiUle. II ONLY WANTED TO SEE IF HER HAIR WOULD TURN WHITE.

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. AURI SACRA FAKES. I SAW a parson at his desk, Silk-gowned and linen-ruffled; The organ ceasedhe rose to preach, And smirked, and mouthed, and snuffled.; lie talked of gold, and called it dross, And prophesied confusion To all who loved ittold them that Their trust was all delusion. Twas filthy lucre, dust and dirt, The root of every evil; And its pursuit,too strongly urged,-.-. Would lead straight to the Devil. Midst other wicked (Scripture) rogues, He talked of ANANIAS, He and his wife SAPPHInA were The wickedest of liars.~ He showed us clearly, from their fate, The sin of overreaching, And making small the salaries Of those who do the preaching. And vhen his half-hoffrs work was done, The miserable sinners Rolled home in easy carriages To Aldermanic dinners; And as I plodded home onfoot, I thought it was all gammon, To build a temple to the LORD Of curses against Mammon. The sin of gold is its abuse, And not its mere possession,~ Wine may turn vinegar, and gold May turn men to transgression. Then tell the truth, 0 men of GOD! Nor scorn the loaves and fishes, Lest we should take you at your word, And leave you empty dishes! An Advertising Parson. THERE is nothing like judicious ad- vertisingat lealt, we have been told this often enough to believe it. So thinks a Pennsylvania parson, who ad- vertises himself in a newspaper as fol- lows Gupid and Hymen. The little brown cot- tage at Cambridge, Pa., is the place to call to have the marriage-knot promptly and strongly tied. Inquire for Rev. S. J. Wliitcomb. While he was about it, why didnt the Rev. WHITCOMB advertise the other jobs for which orders might bo left at the same shop? Why didnt he say Funerals attended with neat- ness and despatch? or, Gentlemen abdut to leave the world, will be waited upon at their own bed-sides without additional charge? or, Cases of conscience adjudicated upon the most reasonable terms? or, A fine assort- ment of moral advice just received, and for sale in lots to suit purchasers? Let the Rev. WHITCOME take our hint, enlarge the field of his advertis- ing, and make lots of the Mammon of Unrighteousness. Fulton vdrsias TIlton. FIJLTON taps TILTON for wine, TIL- TON taps FULTON for beer; FULTON gets a tilt, because TILTON finds him full. In case of a trial, the verdict would probably be, that a full FULTON raufull tilt against a full TILTON. CHEERFUL PHILOSOPHY. Wu remember a writer who merited more notice than he actually re- ceived, for his well-considered thoughts on the behavior of Mourners, whose conduct, as a general thing, is certainly open to criticism. It is all well enough due to decency, in factto wear mourn- lug, and now and then look grave; but this idea of closing your house, observed our philosopher, and silencing your piano, and ab- staining from your customary amusements and habits for m ths [only think of it!], because some one has departed from misery to happiness, is not alone supremely ridiculous [though that is bad enough], but it is sublimely preposterous and [what is yet more] disgraceful to the last degree of shame. Precisely; just what we have always said, whether we believed it or not. It is what any feeling man would say. The fact is, people sacrifice too much to their friends. Especially after te friends are dead. The cream of the joke is, as our lively essayist remarks, that the dead do not dream of your sufferings on their account. And suppose they did: what i~ a friend, any way? Why, something you would do well to rid yourself of as soon as possible. There is scarcely anything mean, sordid, contemptible, and disgusting, that an average friend wont do without winking. It would certainly contribute greatly to the cheerfulness of one about to leave this mortial wale, to feel morally certain that nobody cared a rap about him, or was going to make any fuss just for a trifle like that. We must say, however, we would prefer to see our mourning friends go the whole figure, and not visit the opera in weeds. B also look jolly. e jolly, but The trouble seems to be, that people will be sentimental; they must do a certain amount of tribulation, whether or no. We would not even counsel the wearing of black diamonds. We would refrain from jet, bog, and ebony. We would not try to grin through a disguise of skull and bones. Be gay (and by all means look gay) in spite of your departed grandmother. No Great Shakes. ITS ii pity that the earthquake came too late for the census, as it cannot now be included among our native productions. 110 41 DEVOTION TO SCIENCE. Mamma. An! YOU CRUEL, CRUEL BOY, HOW COULD YOU FRIGHTEN YOUR DEAR LITTLE SISTER so ? Tue ImeorrigiUle. II ONLY WANTED TO SEE IF HER HAIR WOULD TURN WHITE.

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. AURI SACRA FAKES. I SAW a parson at his desk, Silk-gowned and linen-ruffled; The organ ceasedhe rose to preach, And smirked, and mouthed, and snuffled.; lie talked of gold, and called it dross, And prophesied confusion To all who loved ittold them that Their trust was all delusion. Twas filthy lucre, dust and dirt, The root of every evil; And its pursuit,too strongly urged,-.-. Would lead straight to the Devil. Midst other wicked (Scripture) rogues, He talked of ANANIAS, He and his wife SAPPHInA were The wickedest of liars.~ He showed us clearly, from their fate, The sin of overreaching, And making small the salaries Of those who do the preaching. And vhen his half-hoffrs work was done, The miserable sinners Rolled home in easy carriages To Aldermanic dinners; And as I plodded home onfoot, I thought it was all gammon, To build a temple to the LORD Of curses against Mammon. The sin of gold is its abuse, And not its mere possession,~ Wine may turn vinegar, and gold May turn men to transgression. Then tell the truth, 0 men of GOD! Nor scorn the loaves and fishes, Lest we should take you at your word, And leave you empty dishes! An Advertising Parson. THERE is nothing like judicious ad- vertisingat lealt, we have been told this often enough to believe it. So thinks a Pennsylvania parson, who ad- vertises himself in a newspaper as fol- lows Gupid and Hymen. The little brown cot- tage at Cambridge, Pa., is the place to call to have the marriage-knot promptly and strongly tied. Inquire for Rev. S. J. Wliitcomb. While he was about it, why didnt the Rev. WHITCOMB advertise the other jobs for which orders might bo left at the same shop? Why didnt he say Funerals attended with neat- ness and despatch? or, Gentlemen abdut to leave the world, will be waited upon at their own bed-sides without additional charge? or, Cases of conscience adjudicated upon the most reasonable terms? or, A fine assort- ment of moral advice just received, and for sale in lots to suit purchasers? Let the Rev. WHITCOME take our hint, enlarge the field of his advertis- ing, and make lots of the Mammon of Unrighteousness. Fulton vdrsias TIlton. FIJLTON taps TILTON for wine, TIL- TON taps FULTON for beer; FULTON gets a tilt, because TILTON finds him full. In case of a trial, the verdict would probably be, that a full FULTON raufull tilt against a full TILTON. CHEERFUL PHILOSOPHY. Wu remember a writer who merited more notice than he actually re- ceived, for his well-considered thoughts on the behavior of Mourners, whose conduct, as a general thing, is certainly open to criticism. It is all well enough due to decency, in factto wear mourn- lug, and now and then look grave; but this idea of closing your house, observed our philosopher, and silencing your piano, and ab- staining from your customary amusements and habits for m ths [only think of it!], because some one has departed from misery to happiness, is not alone supremely ridiculous [though that is bad enough], but it is sublimely preposterous and [what is yet more] disgraceful to the last degree of shame. Precisely; just what we have always said, whether we believed it or not. It is what any feeling man would say. The fact is, people sacrifice too much to their friends. Especially after te friends are dead. The cream of the joke is, as our lively essayist remarks, that the dead do not dream of your sufferings on their account. And suppose they did: what i~ a friend, any way? Why, something you would do well to rid yourself of as soon as possible. There is scarcely anything mean, sordid, contemptible, and disgusting, that an average friend wont do without winking. It would certainly contribute greatly to the cheerfulness of one about to leave this mortial wale, to feel morally certain that nobody cared a rap about him, or was going to make any fuss just for a trifle like that. We must say, however, we would prefer to see our mourning friends go the whole figure, and not visit the opera in weeds. B also look jolly. e jolly, but The trouble seems to be, that people will be sentimental; they must do a certain amount of tribulation, whether or no. We would not even counsel the wearing of black diamonds. We would refrain from jet, bog, and ebony. We would not try to grin through a disguise of skull and bones. Be gay (and by all means look gay) in spite of your departed grandmother. No Great Shakes. ITS ii pity that the earthquake came too late for the census, as it cannot now be included among our native productions. 110 41 DEVOTION TO SCIENCE. Mamma. An! YOU CRUEL, CRUEL BOY, HOW COULD YOU FRIGHTEN YOUR DEAR LITTLE SISTER so ? Tue ImeorrigiUle. II ONLY WANTED TO SEE IF HER HAIR WOULD TURN WHITE.

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. AURI SACRA FAKES. I SAW a parson at his desk, Silk-gowned and linen-ruffled; The organ ceasedhe rose to preach, And smirked, and mouthed, and snuffled.; lie talked of gold, and called it dross, And prophesied confusion To all who loved ittold them that Their trust was all delusion. Twas filthy lucre, dust and dirt, The root of every evil; And its pursuit,too strongly urged,-.-. Would lead straight to the Devil. Midst other wicked (Scripture) rogues, He talked of ANANIAS, He and his wife SAPPHInA were The wickedest of liars.~ He showed us clearly, from their fate, The sin of overreaching, And making small the salaries Of those who do the preaching. And vhen his half-hoffrs work was done, The miserable sinners Rolled home in easy carriages To Aldermanic dinners; And as I plodded home onfoot, I thought it was all gammon, To build a temple to the LORD Of curses against Mammon. The sin of gold is its abuse, And not its mere possession,~ Wine may turn vinegar, and gold May turn men to transgression. Then tell the truth, 0 men of GOD! Nor scorn the loaves and fishes, Lest we should take you at your word, And leave you empty dishes! An Advertising Parson. THERE is nothing like judicious ad- vertisingat lealt, we have been told this often enough to believe it. So thinks a Pennsylvania parson, who ad- vertises himself in a newspaper as fol- lows Gupid and Hymen. The little brown cot- tage at Cambridge, Pa., is the place to call to have the marriage-knot promptly and strongly tied. Inquire for Rev. S. J. Wliitcomb. While he was about it, why didnt the Rev. WHITCOMB advertise the other jobs for which orders might bo left at the same shop? Why didnt he say Funerals attended with neat- ness and despatch? or, Gentlemen abdut to leave the world, will be waited upon at their own bed-sides without additional charge? or, Cases of conscience adjudicated upon the most reasonable terms? or, A fine assort- ment of moral advice just received, and for sale in lots to suit purchasers? Let the Rev. WHITCOME take our hint, enlarge the field of his advertis- ing, and make lots of the Mammon of Unrighteousness. Fulton vdrsias TIlton. FIJLTON taps TILTON for wine, TIL- TON taps FULTON for beer; FULTON gets a tilt, because TILTON finds him full. In case of a trial, the verdict would probably be, that a full FULTON raufull tilt against a full TILTON. CHEERFUL PHILOSOPHY. Wu remember a writer who merited more notice than he actually re- ceived, for his well-considered thoughts on the behavior of Mourners, whose conduct, as a general thing, is certainly open to criticism. It is all well enough due to decency, in factto wear mourn- lug, and now and then look grave; but this idea of closing your house, observed our philosopher, and silencing your piano, and ab- staining from your customary amusements and habits for m ths [only think of it!], because some one has departed from misery to happiness, is not alone supremely ridiculous [though that is bad enough], but it is sublimely preposterous and [what is yet more] disgraceful to the last degree of shame. Precisely; just what we have always said, whether we believed it or not. It is what any feeling man would say. The fact is, people sacrifice too much to their friends. Especially after te friends are dead. The cream of the joke is, as our lively essayist remarks, that the dead do not dream of your sufferings on their account. And suppose they did: what i~ a friend, any way? Why, something you would do well to rid yourself of as soon as possible. There is scarcely anything mean, sordid, contemptible, and disgusting, that an average friend wont do without winking. It would certainly contribute greatly to the cheerfulness of one about to leave this mortial wale, to feel morally certain that nobody cared a rap about him, or was going to make any fuss just for a trifle like that. We must say, however, we would prefer to see our mourning friends go the whole figure, and not visit the opera in weeds. B also look jolly. e jolly, but The trouble seems to be, that people will be sentimental; they must do a certain amount of tribulation, whether or no. We would not even counsel the wearing of black diamonds. We would refrain from jet, bog, and ebony. We would not try to grin through a disguise of skull and bones. Be gay (and by all means look gay) in spite of your departed grandmother. No Great Shakes. ITS ii pity that the earthquake came too late for the census, as it cannot now be included among our native productions. 110 41 DEVOTION TO SCIENCE. Mamma. An! YOU CRUEL, CRUEL BOY, HOW COULD YOU FRIGHTEN YOUR DEAR LITTLE SISTER so ? Tue ImeorrigiUle. II ONLY WANTED TO SEE IF HER HAIR WOULD TURN WHITE.

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. AURI SACRA FAKES. I SAW a parson at his desk, Silk-gowned and linen-ruffled; The organ ceasedhe rose to preach, And smirked, and mouthed, and snuffled.; lie talked of gold, and called it dross, And prophesied confusion To all who loved ittold them that Their trust was all delusion. Twas filthy lucre, dust and dirt, The root of every evil; And its pursuit,too strongly urged,-.-. Would lead straight to the Devil. Midst other wicked (Scripture) rogues, He talked of ANANIAS, He and his wife SAPPHInA were The wickedest of liars.~ He showed us clearly, from their fate, The sin of overreaching, And making small the salaries Of those who do the preaching. And vhen his half-hoffrs work was done, The miserable sinners Rolled home in easy carriages To Aldermanic dinners; And as I plodded home onfoot, I thought it was all gammon, To build a temple to the LORD Of curses against Mammon. The sin of gold is its abuse, And not its mere possession,~ Wine may turn vinegar, and gold May turn men to transgression. Then tell the truth, 0 men of GOD! Nor scorn the loaves and fishes, Lest we should take you at your word, And leave you empty dishes! An Advertising Parson. THERE is nothing like judicious ad- vertisingat lealt, we have been told this often enough to believe it. So thinks a Pennsylvania parson, who ad- vertises himself in a newspaper as fol- lows Gupid and Hymen. The little brown cot- tage at Cambridge, Pa., is the place to call to have the marriage-knot promptly and strongly tied. Inquire for Rev. S. J. Wliitcomb. While he was about it, why didnt the Rev. WHITCOMB advertise the other jobs for which orders might bo left at the same shop? Why didnt he say Funerals attended with neat- ness and despatch? or, Gentlemen abdut to leave the world, will be waited upon at their own bed-sides without additional charge? or, Cases of conscience adjudicated upon the most reasonable terms? or, A fine assort- ment of moral advice just received, and for sale in lots to suit purchasers? Let the Rev. WHITCOME take our hint, enlarge the field of his advertis- ing, and make lots of the Mammon of Unrighteousness. Fulton vdrsias TIlton. FIJLTON taps TILTON for wine, TIL- TON taps FULTON for beer; FULTON gets a tilt, because TILTON finds him full. In case of a trial, the verdict would probably be, that a full FULTON raufull tilt against a full TILTON. CHEERFUL PHILOSOPHY. Wu remember a writer who merited more notice than he actually re- ceived, for his well-considered thoughts on the behavior of Mourners, whose conduct, as a general thing, is certainly open to criticism. It is all well enough due to decency, in factto wear mourn- lug, and now and then look grave; but this idea of closing your house, observed our philosopher, and silencing your piano, and ab- staining from your customary amusements and habits for m ths [only think of it!], because some one has departed from misery to happiness, is not alone supremely ridiculous [though that is bad enough], but it is sublimely preposterous and [what is yet more] disgraceful to the last degree of shame. Precisely; just what we have always said, whether we believed it or not. It is what any feeling man would say. The fact is, people sacrifice too much to their friends. Especially after te friends are dead. The cream of the joke is, as our lively essayist remarks, that the dead do not dream of your sufferings on their account. And suppose they did: what i~ a friend, any way? Why, something you would do well to rid yourself of as soon as possible. There is scarcely anything mean, sordid, contemptible, and disgusting, that an average friend wont do without winking. It would certainly contribute greatly to the cheerfulness of one about to leave this mortial wale, to feel morally certain that nobody cared a rap about him, or was going to make any fuss just for a trifle like that. We must say, however, we would prefer to see our mourning friends go the whole figure, and not visit the opera in weeds. B also look jolly. e jolly, but The trouble seems to be, that people will be sentimental; they must do a certain amount of tribulation, whether or no. We would not even counsel the wearing of black diamonds. We would refrain from jet, bog, and ebony. We would not try to grin through a disguise of skull and bones. Be gay (and by all means look gay) in spite of your departed grandmother. No Great Shakes. ITS ii pity that the earthquake came too late for the census, as it cannot now be included among our native productions. 110 41 DEVOTION TO SCIENCE. Mamma. An! YOU CRUEL, CRUEL BOY, HOW COULD YOU FRIGHTEN YOUR DEAR LITTLE SISTER so ? Tue ImeorrigiUle. II ONLY WANTED TO SEE IF HER HAIR WOULD TURN WHITE.

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 1870. AURI SACRA FAKES. I SAW a parson at his desk, Silk-gowned and linen-ruffled; The organ ceasedhe rose to preach, And smirked, and mouthed, and snuffled.; lie talked of gold, and called it dross, And prophesied confusion To all who loved ittold them that Their trust was all delusion. Twas filthy lucre, dust and dirt, The root of every evil; And its pursuit,too strongly urged,-.-. Would lead straight to the Devil. Midst other wicked (Scripture) rogues, He talked of ANANIAS, He and his wife SAPPHInA were The wickedest of liars.~ He showed us clearly, from their fate, The sin of overreaching, And making small the salaries Of those who do the preaching. And vhen his half-hoffrs work was done, The miserable sinners Rolled home in easy carriages To Aldermanic dinners; And as I plodded home onfoot, I thought it was all gammon, To build a temple to the LORD Of curses against Mammon. The sin of gold is its abuse, And not its mere possession,~ Wine may turn vinegar, and gold May turn men to transgression. Then tell the truth, 0 men of GOD! Nor scorn the loaves and fishes, Lest we should take you at your word, And leave you empty dishes! An Advertising Parson. THERE is nothing like judicious ad- vertisingat lealt, we have been told this often enough to believe it. So thinks a Pennsylvania parson, who ad- vertises himself in a newspaper as fol- lows Gupid and Hymen. The little brown cot- tage at Cambridge, Pa., is the place to call to have the marriage-knot promptly and strongly tied. Inquire for Rev. S. J. Wliitcomb. While he was about it, why didnt the Rev. WHITCOMB advertise the other jobs for which orders might bo left at the same shop? Why didnt he say Funerals attended with neat- ness and despatch? or, Gentlemen abdut to leave the world, will be waited upon at their own bed-sides without additional charge? or, Cases of conscience adjudicated upon the most reasonable terms? or, A fine assort- ment of moral advice just received, and for sale in lots to suit purchasers? Let the Rev. WHITCOME take our hint, enlarge the field of his advertis- ing, and make lots of the Mammon of Unrighteousness. Fulton vdrsias TIlton. FIJLTON taps TILTON for wine, TIL- TON taps FULTON for beer; FULTON gets a tilt, because TILTON finds him full. In case of a trial, the verdict would probably be, that a full FULTON raufull tilt against a full TILTON. CHEERFUL PHILOSOPHY. Wu remember a writer who merited more notice than he actually re- ceived, for his well-considered thoughts on the behavior of Mourners, whose conduct, as a general thing, is certainly open to criticism. It is all well enough due to decency, in factto wear mourn- lug, and now and then look grave; but this idea of closing your house, observed our philosopher, and silencing your piano, and ab- staining from your customary amusements and habits for m ths [only think of it!], because some one has departed from misery to happiness, is not alone supremely ridiculous [though that is bad enough], but it is sublimely preposterous and [what is yet more] disgraceful to the last degree of shame. Precisely; just what we have always said, whether we believed it or not. It is what any feeling man would say. The fact is, people sacrifice too much to their friends. Especially after te friends are dead. The cream of the joke is, as our lively essayist remarks, that the dead do not dream of your sufferings on their account. And suppose they did: what i~ a friend, any way? Why, something you would do well to rid yourself of as soon as possible. There is scarcely anything mean, sordid, contemptible, and disgusting, that an average friend wont do without winking. It would certainly contribute greatly to the cheerfulness of one about to leave this mortial wale, to feel morally certain that nobody cared a rap about him, or was going to make any fuss just for a trifle like that. We must say, however, we would prefer to see our mourning friends go the whole figure, and not visit the opera in weeds. B also look jolly. e jolly, but The trouble seems to be, that people will be sentimental; they must do a certain amount of tribulation, whether or no. We would not even counsel the wearing of black diamonds. We would refrain from jet, bog, and ebony. We would not try to grin through a disguise of skull and bones. Be gay (and by all means look gay) in spite of your departed grandmother. No Great Shakes. ITS ii pity that the earthquake came too late for the census, as it cannot now be included among our native productions. 110 41 DEVOTION TO SCIENCE. Mamma. An! YOU CRUEL, CRUEL BOY, HOW COULD YOU FRIGHTEN YOUR DEAR LITTLE SISTER so ? Tue ImeorrigiUle. II ONLY WANTED TO SEE IF HER HAIR WOULD TURN WHITE. Nov. 12, 187O~ PUNCHINELLO. 111 Silks, UTMOST CARE, AND VALUE, THE CITY. A. T. STEWART & CO. OFFER A SUPERB COLLECTION OF New Fall SELECTED WITH THE WHICH, FOR I1~IPORTANc~ ARE UNEQUALLED IN CUSTOMERS AND STRANGERS ARE RESPECrI~ULLY INVITED TO EXAMINE. BLACK GROUND, WHITE STRIPED SILKS, FOR YOUNG LADIES SUITS, $1 per V~ard. HEAVY COLORED GROS-GRAIN STRIPES, $1.05 per Yard. A FINE ASSORTMENT OF SMALL PATTERN, At $1 per Yard, worth $1.~O. AN ELEGANT VARIETY OF CANNELE STRIPED SILKS, In all the New Colorings, At $1.50 and $1.75. 20 CASES PLAIN DRESS SILKS, The largest assortment to be found in this Market, from $2 per Yard. 3 CASES COLORED DRESS SATINS, Very Rich Quality and High Coloringe. BLACK GRAINED POMPADOUR BROCADED SILKS, From $2.50 per Yard. 500 PIECES BLACK DRESS SILKS, In every Variety of Manufacture. ALSO THE BONNET, PONSON, AND A. T. STEWART FAMILY AND IMPERIAL SILKS, From $2 per Yard. A COMPLETE ASSORTMENT OF NEW COLORINGS IN TRIMMING SILKS AND SATINS, CUT ON THE BIAS, From $1 per Yard. A SPECIAL DEPARTMENT FOR POPLINS HAS BEEN ORGANIZED. Lyons Poplins, $1 per Yard. REAL IRISH POPLINS, OF THE BEST MAKE. $2 PER YARD. With several Cases of the AMERICAN POPLINS, IN LEADING COLORS, To Close at $1.25 per Yard, formerly $2 per Yard. ALSO, THE CELEBRATED AMERICAN BLACK SILKS, GUARANTEED TO Wash and Wear Well, AT $2 PER YARD. Broadway, Fourth Avenue, 9th and 10th Sts. PUNCHINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and SatiriCal Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2,1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory- of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) six months, (without premium,) - IC three months, Single copies mailed free, for - $4.00 - - 2.00 C - - - - 1.00 - - - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PRANG & CO.S CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows A copy of paper for one year, and The Awakening (a Litter of Puppies). Half chromo. SiEe S-~ by 11~ ($2.00 picture)for . - $4.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. 121x9. Dead Game. l1jxS~. Easter Morning. 6~x10~for $5.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $5.00 chromos: Group of Chickens; Group of Ducklings; Group of Quails. Each 10x121. The Poultry Yard. 10~x14. 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Ordejs, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first number (April 2d, 1870) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of money. CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For special terms address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desi- rous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. Address, PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. P.O. Bo~ 2783.

