OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 8 HALF a year, half a year, half a year onward, has PUI~rCHII~TELIJO advanced since he wafted his first the four quarters of the globe. / His road has not been a very easy one to travel. Bad characters lurked behind the fences, from which they would sometimes take a sneak shot at the Showman as he passed. These fellows were awfully bad shots, though, never so much as hitting the van in which the show travels. PUI~TCIHNELLOS return fire always set the scamps a-scampering, and all they had for their pains was the loss of their ammunition, and the discovery that the row kicked up by them had attracted crowds of people to the spot, so that PUNCHINELLOS show was capitally advertised by their noise. PUNcHINELLOs First Volume, then, is a substantial fact. It is an entirely new, original, and complete article, which no family should be without. Read what the New York JlIoon that AS~hines for All says about it: Put a head on yourself by reading PUNCHLNELLO, Vol. 1. It is by far the best tonic bitters in the market. It cured the editor of this paper of a very malignant attack, (made by himself on PtINCHINELLO,) after three applica- tions. Several gentle critics predicted an early death for PUNCHTNELLO on account of the buff color selected by him for his full dress costume. Ha! ha! gentlemen, many a blow falls harmless on the wearer of a buff-jerkin. As the old poet, whose name we have forgotten, might have said, had he been in the humor He who will cuff it, Eke should buff it,a maxim to which Pu1~rcHINELbo gives his cordial adhesion. And now comes PtTNCHINELLO to the beginning of his Second Volume, encouraged by the success of his First. If Vol. I of PuNcHn~wuLLo was a Chassepot, (and it did make some havoc in the ranks of the enemy,) Vol. II is intended to be a mitrailleU3e. It will be so arranged as to combine total annihilation with bewitching music. For instance, by turning one of the cranks by which it is worked, PUNOHINELLO will be able to project a shower of such mortiferous missiles against all abettors of crime and vice, all quacks, political and social, all corrupt officials, all Congress, (except the Right Party,) all torpid fogies and peddlers of red tape, all humbugs of every size and shape, in fact, as will speedily reduce them to ashes. Then, by skilfully manipulating the other crank, he can produce from it strains of such mellifluous harmony that the very telegraph-poles will throng around him, as erstwhile did the trees of the forest around ORPHEUS, and tender their services for the transmission of his melting music to all the beautiful places on Earth. It is hardly necessary to say that Hail Columbia is the very first tune on the cylinder of PuNch- NELLOS musical mitrailleuse. - With his minds eye, (an apparatus expressly constructed for and fitted o his mental organization by a renowned necromancer,) PUNCHINELLO sees his Public surging towards him, and grasping with outstretched hands at the showers of bon bons with which he plentifully supplies them from an inexhau8tible casket. Among them are thousands of familiar forms, and these are mostly in the front. After these come several thou- sands of new forms, all pressing forward upon the heels of the others with an eagerness -that augurs for PUNCHINELLO Vol II a tremendous and unparalleled success. Each of these good people carries four dollars ($4) in his right hand, which he waves at PUNCHINELLO, who affably accepts the greenbacks from him when within proper distance, and then, dipping his pen in ink without a drop of gall in it, books the donor for a years subscription in advance. As for party, PUNCHINELLO knows but one partyand that is the Right Party. Stirring times are before us. The Right Party is not going to lie down and sleep while the times are stirring. Nor is PUNcHINELLO. When anything that interests the Right Party has got to be stirred, PUNCHINELLO will be on hand. He has been so long used to starring it, that he makes light of stirring it. He can stir with a red-hot poker and he can stir with a feather, You pays your money and you takes your choice. And now, having stirred the spirit within him to a demonstrative pitch, PUNCHINELLO shies his cocked hat into space, and calls upon his Public to give three rousing cheers for the ~ Entered, according to Act of Congress. in the year 1870, by the PrmcHniun.Lo PUBLISHING CoMPA.NY, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. number to PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. AX ADAPTATION. BY ORPI-IETJS C. KERR. CHAPTER XX. AN ESCAPE. The bewildered Flowerpot had no sooner gained her own room, en- joyed her agitated expression of face in the mirror, and tried four differently colored ribbon-bows upon her collar in succession, than the thought of becoming Mr. BuMsr& ws bride lost the charm of its first wild novelty, ant became utteriy ridiculous. He was a man of com- manding stature, which his linen duster made appear still more long; the dark circles around his eyes would disappear in time, and he had an abusive way of referring to women which made him inexpressibly grand to women as a true poet-soul; but would it be safe, would it be religi- ously right, for a young girl, not yet conscious of her own full power of annual monetary expenditure, to blindly risk her necessary expenses for life upon one whom the cost of a single imported bonnet, inthe con- tingency of a General European War, might plunge into inextricable pecuniary embarrassment? Possibly, the General European War might not oc~ur in an ordinary married-lifetime, as France was no longer in a condition to menace England, Russia would be wary about provoking the new Prussian giant, and Austria and Italy were not likely soon to forget their last military misadventures; yet, while all the great American journals had, for the last twenty years, published daily editorials, by young writers from the country, to show tbat such a War could not possibly be averted longer than about the day after to- morrow, would it be judicious for a young giri to marry as though that War were absolutely impossible? No! Her womans heart sternly re- iterated the pitilessly negative; and, as the Ritualistic organist had plainly evinced an earnest intention to let no foreign military compli- cations prevent her marriage with him, she felt that her only safety from his matrimonial violence must be sought in flight. With whom, though, could she take refuge? If she went to MAGNOlIA PENDEAGON, all her dearest schoolmates would say, that they had always loved her, despite her great faults, yet could not disguise from them- selves that she seemed at last to be fairly running after Miss Pnsx)nA- GONs brother. Besides, Mr. Buxsrx~n, offended by the seeming want of confidence in him evinced by her fight, would, probably, take measures publicly to identify 1VhGNoI~ris alpaca garment with the covering of his lost umbrella, and thus direct new suspicion against a sister and brother already bothered almost into hysterics. During the last few weeks, an attack of dyspepsia had laid the foundation of a mind in the Flowerpot, as it generally does in other young female American boarding-school thinkers, and she was now capable of that subtle line of reasoning which is the great commenda- tion of her sex to a recognized perfect intellectual equality with man. Once decided, by her apprehension of a General European War, against marriage with J. BUMsrEAD, she took a rather irritable view of that too attractive devotional musician, and inferred, from his not being wealthy enough to stand the test of possible transatlantic hostilities, that he must, himself; have killed EDWIN DnooD. His umbrella, it was well known, had been present at that fatal Christmas dinner; and athought- less insult offered to it, even by his nephew, might have made a demon of him. Suppose that EDWIN, upon returning to the dining-room that night, after his temporary exercise in the open air with MoNrGoMERY PENDEAGON, had found his uncle, flushed with cloves, endeavoring to force a social glass of lemon tea upon the umbrella, under the im- pression that it was a person, and had unthinkingly accused him there- at of being momentarily unsettled in his faculties? Probably, then, hot words would have passed between them; each telling the other that he would have a nice headache in the morning and find it im- possible not to look very sleepy even if l~e fixed his hair ever so elabo- rately. Blows might have followed: the uncle, in his anger, hewing the nephew limb from limb with the carving knife from the table, and subsequently carrying away the remains to the Pond and there casting them in. Suppose, in his natural excitement, the uncle had hurriedly used the umbrella, opened and held downward, to carry the remains in; and, after coming home again, and snatehing a nap under the table, had forgotten all about it, and thus been ever since inconsolable for his alpaca loss? As the young orphan argued thus exhaustively to her- self, the extreme probability of her suppositions made her more and more frenzied to fly instantly beyond the reach of one who, in the event of a General European War, would not be a husband whom her head could approve. After penning a hasty farewell note to Miss CAMowrHuns, to the effect that urgent military reasons obliged her to see her guardian at once, FLoRA lost no time in packing a small leather satehel for travel. Two bottles of hair oil, a jar of glycerine, one of cold cream, two boxes of powder, a package of extra back-hair, a phial of belladonna, a camels- hair brush for the eyebrows, a rouge-saucer for pinking the nails, four flasks of perfumery, a depilatory in a small flagon, and some tooth paste, were the only articles she could pause to collect for her precipi- tate escape; and, with them in the satchel on her arm, and a bonnet and shawl hurriedly thrown on, she stole away down-stairs, and thus from the house. Hastening to the Roach House, from whence started an omnibus for the ferry, she was quickiy rattling out of Bumsteadville in a vehicle re- markable for the great number and variety of noises it could make when maddened into motion by a span of equine rivals in an immemorial walking-match. Now, Bo~nixn, she said to the driver, taking leave of him at the ferry-boat, be sure and let Miss C~nowrBiuas know that you saw me safely off, and that I was not a bit more tired than if I had walked all the way. Blushing with pleasure at the implied compliment to his equipage from such lips, the skilled horseman had not the heart to object to the wildly mutilated fragment of currency with which his fare had been paid, and went back to where his steeds were taking turns in holding each other up, as happy a man as ever lost money by the change in woman. Reaching the city, Miss Porrs was promptly worshiped by a hack- man of marked conversational powers, who, whip in hand, assured her that his carriage was widely celebrated under the titles of the Rocking Chair, the Old Shoe, and the Glider, on account of its incredible ease of motion; and that, owing to its exquisite abbreviation of travel to the emotions, those who rode in it had actually been known to dispute that they had ridden even half the distance for which they were charged. Did he know where Mr. DIBBLE, the lawyer, lived, in Nassau Street, near Fulton? If she meant lawyer DinBz~z, near Fulton Street, in Nassau; next door but one to the second house below, and directly opposite the building across the way, there was just one span of buck- skin horses in the city that could take a carriage built expressly for ladies to that place, as naturally as though it were a stable. It was a place that hethe hackmanalways associated with his own mother, because he was so familiar with it in childhood, and had often thought of driving to it blindfolded for a wager. Proud to learn that her guardian was so well known in the great city, and delighted that she had met a charioteer so minutely familiar with his house of business, FLORA stepped readily into the providential hack, which thereupon instantly began Rocking-Chair-ing, Old-Shoe- ing, and Gliding. Any one of these celebrated processes, by itself, might have been desirable; but their indiscriminate and impetuous combination in the present case gave the Flowerpot a confused im- pression that her whole ride was a startling series of incessant sharp turns around obdurate street corners, and kept her plunging about like an early young Protestant tossed in a Romish blanket. Instinctively holding her satchel aloft, to save its fragile contents from fracture, she rocked, shoed and glided all over the interior of the vehicle, without hope of gaining breath enough for even one scream, until, nearly un- conscious, and, with her bonnet driven half-way into her chignon, she was helped out by the hackman at her guardians door. I am dying 1 she groaned. Then please remember me in your will, to the extent of two dollars, returned the hackman with nuch humor. Youre only a little sea-sick, miss; as often happens to people in humble circum- stances when they ride in a kerridge for the first time. Still panting, Miss Porrs paid and discharged this friendly man, and, weariedly entering the building, followed the signs up-stairs to her guardians office. After knocking several times at the right door without reply, she turned the knob, and entered so softly that the venerable lawyer was not aroused from the slumber into which he had falllen in his chair by the window. With a copy of Putnams Afagazine still grasped in his honest right hand, good Mr. Dunu~n slept like a drugged person; nor 4

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. AX ADAPTATION. BY ORPI-IETJS C. KERR. CHAPTER XX. AN ESCAPE. The bewildered Flowerpot had no sooner gained her own room, en- joyed her agitated expression of face in the mirror, and tried four differently colored ribbon-bows upon her collar in succession, than the thought of becoming Mr. BuMsr& ws bride lost the charm of its first wild novelty, ant became utteriy ridiculous. He was a man of com- manding stature, which his linen duster made appear still more long; the dark circles around his eyes would disappear in time, and he had an abusive way of referring to women which made him inexpressibly grand to women as a true poet-soul; but would it be safe, would it be religi- ously right, for a young girl, not yet conscious of her own full power of annual monetary expenditure, to blindly risk her necessary expenses for life upon one whom the cost of a single imported bonnet, inthe con- tingency of a General European War, might plunge into inextricable pecuniary embarrassment? Possibly, the General European War might not oc~ur in an ordinary married-lifetime, as France was no longer in a condition to menace England, Russia would be wary about provoking the new Prussian giant, and Austria and Italy were not likely soon to forget their last military misadventures; yet, while all the great American journals had, for the last twenty years, published daily editorials, by young writers from the country, to show tbat such a War could not possibly be averted longer than about the day after to- morrow, would it be judicious for a young giri to marry as though that War were absolutely impossible? No! Her womans heart sternly re- iterated the pitilessly negative; and, as the Ritualistic organist had plainly evinced an earnest intention to let no foreign military compli- cations prevent her marriage with him, she felt that her only safety from his matrimonial violence must be sought in flight. With whom, though, could she take refuge? If she went to MAGNOlIA PENDEAGON, all her dearest schoolmates would say, that they had always loved her, despite her great faults, yet could not disguise from them- selves that she seemed at last to be fairly running after Miss Pnsx)nA- GONs brother. Besides, Mr. Buxsrx~n, offended by the seeming want of confidence in him evinced by her fight, would, probably, take measures publicly to identify 1VhGNoI~ris alpaca garment with the covering of his lost umbrella, and thus direct new suspicion against a sister and brother already bothered almost into hysterics. During the last few weeks, an attack of dyspepsia had laid the foundation of a mind in the Flowerpot, as it generally does in other young female American boarding-school thinkers, and she was now capable of that subtle line of reasoning which is the great commenda- tion of her sex to a recognized perfect intellectual equality with man. Once decided, by her apprehension of a General European War, against marriage with J. BUMsrEAD, she took a rather irritable view of that too attractive devotional musician, and inferred, from his not being wealthy enough to stand the test of possible transatlantic hostilities, that he must, himself; have killed EDWIN DnooD. His umbrella, it was well known, had been present at that fatal Christmas dinner; and athought- less insult offered to it, even by his nephew, might have made a demon of him. Suppose that EDWIN, upon returning to the dining-room that night, after his temporary exercise in the open air with MoNrGoMERY PENDEAGON, had found his uncle, flushed with cloves, endeavoring to force a social glass of lemon tea upon the umbrella, under the im- pression that it was a person, and had unthinkingly accused him there- at of being momentarily unsettled in his faculties? Probably, then, hot words would have passed between them; each telling the other that he would have a nice headache in the morning and find it im- possible not to look very sleepy even if l~e fixed his hair ever so elabo- rately. Blows might have followed: the uncle, in his anger, hewing the nephew limb from limb with the carving knife from the table, and subsequently carrying away the remains to the Pond and there casting them in. Suppose, in his natural excitement, the uncle had hurriedly used the umbrella, opened and held downward, to carry the remains in; and, after coming home again, and snatehing a nap under the table, had forgotten all about it, and thus been ever since inconsolable for his alpaca loss? As the young orphan argued thus exhaustively to her- self, the extreme probability of her suppositions made her more and more frenzied to fly instantly beyond the reach of one who, in the event of a General European War, would not be a husband whom her head could approve. After penning a hasty farewell note to Miss CAMowrHuns, to the effect that urgent military reasons obliged her to see her guardian at once, FLoRA lost no time in packing a small leather satehel for travel. Two bottles of hair oil, a jar of glycerine, one of cold cream, two boxes of powder, a package of extra back-hair, a phial of belladonna, a camels- hair brush for the eyebrows, a rouge-saucer for pinking the nails, four flasks of perfumery, a depilatory in a small flagon, and some tooth paste, were the only articles she could pause to collect for her precipi- tate escape; and, with them in the satchel on her arm, and a bonnet and shawl hurriedly thrown on, she stole away down-stairs, and thus from the house. Hastening to the Roach House, from whence started an omnibus for the ferry, she was quickiy rattling out of Bumsteadville in a vehicle re- markable for the great number and variety of noises it could make when maddened into motion by a span of equine rivals in an immemorial walking-match. Now, Bo~nixn, she said to the driver, taking leave of him at the ferry-boat, be sure and let Miss C~nowrBiuas know that you saw me safely off, and that I was not a bit more tired than if I had walked all the way. Blushing with pleasure at the implied compliment to his equipage from such lips, the skilled horseman had not the heart to object to the wildly mutilated fragment of currency with which his fare had been paid, and went back to where his steeds were taking turns in holding each other up, as happy a man as ever lost money by the change in woman. Reaching the city, Miss Porrs was promptly worshiped by a hack- man of marked conversational powers, who, whip in hand, assured her that his carriage was widely celebrated under the titles of the Rocking Chair, the Old Shoe, and the Glider, on account of its incredible ease of motion; and that, owing to its exquisite abbreviation of travel to the emotions, those who rode in it had actually been known to dispute that they had ridden even half the distance for which they were charged. Did he know where Mr. DIBBLE, the lawyer, lived, in Nassau Street, near Fulton? If she meant lawyer DinBz~z, near Fulton Street, in Nassau; next door but one to the second house below, and directly opposite the building across the way, there was just one span of buck- skin horses in the city that could take a carriage built expressly for ladies to that place, as naturally as though it were a stable. It was a place that hethe hackmanalways associated with his own mother, because he was so familiar with it in childhood, and had often thought of driving to it blindfolded for a wager. Proud to learn that her guardian was so well known in the great city, and delighted that she had met a charioteer so minutely familiar with his house of business, FLORA stepped readily into the providential hack, which thereupon instantly began Rocking-Chair-ing, Old-Shoe- ing, and Gliding. Any one of these celebrated processes, by itself, might have been desirable; but their indiscriminate and impetuous combination in the present case gave the Flowerpot a confused im- pression that her whole ride was a startling series of incessant sharp turns around obdurate street corners, and kept her plunging about like an early young Protestant tossed in a Romish blanket. Instinctively holding her satchel aloft, to save its fragile contents from fracture, she rocked, shoed and glided all over the interior of the vehicle, without hope of gaining breath enough for even one scream, until, nearly un- conscious, and, with her bonnet driven half-way into her chignon, she was helped out by the hackman at her guardians door. I am dying 1 she groaned. Then please remember me in your will, to the extent of two dollars, returned the hackman with nuch humor. Youre only a little sea-sick, miss; as often happens to people in humble circum- stances when they ride in a kerridge for the first time. Still panting, Miss Porrs paid and discharged this friendly man, and, weariedly entering the building, followed the signs up-stairs to her guardians office. After knocking several times at the right door without reply, she turned the knob, and entered so softly that the venerable lawyer was not aroused from the slumber into which he had falllen in his chair by the window. With a copy of Putnams Afagazine still grasped in his honest right hand, good Mr. Dunu~n slept like a drugged person; nor 4 OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. could the young girl awaken him until, by a happy inspiration, she had snatched away the monthly and cast it through the casement. Am I dreaming ? exclaimed the aged man, when thus suddenly rescued from his deadly lethargy at last. Is that you, my dear; or are, you your late mother ? I am your ridiculously unhappy ward, answered the Flowerpot, tremulously. Oh, poor, dear, absurd EDDY 1 And you have come here all alone ? Yes; and to escape being married to EDDYs perfectly hateful uncle, who has the same as ordered me to become his utterly disgusted bride. Oh, why is it, why is it, that I must be thus persecuted by young men withoutproperty! Why is it that perfectly horrid madmen on salaries are allowed to claim me as their own 1 My dear, cried the old lawyer, leading her to a chair, and striving to speak soothingly, if Mr. BuMsrx& r desires to marry you he must indeed be insane. Such a man ought really to be confined, he con- tinued, pacing thoughtfully up and down the room. This must have been the idea that was already turning his brain whenbless my soul! he actually intimated, first, that I, and then, that Mr. SIMPSoN, had killed his nephew 1 He thinks, now, that I, or MAa1forii~ PENDRAGON, may have done it,the hateful creature I said FLORA, passionately. I see, I see, assented Mr. DIBBLE, nodding. When he has you in his head, my dear, he himself must clearly be out of it. You shall stay here and take tea with me, and then I will take you to FEHEcHs Hotel for your accommodation during the night. It was a sight to see him tenderly help her off with her bonnet; and suggestive to hear him say, that if a man could only take off his brains as easily as a woman hers, what a relief it would be to him occasionally. It was curious to see him peep into her bottle-filled satchel, with an old mans freedom;, and to hear him audibly wonder thereat, whether, after all, men were any more addicted than women to the social glass when they wanted to put a better face on affairs. And, after the waiter bring- ing him toast and tea from a neighboring restaurant had brought an additional slice and cup for the guest, it was pleasant to behold him smiling across the office-table at that guest, and encouraging her to eat as much as she would if a member of his sex were not looking. It must be absurdly ridiculous to stay here all alone, as you do, sir, observed FLORA. But I am not always alone, answered Mr. DIBBLE. My clerk, Mr. Br~ADAMs, now taking a vacation in the country, is generally here; though, to be sure, I may lose him before long. Hes turned literary. How perfectly frightful ! said Miss Porrs. He has set up for a genius, my child, and is now engaged upon a great American novel. Discontented with the law, he is giving great attention to this; but Free Trade will not, lam afraid, allow any Ameri- can publisher to bring it out. Free Trade ? repeated FLORA. Yes, my dear, Free Trade; that is, while American publishers can steal foreign novels for nothing, they are not going to pay anything for native fiction. Yawning behind her hand, the Flowerpot murmured something about Free Trade being positively absurd, and her guardian went on: Nevertheless, Mr. BLADAMS is going on with his work, which he calls The Amateur Detective; and if it ever does come out you shall have a copy.But, by the by, added the lawyer, suddenly, you have not yet fully described to me the interview in which poor Mr. Enwrws uncle offered to become your husband. She gave him a full history of the Ritualistic organists handsome offer to her of his H. and H.; adding her own final decision in the matter as precipitated by the possibility of a General European war; and Mr. DIBBLE heard the whole with an air of studious attention. Although I have certainly no particular reason for befriending Mr. BUMsTEAD, said he, reflectively, I shall take measures to keep him from you. Now come with me to FirENcHs Hotel. To-morrow I will call there for you, you know, and then, perhaps, you may be taken to see your friend, Miss PENDRAGON. Having obtained for his ward a room in the hotel named, and seen her safely to its shelter, the good old lawyer visited the bar-room of the establishment, for the purpose of ascertaining whether any evil-disposed person could get in through that way for the disturbance of his fair charge. After which he departed for his home in Gowanus. (To be Continued.) MOTTO FOR ALL GOOD CunANs. The labor we delight in physics (S)pain. THE PLAYS AIU) SHOWS. UNCTUALLY as announced, ~ the FIFTH Avraiux THEATRE has re-opened. It has been improved by the addition of several private boxes that re- mind one of the square pews in old-fashionedchurches, (by the way, why do Puseyites object to pews?) and by the erection of a hydrant near the con- ductors seat, so that when the audience can endure SToEP~r~s music no longer, they can turn on the water and drown him and his long-winded or- chestra. This latter improve- ment meets with our hearty approval, and we earnestly hope to see it put to the ex- cellent use for which it is de- signed without further delay. Manager DALY is now offering to his patrons the new comedy of Man and Wffe. The old-fashioned play of that name, which is~ daily acted everywhere about us, is usually more of a tragedy than a comedy, but Mr. DAr~rs Man and Wffe is comedy, farce, muscular christianity, and paralysis pleasantly mingled together. As thus: ACT 1.GEoFrERY DELAMAYN and his brother are seen conversing in an arbor. (Dont let the printer imagine that I mean Ann Arbor. it was bad enough in Wn~xrs CoLLn~s to banish his dramatis persona~ to & ot- land; but he was nev~rtheless too humane to send them to Jiiichigom) Jurius D~r~Ax~rn~. GEOFFREY, you really must do something. The unmannerly people who are just coming into the theatre make such a noise that I couldnt be heard if I took the trouble to preach to you for an hour, so I wont attempt to make my meaning any clearer. GEOFFREY. I will or I wont, I forget which. However, the audience cant hear. Weve got a pretty good house here to-night. I wonder if my muscles really show to any extent. Here comes LADY LuI~wIE and her friends. LADY Lurnrs. I choose everybody to play croquet on my side. The rest may play on BLANcHES side. Miss SYLVESTER, you look as if you could not stand alone. Therefore I order you to play. AFrrs SYLVESTER. Madame, I will. GEOFFREY, meet me here in ten minutes, or youll be sorry for it. (Exit everybody. AuNn~ and GEOFFREY returning on tip-toe.) ANNIE. You must marry me this afternoon. Meet me at the inn on the moor. GEOFFREY. I wont cross the moor with you. DESDEMONA foolishly crossed the Moor, and came to grief in consequence. I take warning by her. I hate you, but I suppose I must marry you, or youll sell all my letters to the Sun.( They go out to be married.) ARNOLD enters and makes love to BL& NcHE. Sra PATRIcK does the comic business with LEwIss usual humor. (What a nice man LEWIS must befor girls to quarrel with; he makes up so nicelythis is a joke.) LADY Lutmrs enters and announces that ANNIE is no longer her governess, that mis guided person having thrown up hei sit uation, for the irrational reason that it was an interesting one, and having fled in the silence of the after- dinner hour. Shrieks of horror from the young ladies, who desist from knocking their croquet-balls into the orchestra and the proscenium boxes; and triumphant falling of a new ac(-drop. STOEPEL, having thought of a sweet passage for the fife, in a Chinese opera, plays it uninterruptedly for forty-five minutes. A deaf old gentleman approvingly remarks that this is really classical music. ACT 11.A storm at the inn on the Moor. Miss SYLVESTER waits for her GEOFFREY and her tea. Enter ARNOLD. ARNOLD. GEOFFREY cant come, so he has sent me. I know your situation, and shall have to feel for you if it gets much darker and they dont bring candles. That is, if Im to shake hands with you. I have told everybody here that you are my wife. Lets have a little game of seven-up, and pass the time profitably. ArEna Oh, villain (I mean GEOFFREY,) you have de-ser-er-erted me. Oh, rash young person, (I mean you, ARNoLD,) Im inclined to

OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. could the young girl awaken him until, by a happy inspiration, she had snatched away the monthly and cast it through the casement. Am I dreaming ? exclaimed the aged man, when thus suddenly rescued from his deadly lethargy at last. Is that you, my dear; or are, you your late mother ? I am your ridiculously unhappy ward, answered the Flowerpot, tremulously. Oh, poor, dear, absurd EDDY 1 And you have come here all alone ? Yes; and to escape being married to EDDYs perfectly hateful uncle, who has the same as ordered me to become his utterly disgusted bride. Oh, why is it, why is it, that I must be thus persecuted by young men withoutproperty! Why is it that perfectly horrid madmen on salaries are allowed to claim me as their own 1 My dear, cried the old lawyer, leading her to a chair, and striving to speak soothingly, if Mr. BuMsrx& r desires to marry you he must indeed be insane. Such a man ought really to be confined, he con- tinued, pacing thoughtfully up and down the room. This must have been the idea that was already turning his brain whenbless my soul! he actually intimated, first, that I, and then, that Mr. SIMPSoN, had killed his nephew 1 He thinks, now, that I, or MAa1forii~ PENDRAGON, may have done it,the hateful creature I said FLORA, passionately. I see, I see, assented Mr. DIBBLE, nodding. When he has you in his head, my dear, he himself must clearly be out of it. You shall stay here and take tea with me, and then I will take you to FEHEcHs Hotel for your accommodation during the night. It was a sight to see him tenderly help her off with her bonnet; and suggestive to hear him say, that if a man could only take off his brains as easily as a woman hers, what a relief it would be to him occasionally. It was curious to see him peep into her bottle-filled satchel, with an old mans freedom;, and to hear him audibly wonder thereat, whether, after all, men were any more addicted than women to the social glass when they wanted to put a better face on affairs. And, after the waiter bring- ing him toast and tea from a neighboring restaurant had brought an additional slice and cup for the guest, it was pleasant to behold him smiling across the office-table at that guest, and encouraging her to eat as much as she would if a member of his sex were not looking. It must be absurdly ridiculous to stay here all alone, as you do, sir, observed FLORA. But I am not always alone, answered Mr. DIBBLE. My clerk, Mr. Br~ADAMs, now taking a vacation in the country, is generally here; though, to be sure, I may lose him before long. Hes turned literary. How perfectly frightful ! said Miss Porrs. He has set up for a genius, my child, and is now engaged upon a great American novel. Discontented with the law, he is giving great attention to this; but Free Trade will not, lam afraid, allow any Ameri- can publisher to bring it out. Free Trade ? repeated FLORA. Yes, my dear, Free Trade; that is, while American publishers can steal foreign novels for nothing, they are not going to pay anything for native fiction. Yawning behind her hand, the Flowerpot murmured something about Free Trade being positively absurd, and her guardian went on: Nevertheless, Mr. BLADAMS is going on with his work, which he calls The Amateur Detective; and if it ever does come out you shall have a copy.But, by the by, added the lawyer, suddenly, you have not yet fully described to me the interview in which poor Mr. Enwrws uncle offered to become your husband. She gave him a full history of the Ritualistic organists handsome offer to her of his H. and H.; adding her own final decision in the matter as precipitated by the possibility of a General European war; and Mr. DIBBLE heard the whole with an air of studious attention. Although I have certainly no particular reason for befriending Mr. BUMsTEAD, said he, reflectively, I shall take measures to keep him from you. Now come with me to FirENcHs Hotel. To-morrow I will call there for you, you know, and then, perhaps, you may be taken to see your friend, Miss PENDRAGON. Having obtained for his ward a room in the hotel named, and seen her safely to its shelter, the good old lawyer visited the bar-room of the establishment, for the purpose of ascertaining whether any evil-disposed person could get in through that way for the disturbance of his fair charge. After which he departed for his home in Gowanus. (To be Continued.) MOTTO FOR ALL GOOD CunANs. The labor we delight in physics (S)pain. THE PLAYS AIU) SHOWS. UNCTUALLY as announced, ~ the FIFTH Avraiux THEATRE has re-opened. It has been improved by the addition of several private boxes that re- mind one of the square pews in old-fashionedchurches, (by the way, why do Puseyites object to pews?) and by the erection of a hydrant near the con- ductors seat, so that when the audience can endure SToEP~r~s music no longer, they can turn on the water and drown him and his long-winded or- chestra. This latter improve- ment meets with our hearty approval, and we earnestly hope to see it put to the ex- cellent use for which it is de- signed without further delay. Manager DALY is now offering to his patrons the new comedy of Man and Wffe. The old-fashioned play of that name, which is~ daily acted everywhere about us, is usually more of a tragedy than a comedy, but Mr. DAr~rs Man and Wffe is comedy, farce, muscular christianity, and paralysis pleasantly mingled together. As thus: ACT 1.GEoFrERY DELAMAYN and his brother are seen conversing in an arbor. (Dont let the printer imagine that I mean Ann Arbor. it was bad enough in Wn~xrs CoLLn~s to banish his dramatis persona~ to & ot- land; but he was nev~rtheless too humane to send them to Jiiichigom) Jurius D~r~Ax~rn~. GEOFFREY, you really must do something. The unmannerly people who are just coming into the theatre make such a noise that I couldnt be heard if I took the trouble to preach to you for an hour, so I wont attempt to make my meaning any clearer. GEOFFREY. I will or I wont, I forget which. However, the audience cant hear. Weve got a pretty good house here to-night. I wonder if my muscles really show to any extent. Here comes LADY LuI~wIE and her friends. LADY Lurnrs. I choose everybody to play croquet on my side. The rest may play on BLANcHES side. Miss SYLVESTER, you look as if you could not stand alone. Therefore I order you to play. AFrrs SYLVESTER. Madame, I will. GEOFFREY, meet me here in ten minutes, or youll be sorry for it. (Exit everybody. AuNn~ and GEOFFREY returning on tip-toe.) ANNIE. You must marry me this afternoon. Meet me at the inn on the moor. GEOFFREY. I wont cross the moor with you. DESDEMONA foolishly crossed the Moor, and came to grief in consequence. I take warning by her. I hate you, but I suppose I must marry you, or youll sell all my letters to the Sun.( They go out to be married.) ARNOLD enters and makes love to BL& NcHE. Sra PATRIcK does the comic business with LEwIss usual humor. (What a nice man LEWIS must befor girls to quarrel with; he makes up so nicelythis is a joke.) LADY Lutmrs enters and announces that ANNIE is no longer her governess, that mis guided person having thrown up hei sit uation, for the irrational reason that it was an interesting one, and having fled in the silence of the after- dinner hour. Shrieks of horror from the young ladies, who desist from knocking their croquet-balls into the orchestra and the proscenium boxes; and triumphant falling of a new ac(-drop. STOEPEL, having thought of a sweet passage for the fife, in a Chinese opera, plays it uninterruptedly for forty-five minutes. A deaf old gentleman approvingly remarks that this is really classical music. ACT 11.A storm at the inn on the Moor. Miss SYLVESTER waits for her GEOFFREY and her tea. Enter ARNOLD. ARNOLD. GEOFFREY cant come, so he has sent me. I know your situation, and shall have to feel for you if it gets much darker and they dont bring candles. That is, if Im to shake hands with you. I have told everybody here that you are my wife. Lets have a little game of seven-up, and pass the time profitably. ArEna Oh, villain (I mean GEOFFREY,) you have de-ser-er-erted me. Oh, rash young person, (I mean you, ARNoLD,) Im inclined to 6 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. think that youve married me by Scotch law, without having meant it. IC so, youll have to go to America and see BEEc~m~ about a divorce. ((Jirtain subsequently falls, and STOEPEII orders the big drum to beat for an hour, while the musicians take advantage of the noise to tune their instruments. Deaf old gentleman remarks again that he does like WAGNERS music. Half the audience hold their ears, while the other half flee madly away until the entracte is over. ACT III.GBOFFREY boxes with his trainer, and slings Indian clubs and wooden dumb-bells. GEOFFREY. There! Thank heaven I didnt break anything. The scenery, the footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the week is out, however, if this prize-ring business isnt cut out. Here comes ARNOLD. ARNOLD. Hows Miss SYLVESTER ? GEOFFREY. If you say anything more about her, ril put a head on you. Shes your wife. Youre a married man. ARNOLD. Married! You infamous editor of a two cent daily paper; I deny it. (Curtain again falls, and STOEPEL plays the entire opera of ERNANIfor two hours. Deaf old gentleman remarks that music is the SToE- Pri entertainment at this theatre, and that he really likes it. The rest of the audience look at him with horror, as though he were a sort of aggravated and superfluous cannibal.) ACT IV.Sir PATRICK proves that GEOFFREY is married to ANNIE, and that ARNOLD isnt. GEOFFREY lakes his weeping wife home with him. Everybody finds out that GEOFFREY is an enormo~us liar and an unmitiga- ted blackguard. Through the open windows are seen the editors of the Sun and the J]ree Press, each determined to be the first to offer GEOF- FREY a place on the staff of his respective journal. The curtain falls and STOEPEL directs each member of the orchestra to play the tune that he may like best. After three hours qf this sort of thing a humane per- son in the audience brings in a saw and begins to file it. The rest of the audience are thereupon gently killed to sleep by the music of the fileso soft and soothing does it sound by contrast with STOEPELS demoniac or- chestra. ACT Y.ANEIE, in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk dress with lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, and without taking her hair downthis being the well-known custom among fashionably dressed girls. GEOFFREY enters and attempts to strangle her, but she is awak- ened by the considerateforethought of a dumb woman, who loudly calls her, and GEOFFREY conveniently lies down and dies of paralysis. All the rest of the dramatis personce enter, and indulge in exclamations of joy. The curtain falls for the last time, and STOEPEL is removed under the protection of a strong platoon of policemen, to the secret abode where DALY keeps him hidden during the day from the wrath of an outraged public. And the undersigned goes home to breakfastit being now nearly 6 A. M.refiecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the sce- nery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the or- chestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL transform each entr acte at your theatre into a prolonged purgatory, by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable music, for the most intolerable periods of time? MATADOR. L. N. III PRUSSIA. Yes, I am quite upset; In fact, Im dizzy yet With all that rapid riding, day and night; But still, two things I see; Theyve made an end of Me, And blown the Empire higher than a kite! Yes, here I am, at2last And all my dreams are past. didnt think to enter Prussia thus! Confound that Vorwarts man! When first the war began He seemed as logy as an omnibus. Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise! The same in every place, eh? How these big Germans love an ugly stench! My! what a taste theyve got For articles that rot; And can it be, they live so near the French? Im in a pretty nest! And, worse than all the rest, Is thinking how I got here; theres the rub. When I have mused awhile On all my luck, so vile, I almost wish theyd hit me with a club! Its very well to say Imight have won the day, If things had only gone this way or that; I should have made them go, And let these Germans know That they must go, too! or be cut down flat. They didnt go, it seems; Except twas in my dreams! And, consequently, I must bid good bye To titles, power and state, - Which I enjoyed of late, And curse my dismal fatepoor Louis and I! THE PLYMOUTH ROCK. The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand of society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one to believe that Mr. Puiscim~r~o does not like a little fresh air. And surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no ones social standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so thought Mr. P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he would hurry up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on Col. FIsKs steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of puns de- tained him so long that he found that he would not be able to reach the 11 A.lVt. boat without h~ made unusual haste. Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, and ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the Plymouth Rock. When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. rubbed his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang hastily out. But what a sight met his gaze! Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the horses in a position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a huge un- symmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of Cape Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him to Jom~ CAx~vERs old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAa~u~s FIsK Jr.s steamboat at Pier 28, North River. Theres the rock, yer honor, said the man, pointing to the mis- shapen stone, and an awful time Ive had a drivin yer honor to it. How long have you been, coming here ? asked the astounded Mr. P. Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I could, hopin to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, but I had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and its no use me whippin up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the Centhral Park on the Sunday. And how much do I owe you for all this ? asked Mr. P. Well, sir, said the man, I wont charge your honor nothin for the feed and my victuals, for Id hadto have found them if yer hadnt a hired me; and Ill only charge ye three dollars a hour, for sure yer honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate as an infant all the time, and thatll be jist two hundred and four dollars, and

6 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. think that youve married me by Scotch law, without having meant it. IC so, youll have to go to America and see BEEc~m~ about a divorce. ((Jirtain subsequently falls, and STOEPEII orders the big drum to beat for an hour, while the musicians take advantage of the noise to tune their instruments. Deaf old gentleman remarks again that he does like WAGNERS music. Half the audience hold their ears, while the other half flee madly away until the entracte is over. ACT III.GBOFFREY boxes with his trainer, and slings Indian clubs and wooden dumb-bells. GEOFFREY. There! Thank heaven I didnt break anything. The scenery, the footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the week is out, however, if this prize-ring business isnt cut out. Here comes ARNOLD. ARNOLD. Hows Miss SYLVESTER ? GEOFFREY. If you say anything more about her, ril put a head on you. Shes your wife. Youre a married man. ARNOLD. Married! You infamous editor of a two cent daily paper; I deny it. (Curtain again falls, and STOEPEL plays the entire opera of ERNANIfor two hours. Deaf old gentleman remarks that music is the SToE- Pri entertainment at this theatre, and that he really likes it. The rest of the audience look at him with horror, as though he were a sort of aggravated and superfluous cannibal.) ACT IV.Sir PATRICK proves that GEOFFREY is married to ANNIE, and that ARNOLD isnt. GEOFFREY lakes his weeping wife home with him. Everybody finds out that GEOFFREY is an enormo~us liar and an unmitiga- ted blackguard. Through the open windows are seen the editors of the Sun and the J]ree Press, each determined to be the first to offer GEOF- FREY a place on the staff of his respective journal. The curtain falls and STOEPEL directs each member of the orchestra to play the tune that he may like best. After three hours qf this sort of thing a humane per- son in the audience brings in a saw and begins to file it. The rest of the audience are thereupon gently killed to sleep by the music of the fileso soft and soothing does it sound by contrast with STOEPELS demoniac or- chestra. ACT Y.ANEIE, in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk dress with lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, and without taking her hair downthis being the well-known custom among fashionably dressed girls. GEOFFREY enters and attempts to strangle her, but she is awak- ened by the considerateforethought of a dumb woman, who loudly calls her, and GEOFFREY conveniently lies down and dies of paralysis. All the rest of the dramatis personce enter, and indulge in exclamations of joy. The curtain falls for the last time, and STOEPEL is removed under the protection of a strong platoon of policemen, to the secret abode where DALY keeps him hidden during the day from the wrath of an outraged public. And the undersigned goes home to breakfastit being now nearly 6 A. M.refiecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the sce- nery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the or- chestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL transform each entr acte at your theatre into a prolonged purgatory, by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable music, for the most intolerable periods of time? MATADOR. L. N. III PRUSSIA. Yes, I am quite upset; In fact, Im dizzy yet With all that rapid riding, day and night; But still, two things I see; Theyve made an end of Me, And blown the Empire higher than a kite! Yes, here I am, at2last And all my dreams are past. didnt think to enter Prussia thus! Confound that Vorwarts man! When first the war began He seemed as logy as an omnibus. Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise! The same in every place, eh? How these big Germans love an ugly stench! My! what a taste theyve got For articles that rot; And can it be, they live so near the French? Im in a pretty nest! And, worse than all the rest, Is thinking how I got here; theres the rub. When I have mused awhile On all my luck, so vile, I almost wish theyd hit me with a club! Its very well to say Imight have won the day, If things had only gone this way or that; I should have made them go, And let these Germans know That they must go, too! or be cut down flat. They didnt go, it seems; Except twas in my dreams! And, consequently, I must bid good bye To titles, power and state, - Which I enjoyed of late, And curse my dismal fatepoor Louis and I! THE PLYMOUTH ROCK. The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand of society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one to believe that Mr. Puiscim~r~o does not like a little fresh air. And surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no ones social standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so thought Mr. P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he would hurry up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on Col. FIsKs steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of puns de- tained him so long that he found that he would not be able to reach the 11 A.lVt. boat without h~ made unusual haste. Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, and ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the Plymouth Rock. When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. rubbed his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang hastily out. But what a sight met his gaze! Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the horses in a position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a huge un- symmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of Cape Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him to Jom~ CAx~vERs old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAa~u~s FIsK Jr.s steamboat at Pier 28, North River. Theres the rock, yer honor, said the man, pointing to the mis- shapen stone, and an awful time Ive had a drivin yer honor to it. How long have you been, coming here ? asked the astounded Mr. P. Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I could, hopin to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, but I had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and its no use me whippin up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the Centhral Park on the Sunday. And how much do I owe you for all this ? asked Mr. P. Well, sir, said the man, I wont charge your honor nothin for the feed and my victuals, for Id hadto have found them if yer hadnt a hired me; and Ill only charge ye three dollars a hour, for sure yer honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate as an infant all the time, and thatll be jist two hundred and four dollars, and

6 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. think that youve married me by Scotch law, without having meant it. IC so, youll have to go to America and see BEEc~m~ about a divorce. ((Jirtain subsequently falls, and STOEPEII orders the big drum to beat for an hour, while the musicians take advantage of the noise to tune their instruments. Deaf old gentleman remarks again that he does like WAGNERS music. Half the audience hold their ears, while the other half flee madly away until the entracte is over. ACT III.GBOFFREY boxes with his trainer, and slings Indian clubs and wooden dumb-bells. GEOFFREY. There! Thank heaven I didnt break anything. The scenery, the footlights, or a bloodvessel will get broken before the week is out, however, if this prize-ring business isnt cut out. Here comes ARNOLD. ARNOLD. Hows Miss SYLVESTER ? GEOFFREY. If you say anything more about her, ril put a head on you. Shes your wife. Youre a married man. ARNOLD. Married! You infamous editor of a two cent daily paper; I deny it. (Curtain again falls, and STOEPEL plays the entire opera of ERNANIfor two hours. Deaf old gentleman remarks that music is the SToE- Pri entertainment at this theatre, and that he really likes it. The rest of the audience look at him with horror, as though he were a sort of aggravated and superfluous cannibal.) ACT IV.Sir PATRICK proves that GEOFFREY is married to ANNIE, and that ARNOLD isnt. GEOFFREY lakes his weeping wife home with him. Everybody finds out that GEOFFREY is an enormo~us liar and an unmitiga- ted blackguard. Through the open windows are seen the editors of the Sun and the J]ree Press, each determined to be the first to offer GEOF- FREY a place on the staff of his respective journal. The curtain falls and STOEPEL directs each member of the orchestra to play the tune that he may like best. After three hours qf this sort of thing a humane per- son in the audience brings in a saw and begins to file it. The rest of the audience are thereupon gently killed to sleep by the music of the fileso soft and soothing does it sound by contrast with STOEPELS demoniac or- chestra. ACT Y.ANEIE, in the midst of misery and a gorgeous silk dress with lace trimmings, is seen going to bed in her best clothes, and without taking her hair downthis being the well-known custom among fashionably dressed girls. GEOFFREY enters and attempts to strangle her, but she is awak- ened by the considerateforethought of a dumb woman, who loudly calls her, and GEOFFREY conveniently lies down and dies of paralysis. All the rest of the dramatis personce enter, and indulge in exclamations of joy. The curtain falls for the last time, and STOEPEL is removed under the protection of a strong platoon of policemen, to the secret abode where DALY keeps him hidden during the day from the wrath of an outraged public. And the undersigned goes home to breakfastit being now nearly 6 A. M.refiecting upon the beauty of the theatre, the neatness of the sce- nery, the general ability of the actors, the capabilities of the play, (after Mr. DALY shall have cut it down to a reasonable length,) the pluck of the young manager, and the unredeemed badness of the or- chestra, as it is conducted by Mr. STOEPEL. Tell me, gentle DALY, tell; why in the name of all that is intelligent, do you let STOEPEL transform each entr acte at your theatre into a prolonged purgatory, by the villainous way in which he plays the most execrable music, for the most intolerable periods of time? MATADOR. L. N. III PRUSSIA. Yes, I am quite upset; In fact, Im dizzy yet With all that rapid riding, day and night; But still, two things I see; Theyve made an end of Me, And blown the Empire higher than a kite! Yes, here I am, at2last And all my dreams are past. didnt think to enter Prussia thus! Confound that Vorwarts man! When first the war began He seemed as logy as an omnibus. Faugh! smell the Sweitzer Kaise! The same in every place, eh? How these big Germans love an ugly stench! My! what a taste theyve got For articles that rot; And can it be, they live so near the French? Im in a pretty nest! And, worse than all the rest, Is thinking how I got here; theres the rub. When I have mused awhile On all my luck, so vile, I almost wish theyd hit me with a club! Its very well to say Imight have won the day, If things had only gone this way or that; I should have made them go, And let these Germans know That they must go, too! or be cut down flat. They didnt go, it seems; Except twas in my dreams! And, consequently, I must bid good bye To titles, power and state, - Which I enjoyed of late, And curse my dismal fatepoor Louis and I! THE PLYMOUTH ROCK. The fact of his having relinquished (at the imperative demand of society) his weekly visits to the watering places, need lead no one to believe that Mr. Puiscim~r~o does not like a little fresh air. And surely a half a day or so by the seaside need jeopardize no ones social standing if the thing is not repeated too often. At least so thought Mr. P., and he determined, one fine morning last week, that he would hurry up his business as fast as possible, and take a trip on Col. FIsKs steamboat to Sandy Hook. A man calling with a bundle of puns de- tained him so long that he found that he would not be able to reach the 11 A.lVt. boat without h~ made unusual haste. Rushing into the street, therefore, he hailed a passing hack, and ordered the driver to take him, as quickly as possible, to the Plymouth Rock. When the carriage stopped, and the man opened the door, Mr. P. rubbed his eyes, for he had fallen into a doze, on the way, and sprang hastily out. But what a sight met his gaze! Before him was the hack, covered with mud and dust, and the horses in a position indicating utter exhaustion: to his right lay a huge un- symmetrical stone, while behind him rolled the heaving waters of Cape Cod bay! The man had mistaken his directions, and had driven him to Jom~ CAx~vERs old Plymouth Rock in Massachusetts, instead of JAa~u~s FIsK Jr.s steamboat at Pier 28, North River. Theres the rock, yer honor, said the man, pointing to the mis- shapen stone, and an awful time Ive had a drivin yer honor to it. How long have you been, coming here ? asked the astounded Mr. P. Nigh on to three days, yer honor, and I drove as fast as I could, hopin to get back by the Sunday in time for the Centhral Park, but I had to stop sometimes for feed and wather, and its no use me whippin up afther all, for sorra the good them horses will be for the Centhral Park on the Sunday. And how much do I owe you for all this ? asked Mr. P. Well, sir, said the man, I wont charge your honor nothin for the feed and my victuals, for Id hadto have found them if yer hadnt a hired me; and Ill only charge ye three dollars a hour, for sure yer honor never give me the least thruble, slapeing there as swate as an infant all the time, and thatll be jist two hundred and four dollars, and OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 7 if yer honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer health, Id be obliged to yer honor. Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, and the rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars and twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and declared his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about forty miles away, and taking the railroad for New York. If I dont, ye see, yer honor, Ill never get back in time for the Sunday; and the horses will be restin in the cars. As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood and watched him until he slowly faded out of sight. When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the rock and reflected. Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen the rock before, and as it struck bim that p05- sibly some of his patrons might be in the same unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would take a few sketches of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very well. The first drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more like an ol~ woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be flames, than anything else. This surely was not a correct view of tbis famous rock, and so Mr. P. com- menced another sketch. This, how- ever, looked so much like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck to a rope, that he concluded to try ~gain. His next sketch bore a striking re- semblance to something that cer- tainly did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, he found to look very much like a shrink- ing Southern negro, forced into the ranks to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody might not be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it plainly. The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose con- nection with The Plymouth Rock has certainly been of more practi- cal benefit to the public than that of any of the old founders, or any- ~ -& -~ ~ body elseat least so far a~ Mr. P. can see. If any one doubts this, let him ask General GRANT. Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober and beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.s visit to Plymouth Rock was not made in vain. A LETTER FROM L. N. Dz~ PuNcnmmnr~o: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time hence, it should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of writing this letter, you will please understand that I wasnt there, at that moment, having bad a little business to transact with my good friend Wn~I~x& Rrs, of PRussIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the German States in the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who met me at Sedan, and received me warmly. Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, and all express regrets that I couldnt have come earlier in the season. They are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great German people, and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet theory of the soli- darity of nations. I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is nothing to call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I am getting weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my very good friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New York. Yes, dear PUNcHINELLO, greatest and best of Philosophers! expect to see me walking into your Sanctum one of these fine mornings,probably with my son Louxs,delighted to see you, and glad to turn my back on those scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and popular dress, could hardiy be expected to afford me much exhilaration. From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite gratuitous commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, however, will readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather be congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which for years has only tired my hand? I picture myself seated with my family on the heights atWeehawken, smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of nations as I watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than the Rhine, my friend, as wine is ~ner than lagerbier!) which I have often, in days gone by, admired and extolled by the hour. I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son the Prince of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the Inevitable. And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable that I was always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable Prussian. But I have faced much more terrible things. In your very city of Hoboken, I have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any one hence- forth doubt my fortitude? I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that reneontre. I have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. I am Gold-Plated. If your highiy-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict me in a counection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make a sketch entitled: The Two Exiles,one of whom may be my Uncle at St. Helena; the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of wine at my side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PrucHnrra~Lo in the other! But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the (d)evil thereof. Royally yours, L. N. Maxim for the next new President. A PLACE for everybody, and everybody in his place.

OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 7 if yer honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer health, Id be obliged to yer honor. Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, and the rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars and twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and declared his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about forty miles away, and taking the railroad for New York. If I dont, ye see, yer honor, Ill never get back in time for the Sunday; and the horses will be restin in the cars. As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood and watched him until he slowly faded out of sight. When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the rock and reflected. Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen the rock before, and as it struck bim that p05- sibly some of his patrons might be in the same unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would take a few sketches of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very well. The first drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more like an ol~ woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be flames, than anything else. This surely was not a correct view of tbis famous rock, and so Mr. P. com- menced another sketch. This, how- ever, looked so much like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck to a rope, that he concluded to try ~gain. His next sketch bore a striking re- semblance to something that cer- tainly did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, he found to look very much like a shrink- ing Southern negro, forced into the ranks to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody might not be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it plainly. The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose con- nection with The Plymouth Rock has certainly been of more practi- cal benefit to the public than that of any of the old founders, or any- ~ -& -~ ~ body elseat least so far a~ Mr. P. can see. If any one doubts this, let him ask General GRANT. Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober and beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.s visit to Plymouth Rock was not made in vain. A LETTER FROM L. N. Dz~ PuNcnmmnr~o: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time hence, it should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of writing this letter, you will please understand that I wasnt there, at that moment, having bad a little business to transact with my good friend Wn~I~x& Rrs, of PRussIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the German States in the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who met me at Sedan, and received me warmly. Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, and all express regrets that I couldnt have come earlier in the season. They are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great German people, and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet theory of the soli- darity of nations. I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is nothing to call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I am getting weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my very good friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New York. Yes, dear PUNcHINELLO, greatest and best of Philosophers! expect to see me walking into your Sanctum one of these fine mornings,probably with my son Louxs,delighted to see you, and glad to turn my back on those scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and popular dress, could hardiy be expected to afford me much exhilaration. From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite gratuitous commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, however, will readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather be congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which for years has only tired my hand? I picture myself seated with my family on the heights atWeehawken, smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of nations as I watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than the Rhine, my friend, as wine is ~ner than lagerbier!) which I have often, in days gone by, admired and extolled by the hour. I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son the Prince of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the Inevitable. And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable that I was always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable Prussian. But I have faced much more terrible things. In your very city of Hoboken, I have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any one hence- forth doubt my fortitude? I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that reneontre. I have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. I am Gold-Plated. If your highiy-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict me in a counection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make a sketch entitled: The Two Exiles,one of whom may be my Uncle at St. Helena; the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of wine at my side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PrucHnrra~Lo in the other! But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the (d)evil thereof. Royally yours, L. N. Maxim for the next new President. A PLACE for everybody, and everybody in his place.

OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 7 if yer honor could give me a thrifle besides to drink yer health, Id be obliged to yer honor. Mr. P. gazed alternately at the man, the carriage, the horses, and the rock, and then he paid the driver two hundred and four dollars and twenty-five cents. The worthy Milesian pocketed the money and declared his intention of proceeding to Boston, which was only about forty miles away, and taking the railroad for New York. If I dont, ye see, yer honor, Ill never get back in time for the Sunday; and the horses will be restin in the cars. As the man made his preparations and departed, Mr. P. stood and watched him until he slowly faded out of sight. When he had entirely disappeared, Mr. P. sat down upon the rock and reflected. Now that he was here, what had he best do? He had never seen the rock before, and as it struck bim that p05- sibly some of his patrons might be in the same unfortunate condition, he concluded that he would take a few sketches of it for their benefit. But he did not succeed very well. The first drawing he made had a strange appearance. It looked more like an ol~ woman tied to a post, and surrounded by what seemed to be flames, than anything else. This surely was not a correct view of tbis famous rock, and so Mr. P. com- menced another sketch. This, how- ever, looked so much like a man with a broad-brimmed hat, hanging by his neck to a rope, that he concluded to try ~gain. His next sketch bore a striking re- semblance to something that cer- tainly did not seem like a rock, but which, after some deliberation, he found to look very much like a shrink- ing Southern negro, forced into the ranks to supply the place of a citizen of Massachusetts. Everybody might not be able to see this, but Mr. P. thought he perceived it plainly. The last sketch made by Mr. P. somewhat resembled one whose con- nection with The Plymouth Rock has certainly been of more practi- cal benefit to the public than that of any of the old founders, or any- ~ -& -~ ~ body elseat least so far a~ Mr. P. can see. If any one doubts this, let him ask General GRANT. Now should his readers see anything at all suggestive of sober and beneficial reflection in these sketches, Mr. P.s visit to Plymouth Rock was not made in vain. A LETTER FROM L. N. Dz~ PuNcnmmnr~o: The Empire is Peace, as usual. If, some time hence, it should be discovered to have been otherwise, at the time of writing this letter, you will please understand that I wasnt there, at that moment, having bad a little business to transact with my good friend Wn~I~x& Rrs, of PRussIA. I am at present engaged upon a tour of the German States in the company of a pleasant little excursion party, who met me at Sedan, and received me warmly. Everybody seems glad to greet me, particularly at this time, and all express regrets that I couldnt have come earlier in the season. They are aware of the interest I have ever felt in the great German people, and I am assured they welcome with enthusiasm my pet theory of the soli- darity of nations. I intend remaining here awhile, feeling sure that there is nothing to call me homeward for the present. The truth is, my friend, I am getting weaned of the French people. So soon as my obligations to my very good friends in Prussia will permit, you may look for me in New York. Yes, dear PUNcHINELLO, greatest and best of Philosophers! expect to see me walking into your Sanctum one of these fine mornings,probably with my son Louxs,delighted to see you, and glad to turn my back on those scenes so long familiar, which, in their new and popular dress, could hardiy be expected to afford me much exhilaration. From an inferior man, I should expect officious and quite gratuitous commiseration over the fate of the late Empire. You, however, will readily perceive it to be possible that I should rather be congratulated. You would not exchange your dignified leisure, your careless toils, for the best of sovereignties. Why, then, should I, who have made you my exemplar, feel a pang at parting with a sceptre which for years has only tired my hand? I picture myself seated with my family on the heights atWeehawken, smoking a good cigarette, and musing on the affairs of nations as I watch the flow of that superb river (as much finer than the Rhine, my friend, as wine is ~ner than lagerbier!) which I have often, in days gone by, admired and extolled by the hour. I expect they will pleasantly call me Duke Hudson, and my son the Prince of Staten Island. No matter. I can always face the Inevitable. And that reminds me of the late war, in which the Inevitable that I was always being called upon to face, was the Inevitable Prussian. But I have faced much more terrible things. In your very city of Hoboken, I have stood face to face with a German creditor! Will any one hence- forth doubt my fortitude? I have one rather comforting reflection, apropos to that reneontre. I have taken care to arm myself against future assaults of that nature. I am Gold-Plated. If your highiy-gifted corps of artists should wish to depict me in a counection which would satisfy my sense of honor, let them make a sketch entitled: The Two Exiles,one of whom may be my Uncle at St. Helena; the other, me, at Weehawken, with my family near, a glass of wine at my side, a cigarette in one hand, and a copy of PrucHnrra~Lo in the other! But let me not anticipate. Sufficient unto the day is the (d)evil thereof. Royally yours, L. N. Maxim for the next new President. A PLACE for everybody, and everybody in his place. PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. Cousin Bella, (admiring picture.) How is IT, FRED, TEAT YOU ~aoDUcn SUCH LOVELY COLOR, AND WITH SO MITCH FAcILITY 2 Fred, (thinking of his meerschaum.) I DONT TELL EVERYBODY THAT, You INQUISITIVE TEASE, BUT FACT IS, I PUT THE 5TUMP OF AN OLD PAINT-BRUSH IN THE BOWL, AND SMOKE THE OILIEST ToBAcco I CAN FIND. THE BATTLE AT SEDAN. Special ColTeepoaa,nce of Punchinello. (This paper is the only paper on the planet which has a corre- spondent at the seat of war, wherever that seat may be. The following dispatch was sent to us by cable at a total expense of $21,000.) It was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing through the sky; the river was running water; the clouds were cloudy; the soldiers were soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and tumbled over VON MOLYFE. He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown Prince. MOLTY, said I, whats your little game? Penny ante, replied he. Tr~s bien, added I. You are a French spy. Ha! ha ! said he, grasping my collar. Ho! Ho! Das ish goot, added I. Then youre Dutch, sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of tongs. In the tent we found the King, the Crown Prince, Gen. STEINMETZ, Gen. SHERIDAN, and Gen. FORsYTH. 1VEoLLY, said I, introduce me to the King.~~ BraL, said he, this is JENKINs. Bxr.L held out his foot and I took a suck at his great toe. Then we went at the game. Bni~ is pretty good at it, but then he doesnt stand any chance beside MOLTY. The Crown Prince lost at least fourteen cents, and, just as he had a splendid opportunity to retrieve his losses,, in came an aide, who announced that the French had squatted. Where ? cried VoN MOLTKH. In Sedan, replied the aide. I knew it, said MOLTY. Bui, I told you they had no horses for a regular carriage. Then we went out. The King invited me to sit in his carriage with MOLTY and SHERIDAN. We reached the scene of war. The moon shone; the mountains were mountainous; the trees were treey; and the soft September breeze was breezy. BIsRulicK came up and asked the King to let him cut behind. Bis, said I, take my seat; Ill take a trip to the Freiich camp. So I tripped over to the French camp and found things somewhat mixed. The moon shone. Steadily the Prussian troops advanced; and, with a heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor wanted to die in the rear of his men. NAP, said I, youd better get up and get. The Prussians are coming. JENKINS, said he, kiss me for my mother, Im betrayed. Why didnt you have more cheesepots ? said L Ill surrender, said he, get out a white flag. So I took one of EUGENIES old pocket-handkerchiefs which I found in the tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the nephew of his uncle, put NAP in the carriage, jumped in myself and drove to the Prussian camp. The moon shone; all nature smiled; the rivers were rivery; the Sedans were chairy. BILL received us very coolly at first, but I gave BIs the wink, and he suggested to his Majesty that hed better take the Em NAP, said BILL, is the game up peror prisoner. BILI~, said NAP, youve scored the game. I leave my old clothes to the Regent. I hope shell like the breeches. Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our game of penny ante. NAI wouldnt join us. He said hed just been playing a game with crowns ante and he was busted. Wed hardly got the cards dealt, when BILL turned to BIS1~wicK and asked, I say, Bis, wont you run over and telegraph to the old woman something about our FRITZ 2 Let JENKINS go, said BIs. Of course I assented to the proposition. Where the devil is FRITZ ? said Bni~ Oh, hes been sleeping for the last two hours, said MOLTKE. Never mind, said BILL, telegraph a victory by FRITZ. So I telegraphed, A great victory has been won by our Fnrrz. What great things have we done for ourselves! Well keep it up, old woman. (Signed) BILL. When I reached the tent everybody was asleep. NAP was reclining gracefully on the breast of BISMAIiCK, as affectionately as if they were brothers-in-law. The moon shone; the sky was skyey; the hills were hilly; and all nature was getting up. Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies, wickediy, maliciously lies, with intent to deceive. As soon as JACK SiriTHs smack sails, Ill send you a piece of the cable it came over. 8 ON COLOR.

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. Cousin Bella, (admiring picture.) How is IT, FRED, TEAT YOU ~aoDUcn SUCH LOVELY COLOR, AND WITH SO MITCH FAcILITY 2 Fred, (thinking of his meerschaum.) I DONT TELL EVERYBODY THAT, You INQUISITIVE TEASE, BUT FACT IS, I PUT THE 5TUMP OF AN OLD PAINT-BRUSH IN THE BOWL, AND SMOKE THE OILIEST ToBAcco I CAN FIND. THE BATTLE AT SEDAN. Special ColTeepoaa,nce of Punchinello. (This paper is the only paper on the planet which has a corre- spondent at the seat of war, wherever that seat may be. The following dispatch was sent to us by cable at a total expense of $21,000.) It was a still, calm night, the glorious moon was sailing through the sky; the river was running water; the clouds were cloudy; the soldiers were soldiering. I stepped out of my tent and tumbled over VON MOLYFE. He took my arm and invited me to the tent of the Crown Prince. MOLTY, said I, whats your little game? Penny ante, replied he. Tr~s bien, added I. You are a French spy. Ha! ha ! said he, grasping my collar. Ho! Ho! Das ish goot, added I. Then youre Dutch, sighed he, dropping me like a hot pair of tongs. In the tent we found the King, the Crown Prince, Gen. STEINMETZ, Gen. SHERIDAN, and Gen. FORsYTH. 1VEoLLY, said I, introduce me to the King.~~ BraL, said he, this is JENKINs. Bxr.L held out his foot and I took a suck at his great toe. Then we went at the game. Bni~ is pretty good at it, but then he doesnt stand any chance beside MOLTY. The Crown Prince lost at least fourteen cents, and, just as he had a splendid opportunity to retrieve his losses,, in came an aide, who announced that the French had squatted. Where ? cried VoN MOLTKH. In Sedan, replied the aide. I knew it, said MOLTY. Bui, I told you they had no horses for a regular carriage. Then we went out. The King invited me to sit in his carriage with MOLTY and SHERIDAN. We reached the scene of war. The moon shone; the mountains were mountainous; the trees were treey; and the soft September breeze was breezy. BIsRulicK came up and asked the King to let him cut behind. Bis, said I, take my seat; Ill take a trip to the Freiich camp. So I tripped over to the French camp and found things somewhat mixed. The moon shone. Steadily the Prussian troops advanced; and, with a heroism worthy of a better cause, the French retreated. The Emperor wanted to die in the rear of his men. NAP, said I, youd better get up and get. The Prussians are coming. JENKINS, said he, kiss me for my mother, Im betrayed. Why didnt you have more cheesepots ? said L Ill surrender, said he, get out a white flag. So I took one of EUGENIES old pocket-handkerchiefs which I found in the tent, stuck it on the end of the sabre of the nephew of his uncle, put NAP in the carriage, jumped in myself and drove to the Prussian camp. The moon shone; all nature smiled; the rivers were rivery; the Sedans were chairy. BILL received us very coolly at first, but I gave BIs the wink, and he suggested to his Majesty that hed better take the Em NAP, said BILL, is the game up peror prisoner. BILI~, said NAP, youve scored the game. I leave my old clothes to the Regent. I hope shell like the breeches. Then he treated to cigarettes, and we all went back to our game of penny ante. NAI wouldnt join us. He said hed just been playing a game with crowns ante and he was busted. Wed hardly got the cards dealt, when BILL turned to BIS1~wicK and asked, I say, Bis, wont you run over and telegraph to the old woman something about our FRITZ 2 Let JENKINS go, said BIs. Of course I assented to the proposition. Where the devil is FRITZ ? said Bni~ Oh, hes been sleeping for the last two hours, said MOLTKE. Never mind, said BILL, telegraph a victory by FRITZ. So I telegraphed, A great victory has been won by our Fnrrz. What great things have we done for ourselves! Well keep it up, old woman. (Signed) BILL. When I reached the tent everybody was asleep. NAP was reclining gracefully on the breast of BISMAIiCK, as affectionately as if they were brothers-in-law. The moon shone; the sky was skyey; the hills were hilly; and all nature was getting up. Anybody who says the above did not come over the cable lies, wickediy, maliciously lies, with intent to deceive. As soon as JACK SiriTHs smack sails, Ill send you a piece of the cable it came over. 8 ON COLOR. OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHJNELLO. ci t-I H tri ci H N 0 H N 0 V r w 9 J N OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 11 HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM. He Review, the C~a.eea. or a Luaatic.A Graduate with nice Ideas. KING WILYAX, Most noble Loonatic: We gates all der while I Accordin to the Marine Cable, I understand youve given old BONEr a slosh on der cope mit der Sweitzer case; or in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON has taken his Umpire, and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit of Judge or Jewry. I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the Um- pire tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in his panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his nabors. Ive allers beard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the French say you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, Be he Jost or Gobler darned, to cote from our friend Bna~r SHAKE5PEEE. We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, moren once. If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can wallop his wife to his hearts content; and if anybody interferes, he can popp him off with a six shooter, anl the Jaw will stand to his back. Judges and Jewrys, when tryin such a man, think he is sum punkins, while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated Loonatics fotograf onto their first page. I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the melon-colic, (this beia the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of the pro temper kind? I shouldent wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited it from your illustrous Antsiste~, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about as sassy a Loonatic as you can pick up. What we need just now, and what we have needed for a good while, is a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as minister. With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them ere little Alabarmy claims would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this court knows herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent off howlin, with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage. You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they are the Coming man, the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers cant hold a candle to em. When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if theyd bust their biler tryin, then he is sot down as bein crazy as a loon by his jelous nabors. I havent heard whether BzsMnixs or Fnrrzs upper storys were shaky, or not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but what both of these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FnAilwis TRAIN any day; and that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin tragic attitoods, and repeatin the follerin well known verses: lam not mad! I am not mad! But only on my mussle. Old NAPd been glad If he and king dad Had never got into a tussle. My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose son was so bully at pickin up bullocks, is to congratulate you. Speakin after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. Havin served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can rely on my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no re- peal to a higher court. What do you think of my startin a college here for the purpus of eclicatin Loonatics? Weve got 3 colliges here, Harvard, Ale, and the Electoral College, and a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions some- times turns out, would make you sick to your stomack to look at. Stugents areturned out from these asilums with pooty ristocratick idees into their nozzles. I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these institutions of laming. He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin. When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the funeral, so he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the corpse to wear, doorin the funeral services. Thinks I, that was shovin a good thing rather too deep in the ground, merely for the sake of pilin on the agony. However, thats the way of the world; larnin will stick out, and you cant stop her. That son of yourn, Fnrrz, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer. If he haint in that precarious situation which SAI~v F. NORTON calls mummery, and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good honest folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he mite go further and fare a site wnsser, than to come over here and ex- amine my stock of risin feminine gi~ders. Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who understands her biz as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her gals wont be troubled to death by keepin a cook to boss em around. Doom the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin in the sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, M& nmiis biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal to the way a big dinner at Dm~MOiqIcOs, N. Y., will flop over a New York Alderman. The surest way of gettin round a public man, is via his stomack. Like ALAnnes lamp, you can By merely givin a rub, Bring around most any man, By film him up with grub. But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose quil, and go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter let me speak a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq. Deal gently with him. Altho he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, recollect the old maxum: Never bute a feller when he is down. France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIs done for em. But he has gone to the shades, and SHAXSPEER aptly says: The evil which men do, Lives a darn site longer than The evil they dont do. Which sentiment shode that old SHAxE was a hulsail dealer in human nater. Hopin that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit your poor relations, sich as mothers-in-law and the like, and when they come to visit you, you wont say: Nix cum arous, I will dry up. Ewers anon, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece, THE LOVERS. In Different Moods and Teases. SALLY SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught, And her friend, CiIARu~v CHURCH, was a preacher, who praught; Though his enemies called him a screecher, who scraught. His heart, when he saw her, kept sinking, and sunk, And his eye, meeting hers, began winking, and wunk; While she, in her turn, fell to thinking, and thunk. He hastened to woo her, and sweetly he wooed, For his love grew until to a mountain it gxewed, And what he was longing to do, then he doed. In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke, To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke; So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke. He asked her to ride to the church, and they rode; They so sweetly did glide, that they both thought they glode, And they came to the place to be tied, and were tode. Then homeward he said let us drive, and they drove, And soon as they wished to arrive, they arrove; For whatever he couldnt contrive, she controve. The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole, At the feet where he wanted to kneel, there he knole, And he said, I feel better than ever I fole. So they to each other kept clinging, and clung, While Time his swift circuit was winging, and wung; And this was the thing he was bringing, and brung. The man SALLY wanted to catch, and had caught That she wanted from others to snatch, and had snaught~ Was the one that ske now liked to scratch, and she scraught. And Ciwii~rs warm love began freezing, and froze, While he took to teasing, and cruelly toze The girl he had wished to be squeezing, and squoze. Wretch ! he cried when she threatened to leave him, and left, How could you deceive me, as you have deceft ? And she answered, I promised to cleave, and Ive cleft 1 AMos KERTER.

OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 11 HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM. He Review, the C~a.eea. or a Luaatic.A Graduate with nice Ideas. KING WILYAX, Most noble Loonatic: We gates all der while I Accordin to the Marine Cable, I understand youve given old BONEr a slosh on der cope mit der Sweitzer case; or in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON has taken his Umpire, and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit of Judge or Jewry. I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the Um- pire tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in his panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his nabors. Ive allers beard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the French say you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, Be he Jost or Gobler darned, to cote from our friend Bna~r SHAKE5PEEE. We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, moren once. If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can wallop his wife to his hearts content; and if anybody interferes, he can popp him off with a six shooter, anl the Jaw will stand to his back. Judges and Jewrys, when tryin such a man, think he is sum punkins, while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated Loonatics fotograf onto their first page. I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the melon-colic, (this beia the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of the pro temper kind? I shouldent wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited it from your illustrous Antsiste~, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about as sassy a Loonatic as you can pick up. What we need just now, and what we have needed for a good while, is a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as minister. With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them ere little Alabarmy claims would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this court knows herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent off howlin, with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage. You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they are the Coming man, the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers cant hold a candle to em. When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if theyd bust their biler tryin, then he is sot down as bein crazy as a loon by his jelous nabors. I havent heard whether BzsMnixs or Fnrrzs upper storys were shaky, or not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but what both of these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FnAilwis TRAIN any day; and that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin tragic attitoods, and repeatin the follerin well known verses: lam not mad! I am not mad! But only on my mussle. Old NAPd been glad If he and king dad Had never got into a tussle. My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose son was so bully at pickin up bullocks, is to congratulate you. Speakin after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. Havin served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can rely on my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no re- peal to a higher court. What do you think of my startin a college here for the purpus of eclicatin Loonatics? Weve got 3 colliges here, Harvard, Ale, and the Electoral College, and a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions some- times turns out, would make you sick to your stomack to look at. Stugents areturned out from these asilums with pooty ristocratick idees into their nozzles. I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these institutions of laming. He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin. When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the funeral, so he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the corpse to wear, doorin the funeral services. Thinks I, that was shovin a good thing rather too deep in the ground, merely for the sake of pilin on the agony. However, thats the way of the world; larnin will stick out, and you cant stop her. That son of yourn, Fnrrz, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer. If he haint in that precarious situation which SAI~v F. NORTON calls mummery, and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good honest folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he mite go further and fare a site wnsser, than to come over here and ex- amine my stock of risin feminine gi~ders. Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who understands her biz as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her gals wont be troubled to death by keepin a cook to boss em around. Doom the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin in the sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, M& nmiis biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal to the way a big dinner at Dm~MOiqIcOs, N. Y., will flop over a New York Alderman. The surest way of gettin round a public man, is via his stomack. Like ALAnnes lamp, you can By merely givin a rub, Bring around most any man, By film him up with grub. But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose quil, and go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter let me speak a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq. Deal gently with him. Altho he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, recollect the old maxum: Never bute a feller when he is down. France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIs done for em. But he has gone to the shades, and SHAXSPEER aptly says: The evil which men do, Lives a darn site longer than The evil they dont do. Which sentiment shode that old SHAxE was a hulsail dealer in human nater. Hopin that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit your poor relations, sich as mothers-in-law and the like, and when they come to visit you, you wont say: Nix cum arous, I will dry up. Ewers anon, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece, THE LOVERS. In Different Moods and Teases. SALLY SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught, And her friend, CiIARu~v CHURCH, was a preacher, who praught; Though his enemies called him a screecher, who scraught. His heart, when he saw her, kept sinking, and sunk, And his eye, meeting hers, began winking, and wunk; While she, in her turn, fell to thinking, and thunk. He hastened to woo her, and sweetly he wooed, For his love grew until to a mountain it gxewed, And what he was longing to do, then he doed. In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke, To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke; So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke. He asked her to ride to the church, and they rode; They so sweetly did glide, that they both thought they glode, And they came to the place to be tied, and were tode. Then homeward he said let us drive, and they drove, And soon as they wished to arrive, they arrove; For whatever he couldnt contrive, she controve. The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole, At the feet where he wanted to kneel, there he knole, And he said, I feel better than ever I fole. So they to each other kept clinging, and clung, While Time his swift circuit was winging, and wung; And this was the thing he was bringing, and brung. The man SALLY wanted to catch, and had caught That she wanted from others to snatch, and had snaught~ Was the one that ske now liked to scratch, and she scraught. And Ciwii~rs warm love began freezing, and froze, While he took to teasing, and cruelly toze The girl he had wished to be squeezing, and squoze. Wretch ! he cried when she threatened to leave him, and left, How could you deceive me, as you have deceft ? And she answered, I promised to cleave, and Ive cleft 1 AMos KERTER.

OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 11 HIRAM GREEN TO KONIG WILHELM. He Review, the C~a.eea. or a Luaatic.A Graduate with nice Ideas. KING WILYAX, Most noble Loonatic: We gates all der while I Accordin to the Marine Cable, I understand youve given old BONEr a slosh on der cope mit der Sweitzer case; or in good plain United States talk, LEWIS NAPOLEON has taken his Umpire, and shoved it up the spout, without the benefit of Judge or Jewry. I kinder had an idee that when the now busted up rooler of the Um- pire tackled you, that it would have been a ten dollar greenback in his panterloons pocket if he had let the contract out on shares to his nabors. Ive allers beard say that as able-bodied a Loonatic as the French say you be, could handle any 3 ordinary men, Be he Jost or Gobler darned, to cote from our friend Bna~r SHAKE5PEEE. We have had evidences here, of the superiority of Loonatics, moren once. If a man can prove that his upper story is crackt, he can wallop his wife to his hearts content; and if anybody interferes, he can popp him off with a six shooter, anl the Jaw will stand to his back. Judges and Jewrys, when tryin such a man, think he is sum punkins, while all the illustrated papers stick the celebrated Loonatics fotograf onto their first page. I would like to ask you, if your insanity is of the melon-colic, (this beia the season when melons is ripe,) or is it of the pro temper kind? I shouldent wonder, between you and I, but that you inherited it from your illustrous Antsiste~, FREDERICK the Grate, who was about as sassy a Loonatic as you can pick up. What we need just now, and what we have needed for a good while, is a able-bodied Loonatic to send to England as minister. With such a crazy Statesman as you be, them ere little Alabarmy claims would have been squared up long ago, or else, if this court knows herself intimately, the British lion would have been sent off howlin, with a tin kittle tide to his cordil appendage. You probly observe, I go heavy on Loonatics. Yes, sir! they are the Coming man, the 16th Commandment; or Chinese Coolers cant hold a candle to em. When a man ups and does something nobody else can do, if theyd bust their biler tryin, then he is sot down as bein crazy as a loon by his jelous nabors. I havent heard whether BzsMnixs or Fnrrzs upper storys were shaky, or not, but there haint the shadder of a dowt in my mind, but what both of these long headed chaps are madder than GEO. FnAilwis TRAIN any day; and that the Crown Prints employs his spare time strikin tragic attitoods, and repeatin the follerin well known verses: lam not mad! I am not mad! But only on my mussle. Old NAPd been glad If he and king dad Had never got into a tussle. My object in riting to you, great Conkeror of the man whose son was so bully at pickin up bullocks, is to congratulate you. Speakin after the manner of men, You are an old Cinnamon bud. Havin served my country for 4 years as Gustise of the Peece, you can rely on my giving a good sound opinion, from which there haint no re- peal to a higher court. What do you think of my startin a college here for the purpus of eclicatin Loonatics? Weve got 3 colliges here, Harvard, Ale, and the Electoral College, and a skalier lot of week-kneed timber than these institutions some- times turns out, would make you sick to your stomack to look at. Stugents areturned out from these asilums with pooty ristocratick idees into their nozzles. I once knew a chap who was a gradooate of one of these institutions of laming. He was more ristocratick than a retired church deekin. When his wife died, he wanted her to look respectable at the funeral, so he sent to one of his nabors to borrer a silk dress for the corpse to wear, doorin the funeral services. Thinks I, that was shovin a good thing rather too deep in the ground, merely for the sake of pilin on the agony. However, thats the way of the world; larnin will stick out, and you cant stop her. That son of yourn, Fnrrz, is smarter than a 2 year old heifer. If he haint in that precarious situation which SAI~v F. NORTON calls mummery, and the Onida Community says Amen! to, but which good honest folks, like you and I, calls married, then I would say that he mite go further and fare a site wnsser, than to come over here and ex- amine my stock of risin feminine gi~ders. Mrs. GREEN, the mother of my dorters, is a woman who understands her biz as housekeeper, and anybody who gits one of her gals wont be troubled to death by keepin a cook to boss em around. Doom the prosperous days of Skeensboro, when I was baskin in the sunshine of offishal life, and had a politikle ax to grind, M& nmiis biled dinners used to fetch Polerticians to their milk, ekal to the way a big dinner at Dm~MOiqIcOs, N. Y., will flop over a New York Alderman. The surest way of gettin round a public man, is via his stomack. Like ALAnnes lamp, you can By merely givin a rub, Bring around most any man, By film him up with grub. But, most noble cuss of the Realm, I must lay aside my goose quil, and go and do the family chores. But afore I close this letter let me speak a word for your noble prisoner, L. NAPOLEON, Esq. Deal gently with him. Altho he plade the wrong card when he pitched into you, recollect the old maxum: Never bute a feller when he is down. France is better, in a good many respects, for things LEWIs done for em. But he has gone to the shades, and SHAXSPEER aptly says: The evil which men do, Lives a darn site longer than The evil they dont do. Which sentiment shode that old SHAxE was a hulsail dealer in human nater. Hopin that in the days of your prosperity, you wont forgit your poor relations, sich as mothers-in-law and the like, and when they come to visit you, you wont say: Nix cum arous, I will dry up. Ewers anon, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece, THE LOVERS. In Different Moods and Teases. SALLY SALTER, she was a young teacher, who taught, And her friend, CiIARu~v CHURCH, was a preacher, who praught; Though his enemies called him a screecher, who scraught. His heart, when he saw her, kept sinking, and sunk, And his eye, meeting hers, began winking, and wunk; While she, in her turn, fell to thinking, and thunk. He hastened to woo her, and sweetly he wooed, For his love grew until to a mountain it gxewed, And what he was longing to do, then he doed. In secret he wanted to speak, and he spoke, To seek with his lips what his heart long had soke; So he managed to let the truth leak, and it loke. He asked her to ride to the church, and they rode; They so sweetly did glide, that they both thought they glode, And they came to the place to be tied, and were tode. Then homeward he said let us drive, and they drove, And soon as they wished to arrive, they arrove; For whatever he couldnt contrive, she controve. The kiss he was dying to steal, then he stole, At the feet where he wanted to kneel, there he knole, And he said, I feel better than ever I fole. So they to each other kept clinging, and clung, While Time his swift circuit was winging, and wung; And this was the thing he was bringing, and brung. The man SALLY wanted to catch, and had caught That she wanted from others to snatch, and had snaught~ Was the one that ske now liked to scratch, and she scraught. And Ciwii~rs warm love began freezing, and froze, While he took to teasing, and cruelly toze The girl he had wished to be squeezing, and squoze. Wretch ! he cried when she threatened to leave him, and left, How could you deceive me, as you have deceft ? And she answered, I promised to cleave, and Ive cleft 1 AMos KERTER. 12 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. N ___ -~ - -717W zi - mx THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO VII. LoM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole aPig, and away he run; The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat, And TOM went roaring down the street. The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great excitement in the period in which it occurred, although at the present date it would not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest ripple on the glassy calm of our most sleepy village. We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little peccadillo such as the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a purse, unless it contains a large amount, and was taken under the most aggravating circumstances from ourselves. A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect hundreds of people, or a midnight murder executed wilh the malignancy of a fiend, will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even that soon passes out of mind, and society settles back into its imperturbable apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still further, and be- coming by degrees proof against being stirred by anything that does not affect ourselves personally. Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the as- tounding temerity of the Pipers son, in laying felonious hands on the property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days. Poor Tow was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for although he was the one who committed the crime, he was not the only one who reaped a benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells us, he was the only one who was puni~shed therefor; so, while we blame him, let us shed a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, the others the eating. The scene is graphically described thusly TOM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole a pig, and away he run. Here we see Tore, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, listen- ing to the witching strains of his fathers bagpipe, played by the in- dustrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, with the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat that both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its day and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought to bear upon it, Tores eyes, roving around from window to door, happen to light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for human rights~ Alas! Tore is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the fascinating pig, and ha doesnt know how strong his princi- ples are, nor how far he will go to maintain them. He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, the desire to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it as a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it tightly in his hands, and skedaddles. The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of piggy is unjpticed till the red-headed urchin whose play- mate it is looks around for the loved companiou of his child- ish sports, and finds it not. Great research, amid loud out- cries, is made, resulting only in the conviction that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace behind. Tore, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize. Visions ofalu~cious supper float through the mind of the female piperess, as she bestows her motherly benedictionupon her thoughtful son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned lesson of cooking a sucking pig. Having accomplished the First get your pig part, the rest comes easy; and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories are saluted with an odor that startles him from his generally despondent mood, and awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an unusual flavor from his usually flavor- less abode. He enters and finds a smiling wife and son, with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. What next occurred the Poet tells us in the laconic words The pig was eat. There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the fact was enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, and this happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They couldnt eat them, and they didnt own a dog; so they picked them clean and threw them away. But, Murder will out, and the tiny bones tok their own tale. The village detective soon coupled the fact of the miss. ing pig with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the door of the musicians abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to the detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a pigs bonesa stolen pigs bones, from the fact that the Piper did not earn enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole the sucking-pig? Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to have any light-fingered proclivities. Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe and could prove an alibi. There was no one left but ToM. Circumstances pointed him out: he loved good eating and hated work, and had beennoticed gazing upon the charms of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. Tore was the thief, and the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too uncertain and expensive, Tore was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was resolved to take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells us TOM was boat. Undoubtedly Tore was glad when they got through, and although he Went roaring down the street, it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach pumps in those days. Sceae.A City Restaurant. Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast.) Anything more, sir ? Customer. Hmwellyes; bring me an omelette souffle~e. Waiter. Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessrr. (Rkit, humming the popular tune.) Ilninteutioaaily Appropriate. The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and then in- nocently requests the False Reporting Tribune to copy it! A Pnzrrx IDEA or Mn. VAn ThrmznnAre: Hz rAxns urs rounesrxa our ron A sAIL, THUS, AND 5A~Z5 mx ETFENSE OP A BOAT.

12 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. N ___ -~ - -717W zi - mx THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO VII. LoM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole aPig, and away he run; The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat, And TOM went roaring down the street. The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great excitement in the period in which it occurred, although at the present date it would not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest ripple on the glassy calm of our most sleepy village. We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little peccadillo such as the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a purse, unless it contains a large amount, and was taken under the most aggravating circumstances from ourselves. A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect hundreds of people, or a midnight murder executed wilh the malignancy of a fiend, will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even that soon passes out of mind, and society settles back into its imperturbable apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still further, and be- coming by degrees proof against being stirred by anything that does not affect ourselves personally. Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the as- tounding temerity of the Pipers son, in laying felonious hands on the property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days. Poor Tow was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for although he was the one who committed the crime, he was not the only one who reaped a benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells us, he was the only one who was puni~shed therefor; so, while we blame him, let us shed a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, the others the eating. The scene is graphically described thusly TOM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole a pig, and away he run. Here we see Tore, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, listen- ing to the witching strains of his fathers bagpipe, played by the in- dustrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, with the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat that both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its day and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought to bear upon it, Tores eyes, roving around from window to door, happen to light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for human rights~ Alas! Tore is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the fascinating pig, and ha doesnt know how strong his princi- ples are, nor how far he will go to maintain them. He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, the desire to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it as a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it tightly in his hands, and skedaddles. The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of piggy is unjpticed till the red-headed urchin whose play- mate it is looks around for the loved companiou of his child- ish sports, and finds it not. Great research, amid loud out- cries, is made, resulting only in the conviction that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace behind. Tore, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize. Visions ofalu~cious supper float through the mind of the female piperess, as she bestows her motherly benedictionupon her thoughtful son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned lesson of cooking a sucking pig. Having accomplished the First get your pig part, the rest comes easy; and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories are saluted with an odor that startles him from his generally despondent mood, and awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an unusual flavor from his usually flavor- less abode. He enters and finds a smiling wife and son, with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. What next occurred the Poet tells us in the laconic words The pig was eat. There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the fact was enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, and this happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They couldnt eat them, and they didnt own a dog; so they picked them clean and threw them away. But, Murder will out, and the tiny bones tok their own tale. The village detective soon coupled the fact of the miss. ing pig with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the door of the musicians abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to the detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a pigs bonesa stolen pigs bones, from the fact that the Piper did not earn enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole the sucking-pig? Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to have any light-fingered proclivities. Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe and could prove an alibi. There was no one left but ToM. Circumstances pointed him out: he loved good eating and hated work, and had beennoticed gazing upon the charms of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. Tore was the thief, and the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too uncertain and expensive, Tore was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was resolved to take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells us TOM was boat. Undoubtedly Tore was glad when they got through, and although he Went roaring down the street, it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach pumps in those days. Sceae.A City Restaurant. Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast.) Anything more, sir ? Customer. Hmwellyes; bring me an omelette souffle~e. Waiter. Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessrr. (Rkit, humming the popular tune.) Ilninteutioaaily Appropriate. The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and then in- nocently requests the False Reporting Tribune to copy it! A Pnzrrx IDEA or Mn. VAn ThrmznnAre: Hz rAxns urs rounesrxa our ron A sAIL, THUS, AND 5A~Z5 mx ETFENSE OP A BOAT.

12 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. N ___ -~ - -717W zi - mx THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO VII. LoM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole aPig, and away he run; The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat, And TOM went roaring down the street. The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great excitement in the period in which it occurred, although at the present date it would not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest ripple on the glassy calm of our most sleepy village. We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little peccadillo such as the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a purse, unless it contains a large amount, and was taken under the most aggravating circumstances from ourselves. A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect hundreds of people, or a midnight murder executed wilh the malignancy of a fiend, will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even that soon passes out of mind, and society settles back into its imperturbable apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still further, and be- coming by degrees proof against being stirred by anything that does not affect ourselves personally. Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the as- tounding temerity of the Pipers son, in laying felonious hands on the property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days. Poor Tow was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for although he was the one who committed the crime, he was not the only one who reaped a benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells us, he was the only one who was puni~shed therefor; so, while we blame him, let us shed a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, the others the eating. The scene is graphically described thusly TOM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole a pig, and away he run. Here we see Tore, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, listen- ing to the witching strains of his fathers bagpipe, played by the in- dustrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, with the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat that both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its day and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought to bear upon it, Tores eyes, roving around from window to door, happen to light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for human rights~ Alas! Tore is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the fascinating pig, and ha doesnt know how strong his princi- ples are, nor how far he will go to maintain them. He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, the desire to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it as a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it tightly in his hands, and skedaddles. The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of piggy is unjpticed till the red-headed urchin whose play- mate it is looks around for the loved companiou of his child- ish sports, and finds it not. Great research, amid loud out- cries, is made, resulting only in the conviction that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace behind. Tore, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize. Visions ofalu~cious supper float through the mind of the female piperess, as she bestows her motherly benedictionupon her thoughtful son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned lesson of cooking a sucking pig. Having accomplished the First get your pig part, the rest comes easy; and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories are saluted with an odor that startles him from his generally despondent mood, and awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an unusual flavor from his usually flavor- less abode. He enters and finds a smiling wife and son, with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. What next occurred the Poet tells us in the laconic words The pig was eat. There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the fact was enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, and this happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They couldnt eat them, and they didnt own a dog; so they picked them clean and threw them away. But, Murder will out, and the tiny bones tok their own tale. The village detective soon coupled the fact of the miss. ing pig with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the door of the musicians abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to the detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a pigs bonesa stolen pigs bones, from the fact that the Piper did not earn enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole the sucking-pig? Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to have any light-fingered proclivities. Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe and could prove an alibi. There was no one left but ToM. Circumstances pointed him out: he loved good eating and hated work, and had beennoticed gazing upon the charms of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. Tore was the thief, and the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too uncertain and expensive, Tore was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was resolved to take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells us TOM was boat. Undoubtedly Tore was glad when they got through, and although he Went roaring down the street, it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach pumps in those days. Sceae.A City Restaurant. Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast.) Anything more, sir ? Customer. Hmwellyes; bring me an omelette souffle~e. Waiter. Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessrr. (Rkit, humming the popular tune.) Ilninteutioaaily Appropriate. The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and then in- nocently requests the False Reporting Tribune to copy it! A Pnzrrx IDEA or Mn. VAn ThrmznnAre: Hz rAxns urs rounesrxa our ron A sAIL, THUS, AND 5A~Z5 mx ETFENSE OP A BOAT.