Nov. 12, 187O~ PUNCHINELLO. 111 Silks, UTMOST CARE, AND VALUE, THE CITY. A. T. STEWART & CO. OFFER A SUPERB COLLECTION OF New Fall SELECTED WITH THE WHICH, FOR I1~IPORTANc~ ARE UNEQUALLED IN CUSTOMERS AND STRANGERS ARE RESPECrI~ULLY INVITED TO EXAMINE. BLACK GROUND, WHITE STRIPED SILKS, FOR YOUNG LADIES SUITS, $1 per V~ard. HEAVY COLORED GROS-GRAIN STRIPES, $1.05 per Yard. A FINE ASSORTMENT OF SMALL PATTERN, At $1 per Yard, worth $1.~O. AN ELEGANT VARIETY OF CANNELE STRIPED SILKS, In all the New Colorings, At $1.50 and $1.75. 20 CASES PLAIN DRESS SILKS, The largest assortment to be found in this Market, from $2 per Yard. 3 CASES COLORED DRESS SATINS, Very Rich Quality and High Coloringe. BLACK GRAINED POMPADOUR BROCADED SILKS, From $2.50 per Yard. 500 PIECES BLACK DRESS SILKS, In every Variety of Manufacture. ALSO THE BONNET, PONSON, AND A. T. STEWART FAMILY AND IMPERIAL SILKS, From $2 per Yard. A COMPLETE ASSORTMENT OF NEW COLORINGS IN TRIMMING SILKS AND SATINS, CUT ON THE BIAS, From $1 per Yard. A SPECIAL DEPARTMENT FOR POPLINS HAS BEEN ORGANIZED. Lyons Poplins, $1 per Yard. REAL IRISH POPLINS, OF THE BEST MAKE. $2 PER YARD. With several Cases of the AMERICAN POPLINS, IN LEADING COLORS, To Close at $1.25 per Yard, formerly $2 per Yard. ALSO, THE CELEBRATED AMERICAN BLACK SILKS, GUARANTEED TO Wash and Wear Well, AT $2 PER YARD. Broadway, Fourth Avenue, 9th and 10th Sts. PUNCHINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and SatiriCal Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2,1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory- of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) six months, (without premium,) - IC three months, Single copies mailed free, for - $4.00 - - 2.00 C - - - - 1.00 - - - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. 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Horses in a Storm. 22~x15I. Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 91x4-lfor A Copy of paper for one year, and Six American Landscapes. (A set.) 4~x9, price $9.00for - - - - A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $10 Chromos: Sunset in California. (Bierstadt.) 15jx12. - Easter Morning. 14x21. Correggios Magdalen. 121x161. Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos.) iSixiOl (companions, price $10.00 for the two)for $8.00 $9.00 $10.00 Remittances should be made in P. 0. Ordejs, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first number (April 2d, 1870) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of money. CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For special terms address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desi- rous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. Address, PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. P.O. Bo~ 2783. PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 12, 18Th. THE PRINTING HOUSE OF THE UNITED STATES THE UNITED STATES ENVELOPE MANUFACTORY. GEORGE F. NESBITT & Co 163, 165, 167,169 Pearl St.,& 73,75,77,79 Pine St., Jew-York. Execute all kInds of Meke all kInds of PRENTINC, BLANKBOOKS, Furnieh all kInds of Execute the finest stylesef STATIONERY, LITHOGRAPHY Make the Bee ~N1TrTfl ~rc~ Ever offered te and Cheapest L~1~WLI.iU the Publ& . They have made al the pro-pail Envelops for the United States Post-Office f)eparLm- nt fr the gnat 10 years, and have INVARIABLY BEEN THE LOWEST BIDDERS. Their Machinery is the most complete, rapid and economical known in the trade. Travelers West and South-West Should hear in mind that the ERIE RAILWAY IS BY FAR THE CHEAPEST QUICKEST, AND MOST COMFORTABLI3I ROUTE, ~ Making Direct and Sure Connection at CIN- CINNATI, with all Lines LOUISVILLE, ~ Foss NEW OR- ~ MEMPHIS, ST. LOUIS, LEANS, ~ VICKSBURG, NASHVILLE, ~ ~ MOBILE, And all Points South and South~west. Its DRAWING-ROOM and SLEEPING COACHES on all Express Trains, running through to Cincinnati without change, are the most elegant and~ spacious used upon any Road in this country, heing fitted up in the most elahorate manner, and havsng every modem improvement introduced for the comfort of its patrons; running upon the BROAD GAUGE: revealing scenery along the Line uneq nailed upon this Continent, and rendering atrip over the ERIE one of the delights end plessures of this life not to he forgotten. Dy applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co Nos 241. 529 and 957 Broadway: 205 Chamhers St.: 18 dreen: wich St.: cor. I th St. and Third Avenue. Ilerlem: 1118 Fulton St., Brooklyn: Depots foot of Chamhers Street and foot of 23d St., New York: and the A cuts at the principal - hotels, travelers can ohtatn just the Ticket they ~es~e, as well as all the necessary information. PUlICHINELLO, VOL. I, ENDING SEPT. 24, ]3OUND XN EXTR~A CLOTH, IS NOW READY. PRICE $2.50. Sent free hy any Puhilaher on receipt of price, or hy PIJNCIIINEIThO PIJBLIgIHNII COMPANY, 53 Nassau Street, New York. PIIANQ5 LATEST PUBLiCATIONS: Joy of Autnriin, Prairie Flowers,. Lake George, W - , - ,. - - PRANGS CIIRO3IOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the world. - - est Point, Beethovefi lerd and small. PUANGS ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on rccei~t of stnu~p. L. I?RAN8~ & CO., ~oaton. THE NEW YORK DAILY DEXOCRAT, H. LAMBERT, EDITOR AND PROPRIETOR. Publication Office, 166 NASSAU STREET. Democratic in politics, spicy and sharp, and contains all the news of the day fifteen hours in advance of the Morn- ing Papers, and at half- rice. 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TERMS: One copy, per year, in advance $4 00 Single copies A specimen copy wiji e nail se upon there- 10 ceipt of ten cents. One copy, with hound volume, for 5 50 All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., No. 511 Nassau Stseet, P.O.Box2~i5. NEW YORE. THE MYSTERY OF M-R.-E. DROOD, iJI1~ ~tP~ ~ ~eti~tt, -- - - - -. Written Expressly for PIYNOHINELLO, laY - - ORPHEUS C. KERR, - Commenced in Xo. 11, will be continued weekly throuNhout the year. - A sketch of the eminent author, written by his b6som friend, with supeth illustrations of isv. THE AUTHORS PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT DEGADS HILL, TICKNORS FIELDS, NEW JERSEY. 2o. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALATIAL RESIDENCE, taken as he appear Every Saturday. will also be found in the same number. - Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen (or mailed from this offiCe, free), Teii Cents. Subscription for One Year, one copy, with $~ Chromo Premium, $4. Those desirous of receivinp the paper containing this new serial, which promises to he the best ever written by ORPhEUS C. KERR, should subscribe hoW, to insure its regular receipt weekly. We ivIll send the first Tea Numbers or PUNCIII~ELLo to any one who wishes to see them Ia view of subscribIng, on the receipt of SIXTY CENTS. Address, PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO?~PANY, 83 Nassau Street, New York. P. 0. Lox 2782. 112 U - RATHER MIXED. -- - Thitisli Swell. -YOU MUST THINK US YOUNG ENGLISHMEN WAWTHER WAPID FELLOWS 17 American Friend. WELLYESRATHER VAPID. B. S. I DIDNT SAY WAPIDI SAID WAPID: WAWTHER FAST, YOU KNOW.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. BRILLIANCY OF THE SUN, Tiiu Moon, as is generally known, shines wit1~ a borrowed light, while the Sun is popularly supposed to manufacture its own gas and to arrange its pyrotechnics on the premises. Our N. Y. Sun, however, does not always manufacture its own beams. By far the most brilliant of the sunbeams, for instance, published in that johrnaP of Novem- ber 1st, is the quaint and charming little poem. there headed Sally salter, and written originally for PuNcIm~ELLo, in the issire of which publication for Oct. 1st it made its first appearance, under the title of The Lovers. We congratulate the Sun on having thus successfu]ly lit its pipe with PCNcIrU~iELLos fire, though we think it might have been gracious enough to have acknowledged the favor: A PEOPLE OF TASTE. Tim extraordinary liberality of the generous people of Connecticut has frequently excited apprehension in the minds of their friends, that, sooner or later, as the result of their spendthrift career, they must come to beggary. But we are glad to hear that they are making an effort in New Haven to reform. The grocery men thete say that their customers taste so much before they can make up their minds to buy anything, that what with gratuitous slices of cheese and specimen mouthfuls of sugar and sample spoonfuls of molasses, the shop-keepers profits are most dolefully diminished. A particularly BLUE LAW against this economical custom will have the effect of sobering down these bril- liant Cullers. What Answer ~ - Is it likely that HORACE GREELEY, or any other man, could steer this country through its difficulties by means of the tillers of the soil? ANY MORE CAVES? Anorv the dreariest magazine or other reading we know ofand we get a deal of it, toois that which describes the visits of enthusiastic persons to big caves underground, very dark, damp, dreary, ugly, funereal with winding ways and huge holes, water with eyeless fish, and certain drippings called stalagmites and stalactites. The enthusiasts, who always pos- sess that priceless treasure self-satisfaction, and a boundless capacity for wonder (which is always ready to exercise itself with anything that is big, however ugly), nnd the Palaces, and Halls, and Cascades, and Altars, and Bridal Wreaths they see there are not only finer than real ones (if you would believe them!) but so grand and wonderful as to be really indescribable. So we. find them, by their turgid and stapid reports, which are all alike, and all dreary and silly. We have never heard of anybody who got excited over these pictures (except the artists themselves); and posi- tively there is no flatter reading anywhere than these gushing notes about big caves. GEOMETRICAL. Wuv is it that we hear oo much of the proper Sphere of woman? 11cm is that noble exile, the Princess EDITHA MoNrEz, lecturing again, and her subject, of course, is the Spherical one. So when Mesdames STANTON, DIcKINsoN, ANvuoxY, Howu --all the lovely lecturersdiscourse, they for ,et the platform which is plane, and discuss the sphere which is mysterious. Can it possibly be that it is because these amiable gentlewomen are always going- round ~ Or is it because they cannot help reasoning in a circl~ ? Or is there ome occult relation between spheres and hoops? Or has the wedding-ring something to do with it? It should be understood. .that these are questions addressed solely to male mathematicians; for Mr. P. is un- like JoRN GRAhAM, and doesnt care to cross- examine ladies. SECRETION EXTRAORDINARY. Ir is done by Mollusks. We can tell you even the precise kindit is the Gasteropod kind. Not only this, we know .the very devil himself that does it. . And you xviii say that divilis not a particle too rough a term, when we come to tell what it is he secretes.) It is the Do~um galect, good friends, and we could tell you six other kinds that are suspected of this meanness. One of em is the Pleurohrctn& ddbirn which, of course, you have often heard of. Well, what do these wretched Mollusks go and secrete.? We can tell youwe, who know everything. Ibis sulphuric acid! What! they steal it? Oh, no; they evolve itprobably from the depths of their own consciousness. And xvhat do they do it for? Well, they bore with it. Give em a chance, and theyll go throu~h you. The acid eats its xvay, and then they eat tlie?r way. That xvay is not ours, exactly; but we have known human beings about as venomous as this creature, and with precisely the same tendency to pierce one. They do it with their tongues, it is true, but the perforation is complete. THE WI~ONG PLACE. WE are unusually astonished to find the Female Reformers holding their meeting in this city in Apollo Hall. It is well known that APOLLO was a god of the male persuasion; and to have everything mix up well, these philosophical dames should have a Minerva Hall or a Diana Hall of- their own. Besides, xvas not APOLLO the God of Har- mony? Prectons little of that same was there ~t this meeting; for there was the Medical MARY ~ trying to make a speech, xvhile the Chairwoman put her down, causing MARY de MEDICI to cry out with shrill indignation: TYRANT! Bless us! we thought all the tyrants were we Bearded Ones. Entered according to Act of Congress, In the year 1870, by the Pt~xcTnxxL~o PT7nassnr-m COMPASY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washingtnn. WALKING DOWN CHATHA1V[ STREflT. Clot/dee. STEP IN AND LOOK AT OUR GOODS, CAPTAIN. SUMMER STUFFS AT A J)ISCOUNTNIcE LOT 0 WHITE DUCKS AT HALF PRICE. Sport ia-n. I -BEAT YOU THERE. IvE GOT A NICE LOT 0 BLACK DUCKS HERE THAT AINT TO BE HAD AT ANY PRICE.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. BRILLIANCY OF THE SUN, Tiiu Moon, as is generally known, shines wit1~ a borrowed light, while the Sun is popularly supposed to manufacture its own gas and to arrange its pyrotechnics on the premises. Our N. Y. Sun, however, does not always manufacture its own beams. By far the most brilliant of the sunbeams, for instance, published in that johrnaP of Novem- ber 1st, is the quaint and charming little poem. there headed Sally salter, and written originally for PuNcIm~ELLo, in the issire of which publication for Oct. 1st it made its first appearance, under the title of The Lovers. We congratulate the Sun on having thus successfu]ly lit its pipe with PCNcIrU~iELLos fire, though we think it might have been gracious enough to have acknowledged the favor: A PEOPLE OF TASTE. Tim extraordinary liberality of the generous people of Connecticut has frequently excited apprehension in the minds of their friends, that, sooner or later, as the result of their spendthrift career, they must come to beggary. But we are glad to hear that they are making an effort in New Haven to reform. The grocery men thete say that their customers taste so much before they can make up their minds to buy anything, that what with gratuitous slices of cheese and specimen mouthfuls of sugar and sample spoonfuls of molasses, the shop-keepers profits are most dolefully diminished. A particularly BLUE LAW against this economical custom will have the effect of sobering down these bril- liant Cullers. What Answer ~ - Is it likely that HORACE GREELEY, or any other man, could steer this country through its difficulties by means of the tillers of the soil? ANY MORE CAVES? Anorv the dreariest magazine or other reading we know ofand we get a deal of it, toois that which describes the visits of enthusiastic persons to big caves underground, very dark, damp, dreary, ugly, funereal with winding ways and huge holes, water with eyeless fish, and certain drippings called stalagmites and stalactites. The enthusiasts, who always pos- sess that priceless treasure self-satisfaction, and a boundless capacity for wonder (which is always ready to exercise itself with anything that is big, however ugly), nnd the Palaces, and Halls, and Cascades, and Altars, and Bridal Wreaths they see there are not only finer than real ones (if you would believe them!) but so grand and wonderful as to be really indescribable. So we. find them, by their turgid and stapid reports, which are all alike, and all dreary and silly. We have never heard of anybody who got excited over these pictures (except the artists themselves); and posi- tively there is no flatter reading anywhere than these gushing notes about big caves. GEOMETRICAL. Wuv is it that we hear oo much of the proper Sphere of woman? 11cm is that noble exile, the Princess EDITHA MoNrEz, lecturing again, and her subject, of course, is the Spherical one. So when Mesdames STANTON, DIcKINsoN, ANvuoxY, Howu --all the lovely lecturersdiscourse, they for ,et the platform which is plane, and discuss the sphere which is mysterious. Can it possibly be that it is because these amiable gentlewomen are always going- round ~ Or is it because they cannot help reasoning in a circl~ ? Or is there ome occult relation between spheres and hoops? Or has the wedding-ring something to do with it? It should be understood. .that these are questions addressed solely to male mathematicians; for Mr. P. is un- like JoRN GRAhAM, and doesnt care to cross- examine ladies. SECRETION EXTRAORDINARY. Ir is done by Mollusks. We can tell you even the precise kindit is the Gasteropod kind. Not only this, we know .the very devil himself that does it. . And you xviii say that divilis not a particle too rough a term, when we come to tell what it is he secretes.) It is the Do~um galect, good friends, and we could tell you six other kinds that are suspected of this meanness. One of em is the Pleurohrctn& ddbirn which, of course, you have often heard of. Well, what do these wretched Mollusks go and secrete.? We can tell youwe, who know everything. Ibis sulphuric acid! What! they steal it? Oh, no; they evolve itprobably from the depths of their own consciousness. And xvhat do they do it for? Well, they bore with it. Give em a chance, and theyll go throu~h you. The acid eats its xvay, and then they eat tlie?r way. That xvay is not ours, exactly; but we have known human beings about as venomous as this creature, and with precisely the same tendency to pierce one. They do it with their tongues, it is true, but the perforation is complete. THE WI~ONG PLACE. WE are unusually astonished to find the Female Reformers holding their meeting in this city in Apollo Hall. It is well known that APOLLO was a god of the male persuasion; and to have everything mix up well, these philosophical dames should have a Minerva Hall or a Diana Hall of- their own. Besides, xvas not APOLLO the God of Har- mony? Prectons little of that same was there ~t this meeting; for there was the Medical MARY ~ trying to make a speech, xvhile the Chairwoman put her down, causing MARY de MEDICI to cry out with shrill indignation: TYRANT! Bless us! we thought all the tyrants were we Bearded Ones. Entered according to Act of Congress, In the year 1870, by the Pt~xcTnxxL~o PT7nassnr-m COMPASY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washingtnn. WALKING DOWN CHATHA1V[ STREflT. Clot/dee. STEP IN AND LOOK AT OUR GOODS, CAPTAIN. SUMMER STUFFS AT A J)ISCOUNTNIcE LOT 0 WHITE DUCKS AT HALF PRICE. Sport ia-n. I -BEAT YOU THERE. IvE GOT A NICE LOT 0 BLACK DUCKS HERE THAT AINT TO BE HAD AT ANY PRICE.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. BRILLIANCY OF THE SUN, Tiiu Moon, as is generally known, shines wit1~ a borrowed light, while the Sun is popularly supposed to manufacture its own gas and to arrange its pyrotechnics on the premises. Our N. Y. Sun, however, does not always manufacture its own beams. By far the most brilliant of the sunbeams, for instance, published in that johrnaP of Novem- ber 1st, is the quaint and charming little poem. there headed Sally salter, and written originally for PuNcIm~ELLo, in the issire of which publication for Oct. 1st it made its first appearance, under the title of The Lovers. We congratulate the Sun on having thus successfu]ly lit its pipe with PCNcIrU~iELLos fire, though we think it might have been gracious enough to have acknowledged the favor: A PEOPLE OF TASTE. Tim extraordinary liberality of the generous people of Connecticut has frequently excited apprehension in the minds of their friends, that, sooner or later, as the result of their spendthrift career, they must come to beggary. But we are glad to hear that they are making an effort in New Haven to reform. The grocery men thete say that their customers taste so much before they can make up their minds to buy anything, that what with gratuitous slices of cheese and specimen mouthfuls of sugar and sample spoonfuls of molasses, the shop-keepers profits are most dolefully diminished. A particularly BLUE LAW against this economical custom will have the effect of sobering down these bril- liant Cullers. What Answer ~ - Is it likely that HORACE GREELEY, or any other man, could steer this country through its difficulties by means of the tillers of the soil? ANY MORE CAVES? Anorv the dreariest magazine or other reading we know ofand we get a deal of it, toois that which describes the visits of enthusiastic persons to big caves underground, very dark, damp, dreary, ugly, funereal with winding ways and huge holes, water with eyeless fish, and certain drippings called stalagmites and stalactites. The enthusiasts, who always pos- sess that priceless treasure self-satisfaction, and a boundless capacity for wonder (which is always ready to exercise itself with anything that is big, however ugly), nnd the Palaces, and Halls, and Cascades, and Altars, and Bridal Wreaths they see there are not only finer than real ones (if you would believe them!) but so grand and wonderful as to be really indescribable. So we. find them, by their turgid and stapid reports, which are all alike, and all dreary and silly. We have never heard of anybody who got excited over these pictures (except the artists themselves); and posi- tively there is no flatter reading anywhere than these gushing notes about big caves. GEOMETRICAL. Wuv is it that we hear oo much of the proper Sphere of woman? 11cm is that noble exile, the Princess EDITHA MoNrEz, lecturing again, and her subject, of course, is the Spherical one. So when Mesdames STANTON, DIcKINsoN, ANvuoxY, Howu --all the lovely lecturersdiscourse, they for ,et the platform which is plane, and discuss the sphere which is mysterious. Can it possibly be that it is because these amiable gentlewomen are always going- round ~ Or is it because they cannot help reasoning in a circl~ ? Or is there ome occult relation between spheres and hoops? Or has the wedding-ring something to do with it? It should be understood. .that these are questions addressed solely to male mathematicians; for Mr. P. is un- like JoRN GRAhAM, and doesnt care to cross- examine ladies. SECRETION EXTRAORDINARY. Ir is done by Mollusks. We can tell you even the precise kindit is the Gasteropod kind. Not only this, we know .the very devil himself that does it. . And you xviii say that divilis not a particle too rough a term, when we come to tell what it is he secretes.) It is the Do~um galect, good friends, and we could tell you six other kinds that are suspected of this meanness. One of em is the Pleurohrctn& ddbirn which, of course, you have often heard of. Well, what do these wretched Mollusks go and secrete.? We can tell youwe, who know everything. Ibis sulphuric acid! What! they steal it? Oh, no; they evolve itprobably from the depths of their own consciousness. And xvhat do they do it for? Well, they bore with it. Give em a chance, and theyll go throu~h you. The acid eats its xvay, and then they eat tlie?r way. That xvay is not ours, exactly; but we have known human beings about as venomous as this creature, and with precisely the same tendency to pierce one. They do it with their tongues, it is true, but the perforation is complete. THE WI~ONG PLACE. WE are unusually astonished to find the Female Reformers holding their meeting in this city in Apollo Hall. It is well known that APOLLO was a god of the male persuasion; and to have everything mix up well, these philosophical dames should have a Minerva Hall or a Diana Hall of- their own. Besides, xvas not APOLLO the God of Har- mony? Prectons little of that same was there ~t this meeting; for there was the Medical MARY ~ trying to make a speech, xvhile the Chairwoman put her down, causing MARY de MEDICI to cry out with shrill indignation: TYRANT! Bless us! we thought all the tyrants were we Bearded Ones. Entered according to Act of Congress, In the year 1870, by the Pt~xcTnxxL~o PT7nassnr-m COMPASY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washingtnn. WALKING DOWN CHATHA1V[ STREflT. Clot/dee. STEP IN AND LOOK AT OUR GOODS, CAPTAIN. SUMMER STUFFS AT A J)ISCOUNTNIcE LOT 0 WHITE DUCKS AT HALF PRICE. Sport ia-n. I -BEAT YOU THERE. IvE GOT A NICE LOT 0 BLACK DUCKS HERE THAT AINT TO BE HAD AT ANY PRICE.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. BRILLIANCY OF THE SUN, Tiiu Moon, as is generally known, shines wit1~ a borrowed light, while the Sun is popularly supposed to manufacture its own gas and to arrange its pyrotechnics on the premises. Our N. Y. Sun, however, does not always manufacture its own beams. By far the most brilliant of the sunbeams, for instance, published in that johrnaP of Novem- ber 1st, is the quaint and charming little poem. there headed Sally salter, and written originally for PuNcIm~ELLo, in the issire of which publication for Oct. 1st it made its first appearance, under the title of The Lovers. We congratulate the Sun on having thus successfu]ly lit its pipe with PCNcIrU~iELLos fire, though we think it might have been gracious enough to have acknowledged the favor: A PEOPLE OF TASTE. Tim extraordinary liberality of the generous people of Connecticut has frequently excited apprehension in the minds of their friends, that, sooner or later, as the result of their spendthrift career, they must come to beggary. But we are glad to hear that they are making an effort in New Haven to reform. The grocery men thete say that their customers taste so much before they can make up their minds to buy anything, that what with gratuitous slices of cheese and specimen mouthfuls of sugar and sample spoonfuls of molasses, the shop-keepers profits are most dolefully diminished. A particularly BLUE LAW against this economical custom will have the effect of sobering down these bril- liant Cullers. What Answer ~ - Is it likely that HORACE GREELEY, or any other man, could steer this country through its difficulties by means of the tillers of the soil? ANY MORE CAVES? Anorv the dreariest magazine or other reading we know ofand we get a deal of it, toois that which describes the visits of enthusiastic persons to big caves underground, very dark, damp, dreary, ugly, funereal with winding ways and huge holes, water with eyeless fish, and certain drippings called stalagmites and stalactites. The enthusiasts, who always pos- sess that priceless treasure self-satisfaction, and a boundless capacity for wonder (which is always ready to exercise itself with anything that is big, however ugly), nnd the Palaces, and Halls, and Cascades, and Altars, and Bridal Wreaths they see there are not only finer than real ones (if you would believe them!) but so grand and wonderful as to be really indescribable. So we. find them, by their turgid and stapid reports, which are all alike, and all dreary and silly. We have never heard of anybody who got excited over these pictures (except the artists themselves); and posi- tively there is no flatter reading anywhere than these gushing notes about big caves. GEOMETRICAL. Wuv is it that we hear oo much of the proper Sphere of woman? 11cm is that noble exile, the Princess EDITHA MoNrEz, lecturing again, and her subject, of course, is the Spherical one. So when Mesdames STANTON, DIcKINsoN, ANvuoxY, Howu --all the lovely lecturersdiscourse, they for ,et the platform which is plane, and discuss the sphere which is mysterious. Can it possibly be that it is because these amiable gentlewomen are always going- round ~ Or is it because they cannot help reasoning in a circl~ ? Or is there ome occult relation between spheres and hoops? Or has the wedding-ring something to do with it? It should be understood. .that these are questions addressed solely to male mathematicians; for Mr. P. is un- like JoRN GRAhAM, and doesnt care to cross- examine ladies. SECRETION EXTRAORDINARY. Ir is done by Mollusks. We can tell you even the precise kindit is the Gasteropod kind. Not only this, we know .the very devil himself that does it. . And you xviii say that divilis not a particle too rough a term, when we come to tell what it is he secretes.) It is the Do~um galect, good friends, and we could tell you six other kinds that are suspected of this meanness. One of em is the Pleurohrctn& ddbirn which, of course, you have often heard of. Well, what do these wretched Mollusks go and secrete.? We can tell youwe, who know everything. Ibis sulphuric acid! What! they steal it? Oh, no; they evolve itprobably from the depths of their own consciousness. And xvhat do they do it for? Well, they bore with it. Give em a chance, and theyll go throu~h you. The acid eats its xvay, and then they eat tlie?r way. That xvay is not ours, exactly; but we have known human beings about as venomous as this creature, and with precisely the same tendency to pierce one. They do it with their tongues, it is true, but the perforation is complete. THE WI~ONG PLACE. WE are unusually astonished to find the Female Reformers holding their meeting in this city in Apollo Hall. It is well known that APOLLO was a god of the male persuasion; and to have everything mix up well, these philosophical dames should have a Minerva Hall or a Diana Hall of- their own. Besides, xvas not APOLLO the God of Har- mony? Prectons little of that same was there ~t this meeting; for there was the Medical MARY ~ trying to make a speech, xvhile the Chairwoman put her down, causing MARY de MEDICI to cry out with shrill indignation: TYRANT! Bless us! we thought all the tyrants were we Bearded Ones. Entered according to Act of Congress, In the year 1870, by the Pt~xcTnxxL~o PT7nassnr-m COMPASY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washingtnn. WALKING DOWN CHATHA1V[ STREflT. Clot/dee. STEP IN AND LOOK AT OUR GOODS, CAPTAIN. SUMMER STUFFS AT A J)ISCOUNTNIcE LOT 0 WHITE DUCKS AT HALF PRICE. Sport ia-n. I -BEAT YOU THERE. IvE GOT A NICE LOT 0 BLACK DUCKS HERE THAT AINT TO BE HAD AT ANY PRICE.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. BRILLIANCY OF THE SUN, Tiiu Moon, as is generally known, shines wit1~ a borrowed light, while the Sun is popularly supposed to manufacture its own gas and to arrange its pyrotechnics on the premises. Our N. Y. Sun, however, does not always manufacture its own beams. By far the most brilliant of the sunbeams, for instance, published in that johrnaP of Novem- ber 1st, is the quaint and charming little poem. there headed Sally salter, and written originally for PuNcIm~ELLo, in the issire of which publication for Oct. 1st it made its first appearance, under the title of The Lovers. We congratulate the Sun on having thus successfu]ly lit its pipe with PCNcIrU~iELLos fire, though we think it might have been gracious enough to have acknowledged the favor: A PEOPLE OF TASTE. Tim extraordinary liberality of the generous people of Connecticut has frequently excited apprehension in the minds of their friends, that, sooner or later, as the result of their spendthrift career, they must come to beggary. But we are glad to hear that they are making an effort in New Haven to reform. The grocery men thete say that their customers taste so much before they can make up their minds to buy anything, that what with gratuitous slices of cheese and specimen mouthfuls of sugar and sample spoonfuls of molasses, the shop-keepers profits are most dolefully diminished. A particularly BLUE LAW against this economical custom will have the effect of sobering down these bril- liant Cullers. What Answer ~ - Is it likely that HORACE GREELEY, or any other man, could steer this country through its difficulties by means of the tillers of the soil? ANY MORE CAVES? Anorv the dreariest magazine or other reading we know ofand we get a deal of it, toois that which describes the visits of enthusiastic persons to big caves underground, very dark, damp, dreary, ugly, funereal with winding ways and huge holes, water with eyeless fish, and certain drippings called stalagmites and stalactites. The enthusiasts, who always pos- sess that priceless treasure self-satisfaction, and a boundless capacity for wonder (which is always ready to exercise itself with anything that is big, however ugly), nnd the Palaces, and Halls, and Cascades, and Altars, and Bridal Wreaths they see there are not only finer than real ones (if you would believe them!) but so grand and wonderful as to be really indescribable. So we. find them, by their turgid and stapid reports, which are all alike, and all dreary and silly. We have never heard of anybody who got excited over these pictures (except the artists themselves); and posi- tively there is no flatter reading anywhere than these gushing notes about big caves. GEOMETRICAL. Wuv is it that we hear oo much of the proper Sphere of woman? 11cm is that noble exile, the Princess EDITHA MoNrEz, lecturing again, and her subject, of course, is the Spherical one. So when Mesdames STANTON, DIcKINsoN, ANvuoxY, Howu --all the lovely lecturersdiscourse, they for ,et the platform which is plane, and discuss the sphere which is mysterious. Can it possibly be that it is because these amiable gentlewomen are always going- round ~ Or is it because they cannot help reasoning in a circl~ ? Or is there ome occult relation between spheres and hoops? Or has the wedding-ring something to do with it? It should be understood. .that these are questions addressed solely to male mathematicians; for Mr. P. is un- like JoRN GRAhAM, and doesnt care to cross- examine ladies. SECRETION EXTRAORDINARY. Ir is done by Mollusks. We can tell you even the precise kindit is the Gasteropod kind. Not only this, we know .the very devil himself that does it. . And you xviii say that divilis not a particle too rough a term, when we come to tell what it is he secretes.) It is the Do~um galect, good friends, and we could tell you six other kinds that are suspected of this meanness. One of em is the Pleurohrctn& ddbirn which, of course, you have often heard of. Well, what do these wretched Mollusks go and secrete.? We can tell youwe, who know everything. Ibis sulphuric acid! What! they steal it? Oh, no; they evolve itprobably from the depths of their own consciousness. And xvhat do they do it for? Well, they bore with it. Give em a chance, and theyll go throu~h you. The acid eats its xvay, and then they eat tlie?r way. That xvay is not ours, exactly; but we have known human beings about as venomous as this creature, and with precisely the same tendency to pierce one. They do it with their tongues, it is true, but the perforation is complete. THE WI~ONG PLACE. WE are unusually astonished to find the Female Reformers holding their meeting in this city in Apollo Hall. It is well known that APOLLO was a god of the male persuasion; and to have everything mix up well, these philosophical dames should have a Minerva Hall or a Diana Hall of- their own. Besides, xvas not APOLLO the God of Har- mony? Prectons little of that same was there ~t this meeting; for there was the Medical MARY ~ trying to make a speech, xvhile the Chairwoman put her down, causing MARY de MEDICI to cry out with shrill indignation: TYRANT! Bless us! we thought all the tyrants were we Bearded Ones. Entered according to Act of Congress, In the year 1870, by the Pt~xcTnxxL~o PT7nassnr-m COMPASY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washingtnn. WALKING DOWN CHATHA1V[ STREflT. Clot/dee. STEP IN AND LOOK AT OUR GOODS, CAPTAIN. SUMMER STUFFS AT A J)ISCOUNTNIcE LOT 0 WHITE DUCKS AT HALF PRICE. Sport ia-n. I -BEAT YOU THERE. IvE GOT A NICE LOT 0 BLACK DUCKS HERE THAT AINT TO BE HAD AT ANY PRICE.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. BRILLIANCY OF THE SUN, Tiiu Moon, as is generally known, shines wit1~ a borrowed light, while the Sun is popularly supposed to manufacture its own gas and to arrange its pyrotechnics on the premises. Our N. Y. Sun, however, does not always manufacture its own beams. By far the most brilliant of the sunbeams, for instance, published in that johrnaP of Novem- ber 1st, is the quaint and charming little poem. there headed Sally salter, and written originally for PuNcIm~ELLo, in the issire of which publication for Oct. 1st it made its first appearance, under the title of The Lovers. We congratulate the Sun on having thus successfu]ly lit its pipe with PCNcIrU~iELLos fire, though we think it might have been gracious enough to have acknowledged the favor: A PEOPLE OF TASTE. Tim extraordinary liberality of the generous people of Connecticut has frequently excited apprehension in the minds of their friends, that, sooner or later, as the result of their spendthrift career, they must come to beggary. But we are glad to hear that they are making an effort in New Haven to reform. The grocery men thete say that their customers taste so much before they can make up their minds to buy anything, that what with gratuitous slices of cheese and specimen mouthfuls of sugar and sample spoonfuls of molasses, the shop-keepers profits are most dolefully diminished. A particularly BLUE LAW against this economical custom will have the effect of sobering down these bril- liant Cullers. What Answer ~ - Is it likely that HORACE GREELEY, or any other man, could steer this country through its difficulties by means of the tillers of the soil? ANY MORE CAVES? Anorv the dreariest magazine or other reading we know ofand we get a deal of it, toois that which describes the visits of enthusiastic persons to big caves underground, very dark, damp, dreary, ugly, funereal with winding ways and huge holes, water with eyeless fish, and certain drippings called stalagmites and stalactites. The enthusiasts, who always pos- sess that priceless treasure self-satisfaction, and a boundless capacity for wonder (which is always ready to exercise itself with anything that is big, however ugly), nnd the Palaces, and Halls, and Cascades, and Altars, and Bridal Wreaths they see there are not only finer than real ones (if you would believe them!) but so grand and wonderful as to be really indescribable. So we. find them, by their turgid and stapid reports, which are all alike, and all dreary and silly. We have never heard of anybody who got excited over these pictures (except the artists themselves); and posi- tively there is no flatter reading anywhere than these gushing notes about big caves. GEOMETRICAL. Wuv is it that we hear oo much of the proper Sphere of woman? 11cm is that noble exile, the Princess EDITHA MoNrEz, lecturing again, and her subject, of course, is the Spherical one. So when Mesdames STANTON, DIcKINsoN, ANvuoxY, Howu --all the lovely lecturersdiscourse, they for ,et the platform which is plane, and discuss the sphere which is mysterious. Can it possibly be that it is because these amiable gentlewomen are always going- round ~ Or is it because they cannot help reasoning in a circl~ ? Or is there ome occult relation between spheres and hoops? Or has the wedding-ring something to do with it? It should be understood. .that these are questions addressed solely to male mathematicians; for Mr. P. is un- like JoRN GRAhAM, and doesnt care to cross- examine ladies. SECRETION EXTRAORDINARY. Ir is done by Mollusks. We can tell you even the precise kindit is the Gasteropod kind. Not only this, we know .the very devil himself that does it. . And you xviii say that divilis not a particle too rough a term, when we come to tell what it is he secretes.) It is the Do~um galect, good friends, and we could tell you six other kinds that are suspected of this meanness. One of em is the Pleurohrctn& ddbirn which, of course, you have often heard of. Well, what do these wretched Mollusks go and secrete.? We can tell youwe, who know everything. Ibis sulphuric acid! What! they steal it? Oh, no; they evolve itprobably from the depths of their own consciousness. And xvhat do they do it for? Well, they bore with it. Give em a chance, and theyll go throu~h you. The acid eats its xvay, and then they eat tlie?r way. That xvay is not ours, exactly; but we have known human beings about as venomous as this creature, and with precisely the same tendency to pierce one. They do it with their tongues, it is true, but the perforation is complete. THE WI~ONG PLACE. WE are unusually astonished to find the Female Reformers holding their meeting in this city in Apollo Hall. It is well known that APOLLO was a god of the male persuasion; and to have everything mix up well, these philosophical dames should have a Minerva Hall or a Diana Hall of- their own. Besides, xvas not APOLLO the God of Har- mony? Prectons little of that same was there ~t this meeting; for there was the Medical MARY ~ trying to make a speech, xvhile the Chairwoman put her down, causing MARY de MEDICI to cry out with shrill indignation: TYRANT! Bless us! we thought all the tyrants were we Bearded Ones. Entered according to Act of Congress, In the year 1870, by the Pt~xcTnxxL~o PT7nassnr-m COMPASY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washingtnn. WALKING DOWN CHATHA1V[ STREflT. Clot/dee. STEP IN AND LOOK AT OUR GOODS, CAPTAIN. SUMMER STUFFS AT A J)ISCOUNTNIcE LOT 0 WHITE DUCKS AT HALF PRICE. Sport ia-n. I -BEAT YOU THERE. IvE GOT A NICE LOT 0 BLACK DUCKS HERE THAT AINT TO BE HAD AT ANY PRICE.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. BRILLIANCY OF THE SUN, Tiiu Moon, as is generally known, shines wit1~ a borrowed light, while the Sun is popularly supposed to manufacture its own gas and to arrange its pyrotechnics on the premises. Our N. Y. Sun, however, does not always manufacture its own beams. By far the most brilliant of the sunbeams, for instance, published in that johrnaP of Novem- ber 1st, is the quaint and charming little poem. there headed Sally salter, and written originally for PuNcIm~ELLo, in the issire of which publication for Oct. 1st it made its first appearance, under the title of The Lovers. We congratulate the Sun on having thus successfu]ly lit its pipe with PCNcIrU~iELLos fire, though we think it might have been gracious enough to have acknowledged the favor: A PEOPLE OF TASTE. Tim extraordinary liberality of the generous people of Connecticut has frequently excited apprehension in the minds of their friends, that, sooner or later, as the result of their spendthrift career, they must come to beggary. But we are glad to hear that they are making an effort in New Haven to reform. The grocery men thete say that their customers taste so much before they can make up their minds to buy anything, that what with gratuitous slices of cheese and specimen mouthfuls of sugar and sample spoonfuls of molasses, the shop-keepers profits are most dolefully diminished. A particularly BLUE LAW against this economical custom will have the effect of sobering down these bril- liant Cullers. What Answer ~ - Is it likely that HORACE GREELEY, or any other man, could steer this country through its difficulties by means of the tillers of the soil? ANY MORE CAVES? Anorv the dreariest magazine or other reading we know ofand we get a deal of it, toois that which describes the visits of enthusiastic persons to big caves underground, very dark, damp, dreary, ugly, funereal with winding ways and huge holes, water with eyeless fish, and certain drippings called stalagmites and stalactites. The enthusiasts, who always pos- sess that priceless treasure self-satisfaction, and a boundless capacity for wonder (which is always ready to exercise itself with anything that is big, however ugly), nnd the Palaces, and Halls, and Cascades, and Altars, and Bridal Wreaths they see there are not only finer than real ones (if you would believe them!) but so grand and wonderful as to be really indescribable. So we. find them, by their turgid and stapid reports, which are all alike, and all dreary and silly. We have never heard of anybody who got excited over these pictures (except the artists themselves); and posi- tively there is no flatter reading anywhere than these gushing notes about big caves. GEOMETRICAL. Wuv is it that we hear oo much of the proper Sphere of woman? 11cm is that noble exile, the Princess EDITHA MoNrEz, lecturing again, and her subject, of course, is the Spherical one. So when Mesdames STANTON, DIcKINsoN, ANvuoxY, Howu --all the lovely lecturersdiscourse, they for ,et the platform which is plane, and discuss the sphere which is mysterious. Can it possibly be that it is because these amiable gentlewomen are always going- round ~ Or is it because they cannot help reasoning in a circl~ ? Or is there ome occult relation between spheres and hoops? Or has the wedding-ring something to do with it? It should be understood. .that these are questions addressed solely to male mathematicians; for Mr. P. is un- like JoRN GRAhAM, and doesnt care to cross- examine ladies. SECRETION EXTRAORDINARY. Ir is done by Mollusks. We can tell you even the precise kindit is the Gasteropod kind. Not only this, we know .the very devil himself that does it. . And you xviii say that divilis not a particle too rough a term, when we come to tell what it is he secretes.) It is the Do~um galect, good friends, and we could tell you six other kinds that are suspected of this meanness. One of em is the Pleurohrctn& ddbirn which, of course, you have often heard of. Well, what do these wretched Mollusks go and secrete.? We can tell youwe, who know everything. Ibis sulphuric acid! What! they steal it? Oh, no; they evolve itprobably from the depths of their own consciousness. And xvhat do they do it for? Well, they bore with it. Give em a chance, and theyll go throu~h you. The acid eats its xvay, and then they eat tlie?r way. That xvay is not ours, exactly; but we have known human beings about as venomous as this creature, and with precisely the same tendency to pierce one. They do it with their tongues, it is true, but the perforation is complete. THE WI~ONG PLACE. WE are unusually astonished to find the Female Reformers holding their meeting in this city in Apollo Hall. It is well known that APOLLO was a god of the male persuasion; and to have everything mix up well, these philosophical dames should have a Minerva Hall or a Diana Hall of- their own. Besides, xvas not APOLLO the God of Har- mony? Prectons little of that same was there ~t this meeting; for there was the Medical MARY ~ trying to make a speech, xvhile the Chairwoman put her down, causing MARY de MEDICI to cry out with shrill indignation: TYRANT! Bless us! we thought all the tyrants were we Bearded Ones. Entered according to Act of Congress, In the year 1870, by the Pt~xcTnxxL~o PT7nassnr-m COMPASY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washingtnn. WALKING DOWN CHATHA1V[ STREflT. Clot/dee. STEP IN AND LOOK AT OUR GOODS, CAPTAIN. SUMMER STUFFS AT A J)ISCOUNTNIcE LOT 0 WHITE DUCKS AT HALF PRICE. Sport ia-n. I -BEAT YOU THERE. IvE GOT A NICE LOT 0 BLACK DUCKS HERE THAT AINT TO BE HAD AT ANY PRICE. 116 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19, 1870. . LETTER FROX CHICAGO. URPOSELY or otherwise, ~we are all on our way to Califor- nia nowmen, women, and childrengraybeards and ba- bies. We did Europe two or three years ago, so that idea is obsolete, excepting as a bridal tour; then, too, the more peaceably inclined, who have not seen the European elephant, would prefer to wait until that country is again in a state of. quies- cence. But Chicago is con- stantly se~iding out her ad- venture-loving citizens upon the Pacific road, each one of whom looks, sees, admires, and suddenly develops an ~ epistolary talent hitherto un- dreamed of by his most en- thusiastic friends. Theres our MELISSA, for instanceshe never used to have a pen in her hand more than once in the course of six months, and nowwhy, we really seem to have another S~vIoN~ budding right in our midst. She went to California, saw all the sights, and wondered, and admired, and wrote. The. floods of eloquence that had so long been slumbering now burst forth beyond all hindrance or control. She stopped at Salt Lake, and called upon BRIGHAM YOUNG, and was so disgusted with the mighty prophet that she would not look at him. Yet, considering that circumstance, she described his personal appearance with wonderful vividness and accuracy. She indulged in the usual amount of stern remonstrance and indignation, that seem to be almost indispensable to the occasion. ALoNzo asked why she called upon the dreadful man, and somewhat maliciously inquired if it was not for the express pur- pose of being shocked and horrified, thus affording a fine chance to moralize, and display the elevation of her own principles, and, in fact, help to fill out a good article; but MELISSA most vigorously denied the soft im~peachment. Then she saw the sad wives, whose days of sunshine are gone by, and the merry ones, who don the cap and belle deliberately; and for their benefit she expended just the proper degree of astonishment and sympathyso fully substantiating the sound and praisesvorthy condition of her own mind and heart. This excellent young woman also caught glimpses of the red man, and here was another glorious opportunity to display her literary geniusand she did not let the occasion slipO no! it produced a plaintive little rhapsody of pity and regret, such as Mr. to !is apt to inspire in the hearts of the young and romantic, although if MELISSA were to find herself alone in a forest, with the faintest suspi- cion of Mr. to! meandering anywhere near, she would most likely apply her hand involuntarily to her trembling chignon, and regret as keenly as all 4ard-hearted persons, that civilization has not carried out the process of extermination even more thoroughly than it has done. Indeed, she would probably wish the red gentleman at the bottom of the Red Sea, or in some other equally damp and discouraging situation. The noble-hearted braves are so much prettier to read about than to encounter, and the thrill occasioned by the sight of a bloody hatchet suspended over the intricate elaboration which we so fondly term a head, though more exciting perhaps, would scarcely be as delightful as that awakened by some perfectly safe and stirring ballad of the red mans wrongs. MELISSAS ideas of refinement met with a great shock. She conchi-~ ded that the Indians acquaintance with soap and water must be ex- tremely limited, and thought that the distribution amongst them of several boxes of. COLGATES best would be a most delicate courtesy, and true missionary enterprise. In looking at these noble representa- tives of savage life, she was greatly puzzled to discover where the dirt ended and the Indian began: but philanthropy should overlook such trifles. Philanthropy shouldnt be squeamish. MELISSAecstasizedover Lake Tahoe, and Yo Semit6, and the Big Trees, and was delighted, enchanted, and enraptured in the most thorough and conscientious maimer. She revelled amongst California grapes and pears, and quaffed the California wines with appropriate delight and hilarity. She also studied JOHN CHINAMAN in all his phases, and came to the conclusion that he would do. She thought it would be a seraphic exPerience to see the pride and importance of Misses BRIDGET itad GRETCHEN taken d6wn a little. Jom~ would certainly not possess the voinble eloquence of the ~first, nor the stolid impudence of the aecoiid, nor would he have, like the pretty SWede, a train of admirers a mile in length. Of course he would not have these advantages to re- com~nend him. But then one can get along without florid oratory in the kitchen, and althongh a lady may feel highly pleased and flattered to see an unending procession of admirers file in and out of her draw- ing-rooms, still she has a most decided objection to seeing the same imposing spectacle in her kitchen. Women will be inconsistent. MELISSA particularly admired JoHNs manner of ironing. She thought it peculiar but genteel, and gentility is always desirable. There must be something about the climate of ~Jalifornia that is es- pecially inspiring to authorsa kind of magnetism in the atmosphere that draws out all the literary talentwhich maybe lying dormant in their soulsso thatany one desirous of becoming a writer, has only to take a trip to that fascinating region, and at some unexpected moment he will awake with rapture and delight to the blessed consciousness of having blossomed into a flower of genius, and, as such, will feel privi- leged at once to deluge his family, his friends, and the world in general, with the brilliant results of his most delightful discovery. THE PROFIT OF PURITAN PRISONS. SPATh~ has commissioned a Mr. AZCARATE, a Cuban, to visit and re- port upon our penal institutions, and the gentleman is now in the country. We trust he will not fail to visit the Connecticut State Prison. There he would unquestionably obtain numerous hints for improving the Spanish system of prison torture, or even that in vogue in his native land, for political prisoners. . There he might learn how Yankee thrift, applied in this direction, makes the starving of convicts even a more profitable business than manufacturing wooden nutmegs. Perhaps not the least valuable information he would gain, would be the best method of goading obnoxious prisonersinto revolt, and thus obtaining a chance for disposing of them, legally, by a capital conviction. AN OPEN CONGRESSIONAL COUNTENANCE. IT is oddly enough objected to the re-election of a certain Member of Congress from Massachusetts, that he cant open his mouth. It might be answered that Gen. BUTLER is qulte able to open his mouth wide enough for the whole delegation. The mouth may be opened for two purposes, viz., speech-making and swal]owing; and it never - ap- peared to us that there was any lack either of Bolting or Beliering in the House of Representatives. However notably Honorable Gentlemen may play the game either of Gab or Grab, it isnt so clear that their constituents are much benefited by these accomplishments. If all they want is an open-mouthed Member, why dont the Massachusetts men import a first-class crocodile, and send him to the National Menagerie in Washington? SPREAD OF AMERICAN PRINCIPLES. IT is with a heart full of patriotic pride and gratitude that Mr. - PUNCHINELLO observes the adoption, in his dear native Italy, of the manners and customs of the Land of his Adoption. At an election recently held in Rome, about something or some other thing, one enter- prising Roman has been discovered who voted yes twenty-five times in as many electoral urnsthereby, it is to be presumed, earning a good deal of money. We have a more lively hope for charming Italy when we find even a single citizen exhibiting a skill which would do honor to the most accomplished professional voter in New York. There is some- thing encouraging in finding the Sons of Sv. PETER becoming, every one of them, Re-Peters. To Comnneiitators. Thn Sun of York, mentioned in RICHARD III., has no reference to the Sun of New York: neither was the quotation, Who is here so base, that would be a bondman ? especially meant for application to THE ALLEN. Beatific. THEY talk a great deal about the twenty-eight inch beet they have grown in California, but a policeman of this city has a beat three miles long.

116 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19, 1870. . LETTER FROX CHICAGO. URPOSELY or otherwise, ~we are all on our way to Califor- nia nowmen, women, and childrengraybeards and ba- bies. We did Europe two or three years ago, so that idea is obsolete, excepting as a bridal tour; then, too, the more peaceably inclined, who have not seen the European elephant, would prefer to wait until that country is again in a state of. quies- cence. But Chicago is con- stantly se~iding out her ad- venture-loving citizens upon the Pacific road, each one of whom looks, sees, admires, and suddenly develops an ~ epistolary talent hitherto un- dreamed of by his most en- thusiastic friends. Theres our MELISSA, for instanceshe never used to have a pen in her hand more than once in the course of six months, and nowwhy, we really seem to have another S~vIoN~ budding right in our midst. She went to California, saw all the sights, and wondered, and admired, and wrote. The. floods of eloquence that had so long been slumbering now burst forth beyond all hindrance or control. She stopped at Salt Lake, and called upon BRIGHAM YOUNG, and was so disgusted with the mighty prophet that she would not look at him. Yet, considering that circumstance, she described his personal appearance with wonderful vividness and accuracy. She indulged in the usual amount of stern remonstrance and indignation, that seem to be almost indispensable to the occasion. ALoNzo asked why she called upon the dreadful man, and somewhat maliciously inquired if it was not for the express pur- pose of being shocked and horrified, thus affording a fine chance to moralize, and display the elevation of her own principles, and, in fact, help to fill out a good article; but MELISSA most vigorously denied the soft im~peachment. Then she saw the sad wives, whose days of sunshine are gone by, and the merry ones, who don the cap and belle deliberately; and for their benefit she expended just the proper degree of astonishment and sympathyso fully substantiating the sound and praisesvorthy condition of her own mind and heart. This excellent young woman also caught glimpses of the red man, and here was another glorious opportunity to display her literary geniusand she did not let the occasion slipO no! it produced a plaintive little rhapsody of pity and regret, such as Mr. to !is apt to inspire in the hearts of the young and romantic, although if MELISSA were to find herself alone in a forest, with the faintest suspi- cion of Mr. to! meandering anywhere near, she would most likely apply her hand involuntarily to her trembling chignon, and regret as keenly as all 4ard-hearted persons, that civilization has not carried out the process of extermination even more thoroughly than it has done. Indeed, she would probably wish the red gentleman at the bottom of the Red Sea, or in some other equally damp and discouraging situation. The noble-hearted braves are so much prettier to read about than to encounter, and the thrill occasioned by the sight of a bloody hatchet suspended over the intricate elaboration which we so fondly term a head, though more exciting perhaps, would scarcely be as delightful as that awakened by some perfectly safe and stirring ballad of the red mans wrongs. MELISSAS ideas of refinement met with a great shock. She conchi-~ ded that the Indians acquaintance with soap and water must be ex- tremely limited, and thought that the distribution amongst them of several boxes of. COLGATES best would be a most delicate courtesy, and true missionary enterprise. In looking at these noble representa- tives of savage life, she was greatly puzzled to discover where the dirt ended and the Indian began: but philanthropy should overlook such trifles. Philanthropy shouldnt be squeamish. MELISSAecstasizedover Lake Tahoe, and Yo Semit6, and the Big Trees, and was delighted, enchanted, and enraptured in the most thorough and conscientious maimer. She revelled amongst California grapes and pears, and quaffed the California wines with appropriate delight and hilarity. She also studied JOHN CHINAMAN in all his phases, and came to the conclusion that he would do. She thought it would be a seraphic exPerience to see the pride and importance of Misses BRIDGET itad GRETCHEN taken d6wn a little. Jom~ would certainly not possess the voinble eloquence of the ~first, nor the stolid impudence of the aecoiid, nor would he have, like the pretty SWede, a train of admirers a mile in length. Of course he would not have these advantages to re- com~nend him. But then one can get along without florid oratory in the kitchen, and althongh a lady may feel highly pleased and flattered to see an unending procession of admirers file in and out of her draw- ing-rooms, still she has a most decided objection to seeing the same imposing spectacle in her kitchen. Women will be inconsistent. MELISSA particularly admired JoHNs manner of ironing. She thought it peculiar but genteel, and gentility is always desirable. There must be something about the climate of ~Jalifornia that is es- pecially inspiring to authorsa kind of magnetism in the atmosphere that draws out all the literary talentwhich maybe lying dormant in their soulsso thatany one desirous of becoming a writer, has only to take a trip to that fascinating region, and at some unexpected moment he will awake with rapture and delight to the blessed consciousness of having blossomed into a flower of genius, and, as such, will feel privi- leged at once to deluge his family, his friends, and the world in general, with the brilliant results of his most delightful discovery. THE PROFIT OF PURITAN PRISONS. SPATh~ has commissioned a Mr. AZCARATE, a Cuban, to visit and re- port upon our penal institutions, and the gentleman is now in the country. We trust he will not fail to visit the Connecticut State Prison. There he would unquestionably obtain numerous hints for improving the Spanish system of prison torture, or even that in vogue in his native land, for political prisoners. . There he might learn how Yankee thrift, applied in this direction, makes the starving of convicts even a more profitable business than manufacturing wooden nutmegs. Perhaps not the least valuable information he would gain, would be the best method of goading obnoxious prisonersinto revolt, and thus obtaining a chance for disposing of them, legally, by a capital conviction. AN OPEN CONGRESSIONAL COUNTENANCE. IT is oddly enough objected to the re-election of a certain Member of Congress from Massachusetts, that he cant open his mouth. It might be answered that Gen. BUTLER is qulte able to open his mouth wide enough for the whole delegation. The mouth may be opened for two purposes, viz., speech-making and swal]owing; and it never - ap- peared to us that there was any lack either of Bolting or Beliering in the House of Representatives. However notably Honorable Gentlemen may play the game either of Gab or Grab, it isnt so clear that their constituents are much benefited by these accomplishments. If all they want is an open-mouthed Member, why dont the Massachusetts men import a first-class crocodile, and send him to the National Menagerie in Washington? SPREAD OF AMERICAN PRINCIPLES. IT is with a heart full of patriotic pride and gratitude that Mr. - PUNCHINELLO observes the adoption, in his dear native Italy, of the manners and customs of the Land of his Adoption. At an election recently held in Rome, about something or some other thing, one enter- prising Roman has been discovered who voted yes twenty-five times in as many electoral urnsthereby, it is to be presumed, earning a good deal of money. We have a more lively hope for charming Italy when we find even a single citizen exhibiting a skill which would do honor to the most accomplished professional voter in New York. There is some- thing encouraging in finding the Sons of Sv. PETER becoming, every one of them, Re-Peters. To Comnneiitators. Thn Sun of York, mentioned in RICHARD III., has no reference to the Sun of New York: neither was the quotation, Who is here so base, that would be a bondman ? especially meant for application to THE ALLEN. Beatific. THEY talk a great deal about the twenty-eight inch beet they have grown in California, but a policeman of this city has a beat three miles long.

116 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19, 1870. . LETTER FROX CHICAGO. URPOSELY or otherwise, ~we are all on our way to Califor- nia nowmen, women, and childrengraybeards and ba- bies. We did Europe two or three years ago, so that idea is obsolete, excepting as a bridal tour; then, too, the more peaceably inclined, who have not seen the European elephant, would prefer to wait until that country is again in a state of. quies- cence. But Chicago is con- stantly se~iding out her ad- venture-loving citizens upon the Pacific road, each one of whom looks, sees, admires, and suddenly develops an ~ epistolary talent hitherto un- dreamed of by his most en- thusiastic friends. Theres our MELISSA, for instanceshe never used to have a pen in her hand more than once in the course of six months, and nowwhy, we really seem to have another S~vIoN~ budding right in our midst. She went to California, saw all the sights, and wondered, and admired, and wrote. The. floods of eloquence that had so long been slumbering now burst forth beyond all hindrance or control. She stopped at Salt Lake, and called upon BRIGHAM YOUNG, and was so disgusted with the mighty prophet that she would not look at him. Yet, considering that circumstance, she described his personal appearance with wonderful vividness and accuracy. She indulged in the usual amount of stern remonstrance and indignation, that seem to be almost indispensable to the occasion. ALoNzo asked why she called upon the dreadful man, and somewhat maliciously inquired if it was not for the express pur- pose of being shocked and horrified, thus affording a fine chance to moralize, and display the elevation of her own principles, and, in fact, help to fill out a good article; but MELISSA most vigorously denied the soft im~peachment. Then she saw the sad wives, whose days of sunshine are gone by, and the merry ones, who don the cap and belle deliberately; and for their benefit she expended just the proper degree of astonishment and sympathyso fully substantiating the sound and praisesvorthy condition of her own mind and heart. This excellent young woman also caught glimpses of the red man, and here was another glorious opportunity to display her literary geniusand she did not let the occasion slipO no! it produced a plaintive little rhapsody of pity and regret, such as Mr. to !is apt to inspire in the hearts of the young and romantic, although if MELISSA were to find herself alone in a forest, with the faintest suspi- cion of Mr. to! meandering anywhere near, she would most likely apply her hand involuntarily to her trembling chignon, and regret as keenly as all 4ard-hearted persons, that civilization has not carried out the process of extermination even more thoroughly than it has done. Indeed, she would probably wish the red gentleman at the bottom of the Red Sea, or in some other equally damp and discouraging situation. The noble-hearted braves are so much prettier to read about than to encounter, and the thrill occasioned by the sight of a bloody hatchet suspended over the intricate elaboration which we so fondly term a head, though more exciting perhaps, would scarcely be as delightful as that awakened by some perfectly safe and stirring ballad of the red mans wrongs. MELISSAS ideas of refinement met with a great shock. She conchi-~ ded that the Indians acquaintance with soap and water must be ex- tremely limited, and thought that the distribution amongst them of several boxes of. COLGATES best would be a most delicate courtesy, and true missionary enterprise. In looking at these noble representa- tives of savage life, she was greatly puzzled to discover where the dirt ended and the Indian began: but philanthropy should overlook such trifles. Philanthropy shouldnt be squeamish. MELISSAecstasizedover Lake Tahoe, and Yo Semit6, and the Big Trees, and was delighted, enchanted, and enraptured in the most thorough and conscientious maimer. She revelled amongst California grapes and pears, and quaffed the California wines with appropriate delight and hilarity. She also studied JOHN CHINAMAN in all his phases, and came to the conclusion that he would do. She thought it would be a seraphic exPerience to see the pride and importance of Misses BRIDGET itad GRETCHEN taken d6wn a little. Jom~ would certainly not possess the voinble eloquence of the ~first, nor the stolid impudence of the aecoiid, nor would he have, like the pretty SWede, a train of admirers a mile in length. Of course he would not have these advantages to re- com~nend him. But then one can get along without florid oratory in the kitchen, and althongh a lady may feel highly pleased and flattered to see an unending procession of admirers file in and out of her draw- ing-rooms, still she has a most decided objection to seeing the same imposing spectacle in her kitchen. Women will be inconsistent. MELISSA particularly admired JoHNs manner of ironing. She thought it peculiar but genteel, and gentility is always desirable. There must be something about the climate of ~Jalifornia that is es- pecially inspiring to authorsa kind of magnetism in the atmosphere that draws out all the literary talentwhich maybe lying dormant in their soulsso thatany one desirous of becoming a writer, has only to take a trip to that fascinating region, and at some unexpected moment he will awake with rapture and delight to the blessed consciousness of having blossomed into a flower of genius, and, as such, will feel privi- leged at once to deluge his family, his friends, and the world in general, with the brilliant results of his most delightful discovery. THE PROFIT OF PURITAN PRISONS. SPATh~ has commissioned a Mr. AZCARATE, a Cuban, to visit and re- port upon our penal institutions, and the gentleman is now in the country. We trust he will not fail to visit the Connecticut State Prison. There he would unquestionably obtain numerous hints for improving the Spanish system of prison torture, or even that in vogue in his native land, for political prisoners. . There he might learn how Yankee thrift, applied in this direction, makes the starving of convicts even a more profitable business than manufacturing wooden nutmegs. Perhaps not the least valuable information he would gain, would be the best method of goading obnoxious prisonersinto revolt, and thus obtaining a chance for disposing of them, legally, by a capital conviction. AN OPEN CONGRESSIONAL COUNTENANCE. IT is oddly enough objected to the re-election of a certain Member of Congress from Massachusetts, that he cant open his mouth. It might be answered that Gen. BUTLER is qulte able to open his mouth wide enough for the whole delegation. The mouth may be opened for two purposes, viz., speech-making and swal]owing; and it never - ap- peared to us that there was any lack either of Bolting or Beliering in the House of Representatives. However notably Honorable Gentlemen may play the game either of Gab or Grab, it isnt so clear that their constituents are much benefited by these accomplishments. If all they want is an open-mouthed Member, why dont the Massachusetts men import a first-class crocodile, and send him to the National Menagerie in Washington? SPREAD OF AMERICAN PRINCIPLES. IT is with a heart full of patriotic pride and gratitude that Mr. - PUNCHINELLO observes the adoption, in his dear native Italy, of the manners and customs of the Land of his Adoption. At an election recently held in Rome, about something or some other thing, one enter- prising Roman has been discovered who voted yes twenty-five times in as many electoral urnsthereby, it is to be presumed, earning a good deal of money. We have a more lively hope for charming Italy when we find even a single citizen exhibiting a skill which would do honor to the most accomplished professional voter in New York. There is some- thing encouraging in finding the Sons of Sv. PETER becoming, every one of them, Re-Peters. To Comnneiitators. Thn Sun of York, mentioned in RICHARD III., has no reference to the Sun of New York: neither was the quotation, Who is here so base, that would be a bondman ? especially meant for application to THE ALLEN. Beatific. THEY talk a great deal about the twenty-eight inch beet they have grown in California, but a policeman of this city has a beat three miles long.

116 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19, 1870. . LETTER FROX CHICAGO. URPOSELY or otherwise, ~we are all on our way to Califor- nia nowmen, women, and childrengraybeards and ba- bies. We did Europe two or three years ago, so that idea is obsolete, excepting as a bridal tour; then, too, the more peaceably inclined, who have not seen the European elephant, would prefer to wait until that country is again in a state of. quies- cence. But Chicago is con- stantly se~iding out her ad- venture-loving citizens upon the Pacific road, each one of whom looks, sees, admires, and suddenly develops an ~ epistolary talent hitherto un- dreamed of by his most en- thusiastic friends. Theres our MELISSA, for instanceshe never used to have a pen in her hand more than once in the course of six months, and nowwhy, we really seem to have another S~vIoN~ budding right in our midst. She went to California, saw all the sights, and wondered, and admired, and wrote. The. floods of eloquence that had so long been slumbering now burst forth beyond all hindrance or control. She stopped at Salt Lake, and called upon BRIGHAM YOUNG, and was so disgusted with the mighty prophet that she would not look at him. Yet, considering that circumstance, she described his personal appearance with wonderful vividness and accuracy. She indulged in the usual amount of stern remonstrance and indignation, that seem to be almost indispensable to the occasion. ALoNzo asked why she called upon the dreadful man, and somewhat maliciously inquired if it was not for the express pur- pose of being shocked and horrified, thus affording a fine chance to moralize, and display the elevation of her own principles, and, in fact, help to fill out a good article; but MELISSA most vigorously denied the soft im~peachment. Then she saw the sad wives, whose days of sunshine are gone by, and the merry ones, who don the cap and belle deliberately; and for their benefit she expended just the proper degree of astonishment and sympathyso fully substantiating the sound and praisesvorthy condition of her own mind and heart. This excellent young woman also caught glimpses of the red man, and here was another glorious opportunity to display her literary geniusand she did not let the occasion slipO no! it produced a plaintive little rhapsody of pity and regret, such as Mr. to !is apt to inspire in the hearts of the young and romantic, although if MELISSA were to find herself alone in a forest, with the faintest suspi- cion of Mr. to! meandering anywhere near, she would most likely apply her hand involuntarily to her trembling chignon, and regret as keenly as all 4ard-hearted persons, that civilization has not carried out the process of extermination even more thoroughly than it has done. Indeed, she would probably wish the red gentleman at the bottom of the Red Sea, or in some other equally damp and discouraging situation. The noble-hearted braves are so much prettier to read about than to encounter, and the thrill occasioned by the sight of a bloody hatchet suspended over the intricate elaboration which we so fondly term a head, though more exciting perhaps, would scarcely be as delightful as that awakened by some perfectly safe and stirring ballad of the red mans wrongs. MELISSAS ideas of refinement met with a great shock. She conchi-~ ded that the Indians acquaintance with soap and water must be ex- tremely limited, and thought that the distribution amongst them of several boxes of. COLGATES best would be a most delicate courtesy, and true missionary enterprise. In looking at these noble representa- tives of savage life, she was greatly puzzled to discover where the dirt ended and the Indian began: but philanthropy should overlook such trifles. Philanthropy shouldnt be squeamish. MELISSAecstasizedover Lake Tahoe, and Yo Semit6, and the Big Trees, and was delighted, enchanted, and enraptured in the most thorough and conscientious maimer. She revelled amongst California grapes and pears, and quaffed the California wines with appropriate delight and hilarity. She also studied JOHN CHINAMAN in all his phases, and came to the conclusion that he would do. She thought it would be a seraphic exPerience to see the pride and importance of Misses BRIDGET itad GRETCHEN taken d6wn a little. Jom~ would certainly not possess the voinble eloquence of the ~first, nor the stolid impudence of the aecoiid, nor would he have, like the pretty SWede, a train of admirers a mile in length. Of course he would not have these advantages to re- com~nend him. But then one can get along without florid oratory in the kitchen, and althongh a lady may feel highly pleased and flattered to see an unending procession of admirers file in and out of her draw- ing-rooms, still she has a most decided objection to seeing the same imposing spectacle in her kitchen. Women will be inconsistent. MELISSA particularly admired JoHNs manner of ironing. She thought it peculiar but genteel, and gentility is always desirable. There must be something about the climate of ~Jalifornia that is es- pecially inspiring to authorsa kind of magnetism in the atmosphere that draws out all the literary talentwhich maybe lying dormant in their soulsso thatany one desirous of becoming a writer, has only to take a trip to that fascinating region, and at some unexpected moment he will awake with rapture and delight to the blessed consciousness of having blossomed into a flower of genius, and, as such, will feel privi- leged at once to deluge his family, his friends, and the world in general, with the brilliant results of his most delightful discovery. THE PROFIT OF PURITAN PRISONS. SPATh~ has commissioned a Mr. AZCARATE, a Cuban, to visit and re- port upon our penal institutions, and the gentleman is now in the country. We trust he will not fail to visit the Connecticut State Prison. There he would unquestionably obtain numerous hints for improving the Spanish system of prison torture, or even that in vogue in his native land, for political prisoners. . There he might learn how Yankee thrift, applied in this direction, makes the starving of convicts even a more profitable business than manufacturing wooden nutmegs. Perhaps not the least valuable information he would gain, would be the best method of goading obnoxious prisonersinto revolt, and thus obtaining a chance for disposing of them, legally, by a capital conviction. AN OPEN CONGRESSIONAL COUNTENANCE. IT is oddly enough objected to the re-election of a certain Member of Congress from Massachusetts, that he cant open his mouth. It might be answered that Gen. BUTLER is qulte able to open his mouth wide enough for the whole delegation. The mouth may be opened for two purposes, viz., speech-making and swal]owing; and it never - ap- peared to us that there was any lack either of Bolting or Beliering in the House of Representatives. However notably Honorable Gentlemen may play the game either of Gab or Grab, it isnt so clear that their constituents are much benefited by these accomplishments. If all they want is an open-mouthed Member, why dont the Massachusetts men import a first-class crocodile, and send him to the National Menagerie in Washington? SPREAD OF AMERICAN PRINCIPLES. IT is with a heart full of patriotic pride and gratitude that Mr. - PUNCHINELLO observes the adoption, in his dear native Italy, of the manners and customs of the Land of his Adoption. At an election recently held in Rome, about something or some other thing, one enter- prising Roman has been discovered who voted yes twenty-five times in as many electoral urnsthereby, it is to be presumed, earning a good deal of money. We have a more lively hope for charming Italy when we find even a single citizen exhibiting a skill which would do honor to the most accomplished professional voter in New York. There is some- thing encouraging in finding the Sons of Sv. PETER becoming, every one of them, Re-Peters. To Comnneiitators. Thn Sun of York, mentioned in RICHARD III., has no reference to the Sun of New York: neither was the quotation, Who is here so base, that would be a bondman ? especially meant for application to THE ALLEN. Beatific. THEY talk a great deal about the twenty-eight inch beet they have grown in California, but a policeman of this city has a beat three miles long.

116 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19, 1870. . LETTER FROX CHICAGO. URPOSELY or otherwise, ~we are all on our way to Califor- nia nowmen, women, and childrengraybeards and ba- bies. We did Europe two or three years ago, so that idea is obsolete, excepting as a bridal tour; then, too, the more peaceably inclined, who have not seen the European elephant, would prefer to wait until that country is again in a state of. quies- cence. But Chicago is con- stantly se~iding out her ad- venture-loving citizens upon the Pacific road, each one of whom looks, sees, admires, and suddenly develops an ~ epistolary talent hitherto un- dreamed of by his most en- thusiastic friends. Theres our MELISSA, for instanceshe never used to have a pen in her hand more than once in the course of six months, and nowwhy, we really seem to have another S~vIoN~ budding right in our midst. She went to California, saw all the sights, and wondered, and admired, and wrote. The. floods of eloquence that had so long been slumbering now burst forth beyond all hindrance or control. She stopped at Salt Lake, and called upon BRIGHAM YOUNG, and was so disgusted with the mighty prophet that she would not look at him. Yet, considering that circumstance, she described his personal appearance with wonderful vividness and accuracy. She indulged in the usual amount of stern remonstrance and indignation, that seem to be almost indispensable to the occasion. ALoNzo asked why she called upon the dreadful man, and somewhat maliciously inquired if it was not for the express pur- pose of being shocked and horrified, thus affording a fine chance to moralize, and display the elevation of her own principles, and, in fact, help to fill out a good article; but MELISSA most vigorously denied the soft im~peachment. Then she saw the sad wives, whose days of sunshine are gone by, and the merry ones, who don the cap and belle deliberately; and for their benefit she expended just the proper degree of astonishment and sympathyso fully substantiating the sound and praisesvorthy condition of her own mind and heart. This excellent young woman also caught glimpses of the red man, and here was another glorious opportunity to display her literary geniusand she did not let the occasion slipO no! it produced a plaintive little rhapsody of pity and regret, such as Mr. to !is apt to inspire in the hearts of the young and romantic, although if MELISSA were to find herself alone in a forest, with the faintest suspi- cion of Mr. to! meandering anywhere near, she would most likely apply her hand involuntarily to her trembling chignon, and regret as keenly as all 4ard-hearted persons, that civilization has not carried out the process of extermination even more thoroughly than it has done. Indeed, she would probably wish the red gentleman at the bottom of the Red Sea, or in some other equally damp and discouraging situation. The noble-hearted braves are so much prettier to read about than to encounter, and the thrill occasioned by the sight of a bloody hatchet suspended over the intricate elaboration which we so fondly term a head, though more exciting perhaps, would scarcely be as delightful as that awakened by some perfectly safe and stirring ballad of the red mans wrongs. MELISSAS ideas of refinement met with a great shock. She conchi-~ ded that the Indians acquaintance with soap and water must be ex- tremely limited, and thought that the distribution amongst them of several boxes of. COLGATES best would be a most delicate courtesy, and true missionary enterprise. In looking at these noble representa- tives of savage life, she was greatly puzzled to discover where the dirt ended and the Indian began: but philanthropy should overlook such trifles. Philanthropy shouldnt be squeamish. MELISSAecstasizedover Lake Tahoe, and Yo Semit6, and the Big Trees, and was delighted, enchanted, and enraptured in the most thorough and conscientious maimer. She revelled amongst California grapes and pears, and quaffed the California wines with appropriate delight and hilarity. She also studied JOHN CHINAMAN in all his phases, and came to the conclusion that he would do. She thought it would be a seraphic exPerience to see the pride and importance of Misses BRIDGET itad GRETCHEN taken d6wn a little. Jom~ would certainly not possess the voinble eloquence of the ~first, nor the stolid impudence of the aecoiid, nor would he have, like the pretty SWede, a train of admirers a mile in length. Of course he would not have these advantages to re- com~nend him. But then one can get along without florid oratory in the kitchen, and althongh a lady may feel highly pleased and flattered to see an unending procession of admirers file in and out of her draw- ing-rooms, still she has a most decided objection to seeing the same imposing spectacle in her kitchen. Women will be inconsistent. MELISSA particularly admired JoHNs manner of ironing. She thought it peculiar but genteel, and gentility is always desirable. There must be something about the climate of ~Jalifornia that is es- pecially inspiring to authorsa kind of magnetism in the atmosphere that draws out all the literary talentwhich maybe lying dormant in their soulsso thatany one desirous of becoming a writer, has only to take a trip to that fascinating region, and at some unexpected moment he will awake with rapture and delight to the blessed consciousness of having blossomed into a flower of genius, and, as such, will feel privi- leged at once to deluge his family, his friends, and the world in general, with the brilliant results of his most delightful discovery. THE PROFIT OF PURITAN PRISONS. SPATh~ has commissioned a Mr. AZCARATE, a Cuban, to visit and re- port upon our penal institutions, and the gentleman is now in the country. We trust he will not fail to visit the Connecticut State Prison. There he would unquestionably obtain numerous hints for improving the Spanish system of prison torture, or even that in vogue in his native land, for political prisoners. . There he might learn how Yankee thrift, applied in this direction, makes the starving of convicts even a more profitable business than manufacturing wooden nutmegs. Perhaps not the least valuable information he would gain, would be the best method of goading obnoxious prisonersinto revolt, and thus obtaining a chance for disposing of them, legally, by a capital conviction. AN OPEN CONGRESSIONAL COUNTENANCE. IT is oddly enough objected to the re-election of a certain Member of Congress from Massachusetts, that he cant open his mouth. It might be answered that Gen. BUTLER is qulte able to open his mouth wide enough for the whole delegation. The mouth may be opened for two purposes, viz., speech-making and swal]owing; and it never - ap- peared to us that there was any lack either of Bolting or Beliering in the House of Representatives. However notably Honorable Gentlemen may play the game either of Gab or Grab, it isnt so clear that their constituents are much benefited by these accomplishments. If all they want is an open-mouthed Member, why dont the Massachusetts men import a first-class crocodile, and send him to the National Menagerie in Washington? SPREAD OF AMERICAN PRINCIPLES. IT is with a heart full of patriotic pride and gratitude that Mr. - PUNCHINELLO observes the adoption, in his dear native Italy, of the manners and customs of the Land of his Adoption. At an election recently held in Rome, about something or some other thing, one enter- prising Roman has been discovered who voted yes twenty-five times in as many electoral urnsthereby, it is to be presumed, earning a good deal of money. We have a more lively hope for charming Italy when we find even a single citizen exhibiting a skill which would do honor to the most accomplished professional voter in New York. There is some- thing encouraging in finding the Sons of Sv. PETER becoming, every one of them, Re-Peters. To Comnneiitators. Thn Sun of York, mentioned in RICHARD III., has no reference to the Sun of New York: neither was the quotation, Who is here so base, that would be a bondman ? especially meant for application to THE ALLEN. Beatific. THEY talk a great deal about the twenty-eight inch beet they have grown in California, but a policeman of this city has a beat three miles long.

116 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19, 1870. . LETTER FROX CHICAGO. URPOSELY or otherwise, ~we are all on our way to Califor- nia nowmen, women, and childrengraybeards and ba- bies. We did Europe two or three years ago, so that idea is obsolete, excepting as a bridal tour; then, too, the more peaceably inclined, who have not seen the European elephant, would prefer to wait until that country is again in a state of. quies- cence. But Chicago is con- stantly se~iding out her ad- venture-loving citizens upon the Pacific road, each one of whom looks, sees, admires, and suddenly develops an ~ epistolary talent hitherto un- dreamed of by his most en- thusiastic friends. Theres our MELISSA, for instanceshe never used to have a pen in her hand more than once in the course of six months, and nowwhy, we really seem to have another S~vIoN~ budding right in our midst. She went to California, saw all the sights, and wondered, and admired, and wrote. The. floods of eloquence that had so long been slumbering now burst forth beyond all hindrance or control. She stopped at Salt Lake, and called upon BRIGHAM YOUNG, and was so disgusted with the mighty prophet that she would not look at him. Yet, considering that circumstance, she described his personal appearance with wonderful vividness and accuracy. She indulged in the usual amount of stern remonstrance and indignation, that seem to be almost indispensable to the occasion. ALoNzo asked why she called upon the dreadful man, and somewhat maliciously inquired if it was not for the express pur- pose of being shocked and horrified, thus affording a fine chance to moralize, and display the elevation of her own principles, and, in fact, help to fill out a good article; but MELISSA most vigorously denied the soft im~peachment. Then she saw the sad wives, whose days of sunshine are gone by, and the merry ones, who don the cap and belle deliberately; and for their benefit she expended just the proper degree of astonishment and sympathyso fully substantiating the sound and praisesvorthy condition of her own mind and heart. This excellent young woman also caught glimpses of the red man, and here was another glorious opportunity to display her literary geniusand she did not let the occasion slipO no! it produced a plaintive little rhapsody of pity and regret, such as Mr. to !is apt to inspire in the hearts of the young and romantic, although if MELISSA were to find herself alone in a forest, with the faintest suspi- cion of Mr. to! meandering anywhere near, she would most likely apply her hand involuntarily to her trembling chignon, and regret as keenly as all 4ard-hearted persons, that civilization has not carried out the process of extermination even more thoroughly than it has done. Indeed, she would probably wish the red gentleman at the bottom of the Red Sea, or in some other equally damp and discouraging situation. The noble-hearted braves are so much prettier to read about than to encounter, and the thrill occasioned by the sight of a bloody hatchet suspended over the intricate elaboration which we so fondly term a head, though more exciting perhaps, would scarcely be as delightful as that awakened by some perfectly safe and stirring ballad of the red mans wrongs. MELISSAS ideas of refinement met with a great shock. She conchi-~ ded that the Indians acquaintance with soap and water must be ex- tremely limited, and thought that the distribution amongst them of several boxes of. COLGATES best would be a most delicate courtesy, and true missionary enterprise. In looking at these noble representa- tives of savage life, she was greatly puzzled to discover where the dirt ended and the Indian began: but philanthropy should overlook such trifles. Philanthropy shouldnt be squeamish. MELISSAecstasizedover Lake Tahoe, and Yo Semit6, and the Big Trees, and was delighted, enchanted, and enraptured in the most thorough and conscientious maimer. She revelled amongst California grapes and pears, and quaffed the California wines with appropriate delight and hilarity. She also studied JOHN CHINAMAN in all his phases, and came to the conclusion that he would do. She thought it would be a seraphic exPerience to see the pride and importance of Misses BRIDGET itad GRETCHEN taken d6wn a little. Jom~ would certainly not possess the voinble eloquence of the ~first, nor the stolid impudence of the aecoiid, nor would he have, like the pretty SWede, a train of admirers a mile in length. Of course he would not have these advantages to re- com~nend him. But then one can get along without florid oratory in the kitchen, and althongh a lady may feel highly pleased and flattered to see an unending procession of admirers file in and out of her draw- ing-rooms, still she has a most decided objection to seeing the same imposing spectacle in her kitchen. Women will be inconsistent. MELISSA particularly admired JoHNs manner of ironing. She thought it peculiar but genteel, and gentility is always desirable. There must be something about the climate of ~Jalifornia that is es- pecially inspiring to authorsa kind of magnetism in the atmosphere that draws out all the literary talentwhich maybe lying dormant in their soulsso thatany one desirous of becoming a writer, has only to take a trip to that fascinating region, and at some unexpected moment he will awake with rapture and delight to the blessed consciousness of having blossomed into a flower of genius, and, as such, will feel privi- leged at once to deluge his family, his friends, and the world in general, with the brilliant results of his most delightful discovery. THE PROFIT OF PURITAN PRISONS. SPATh~ has commissioned a Mr. AZCARATE, a Cuban, to visit and re- port upon our penal institutions, and the gentleman is now in the country. We trust he will not fail to visit the Connecticut State Prison. There he would unquestionably obtain numerous hints for improving the Spanish system of prison torture, or even that in vogue in his native land, for political prisoners. . There he might learn how Yankee thrift, applied in this direction, makes the starving of convicts even a more profitable business than manufacturing wooden nutmegs. Perhaps not the least valuable information he would gain, would be the best method of goading obnoxious prisonersinto revolt, and thus obtaining a chance for disposing of them, legally, by a capital conviction. AN OPEN CONGRESSIONAL COUNTENANCE. IT is oddly enough objected to the re-election of a certain Member of Congress from Massachusetts, that he cant open his mouth. It might be answered that Gen. BUTLER is qulte able to open his mouth wide enough for the whole delegation. The mouth may be opened for two purposes, viz., speech-making and swal]owing; and it never - ap- peared to us that there was any lack either of Bolting or Beliering in the House of Representatives. However notably Honorable Gentlemen may play the game either of Gab or Grab, it isnt so clear that their constituents are much benefited by these accomplishments. If all they want is an open-mouthed Member, why dont the Massachusetts men import a first-class crocodile, and send him to the National Menagerie in Washington? SPREAD OF AMERICAN PRINCIPLES. IT is with a heart full of patriotic pride and gratitude that Mr. - PUNCHINELLO observes the adoption, in his dear native Italy, of the manners and customs of the Land of his Adoption. At an election recently held in Rome, about something or some other thing, one enter- prising Roman has been discovered who voted yes twenty-five times in as many electoral urnsthereby, it is to be presumed, earning a good deal of money. We have a more lively hope for charming Italy when we find even a single citizen exhibiting a skill which would do honor to the most accomplished professional voter in New York. There is some- thing encouraging in finding the Sons of Sv. PETER becoming, every one of them, Re-Peters. To Comnneiitators. Thn Sun of York, mentioned in RICHARD III., has no reference to the Sun of New York: neither was the quotation, Who is here so base, that would be a bondman ? especially meant for application to THE ALLEN. Beatific. THEY talk a great deal about the twenty-eight inch beet they have grown in California, but a policeman of this city has a beat three miles long.