12 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 1870. N ___ -~ - -717W zi - mx THE POEMS OF THE CRADLE. CANTO VII. LoM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole aPig, and away he run; The Pig was eat, and TOM was beat, And TOM went roaring down the street. The above verse immortalizes an event that caused great excitement in the period in which it occurred, although at the present date it would not be considered of much account, or cause the smallest ripple on the glassy calm of our most sleepy village. We have progressed beyond being stirred by any little peccadillo such as the theft of a pig or a sheep, or even a watch or a purse, unless it contains a large amount, and was taken under the most aggravating circumstances from ourselves. A robbery of a bank of a million, when it happens to affect hundreds of people, or a midnight murder executed wilh the malignancy of a fiend, will sometimes stir up the public for a few days, but even that soon passes out of mind, and society settles back into its imperturbable apathy, retreating with each wave of excitement still further, and be- coming by degrees proof against being stirred by anything that does not affect ourselves personally. Not so, however, in those days of Arcadian simplicity; for the as- tounding temerity of the Pipers son, in laying felonious hands on the property of the village butcher, or baker, caused an excitement second only to a hanging, or a first-class sensational horror, of later days. Poor Tow was a deal to be pitied as well as blamed; for although he was the one who committed the crime, he was not the only one who reaped a benefit therefrom. But the traditional historian tells us, he was the only one who was puni~shed therefor; so, while we blame him, let us shed a tear of sympathy because he alone got the beating, the others the eating. The scene is graphically described thusly TOM, TOM the Pipers son, Stole a pig, and away he run. Here we see Tore, the good-for-nothing, standing idly around, listen- ing to the witching strains of his fathers bagpipe, played by the in- dustrious musician before the doors of the well-to-do villagers, with the laudable view of obtaining the wherewith to purchase the meat that both might eat; and while the instrument that has well served its day and generation is groaning and wheezing under the pressure brought to bear upon it, Tores eyes, roving around from window to door, happen to light on a beautiful sucking-pig, that reposes in all the innocent beauty of baby pighood before the open door of a zealous stickler for human rights~ Alas! Tore is not acquainted with the gentlemanly owner of the fascinating pig, and ha doesnt know how strong his princi- ples are, nor how far he will go to maintain them. He gazes enraptured upon the dainty porker, and as he looks, the desire to own just such a one grows upon him, and soon it becomes a determination to own that identical one, for never another could equal that. He looks stealthily around and finds the eyes of all are fixed upon the musician and his bagpipe. No one notices him, and hailing it as a happy omen, he pounces upon the coveted quadruped, grasps it tightly in his hands, and skedaddles. The music is ended and the crowd disperses. The absence of piggy is unjpticed till the red-headed urchin whose play- mate it is looks around for the loved companiou of his child- ish sports, and finds it not. Great research, amid loud out- cries, is made, resulting only in the conviction that the pet of the family is gone, leaving no trace behind. Tore, with his prize, exultingly hurries homeward, his heart swelling with joy at his luck. Like a dutiful son, he rushes to the arms of his maternal parent and deposits in her capacious lap the dainty prize. Visions ofalu~cious supper float through the mind of the female piperess, as she bestows her motherly benedictionupon her thoughtful son, and proceeds to put into execution the well-conned lesson of cooking a sucking pig. Having accomplished the First get your pig part, the rest comes easy; and at night, when the old Piper returns, his olfactories are saluted with an odor that startles him from his generally despondent mood, and awakens his curiosity as to the cause of such an unusual flavor from his usually flavor- less abode. He enters and finds a smiling wife and son, with a smoking pig awaiting his coming. What next occurred the Poet tells us in the laconic words The pig was eat. There was no necessity for describing the way of eating; the fact was enough. But alas! there is always a dark side to everything, and this happy family were no exception, The bones were left. They couldnt eat them, and they didnt own a dog; so they picked them clean and threw them away. But, Murder will out, and the tiny bones tok their own tale. The village detective soon coupled the fact of the miss. ing pig with the unusual occurrence of a heap of bones before the door of the musicians abode, and by a process of reasoning unknown to the detectives of the present day, decided that those bones were a pigs bonesa stolen pigs bones, from the fact that the Piper did not earn enough to indulge in such luxuries as sucking-pigs. Now who stole the sucking-pig? Clearly not Madame Piper, for she was too fat and heavy to have any light-fingered proclivities. Clearly not the Piper himself, for he was playing his bagpipe and could prove an alibi. There was no one left but ToM. Circumstances pointed him out: he loved good eating and hated work, and had beennoticed gazing upon the charms of the missing family pet. It was settled, then. Tore was the thief, and the offender must be punished. But how? Law was too uncertain and expensive, Tore was too poor to pay for the pig, so it was resolved to take the worth of it out of him by beating. The poet tells us TOM was boat. Undoubtedly Tore was glad when they got through, and although he Went roaring down the street, it was a matter of rejoicing with him that he had saved his bacon. It was impossible to get that out through his hide, and they had no stomach pumps in those days. Sceae.A City Restaurant. Waiter, (to customer, who is winding up his repast.) Anything more, sir ? Customer. Hmwellyes; bring me an omelette souffle~e. Waiter. Omelet Shoo-fly, sir? Yessrr. (Rkit, humming the popular tune.) Ilninteutioaaily Appropriate. The Sun tells a very large story of its own circulation, and then in- nocently requests the False Reporting Tribune to copy it! A Pnzrrx IDEA or Mn. VAn ThrmznnAre: Hz rAxns urs rounesrxa our ron A sAIL, THUS, AND 5A~Z5 mx ETFENSE OP A BOAT. O~. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO 18 BY GEORGE! (Continued.) LAKE G~onGz, Sept. 6. Dw~ Puicm~u~o:In my last I promised to finish my trip on the Lake and give you some reliable rumors about the Rogers Slide. I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory frame of mind. I have had breakfast this morning. When I say this I mean that I have had this mornings breakfast this morning. Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this place, can safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance. For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered broiled Spring Chicken. The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird up his loins with a base ball belt. In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a fowl of venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have put to shame any ostrich that Dr. LIvmIGsToNE ever saw. I asked the head waiter if he called that a Spring Chicken? He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken in the place. This clears up another great hotel mystery. The man outflanked this gentie birdling on the eighth time round, in 6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the time of the late Harvard and Yale Foul considerably. I say outflanked, because it is not the intention of these sunny Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, but to drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely bowled to an untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, and there are always half a dozen darkies standing around ready to bet that the chicken wont be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case may be, this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest. Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not more than nine or ten-pin feathers left. Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called Sabbath Day Point, in consequence of ABEncEoMBIE having landed there on a Wed- nesday morning. Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see the Point. A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear at this place that one could see objects when thirty feet from the bot- tom. I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to see what ones distan(~l from the bottom has to do with his seeing ob- jects. I give it up. On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called Sugar Loaf Moun- tam because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose. Finally we passed Rogers Slide, which is a rocky precipice three hundred feet high, sloping neariy perpendiculariy into the water. A decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice. There are a great many romantic traditions about this same Roc+us.s, who is regarded by the simple natives as having been an altogether high-minded and gorgeous characterthe fact being that he was one o~ those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of having lived in Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up to the emu- lation of primary schools as a Patriot Hero. Literally he was simply an unmixed evil, fighting only to steal something, and devo- ting what time and talent he could spare from his legitimate profession which was seven-upto generally bedeviling and encroaching~ upon the neighboring Indians. - As an enchroachist he was immense. The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough was enough, and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end to the delicate attentions of the Marked Back. This sobriquet they conferred upon him partly on account of the fact that he usually received his wounds while leaving their immediate vi- cinity, and partly because of a peculiar characteristic of the kind of cards he used. The Commissioners caught ROGERS outhunting, and chased him until he came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake below, and, unfortunately, escaped unharmed. The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his snow- shoes, soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they c~n- cluded to let him slide. Hence the name. Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone over. Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left pro- duced a profound impression on their untutored minds. They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got in with some bad spirits. It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the place, that the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were in him. The mark worn by Mr. Rs cheviots in his descent can still be distinctly seen. About half way up is a shining object which is generally believed to be a suspender button. This, however, is merely conjecturaL The clerk of theboat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me that until within a few years back, the hole in the water where Rooxas struck could be seen. But it is all gone now, he said, shaking his head sadly. Nothing can escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. Piece by piece they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace of it left now. And he wept at my tranquillity. At the north end of ~he Lake we took stages for Fort Ticonderoga. These vehicles were rim by a man who was pointed out as a charac- ter, which means a sort of licensed nuisance. The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much re- flection inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated politi- cian who has invented a way of taking it out on the unhappy public as follows: He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote and sol- itary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, mounts a stump, andon pretence of exhibiting the beauties of natureproceeds to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very high bent, or until one of the slumbering outsides creates a welcome diversion by fall- ing off and breaking his neck. We came to what was really a curiositytwo kinds of trees growing from on~ trunk, which this concentration of bores, this mitrailleuse, in fact, improved accordingly. Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the re-markable and pe-culiar works of a benign Per-rovidence. On the right you see the sturdy and ir~-hearted oak, while on the left you behold the modest and be-utiful ellum. What Heving has joined together let no man put asundergerlang with yer hosses 1 It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented ex- cursions to Fort Ty. It is not a place to Tye to. One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised me to go and look at the magazine. I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didnt find any, and, on the whole, I was glad of it. If people dont know any more than to leave their Galaceys and Harpers lying around loose when travelling, why, they deserve to have them stolen, thats all. I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything that dis- gusts me, it is to meet people that aint posted about things. As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing sun was flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene below, and the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came stealing sweetly over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like sounds reached our ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who sat near, started, smiled, and turning to me, said: Did I ever tell you that story about SLTJKEB ? As I had never seen the party before, I repliod that if he had I had forgotten it. Swzm~, he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; SLunm~, he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle of his umbrella; SLuxEn, he continued in my next, my dear Puncnn~raLLo, in my next. SAGinAw DODD. (To be continued.] Sauce. Tusus can be no doubt that Grilvy is in the right place, as a member of the Provisional government of France.

O~. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO 18 BY GEORGE! (Continued.) LAKE G~onGz, Sept. 6. Dw~ Puicm~u~o:In my last I promised to finish my trip on the Lake and give you some reliable rumors about the Rogers Slide. I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory frame of mind. I have had breakfast this morning. When I say this I mean that I have had this mornings breakfast this morning. Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this place, can safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance. For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered broiled Spring Chicken. The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird up his loins with a base ball belt. In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a fowl of venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have put to shame any ostrich that Dr. LIvmIGsToNE ever saw. I asked the head waiter if he called that a Spring Chicken? He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken in the place. This clears up another great hotel mystery. The man outflanked this gentie birdling on the eighth time round, in 6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the time of the late Harvard and Yale Foul considerably. I say outflanked, because it is not the intention of these sunny Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, but to drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely bowled to an untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, and there are always half a dozen darkies standing around ready to bet that the chicken wont be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case may be, this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest. Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not more than nine or ten-pin feathers left. Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called Sabbath Day Point, in consequence of ABEncEoMBIE having landed there on a Wed- nesday morning. Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see the Point. A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear at this place that one could see objects when thirty feet from the bot- tom. I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to see what ones distan(~l from the bottom has to do with his seeing ob- jects. I give it up. On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called Sugar Loaf Moun- tam because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose. Finally we passed Rogers Slide, which is a rocky precipice three hundred feet high, sloping neariy perpendiculariy into the water. A decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice. There are a great many romantic traditions about this same Roc+us.s, who is regarded by the simple natives as having been an altogether high-minded and gorgeous characterthe fact being that he was one o~ those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of having lived in Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up to the emu- lation of primary schools as a Patriot Hero. Literally he was simply an unmixed evil, fighting only to steal something, and devo- ting what time and talent he could spare from his legitimate profession which was seven-upto generally bedeviling and encroaching~ upon the neighboring Indians. - As an enchroachist he was immense. The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough was enough, and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end to the delicate attentions of the Marked Back. This sobriquet they conferred upon him partly on account of the fact that he usually received his wounds while leaving their immediate vi- cinity, and partly because of a peculiar characteristic of the kind of cards he used. The Commissioners caught ROGERS outhunting, and chased him until he came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake below, and, unfortunately, escaped unharmed. The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his snow- shoes, soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they c~n- cluded to let him slide. Hence the name. Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone over. Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left pro- duced a profound impression on their untutored minds. They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got in with some bad spirits. It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the place, that the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were in him. The mark worn by Mr. Rs cheviots in his descent can still be distinctly seen. About half way up is a shining object which is generally believed to be a suspender button. This, however, is merely conjecturaL The clerk of theboat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me that until within a few years back, the hole in the water where Rooxas struck could be seen. But it is all gone now, he said, shaking his head sadly. Nothing can escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. Piece by piece they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace of it left now. And he wept at my tranquillity. At the north end of ~he Lake we took stages for Fort Ticonderoga. These vehicles were rim by a man who was pointed out as a charac- ter, which means a sort of licensed nuisance. The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much re- flection inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated politi- cian who has invented a way of taking it out on the unhappy public as follows: He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote and sol- itary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, mounts a stump, andon pretence of exhibiting the beauties of natureproceeds to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very high bent, or until one of the slumbering outsides creates a welcome diversion by fall- ing off and breaking his neck. We came to what was really a curiositytwo kinds of trees growing from on~ trunk, which this concentration of bores, this mitrailleuse, in fact, improved accordingly. Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the re-markable and pe-culiar works of a benign Per-rovidence. On the right you see the sturdy and ir~-hearted oak, while on the left you behold the modest and be-utiful ellum. What Heving has joined together let no man put asundergerlang with yer hosses 1 It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented ex- cursions to Fort Ty. It is not a place to Tye to. One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised me to go and look at the magazine. I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didnt find any, and, on the whole, I was glad of it. If people dont know any more than to leave their Galaceys and Harpers lying around loose when travelling, why, they deserve to have them stolen, thats all. I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything that dis- gusts me, it is to meet people that aint posted about things. As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing sun was flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene below, and the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came stealing sweetly over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like sounds reached our ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who sat near, started, smiled, and turning to me, said: Did I ever tell you that story about SLTJKEB ? As I had never seen the party before, I repliod that if he had I had forgotten it. Swzm~, he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; SLunm~, he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle of his umbrella; SLuxEn, he continued in my next, my dear Puncnn~raLLo, in my next. SAGinAw DODD. (To be continued.] Sauce. Tusus can be no doubt that Grilvy is in the right place, as a member of the Provisional government of France.

O~. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO 18 BY GEORGE! (Continued.) LAKE G~onGz, Sept. 6. Dw~ Puicm~u~o:In my last I promised to finish my trip on the Lake and give you some reliable rumors about the Rogers Slide. I am prepared to do this to-day, in a happy and congratulatory frame of mind. I have had breakfast this morning. When I say this I mean that I have had this mornings breakfast this morning. Any one who has achieved so remarkable a success, at this place, can safely plume himself on his patience and physical endurance. For instance, this morning, for the first time, I ordered broiled Spring Chicken. The waiter gave me a disconsolate look and proceeded to gird up his loins with a base ball belt. In a few moments he dashed past the window in hot pursuit of a fowl of venerable appearance, but of a style of going that would have put to shame any ostrich that Dr. LIvmIGsToNE ever saw. I asked the head waiter if he called that a Spring Chicken? He said he guessed that chicken could out-Spring any chicken in the place. This clears up another great hotel mystery. The man outflanked this gentie birdling on the eighth time round, in 6.23, which is considered very good indeed, and beats the time of the late Harvard and Yale Foul considerably. I say outflanked, because it is not the intention of these sunny Amendments to put an end to these feathery Dexters immediately, but to drive them into the ten-pin alley, where they are leisurely bowled to an untimely end. As, however, pony balls are generally used, and there are always half a dozen darkies standing around ready to bet that the chicken wont be killed in forty balls, or sixty, as the case may be, this part of the process is rather tedious to the guest. Sometimes, when the chicken is not very active, there are not more than nine or ten-pin feathers left. Well, the next place the boat stopped at is called Sabbath Day Point, in consequence of ABEncEoMBIE having landed there on a Wed- nesday morning. Its name will therefore be considered a joke by such as see the Point. A gentleman on board informed me that the water was so clear at this place that one could see objects when thirty feet from the bot- tom. I have thought and thought over this remark, but am unable to see what ones distan(~l from the bottom has to do with his seeing ob- jects. I give it up. On the opposite side of the Lake is a hill called Sugar Loaf Moun- tam because it is a sweet place for loafers, I suppose. Finally we passed Rogers Slide, which is a rocky precipice three hundred feet high, sloping neariy perpendiculariy into the water. A decidedly unpleasant-looking place for cellar-door practice. There are a great many romantic traditions about this same Roc+us.s, who is regarded by the simple natives as having been an altogether high-minded and gorgeous characterthe fact being that he was one o~ those unmitigated old scamps who owe to the accident of having lived in Revolutionary times, the distinction of being held up to the emu- lation of primary schools as a Patriot Hero. Literally he was simply an unmixed evil, fighting only to steal something, and devo- ting what time and talent he could spare from his legitimate profession which was seven-upto generally bedeviling and encroaching~ upon the neighboring Indians. - As an enchroachist he was immense. The noble red-skins alluded to finally concluded that enough was enough, and appointed a Special Commission to put a permanent end to the delicate attentions of the Marked Back. This sobriquet they conferred upon him partly on account of the fact that he usually received his wounds while leaving their immediate vi- cinity, and partly because of a peculiar characteristic of the kind of cards he used. The Commissioners caught ROGERS outhunting, and chased him until he came to this precipice, down which he slid into the Lake below, and, unfortunately, escaped unharmed. The Indians, who were pursuing him by the imprints of his snow- shoes, soon arrived at the brink. Seeing what had occurred, they c~n- cluded to let him slide. Hence the name. Evidently they thought, from the trail, that he must have gone over. Though he was by no means a missionary, the Tracks he had left pro- duced a profound impression on their untutored minds. They at once concluded that he was drowned, or had got in with some bad spirits. It is obvious, however, to the most casual observer of the place, that the reverse must have been the case. The bad spirits were in him. The mark worn by Mr. Rs cheviots in his descent can still be distinctly seen. About half way up is a shining object which is generally believed to be a suspender button. This, however, is merely conjecturaL The clerk of theboat, of whom I have spoken before, tells me that until within a few years back, the hole in the water where Rooxas struck could be seen. But it is all gone now, he said, shaking his head sadly. Nothing can escape the Vandal horde of tourists and relic hunters. Piece by piece they have carried the hole away, and there is no trace of it left now. And he wept at my tranquillity. At the north end of ~he Lake we took stages for Fort Ticonderoga. These vehicles were rim by a man who was pointed out as a charac- ter, which means a sort of licensed nuisance. The monomania of this individual was speech making, and much re- flection inclines me to the belief that he is some unappreciated politi- cian who has invented a way of taking it out on the unhappy public as follows: He waits until his five immense stages arrive at some remote and sol- itary part of the road, then draws them up in a semi-circle, mounts a stump, andon pretence of exhibiting the beauties of natureproceeds to harangue the helpless fares to the top of his very high bent, or until one of the slumbering outsides creates a welcome diversion by fall- ing off and breaking his neck. We came to what was really a curiositytwo kinds of trees growing from on~ trunk, which this concentration of bores, this mitrailleuse, in fact, improved accordingly. Here, Ladies and Gentlemen, you per-ceive one of the re-markable and pe-culiar works of a benign Per-rovidence. On the right you see the sturdy and ir~-hearted oak, while on the left you behold the modest and be-utiful ellum. What Heving has joined together let no man put asundergerlang with yer hosses 1 It must have been a Sunday-school Superintendent who invented ex- cursions to Fort Ty. It is not a place to Tye to. One old gentleman pointed to an underground hole and advised me to go and look at the magazine. I went; but it is hardly necessary to say that I didnt find any, and, on the whole, I was glad of it. If people dont know any more than to leave their Galaceys and Harpers lying around loose when travelling, why, they deserve to have them stolen, thats all. I was sorry for the old gentleman, but if there is anything that dis- gusts me, it is to meet people that aint posted about things. As the steamer neared the Hotel, on our return, the departing sun was flinging back his last good-night smile on the lovely scene below, and the musical chime of the little church at Caldwell came stealing sweetly over the bosom of the placid Lake. As its fairy-like sounds reached our ears, a melancholy-looking man with long hair, who sat near, started, smiled, and turning to me, said: Did I ever tell you that story about SLTJKEB ? As I had never seen the party before, I repliod that if he had I had forgotten it. Swzm~, he repeated, gazing absently at the distant spire; SLunm~, he reiterated, rubbing his nose abstractedly with the handle of his umbrella; SLuxEn, he continued in my next, my dear Puncnn~raLLo, in my next. SAGinAw DODD. (To be continued.] Sauce. Tusus can be no doubt that Grilvy is in the right place, as a member of the Provisional government of France. 14 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 18Th. Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go to the making up of an efficient Hawkshaw. That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a cir- cumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of counter- feiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations im- mediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the counter- feiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is dutyoften stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted their Spitz- dog noses between the joints of the artists doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile den. Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipestobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil Some of the officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the de- linquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the night. Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistakeor a jokewe are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly in- terested do not look upon it as a joke. Now It is a very clear case that the mistake in questionor joke may be traced to a deficiency of educa- tion on the part of these vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been prop- erly cultivated in the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been ac- knowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August Pres- ence with obsequlous genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether a course of lectures upon art should riot henceforth be considered au indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their ed- ucation, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous vege- tablessuch as beans. Temporary Obscuration of the Hub. BOSTON already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Com- mons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Bos- ton must fall into insignificance and feel small. On the second day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Commonall, all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant command. Boy and Man. Miss Anuz P. LAnD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace. To be a man and magistrate Twas natural that Asziz sighed, Since she one phase of mans estate Afready as a LADD had fried. A ~ut tor the Ladles Club. Referring to the recent ladies boat race at Harlem, a reporter says that the girls all rowed badly. This is a discouraging comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume mans attributes, (not to mention his other butes and the what-dye-call-ems gener- ally associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. NEW PUBLICATIONS. AMONG the numerous portraits of the late CRAnLus Drc~RsNs now be- fore the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromo- graph lately issued by PRANG & Co, of Boston and New York. It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of thoughtrather ashe might have appeared when meditating over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall. Oki Gent. DONT SCATTER WATER ON MT rEET, MAN,DO TOU 5UPPOSE I WANT EM TO GROw ANT BIGGER ? EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.

14 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 18Th. Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go to the making up of an efficient Hawkshaw. That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a cir- cumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of counter- feiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations im- mediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the counter- feiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is dutyoften stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted their Spitz- dog noses between the joints of the artists doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile den. Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipestobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil Some of the officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the de- linquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the night. Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistakeor a jokewe are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly in- terested do not look upon it as a joke. Now It is a very clear case that the mistake in questionor joke may be traced to a deficiency of educa- tion on the part of these vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been prop- erly cultivated in the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been ac- knowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August Pres- ence with obsequlous genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether a course of lectures upon art should riot henceforth be considered au indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their ed- ucation, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous vege- tablessuch as beans. Temporary Obscuration of the Hub. BOSTON already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Com- mons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Bos- ton must fall into insignificance and feel small. On the second day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Commonall, all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant command. Boy and Man. Miss Anuz P. LAnD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace. To be a man and magistrate Twas natural that Asziz sighed, Since she one phase of mans estate Afready as a LADD had fried. A ~ut tor the Ladles Club. Referring to the recent ladies boat race at Harlem, a reporter says that the girls all rowed badly. This is a discouraging comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume mans attributes, (not to mention his other butes and the what-dye-call-ems gener- ally associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. NEW PUBLICATIONS. AMONG the numerous portraits of the late CRAnLus Drc~RsNs now be- fore the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromo- graph lately issued by PRANG & Co, of Boston and New York. It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of thoughtrather ashe might have appeared when meditating over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall. Oki Gent. DONT SCATTER WATER ON MT rEET, MAN,DO TOU 5UPPOSE I WANT EM TO GROw ANT BIGGER ? EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.

14 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 18Th. Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go to the making up of an efficient Hawkshaw. That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a cir- cumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of counter- feiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations im- mediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the counter- feiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is dutyoften stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted their Spitz- dog noses between the joints of the artists doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile den. Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipestobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil Some of the officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the de- linquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the night. Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistakeor a jokewe are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly in- terested do not look upon it as a joke. Now It is a very clear case that the mistake in questionor joke may be traced to a deficiency of educa- tion on the part of these vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been prop- erly cultivated in the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been ac- knowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August Pres- ence with obsequlous genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether a course of lectures upon art should riot henceforth be considered au indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their ed- ucation, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous vege- tablessuch as beans. Temporary Obscuration of the Hub. BOSTON already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Com- mons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Bos- ton must fall into insignificance and feel small. On the second day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Commonall, all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant command. Boy and Man. Miss Anuz P. LAnD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace. To be a man and magistrate Twas natural that Asziz sighed, Since she one phase of mans estate Afready as a LADD had fried. A ~ut tor the Ladles Club. Referring to the recent ladies boat race at Harlem, a reporter says that the girls all rowed badly. This is a discouraging comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume mans attributes, (not to mention his other butes and the what-dye-call-ems gener- ally associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. NEW PUBLICATIONS. AMONG the numerous portraits of the late CRAnLus Drc~RsNs now be- fore the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromo- graph lately issued by PRANG & Co, of Boston and New York. It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of thoughtrather ashe might have appeared when meditating over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall. Oki Gent. DONT SCATTER WATER ON MT rEET, MAN,DO TOU 5UPPOSE I WANT EM TO GROw ANT BIGGER ? EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.

14 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 18Th. Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go to the making up of an efficient Hawkshaw. That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a cir- cumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of counter- feiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations im- mediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the counter- feiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is dutyoften stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted their Spitz- dog noses between the joints of the artists doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile den. Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipestobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil Some of the officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the de- linquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the night. Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistakeor a jokewe are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly in- terested do not look upon it as a joke. Now It is a very clear case that the mistake in questionor joke may be traced to a deficiency of educa- tion on the part of these vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been prop- erly cultivated in the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been ac- knowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August Pres- ence with obsequlous genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether a course of lectures upon art should riot henceforth be considered au indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their ed- ucation, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous vege- tablessuch as beans. Temporary Obscuration of the Hub. BOSTON already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Com- mons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Bos- ton must fall into insignificance and feel small. On the second day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Commonall, all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant command. Boy and Man. Miss Anuz P. LAnD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace. To be a man and magistrate Twas natural that Asziz sighed, Since she one phase of mans estate Afready as a LADD had fried. A ~ut tor the Ladles Club. Referring to the recent ladies boat race at Harlem, a reporter says that the girls all rowed badly. This is a discouraging comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume mans attributes, (not to mention his other butes and the what-dye-call-ems gener- ally associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. NEW PUBLICATIONS. AMONG the numerous portraits of the late CRAnLus Drc~RsNs now be- fore the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromo- graph lately issued by PRANG & Co, of Boston and New York. It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of thoughtrather ashe might have appeared when meditating over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall. Oki Gent. DONT SCATTER WATER ON MT rEET, MAN,DO TOU 5UPPOSE I WANT EM TO GROw ANT BIGGER ? EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.

14 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 18Th. Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go to the making up of an efficient Hawkshaw. That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a cir- cumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of counter- feiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations im- mediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the counter- feiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is dutyoften stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted their Spitz- dog noses between the joints of the artists doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile den. Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipestobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil Some of the officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the de- linquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the night. Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistakeor a jokewe are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly in- terested do not look upon it as a joke. Now It is a very clear case that the mistake in questionor joke may be traced to a deficiency of educa- tion on the part of these vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been prop- erly cultivated in the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been ac- knowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August Pres- ence with obsequlous genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether a course of lectures upon art should riot henceforth be considered au indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their ed- ucation, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous vege- tablessuch as beans. Temporary Obscuration of the Hub. BOSTON already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Com- mons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Bos- ton must fall into insignificance and feel small. On the second day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Commonall, all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant command. Boy and Man. Miss Anuz P. LAnD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace. To be a man and magistrate Twas natural that Asziz sighed, Since she one phase of mans estate Afready as a LADD had fried. A ~ut tor the Ladles Club. Referring to the recent ladies boat race at Harlem, a reporter says that the girls all rowed badly. This is a discouraging comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume mans attributes, (not to mention his other butes and the what-dye-call-ems gener- ally associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. NEW PUBLICATIONS. AMONG the numerous portraits of the late CRAnLus Drc~RsNs now be- fore the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromo- graph lately issued by PRANG & Co, of Boston and New York. It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of thoughtrather ashe might have appeared when meditating over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall. Oki Gent. DONT SCATTER WATER ON MT rEET, MAN,DO TOU 5UPPOSE I WANT EM TO GROw ANT BIGGER ? EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES.

14 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 1, 18Th. Although our Metropolitan Detectives have hitherto failed to solve the mystery in which certain atrocious murders remain shrouded, yet it would be simply captious to impeach them, on that account, for lack of sagacity, zeal, courage, or any of the numerous other qualities that go to the making up of an efficient Hawkshaw. That they are not deficient in zeal, at least, is manifest from a cir- cumstance which took place a short time since. Counterfeiting had been carried on to a great extent in the city. The rashness of counter- feiters is proverbial, and they usually carry on their operations im- mediately under the nasal protuberance of the law. Nevertheless, in the case under notice, some vigilant detective, with a nose as sharp as that of a Spitz-dog, obtained a clue to the arrangements of the counter- feiters. Having informed some of his associates, a concerted descent was made by the party upon a house in one of the lower streets of the city. A portion of the house is, and has been for years past, occupied by several artists connected with the illustrated press. Few gentlemen are better known in large circles than these artists, none more highly appreciated by hosts of friends. But duty is dutyoften stern, but never to be shirked; and so the faithful detectives inserted their Spitz- dog noses between the joints of the artists doors, and, having smelt a very large rat, suddenly burst in upon these graphic malefactors, and caught them in the act, with all the tools and paraphernalia of their nefarious occupation scattered about their vile den. Most of them were engaged in executing drawings upon blocks of wood, although it is probable that some of them were smoking pipestobacco being vastly conducive to that concentration of thought by which alone great mental efforts can be followed by equivalent results. Short work was made by the sagacious detectives, when they saw the graphic malefactors engaged in their diabolical toil Some of the officers seized the implements of the gang, while others collared the de- linquents, and marched them through the streets to the nearest police station, where they were thrust into a dungeon and locked up for the night. Next morning, on being taken before a magistrate, the prisoners were discharged, on the grounds that the affair was a mistakeor a jokewe are not exactly informed which; but the parties chiefly in- terested do not look upon it as a joke. Now It is a very clear case that the mistake in questionor joke may be traced to a deficiency of educa- tion on the part of these vigilant and zealous detectives. Had they been prop- erly cultivated in the various branches of art, the slight blunder to which we refer could not have occurred. The Spitz-dog noses, instead of smelling Rat, would have smelt its anagram, Art. Its influence would at once have been ac- knowledged by them, and they would have backed out from the August Pres- ence with obsequlous genuflexions. It becomes a question of moment, then, whether a course of lectures upon art should riot henceforth be considered au indispensable branch of the education of our excellent detectives. We would not limit the proposed extension of their ed- ucation, however, to the study of art, alone. Botany should be insisted on as a necessary accession to the stock of the detectives learning; and especially would we have them instructed in a full knowledge of the leguminous vege- tablessuch as beans. Temporary Obscuration of the Hub. BOSTON already has the biggest church- organ in all Creation. She also has the most public Public Garden of modern times. Last year she had the loudest Musical Jubilee ever organized, and it is further to be noted that she is the proud possessor of the most uncommon of Com- mons. Early in October, however, all these cherished immensities of Bos- ton must fall into insignificance and feel small. On the second day of that month, Colonel FISK is to make his triumphant entry into Boston, at the head of the gallant Ninth. Organ, Jubilee, Public Garden, Big Drum, Commonall, all of these will then have to subside and fade away into thin air before the stately presence of the Prince of Erie and his valiant command. Boy and Man. Miss Anuz P. LAnD, of Augusta, Me., has been appointed by the governor and confirmed by the council as a justice of the peace. To be a man and magistrate Twas natural that Asziz sighed, Since she one phase of mans estate Afready as a LADD had fried. A ~ut tor the Ladles Club. Referring to the recent ladies boat race at Harlem, a reporter says that the girls all rowed badly. This is a discouraging comment on the frantic efforts now making by women to assume mans attributes, (not to mention his other butes and the what-dye-call-ems gener- ally associated with them,) and it is a very significant fact that the comment can be tersely clinched by the words So rows Sis. NEW PUBLICATIONS. AMONG the numerous portraits of the late CRAnLus Drc~RsNs now be- fore the public, none are likely to be more popular than one in chromo- graph lately issued by PRANG & Co, of Boston and New York. It represents the great and genial writer as some few years younger than he was when he last visited this country. The expression of the face is one of thoughtrather ashe might have appeared when meditating over some new turn to be given to the thread of a narrative, than as he used to look when reading to an audience. This picture is printed in two or three simple tints, of which the flesh tint is the most predominant. It is set in an oval passe-partout, and requires only a glass over it to fit it for placing on a wall. Oki Gent. DONT SCATTER WATER ON MT rEET, MAN,DO TOU 5UPPOSE I WANT EM TO GROw ANT BIGGER ? EDUCATION FOR DETECTIVES. OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 15 A. T. Stewart & Co. Rave just received several Cases PARIS MADE SILK AND POPLIN Street and Evening DRESSES, Two cases Cloth and Velvet Pattern Sacques, Cloaks, & c., An opening of HANDSOME TRIMMED HATS, Latest Paris Style. Also, Childrens and Misses Undergarments, lutkuts Outfits, etc., etc. Several Cases Real India Carnels-IFlair Sha-w-ls, At unusually attractive prices. Embroideries, Laces, Real Lace and Llama Pointes, Dresses, & c. WEDDING- TROUSSEAUX. The above forms only a very small portion of their Large and Attractive Stock of ELEGANT GOODS, Imported and Domestic Made. Offered at BROADWAY, 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. A. T. Stewart & Co. Offer the largest, richest, and cheapest stock of DRESS GOODS, That has ever been Offered in this City, Comprising many Novelties in Poplins, Armures Cloths, Epiaglines, Extra Quality Herinos, Ladies Cloths, & c., & c. A Large Line of DOMESTIC SHIRTIN(I~S, SHEETIN(I~S, BLANKETS, FLANNELS, And every variety of HOUSEKEEPING GOODS. B IL 0 A D W A Y, 4th Avenne, 9th and 10th Streets. EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS CARPETS. FiveFrame ENGLISH BRUSSELS, Reduced to $1.75 per yard. 200 Pieces Five-Frame English Brussels, Greater part Confined Styles, Reduced to $2 per yard. Very Best Quality EWLISil TAPESTRY BRUSSELS $1.30 per yard. FRENCH MOQUETTES ALD A. X M INST E R 5, $3.50 and $4 per yard. IROYAL WILTONS, Best Quality, $2.50 and $3 per yard. CROSSLEYS VEL VETS, Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard. Superfine Ingrains, 8-Plys. English and Domestic OILOLOTHS, RUGS, MA.T5, ETC., At Extremely Low Prices. A. T. STEWART & Co. BROADWAY, 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS. PUNCHINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) - - - - $4.00 six months, (without premium,) - - - - 2.00 three months, - - . - - 1.00 Single copies mailed free, for - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PIRANG & COS CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: A copy of paper. for one year, and ~~The Awakening, (a Litter qf Puppies.) Half chromo. Size 8 3-8 by 11 1-8 ($2.00 picture,)for - - $4.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. 12lx9. Dead Game. 11lx8~. Easter Morning. 6ixlO4for - - $5.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos Group of Chickens; Group of Ducklings; Group of Quails. Each 10x12A. The Poultry Yard. 10lx14. The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9$x13. Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10x12for - - - $6.50 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 chromos: The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13x164. Spring; Summer; Autumn; l2lxl6l. The Kid~s Play Ground. llxl7lfor $7.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos: Strawberries and Baskets. Cherries and Baskets. Currants. Each 13x18. Horses in a Storm. 224x154. Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9lx41for A copy of paper for one year and Six American Landscapes. (A set.) 4lx9, price $9.00for - - - $9.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $10 chromos: Sunset in California. (Bierstadt.) 18~x12 Easter Morning. 14x21. Corregios Magdalen. 12~x16~. Summer Fruit~ and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) l5lxlOl, (compan ions, puce $10.00 for the two), for $10.00 RemittanceS should be made in P. 0. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first num- ber, (April ~d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office wheie received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of money. CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For speciiil terms address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. Address, PLTNCILINELLO PUBLISHING CO., P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nass~ii Street, New York. - $8.00

OCT. 1, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 15 A. T. Stewart & Co. Rave just received several Cases PARIS MADE SILK AND POPLIN Street and Evening DRESSES, Two cases Cloth and Velvet Pattern Sacques, Cloaks, & c., An opening of HANDSOME TRIMMED HATS, Latest Paris Style. Also, Childrens and Misses Undergarments, lutkuts Outfits, etc., etc. Several Cases Real India Carnels-IFlair Sha-w-ls, At unusually attractive prices. Embroideries, Laces, Real Lace and Llama Pointes, Dresses, & c. WEDDING- TROUSSEAUX. The above forms only a very small portion of their Large and Attractive Stock of ELEGANT GOODS, Imported and Domestic Made. Offered at BROADWAY, 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. A. T. Stewart & Co. Offer the largest, richest, and cheapest stock of DRESS GOODS, That has ever been Offered in this City, Comprising many Novelties in Poplins, Armures Cloths, Epiaglines, Extra Quality Herinos, Ladies Cloths, & c., & c. A Large Line of DOMESTIC SHIRTIN(I~S, SHEETIN(I~S, BLANKETS, FLANNELS, And every variety of HOUSEKEEPING GOODS. B IL 0 A D W A Y, 4th Avenne, 9th and 10th Streets. EXTRAORDINARY BARGAINS CARPETS. FiveFrame ENGLISH BRUSSELS, Reduced to $1.75 per yard. 200 Pieces Five-Frame English Brussels, Greater part Confined Styles, Reduced to $2 per yard. Very Best Quality EWLISil TAPESTRY BRUSSELS $1.30 per yard. FRENCH MOQUETTES ALD A. X M INST E R 5, $3.50 and $4 per yard. IROYAL WILTONS, Best Quality, $2.50 and $3 per yard. CROSSLEYS VEL VETS, Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard. Superfine Ingrains, 8-Plys. English and Domestic OILOLOTHS, RUGS, MA.T5, ETC., At Extremely Low Prices. A. T. STEWART & Co. BROADWAY, 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS. PUNCHINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of April 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. CONTENTS ENTIRELY ORIGINAL. Subscription for one year, (with $2.00 premium,) - - - - $4.00 six months, (without premium,) - - - - 2.00 three months, - - . - - 1.00 Single copies mailed free, for - - - - 10 We offer the following elegant premiums of L. PIRANG & COS CHROMOS for subscriptions as follows: A copy of paper. for one year, and ~~The Awakening, (a Litter qf Puppies.) Half chromo. Size 8 3-8 by 11 1-8 ($2.00 picture,)for - - $4.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $3.00 chromos: Wild Roses. 12lx9. Dead Game. 11lx8~. Easter Morning. 6ixlO4for - - $5.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $5.00 chromos Group of Chickens; Group of Ducklings; Group of Quails. Each 10x12A. The Poultry Yard. 10lx14. The Barefoot Boy; Wild Fruit. Each 9$x13. Pointer and Quail; Spaniel and Woodcock. 10x12for - - - $6.50 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $6.00 chromos: The Baby in Trouble; The Unconscious Sleeper; The Two Friends. (Dog and Child.) Each 13x164. Spring; Summer; Autumn; l2lxl6l. The Kid~s Play Ground. llxl7lfor $7.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $7.50 chromos: Strawberries and Baskets. Cherries and Baskets. Currants. Each 13x18. Horses in a Storm. 224x154. Six Central Park Views. (A set.) 9lx41for A copy of paper for one year and Six American Landscapes. (A set.) 4lx9, price $9.00for - - - $9.00 A copy of paper for one year and either of the following $10 chromos: Sunset in California. (Bierstadt.) 18~x12 Easter Morning. 14x21. Corregios Magdalen. 12~x16~. Summer Fruit~ and Autumn Fruit. (Half chromos,) l5lxlOl, (compan ions, puce $10.00 for the two), for $10.00 RemittanceS should be made in P. 0. Orders, Drafts, or Bank Checks on New York, or Registered letters. The paper will be sent from the first num- ber, (April ~d, 1870,) when not otherwise ordered. Postage of paper is payable at the office wheie received, twenty cents per year, or five cents per quarter, in advance; the CHROMOS will be mailed free on receipt of money. CANVASSERS WANTED, to whom liberal commissions will be given. For speciiil terms address the Company. The first ten numbers will be sent to any one desirous of seeing the paper before subscribing, for SIXTY CENTS. A specimen copy sent to any one desirous of canvassing or getting up a club, on receipt of postage stamp. Address, PLTNCILINELLO PUBLISHING CO., P.O. Box 2783. No. 83 Nass~ii Street, New York. - $8.00 PUNCHINELLO. FEEDING- SPARROWS. A HINT TO A CERTAIN CLASS OF HUMANITARIANS. OCT. 1, 1870. The Printing House of the United States. GEO. F. NESBITT & CO., General JOB PRINTERS, BLANK BOOK Manufacturers, STATIONERS, Wholesale and Retail, LITHOGRAPHIC Engravers and Printers, COPPER-PLATE Engravers and Printers, CARD Manufacturers, ENVELOPE Manufacturers, FINE CUT and COLOR Printers. 163, 165, 167, and 169 PEARL ST., 73~ 75~ 77, and 79 PINE ST., New York. ADVANTAGES. *~-All on the same premises, and under immediate supervision of the proprietors. Tourists and Pleasure Travelers will be glad to learn that the Erie.Rallway Company has prepared COMBINATION EXCURSION on IRound Trip Tickets, Valid during the entire season, and embracing Ithaca headwaters of Caynga LakeNiagara Falls, Lake Ontario, the River St. Lawrence, Montreal, Quebec, Lake Cham- plain, Lake George, Saratoga, the White Mountains, and all principal points of interest in Northern New York, the Canadas, and New England. Also, similar Tickets at reduced rates, through Lake Superior, enabling travelers to visit the celebrated lron Mountains and Copper Mines of that region. By applying at the Offices of the Erie Railway Co., Nos. 241, 529 and 967 Broadway; 205 Chambers St.; 38 Greenwich St.; cor. 125th St. and Third Avenue, Harlem; 338 Fulton St., Brooklyn; Depots foot of Cham- bers Street, and foot of 23rd St., New York; No. 3 Ex- change Place, and Long Dock Depot, Jerset City, and the Agents at the principal hotels, travelers can obtain just the Ticket they desire, as well as all the necessary informa.. tion. PRANGS LATEST PLTBLICATI0NS~ Wild Flowers, Water-Lilies, Chas. Dickens. PRANGS CHROMOS sold in all Art Stores throughout the world. PRANGS ILLUSTRATED CATALOGUE sent free on receipt of stamp. L. PRANG & CO., Boston. PUNCHINELLO. With a large and varied experience in the management and publication of a paper of the class herewith submitted, and with the still more pesitive advantage of an Ample Capital to justify the undertaking, the PUNCIIINELL4) PUBLISHING CO. OF TEE CITY OF NEW TORE, Presents to the public for approval, the new ILLUSTRATED HUMOROUS AND SATIRICAL WEEKLY PAPER, PUNCEL INELLO, The first number of which was issued under date of April 2. ORIGINAL AR2~ECLES, Suitable for the paper, and Original Designs, or suggestive ideas er sketches for illustrations, upon the topics of the day, are always acceptable and will be paid for liberally. Rejected communications cannot be returned, unless postage stampe are inclosed. TERMS: One oopy, per year, in advance *4 00 Single oopies 10 A specimen oopy will be mailed free upon the receipt of ten cents. One copy, with the Riverside Magazine, or any other magazine or paper, price, $150, for 5 50 One copy, with any magazine or paper, price, $4, for.. 7 00 All communications, remittances, etc., to be addressed to PUNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO., No. 53 Nassau Street, P.O.Box,2783, NEW YORE. THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOP. Written Expressly for PIJNCHINELLO, BY ORPHEUS C. KERR, Commenced in No. 11, will be continued weekly throughout the year. A sketch of the eminent author, written by his bosom friend, with superb illustrations of 1ST. THE AUTHORS PALATIAL RESIDENCE AT BEGADS HILL, TICKNORS FIELDS, NEW JERSEi~. 2D. THE AUTHOR AT THE DOOR OF SAID PALAI~IAL RESIDENCE, taken as he appears Every Saturday, will also be found in the same number. Single Copies, for sale by all newsmen, (or mailed from this office, free,) Ten Cents. Subscription for One Year, one copy, With $2 Chrome Prelniuni, $4. Those desirous of receiving the paper containing this new serial, which promises to be the beet ever written by ORPHEUS C. KERR, should subscribe now, to insure its regular receipt weekly. We will send the first Ten Numbers of PTJNCHINELLO to any one who wishes to see them, in view of subscribing, on the receipt of SIXTY CENTS. Address, PLTNCHINELLO PUBLISHING CO~[PANY, P. 0. Box 2783. 83 xassaii St., Tqf~w York GRO. W. WHEAT & Co. Pmurzns, No. 8 SPRUCK STREET. 16