116 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19, 1870. . LETTER FROX CHICAGO. URPOSELY or otherwise, ~we are all on our way to Califor- nia nowmen, women, and childrengraybeards and ba- bies. We did Europe two or three years ago, so that idea is obsolete, excepting as a bridal tour; then, too, the more peaceably inclined, who have not seen the European elephant, would prefer to wait until that country is again in a state of. quies- cence. But Chicago is con- stantly se~iding out her ad- venture-loving citizens upon the Pacific road, each one of whom looks, sees, admires, and suddenly develops an ~ epistolary talent hitherto un- dreamed of by his most en- thusiastic friends. Theres our MELISSA, for instanceshe never used to have a pen in her hand more than once in the course of six months, and nowwhy, we really seem to have another S~vIoN~ budding right in our midst. She went to California, saw all the sights, and wondered, and admired, and wrote. The. floods of eloquence that had so long been slumbering now burst forth beyond all hindrance or control. She stopped at Salt Lake, and called upon BRIGHAM YOUNG, and was so disgusted with the mighty prophet that she would not look at him. Yet, considering that circumstance, she described his personal appearance with wonderful vividness and accuracy. She indulged in the usual amount of stern remonstrance and indignation, that seem to be almost indispensable to the occasion. ALoNzo asked why she called upon the dreadful man, and somewhat maliciously inquired if it was not for the express pur- pose of being shocked and horrified, thus affording a fine chance to moralize, and display the elevation of her own principles, and, in fact, help to fill out a good article; but MELISSA most vigorously denied the soft im~peachment. Then she saw the sad wives, whose days of sunshine are gone by, and the merry ones, who don the cap and belle deliberately; and for their benefit she expended just the proper degree of astonishment and sympathyso fully substantiating the sound and praisesvorthy condition of her own mind and heart. This excellent young woman also caught glimpses of the red man, and here was another glorious opportunity to display her literary geniusand she did not let the occasion slipO no! it produced a plaintive little rhapsody of pity and regret, such as Mr. to !is apt to inspire in the hearts of the young and romantic, although if MELISSA were to find herself alone in a forest, with the faintest suspi- cion of Mr. to! meandering anywhere near, she would most likely apply her hand involuntarily to her trembling chignon, and regret as keenly as all 4ard-hearted persons, that civilization has not carried out the process of extermination even more thoroughly than it has done. Indeed, she would probably wish the red gentleman at the bottom of the Red Sea, or in some other equally damp and discouraging situation. The noble-hearted braves are so much prettier to read about than to encounter, and the thrill occasioned by the sight of a bloody hatchet suspended over the intricate elaboration which we so fondly term a head, though more exciting perhaps, would scarcely be as delightful as that awakened by some perfectly safe and stirring ballad of the red mans wrongs. MELISSAS ideas of refinement met with a great shock. She conchi-~ ded that the Indians acquaintance with soap and water must be ex- tremely limited, and thought that the distribution amongst them of several boxes of. COLGATES best would be a most delicate courtesy, and true missionary enterprise. In looking at these noble representa- tives of savage life, she was greatly puzzled to discover where the dirt ended and the Indian began: but philanthropy should overlook such trifles. Philanthropy shouldnt be squeamish. MELISSAecstasizedover Lake Tahoe, and Yo Semit6, and the Big Trees, and was delighted, enchanted, and enraptured in the most thorough and conscientious maimer. She revelled amongst California grapes and pears, and quaffed the California wines with appropriate delight and hilarity. She also studied JOHN CHINAMAN in all his phases, and came to the conclusion that he would do. She thought it would be a seraphic exPerience to see the pride and importance of Misses BRIDGET itad GRETCHEN taken d6wn a little. Jom~ would certainly not possess the voinble eloquence of the ~first, nor the stolid impudence of the aecoiid, nor would he have, like the pretty SWede, a train of admirers a mile in length. Of course he would not have these advantages to re- com~nend him. But then one can get along without florid oratory in the kitchen, and althongh a lady may feel highly pleased and flattered to see an unending procession of admirers file in and out of her draw- ing-rooms, still she has a most decided objection to seeing the same imposing spectacle in her kitchen. Women will be inconsistent. MELISSA particularly admired JoHNs manner of ironing. She thought it peculiar but genteel, and gentility is always desirable. There must be something about the climate of ~Jalifornia that is es- pecially inspiring to authorsa kind of magnetism in the atmosphere that draws out all the literary talentwhich maybe lying dormant in their soulsso thatany one desirous of becoming a writer, has only to take a trip to that fascinating region, and at some unexpected moment he will awake with rapture and delight to the blessed consciousness of having blossomed into a flower of genius, and, as such, will feel privi- leged at once to deluge his family, his friends, and the world in general, with the brilliant results of his most delightful discovery. THE PROFIT OF PURITAN PRISONS. SPATh~ has commissioned a Mr. AZCARATE, a Cuban, to visit and re- port upon our penal institutions, and the gentleman is now in the country. We trust he will not fail to visit the Connecticut State Prison. There he would unquestionably obtain numerous hints for improving the Spanish system of prison torture, or even that in vogue in his native land, for political prisoners. . There he might learn how Yankee thrift, applied in this direction, makes the starving of convicts even a more profitable business than manufacturing wooden nutmegs. Perhaps not the least valuable information he would gain, would be the best method of goading obnoxious prisonersinto revolt, and thus obtaining a chance for disposing of them, legally, by a capital conviction. AN OPEN CONGRESSIONAL COUNTENANCE. IT is oddly enough objected to the re-election of a certain Member of Congress from Massachusetts, that he cant open his mouth. It might be answered that Gen. BUTLER is qulte able to open his mouth wide enough for the whole delegation. The mouth may be opened for two purposes, viz., speech-making and swal]owing; and it never - ap- peared to us that there was any lack either of Bolting or Beliering in the House of Representatives. However notably Honorable Gentlemen may play the game either of Gab or Grab, it isnt so clear that their constituents are much benefited by these accomplishments. If all they want is an open-mouthed Member, why dont the Massachusetts men import a first-class crocodile, and send him to the National Menagerie in Washington? SPREAD OF AMERICAN PRINCIPLES. IT is with a heart full of patriotic pride and gratitude that Mr. - PUNCHINELLO observes the adoption, in his dear native Italy, of the manners and customs of the Land of his Adoption. At an election recently held in Rome, about something or some other thing, one enter- prising Roman has been discovered who voted yes twenty-five times in as many electoral urnsthereby, it is to be presumed, earning a good deal of money. We have a more lively hope for charming Italy when we find even a single citizen exhibiting a skill which would do honor to the most accomplished professional voter in New York. There is some- thing encouraging in finding the Sons of Sv. PETER becoming, every one of them, Re-Peters. To Comnneiitators. Thn Sun of York, mentioned in RICHARD III., has no reference to the Sun of New York: neither was the quotation, Who is here so base, that would be a bondman ? especially meant for application to THE ALLEN. Beatific. THEY talk a great deal about the twenty-eight inch beet they have grown in California, but a policeman of this city has a beat three miles long. Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 117 OUR EYE-WIUIESS AT THE ELECTIOHB. WE suppose that no individual has rendered more invaluable service as a historian than the distinguished Eye-witness of the newspapers. The friends of PIINCHINEtLO will therefore .be rejoiced to hear that this accurate reporter was engaged to detail for our readers the progress of the late elections. Some time ago, the Eye-witness set about organizing the campaign by the masterly and novel plan of inducing the leaders of the opposing political parties to nominate different men for the same office. The effect was electrical. Immediately on these nominations being made public, the people rose like one man, and began canvassing like a great many different and very quarrelsome men. Target companies sprang from the recesses of the East Side, like ghosts from the rocks in Der Frdseldltz; drums and fifes resounded; cannons boomed; fireworks burst into flame. The Eye-witness, having thus set the universe satis- factorily by the ears, got into his second-story front, and contemplated the campaign with serene complacency from the window. He had not to wait very long for a Mass Meeting to bc formed under his very nose, and, consequently, within range of his witnessing and recording Eye. This Mass Meeting was conducted by the Intern- gent Party; and was announced to be speedily followed by a Multi- tudinous Assemblage of the Enlightened Party. These two fac- tions, as it will readily be observed, and as their names indicate, are of the most widely varying character and scope; a fact to be further illustrated by the proceedings which followed. The Intelligent began to assemble early in the evening, to the sound of guns and drums and sky-rockets. These accompaniments were in- tended to get their spirits up, but the Intelligent persistently applied themselves to gett-ing spirits down; and when the rival processes had continued for a reasonable length of time, speakers began to appear upon the stands. The first man who addressed them was the Coin- mercial Candidate. Fellow-citizens, said he, why are you here? To elect me, of course. (Immense cheering.) And why will you elect me? I am an honest man: I want no office. (Laughter and cheers.) Ah, my friends, you elect me because you are now paying $5.86 on every pound of Peruvian Bark and Egyptian Mummy which you use in every-day life, and because you know that when I am in, the other party will be out! (Continued applause.) Next rose an ex-Senator, who said he had come wholly unprepared to speak, but, being unexpectedly called upon, had made some brief jottings on a visiting-card, to which he would now refer. He then spoke for one hour and three-quarters. At the close there was an inter- mission for carrying off the dead. JONES, the candidate for the office of Vituperator, then cleared his throat savagely. My friends, he began, BRowN, the opposing candidate, is a scamp, and he knows it. If any man says he isnt, lie is. (Loud cheers.) Do you ask me to prove it? Prove an axiom! (Applause.) Who but a damned rascal would run against me at election? I tell you it is assault and battery! (Sounds of approbation.) In conclusion, I will only add that BROWN is an infernal bummer and a sneak. (Cheers.) The Intelligent then dispersed in a splendidiy ferocious and bloody- minded condition, fully primed for the election. Shortly afterward the Enlightened appeared upon the scene in the following ORDER 01? rRocESSIoN. Cordon of Police. Drum. Committee of Arrangements. Fife. Target Company. Drum and Fife. Small boys. Apple-women. Drum. The Enlightened candidate for the Vituperator was the first on the stand. He rushed forward and said : The Vituperative candidate of the Intelligent let fall in a former speech some subtle or carefully-worded inuendoes as to my character. I have only to say that his speech was a tissue of falsehood. I will tres- pass upon your patience further, to add that JONES is an infernal bum- mer and a sneak. If he is not, my fellow-citizens, why then .1 am. (Indignant cries of Thats so !) My friends, you cannot doubt this reasoning. The facts are then conclusive. Either he is a bum- mer, or I am. It is therefore your duty, on the 8th November, to elect me at once and in fact to the office of Vituperator, and prospectively to those of Mayor, Governor, and President of the United States. (Prolonged cheering.) Mr. DE MAGOG, a very giant of eloquence, a Gog as well as Magog of oratory, next set the enlightened agog with a speech. Fellow-citizens! Men and Brothers! Victory or defeat ! Lib- erty or death! Glorious republic! Stars and Stripes! Down with the traitor! To the polls! Red fireblood and thunder (voice drowned in shouts of wild enthusiasm.) The Eye-witness; meantime, had become distracted with harassing doubts. Subscribing fully to the politics of PUNCHINELLO, which is the only paper he reads, he had hitherto announced himself as a mem- ber of the Right Party. Being, howevei~, open to conviction, he had unfortunately permitted both parties to convict him. In this awful crisis Reason appeared about to totter from her throne. The Eye-wit- ness thrust his head wildly from the window, and shrieked to the crowd below: Wheres the Right Man? I belong to the Right Party. I want to hear the Right Man! ! At once the mob became a sea of upturned faces. The Enlightened, together with a large number of the Intelligent, who had lingered on the scene, with one common consent lifted up their voices and groan- ed. The groan was but a premonitory thunder to a shower of sticks, stones, whiskey-bottles, and superannuated eggs. The Eye-witness closed the window with an undignified bang, and retired into the depths of his chamber, where he remained until after the~ election. Owing to a dimness of vision, resulting from the eggs-cruciating con- dition of his ocular organs, the occupation of the Eye-witness was from that moment gone. And to this fact must be attributed his inability to state, with any. certainty, whether the Right Party has succeeded in putting the Right Man in the Right Place; but he rather thinks it has. Spots on the Sun. Tins Sunis eclipsed by the World, and is far behind the Times. It cannot be considered a Standard sheet, and will never personify the Star newspaper. Receiving its News with the Jlaii, as a Herald it is valueless. It cannot claim to be a Journal of Commerce, and as a Trilune for the people it is a failure, and it does not shine ~as a Demo- crat, for it relies on the Post for most of its intelligence. MORAL.Keep the Sien out of your eyes. 4 SlOE A GITTIN UP STARES. 1st Festive Cuss. WHAT MAKES FOLKS STARE AT US SO s 2d Festive Cuss. ON ACCOUNT OF OUR ELEGANT COSTOOM, I OUESS. THEY TAKE YOU FOR WALL STREET, AND ME FOR FIFTH AVENOO.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 117 OUR EYE-WIUIESS AT THE ELECTIOHB. WE suppose that no individual has rendered more invaluable service as a historian than the distinguished Eye-witness of the newspapers. The friends of PIINCHINEtLO will therefore .be rejoiced to hear that this accurate reporter was engaged to detail for our readers the progress of the late elections. Some time ago, the Eye-witness set about organizing the campaign by the masterly and novel plan of inducing the leaders of the opposing political parties to nominate different men for the same office. The effect was electrical. Immediately on these nominations being made public, the people rose like one man, and began canvassing like a great many different and very quarrelsome men. Target companies sprang from the recesses of the East Side, like ghosts from the rocks in Der Frdseldltz; drums and fifes resounded; cannons boomed; fireworks burst into flame. The Eye-witness, having thus set the universe satis- factorily by the ears, got into his second-story front, and contemplated the campaign with serene complacency from the window. He had not to wait very long for a Mass Meeting to bc formed under his very nose, and, consequently, within range of his witnessing and recording Eye. This Mass Meeting was conducted by the Intern- gent Party; and was announced to be speedily followed by a Multi- tudinous Assemblage of the Enlightened Party. These two fac- tions, as it will readily be observed, and as their names indicate, are of the most widely varying character and scope; a fact to be further illustrated by the proceedings which followed. The Intelligent began to assemble early in the evening, to the sound of guns and drums and sky-rockets. These accompaniments were in- tended to get their spirits up, but the Intelligent persistently applied themselves to gett-ing spirits down; and when the rival processes had continued for a reasonable length of time, speakers began to appear upon the stands. The first man who addressed them was the Coin- mercial Candidate. Fellow-citizens, said he, why are you here? To elect me, of course. (Immense cheering.) And why will you elect me? I am an honest man: I want no office. (Laughter and cheers.) Ah, my friends, you elect me because you are now paying $5.86 on every pound of Peruvian Bark and Egyptian Mummy which you use in every-day life, and because you know that when I am in, the other party will be out! (Continued applause.) Next rose an ex-Senator, who said he had come wholly unprepared to speak, but, being unexpectedly called upon, had made some brief jottings on a visiting-card, to which he would now refer. He then spoke for one hour and three-quarters. At the close there was an inter- mission for carrying off the dead. JONES, the candidate for the office of Vituperator, then cleared his throat savagely. My friends, he began, BRowN, the opposing candidate, is a scamp, and he knows it. If any man says he isnt, lie is. (Loud cheers.) Do you ask me to prove it? Prove an axiom! (Applause.) Who but a damned rascal would run against me at election? I tell you it is assault and battery! (Sounds of approbation.) In conclusion, I will only add that BROWN is an infernal bummer and a sneak. (Cheers.) The Intelligent then dispersed in a splendidiy ferocious and bloody- minded condition, fully primed for the election. Shortly afterward the Enlightened appeared upon the scene in the following ORDER 01? rRocESSIoN. Cordon of Police. Drum. Committee of Arrangements. Fife. Target Company. Drum and Fife. Small boys. Apple-women. Drum. The Enlightened candidate for the Vituperator was the first on the stand. He rushed forward and said : The Vituperative candidate of the Intelligent let fall in a former speech some subtle or carefully-worded inuendoes as to my character. I have only to say that his speech was a tissue of falsehood. I will tres- pass upon your patience further, to add that JONES is an infernal bum- mer and a sneak. If he is not, my fellow-citizens, why then .1 am. (Indignant cries of Thats so !) My friends, you cannot doubt this reasoning. The facts are then conclusive. Either he is a bum- mer, or I am. It is therefore your duty, on the 8th November, to elect me at once and in fact to the office of Vituperator, and prospectively to those of Mayor, Governor, and President of the United States. (Prolonged cheering.) Mr. DE MAGOG, a very giant of eloquence, a Gog as well as Magog of oratory, next set the enlightened agog with a speech. Fellow-citizens! Men and Brothers! Victory or defeat ! Lib- erty or death! Glorious republic! Stars and Stripes! Down with the traitor! To the polls! Red fireblood and thunder (voice drowned in shouts of wild enthusiasm.) The Eye-witness; meantime, had become distracted with harassing doubts. Subscribing fully to the politics of PUNCHINELLO, which is the only paper he reads, he had hitherto announced himself as a mem- ber of the Right Party. Being, howevei~, open to conviction, he had unfortunately permitted both parties to convict him. In this awful crisis Reason appeared about to totter from her throne. The Eye-wit- ness thrust his head wildly from the window, and shrieked to the crowd below: Wheres the Right Man? I belong to the Right Party. I want to hear the Right Man! ! At once the mob became a sea of upturned faces. The Enlightened, together with a large number of the Intelligent, who had lingered on the scene, with one common consent lifted up their voices and groan- ed. The groan was but a premonitory thunder to a shower of sticks, stones, whiskey-bottles, and superannuated eggs. The Eye-witness closed the window with an undignified bang, and retired into the depths of his chamber, where he remained until after the~ election. Owing to a dimness of vision, resulting from the eggs-cruciating con- dition of his ocular organs, the occupation of the Eye-witness was from that moment gone. And to this fact must be attributed his inability to state, with any. certainty, whether the Right Party has succeeded in putting the Right Man in the Right Place; but he rather thinks it has. Spots on the Sun. Tins Sunis eclipsed by the World, and is far behind the Times. It cannot be considered a Standard sheet, and will never personify the Star newspaper. Receiving its News with the Jlaii, as a Herald it is valueless. It cannot claim to be a Journal of Commerce, and as a Trilune for the people it is a failure, and it does not shine ~as a Demo- crat, for it relies on the Post for most of its intelligence. MORAL.Keep the Sien out of your eyes. 4 SlOE A GITTIN UP STARES. 1st Festive Cuss. WHAT MAKES FOLKS STARE AT US SO s 2d Festive Cuss. ON ACCOUNT OF OUR ELEGANT COSTOOM, I OUESS. THEY TAKE YOU FOR WALL STREET, AND ME FOR FIFTH AVENOO.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 117 OUR EYE-WIUIESS AT THE ELECTIOHB. WE suppose that no individual has rendered more invaluable service as a historian than the distinguished Eye-witness of the newspapers. The friends of PIINCHINEtLO will therefore .be rejoiced to hear that this accurate reporter was engaged to detail for our readers the progress of the late elections. Some time ago, the Eye-witness set about organizing the campaign by the masterly and novel plan of inducing the leaders of the opposing political parties to nominate different men for the same office. The effect was electrical. Immediately on these nominations being made public, the people rose like one man, and began canvassing like a great many different and very quarrelsome men. Target companies sprang from the recesses of the East Side, like ghosts from the rocks in Der Frdseldltz; drums and fifes resounded; cannons boomed; fireworks burst into flame. The Eye-witness, having thus set the universe satis- factorily by the ears, got into his second-story front, and contemplated the campaign with serene complacency from the window. He had not to wait very long for a Mass Meeting to bc formed under his very nose, and, consequently, within range of his witnessing and recording Eye. This Mass Meeting was conducted by the Intern- gent Party; and was announced to be speedily followed by a Multi- tudinous Assemblage of the Enlightened Party. These two fac- tions, as it will readily be observed, and as their names indicate, are of the most widely varying character and scope; a fact to be further illustrated by the proceedings which followed. The Intelligent began to assemble early in the evening, to the sound of guns and drums and sky-rockets. These accompaniments were in- tended to get their spirits up, but the Intelligent persistently applied themselves to gett-ing spirits down; and when the rival processes had continued for a reasonable length of time, speakers began to appear upon the stands. The first man who addressed them was the Coin- mercial Candidate. Fellow-citizens, said he, why are you here? To elect me, of course. (Immense cheering.) And why will you elect me? I am an honest man: I want no office. (Laughter and cheers.) Ah, my friends, you elect me because you are now paying $5.86 on every pound of Peruvian Bark and Egyptian Mummy which you use in every-day life, and because you know that when I am in, the other party will be out! (Continued applause.) Next rose an ex-Senator, who said he had come wholly unprepared to speak, but, being unexpectedly called upon, had made some brief jottings on a visiting-card, to which he would now refer. He then spoke for one hour and three-quarters. At the close there was an inter- mission for carrying off the dead. JONES, the candidate for the office of Vituperator, then cleared his throat savagely. My friends, he began, BRowN, the opposing candidate, is a scamp, and he knows it. If any man says he isnt, lie is. (Loud cheers.) Do you ask me to prove it? Prove an axiom! (Applause.) Who but a damned rascal would run against me at election? I tell you it is assault and battery! (Sounds of approbation.) In conclusion, I will only add that BROWN is an infernal bummer and a sneak. (Cheers.) The Intelligent then dispersed in a splendidiy ferocious and bloody- minded condition, fully primed for the election. Shortly afterward the Enlightened appeared upon the scene in the following ORDER 01? rRocESSIoN. Cordon of Police. Drum. Committee of Arrangements. Fife. Target Company. Drum and Fife. Small boys. Apple-women. Drum. The Enlightened candidate for the Vituperator was the first on the stand. He rushed forward and said : The Vituperative candidate of the Intelligent let fall in a former speech some subtle or carefully-worded inuendoes as to my character. I have only to say that his speech was a tissue of falsehood. I will tres- pass upon your patience further, to add that JONES is an infernal bum- mer and a sneak. If he is not, my fellow-citizens, why then .1 am. (Indignant cries of Thats so !) My friends, you cannot doubt this reasoning. The facts are then conclusive. Either he is a bum- mer, or I am. It is therefore your duty, on the 8th November, to elect me at once and in fact to the office of Vituperator, and prospectively to those of Mayor, Governor, and President of the United States. (Prolonged cheering.) Mr. DE MAGOG, a very giant of eloquence, a Gog as well as Magog of oratory, next set the enlightened agog with a speech. Fellow-citizens! Men and Brothers! Victory or defeat ! Lib- erty or death! Glorious republic! Stars and Stripes! Down with the traitor! To the polls! Red fireblood and thunder (voice drowned in shouts of wild enthusiasm.) The Eye-witness; meantime, had become distracted with harassing doubts. Subscribing fully to the politics of PUNCHINELLO, which is the only paper he reads, he had hitherto announced himself as a mem- ber of the Right Party. Being, howevei~, open to conviction, he had unfortunately permitted both parties to convict him. In this awful crisis Reason appeared about to totter from her throne. The Eye-wit- ness thrust his head wildly from the window, and shrieked to the crowd below: Wheres the Right Man? I belong to the Right Party. I want to hear the Right Man! ! At once the mob became a sea of upturned faces. The Enlightened, together with a large number of the Intelligent, who had lingered on the scene, with one common consent lifted up their voices and groan- ed. The groan was but a premonitory thunder to a shower of sticks, stones, whiskey-bottles, and superannuated eggs. The Eye-witness closed the window with an undignified bang, and retired into the depths of his chamber, where he remained until after the~ election. Owing to a dimness of vision, resulting from the eggs-cruciating con- dition of his ocular organs, the occupation of the Eye-witness was from that moment gone. And to this fact must be attributed his inability to state, with any. certainty, whether the Right Party has succeeded in putting the Right Man in the Right Place; but he rather thinks it has. Spots on the Sun. Tins Sunis eclipsed by the World, and is far behind the Times. It cannot be considered a Standard sheet, and will never personify the Star newspaper. Receiving its News with the Jlaii, as a Herald it is valueless. It cannot claim to be a Journal of Commerce, and as a Trilune for the people it is a failure, and it does not shine ~as a Demo- crat, for it relies on the Post for most of its intelligence. MORAL.Keep the Sien out of your eyes. 4 SlOE A GITTIN UP STARES. 1st Festive Cuss. WHAT MAKES FOLKS STARE AT US SO s 2d Festive Cuss. ON ACCOUNT OF OUR ELEGANT COSTOOM, I OUESS. THEY TAKE YOU FOR WALL STREET, AND ME FOR FIFTH AVENOO. PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19,18Th. A CHEERFUL PROSPECT. Firrt Old Loafer. THE PAPERS SAYS THERES A CHANCE OF THE BOURBON DIE NASTY REIGNING IN FRANCE AGAIN. Second ditto. BULLY! IF THERES ANYTHING I LIVE FOE ITS A HIGH OLD RAIN OF BOURBON. LET IT POUR! SARSFIELD YOUNG ON FORT SUMTER. THE country was indignant that Fort Sumter was not reinforced. Major ANDERSONS supplies were nearly exhausted, and he wanted twenty thousand men, with equipments and rations. If the Govern- ment couldnt afford the rationsvery well: it ought at least to have given him the men. I am speaking of the late rebellion, which GREELEY, HEADLEY, and othors have written up. Although a publishing company at Hartford, Coan., own most of the facts of the war, which they peddle out only by subscription, they ean ~ivc the public but little of the secret history of the Fort Sumter affair. That remains to be written, while WELLER and I remain to write it. The Ex-Secretary has gracefully left it to inc to describe the midnight session of the Cabinet at which I chanced to be present. I was boarding at the White House at the ti;ne, and as President LINCOLN assured me it would bc rather interesting, I was persuaded to attend. The fact is, the crisis reminds me, said he, of a little story of a horse-trot in Arkans~ s Sir, interrupted I, it reminds me of a dozen stories, one of Aisors fables, and two hundred lives of CUAuCEE. He was afraid to continue. As the clock struck twelve, he called tmi meeting to order and remarked: Gentlemen, ANDERSON is in Sumter. The question now is,what will he do with it? South Carolina was out. BUCHANAN had done nothing. Every- where was distrust. (That very day they had refused, on Pennsylvania avenue, to trust me for a spring overcoat.) STANTON was getting his dark lantern ready for nightly interviews with SUMNER and WENDELL PHILLIPS in a vacant lot upon the outskirts of the Capitol. Universal gloom prevailed. SEWARD opened the discussion. Ho said it was contemplated td throw four thousand men into Fort Snurter. We couldnt do it. If we did; it would only be one of the first throes of a civil conflict, a war long and bloody, which he would venture to predict might be Protracted even to the extent of ninety days. Were we prepared for that? lie would like to hear from that pure ~atr~ot, the Secretary of War, on this point.- Amid murmurs of applause Ge C \MnRoN rose to say that he was wholly unprepared to make spe~ch; but he owned a let of condemned muskets, which he stood ready to dispose of to the Government at four times their original cost. He should advise that the Fort be cov- ered with several thicknesses of Pennsylvania railroad iron. It would protect our gallant troops, and he was now, as he had always been, in favor of protection. Besides, he knew parties who could get up a ring in the way of army blankets. Mr. CHASE spoke rather thick and fast, but I understood him to pro- nounce in favor of that platform which would get the most votes. If the people think it ought to be done, why, do it. The country needs taxation, and is anxious to have me President. I think I can borrow money enough in Wall street to pay the passage of a moderate number of men to Charleston, but they mustnt on any a6count be CHASE men. I dont want any of my friends killed off before the next Presidential election. What the Administration lacks, chimed in BLAIR, is backbone. Powder and ball, and blood are my sentiments. Fill all the army and navy offices with the BLAIR family, and secession is dead. SEWARD again: Strengthen Pickens, and let Sumter go. Our soldiers will find it healthier and more commodious at Pickens. Ill have the Powhcttan, sent there forthwith. Hereupon Mr. GIDEON WELLES woke up and remarked, in strain of apology, that he hadnt read his commission yet, but it was his im- pression that he was the head of what was called the Navy Department. Coming from an inland town, he didnt exactly know whether the Secretary of State or himself had the ordering about of our national vessels; but he rather thought he would relieve his friend SEWARD of that burden. He had talked with several old sea-dogs. They all agreed that the success of the plan depended on its feasibility. Capt. Fox, a private citizen of Massachusetts, had been doWn there with a horse and buggy, and reports that a squad of marines could do the job up in good style. Mr. BATES was called upon, and stated that strengthening Sumter, without giving the Southerners four weeks notice of our intention, would not, in his opinion, be unconstitutional. At this juncture Mr. FLOYD (who, having acqulred the habit of at- tending BUCHANANS cabinet meetings, had not quite got.over it) put his head in for a moment to suggest, that if the Black Itepublican Government would evacuate all the forts on Southern territory, remu- nerate his friends for their expenses, and execute a quit-claim deed of Washington and the national property to JEFF. Dxvrs and other Southern leaders, the proposition might possibly be accepted, and trouble avoided. Mr. SEWARD rose to add only a word, and that word was Pick- ens. The Secretary of the Interior observed, that as Charleston harbor wasnt in his dqpartment, he would say nothinb. Mr. BATES urged that the people of his section were loyal to the flag; in fact, they not only wanted the flag but the Capitol itself, and the national buildings (except the monument), removed to St. Louis; if they couldnt get that, they might be satisfied if Fort Sumter were towed around there, up the Mississippi. It would certainly be a 0ood deal safer there. Mr. GIDEON. WELLES wanted it distinctly understood that Geji. SCOTT, Gen. HOLY, Capt. Fox and the Powkatctn could save the country if Mr. SEWARD would let them; otherwise he would mane a minute of these deliberations, and if his friend Mr. YOuNG (whom he was plea-ed to see present) didnt expose it, he himselr would put it in the shape of a lively sketch, and send it to the magazines. Wellnow, said Mr. LINCOLN, nfte~ patrently waiting, this re- minds me of the man in Pon~eroy, Ohio, who kept what he called an e~tinn- saloon. One mornin~, a tall hoosier came in and called for ham and eggs. Cant ,~iv em to ye, stranger, said the proprie- tor, but whatil ye hay tdrink ?dont keep nothin but a bar. Yer dont? Then whatn thunder yer got that sign out thar for? for the fellow was a little mad. Why yer see I call her a eating saloon, cos I reckon she eats up all the profits. This beautiful and appropriate anecdote, which seemed to throw a flood of light upon the critical State question under consideration, pleased every one except FLOYD, who swore it was ungenerous and unchivalrie. Hastlly withdrawing, he threatened to telegraph it verbatim to tho insurgents; it would fire the Southern heart. SEWARD said he was going home, as he had already sent the Powkztam to PIcEENs. Mr. LINCOLN yawned, and taming to me, inquired: Well, SAnS- FIELD, you seewhat a- mans got to do to run thi8 machine,now whats your advice? - Your Excellency, I replied, theres a man in the tanning busi- ness at Galena, in your State. Telegraph him at once. His name is GRANT, and if you give him the tools to work with, hell straighten everything out foi you as neat as a pin? The meeting dksolved without taking heed of my suggestion, and the world knows the result, However, theres one thing I am proud of. I claim to have discovered GRANT four years before WASHBURN did. Thats ~he secret why I can have any office I want under the present administration. SARSFIELD YOUNG. 118 // ~77 ii 777Th, K II K

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19,18Th. A CHEERFUL PROSPECT. Firrt Old Loafer. THE PAPERS SAYS THERES A CHANCE OF THE BOURBON DIE NASTY REIGNING IN FRANCE AGAIN. Second ditto. BULLY! IF THERES ANYTHING I LIVE FOE ITS A HIGH OLD RAIN OF BOURBON. LET IT POUR! SARSFIELD YOUNG ON FORT SUMTER. THE country was indignant that Fort Sumter was not reinforced. Major ANDERSONS supplies were nearly exhausted, and he wanted twenty thousand men, with equipments and rations. If the Govern- ment couldnt afford the rationsvery well: it ought at least to have given him the men. I am speaking of the late rebellion, which GREELEY, HEADLEY, and othors have written up. Although a publishing company at Hartford, Coan., own most of the facts of the war, which they peddle out only by subscription, they ean ~ivc the public but little of the secret history of the Fort Sumter affair. That remains to be written, while WELLER and I remain to write it. The Ex-Secretary has gracefully left it to inc to describe the midnight session of the Cabinet at which I chanced to be present. I was boarding at the White House at the ti;ne, and as President LINCOLN assured me it would bc rather interesting, I was persuaded to attend. The fact is, the crisis reminds me, said he, of a little story of a horse-trot in Arkans~ s Sir, interrupted I, it reminds me of a dozen stories, one of Aisors fables, and two hundred lives of CUAuCEE. He was afraid to continue. As the clock struck twelve, he called tmi meeting to order and remarked: Gentlemen, ANDERSON is in Sumter. The question now is,what will he do with it? South Carolina was out. BUCHANAN had done nothing. Every- where was distrust. (That very day they had refused, on Pennsylvania avenue, to trust me for a spring overcoat.) STANTON was getting his dark lantern ready for nightly interviews with SUMNER and WENDELL PHILLIPS in a vacant lot upon the outskirts of the Capitol. Universal gloom prevailed. SEWARD opened the discussion. Ho said it was contemplated td throw four thousand men into Fort Snurter. We couldnt do it. If we did; it would only be one of the first throes of a civil conflict, a war long and bloody, which he would venture to predict might be Protracted even to the extent of ninety days. Were we prepared for that? lie would like to hear from that pure ~atr~ot, the Secretary of War, on this point.- Amid murmurs of applause Ge C \MnRoN rose to say that he was wholly unprepared to make spe~ch; but he owned a let of condemned muskets, which he stood ready to dispose of to the Government at four times their original cost. He should advise that the Fort be cov- ered with several thicknesses of Pennsylvania railroad iron. It would protect our gallant troops, and he was now, as he had always been, in favor of protection. Besides, he knew parties who could get up a ring in the way of army blankets. Mr. CHASE spoke rather thick and fast, but I understood him to pro- nounce in favor of that platform which would get the most votes. If the people think it ought to be done, why, do it. The country needs taxation, and is anxious to have me President. I think I can borrow money enough in Wall street to pay the passage of a moderate number of men to Charleston, but they mustnt on any a6count be CHASE men. I dont want any of my friends killed off before the next Presidential election. What the Administration lacks, chimed in BLAIR, is backbone. Powder and ball, and blood are my sentiments. Fill all the army and navy offices with the BLAIR family, and secession is dead. SEWARD again: Strengthen Pickens, and let Sumter go. Our soldiers will find it healthier and more commodious at Pickens. Ill have the Powhcttan, sent there forthwith. Hereupon Mr. GIDEON WELLES woke up and remarked, in strain of apology, that he hadnt read his commission yet, but it was his im- pression that he was the head of what was called the Navy Department. Coming from an inland town, he didnt exactly know whether the Secretary of State or himself had the ordering about of our national vessels; but he rather thought he would relieve his friend SEWARD of that burden. He had talked with several old sea-dogs. They all agreed that the success of the plan depended on its feasibility. Capt. Fox, a private citizen of Massachusetts, had been doWn there with a horse and buggy, and reports that a squad of marines could do the job up in good style. Mr. BATES was called upon, and stated that strengthening Sumter, without giving the Southerners four weeks notice of our intention, would not, in his opinion, be unconstitutional. At this juncture Mr. FLOYD (who, having acqulred the habit of at- tending BUCHANANS cabinet meetings, had not quite got.over it) put his head in for a moment to suggest, that if the Black Itepublican Government would evacuate all the forts on Southern territory, remu- nerate his friends for their expenses, and execute a quit-claim deed of Washington and the national property to JEFF. Dxvrs and other Southern leaders, the proposition might possibly be accepted, and trouble avoided. Mr. SEWARD rose to add only a word, and that word was Pick- ens. The Secretary of the Interior observed, that as Charleston harbor wasnt in his dqpartment, he would say nothinb. Mr. BATES urged that the people of his section were loyal to the flag; in fact, they not only wanted the flag but the Capitol itself, and the national buildings (except the monument), removed to St. Louis; if they couldnt get that, they might be satisfied if Fort Sumter were towed around there, up the Mississippi. It would certainly be a 0ood deal safer there. Mr. GIDEON. WELLES wanted it distinctly understood that Geji. SCOTT, Gen. HOLY, Capt. Fox and the Powkatctn could save the country if Mr. SEWARD would let them; otherwise he would mane a minute of these deliberations, and if his friend Mr. YOuNG (whom he was plea-ed to see present) didnt expose it, he himselr would put it in the shape of a lively sketch, and send it to the magazines. Wellnow, said Mr. LINCOLN, nfte~ patrently waiting, this re- minds me of the man in Pon~eroy, Ohio, who kept what he called an e~tinn- saloon. One mornin~, a tall hoosier came in and called for ham and eggs. Cant ,~iv em to ye, stranger, said the proprie- tor, but whatil ye hay tdrink ?dont keep nothin but a bar. Yer dont? Then whatn thunder yer got that sign out thar for? for the fellow was a little mad. Why yer see I call her a eating saloon, cos I reckon she eats up all the profits. This beautiful and appropriate anecdote, which seemed to throw a flood of light upon the critical State question under consideration, pleased every one except FLOYD, who swore it was ungenerous and unchivalrie. Hastlly withdrawing, he threatened to telegraph it verbatim to tho insurgents; it would fire the Southern heart. SEWARD said he was going home, as he had already sent the Powkztam to PIcEENs. Mr. LINCOLN yawned, and taming to me, inquired: Well, SAnS- FIELD, you seewhat a- mans got to do to run thi8 machine,now whats your advice? - Your Excellency, I replied, theres a man in the tanning busi- ness at Galena, in your State. Telegraph him at once. His name is GRANT, and if you give him the tools to work with, hell straighten everything out foi you as neat as a pin? The meeting dksolved without taking heed of my suggestion, and the world knows the result, However, theres one thing I am proud of. I claim to have discovered GRANT four years before WASHBURN did. Thats ~he secret why I can have any office I want under the present administration. SARSFIELD YOUNG. 118 // ~77 ii 777Th, K II K \O\r. 19, 187U. PUNOHINELLO. 119 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS, HE popularity of opera among fashionable people in this city varies inversely as the intelli- ~:bility of the language in which it is sung. To illustrate! The Italk a opera is fashionable, though not one in ten of the people composing an average ar~di once understand a word that is said or sung. The French opera is less fashionable, but perhaps one-third of the au- hence can understand the less ingenious of the indeli- cate jokes. The English opera is not fashionable, but every one can understand every word that Miss Thcsr- ESGS or Miss 1Inns~ae pronoun- ces. These facts smdoubtediy stand in the relation of cause ansi effect. Wherefore the axiom with which this column beAns. To be sure, the words of an opera are a matter of very little conse- quence, the music speahing ns plainly as the ok rest of Saxon senten- ces. But the fashionable public knows less of music than it knows of l~n0ua~es, and would be quite capable of mistahing Grais D~o for- acoarie song, and LtbUano for lovers lamentation, were not the translated libretto of Traviata at hand to supply them and the critics of the minor papers, with the cue for the display of appropriate eino~ tion. Singers, especially, understand the full force of the above st ted axiom. Hence, those who are deficient in voice avoid the English stage. Alas KnaLooc, for example, never attempted English opera, because she V ow tl at people who had heard Roan IIEP.snE or CAROLinE Thou- inos would laugh at her claim to be the greatest living Prima Don a2 should she compete with these birds of English song. Wh~re fore. eho wisely confined herself to the Italian stage, sure of pleasing a public that knows nothi g of music, but is confident that a lady who enjoys tbe friendship of M-dison avenue must be a greet singer. PAREPA, on tb.e contrary) turned from the Italian to the English stage, but then PAISEPA had a voice. How many ye ~rs is it since CameotIzTE Iixcizrxos first sung in Ea~lish opera? It is an ungallant question, but the answer would be sti1i r ore ungallant were it not that as ftIc~msEos is an artist; and with artists the crown of youth never loses the brightness of its laurel leaves. At any rate, she has sung long onou~h to compel the recogni- tion of her claims to our gratitude and ed~ iration. She is not fault- 1055 in her method, but she differs from ether great American prime (moane sn ~ii b nest at particular of possessing voice enou0h to fill an auditorsrmsr ler~~r than the average minstrel hail. At pre~e~ sin is filling iusLOs GAIiuxa with her voice and its ad- aurora. We o to he her. PALMER and ZIssszERIIAISN, clad in velvet ~nd fine linen fat gorgeoucly about the lobby, and are mistallen, by raral isi5os~ forJsM Frsu a d HORACE Gzennrnvconcerning whom the tradition prevails in rural districts tha.t they ure clothed in a style ma- terially different fio~ that a~~ccted by Ki g Solomon at the period of his greatest glory. We find oar seals, and mentally remarking that KIBLos is the one theatre in this city from which it would be possible to eaesp~ with whole bones and coat in once of fire we await with contented minds the lifting of the curtain. In time the opera begins, ~nd a seleet comp~ny of ye g inca w 0 ace standing in the rear of the audience improve every possible op- aertunity for breThiag into rapturous applause. Thefr zeal occas1on- ally outruns their discretion, and they finally rain the ~ttempt of Miss PrcrxsxGs to c~ees~ n florid cadenza at the end o on of her arias. An intelligent a slanr is thor fore detar~d to on tnem lace compre- hension of ther eu~ses, after which then ei~ a \ ma a a sesct~on which producc~ a1most exactly the effect c spoatda Ou~ ~ t.nAseeaur. ?nm~rhs a yecra~ 1-dy near us, v.ho i~ ~c ~ J re~ch r oAth of controeti~- color- - - This isnt haIr so n~ ~ I a a Mba Theurau e~u t --- nl2 so niesly as ~ I~ n~ cs: ansi tasa you dont sc ~y fora v Th scale hero. Tn0 P - Vine ~ Vv inM5, the Aanexs, the ThIOAIIS, that handsome i~Ir. Jacons, and that deH& ~tful Mr. Idesas all those elegant young coca with beautiful eyes and curly hair that dress in velvet coats and diamond studsthere isnt one of them here. Our best society never goes any opera but the real Italian opera. LIGUT-ILAIRED Youz~c~ Mxs~. But, my dear, it seems to me that your boat society must consist chiefly of Jewsjudging from the names you mention. Youna LaDy.-- Well, what if it does? They are rich, are they not? What snore could you want LIORT-JIATRED YOUNG MAK. What~, indeed! lInt the music is just good as it would be if the fashionable I~radite~ were here, isnt it? Sun. The music as good! Why, Charles, everybody knows that the Italian opera mmdc is perfectly lovely. This is only English, you know. HE. It is precisely the same. Here the & omoe;ebefa is sung with English mate I of Italian words. Thatdoes.nt alter single note. Suu.-~-~ Yea are too r-idiculous! The idea of attanipting to make me believe that thi, jual like the Italian opcn Don i you suppose I knows anything al oat nails e OLD Gn vivai. N I ha rI CAISOLESa I a sn~- -u in 1808,-I think it was. I tell you a o sings better non t ma she old then, brat the stupid public never ~p recated her. I recollet -nysag to KEAN--- not CimamaLna, you hen ~, hut the KEATthat I hue -a ~ oung lady that would be a splendid mncr come of these d e~am~ CAROLinE, of course. Well sir nv~ KLAn, what or is yen cant drink her, Oi~ you ~ & rd ha v the beat man for ~c c I ever knew. To give you mn ina+51e0 - on cog~t Kn r~ an1 I inni old Ssrzrrr,you dont remember old Snivar I presume; h- al~yed old maca at th~ Boston Theatre asxty years ~go; I never met a jollier ~eIlow I r-~ member his sayin o~o naal2 wcn J Nws Booauz playsrag-et mssu see, what wm tao u~ay, it msnt the ~- ~ t it~ I h mmxlly thick, for Here the orches4 r~ nwcmfuii strikes up, an-I in ci--- rum drums 4 i-0 garrrrlous monolo e of tho veteran thentr~cal ol se~x ci We hvo another I of the opora, sung far better thea ~ny opera n~s been ~n~-; at the Academy for year-s Pretty Roan Iinmcoi~.n when have w~ -d voice as pure. or e m~nn~r a-- naming as hers cng~ in this et ~na her tones so closely resemble those of NuLcisox in their exquisite purity, that we wonder how ~he h e caped the alunso of that independent critical jour al, the ~ec~oim until we notice a middle-aged gentleman sleeping quietly auk a copy of the Season on his lap, and remember that at KInLo a C AVDEN the proprietor of the independent critical journal is permitted to distribLite his mental soothing syrup, while at STEinWAY HALL rival sheet is the only dmitted programme. And I ~aystil ~ksnksn~ of MLSSONto an experienced theatre- goer, Why doe WATsoN abuse NuLasox? And he answers n~h the contemptuous, but obvIously hon~ t i quiry Whos WaTson? Really appalled by the suggeauon that there exists a man with soul and things so completely dead as not to h~-n kco-d of the great WATSON, I change my question and ask him Yb does the Scasoua abuse NrLsSOzz? hE. The Season, my young friend, is pl-oc-ramnm~ paper that is cmrculated gratuitously and depends for supuor-a unox irs advertizing patronage. A few managers permit it to be cisc-il ~-A in their theatres- the reraconing managers will not admit it. K o a- flue latter are Mr. WALLACE, and Max STRAmeoson. Consequently, the Season abuses WALLACES Theatre and NuLasox C concer~- a~ inb that Mr. WALLACE has a wretched company, and inal ~s ~iL5iON has no voice. The Season is also a comic paper, -I 1 sad joke is its asser- tion that it is an independent critical journal YOUNG LADY in COLORS. This opera ma uresifully stupid. LTOET-UAIRED YOUNG Ia But ~ .L,st is coef Mozart sthe Marriage of Figaro. It is o-- of his moat famous works. Sun. Then I dont like Mozart. There was an iu~h-aa who wrote a opera that was eli about Figaro,the Nossy di Fiqaro wee the name of it. Oh, it is perfectly splendid; ever so much prettier than this. Rn. Why, my dear girl, the Nozao di Figaro is the identical oper you are now hearing. Sn - Thera is young Mr. NATUAN I5AAos. Isnt ho pndcctly splendid? Hn (sighing sadly) Wi-enever you wish to go home, I am ready. Sun You are real disagreeable to-night, and Im sorry I came with you. RURAL P ISSON. Well, ir thi is the opery, I dont mind cayin I like it. Susan said I oouldnt understand a word of the gibberish these opery folks squawked, b t its just as plain as psalm-a-singing. Miss Rmcuin and that HERSY gal are just the tallest kind of abmeess. If we had em i~i oar choir, the Baptist folks might shut an simeir mcetin-house to waust. ZIMMERMANY. When are we going to revive the (~rook did you ask? What do we want to revive it for? Isnt the house full enough to-night to satisfy amuybody? FmraND o~ run THEATnE. To be sure it is. Stiok to ibla sort of thing, and youll find it will pay better in tha end than my amount of legs. NuisLos is now a resnectable theatre. Dont chan c it into an Anatomicl Museummu. MATADOR.