OCT. 8, 1870. THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. AN ADAPTATION. BY ORPI-IEUS C. KERR. CHAPTER XXI. BENTHAM TO THE EESCUE. EUROPEAN travellers in this countryespecially if one economical con- dition of their coming hither has not been the composition of works of imagination on America, sufficiently contemptuous to pay all the ex- penses of the triphave, occasionallyand particularly if they have been invited to write for New York magazines, take professorships in native colleges, or lecture on the encouraging Continental progress of scientific atheism before Boston audiences ;such travellers, we say, convinced that they shall lose no money by it, but, on the contrary, rather sanguine of making a little thereby in the long run, have occa- sionally remarked, that, in the United States, women journeying alone are treated with a chivalric courtesy and deference not so habitually practiced in any other second-class new nation on the face of the earth. * What, oh, what can be more true than this? A lady well stricken in years, and of adequate protraction of nose and rectilinear imdeviation of figure, can travel alone from Maine to Florida with as perfect immu- nity from offensive masculine intrusion as though she were guarded by a regiment; while a somewhat younger girl, with curls and an innocent look, can not appear unaccompanied by an escort in an American omni- bus, car, ferry-boat, or hotel, without appealing at once to the finest fatherly feelings of every manly middle-aged observer whose wife is not watching him, and exciting as general a desire to make her trip so- cially delightful as though each gentlemanly eye seeking hers were in- deed that of a tender sire. Thus, although Miss Porrss lonely stay in her hotel had been so brief, the mysterious American instinct of chivalry had discovered it very early on the first morning after her arrival, and she arose from her delicious sleep to find at least half a dozen written offers of hospitality from generous strangers, sticking under her door. Understanding that she was sojourning without natural protectors in a strange city, the thoughtful writers, who appeared to be chiefly Western men of implied immense fortunes, begged her (by the delicate name of Fair Un- known) to take comfort in the thought that they were stopping at the same hotel and would protect her from all harm with their lives. In proof of this unselfish disposition on their parts, several of them were respectively ready to take her to a circus-matinee, or to drive in Cen- tral Park, on that very day: and her prompt acceptance of these signal evidences of a disinterested friendship for womanhood without a nat- ural protector could not be more simply in~icated to those who now freely offered such friendship, than by her dropping her fork twice at the public breakfast table, or sending the waiter back three times with the boiled eggs to have them cooked rightly. FLORA had completed her chemical toilet, put all the bottles, jars, and small round boxes back into her satchel again, and sat down to a eec- ondt~eading of these gratifying intimations that a prepossessing female orphan is not necessarily without assiduous paternal guardianship at her command wherever there are Western fathers, when Mr. DIBBLE appeared, as he had promised, accompanied by Gospeler SIMPSON. Miss CAROWTHER5 was so excited by your sudden flight, Miss PorTs, said the latter, that she came at once to me and Owr with your farewell note, and would not stop saying Did you ever! until, to restrain my aggravated mother from fits, I promised to follow you to your guardians and ascertain what your good-bye note would have meant if it had actually been punctuated. Our reverend friend reached me about an hour ago, added Mr. DIBBLE, saying, that a farewell note without a comma, colon, semi- colon, orperiod in it, and with every other word beginning with a capi- tal, and underscored, was calculated to drive friends to distraction. I took the liberty of reminding him, my dear, that young giris from boarding-school should hardly be expected to have advanced as far as English compositlon in their French and musical studies; and I also related to him what you had told me of Mr. BuwsrzAn. PUNCHINELLO 19 And I dont know that, under the circumstances, you could do a better thing than you have done, continued the Gospeler. Mr. BuMsrEAn, himself, explains your flight upon the supposition that you were possibly engaged with myself, my mother, Mr. DIBBLE, and the PENuRAGONS, in killing poor Mr. DRooD. Oh, oughtnt he to be ashamed of himself, when he knows that I never did kill any absurd creature ! cried the Flowerpot, in earnest deprecation. And just think of darling MAGNOLIA, too, with her poor, ridiculous brother! Youre a lawyer, Mr. DIBBLE, and I should think you could get them a habeas corpas, or a divorce, or some other perfectly absurd thing about courts, that would make the judges tell the juries to bring them in Not Guilty. Fixing upon the lovely young reasoner a look expressive of his affec- tionate wonder at her inspired perception of legal possibilities, the old lawyer said, that the first thing in order was a meeting between herself and Miss PENDRAGON; which, as it could scarcely take place (all things con- sidered,) with propriety in the private room of that ladys brother, nor without publicity in his own office, or in a hotel, he hardly knew how to bring about. And here we have an example of that difference between novels and real life which has been illustrated more than once before in this con- scientious American Adaptation of what all our profoundly critical na- tive journals pronounce the most elaborately artistic work of the grandest of English novelists. In an equivalent situation of real life, Mr. DIBBLES quandary would not have been easily relieved; but, by the magic of artistic fiction, the particular kind of extemporized character absolutely necessary to help him and the novel continuously along was at that moment coming up the stairs of the hoteL* At the critical instant, a servant knocked, to say, that there was a gentleman below, with a face as long me arrum, sir, who axed me was there a man here av the name av SIMPSON, Miss I It is JOHNit is Mr. BUMsTEAD ! shrieked FLORA, hastening invol- untarily towards a mirror, and just see how my dress is wrinkled ! My name is BENTHAMJEREMY Bzicrxtt.a, said a deep voice in the doorway; and there entered a gioomy figure, with smoky, light hair, a curiously long countenance, and black worsted gloves. SnusoN old OcrAvIus !did you never, never see me before ? If I am not greatly mistaken, returned the Gospeler, sternly. I saw you standing in the bar-room of the hotel, just now, as we came up. Yes, sighed the stranger, I waa therewaiting for a Western friendwhen you passed in. And has sorrow, then, so changed me, that you do not know me? Alas! alack! woes me ! BENTHAM, you say? cried the Ritualistic clergyman, with a start, and sudden change of countenance. Surely youre not the rollicking fellow-student who saved my life at Yale ? I am! I am ! sobbed the other, smiting his bosom. While study- ing theology, youd gone to sleep in bed reading the Decameron. I, in the next room, suddenly smelt a smell of wood burning. Breaking into your apartment, I saw your candle fallen upon your pillow and your head on fire. Believing that, if neglected, the flames would spread to some vital part, I seized a water-pitcher and dashed the contents upon you. Up you instantly sprang, with a theological expression on your lips, and engaged me in violent single combat. Madman roared I, is it thus you treat one who has saved your life ? Falling upon the floor, with a black eye, you at once consented to be reconciled; and, from that hour forth, we were both members of the - same secret society. Leaping forward, the Reverend OcTAvIus wrung both the black worsted gloves of Mr. BENTHAM, and introduced the latter to the old lawyer and his ward. He did indeed save all but my head from the conflagration, and ex- tinguished that, even, before it was much charred, cried the grateful Ritualist, with marked emotlon.But, JEREMY, why this aspect of depression ? OcTAvrus, old friend, said BENTHAM, his hollow voice quivering, let no man boast himself upon the gaiety of his youth, and fondly dreampoor self-deceiver !that his maturity may be one of revelry. You know what I once was. Now I am conducting a first-class Ameri- can Comic Paper. Commiseration, earnest and unaffected, appeared upon every coun *Quite independently of any specific design to that end by the Adapter, this Adaptation, carefully following the original English narrative as it does, can not avoid acting as a kind of practicaland, of course, somewhat exaggerativs-co~. mentary upon what is strained, forced, or out of the line of average probabilities, in the work Adapted. *ShadeS of QUINTILIAN and Dr. JOHNSON, what a sentence! Rnter& according to Act of Congress, In the year 1870, by the PuNcmxzu.o PUBLISHING CoMa.tNx, in the GlUes of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 tenance, and Mr. DIBBLE was the first to break the ensuing deep si- lence. If I am not mistaken, then, observed the good lawyer, quietly, the scene of your daily loss of spirits is in the same building with our young friend, Mr. PENDEAGON, whom you may know. I do know him, sir; and that his sister has lately come unto him. His room, by means of outside shutters, was once a refuge to me from the ManHere Mr. BzNruaiis face flamed with inconceivable hatred who came to tell me just how an American first-class Comic Paper should be conducted. At what time does your rush of subscribers cease ? As soon as I begin to charge anything for my paper. And the newsmen, who take it by the week,what is their usual time for swarming in your office ? On the day appointed for the return of unsold copies. Then I have an idea, said Mr. DIBBLE. It appears to me, Mr. BENTHAM, that your office, besides being so near Mr. PENDEAGONS quarters, furnishes all the conditions for a perfectly private confidential interview between this young lady here, and her friend, Miss PENDRA- GON. Mr. SIMPsoN, if you approve, be kind enough to acquaint Mr. BENTHAM with Miss Porvss history, without mentioning names; and explain to him, also, why the ladies interview should take place in a spot whither that singular young man, Mr. BuMsmar, would not be likely to prowl, if in town, in his inspection of umbrellas. The Gospeler hurriediy related the material points of FLoRAS history to his recovered friend, who moaned with all the more cheerful parts, and seemed to think that the serious ones might be worked-up in comic miss-spelling for his paper. For there is nothing more humorous in human life, said he, gloomily, than the defective orthography of a fashionable young girls education for the solemnity of matrimony. Finally, they all set off for the appointed place of retirement, upon nearing which Mr. Drani~ volunteered to remain outside as a guard against any possible interruption. The Gospeler led the way up the dark stairs of the building, when they had gained it; and the Flower- pot, following, on JEREMY Busma~rs arm, could not help glancing shy- ly up into the melancholy face of her escort, occasionally. Do you never smile ? she could not help asking. Yes, he said, mournfully, sometimes: when I clean my teeth. No more was said; for they were entering the room of which the tone and atmosphere were those of a receiving-vault. CHAPTER XXII. A CONPU5ED STATE OP THINGs. The principal office of the Comic Paper was one of those amazingly unsympathetic rooms in which the walls, windows and doors all have a stiff, unealient aspect of the most hard-finished indifference to every emotion of humanity, and a perfectly rigid insensibility to the pleasures or pains of the tenants within their impassive shelter. In the whole configuration of the heartless, uncharacterized place there was not one gracious inequality to lean against; not a ledge to vest elbow upon; not a panel, not even a stove-pipe hole, to become dearly familiar to the wistful eye; not so much as a genial crack in the plastering, or a companionable rattle in a casement, or a little human obstinacy in a door to base some kind of an acquaintance upon and make one feel less lonely. Through the grim, untwinkling windows, gaping sullenly the wrong way with iron shutters, came a discouraged light, strained through the narrow intervals of the dusty roofs above, to discover a large coffin-colored desk surmounted by ghastly busts of HERVEY, KEBLE and BIAIR;* a smaller desk, over which hung a picture of the Tomb of WASHINGTON, and at which sat a pallid assistant-editor in deep mourn- ing, opening the comic contributions received by last mail; a still smaller desk, for the nominal writer of subscription-wrappers; files of the Evangelist, Observer and Christian Union hanging along the wall; a dead carpet of churchyard-green onthe floor; and a print of Mr. PARKE GODWIN just above the mantel of momumental marble. Upon finding themselves in this temple of Momus, and observing that its peculiar arrangement of sunshine made their complexions look as though they had been dead a few days, Gospeler SIMPSON and the Flowerpot involuntarily spoke in whispers behind their hands. Does that room belong to your establishment, also, BENTEAM ? whispered the Gospeler, pointing rather fearfully, as he spoke, towards a side-door leading apparently into an adjoining apartment. Yes, was the low response. * Author of The Grave. Is thereis there anybody dead in there ? whispered Mr. SIMPSON, tremulously. No.Not yet. Then, whispered the Ritualistic clergyman, you might step in there, Miss Porrs, and have your interview with Miss PENDRAGON, whom Mr. BENTHAM will, I am sure, cause to be summoned from up-stairs. The assistant-editor of the Comic Paper stealing softly from the office to call the other young lady down, Mr. JEREMY BENTHAM made a sign that FLORA should follow him to the supplementary room indicated; his low-spirited manner being as though he had said: If you wish to look at the body, miss, I will now show you the way. Leaving the Gospeler lost in dark abstraction near the black mantel, the Flowerpot allowed the sexton of the establishment to conduct her funereally into the place assigned for her interview, and stopped aghast before a huge black object standing therein. Whats this ? she gasped, almost hysterically. Only a safe, said Mr. BENTHAM, with inexplicable bitterness of tone. Merely our fire-and-burglar-proof receptacle for the money constantly pouring in from first-class American Comic journalism. Here Mr. Emiruax slapped his forehead passionately, checked some- thing like a sob in his throat, and abruptly returned to the main office. Scarcely, however, had he closed the door of communication behind ~ him, when another door, opening from the hall, was noiselessly un- latehed, and MAGNOLIA PENDRAGON glided into the arms of her friend. FLORA ! murmured the Southern girl, I can scarcely credit my eyes! It seems so long since w~ last met! Youve been getting a new bonnet, I see. Its like an absurd dream 1 responded the Flowerpot, wonderingly caressing her. Ive thought of you and your poor, ridiculous brother twenty times a day. How much you must have gone through here! Are they wearing skirts full, or scant, this season ? About medium, dear. But how do you happen to be here, in Mr. BENTHAMS office ? In answer to this question, FLORA related all that had happened at Bumsteadville and since her flight from thence; concluding by war~ing MAGROLIA, that her possession of a black alpaca waist, slightly worn, had subjected her to the ominous suspicion of the Ritualistic organist. I scorn and defy the suspicions of that enemy of the persecuted South, and high-handed wooer of exclusively Northern women ! ex- claimed Miss PENDRAGON, vehemently. Is this Mr. BENTHAM married ? I suppose not. Is he visiting any one ? I shouldnt think so, dear. Then, adde~l MAGNOLIA, thoughtfully, if dear Mr. DIBBLE ap- proves, he might be a friend to MosrGoi~nv and myself; and, by being so near us, protect us both from Mr. BUMsTEAD. Just think, dear FLORA, what heaps of sorrow I should endure, if that base mans suspi- cion about my alpaca waist should be only a pretence, to frighten me into ultimately receiving his addresses. I dont think theres any danger, love, said Miss POTTS, rather sharply. Why, FLORA precious ? Oh, because hes so absurdly fastidious, you know, about regularity of features in women. More than he is about brains, I should think, dear, from what you tell me of his making love to you. Here both young ladies trembled very much, an4 said they never, never wQuld have believed it of each other; and were only reconciled when Fi~oua sobbed that she was a poor unmarried orphan, and Miss PENDRAGON moaned piteously that an unwedded Southern giri without money had better go away somewhere in the desert, with her crushed brother, and die at once for their down-trodden section. Then, indeed, they embraced tearfully; and, in proof of theperfect restoration of their devoted friendship, agreed never to marry if they could avoid it, and told each other the prices of all their best clothes. You wont tell your brother that Ive been here ? said the Flower- pot. Im so absurdiy afraid that he cant help blaming me for causing some of his trouble. Cant I tell him, even if it would serve to amuse him in his deso- lation ? asked the sister, persuas~ively. I want to see him smile again, just as he does some days when a hand-organ-mans monkey climbs up to our windows from the street. Well, you may tell him, then, you absurd thing ! returned FLORA, blushing; and, with another embrace, they parted, and the deeply momentous interview was over. (To be Continued.) 20 OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 21 ROMANCE AND REALITY. OFFICE SEEKING.~ BY ICHABOD BOGGS, THE NEW AMERICAN POET. PREFATORY NOTE.The reader is requested to judge tfie following production mildly, as it is the first effort of a youthful genius (16 years old in looks and feeling, 42 by the family bible and census.) The au- thor has felt that America should have a new kind of verse of its own, and he thinks he here offers one which has never been used by any other mortal poet. It is called the duodekameter. Perhaps it may be proper to add that the following is poetry. I. You see everybody in our town was running around, getting fat jobs and positions, and picking up a million dollars or so, So I felt it incumbent on me To shake myself up, and se~ if there wasnt a good butter firkin, well filled, loafing around idle, in which could conveniently locate my centre of gravity, and so I said to myself, Ill go To Washington and see, Says ICHABOD Boc~s, says I. II. Now, dont you see, you might just as well ask fQr a big position at first, and then take what you can get, At least that has been my rule so far, For, as I says to myself, if you can only get a very high position, with a sort of nabobs salary, and lots of perquisites running in annu- ally, you neednt do anything, you bet, But puff at your cigar, Says ICHABOD BoGGs, says I. m So I put on my best clothes, s,nda sort of abigbluenecktie, and shortly thereafter showed myself to Mr. GRANT, And said that there had been quite enough Of this giving away big offices to people who hadnt big reputations, and that he had other fish to fry, and that, as he wouldnt give the 4 ~- IN THE GARDEN. Tins is MRS. JENKINS, IN HER MORNING TOILETTE. Custom House to my son, Id take it myself, and then I stopped, and he looked, I shant, But all he said waspuff, Says General GRANT, says he. Iv. Then all the smoke got in my nose, and I sneezed and snorted a bit, and then I just simply remarked and said That he neednt go and get into a huff, And if he didnt like to give me that office, couldnt he make me Min- ister to England, as I was a big feeder, or if that didnt suit, why, if hed do it, I wouldnt object to being Minister to Cuba, when the Cubans had been all killed, and were thoroughly dead? But all he said waspuff, Says General GRANT, says he. V. Well, then I got kind of discouraged, but I thought that Id better try again, and not get up so far, But ask for what hed give beyond doubt, So I asked for a position as night watebman at the Navy Yard, and thought Id get it, and hed answer my request, for Id noticed that his Havana was gradually growing smaller, and he did answer me, just as hed thrown away the end of his cigar, He simply said, Get out 1 Says General GRANT, says he. YL So I got out, as fast as a pair of legs, with a number twelve boot kicking at th~ place where theyre joined, would permit, And wandered off, just about as far As I conveniently could, and then I sat down on a milestone and raised my voice to Heaven, and cried aloud, that, weather permitting, General GRANT should never, never, NEvER, go back to the White House, not if I could help it, To puff on his cigar, Said ICHABOD Boois, said I. *We hope none of our readers will labor under the impression that we look upon the above effusion as a poetical one, but, in this day of many isms, it may happen that the above style may become prevalent, and we think It our duty to present everything that Is new. EDs. IN THE LIBRARY. Jones, (reading.) THE GLA55 OF FASHION AND THE MOULD OF FORM, THE OBSERvED OF ALL OBSERvERS. Jenkins, (with enthusiasm.) PERFECT DESCRIPTION OF MY WIFE 1

OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 21 ROMANCE AND REALITY. OFFICE SEEKING.~ BY ICHABOD BOGGS, THE NEW AMERICAN POET. PREFATORY NOTE.The reader is requested to judge tfie following production mildly, as it is the first effort of a youthful genius (16 years old in looks and feeling, 42 by the family bible and census.) The au- thor has felt that America should have a new kind of verse of its own, and he thinks he here offers one which has never been used by any other mortal poet. It is called the duodekameter. Perhaps it may be proper to add that the following is poetry. I. You see everybody in our town was running around, getting fat jobs and positions, and picking up a million dollars or so, So I felt it incumbent on me To shake myself up, and se~ if there wasnt a good butter firkin, well filled, loafing around idle, in which could conveniently locate my centre of gravity, and so I said to myself, Ill go To Washington and see, Says ICHABOD Boc~s, says I. II. Now, dont you see, you might just as well ask fQr a big position at first, and then take what you can get, At least that has been my rule so far, For, as I says to myself, if you can only get a very high position, with a sort of nabobs salary, and lots of perquisites running in annu- ally, you neednt do anything, you bet, But puff at your cigar, Says ICHABOD BoGGs, says I. m So I put on my best clothes, s,nda sort of abigbluenecktie, and shortly thereafter showed myself to Mr. GRANT, And said that there had been quite enough Of this giving away big offices to people who hadnt big reputations, and that he had other fish to fry, and that, as he wouldnt give the 4 ~- IN THE GARDEN. Tins is MRS. JENKINS, IN HER MORNING TOILETTE. Custom House to my son, Id take it myself, and then I stopped, and he looked, I shant, But all he said waspuff, Says General GRANT, says he. Iv. Then all the smoke got in my nose, and I sneezed and snorted a bit, and then I just simply remarked and said That he neednt go and get into a huff, And if he didnt like to give me that office, couldnt he make me Min- ister to England, as I was a big feeder, or if that didnt suit, why, if hed do it, I wouldnt object to being Minister to Cuba, when the Cubans had been all killed, and were thoroughly dead? But all he said waspuff, Says General GRANT, says he. V. Well, then I got kind of discouraged, but I thought that Id better try again, and not get up so far, But ask for what hed give beyond doubt, So I asked for a position as night watebman at the Navy Yard, and thought Id get it, and hed answer my request, for Id noticed that his Havana was gradually growing smaller, and he did answer me, just as hed thrown away the end of his cigar, He simply said, Get out 1 Says General GRANT, says he. YL So I got out, as fast as a pair of legs, with a number twelve boot kicking at th~ place where theyre joined, would permit, And wandered off, just about as far As I conveniently could, and then I sat down on a milestone and raised my voice to Heaven, and cried aloud, that, weather permitting, General GRANT should never, never, NEvER, go back to the White House, not if I could help it, To puff on his cigar, Said ICHABOD Boois, said I. *We hope none of our readers will labor under the impression that we look upon the above effusion as a poetical one, but, in this day of many isms, it may happen that the above style may become prevalent, and we think It our duty to present everything that Is new. EDs. IN THE LIBRARY. Jones, (reading.) THE GLA55 OF FASHION AND THE MOULD OF FORM, THE OBSERvED OF ALL OBSERvERS. Jenkins, (with enthusiasm.) PERFECT DESCRIPTION OF MY WIFE 1 22 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 2.02 TO HARNESS. Mr. Punchineflo on the Turf HIsTORY relates that the era of Horse-racing com~nenced about the year 680 B. C., but it was some time after that when Mr. PUNCHINELLO made his debut as a candidate for the honors of the turf. To put the matter more concisely, it is just six days since he drove his horse Creeping Peter on the track at Monmouth Park, Long Branch. The only object which Mr. P. had in view, when he purchased his celebrated trotter and put him into training, was the improvement of the breed of American horses. While our Boinimis, YANDKRBILTS and GnM~rs are devoting all their surplus time and means to this great end, Mr. P., inplacing the name of his yellow horse in the hands of the pool- seller, would scorn to have a less noble aim. But this great object need not interfere with others of less im- portance, and therefore Mr. P. will not deny that, after having ex- hibited to his friends and the sporting fraternity in general, his little investment in fancy horseflesh, he made up a very satisfactory betting- book. Now Mr. P. believed,and events proved him to be correct,that when his friends and the sporting fraternity saw his horse, they would bet heavily against him. Mr. P., however, in all the pride of amateur ownership, bet quite as heavily upon his noble steed. His friends and the above-mentioned fraternity chuckled and winked be- hind his back, but although Mr. P. heard them chuckle and knew that they were winking, his belief in his final success never wavered. Any ordinary observer might be expected to remark that Creeping Peter was not entirely without blemish. Besides being spavined and having three of his hoofs injured by sand-crack, he had poll-evil, fistulas, malanders, ring-bone, capped hock, curb, splin~j and several other maladies which made him a very suitable horse for the general public to bet against. But Mr. P. s courage never quailed! When he made his appearance on the track (for he drove his horse himself) he was the object of general attention. The following view (from a photograph by Rocxwoon) gives an excellent idea of the horse and driver. Nearly everybody on the ground advised Mr. P. to leave his cloth in the stable, for it would certainly interfere with the speed of his horse and probably get wrapped up in the wheels and cause an accident. But Mr. P. would listen to nothing of the sort. He told everybody that he wasnt going to catch cold in his knees, even if he lost the race, and that he was perfectly willing to run the risk of accidents. For the benefit of his readers, however, Mr. P. will lift up this heavily shotted lap-cloth and show what was under it. Here is arranged a steam-engine, which drives the wheels of the vehicle, and which will of course propel the whole turnout, horse and all, at a great rate of speed. It will now be easily perceived why Mr. P. persisted in keeping his lap-cloth over his knees. The entries were as follows: ROBERT BoNEERs b. h. Dexter. Dmn 0. Suxs b. m. Lady Thorn. Puxcmrnirios y. h. Creeping Peter. When the word was given, the horses all got off well and Dexter im- mediately took the lead,buzzing through the air like a humming-top, followed closely by Lady Thorn, her nose just lapping his off jaw. For the first few seconds Mr. P. fell behind, owing to his fires not yet being properly under way, but the water soon bubbled merrily in his boiler, and his wheels began to revolve with great rapidity. And now he sped merrily. Never did the war trumpet inspire the fiery charger, or hounds and horn excite the mettled hunter, as the steam-engine in his rear woke all the energies of Creeping Peter. Swift as revolving-pin-wheels or rapid peg-top, those spavins, those ring-bones, those bulbous hocks, those sand-cracked hoofs and those rattling ribs went whistling oer the track. Mid the shouts and yells of the excited multitude he passed Lady Thorn, overtook Dexter and shot ahead of him! But he caunot stand that tremendous pace, and down goes Creeping Peter on his knees. Every man who had bet against him set up a howl of rapture, but Mr. P. never relaxed a muscle, -and on went Creeping Peter, just as fast as ever, his horny bones dashing away the sand and gravel like spray from the cut-water of a scudding yacht, and, amid the wildest clamor, he shot past the judges stand on his nose and one leg, making his mile in two minutes and two seconds! It is needless to dwell upon the results of this race. Mr. P. now owes no man anything, nor is he even indebted to his noble steed. Behold his testimony to the merits of that valuable animal! AN item in an evening paper states that a man near Syracuse re- cently cut his throat with a scythe. Well, certainly this was anew Mowed of doing the business, although, as it was the first instance of the kind on record, it caunot properly be said that the business was done a la mowed. Jocular and Ocular. CAN the public be properly said to have looked forward to SxusAcH? 9 Something Original in Suicide.

22 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 2.02 TO HARNESS. Mr. Punchineflo on the Turf HIsTORY relates that the era of Horse-racing com~nenced about the year 680 B. C., but it was some time after that when Mr. PUNCHINELLO made his debut as a candidate for the honors of the turf. To put the matter more concisely, it is just six days since he drove his horse Creeping Peter on the track at Monmouth Park, Long Branch. The only object which Mr. P. had in view, when he purchased his celebrated trotter and put him into training, was the improvement of the breed of American horses. While our Boinimis, YANDKRBILTS and GnM~rs are devoting all their surplus time and means to this great end, Mr. P., inplacing the name of his yellow horse in the hands of the pool- seller, would scorn to have a less noble aim. But this great object need not interfere with others of less im- portance, and therefore Mr. P. will not deny that, after having ex- hibited to his friends and the sporting fraternity in general, his little investment in fancy horseflesh, he made up a very satisfactory betting- book. Now Mr. P. believed,and events proved him to be correct,that when his friends and the sporting fraternity saw his horse, they would bet heavily against him. Mr. P., however, in all the pride of amateur ownership, bet quite as heavily upon his noble steed. His friends and the above-mentioned fraternity chuckled and winked be- hind his back, but although Mr. P. heard them chuckle and knew that they were winking, his belief in his final success never wavered. Any ordinary observer might be expected to remark that Creeping Peter was not entirely without blemish. Besides being spavined and having three of his hoofs injured by sand-crack, he had poll-evil, fistulas, malanders, ring-bone, capped hock, curb, splin~j and several other maladies which made him a very suitable horse for the general public to bet against. But Mr. P. s courage never quailed! When he made his appearance on the track (for he drove his horse himself) he was the object of general attention. The following view (from a photograph by Rocxwoon) gives an excellent idea of the horse and driver. Nearly everybody on the ground advised Mr. P. to leave his cloth in the stable, for it would certainly interfere with the speed of his horse and probably get wrapped up in the wheels and cause an accident. But Mr. P. would listen to nothing of the sort. He told everybody that he wasnt going to catch cold in his knees, even if he lost the race, and that he was perfectly willing to run the risk of accidents. For the benefit of his readers, however, Mr. P. will lift up this heavily shotted lap-cloth and show what was under it. Here is arranged a steam-engine, which drives the wheels of the vehicle, and which will of course propel the whole turnout, horse and all, at a great rate of speed. It will now be easily perceived why Mr. P. persisted in keeping his lap-cloth over his knees. The entries were as follows: ROBERT BoNEERs b. h. Dexter. Dmn 0. Suxs b. m. Lady Thorn. Puxcmrnirios y. h. Creeping Peter. When the word was given, the horses all got off well and Dexter im- mediately took the lead,buzzing through the air like a humming-top, followed closely by Lady Thorn, her nose just lapping his off jaw. For the first few seconds Mr. P. fell behind, owing to his fires not yet being properly under way, but the water soon bubbled merrily in his boiler, and his wheels began to revolve with great rapidity. And now he sped merrily. Never did the war trumpet inspire the fiery charger, or hounds and horn excite the mettled hunter, as the steam-engine in his rear woke all the energies of Creeping Peter. Swift as revolving-pin-wheels or rapid peg-top, those spavins, those ring-bones, those bulbous hocks, those sand-cracked hoofs and those rattling ribs went whistling oer the track. Mid the shouts and yells of the excited multitude he passed Lady Thorn, overtook Dexter and shot ahead of him! But he caunot stand that tremendous pace, and down goes Creeping Peter on his knees. Every man who had bet against him set up a howl of rapture, but Mr. P. never relaxed a muscle, -and on went Creeping Peter, just as fast as ever, his horny bones dashing away the sand and gravel like spray from the cut-water of a scudding yacht, and, amid the wildest clamor, he shot past the judges stand on his nose and one leg, making his mile in two minutes and two seconds! It is needless to dwell upon the results of this race. Mr. P. now owes no man anything, nor is he even indebted to his noble steed. Behold his testimony to the merits of that valuable animal! AN item in an evening paper states that a man near Syracuse re- cently cut his throat with a scythe. Well, certainly this was anew Mowed of doing the business, although, as it was the first instance of the kind on record, it caunot properly be said that the business was done a la mowed. Jocular and Ocular. CAN the public be properly said to have looked forward to SxusAcH? 9 Something Original in Suicide.

22 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 2.02 TO HARNESS. Mr. Punchineflo on the Turf HIsTORY relates that the era of Horse-racing com~nenced about the year 680 B. C., but it was some time after that when Mr. PUNCHINELLO made his debut as a candidate for the honors of the turf. To put the matter more concisely, it is just six days since he drove his horse Creeping Peter on the track at Monmouth Park, Long Branch. The only object which Mr. P. had in view, when he purchased his celebrated trotter and put him into training, was the improvement of the breed of American horses. While our Boinimis, YANDKRBILTS and GnM~rs are devoting all their surplus time and means to this great end, Mr. P., inplacing the name of his yellow horse in the hands of the pool- seller, would scorn to have a less noble aim. But this great object need not interfere with others of less im- portance, and therefore Mr. P. will not deny that, after having ex- hibited to his friends and the sporting fraternity in general, his little investment in fancy horseflesh, he made up a very satisfactory betting- book. Now Mr. P. believed,and events proved him to be correct,that when his friends and the sporting fraternity saw his horse, they would bet heavily against him. Mr. P., however, in all the pride of amateur ownership, bet quite as heavily upon his noble steed. His friends and the above-mentioned fraternity chuckled and winked be- hind his back, but although Mr. P. heard them chuckle and knew that they were winking, his belief in his final success never wavered. Any ordinary observer might be expected to remark that Creeping Peter was not entirely without blemish. Besides being spavined and having three of his hoofs injured by sand-crack, he had poll-evil, fistulas, malanders, ring-bone, capped hock, curb, splin~j and several other maladies which made him a very suitable horse for the general public to bet against. But Mr. P. s courage never quailed! When he made his appearance on the track (for he drove his horse himself) he was the object of general attention. The following view (from a photograph by Rocxwoon) gives an excellent idea of the horse and driver. Nearly everybody on the ground advised Mr. P. to leave his cloth in the stable, for it would certainly interfere with the speed of his horse and probably get wrapped up in the wheels and cause an accident. But Mr. P. would listen to nothing of the sort. He told everybody that he wasnt going to catch cold in his knees, even if he lost the race, and that he was perfectly willing to run the risk of accidents. For the benefit of his readers, however, Mr. P. will lift up this heavily shotted lap-cloth and show what was under it. Here is arranged a steam-engine, which drives the wheels of the vehicle, and which will of course propel the whole turnout, horse and all, at a great rate of speed. It will now be easily perceived why Mr. P. persisted in keeping his lap-cloth over his knees. The entries were as follows: ROBERT BoNEERs b. h. Dexter. Dmn 0. Suxs b. m. Lady Thorn. Puxcmrnirios y. h. Creeping Peter. When the word was given, the horses all got off well and Dexter im- mediately took the lead,buzzing through the air like a humming-top, followed closely by Lady Thorn, her nose just lapping his off jaw. For the first few seconds Mr. P. fell behind, owing to his fires not yet being properly under way, but the water soon bubbled merrily in his boiler, and his wheels began to revolve with great rapidity. And now he sped merrily. Never did the war trumpet inspire the fiery charger, or hounds and horn excite the mettled hunter, as the steam-engine in his rear woke all the energies of Creeping Peter. Swift as revolving-pin-wheels or rapid peg-top, those spavins, those ring-bones, those bulbous hocks, those sand-cracked hoofs and those rattling ribs went whistling oer the track. Mid the shouts and yells of the excited multitude he passed Lady Thorn, overtook Dexter and shot ahead of him! But he caunot stand that tremendous pace, and down goes Creeping Peter on his knees. Every man who had bet against him set up a howl of rapture, but Mr. P. never relaxed a muscle, -and on went Creeping Peter, just as fast as ever, his horny bones dashing away the sand and gravel like spray from the cut-water of a scudding yacht, and, amid the wildest clamor, he shot past the judges stand on his nose and one leg, making his mile in two minutes and two seconds! It is needless to dwell upon the results of this race. Mr. P. now owes no man anything, nor is he even indebted to his noble steed. Behold his testimony to the merits of that valuable animal! AN item in an evening paper states that a man near Syracuse re- cently cut his throat with a scythe. Well, certainly this was anew Mowed of doing the business, although, as it was the first instance of the kind on record, it caunot properly be said that the business was done a la mowed. Jocular and Ocular. CAN the public be properly said to have looked forward to SxusAcH? 9 Something Original in Suicide.

22 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 2.02 TO HARNESS. Mr. Punchineflo on the Turf HIsTORY relates that the era of Horse-racing com~nenced about the year 680 B. C., but it was some time after that when Mr. PUNCHINELLO made his debut as a candidate for the honors of the turf. To put the matter more concisely, it is just six days since he drove his horse Creeping Peter on the track at Monmouth Park, Long Branch. The only object which Mr. P. had in view, when he purchased his celebrated trotter and put him into training, was the improvement of the breed of American horses. While our Boinimis, YANDKRBILTS and GnM~rs are devoting all their surplus time and means to this great end, Mr. P., inplacing the name of his yellow horse in the hands of the pool- seller, would scorn to have a less noble aim. But this great object need not interfere with others of less im- portance, and therefore Mr. P. will not deny that, after having ex- hibited to his friends and the sporting fraternity in general, his little investment in fancy horseflesh, he made up a very satisfactory betting- book. Now Mr. P. believed,and events proved him to be correct,that when his friends and the sporting fraternity saw his horse, they would bet heavily against him. Mr. P., however, in all the pride of amateur ownership, bet quite as heavily upon his noble steed. His friends and the above-mentioned fraternity chuckled and winked be- hind his back, but although Mr. P. heard them chuckle and knew that they were winking, his belief in his final success never wavered. Any ordinary observer might be expected to remark that Creeping Peter was not entirely without blemish. Besides being spavined and having three of his hoofs injured by sand-crack, he had poll-evil, fistulas, malanders, ring-bone, capped hock, curb, splin~j and several other maladies which made him a very suitable horse for the general public to bet against. But Mr. P. s courage never quailed! When he made his appearance on the track (for he drove his horse himself) he was the object of general attention. The following view (from a photograph by Rocxwoon) gives an excellent idea of the horse and driver. Nearly everybody on the ground advised Mr. P. to leave his cloth in the stable, for it would certainly interfere with the speed of his horse and probably get wrapped up in the wheels and cause an accident. But Mr. P. would listen to nothing of the sort. He told everybody that he wasnt going to catch cold in his knees, even if he lost the race, and that he was perfectly willing to run the risk of accidents. For the benefit of his readers, however, Mr. P. will lift up this heavily shotted lap-cloth and show what was under it. Here is arranged a steam-engine, which drives the wheels of the vehicle, and which will of course propel the whole turnout, horse and all, at a great rate of speed. It will now be easily perceived why Mr. P. persisted in keeping his lap-cloth over his knees. The entries were as follows: ROBERT BoNEERs b. h. Dexter. Dmn 0. Suxs b. m. Lady Thorn. Puxcmrnirios y. h. Creeping Peter. When the word was given, the horses all got off well and Dexter im- mediately took the lead,buzzing through the air like a humming-top, followed closely by Lady Thorn, her nose just lapping his off jaw. For the first few seconds Mr. P. fell behind, owing to his fires not yet being properly under way, but the water soon bubbled merrily in his boiler, and his wheels began to revolve with great rapidity. And now he sped merrily. Never did the war trumpet inspire the fiery charger, or hounds and horn excite the mettled hunter, as the steam-engine in his rear woke all the energies of Creeping Peter. Swift as revolving-pin-wheels or rapid peg-top, those spavins, those ring-bones, those bulbous hocks, those sand-cracked hoofs and those rattling ribs went whistling oer the track. Mid the shouts and yells of the excited multitude he passed Lady Thorn, overtook Dexter and shot ahead of him! But he caunot stand that tremendous pace, and down goes Creeping Peter on his knees. Every man who had bet against him set up a howl of rapture, but Mr. P. never relaxed a muscle, -and on went Creeping Peter, just as fast as ever, his horny bones dashing away the sand and gravel like spray from the cut-water of a scudding yacht, and, amid the wildest clamor, he shot past the judges stand on his nose and one leg, making his mile in two minutes and two seconds! It is needless to dwell upon the results of this race. Mr. P. now owes no man anything, nor is he even indebted to his noble steed. Behold his testimony to the merits of that valuable animal! AN item in an evening paper states that a man near Syracuse re- cently cut his throat with a scythe. Well, certainly this was anew Mowed of doing the business, although, as it was the first instance of the kind on record, it caunot properly be said that the business was done a la mowed. Jocular and Ocular. CAN the public be properly said to have looked forward to SxusAcH? 9 Something Original in Suicide. OCT. 8,1870. PUNCF{INELLO. ANNA DICKIJSON. O~z bright October morning in the year 1828, a lone lorxi woman by the name of GUMMIDGE might have been seen standing at the corner of a wheat-field where two cross-roads met and embraced. She was weep- ing violently. Ever and anon she would raise her head and gaze mysteriously in the direction of a cloud of dust whith moved slowly over the hill toward the town. Her name was Firmr.~. FATIMk G1m- MIDGE. Sister A~iz, she cried, what do you see ? But sister was far away. She was not there. She was attending an agri- cultural fair in the beautiful young state of Kansas. Thus gracefully do we introduce our heroine upon the scene. The reader will be able to judge, from this, whether we are familiar with the literature of our day, or not. He will be able to form a complimentary opinion of our culture. He will pereeive that we are acquainted with t1~e writings of Messrs. JAMEs, and DlcnzNs, and BLUEBEAED. There is nothing like impressing your reader with an adequate sense of your ubility for laborious research, when you are doing biography kr a high- toned journal. At what period in her career our illustrious victim applied to the Legislature to change her name from GUMMIDGE to Dicz~iso~~r, we are unable to discover. There is no record of the event in the musty tomes we have waded through at the Astor Library in search of reliable data. One thing must be apparent, even to the most violently prejudiced and brutish bigotnamely, that Miss DIcKINsoN no longer confesses to the name of GUMMIDGE. However disrespectful this may be to the memory of Mrs. GUMMIDGE5 fatherbut on reflection is it not possible that Mrs. GUMMIDGES maiden name was DIcKINsoN? There may be some- thing in this. Let us see. Mr.s. GUMMIDGE was born of the brain of Mr. C. DICKENS. Mr. DIcEKNs may be said to be the father ofthe whole GUMMIDGE family. This, of course, includes GUMMIDGE pare. Gnu- MIDGE pire was therefore Drc~Ns son. Hence the name of DIcKENsoN. Very good, so far. Now But it is unnecessary to press the argument. If the prejudiced bigot is not yet convinced, nothing would convince him short of a horse- whipping. The poet, when he wrote Thou wilt come no more; gentle AlE, was clearly laboring under a mistake. If he had written Thou wilt be sure to come again next season, gentle Am~zn, he would have hit it. Lecture committees know this. Miss DIcKINsON earns her living by lecturing. Occasionally she takes a turn at scrubbing pavements, or going to hear WENDELL PmLIaPs on The Lost Arts, or other violent exertion, but her best hold is lecturing. She has followed the business ever since she was a girl, and twenty-four (24) years of steady appli- cation have made her no longer a Timid Young Thing. She is not afraid of audiences any more. It is a favorite recreation of the moral boot-blacks and pious news- boys of New York to gather in the evening on the steps of Mr. FROTH- ING.EAM s church, and scare each other with thrilling stories of the gentle ANNIES fierce exploits and deeds of daring. Among the best authenti- cated of these (stripped of the ornate figures of speech with which the pious newsboys are wont to embellish the simple facts) are the fol- lowing: 1. In the memorable canvass of 1848, Miss DICKINsON stumped the mining districts of Pennsylvania for FEED DouGLA.ss, and was shot at by the infuriated miners forty-two times, the bullets whistling through he~ back hair to that extent that her chignon looked like a section of suction-hose when the campaign was over. 2. Near the close of the rebellion, Miss DIcKn~sON wrote to JEFF DAvIs that she was going to raise a regiment and go for him. Peace followed promptly. 3. In the year 1867 she published a book. 4. In the year 1868 she went to California overland, by railroad, alone. 5. In the year 1869 she attended a lecture by OLIVE Loo~, and further showed her fearless nature by embracing Miss LOGAN tempestu- ously, and offering to marry her. 6. At various times during her career she has received and success- fully done battle with 14,624 proposals of marriage, 14,600 of which were made to her in the city of Chicago! I! These evidences of her courage are sufficient to show what she is equal to, under any emergency. We are now waiting to hear of a seventh act of bravery on her part which will distance all the above; when she shall have announced that she is prepared to lecture on CHARLES DICKENS she will have given the last convincing proof that she is equal to anything terrible. (Should Mr. PuNcmNIAIa~O object that this biographical sketeh is desultory and wandering, let him try, himself, to write the biography of a lady who is incessantly and frantically roaming from one end of the country to the other, and if he dont wander it will be a wonder.) IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT !HEIRS WANTED! NEW YonK, Oct. 1, 1870. WE, the undersigned, as representatives of the family of the de- cedent, hereby call upon all heirs of the late RICHARD Czuu DE LION, who may be residing in or near this locality, to meet at the Astor House, in New York, on the fifteenth of this present month of October, to take measures for the recovery of such portion of the estate of said LION as is known to have legally descended to his heirs in this country. This property, to which it will be easy to prove that we, the undersigned, together with the other members of our family, are the lineal heirs, is believed to consist mainly of the two hundred thousand byzants assured to the said LION by SALADIN after the capitelation of Acre. This sum, which we have reason to believe was duly paid by sald SALADIN at the time appointed, when reduced from golden byzants into greenbacks, and compound-interest at seven per cenium for the term of six hundred and sevefity-nine years calculated thereupon, will be found to amount to upwards of one hundred and seventy thousand million dollars. When the ransom money of twenty-five hundred Saranens, slain by said LION to enforce the speedy payment of the principal of this sum by the said SALADIN, shall have been deducted and paid to such heirs and survivors of said Saracens as may immediate- ly present their claims, the remainder will be divided, (as soon as the necessary legal measures shall be taken,) among the heirs and descend- ants of said LION in this country. The immediate object of the meeting, which is now called by the undersigned, is the collection of sufficient funds from said heirs and descendants to defray the expenses of a committee (composed of the undersigned) who shall be charged with the duty of visiting England, Normandy and Palestine, and obtaining such evidence and such copies of record in relation to this portion of the estate of the said LION, as shall make necessary a speedy and equitable division of said property among the members of the family in this country. Lineal heirs who may not be able to attend this -meeting in person will have their interests taken in charge by the undersigned, on the receipt of twenty-five dollars, which will be due from ea~h heir as the primary instalment on account of necessary expenses. Punctual attention to this notice is requested. (Signed) JACOB BicaAIws, PETER MCCURDY, EBENEZER LYONS. JAMEs MCIJEON, L J. OLyme, HENRY RICHARDSON, Rev. THOS. DICK, DICK E. DICKQUE DOUT. RECOGNITION OF NILSSON. NOT that we mean to patronize, fair Swede; No, no, indeed! Tis homage, honest homage that we bring; For you can sing! Pray, do not think we mid you any throne On skill alone; Theres nothing regal in a music box In simple vox! But when an ardent spirit warms the strain When it is plain The artist feels the passion of the scene Shes then our Queen! But, dear CERIs~rneA! we should still declare The Fates unfair, Unless she lived as chastely as the rose; As NnssoN does! Still, still we hesitate !We will confess, (For youd not guess!) Wed have herthat the likeness be complete Young, fair, and sweet! In fine, (and now well tell you everything,) If she can sing, And act, and feel, and look, and be like you, Why, that will do! 23~

OCT. 8,1870. PUNCF{INELLO. ANNA DICKIJSON. O~z bright October morning in the year 1828, a lone lorxi woman by the name of GUMMIDGE might have been seen standing at the corner of a wheat-field where two cross-roads met and embraced. She was weep- ing violently. Ever and anon she would raise her head and gaze mysteriously in the direction of a cloud of dust whith moved slowly over the hill toward the town. Her name was Firmr.~. FATIMk G1m- MIDGE. Sister A~iz, she cried, what do you see ? But sister was far away. She was not there. She was attending an agri- cultural fair in the beautiful young state of Kansas. Thus gracefully do we introduce our heroine upon the scene. The reader will be able to judge, from this, whether we are familiar with the literature of our day, or not. He will be able to form a complimentary opinion of our culture. He will pereeive that we are acquainted with t1~e writings of Messrs. JAMEs, and DlcnzNs, and BLUEBEAED. There is nothing like impressing your reader with an adequate sense of your ubility for laborious research, when you are doing biography kr a high- toned journal. At what period in her career our illustrious victim applied to the Legislature to change her name from GUMMIDGE to Dicz~iso~~r, we are unable to discover. There is no record of the event in the musty tomes we have waded through at the Astor Library in search of reliable data. One thing must be apparent, even to the most violently prejudiced and brutish bigotnamely, that Miss DIcKINsoN no longer confesses to the name of GUMMIDGE. However disrespectful this may be to the memory of Mrs. GUMMIDGE5 fatherbut on reflection is it not possible that Mrs. GUMMIDGES maiden name was DIcKINsoN? There may be some- thing in this. Let us see. Mr.s. GUMMIDGE was born of the brain of Mr. C. DICKENS. Mr. DIcEKNs may be said to be the father ofthe whole GUMMIDGE family. This, of course, includes GUMMIDGE pare. Gnu- MIDGE pire was therefore Drc~Ns son. Hence the name of DIcKENsoN. Very good, so far. Now But it is unnecessary to press the argument. If the prejudiced bigot is not yet convinced, nothing would convince him short of a horse- whipping. The poet, when he wrote Thou wilt come no more; gentle AlE, was clearly laboring under a mistake. If he had written Thou wilt be sure to come again next season, gentle Am~zn, he would have hit it. Lecture committees know this. Miss DIcKINsON earns her living by lecturing. Occasionally she takes a turn at scrubbing pavements, or going to hear WENDELL PmLIaPs on The Lost Arts, or other violent exertion, but her best hold is lecturing. She has followed the business ever since she was a girl, and twenty-four (24) years of steady appli- cation have made her no longer a Timid Young Thing. She is not afraid of audiences any more. It is a favorite recreation of the moral boot-blacks and pious news- boys of New York to gather in the evening on the steps of Mr. FROTH- ING.EAM s church, and scare each other with thrilling stories of the gentle ANNIES fierce exploits and deeds of daring. Among the best authenti- cated of these (stripped of the ornate figures of speech with which the pious newsboys are wont to embellish the simple facts) are the fol- lowing: 1. In the memorable canvass of 1848, Miss DICKINsON stumped the mining districts of Pennsylvania for FEED DouGLA.ss, and was shot at by the infuriated miners forty-two times, the bullets whistling through he~ back hair to that extent that her chignon looked like a section of suction-hose when the campaign was over. 2. Near the close of the rebellion, Miss DIcKn~sON wrote to JEFF DAvIs that she was going to raise a regiment and go for him. Peace followed promptly. 3. In the year 1867 she published a book. 4. In the year 1868 she went to California overland, by railroad, alone. 5. In the year 1869 she attended a lecture by OLIVE Loo~, and further showed her fearless nature by embracing Miss LOGAN tempestu- ously, and offering to marry her. 6. At various times during her career she has received and success- fully done battle with 14,624 proposals of marriage, 14,600 of which were made to her in the city of Chicago! I! These evidences of her courage are sufficient to show what she is equal to, under any emergency. We are now waiting to hear of a seventh act of bravery on her part which will distance all the above; when she shall have announced that she is prepared to lecture on CHARLES DICKENS she will have given the last convincing proof that she is equal to anything terrible. (Should Mr. PuNcmNIAIa~O object that this biographical sketeh is desultory and wandering, let him try, himself, to write the biography of a lady who is incessantly and frantically roaming from one end of the country to the other, and if he dont wander it will be a wonder.) IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT !HEIRS WANTED! NEW YonK, Oct. 1, 1870. WE, the undersigned, as representatives of the family of the de- cedent, hereby call upon all heirs of the late RICHARD Czuu DE LION, who may be residing in or near this locality, to meet at the Astor House, in New York, on the fifteenth of this present month of October, to take measures for the recovery of such portion of the estate of said LION as is known to have legally descended to his heirs in this country. This property, to which it will be easy to prove that we, the undersigned, together with the other members of our family, are the lineal heirs, is believed to consist mainly of the two hundred thousand byzants assured to the said LION by SALADIN after the capitelation of Acre. This sum, which we have reason to believe was duly paid by sald SALADIN at the time appointed, when reduced from golden byzants into greenbacks, and compound-interest at seven per cenium for the term of six hundred and sevefity-nine years calculated thereupon, will be found to amount to upwards of one hundred and seventy thousand million dollars. When the ransom money of twenty-five hundred Saranens, slain by said LION to enforce the speedy payment of the principal of this sum by the said SALADIN, shall have been deducted and paid to such heirs and survivors of said Saracens as may immediate- ly present their claims, the remainder will be divided, (as soon as the necessary legal measures shall be taken,) among the heirs and descend- ants of said LION in this country. The immediate object of the meeting, which is now called by the undersigned, is the collection of sufficient funds from said heirs and descendants to defray the expenses of a committee (composed of the undersigned) who shall be charged with the duty of visiting England, Normandy and Palestine, and obtaining such evidence and such copies of record in relation to this portion of the estate of the said LION, as shall make necessary a speedy and equitable division of said property among the members of the family in this country. Lineal heirs who may not be able to attend this -meeting in person will have their interests taken in charge by the undersigned, on the receipt of twenty-five dollars, which will be due from ea~h heir as the primary instalment on account of necessary expenses. Punctual attention to this notice is requested. (Signed) JACOB BicaAIws, PETER MCCURDY, EBENEZER LYONS. JAMEs MCIJEON, L J. OLyme, HENRY RICHARDSON, Rev. THOS. DICK, DICK E. DICKQUE DOUT. RECOGNITION OF NILSSON. NOT that we mean to patronize, fair Swede; No, no, indeed! Tis homage, honest homage that we bring; For you can sing! Pray, do not think we mid you any throne On skill alone; Theres nothing regal in a music box In simple vox! But when an ardent spirit warms the strain When it is plain The artist feels the passion of the scene Shes then our Queen! But, dear CERIs~rneA! we should still declare The Fates unfair, Unless she lived as chastely as the rose; As NnssoN does! Still, still we hesitate !We will confess, (For youd not guess!) Wed have herthat the likeness be complete Young, fair, and sweet! In fine, (and now well tell you everything,) If she can sing, And act, and feel, and look, and be like you, Why, that will do! 23~

OCT. 8,1870. PUNCF{INELLO. ANNA DICKIJSON. O~z bright October morning in the year 1828, a lone lorxi woman by the name of GUMMIDGE might have been seen standing at the corner of a wheat-field where two cross-roads met and embraced. She was weep- ing violently. Ever and anon she would raise her head and gaze mysteriously in the direction of a cloud of dust whith moved slowly over the hill toward the town. Her name was Firmr.~. FATIMk G1m- MIDGE. Sister A~iz, she cried, what do you see ? But sister was far away. She was not there. She was attending an agri- cultural fair in the beautiful young state of Kansas. Thus gracefully do we introduce our heroine upon the scene. The reader will be able to judge, from this, whether we are familiar with the literature of our day, or not. He will be able to form a complimentary opinion of our culture. He will pereeive that we are acquainted with t1~e writings of Messrs. JAMEs, and DlcnzNs, and BLUEBEAED. There is nothing like impressing your reader with an adequate sense of your ubility for laborious research, when you are doing biography kr a high- toned journal. At what period in her career our illustrious victim applied to the Legislature to change her name from GUMMIDGE to Dicz~iso~~r, we are unable to discover. There is no record of the event in the musty tomes we have waded through at the Astor Library in search of reliable data. One thing must be apparent, even to the most violently prejudiced and brutish bigotnamely, that Miss DIcKINsoN no longer confesses to the name of GUMMIDGE. However disrespectful this may be to the memory of Mrs. GUMMIDGE5 fatherbut on reflection is it not possible that Mrs. GUMMIDGES maiden name was DIcKINsoN? There may be some- thing in this. Let us see. Mr.s. GUMMIDGE was born of the brain of Mr. C. DICKENS. Mr. DIcEKNs may be said to be the father ofthe whole GUMMIDGE family. This, of course, includes GUMMIDGE pare. Gnu- MIDGE pire was therefore Drc~Ns son. Hence the name of DIcKENsoN. Very good, so far. Now But it is unnecessary to press the argument. If the prejudiced bigot is not yet convinced, nothing would convince him short of a horse- whipping. The poet, when he wrote Thou wilt come no more; gentle AlE, was clearly laboring under a mistake. If he had written Thou wilt be sure to come again next season, gentle Am~zn, he would have hit it. Lecture committees know this. Miss DIcKINsON earns her living by lecturing. Occasionally she takes a turn at scrubbing pavements, or going to hear WENDELL PmLIaPs on The Lost Arts, or other violent exertion, but her best hold is lecturing. She has followed the business ever since she was a girl, and twenty-four (24) years of steady appli- cation have made her no longer a Timid Young Thing. She is not afraid of audiences any more. It is a favorite recreation of the moral boot-blacks and pious news- boys of New York to gather in the evening on the steps of Mr. FROTH- ING.EAM s church, and scare each other with thrilling stories of the gentle ANNIES fierce exploits and deeds of daring. Among the best authenti- cated of these (stripped of the ornate figures of speech with which the pious newsboys are wont to embellish the simple facts) are the fol- lowing: 1. In the memorable canvass of 1848, Miss DICKINsON stumped the mining districts of Pennsylvania for FEED DouGLA.ss, and was shot at by the infuriated miners forty-two times, the bullets whistling through he~ back hair to that extent that her chignon looked like a section of suction-hose when the campaign was over. 2. Near the close of the rebellion, Miss DIcKn~sON wrote to JEFF DAvIs that she was going to raise a regiment and go for him. Peace followed promptly. 3. In the year 1867 she published a book. 4. In the year 1868 she went to California overland, by railroad, alone. 5. In the year 1869 she attended a lecture by OLIVE Loo~, and further showed her fearless nature by embracing Miss LOGAN tempestu- ously, and offering to marry her. 6. At various times during her career she has received and success- fully done battle with 14,624 proposals of marriage, 14,600 of which were made to her in the city of Chicago! I! These evidences of her courage are sufficient to show what she is equal to, under any emergency. We are now waiting to hear of a seventh act of bravery on her part which will distance all the above; when she shall have announced that she is prepared to lecture on CHARLES DICKENS she will have given the last convincing proof that she is equal to anything terrible. (Should Mr. PuNcmNIAIa~O object that this biographical sketeh is desultory and wandering, let him try, himself, to write the biography of a lady who is incessantly and frantically roaming from one end of the country to the other, and if he dont wander it will be a wonder.) IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT !HEIRS WANTED! NEW YonK, Oct. 1, 1870. WE, the undersigned, as representatives of the family of the de- cedent, hereby call upon all heirs of the late RICHARD Czuu DE LION, who may be residing in or near this locality, to meet at the Astor House, in New York, on the fifteenth of this present month of October, to take measures for the recovery of such portion of the estate of said LION as is known to have legally descended to his heirs in this country. This property, to which it will be easy to prove that we, the undersigned, together with the other members of our family, are the lineal heirs, is believed to consist mainly of the two hundred thousand byzants assured to the said LION by SALADIN after the capitelation of Acre. This sum, which we have reason to believe was duly paid by sald SALADIN at the time appointed, when reduced from golden byzants into greenbacks, and compound-interest at seven per cenium for the term of six hundred and sevefity-nine years calculated thereupon, will be found to amount to upwards of one hundred and seventy thousand million dollars. When the ransom money of twenty-five hundred Saranens, slain by said LION to enforce the speedy payment of the principal of this sum by the said SALADIN, shall have been deducted and paid to such heirs and survivors of said Saracens as may immediate- ly present their claims, the remainder will be divided, (as soon as the necessary legal measures shall be taken,) among the heirs and descend- ants of said LION in this country. The immediate object of the meeting, which is now called by the undersigned, is the collection of sufficient funds from said heirs and descendants to defray the expenses of a committee (composed of the undersigned) who shall be charged with the duty of visiting England, Normandy and Palestine, and obtaining such evidence and such copies of record in relation to this portion of the estate of the said LION, as shall make necessary a speedy and equitable division of said property among the members of the family in this country. Lineal heirs who may not be able to attend this -meeting in person will have their interests taken in charge by the undersigned, on the receipt of twenty-five dollars, which will be due from ea~h heir as the primary instalment on account of necessary expenses. Punctual attention to this notice is requested. (Signed) JACOB BicaAIws, PETER MCCURDY, EBENEZER LYONS. JAMEs MCIJEON, L J. OLyme, HENRY RICHARDSON, Rev. THOS. DICK, DICK E. DICKQUE DOUT. RECOGNITION OF NILSSON. NOT that we mean to patronize, fair Swede; No, no, indeed! Tis homage, honest homage that we bring; For you can sing! Pray, do not think we mid you any throne On skill alone; Theres nothing regal in a music box In simple vox! But when an ardent spirit warms the strain When it is plain The artist feels the passion of the scene Shes then our Queen! But, dear CERIs~rneA! we should still declare The Fates unfair, Unless she lived as chastely as the rose; As NnssoN does! Still, still we hesitate !We will confess, (For youd not guess!) Wed have herthat the likeness be complete Young, fair, and sweet! In fine, (and now well tell you everything,) If she can sing, And act, and feel, and look, and be like you, Why, that will do! 23~

OCT. 8,1870. PUNCF{INELLO. ANNA DICKIJSON. O~z bright October morning in the year 1828, a lone lorxi woman by the name of GUMMIDGE might have been seen standing at the corner of a wheat-field where two cross-roads met and embraced. She was weep- ing violently. Ever and anon she would raise her head and gaze mysteriously in the direction of a cloud of dust whith moved slowly over the hill toward the town. Her name was Firmr.~. FATIMk G1m- MIDGE. Sister A~iz, she cried, what do you see ? But sister was far away. She was not there. She was attending an agri- cultural fair in the beautiful young state of Kansas. Thus gracefully do we introduce our heroine upon the scene. The reader will be able to judge, from this, whether we are familiar with the literature of our day, or not. He will be able to form a complimentary opinion of our culture. He will pereeive that we are acquainted with t1~e writings of Messrs. JAMEs, and DlcnzNs, and BLUEBEAED. There is nothing like impressing your reader with an adequate sense of your ubility for laborious research, when you are doing biography kr a high- toned journal. At what period in her career our illustrious victim applied to the Legislature to change her name from GUMMIDGE to Dicz~iso~~r, we are unable to discover. There is no record of the event in the musty tomes we have waded through at the Astor Library in search of reliable data. One thing must be apparent, even to the most violently prejudiced and brutish bigotnamely, that Miss DIcKINsoN no longer confesses to the name of GUMMIDGE. However disrespectful this may be to the memory of Mrs. GUMMIDGE5 fatherbut on reflection is it not possible that Mrs. GUMMIDGES maiden name was DIcKINsoN? There may be some- thing in this. Let us see. Mr.s. GUMMIDGE was born of the brain of Mr. C. DICKENS. Mr. DIcEKNs may be said to be the father ofthe whole GUMMIDGE family. This, of course, includes GUMMIDGE pare. Gnu- MIDGE pire was therefore Drc~Ns son. Hence the name of DIcKENsoN. Very good, so far. Now But it is unnecessary to press the argument. If the prejudiced bigot is not yet convinced, nothing would convince him short of a horse- whipping. The poet, when he wrote Thou wilt come no more; gentle AlE, was clearly laboring under a mistake. If he had written Thou wilt be sure to come again next season, gentle Am~zn, he would have hit it. Lecture committees know this. Miss DIcKINsON earns her living by lecturing. Occasionally she takes a turn at scrubbing pavements, or going to hear WENDELL PmLIaPs on The Lost Arts, or other violent exertion, but her best hold is lecturing. She has followed the business ever since she was a girl, and twenty-four (24) years of steady appli- cation have made her no longer a Timid Young Thing. She is not afraid of audiences any more. It is a favorite recreation of the moral boot-blacks and pious news- boys of New York to gather in the evening on the steps of Mr. FROTH- ING.EAM s church, and scare each other with thrilling stories of the gentle ANNIES fierce exploits and deeds of daring. Among the best authenti- cated of these (stripped of the ornate figures of speech with which the pious newsboys are wont to embellish the simple facts) are the fol- lowing: 1. In the memorable canvass of 1848, Miss DICKINsON stumped the mining districts of Pennsylvania for FEED DouGLA.ss, and was shot at by the infuriated miners forty-two times, the bullets whistling through he~ back hair to that extent that her chignon looked like a section of suction-hose when the campaign was over. 2. Near the close of the rebellion, Miss DIcKn~sON wrote to JEFF DAvIs that she was going to raise a regiment and go for him. Peace followed promptly. 3. In the year 1867 she published a book. 4. In the year 1868 she went to California overland, by railroad, alone. 5. In the year 1869 she attended a lecture by OLIVE Loo~, and further showed her fearless nature by embracing Miss LOGAN tempestu- ously, and offering to marry her. 6. At various times during her career she has received and success- fully done battle with 14,624 proposals of marriage, 14,600 of which were made to her in the city of Chicago! I! These evidences of her courage are sufficient to show what she is equal to, under any emergency. We are now waiting to hear of a seventh act of bravery on her part which will distance all the above; when she shall have announced that she is prepared to lecture on CHARLES DICKENS she will have given the last convincing proof that she is equal to anything terrible. (Should Mr. PuNcmNIAIa~O object that this biographical sketeh is desultory and wandering, let him try, himself, to write the biography of a lady who is incessantly and frantically roaming from one end of the country to the other, and if he dont wander it will be a wonder.) IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT !HEIRS WANTED! NEW YonK, Oct. 1, 1870. WE, the undersigned, as representatives of the family of the de- cedent, hereby call upon all heirs of the late RICHARD Czuu DE LION, who may be residing in or near this locality, to meet at the Astor House, in New York, on the fifteenth of this present month of October, to take measures for the recovery of such portion of the estate of said LION as is known to have legally descended to his heirs in this country. This property, to which it will be easy to prove that we, the undersigned, together with the other members of our family, are the lineal heirs, is believed to consist mainly of the two hundred thousand byzants assured to the said LION by SALADIN after the capitelation of Acre. This sum, which we have reason to believe was duly paid by sald SALADIN at the time appointed, when reduced from golden byzants into greenbacks, and compound-interest at seven per cenium for the term of six hundred and sevefity-nine years calculated thereupon, will be found to amount to upwards of one hundred and seventy thousand million dollars. When the ransom money of twenty-five hundred Saranens, slain by said LION to enforce the speedy payment of the principal of this sum by the said SALADIN, shall have been deducted and paid to such heirs and survivors of said Saracens as may immediate- ly present their claims, the remainder will be divided, (as soon as the necessary legal measures shall be taken,) among the heirs and descend- ants of said LION in this country. The immediate object of the meeting, which is now called by the undersigned, is the collection of sufficient funds from said heirs and descendants to defray the expenses of a committee (composed of the undersigned) who shall be charged with the duty of visiting England, Normandy and Palestine, and obtaining such evidence and such copies of record in relation to this portion of the estate of the said LION, as shall make necessary a speedy and equitable division of said property among the members of the family in this country. Lineal heirs who may not be able to attend this -meeting in person will have their interests taken in charge by the undersigned, on the receipt of twenty-five dollars, which will be due from ea~h heir as the primary instalment on account of necessary expenses. Punctual attention to this notice is requested. (Signed) JACOB BicaAIws, PETER MCCURDY, EBENEZER LYONS. JAMEs MCIJEON, L J. OLyme, HENRY RICHARDSON, Rev. THOS. DICK, DICK E. DICKQUE DOUT. RECOGNITION OF NILSSON. NOT that we mean to patronize, fair Swede; No, no, indeed! Tis homage, honest homage that we bring; For you can sing! Pray, do not think we mid you any throne On skill alone; Theres nothing regal in a music box In simple vox! But when an ardent spirit warms the strain When it is plain The artist feels the passion of the scene Shes then our Queen! But, dear CERIs~rneA! we should still declare The Fates unfair, Unless she lived as chastely as the rose; As NnssoN does! Still, still we hesitate !We will confess, (For youd not guess!) Wed have herthat the likeness be complete Young, fair, and sweet! In fine, (and now well tell you everything,) If she can sing, And act, and feel, and look, and be like you, Why, that will do! 23~ S 24 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. A New Pieuian Spring. THE Principal of the Students Home, at Y, N. Y., advertis. ing the advantages his school, makes the following telling ap- peal, which we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere with digestion. COME TO Y. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and Its Seminary the mind. The hope of eventu- ally leaving those clas- sic shades in such a state of two-fold invig- oration, should prove inspiring to the dyspep- tic and studious. Whether this con- stant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of stu- dents in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. Spare U.! NOT only is every- bodys attention direct~ ed towards Paris, but the English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public estimation. They have been pick- ing away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the mud- diest weather. In course of ,time, we sup- pose the worms will G1;appear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Comet arouse then, friends of the sparrow! Fetch out your breadand your grain, and fear not that these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city. A Guard of Honor(S) THE latest, and most important news from Spain is that Src~ixs has been furnished with a guard by the govern- ment. Some things are man- aged better in Spain than in this country. SIcEnls should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him out of mischief. Carpe Diem. Tini following tele- graphic item is a re- markable instance of the exactness with which news can be transmitted by the sub- marine cable: LolmoN, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, mem- ber ofParliament for Hack- ney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill Fields. The monument is practi- cally one to RoSnisoN Cmi- SOE. With the triffing ex- ception of calling Ron- INSON DEFOE ALExAN- DEE DEFOE, (and that is a pardonable error, considering that Ai~ax- ANDEIt SElKIRK wa~ the prototype of DANIEL CRUsOE,) the above item is perfectly satis- factory. All the more so, if one pays atten- tion to the date, and re- members that Septem- ber 16 fell upon a Fm- DAY. BY TELEGRAPH FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD. [Special Correspondence of Punchinelio4 BERlIN, October 15.In a conversation with King WILLIAM, yester- day, he said that he relied upon the growing taste in Hoboken for Bavarian beer to destroy the sympathy of the United States with the French Republic. METE, October 12.While examining the fortifications to-day with BI5MARCK, I lent him my cigar-holder, and he told me that Prussia would refuse to entertain any propositions tending to peace until the. Schleswig-Holstein question was definitely settled. STBASBOURG, October 14.Among the priceless volumes destroyed in the library here, was a full set of ABBOTTS NAroI~oN histories. They were all presentation copies from the author, with autograph inscrip- tions. The regret expressed at their destruction is deep-felt and uni- versal Wnmson, Oct. l6th.I came up to-day with Vicromi& from Balmoral. She was engaged during most of the trip in reading HORACE Gnxai~ays What I Know About Farming, with which she is much delighted. She said she thought the satire was finer than SwniTs, and wondered the people did not insist upon GREEaLEYs being Governor. Roirs, Oct. 15.Talking this morning with the Pope, who took breakfast with me, His Holiness said he had accepted J~nis GonnoN BENNETTS invitation to come to Washington Heights on a visit, and wanted to know whether I thought he would be expected to wear his tiara during meals. I told him that I thought it would not be obligatory. DUBLIN, Oct. 16.The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The F~nians say they would prefer a constitutional monarchy. PARIs, Oct. 15.General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister WAsuauu~ni speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely forgotten what little English he used to know, and further, that he is confident it is not that gentlemans intention to make himself Dictator of France by a coup d ~taL LONG BRANcH, Oct. 22While smoking to-day with GRANT, I asked him what he thought of the European complication, and he answered with a most expressive silence. Tus YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY TEE OLD RAT DANA, COME vo GRIEF IN TRYING To PUT OUT TEE HOFFMAN LIGHT.

S 24 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. A New Pieuian Spring. THE Principal of the Students Home, at Y, N. Y., advertis. ing the advantages his school, makes the following telling ap- peal, which we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere with digestion. COME TO Y. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and Its Seminary the mind. The hope of eventu- ally leaving those clas- sic shades in such a state of two-fold invig- oration, should prove inspiring to the dyspep- tic and studious. Whether this con- stant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of stu- dents in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. Spare U.! NOT only is every- bodys attention direct~ ed towards Paris, but the English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public estimation. They have been pick- ing away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the mud- diest weather. In course of ,time, we sup- pose the worms will G1;appear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Comet arouse then, friends of the sparrow! Fetch out your breadand your grain, and fear not that these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city. A Guard of Honor(S) THE latest, and most important news from Spain is that Src~ixs has been furnished with a guard by the govern- ment. Some things are man- aged better in Spain than in this country. SIcEnls should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him out of mischief. Carpe Diem. Tini following tele- graphic item is a re- markable instance of the exactness with which news can be transmitted by the sub- marine cable: LolmoN, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, mem- ber ofParliament for Hack- ney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill Fields. The monument is practi- cally one to RoSnisoN Cmi- SOE. With the triffing ex- ception of calling Ron- INSON DEFOE ALExAN- DEE DEFOE, (and that is a pardonable error, considering that Ai~ax- ANDEIt SElKIRK wa~ the prototype of DANIEL CRUsOE,) the above item is perfectly satis- factory. All the more so, if one pays atten- tion to the date, and re- members that Septem- ber 16 fell upon a Fm- DAY. BY TELEGRAPH FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD. [Special Correspondence of Punchinelio4 BERlIN, October 15.In a conversation with King WILLIAM, yester- day, he said that he relied upon the growing taste in Hoboken for Bavarian beer to destroy the sympathy of the United States with the French Republic. METE, October 12.While examining the fortifications to-day with BI5MARCK, I lent him my cigar-holder, and he told me that Prussia would refuse to entertain any propositions tending to peace until the. Schleswig-Holstein question was definitely settled. STBASBOURG, October 14.Among the priceless volumes destroyed in the library here, was a full set of ABBOTTS NAroI~oN histories. They were all presentation copies from the author, with autograph inscrip- tions. The regret expressed at their destruction is deep-felt and uni- versal Wnmson, Oct. l6th.I came up to-day with Vicromi& from Balmoral. She was engaged during most of the trip in reading HORACE Gnxai~ays What I Know About Farming, with which she is much delighted. She said she thought the satire was finer than SwniTs, and wondered the people did not insist upon GREEaLEYs being Governor. Roirs, Oct. 15.Talking this morning with the Pope, who took breakfast with me, His Holiness said he had accepted J~nis GonnoN BENNETTS invitation to come to Washington Heights on a visit, and wanted to know whether I thought he would be expected to wear his tiara during meals. I told him that I thought it would not be obligatory. DUBLIN, Oct. 16.The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The F~nians say they would prefer a constitutional monarchy. PARIs, Oct. 15.General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister WAsuauu~ni speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely forgotten what little English he used to know, and further, that he is confident it is not that gentlemans intention to make himself Dictator of France by a coup d ~taL LONG BRANcH, Oct. 22While smoking to-day with GRANT, I asked him what he thought of the European complication, and he answered with a most expressive silence. Tus YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY TEE OLD RAT DANA, COME vo GRIEF IN TRYING To PUT OUT TEE HOFFMAN LIGHT.

S 24 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. A New Pieuian Spring. THE Principal of the Students Home, at Y, N. Y., advertis. ing the advantages his school, makes the following telling ap- peal, which we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere with digestion. COME TO Y. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and Its Seminary the mind. The hope of eventu- ally leaving those clas- sic shades in such a state of two-fold invig- oration, should prove inspiring to the dyspep- tic and studious. Whether this con- stant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of stu- dents in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. Spare U.! NOT only is every- bodys attention direct~ ed towards Paris, but the English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public estimation. They have been pick- ing away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the mud- diest weather. In course of ,time, we sup- pose the worms will G1;appear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Comet arouse then, friends of the sparrow! Fetch out your breadand your grain, and fear not that these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city. A Guard of Honor(S) THE latest, and most important news from Spain is that Src~ixs has been furnished with a guard by the govern- ment. Some things are man- aged better in Spain than in this country. SIcEnls should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him out of mischief. Carpe Diem. Tini following tele- graphic item is a re- markable instance of the exactness with which news can be transmitted by the sub- marine cable: LolmoN, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, mem- ber ofParliament for Hack- ney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill Fields. The monument is practi- cally one to RoSnisoN Cmi- SOE. With the triffing ex- ception of calling Ron- INSON DEFOE ALExAN- DEE DEFOE, (and that is a pardonable error, considering that Ai~ax- ANDEIt SElKIRK wa~ the prototype of DANIEL CRUsOE,) the above item is perfectly satis- factory. All the more so, if one pays atten- tion to the date, and re- members that Septem- ber 16 fell upon a Fm- DAY. BY TELEGRAPH FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD. [Special Correspondence of Punchinelio4 BERlIN, October 15.In a conversation with King WILLIAM, yester- day, he said that he relied upon the growing taste in Hoboken for Bavarian beer to destroy the sympathy of the United States with the French Republic. METE, October 12.While examining the fortifications to-day with BI5MARCK, I lent him my cigar-holder, and he told me that Prussia would refuse to entertain any propositions tending to peace until the. Schleswig-Holstein question was definitely settled. STBASBOURG, October 14.Among the priceless volumes destroyed in the library here, was a full set of ABBOTTS NAroI~oN histories. They were all presentation copies from the author, with autograph inscrip- tions. The regret expressed at their destruction is deep-felt and uni- versal Wnmson, Oct. l6th.I came up to-day with Vicromi& from Balmoral. She was engaged during most of the trip in reading HORACE Gnxai~ays What I Know About Farming, with which she is much delighted. She said she thought the satire was finer than SwniTs, and wondered the people did not insist upon GREEaLEYs being Governor. Roirs, Oct. 15.Talking this morning with the Pope, who took breakfast with me, His Holiness said he had accepted J~nis GonnoN BENNETTS invitation to come to Washington Heights on a visit, and wanted to know whether I thought he would be expected to wear his tiara during meals. I told him that I thought it would not be obligatory. DUBLIN, Oct. 16.The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The F~nians say they would prefer a constitutional monarchy. PARIs, Oct. 15.General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister WAsuauu~ni speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely forgotten what little English he used to know, and further, that he is confident it is not that gentlemans intention to make himself Dictator of France by a coup d ~taL LONG BRANcH, Oct. 22While smoking to-day with GRANT, I asked him what he thought of the European complication, and he answered with a most expressive silence. Tus YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY TEE OLD RAT DANA, COME vo GRIEF IN TRYING To PUT OUT TEE HOFFMAN LIGHT.

S 24 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. A New Pieuian Spring. THE Principal of the Students Home, at Y, N. Y., advertis. ing the advantages his school, makes the following telling ap- peal, which we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere with digestion. COME TO Y. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and Its Seminary the mind. The hope of eventu- ally leaving those clas- sic shades in such a state of two-fold invig- oration, should prove inspiring to the dyspep- tic and studious. Whether this con- stant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of stu- dents in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. Spare U.! NOT only is every- bodys attention direct~ ed towards Paris, but the English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public estimation. They have been pick- ing away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the mud- diest weather. In course of ,time, we sup- pose the worms will G1;appear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Comet arouse then, friends of the sparrow! Fetch out your breadand your grain, and fear not that these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city. A Guard of Honor(S) THE latest, and most important news from Spain is that Src~ixs has been furnished with a guard by the govern- ment. Some things are man- aged better in Spain than in this country. SIcEnls should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him out of mischief. Carpe Diem. Tini following tele- graphic item is a re- markable instance of the exactness with which news can be transmitted by the sub- marine cable: LolmoN, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, mem- ber ofParliament for Hack- ney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill Fields. The monument is practi- cally one to RoSnisoN Cmi- SOE. With the triffing ex- ception of calling Ron- INSON DEFOE ALExAN- DEE DEFOE, (and that is a pardonable error, considering that Ai~ax- ANDEIt SElKIRK wa~ the prototype of DANIEL CRUsOE,) the above item is perfectly satis- factory. All the more so, if one pays atten- tion to the date, and re- members that Septem- ber 16 fell upon a Fm- DAY. BY TELEGRAPH FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD. [Special Correspondence of Punchinelio4 BERlIN, October 15.In a conversation with King WILLIAM, yester- day, he said that he relied upon the growing taste in Hoboken for Bavarian beer to destroy the sympathy of the United States with the French Republic. METE, October 12.While examining the fortifications to-day with BI5MARCK, I lent him my cigar-holder, and he told me that Prussia would refuse to entertain any propositions tending to peace until the. Schleswig-Holstein question was definitely settled. STBASBOURG, October 14.Among the priceless volumes destroyed in the library here, was a full set of ABBOTTS NAroI~oN histories. They were all presentation copies from the author, with autograph inscrip- tions. The regret expressed at their destruction is deep-felt and uni- versal Wnmson, Oct. l6th.I came up to-day with Vicromi& from Balmoral. She was engaged during most of the trip in reading HORACE Gnxai~ays What I Know About Farming, with which she is much delighted. She said she thought the satire was finer than SwniTs, and wondered the people did not insist upon GREEaLEYs being Governor. Roirs, Oct. 15.Talking this morning with the Pope, who took breakfast with me, His Holiness said he had accepted J~nis GonnoN BENNETTS invitation to come to Washington Heights on a visit, and wanted to know whether I thought he would be expected to wear his tiara during meals. I told him that I thought it would not be obligatory. DUBLIN, Oct. 16.The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The F~nians say they would prefer a constitutional monarchy. PARIs, Oct. 15.General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister WAsuauu~ni speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely forgotten what little English he used to know, and further, that he is confident it is not that gentlemans intention to make himself Dictator of France by a coup d ~taL LONG BRANcH, Oct. 22While smoking to-day with GRANT, I asked him what he thought of the European complication, and he answered with a most expressive silence. Tus YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY TEE OLD RAT DANA, COME vo GRIEF IN TRYING To PUT OUT TEE HOFFMAN LIGHT.

S 24 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. A New Pieuian Spring. THE Principal of the Students Home, at Y, N. Y., advertis. ing the advantages his school, makes the following telling ap- peal, which we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere with digestion. COME TO Y. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and Its Seminary the mind. The hope of eventu- ally leaving those clas- sic shades in such a state of two-fold invig- oration, should prove inspiring to the dyspep- tic and studious. Whether this con- stant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of stu- dents in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. Spare U.! NOT only is every- bodys attention direct~ ed towards Paris, but the English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public estimation. They have been pick- ing away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the mud- diest weather. In course of ,time, we sup- pose the worms will G1;appear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Comet arouse then, friends of the sparrow! Fetch out your breadand your grain, and fear not that these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city. A Guard of Honor(S) THE latest, and most important news from Spain is that Src~ixs has been furnished with a guard by the govern- ment. Some things are man- aged better in Spain than in this country. SIcEnls should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him out of mischief. Carpe Diem. Tini following tele- graphic item is a re- markable instance of the exactness with which news can be transmitted by the sub- marine cable: LolmoN, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, mem- ber ofParliament for Hack- ney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill Fields. The monument is practi- cally one to RoSnisoN Cmi- SOE. With the triffing ex- ception of calling Ron- INSON DEFOE ALExAN- DEE DEFOE, (and that is a pardonable error, considering that Ai~ax- ANDEIt SElKIRK wa~ the prototype of DANIEL CRUsOE,) the above item is perfectly satis- factory. All the more so, if one pays atten- tion to the date, and re- members that Septem- ber 16 fell upon a Fm- DAY. BY TELEGRAPH FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD. [Special Correspondence of Punchinelio4 BERlIN, October 15.In a conversation with King WILLIAM, yester- day, he said that he relied upon the growing taste in Hoboken for Bavarian beer to destroy the sympathy of the United States with the French Republic. METE, October 12.While examining the fortifications to-day with BI5MARCK, I lent him my cigar-holder, and he told me that Prussia would refuse to entertain any propositions tending to peace until the. Schleswig-Holstein question was definitely settled. STBASBOURG, October 14.Among the priceless volumes destroyed in the library here, was a full set of ABBOTTS NAroI~oN histories. They were all presentation copies from the author, with autograph inscrip- tions. The regret expressed at their destruction is deep-felt and uni- versal Wnmson, Oct. l6th.I came up to-day with Vicromi& from Balmoral. She was engaged during most of the trip in reading HORACE Gnxai~ays What I Know About Farming, with which she is much delighted. She said she thought the satire was finer than SwniTs, and wondered the people did not insist upon GREEaLEYs being Governor. Roirs, Oct. 15.Talking this morning with the Pope, who took breakfast with me, His Holiness said he had accepted J~nis GonnoN BENNETTS invitation to come to Washington Heights on a visit, and wanted to know whether I thought he would be expected to wear his tiara during meals. I told him that I thought it would not be obligatory. DUBLIN, Oct. 16.The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The F~nians say they would prefer a constitutional monarchy. PARIs, Oct. 15.General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister WAsuauu~ni speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely forgotten what little English he used to know, and further, that he is confident it is not that gentlemans intention to make himself Dictator of France by a coup d ~taL LONG BRANcH, Oct. 22While smoking to-day with GRANT, I asked him what he thought of the European complication, and he answered with a most expressive silence. Tus YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY TEE OLD RAT DANA, COME vo GRIEF IN TRYING To PUT OUT TEE HOFFMAN LIGHT.

S 24 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. A New Pieuian Spring. THE Principal of the Students Home, at Y, N. Y., advertis. ing the advantages his school, makes the following telling ap- peal, which we should think would be hard to resist by such as find study interfere with digestion. COME TO Y. Its Mineral Water strengthens the body, and Its Seminary the mind. The hope of eventu- ally leaving those clas- sic shades in such a state of two-fold invig- oration, should prove inspiring to the dyspep- tic and studious. Whether this con- stant cramming of the mind and purging of the body be the true secret of longevity well as of scholarship, we know not; we should judge, however, from the appearance and conversation of stu- dents in general, that a system directly the reverse of the above mentioned process would be more certain of turning out the real article. Spare U.! NOT only is every- bodys attention direct~ ed towards Paris, but the English Sparrows appear to be gradually Worming themselves into public estimation. They have been pick- ing away so vigorously, since they were brought over here, that some of them are now able to pick their way across Broadway, in the mud- diest weather. In course of ,time, we sup- pose the worms will G1;appear, and then, when these poor birds have nothing else to pick, they will go out to pic-nics. Comet arouse then, friends of the sparrow! Fetch out your breadand your grain, and fear not that these little twitterers will ever over-burden the city. A Guard of Honor(S) THE latest, and most important news from Spain is that Src~ixs has been furnished with a guard by the govern- ment. Some things are man- aged better in Spain than in this country. SIcEnls should have been placed under guard, here, many a year ago, to keep him out of mischief. Carpe Diem. Tini following tele- graphic item is a re- markable instance of the exactness with which news can be transmitted by the sub- marine cable: LolmoN, September 16. Mr. CHARLES REED, mem- ber ofParliament for Hack- ney, to-day unveiled the monument to ALEXANDER DEFOE, at Bunhill Fields. The monument is practi- cally one to RoSnisoN Cmi- SOE. With the triffing ex- ception of calling Ron- INSON DEFOE ALExAN- DEE DEFOE, (and that is a pardonable error, considering that Ai~ax- ANDEIt SElKIRK wa~ the prototype of DANIEL CRUsOE,) the above item is perfectly satis- factory. All the more so, if one pays atten- tion to the date, and re- members that Septem- ber 16 fell upon a Fm- DAY. BY TELEGRAPH FROM VARIOUS PARTS OF THE WORLD. [Special Correspondence of Punchinelio4 BERlIN, October 15.In a conversation with King WILLIAM, yester- day, he said that he relied upon the growing taste in Hoboken for Bavarian beer to destroy the sympathy of the United States with the French Republic. METE, October 12.While examining the fortifications to-day with BI5MARCK, I lent him my cigar-holder, and he told me that Prussia would refuse to entertain any propositions tending to peace until the. Schleswig-Holstein question was definitely settled. STBASBOURG, October 14.Among the priceless volumes destroyed in the library here, was a full set of ABBOTTS NAroI~oN histories. They were all presentation copies from the author, with autograph inscrip- tions. The regret expressed at their destruction is deep-felt and uni- versal Wnmson, Oct. l6th.I came up to-day with Vicromi& from Balmoral. She was engaged during most of the trip in reading HORACE Gnxai~ays What I Know About Farming, with which she is much delighted. She said she thought the satire was finer than SwniTs, and wondered the people did not insist upon GREEaLEYs being Governor. Roirs, Oct. 15.Talking this morning with the Pope, who took breakfast with me, His Holiness said he had accepted J~nis GonnoN BENNETTS invitation to come to Washington Heights on a visit, and wanted to know whether I thought he would be expected to wear his tiara during meals. I told him that I thought it would not be obligatory. DUBLIN, Oct. 16.The Irish Republic was to-day proclaimed at Cork, with GEORGE FRANCIS TRAIN as Emperor. The F~nians say they would prefer a constitutional monarchy. PARIs, Oct. 15.General CLUSERET assured me to-day that though Minister WAsuauu~ni speaks French better than a native, yet he has not entirely forgotten what little English he used to know, and further, that he is confident it is not that gentlemans intention to make himself Dictator of France by a coup d ~taL LONG BRANcH, Oct. 22While smoking to-day with GRANT, I asked him what he thought of the European complication, and he answered with a most expressive silence. Tus YOUNG DEMOC-RATS, ENCOURAGED BY TEE OLD RAT DANA, COME vo GRIEF IN TRYING To PUT OUT TEE HOFFMAN LIGHT. i~I p1) ] K) II 7 -~ I Ii! I. All VI 7 H H 0 1/) ~4 A? Ii! -~:-~ ~- z C) tIl 0 a OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 27 HIRAM GREEN III GOTHAM. The Venerable Lalt Gustise sees the Sights, under Perplexing DifficultIes. The native borned Gothamite mite have notissed, a short time since, a venerable lookin ex-Statesman, dressed in a becomin soot of clothes and a slick lookin white hat. The a-four-said honest old man carried a bloo cotton umbreller in one nand, and an acksminister carpet bag in tother. He had jest arroven to the meetropolis on a North River steambote. The reader has probly gessed by this time, that the man in question was the subscriber. If he hasent so surmised, I would inform him that it was. Jess so. Arrivin at a well-known tavern, where bash is provided for man and beast, I handed my carpet bag over the counter. The clerk at the offis put on rather more airs than a ]levenoo offiser. In fact, he was so full of airs I got a vilent cold standin in his pressence. Shant I take that anshient circus tent ? said he, pintin to my umbreller, and lock it up in the safe I I made no reply to this onmanerly interogetory, but strikin an atti- tude of pain, give him one of those gazes which BEN Bumzn allers makes tell, in tryin criminal cases. I looked at that clerk cross-eyed, and it made him squirm. I wasent blindnot much. That clerk wanted to steel thai umbreller, to send to Houais GEXELEY, so the Filosifer could keep the reign storms of Tammany from spatterin his white cote. I understood his little dodge and nipped it. Snowball, said I, addiessin a dark skinned individual with a white apern, while I was seated at the dinner table, what in the deuce makes all your dishes so small I - Dem is for one pusson, sah, said he. Dat is an indiwidual butter dish, sah. Dem is indiwidual vegetable dishesand dats an indiwidual salt-cellar, sah, said he, pintin to each piece of crockery. I was hungry, and the crockery was soon empty. Seem a platter of ice cream down the table aways, I got up onto my feet, and havin a good long arm, reached for it. It was awful cold, and sot my stumps to achin. I got one holler tooth full of the stuff. Snowball, said I, look here. Well, sah ? he replied. Ive got my tooth full of that cold puddin, said I, pintin to the dish; please bring me an indiwi4uai toothpick, so I can dig it out. lie vanished. I couldent wait, so I undertook to dig it out with my fork. A man opposite me, who thot heed play smart, sent word to the tavern-keeper that I was swollerin his forks. Up comes the tavern-keeper, and ketchin holt of my cote coller, shaked me out in the middie of the dinin-room floor. What in thunder are you about I says I. Old man, says he, them forks cost $9.00 a dozen. How many have you swallered ? Not a gol darned fork, hollered I as loud as I could screem. Gittin onto my feet, I pulled off my cote and vest, and if I didnt make the fur fly, and give that ere tavern-keeper the nisest little polishin off mortal man ever become acquainted with, then I dont understand the roodiments of the English prize ring. At Central Park, that hily cultivated forrest, the sharpers tried to chissel me. Just as I approched the gate which leads into the Park, a fansy lookin feller with short hair and plad briches stopt me and says: Unkle, your fair. Youre a man of excellent judgment, I replide; I think I. am pooty good lookin for a man of my years. You dont undertand me, sir, he agin said. Come down with your stamps. My which ? said I, turnin a little red in the face. Your gate money, he replied, tryin to shove me back. We charge $1.00 for goin in here. You do. do you ? said I, wavin my umbreller over his head in a threatenin manner. When our goverment resooms speshie payment agin maybe Ile send you a silver dollar with a hole into it, and maybe I wont; it will depend a good deal on the pertater crop. I was very much agitated. Iullin out my silver watch I says: My sweet sented Plumbob, if you dont histe your butes away from that gate in 2 seconds Ile bust your biler with this ere bunch of bones, and I tickled the end of his probocis with my fist, as I gently rubbed it under his smeller. He saw heed caught a Tarter, in fact, a regular Tarter emetic, and he slunk away rather sudden. I had sent too many of such skinamelinks to the clay banks when I was Gustise of the Peece to allow em to fool me much. I visited WooDs Museum to see the wacks figgers and things; The statutes of the 12 Apostles attracted my attention. And this, said a ministerial long-faced lookin man, with a white choker, is the last supper.What a sagacious eye has PrrEE gotHow doubtful THOMAS looksMArniEw is in deep thought, probly thinkin of the times he was a fisherman. What a longin look in that astoot eye, said he, nudgin me with his gold-headed cane. Yes, said I, he is probly lonqin for that ere dish of ham and eggs, in the middie of the table. Look at SmboN, he continered. See! his eye rests upon his rite hand, which is closed beside him on the table. His lips are parted as if he was going to say SmoN says thumbs up, I quickly replide, interruptin him. I dident mean anything disrespectful to nobody, but that ere man flew into a vilent rage. Can it be, that n soul so devoid of poetry lives in this age ? said he. My venerable friend, I blush for youyes, I blush for you, you are devoid of sentiment. Look here, Captin, said I, you may be a good preacher and all that sort of thing. Excuse me for sayin it, you haint a BEECHEE Skarcely. H. WASD soots meHe is chock full of sentimentat the same time he can relish a joak ekal to the best of us. Mix a little sun- shine with that gloomy lookin countenance of yours. Dont let people of the world think they must draw down their faces and colaps, be- cause a man joaks about a lot of wacks figgers dressed up in 6 penny caliker. Thems the kind of sentiment which ales me every time. Sayin which I storked contemptously out of the wacks figger de- partment. I shall remain a few days in the big city, friend PuxcimiErlo, and if the citizens of New York insist on givin me a reception at the City Hall, I will submit to the sacrifice, especially if the vitels -are well cookt. Ewers on a scare up, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. THE CENSUS E~i1JMERATORS PLAINT. The names that these newspapers call us Are hardest of all to surmount, They say Mayor HALL may oerhaul us; He claims that our count is no count. I never had any such trouble In registering voters down South, I set every nigger down double And put the whites down in the mouth. But here tl~eyre so very exacting They kick up a row, dont you know? Though under instructions were acting In playing our figures for low. I try to play Sharpe in these matters, I dodge all the bricks and spittoons (Curse that bull-dog! hes torn to tatters . The seat of my best pantaloons!) A tailor refused me admission, And said he vould shoot mit his gun, So I, out of Shear opposition, Counted him and eight others for one. While not in the habit of swearing, I cant but be slightly profane To hear these New Yorkers declaring Their names have been taken in vain. The most appropriate kind of dish on which to serve up Horseflesh A Charger.

OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 27 HIRAM GREEN III GOTHAM. The Venerable Lalt Gustise sees the Sights, under Perplexing DifficultIes. The native borned Gothamite mite have notissed, a short time since, a venerable lookin ex-Statesman, dressed in a becomin soot of clothes and a slick lookin white hat. The a-four-said honest old man carried a bloo cotton umbreller in one nand, and an acksminister carpet bag in tother. He had jest arroven to the meetropolis on a North River steambote. The reader has probly gessed by this time, that the man in question was the subscriber. If he hasent so surmised, I would inform him that it was. Jess so. Arrivin at a well-known tavern, where bash is provided for man and beast, I handed my carpet bag over the counter. The clerk at the offis put on rather more airs than a ]levenoo offiser. In fact, he was so full of airs I got a vilent cold standin in his pressence. Shant I take that anshient circus tent ? said he, pintin to my umbreller, and lock it up in the safe I I made no reply to this onmanerly interogetory, but strikin an atti- tude of pain, give him one of those gazes which BEN Bumzn allers makes tell, in tryin criminal cases. I looked at that clerk cross-eyed, and it made him squirm. I wasent blindnot much. That clerk wanted to steel thai umbreller, to send to Houais GEXELEY, so the Filosifer could keep the reign storms of Tammany from spatterin his white cote. I understood his little dodge and nipped it. Snowball, said I, addiessin a dark skinned individual with a white apern, while I was seated at the dinner table, what in the deuce makes all your dishes so small I - Dem is for one pusson, sah, said he. Dat is an indiwidual butter dish, sah. Dem is indiwidual vegetable dishesand dats an indiwidual salt-cellar, sah, said he, pintin to each piece of crockery. I was hungry, and the crockery was soon empty. Seem a platter of ice cream down the table aways, I got up onto my feet, and havin a good long arm, reached for it. It was awful cold, and sot my stumps to achin. I got one holler tooth full of the stuff. Snowball, said I, look here. Well, sah ? he replied. Ive got my tooth full of that cold puddin, said I, pintin to the dish; please bring me an indiwi4uai toothpick, so I can dig it out. lie vanished. I couldent wait, so I undertook to dig it out with my fork. A man opposite me, who thot heed play smart, sent word to the tavern-keeper that I was swollerin his forks. Up comes the tavern-keeper, and ketchin holt of my cote coller, shaked me out in the middie of the dinin-room floor. What in thunder are you about I says I. Old man, says he, them forks cost $9.00 a dozen. How many have you swallered ? Not a gol darned fork, hollered I as loud as I could screem. Gittin onto my feet, I pulled off my cote and vest, and if I didnt make the fur fly, and give that ere tavern-keeper the nisest little polishin off mortal man ever become acquainted with, then I dont understand the roodiments of the English prize ring. At Central Park, that hily cultivated forrest, the sharpers tried to chissel me. Just as I approched the gate which leads into the Park, a fansy lookin feller with short hair and plad briches stopt me and says: Unkle, your fair. Youre a man of excellent judgment, I replide; I think I. am pooty good lookin for a man of my years. You dont undertand me, sir, he agin said. Come down with your stamps. My which ? said I, turnin a little red in the face. Your gate money, he replied, tryin to shove me back. We charge $1.00 for goin in here. You do. do you ? said I, wavin my umbreller over his head in a threatenin manner. When our goverment resooms speshie payment agin maybe Ile send you a silver dollar with a hole into it, and maybe I wont; it will depend a good deal on the pertater crop. I was very much agitated. Iullin out my silver watch I says: My sweet sented Plumbob, if you dont histe your butes away from that gate in 2 seconds Ile bust your biler with this ere bunch of bones, and I tickled the end of his probocis with my fist, as I gently rubbed it under his smeller. He saw heed caught a Tarter, in fact, a regular Tarter emetic, and he slunk away rather sudden. I had sent too many of such skinamelinks to the clay banks when I was Gustise of the Peece to allow em to fool me much. I visited WooDs Museum to see the wacks figgers and things; The statutes of the 12 Apostles attracted my attention. And this, said a ministerial long-faced lookin man, with a white choker, is the last supper.What a sagacious eye has PrrEE gotHow doubtful THOMAS looksMArniEw is in deep thought, probly thinkin of the times he was a fisherman. What a longin look in that astoot eye, said he, nudgin me with his gold-headed cane. Yes, said I, he is probly lonqin for that ere dish of ham and eggs, in the middie of the table. Look at SmboN, he continered. See! his eye rests upon his rite hand, which is closed beside him on the table. His lips are parted as if he was going to say SmoN says thumbs up, I quickly replide, interruptin him. I dident mean anything disrespectful to nobody, but that ere man flew into a vilent rage. Can it be, that n soul so devoid of poetry lives in this age ? said he. My venerable friend, I blush for youyes, I blush for you, you are devoid of sentiment. Look here, Captin, said I, you may be a good preacher and all that sort of thing. Excuse me for sayin it, you haint a BEECHEE Skarcely. H. WASD soots meHe is chock full of sentimentat the same time he can relish a joak ekal to the best of us. Mix a little sun- shine with that gloomy lookin countenance of yours. Dont let people of the world think they must draw down their faces and colaps, be- cause a man joaks about a lot of wacks figgers dressed up in 6 penny caliker. Thems the kind of sentiment which ales me every time. Sayin which I storked contemptously out of the wacks figger de- partment. I shall remain a few days in the big city, friend PuxcimiErlo, and if the citizens of New York insist on givin me a reception at the City Hall, I will submit to the sacrifice, especially if the vitels -are well cookt. Ewers on a scare up, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. THE CENSUS E~i1JMERATORS PLAINT. The names that these newspapers call us Are hardest of all to surmount, They say Mayor HALL may oerhaul us; He claims that our count is no count. I never had any such trouble In registering voters down South, I set every nigger down double And put the whites down in the mouth. But here tl~eyre so very exacting They kick up a row, dont you know? Though under instructions were acting In playing our figures for low. I try to play Sharpe in these matters, I dodge all the bricks and spittoons (Curse that bull-dog! hes torn to tatters . The seat of my best pantaloons!) A tailor refused me admission, And said he vould shoot mit his gun, So I, out of Shear opposition, Counted him and eight others for one. While not in the habit of swearing, I cant but be slightly profane To hear these New Yorkers declaring Their names have been taken in vain. The most appropriate kind of dish on which to serve up Horseflesh A Charger.

OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 27 HIRAM GREEN III GOTHAM. The Venerable Lalt Gustise sees the Sights, under Perplexing DifficultIes. The native borned Gothamite mite have notissed, a short time since, a venerable lookin ex-Statesman, dressed in a becomin soot of clothes and a slick lookin white hat. The a-four-said honest old man carried a bloo cotton umbreller in one nand, and an acksminister carpet bag in tother. He had jest arroven to the meetropolis on a North River steambote. The reader has probly gessed by this time, that the man in question was the subscriber. If he hasent so surmised, I would inform him that it was. Jess so. Arrivin at a well-known tavern, where bash is provided for man and beast, I handed my carpet bag over the counter. The clerk at the offis put on rather more airs than a ]levenoo offiser. In fact, he was so full of airs I got a vilent cold standin in his pressence. Shant I take that anshient circus tent ? said he, pintin to my umbreller, and lock it up in the safe I I made no reply to this onmanerly interogetory, but strikin an atti- tude of pain, give him one of those gazes which BEN Bumzn allers makes tell, in tryin criminal cases. I looked at that clerk cross-eyed, and it made him squirm. I wasent blindnot much. That clerk wanted to steel thai umbreller, to send to Houais GEXELEY, so the Filosifer could keep the reign storms of Tammany from spatterin his white cote. I understood his little dodge and nipped it. Snowball, said I, addiessin a dark skinned individual with a white apern, while I was seated at the dinner table, what in the deuce makes all your dishes so small I - Dem is for one pusson, sah, said he. Dat is an indiwidual butter dish, sah. Dem is indiwidual vegetable dishesand dats an indiwidual salt-cellar, sah, said he, pintin to each piece of crockery. I was hungry, and the crockery was soon empty. Seem a platter of ice cream down the table aways, I got up onto my feet, and havin a good long arm, reached for it. It was awful cold, and sot my stumps to achin. I got one holler tooth full of the stuff. Snowball, said I, look here. Well, sah ? he replied. Ive got my tooth full of that cold puddin, said I, pintin to the dish; please bring me an indiwi4uai toothpick, so I can dig it out. lie vanished. I couldent wait, so I undertook to dig it out with my fork. A man opposite me, who thot heed play smart, sent word to the tavern-keeper that I was swollerin his forks. Up comes the tavern-keeper, and ketchin holt of my cote coller, shaked me out in the middie of the dinin-room floor. What in thunder are you about I says I. Old man, says he, them forks cost $9.00 a dozen. How many have you swallered ? Not a gol darned fork, hollered I as loud as I could screem. Gittin onto my feet, I pulled off my cote and vest, and if I didnt make the fur fly, and give that ere tavern-keeper the nisest little polishin off mortal man ever become acquainted with, then I dont understand the roodiments of the English prize ring. At Central Park, that hily cultivated forrest, the sharpers tried to chissel me. Just as I approched the gate which leads into the Park, a fansy lookin feller with short hair and plad briches stopt me and says: Unkle, your fair. Youre a man of excellent judgment, I replide; I think I. am pooty good lookin for a man of my years. You dont undertand me, sir, he agin said. Come down with your stamps. My which ? said I, turnin a little red in the face. Your gate money, he replied, tryin to shove me back. We charge $1.00 for goin in here. You do. do you ? said I, wavin my umbreller over his head in a threatenin manner. When our goverment resooms speshie payment agin maybe Ile send you a silver dollar with a hole into it, and maybe I wont; it will depend a good deal on the pertater crop. I was very much agitated. Iullin out my silver watch I says: My sweet sented Plumbob, if you dont histe your butes away from that gate in 2 seconds Ile bust your biler with this ere bunch of bones, and I tickled the end of his probocis with my fist, as I gently rubbed it under his smeller. He saw heed caught a Tarter, in fact, a regular Tarter emetic, and he slunk away rather sudden. I had sent too many of such skinamelinks to the clay banks when I was Gustise of the Peece to allow em to fool me much. I visited WooDs Museum to see the wacks figgers and things; The statutes of the 12 Apostles attracted my attention. And this, said a ministerial long-faced lookin man, with a white choker, is the last supper.What a sagacious eye has PrrEE gotHow doubtful THOMAS looksMArniEw is in deep thought, probly thinkin of the times he was a fisherman. What a longin look in that astoot eye, said he, nudgin me with his gold-headed cane. Yes, said I, he is probly lonqin for that ere dish of ham and eggs, in the middie of the table. Look at SmboN, he continered. See! his eye rests upon his rite hand, which is closed beside him on the table. His lips are parted as if he was going to say SmoN says thumbs up, I quickly replide, interruptin him. I dident mean anything disrespectful to nobody, but that ere man flew into a vilent rage. Can it be, that n soul so devoid of poetry lives in this age ? said he. My venerable friend, I blush for youyes, I blush for you, you are devoid of sentiment. Look here, Captin, said I, you may be a good preacher and all that sort of thing. Excuse me for sayin it, you haint a BEECHEE Skarcely. H. WASD soots meHe is chock full of sentimentat the same time he can relish a joak ekal to the best of us. Mix a little sun- shine with that gloomy lookin countenance of yours. Dont let people of the world think they must draw down their faces and colaps, be- cause a man joaks about a lot of wacks figgers dressed up in 6 penny caliker. Thems the kind of sentiment which ales me every time. Sayin which I storked contemptously out of the wacks figger de- partment. I shall remain a few days in the big city, friend PuxcimiErlo, and if the citizens of New York insist on givin me a reception at the City Hall, I will submit to the sacrifice, especially if the vitels -are well cookt. Ewers on a scare up, HIRAM GREEN, Esq., Lait Gustise of the Peece. THE CENSUS E~i1JMERATORS PLAINT. The names that these newspapers call us Are hardest of all to surmount, They say Mayor HALL may oerhaul us; He claims that our count is no count. I never had any such trouble In registering voters down South, I set every nigger down double And put the whites down in the mouth. But here tl~eyre so very exacting They kick up a row, dont you know? Though under instructions were acting In playing our figures for low. I try to play Sharpe in these matters, I dodge all the bricks and spittoons (Curse that bull-dog! hes torn to tatters . The seat of my best pantaloons!) A tailor refused me admission, And said he vould shoot mit his gun, So I, out of Shear opposition, Counted him and eight others for one. While not in the habit of swearing, I cant but be slightly profane To hear these New Yorkers declaring Their names have been taken in vain. The most appropriate kind of dish on which to serve up Horseflesh A Charger. 28 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. BY GEORGE! (Concluded.) LAKE GEORGE, N. Y., Sept. 12. DEAR PUNCEINELLO: SLUKEB, continued the long-haired man in an absent-minded manner, was a corker! there is no mistake about that. Like the Ghost at BoorEs, he was a terror to the peaceful Hamlet. He was always getting up shindys without the slightest provocation, and was evidently possessed of the unpleasant ambition, as well as ability, to whale the entire township in detachments of one. Things got to be so bad after a while that the bark was rubbed off every tree in town on account of the people incontinently shinning up them whenever SLUKEB came in sight. It was no unusual thing to see business entirely suspended for hours, while SLUKER marched up and down the main street, whistling, with his hands in his pockets, and every soul in the place, from the minister down, roosting as high as they could get, s~x on a branch, sometimes. Matters went on in this way until one day a little incident occurred that somewhat discouraged this gentle youth. He had just returned from a discussion with a butcher, (from the effects of which the latter now sleeps in the valley,) when a party of his fellow-townsmen entered the store in which he was loafing, and ordered a coil of half-inch rope from New York by the mornings train. It was the Overland route that SLUKER took for California, and when his aged mother heard that three eyes had been gouged out in one day in the Golden City, she wept tears of joy. Her fond hearttold her that the perilous journey was over, and her darling boy was safe. After ten years of a brilliant career he bethought him again of the place of his birth. His heart yearned for the gentle delights, the heavy laden treesof his boyhoods home. He said he must go. His friends said he must go, too. In fact they had already appointed a select and vigilant Committee to see him safely on his way. In some respects SLUKER came back an altered man. The stamp of change was ~a his noble face, indeed it had been stamped on itself, until it looked like a wax doll under a hot stove. But he still retained his warlike spirit. There was not so much chance of indulging it now, however. The Fire Company had disbanded, and nearly every one had grown rich enough to own a shot-gun. There was only one chance left. He joined the Presbyterian Choir. Not that he had much of a voice, though he used to play Comm thro the Rye o7n the fiddle sometimes, until he got it going through him so much he couldnt draw a note. Nobody would have taken them if he had. Well, SLUKER had a pretty warm time of it in the Choir, and enjoyed himself very much, until they got a new Organist who pitched every thing in high C, which was this young mans strong lead. As the Choir always sang in G, of course. there was a row the first Sunday, and it was generally understood that SLUKER was going to fix Mmrn~nra that night. When the evening service commenced, and the Choir was about to begin, the congregation were startled by an ominous click in the gallery, and looking up, they beheld SLUKER covering the Organists second shirt-stud with his revolver. Give us G, Mr. MIDDLERIB, if you please ! he said blandly. Lut the pirate 6n the high Cs refused to Gee, and Whoa was the natural result. The confusion that followed was terrible: SLUKER fired at everybody. MIDDLERIB hit him with the music stooL The soprano was thrown over the railing, and somebody turned off the gas. In the ensuing darkness every one skirmished for themselves. SLUKER took off his boots and hunted for MIDDLERIB in his stocking feet. Suddenly he heard a single note on the high C. He groped his way to the keyboard, but there was no one there. The solution rushedupon him,MmDLEIUB must be in the organ. He crept round to the handle and bore his weight on it. It was too true; the unhappy wretch had cut a hole in the bellows and crawled in. But for his ruling passion he would have escaped. There were a few muffled groans as the handle slowly descended upon the doomed man, and as the breath rushed out of his body into his favorite pipe, the wild high C of agony that ran through the sacred edifice told them that all was over. Let us draw a vail over the horrid picture. * * * I was very much interested in this story, very much indeed, and so I jostled the long-haired manwho was about falling asleepand asked him if anything was done to this wicked SLUKER. He looked at me reproachfully. Whats the matter with you, my friend ? he said, in the same melancholy voice. Don~t you know who I fim? I write for the Ledger, and whenever I draw a vail, etc., that ends it, that does 1 As we stepped from the steamer to the landing, I observed a youth of about six summers dressed in the most elaborately agonizing manner. He had two Schutzenfest targets in his cuffs; in one hand he held an enormous cane, in the other a cigar, and through an eyeglass he gazed at the ankles on the gang-plank with an air of patient weariness with this slow old world that was very touching. Where, I exclaimed as I surveyed this show-card of a fast generation, 0! where have our children vanished? Take from childhood the sparkling water of its puritythe sugar of its innocent affectionsits ardent but refreshing spiritsand what, ah! what have we left ? Nothing, said the melancholy voice at my elbow. Absolutely nothing save the mint and the straw And he was right, my dear PrNCHINELLO, he was right. SAGINAw DODD. SOLEMN SILENCE. PERHAPs very few personsand especially very few members of the Republican partyare aware that a monument to ABRAHAM LINCOLN has at last been completed, and that it has been placed on the site al- lotted for it in Union Square. It is very creditable to the Republican Party that they exercised such control over their feelings when the duy for unveiling the LINCOLN Monument arrived. Some parties might have made a demonstration on the occasion of post-mortuary honors being accorded to a leader whom they professed to worship while he lived, and whom they demi-deified after his death. No such extrava- gant folly can be laid at the door of the Republican Party. Let by- gones be bygones is their motto. They allowed their sham ABRA- HAM, in heroic bronze, to be hoisted on to his pedestal in Union Square in solitude and silence. That was commendable. A live ass is better than a dead lion; and so the Republican Party, who consider them- selves very much alive, went to look after their daily thistles and left their dead lion in charge of a policeman. SEVERE ON BYRON BUBBS. Bubbs. Dozs YOUR SISTER NETTlE EVER TALK ABOUT ME ? Little Bose. OH, YES! I HEARD HER TELL MA, YESTERDAY, YOU HAD SUCH A BEAUTIFUL NECK, SO LONG THAT IT WOULD DO TO TIE IN A DOUBLE BOW-KNOT I

28 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. BY GEORGE! (Concluded.) LAKE GEORGE, N. Y., Sept. 12. DEAR PUNCEINELLO: SLUKEB, continued the long-haired man in an absent-minded manner, was a corker! there is no mistake about that. Like the Ghost at BoorEs, he was a terror to the peaceful Hamlet. He was always getting up shindys without the slightest provocation, and was evidently possessed of the unpleasant ambition, as well as ability, to whale the entire township in detachments of one. Things got to be so bad after a while that the bark was rubbed off every tree in town on account of the people incontinently shinning up them whenever SLUKEB came in sight. It was no unusual thing to see business entirely suspended for hours, while SLUKER marched up and down the main street, whistling, with his hands in his pockets, and every soul in the place, from the minister down, roosting as high as they could get, s~x on a branch, sometimes. Matters went on in this way until one day a little incident occurred that somewhat discouraged this gentle youth. He had just returned from a discussion with a butcher, (from the effects of which the latter now sleeps in the valley,) when a party of his fellow-townsmen entered the store in which he was loafing, and ordered a coil of half-inch rope from New York by the mornings train. It was the Overland route that SLUKER took for California, and when his aged mother heard that three eyes had been gouged out in one day in the Golden City, she wept tears of joy. Her fond hearttold her that the perilous journey was over, and her darling boy was safe. After ten years of a brilliant career he bethought him again of the place of his birth. His heart yearned for the gentle delights, the heavy laden treesof his boyhoods home. He said he must go. His friends said he must go, too. In fact they had already appointed a select and vigilant Committee to see him safely on his way. In some respects SLUKER came back an altered man. The stamp of change was ~a his noble face, indeed it had been stamped on itself, until it looked like a wax doll under a hot stove. But he still retained his warlike spirit. There was not so much chance of indulging it now, however. The Fire Company had disbanded, and nearly every one had grown rich enough to own a shot-gun. There was only one chance left. He joined the Presbyterian Choir. Not that he had much of a voice, though he used to play Comm thro the Rye o7n the fiddle sometimes, until he got it going through him so much he couldnt draw a note. Nobody would have taken them if he had. Well, SLUKER had a pretty warm time of it in the Choir, and enjoyed himself very much, until they got a new Organist who pitched every thing in high C, which was this young mans strong lead. As the Choir always sang in G, of course. there was a row the first Sunday, and it was generally understood that SLUKER was going to fix Mmrn~nra that night. When the evening service commenced, and the Choir was about to begin, the congregation were startled by an ominous click in the gallery, and looking up, they beheld SLUKER covering the Organists second shirt-stud with his revolver. Give us G, Mr. MIDDLERIB, if you please ! he said blandly. Lut the pirate 6n the high Cs refused to Gee, and Whoa was the natural result. The confusion that followed was terrible: SLUKER fired at everybody. MIDDLERIB hit him with the music stooL The soprano was thrown over the railing, and somebody turned off the gas. In the ensuing darkness every one skirmished for themselves. SLUKER took off his boots and hunted for MIDDLERIB in his stocking feet. Suddenly he heard a single note on the high C. He groped his way to the keyboard, but there was no one there. The solution rushedupon him,MmDLEIUB must be in the organ. He crept round to the handle and bore his weight on it. It was too true; the unhappy wretch had cut a hole in the bellows and crawled in. But for his ruling passion he would have escaped. There were a few muffled groans as the handle slowly descended upon the doomed man, and as the breath rushed out of his body into his favorite pipe, the wild high C of agony that ran through the sacred edifice told them that all was over. Let us draw a vail over the horrid picture. * * * I was very much interested in this story, very much indeed, and so I jostled the long-haired manwho was about falling asleepand asked him if anything was done to this wicked SLUKER. He looked at me reproachfully. Whats the matter with you, my friend ? he said, in the same melancholy voice. Don~t you know who I fim? I write for the Ledger, and whenever I draw a vail, etc., that ends it, that does 1 As we stepped from the steamer to the landing, I observed a youth of about six summers dressed in the most elaborately agonizing manner. He had two Schutzenfest targets in his cuffs; in one hand he held an enormous cane, in the other a cigar, and through an eyeglass he gazed at the ankles on the gang-plank with an air of patient weariness with this slow old world that was very touching. Where, I exclaimed as I surveyed this show-card of a fast generation, 0! where have our children vanished? Take from childhood the sparkling water of its puritythe sugar of its innocent affectionsits ardent but refreshing spiritsand what, ah! what have we left ? Nothing, said the melancholy voice at my elbow. Absolutely nothing save the mint and the straw And he was right, my dear PrNCHINELLO, he was right. SAGINAw DODD. SOLEMN SILENCE. PERHAPs very few personsand especially very few members of the Republican partyare aware that a monument to ABRAHAM LINCOLN has at last been completed, and that it has been placed on the site al- lotted for it in Union Square. It is very creditable to the Republican Party that they exercised such control over their feelings when the duy for unveiling the LINCOLN Monument arrived. Some parties might have made a demonstration on the occasion of post-mortuary honors being accorded to a leader whom they professed to worship while he lived, and whom they demi-deified after his death. No such extrava- gant folly can be laid at the door of the Republican Party. Let by- gones be bygones is their motto. They allowed their sham ABRA- HAM, in heroic bronze, to be hoisted on to his pedestal in Union Square in solitude and silence. That was commendable. A live ass is better than a dead lion; and so the Republican Party, who consider them- selves very much alive, went to look after their daily thistles and left their dead lion in charge of a policeman. SEVERE ON BYRON BUBBS. Bubbs. Dozs YOUR SISTER NETTlE EVER TALK ABOUT ME ? Little Bose. OH, YES! I HEARD HER TELL MA, YESTERDAY, YOU HAD SUCH A BEAUTIFUL NECK, SO LONG THAT IT WOULD DO TO TIE IN A DOUBLE BOW-KNOT I

28 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870. BY GEORGE! (Concluded.) LAKE GEORGE, N. Y., Sept. 12. DEAR PUNCEINELLO: SLUKEB, continued the long-haired man in an absent-minded manner, was a corker! there is no mistake about that. Like the Ghost at BoorEs, he was a terror to the peaceful Hamlet. He was always getting up shindys without the slightest provocation, and was evidently possessed of the unpleasant ambition, as well as ability, to whale the entire township in detachments of one. Things got to be so bad after a while that the bark was rubbed off every tree in town on account of the people incontinently shinning up them whenever SLUKEB came in sight. It was no unusual thing to see business entirely suspended for hours, while SLUKER marched up and down the main street, whistling, with his hands in his pockets, and every soul in the place, from the minister down, roosting as high as they could get, s~x on a branch, sometimes. Matters went on in this way until one day a little incident occurred that somewhat discouraged this gentle youth. He had just returned from a discussion with a butcher, (from the effects of which the latter now sleeps in the valley,) when a party of his fellow-townsmen entered the store in which he was loafing, and ordered a coil of half-inch rope from New York by the mornings train. It was the Overland route that SLUKER took for California, and when his aged mother heard that three eyes had been gouged out in one day in the Golden City, she wept tears of joy. Her fond hearttold her that the perilous journey was over, and her darling boy was safe. After ten years of a brilliant career he bethought him again of the place of his birth. His heart yearned for the gentle delights, the heavy laden treesof his boyhoods home. He said he must go. His friends said he must go, too. In fact they had already appointed a select and vigilant Committee to see him safely on his way. In some respects SLUKER came back an altered man. The stamp of change was ~a his noble face, indeed it had been stamped on itself, until it looked like a wax doll under a hot stove. But he still retained his warlike spirit. There was not so much chance of indulging it now, however. The Fire Company had disbanded, and nearly every one had grown rich enough to own a shot-gun. There was only one chance left. He joined the Presbyterian Choir. Not that he had much of a voice, though he used to play Comm thro the Rye o7n the fiddle sometimes, until he got it going through him so much he couldnt draw a note. Nobody would have taken them if he had. Well, SLUKER had a pretty warm time of it in the Choir, and enjoyed himself very much, until they got a new Organist who pitched every thing in high C, which was this young mans strong lead. As the Choir always sang in G, of course. there was a row the first Sunday, and it was generally understood that SLUKER was going to fix Mmrn~nra that night. When the evening service commenced, and the Choir was about to begin, the congregation were startled by an ominous click in the gallery, and looking up, they beheld SLUKER covering the Organists second shirt-stud with his revolver. Give us G, Mr. MIDDLERIB, if you please ! he said blandly. Lut the pirate 6n the high Cs refused to Gee, and Whoa was the natural result. The confusion that followed was terrible: SLUKER fired at everybody. MIDDLERIB hit him with the music stooL The soprano was thrown over the railing, and somebody turned off the gas. In the ensuing darkness every one skirmished for themselves. SLUKER took off his boots and hunted for MIDDLERIB in his stocking feet. Suddenly he heard a single note on the high C. He groped his way to the keyboard, but there was no one there. The solution rushedupon him,MmDLEIUB must be in the organ. He crept round to the handle and bore his weight on it. It was too true; the unhappy wretch had cut a hole in the bellows and crawled in. But for his ruling passion he would have escaped. There were a few muffled groans as the handle slowly descended upon the doomed man, and as the breath rushed out of his body into his favorite pipe, the wild high C of agony that ran through the sacred edifice told them that all was over. Let us draw a vail over the horrid picture. * * * I was very much interested in this story, very much indeed, and so I jostled the long-haired manwho was about falling asleepand asked him if anything was done to this wicked SLUKER. He looked at me reproachfully. Whats the matter with you, my friend ? he said, in the same melancholy voice. Don~t you know who I fim? I write for the Ledger, and whenever I draw a vail, etc., that ends it, that does 1 As we stepped from the steamer to the landing, I observed a youth of about six summers dressed in the most elaborately agonizing manner. He had two Schutzenfest targets in his cuffs; in one hand he held an enormous cane, in the other a cigar, and through an eyeglass he gazed at the ankles on the gang-plank with an air of patient weariness with this slow old world that was very touching. Where, I exclaimed as I surveyed this show-card of a fast generation, 0! where have our children vanished? Take from childhood the sparkling water of its puritythe sugar of its innocent affectionsits ardent but refreshing spiritsand what, ah! what have we left ? Nothing, said the melancholy voice at my elbow. Absolutely nothing save the mint and the straw And he was right, my dear PrNCHINELLO, he was right. SAGINAw DODD. SOLEMN SILENCE. PERHAPs very few personsand especially very few members of the Republican partyare aware that a monument to ABRAHAM LINCOLN has at last been completed, and that it has been placed on the site al- lotted for it in Union Square. It is very creditable to the Republican Party that they exercised such control over their feelings when the duy for unveiling the LINCOLN Monument arrived. Some parties might have made a demonstration on the occasion of post-mortuary honors being accorded to a leader whom they professed to worship while he lived, and whom they demi-deified after his death. No such extrava- gant folly can be laid at the door of the Republican Party. Let by- gones be bygones is their motto. They allowed their sham ABRA- HAM, in heroic bronze, to be hoisted on to his pedestal in Union Square in solitude and silence. That was commendable. A live ass is better than a dead lion; and so the Republican Party, who consider them- selves very much alive, went to look after their daily thistles and left their dead lion in charge of a policeman. SEVERE ON BYRON BUBBS. Bubbs. Dozs YOUR SISTER NETTlE EVER TALK ABOUT ME ? Little Bose. OH, YES! I HEARD HER TELL MA, YESTERDAY, YOU HAD SUCH A BEAUTIFUL NECK, SO LONG THAT IT WOULD DO TO TIE IN A DOUBLE BOW-KNOT I OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 29 THE PLAYS AJD SHOWS. OTTA is lithe, (which is allit- erative,) pretty, piquant, and addicted to the banjo. The latter characteristic isinseper- able from her. In whatever situation the dramatist may place her, whether in a Lon- don drawing-room or a Cock- ney kitehen, whether on an Algerian battle-field or in a California mining-camp, she is certain to produce the in- evitable banjo, and to sing the irrepressible comic song. In fact, her plays are written not for LOTTA, but for LerrrAs banjo. The dramatist takes the presence of the banjo as the central fact of his drama, and weaves his plot around it. His play is made on the model ____ of that celebrated drama written to introduce Mr. CnuM~u~E55 pump antubs. Thus does he preserve the sacred unity of LOTTA and the banjo. Hearts .& tsein which she is now playing at Nn3Los Garden, is plainly born of the banjo, and lives for that melodious instrument alone. The author said to himself, A California mining-camp would be a nice place for a banjo solo. Wherefore he conceived the camp, with a chorus of red-shirted miners. Wherefore too, he created a comic Yankee who should be eccentric enough to bring a banjo to the camp, and a lover who should be charmed by its touching strains. It required a prologue and three acts to enable him to successfully intro- duce the banjo. In a somewhat condensed form, these acts and this prologue are here set forth. PROLOGUE. A seedy husband who is audaciously palmed upon the puLlic as a Reasoning Animal Is discovered in a London garret, with a healthy- looking wife, in a rapid consumption. REASONING ANIMAL. I loied you, my dear, and therefore brought you from a comfortable home to this dreary garret. I cannot bear to leave you, so I will go out for a walk. (The bell rings, and the wzfes mother, brother and family physician enter.) MOTHER. You must leave your husband and come home and live with us. BRoTHER. Of course you must. You need not hesitate about a little thing like that. Go into the other room and consult the Doctor. Here comes your husband. (Re-enter REAsONING Az~ma& i~.) REASONING ANin& I~. Her berrotherr! Herre BROTHER. Yes. You cant support your wife. The Doctor says she needs nice parties and other necessaries of life. Give her to us, and go to California. REASONING ANIMAL. I will. Bring her here till I embrace her. (She is brought.) Farewell, my dear. I will go and make my fortune. WIrE. Take our little girl with you. REASONING Auin.t~i~. I will, for she needs a mothers care. Good- bye! Leave me to weep and wash the babys face and hands alone. ACT LScene, a C~fornia mining-camp. Various miners of assorted nationalitiesone of each2-hard at work lying on the ground. lsr Mrn~n. I want more whiskey. CHoRus. So do we. 2ND ~ M& x WIWRosE wont sell any more. CHoRus. But ~he gives it to her lover. 3iw MINER. He looks clean; he must have found a nugget. Lets kill him. 4ru MINER. Sh we will. (Enter MAY WIiDRosEwhich her name it is Miss LOTTA.) MaT. Here comes my darling LIoNEI~. Let me get you some brandy, love. LIoNEL. Certainly, my dear. How full of forethought is a true wo- mans love 1 CHoRus 9W Mn~xns. She gives it to him, but not to us. Beware, young woman, or we will go back on you. MAY. No you wont. My father earns a laborious living by making me keep a whiskey shop. We have a monopoly of the business, and you will have to buy of us, whether you like it or not. Get out of my sight, or Ill lick the whole boiling of you. (They fly, and she returns to the parental whiskey shop.. LIoNEx~. Night is coming on. I will go among the rocks; why, I dont know, but still I will go. (Goes. Three miners follow and attack him.) LIoNEr~. Save me, somebody. May. Appearing suddenly with a revolver You bet. (She shoots the miners and brings down the curtain triumphantly.) ACT 11.Scenethe whiskey shop of the REASONING ANIMAL.LIONEL asleep on a bed evidently borrowed from some boarding-housesince it is several feet too short for him..MAY engaged in peeling potatoes. Enter REASONING ANIMAL. REASONING ANIMAL. My daughter! I see you are passionately in love with LIONEL. Therefore, as I know him to be a fine young fellow, you must never see him more. (Enter CoNIc YANX.EE.) Comc YARKEW.. Heres your new banjo, Miss MAY. Play us some- thing comic and depressing. MAY. Thank Heaven, I can get at the banjo at last. (Plays and is encored a dozen times.) Comc YANKEE. Miss MAY, you must go and take a walk. (She goes.) LIONEL, you are well enough to leave this ranche. Get up and get. LIONEL. Farewell, beloved whiskey shop. Tall MAY I am going to leave her, and give her my sketches. If she once looks at them, she can love me no longer. (Goes out to slow music. Re-enter MAY.) MAY. The wretch has left me without a word. I will bury his in- famous sketches under the floor. They may frighten away the rats. (Pulls up the floor and finds an immense nugget. Her father rushes in to see it. Two miners also see it and try to raise it. They are promptly seen and called by MAY, who shoots one and holds the pistol pointed at the other, while the curtain slowly falls. ACT 111.Scene, a London drawing-room. Enter MAY, gorgeously dressed. Also her father, who has forgotten all about his wife, and also LIONEL and the CoNIc Yauu~r.. Comc YARxrae. Let us sing. MAY. Come on, old hoss. (They sing and dance for an hour, such being the pleasant custom of fashionable London society.) MAY. Miss CLARA! I understand you are engaged to marry Liosut, and that if you marry anybody else you lose your dower of twenty thousand pounds. Sell LIONEL to me, and I will give you a check for the amount. CLARA. Thanks, noble stranger, there is the receipt. Hand over the money. LIONEL. Dearest MAY, as you must have a pretty large bank ac- count, to be able to draw checks for twenty thousand pounds, I am quite sure I love you. MAY. Come to my arms. Now then, everybody, how is that for high !~ (Stow curtain, relieved by eccentric gymnastics. by the CoNIc YANKEE.) BOY IN THE AUDIENcE. Pa! isnt that splendid ? DISCRIMINATING PARENT. What! How! Who! Where am I? 0, to be sure, I came to see Hearts Ease, and to take my evening nap. Did LOTTA play the banjo ? BOY. 0 didnt she just. She played and sung dead loads of times. DIscRIMINATING PARENT. I have had a sweet nap. My son, I think I can now risk taking you to the minstrels. If I slept through this, I could feel reasonably sure of sleeping through even the dark conun- drums and sentimental colored ballads. There is only a shade of difference between the two styles of performance, and that slight shade is only burnt cork. MATADOR. Mural Decorations in Rome. THE dead walls of Rome, as we learn from the telegrams, were lately placarded with immense posters proclaiming the Italian Republic. Rome being an Eternal City, we were not previously aware that any of her walls were dead. If they are, however, it may be that the posters of the posters referred to took that method of bringing them to life again, which may be looked on as a postmortem proceeding.

OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 29 THE PLAYS AJD SHOWS. OTTA is lithe, (which is allit- erative,) pretty, piquant, and addicted to the banjo. The latter characteristic isinseper- able from her. In whatever situation the dramatist may place her, whether in a Lon- don drawing-room or a Cock- ney kitehen, whether on an Algerian battle-field or in a California mining-camp, she is certain to produce the in- evitable banjo, and to sing the irrepressible comic song. In fact, her plays are written not for LOTTA, but for LerrrAs banjo. The dramatist takes the presence of the banjo as the central fact of his drama, and weaves his plot around it. His play is made on the model ____ of that celebrated drama written to introduce Mr. CnuM~u~E55 pump antubs. Thus does he preserve the sacred unity of LOTTA and the banjo. Hearts .& tsein which she is now playing at Nn3Los Garden, is plainly born of the banjo, and lives for that melodious instrument alone. The author said to himself, A California mining-camp would be a nice place for a banjo solo. Wherefore he conceived the camp, with a chorus of red-shirted miners. Wherefore too, he created a comic Yankee who should be eccentric enough to bring a banjo to the camp, and a lover who should be charmed by its touching strains. It required a prologue and three acts to enable him to successfully intro- duce the banjo. In a somewhat condensed form, these acts and this prologue are here set forth. PROLOGUE. A seedy husband who is audaciously palmed upon the puLlic as a Reasoning Animal Is discovered in a London garret, with a healthy- looking wife, in a rapid consumption. REASONING ANIMAL. I loied you, my dear, and therefore brought you from a comfortable home to this dreary garret. I cannot bear to leave you, so I will go out for a walk. (The bell rings, and the wzfes mother, brother and family physician enter.) MOTHER. You must leave your husband and come home and live with us. BRoTHER. Of course you must. You need not hesitate about a little thing like that. Go into the other room and consult the Doctor. Here comes your husband. (Re-enter REAsONING Az~ma& i~.) REASONING ANin& I~. Her berrotherr! Herre BROTHER. Yes. You cant support your wife. The Doctor says she needs nice parties and other necessaries of life. Give her to us, and go to California. REASONING ANIMAL. I will. Bring her here till I embrace her. (She is brought.) Farewell, my dear. I will go and make my fortune. WIrE. Take our little girl with you. REASONING Auin.t~i~. I will, for she needs a mothers care. Good- bye! Leave me to weep and wash the babys face and hands alone. ACT LScene, a C~fornia mining-camp. Various miners of assorted nationalitiesone of each2-hard at work lying on the ground. lsr Mrn~n. I want more whiskey. CHoRus. So do we. 2ND ~ M& x WIWRosE wont sell any more. CHoRus. But ~he gives it to her lover. 3iw MINER. He looks clean; he must have found a nugget. Lets kill him. 4ru MINER. Sh we will. (Enter MAY WIiDRosEwhich her name it is Miss LOTTA.) MaT. Here comes my darling LIoNEI~. Let me get you some brandy, love. LIoNEL. Certainly, my dear. How full of forethought is a true wo- mans love 1 CHoRus 9W Mn~xns. She gives it to him, but not to us. Beware, young woman, or we will go back on you. MAY. No you wont. My father earns a laborious living by making me keep a whiskey shop. We have a monopoly of the business, and you will have to buy of us, whether you like it or not. Get out of my sight, or Ill lick the whole boiling of you. (They fly, and she returns to the parental whiskey shop.. LIoNEx~. Night is coming on. I will go among the rocks; why, I dont know, but still I will go. (Goes. Three miners follow and attack him.) LIoNEr~. Save me, somebody. May. Appearing suddenly with a revolver You bet. (She shoots the miners and brings down the curtain triumphantly.) ACT 11.Scenethe whiskey shop of the REASONING ANIMAL.LIONEL asleep on a bed evidently borrowed from some boarding-housesince it is several feet too short for him..MAY engaged in peeling potatoes. Enter REASONING ANIMAL. REASONING ANIMAL. My daughter! I see you are passionately in love with LIONEL. Therefore, as I know him to be a fine young fellow, you must never see him more. (Enter CoNIc YANX.EE.) Comc YARKEW.. Heres your new banjo, Miss MAY. Play us some- thing comic and depressing. MAY. Thank Heaven, I can get at the banjo at last. (Plays and is encored a dozen times.) Comc YANKEE. Miss MAY, you must go and take a walk. (She goes.) LIONEL, you are well enough to leave this ranche. Get up and get. LIONEL. Farewell, beloved whiskey shop. Tall MAY I am going to leave her, and give her my sketches. If she once looks at them, she can love me no longer. (Goes out to slow music. Re-enter MAY.) MAY. The wretch has left me without a word. I will bury his in- famous sketches under the floor. They may frighten away the rats. (Pulls up the floor and finds an immense nugget. Her father rushes in to see it. Two miners also see it and try to raise it. They are promptly seen and called by MAY, who shoots one and holds the pistol pointed at the other, while the curtain slowly falls. ACT 111.Scene, a London drawing-room. Enter MAY, gorgeously dressed. Also her father, who has forgotten all about his wife, and also LIONEL and the CoNIc Yauu~r.. Comc YARxrae. Let us sing. MAY. Come on, old hoss. (They sing and dance for an hour, such being the pleasant custom of fashionable London society.) MAY. Miss CLARA! I understand you are engaged to marry Liosut, and that if you marry anybody else you lose your dower of twenty thousand pounds. Sell LIONEL to me, and I will give you a check for the amount. CLARA. Thanks, noble stranger, there is the receipt. Hand over the money. LIONEL. Dearest MAY, as you must have a pretty large bank ac- count, to be able to draw checks for twenty thousand pounds, I am quite sure I love you. MAY. Come to my arms. Now then, everybody, how is that for high !~ (Stow curtain, relieved by eccentric gymnastics. by the CoNIc YANKEE.) BOY IN THE AUDIENcE. Pa! isnt that splendid ? DISCRIMINATING PARENT. What! How! Who! Where am I? 0, to be sure, I came to see Hearts Ease, and to take my evening nap. Did LOTTA play the banjo ? BOY. 0 didnt she just. She played and sung dead loads of times. DIscRIMINATING PARENT. I have had a sweet nap. My son, I think I can now risk taking you to the minstrels. If I slept through this, I could feel reasonably sure of sleeping through even the dark conun- drums and sentimental colored ballads. There is only a shade of difference between the two styles of performance, and that slight shade is only burnt cork. MATADOR. Mural Decorations in Rome. THE dead walls of Rome, as we learn from the telegrams, were lately placarded with immense posters proclaiming the Italian Republic. Rome being an Eternal City, we were not previously aware that any of her walls were dead. If they are, however, it may be that the posters of the posters referred to took that method of bringing them to life again, which may be looked on as a postmortem proceeding.

OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 29 THE PLAYS AJD SHOWS. OTTA is lithe, (which is allit- erative,) pretty, piquant, and addicted to the banjo. The latter characteristic isinseper- able from her. In whatever situation the dramatist may place her, whether in a Lon- don drawing-room or a Cock- ney kitehen, whether on an Algerian battle-field or in a California mining-camp, she is certain to produce the in- evitable banjo, and to sing the irrepressible comic song. In fact, her plays are written not for LOTTA, but for LerrrAs banjo. The dramatist takes the presence of the banjo as the central fact of his drama, and weaves his plot around it. His play is made on the model ____ of that celebrated drama written to introduce Mr. CnuM~u~E55 pump antubs. Thus does he preserve the sacred unity of LOTTA and the banjo. Hearts .& tsein which she is now playing at Nn3Los Garden, is plainly born of the banjo, and lives for that melodious instrument alone. The author said to himself, A California mining-camp would be a nice place for a banjo solo. Wherefore he conceived the camp, with a chorus of red-shirted miners. Wherefore too, he created a comic Yankee who should be eccentric enough to bring a banjo to the camp, and a lover who should be charmed by its touching strains. It required a prologue and three acts to enable him to successfully intro- duce the banjo. In a somewhat condensed form, these acts and this prologue are here set forth. PROLOGUE. A seedy husband who is audaciously palmed upon the puLlic as a Reasoning Animal Is discovered in a London garret, with a healthy- looking wife, in a rapid consumption. REASONING ANIMAL. I loied you, my dear, and therefore brought you from a comfortable home to this dreary garret. I cannot bear to leave you, so I will go out for a walk. (The bell rings, and the wzfes mother, brother and family physician enter.) MOTHER. You must leave your husband and come home and live with us. BRoTHER. Of course you must. You need not hesitate about a little thing like that. Go into the other room and consult the Doctor. Here comes your husband. (Re-enter REAsONING Az~ma& i~.) REASONING ANin& I~. Her berrotherr! Herre BROTHER. Yes. You cant support your wife. The Doctor says she needs nice parties and other necessaries of life. Give her to us, and go to California. REASONING ANIMAL. I will. Bring her here till I embrace her. (She is brought.) Farewell, my dear. I will go and make my fortune. WIrE. Take our little girl with you. REASONING Auin.t~i~. I will, for she needs a mothers care. Good- bye! Leave me to weep and wash the babys face and hands alone. ACT LScene, a C~fornia mining-camp. Various miners of assorted nationalitiesone of each2-hard at work lying on the ground. lsr Mrn~n. I want more whiskey. CHoRus. So do we. 2ND ~ M& x WIWRosE wont sell any more. CHoRus. But ~he gives it to her lover. 3iw MINER. He looks clean; he must have found a nugget. Lets kill him. 4ru MINER. Sh we will. (Enter MAY WIiDRosEwhich her name it is Miss LOTTA.) MaT. Here comes my darling LIoNEI~. Let me get you some brandy, love. LIoNEL. Certainly, my dear. How full of forethought is a true wo- mans love 1 CHoRus 9W Mn~xns. She gives it to him, but not to us. Beware, young woman, or we will go back on you. MAY. No you wont. My father earns a laborious living by making me keep a whiskey shop. We have a monopoly of the business, and you will have to buy of us, whether you like it or not. Get out of my sight, or Ill lick the whole boiling of you. (They fly, and she returns to the parental whiskey shop.. LIoNEx~. Night is coming on. I will go among the rocks; why, I dont know, but still I will go. (Goes. Three miners follow and attack him.) LIoNEr~. Save me, somebody. May. Appearing suddenly with a revolver You bet. (She shoots the miners and brings down the curtain triumphantly.) ACT 11.Scenethe whiskey shop of the REASONING ANIMAL.LIONEL asleep on a bed evidently borrowed from some boarding-housesince it is several feet too short for him..MAY engaged in peeling potatoes. Enter REASONING ANIMAL. REASONING ANIMAL. My daughter! I see you are passionately in love with LIONEL. Therefore, as I know him to be a fine young fellow, you must never see him more. (Enter CoNIc YANX.EE.) Comc YARKEW.. Heres your new banjo, Miss MAY. Play us some- thing comic and depressing. MAY. Thank Heaven, I can get at the banjo at last. (Plays and is encored a dozen times.) Comc YANKEE. Miss MAY, you must go and take a walk. (She goes.) LIONEL, you are well enough to leave this ranche. Get up and get. LIONEL. Farewell, beloved whiskey shop. Tall MAY I am going to leave her, and give her my sketches. If she once looks at them, she can love me no longer. (Goes out to slow music. Re-enter MAY.) MAY. The wretch has left me without a word. I will bury his in- famous sketches under the floor. They may frighten away the rats. (Pulls up the floor and finds an immense nugget. Her father rushes in to see it. Two miners also see it and try to raise it. They are promptly seen and called by MAY, who shoots one and holds the pistol pointed at the other, while the curtain slowly falls. ACT 111.Scene, a London drawing-room. Enter MAY, gorgeously dressed. Also her father, who has forgotten all about his wife, and also LIONEL and the CoNIc Yauu~r.. Comc YARxrae. Let us sing. MAY. Come on, old hoss. (They sing and dance for an hour, such being the pleasant custom of fashionable London society.) MAY. Miss CLARA! I understand you are engaged to marry Liosut, and that if you marry anybody else you lose your dower of twenty thousand pounds. Sell LIONEL to me, and I will give you a check for the amount. CLARA. Thanks, noble stranger, there is the receipt. Hand over the money. LIONEL. Dearest MAY, as you must have a pretty large bank ac- count, to be able to draw checks for twenty thousand pounds, I am quite sure I love you. MAY. Come to my arms. Now then, everybody, how is that for high !~ (Stow curtain, relieved by eccentric gymnastics. by the CoNIc YANKEE.) BOY IN THE AUDIENcE. Pa! isnt that splendid ? DISCRIMINATING PARENT. What! How! Who! Where am I? 0, to be sure, I came to see Hearts Ease, and to take my evening nap. Did LOTTA play the banjo ? BOY. 0 didnt she just. She played and sung dead loads of times. DIscRIMINATING PARENT. I have had a sweet nap. My son, I think I can now risk taking you to the minstrels. If I slept through this, I could feel reasonably sure of sleeping through even the dark conun- drums and sentimental colored ballads. There is only a shade of difference between the two styles of performance, and that slight shade is only burnt cork. MATADOR. Mural Decorations in Rome. THE dead walls of Rome, as we learn from the telegrams, were lately placarded with immense posters proclaiming the Italian Republic. Rome being an Eternal City, we were not previously aware that any of her walls were dead. If they are, however, it may be that the posters of the posters referred to took that method of bringing them to life again, which may be looked on as a postmortem proceeding. 30 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 Newly-arrived Briton. ENGLISH SPARROWS ?mrPoSSrsIE. WHT, THEY CHIRP THROUGH THEIR LITTLE NOSES LIKE WEGULAR YANKEES. Park-Keeper. WELL, I DONT KNOW, BUT IT TAKES TWO MEN AND A CART, EVERY DAT TO REMOVE THE Hs DROPPED BY THEM ABOUT THE PARK. OUR PORTFOLIO. PARIS, FIRST WEa,~ OP THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Things are becoming so miKed here that I am thinking of retiring to Tours With the other tourists. The city is all on the gothat is to say, the non-combatants are all going out of it as fast as possible. GAMBETTA left here the early part of the week, and it was better for him that he should. I wouldnt give a son for any of these republicans if they chance to fall into the clutches of King Wna~r& r. It is reported that he has issued an order for the strangulation of all French children between the ages of three and five, in reprisal for the treacherous blowing up of Germans at Laon. BISMARCK has requested the privilege of cooking RocmoRTs mutton for him, should he be taken alive when Paris falls. What he means by cooking his mutton has not yet transpired, but it is gloomily vatic- mated that he intends to boil him down. ROCHEFORT mutton with caper sauce ought to satisfy the epicurean taste of BlsMsaicK, especially as Rocmvronr would cease his caperings from that hour. Late last night there was an alarm in the city that the whole Prussian army was at Noisy-le-Sec. As you may have suspected, a noisy demonstration fol- lowed this announcement. I got out of bed, rang the bell, and requested the concierge to bring me an auger. The man looked a little astonished at what he un- doubtedly considered a strange request. For a man to get out of bed in the middle of the night and call for an auger, was indeed a trifle peculiar. When he brought it, I increased his astonishment by proceeding to bore a hole through the top of my trunk Cest un imbecile, said the concierge, rctreating a step or two. Not niuch, I retorted, boring away with renewed vigor. Presently the orifice was made. Into it I thrust an Alpen stock which l~ad accompanied me in many a toilsome march through Switzerland, and lifting the lid, took from the cradle of the trunk a star-spi~ngled banner made of silk, which had been presented to me by the Young Mens Christian Association otNew York, prior to my departure for Europe, as a token of their esteem for my services in the capacity of a reformed drunkard. I fastened the flag to the stock, put my boots, clothes and other valuables on top of the trunk, and in & voice intended to express my defiance of King WnLIs~ar and his German Lagerheads, spoke these words: Wave fearless, there, thou standard sheet! That Yankee trunk and all it holds (Though Prussian hirelings throng each street) Is sare beneath thy starry folds I Saying which I dismissed the humiliated concierge, took a drink, blew out the bougie, and sank into the arms of Tired natures sweet restorer. Instances like the above are quite common among Americans in Paris. It was only the other day at the ddp~itof the (ihemin defer du Yord that I saw a sick Bostonian sitting on his truA outside the gates, waiting for a chance to get into the train, with a Skye- terrier between his legs wrapped in the American flag. You easily get accustomed to such sights, and dont think anything about them. Yesterday I called at the office of the American Minister. I gave the porter my card, and asked if was in. He eyed me strangely. (Most people when they first see me generally do. I have thought sometimes that a certificate of good character posted conspicuously about my person would obviate thisbut as they say here, a importe.) Ill see, said the porter, in reply to my question. He walked off, taking with him the door mat, an umbrella that stood in the hall, four coats and three hats that hung on the rack, besides numerous other small portable articles of vein that would have come handy for a professional lifter. I did not consider this movement a reflection upon my character, for it seemed but appropriate that he should do it. What, said I to myself, are porters for, but to re- move portable articles I WASH was in, and fortenately for me, too, as I obtained a bit of news that has not yet been printed in the cable dispatches from Private Sources. It came by letter from General Fonsyra, SI~arnAes aide-de-camp and Lord High Chamberlain, and was to the effect that Saranns~ had not tasted a drop of whiskey or uttered an oath since landing in Germany. WASH. asked me to communicate the fact to you, with the request that you would forward it to the Society for the Encouragement of Practi- cal Piety at Boston. He also told me that, between looking after German interests in Paris and receiving ovations from enthusiastic mobs, he didnt think he could do justice to his salary. WABE, says I, it isnt so much that, as it is that the salary doesnt do justice to you. If thats the case speak right out; PUNCHI- HELLO can fix it for you. This took WARH. so suddenly that he couldnt speak, but his eyes were running over with language. Dont move in the matter, however, till you hear from me again, when I shall have some- thing more to tell you about the march of the Prussiaus to this capitel, and the capital march I propose to make out of it. Yours, in a revolutionary state, DICK TiNTO. NEW PUBLICATIONS. MONsIEUR SYLVESTRE. By GEORGE SAND. Boston: ROBERTS BROTH- ERS. A welcome version of one of Madame DtmEvsIe~rs novels, well ren- dered into English by Mr. F. G. SnAw. It is issued in very neat and at- tractive form, and is one of a series of the SAlin novels, publishing by Messrs. ROBERTS. TilE RETORT COURTEOUS.

30 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 Newly-arrived Briton. ENGLISH SPARROWS ?mrPoSSrsIE. WHT, THEY CHIRP THROUGH THEIR LITTLE NOSES LIKE WEGULAR YANKEES. Park-Keeper. WELL, I DONT KNOW, BUT IT TAKES TWO MEN AND A CART, EVERY DAT TO REMOVE THE Hs DROPPED BY THEM ABOUT THE PARK. OUR PORTFOLIO. PARIS, FIRST WEa,~ OP THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Things are becoming so miKed here that I am thinking of retiring to Tours With the other tourists. The city is all on the gothat is to say, the non-combatants are all going out of it as fast as possible. GAMBETTA left here the early part of the week, and it was better for him that he should. I wouldnt give a son for any of these republicans if they chance to fall into the clutches of King Wna~r& r. It is reported that he has issued an order for the strangulation of all French children between the ages of three and five, in reprisal for the treacherous blowing up of Germans at Laon. BISMARCK has requested the privilege of cooking RocmoRTs mutton for him, should he be taken alive when Paris falls. What he means by cooking his mutton has not yet transpired, but it is gloomily vatic- mated that he intends to boil him down. ROCHEFORT mutton with caper sauce ought to satisfy the epicurean taste of BlsMsaicK, especially as Rocmvronr would cease his caperings from that hour. Late last night there was an alarm in the city that the whole Prussian army was at Noisy-le-Sec. As you may have suspected, a noisy demonstration fol- lowed this announcement. I got out of bed, rang the bell, and requested the concierge to bring me an auger. The man looked a little astonished at what he un- doubtedly considered a strange request. For a man to get out of bed in the middle of the night and call for an auger, was indeed a trifle peculiar. When he brought it, I increased his astonishment by proceeding to bore a hole through the top of my trunk Cest un imbecile, said the concierge, rctreating a step or two. Not niuch, I retorted, boring away with renewed vigor. Presently the orifice was made. Into it I thrust an Alpen stock which l~ad accompanied me in many a toilsome march through Switzerland, and lifting the lid, took from the cradle of the trunk a star-spi~ngled banner made of silk, which had been presented to me by the Young Mens Christian Association otNew York, prior to my departure for Europe, as a token of their esteem for my services in the capacity of a reformed drunkard. I fastened the flag to the stock, put my boots, clothes and other valuables on top of the trunk, and in & voice intended to express my defiance of King WnLIs~ar and his German Lagerheads, spoke these words: Wave fearless, there, thou standard sheet! That Yankee trunk and all it holds (Though Prussian hirelings throng each street) Is sare beneath thy starry folds I Saying which I dismissed the humiliated concierge, took a drink, blew out the bougie, and sank into the arms of Tired natures sweet restorer. Instances like the above are quite common among Americans in Paris. It was only the other day at the ddp~itof the (ihemin defer du Yord that I saw a sick Bostonian sitting on his truA outside the gates, waiting for a chance to get into the train, with a Skye- terrier between his legs wrapped in the American flag. You easily get accustomed to such sights, and dont think anything about them. Yesterday I called at the office of the American Minister. I gave the porter my card, and asked if was in. He eyed me strangely. (Most people when they first see me generally do. I have thought sometimes that a certificate of good character posted conspicuously about my person would obviate thisbut as they say here, a importe.) Ill see, said the porter, in reply to my question. He walked off, taking with him the door mat, an umbrella that stood in the hall, four coats and three hats that hung on the rack, besides numerous other small portable articles of vein that would have come handy for a professional lifter. I did not consider this movement a reflection upon my character, for it seemed but appropriate that he should do it. What, said I to myself, are porters for, but to re- move portable articles I WASH was in, and fortenately for me, too, as I obtained a bit of news that has not yet been printed in the cable dispatches from Private Sources. It came by letter from General Fonsyra, SI~arnAes aide-de-camp and Lord High Chamberlain, and was to the effect that Saranns~ had not tasted a drop of whiskey or uttered an oath since landing in Germany. WASH. asked me to communicate the fact to you, with the request that you would forward it to the Society for the Encouragement of Practi- cal Piety at Boston. He also told me that, between looking after German interests in Paris and receiving ovations from enthusiastic mobs, he didnt think he could do justice to his salary. WABE, says I, it isnt so much that, as it is that the salary doesnt do justice to you. If thats the case speak right out; PUNCHI- HELLO can fix it for you. This took WARH. so suddenly that he couldnt speak, but his eyes were running over with language. Dont move in the matter, however, till you hear from me again, when I shall have some- thing more to tell you about the march of the Prussiaus to this capitel, and the capital march I propose to make out of it. Yours, in a revolutionary state, DICK TiNTO. NEW PUBLICATIONS. MONsIEUR SYLVESTRE. By GEORGE SAND. Boston: ROBERTS BROTH- ERS. A welcome version of one of Madame DtmEvsIe~rs novels, well ren- dered into English by Mr. F. G. SnAw. It is issued in very neat and at- tractive form, and is one of a series of the SAlin novels, publishing by Messrs. ROBERTS. TilE RETORT COURTEOUS.

30 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 8, 1870 Newly-arrived Briton. ENGLISH SPARROWS ?mrPoSSrsIE. WHT, THEY CHIRP THROUGH THEIR LITTLE NOSES LIKE WEGULAR YANKEES. Park-Keeper. WELL, I DONT KNOW, BUT IT TAKES TWO MEN AND A CART, EVERY DAT TO REMOVE THE Hs DROPPED BY THEM ABOUT THE PARK. OUR PORTFOLIO. PARIS, FIRST WEa,~ OP THE REPUBLIC, 1870. DEAR PUNCHINELLO: Things are becoming so miKed here that I am thinking of retiring to Tours With the other tourists. The city is all on the gothat is to say, the non-combatants are all going out of it as fast as possible. GAMBETTA left here the early part of the week, and it was better for him that he should. I wouldnt give a son for any of these republicans if they chance to fall into the clutches of King Wna~r& r. It is reported that he has issued an order for the strangulation of all French children between the ages of three and five, in reprisal for the treacherous blowing up of Germans at Laon. BISMARCK has requested the privilege of cooking RocmoRTs mutton for him, should he be taken alive when Paris falls. What he means by cooking his mutton has not yet transpired, but it is gloomily vatic- mated that he intends to boil him down. ROCHEFORT mutton with caper sauce ought to satisfy the epicurean taste of BlsMsaicK, especially as Rocmvronr would cease his caperings from that hour. Late last night there was an alarm in the city that the whole Prussian army was at Noisy-le-Sec. As you may have suspected, a noisy demonstration fol- lowed this announcement. I got out of bed, rang the bell, and requested the concierge to bring me an auger. The man looked a little astonished at what he un- doubtedly considered a strange request. For a man to get out of bed in the middle of the night and call for an auger, was indeed a trifle peculiar. When he brought it, I increased his astonishment by proceeding to bore a hole through the top of my trunk Cest un imbecile, said the concierge, rctreating a step or two. Not niuch, I retorted, boring away with renewed vigor. Presently the orifice was made. Into it I thrust an Alpen stock which l~ad accompanied me in many a toilsome march through Switzerland, and lifting the lid, took from the cradle of the trunk a star-spi~ngled banner made of silk, which had been presented to me by the Young Mens Christian Association otNew York, prior to my departure for Europe, as a token of their esteem for my services in the capacity of a reformed drunkard. I fastened the flag to the stock, put my boots, clothes and other valuables on top of the trunk, and in & voice intended to express my defiance of King WnLIs~ar and his German Lagerheads, spoke these words: Wave fearless, there, thou standard sheet! That Yankee trunk and all it holds (Though Prussian hirelings throng each street) Is sare beneath thy starry folds I Saying which I dismissed the humiliated concierge, took a drink, blew out the bougie, and sank into the arms of Tired natures sweet restorer. Instances like the above are quite common among Americans in Paris. It was only the other day at the ddp~itof the (ihemin defer du Yord that I saw a sick Bostonian sitting on his truA outside the gates, waiting for a chance to get into the train, with a Skye- terrier between his legs wrapped in the American flag. You easily get accustomed to such sights, and dont think anything about them. Yesterday I called at the office of the American Minister. I gave the porter my card, and asked if was in. He eyed me strangely. (Most people when they first see me generally do. I have thought sometimes that a certificate of good character posted conspicuously about my person would obviate thisbut as they say here, a importe.) Ill see, said the porter, in reply to my question. He walked off, taking with him the door mat, an umbrella that stood in the hall, four coats and three hats that hung on the rack, besides numerous other small portable articles of vein that would have come handy for a professional lifter. I did not consider this movement a reflection upon my character, for it seemed but appropriate that he should do it. What, said I to myself, are porters for, but to re- move portable articles I WASH was in, and fortenately for me, too, as I obtained a bit of news that has not yet been printed in the cable dispatches from Private Sources. It came by letter from General Fonsyra, SI~arnAes aide-de-camp and Lord High Chamberlain, and was to the effect that Saranns~ had not tasted a drop of whiskey or uttered an oath since landing in Germany. WASH. asked me to communicate the fact to you, with the request that you would forward it to the Society for the Encouragement of Practi- cal Piety at Boston. He also told me that, between looking after German interests in Paris and receiving ovations from enthusiastic mobs, he didnt think he could do justice to his salary. WABE, says I, it isnt so much that, as it is that the salary doesnt do justice to you. If thats the case speak right out; PUNCHI- HELLO can fix it for you. This took WARH. so suddenly that he couldnt speak, but his eyes were running over with language. Dont move in the matter, however, till you hear from me again, when I shall have some- thing more to tell you about the march of the Prussiaus to this capitel, and the capital march I propose to make out of it. Yours, in a revolutionary state, DICK TiNTO. NEW PUBLICATIONS. MONsIEUR SYLVESTRE. By GEORGE SAND. Boston: ROBERTS BROTH- ERS. A welcome version of one of Madame DtmEvsIe~rs novels, well ren- dered into English by Mr. F. G. SnAw. It is issued in very neat and at- tractive form, and is one of a series of the SAlin novels, publishing by Messrs. ROBERTS. TilE RETORT COURTEOUS. OCT. 8, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. A. T. Stewart & Co. Are offering A SPLENDID COLLECTION OF NEW SILKS, The largest they have ever offered, TO WHICH TEXT INVITE SPECIAL ATTENTION. BLACK AND WHITE CHECK SILKS, $1 per yard. COLORED RAYE GROS GRAINS, $1 per yard. EXTRA HEAVY RAYE GROS GRAINS, FOR SUITS, $1.25 per yard. A VERY LARGE COLLECTION OF NEW CANNELE STRIPES, For young ladies, $1.50 per yard. 2 CASES GRISALE STRIPES, EXCELLENT QUALITIES, $1.25 per yard. EXTRAORDINARY DABGAINS IN Rich Wide Fancy Silks, Only $2 per yard, Formerly $~and $5 per yard. AChoiCe assortment of Very Rich Ground POMPADOUR BROCADES. ALSO, Hand-Embroidered Silks. VERY BEAUTIFUL. Five Hundied Pieces PLAIN & COLORED SILKS, Comprising all the newest shades, From $2.50 per yard. Several Cases of the Celebrated American Black Silks, At $2 per yard. Guaranteed to wash and wear well. An immense stock of BLACK SILKS, Of Bonnets and Ponsons manufacture. Also, the A. T. 5. & Co. FAMILY SILK, From $2 per yard and upward. BROADWAY, 4th Avenue, 9th and 10th Streets. A. T. Stewart & Co. Have made large additions to their stock of Five-Frame ENGLISH BRUSSELS, $1.75 per yard. English Brussels, Confined Styles, $2 per yard. Very Best Quality ENGLISH TAPESTRY BRUSSELS $1.30 per yard. FRENCH MOQUETTES ALD A. X 1M I ~ STE R S. $3.50 and $4 per yard. ROYAL WILTONS, Best Quality, $2.30 and $3 per yard. CROSSLEYS VEL VETS, Choice Designs, $2.50 per yard. And they are receiving by each and every steamer, NOVELTIES, as they appear. Superfine Ingrains, li-Plys. English and Domestic OILGLOThS, RUGS, 1VEA.TS, ETC., At Reduced Price.. BROADWAY, 4TH AVE., 9TH AND 10TH STREETS. PUNCHIINELLO. The first number of this Illustrated Humorous and Satirical Weekly Paper was issued under date of Apr11 2, 1870. The Press and the Public in every State and Territory of the Union endorse it as the best paper of the kind ever published in America. 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OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. THE MYSTERY OF MR. E. DROOD. AN ADAPTATION. BY ORPHEUS C. KERR. CIIAPTEIt XXII.(Conhinued.) WHEN Miss POTTS and Mr. SIMPsON rejoined Mr. DIBBLE, in the office of the latter, across the street, it was decided that the flighty young girl should be made less expensive to her friends by temporary accom- modation in an economical boarding-house, and that the Gospeler, re- turning to Bumsteadville, should persuade Miss G& nowrnins to come and stay with her until the time for the reopening of the Macassar Female College. Subsequently, with his homeless ward upon his arm, the benignant old lawyer underwent a series of scathing rebuffs from the various high- strung descendants of better days at whose once luxurious but now darkened homes he applied for the desired board. Time after time was he reminded, by unspeakably majestic middle-aged ladies with bass voices, that when a fine old family loses its former wealth by those vicissitudes of fortune which bring out the noblest traits of character and compel the letting-out of a few damp rooms, it is significant of a weai understanding, or a depraved disrespect of the dignity of adver- sity, to expect that such families shall lose money and lower their he- reclitary high tone by waiting upon a parcel of young girls. Afew Sin- gle Gentlemen desiring all the comforts of a home would not be con- sidered insulting unless they objected to the butter, and a couple of married Childless Gentlemen with their wives might be pardoned for respectfully applying; but the idea of a parcel of young girls! Wl~er- ever he went, the reproach of not being a few Single Gentlemen, or a. couple of married Childless Gentlemen with their wives, abashed Mr. DIBBLE into helpless retreat; while FLORAS increasing guilty conscious- ness of the implacable sentiment against her as a parcel of young girls, culminated at last in tears. Finally, when the miserable lawyer was beginning to think strongly of the House of the Good Shepherd, or the Orphan Asylum, as a last resort, it suddenly occurred to him that Mrs. SKAMMEILEOXIN, a distant widowed aunt of his clerk, Mr. BLADAM5, had been known to live upon boarders in B~eecker Street; and thither he dragged hastily the despised object on his arm. Being a ~vidow without children, and relieved of nearly all the weak- nesses of her sex by the systematic refusal of the opposite sex to give her any encouragement in them, Mrs. SEAMMEBEOliN was a relentless advocate of Womans Inalienable Rights, and only wished that Man could just see himself in that contemptible light in which he was dis- tinctly visible to One who, sooner than be his Legal Slave, would never again accompany him to the Altar. I tell you candidly, DIBBLE, said she, in answer to his application, that if you had applied to be taken yourself, I should hiwe said Never ! and at once called in the police. Since SxA~mrEr~nonN died. delirious, I have always refused to have his sex in the house, and I tell you, frankly, that I consider it hardly human. If this girl of yours, however, and the elderly female whom, you say, she expects to join her in a few days, will make themselves generally useful about the house, and try to be companions to mc, I can give them the very room where SKAMMEEHORN died. Perceiving that FLOEA turned pale, her guardian whispered to her that she would not be alone in the room, at any rate; and then re- spectfully asked whether the late Mr. S~.AM~rmuronN had ever been seen around the house since his death? To be frank with you, answered the widow, I did think that I came upon him once in the closet, with his back to me, as often Id seen the weak creature in life going after a bottle on the top shelf. But it was only his coat hanging there, with his boots standing below and my muff hanging over to look like his head. You think, then, said Mr. DIBBLE, inquiringly, that it is such a room as two ladies could occupy, without awaking at midnight with a strange sensation and thinking they felt a supernatural presence ? Not if the bed was rightly searched beforehand, and all the joints well peppered with magnetic powder, was the assuring answer. Could we see the room, madam ? If the shutters were open you could; as theyre not; returned the widow, not offering to stir; but ever since SKAMMEIIHOBN, starting up with a howl, said Here he comes again, red-hot! and tried to jump out of the window, Ive never opened them for any single man, and never shall. I couldnt bear it, DIBBLE, to see one of your sex in that room again, and hope you will not insist. Broken in spirit as he was by preceding humiliations, the old lawyer had not the heart to contest the point, and it was agreed, that, upon the arrival of Miss CAIIOWTHEES from Bumsteadville, she and FLOIIA should accept the memorable room inquestion. Upon their way back to the hotel, guardian and ward met Mr. BEN- TEAM, who, from the moment of becoming a character in their Story, had been possessed with that mysterious madness for open-air exercise which afflicted every acquaintance of the late EDWIN Dnoon, and now saluted them in the broiling street and solemnly besought their com- pany for a long walk. It has occurred to me, said the Comic Paper man, who had resumed his black worsted gloves, that Mr. Dn~iLE and Miss Pours may be willing to aid me in walking-off some of the darker suicidal inclinations incident to first-class Humorous Journalism in America. Reading the proof of an instalment of a comic serial now publishing in my paper, I contracted such gloom, that a frantic rush into the fresh air was my only hope of an escape from self-destruction. Let us walk, if you please. Led on, in the profoundest melancholy, by this chastened character, Mr. DIBBLE and the Flowerpot were presently toiling hotly through a succession of grievous side-streets, and forlorn short-cuts to dismal fer- ries; the state of their conductors spirits inclining him to find a cer- tain refreshingly solemn joy in the horrors of pedestrianism imposed by obstructions of merchandise on side-walks, and repeated dlimbing:~ over skids extending from store doors to drays. Inspired to an extra- ordinary flow of malignant animal spirits by the complexities of travel incident to the odorous mazes of some hundred odd kegs of salt mack- erel and boxes of brown soap impressively stacked before one very en- terprising Commission house, Mr. BENTHAM lightened the journey with anecdotes of self-made Commission men who had risen in life by break- ing human legs and city ordinances; and dwelt emotionally upon the scenes in the city hospitals where ladies and gentlemen were brought in, with nails from the hoops of sugar-hogsheads sticking into their feet, or limbs dislocated from too-loftily piled firkins of butter falling upon them. Through incredible hardships, and amongst astounding complications of horse-cars, target companies, and barrels of every- thing, Mr. BENTHAM also amused his friends with circuits of several of the fine public markets of New York; explaining to them the relations of the various miasmatic smells of those quaint edifices with the vari- ous devastating diseases of the day, and expatiating quite eloquently upon the political corruption involved in the renting of the stalls, and the flue openings there were for Cholera and Yellow Fever in the Fish and Vegetable departments. Then, as a last treat, he led his panting companions through several lively up-hill blocks of drug-mills and to- bacco firms, to where they had a distant view of a tenement house next door to a kerosene factory, where, as he vivaciously told them, in the event of a fire, at least one hundred human beings would be slowly done to a turn. After which all three returned from their walk, firmly convinced that an unctuous vein of humor had been conscientiously worked, and abstractedly wishing themselves dead.t The exhilarating effect of the genial Comic Paper man upon FLOILA did not, indeed, pass away, until she and Miss CAnowunxns were in their appointed quarters under the roof of Mrs. SxAMauinEonN, whither they went immediately upon the arrival of the elder spinster from Bumstead- ville~ It could have been wished, my good woman, said Miss CAxow- TEERS, casting a rather disparaging look around the death-chamber of the late Mr. SKAMMEBHOIiN, that you had assigned to educated single young ladies, like ourselves, an apartment less suggestive of Man in his wedded aspects. The spectacle of a pair of pegged boots sticking out from under a bed, and a razor and a hone grouped on the mantle-shelf, is not such as I should desire to encourage in the dormitory of a pupil under my tuition. Thats much to be deplored, Im sure, CAliowrnuns, returned Mrs. SmrAMaa~anoxN, severely, and sorry am I that I ever married, on that particular account. Id not have done it, if youd only told me. But, seeing that I married SKAMMERHORN, and then he died delirious, his tOrdinam~y readers, while admiring the heavy humor of this unexpected open-air episode, may wonder what on earth It has to do with the the Story; but the cultiva- ted few, understanding the ingenious mechanics of novel-writing, will appreciate it as a most skilful and happy device to cover the interval between the hiring of Mrs. SRAMMZRHOEB5 room, and the occupation thereof by FLORA and her late teacher another Instance of what our profoundly critical American Journals call artistic elaboration. (See corresponding Chapter of the original English Story.) Entered, according to Act of Congress, In the year 1870, by the PuNcnrsnax.o PUBLIsHING Comisr, in the Office of the Librarian of Congress at Washington. 36 PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15. 1870. boots and razor must remain, just as he often wished to throw the for- mer at me in his ravings. Once married is enough, say I; and those who never were, through having no proposals, must bear with those who have, and take things as they come. There are those, Id have you know, Mrs. SKAMMERHORN, to whom proposals have been no inducement, said Miss C~u~owrMEns, sharply; or, if being made, and then withdrawn, have given our sex opportu- nities to prove, in courts of law, that damages can still be got. Im afraid of no Man, my good woman, as a person named BLODGETT once learned from a jury; but boots and razors are not what I .would have familiar to the mind of one who never had a husband to die in raging torments, nor yet has sued for breach. Miss Porrs is but a chicken, Ill admit, retorted Mrs. SHAMMER- HORN; btit youre not such, CAI~owrirERs, by many a good year. On the contrary, quite a hen. Then, you being with her, if the boots and razor make her think she sees that poor, weak SKAMMERHORN a-ranging round the room, when in his grave it is his place to be, youve only got to say: A fool you are, and always were,as often I, myself, called at him in his lifetime,and off hell go into his tomb again for fear of broomsticks. FLORA, my dear, said Miss CARowmERs, turning with dignity to her pupil, if I know anything of human nature, the man who has once got away from here, will stay away. Only single ghosts have at- tachments for the houses in which they once lived. So, never mind the boots and razor, darling; which, after all, if seen by peddlers, or men who come to fix the gas, might keep us safe from robbers. As safe as any man himself, young woman, with pistols under his head that he would never dare to fire if robbers were no more than cats rampaging, added Mrs. SKAMMERHORN, enthusiastically. With nothing but an old black hat of SKAMMERHORNS, anil walking-cane, kept hanging in the hall, I havent lost a spoon by tramps or census- tak~rs for six mortal years. So, make yourselves at home, I beg you both, while I go down and cook the liver for our dinner. Youll find it tender as a chicken, after what youve broke your teeth upon in board- ing-schools; though SKAMMERHORN declarol it made him bilious in the second year, forgetting what hed drank with sugar to his taste, before- hand. Thus was sweet FLORA Porrs introduced to her new home; where, but for looking down from her windows at the fashions, making-up hundreds of bows of ribbons for her neck, and making-over all her dresses, her womans mind must have been a blank. What time Miss CARowTHERs told her all day how she looked in this or that style of wearing her hair, and read her to sleep each night with extracts from the pages of cheery HANNAH MORE. As for the object nearest her young heart, to say that she was wholly unruffled by it would be in- accurate; but by address she kept it hidden from all eyes save her own. CHAPTER XXIII. GOING HOME IN THE MORNING. After having thrown all his Ritualistic friends at home into a most unholy and exasperated condition of mind, by a steady series of vague remarks as to the extreme likelihood of their united implication in the possible deed of darkness by which he has lost a broadcloth nephew and an alpaca umbrella, the mournful Mr. BuMsrz~.n is once more awaiting the dawn in that popular retreat in Mulberry Street where he first contracted his taste for cloves. The Assistant-Assessor and the Alderman of the Ward are again there, tilted back against the wall in their chairs; theirshares in the Congressional Nominating Convention held in that room earlier in the night having left them too weary for further locomotion. The decanters and tumblers hurled by the Nomi- nating Convention over the question of which Irishman could drink the most to be nominated, are still scattered about the floor; here and there a forgotten slungshot marks the places where rival delegations have con- fidently presented their claims for recognition; and a few bullet-holes in the wall above the bar enumerate the various pauses in the great de- bate upon the perils of the public peace from Negro Suffrage. Reclining with great ease of attitude upon an uncushioned settee, the Ritualistic organist is aroused from dreamy slumber by the turning-over of the pipe in his mouth, and majestically motions for the venerable wo- man of the house to come and brush the ashes from his clothes. Wud yez have it filled again, honey ? asks the woman. Sure, wan pipe more would do ye no harrum. Imtooshleepy, he says, dropping the pipe. An are yez too shlapey, aathore, to talk a little bissiness wid an ould woman ? she asks, insinuatingly. Couldnt yez be afther payin me the bit av a schore Ive got agin ye ? Mr. BtTM5TEAD opens his eyes reproachfully, and wishes to know how she can dare talk about money matters to an organist who, at almost any moment, may be obllged to see a Chinaman hired in his place on account of cheapness? Could the haythen crayture play, thin ? she asks, wonderingly. Thairvairimitative, he tells her; Cookwashiron n eatbirds- nests. An vote would they, honey ? Yeshf coursethairvairimitative, I tell y, snarls he: dot- cheapzdirt. Is it vote chaper they would, the haythen naygurs, than daycint, hardworkin white mm? she asks, excitedly. Yesh. Chinesecheaplabor, he says, bitterly. Och, hone ! cries the woman, in anguish; and fhats the poor to do then, honey ? Gowest; gonfarm! sobs Mr. BUM5TEAD, shedding tears. Id go mself if a-hadnt lost dear-er-rerelative. Nephewn umbrella. Saint PAYTHER! an fhats that? EnwINs ! cries the unhappy organist, starting to his feet with a wild reel. ~ Th pride ofsunclesheart! I see m now, inshfectionate- manhood, with whalebone ribs, made f alpaca, andyetsoyoung. Help me! hiccries; PENDRAGoNsashnaten me! hiccriesand I go While uttering this extraordinary burst of feeling, he has advanced towards the door in a kind of demoniac can-can, and, at its close, ab- ruptly darts into the street and frantically makes off. The cross of the holy fathers ! ejaculates the woman, momentarily bewildered by this sudden termination of the scene. Then a new ex- pression comes swiftly over her face, and she adds, in a different tone, Odether-nodether, but its coonin as a fox he is, and its off hes gone again widout payin me the schore! Sure, but Ill follow him, if its to the wnrrulds md, and see fhat he is and where he is.,, Thus it happens that she reaches Bumsteadville almost as soon as the Ritualistic organist, and, following him to his boarding-house, cn- - counters Mr. TRACEr CLEWS upon the steps. Well, now ! calls that gentleman, as she looks inquiringly at him, who do you want? Him as just passed in, your Honor. Mr. BUMSTEAD ? Ah. Where does he play the orgnn ? In St. Cows Church, down yonder. Mass at seven oclock, and hell be there in half an hour. Its there Ill be, thin, mumbles the woman; and bad luck to it that I didnt know before; whin I came to ax him for me schore, and might have gone home widout a cint but for a good lad named EDDY who gave me a sthamp. The same EDDY, Im thinkin, that Ive heard him mutter about in his shlape at my shebang in town, whin he came there on political business. After a start and a pause, Mr. CLEws repeats his information con- cerning the Ritualistic church, and then cautiously follows the woman as she goes thither. Unconscious of the remarkable female figure intently watching him from under a corner of the gallery, and occasionally shaking a fist at him, Mr. BTJM5TEAD attends to the musical part of the service with as much artistic accuracy as a hasty head-bath and a glass of soda-water are capable of securing. The worshippers are too busy with risings, kneelings, bowings, and miscellaneous devout gymnastics, to heed his casual imperfections, and his headache makes him fiercely indifferent to what any one else may think. Coming out of the athletic edifice, Mr. Onxws comes upon the wo- man again, who seems excited. Well? he says. Sure he saw me in time to shlip out of a back dure, she returns, savagely; but its shtrait to his boording-house Im goir.g afther him, the spalpeen. Again Mr. TRACEYCLEwS follows her; but this time he allows her to go up to Mr. BUMsrEADs room, while he turns into his own apartment where his breakfast awaits him. I can make a chalk mark for the trail Ive struck to-day, he says; and then thoughtfully attacks the meal upon the table. * (To be Cbntinued.) * At this point, the English original of this Adaptationthe Mystery of EDWIN DILOOD --breaks off forever. OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 87 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. ILSSON has come; and, sad to say, has brought dissension discord with her. Not that there is any discord in her matchless voice, but there is a vast amount of wrangling as to her precise merits. Do you doubt this? Then come with me in my light Fourth Avenue car, while the stars are bright and the sky is blue, (this is an adaptation of a once popular love-song by Dr. WArTs,) and we will go to Steinway Hall to hear the Im- proved Swedish Nightingale, and feast our eyes on STRA- KO5CH5 flowers. We pass up the steep stair- casewith many misgivings as to our ankles, if we belong to the sex which considers the possession of those anatomical features a fact to be carefully conchaled, provided they are not symmetricaL We pass the door-keeper, who, as is the custom of his kind, frowns malignantly at us, and evidently asks himself How much longer can I refrain from tearing up the tickets of these impudent pleasure-seekers, and throwing the pieces in their infa- mously contented countenances ? We gain the hall, and are sent to the inevitable other aisle, by the usher, (by the way, why is it that one always gets into the wrong aisle, only to be ignominiously ordered to the opposite side of the house?) and we finally turn various illegal occu- pants out of our seats, and begin to fan ourselves in fervid anticipation of the coming musical treat. A buzz of conversation is everywhere going on. Did any one ever notice the curious fact that a middle-aged man and woman can converse at a theatre or concert room without either one finding any difficulty in hearing what the other says, while no young man can make his accompanying young lady hear a single word unless his mouth is in close proximity to her ear? This singular state of things is doubtless due to the peculiar acoustical properties of public buildings. We manage, however, to hear a good deal of both young and middle-aged conversation, of the following improving type. RURAL PERsoN. Ive heard most everybody thats sung in our Phil- adelphy opera house, and some of em are pretty hard to beat. NILssoN may beat em, you know. Mind, now, I dont say she wont, but shes got a mighty hard row to hoe. CRITIc. (Who sent for seats for his eight sisters and their friendsbut who did not get them.) There comes the Scandinavian Societyfifty Irishmen at fifty cents a head. Did you see the flowers piled up in the lobby? MAX paid seven hundred dollars for the lot. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! I wish you wouldnt look at that fellow across the way. You know how your own darling loves you, and YOUNG L~nv. Hush! Dont bother. Here comes VIEUxTEMPs. YIEUXTRMPS plays, and the audience listens with the ai,~ of people who are dreadfully bored, bitt are afraid to show it. He disappears with an amount of applause carefully graduated so as to express enthusiasm without the desire for hearing him again. The Rural Person remarks that he doesnt think much of fiddlers anyhow. Give him a trom- bone, or a banjo, for his money. Mn. WEELI then trifles with the piano. Him, too, the audience po- litely endure, but plainly do not appreciate. They have come to hear NILssoN, and feel outraged at having to hear anybody else. A cornet solo by the Angel G~u3Ru~I~ himself would be secretly regarded as un- doubtedly artistic, but certaiuly a little out of place. CHoRUs OF RIVAL PIANO-MAKERs. What a wretched instrument that poor fellow is made to play upon. Nobody can produce any effect on a STEINWAY piano. Its good for nothing but for boarding-school prac- tice. CRITIc, (who knows Mr. STEINWAY.) Anybody can please people by playing on a STEINWAY. I defy WEIILI or any other man to play badly on such a superb instrument as that. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! Do you remember the day when you gave me one of your hair-pins? I have worn it next my YOUNG LADY. Oh, dont bother. NILssoN is just going to sing. And she does sing, with that voice so matchless in its perfect purity, that even the disappointed critic grows uneasy as he tries in vain to find some reasonable fault with it. She ceases, and amid wild cheers from the paying part of the audience, silent approval from the dead- heads, and shouts of Hooroo ! and Begorra ! from the Scandina- vian Society, MAxs flowers are brought in solemn procession up the aisle, and laid at the feet of the Improved Nightingale. CRITIc. Those flowers will just be taken out of the back door, and brought in again to be used the second time. Theres a hand-cart waiting for them now, at the Fifteenth Street entrance. Six PRIME DONNE, (who were not asked to sing at the NILssoN concerts.) Well, did you ever hear Angels Ever Bright sung in a more atro- cious style? If that is Nn~ssoNs idea of expression, the sooner she leaves the stage to artists, the better. CmIcAL Ow MUsIcliN. Bah! Nn~ssoN infuses religious sentiment into her singing, and these envious creatures dont know what religiOu3 sentiment is, so they think she is all wrong. If she had sung HANDEL with a smile, and a coquettish tossing of her head, they would still have hated her, but they would not have ventured to call her in- artistic. YOUNG MAN. Darling! I had rather hear your sweet voice, than listen to Nri~ssoN or a choir of angels for the rest of my YOUNG LADY. CHARLES, you will drive me wild, with your intolerable spooniness. Ill never come out with you again. See how the SMITH girls are looking at you. RURAL Pm~soN. So I says to the usher, If you think Im a coun- tryman who dont know whats what, youre everlastingly sold. Im from Philadelphy, says I, and weve got singers there that can knock spots out of your NILLoctas and KELsoNs and the rest of em. So he just RIVAI~ MANAGER. My tear fellow, you shust mind dis. MAX vill lose all his monish. Nu~ssoN cant sing, my tear! She vanted me to en- cage her a year ago, but I vouldnt do it. Dere ish no monish in her, now you mind vot I says. DISTINGUISHED TEACHER. You call her an artist! Why, look here, if one of my scholars were to phrase as wretchedly as she does, Id never show my face in public again. Her voice is so-so, but her school is simply infamous. CELEBRATED TEACHER. Well, I dont mind sa~ ing that I never heard her equal in point of quality of voice. She gives you pure tone, which is what hardly any other singer does. NINE TENTHS OF THE AUDIENCE. She is perfectly lovely. There never was anybody like her. CONNOISsEUR, (who really does know something about music, but who ac- tually has no prejudices.) Her voice is such a one as MARGARET must have had when she sang by her spinning-wheel, before fate threw her in the way of FAUST. And these professional musicians will tear her reputation to pieces among themselves! Why should musical people be, of all others, most fond of discord ? CRITIC. There! those fools are determined to make her sing again. I cant stand this. ~ll see MAX once mor2. and if he dont do the right thing, Ill say that Nn~ssoN was played out in Europe before she came here, and that she is a complete failure. YOUNG MAN. Sweetest! may I ask you one question ? YOUNG LADY. No, you shant. Will you keep quiet? Everybody is looking at you. EVERYBODY. Sh! sh! sh ! NILSsoN sings again. As her delicious notes die out in the thunder of applause, I make my way out of the Hall, into the clear and silent night. For not even the witchery of VIEUXTEMPSs violin is fit to mate in memory with the peerless tones of NILssoN. Here I meant to do some fine writing, but as this is PUNCHINEI~LO, and not the Easy Chair of harpers Magazine, I conquer the tempta- tion. Wherefore I accept the gratitude of my readers, and sign myself MATADOR. Conge~Ion of The Sun PUNCHINELLO is pained to know that the circulation of his bewitching contemporary, The Sun, is daily growing more and more languid. Paralysis has set in, and the patient but seldom has the energy to dictate the daily bulletin giving the state of his circulation. Only a Suggestion. Ir will be bad enough for the Prussian Cavalrymen to water their horses in the Seine, but if they go to driving their stakes in the Bois de Boulogne, wont the Parisians think it looks a little like running things into the ground?