\O\r. 19, 187U. PUNOHINELLO. 119 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS, HE popularity of opera among fashionable people in this city varies inversely as the intelli- ~:bility of the language in which it is sung. To illustrate! The Italk a opera is fashionable, though not one in ten of the people composing an average ar~di once understand a word that is said or sung. The French opera is less fashionable, but perhaps one-third of the au- hence can understand the less ingenious of the indeli- cate jokes. The English opera is not fashionable, but every one can understand every word that Miss Thcsr- ESGS or Miss 1Inns~ae pronoun- ces. These facts smdoubtediy stand in the relation of cause ansi effect. Wherefore the axiom with which this column beAns. To be sure, the words of an opera are a matter of very little conse- quence, the music speahing ns plainly as the ok rest of Saxon senten- ces. But the fashionable public knows less of music than it knows of l~n0ua~es, and would be quite capable of mistahing Grais D~o for- acoarie song, and LtbUano for lovers lamentation, were not the translated libretto of Traviata at hand to supply them and the critics of the minor papers, with the cue for the display of appropriate eino~ tion. Singers, especially, understand the full force of the above st ted axiom. Hence, those who are deficient in voice avoid the English stage. Alas KnaLooc, for example, never attempted English opera, because she V ow tl at people who had heard Roan IIEP.snE or CAROLinE Thou- inos would laugh at her claim to be the greatest living Prima Don a2 should she compete with these birds of English song. Wh~re fore. eho wisely confined herself to the Italian stage, sure of pleasing a public that knows nothi g of music, but is confident that a lady who enjoys tbe friendship of M-dison avenue must be a greet singer. PAREPA, on tb.e contrary) turned from the Italian to the English stage, but then PAISEPA had a voice. How many ye ~rs is it since CameotIzTE Iixcizrxos first sung in Ea~lish opera? It is an ungallant question, but the answer would be sti1i r ore ungallant were it not that as ftIc~msEos is an artist; and with artists the crown of youth never loses the brightness of its laurel leaves. At any rate, she has sung long onou~h to compel the recogni- tion of her claims to our gratitude and ed~ iration. She is not fault- 1055 in her method, but she differs from ether great American prime (moane sn ~ii b nest at particular of possessing voice enou0h to fill an auditorsrmsr ler~~r than the average minstrel hail. At pre~e~ sin is filling iusLOs GAIiuxa with her voice and its ad- aurora. We o to he her. PALMER and ZIssszERIIAISN, clad in velvet ~nd fine linen fat gorgeoucly about the lobby, and are mistallen, by raral isi5os~ forJsM Frsu a d HORACE Gzennrnvconcerning whom the tradition prevails in rural districts tha.t they ure clothed in a style ma- terially different fio~ that a~~ccted by Ki g Solomon at the period of his greatest glory. We find oar seals, and mentally remarking that KIBLos is the one theatre in this city from which it would be possible to eaesp~ with whole bones and coat in once of fire we await with contented minds the lifting of the curtain. In time the opera begins, ~nd a seleet comp~ny of ye g inca w 0 ace standing in the rear of the audience improve every possible op- aertunity for breThiag into rapturous applause. Thefr zeal occas1on- ally outruns their discretion, and they finally rain the ~ttempt of Miss PrcrxsxGs to c~ees~ n florid cadenza at the end o on of her arias. An intelligent a slanr is thor fore detar~d to on tnem lace compre- hension of ther eu~ses, after which then ei~ a \ ma a a sesct~on which producc~ a1most exactly the effect c spoatda Ou~ ~ t.nAseeaur. ?nm~rhs a yecra~ 1-dy near us, v.ho i~ ~c ~ J re~ch r oAth of controeti~- color- - - This isnt haIr so n~ ~ I a a Mba Theurau e~u t --- nl2 so niesly as ~ I~ n~ cs: ansi tasa you dont sc ~y fora v Th scale hero. Tn0 P - Vine ~ Vv inM5, the Aanexs, the ThIOAIIS, that handsome i~Ir. Jacons, and that deH& ~tful Mr. Idesas all those elegant young coca with beautiful eyes and curly hair that dress in velvet coats and diamond studsthere isnt one of them here. Our best society never goes any opera but the real Italian opera. LIGUT-ILAIRED Youz~c~ Mxs~. But, my dear, it seems to me that your boat society must consist chiefly of Jewsjudging from the names you mention. Youna LaDy.-- Well, what if it does? They are rich, are they not? What snore could you want LIORT-JIATRED YOUNG MAK. What~, indeed! lInt the music is just good as it would be if the fashionable I~radite~ were here, isnt it? Sun. The music as good! Why, Charles, everybody knows that the Italian opera mmdc is perfectly lovely. This is only English, you know. HE. It is precisely the same. Here the & omoe;ebefa is sung with English mate I of Italian words. Thatdoes.nt alter single note. Suu.-~-~ Yea are too r-idiculous! The idea of attanipting to make me believe that thi, jual like the Italian opcn Don i you suppose I knows anything al oat nails e OLD Gn vivai. N I ha rI CAISOLESa I a sn~- -u in 1808,-I think it was. I tell you a o sings better non t ma she old then, brat the stupid public never ~p recated her. I recollet -nysag to KEAN--- not CimamaLna, you hen ~, hut the KEATthat I hue -a ~ oung lady that would be a splendid mncr come of these d e~am~ CAROLinE, of course. Well sir nv~ KLAn, what or is yen cant drink her, Oi~ you ~ & rd ha v the beat man for ~c c I ever knew. To give you mn ina+51e0 - on cog~t Kn r~ an1 I inni old Ssrzrrr,you dont remember old Snivar I presume; h- al~yed old maca at th~ Boston Theatre asxty years ~go; I never met a jollier ~eIlow I r-~ member his sayin o~o naal2 wcn J Nws Booauz playsrag-et mssu see, what wm tao u~ay, it msnt the ~- ~ t it~ I h mmxlly thick, for Here the orches4 r~ nwcmfuii strikes up, an-I in ci--- rum drums 4 i-0 garrrrlous monolo e of tho veteran thentr~cal ol se~x ci We hvo another I of the opora, sung far better thea ~ny opera n~s been ~n~-; at the Academy for year-s Pretty Roan Iinmcoi~.n when have w~ -d voice as pure. or e m~nn~r a-- naming as hers cng~ in this et ~na her tones so closely resemble those of NuLcisox in their exquisite purity, that we wonder how ~he h e caped the alunso of that independent critical jour al, the ~ec~oim until we notice a middle-aged gentleman sleeping quietly auk a copy of the Season on his lap, and remember that at KInLo a C AVDEN the proprietor of the independent critical journal is permitted to distribLite his mental soothing syrup, while at STEinWAY HALL rival sheet is the only dmitted programme. And I ~aystil ~ksnksn~ of MLSSONto an experienced theatre- goer, Why doe WATsoN abuse NuLasox? And he answers n~h the contemptuous, but obvIously hon~ t i quiry Whos WaTson? Really appalled by the suggeauon that there exists a man with soul and things so completely dead as not to h~-n kco-d of the great WATSON, I change my question and ask him Yb does the Scasoua abuse NrLsSOzz? hE. The Season, my young friend, is pl-oc-ramnm~ paper that is cmrculated gratuitously and depends for supuor-a unox irs advertizing patronage. A few managers permit it to be cisc-il ~-A in their theatres- the reraconing managers will not admit it. K o a- flue latter are Mr. WALLACE, and Max STRAmeoson. Consequently, the Season abuses WALLACES Theatre and NuLasox C concer~- a~ inb that Mr. WALLACE has a wretched company, and inal ~s ~iL5iON has no voice. The Season is also a comic paper, -I 1 sad joke is its asser- tion that it is an independent critical journal YOUNG LADY in COLORS. This opera ma uresifully stupid. LTOET-UAIRED YOUNG Ia But ~ .L,st is coef Mozart sthe Marriage of Figaro. It is o-- of his moat famous works. Sun. Then I dont like Mozart. There was an iu~h-aa who wrote a opera that was eli about Figaro,the Nossy di Fiqaro wee the name of it. Oh, it is perfectly splendid; ever so much prettier than this. Rn. Why, my dear girl, the Nozao di Figaro is the identical oper you are now hearing. Sn - Thera is young Mr. NATUAN I5AAos. Isnt ho pndcctly splendid? Hn (sighing sadly) Wi-enever you wish to go home, I am ready. Sun You are real disagreeable to-night, and Im sorry I came with you. RURAL P ISSON. Well, ir thi is the opery, I dont mind cayin I like it. Susan said I oouldnt understand a word of the gibberish these opery folks squawked, b t its just as plain as psalm-a-singing. Miss Rmcuin and that HERSY gal are just the tallest kind of abmeess. If we had em i~i oar choir, the Baptist folks might shut an simeir mcetin-house to waust. ZIMMERMANY. When are we going to revive the (~rook did you ask? What do we want to revive it for? Isnt the house full enough to-night to satisfy amuybody? FmraND o~ run THEATnE. To be sure it is. Stiok to ibla sort of thing, and youll find it will pay better in tha end than my amount of legs. NuisLos is now a resnectable theatre. Dont chan c it into an Anatomicl Museummu. MATADOR. 120 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19, 1870. AFTER THE BATTLE. CARRYING OFF THE WOUNDED. them water when they are overheated. Can you assist me in putting a stop to this? Answer. We do not see why you should apply to PUNCIIINELLO in the case. Have we not a Croton BERGH among us? Valefadinariam. To furnish you with a list of all the patent medi- cines advertised is quite out of our power. Suppose you start out early every morning with your note-book, walk for seven or eight miles along the Bloomingdale Road, and make your list from the innumera- ble inscriptions on the rocks in that vicinity. Do this for a month or two, and you will not care much about the list when you have got it. N. E. by S. 1K We read that DEMOSTHENES used to put pebbles in his mouth, and spout while thus charged, to cure himself of thickness of utterance. Suffering from the same defect, I have tried the same remedy, but without success. Can you advise me in the matter? Answer. The most learned commentators agree that the statement about DEMoSTHENEs putting pebbles in his mouth was only figurative, and really meant that, when about to speak in public, he used to put a brick in his hat. The same thing is done by many of our public ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. speakers of the periodsuch as JOHN B. GOIJGH, H. GREELEY. AN~n DICKINSON, and others. Try it moderately, and it may loosen your A Lover of Music. Our street musicians aie giowing worse and tongue. worse. There is a piper who infests the street in which I live, and sets E ie~uriis. Is Worcestershire sauce really the invention of an English my nerves on edge with his horrible droning. What am I to do with nobleman? Answer. Yes: he was one of the COOKS or one of the him? Answer. Put him in the waste-piler basket. BUTLERS, we have forgotten which; but it is certain that he was de- Aunt 6arraway. The preparatory schools about which you inquire graded from the peerage for offering some of his sauce to the reigning have nothing to do with the reformation of wicked parrots. If the British monarch of his time. language made use of by your parrot is so dreadful that the cats have __________________ left the house in consequence of it, we are afraid that the bird is past compismcutauy Chromatics. reform. Try him with rats, and you may yet be renowned as the WHILE all France is Blue with the prospects of the siege of Paris, femaae Whitting-ton of the period. we have constant accounts of the growing ascendency of the Reds. Rebecca HaveUown. It was very rude of the young man to stare at We commend this to the next scientific convention, as an evidence of you through an aquarium, as you say he did. The little fishes might the analogies which prevail in the physical and moral worlds. have been flirting their tails at the time, however, and it is just possible ___________________ that he might have taken you for one of the flirts. A Sally for Sketchers. A 116 rsunan. After long observation, I am of opinion that the sudden WHEN an artist visits a picturesque locality, why is the proceeding collapse which so frequently occurs among omnibus and street-car like an undecided prize-fight? horses, is to be attributed to the stupid but common practice of giving Because it results in a draw. L LT~JTIL ____ ____ ______

120 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19, 1870. AFTER THE BATTLE. CARRYING OFF THE WOUNDED. them water when they are overheated. Can you assist me in putting a stop to this? Answer. We do not see why you should apply to PUNCIIINELLO in the case. Have we not a Croton BERGH among us? Valefadinariam. To furnish you with a list of all the patent medi- cines advertised is quite out of our power. Suppose you start out early every morning with your note-book, walk for seven or eight miles along the Bloomingdale Road, and make your list from the innumera- ble inscriptions on the rocks in that vicinity. Do this for a month or two, and you will not care much about the list when you have got it. N. E. by S. 1K We read that DEMOSTHENES used to put pebbles in his mouth, and spout while thus charged, to cure himself of thickness of utterance. Suffering from the same defect, I have tried the same remedy, but without success. Can you advise me in the matter? Answer. The most learned commentators agree that the statement about DEMoSTHENEs putting pebbles in his mouth was only figurative, and really meant that, when about to speak in public, he used to put a brick in his hat. The same thing is done by many of our public ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. speakers of the periodsuch as JOHN B. GOIJGH, H. GREELEY. AN~n DICKINSON, and others. Try it moderately, and it may loosen your A Lover of Music. Our street musicians aie giowing worse and tongue. worse. There is a piper who infests the street in which I live, and sets E ie~uriis. Is Worcestershire sauce really the invention of an English my nerves on edge with his horrible droning. What am I to do with nobleman? Answer. Yes: he was one of the COOKS or one of the him? Answer. Put him in the waste-piler basket. BUTLERS, we have forgotten which; but it is certain that he was de- Aunt 6arraway. The preparatory schools about which you inquire graded from the peerage for offering some of his sauce to the reigning have nothing to do with the reformation of wicked parrots. If the British monarch of his time. language made use of by your parrot is so dreadful that the cats have __________________ left the house in consequence of it, we are afraid that the bird is past compismcutauy Chromatics. reform. Try him with rats, and you may yet be renowned as the WHILE all France is Blue with the prospects of the siege of Paris, femaae Whitting-ton of the period. we have constant accounts of the growing ascendency of the Reds. Rebecca HaveUown. It was very rude of the young man to stare at We commend this to the next scientific convention, as an evidence of you through an aquarium, as you say he did. The little fishes might the analogies which prevail in the physical and moral worlds. have been flirting their tails at the time, however, and it is just possible ___________________ that he might have taken you for one of the flirts. A Sally for Sketchers. A 116 rsunan. After long observation, I am of opinion that the sudden WHEN an artist visits a picturesque locality, why is the proceeding collapse which so frequently occurs among omnibus and street-car like an undecided prize-fight? horses, is to be attributed to the stupid but common practice of giving Because it results in a draw. L LT~JTIL ____ ____ ______

120 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19, 1870. AFTER THE BATTLE. CARRYING OFF THE WOUNDED. them water when they are overheated. Can you assist me in putting a stop to this? Answer. We do not see why you should apply to PUNCIIINELLO in the case. Have we not a Croton BERGH among us? Valefadinariam. To furnish you with a list of all the patent medi- cines advertised is quite out of our power. Suppose you start out early every morning with your note-book, walk for seven or eight miles along the Bloomingdale Road, and make your list from the innumera- ble inscriptions on the rocks in that vicinity. Do this for a month or two, and you will not care much about the list when you have got it. N. E. by S. 1K We read that DEMOSTHENES used to put pebbles in his mouth, and spout while thus charged, to cure himself of thickness of utterance. Suffering from the same defect, I have tried the same remedy, but without success. Can you advise me in the matter? Answer. The most learned commentators agree that the statement about DEMoSTHENEs putting pebbles in his mouth was only figurative, and really meant that, when about to speak in public, he used to put a brick in his hat. The same thing is done by many of our public ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. speakers of the periodsuch as JOHN B. GOIJGH, H. GREELEY. AN~n DICKINSON, and others. Try it moderately, and it may loosen your A Lover of Music. Our street musicians aie giowing worse and tongue. worse. There is a piper who infests the street in which I live, and sets E ie~uriis. Is Worcestershire sauce really the invention of an English my nerves on edge with his horrible droning. What am I to do with nobleman? Answer. Yes: he was one of the COOKS or one of the him? Answer. Put him in the waste-piler basket. BUTLERS, we have forgotten which; but it is certain that he was de- Aunt 6arraway. The preparatory schools about which you inquire graded from the peerage for offering some of his sauce to the reigning have nothing to do with the reformation of wicked parrots. If the British monarch of his time. language made use of by your parrot is so dreadful that the cats have __________________ left the house in consequence of it, we are afraid that the bird is past compismcutauy Chromatics. reform. Try him with rats, and you may yet be renowned as the WHILE all France is Blue with the prospects of the siege of Paris, femaae Whitting-ton of the period. we have constant accounts of the growing ascendency of the Reds. Rebecca HaveUown. It was very rude of the young man to stare at We commend this to the next scientific convention, as an evidence of you through an aquarium, as you say he did. The little fishes might the analogies which prevail in the physical and moral worlds. have been flirting their tails at the time, however, and it is just possible ___________________ that he might have taken you for one of the flirts. A Sally for Sketchers. A 116 rsunan. After long observation, I am of opinion that the sudden WHEN an artist visits a picturesque locality, why is the proceeding collapse which so frequently occurs among omnibus and street-car like an undecided prize-fight? horses, is to be attributed to the stupid but common practice of giving Because it results in a draw. L LT~JTIL ____ ____ ______

120 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19, 1870. AFTER THE BATTLE. CARRYING OFF THE WOUNDED. them water when they are overheated. Can you assist me in putting a stop to this? Answer. We do not see why you should apply to PUNCIIINELLO in the case. Have we not a Croton BERGH among us? Valefadinariam. To furnish you with a list of all the patent medi- cines advertised is quite out of our power. Suppose you start out early every morning with your note-book, walk for seven or eight miles along the Bloomingdale Road, and make your list from the innumera- ble inscriptions on the rocks in that vicinity. Do this for a month or two, and you will not care much about the list when you have got it. N. E. by S. 1K We read that DEMOSTHENES used to put pebbles in his mouth, and spout while thus charged, to cure himself of thickness of utterance. Suffering from the same defect, I have tried the same remedy, but without success. Can you advise me in the matter? Answer. The most learned commentators agree that the statement about DEMoSTHENEs putting pebbles in his mouth was only figurative, and really meant that, when about to speak in public, he used to put a brick in his hat. The same thing is done by many of our public ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS. speakers of the periodsuch as JOHN B. GOIJGH, H. GREELEY. AN~n DICKINSON, and others. Try it moderately, and it may loosen your A Lover of Music. Our street musicians aie giowing worse and tongue. worse. There is a piper who infests the street in which I live, and sets E ie~uriis. Is Worcestershire sauce really the invention of an English my nerves on edge with his horrible droning. What am I to do with nobleman? Answer. Yes: he was one of the COOKS or one of the him? Answer. Put him in the waste-piler basket. BUTLERS, we have forgotten which; but it is certain that he was de- Aunt 6arraway. The preparatory schools about which you inquire graded from the peerage for offering some of his sauce to the reigning have nothing to do with the reformation of wicked parrots. If the British monarch of his time. language made use of by your parrot is so dreadful that the cats have __________________ left the house in consequence of it, we are afraid that the bird is past compismcutauy Chromatics. reform. Try him with rats, and you may yet be renowned as the WHILE all France is Blue with the prospects of the siege of Paris, femaae Whitting-ton of the period. we have constant accounts of the growing ascendency of the Reds. Rebecca HaveUown. It was very rude of the young man to stare at We commend this to the next scientific convention, as an evidence of you through an aquarium, as you say he did. The little fishes might the analogies which prevail in the physical and moral worlds. have been flirting their tails at the time, however, and it is just possible ___________________ that he might have taken you for one of the flirts. A Sally for Sketchers. A 116 rsunan. After long observation, I am of opinion that the sudden WHEN an artist visits a picturesque locality, why is the proceeding collapse which so frequently occurs among omnibus and street-car like an undecided prize-fight? horses, is to be attributed to the stupid but common practice of giving Because it results in a draw. L LT~JTIL ____ ____ ______ I z fr-a H z C) p z Q Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 128 HIRAM GREEN AND FEMALE SUFFRAGE. ills Experience with tho Advocates of the 10th Amendment. ON the last eleekshun day, I was servin as Inspecter of Eieckshuia, when a passil of wimmen, chest partly in mens habiliments, wallct up to the ballit box. They was headed by old SAIIT YooMA~s, who has been an old made for moren~~ Sentury. Steppin up close to thc railin where votcs is put in, Miss Yoo~r~s thus to me did say cquare GIiEEN, weovc come to ca~t the soilvige of down-trodden race: Will you receive our votes? Net exzactiy I wont, my hi toned Greshun benders, was my reply. Do you know who we air, sir? cride a long, Icon, lank, rale-fence- lookin femail, whose nose looked as if sheed been sokin it in a bladder of black snuff. Well! sweet wolfs in lambs clothin, said I, puttin on one of my shrewed expreshuns, you look as if you was a lot of, so-call~d, strong- minded femails, who was up to snuff, b~t,in an endea-or to scratch somebody bare-boned, youd lost your footin, and tumbled Jap-bang into a coal-hole. We air, sir, says another ethereal-lookin he~a-thstuu depopwlater, members of the Skeensboro Sore-cyc-siss Society. We believe wim- meus has got rites, which man wont let her have. We believe the ballit is caildilated to raise woman to her proper speer. We believe hoop-skirts and side-saddles will soon be numbered among the lost arts. We believe SOOZAN B. ANTHONY, E. CADY STANTON, WENDIL FmLIrs, or Mister BLACKWELL, are just as capable of bein President of this ere old Union, as the best man which ever wore panterloons; and we air bound hensfortli and forever, one and onseperable, to stand up for our rites, if we can only rope in enuff Congressmen to hold our bonaits. Dunn the a-4-said bust of elokence, about 75 wimmen was holdin ballits for me to take, while others were vilently swingin their gingham parasols over my bald head. All seemed as if they was jest bin over to get their clutches about my breethin apparatus. Says I: Go hum and be femails, and dont make sick tarnal loonatix of your. self any longer, gittin mixed up with the body polertick; for sures youre bora, when woman votes shed trail her skirts in the dust and you cant stop her; xvhen she walks up to the ballit box, and undertakes to mix into suthin she dont know no snore about, than TILTON and FULToN do about the golden mel, then when that air time comes I will exclaim Oh! woman; whore is thy ttusgor. Oh! Sore-eye-cisc ! where bouts is thy victory What! miserable muon, woodest-ist thou deny us the bailit? ooocenmcd another femad, as she tore a d4u~hrl aft Jail from her head, and, wildly cwinj it in the air duty c~oe a ~nd old clothes fell into promiecous keeps all about hem With all don respect to the sectm ~a i a~ ci madder all the while, you can jest bet your aun+~ ca~ 1 - ed~ Ilard-har-ted old man yoel rn~ +Iai~ il ~ ~ cc - I cmdc ci and tise hull lot commenced sniveilma, as B~sr ~arc ~as bw~t~d. Kind, noble, beautiful sir! w~ san~avmsb rn on~ ufirages, says a big fat woman, about the size of a lode of hay, as she shoved her ballit under my nose. Madam, says I, swellin up with accumulated rage, laun Jsh and rip and tare things as much as you minclteryou c~ t stuff t ~ ore ballit bo% with illegal votes as long as line boss of itthats whats the matter-and I want you to understand I mean bizz-haeas. At this they all started for the door, remarkin that I was an old fool, mouskiter, ethetary & e. When the 16th commendment passes, said sweet ELIZJm llx~nnm, who is too pooty to be caught in BiCh company, we will call for your skalp, old man. Which topuot, was my reply, woixident furnish hair enough for a false eyebrow. I see they was goin, so I said My week-minded and misgided femails, hold your osses a minnit, until an old statesman, who has served his country for 4 year as Gus- tise of the Peece, says a few remarks to you When woman was taken out of mans ribs, it wasent ealkilated she should lower herself by mixin into such dirty bizziness, as you are up to to-d. y. Woma.n in her natural element, is jest one of the sootlci nest institutions in this crc land, which flows with milk-punch and honey-sope, and what poor miserable ci-itters man would be withont her. ~ Who would nuss our offspring, if it wasent for wimmen? - Who would cheer our fireside, if it wasent for wiinmen? Who would cook our vittles, if it - sent for wknmen? And who would haul off our butes nites, when we come home tired and demoralized, a~ter havin a sett-to with lager-beer and sweitzer? Agin, I remark, if it wasent for woman in her onadulterated state, before she had been made a tarnal fool of by these ere despoilers of m~cins happiness, MASIdALINn WIMMEN, man would be a poor shiftless hoot. Therefore, I say, go hum and resoom your abnormal condition. Get back into your own harniss, and dont undertake to assoom the bifurkated garments. It haint your forte, no moren it is some of our public offiskals to keep frosri steelin. I rattled away at em in this stile, ontil I beheld the last pair of femail bifurkaters shoot for home, when I subsided into a chair, and with my bandauner hankerchief wiped the perspiration from my noble brow. After Ide partially recovered my ekanimity, I agin resoomed my offishal duties, but I co~ildent help thinkin that if wimmen mdc such a confounded hullab~lo about votin, as they is now doin, tryin to vote; them air leaders, who air gem about the country like Intemal lieve- noo offisers, seekin that they may gobble up somebody, will kayo a pile to anser for, when woman becomes a compenent part of the body polertick. Owe woman, woman, ow sweot you he, When youre dressed up to kill, I laoye the time ile never see, When mans place you eli 511. Take the advice of one witch kn~c, & try to shun the evil, To see a woman in mans closo Looks wusser nor the di. Which is the opinion of your humbley sarvent, HIRAM GREEN, B -, Lait Gustise of the Peecs. FRESH FROM THE FLOWERY KINGDOM. Tia~ world is justly indignant at the accounts of the Chinese massa- cres of the missionaries who have perilled their lives in going so far to teach them Christianity. Ilecently, for example, a young lady teacher from Boston was so terribly stoned by some of the unregenerate little pig-tailed fiends in Canton, that she died the next day. It is dreadful to think how savage the instincts of the heathen are. P. S.Since the above was set up in type, Mn. PnNdnrxLL~o has learned that the Canton in which this occurrence took place is not in China, but is a thrivio~ villa~e in 2~orfolk county, Massachusetts, about eighteen nfl f ~e Boston and that the assailants were conse- quently not pig -~ ci I- en but ocanine Christian children, who, in a few years, wici b~irno- to th~ cassn-~ted voter of Massachusetts. - This action consequeitly, w s not d ntated by unregenerate bar- baris~, but was mtenc,ed simply as a piotest (rough, vie confess, hut effectual, we truot) a- a~ Cu these ne t~no-led ideas of womens rights. What business have a oreson to be trying to teach? Let them stay at home, and if they want to know anvthsa~, ask their husbands, there; and if they are inmarnied, let them wait until they get husbands. We must not let our natural gailcitry interfere with oar reverence and respect for the rights of ignorance, which will eventually vote. A THRICE BLESSED CITY. Tixnuis is a city in Illinois c ed St. Genevieve. By some hocus-pocus known to accomplished politicia s, this city has li- d no Mayor since the 4th of June, 1867. In the absence of definite i ~ormnation upon the subject, we take it far granted that St. Genevie e must be a moat de- lightful place to live in, and specially so, because, s we are fa her informed, they have no Aldermen there cithar. More delightful still, as there is nobody authorized to assess taxes, the fortun~ to lukabitants do not pay any. Of course, if this state of unimitive bllss could last, Mr. PuNeuraaxLno vould make innmediate arrangements to renlove to at. Genes eve; but the courts have ordered the citizens to elect a Mayer immediately, so that this little heaven upon earth will soon have cc~sed to exist.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 128 HIRAM GREEN AND FEMALE SUFFRAGE. ills Experience with tho Advocates of the 10th Amendment. ON the last eleekshun day, I was servin as Inspecter of Eieckshuia, when a passil of wimmen, chest partly in mens habiliments, wallct up to the ballit box. They was headed by old SAIIT YooMA~s, who has been an old made for moren~~ Sentury. Steppin up close to thc railin where votcs is put in, Miss Yoo~r~s thus to me did say cquare GIiEEN, weovc come to ca~t the soilvige of down-trodden race: Will you receive our votes? Net exzactiy I wont, my hi toned Greshun benders, was my reply. Do you know who we air, sir? cride a long, Icon, lank, rale-fence- lookin femail, whose nose looked as if sheed been sokin it in a bladder of black snuff. Well! sweet wolfs in lambs clothin, said I, puttin on one of my shrewed expreshuns, you look as if you was a lot of, so-call~d, strong- minded femails, who was up to snuff, b~t,in an endea-or to scratch somebody bare-boned, youd lost your footin, and tumbled Jap-bang into a coal-hole. We air, sir, says another ethereal-lookin he~a-thstuu depopwlater, members of the Skeensboro Sore-cyc-siss Society. We believe wim- meus has got rites, which man wont let her have. We believe the ballit is caildilated to raise woman to her proper speer. We believe hoop-skirts and side-saddles will soon be numbered among the lost arts. We believe SOOZAN B. ANTHONY, E. CADY STANTON, WENDIL FmLIrs, or Mister BLACKWELL, are just as capable of bein President of this ere old Union, as the best man which ever wore panterloons; and we air bound hensfortli and forever, one and onseperable, to stand up for our rites, if we can only rope in enuff Congressmen to hold our bonaits. Dunn the a-4-said bust of elokence, about 75 wimmen was holdin ballits for me to take, while others were vilently swingin their gingham parasols over my bald head. All seemed as if they was jest bin over to get their clutches about my breethin apparatus. Says I: Go hum and be femails, and dont make sick tarnal loonatix of your. self any longer, gittin mixed up with the body polertick; for sures youre bora, when woman votes shed trail her skirts in the dust and you cant stop her; xvhen she walks up to the ballit box, and undertakes to mix into suthin she dont know no snore about, than TILTON and FULToN do about the golden mel, then when that air time comes I will exclaim Oh! woman; whore is thy ttusgor. Oh! Sore-eye-cisc ! where bouts is thy victory What! miserable muon, woodest-ist thou deny us the bailit? ooocenmcd another femad, as she tore a d4u~hrl aft Jail from her head, and, wildly cwinj it in the air duty c~oe a ~nd old clothes fell into promiecous keeps all about hem With all don respect to the sectm ~a i a~ ci madder all the while, you can jest bet your aun+~ ca~ 1 - ed~ Ilard-har-ted old man yoel rn~ +Iai~ il ~ ~ cc - I cmdc ci and tise hull lot commenced sniveilma, as B~sr ~arc ~as bw~t~d. Kind, noble, beautiful sir! w~ san~avmsb rn on~ ufirages, says a big fat woman, about the size of a lode of hay, as she shoved her ballit under my nose. Madam, says I, swellin up with accumulated rage, laun Jsh and rip and tare things as much as you minclteryou c~ t stuff t ~ ore ballit bo% with illegal votes as long as line boss of itthats whats the matter-and I want you to understand I mean bizz-haeas. At this they all started for the door, remarkin that I was an old fool, mouskiter, ethetary & e. When the 16th commendment passes, said sweet ELIZJm llx~nnm, who is too pooty to be caught in BiCh company, we will call for your skalp, old man. Which topuot, was my reply, woixident furnish hair enough for a false eyebrow. I see they was goin, so I said My week-minded and misgided femails, hold your osses a minnit, until an old statesman, who has served his country for 4 year as Gus- tise of the Peece, says a few remarks to you When woman was taken out of mans ribs, it wasent ealkilated she should lower herself by mixin into such dirty bizziness, as you are up to to-d. y. Woma.n in her natural element, is jest one of the sootlci nest institutions in this crc land, which flows with milk-punch and honey-sope, and what poor miserable ci-itters man would be withont her. ~ Who would nuss our offspring, if it wasent for wimmen? - Who would cheer our fireside, if it wasent for wiinmen? Who would cook our vittles, if it - sent for wknmen? And who would haul off our butes nites, when we come home tired and demoralized, a~ter havin a sett-to with lager-beer and sweitzer? Agin, I remark, if it wasent for woman in her onadulterated state, before she had been made a tarnal fool of by these ere despoilers of m~cins happiness, MASIdALINn WIMMEN, man would be a poor shiftless hoot. Therefore, I say, go hum and resoom your abnormal condition. Get back into your own harniss, and dont undertake to assoom the bifurkated garments. It haint your forte, no moren it is some of our public offiskals to keep frosri steelin. I rattled away at em in this stile, ontil I beheld the last pair of femail bifurkaters shoot for home, when I subsided into a chair, and with my bandauner hankerchief wiped the perspiration from my noble brow. After Ide partially recovered my ekanimity, I agin resoomed my offishal duties, but I co~ildent help thinkin that if wimmen mdc such a confounded hullab~lo about votin, as they is now doin, tryin to vote; them air leaders, who air gem about the country like Intemal lieve- noo offisers, seekin that they may gobble up somebody, will kayo a pile to anser for, when woman becomes a compenent part of the body polertick. Owe woman, woman, ow sweot you he, When youre dressed up to kill, I laoye the time ile never see, When mans place you eli 511. Take the advice of one witch kn~c, & try to shun the evil, To see a woman in mans closo Looks wusser nor the di. Which is the opinion of your humbley sarvent, HIRAM GREEN, B -, Lait Gustise of the Peecs. FRESH FROM THE FLOWERY KINGDOM. Tia~ world is justly indignant at the accounts of the Chinese massa- cres of the missionaries who have perilled their lives in going so far to teach them Christianity. Ilecently, for example, a young lady teacher from Boston was so terribly stoned by some of the unregenerate little pig-tailed fiends in Canton, that she died the next day. It is dreadful to think how savage the instincts of the heathen are. P. S.Since the above was set up in type, Mn. PnNdnrxLL~o has learned that the Canton in which this occurrence took place is not in China, but is a thrivio~ villa~e in 2~orfolk county, Massachusetts, about eighteen nfl f ~e Boston and that the assailants were conse- quently not pig -~ ci I- en but ocanine Christian children, who, in a few years, wici b~irno- to th~ cassn-~ted voter of Massachusetts. - This action consequeitly, w s not d ntated by unregenerate bar- baris~, but was mtenc,ed simply as a piotest (rough, vie confess, hut effectual, we truot) a- a~ Cu these ne t~no-led ideas of womens rights. What business have a oreson to be trying to teach? Let them stay at home, and if they want to know anvthsa~, ask their husbands, there; and if they are inmarnied, let them wait until they get husbands. We must not let our natural gailcitry interfere with oar reverence and respect for the rights of ignorance, which will eventually vote. A THRICE BLESSED CITY. Tixnuis is a city in Illinois c ed St. Genevieve. By some hocus-pocus known to accomplished politicia s, this city has li- d no Mayor since the 4th of June, 1867. In the absence of definite i ~ormnation upon the subject, we take it far granted that St. Genevie e must be a moat de- lightful place to live in, and specially so, because, s we are fa her informed, they have no Aldermen there cithar. More delightful still, as there is nobody authorized to assess taxes, the fortun~ to lukabitants do not pay any. Of course, if this state of unimitive bllss could last, Mr. PuNeuraaxLno vould make innmediate arrangements to renlove to at. Genes eve; but the courts have ordered the citizens to elect a Mayer immediately, so that this little heaven upon earth will soon have cc~sed to exist.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 128 HIRAM GREEN AND FEMALE SUFFRAGE. ills Experience with tho Advocates of the 10th Amendment. ON the last eleekshun day, I was servin as Inspecter of Eieckshuia, when a passil of wimmen, chest partly in mens habiliments, wallct up to the ballit box. They was headed by old SAIIT YooMA~s, who has been an old made for moren~~ Sentury. Steppin up close to thc railin where votcs is put in, Miss Yoo~r~s thus to me did say cquare GIiEEN, weovc come to ca~t the soilvige of down-trodden race: Will you receive our votes? Net exzactiy I wont, my hi toned Greshun benders, was my reply. Do you know who we air, sir? cride a long, Icon, lank, rale-fence- lookin femail, whose nose looked as if sheed been sokin it in a bladder of black snuff. Well! sweet wolfs in lambs clothin, said I, puttin on one of my shrewed expreshuns, you look as if you was a lot of, so-call~d, strong- minded femails, who was up to snuff, b~t,in an endea-or to scratch somebody bare-boned, youd lost your footin, and tumbled Jap-bang into a coal-hole. We air, sir, says another ethereal-lookin he~a-thstuu depopwlater, members of the Skeensboro Sore-cyc-siss Society. We believe wim- meus has got rites, which man wont let her have. We believe the ballit is caildilated to raise woman to her proper speer. We believe hoop-skirts and side-saddles will soon be numbered among the lost arts. We believe SOOZAN B. ANTHONY, E. CADY STANTON, WENDIL FmLIrs, or Mister BLACKWELL, are just as capable of bein President of this ere old Union, as the best man which ever wore panterloons; and we air bound hensfortli and forever, one and onseperable, to stand up for our rites, if we can only rope in enuff Congressmen to hold our bonaits. Dunn the a-4-said bust of elokence, about 75 wimmen was holdin ballits for me to take, while others were vilently swingin their gingham parasols over my bald head. All seemed as if they was jest bin over to get their clutches about my breethin apparatus. Says I: Go hum and be femails, and dont make sick tarnal loonatix of your. self any longer, gittin mixed up with the body polertick; for sures youre bora, when woman votes shed trail her skirts in the dust and you cant stop her; xvhen she walks up to the ballit box, and undertakes to mix into suthin she dont know no snore about, than TILTON and FULToN do about the golden mel, then when that air time comes I will exclaim Oh! woman; whore is thy ttusgor. Oh! Sore-eye-cisc ! where bouts is thy victory What! miserable muon, woodest-ist thou deny us the bailit? ooocenmcd another femad, as she tore a d4u~hrl aft Jail from her head, and, wildly cwinj it in the air duty c~oe a ~nd old clothes fell into promiecous keeps all about hem With all don respect to the sectm ~a i a~ ci madder all the while, you can jest bet your aun+~ ca~ 1 - ed~ Ilard-har-ted old man yoel rn~ +Iai~ il ~ ~ cc - I cmdc ci and tise hull lot commenced sniveilma, as B~sr ~arc ~as bw~t~d. Kind, noble, beautiful sir! w~ san~avmsb rn on~ ufirages, says a big fat woman, about the size of a lode of hay, as she shoved her ballit under my nose. Madam, says I, swellin up with accumulated rage, laun Jsh and rip and tare things as much as you minclteryou c~ t stuff t ~ ore ballit bo% with illegal votes as long as line boss of itthats whats the matter-and I want you to understand I mean bizz-haeas. At this they all started for the door, remarkin that I was an old fool, mouskiter, ethetary & e. When the 16th commendment passes, said sweet ELIZJm llx~nnm, who is too pooty to be caught in BiCh company, we will call for your skalp, old man. Which topuot, was my reply, woixident furnish hair enough for a false eyebrow. I see they was goin, so I said My week-minded and misgided femails, hold your osses a minnit, until an old statesman, who has served his country for 4 year as Gus- tise of the Peece, says a few remarks to you When woman was taken out of mans ribs, it wasent ealkilated she should lower herself by mixin into such dirty bizziness, as you are up to to-d. y. Woma.n in her natural element, is jest one of the sootlci nest institutions in this crc land, which flows with milk-punch and honey-sope, and what poor miserable ci-itters man would be withont her. ~ Who would nuss our offspring, if it wasent for wimmen? - Who would cheer our fireside, if it wasent for wiinmen? Who would cook our vittles, if it - sent for wknmen? And who would haul off our butes nites, when we come home tired and demoralized, a~ter havin a sett-to with lager-beer and sweitzer? Agin, I remark, if it wasent for woman in her onadulterated state, before she had been made a tarnal fool of by these ere despoilers of m~cins happiness, MASIdALINn WIMMEN, man would be a poor shiftless hoot. Therefore, I say, go hum and resoom your abnormal condition. Get back into your own harniss, and dont undertake to assoom the bifurkated garments. It haint your forte, no moren it is some of our public offiskals to keep frosri steelin. I rattled away at em in this stile, ontil I beheld the last pair of femail bifurkaters shoot for home, when I subsided into a chair, and with my bandauner hankerchief wiped the perspiration from my noble brow. After Ide partially recovered my ekanimity, I agin resoomed my offishal duties, but I co~ildent help thinkin that if wimmen mdc such a confounded hullab~lo about votin, as they is now doin, tryin to vote; them air leaders, who air gem about the country like Intemal lieve- noo offisers, seekin that they may gobble up somebody, will kayo a pile to anser for, when woman becomes a compenent part of the body polertick. Owe woman, woman, ow sweot you he, When youre dressed up to kill, I laoye the time ile never see, When mans place you eli 511. Take the advice of one witch kn~c, & try to shun the evil, To see a woman in mans closo Looks wusser nor the di. Which is the opinion of your humbley sarvent, HIRAM GREEN, B -, Lait Gustise of the Peecs. FRESH FROM THE FLOWERY KINGDOM. Tia~ world is justly indignant at the accounts of the Chinese massa- cres of the missionaries who have perilled their lives in going so far to teach them Christianity. Ilecently, for example, a young lady teacher from Boston was so terribly stoned by some of the unregenerate little pig-tailed fiends in Canton, that she died the next day. It is dreadful to think how savage the instincts of the heathen are. P. S.Since the above was set up in type, Mn. PnNdnrxLL~o has learned that the Canton in which this occurrence took place is not in China, but is a thrivio~ villa~e in 2~orfolk county, Massachusetts, about eighteen nfl f ~e Boston and that the assailants were conse- quently not pig -~ ci I- en but ocanine Christian children, who, in a few years, wici b~irno- to th~ cassn-~ted voter of Massachusetts. - This action consequeitly, w s not d ntated by unregenerate bar- baris~, but was mtenc,ed simply as a piotest (rough, vie confess, hut effectual, we truot) a- a~ Cu these ne t~no-led ideas of womens rights. What business have a oreson to be trying to teach? Let them stay at home, and if they want to know anvthsa~, ask their husbands, there; and if they are inmarnied, let them wait until they get husbands. We must not let our natural gailcitry interfere with oar reverence and respect for the rights of ignorance, which will eventually vote. A THRICE BLESSED CITY. Tixnuis is a city in Illinois c ed St. Genevieve. By some hocus-pocus known to accomplished politicia s, this city has li- d no Mayor since the 4th of June, 1867. In the absence of definite i ~ormnation upon the subject, we take it far granted that St. Genevie e must be a moat de- lightful place to live in, and specially so, because, s we are fa her informed, they have no Aldermen there cithar. More delightful still, as there is nobody authorized to assess taxes, the fortun~ to lukabitants do not pay any. Of course, if this state of unimitive bllss could last, Mr. PuNeuraaxLno vould make innmediate arrangements to renlove to at. Genes eve; but the courts have ordered the citizens to elect a Mayer immediately, so that this little heaven upon earth will soon have cc~sed to exist.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 128 HIRAM GREEN AND FEMALE SUFFRAGE. ills Experience with tho Advocates of the 10th Amendment. ON the last eleekshun day, I was servin as Inspecter of Eieckshuia, when a passil of wimmen, chest partly in mens habiliments, wallct up to the ballit box. They was headed by old SAIIT YooMA~s, who has been an old made for moren~~ Sentury. Steppin up close to thc railin where votcs is put in, Miss Yoo~r~s thus to me did say cquare GIiEEN, weovc come to ca~t the soilvige of down-trodden race: Will you receive our votes? Net exzactiy I wont, my hi toned Greshun benders, was my reply. Do you know who we air, sir? cride a long, Icon, lank, rale-fence- lookin femail, whose nose looked as if sheed been sokin it in a bladder of black snuff. Well! sweet wolfs in lambs clothin, said I, puttin on one of my shrewed expreshuns, you look as if you was a lot of, so-call~d, strong- minded femails, who was up to snuff, b~t,in an endea-or to scratch somebody bare-boned, youd lost your footin, and tumbled Jap-bang into a coal-hole. We air, sir, says another ethereal-lookin he~a-thstuu depopwlater, members of the Skeensboro Sore-cyc-siss Society. We believe wim- meus has got rites, which man wont let her have. We believe the ballit is caildilated to raise woman to her proper speer. We believe hoop-skirts and side-saddles will soon be numbered among the lost arts. We believe SOOZAN B. ANTHONY, E. CADY STANTON, WENDIL FmLIrs, or Mister BLACKWELL, are just as capable of bein President of this ere old Union, as the best man which ever wore panterloons; and we air bound hensfortli and forever, one and onseperable, to stand up for our rites, if we can only rope in enuff Congressmen to hold our bonaits. Dunn the a-4-said bust of elokence, about 75 wimmen was holdin ballits for me to take, while others were vilently swingin their gingham parasols over my bald head. All seemed as if they was jest bin over to get their clutches about my breethin apparatus. Says I: Go hum and be femails, and dont make sick tarnal loonatix of your. self any longer, gittin mixed up with the body polertick; for sures youre bora, when woman votes shed trail her skirts in the dust and you cant stop her; xvhen she walks up to the ballit box, and undertakes to mix into suthin she dont know no snore about, than TILTON and FULToN do about the golden mel, then when that air time comes I will exclaim Oh! woman; whore is thy ttusgor. Oh! Sore-eye-cisc ! where bouts is thy victory What! miserable muon, woodest-ist thou deny us the bailit? ooocenmcd another femad, as she tore a d4u~hrl aft Jail from her head, and, wildly cwinj it in the air duty c~oe a ~nd old clothes fell into promiecous keeps all about hem With all don respect to the sectm ~a i a~ ci madder all the while, you can jest bet your aun+~ ca~ 1 - ed~ Ilard-har-ted old man yoel rn~ +Iai~ il ~ ~ cc - I cmdc ci and tise hull lot commenced sniveilma, as B~sr ~arc ~as bw~t~d. Kind, noble, beautiful sir! w~ san~avmsb rn on~ ufirages, says a big fat woman, about the size of a lode of hay, as she shoved her ballit under my nose. Madam, says I, swellin up with accumulated rage, laun Jsh and rip and tare things as much as you minclteryou c~ t stuff t ~ ore ballit bo% with illegal votes as long as line boss of itthats whats the matter-and I want you to understand I mean bizz-haeas. At this they all started for the door, remarkin that I was an old fool, mouskiter, ethetary & e. When the 16th commendment passes, said sweet ELIZJm llx~nnm, who is too pooty to be caught in BiCh company, we will call for your skalp, old man. Which topuot, was my reply, woixident furnish hair enough for a false eyebrow. I see they was goin, so I said My week-minded and misgided femails, hold your osses a minnit, until an old statesman, who has served his country for 4 year as Gus- tise of the Peece, says a few remarks to you When woman was taken out of mans ribs, it wasent ealkilated she should lower herself by mixin into such dirty bizziness, as you are up to to-d. y. Woma.n in her natural element, is jest one of the sootlci nest institutions in this crc land, which flows with milk-punch and honey-sope, and what poor miserable ci-itters man would be withont her. ~ Who would nuss our offspring, if it wasent for wimmen? - Who would cheer our fireside, if it wasent for wiinmen? Who would cook our vittles, if it - sent for wknmen? And who would haul off our butes nites, when we come home tired and demoralized, a~ter havin a sett-to with lager-beer and sweitzer? Agin, I remark, if it wasent for woman in her onadulterated state, before she had been made a tarnal fool of by these ere despoilers of m~cins happiness, MASIdALINn WIMMEN, man would be a poor shiftless hoot. Therefore, I say, go hum and resoom your abnormal condition. Get back into your own harniss, and dont undertake to assoom the bifurkated garments. It haint your forte, no moren it is some of our public offiskals to keep frosri steelin. I rattled away at em in this stile, ontil I beheld the last pair of femail bifurkaters shoot for home, when I subsided into a chair, and with my bandauner hankerchief wiped the perspiration from my noble brow. After Ide partially recovered my ekanimity, I agin resoomed my offishal duties, but I co~ildent help thinkin that if wimmen mdc such a confounded hullab~lo about votin, as they is now doin, tryin to vote; them air leaders, who air gem about the country like Intemal lieve- noo offisers, seekin that they may gobble up somebody, will kayo a pile to anser for, when woman becomes a compenent part of the body polertick. Owe woman, woman, ow sweot you he, When youre dressed up to kill, I laoye the time ile never see, When mans place you eli 511. Take the advice of one witch kn~c, & try to shun the evil, To see a woman in mans closo Looks wusser nor the di. Which is the opinion of your humbley sarvent, HIRAM GREEN, B -, Lait Gustise of the Peecs. FRESH FROM THE FLOWERY KINGDOM. Tia~ world is justly indignant at the accounts of the Chinese massa- cres of the missionaries who have perilled their lives in going so far to teach them Christianity. Ilecently, for example, a young lady teacher from Boston was so terribly stoned by some of the unregenerate little pig-tailed fiends in Canton, that she died the next day. It is dreadful to think how savage the instincts of the heathen are. P. S.Since the above was set up in type, Mn. PnNdnrxLL~o has learned that the Canton in which this occurrence took place is not in China, but is a thrivio~ villa~e in 2~orfolk county, Massachusetts, about eighteen nfl f ~e Boston and that the assailants were conse- quently not pig -~ ci I- en but ocanine Christian children, who, in a few years, wici b~irno- to th~ cassn-~ted voter of Massachusetts. - This action consequeitly, w s not d ntated by unregenerate bar- baris~, but was mtenc,ed simply as a piotest (rough, vie confess, hut effectual, we truot) a- a~ Cu these ne t~no-led ideas of womens rights. What business have a oreson to be trying to teach? Let them stay at home, and if they want to know anvthsa~, ask their husbands, there; and if they are inmarnied, let them wait until they get husbands. We must not let our natural gailcitry interfere with oar reverence and respect for the rights of ignorance, which will eventually vote. A THRICE BLESSED CITY. Tixnuis is a city in Illinois c ed St. Genevieve. By some hocus-pocus known to accomplished politicia s, this city has li- d no Mayor since the 4th of June, 1867. In the absence of definite i ~ormnation upon the subject, we take it far granted that St. Genevie e must be a moat de- lightful place to live in, and specially so, because, s we are fa her informed, they have no Aldermen there cithar. More delightful still, as there is nobody authorized to assess taxes, the fortun~ to lukabitants do not pay any. Of course, if this state of unimitive bllss could last, Mr. PuNeuraaxLno vould make innmediate arrangements to renlove to at. Genes eve; but the courts have ordered the citizens to elect a Mayer immediately, so that this little heaven upon earth will soon have cc~sed to exist. 124 PUNCHINELLO. iNov. 19, 1870. OUR PORTFOLIO. The French Republic dyIn.~ of Gus Good Sense for Gambetta. Touiis. Sixvu WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. Dear. PUNCILINELLO: TILEnE is gloom everywhere; applications to serve in the ranks have diminished, and the price of pocket-handkerchiefs has increased. JULES FAYRE writes, under cover of confidence, to the prefect here, that since the interview of which I gave you an account he has had a severe attack of gumboils, and despairs of softening the heart of BISMARCE. I stole the letter for the purpose of copying it, but it was stolen from I me in turn by a nefarious emissary of the London I Vines, who has not, however, dared to use it. The greatest activity is manifested in the ma king of balloons. The administration labors under the delusion that gas and oiled silk may yet prove the Palladium of French liberty. I have remonstrated unavailingly against this singular infatuation. I held up to the Ramp Council now sitting in this city the example of Vievon HUGO as a fearful warning. He came frdni Guernsey under a pressure of gas; he entered Paris with the volatile essence oozing from every hair on his head; he loaded the artillery of his rhetoric with gas; he blazed away at the Germans with gas, and yet, unable to get rid of such afilatus fast enough, he exploded in the very midst of his pyro- technics, and now lies high and dry on this hank and shoal of time like a venerable rhinoceros extinguished by its own snorting. I am sorry to say it, but the great peril of France at this moment is gas. Touching GAMBETTA. Ah ! yes, touching GAMBETTA. You may have heard that he has issued a proclamation or two. There are depths in the soul of a Frenchman, where the inspiration of mighty words breeds like flies in the shambles. Such a soul has GAMBETTA. He is all language. Tf you were to cut him up in little bits and put each atom under a microscope, you would find in every molecule the text of sonic proclamation. The g-enli of syntax and prosody ace his guardian angels, and the love of gabble is the be-all and the end-all of his political existence. He loves not GARIBALDI. He would have done vio- lence to his grandmother rather than consent to the invitation of the Italian liberator. For short, he calls him Gximx-. Standing in front of the Hotel do Yule, talking to a group of eager listeners, with his arms wildly gesticulating and his nose contempta- ouriy curling towards the empyrean, he asks: Who is this GARRv? What is he? Why is he high top, I calmly interpellate, profane not the calling of the Italian hero with frivolous conun- drums. Jerk that monster out of my sight! roared GAMBET~IA to a seigea t de vi1~e, and poiuth-mg his long, skinny fore-finger full at me, I turned mournfully upon the crowd, and asked in a plaintive ~onc ~You hear what he says. Do lunatic asylums exist in vain? Men of Tours, is therO a jerkist among you? They must have observed that my feelings Were moved, for they caine betweeu inc and the officer, as if to protect the latter. Twas a kind movement, but us eless; as I couldnt have hurt him. Monsieur GAMBETTA, I then went on to say, dont you think that this horrible epidemic of gas, that is now filling with its deleterious effiuvia the brains and the throat of the French Government ought to be stopped? Dont you think, Monsieur GAMBETTA, that you, yourself, could cut off your supply-pipe for a while and still have enough to light up with on public occasions ~ I rested my right fore-finger upon one side of my nose and struck an attitude of interrogation while putting these questions. The Ministers face turned to an ashen hne, and then the blood caine coursing back like lava to the Craters surface, without break- ing through. Fiends seize the man, is a minister of Franc to he insulted in his own capital ? Friend, calm yourself, I said: Dont let the crabs run through your brain like that. Cool off. Take those hot coppers out of your pantaloons and fan yourself a little. Thats whats the matter with France, to-day. You Frenchmen fizzle, and crack, and shoot np into the air, and otherwise get away with yourselves so fast, that no wonder the Germans cant alivays find you when they go for you. Take my advice. Sbop running red-hot pokers down your backs. Drink more Vichy water and less brandy. Keep your sky-rockets till next year. Lock your language up in the dictionary. Send Yicvon IluGo back to England. Tie a church steeple round GEORGE FRANCIS TRAINS neck, and sink him off Toulon. Burn all your proclamations. Throw rhetoric to the dogs. Put a head on the government that aint full of torpedoes. Present a solid front to the enemy. Simmner down generally, and talk reason to Bis- MARCK, and, on the honor of PUNCHINELLO, I can solemnly assure von that things wont be so speckled as they now are. Saying which, I gathered the drapery of my duster gracefully about mue, and left. DICK TINvo. THE SHE THAT IS TO BE. fly a Fromincuit Member of Sos-osis. 1. Sax stood! The hurrying clouds wild drove The purpling aspect of the air While her wild contour symbolized The unity of Hopes DesPair! 2. And shall not We, when Lifes short span, Enveloping the Yet-To-Be Smiling candescent ?Nay ?Ah! well! BE THAT OUR FUTURE DESTINY!! Aspiing Act/to,. Au! YOU HAVE READ MY ESSAY? I hOPE THE VERDICT iS FAVORABLE. Editor. 0 YES, ALL RIGHY,ACQULTYED ON THE GROUND OP INSANITY.

124 PUNCHINELLO. iNov. 19, 1870. OUR PORTFOLIO. The French Republic dyIn.~ of Gus Good Sense for Gambetta. Touiis. Sixvu WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. Dear. PUNCILINELLO: TILEnE is gloom everywhere; applications to serve in the ranks have diminished, and the price of pocket-handkerchiefs has increased. JULES FAYRE writes, under cover of confidence, to the prefect here, that since the interview of which I gave you an account he has had a severe attack of gumboils, and despairs of softening the heart of BISMARCE. I stole the letter for the purpose of copying it, but it was stolen from I me in turn by a nefarious emissary of the London I Vines, who has not, however, dared to use it. The greatest activity is manifested in the ma king of balloons. The administration labors under the delusion that gas and oiled silk may yet prove the Palladium of French liberty. I have remonstrated unavailingly against this singular infatuation. I held up to the Ramp Council now sitting in this city the example of Vievon HUGO as a fearful warning. He came frdni Guernsey under a pressure of gas; he entered Paris with the volatile essence oozing from every hair on his head; he loaded the artillery of his rhetoric with gas; he blazed away at the Germans with gas, and yet, unable to get rid of such afilatus fast enough, he exploded in the very midst of his pyro- technics, and now lies high and dry on this hank and shoal of time like a venerable rhinoceros extinguished by its own snorting. I am sorry to say it, but the great peril of France at this moment is gas. Touching GAMBETTA. Ah ! yes, touching GAMBETTA. You may have heard that he has issued a proclamation or two. There are depths in the soul of a Frenchman, where the inspiration of mighty words breeds like flies in the shambles. Such a soul has GAMBETTA. He is all language. Tf you were to cut him up in little bits and put each atom under a microscope, you would find in every molecule the text of sonic proclamation. The g-enli of syntax and prosody ace his guardian angels, and the love of gabble is the be-all and the end-all of his political existence. He loves not GARIBALDI. He would have done vio- lence to his grandmother rather than consent to the invitation of the Italian liberator. For short, he calls him Gximx-. Standing in front of the Hotel do Yule, talking to a group of eager listeners, with his arms wildly gesticulating and his nose contempta- ouriy curling towards the empyrean, he asks: Who is this GARRv? What is he? Why is he high top, I calmly interpellate, profane not the calling of the Italian hero with frivolous conun- drums. Jerk that monster out of my sight! roared GAMBET~IA to a seigea t de vi1~e, and poiuth-mg his long, skinny fore-finger full at me, I turned mournfully upon the crowd, and asked in a plaintive ~onc ~You hear what he says. Do lunatic asylums exist in vain? Men of Tours, is therO a jerkist among you? They must have observed that my feelings Were moved, for they caine betweeu inc and the officer, as if to protect the latter. Twas a kind movement, but us eless; as I couldnt have hurt him. Monsieur GAMBETTA, I then went on to say, dont you think that this horrible epidemic of gas, that is now filling with its deleterious effiuvia the brains and the throat of the French Government ought to be stopped? Dont you think, Monsieur GAMBETTA, that you, yourself, could cut off your supply-pipe for a while and still have enough to light up with on public occasions ~ I rested my right fore-finger upon one side of my nose and struck an attitude of interrogation while putting these questions. The Ministers face turned to an ashen hne, and then the blood caine coursing back like lava to the Craters surface, without break- ing through. Fiends seize the man, is a minister of Franc to he insulted in his own capital ? Friend, calm yourself, I said: Dont let the crabs run through your brain like that. Cool off. Take those hot coppers out of your pantaloons and fan yourself a little. Thats whats the matter with France, to-day. You Frenchmen fizzle, and crack, and shoot np into the air, and otherwise get away with yourselves so fast, that no wonder the Germans cant alivays find you when they go for you. Take my advice. Sbop running red-hot pokers down your backs. Drink more Vichy water and less brandy. Keep your sky-rockets till next year. Lock your language up in the dictionary. Send Yicvon IluGo back to England. Tie a church steeple round GEORGE FRANCIS TRAINS neck, and sink him off Toulon. Burn all your proclamations. Throw rhetoric to the dogs. Put a head on the government that aint full of torpedoes. Present a solid front to the enemy. Simmner down generally, and talk reason to Bis- MARCK, and, on the honor of PUNCHINELLO, I can solemnly assure von that things wont be so speckled as they now are. Saying which, I gathered the drapery of my duster gracefully about mue, and left. DICK TINvo. THE SHE THAT IS TO BE. fly a Fromincuit Member of Sos-osis. 1. Sax stood! The hurrying clouds wild drove The purpling aspect of the air While her wild contour symbolized The unity of Hopes DesPair! 2. And shall not We, when Lifes short span, Enveloping the Yet-To-Be Smiling candescent ?Nay ?Ah! well! BE THAT OUR FUTURE DESTINY!! Aspiing Act/to,. Au! YOU HAVE READ MY ESSAY? I hOPE THE VERDICT iS FAVORABLE. Editor. 0 YES, ALL RIGHY,ACQULTYED ON THE GROUND OP INSANITY.