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 87 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. ILSSON has come; and, sad to say, has brought dissension discord with her. Not that there is any discord in her matchless voice, but there is a vast amount of wrangling as to her precise merits. Do you doubt this? Then come with me in my light Fourth Avenue car, while the stars are bright and the sky is blue, (this is an adaptation of a once popular love-song by Dr. WArTs,) and we will go to Steinway Hall to hear the Im- proved Swedish Nightingale, and feast our eyes on STRA- KO5CH5 flowers. We pass up the steep stair- casewith many misgivings as to our ankles, if we belong to the sex which considers the possession of those anatomical features a fact to be carefully conchaled, provided they are not symmetricaL We pass the door-keeper, who, as is the custom of his kind, frowns malignantly at us, and evidently asks himself How much longer can I refrain from tearing up the tickets of these impudent pleasure-seekers, and throwing the pieces in their infa- mously contented countenances ? We gain the hall, and are sent to the inevitable other aisle, by the usher, (by the way, why is it that one always gets into the wrong aisle, only to be ignominiously ordered to the opposite side of the house?) and we finally turn various illegal occu- pants out of our seats, and begin to fan ourselves in fervid anticipation of the coming musical treat. A buzz of conversation is everywhere going on. Did any one ever notice the curious fact that a middle-aged man and woman can converse at a theatre or concert room without either one finding any difficulty in hearing what the other says, while no young man can make his accompanying young lady hear a single word unless his mouth is in close proximity to her ear? This singular state of things is doubtless due to the peculiar acoustical properties of public buildings. We manage, however, to hear a good deal of both young and middle-aged conversation, of the following improving type. RURAL PERsoN. Ive heard most everybody thats sung in our Phil- adelphy opera house, and some of em are pretty hard to beat. NILssoN may beat em, you know. Mind, now, I dont say she wont, but shes got a mighty hard row to hoe. CRITIc. (Who sent for seats for his eight sisters and their friendsbut who did not get them.) There comes the Scandinavian Societyfifty Irishmen at fifty cents a head. Did you see the flowers piled up in the lobby? MAX paid seven hundred dollars for the lot. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! I wish you wouldnt look at that fellow across the way. You know how your own darling loves you, and YOUNG L~nv. Hush! Dont bother. Here comes VIEUxTEMPs. YIEUXTRMPS plays, and the audience listens with the ai,~ of people who are dreadfully bored, bitt are afraid to show it. He disappears with an amount of applause carefully graduated so as to express enthusiasm without the desire for hearing him again. The Rural Person remarks that he doesnt think much of fiddlers anyhow. Give him a trom- bone, or a banjo, for his money. Mn. WEELI then trifles with the piano. Him, too, the audience po- litely endure, but plainly do not appreciate. They have come to hear NILssoN, and feel outraged at having to hear anybody else. A cornet solo by the Angel G~u3Ru~I~ himself would be secretly regarded as un- doubtedly artistic, but certaiuly a little out of place. CHoRUs OF RIVAL PIANO-MAKERs. What a wretched instrument that poor fellow is made to play upon. Nobody can produce any effect on a STEINWAY piano. Its good for nothing but for boarding-school prac- tice. CRITIc, (who knows Mr. STEINWAY.) Anybody can please people by playing on a STEINWAY. I defy WEIILI or any other man to play badly on such a superb instrument as that. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! Do you remember the day when you gave me one of your hair-pins? I have worn it next my YOUNG LADY. Oh, dont bother. NILssoN is just going to sing. And she does sing, with that voice so matchless in its perfect purity, that even the disappointed critic grows uneasy as he tries in vain to find some reasonable fault with it. She ceases, and amid wild cheers from the paying part of the audience, silent approval from the dead- heads, and shouts of Hooroo ! and Begorra ! from the Scandina- vian Society, MAxs flowers are brought in solemn procession up the aisle, and laid at the feet of the Improved Nightingale. CRITIc. Those flowers will just be taken out of the back door, and brought in again to be used the second time. Theres a hand-cart waiting for them now, at the Fifteenth Street entrance. Six PRIME DONNE, (who were not asked to sing at the NILssoN concerts.) Well, did you ever hear Angels Ever Bright sung in a more atro- cious style? If that is Nn~ssoNs idea of expression, the sooner she leaves the stage to artists, the better. CmIcAL Ow MUsIcliN. Bah! Nn~ssoN infuses religious sentiment into her singing, and these envious creatures dont know what religiOu3 sentiment is, so they think she is all wrong. If she had sung HANDEL with a smile, and a coquettish tossing of her head, they would still have hated her, but they would not have ventured to call her in- artistic. YOUNG MAN. Darling! I had rather hear your sweet voice, than listen to Nri~ssoN or a choir of angels for the rest of my YOUNG LADY. CHARLES, you will drive me wild, with your intolerable spooniness. Ill never come out with you again. See how the SMITH girls are looking at you. RURAL Pm~soN. So I says to the usher, If you think Im a coun- tryman who dont know whats what, youre everlastingly sold. Im from Philadelphy, says I, and weve got singers there that can knock spots out of your NILLoctas and KELsoNs and the rest of em. So he just RIVAI~ MANAGER. My tear fellow, you shust mind dis. MAX vill lose all his monish. Nu~ssoN cant sing, my tear! She vanted me to en- cage her a year ago, but I vouldnt do it. Dere ish no monish in her, now you mind vot I says. DISTINGUISHED TEACHER. You call her an artist! Why, look here, if one of my scholars were to phrase as wretchedly as she does, Id never show my face in public again. Her voice is so-so, but her school is simply infamous. CELEBRATED TEACHER. Well, I dont mind sa~ ing that I never heard her equal in point of quality of voice. She gives you pure tone, which is what hardly any other singer does. NINE TENTHS OF THE AUDIENCE. She is perfectly lovely. There never was anybody like her. CONNOISsEUR, (who really does know something about music, but who ac- tually has no prejudices.) Her voice is such a one as MARGARET must have had when she sang by her spinning-wheel, before fate threw her in the way of FAUST. And these professional musicians will tear her reputation to pieces among themselves! Why should musical people be, of all others, most fond of discord ? CRITIC. There! those fools are determined to make her sing again. I cant stand this. ~ll see MAX once mor2. and if he dont do the right thing, Ill say that Nn~ssoN was played out in Europe before she came here, and that she is a complete failure. YOUNG MAN. Sweetest! may I ask you one question ? YOUNG LADY. No, you shant. Will you keep quiet? Everybody is looking at you. EVERYBODY. Sh! sh! sh ! NILSsoN sings again. As her delicious notes die out in the thunder of applause, I make my way out of the Hall, into the clear and silent night. For not even the witchery of VIEUXTEMPSs violin is fit to mate in memory with the peerless tones of NILssoN. Here I meant to do some fine writing, but as this is PUNCHINEI~LO, and not the Easy Chair of harpers Magazine, I conquer the tempta- tion. Wherefore I accept the gratitude of my readers, and sign myself MATADOR. Conge~Ion of The Sun PUNCHINELLO is pained to know that the circulation of his bewitching contemporary, The Sun, is daily growing more and more languid. Paralysis has set in, and the patient but seldom has the energy to dictate the daily bulletin giving the state of his circulation. Only a Suggestion. Ir will be bad enough for the Prussian Cavalrymen to water their horses in the Seine, but if they go to driving their stakes in the Bois de Boulogne, wont the Parisians think it looks a little like running things into the ground?

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 87 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. ILSSON has come; and, sad to say, has brought dissension discord with her. Not that there is any discord in her matchless voice, but there is a vast amount of wrangling as to her precise merits. Do you doubt this? Then come with me in my light Fourth Avenue car, while the stars are bright and the sky is blue, (this is an adaptation of a once popular love-song by Dr. WArTs,) and we will go to Steinway Hall to hear the Im- proved Swedish Nightingale, and feast our eyes on STRA- KO5CH5 flowers. We pass up the steep stair- casewith many misgivings as to our ankles, if we belong to the sex which considers the possession of those anatomical features a fact to be carefully conchaled, provided they are not symmetricaL We pass the door-keeper, who, as is the custom of his kind, frowns malignantly at us, and evidently asks himself How much longer can I refrain from tearing up the tickets of these impudent pleasure-seekers, and throwing the pieces in their infa- mously contented countenances ? We gain the hall, and are sent to the inevitable other aisle, by the usher, (by the way, why is it that one always gets into the wrong aisle, only to be ignominiously ordered to the opposite side of the house?) and we finally turn various illegal occu- pants out of our seats, and begin to fan ourselves in fervid anticipation of the coming musical treat. A buzz of conversation is everywhere going on. Did any one ever notice the curious fact that a middle-aged man and woman can converse at a theatre or concert room without either one finding any difficulty in hearing what the other says, while no young man can make his accompanying young lady hear a single word unless his mouth is in close proximity to her ear? This singular state of things is doubtless due to the peculiar acoustical properties of public buildings. We manage, however, to hear a good deal of both young and middle-aged conversation, of the following improving type. RURAL PERsoN. Ive heard most everybody thats sung in our Phil- adelphy opera house, and some of em are pretty hard to beat. NILssoN may beat em, you know. Mind, now, I dont say she wont, but shes got a mighty hard row to hoe. CRITIc. (Who sent for seats for his eight sisters and their friendsbut who did not get them.) There comes the Scandinavian Societyfifty Irishmen at fifty cents a head. Did you see the flowers piled up in the lobby? MAX paid seven hundred dollars for the lot. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! I wish you wouldnt look at that fellow across the way. You know how your own darling loves you, and YOUNG L~nv. Hush! Dont bother. Here comes VIEUxTEMPs. YIEUXTRMPS plays, and the audience listens with the ai,~ of people who are dreadfully bored, bitt are afraid to show it. He disappears with an amount of applause carefully graduated so as to express enthusiasm without the desire for hearing him again. The Rural Person remarks that he doesnt think much of fiddlers anyhow. Give him a trom- bone, or a banjo, for his money. Mn. WEELI then trifles with the piano. Him, too, the audience po- litely endure, but plainly do not appreciate. They have come to hear NILssoN, and feel outraged at having to hear anybody else. A cornet solo by the Angel G~u3Ru~I~ himself would be secretly regarded as un- doubtedly artistic, but certaiuly a little out of place. CHoRUs OF RIVAL PIANO-MAKERs. What a wretched instrument that poor fellow is made to play upon. Nobody can produce any effect on a STEINWAY piano. Its good for nothing but for boarding-school prac- tice. CRITIc, (who knows Mr. STEINWAY.) Anybody can please people by playing on a STEINWAY. I defy WEIILI or any other man to play badly on such a superb instrument as that. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! Do you remember the day when you gave me one of your hair-pins? I have worn it next my YOUNG LADY. Oh, dont bother. NILssoN is just going to sing. And she does sing, with that voice so matchless in its perfect purity, that even the disappointed critic grows uneasy as he tries in vain to find some reasonable fault with it. She ceases, and amid wild cheers from the paying part of the audience, silent approval from the dead- heads, and shouts of Hooroo ! and Begorra ! from the Scandina- vian Society, MAxs flowers are brought in solemn procession up the aisle, and laid at the feet of the Improved Nightingale. CRITIc. Those flowers will just be taken out of the back door, and brought in again to be used the second time. Theres a hand-cart waiting for them now, at the Fifteenth Street entrance. Six PRIME DONNE, (who were not asked to sing at the NILssoN concerts.) Well, did you ever hear Angels Ever Bright sung in a more atro- cious style? If that is Nn~ssoNs idea of expression, the sooner she leaves the stage to artists, the better. CmIcAL Ow MUsIcliN. Bah! Nn~ssoN infuses religious sentiment into her singing, and these envious creatures dont know what religiOu3 sentiment is, so they think she is all wrong. If she had sung HANDEL with a smile, and a coquettish tossing of her head, they would still have hated her, but they would not have ventured to call her in- artistic. YOUNG MAN. Darling! I had rather hear your sweet voice, than listen to Nri~ssoN or a choir of angels for the rest of my YOUNG LADY. CHARLES, you will drive me wild, with your intolerable spooniness. Ill never come out with you again. See how the SMITH girls are looking at you. RURAL Pm~soN. So I says to the usher, If you think Im a coun- tryman who dont know whats what, youre everlastingly sold. Im from Philadelphy, says I, and weve got singers there that can knock spots out of your NILLoctas and KELsoNs and the rest of em. So he just RIVAI~ MANAGER. My tear fellow, you shust mind dis. MAX vill lose all his monish. Nu~ssoN cant sing, my tear! She vanted me to en- cage her a year ago, but I vouldnt do it. Dere ish no monish in her, now you mind vot I says. DISTINGUISHED TEACHER. You call her an artist! Why, look here, if one of my scholars were to phrase as wretchedly as she does, Id never show my face in public again. Her voice is so-so, but her school is simply infamous. CELEBRATED TEACHER. Well, I dont mind sa~ ing that I never heard her equal in point of quality of voice. She gives you pure tone, which is what hardly any other singer does. NINE TENTHS OF THE AUDIENCE. She is perfectly lovely. There never was anybody like her. CONNOISsEUR, (who really does know something about music, but who ac- tually has no prejudices.) Her voice is such a one as MARGARET must have had when she sang by her spinning-wheel, before fate threw her in the way of FAUST. And these professional musicians will tear her reputation to pieces among themselves! Why should musical people be, of all others, most fond of discord ? CRITIC. There! those fools are determined to make her sing again. I cant stand this. ~ll see MAX once mor2. and if he dont do the right thing, Ill say that Nn~ssoN was played out in Europe before she came here, and that she is a complete failure. YOUNG MAN. Sweetest! may I ask you one question ? YOUNG LADY. No, you shant. Will you keep quiet? Everybody is looking at you. EVERYBODY. Sh! sh! sh ! NILSsoN sings again. As her delicious notes die out in the thunder of applause, I make my way out of the Hall, into the clear and silent night. For not even the witchery of VIEUXTEMPSs violin is fit to mate in memory with the peerless tones of NILssoN. Here I meant to do some fine writing, but as this is PUNCHINEI~LO, and not the Easy Chair of harpers Magazine, I conquer the tempta- tion. Wherefore I accept the gratitude of my readers, and sign myself MATADOR. Conge~Ion of The Sun PUNCHINELLO is pained to know that the circulation of his bewitching contemporary, The Sun, is daily growing more and more languid. Paralysis has set in, and the patient but seldom has the energy to dictate the daily bulletin giving the state of his circulation. Only a Suggestion. Ir will be bad enough for the Prussian Cavalrymen to water their horses in the Seine, but if they go to driving their stakes in the Bois de Boulogne, wont the Parisians think it looks a little like running things into the ground?

OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. 87 THE PLAYS AND SHOWS. ILSSON has come; and, sad to say, has brought dissension discord with her. Not that there is any discord in her matchless voice, but there is a vast amount of wrangling as to her precise merits. Do you doubt this? Then come with me in my light Fourth Avenue car, while the stars are bright and the sky is blue, (this is an adaptation of a once popular love-song by Dr. WArTs,) and we will go to Steinway Hall to hear the Im- proved Swedish Nightingale, and feast our eyes on STRA- KO5CH5 flowers. We pass up the steep stair- casewith many misgivings as to our ankles, if we belong to the sex which considers the possession of those anatomical features a fact to be carefully conchaled, provided they are not symmetricaL We pass the door-keeper, who, as is the custom of his kind, frowns malignantly at us, and evidently asks himself How much longer can I refrain from tearing up the tickets of these impudent pleasure-seekers, and throwing the pieces in their infa- mously contented countenances ? We gain the hall, and are sent to the inevitable other aisle, by the usher, (by the way, why is it that one always gets into the wrong aisle, only to be ignominiously ordered to the opposite side of the house?) and we finally turn various illegal occu- pants out of our seats, and begin to fan ourselves in fervid anticipation of the coming musical treat. A buzz of conversation is everywhere going on. Did any one ever notice the curious fact that a middle-aged man and woman can converse at a theatre or concert room without either one finding any difficulty in hearing what the other says, while no young man can make his accompanying young lady hear a single word unless his mouth is in close proximity to her ear? This singular state of things is doubtless due to the peculiar acoustical properties of public buildings. We manage, however, to hear a good deal of both young and middle-aged conversation, of the following improving type. RURAL PERsoN. Ive heard most everybody thats sung in our Phil- adelphy opera house, and some of em are pretty hard to beat. NILssoN may beat em, you know. Mind, now, I dont say she wont, but shes got a mighty hard row to hoe. CRITIc. (Who sent for seats for his eight sisters and their friendsbut who did not get them.) There comes the Scandinavian Societyfifty Irishmen at fifty cents a head. Did you see the flowers piled up in the lobby? MAX paid seven hundred dollars for the lot. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! I wish you wouldnt look at that fellow across the way. You know how your own darling loves you, and YOUNG L~nv. Hush! Dont bother. Here comes VIEUxTEMPs. YIEUXTRMPS plays, and the audience listens with the ai,~ of people who are dreadfully bored, bitt are afraid to show it. He disappears with an amount of applause carefully graduated so as to express enthusiasm without the desire for hearing him again. The Rural Person remarks that he doesnt think much of fiddlers anyhow. Give him a trom- bone, or a banjo, for his money. Mn. WEELI then trifles with the piano. Him, too, the audience po- litely endure, but plainly do not appreciate. They have come to hear NILssoN, and feel outraged at having to hear anybody else. A cornet solo by the Angel G~u3Ru~I~ himself would be secretly regarded as un- doubtedly artistic, but certaiuly a little out of place. CHoRUs OF RIVAL PIANO-MAKERs. What a wretched instrument that poor fellow is made to play upon. Nobody can produce any effect on a STEINWAY piano. Its good for nothing but for boarding-school prac- tice. CRITIc, (who knows Mr. STEINWAY.) Anybody can please people by playing on a STEINWAY. I defy WEIILI or any other man to play badly on such a superb instrument as that. YOUNG MAN. Dearest! Do you remember the day when you gave me one of your hair-pins? I have worn it next my YOUNG LADY. Oh, dont bother. NILssoN is just going to sing. And she does sing, with that voice so matchless in its perfect purity, that even the disappointed critic grows uneasy as he tries in vain to find some reasonable fault with it. She ceases, and amid wild cheers from the paying part of the audience, silent approval from the dead- heads, and shouts of Hooroo ! and Begorra ! from the Scandina- vian Society, MAxs flowers are brought in solemn procession up the aisle, and laid at the feet of the Improved Nightingale. CRITIc. Those flowers will just be taken out of the back door, and brought in again to be used the second time. Theres a hand-cart waiting for them now, at the Fifteenth Street entrance. Six PRIME DONNE, (who were not asked to sing at the NILssoN concerts.) Well, did you ever hear Angels Ever Bright sung in a more atro- cious style? If that is Nn~ssoNs idea of expression, the sooner she leaves the stage to artists, the better. CmIcAL Ow MUsIcliN. Bah! Nn~ssoN infuses religious sentiment into her singing, and these envious creatures dont know what religiOu3 sentiment is, so they think she is all wrong. If she had sung HANDEL with a smile, and a coquettish tossing of her head, they would still have hated her, but they would not have ventured to call her in- artistic. YOUNG MAN. Darling! I had rather hear your sweet voice, than listen to Nri~ssoN or a choir of angels for the rest of my YOUNG LADY. CHARLES, you will drive me wild, with your intolerable spooniness. Ill never come out with you again. See how the SMITH girls are looking at you. RURAL Pm~soN. So I says to the usher, If you think Im a coun- tryman who dont know whats what, youre everlastingly sold. Im from Philadelphy, says I, and weve got singers there that can knock spots out of your NILLoctas and KELsoNs and the rest of em. So he just RIVAI~ MANAGER. My tear fellow, you shust mind dis. MAX vill lose all his monish. Nu~ssoN cant sing, my tear! She vanted me to en- cage her a year ago, but I vouldnt do it. Dere ish no monish in her, now you mind vot I says. DISTINGUISHED TEACHER. You call her an artist! Why, look here, if one of my scholars were to phrase as wretchedly as she does, Id never show my face in public again. Her voice is so-so, but her school is simply infamous. CELEBRATED TEACHER. Well, I dont mind sa~ ing that I never heard her equal in point of quality of voice. She gives you pure tone, which is what hardly any other singer does. NINE TENTHS OF THE AUDIENCE. She is perfectly lovely. There never was anybody like her. CONNOISsEUR, (who really does know something about music, but who ac- tually has no prejudices.) Her voice is such a one as MARGARET must have had when she sang by her spinning-wheel, before fate threw her in the way of FAUST. And these professional musicians will tear her reputation to pieces among themselves! Why should musical people be, of all others, most fond of discord ? CRITIC. There! those fools are determined to make her sing again. I cant stand this. ~ll see MAX once mor2. and if he dont do the right thing, Ill say that Nn~ssoN was played out in Europe before she came here, and that she is a complete failure. YOUNG MAN. Sweetest! may I ask you one question ? YOUNG LADY. No, you shant. Will you keep quiet? Everybody is looking at you. EVERYBODY. Sh! sh! sh ! NILSsoN sings again. As her delicious notes die out in the thunder of applause, I make my way out of the Hall, into the clear and silent night. For not even the witchery of VIEUXTEMPSs violin is fit to mate in memory with the peerless tones of NILssoN. Here I meant to do some fine writing, but as this is PUNCHINEI~LO, and not the Easy Chair of harpers Magazine, I conquer the tempta- tion. Wherefore I accept the gratitude of my readers, and sign myself MATADOR. Conge~Ion of The Sun PUNCHINELLO is pained to know that the circulation of his bewitching contemporary, The Sun, is daily growing more and more languid. Paralysis has set in, and the patient but seldom has the energy to dictate the daily bulletin giving the state of his circulation. Only a Suggestion. Ir will be bad enough for the Prussian Cavalrymen to water their horses in the Seine, but if they go to driving their stakes in the Bois de Boulogne, wont the Parisians think it looks a little like running things into the ground? PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. OUR MASTERS OF ART. Mn. PUNCHINELLO: The knights of the pencil and easel, having re- turned from their usual visits to their summer haunts, and having exchanged the blue skies and grassy vales of Nature for the smoky ceilings and dirty floors of Art, (I believe that is the proper way to com- mence this kind of an article,) your correspondent has visited a number of them, and has obtained authentic accounts of their present occu- patious, and has also been permitted to make slight sketches of some of their principal works. BIERSTADT, as usual, is painting Yos. Having entirely exhausted the Yo Semite, he is now at work on a grand picture of a Southdown Ewe, and will soon commence a view of his studio,at sunrise. He well d3serves his title of the Yeoman of Art. JAMI~s HAMILTON, of Philadelphia, is painting a sunset. It may not be generally known, but it is a fact, that he paints the sun every time it sets. Tho following sketch will give a good idea of his next great picture. The nails are inserted in the sun to keep it from going down any fur- ther, and spoiling the scene. WILLIAaI T. ]licnAnDs, of the same city, is hard at work on a picture vrhich is intended to represent, to the life, water in motion; a specialty which ho has lately adopted. It is entitled A Scene on the Barbary C3ast; Water in Motion, Steamer in the Distance. The subjoined sketch represents the general plan of the picture. Stiil another Philadelphia artist, Mr. Ror ERMEL, is very busy at a great work, lie is putting the finishing-touches to his vast painting of the Battle of Gettysburg. On this enormous canvas may be seen correct likenesses of all the principal generals, colonels, captains, majors, first and secondlientenauts, sergeant-majors, sergeants, corporals and high privates who were engaged in that battle; and by the consum- mate skill of the artist, each one of them, to the great gratification of himself and his family, is placed prominently in the foreground. Such distinguished success should meet appropriate reward, and it is now rumored that the artist will soon be commissioned by Congress to paint for the Rotunda of the Capitol a grand picture of our late civil war, with all the incidents of that struggle, upon one canvas. Of the artists who affect the shaded wood, we learn that Mr. HENNEssY, now absent in Europe, is drawing another Booth. Whether this is intended particularly for Every Saturday, I cannot say, but I suppose it will answer foi~ any- other week-day. At any rate, here is his last Booth. NAST is at work on a series of sarcastic pictures illustrating the miseries of France. Most of them show how Louis NArOLEoN ought to finish up his career and dynasty. In fact, should this gifted artist ever travel among B3napartists, he will certainly be hunted down in an astounding manner, and the populace, adopting American customs, will probably congregate to see him astride a rail. Two of his smaller studies are very interesting. One of them, called An Astray, is simply a ray of black light; and another, intended for the contempla- tion of persons who desire light and airy pictures, is simply a portrait of himself, entitled A Nasturtium. The well-known Miss~EDMoNIA Lxwis has been uxhibiting her statue of HAG& s, in Chicago. As HAGAR was the first woman who suffered anything like divorce, Chicago is a capital place for her statue, and Miss Luwis evidently knows what she is about. 1-ler name reminds me that our great landscapist, Luwis, is at work on a picture which he calls A Scene in France after a Reign. This little sketch will give an idea of the painting. Most of our other artiste are also worthily engaged, but time, (I be- lieve that is the regular way to end an article of this kind) will not per mit present mention of them. ErAnEs. 11AM AND EGGS. WAR always brings with it its signs and portents. A hen somewhere in Virginia, according to a local paper, has lately produced an egg on the white of which the word War was plainly written in black let- ters. Now, when we consider that the career of Louis NAPOLEON was more or less influenced by Ham, there is something very significant in the advent of this providential egg; nor should we be surprised to learn, ere long, that the same hen had laid another egg, this time with a Prussian yolk. Eheut Sti-asboui-g. READING an old travellers description of the famous Cathedral of Strasbourg, we note that he dwells particularly on its fretted windows. Ah! yes. They have much to fret about, now, have these old win- dows; and that makes us think whether the ~armiers of the roof over them do not run real tears. Lo Cunning. T~ eunning of the red Indian of the Plains. 88

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. OUR MASTERS OF ART. Mn. PUNCHINELLO: The knights of the pencil and easel, having re- turned from their usual visits to their summer haunts, and having exchanged the blue skies and grassy vales of Nature for the smoky ceilings and dirty floors of Art, (I believe that is the proper way to com- mence this kind of an article,) your correspondent has visited a number of them, and has obtained authentic accounts of their present occu- patious, and has also been permitted to make slight sketches of some of their principal works. BIERSTADT, as usual, is painting Yos. Having entirely exhausted the Yo Semite, he is now at work on a grand picture of a Southdown Ewe, and will soon commence a view of his studio,at sunrise. He well d3serves his title of the Yeoman of Art. JAMI~s HAMILTON, of Philadelphia, is painting a sunset. It may not be generally known, but it is a fact, that he paints the sun every time it sets. Tho following sketch will give a good idea of his next great picture. The nails are inserted in the sun to keep it from going down any fur- ther, and spoiling the scene. WILLIAaI T. ]licnAnDs, of the same city, is hard at work on a picture vrhich is intended to represent, to the life, water in motion; a specialty which ho has lately adopted. It is entitled A Scene on the Barbary C3ast; Water in Motion, Steamer in the Distance. The subjoined sketch represents the general plan of the picture. Stiil another Philadelphia artist, Mr. Ror ERMEL, is very busy at a great work, lie is putting the finishing-touches to his vast painting of the Battle of Gettysburg. On this enormous canvas may be seen correct likenesses of all the principal generals, colonels, captains, majors, first and secondlientenauts, sergeant-majors, sergeants, corporals and high privates who were engaged in that battle; and by the consum- mate skill of the artist, each one of them, to the great gratification of himself and his family, is placed prominently in the foreground. Such distinguished success should meet appropriate reward, and it is now rumored that the artist will soon be commissioned by Congress to paint for the Rotunda of the Capitol a grand picture of our late civil war, with all the incidents of that struggle, upon one canvas. Of the artists who affect the shaded wood, we learn that Mr. HENNEssY, now absent in Europe, is drawing another Booth. Whether this is intended particularly for Every Saturday, I cannot say, but I suppose it will answer foi~ any- other week-day. At any rate, here is his last Booth. NAST is at work on a series of sarcastic pictures illustrating the miseries of France. Most of them show how Louis NArOLEoN ought to finish up his career and dynasty. In fact, should this gifted artist ever travel among B3napartists, he will certainly be hunted down in an astounding manner, and the populace, adopting American customs, will probably congregate to see him astride a rail. Two of his smaller studies are very interesting. One of them, called An Astray, is simply a ray of black light; and another, intended for the contempla- tion of persons who desire light and airy pictures, is simply a portrait of himself, entitled A Nasturtium. The well-known Miss~EDMoNIA Lxwis has been uxhibiting her statue of HAG& s, in Chicago. As HAGAR was the first woman who suffered anything like divorce, Chicago is a capital place for her statue, and Miss Luwis evidently knows what she is about. 1-ler name reminds me that our great landscapist, Luwis, is at work on a picture which he calls A Scene in France after a Reign. This little sketch will give an idea of the painting. Most of our other artiste are also worthily engaged, but time, (I be- lieve that is the regular way to end an article of this kind) will not per mit present mention of them. ErAnEs. 11AM AND EGGS. WAR always brings with it its signs and portents. A hen somewhere in Virginia, according to a local paper, has lately produced an egg on the white of which the word War was plainly written in black let- ters. Now, when we consider that the career of Louis NAPOLEON was more or less influenced by Ham, there is something very significant in the advent of this providential egg; nor should we be surprised to learn, ere long, that the same hen had laid another egg, this time with a Prussian yolk. Eheut Sti-asboui-g. READING an old travellers description of the famous Cathedral of Strasbourg, we note that he dwells particularly on its fretted windows. Ah! yes. They have much to fret about, now, have these old win- dows; and that makes us think whether the ~armiers of the roof over them do not run real tears. Lo Cunning. T~ eunning of the red Indian of the Plains. 88

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. OUR MASTERS OF ART. Mn. PUNCHINELLO: The knights of the pencil and easel, having re- turned from their usual visits to their summer haunts, and having exchanged the blue skies and grassy vales of Nature for the smoky ceilings and dirty floors of Art, (I believe that is the proper way to com- mence this kind of an article,) your correspondent has visited a number of them, and has obtained authentic accounts of their present occu- patious, and has also been permitted to make slight sketches of some of their principal works. BIERSTADT, as usual, is painting Yos. Having entirely exhausted the Yo Semite, he is now at work on a grand picture of a Southdown Ewe, and will soon commence a view of his studio,at sunrise. He well d3serves his title of the Yeoman of Art. JAMI~s HAMILTON, of Philadelphia, is painting a sunset. It may not be generally known, but it is a fact, that he paints the sun every time it sets. Tho following sketch will give a good idea of his next great picture. The nails are inserted in the sun to keep it from going down any fur- ther, and spoiling the scene. WILLIAaI T. ]licnAnDs, of the same city, is hard at work on a picture vrhich is intended to represent, to the life, water in motion; a specialty which ho has lately adopted. It is entitled A Scene on the Barbary C3ast; Water in Motion, Steamer in the Distance. The subjoined sketch represents the general plan of the picture. Stiil another Philadelphia artist, Mr. Ror ERMEL, is very busy at a great work, lie is putting the finishing-touches to his vast painting of the Battle of Gettysburg. On this enormous canvas may be seen correct likenesses of all the principal generals, colonels, captains, majors, first and secondlientenauts, sergeant-majors, sergeants, corporals and high privates who were engaged in that battle; and by the consum- mate skill of the artist, each one of them, to the great gratification of himself and his family, is placed prominently in the foreground. Such distinguished success should meet appropriate reward, and it is now rumored that the artist will soon be commissioned by Congress to paint for the Rotunda of the Capitol a grand picture of our late civil war, with all the incidents of that struggle, upon one canvas. Of the artists who affect the shaded wood, we learn that Mr. HENNEssY, now absent in Europe, is drawing another Booth. Whether this is intended particularly for Every Saturday, I cannot say, but I suppose it will answer foi~ any- other week-day. At any rate, here is his last Booth. NAST is at work on a series of sarcastic pictures illustrating the miseries of France. Most of them show how Louis NArOLEoN ought to finish up his career and dynasty. In fact, should this gifted artist ever travel among B3napartists, he will certainly be hunted down in an astounding manner, and the populace, adopting American customs, will probably congregate to see him astride a rail. Two of his smaller studies are very interesting. One of them, called An Astray, is simply a ray of black light; and another, intended for the contempla- tion of persons who desire light and airy pictures, is simply a portrait of himself, entitled A Nasturtium. The well-known Miss~EDMoNIA Lxwis has been uxhibiting her statue of HAG& s, in Chicago. As HAGAR was the first woman who suffered anything like divorce, Chicago is a capital place for her statue, and Miss Luwis evidently knows what she is about. 1-ler name reminds me that our great landscapist, Luwis, is at work on a picture which he calls A Scene in France after a Reign. This little sketch will give an idea of the painting. Most of our other artiste are also worthily engaged, but time, (I be- lieve that is the regular way to end an article of this kind) will not per mit present mention of them. ErAnEs. 11AM AND EGGS. WAR always brings with it its signs and portents. A hen somewhere in Virginia, according to a local paper, has lately produced an egg on the white of which the word War was plainly written in black let- ters. Now, when we consider that the career of Louis NAPOLEON was more or less influenced by Ham, there is something very significant in the advent of this providential egg; nor should we be surprised to learn, ere long, that the same hen had laid another egg, this time with a Prussian yolk. Eheut Sti-asboui-g. READING an old travellers description of the famous Cathedral of Strasbourg, we note that he dwells particularly on its fretted windows. Ah! yes. They have much to fret about, now, have these old win- dows; and that makes us think whether the ~armiers of the roof over them do not run real tears. Lo Cunning. T~ eunning of the red Indian of the Plains. 88

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. OUR MASTERS OF ART. Mn. PUNCHINELLO: The knights of the pencil and easel, having re- turned from their usual visits to their summer haunts, and having exchanged the blue skies and grassy vales of Nature for the smoky ceilings and dirty floors of Art, (I believe that is the proper way to com- mence this kind of an article,) your correspondent has visited a number of them, and has obtained authentic accounts of their present occu- patious, and has also been permitted to make slight sketches of some of their principal works. BIERSTADT, as usual, is painting Yos. Having entirely exhausted the Yo Semite, he is now at work on a grand picture of a Southdown Ewe, and will soon commence a view of his studio,at sunrise. He well d3serves his title of the Yeoman of Art. JAMI~s HAMILTON, of Philadelphia, is painting a sunset. It may not be generally known, but it is a fact, that he paints the sun every time it sets. Tho following sketch will give a good idea of his next great picture. The nails are inserted in the sun to keep it from going down any fur- ther, and spoiling the scene. WILLIAaI T. ]licnAnDs, of the same city, is hard at work on a picture vrhich is intended to represent, to the life, water in motion; a specialty which ho has lately adopted. It is entitled A Scene on the Barbary C3ast; Water in Motion, Steamer in the Distance. The subjoined sketch represents the general plan of the picture. Stiil another Philadelphia artist, Mr. Ror ERMEL, is very busy at a great work, lie is putting the finishing-touches to his vast painting of the Battle of Gettysburg. On this enormous canvas may be seen correct likenesses of all the principal generals, colonels, captains, majors, first and secondlientenauts, sergeant-majors, sergeants, corporals and high privates who were engaged in that battle; and by the consum- mate skill of the artist, each one of them, to the great gratification of himself and his family, is placed prominently in the foreground. Such distinguished success should meet appropriate reward, and it is now rumored that the artist will soon be commissioned by Congress to paint for the Rotunda of the Capitol a grand picture of our late civil war, with all the incidents of that struggle, upon one canvas. Of the artists who affect the shaded wood, we learn that Mr. HENNEssY, now absent in Europe, is drawing another Booth. Whether this is intended particularly for Every Saturday, I cannot say, but I suppose it will answer foi~ any- other week-day. At any rate, here is his last Booth. NAST is at work on a series of sarcastic pictures illustrating the miseries of France. Most of them show how Louis NArOLEoN ought to finish up his career and dynasty. In fact, should this gifted artist ever travel among B3napartists, he will certainly be hunted down in an astounding manner, and the populace, adopting American customs, will probably congregate to see him astride a rail. Two of his smaller studies are very interesting. One of them, called An Astray, is simply a ray of black light; and another, intended for the contempla- tion of persons who desire light and airy pictures, is simply a portrait of himself, entitled A Nasturtium. The well-known Miss~EDMoNIA Lxwis has been uxhibiting her statue of HAG& s, in Chicago. As HAGAR was the first woman who suffered anything like divorce, Chicago is a capital place for her statue, and Miss Luwis evidently knows what she is about. 1-ler name reminds me that our great landscapist, Luwis, is at work on a picture which he calls A Scene in France after a Reign. This little sketch will give an idea of the painting. Most of our other artiste are also worthily engaged, but time, (I be- lieve that is the regular way to end an article of this kind) will not per mit present mention of them. ErAnEs. 11AM AND EGGS. WAR always brings with it its signs and portents. A hen somewhere in Virginia, according to a local paper, has lately produced an egg on the white of which the word War was plainly written in black let- ters. Now, when we consider that the career of Louis NAPOLEON was more or less influenced by Ham, there is something very significant in the advent of this providential egg; nor should we be surprised to learn, ere long, that the same hen had laid another egg, this time with a Prussian yolk. Eheut Sti-asboui-g. READING an old travellers description of the famous Cathedral of Strasbourg, we note that he dwells particularly on its fretted windows. Ah! yes. They have much to fret about, now, have these old win- dows; and that makes us think whether the ~armiers of the roof over them do not run real tears. Lo Cunning. T~ eunning of the red Indian of the Plains. 88

PUNCHINELLO. OCT. 15, 1870. OUR MASTERS OF ART. Mn. PUNCHINELLO: The knights of the pencil and easel, having re- turned from their usual visits to their summer haunts, and having exchanged the blue skies and grassy vales of Nature for the smoky ceilings and dirty floors of Art, (I believe that is the proper way to com- mence this kind of an article,) your correspondent has visited a number of them, and has obtained authentic accounts of their present occu- patious, and has also been permitted to make slight sketches of some of their principal works. BIERSTADT, as usual, is painting Yos. Having entirely exhausted the Yo Semite, he is now at work on a grand picture of a Southdown Ewe, and will soon commence a view of his studio,at sunrise. He well d3serves his title of the Yeoman of Art. JAMI~s HAMILTON, of Philadelphia, is painting a sunset. It may not be generally known, but it is a fact, that he paints the sun every time it sets. Tho following sketch will give a good idea of his next great picture. The nails are inserted in the sun to keep it from going down any fur- ther, and spoiling the scene. WILLIAaI T. ]licnAnDs, of the same city, is hard at work on a picture vrhich is intended to represent, to the life, water in motion; a specialty which ho has lately adopted. It is entitled A Scene on the Barbary C3ast; Water in Motion, Steamer in the Distance. The subjoined sketch represents the general plan of the picture. Stiil another Philadelphia artist, Mr. Ror ERMEL, is very busy at a great work, lie is putting the finishing-touches to his vast painting of the Battle of Gettysburg. On this enormous canvas may be seen correct likenesses of all the principal generals, colonels, captains, majors, first and secondlientenauts, sergeant-majors, sergeants, corporals and high privates who were engaged in that battle; and by the consum- mate skill of the artist, each one of them, to the great gratification of himself and his family, is placed prominently in the foreground. Such distinguished success should meet appropriate reward, and it is now rumored that the artist will soon be commissioned by Congress to paint for the Rotunda of the Capitol a grand picture of our late civil war, with all the incidents of that struggle, upon one canvas. Of the artists who affect the shaded wood, we learn that Mr. HENNEssY, now absent in Europe, is drawing another Booth. Whether this is intended particularly for Every Saturday, I cannot say, but I suppose it will answer foi~ any- other week-day. At any rate, here is his last Booth. NAST is at work on a series of sarcastic pictures illustrating the miseries of France. Most of them show how Louis NArOLEoN ought to finish up his career and dynasty. In fact, should this gifted artist ever travel among B3napartists, he will certainly be hunted down in an astounding manner, and the populace, adopting American customs, will probably congregate to see him astride a rail. Two of his smaller studies are very interesting. One of them, called An Astray, is simply a ray of black light; and another, intended for the contempla- tion of persons who desire light and airy pictures, is simply a portrait of himself, entitled A Nasturtium. The well-known Miss~EDMoNIA Lxwis has been uxhibiting her statue of HAG& s, in Chicago. As HAGAR was the first woman who suffered anything like divorce, Chicago is a capital place for her statue, and Miss Luwis evidently knows what she is about. 1-ler name reminds me that our great landscapist, Luwis, is at work on a picture which he calls A Scene in France after a Reign. This little sketch will give an idea of the painting. Most of our other artiste are also worthily engaged, but time, (I be- lieve that is the regular way to end an article of this kind) will not per mit present mention of them. ErAnEs. 11AM AND EGGS. WAR always brings with it its signs and portents. A hen somewhere in Virginia, according to a local paper, has lately produced an egg on the white of which the word War was plainly written in black let- ters. Now, when we consider that the career of Louis NAPOLEON was more or less influenced by Ham, there is something very significant in the advent of this providential egg; nor should we be surprised to learn, ere long, that the same hen had laid another egg, this time with a Prussian yolk. Eheut Sti-asboui-g. READING an old travellers description of the famous Cathedral of Strasbourg, we note that he dwells particularly on its fretted windows. Ah! yes. They have much to fret about, now, have these old win- dows; and that makes us think whether the ~armiers of the roof over them do not run real tears. Lo Cunning. T~ eunning of the red Indian of the Plains. 88 OCT. 15, 1870. PUNCHINELLO. PETTICOAT GOVERNMENT. A GAUNT, tall, spectacled creature, gender feminine, mumber singu- lar, person first, case always possessive, thats the standard bearer; a broomstick from the top of which floats a petticoat, thats the stan~lard. Tinder that standard march in the U. S. at least 20,000,000 feminines, andhorrible to relategal children are on the increase. Certainly the devil must have invented petticoats. After Evx had finished up that little apple job, she went into the petticoat business, andhence all our tears. Instantly petticoat government became a possibility. Then, as her daughters became wiser, they invented the weeping business, the Swooning business, and the curtain lecture busi- ness; they went for our pocket-books and they ~ot them, and petticoat government became a probability. Not satisfied with the pocket-books, they are now going for the business by means of which we fill the books, and oh, what a hankering they have for public pap! They stick to the curtain lecture business, but now they do it before the curtain. Alas, petticoat government is now a certainty! Its all very well for you to talk about the grandeur of the govern- ments of Bo~i.nIcEA, and ELIZABETH and CATHERINE, but I dont believe that BOA, or Lizzv, or KATE would have been very nice as a companion, if she and you were sitting before the fire, and she wanted stamps and was going for them as amatter of business. Besides, there was only one of them at a time, and they didnt trouble common peqple much, but in this enlightened nineteenth century I have seen a poor, miserable, six foot dry-goods clerk turned out of a retail store by a strapping little female, who couldnt jump a counter worth shucks. I have seen him in his misery industriously study What I Know About Farm- ing, squat on a farm in the West, and bring himself, his wife, and four miserable offshoots to the alms-house by endeavoring to apply the rules set down in What I Know About Farming to 160 acres of land. I have seen the poor, half-paid type-setters strike for their altars, their sires, and more wages, and I have seen a troop of petticoats, with gal children inside them, trot into the type-setters place, so that the miserable compositors were compelled to return and starve on four or five dollars a day. Thats petticoat government with a vengeance. Putting your nose to the grindstone isnt nice at any iime, but its awful when ~he gal children turn. But that is only the beginning. They have struck for bigger things. In the exprcssive language of the immortal JOHNNY MILTON, they are going for the whole hog. They want to vote; some of them have been caughtrepeating already; they want to sit on juries, and they want to go to Congress. Heaven forbid that any of them should ever reach the House of Representatives! Imagine the size of the Congressional Globe if we should send women there! Why, there would be as great a dearth of paper in Washington as there is now in Paris. They want to shave you, dress you, doctor you into your coffins, preach a funeral discourse over your remains, and then take your will into the Surro- gates Court and fight over the little property they have left you. They say all this means that they are our equals, and intend to show it. Listen. In a town some hundreds of miles distant there is a law firm whose sign reads thus: Mns. SMITH and husband. Shades of our forefathers! Ghost of BLUEBEARD! Spirit of HENRY VIII! can this thing be? Imagine old LABs~s daughter starting in business, and hanging out a sign something like this: Mns. JACOB and husband, Having large orders from the West, Sor~rcrr CusToM. N. B.Gentlemen attended to by Mr. JAco7. The Original Mrs. JACOB. Dont you suppose that JAcoB, if he had found that sign over his door- step, would have raised a row, and if he had been overcome, dont you suppose he would have wondered what he served those seven years for? Oh, young man, sitting by the side of that dainty damsel, looking so spoonily into her deep blue eyes, playing so daintily with her golden curls, sucking honey so frequently from her ruby lips, beware! beware! 1~WARE! Remember, when she wants stamps, you cant put her off as y~ Lir pa did your ma. You cant say, Business is awful dull, beci~use shell do the business, and make you her book-keeper or porter or something of that sort. Petticoat government is all very well for those who like it. Some men go through life playing a sort of insane tag, in which, first their mothers petticoats, and then their wives, are hunk, and they never leave hunk. As for me, give me trouser government, or give me a first class funeral procession with me for the corpse. Brethren, listen! Give me your ears! (the big ones first.) This thing must be stopped now. Let us form an association for the sup- pression of women, or a society for the prevention of cruelty to men. There is but one way to cure this thing. Far out on the Western prairies dwells the only sensible man on this continent. In the city ruled by him a man may come home as tired as gin can make him, and his wife opens not her mouth; he may jump over as many counters as he pleases, and none of his wives will desire to go and do likewise. There she is the weaker vessel, and it takes so many of her to equal one man, that she is kept in a proper state of subjection. Thats the secret; marry her a good deaL The old maids are the ones who start the rows. Let them all be marrie