124 PUNCHINELLO. iNov. 19, 1870. OUR PORTFOLIO. The French Republic dyIn.~ of Gus Good Sense for Gambetta. Touiis. Sixvu WEEK OF THE REPUBLIC, 1870. Dear. PUNCILINELLO: TILEnE is gloom everywhere; applications to serve in the ranks have diminished, and the price of pocket-handkerchiefs has increased. JULES FAYRE writes, under cover of confidence, to the prefect here, that since the interview of which I gave you an account he has had a severe attack of gumboils, and despairs of softening the heart of BISMARCE. I stole the letter for the purpose of copying it, but it was stolen from I me in turn by a nefarious emissary of the London I Vines, who has not, however, dared to use it. The greatest activity is manifested in the ma king of balloons. The administration labors under the delusion that gas and oiled silk may yet prove the Palladium of French liberty. I have remonstrated unavailingly against this singular infatuation. I held up to the Ramp Council now sitting in this city the example of Vievon HUGO as a fearful warning. He came frdni Guernsey under a pressure of gas; he entered Paris with the volatile essence oozing from every hair on his head; he loaded the artillery of his rhetoric with gas; he blazed away at the Germans with gas, and yet, unable to get rid of such afilatus fast enough, he exploded in the very midst of his pyro- technics, and now lies high and dry on this hank and shoal of time like a venerable rhinoceros extinguished by its own snorting. I am sorry to say it, but the great peril of France at this moment is gas. Touching GAMBETTA. Ah ! yes, touching GAMBETTA. You may have heard that he has issued a proclamation or two. There are depths in the soul of a Frenchman, where the inspiration of mighty words breeds like flies in the shambles. Such a soul has GAMBETTA. He is all language. Tf you were to cut him up in little bits and put each atom under a microscope, you would find in every molecule the text of sonic proclamation. The g-enli of syntax and prosody ace his guardian angels, and the love of gabble is the be-all and the end-all of his political existence. He loves not GARIBALDI. He would have done vio- lence to his grandmother rather than consent to the invitation of the Italian liberator. For short, he calls him Gximx-. Standing in front of the Hotel do Yule, talking to a group of eager listeners, with his arms wildly gesticulating and his nose contempta- ouriy curling towards the empyrean, he asks: Who is this GARRv? What is he? Why is he high top, I calmly interpellate, profane not the calling of the Italian hero with frivolous conun- drums. Jerk that monster out of my sight! roared GAMBET~IA to a seigea t de vi1~e, and poiuth-mg his long, skinny fore-finger full at me, I turned mournfully upon the crowd, and asked in a plaintive ~onc ~You hear what he says. Do lunatic asylums exist in vain? Men of Tours, is therO a jerkist among you? They must have observed that my feelings Were moved, for they caine betweeu inc and the officer, as if to protect the latter. Twas a kind movement, but us eless; as I couldnt have hurt him. Monsieur GAMBETTA, I then went on to say, dont you think that this horrible epidemic of gas, that is now filling with its deleterious effiuvia the brains and the throat of the French Government ought to be stopped? Dont you think, Monsieur GAMBETTA, that you, yourself, could cut off your supply-pipe for a while and still have enough to light up with on public occasions ~ I rested my right fore-finger upon one side of my nose and struck an attitude of interrogation while putting these questions. The Ministers face turned to an ashen hne, and then the blood caine coursing back like lava to the Craters surface, without break- ing through. Fiends seize the man, is a minister of Franc to he insulted in his own capital ? Friend, calm yourself, I said: Dont let the crabs run through your brain like that. Cool off. Take those hot coppers out of your pantaloons and fan yourself a little. Thats whats the matter with France, to-day. You Frenchmen fizzle, and crack, and shoot np into the air, and otherwise get away with yourselves so fast, that no wonder the Germans cant alivays find you when they go for you. Take my advice. Sbop running red-hot pokers down your backs. Drink more Vichy water and less brandy. Keep your sky-rockets till next year. Lock your language up in the dictionary. Send Yicvon IluGo back to England. Tie a church steeple round GEORGE FRANCIS TRAINS neck, and sink him off Toulon. Burn all your proclamations. Throw rhetoric to the dogs. Put a head on the government that aint full of torpedoes. Present a solid front to the enemy. Simmner down generally, and talk reason to Bis- MARCK, and, on the honor of PUNCHINELLO, I can solemnly assure von that things wont be so speckled as they now are. Saying which, I gathered the drapery of my duster gracefully about mue, and left. DICK TINvo. THE SHE THAT IS TO BE. fly a Fromincuit Member of Sos-osis. 1. Sax stood! The hurrying clouds wild drove The purpling aspect of the air While her wild contour symbolized The unity of Hopes DesPair! 2. And shall not We, when Lifes short span, Enveloping the Yet-To-Be Smiling candescent ?Nay ?Ah! well! BE THAT OUR FUTURE DESTINY!! Aspiing Act/to,. Au! YOU HAVE READ MY ESSAY? I hOPE THE VERDICT iS FAVORABLE. Editor. 0 YES, ALL RIGHY,ACQULTYED ON THE GROUND OP INSANITY. Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 12~ POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO XI. LITTLE En-Peep has lost his sheep, And dont know where to find them. Let them alone and theyll come home, And bring their tails behind them. TILE Poet having now advanced so far in his work as to make a very respectable collection of poems, and beginning to run short of matter, casts his eyes around him in search of aid, hoping to find inspiration in some fortuitous moment from the many little incidents that are al- ways occurring, and which only observing minds would notice. For the time he sees nothing that would suggest even to the most sparkling intellect the shadow of a rhyme. and he begins to be in despair. He walks up and down his dingy room, thrusts his long fingers amid the raven locks that adorn his poetical cranium, and gently at first, then furiously, irritates the cuticle of his imaginative head-piece, hoping thereby to waken up his ideas and find a foundation npon which to erect another stone in the edifice of his never-fading glory. This process does not seem b be as successful as usual: the ideas refuse to come at his bidding, and he glares around in consternation. Can it be possible that he has exhausted hilnself; that his idens are entirely run out; that the fountain is dry, nud the Muse has ceased to smile upon him; that he must descend from his high elevation as the poet of the family, the hope and pride of his friends and the ad- miration of himself, and sink to the level of his earthy brothers and become one of them, no better and no worse? Noperish the thought! never again will he mingle with those rude and vulgar na- tures, having no thoughts or feelings above their creature comforts: content to live like animals, uninspired by the divine ejlIates, untouched by the poetic fire. Full of determined energy never to yield the high position he has acquired, he rushes forth into the open air and takes his winding way through the green meadows and leafy wilds. Here, sitting on the stump of an old tree, he spies little Bob Peepers, weeping as if his heart would break: the briny tears coursing down his ruddy cheeks form little rivulets of salt water With high embank- meats of genuine soil on either side, and a distracted map of a war- ridden country is depicted upon his grief-stricken countenance. Full of compassion for the suffering, the tender heart of the Poet luelts at the sight, ind in mellifluous tones he asks, What is the matter, Bun? Sobbingly digging his fists into his eyes, and carefully wiping his classic nose on the sleeve of his jacket, the heart-broken mourner murmurs lye lost my slleep, And dont know here to find them, and bursts forth into a prolonged howl. That heart-rending cry of agony is too much for the gentle Poet, who, sinking upon the ground beside the weeper, ventures to whis- per a hope that Time, or some of the neighbors, may bring back the lost sheep and restore happiness and tranquillity to the agitated bosom. The suggestion is met with incredu- lous scorn and another burst of uncontrollable sorrow, amid the pauses of which Bon recounts to his sympathetic friend how, being wearied with watching the gambol- ling sheep, he laid himself down in the meadow to sleep, and never awoke till a blue-boffie fly, who buzzing about so tickled his eye that sleep fled away. Then he rose to his feet, and looked around for the gambolling sheep, but found, they were gone he couldnt tell where: so he threw himself dewn in the deepest despair, bemoaning his strange unaccountable loss, and the horrible beating hed get from the Boss, when at night he went home with his sad tale of woe. He was sure he would never have courage to ~ The sad tale so pathetically and ingenuously told melted the already simmering heart of the hearer, who counselled tranquillity and philoso- phy in thQ words Let them alone and theyll come home, and jocularly added, as he saw a ray of hope lighting up the eye of the boy, like the first rays of the sun seen through a fog, And bring their t us behind them. The brilliant idea of their tails coming behind them instead of before them tickled the risibilities of the sympathizing friends, and for a few moments the woods echoed to their responsive mirth. The laugh did them good. The poet perceived instantly he had a theme upon which to build his verse, and hastily bidding Bon good- by, he flew exultingly to his paternal abode, rushed up the garret stairs, seized his goose-quill, and amid the tumultuous beatings of his over-charged heart and throbbing brain jotted down on the instant, in all the enthusiasm of poetic fervor, the incident that had fallen~ nuder his inspired observation. Not to be too personal, and still to preserve the truthfulness of the history, he dropped a few letters from Bon PEEPERS name, while, with a wonderful accuracy unknown to modern writers, he keeps to the subject of his verse, its misery, the remedy and result, and facetiously gives to the world the same cause for laughter and inspiration that he received so gratefully. THE POLITEST NATION IN THE WORLD. Wi~ had always considered JOHNNY CRAPAUD as the pink of po- liteness. But we are now satisfied that JOHNNY BILL goes ever so far ahead of him. We have never known that Frenchman yet, who would oblige his enemies by killing himself. But the recent lo~s of the (7~ptcsit shou-s that the noble Englishmen are prepared to do this by wholesale. One could wish our enemies no worse luck than to have a few such Oaptains given them. And how lavish the expendi- ture! It takes no end of money to get up one of those bi0 iron- plated coffins. It is certainly a dramatic auto-dci-f~, and a most obliging act, considered with ref e- rdnce to ones possible enemies. No Frenchlnan ever thought of such a thing. In fact, they go no further than positively declining to do any- thing bad with their navy. A DRY SETTLEMENT. TimitE is a little young village in Denver which rejoices in the name of Greeley. To this place came a benevolent bar-keeper, bringing a cheerful stock of whiskey. Down upon his grocery came the enraged Greeleyites, and to prevent their own stomachs from being burned, they burned the building. We can imagine these very particular pio- neers passing a great variety of the most astonishing laws, with various penalties. For chewing tobacco one months imprisonment ; for sub- scribing to The N Y. Evening Post death; while for the hideous mis- demeanor of eating white bread, the offender would be left to the pangs of his own indigestion. Fact, Fancy, and Fun-ding. THE FUNDING BILL, as a step to- wards making the Erie Canal free, should commend itself to any one, since if it becomes a fact, it will, we fancy, prevent this noble industrial enterprise from becoming, like its first cousin, simply an eyrie for the vultures of finance. FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE. TIIERE WAS A SURPRISE PARTY AT No. 9,999 TWENTY ThIRD STREET lAST EVENING. tTroN RETURNING FROM THE OPERA, THE PROPRIETORS FOUND TIIEIR MANSION FULL OF GUESTS.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 12~ POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO XI. LITTLE En-Peep has lost his sheep, And dont know where to find them. Let them alone and theyll come home, And bring their tails behind them. TILE Poet having now advanced so far in his work as to make a very respectable collection of poems, and beginning to run short of matter, casts his eyes around him in search of aid, hoping to find inspiration in some fortuitous moment from the many little incidents that are al- ways occurring, and which only observing minds would notice. For the time he sees nothing that would suggest even to the most sparkling intellect the shadow of a rhyme. and he begins to be in despair. He walks up and down his dingy room, thrusts his long fingers amid the raven locks that adorn his poetical cranium, and gently at first, then furiously, irritates the cuticle of his imaginative head-piece, hoping thereby to waken up his ideas and find a foundation npon which to erect another stone in the edifice of his never-fading glory. This process does not seem b be as successful as usual: the ideas refuse to come at his bidding, and he glares around in consternation. Can it be possible that he has exhausted hilnself; that his idens are entirely run out; that the fountain is dry, nud the Muse has ceased to smile upon him; that he must descend from his high elevation as the poet of the family, the hope and pride of his friends and the ad- miration of himself, and sink to the level of his earthy brothers and become one of them, no better and no worse? Noperish the thought! never again will he mingle with those rude and vulgar na- tures, having no thoughts or feelings above their creature comforts: content to live like animals, uninspired by the divine ejlIates, untouched by the poetic fire. Full of determined energy never to yield the high position he has acquired, he rushes forth into the open air and takes his winding way through the green meadows and leafy wilds. Here, sitting on the stump of an old tree, he spies little Bob Peepers, weeping as if his heart would break: the briny tears coursing down his ruddy cheeks form little rivulets of salt water With high embank- meats of genuine soil on either side, and a distracted map of a war- ridden country is depicted upon his grief-stricken countenance. Full of compassion for the suffering, the tender heart of the Poet luelts at the sight, ind in mellifluous tones he asks, What is the matter, Bun? Sobbingly digging his fists into his eyes, and carefully wiping his classic nose on the sleeve of his jacket, the heart-broken mourner murmurs lye lost my slleep, And dont know here to find them, and bursts forth into a prolonged howl. That heart-rending cry of agony is too much for the gentle Poet, who, sinking upon the ground beside the weeper, ventures to whis- per a hope that Time, or some of the neighbors, may bring back the lost sheep and restore happiness and tranquillity to the agitated bosom. The suggestion is met with incredu- lous scorn and another burst of uncontrollable sorrow, amid the pauses of which Bon recounts to his sympathetic friend how, being wearied with watching the gambol- ling sheep, he laid himself down in the meadow to sleep, and never awoke till a blue-boffie fly, who buzzing about so tickled his eye that sleep fled away. Then he rose to his feet, and looked around for the gambolling sheep, but found, they were gone he couldnt tell where: so he threw himself dewn in the deepest despair, bemoaning his strange unaccountable loss, and the horrible beating hed get from the Boss, when at night he went home with his sad tale of woe. He was sure he would never have courage to ~ The sad tale so pathetically and ingenuously told melted the already simmering heart of the hearer, who counselled tranquillity and philoso- phy in thQ words Let them alone and theyll come home, and jocularly added, as he saw a ray of hope lighting up the eye of the boy, like the first rays of the sun seen through a fog, And bring their t us behind them. The brilliant idea of their tails coming behind them instead of before them tickled the risibilities of the sympathizing friends, and for a few moments the woods echoed to their responsive mirth. The laugh did them good. The poet perceived instantly he had a theme upon which to build his verse, and hastily bidding Bon good- by, he flew exultingly to his paternal abode, rushed up the garret stairs, seized his goose-quill, and amid the tumultuous beatings of his over-charged heart and throbbing brain jotted down on the instant, in all the enthusiasm of poetic fervor, the incident that had fallen~ nuder his inspired observation. Not to be too personal, and still to preserve the truthfulness of the history, he dropped a few letters from Bon PEEPERS name, while, with a wonderful accuracy unknown to modern writers, he keeps to the subject of his verse, its misery, the remedy and result, and facetiously gives to the world the same cause for laughter and inspiration that he received so gratefully. THE POLITEST NATION IN THE WORLD. Wi~ had always considered JOHNNY CRAPAUD as the pink of po- liteness. But we are now satisfied that JOHNNY BILL goes ever so far ahead of him. We have never known that Frenchman yet, who would oblige his enemies by killing himself. But the recent lo~s of the (7~ptcsit shou-s that the noble Englishmen are prepared to do this by wholesale. One could wish our enemies no worse luck than to have a few such Oaptains given them. And how lavish the expendi- ture! It takes no end of money to get up one of those bi0 iron- plated coffins. It is certainly a dramatic auto-dci-f~, and a most obliging act, considered with ref e- rdnce to ones possible enemies. No Frenchlnan ever thought of such a thing. In fact, they go no further than positively declining to do any- thing bad with their navy. A DRY SETTLEMENT. TimitE is a little young village in Denver which rejoices in the name of Greeley. To this place came a benevolent bar-keeper, bringing a cheerful stock of whiskey. Down upon his grocery came the enraged Greeleyites, and to prevent their own stomachs from being burned, they burned the building. We can imagine these very particular pio- neers passing a great variety of the most astonishing laws, with various penalties. For chewing tobacco one months imprisonment ; for sub- scribing to The N Y. Evening Post death; while for the hideous mis- demeanor of eating white bread, the offender would be left to the pangs of his own indigestion. Fact, Fancy, and Fun-ding. THE FUNDING BILL, as a step to- wards making the Erie Canal free, should commend itself to any one, since if it becomes a fact, it will, we fancy, prevent this noble industrial enterprise from becoming, like its first cousin, simply an eyrie for the vultures of finance. FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE. TIIERE WAS A SURPRISE PARTY AT No. 9,999 TWENTY ThIRD STREET lAST EVENING. tTroN RETURNING FROM THE OPERA, THE PROPRIETORS FOUND TIIEIR MANSION FULL OF GUESTS.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 12~ POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO XI. LITTLE En-Peep has lost his sheep, And dont know where to find them. Let them alone and theyll come home, And bring their tails behind them. TILE Poet having now advanced so far in his work as to make a very respectable collection of poems, and beginning to run short of matter, casts his eyes around him in search of aid, hoping to find inspiration in some fortuitous moment from the many little incidents that are al- ways occurring, and which only observing minds would notice. For the time he sees nothing that would suggest even to the most sparkling intellect the shadow of a rhyme. and he begins to be in despair. He walks up and down his dingy room, thrusts his long fingers amid the raven locks that adorn his poetical cranium, and gently at first, then furiously, irritates the cuticle of his imaginative head-piece, hoping thereby to waken up his ideas and find a foundation npon which to erect another stone in the edifice of his never-fading glory. This process does not seem b be as successful as usual: the ideas refuse to come at his bidding, and he glares around in consternation. Can it be possible that he has exhausted hilnself; that his idens are entirely run out; that the fountain is dry, nud the Muse has ceased to smile upon him; that he must descend from his high elevation as the poet of the family, the hope and pride of his friends and the ad- miration of himself, and sink to the level of his earthy brothers and become one of them, no better and no worse? Noperish the thought! never again will he mingle with those rude and vulgar na- tures, having no thoughts or feelings above their creature comforts: content to live like animals, uninspired by the divine ejlIates, untouched by the poetic fire. Full of determined energy never to yield the high position he has acquired, he rushes forth into the open air and takes his winding way through the green meadows and leafy wilds. Here, sitting on the stump of an old tree, he spies little Bob Peepers, weeping as if his heart would break: the briny tears coursing down his ruddy cheeks form little rivulets of salt water With high embank- meats of genuine soil on either side, and a distracted map of a war- ridden country is depicted upon his grief-stricken countenance. Full of compassion for the suffering, the tender heart of the Poet luelts at the sight, ind in mellifluous tones he asks, What is the matter, Bun? Sobbingly digging his fists into his eyes, and carefully wiping his classic nose on the sleeve of his jacket, the heart-broken mourner murmurs lye lost my slleep, And dont know here to find them, and bursts forth into a prolonged howl. That heart-rending cry of agony is too much for the gentle Poet, who, sinking upon the ground beside the weeper, ventures to whis- per a hope that Time, or some of the neighbors, may bring back the lost sheep and restore happiness and tranquillity to the agitated bosom. The suggestion is met with incredu- lous scorn and another burst of uncontrollable sorrow, amid the pauses of which Bon recounts to his sympathetic friend how, being wearied with watching the gambol- ling sheep, he laid himself down in the meadow to sleep, and never awoke till a blue-boffie fly, who buzzing about so tickled his eye that sleep fled away. Then he rose to his feet, and looked around for the gambolling sheep, but found, they were gone he couldnt tell where: so he threw himself dewn in the deepest despair, bemoaning his strange unaccountable loss, and the horrible beating hed get from the Boss, when at night he went home with his sad tale of woe. He was sure he would never have courage to ~ The sad tale so pathetically and ingenuously told melted the already simmering heart of the hearer, who counselled tranquillity and philoso- phy in thQ words Let them alone and theyll come home, and jocularly added, as he saw a ray of hope lighting up the eye of the boy, like the first rays of the sun seen through a fog, And bring their t us behind them. The brilliant idea of their tails coming behind them instead of before them tickled the risibilities of the sympathizing friends, and for a few moments the woods echoed to their responsive mirth. The laugh did them good. The poet perceived instantly he had a theme upon which to build his verse, and hastily bidding Bon good- by, he flew exultingly to his paternal abode, rushed up the garret stairs, seized his goose-quill, and amid the tumultuous beatings of his over-charged heart and throbbing brain jotted down on the instant, in all the enthusiasm of poetic fervor, the incident that had fallen~ nuder his inspired observation. Not to be too personal, and still to preserve the truthfulness of the history, he dropped a few letters from Bon PEEPERS name, while, with a wonderful accuracy unknown to modern writers, he keeps to the subject of his verse, its misery, the remedy and result, and facetiously gives to the world the same cause for laughter and inspiration that he received so gratefully. THE POLITEST NATION IN THE WORLD. Wi~ had always considered JOHNNY CRAPAUD as the pink of po- liteness. But we are now satisfied that JOHNNY BILL goes ever so far ahead of him. We have never known that Frenchman yet, who would oblige his enemies by killing himself. But the recent lo~s of the (7~ptcsit shou-s that the noble Englishmen are prepared to do this by wholesale. One could wish our enemies no worse luck than to have a few such Oaptains given them. And how lavish the expendi- ture! It takes no end of money to get up one of those bi0 iron- plated coffins. It is certainly a dramatic auto-dci-f~, and a most obliging act, considered with ref e- rdnce to ones possible enemies. No Frenchlnan ever thought of such a thing. In fact, they go no further than positively declining to do any- thing bad with their navy. A DRY SETTLEMENT. TimitE is a little young village in Denver which rejoices in the name of Greeley. To this place came a benevolent bar-keeper, bringing a cheerful stock of whiskey. Down upon his grocery came the enraged Greeleyites, and to prevent their own stomachs from being burned, they burned the building. We can imagine these very particular pio- neers passing a great variety of the most astonishing laws, with various penalties. For chewing tobacco one months imprisonment ; for sub- scribing to The N Y. Evening Post death; while for the hideous mis- demeanor of eating white bread, the offender would be left to the pangs of his own indigestion. Fact, Fancy, and Fun-ding. THE FUNDING BILL, as a step to- wards making the Erie Canal free, should commend itself to any one, since if it becomes a fact, it will, we fancy, prevent this noble industrial enterprise from becoming, like its first cousin, simply an eyrie for the vultures of finance. FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE. TIIERE WAS A SURPRISE PARTY AT No. 9,999 TWENTY ThIRD STREET lAST EVENING. tTroN RETURNING FROM THE OPERA, THE PROPRIETORS FOUND TIIEIR MANSION FULL OF GUESTS.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 12~ POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO XI. LITTLE En-Peep has lost his sheep, And dont know where to find them. Let them alone and theyll come home, And bring their tails behind them. TILE Poet having now advanced so far in his work as to make a very respectable collection of poems, and beginning to run short of matter, casts his eyes around him in search of aid, hoping to find inspiration in some fortuitous moment from the many little incidents that are al- ways occurring, and which only observing minds would notice. For the time he sees nothing that would suggest even to the most sparkling intellect the shadow of a rhyme. and he begins to be in despair. He walks up and down his dingy room, thrusts his long fingers amid the raven locks that adorn his poetical cranium, and gently at first, then furiously, irritates the cuticle of his imaginative head-piece, hoping thereby to waken up his ideas and find a foundation npon which to erect another stone in the edifice of his never-fading glory. This process does not seem b be as successful as usual: the ideas refuse to come at his bidding, and he glares around in consternation. Can it be possible that he has exhausted hilnself; that his idens are entirely run out; that the fountain is dry, nud the Muse has ceased to smile upon him; that he must descend from his high elevation as the poet of the family, the hope and pride of his friends and the ad- miration of himself, and sink to the level of his earthy brothers and become one of them, no better and no worse? Noperish the thought! never again will he mingle with those rude and vulgar na- tures, having no thoughts or feelings above their creature comforts: content to live like animals, uninspired by the divine ejlIates, untouched by the poetic fire. Full of determined energy never to yield the high position he has acquired, he rushes forth into the open air and takes his winding way through the green meadows and leafy wilds. Here, sitting on the stump of an old tree, he spies little Bob Peepers, weeping as if his heart would break: the briny tears coursing down his ruddy cheeks form little rivulets of salt water With high embank- meats of genuine soil on either side, and a distracted map of a war- ridden country is depicted upon his grief-stricken countenance. Full of compassion for the suffering, the tender heart of the Poet luelts at the sight, ind in mellifluous tones he asks, What is the matter, Bun? Sobbingly digging his fists into his eyes, and carefully wiping his classic nose on the sleeve of his jacket, the heart-broken mourner murmurs lye lost my slleep, And dont know here to find them, and bursts forth into a prolonged howl. That heart-rending cry of agony is too much for the gentle Poet, who, sinking upon the ground beside the weeper, ventures to whis- per a hope that Time, or some of the neighbors, may bring back the lost sheep and restore happiness and tranquillity to the agitated bosom. The suggestion is met with incredu- lous scorn and another burst of uncontrollable sorrow, amid the pauses of which Bon recounts to his sympathetic friend how, being wearied with watching the gambol- ling sheep, he laid himself down in the meadow to sleep, and never awoke till a blue-boffie fly, who buzzing about so tickled his eye that sleep fled away. Then he rose to his feet, and looked around for the gambolling sheep, but found, they were gone he couldnt tell where: so he threw himself dewn in the deepest despair, bemoaning his strange unaccountable loss, and the horrible beating hed get from the Boss, when at night he went home with his sad tale of woe. He was sure he would never have courage to ~ The sad tale so pathetically and ingenuously told melted the already simmering heart of the hearer, who counselled tranquillity and philoso- phy in thQ words Let them alone and theyll come home, and jocularly added, as he saw a ray of hope lighting up the eye of the boy, like the first rays of the sun seen through a fog, And bring their t us behind them. The brilliant idea of their tails coming behind them instead of before them tickled the risibilities of the sympathizing friends, and for a few moments the woods echoed to their responsive mirth. The laugh did them good. The poet perceived instantly he had a theme upon which to build his verse, and hastily bidding Bon good- by, he flew exultingly to his paternal abode, rushed up the garret stairs, seized his goose-quill, and amid the tumultuous beatings of his over-charged heart and throbbing brain jotted down on the instant, in all the enthusiasm of poetic fervor, the incident that had fallen~ nuder his inspired observation. Not to be too personal, and still to preserve the truthfulness of the history, he dropped a few letters from Bon PEEPERS name, while, with a wonderful accuracy unknown to modern writers, he keeps to the subject of his verse, its misery, the remedy and result, and facetiously gives to the world the same cause for laughter and inspiration that he received so gratefully. THE POLITEST NATION IN THE WORLD. Wi~ had always considered JOHNNY CRAPAUD as the pink of po- liteness. But we are now satisfied that JOHNNY BILL goes ever so far ahead of him. We have never known that Frenchman yet, who would oblige his enemies by killing himself. But the recent lo~s of the (7~ptcsit shou-s that the noble Englishmen are prepared to do this by wholesale. One could wish our enemies no worse luck than to have a few such Oaptains given them. And how lavish the expendi- ture! It takes no end of money to get up one of those bi0 iron- plated coffins. It is certainly a dramatic auto-dci-f~, and a most obliging act, considered with ref e- rdnce to ones possible enemies. No Frenchlnan ever thought of such a thing. In fact, they go no further than positively declining to do any- thing bad with their navy. A DRY SETTLEMENT. TimitE is a little young village in Denver which rejoices in the name of Greeley. To this place came a benevolent bar-keeper, bringing a cheerful stock of whiskey. Down upon his grocery came the enraged Greeleyites, and to prevent their own stomachs from being burned, they burned the building. We can imagine these very particular pio- neers passing a great variety of the most astonishing laws, with various penalties. For chewing tobacco one months imprisonment ; for sub- scribing to The N Y. Evening Post death; while for the hideous mis- demeanor of eating white bread, the offender would be left to the pangs of his own indigestion. Fact, Fancy, and Fun-ding. THE FUNDING BILL, as a step to- wards making the Erie Canal free, should commend itself to any one, since if it becomes a fact, it will, we fancy, prevent this noble industrial enterprise from becoming, like its first cousin, simply an eyrie for the vultures of finance. FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE. TIIERE WAS A SURPRISE PARTY AT No. 9,999 TWENTY ThIRD STREET lAST EVENING. tTroN RETURNING FROM THE OPERA, THE PROPRIETORS FOUND TIIEIR MANSION FULL OF GUESTS.

Nov. 19, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 12~ POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO XI. LITTLE En-Peep has lost his sheep, And dont know where to find them. Let them alone and theyll come home, And bring their tails behind them. TILE Poet having now advanced so far in his work as to make a very respectable collection of poems, and beginning to run short of matter, casts his eyes around him in search of aid, hoping to find inspiration in some fortuitous moment from the many little incidents that are al- ways occurring, and which only observing minds would notice. For the time he sees nothing that would suggest even to the most sparkling intellect the shadow of a rhyme. and he begins to be in despair. He walks up and down his dingy room, thrusts his long fingers amid the raven locks that adorn his poetical cranium, and gently at first, then furiously, irritates the cuticle of his imaginative head-piece, hoping thereby to waken up his ideas and find a foundation npon which to erect another stone in the edifice of his never-fading glory. This process does not seem b be as successful as usual: the ideas refuse to come at his bidding, and he glares around in consternation. Can it be possible that he has exhausted hilnself; that his idens are entirely run out; that the fountain is dry, nud the Muse has ceased to smile upon him; that he must descend from his high elevation as the poet of the family, the hope and pride of his friends and the ad- miration of himself, and sink to the level of his earthy brothers and become one of them, no better and no worse? Noperish the thought! never again will he mingle with those rude and vulgar na- tures, having no thoughts or feelings above their creature comforts: content to live like animals, uninspired by the divine ejlIates, untouched by the poetic fire. Full of determined energy never to yield the high position he has acquired, he rushes forth into the open air and takes his winding way through the green meadows and leafy wilds. Here, sitting on the stump of an old tree, he spies little Bob Peepers, weeping as if his heart would break: the briny tears coursing down his ruddy cheeks form little rivulets of salt water With high embank- meats of genuine soil on either side, and a distracted map of a war- ridden country is depicted upon his grief-stricken countenance. Full of compassion for the suffering, the tender heart of the Poet luelts at the sight, ind in mellifluous tones he asks, What is the matter, Bun? Sobbingly digging his fists into his eyes, and carefully wiping his classic nose on the sleeve of his jacket, the heart-broken mourner murmurs lye lost my slleep, And dont know here to find them, and bursts forth into a prolonged howl. That heart-rending cry of agony is too much for the gentle Poet, who, sinking upon the ground beside the weeper, ventures to whis- per a hope that Time, or some of the neighbors, may bring back the lost sheep and restore happiness and tranquillity to the agitated bosom. The suggestion is met with incredu- lous scorn and another burst of uncontrollable sorrow, amid the pauses of which Bon recounts to his sympathetic friend how, being wearied with watching the gambol- ling sheep, he laid himself down in the meadow to sleep, and never awoke till a blue-boffie fly, who buzzing about so tickled his eye that sleep fled away. Then he rose to his feet, and looked around for the gambolling sheep, but found, they were gone he couldnt tell where: so he threw himself dewn in the deepest despair, bemoaning his strange unaccountable loss, and the horrible beating hed get from the Boss, when at night he went home with his sad tale of woe. He was sure he would never have courage to ~ The sad tale so pathetically and ingenuously told melted the already simmering heart of the hearer, who counselled tranquillity and philoso- phy in thQ words Let them alone and theyll come home, and jocularly added, as he saw a ray of hope lighting up the eye of the boy, like the first rays of the sun seen through a fog, And bring their t us behind them. The brilliant idea of their tails coming behind them instead of before them tickled the risibilities of the sympathizing friends, and for a few moments the woods echoed to their responsive mirth. The laugh did them good. The poet perceived instantly he had a theme upon which to build his verse, and hastily bidding Bon good- by, he flew exultingly to his paternal abode, rushed up the garret stairs, seized his goose-quill, and amid the tumultuous beatings of his over-charged heart and throbbing brain jotted down on the instant, in all the enthusiasm of poetic fervor, the incident that had fallen~ nuder his inspired observation. Not to be too personal, and still to preserve the truthfulness of the history, he dropped a few letters from Bon PEEPERS name, while, with a wonderful accuracy unknown to modern writers, he keeps to the subject of his verse, its misery, the remedy and result, and facetiously gives to the world the same cause for laughter and inspiration that he received so gratefully. THE POLITEST NATION IN THE WORLD. Wi~ had always considered JOHNNY CRAPAUD as the pink of po- liteness. But we are now satisfied that JOHNNY BILL goes ever so far ahead of him. We have never known that Frenchman yet, who would oblige his enemies by killing himself. But the recent lo~s of the (7~ptcsit shou-s that the noble Englishmen are prepared to do this by wholesale. One could wish our enemies no worse luck than to have a few such Oaptains given them. And how lavish the expendi- ture! It takes no end of money to get up one of those bi0 iron- plated coffins. It is certainly a dramatic auto-dci-f~, and a most obliging act, considered with ref e- rdnce to ones possible enemies. No Frenchlnan ever thought of such a thing. In fact, they go no further than positively declining to do any- thing bad with their navy. A DRY SETTLEMENT. TimitE is a little young village in Denver which rejoices in the name of Greeley. To this place came a benevolent bar-keeper, bringing a cheerful stock of whiskey. Down upon his grocery came the enraged Greeleyites, and to prevent their own stomachs from being burned, they burned the building. We can imagine these very particular pio- neers passing a great variety of the most astonishing laws, with various penalties. For chewing tobacco one months imprisonment ; for sub- scribing to The N Y. Evening Post death; while for the hideous mis- demeanor of eating white bread, the offender would be left to the pangs of his own indigestion. Fact, Fancy, and Fun-ding. THE FUNDING BILL, as a step to- wards making the Erie Canal free, should commend itself to any one, since if it becomes a fact, it will, we fancy, prevent this noble industrial enterprise from becoming, like its first cousin, simply an eyrie for the vultures of finance. FASHIONABLE INTELLIGENCE. TIIERE WAS A SURPRISE PARTY AT No. 9,999 TWENTY ThIRD STREET lAST EVENING. tTroN RETURNING FROM THE OPERA, THE PROPRIETORS FOUND TIIEIR MANSION FULL OF GUESTS. 126 PUNCHINELLO, Joy. 19, 1870. As MENS CLOTHES ARE CUT HOUR-GLASS FASHION 70W, PUNCrI- INELLO SUGGESTS THE ABOVE PATTERN AS AN APPROPTIIATE O.~E FOR THEM. THE ALARMBELLE AT RYE. AT Rye, Westchester County, a small town Built near the Sound, hut of a scant renown, That always to its biggest size did run At summer-time, beneath a blazing sun, But rested as a towa, as if to say, Ill pay no further taxes, come what may; The ancient cobbler, JohN, unknown to fame (So many cobblers since have borne the name), Owned the great belle of all that country place. His daughter, with her tongue and lovely face, Who took to soothing every kind of pain, Tramped through the streets, dragging a muddy train. With kerchief blowed her horn both loud and long. And talked incessantly of every wrong, Kept her tongue wagging. until right was done. Thus did the daughter of old cobbler John. What mighty good this BERG!! of that Burgh did. While he ~ tongue lasted, she had never hid: Suffice it that, as all things must decay, The fleshy tongue at length was worn away; She mouthed it for a while, and people dreamed Of golden days before this belle had screamed. Loaded and beat their horses at their ease, Drove them with wounded backs and broken knees, Turned turtles over, and een tortured clams, Murdered trichinn, when they boiled their hams. Till one, a doctor, who was passing by, Struck by the horrors going on in Rye, Cut from a calf, that yet was very young, And kindly gave unto the belle, a tongue. By chance it happened that in Rye town dwelt A German grocer (and his wife, a Colt), Who loved his lager and his pretzels too (His wife was partial to the morning dew). But, when we fell into these troublous times, He eared for nothing hut to save his dimes. lie had a donkey, that would sometimes go, Just as the do key ehaaed to feel, you know. Which he would ride, ~vhenever his brigade Was ordered to the streets for a parade; Put as the times got hard, hed loudly swear The oats that donkey ate be could not spare. At length he said Ill turn him out, py Gott ! Looked at his wife and to her said, Vy not? Let him go eat upon the public ways, I want him only for the training days. So the poor donkey had to feed on thistles, Until his hair became like unto bristles. One afternoon, when everybody slept Except the belle, out from her house she crept, And met the donkey, walking on the way; I-la smelt the calf and thought to have some play, Kicked up his heels, a grating bray did utter, And laid the belle a-rolling in the gutter. She raised a mighty shout, she raised a squeal, And loudly her persistent tongue did peal, And this did seem the burden of her song: Son-e~ chan bath done a wrong, hath done a wrong V Meanwhile from street and lane a noisy crowd Of vagabonds and urchins, shouting loud, Gathered around the poor, bedraggled squealer, Until at length there came a stout Rye peeler; Who forthwith told the belle her cries to cease, And teak her to a Justice of the Peace. The Justice heard the story of the belle, And looking wise and grave, he s~id: Tis well; Brino- me the old Dutchman. The grocer brought, Shakin,~ with fear, then stood before the Court. And the~ the Justice to recite began The charter of the Cruelty to An- Imals Society, and then he said: Pride rideth on a donkey, as Ive read. Until it gets fall, and then it loses Its dignity and blubbers oer its bruises. These are newspaper proverbs, but I feax You dont love proverbs, as you do your beer. Just take that donkey and give him an oat, And dont show up until youve brushed his cort. The grocer left disgusted, took the brute; And all the people thou at him did hoot. The cobbler heard and almost split his knee [He took it for the iapstone in his glee], Church bells, quoth he, but rin0 us to the ma.s, My belle hath gone and saved a starving ass; And this shall make, when put in jingling rhyme, The Belle of Rye all famous for all time A CHEERFUL SUBJECT. AcCORDING to an Ohio paper, a double child has been born to a couple named FINLEY, in Morrow county. It is, so to speak, a double-ender, being provided with a supplementary head at the point where the feet are usually situated. The child is a femaleand a very curious amend- ment to the Sixteenth Amendment, since, should it arrive at woman s estate, it will, of course, be entitled to a double vote. How will it he Thould one end go Republican and the other Democratic? To send a duplex woman into the world seems to be a very unnecessary freak of Nature, seeing that there is enough of duplicity in womaukind already. Ilorneopathic Politics. Tun CITIZENS AssOCIATIoN, finding that their sands of life are nearly run out, are now advertising privately for some fresh candidates, who for a salary will undertake to cure the- ring-worms of the body politic by their simple prescription of substitution, or putting yourself in their place, which is a political modification of the law in homesopathic me- dicine, siedlia s/mU/bus CUI(O? tea, or in morals, set a rogue to catch a rogue. THE LATEST STYLE.

126 PUNCHINELLO, Joy. 19, 1870. As MENS CLOTHES ARE CUT HOUR-GLASS FASHION 70W, PUNCrI- INELLO SUGGESTS THE ABOVE PATTERN AS AN APPROPTIIATE O.~E FOR THEM. THE ALARMBELLE AT RYE. AT Rye, Westchester County, a small town Built near the Sound, hut of a scant renown, That always to its biggest size did run At summer-time, beneath a blazing sun, But rested as a towa, as if to say, Ill pay no further taxes, come what may; The ancient cobbler, JohN, unknown to fame (So many cobblers since have borne the name), Owned the great belle of all that country place. His daughter, with her tongue and lovely face, Who took to soothing every kind of pain, Tramped through the streets, dragging a muddy train. With kerchief blowed her horn both loud and long. And talked incessantly of every wrong, Kept her tongue wagging. until right was done. Thus did the daughter of old cobbler John. What mighty good this BERG!! of that Burgh did. While he ~ tongue lasted, she had never hid: Suffice it that, as all things must decay, The fleshy tongue at length was worn away; She mouthed it for a while, and people dreamed Of golden days before this belle had screamed. Loaded and beat their horses at their ease, Drove them with wounded backs and broken knees, Turned turtles over, and een tortured clams, Murdered trichinn, when they boiled their hams. Till one, a doctor, who was passing by, Struck by the horrors going on in Rye, Cut from a calf, that yet was very young, And kindly gave unto the belle, a tongue. By chance it happened that in Rye town dwelt A German grocer (and his wife, a Colt), Who loved his lager and his pretzels too (His wife was partial to the morning dew). But, when we fell into these troublous times, He eared for nothing hut to save his dimes. lie had a donkey, that would sometimes go, Just as the do key ehaaed to feel, you know. Which he would ride, ~vhenever his brigade Was ordered to the streets for a parade; Put as the times got hard, hed loudly swear The oats that donkey ate be could not spare. At length he said Ill turn him out, py Gott ! Looked at his wife and to her said, Vy not? Let him go eat upon the public ways, I want him only for the training days. So the poor donkey had to feed on thistles, Until his hair became like unto bristles. One afternoon, when everybody slept Except the belle, out from her house she crept, And met the donkey, walking on the way; I-la smelt the calf and thought to have some play, Kicked up his heels, a grating bray did utter, And laid the belle a-rolling in the gutter. She raised a mighty shout, she raised a squeal, And loudly her persistent tongue did peal, And this did seem the burden of her song: Son-e~ chan bath done a wrong, hath done a wrong V Meanwhile from street and lane a noisy crowd Of vagabonds and urchins, shouting loud, Gathered around the poor, bedraggled squealer, Until at length there came a stout Rye peeler; Who forthwith told the belle her cries to cease, And teak her to a Justice of the Peace. The Justice heard the story of the belle, And looking wise and grave, he s~id: Tis well; Brino- me the old Dutchman. The grocer brought, Shakin,~ with fear, then stood before the Court. And the~ the Justice to recite began The charter of the Cruelty to An- Imals Society, and then he said: Pride rideth on a donkey, as Ive read. Until it gets fall, and then it loses Its dignity and blubbers oer its bruises. These are newspaper proverbs, but I feax You dont love proverbs, as you do your beer. Just take that donkey and give him an oat, And dont show up until youve brushed his cort. The grocer left disgusted, took the brute; And all the people thou at him did hoot. The cobbler heard and almost split his knee [He took it for the iapstone in his glee], Church bells, quoth he, but rin0 us to the ma.s, My belle hath gone and saved a starving ass; And this shall make, when put in jingling rhyme, The Belle of Rye all famous for all time A CHEERFUL SUBJECT. AcCORDING to an Ohio paper, a double child has been born to a couple named FINLEY, in Morrow county. It is, so to speak, a double-ender, being provided with a supplementary head at the point where the feet are usually situated. The child is a femaleand a very curious amend- ment to the Sixteenth Amendment, since, should it arrive at woman s estate, it will, of course, be entitled to a double vote. How will it he Thould one end go Republican and the other Democratic? To send a duplex woman into the world seems to be a very unnecessary freak of Nature, seeing that there is enough of duplicity in womaukind already. Ilorneopathic Politics. Tun CITIZENS AssOCIATIoN, finding that their sands of life are nearly run out, are now advertising privately for some fresh candidates, who for a salary will undertake to cure the- ring-worms of the body politic by their simple prescription of substitution, or putting yourself in their place, which is a political modification of the law in homesopathic me- dicine, siedlia s/mU/bus CUI(O? tea, or in morals, set a rogue to catch a rogue. THE LATEST STYLE.

126 PUNCHINELLO, Joy. 19, 1870. As MENS CLOTHES ARE CUT HOUR-GLASS FASHION 70W, PUNCrI- INELLO SUGGESTS THE ABOVE PATTERN AS AN APPROPTIIATE O.~E FOR THEM. THE ALARMBELLE AT RYE. AT Rye, Westchester County, a small town Built near the Sound, hut of a scant renown, That always to its biggest size did run At summer-time, beneath a blazing sun, But rested as a towa, as if to say, Ill pay no further taxes, come what may; The ancient cobbler, JohN, unknown to fame (So many cobblers since have borne the name), Owned the great belle of all that country place. His daughter, with her tongue and lovely face, Who took to soothing every kind of pain, Tramped through the streets, dragging a muddy train. With kerchief blowed her horn both loud and long. And talked incessantly of every wrong, Kept her tongue wagging. until right was done. Thus did the daughter of old cobbler John. What mighty good this BERG!! of that Burgh did. While he ~ tongue lasted, she had never hid: Suffice it that, as all things must decay, The fleshy tongue at length was worn away; She mouthed it for a while, and people dreamed Of golden days before this belle had screamed. Loaded and beat their horses at their ease, Drove them with wounded backs and broken knees, Turned turtles over, and een tortured clams, Murdered trichinn, when they boiled their hams. Till one, a doctor, who was passing by, Struck by the horrors going on in Rye, Cut from a calf, that yet was very young, And kindly gave unto the belle, a tongue. By chance it happened that in Rye town dwelt A German grocer (and his wife, a Colt), Who loved his lager and his pretzels too (His wife was partial to the morning dew). But, when we fell into these troublous times, He eared for nothing hut to save his dimes. lie had a donkey, that would sometimes go, Just as the do key ehaaed to feel, you know. Which he would ride, ~vhenever his brigade Was ordered to the streets for a parade; Put as the times got hard, hed loudly swear The oats that donkey ate be could not spare. At length he said Ill turn him out, py Gott ! Looked at his wife and to her said, Vy not? Let him go eat upon the public ways, I want him only for the training days. So the poor donkey had to feed on thistles, Until his hair became like unto bristles. One afternoon, when everybody slept Except the belle, out from her house she crept, And met the donkey, walking on the way; I-la smelt the calf and thought to have some play, Kicked up his heels, a grating bray did utter, And laid the belle a-rolling in the gutter. She raised a mighty shout, she raised a squeal, And loudly her persistent tongue did peal, And this did seem the burden of her song: Son-e~ chan bath done a wrong, hath done a wrong V Meanwhile from street and lane a noisy crowd Of vagabonds and urchins, shouting loud, Gathered around the poor, bedraggled squealer, Until at length there came a stout Rye peeler; Who forthwith told the belle her cries to cease, And teak her to a Justice of the Peace. The Justice heard the story of the belle, And looking wise and grave, he s~id: Tis well; Brino- me the old Dutchman. The grocer brought, Shakin,~ with fear, then stood before the Court. And the~ the Justice to recite began The charter of the Cruelty to An- Imals Society, and then he said: Pride rideth on a donkey, as Ive read. Until it gets fall, and then it loses Its dignity and blubbers oer its bruises. These are newspaper proverbs, but I feax You dont love proverbs, as you do your beer. Just take that donkey and give him an oat, And dont show up until youve brushed his cort. The grocer left disgusted, took the brute; And all the people thou at him did hoot. The cobbler heard and almost split his knee [He took it for the iapstone in his glee], Church bells, quoth he, but rin0 us to the ma.s, My belle hath gone and saved a starving ass; And this shall make, when put in jingling rhyme, The Belle of Rye all famous for all time A CHEERFUL SUBJECT. AcCORDING to an Ohio paper, a double child has been born to a couple named FINLEY, in Morrow county. It is, so to speak, a double-ender, being provided with a supplementary head at the point where the feet are usually situated. The child is a femaleand a very curious amend- ment to the Sixteenth Amendment, since, should it arrive at woman s estate, it will, of course, be entitled to a double vote. How will it he Thould one end go Republican and the other Democratic? To send a duplex woman into the world seems to be a very unnecessary freak of Nature, seeing that there is enough of duplicity in womaukind already. Ilorneopathic Politics. Tun CITIZENS AssOCIATIoN, finding that their sands of life are nearly run out, are now advertising privately for some fresh candidates, who for a salary will undertake to cure the- ring-worms of the body politic by their simple prescription of substitution, or putting yourself in their place, which is a political modification of the law in homesopathic me- dicine, siedlia s/mU/bus CUI(O? tea, or in morals, set a rogue to catch a rogue. THE LATEST STYLE.

126 PUNCHINELLO, Joy. 19, 1870. As MENS CLOTHES ARE CUT HOUR-GLASS FASHION 70W, PUNCrI- INELLO SUGGESTS THE ABOVE PATTERN AS AN APPROPTIIATE O.~E FOR THEM. THE ALARMBELLE AT RYE. AT Rye, Westchester County, a small town Built near the Sound, hut of a scant renown, That always to its biggest size did run At summer-time, beneath a blazing sun, But rested as a towa, as if to say, Ill pay no further taxes, come what may; The ancient cobbler, JohN, unknown to fame (So many cobblers since have borne the name), Owned the great belle of all that country place. His daughter, with her tongue and lovely face, Who took to soothing every kind of pain, Tramped through the streets, dragging a muddy train. With kerchief blowed her horn both loud and long. And talked incessantly of every wrong, Kept her tongue wagging. until right was done. Thus did the daughter of old cobbler John. What mighty good this BERG!! of that Burgh did. While he ~ tongue lasted, she had never hid: Suffice it that, as all things must decay, The fleshy tongue at length was worn away; She mouthed it for a while, and people dreamed Of golden days before this belle had screamed. Loaded and beat their horses at their ease, Drove them with wounded backs and broken knees, Turned turtles over, and een tortured clams, Murdered trichinn, when they boiled their hams. Till one, a doctor, who was passing by, Struck by the horrors going on in Rye, Cut from a calf, that yet was very young, And kindly gave unto the belle, a tongue. By chance it happened that in Rye town dwelt A German grocer (and his wife, a Colt), Who loved his lager and his pretzels too (His wife was partial to the morning dew). But, when we fell into these troublous times, He eared for nothing hut to save his dimes. lie had a donkey, that would sometimes go, Just as the do key ehaaed to feel, you know. Which he would ride, ~vhenever his brigade Was ordered to the streets for a parade; Put as the times got hard, hed loudly swear The oats that donkey ate be could not spare. At length he said Ill turn him out, py Gott ! Looked at his wife and to her said, Vy not? Let him go eat upon the public ways, I want him only for the training days. So the poor donkey had to feed on thistles, Until his hair became like unto bristles. One afternoon, when everybody slept Except the belle, out from her house she crept, And met the donkey, walking on the way; I-la smelt the calf and thought to have some play, Kicked up his heels, a grating bray did utter, And laid the belle a-rolling in the gutter. She raised a mighty shout, she raised a squeal, And loudly her persistent tongue did peal, And this did seem the burden of her song: Son-e~ chan bath done a wrong, hath done a wrong V Meanwhile from street and lane a noisy crowd Of vagabonds and urchins, shouting loud, Gathered around the poor, bedraggled squealer, Until at length there came a stout Rye peeler; Who forthwith told the belle her cries to cease, And teak her to a Justice of the Peace. The Justice heard the story of the belle, And looking wise and grave, he s~id: Tis well; Brino- me the old Dutchman. The grocer brought, Shakin,~ with fear, then stood before the Court. And the~ the Justice to recite began The charter of the Cruelty to An- Imals Society, and then he said: Pride rideth on a donkey, as Ive read. Until it gets fall, and then it loses Its dignity and blubbers oer its bruises. These are newspaper proverbs, but I feax You dont love proverbs, as you do your beer. Just take that donkey and give him an oat, And dont show up until youve brushed his cort. The grocer left disgusted, took the brute; And all the people thou at him did hoot. The cobbler heard and almost split his knee [He took it for the iapstone in his glee], Church bells, quoth he, but rin0 us to the ma.s, My belle hath gone and saved a starving ass; And this shall make, when put in jingling rhyme, The Belle of Rye all famous for all time A CHEERFUL SUBJECT. AcCORDING to an Ohio paper, a double child has been born to a couple named FINLEY, in Morrow county. It is, so to speak, a double-ender, being provided with a supplementary head at the point where the feet are usually situated. The child is a femaleand a very curious amend- ment to the Sixteenth Amendment, since, should it arrive at woman s estate, it will, of course, be entitled to a double vote. How will it he Thould one end go Republican and the other Democratic? To send a duplex woman into the world seems to be a very unnecessary freak of Nature, seeing that there is enough of duplicity in womaukind already. Ilorneopathic Politics. Tun CITIZENS AssOCIATIoN, finding that their sands of life are nearly run out, are now advertising privately for some fresh candidates, who for a salary will undertake to cure the- ring-worms of the body politic by their simple prescription of substitution, or putting yourself in their place, which is a political modification of the law in homesopathic me- dicine, siedlia s/mU/bus CUI(O? tea, or in morals, set a rogue to catch a rogue. THE LATEST STYLE. Nov. 19, 1870. PLINCHINELLO. CLEARING~ OIJT SALE, A. T. STEWART & CO. ARE OFFERING UNPRECEDENTED BARGAINS IN CLOAKS, SACQUES, ARABS, TALMAS, SHAWLS AND MANTLES. Real Astrakhau Cloaks at $20, $22, and $25; last years prices, $40 and $45. CLOTHS, CLOAKINGS, VELVETEENS, CLOAK SILK VELVETS, MILLINERY VELVETS, & c. NEW GOODS JUST RECEIVED, AT PRICES MUCH BELOW THE COST OF THE SAME QUALITIES SOLD LAST YEAR. BROADWAY, ~ourth A~e.. 9th and 10th Streets. A. T. STEWART & CO. OFFER Wide Plaid Poplins at 25c. and BOo. per Yard, recently sold at 85c. and 45c. All Wool Serges at 40o. per Yard; last years price, $1. High Colored Basket Cloths, 75o. per Yard; last years jobbing price, $1.25. Double Width, all Wool Plaids, 54 inches wide, at $1.50 per Yard; last years jobbing price, $2.25. ALSO A LAEGE LOT OF Heavy High Colored Plaids at 20c. per Yard. The above, with a great variety of other choice styles at Equally Low Prices, ARE EXHIBITED IN THE CENTRE SEC. TION ON THE 4TH AVE. SIDE. STRANGERS, THE RESIDENTS OF THE EASTERN PART OF OUR CITY, AND THOSE OF OUR ORING CITIES, ARE RESPECT- FULLY INVITED TO EXAMINE. BROADWAY, Fonrth Ave., 9th and 10th Streets. PUNCHINELLO. The first nnmber of this Illustrated iltimorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2,1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. Subscription for one year, (with .. 2.00 premium,) - - - - $4.00 six months, (withont premium,) - - - - - 2.00 three months, - - - - - 1.00 Single copies mailed free, for - - - - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L PRANG & CO.S CHPLOMOS for subscriptions as follows A copy of paper for one year, and The Awakening (a Litter of Puppies). Half chromo. Size S~ by 11~ ($2.00 picture)for $4.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. 12~x9. Dead Game. 11~x8~. Easter Morning. 0-~x10+-for $5.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $5.00 chromos: Group of Chickens; Group of Duckling3; Group of Quails. Each 10x12~. The Poultry Yard. 10~x14. The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9~x13. Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcook. 10x12for $6.50 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $6.00 chromos: The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Twb Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each l3xlA3j. Spring; Summer; Autumn. 12~xI6~. The Kids Play Ground. llxi7jfor -----~ - - - $ 7.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $7.50 chromos: Strawberries and Baskets. Cherries and Baskets. Currants. Each 13x18. Horses in a Storm. 22}x15~. Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9~x4~for $8.00 A copy of paper for one year, and Si~ American Landscapes. (A Set.) 4j~c9, price $9.00for - - - - $9.00 A copy of paper for one year, and either of the following $10 chromos: Sunset in California. (Eierstadt.) 1S~x12. Easter Morning. 14x21. Correggios Magdalen. 12~x16j. Summer Fruit, and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos.) 15~x10~ (companions, price $10.00 for the two)for $10.00 Remittances should be made in P.. 0. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first number (April 2d, 1870) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office where received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance the Cnao~ros will be rnctiied .b~ee on r~ceipt of money. CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For special terms address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desi- rous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. Address, P.O. Box 2783. PUNCHINELIJO PUBLISHING CO., No. 83 Nassau Street, New York. 127~ I i II 128 PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 19, 1870. THE PRINTING HOUSE OF THE UNITED STATES THE UNITED STATES ENVELOPE MANUFACTORY. GEORGE F, NESBITT & Co 163, 165, 167, 169 Pearl It,, & 73, 75, 77, 79 Pine IL, New-York. Execute all kinds of M~~ke all kinds of PR I NTI NC, BLANK BOOKS, Furnish all kinds of Execute the finest styles of STATIONERY, LITHOGRAPHY Make the Best Ever offered to sod Cheapeot ~ the Psbltc. They have made all tile pro-pail Envelop-s for the United States Post-Office Doparcm nt for the loot 16 years, ttttd have INVARIABLY BEEN TOE LOWEST BIODERS. Their Machitiery is the moot complete, rapid ant cocoon cat known in the trade. Travelers West and South-West Should hear ho mind that the - ERIE RAILWAY IS BY FAR THE CHEAPEST, QIJICICEST, AND MOST COMFORTABLE ROUTE, ~ Making Direct and Sure Connection at CIN- CINNATI, with all Lines LOUISVILLE, ,~ Foss NEW OR- ~ MEMPHIS, ST. LOUIS, LEANS, ~ VICKSDIJRt;, NASHVILLE, ~ ~ MOBILE, And all Points South and South-west. Its DRAWING-ROOlt and SLEEPING COACHES on nil Express Trains, running through to Cincinnati without change, are the suost elegant ond spaciosso used up on any Road in thts country, heing fitted up in the most ~lsshorate manner, and having every modern improl ensent introduced for the comfort of its patrons; rionning upon the BROAD GAUGE; revealing scenery along the Line otnequalled upon this Continent and rendering atrip over the ERiE one of the delightsand pleasures of this life not to he forgotten. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Bailway Co Noo 241, 529 and 053 Broadway; 205 Chamhers St.: 38 dreen- wich St cor 125th St. end Third Avenue, Harlem: 335 Fulton Se., Brooklyn: Depots foot of Chamhers Street and foot of 23d St., New York; and the Agents at the principal hotels, to-avelers can obtoin just the Ticket they d ~vell as all the necessary information. esire, as OF LORD & TAYLOR, Car. of Broadway & Twentieth Street, New York. This superb building will be devoted to re- tail purposes, where evory description of dry- goods, from the necessary and convenient to the most elegant and fashionable, will attract a msoltitndinous throng, and add even a new- attraction to the lsrilliauuv or Broadway in that most deiightfssl part ogthe thoroughfare. Besides an immense retail trade iso drygoods, and a wholesale trade extending to all parts of the United States, LORD & TAYLOR deal largely in carpets and oil-cloths, in upholstery and house fsornishing goods, and especially hs trousseaux, cloalts, and ladies fssrnishing goods of all kinds, in which, perhaps, their business is heavier than that of any other house in the city. The fnrnsshtng of hotels and steam- boats is one of their tl)ccialtjes. The head- quarters of their wholesale trade is at the oltl Broadway and Crand street store, while theh- I stools of carpets an(l oil-cloths is mainly limi- ted to tise Gransi ansi (hrystie street establish- ment. Since tile organization of the firm, five partners have retired with fortunes, to make room for younger men, titus affording opportunities for others to proftt by the cx- I perience and success of the house. These changes have also had the effect to maintain the original vigor of the firm without detach- ing from the maturity of judgment that has marked its operations. Some idea of the magnitude of the business of the house may be inferred from tile .fact that the pay-roll contains time names of more tlsast 1,000 persons. --7 I - _ N N f5~~r7~mfli ---~~ N 11 ~ N~- N N tAN N PUNCHINELLO, VOL. I, ENDING SEPT. 24, BOUND IN EXTRA CLOTh, IS NOW READY. WHAT WE ARE COMING TO. PRICE $2.50. Sent free by any Puhlisher on receipt of price, or by Cook (negotiatisg for situation). WELL, ITLL BE NICISSARY FOR ME TO HAVE A FOTER- GRAFF OF TER WIFE, AND A RICOMMINDATION FROM TER LAST COOK ~ PVNCIIINELLO PUBLISIIING COMPANY, 53 Xassau Street, ~ew York. THE NEW STORE

Nov. 26, 18r0. PUNCHINELLO. 1~31 MAN AND WIVES. A TRAVESTY. fly MOSE ~KIWNER. CHAPTER FIRST. CROQUET. CROQUET party has assem- bled in Mra TIMOTHY LADLES front yard, located in one of the most romantic spots in that sylvan retreat, the State of Indiana. Whos going to play, did you say? Come with me, and Ill introduce you. This austere female, with such inflexible rigidity of form, such harrowing cork- screw curls, and chronic ex- pression as of smelling some- thing disagreeable, is Mrs. LADLE, the hostess. Awi- dow. Her husband, the late TIMOTirT, was a New York detective. Amassing a com- petency, he emigrated to Indiana, became a Bank Di- rector and Sunday-School Superintendent, and died beloved by all. Produce your very best bow for Mrs. LADLE, and trot out your com- pany talk, for shes in the mother-in-law business, and thoroughly up to snuff. This old male party, with the remains of a luxuriant growth of very red hair, clinging fondly, like underbrush round a rock, to the sides of his head, with a seedy-looking patch far under the chin to match, whose limp dickey droops pensively as if seeking to crawl bodily into the embrace of the plaid gingham which encircles his neck, and in whose nose is embodied that rare vermilion tint which artists so love to dwell upon ;this is the Hon. MIcHAEL LADLE, brother of the late TIMOTHY, a Western Member of Congress, and a grass widower. This girl of the period, whose saucy black eyes bear down on you like a twenty-four gun frigate; looking as it were through you, and count- ing the hairs on the back of your neck, is Miss BELINDA LADLE, daughter of the deceased TIMOTHY, and step-daughter to the hostess; who was TIMS second matrimonial venture, you understand. This young woman mounts a lager-beer cask, and steps the buzz of conversation by bringing her mallet down with a smart rap upon the head of the nearest bald-headed gentleman. Attention, company, said she Stand up straight, and look as well a~ you can. Takemallets. While the guests are boisterously laughing, with that rare apprecia- tion of refined humor peculiar to the West, Mrs. LADLE, the proper, attempts an indignant remonstrance, but is interrupted by the Hon. MICHAEL. Oh, let the little gal have her tantrums, sister-in-law, said he. Mebbe you was young once, though nobody now living could swear to it. Come, interrupted BELINDA, weve had gassin enough. Choose your partners. Mildewed age, before infantile beauty. Mother-in-law, go m. The extremely respectable and highly dignified female last alluded to shook her fist at BELINDA on the sly, and said: Ill take ANN BRUMMET. The lady who stepped forward at this summons was greeted with a wide stare, and every eye-glass was focussed. She was a remarkable-looking female. She wasnt exactly hand- some, but there was a sort of a something about her, you understand, thatahriveted the gaze of folks generally, you see, and a fellow nhcaught himself looking the second time, as you may sayand ah it wasnt style either, for one shoulder was higher than the other, and her hair was done up in a bob, and she took awful long steps, and swnng her arms as far as they would go each way; and her collar looked as though shed slept in it, and she wore rubbers like a school- ma am. And you couldnt say twas regularity of features exactly, either, for her eyes were too llmited in circumference, and her nose too nu- merous in diameter; and her mouth monopolized too much latitude, and she had a hair-mole on one cheek, and faint dawnings of a mous- tache on her upper lip. But in spite of these trivial eccentricities, you felt when you looked at her, as I said beforenha sort ofas it werea By Jove, I cant describe it. The general impression was that she was an heiress, and the com- ments were numerous. How graceful! Look at that swan-like neck! What a per- fect form! What a dove-like expression! Do introduce me! Who is she Shes a poor relation of Mrs. LADLES. There, I thought so! What an object! Forcingherself into genteel society, too! The audacity of these creatures is perfectly horrid. It was BELINDAS turn to choose next, and she pointed straight at the man she wanted, and said: JEFFRY MAULnoY. It was natural she should choose him, for he was greatly respected by all present, and the ladies especially regarded him as simply a hero; for he was one of the Great Masters in the noble Art of Muscle. Let me explain. At the time of which I write, there had been a contest in the Uni- versities of America between Brains and Muscle, and the latter had conquered. Brains were accounted a very good thing in their way, but what we want, sir, is Muscle. If a man can master his Greek, and his Latin, and his Theology, and his Law, and such frothy trifles between times, well and good, but be mnsnt neglect his Muscle. And so base-ball clubs were organized, and the Long Heels chal- lenged the Short Heels, and the leading journals published cards of defiance from the Knockers to the Hitters, together with labored edi- torisls on the same. And boat-races and sculling matches were set on foot, and once a year the students repaired with their friends to a city afflicted with a lake, where, pending the contest, they organized a Reign of Terror, during which the harmless inhabitants locked themselves in their houses and clasped their offspring to their bosoms, or gazed terror-stricken from an attic-window upon the classical ma- rauders below, as they indulged in a post-mortem examination of a private dwelling, or the rare pleasantry of roasting a policeman. But none dared complain, for public excitement waxed high on the sub- ject of Muscle. And when the day arrived which was to decide the momentous ques- tion, the banks of the lake were decked with the beauty and culture of the land, and fair hands staked their odds, and fair lips became familiar with home-stretches, spurts, and. fouls. A body of students crossed the ocean to win a boat-race, and the public Press told us in very large capitals what they ate and drank, and the exact condition of a boil belonging to one of the party. But the heart of the nation beat high with hope, unti4 the appalling intelli- gence was flashed across the wires that they were defeated. It was a cruel blow. Strong men looked at one another in mute agony, or spoke as if there was a corpse in the next room. The Press sent up a wail that resounded through the land. An eminent divine pro- nounced it a National misfortun~, and the pictorials containing wood-cuts of the lamented heroes were put away, as we put away the playthings of a child that has died. No wonder that Mr. JEFFEY MAULBOY was looked up to and courted, for he had a medal bestowed upon him as a Champion Paddler, and had lost a bet of fifty dollars on the Great International Contest. But his towering ambition remained unsated. He realized that he lived in a progressive age, and his superior talents enabled him to take a stand far ahead of his fellows. By diligent application to his noble profession, he was now a member of that exalted Institution, The Prize Ring of America, and the letters RR.U. S.A. were elegantly imprinted with blue ink upon his right arm. There were two persons present, however, who didnt regard JEFFRY MAULBO~ as a little god. One was the Hon. MICHAEL LADLE; the other wa~ ANN BRUMMET. She was putting her tongue out, and making faces at him from behind an apple-tree. A lady who saw her said it improved her appearance. When BELINDA chose JEFFRY, he very deliberately took a chew of tobaceo, and said he wouldnt play. This is the sickest croquet party I ever saw, said BELINDA. All backing out. Sposen I take you then, you dear old buffer, she added, addressing the Hon. MIcHAEL. ~ntered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1870, by the IUYCIIINELLQ PUBUsIIJNG COMPANY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 26, 1870. I may be an old buffer, said the Hon. Member from the West, but I am young enough for anything here. As STOWE BYRON says: Oh, days of my childhoods hours, Im a gazin on ye yit. He was interrupted by JEFFRY MAULBOY. You say you are young enough for anything here, said he; sup- pose you and I try a little mill out back of the house. Young man, replied the Hon. MICHAEL, if theres one mistake in life that your parents grieve over, it is probably the mistake of your birth. If you dont have any serious drawbacks, and are careful of your health, you will make a first-class DEAD BEAT. When a man insults me, sir, I lay him out, without depending in the smallest degree upon an undertaker, but as for standing up in front of a man who mashes noses by contract, and chaws off ears as a matter of genteel business, why it aint my cut. JEFFRY MAULBOY took another chew of tobacco. You can go on, he said. I wont hurt you. Youre too small potatoes for me. While this gentle raillery was in progress, BELINDA felt somebody tugging at her dress. She looked down, and saw Mr. ARCHIBALD BLINKSOP, a sailor-looking chap who smelt of t~tr, and well he might, for he had ploughed the tempestuous deep for upwards of six months, as a common sailor on the Erie Canal. Shiver my starboard binnacle amidships, said he, why dont you choose me7 She squeezed his hand and winked at him. .1 will choose you, dear, said she. Dont blush so. The game has commenced. JEFFRY MAULBOY, standing aloof, is just taking a fresh chew, when a hand is laid on his shoulder. The hand is that of ANN BRUMMET, the poor relation, and the voice that breaks on his ear is also the property of that extraordinary woman. JEFF, said she cautiously, meet me in just half an hour, out back of the house. You know the place. Wher& the woodbine has twined so much. Ive got something very particular to tell you. And she pinched his arm slyly. The game progresses. The Hon. MICHAEL LADLE and ARCHIBALD BLINKSOP are conversing together. That MAULBOY is a jackass, said the former. Is he a friend of yourn? Well, not exactly, returned ARCHIBALD. You see, its just like this, he continued, hitching up his pants behind, and rolling, the same as sailors do on the stage. About two months ago JEFF made a voyage with me. One night we were . bowling along the canal under a very stiff breeze. The compass stood north-east and a half, the ther- mometer was chafing fearfully, andthe jib-boom, only two-thirds reefed, was lashing furiously against the poop-deck. Suddenly, that terrible cry, A man overboard! I lost no time. I bore down on ~ threw the cook overboard, and soon had the satisfaction of seeing our noble craft lay over abaft the wind. Then, quick as thought, I belayed the windlass and lowered a gaff. It struck something soft. I heard JEFF cry: Dont hit my head agaln. I was careful. The gaff slid along his back, and finally settled firmly into the seat of his trousers. He was hoiste4 aboard. The first thing he did was to see if his tobacco was safe. Then he offered me a chew and said: Bless you, bless you; you have saved my life, and owe me a debt of gratitude forever. And I spose I do, added ARCHIBALD. Its the way of the world. Well, said the Hon. MICHAEL, I dont envy you. I shouldnt want to owe him a debt of any kind. Why? queried BLINESOP. Because, sooner or later, youll have to pay it, double over, was the reply. (To he continued.) From Gay to Grave. HERE is a suggestive item from abroad : ON the Crown Princes birthday he and his staff dined with the King of Prussia at the Prefecture at Versailles, where covers were laid for eighty. Will PRUSSIA have the goodness to inform PUNCHINELLO (post-paid) how many victims of the battle-field covers have been laid for since the beginning of the war? Confidential. BUsINESS at the Interior Department will now be done up in a rapid manner, for there can be no delay by DELA-NO. Veritas. A paragraph has been going the rounds of the papers, giving some description of an animal called the Tygomelia a sort of camelopardsaid to have lately been captured in the Hudson Bay Territory. Is any such animal known to naturalists? Answer. Not that we know of; but theres no telling what sort of animals the writer of the paragraph referred to might have running in his head. Blondida. My hair has gradually assumed a lovely golden hue, but my complexion is very dark. Will eating arsenic make me fair? Answer. Stuff! (but not with arsenic.) Keep a candy-store, and be fair in your dealings. Ornithologist. I have a stuffed specimen of a beautiful bird called the Wax-wing. Was this kind of bird known to the ancients, and, if so, where can I find a description of it? Answer. Look for ICARUS, in LEMPRIkRES Dictionary. ICARUS was the son of D~x- DALUS. It is said that old DADDY, his daddy, made wings for him and stuck them on with cobblers wax. ICKY took flight with them, and got so close to the sun that the wax melted and his wings came off. Then JUPITER caught him in his umbrella as he was falling, and transformed him to the bird known as the Wax wing. G. F. TRAIN. Down with the TJhlans! Up with the black flag! Killed four Uhians before breakfast this morning. Uhians wear baggy sky-blue breeches. Give em sky-blue fits! Bo1JRBAKI dined with me yesterday. American fare. Gopher soup; rattlesnake hash; squirrel saut~ fricasseed opossum; pumpkin pie. Thats your sort! Blue coat and brass buttons. White Marseilles waistcoat. France saved by Mar- seilles waistcoat. Organize earthquake to swallow London. Jom~ BULL trembles. Tours trembkn. Italy trembles. Leaning tower of Pisa changes base and slopes other way. Tired of France. Change base and slope other way. PUNCHINELLO for the throne of Spain! Down with AosTA! Down with effete monarchies! Down with rents! Up with G. F. TRAIN! Answer. Certainly. PUNCHINELLO TO THE SUN. DEAR SUNNY : In our issue dated November 19th, we took occasion to congratulate you upon the sparkhradded to your Sunbeams by the judicious reproduction of our crisp and crystalline little poem SALLY SALTER. We have no doubt that your languid circulation was partly restored by the timely aid thus unconsciously afforded you by PUNCIIINELLO. If any SALTER could save your bacon for you, surely SALLY was the one to do it; only you shouldnt have tried to pass her off as one of your own SALLIES. The jackdaw decked out in peacocks feathers was a bird truly absurd, though not a whit more so than a Solar Dodo like yourself with a PUNCHINELLO plume for a tail. Now, in your number for November 9th, we find a remarkably pretty Autumn Song. It was pointed out to us, triumphantly, by a man who carries The Sun, in his pocket, and who wanted to know why PUNCHINELLO never gave his readers anything like that?1 In reply, we courteously referred him to PUNCHINELLO of October 22d, in which that identical Autumn Song made its first appearance upon any stage. And so there you go, dear DODO SUNNY, with another PUNCh- NELLO feather in your pensive tail. Keep decking yourself with the feathers, dear SIYNNY. They become you well; and when youve got a bushel or so of em, well dispose of you to BARNUM as the original Anti-Promethean Dodo that stole fire from PUNCHINELLO to light up The Sun. I~U1~CHINELLO. ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 26, 1870. I may be an old buffer, said the Hon. Member from the West, but I am young enough for anything here. As STOWE BYRON says: Oh, days of my childhoods hours, Im a gazin on ye yit. He was interrupted by JEFFRY MAULBOY. You say you are young enough for anything here, said he; sup- pose you and I try a little mill out back of the house. Young man, replied the Hon. MICHAEL, if theres one mistake in life that your parents grieve over, it is probably the mistake of your birth. If you dont have any serious drawbacks, and are careful of your health, you will make a first-class DEAD BEAT. When a man insults me, sir, I lay him out, without depending in the smallest degree upon an undertaker, but as for standing up in front of a man who mashes noses by contract, and chaws off ears as a matter of genteel business, why it aint my cut. JEFFRY MAULBOY took another chew of tobacco. You can go on, he said. I wont hurt you. Youre too small potatoes for me. While this gentle raillery was in progress, BELINDA felt somebody tugging at her dress. She looked down, and saw Mr. ARCHIBALD BLINKSOP, a sailor-looking chap who smelt of t~tr, and well he might, for he had ploughed the tempestuous deep for upwards of six months, as a common sailor on the Erie Canal. Shiver my starboard binnacle amidships, said he, why dont you choose me7 She squeezed his hand and winked at him. .1 will choose you, dear, said she. Dont blush so. The game has commenced. JEFFRY MAULBOY, standing aloof, is just taking a fresh chew, when a hand is laid on his shoulder. The hand is that of ANN BRUMMET, the poor relation, and the voice that breaks on his ear is also the property of that extraordinary woman. JEFF, said she cautiously, meet me in just half an hour, out back of the house. You know the place. Wher& the woodbine has twined so much. Ive got something very particular to tell you. And she pinched his arm slyly. The game progresses. The Hon. MICHAEL LADLE and ARCHIBALD BLINKSOP are conversing together. That MAULBOY is a jackass, said the former. Is he a friend of yourn? Well, not exactly, returned ARCHIBALD. You see, its just like this, he continued, hitching up his pants behind, and rolling, the same as sailors do on the stage. About two months ago JEFF made a voyage with me. One night we were . bowling along the canal under a very stiff breeze. The compass stood north-east and a half, the ther- mometer was chafing fearfully, andthe jib-boom, only two-thirds reefed, was lashing furiously against the poop-deck. Suddenly, that terrible cry, A man overboard! I lost no time. I bore down on ~ threw the cook overboard, and soon had the satisfaction of seeing our noble craft lay over abaft the wind. Then, quick as thought, I belayed the windlass and lowered a gaff. It struck something soft. I heard JEFF cry: Dont hit my head agaln. I was careful. The gaff slid along his back, and finally settled firmly into the seat of his trousers. He was hoiste4 aboard. The first thing he did was to see if his tobacco was safe. Then he offered me a chew and said: Bless you, bless you; you have saved my life, and owe me a debt of gratitude forever. And I spose I do, added ARCHIBALD. Its the way of the world. Well, said the Hon. MICHAEL, I dont envy you. I shouldnt want to owe him a debt of any kind. Why? queried BLINESOP. Because, sooner or later, youll have to pay it, double over, was the reply. (To he continued.) From Gay to Grave. HERE is a suggestive item from abroad : ON the Crown Princes birthday he and his staff dined with the King of Prussia at the Prefecture at Versailles, where covers were laid for eighty. Will PRUSSIA have the goodness to inform PUNCHINELLO (post-paid) how many victims of the battle-field covers have been laid for since the beginning of the war? Confidential. BUsINESS at the Interior Department will now be done up in a rapid manner, for there can be no delay by DELA-NO. Veritas. A paragraph has been going the rounds of the papers, giving some description of an animal called the Tygomelia a sort of camelopardsaid to have lately been captured in the Hudson Bay Territory. Is any such animal known to naturalists? Answer. Not that we know of; but theres no telling what sort of animals the writer of the paragraph referred to might have running in his head. Blondida. My hair has gradually assumed a lovely golden hue, but my complexion is very dark. Will eating arsenic make me fair? Answer. Stuff! (but not with arsenic.) Keep a candy-store, and be fair in your dealings. Ornithologist. I have a stuffed specimen of a beautiful bird called the Wax-wing. Was this kind of bird known to the ancients, and, if so, where can I find a description of it? Answer. Look for ICARUS, in LEMPRIkRES Dictionary. ICARUS was the son of D~x- DALUS. It is said that old DADDY, his daddy, made wings for him and stuck them on with cobblers wax. ICKY took flight with them, and got so close to the sun that the wax melted and his wings came off. Then JUPITER caught him in his umbrella as he was falling, and transformed him to the bird known as the Wax wing. G. F. TRAIN. Down with the TJhlans! Up with the black flag! Killed four Uhians before breakfast this morning. Uhians wear baggy sky-blue breeches. Give em sky-blue fits! Bo1JRBAKI dined with me yesterday. American fare. Gopher soup; rattlesnake hash; squirrel saut~ fricasseed opossum; pumpkin pie. Thats your sort! Blue coat and brass buttons. White Marseilles waistcoat. France saved by Mar- seilles waistcoat. Organize earthquake to swallow London. Jom~ BULL trembles. Tours trembkn. Italy trembles. Leaning tower of Pisa changes base and slopes other way. Tired of France. Change base and slope other way. PUNCHINELLO for the throne of Spain! Down with AosTA! Down with effete monarchies! Down with rents! Up with G. F. TRAIN! Answer. Certainly. PUNCHINELLO TO THE SUN. DEAR SUNNY : In our issue dated November 19th, we took occasion to congratulate you upon the sparkhradded to your Sunbeams by the judicious reproduction of our crisp and crystalline little poem SALLY SALTER. We have no doubt that your languid circulation was partly restored by the timely aid thus unconsciously afforded you by PUNCIIINELLO. If any SALTER could save your bacon for you, surely SALLY was the one to do it; only you shouldnt have tried to pass her off as one of your own SALLIES. The jackdaw decked out in peacocks feathers was a bird truly absurd, though not a whit more so than a Solar Dodo like yourself with a PUNCHINELLO plume for a tail. Now, in your number for November 9th, we find a remarkably pretty Autumn Song. It was pointed out to us, triumphantly, by a man who carries The Sun, in his pocket, and who wanted to know why PUNCHINELLO never gave his readers anything like that?1 In reply, we courteously referred him to PUNCHINELLO of October 22d, in which that identical Autumn Song made its first appearance upon any stage. And so there you go, dear DODO SUNNY, with another PUNCh- NELLO feather in your pensive tail. Keep decking yourself with the feathers, dear SIYNNY. They become you well; and when youve got a bushel or so of em, well dispose of you to BARNUM as the original Anti-Promethean Dodo that stole fire from PUNCHINELLO to light up The Sun. I~U1~CHINELLO. ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 26, 1870. I may be an old buffer, said the Hon. Member from the West, but I am young enough for anything here. As STOWE BYRON says: Oh, days of my childhoods hours, Im a gazin on ye yit. He was interrupted by JEFFRY MAULBOY. You say you are young enough for anything here, said he; sup- pose you and I try a little mill out back of the house. Young man, replied the Hon. MICHAEL, if theres one mistake in life that your parents grieve over, it is probably the mistake of your birth. If you dont have any serious drawbacks, and are careful of your health, you will make a first-class DEAD BEAT. When a man insults me, sir, I lay him out, without depending in the smallest degree upon an undertaker, but as for standing up in front of a man who mashes noses by contract, and chaws off ears as a matter of genteel business, why it aint my cut. JEFFRY MAULBOY took another chew of tobacco. You can go on, he said. I wont hurt you. Youre too small potatoes for me. While this gentle raillery was in progress, BELINDA felt somebody tugging at her dress. She looked down, and saw Mr. ARCHIBALD BLINKSOP, a sailor-looking chap who smelt of t~tr, and well he might, for he had ploughed the tempestuous deep for upwards of six months, as a common sailor on the Erie Canal. Shiver my starboard binnacle amidships, said he, why dont you choose me7 She squeezed his hand and winked at him. .1 will choose you, dear, said she. Dont blush so. The game has commenced. JEFFRY MAULBOY, standing aloof, is just taking a fresh chew, when a hand is laid on his shoulder. The hand is that of ANN BRUMMET, the poor relation, and the voice that breaks on his ear is also the property of that extraordinary woman. JEFF, said she cautiously, meet me in just half an hour, out back of the house. You know the place. Wher& the woodbine has twined so much. Ive got something very particular to tell you. And she pinched his arm slyly. The game progresses. The Hon. MICHAEL LADLE and ARCHIBALD BLINKSOP are conversing together. That MAULBOY is a jackass, said the former. Is he a friend of yourn? Well, not exactly, returned ARCHIBALD. You see, its just like this, he continued, hitching up his pants behind, and rolling, the same as sailors do on the stage. About two months ago JEFF made a voyage with me. One night we were . bowling along the canal under a very stiff breeze. The compass stood north-east and a half, the ther- mometer was chafing fearfully, andthe jib-boom, only two-thirds reefed, was lashing furiously against the poop-deck. Suddenly, that terrible cry, A man overboard! I lost no time. I bore down on ~ threw the cook overboard, and soon had the satisfaction of seeing our noble craft lay over abaft the wind. Then, quick as thought, I belayed the windlass and lowered a gaff. It struck something soft. I heard JEFF cry: Dont hit my head agaln. I was careful. The gaff slid along his back, and finally settled firmly into the seat of his trousers. He was hoiste4 aboard. The first thing he did was to see if his tobacco was safe. Then he offered me a chew and said: Bless you, bless you; you have saved my life, and owe me a debt of gratitude forever. And I spose I do, added ARCHIBALD. Its the way of the world. Well, said the Hon. MICHAEL, I dont envy you. I shouldnt want to owe him a debt of any kind. Why? queried BLINESOP. Because, sooner or later, youll have to pay it, double over, was the reply. (To he continued.) From Gay to Grave. HERE is a suggestive item from abroad : ON the Crown Princes birthday he and his staff dined with the King of Prussia at the Prefecture at Versailles, where covers were laid for eighty. Will PRUSSIA have the goodness to inform PUNCHINELLO (post-paid) how many victims of the battle-field covers have been laid for since the beginning of the war? Confidential. BUsINESS at the Interior Department will now be done up in a rapid manner, for there can be no delay by DELA-NO. Veritas. A paragraph has been going the rounds of the papers, giving some description of an animal called the Tygomelia a sort of camelopardsaid to have lately been captured in the Hudson Bay Territory. Is any such animal known to naturalists? Answer. Not that we know of; but theres no telling what sort of animals the writer of the paragraph referred to might have running in his head. Blondida. My hair has gradually assumed a lovely golden hue, but my complexion is very dark. Will eating arsenic make me fair? Answer. Stuff! (but not with arsenic.) Keep a candy-store, and be fair in your dealings. Ornithologist. I have a stuffed specimen of a beautiful bird called the Wax-wing. Was this kind of bird known to the ancients, and, if so, where can I find a description of it? Answer. Look for ICARUS, in LEMPRIkRES Dictionary. ICARUS was the son of D~x- DALUS. It is said that old DADDY, his daddy, made wings for him and stuck them on with cobblers wax. ICKY took flight with them, and got so close to the sun that the wax melted and his wings came off. Then JUPITER caught him in his umbrella as he was falling, and transformed him to the bird known as the Wax wing. G. F. TRAIN. Down with the TJhlans! Up with the black flag! Killed four Uhians before breakfast this morning. Uhians wear baggy sky-blue breeches. Give em sky-blue fits! Bo1JRBAKI dined with me yesterday. American fare. Gopher soup; rattlesnake hash; squirrel saut~ fricasseed opossum; pumpkin pie. Thats your sort! Blue coat and brass buttons. White Marseilles waistcoat. France saved by Mar- seilles waistcoat. Organize earthquake to swallow London. Jom~ BULL trembles. Tours trembkn. Italy trembles. Leaning tower of Pisa changes base and slopes other way. Tired of France. Change base and slope other way. PUNCHINELLO for the throne of Spain! Down with AosTA! Down with effete monarchies! Down with rents! Up with G. F. TRAIN! Answer. Certainly. PUNCHINELLO TO THE SUN. DEAR SUNNY : In our issue dated November 19th, we took occasion to congratulate you upon the sparkhradded to your Sunbeams by the judicious reproduction of our crisp and crystalline little poem SALLY SALTER. We have no doubt that your languid circulation was partly restored by the timely aid thus unconsciously afforded you by PUNCIIINELLO. If any SALTER could save your bacon for you, surely SALLY was the one to do it; only you shouldnt have tried to pass her off as one of your own SALLIES. The jackdaw decked out in peacocks feathers was a bird truly absurd, though not a whit more so than a Solar Dodo like yourself with a PUNCHINELLO plume for a tail. Now, in your number for November 9th, we find a remarkably pretty Autumn Song. It was pointed out to us, triumphantly, by a man who carries The Sun, in his pocket, and who wanted to know why PUNCHINELLO never gave his readers anything like that?1 In reply, we courteously referred him to PUNCHINELLO of October 22d, in which that identical Autumn Song made its first appearance upon any stage. And so there you go, dear DODO SUNNY, with another PUNCh- NELLO feather in your pensive tail. Keep decking yourself with the feathers, dear SIYNNY. They become you well; and when youve got a bushel or so of em, well dispose of you to BARNUM as the original Anti-Promethean Dodo that stole fire from PUNCHINELLO to light up The Sun. I~U1~CHINELLO. ANSWERS TO CORRESPONDENTS.

PUNCHINELLO. Nov. 26, 1870. I may be an old buffer, said the Hon. Member from the West, but I am young enough for anything here. As STOWE BYRON says: Oh, days of my childhoods hours, Im a gazin on ye yit. He was interrupted by JEFFRY MAULBOY. You say you are young enough for anything here, said he; sup- pose you and I try a little mill out back of the house. Young man, replied the Hon. MICHAEL, if theres one mistake in life that your parents grieve over, it is probably the mistake of your birth. If you dont have any serious drawbacks, and are careful of your health, you will make a first-class DEAD BEAT. When a man insults me, sir, I lay him out, without depending in the smallest degree upon an undertaker, but as for standing up in front of a man who mashes noses by contract, and chaws off ears as a matter of genteel business, why it aint my cut. JEFFRY MAULBOY took another chew of tobacco. You can go on, he said. I wont hurt you. Youre too small potatoes for me. While this gentle raillery was in progress, BELINDA felt somebody tugging at her dress. She looked down, and saw Mr. ARCHIBALD BLINKSOP, a sailor-looking chap who smelt of t~tr, and well he might, for he had ploughed the tempestuous deep for upwards of six months, as a common sailor on the Erie Canal. Shiver my starboard binnacle amidships, said he, why dont you choose me7 She squeezed his hand and winked at him. .1 will choose you, dear, said she. Dont blush so. The game has commenced. JEFFRY MAULBOY, standing aloof, is just taking a fresh chew, when a hand is laid on his shoulder. The hand is that of ANN BRUMMET, the poor relation, and the voice that breaks on his ear is also the property of that extraordinary woman. JEFF, said she cautiously, meet me in just half an hour, out back of the house. You know the place. Wher& the woodbine has twined so much. Ive got something very particular to tell you. And she pinched his arm slyly. The game progresses. The Hon. MICHAEL LADLE and ARCHIBALD BLINKSOP are conversing together. That MAULBOY is a jackass, said the former. Is he a friend of yourn? Well, not exactly, returned ARCHIBALD. You see, its just like this, he continued, hitching up his pants behind, and rolling, the same as sailors do on the stage. About two months ago JEFF made a voyage with me. One night we were . bowling along the canal under a very stiff breeze. The compass stood north-east and a half, the ther- mometer was chafing fearfully, andthe jib-boom, only two-thirds reefed, was lashing furiously against the poop-deck. Suddenly, that terrible cry, A man overboard! I lost no time. I bore down on ~ threw the cook overboard, and soon had the satisfaction of seeing our noble craft lay over abaft the wind. Then, quick as thought, I belayed the windlass and lo